movie reviews Reviews Great Movies Answer Man People Commentary Festivals Oscars Glossary One-Minute Reviews Letters Roger Ebert's Journal Scanners Store News Sports Business Entertainment Classifieds Columnists search DARK SHADOWS (PG-13) Ebert: Users: You: Rate this movie right now GO Search powered by YAHOO! register You are not logged in. Log in » Subscribe to weekly newsletter » times & tickets in theaters Hick Fandango Hysteria Search movie Men in Black III showtimes and buy Polisse tickets. Dark Shadows Henning Mankell's Wallander more current releases » about us BY ROGER EBERT / May 9, 2012 one-minute movie reviews Tim Burton's "Dark About the site » Shadows" is all dressed up with nowhere to go, an cast & credits still playing Site FAQs » elegant production without a central drive. It offers Barnabas Johnny Depp American Reunion Contact us » wonderful things, but they Elizabeth Michelle Pfeiffer The Avengers Battleship Email the Movie aren't what's important. It's Dr. Hoffman Helena Bonham Carter Being Flynn Answer Man » as if Burton directed at Angelique Eva Green arm's length, unwilling to Roger Jonny Lee Miller Bernie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel find juice in the story. Yes, Carolyn Chloe Grace Moretz Boy on sale now the original TV soap opera is a cult classic, but he Bullhead Warner Bros. presents a film Bully approaches his "Dark directed by Tim Burton. Written by The Cabin in the Woods Shadows" as an amusing Seth Grahame-Smith, based on the Casa de mi Padre trifle, and for a feature- television series created by Dan Damsels in Distress length film, we need more Dark Shadows Curtis. Running time: 112 minutes. than attitude to sink our Darling Companion teeth in. Rated PG-13 (for for comic horror Deadline violence, sexual content, some The Deep Blue Sea The gripping early scenes drug use, language and smoking). Delicacy create expectations the The Dictator Buy now » movie doesn't satisfy. We Fake It So Real learn the early history of the Footnote Collins family in America, The Forgiveness of Blood which would create a Four Lovers Friends with Kids fishing dynasty and spawn Printer-friendly » the vampire Barnabas Girl in Progress E-mail this to a friend » God Bless America Collins (Johnny Depp). Goon Burton is famous for his Headhunters visuals, and here we have a Hick symphonic evocation of the Buy now » The Hunger Games gothic sensibility. He shows The Hunter the erection of the Collinwood Manor, a shriek of architecture, on a Hysteria hill above the new Maine town of Collinsport. We learn how young In the Family Barnabas falls in love with the angelic Josette (Bella Heathcote) and Jeff Who Lives at Home spurns the love of Angelique (Eva Green). Jiro Dreams of Sushi John Carter Angelique, a witch, forces Josette to flee in terror to a cruel stony Keyhole finger pointing out from a rocky cliff. Waves dash the stones far The Kid With a Bike below. He pursues her, tries to save her, but is unable to stop her Kill List The Lady Buy now » from falling to her death. This is great storytelling, because it's played Lockout straight. I didn't expect the whole movie to be pitched at this level, but The Lucky One it sets a note the rest never matches. Barnabas, made into a vampire Marley by Angelique, is wrapped in chains, sealed in a coffin and buried for by Angelique, is wrapped in chains, sealed in a coffin and buried for Men in Black III 190 years. The story moves forward to 1972, where the joke is that a Mirror Mirror vampire like Barnabas from the 1700s is out of place. Monsieur Lazhar Musical Chairs Freed from his entombment, Barnabas returns to Collinwood to find it October Baby dilapidated and cobwebby, and the family fortunes in disrepair. As Once Upon a Time in Anatolia proud of his family as any 18th century merchant prince and as proud Polisse of the mansion as when his parents were building it, he moves in to Quill: The Life of a Guide Dog Buy now » set things right. The Raid: Redemption The Raven Salmon Fishing in the Yemen The current inhabitants