Dr. Harmony’s Kinky Glossary of Terms Common Terms The terms that are in this basic glossary, is not comprehensive. This is a basic list of common terms used in the various Kinky Communities. Number 24/7 A power exchange relationship in which the rituals, protocols and expectations from a negotiated contract are in place 24 hours a day 7 days a week in both public and private life. A Abrasion a) Using something rough (such as sandpaper) in BDSM play. b) Broken skin wound as a result of play Adult Buffet A termed to describe a group sex party or orgy. Consenting adults choose have sex with any or all other participants. This term is primarily seen in the swing community. Aftercare Following a BDSM scene or a kinky play session, both physical an emotional care is required for both participants. This activity is negotiated prior to the scene and may include anything from medical care, verbal processing, and soothing the both the D/M type and the s types in the activities. Agamy A form of relationship anarchy, the practice of mindfully not engaging in marriage or reproduction. Age Play This type of play refers to a specific type of D/s which focuses Usually referring to daddy/daughter or mommy/baby role play. Does not usually include or imply aspects of incest, but rather the nurturing relationship of parent/child or teacher/student. If the s type is younger than the age of potty training, that the term Infantilism is used. Anal Torture The practice of inflicting consensual pain on the anus. Androgyny A person appearing and/or identifying as neither male or female. Animal Play D/s play Similar to Primal Play, however, in this activity, the players are expected to dress and behave like their totem animal. Asexual This is a term to refer to a person who has minimal or no desire for sexual activity. Auctioned off A BDSM activity where a D type auctions off their s type for temporary play. B BDSM (Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadomasochism) a combined acronym often used as a catchall for anything in the kink scene. Bear A gay or bisexual man who has extensive facial/body hair and a soft large body. Bicurious Also known as heteroflexible and homoflexible, a person who identifies as gay or straight while showing some curiosity for a relationship or sexual activity with a person of a gender they do not usually engage with. Bigamy This is a legal term that refers to someone who marries more than one spouse. Bisexual Also known as Omnisexual or Pansexual, a term used to identify an individual who identifies as being sexually attracted to both genders. Black Sheet Party A term used to refer to an orgy for people into BDSM sex. Boi A person who was assigned female at birth who expresses or presents themselves in a masculine particularly boyish way. Bondage In BDSM or Kink play, the acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage typically refers to total restraint, however it can be limited to a particular body part, such as breast bondage. Bottom a. The s type or the receiver of physical sensation in a BDSM scene. b. In a gay male relationship, the partner who receives intercourse during sexual relationships. Bottom Surgery Surgery on the genitals designed to create a body in harmony with a person's gender identity. Breast Bondage In a BDSM scene, the act of tying breasts. This activity can be for sensation play, bondage play or decorative. Breath Control This activity is also called Breath Play. During this activity, the Top is controlling the bottom's ability to breath. Butt Plug A sex toy designed to be inserted into the anus. This devise is generally pear shaped with a flat base for safety. C Chastity a. A power exchange activity is also known as Orgasm Control, Erotic Sexual Denial or Orgasm Denial. The D type in the activity will tempt the s type and deny the s type the ability to orgasm. Often times, this can include chastity device. b. The non-participation in sexual activity. Cheating This term refers to any activity that violates the negotiated boundaries or agreements of that relationship. Cisgender An individual who feels comfortable with the gender identity assigned to them at birth. Closed Relationship Also called a Monogamous Relationship or an Exclusive Relationship, a term used to describe a relationship where there is no emotional intimacy or sexuality outside of the relationship. Cock and Ball Torture Torture of the male genitals for sexual gratification. CBT Collared This is a term used when an s type is "owned" by a D type. This identification is often equated with marriage in this community. Collaring The formal ritual and ceremony in the BDSM community that is equated to marriage. The D type formerly accepts the s type as his property. Compersion This is a term used to describe the feeling of pleasure a person experiences when their partner is involved in another romantic or sexual relationship. Consensual Non- A mutual agreement that within defined limits, consent will Consensuality be given as read without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. This is a common negotiated term for those who have rape fantasies. Consent This term refers to the mutual agreement to the terms of a scene, sex or ongoing BDSM relationship. Contract A verbal or written negotiated agreement between a D type and an s type. This agreement can include protocols, rituals, and relationships or play expectations and boundaries. Cross-dressing A term referring to the activity of wearing clothing that conflicts with the traditional gender expression of your sex and gender identity. Cuddle Party Also known as a Friction Party, a term used for a social gathering of adults which encourages consensual physical affection, such as cuddling, massage, and other forms of physical expression, but which forbids overt sexual activity or sexual stimulation. Cupping An ancient medical procedure often used in holistic or alternative medicine in which an intense suction is created on the skin in order to promote bruising and increased blood flow to the area. This procedure is often use in BDSM in combination with Fire Play. D D/s This is an acronym referring to Dominance and submission. This is play or a relationship involving a consensual Power Exchange. Demisexual A person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. DM This is an acronym for a Dungeon Monitor or Dungeon Master. This individual is trained security and safety officer charged with security and safety monitoring during Dungeon or Party Play. In Dungeon Etiquette, this is the only person who is allowed to interrupt a scene and only when he or she feel there is eminent danger involved. Note: training can include everything from CPR and self-defense to simple dungeon etiquette. They are often also participants in the BDSM lifestyle. A play participant should never assume there is advanced training among the DMs at their event. Dom Also known as the Dominant or D type, this is the individual who exercises consensual power and control over an s type in a Power Exchange relationship. There are several types of Doms: a. a Domme is a female D type. b. a Loving Dominant is a nurturing Dom whose primary focus is mentoring and guiding his s type with use if structure and discipline. This dominant is often seen in 1950's housewife and big and little dynamics. The s types that belong to this particular D type are often service oriented and the dominant gets his thrill from the growth and service of his s types and the s types often identify as a submissive rather than a slave. Submissive s types tend to have a more collaborative dynamic with their D types and primarily get their thrill from acts of service and making their Dom proud. Words of affirmation and acts of service tend to be the love language of both the s and D types in this dynamic. c. a Sadistic Dom is an individual who primarily enjoys inflicting pain. This pain can be both emotional and physical and primarily pairs with an s type that identifies as a slave. d. a Master is an individual who consensually takes complete control of their s type. The s type in this dynamic generally identifies as a slave and this power exchange dynamic is much less collaborative in nature. TPE or Total Power Exchange are generally an expectation with this D type. e. a Pro-Dom or Pro-Domme is a D type that charges money for BDSM play. DON’T ASK, An acronym used to describe a relationship in which there is permission for a partner to explore outside of the relationship, however, DON’T TELL it is understood that the primary partner does not want any knowledge of the exploration and the other partners are not allowed to participate DADT in the life of the primary relationship. Drag Queen A person who consciously performs “femininity,” usually in a show or theatre setting, presenting an exaggerated form of feminine expression. Dungeon This is a term used to refer to a play space with equipment used in BDSM Play. Dungeon This refers to the rules and regulations that are expected when participating in public play. There are a number of understood Etiquette expectations within the community but each community and public play space may also have additional rules. Please see Appendix F for further details. E Edge Play This is a form of Kinky or BDSM Play that involves a consensually agreed upon element of potential harm.