“The Pulse of THE DISRESPECTA OR the Student The Stuyvesant UniversityT Newspaper Bodyodyody” Volume ??? No. ?? IDK Time is a Social Construct stuyspec.org DISRESPECTATOR DISRESPECTATOR To All the Objects We Left In Our Sample Letter of Continued Interest to Lockers Get You off the Harvard Waitlist From gym clothes to a photo of a bald teacher, we reminisced While on the waitlist for all eight Ivy League colleges, here is yet about the beloved objects that we left in our lockers. Here another Stuy Kid’s e-mail to show that they are still interested in are our love letters to them. the college. SEE PAGE 30 SEE PAGE 31 DISRESPECTATOR CONTENT ON PAGES 1-4 AND 29-32 HUMORBEAT SING!? More Like SEUNG! The Stuyvesant building collapsed inward due to By AARON WANG, KELLY how important it is for us to your lamentable romantic “god.” I have been blessed by the lack of in-person at- YIP,and KAREN ZHANG continue to work together to life, mediocre essays, and something divine. Perhaps it tendance. improve our theatrical skills. everything in between. I wish is destiny. This is why I have Seung Yu <principal- Improvement is challenging there were simple answers, full faith that I will be suc- [email protected]> because it requires both dis- but I have not found them. cessful in leading SEUNG!. The coral reefs are now to Stuyvesant Student Body cipline and diligence—things However, I’ve found that While SING! is typically healing after a new spe- 4:10 a.m. April 1, 2021 (6 you all lack. Therefore, I will my reflections at 4:00 a.m. riddled with lackluster per- cies of algae was discov- hours ago) take my place as the fourth have been enlightening, so I formances, I believe that I ered in Stuyvesant’s un- can “revolutionize” theatrical cleaned pools. “This is the only real con- performances here at Stuy. cern of the artist, to recre- I certainly won’t be paint- The Physical Education ate out of the disorder of ing any backdrops upside- (PE) Department intro- life that order which is art.” down as I have a keen enough duced the Racing With —James Baldwin eye to prevent making such amateur mistakes. With my Principal Yu and Frisbee- Happy Thursday Stuy, expertise, you can expect ing With Mr. Moran elec- nothing less than a Holly- tives. Though today is tradition- wood-quality production. ally known for pranking your Stuyvesant is a com- The Stuyvesant Football loved ones, we must remem- plex and dynamic place with Team is currently unde- ber to show kindness during equally complex and dynamic feated this season. these tough times. One of Courtesy of Photoshop people. This is why we must my beliefs as an educator is adapt to the large SEUNG! Escalators still break that we all need cheerlead- change. It is especially im- down despite lack of stu- ers to help us along our path. portant to improve the cur- Therefore, I am declaring rent quality of Stuyvesant dents. that SING! this year will be entertainment. renamed to SEUNG! the Ex- As I eagerly wait for the The Student Union re- travaganza and I will be ap- first rays of the rising sun to vises its Speed-Friending pointing you as my personal shine through my window so Platform to Speed-Dat- cheerleaders to accompany competitor at SEUNG! so you will share one of many rev- that God’s blazing hand can ing. Love is real. me along my path toward can all see what a real show elations. Yu is the beginning guide mine across the sea Stuyvesant Principal Great- looks like. of the name of the popular of good scriptwriting, I have Students are now re- ness. First and foremost, I trading card game, Yu-Gi-Oh. started my own adventure. quired to wear PE uni- I am grateful to be a part am working on prioritizing I’m sure that you also know of Behold! forms for their online of the SEUNG! fervor, al- my most important tasks the classic game “Uno.” “Uno” beit virtually. After reading so that I don’t always feel is spelled with three letters, classes to build commu- the SING! scripts from past overwhelmed, unsuccessful, just like the word “dog,” and nity. years, I thought deeply about or guilty. I imagine many of there is no coincidence that this year’s SING! season and you feel the same way about “dog” spelled backward is continued on page 2 A Survivor’s Account of the The Spectator Stuyvesant Civil War Scavenger Hunt By LIESEL WONG and your morning announcements! sive? No more shorts that CYRUS CURSETJEE Do your keys keep disappear- add 10 pounds? I looked ing after