include Elizabeth Collins (Michelle Pfeiffer), The Salt of Life who runs the family fortunes; her teenage daughter, Carolyn (Chloe The Samaritan Grace Moretz); Elizabeth's useless brother, Roger (Jonny Lee Miller); Saving Face Roger's disturbed son, David (Gully McGrath), and a live-in Seeking Justice psychiatrist named Dr. Julia Hoffman (Helena Bonham Carter). Silent House Family dinners are a depressing event, with everyone clustered The Snowtown Murders around one end of a banquet table, except for Carolyn, who skulks at The Sound of My Voice Surviving Progress Buy now » the other end. Meals are served by Willie Loomis (Jackie Earle Haley), a wizened drunk. They Call It Myanmar: Lifting the Curtain Think Like a Man Johnny Depp, as pale as anyone might be after being buried for two This Is Not a Film centuries, caresses architectural details with talon-like fingernails, A Thousand Words and treats the others with elaborate courtesy. His performance is The Three Stooges Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie arch and mannered, as perhaps it should be, but so is everyone Titanic [3D] else's; the result falls between satire and lampoon, and creates such 21 Jump Street a distance between characters and style that nobody seems to much Undefeated care what happens — except for the witch Angelique, who is still alive Henning Mankell's Wallander Buy now » and whose Angel Bay fish cannery is bankrupting the Collins family. We Have a Pope We the Party Having ordered that he be buried forever, Angelique is still What to Expect When You're Expecting inexplicably hot for Barnabas. But there's tension because of the Where Do We Go Now? young and beautiful Victoria, who has become the new governess; Wrath of the Titans surely it is no coincidence that she is played by Bella Heathcote, who more current releases » also was Josette. Now we have the same romantic rivalry reborn in modern times. on dvd Buy now» Much of the amusement comes from Depp's reactions to 1970s pop culture. The soundtrack is populated by rock classics, Carolyn's room new on dvd is decorated like any teenage girl's, and Barnabas is torn between alarm and fascination when he sees his first lava lamp. Yes, now that you mention it, lava lamps do somewhat resemble coagulated gobs more new on dvd » of blood floating in urine. coming on dvd With reasoning suitable for a Jane Austen hero, Barnabas restores Collinwood to its former glory and decides to hold a formal ball to impress the locals. Carolyn pouts that this is unbelievably out of more coming on dvd » Buy now» touch. In a good idea that doesn't pay off, Alice Cooper is hired to great movies on dvd perform. "The ugliest woman I've ever seen!" Barnabas exclaims after examining Alice through his opera glasses. Alice Cooper's appearance, alas, is limited to a few snatches of songs — typical of more great movies on dvd » the cameo appearances that rock stars used to make in movies that had nothing to do with them. We are denied the intriguing prospect of an extended scene between Barnabas and Alice. This is the eighth collaboration between Burton and Depp, who go Buy now» back to "Edward Scissorhands" (1990) together. We know we can expect a pitch-perfect performance by Depp, who plays Barnabas with a lasered intensity, and we know Burton's sets and art direction will be spectacular. I think the best use of Depp in a Burton world was "Sleepy Hollow" (1999). Here Depp seems to inhabit a world of his own, perhaps in self-defense. The others seem to be performing parodies of their characters. "Dark Shadows" begins with great promise, but then the energy drains out. Mom is 51 But Looks 28 Follow this 1 weird tip and remove 20 smartconsumermagazine.com Joint Relief Ages 55+ Are you 55+ with joint issues? www.everydaylifestyles.com Watch Over 3500 Channels Direct on Your PC. No Monthly Fees.100% www.satellitedirect.com/?hop Top Download Movies WARNING - Don't Pay For Any "Movie www.movie9.tv Ads by Yahoo! © copyright 2012, rogerebert.com Privacy Policy Terms of Use Submission Guidelines.