Craig Blessing Interview GF: Okay. The date is November 14, 2018. My name is Gabrielle Funk. I am interviewing Craig Blessing. CB: On November 14, 2018, my name is Craig Blessing, being interviewed by Gabrielle Funk. My name is Craig Blessing; C-R-A-I-G, B-L-E-S-S-I-N-G. GF: And you spell my name G-A-B-R-I-E-L-L-E, F-U-N-K. Okay. When and where were you born? CB: I was born in Friona, Texas, a small town between Lubbock and Amarillo on [Unintelligible 00:00:46] 1, 1974. GF: Where did you move next? CB: Moved to Dallas just before my fifth birthday. Or Dallas area. Lived there until I was in college. And then moved away from there officially to Kansas City in 1998. So 20 years ago. GF: For a job? CB: My mother moved for a job and I was going to go back to school for my Master's degree. And so she offered me the opportunity to live in the basement of the house without paying rent, so I said okay [laughter]. GF: This is a good one: Tell me a little bit about your parents or your family background. CB: [Coughs] I have a very small family. So I am an only child. My mom has a brother and a sister, but the brother is not really around much and hasn't been most of my life. And kind of estranged, even, from the sister. So I have lots of friends that have big families and they get together for holidays and there's, like, 50 people. And we get together for the holidays and there's, like, seven. So it's very small and intimate. And being an only child, I really had a good relationship with my family. My mom was different. She wasn't super overprotective, but she wasn't just let me go and do whatever I want, either. She did a lot of letting me learn, make mistakes and learn from those. And she didn't want to put a lot of training wheels on that. So one of the things she always said was that, "I'm not going to be around forever and I'm not going to be able to guide you in everything. So you need to figure out how to do these things and use the resources around you." So that was kind of great. It's a very interesting thing being from Texas: Most of my family, extended family, whether it's my stepfamily or my blood family, are on the more conservative side, many of them on the conservative Christian side, which doesn't always go nicely, in either category, with being gay. So it's one of those things that, until very recently, we just 1 don't talk about. Like, politics just isn't something that we talk about. And if it comes up, we just change the subject. And it's one of those things that has been that way to keep people from arguing. GF: Yeah. To save relationships. CB: Yeah. GF: Hm-hmm [affirmative]. When did you know you were gay? CB: Early. I knew very early on that something was different. And was kind of the arts kid and overachieving. And looking back at it, there were a lot of things that I did so that I didn't have to deal with this. You know, I did every possible thing in my school. I was probably one of the most active kids in my school, which I find, you know, for a lot of young, gay kids, especially young, gay men, is that way; that we overachieve so we don't have to date, we don't have time to date. And so because we don't have time to date, we don't have to explain why we're not dating someone. So that was a thing, for sure. But I came out to the fist person when I was 17. GF: Who was that? CB: A friend of mine at school, at college. Well, I was 18 when I told her, but I had kind of told myself between 15 and 17. There wasn't really a time when I can say, "This was the moment." But I told her. And she didn't say anything, but somehow somebody in my dorm heard. And suddenly, it wasn’t me and her, it was everybody on the floor and then everybody in the building. And even though I was at Texas A&M that's, you know, one of the most conservative public schools in Texas, I felt so much support. Like, so much support. Friends of mine from high school, the biggest reaction I got was that they were angry that I didn't tell them before; that they felt that I couldn't trust them enough to do that. And, like, "All of this time, you weren't able to tell me. I'm angry at you for not feeling that you could trust me for that." But it really came at a point where I just got tired. I was so tired all the time because I was one person with my gay friends. And I didn't want them to know too much about me because they might know somebody that I knew who wasn't gay and they might say something. And I was a different person with my straight friends because I didn't want them to know that I knew any gay people because in Texas A&M it literally could be, "Oh, you know somebody gay? You must be gay." "Oh, you must be queer if you know somebody like that." But neither of those was me. I was never able to be me because I was so afraid of somebody else knowing. I just got tired. And I woke up one morning, I'm, like, "I can't do this. I can't be this anymore. So I'm not going to do this." And I told somebody and, 2 you know, quietly came out of the closet for a bit. And then ripped that door off and went right—Oh, it was crazy. GF: To your friends first, your family second? CB: Yeah. My family was definitely—I never felt like they wouldn't support me, but I was afraid. Right before I told my mom, I had had somebody that had told his father and his father packed his stuff and told him to move to California with the rest of his kind and never come back. And I was terrified of that. And I think back, and it still makes my palms sweat, the way that I thought about that situation. I was dating someone. And we had been together for a year-and-a-half, my parents had met them, and we split. And I was devastated. First love. You know, we lived together. Like, devastated. And I called my mom. And I couldn't even talk. And she's, like, "Are you okay?" And I'm, like, "No, I'm not. Just got out of a relationship." And she's, like, "With whom?" And I'm, like, "With Scott." And she was quiet for what felt like 10 minutes. She goes, "Can you come home this weekend?" I said, "I can't. I have to work." She goes, "Okay. I will be there tomorrow." GF: Wow. CB: And she took off work. She came up. We stayed in a hotel room and laughed and cried and talked and drank beer and, you know, laughed and cried some more. And at the end of it, she said, "I may never understand it and I may never fully accept, but I love you and you're my only son and I will always love you." GF: Aww. CB: And at the time, that was all I needed. You know, that's what I needed. And it didn't matter if she accepted or understood, just that she loved me. And over time, we invited her—You know, some friends of mine were throwing a party and we invited her to it, before a football game. And she pulled me aside afterward and she goes, "I think things have changed." And I was ready, like, because so many of my friends were having this issue of, like, family not accepting. I was ready to pack my stuff and move and, you know be alone. That was fine. And she goes, "I think I understand. I get it." And this was, you know, my sophomore year in college—junior year, maybe. She's, like, "These kids are no different than any other kids. They want somebody to know that they love them. Whatever that is. They want to know that somebody loves them. And why can't we do that?" And that became a thing for my mom. And she's now been to a Pride parade. She's gone to a gay bar with me. And she literally adopts anybody that needs—I've told people, you know, "I'm going to my family for Christmas." They're, like, "Oh, yeah, my family's out of town." I'd say that to my mom and she's, like, "Bring them. They cannot be alone, by themselves, on a holiday." 3 GF: Aww. CB: "Just bring them." And that's just how she is, so. GF: Is your dad still in your life? CB: No.