<p> “Merchant Ivory’s GODZILLA”</p><p> a screenplay for a parody trailer</p><p> by</p><p>Sean Whitley</p><p>Registered WGAW 816454</p><p>NOTE – This is a work of PARODY, and has not been licensed or endorsed by Merchant Ivory or Toho Studios.</p><p>Sean Whitley 1506 Pecan Court Allen, TX 75002 [email protected] (214)-495-9054 1.</p><p>FADE IN:</p><p>TITLE CARD</p><p>As stirring, classical music SOARS, we see the titles “From the makers of ‘A Room With a View…’”</p><p>EXT. LONDON STREETS – DAY</p><p>EMILY HUNTSLEY, twenty, a well-to-do and proper young Englishwoman, runs happily in SLOW-MOTION through the streets of Victorian London. A flock of pigeons scatter in front of her, and then dramatically fly away.</p><p>TITLE CARD</p><p>“In a repressed age, she dared to love an outsider…”</p><p>INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT </p><p>RICH SOCIETY TYPES twirl and dance at a lavish ball. Sitting amongst other SOCIETY GIRLS waiting to be asked to dance, Emily talks to her peers.</p><p>EMILY He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met.</p><p>SOCIETY GIRL But Emily, he’s not one of us.</p><p>EMILY I don’t care…</p><p>INT. BALLROOM - LATER – NIGHT</p><p>Emily dances with SOMEONE we can’t see. All we can see are scaly, green arms holding hers.</p><p>(CONTINUED) 2.</p><p>CONTINUED:</p><p>EMILY (V.O.) …when I’m with him, I feel alive.</p><p>Across the room, Emily’s parents, LORD AND LADY HUNTSLEY, fiftyish and stern, frown upon their daughter and her unknown dance partner.</p><p>TITLE CARD</p><p>“She risked the approval of her family…”</p><p>EXT. HUNTSLEY MANOR – NIGHT</p><p>Lights burn brightly inside the manor on a large, sprawling estate.</p><p>LORD HUNTSLEY (V.O.) No daughter of mine will ever be seen with such riff-raff!</p><p>INT. HUNTSLEY MANOR - NIGHT </p><p>Emily sobs in front of Lord and Lady Huntsley.</p><p>EMILY But I love him!</p><p>LORD HUNTSLEY You LOVE…a monster?!!</p><p>TITLE CARD</p><p>“…for the love of someone who could set London on fire.” 3. EXT. VICTORIAN LONDON - DAY </p><p>Beauty shots of Victorian London: Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, the River Thames. Well-dressed LONDONERS, and even a few Dickensian URCHINS, go about their business.</p><p>Suddenly, the water in the Thames begins to boil. Londoners, including a WALRUS-MUSTACHED MAN, notice the commotion.</p><p>WALRUS-MUSTACHED MAN By Jove! What the devil is that?</p><p>Something RISES from the water.</p><p>TITLE CARD</p><p>“Merchant Ivory proudly presents…”</p><p>EXT. VICTORIAN LONDON – DAY</p><p>The Londoners gasp as we PAN UP what they’re looking at:</p><p>GODZILLA! In this case, Godzilla is a human-sized monster, but still shocking to these cultured Brits.</p><p>TITLE CARD</p><p>“…Godzilla.”</p><p>EXT. VICTORIAN LONDON – DAY</p><p>Godzilla announces his presence to the Londoners by roaring.</p><p>TITLE CARD</p><p>“A forbidden romance…” 4. EXT. LONDON STREETS-NIGHT </p><p>Emily and Godzilla walk hand-in-hand.</p><p>EMILY You’re the only person I’ve ever been able to truly talk to.</p><p>Godzilla GRUNTS in acknowledgement.</p><p>TITLE CARD</p><p>“A jealous suitor…”</p><p>INT. DINING HALL - NIGHT </p><p>SOCIETY TYPES fill the large hall. At the center is NIGEL, a blueblood creep, and Emily’s former fiancée.</p><p>Emily and Godzilla enter. Everyone in the room eyes the couple. Emily notices the staring eyes, but tightens her grip on Godzilla’s hand. Together, they walk over to Nigel.</p><p>NIGEL Emily, my darling, I see that you’ve been busy since calling off our engagement. Doing charity work with the less fortunate, I see.</p><p>The Society Types burst into laughter and point at Emily and Godzilla. Emily can’t take it. She bolts away. Godzilla sneers at Nigel before running after her.</p><p>EXT. LONDON STREETS-NIGHT</p><p>Godzilla catches up with the sobbing Emily. </p><p>(CONTINUED) 5.</p><p>CONTINUED:</p><p>EMILY (crying) We’re from two different worlds, you and I. We can never see each other again. Goodbye, my love.