®@ [fiJi) @ ~ [Ii) ©[fu tID [ft) ~ @@] ~ \Yl @[jl) 0[Ii) @J Sydney Singer Galveston, Texas I was startled, to say the least. I assumed that my life was in danger, but since I have never watched a vampire movie long enough to see the part When the vampire is killed, I didn't know what to do. I thought I remembered something about steaks, butbeing avegan, I knew that killing the vampire with flesh foods was out of the question. I did feel a bit more secure in knowing that I usually smelled from garlic. But I couldn't stop images in my mind of this vampire ripping my neck open with his teeth. I instinctively clutched my throat. Sensing my concern, the vampire held up his hand and said, "Bubby, vy the big fright scene? I'm not going to hoit you. Let me introduce myself. I'm Murray. So, I know you are not going to believe this story. I nu, what's your name?" wouldn't either, had I not experienced it myself. It I couldn't believe my ears. Here, standing in my happened about a year ago, on a quiet Sunday night, living room, was a vampire named Murray who spoke around midnight. I was recovering from an animal like a New Yorker with aYiddish accent. I felt like I had rights demonstration against fur apparel at the shopping entered a bad Isaac Beshevis Singer story. Confused, I mall. We yelled at fur wearers, and someone even asked, "How come you have a Yiddish accent?" splashed red paint at a fur-clad passerby. Worn out but He looked around my living room slowly and still emotionally upset from the day, I sat in my reading intently. "Well, to tell you the truth, I'm really Irish. chair wearing my cotton pajamas. I began to thumb O'Murray is my name, but every time someone sees through women's magazines and draw moustaches me they go for a crucifix. I figured that using aYiddish on the models in fur ads, when I felt an eerie sense that accent would throw you off. But now that I see the I was not alone in the house. Iglanced out of the comer ceramic "Shalom" hanging on your wall, Iguess Idon't of my eye to see a bat flying toward the dark end of have to worry about you pointing a crucifix at me. So the room. I went to get a glove to carefully pick up the I won't put on such a heavy accent." creature and put it back outside; when I returned the bat was gone. Whereithad landed now stood avampire. I had never before seen a vampire, but I never expectedone to look like this. He looked likea munchkin from the Land of Oz, but with a pending malpractice suit against an orthodontist. His black cape and, "Have FICTION you hugged a vampire today" tee-shirt, further clarified his identity. Between the Species 148 Summer 1990 Some Enchanted Evening This was clearly one ofyour clever vampire types. human blood dip," he explained, looking at my neck. 1 "What do you want," 1said in a loud, frightened voice, didn't wantto be thatgood a host, so 1removed the food. clenching my fists. 1 wondered if it would be possible 1reasoned that Murray was notan immediate threat for me to punch-out a vampire. to me, or he would have attacked me by now. We "Firstofall, please loweryourvoice. As youknow, decided to siton the sofa and discuss this vampire rights 1ampartbat,and my hearing is very sensitive. Also, you business rationally. "You see," Murray began, ''I'm like o have no right to be violent. Have 1 done anything to other predators, like lions and tigers, for example. So, hurt you?" you can't try to kill me unless 1 am attacking you. "What are you talking about? You're a vampire, Otherwise, God forbid, someone could argue that one and vampires kill people, suck their blood, and turn could go out and kill all other predators of humans them into more blood-thirsty vampires." because of the potential danger." Murray smiled confidently and slowly turned 1smiled. "But those animals have no choice. They around. One book was stuffed into each rear pocket of arenotcapableofanalyzing theiractions, sothey arenot his trousers. Acold chill ran down my spine as 1read the acting immorally. You, on the other hand, seem to be titles of the books. One was Animal Liberation, and the rational and intelligent, although you dress funny. You other was The Struggle fQr Animal Rights. This was no have no claim of innocence in killing as the lions and run of the mill vampire. 