<p> 1</p><p>FADE IN:</p><p>INT. HOSPITAL - DAY</p><p>Twenty-two year old JIMMY SMITHERS wakes up with a jack-o- lantern in place of a head.</p><p>Jimmy’s POV: A kindly DOCTOR with a nice moustache fades into view.</p><p>JIMMY (sore throat) Where am I?</p><p>DOCTOR Welcome back, Jimmy. How do you feel?</p><p>A NURSE enters the room. She sees Jimmy.</p><p>NURSE Jesus Christ!</p><p>JIMMY What? My, my throat hurts.</p><p>DOCTOR That’s entirely normal.</p><p>JIMMY Did you remove the tonsils?</p><p>DOCTOR We did remove the tonsils. That’s the good news.</p><p>NURSE We’re fucking dead.</p><p>JIMMY What?</p><p>DOCTOR Now, Jimmy, there’s something you should know. We allowed one of our trainee interns to operate on you. I hope you don’t mind? You see, he pressed a little hard with the old scalpel and, well, see for yourself.</p><p>The Doctor hands Jimmy a mirror.</p><p>(c) Copyright 2007 2</p><p>JIMMY Um?</p><p>DOCTOR We managed to replace your head with a jack-o-lantern, just in time, so, well, happy Halloween.</p><p>INT. HOSPITAL.DISCHARGE WAITING ROOM - DAY</p><p>Jimmy sits next to an OLD LADY. He holds his jack-o-head in his hands, sighing to himself.</p><p>OLD LADY Is there something wrong, dear?</p><p>Jimmy looks up at the lady, face to jack-o-face, giving her some time to get it.</p><p>OLD LADY Is it the head?</p><p>INT. NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT</p><p>Sound: Disco music.</p><p>Jack-o-Jimmy is at the bar with two average looking friends, BILL and MICK.</p><p>BILL Hardly notice it.</p><p>MICK Just dance it off.</p><p>INT. NIGHTCLUB. DANCEFLOOR - NIGHT</p><p>Jimmy is dancing by himself, totally forlorn.</p><p>A SEXY LADY approaches.</p><p>SEXY LADY You’re awesome! I love a guy with a sense of humor?</p><p>JIMMY How do you know I’ve got a sense of humor?</p><p>She gives an orgasmic laugh and starts dancing.</p><p>SEXY LADY You should make the smile bigger.</p><p>(c) Copyright 2007 3</p><p>INT. NIGHTCLUB. MEN’S BATHROOM - NIGHT</p><p>Jimmy is carving away at his jack-o-lantern smile with a penknife.</p><p>JIMMY Not a problem.</p><p>INT. NIGHTCLUB. DANCEFLOOR - NIGHT</p><p>Jimmy is dancing wildly with the Sexy Lady and her SEXY FRIENDS.</p><p>JIMMY Yeah!</p><p>FADE OUT:</p><p>FADE IN:</p><p>INT. JIMMY’S APARTMENT. BATHROOM - DAY</p><p>Jimmy is brushing his mouth with a tooth brush, building up some good foam.</p><p>TV REPORTER (o/s) Our survey results on ‘what is handsome” are in…</p><p>Jimmy cranes his neck to hear the living room TV.</p><p>TV REPORTER (cont. o/s) And 83% of respondents said that they consider a square jaw to be absolutely essential.</p><p>JIMMY Not-a-problem.</p><p>MONTAGE:</p><p>SOUND: Bouncy, up-beat music like ‘Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves plays over the following montage of scenes. </p><p>EXT. CITY STREET - DAY</p><p>Jimmy struts through the crowds. He wears his BIG SMILE and SQUARE JAW proudly, that is, until he comes to a complete stop, noticing something above.</p><p>(c) Copyright 2007 4</p><p>JIMMY’ POV: A Hollywood superstar with spiky hair graces a huge billboard advertising brill-cream.</p><p>EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY</p><p>Jimmy struts towards revolving doors with his big smile, square jaw and eye-catchingly trendy spikes on a shrinking jack-o-lantern head.</p><p>INT. MANAGERS OFFICE - DAY</p><p>Jimmy is being interviewed by his MANAGER.