2017 ABA Law Student Division Best Newspaper Award-Winner VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 8 November 2017 The Newspaper of the University of Virginia School of Law Since 1948 Volume 70, Number 10 It’s Better around north When She’s grounds An Auction for ANG Here: An can’t be- lieve ANG’s Interview saying this, but two thumbs up to SBA with Dean Altruism: PILA 2017 President Steven Glendon. Glendon finally made good Davies on his pledge to supply the Law School with Duck Do- Jenna Goldman ‘18 nuts, and saved a special one (she/her/hers) for ANG to boot! Out of grati- Editor-in-Chief tude for this sugary emolu- Lia-Michelle Keane ‘18 ment, ANG is shredding the (she/her/hers) forthcoming Law Weekly Features Editor investigation into Glendon’s corrupt finances and elector- August 26, 2017 was a al collusion with Darden. picturesque summer day. Dean Sarah Davies was out In light of the for a ride with friends, trot- Saudi Royal purge, ting with her horse, Clau- ANG would like to dia. A barn and rolling hills announce that, as served as the backdrop for a part of ANG’s corruption routine, leisurely ride before probe, Editor-in-Chief Jen- the bustle of the fall semes- na Goldman and Managing ter began. Editor Eric Hall have been Davies, who started rid- removed from power and ing at the age of nine, is an are currently confined in the accomplished equestrian. Omni Hotel. ANG has no fur- Beginning when she her ther comment at this time. horse a year and a half ago, she rode four to five times Thumbs up to per week. Earlier this sum- the UVa football mer, Davies and Claudia team for earning took home two blue ribbons bowl eligibility this in shows, and two days be- weekend. ANG is sorry ANG fore the accident she signed missed it; ANG was mak- up for another competition The Board of PILA enjoys the fruits of their labors. ing another valiant stab at in cross-country jumping. Photo courtesy of Jason Boyle the MPRE. Eighth time’s the “She is part draft horse so Gregory Ranzini ‘18 charm! she looks big and stocky, but (he/him/his) ever, there was an edge of des- nothing particularly wrong she is so light on her feet,” News Editor peration in Professor Geis’s with this year’s event. But Thumbs side- said Davies. voice as he hawked a week- there wasn’t anything par- ways to the end of The horses were graz- This year marks my third long beach-house rental with ticularly memorable about it, Daylight Savings. ing in a field adjacent to the (and final) opportunity to re- “An! Out! Door! Shower!” and either. I was probably not the Maybe that jerk of dressage and jumping arenas view the PILA Auction, and, came to realize just how few only who entertained a vague a bartender at Virg will stop when Davies signaled for her to be completely honest, I’m people were listening, even fantasy throughout that per- giving ANG shit for it being “a horse to lift her head up from tired of it—tired of writing among those who could hear haps it was still November little early for shots.” the grass. Then, out of no- about it, of course, but also over the din. 12, 2016—that I had forgotten where, her normally docile tired of the auction itself. All There were a few differenc- something in the coat-check Thumbs up to horse took off at a bucking indications were that those es from last year, of course. and returned to the venue to Shalane Flanagan gallop. Claudia took the bit in attendance this Saturday The Omni replaced its square find the bid-sheets erased, the becoming the first in her teeth so Davies had no shared my ennui. It was the flatbread pizzas with trian- chafing dishes refilled, and woman to win the control to stop her from tear- usual crowd. Gangly 1Ls wob- gular flatbread pizzas. (The the dried-up ballpoint pens NYC Marathon since 1977. ing across the field and leap- bled about on the dancefloor recipe, unfortunately, was replaced with other, equally ANG was going to run, but ing the barrier around the and made small-talk with unchanged, as was the man- dried-up ballpoint pens. I ex- still isn’t clear on how many dressage ring as she galloped their sections. Jaded 2Ls agement’s puzzling belief that pect that next year will prob- trips to MyLab make a mara- towards the nearby barn. hovered near the bid sheets, garage-door floodlights ad- ably see a return to the same thon. Is it 5K? How many Ks Luckily, Davies’s years of optimizing their strategy. At equately substitute for heat venue with a few incremental is it? Do they have donuts? training took over. She stood the appointed time, flush 