</p><p>Emily kisses Godzilla on the snout and then dashes away, leaving him standing forlorn in the street. He whimpers softly.</p><p>TITLE CARD</p><p>“A tutor of the finer things in life…”</p><p>EXT. PROFESSOR CADBURY’S SCHOOL OF GENTLEMANLY MANNERS-DAY </p><p>The sign on the door says it all.</p><p>PROFESSOR CADBURY (V.O.) If you want to win this young lady’s heart, my dear boy…</p><p>INT. PROFESSOR CADBURY’S SCHOOL OF GENTLEMANLY MANNERS-DAY </p><p>Godzilla listens to PROFESSOR CADBURY, a “My Fair Lady”ish teacher in his fifties.</p><p>PROFESOR CADBURY …you must learn how to act and carry yourself as a proper gentleman.</p><p>(CONTINUED) 6.</p><p>CONTINUED:</p><p>MONTAGE:</p><p>(1) Surrounded by tuxedos, ties, and top hats, Cadbury teaches Godzilla how to dress. </p><p>(2) Cadbury helps Godzilla put on a tuxedo. The fins on Godzilla’s back RIP through the expensive fabric, causing Cadbury to raise his eyebrows.</p><p>(3) Taking Godzilla’s hands into his own, Cadbury teaches Godzilla how to dance.</p><p>(4) Godzilla bows like a proper gentleman in front of Cadbury.</p><p>(5) With a pointer, Cadbury points to a chalkboard.</p><p>PROFESSOR CADBURY (singing) And where does it rain on that plain?</p><p>Godzilla bellows two unintelligible growls.</p><p>PROFESSOR CADBURY That’s right! In Spain! In Spain!</p><p>TITLE CARD</p><p>“He dared all for her love…”</p><p>INT. HUNTSLEY MANOR – NIGHT</p><p>A large party is being held. Lord and Lady Huntsley stand near the door to greet guests. Off to the side, Nigel holds the hand of a sad-looking Emily.</p><p>(CONTINUED) 7.</p><p>CONTINUED:</p><p>A well-dressed BUTLER announces guests as they arrive.</p><p>BUTLER I present to you… Lord and Lady Doyle.</p><p>A couple, the DOYLES, enter and are greeted. Emily sadly looks away.</p><p>BUTLER Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you…Godzilla of Monster Island.</p><p>Everyone GASPS, with the exception of Emily, who looks up to see:</p><p>Godzilla, resplendent in tux, tails, and top hat. He walks over to Emily, removes his hat, bows in the traditional manner, and kisses her hand. Emily cries tears of happiness.</p><p>INT. HUNTSLEY BALLROOM - NIGHT </p><p>Godzilla and Emily happily dance in SLOW-MOTION. Beautiful music SOARS in the background.</p><p>An angry Nigel can take no more. He downs a drink, throws the glass over his shoulder, and storms over to Godzilla and Emily. He rudely pushes them apart and stares down Godzilla.</p><p>NIGEL I challenge you to a duel at dawn! Choose whatever weapon you wish! I choose my father’s pistol!</p><p>Godzilla narrows his eyes at Nigel and seems to smile. 8. EXT. HUNTSLEY MANOR - DAWN</p><p>Godzilla and Nigel are lined up back to back. They pace away from each other. Nigel holds his pistol aloft, but Godzilla appears to be unarmed.</p><p>Emily, the Huntsleys, and their guests all watch nervously.</p><p>Godzilla and Nigel reach eight paces…nine paces…ten paces…</p><p>LORD HUNTSLEY Draw!</p><p>Godzilla and Nigel quickly pivot and face each other. As Nigel lowers his pistol into a firing stance, RADIOACTIVE FLAME SHOOTS from Godzilla’s mouth. It hits Nigel in the head and sets him on fire.</p><p>Nigel falls, Emily runs over to Godzilla and embraces him, and the formally snobby guests erupt in applause. They ignore Nigel, now on fire and screaming for help.</p><p>TITLE CARD(S)</p><p>(1) “I haven’t cried so hard in a movie since ‘Battlefield Earth’” – Pauline Kael</p><p>(2) “I hope Merchant Ivory keeps making movies like ‘Godzilla.’ It gives me something to do other than shoplift at Tower Records” – Rex Reed</p><p>(3) “The Best Romantic Japanese Monster Movie of the year!” – Gene Shalit</p><p>(4) “Thumbs Up!” – Gene Siskel “Hey, wait a minute. Aren’t I dead?”</p><p>EXT. WEDDING CHAPEL – DAY</p><p>Godzilla and Emily, both dressed in wedding attire, walk out of the chapel surrounded by FRIENDS and GUESTS. 9. TITLE CARD</p><p>“Merchant Ivory’s ‘Godzilla’…see it today with someone you love.”</p><p>We HEAR Godzilla’s distinctive roar and then we:</p><p>FADE OUT</p>