</p><p>MANAGER Someone who wants this promotion needs to be serious about their work.</p><p>JIMMY Not-a-problem.</p><p>INT. MAIN OFFICE - DAY</p><p>Jimmy weaves between cubicles with a SERIOUS BROW on his now almost human-sized jack-o-head. He points to the ladies, letting them know that they’ve been noticed.</p><p>The MONTAGE picks up speed.</p><p>EXT. CINEMA - NIGHT</p><p>An ever changing jack-o-Jimmy leaves the cinema with a LOVELY LADY in arm.</p><p>JIMMY What did you think?</p><p>LOVELY LADY I liked the guy who played the army captain.</p><p>INT. JIMMY’S APARTMENT. BATHROOM - DAY</p><p>Jimmy carves away frantically at his shrinking lantern head. Pieces of pumpkin fly in all directions.</p><p>FADE OVER: Magazine cover titles: “Man of the Year,” “The Rules of Attraction,” “Cute Guys.”</p><p>Jimmy carves away with increasing abandon. </p><p>(c) Copyright 2007 5</p><p>JIMMY (to himself) Not-a-problem.</p><p>INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT</p><p>Jimmy is with a beautiful DATE.</p><p>DATE I like high cheekbones.</p><p>INT. BILL’S APARTMENT - DAY</p><p>Jimmy’s head is getting seriously smaller. He has high cheekbones. He’s watching the game on TV with Bill and Mick.</p><p>TV COMMENTATOR Lazaredis has got one of those distinctive Greek noses, you can’t miss him.</p><p>INT. BUS - DAY</p><p>Geek nosed Jimmy is sat behind a couple of 17 year old SCHOOL GIRLS.</p><p>One girl notices a SKATER BOY outside the window and grabs her friend’s arm.</p><p>SCHOOL GIRL He’s hot.</p><p>Jimmy scrambles over his set to see the boy.</p><p>He pulls the emergency brake.</p><p>EXT. STREET - DAY</p><p>Jimmy runs past the Skater Boy, photographing the kid’s face as he passes.</p><p>INT. JIMMY’S APARTMENT. BATHROOM - DAY</p><p>The Skater Boy’s image rests on top of a pile of photos: movie stars, male models, sports-men – good looking people. </p><p>Jimmy is going mad with the knife. His face is flying everywhere.</p><p>JIMMY (screaming) NOT-A-PROBLEM!</p><p>(c) Copyright 2007 6</p><p>EXT. HOSPITAL. ACCIDENT & EMERGENCY - DAY</p><p>The montage music stops abruptly.</p><p>INT. ACCIDENT & EMERGENCY - DAY</p><p>The kindly Doctor is visible concerned.</p><p>DOCTOR What happened?</p><p>Jimmy is being held up by two NURSES on either side. His jack- o-lantern head is the size of a pea.</p><p>He speaks with a high pitched Chipmunk voice.</p><p>JIMMY I got carried away.</p><p>DOCTOR Why would you do this to yourself?</p><p>JIMMY I didn’t want people to find me ridiculous.</p><p>DOCTOR What were you thinking?</p><p>JIMMY I wasn’t thinking. I had to remove my brain to make way for the spikes.</p><p>He passes out.</p><p>EXT. EMERGENCY OPERATING ROOM - DAY</p><p>Jimmy is rushed in for treatment on a stretcher.</p><p>FADE OVER: An EKG line indicates a weak heart beat.</p><p>INT. RECOVERY ROOM - DAY</p><p>Jimmy’s POV: The kindly Doctor fades into view.</p><p>JIMMY Where am I?</p><p>DOCTOR Welcome back, Jimmy. We have some good news.</p><p>A nurse enters the room. </p><p>(c) Copyright 2007 7</p><p>NURSE What the fuck?</p><p>EXT. HOSPITAL - DAY</p><p>SOUND: Up-beat montage music.</p><p>Jimmy struts away from the hospital with big, red balloon head.</p><p>He has two painted-on eyes, a painted-on nose, and a big painted on-smile.</p><p>It’s going to be a very good day.</p><p>JIMMY Yeah!</p><p>(c) Copyright 2007</p>