3Ls lamps. Also: who puts out changes—a new, equally im- up in the stirrups and leaned took a break from cycling re- chicken satay without satay perceptible theme, at the very Thumbs down to over her horse like a jockey, peatedly through the bar line sauce? Barbarians, that’s least, and perhaps the return PILA being over. desperate to remain on the (“Do you know where the who.) Notwithstanding wor- of drinking tickets. It will ANG realizes that animal. ATM is? I need more cash for ries in the weeks leading up probably not see the return time to buy those fall “I remember thinking, if the bar—go to the one on that to this year’s auction that of 2015’s sullen, Kraftwerk- semester textbooks is quickly I let go, I will fall and I will end; she makes them strong there would not be sufficient cosplaying DJ, beer-slicked dwindling. die.” as fuck…”) to tender outra- items to hold a full silent auc- and perilously canted floor, or As the horse ran full speed geous sums for the usual live- tion, the tables were packed. mildly inebriated Uber driv- Thumbs up to toward the barn, Claudia auction junkets. The usual But it was absolutely the case ers—and that’s probably an Professor Garrett’s suddenly made a sharp left, polo-shirted rent-a-cops wan- that there were more dupli- improvement. See Gregory chair lecture on and the saddle slipped to the dered listlessly through the cate items in the silent auc- Ranzini, Sold: PILA Auction Friday. ANG pre- right, causing Davies to fall crowd, and the usual modi- tion this year, and less variety a Success, Raises Money for viewed it last week, and don’t to the ground. cum of two professors served generally— although there a Good Cause, Virginia Law worry, after revisions, it is “I don’t remember falling,” as auctioneers. was a tremendous variety of Weekly, Nov. 4, 2015, at 2 fewer than 100,000 slides! Davies said. “My friends fol- This year’s faculty repre- Robert F. Kennedy-themed (“Conscientious to a T, she lowed behind me, one of sentatives, Professors Jaffe tchotchkes, for whatever rea- had us confirm that our cho- Thumbs down to them called 911 while chas- and Geis, decked out in top son. Faced with a bank of sen drop-off point, the bus President Trump ing me at a full gallop.” Da- hats and glowing bow-ties, one-topping pizza vouchers stop at the foot of the law and Japanese Prime vies was unconscious for two did their level best to drum and a heavily-marked down school law, was ‘a safe spot to Minister Shinzo to three minutes before com- up enthusiasm for last year’s Derriere de Soie fitting par- walk from,’ because ‘you don’t Abe. ANG has long admired ing to. auction items, with mixed ty, priced to move because it look like fighters.’”). But the koi fish of Japan’s im- She spent the next week success: dessert with outgoing didn’t sell last year, a (male) there’s still probably some perial palace; Trump and in intensive care with a bro- President Sullivan and Pro- 3L commented to me, “I don’t room to innovate, at least so Abe’s reckless overfeeding of ken clavicle, scapula, seven fessor Laycock seems to have need another incentive to eat long as we don’t return to the these majestic aquatic beasts broken ribs on her right side lost much of its shine, but pizza, but I’d buy that lingerie Jefferson Theater. Wherever threatens to set back years of and a broken tibia plateau Pokémon Go with Professors shit, fuck.” Two very tiny gar- the auction is, however, the Japanese imperial fish man- (her knee) on her left side. In Schwartzman and Kendrick den gnomes seemed almost to Law Weekly will be there with agement. ANG hopes that all, she broke ten bones and has held its value far better accuse the indifferent masses the story next year. His Imperial Majesty Em- sustained a concussion and than the fad cellphone game who passed by their bid sheets --- peror Akihito will step in and temporary nerve damage to itself. For all that the evening without a second look. [email protected] right this wrong. DAVIES page 5 went according to plan, how- To be clear—there was 2 Spotlight VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 8 November 2017 LAW WEEKLY FEATURE: SPOTLIGHT The Law Weekly reached out to affinity group leaders to write for us in a feature we are calling “Spotlight.” Our goal is to give leaders a regular platform to start conversations about issues they are facing, to reflect on the events of August 11th and 12th, and to educate the UVa Law community about their diverse experiences so that we can become better allies to our fellow classmates.