Call The San Francisco Sunday BATTER UP! »\u25a0 a A. Fitzgerald pers, false teeth, foot warmers, shawls "Singularly enough I started to J. and the rest of the equipment used in grow after reaching Kansas City," "JOE' TINKER,THEPERFORMING "CUB,"BATS OUTFEWA FAST ONES FORUP! Here comes the Osier league." continued Tinker. "Joe" Tinker, one of the old set- "Why did you stop shdrt?" Afraid of New York "To become a shortstop," said tlers of the Chicago National don't look to be a day over THE EVERYBODY "You Tinker. "You hit into a double play got twenty-five." league team, and he's a lot that time." "That's the kind of ball I like," said of loose talk he wants to hurl around. ? "You're entitled to two bases on FANS Tinker. "Itcut the plate." Hold your dish because he carries that hit." Sunday before that game we beat out "How long have you been kicking "I've got everything today," said Pittsburg before a howling thirty one of the finest brands of fan food up the cinders?" Joe. "I'm going to break up this game thousand. We had to beat them or it you ever tasted. And don't be afraid is my thirteenth season. I've "This in a minute. You figure shorter was all off with us. We laid in Pitts- in Chicago eleven years." me to ask for a second helping. This is his been than I am. Most fans do. I'm five feet burg until Wednesday night and then "It's your own fault. There's any \y ;ttle party and he doesn't want any eight, but they generally guess me hit the trail for New York. We had to number of trains to New York every to go away From your two or three inches shorter. I'm up- fight way into the grounds one dissatisfied. day." our Polo position in the grandstand or bleach- right, but the uniform gives me a that day and fight every inch of the "I might have made the trip if I or on the wrong side of a knot- square look. Business of laughing. way through the game. We won with ers had some sheet iron clothes," laughed hole you've heard him bouncing ora- Ha, Ha!" forty thousand rabid Giant fans hoot- Tinker. "I guess I leaned against that tory off the umpires time and again, "Another break like that and you go ing us. We jumped back to Chicago one, all right, allright." but now you have the opportunity of out of the game." that night and jumped right into the "Chicago hasn't got anything on hearing him wallop Webster's delivery "Allright, I'llbehave. I began as a world's series with Detroit. We won New York when it comes to the shoot- at range. third baseman, playing that position the series. No team has ever been close ing game," was the feeble response. There may be a few fpreigners in for teams in and around Kansas City. called on to go at such a heartbreak- "Not an awful lot, but there's this the audience who are not aware of John Kling and I were graduated from ing pace." difference," said Tinker. "Out there the fact that Joseph is superintendent the Kansas City lots about the same "Is it true that you have designs on they at least give a man a chance to of that portion of the "Cubs" real es- time. I got my first big baseball job Hamlet?" throw up his hands before making a which lies between second and Denver, in I man- been thinking playing It tate Swiss cheese out of him. If Jes'se with 1900. told the "I've of third base. He has been on patrol ager I was the best third baseman in with bare hands," said Tinker. James lived in New York right now duty there for years, and as a result the world, and he showed me he be- -iThere's a lot of line drives in it but his mother would be afraid to let him of his vigilance thousands of ambi- me by putting me on second. I think I could grab them." out after six o'clock." lieved tious young basehits have been cut One morning I found that I made an "That one took a nasty bound, Joe." Designs on down in the full bloom of youth. Many racket when I walked. I Hamlet "It's your own fault. You didn't play unusual "That wouldn't be much of a novelty. healthy swat has left home fully de- behind I was a it right." looked and found that The poor old fellow has been handled termined to make a name for itself, escorting a can. I finished the season "You're strong for Chicago aren't without gloves lots of times." only to meet a violent death at his with Helena. In 1904 I helped you?" Port- "?if that's the case I'llstick to vau- hands a second later. His direction is land, Ore., win the pennant, and in "I'll talk about it fifteen innings any deville," laughed Joe. the grim for basehits. I was to tea with route old time. If I had my way I'd have 1902 invited take the "Won't you sing us a little song?" All of which gives rise to the im- been born Cubs." "Run, mother, the Indians are upon pression that our young hero is t£ere." "Where did the Stork muff you?" us!" shouted Tinker. "I never sang in against*basehits of all kinds an im- Wanted Third Base "Muskado." my life. I do a lecture stunt in vaude- pression which is entirely erroneous. "What position were you playing "I didn't ask what bit you. I asked ville. I lecture on baseball. My stage It is only basehits of foreign make, then?" where you were born. You misjudged debut, a few years ago, was the result those manufactured by opposing play- pitchers don't cheer when he faces "Strike one! Come across with your "Third base. I had gotten away with that one." of a bet. The manager of a stock com- ers, that arouse his ire. He makes no them under such conditions. No less age!" it at Helena and Portland with room "I got it with one hand," insisted pany was shy an actor when he secret of the fact that he dislikes an authority than "Christy" Mathew- "That was a mile away from the to spare, so I handed Frank Selee then "I was born in wanted to put on 'Brown of Harvard.' them, and even has been known to go son, master workman of the whole plate," protested Tinker. Tinker. Muskado." manager of the Cubs, my favorite I told him I'd play the part, and he way discourage them. tribe of twirlers, has given it as his "Strike tuh!" third hase solo. 'I'm glad to hear it,' out of his to Product of Kansas City bet me I couldn't. I took the bet. I "Joe" Tinker other hand, he is particularly personal opinion that Tinker at the "I see you're determined to make "Is that an insect or a regular stop- he said. 'Go out there and play short On the had ono speech twenty-seven lines those which bear the Tinker bat with men on base is his idea of no me bat at it, but I hate that underhand ping place?" today. I've been there eleven years." land, Ore., with Mrs. Tinker and my fond of long and, believe me, I did a lot of label, spends a large share of his situation to make merry over. In addi- delivery. I'm in my early thirties." "It's a regular stopping place in "Eleven years of continual war- two boys. I have a big fruit farm near and fumbling trying to master it. I was fr time in planting them in safe places. tion to being an expert gardener and "How early?" Missouri but I didn't stop there long. fare!" Portland. Along about December I fouling it off every chance I got. I Any league wood turner, Tinker has a topknot "Thirty-two." A few after I "This old Cub machine has surely have arranged to go on a shooting ? pitcher in the National minutes arrived I managed to get it over in good shape, this statement. They which he uses for something else be- "What's the objection to displaying learned the name of the place and I been on the firing line," said Tinker, trip. I do a lot of shooting in the will corroborate and then they starred me in a piece him as one of the most dan- sides a hatrack. the birthday certificate?" put up a frightful roar. I kicked and "and there's a lot of speed In It yet." winter." regard called 'A Home Run.' gerous men at large. "Come on, now Joe! Get in the "There's a lot of youngsters on the kicked, until at the age of three the "When was it at its best?" " "Where do you generally go?" game!" team and when they learn my age family moved in to Kansas City to "In 1908, In my opinion. That's the ' To Desert the Drama "To a little place in Illinois." said Pitcher Needs an Alibi "Give me one about shoulder high they'll expect me to take them on my pacify me. Kansas City is eighty miles year we won the pennant by one game.