1knew 1 was in fortrouble. tigers have." 1 knew he wouldn't be able to get out of Murray spun around to face me and gleefully that one. announced, "That'sright, I'm an animal rights vampire. But somehow he did. "My human friend," Murray And 1say you have no right to harm me." He threw open said shaking his head. "Youdon'tunderstand. SUTe, I'm his capetoreveala button whichread, 'Vampireliberation rational. I'm thought of as a very smart and wise is human liberation." vampire by my friends, may they rest in peace. But "I can harm you since you live on human blood. despite my rationality, 1 have no choice in having to That makes you a predator of humans, and my killing drink human blood if1am to continue to exist. Afterall, you would beout ofself-defense." This vampire wasn't many animal rights ethicists believe that it's okay for dealing with some animal rights ignoramus. I'd read all humans to eatanimal oreven human flesh if it is the only the books, too. alternative for survival. Sometimes, ofcourse, thereare "First, let's get one thing straight. Vampires drink other alternatives, but people don't see them. Since it is human blood, but they do drink other things as well. allowed to kill animals and humans in emergencies, and You know what I'm saying?" since what is thought to be an emergency might simply "No, not exactly," 1 said. bejusta figment ofsomeone's inadequate imagination, "I'm saying I'm thirsty, you jerk. Didn't your itfollows thatyou humansacceptthatyou will sometimes mother bring you up to have any manners?" kill for no other reason than your own stupidity and "She did leave out the part about being nice shortsightedness. Since 1 am a vampire, 1 am certain, to vampires who drop by unexpectedly. What do which you humans can never be, that 1 have no you want?" alternatives. 1 must have blood. "How about a virgin Bloody Mary?" "Then you're nothing more than a mosquito," 1 "Sorry, 1 should have known." Great, 1 thought, retorted. "And even animal rights activists have a tough now I'm in a Woody Allen movie. As 1fixed his drink time not killing mosquitos." 1 figured 1 might as well put together some snacks. 1 "But mosquitos are different enough from humans know it sounds silly, but with his animal rights beliefs, for you to have little empathy for them. As it happens, 1hoped there was a chance he was a vegetarian vampire. 1 like mosquitos, both as individuals with admirable 1 quickly spread some humus on a few whole wheat careers and as a snack. They taste wonderful after they wafers, took a fist full ofalfalfa and radish sprouts from have fed on humans." Murray smiled broadly and my sprout jar on the sink, and grabbed some pre-cut licked his lips. 1 turned away in disgust. My eyes fell carrot and celery sticks. on a magazine on my coffee table opened to an ad for 1 served Murray his drink and offered him some Kentucky Fried Chicken, captioned with the words, food. "Thanks anyway. 1only like vegetables with a "Finger Lickin' Good," in big letters. Summer 1990 149 Between the Species Some Enchanted Evening "You can't think of me as a mosquito, human, Finally, I found the words to say. "I hear you saying because I am very much like you. I have pleasures and you have a right to your own life. But I don't have to pains, a future andpast, and Ican cease to exist, just like allow you to kill me, since I have a right to my life as you. I am no different than some humans who prey on well. Also, I could use a utilitarian argument and say the flesh and blood of animals, except that I have no that killing you, while admittedly a harm to you, will choice. Humans are simply my prey. So don't try to save the lives of many people, which is a much greater kill me, Mr. Hypocrite, unless you also kill all those good that outweighs your harm. predatory humans in your society." "Sure," heconfidently said, "but then you would be I was baffled by this point. What Murray said sanctioning the killing ofall predators to save their prey, made some sense. Mter all, he should have intrinsic which I am sure you do not condone. Besides, are you value as any other sentient creature, and I should God that you know how to interfere with the balance respect his right to life as much as I respected that of of nature. Human animal rights ethicists say that you any predator. need to maximizepleasuresand minimize pains. Besides "I don't condone human killing of animals for the obvious arrogance in assuming you humans know food," I said, trying to regain my composure.