By Charlie Lovett © Copyright 2007, Pioneer Drama Service, Inc. Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for every performance, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights should be addressed to Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155. All rights to this play—including but not limited to amateur, professional, radio broadcast, television, motion picture, public reading and translation into foreign languages—are controlled by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind in whole or in part may be given. These rights are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and of all countries covered by the Universal Copyright Convention or with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, including Canada, Mexico, Australia and all nations of the United Kingdom. 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The following notice: “Produced by special arrangement with Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Englewood, Colorado” SUPERCOMICS By CHARLIE LOVETT CAST OF CHARACTERS (In order of speaking) # of lines BOBBIE ....................................clown 26 BERNIE .....................................worker at a rubber chicken 27 factory PAT SHAGGY-DOG-STORY ...........reporter for “The Daily Groaner” 40 COMMISSIONER JORDAN ...........police commissioner of 27 Comedyville MCMANN ..................................special assistant to the mayor 30 CURLY ......................................pratfall artist 20 ANDY STAND-UP ........................comedian 42 CASEY CORNBALL .....................corny comedian 50 MAYOR .....................................leader of Comedyville 44 MO ...........................................pratfall artist 27 DREW DAVIDSON ......................photographer for “The Daily 67 Groaner” GROANER .................................editor of “The Daily Groaner” 28 LEE VAUDEVILLE .......................ex-vaudevillian on “The Daily 28 Groaner” staff GLUM GOBSMACKER .................special assistant to Vlad 44 SOLEMN ...................................minion of Vlad 47 VLAD ........................................evil genius 72 MARTY CHUZZLEWIT..................emcee at the Laugh Riot 37 Comedy Club P.G. GRUFFMAN ........................Hollywood producer 17 FLEXIBLE CASTING Although the character VLAD is male, he may be played with equal effectiveness by either a male or female actor. All other characters are written to be either male or female. ii PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS For preview only SETTING TIME: The present. PLACE: The streets of Comedyville, the Laugh Riot Club and an offi ce at “The Daily Groaner.” Utilizing area staging, all three locations are visible onstage for the entire play. Comic book-style buildings STAGE RIGHT feature a sign for “The Daily Groaner.” The offi ce at “The Daily Groaner” FORESTAGE RIGHT consists of a small desk with a chair, with another chair and a wastebasket next to it. CENTER STAGE is the marquee of the Laugh Riot Comedy Club. During the scenes at the Laugh Riot Club, a microphone with stand and chairs are brought on. These scenes are played with the comics on a small platform CENTER STAGE and the Laugh Riot audience in chairs facing the comics. (Alternatively, the Laugh Riot audience can be seated in the real audience to make room for Mo and Curly’s slapstick routine.) DOWN CENTER there is a gym mat spread out on the fl oor. This area represents a street. STAGE LEFT is a sign reading “Trench Coat Sale.” There may be a drum set (or just a snare drum) FORESTAGE LEFT, if the production uses a live “rim shot” effect. (NOTE: Any available cast member may be assigned the job of drummer as needed throughout the show.) Along the UP CENTER wall is a backdrop with the skyline of Comedyville. SYNOPSIS OF SCENES Scene One: A street in Comedyville Friday morning. Scene Two: The newsroom of “The Daily Groaner” immediately following. Scene Three: A street in Comedyville that night. Scene Four: The Laugh Riot Comedy Club, immediately following. Scene Five: A street, Saturday morning. Scene Six: The newsroom, a few minutes later. Scene Seven: A street in Seriousburg (formerly Comedyville), that afternoon. Scene Eight: The Laugh Riot, later that day. Scene Nine: A street in Seriousburg, the next day. Scene Ten: The Laugh Riot, later that day. Scene Eleven: A street in Seriousburg, Monday afternoon. Scene Twelve: The Laugh Riot, a few moments later. Scene Thirteen: A street in Comedyville, a few months later. iii For preview only Supercomics - Set Design iv For preview only SUPERCOMICS Scene One 1 LIGHTS UP: A street in Comedyville Friday morning. BOBBIE ENTERS RIGHT wearing a clown suit and colorful wig. BERNIE ENTERS LEFT wearing coveralls and carrying rubber chickens. BOBBIE: Good morning, Bernie. 