THE ICHIGAN EVIEW MTHE JOURNAL OF CAMPUS AFFAIRS AT THER UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN www.michiganreview.com VOLUME XXVII May 23, 2008 SUMMER ISSUE Arb Diag Football Union Theater Law Quad MR Greeks Class The Review Glances PAGE 2 Glossary PAGE 6 Greeks PAGE 16 www.michiganreview.com PAGE 2 05.00.20084.1.08 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW www.michiganreview.com MAZE and Blue EDITORIAL BOARD Oh no! You’re a first-semester freshman girl and you need Lindsey Dodge to pull a “walk of shame” from Editor-in-Chief Pike back to Mary Markley! Find your way home and Jane Coaston order some pizza! Executive Editor Adam Pascarella Managing Editor END HERE Eun Lee Graphic Design Editor Jonathan Slemrod Editor-at-Large Nathan Stano Cherri Buijk Assistant Editors BUSINESS STAFF Karen Boore Publisher Jonathan Slemrod Anna Malecke Associate Publishers Nick Cheolas Editor Emeritus STAFF WRITERS & PHOTOGRAPHERS Steven Bengal, Samm Etters, Austyn Foster, Erika Gonzalez, Josh Handell, Kris Hermanson, Alyse Hudson, Christine Hwang, Erika Lee, Megan Lytle, Evgeny Magidenko, Julianne Nowicki, Shanda Shooter, Andrea Sofian, Joseph Xu, “The Rock” Christina Zajicek, LETTERS & VIEWPOINTS The Michigan Review accepts and encourages letters to the editor and viewpoints. Letters to the editor should be under 300 words. Viewpoints can be arranged by contacting the editorial board. We PHOTOS JOSEPH XU & ILLUSTRATION EUN LEE / MR STAFF Pi Kappa Alpha (PIKE) Fraternity reserve the right to edit for clarity and length. START HERE Send all correspondence to [email protected]. Letter from the Editor So you’ve finally graduated from high school. such basics as a guide to picking majors when com- ABOUT US The commencement music has faded, the last auto- ing into college (Jane Coaston ‘09), as well as broader graph has been crammed into your yearbook, and sketches illustrating the ways in which one can be- The Michigan Review provides a broad range of everyone’s looking forward to the “last summer of come a true Ann Arbor hipster (Evgeny Magidenko in-depth coverage of campus affairs and serves as freedom.” That’s what we all say when faced with ‘10). Re-introducing the Face-Off, we have two edi- the literary voice of conservatism and libertarianism at another step into adulthood, as if adulthood is de- torial board members argue both sides of the eter- the University of Michigan. The Review is published fined only by a series of unasked for responsibilities nal collegiate question: To go Greek, or not to go bi-weekly September thru April. heaved onto our unwilling shoulders. Now most Greek? everyone is aware that college doesn’t resemble this We also include an updated version of our clas- morose outlook at all, and frankly neither does life sic Glossary, providing definitions for and poking ONATE UBSCRIBE D /S after college, depending on how you use your time fun at more than one ridiculous Ann Arbor institu- The Michigan Review accepts no financial support at U-M. tion. This and our freshman girl maze (pg. 2) will from the University. Therefore, your support is critical College ends up being a balance, a balance of certainly provide a little entertainment when wait- and greatly appreciated. Donations above $40 are finding what it is you will hopefully do for the rest of ing for your first class to begin on Michigan Time, eligible for a 1-year (12 issues) subscription. your life, or at least the next five years with our ever- which we explain thoroughly on page 3. We have Donations can be made on our website at evolving job market, as well as relishing the first a good balance of both helpful information about www.michiganreview.com, or mailed to: time without parental supervision and monitoring your new home state, Michigan, as well as about your own time. As your Classical Studies Professor your new college social scene. 911 N. University, Suite One will undoubtedly bring up at some point, “Aristotle Of course, we are focused on campus, state, and Ann Arbor, MI 48109 says, ‘Everything in moderation, even moderation.’” political events, and our Politics section provides The Michigan Review is the independent, student-run journal of In college, you could very well change that to, “espe- some helpful hints for those taking their first steps as conservative and libertarian opinion at the University of Michigan. cially moderation.” freethinking, involved citizens. Not only a paper for We neither solicit nor accept monetary donations from the University. The Michigan Review prides itself on being a conservative readers, as evidenced by many of our Contributions to The Michigan Review are tax-deductible under section 501 (c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Service Code. The Michigan Review monitoring source to any and all extremist view- more liberal and libertarian staff and editorial board is not affiliated with any political party or any university political group. points. This means yanking the chain of turbo-Re- members, our main goal is to get people thinking. Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of the editorial board. Ergo, publicans as well as defending original thought An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure, they are unequivocally correct and just. Signed articles, letters, and against the constant stream of liberal “facts.” Demo- but we strive to be “the thinker’s newspaper.” So en- cartoons represent the opinions of the author, and not necessarily those of The Review. The Serpent’s Tooth shall crats give us better feed on the U-M campus, that’s joy the humorous along with the serious, and look represent the opinion of individual, anonymous contributors to The all. In the end, it’s about providing a contrarian voice forward to a similar blend with our first news issue Review, and should not necessarily be taken as representative dedicated to questioning the unquestioned, as any in the beginning of the year. Remember, there are of The Review’s editorial stance. The opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the advertisers or the true journalistic source will do. only two colors that really matter on campus: Maize University of Michigan. Every year, we kick off our production with our and Blue. Copyright © 2007, The Michigan Review, Inc. All rights reserved. trademark irony, and here in your hands is the re- Sincerely, The Michigan Review is a member of the Collegiate Network. sult. Lindsey R. Dodge A humorous guide for all new students, we hit Editor-in-Chief 4.1.0805.00.2008 PAGE 3 Editor’s Notes An Editorial Page for Those Interested in How the Other Side Thinks Don’t Be Scared! Ann Arbor doesn’t bite...hard When we found out that there were seniors on shop hybrid (Crazy Wisdom Bookstore), fun shopping campus who had never heard of Mirlyn, the catalog and whimsical gifts (Peaceable Kingdom, etc.), and a for the University of Michigan Library system, there number of great bars, restaurants, and permutations was some sad laughter. When we realized that there thereof. As many of the upper-classmen may know, were seniors who hadn’t been to Main Street – the, as this is where people go to legally drink. it implies, main street of downtown Ann Arbor, lying That’s only a taste of Ann Arbor commercially. For a brief four blocks west of State Street–there was a mu- those seeking a slower pace, there’s Nichols Arboretum tual sense among us that some U-M-ers had gone too (The Arb) - a large nature preserve within the bounds far. Or not far enough, rather. of the city - or even North Campus, with its surpris- The University of Michigan is unique among col- ingly interesting architecture intermixed with trees and lege campuses for being embedded in the fabric of a sloping lawns. city; just the few streets that weave through Central Add to all this the number of festivals and art shows Campus can seem as an entire world. South University, that show up in Ann Arbor all year-round. From the with its bubble tea, bulk candy, arcade, ice cream, sand- Ann Arbor Film Festival to the summer art fair, there wich and pizza joints provides a dreamy mix of sweet is a never-ending supply of culture and activities for pop culture, while it’s mix of funky and high-end cloth- everybody’s interests. This isn’t to say that we would ing, shoes, alternative gift shops, and even an art gal- go to all of them. Some members of the editorial board lery waft enough of the scent of that fabled earthy, edgy would rather be caught dead than go to an art show- Ann Arbor culture. It hints of South State and Liberty ing of bugs crushed on a film strip. But the point is just around the bend: vintage clothing, movie theatres, that some people are into that - and whatever gets you sushi, and even more cafes. thinking is a step in the right direction. Becoming familiar with Ann Arbor is as easy as If you really put your mind to it, there’s no limit hopping on the city bus for a free ride, or just taking a to what can be done with your free time. Rent a canoe short walk. This is assuming that one does not have a and go paddling on the Huron River with some beers. car, which belies the infamous absence of parking spac- Drive to Weier’s Orchard in the fall and try their cinna- es whenever it’s actually important. mon donuts with some cider beer. Go to Vinology, the When you’ve had enough of the cafeteria, take wine-tasting bar, and be an original.