you leave the house around. Everybody in the Dear Reader, BBC Interviewer: Could each morning? Well, it turns classroom was whisper- you please introduce your- out that the Stuyvesant Key ing. I think everyone knew Welcome to The Spectator’s Scavenger Hunt! Lit- self to the camera? Club has had them all along what I knew—that this was tered around the pages of Disrespectator content are *The camera pans to a and is asking you to come pick our chance to have my club ragged 17-year-old blankly them up next Monday at 4:00 dominate the school. I was clues that will lead you to spell out a link to The Specta- staring into the distance p.m. in Room 231, where it part of the Stuyvesant Anti- tor website for exclusive content. outside a vandalized TriBeCa will coincidentally be holding Club Club. Immediately after Bridge.* its interest meeting. Addi- class, we assembled to dis- The structure of the link is as follows: ___ ___. Juliuseses Grant: Hi, my tionally, the Physical Educa- cuss our design for the uni- com/___/___/___-___-___-___-___-___. name Juliuseses Grant, and I tion Department will be ac- form competition. We needed am a survivor of the Stuyves- cepting submissions for next a shirt that would best push ant Civil War. year’s design of Stuyvesant’s our anti-club agenda. We de- To help you find the words that correspond to each *Insert a montage of ru- Gym Uniform! Submissions cided on a truly revolutionary of the blanks, you will be given a clue in the form of a ins and piles of school equip- are due at 11:59 p.m. on April design: the word clubs with a rebus or puzzle. The clue will spell out a topic or title ment all over the Stuyvesant 29th. Designs can be submit- large, red “X” over it. I sent related to a specific article in one of the eight pages building: shattered windows, ted to [email protected]. the submission to udaboss@ of The Disrespectator. When you find the article, look smeared ketchup packets, The winner will be decided stuy.edu immediately after. for the bolded letters in the first few paragraphs of textbooks without covers, based on a democratic vote Club Member 1: It’s per- broken desks, and ripped-up by the student body. fect. A guaranteed win. the article that will spell out a word. At the end of the papers.* Liesel Wong: “And now, BBC Interviewer: You re- article, look for the clue that will take you to the next Juliuseses Grant: It all for the morning joke: Cyrus, ally forgot the name of your article. started with the morning an- does February like March?” club members? nouncement on March 29th. Cyrus Cursetjee: “I don’t Juliuseses Grant: Yes. Your first clue awaits:樂 + en ️ + en ❓ It was a Friday… know, but April May.” Names are a construct. *Cue flashback* Liesel Wong: “Hahaha.” *Juliuseses turns away Juliuseses Grant: The Cyrus Cursetjee: “Ha.” and drips a splotch of red ink Have fun and happy reading, day, as always, started with *The speaker is abruptly on his bald head.* The Spectator Editorial Board the morning announcement: cut off.* “Also, I got shot during “Gooood morning Stuyves- Juliuseses Grant: I the war and lost my memory.” *Answers on page 32 ant! We are your student couldn’t stop thinking about announcers, Liesel Wong and the gym uniform submissions. Cyrus Cursetjee, and here are No more bright orange cur- continued on page 2 Page 2 The Spectator ● April 6, 2021 Disrespectator SING!? More Like SEUNG! rently waiting for the sun to Yeah, life goes on like this tice me? Perhaps you wonder YU continued from page 1 rise. My journal is within my again. as well. Why are you taking Excellence is a discipline, grasp. The sun edges over AP Chem? Why are you not not a performance. --- the horizon. The birds must [He stands up and opens pursuing your dream of be- Therefore, I resign from SCENE 1 be awoken. I have my journal his arms toward the ceiling, ing an artist? Why have you SEUNG! [On the dim stage, the in hand, ready to conquer the before sharply flinging his not reconciled with your lost lone Yu rests, dressed in his day. And everyone else. journal into the audience. An friendships? Why have you LQ 3: BLACKOUT high school football uniform, audience member lets out a not taken a moment to re- END OF SCENE 1 assuming the hunched posi- yelp.] alize that there is more to --- tion of a Swan Lake perform- your life than numbers on a But these are just some of er.] YU report card? That you are my thoughts. This is a work I’m too cool for school.