5 BERNIE: Good morning, Bobbie. BOBBIE: Love the suit. BERNIE: Love the hair. BOBBIE: How’s work at the factory? BERNIE: Oh, you know how it is in the rubber chicken business—signs 10 of fowl play everywhere you look. How about you? BOBBIE: We went to work yesterday, 26 of us in the back of a Smart Car, which was fi ne. When we got there, we all hit each other in the face with pies, which was fi ne. Then we put on giant shoes and red noses and makeup, which was fi ne. But the rest of the day nobody 15 got any work done. BERNIE: Why not? BOBBIE: Everyone was just clowning around. BERNIE: Well, I guess it serves us right for living in Comedyville. BOBBIE: I wouldn’t live anyplace else. You going to the Laugh Riot 20 tonight? BERNIE: I live in Comedyville. There’s no way I’d miss Friday night at the Laugh Riot. BOBBIE: Well, keep laughing. BERNIE: No, you keep laughing. (EXITS LEFT. BOBBIE EXITS RIGHT.) 25 PAT: (ENTERS LEFT and CURLY ENTERS RIGHT. COMMISSIONER JORDAN ENTERS RIGHT with MCMANN.) Good morning, Commissioner Jordan. Something special going on? COMMISSIONER: A big speech by the mayor. MCMANN: Here comes the press. 30 CURLY: And the rest of the town, too, by the looks of it. (The rest of the CAST, except the MAYOR, ENTERS and crowds around MCMANN and COMMISSIONER, who stand on the platform CENTER. DREW has a camera around his neck. VLAD lurks at the edge of the CROWD in a black cape.) 35 MCMANN: Come on, now, folks. Make some space for the mayor. He has a major announcement to make. COMMISSIONER: That’s it. Back up, folks. The mayor will be here any minute, so no funny business. 1 For preview only 1 ANDY: What do you mean no funny business? This is Comedyville! (General laughter from the CROWD.) CASEY: Say, how many police commissioners does it take to screw in a light bulb? 5 CURLY: The mayor’s coming, the mayor’s coming. (General sounds of excitement.) MCMANN: (Speaks like Ed McMahon of “The Tonight Show” [or a sportscaster].) Laaaadies and Gentlemen. Welcome to this morning’s big speech by the mayor of Comedyville. This morning 10 the mayor will be making a major announcement about the future of Comedyville. And now, the person who laughed all the way to city hall, heeeeeeeeere’s the mayor! MAYOR: (CROWD cheers as the MAYOR ENTERS RIGHT, wearing an outrageous outfi t with a colorful tie and a [squirting] lapel fl ower. He 15 looks like a cross between a politician and a circus clown.) Good morning, Comedyville! ALL: (Except VLAD.) Good morning, Mayor! MAYOR: Hey, McMann, did you know that last night I slept on a corduroy pillow? 20 MCMANN: You slept on a corduroy pillow? MAYOR: (Throughout the script the “rim shot” sound effect is indicated by an *.) That’s right, and this morning it’s making headlines!* (General laughter.) You know what I did yesterday? MCMANN: What did you do yesterday? 25 MAYOR: I went downtown and got a new car for my mom. MCMANN: You got a new car for your mom? MAYOR: Yes. I tell you, it was the best trade I ever made.* (More laughter.) COMMISSIONER: Didn’t you have an announcement to make? I can’t 30 stop traffi c all day. CASEY: With a face like that, I don’t see why not.* (Laughter.) MAYOR: Commissioner Jordan is right. Ladies and gentleman, you all know that in Comedyville, nothing is more important than laughter. From the rubber chicken factory to the clown school to the Laugh Riot 35 Club, comedy is the lifeblood of this town. But you also know that our economy is a bit rocky. Rubber chicken sales are down, clowns are unemployed and the Knock-Knock family is, well, they’re… MO: They’re having some hard knocks!* (Laughter.) MAYOR: What we need to save Comedyville is a way to export our 40 comedy. To do that, I’ve invited a big Hollywood producer to town this weekend. Over the weekend, Comedyville will also sponsor its 2 PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS For preview only 1 fi rst annual comedy festival. (Cheers from the CROWD.) The festival will kick off tonight at the Laugh Riot and will begin the economic revival of Comedyville. Until then, everybody keep laughing. CROWD: No, you keep laughing! (The CROWD drifts OFF LEFT and 5 RIGHT after cheering. DREW, COMMISSIONER, MCMANN and MAYOR remain.) MCMANN: Great speech, Mayor. Now we’ve got to get you over to the unveiling of the statue of the largely forgotten Harold Lloyd. MAYOR: Who was Harold Lloyd again? 10 MCMANN: I don’t know. I’ve largely forgotten. MAYOR: Okay, but before we go, I want you to take a look at this new fl ower I’ve got. (Indicates the lapel fl ower.) MCMANN: What kind of fl ower is it? MAYOR: This kind. (Squirts MCMANN in the face with the fl ower.) 15 MCMANN: (Wipes off face.) That’s a good one.