<p>C C N W E E K L Y S O L U T I O N S S E R I E S T H E W E E K O F J U L Y 2 8 , 2 0 0 8</p><p>Shame on You </p><p>Featuring Dr. John Townsend Psychologist Best-selling co-author of Boundaries series, author of How People Grow</p><p>Visit CCN on the web at www.ccn.tv CCN Solutions: Shame on You Page 2</p><p>What has been the result of shame in your life?</p><p>I. Shame</p><p>Shame is a self-judgment for a real or perceived imperfection </p><p>Shame takes different forms </p><p>- Shame attack: situational, circumstantial </p><p>- Shamed life </p><p>You’re the one shaming you, so you can’t get away: there’s no relief </p><p>Shame can attack a really good part of you</p><p>II. Aspects of shame</p><p>Shame comes from relationship</p><p>- Attack on yourself</p><p>- Withdrawal of love from yourself </p><p>- When someone pulls away from you, that creates a vacuum: shame comes in</p><p>Once shame happens, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy</p><p>Some people use shame to motivate themselves</p><p>You internalize shaming voices </p><p>I transfer your view of me to my view of me</p><p>This works for positive voices as well</p><p>Shame is resolved by relationship</p><p>The relationship that transforms: where we’re known and loved anyway</p><p>- How many shaming people are you around</p><p>- How many de-shaming people? </p><p>- Are you with people you’re not telling the truth to?</p><p>Visit CCN on the web at www.ccn.tv CCN Solutions: Shame on You Page 3</p><p>III. Not all shame is bad shame</p><p>Healthy shame</p><p>A realistic disappointment in how I affect people </p><p>We’re responsible for our impact on others</p><p>The fruit of good shame 30I will give you great harvests from your fruit trees and fields, and never again will the surrounding nations be able to When people get safe and connected, they can go back scoff at your land for its famines. 31Then and make amends you will remember your past sins and despise yourselves for all the detestable things you did. 32But remember, says the Toxic shame Sovereign Lord, I am not doing this because you deserve it. O my people of A severe condemnation of ourselves Israel, you should be utterly ashamed of all you have done! Condemnation is different than a reminder —Ezekiel 36:30-32</p><p>IV. Effects of shame</p><p>Hiding in a false self</p><p>We pretend to be somebody else</p><p>Shame doesn’t solve the problem of badness</p><p>Increased alienation</p><p>Defensiveness</p><p>V. Tips</p><p>- Safety: the absence of condemnation and the presence of grace</p><p>- Confession: bringing out everything</p><p>“The more I confess, the less shame I have”</p><p>- Shame’s resolution is by being fully loved</p><p>- Distinguish between bad and injured </p><p>- Admit mistakes </p><p>Visit CCN on the web at www.ccn.tv CCN Solutions: Shame on You Page 4</p><p>Next week on Solutions: The One Life Solution, 1: “The Problem—The Solution”</p><p>Resources </p><p>How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals about Personal Growth by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend www.cloudtownsend.com</p><p>Solutions Leaders www.cloudtownsend.com</p><p>Solutions Tour: Ultimate Living www.cloudtownsend.com</p><p>Ultimate Leadership Workshop www.cloudtownsend.com</p><p>Sponsored In Part By:</p><p>New Life Ministries is a fully-equipped resource for the treatment of mental and spiritual health issues. www.newlife.com</p><p>Contact Information</p><p>Dr. John Townsend Church Communication Network Cloud-Townsend Resources PO Box 1718 3176 Pullman Street, Suite 105 Mountain View, CA 94042 Costa Mesa, California 92626 Phone: 800-321-6781 Phone: 800-676-4673 Fax: 650-745-0660 Web: www.cloudtownsend.com Email: [email protected] Web: www.ccn.tv</p><p>Visit CCN on the web at www.ccn.tv</p>