Grief Support Services Welcome Packet Hello, On behalf of the Samaritans Grief Support Services team, we would like to offer our heartfelt condolences on the loss of your loved one. We wish that we could offer you words of comfort; however, we know that words are inadequate to ease your pain at this time. Bereavement from suicide has been described as “grief with the volume turned up.” Although each person grieves differently, unexpected deaths are often traumatic and it is common to have intrusive and painful thoughts and strong physical reactions. A loss to suicide can be emotionally devastating and trigger many intense feelings such as shock and disbelief. You may find yourself searching for answers to the questions “why” and “what if" which can leave you with feelings of guilt, anger, and self-blame. Our Grief Support Services program allows us to create ways for survivors to come together to feel accepted and understood. Our SafePlace support groups and home visits are facilitated by a team of trained volunteers and, like you, they are suicide loss survivors. They understand that you may be experiencing feelings of hopelessness that your grief and pain will ever subside and soften, or that you’ll ever feel joy again. Filled with compassion, empathy, and understanding, our volunteers help us to create the space for you and other loss survivors to share your stories, grief, and pain and to find hope and inspiration from others. We hope that you will request a virtual home visit, or attend one of our support groups when you feel ready. Please know that you are not alone. Kind regards, The Grief Support Services Team Index Samaritans Resources..................................................................................4 Additional Resources....................................................................................5 Advice and Guidance When Someone Close to you Dies by Suicide................6 10 Things to Help You Grieve......................................................10 For Survivors.............................................................................................12 The Importance of Self Care.........................................................14 How to Cope With Holidays..........................................................17 Readings and Poems I Resolve.......................................................................................................19 When Someone Takes His Own Life......................................21 Responsibility...........................................................................................24 Advice for Supporting a Survivor of Suicide Loss.................25 Recommended Readings.........................................................................27 Samaritans Resources Survivor to Survivor Visits Talking about such a tremendous loss can be overwhelming for some. If you’re not ready to attend a support group or if you need some extra time outside of SafePlace meetings, our volunteers are available to offer support. During Survivor to Survivor Visits, trained suicide loss survivor volunteers meet with bereaved individuals or families in their homes or another comfortable setting. During the pandemic, our trained volunteers are available to offer support via Zoom video calls or phone calls. Volunteers are available to listen, answer questions, and provide support and resources. To request a visit: https://samaritanshope.org/our-services/grief-support/ SafePlace Meetings Samaritans’ SafePlace meetings are open groups of caring people who have lost a loved one to suicide. SafePlace peer support groups for suicide loss survivors are facilitated by trained volunteers who have also lost a loved one to suicide. SafePlace is not a professional therapy group, but rather a peer support group providing a forum for exploring feelings often not understood by others. It offers a chance to share helpful resources, and to give and get support through the long process of grieving. Meetings are free, ongoing, and drop-in. Everyone is welcome to join our meetings at any time after their loss. For some people, it’s a few weeks or months, and for others, it may be many years before they are ready. Before joining, we suggest you reflect on the following questions: Am I ready to talk about my loss? Will I be able to share the airtime with others? Will I be comfortable listening to others talk about their losses? If the answer is no, or you aren’t sure, we suggest you start with a Survivor to Survivor visit, where trained suicide loss survivor volunteers will meet with you privately. You can find more information on that here. In light of recommendations for physical distancing, SafePlace meetings will be held virtually via Zoom until we’re able to resume meeting in person safely. Virtual meetings take place on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday evenings from 6:30 – 8:00 p.m. When it is safe to meet in person again, we will resume our SafePlace meetings throughout the Greater Boston and MetroWest area. To register for a meeting: https://samaritanshope.org/get-help/lost-someone-to- suicide/attend-virtual-safeplace-meeting/ Additional Resources American Foundation for Suicide Prevention www.afsp.org/find-support/ive-lost-someone The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is dedicated to saving lives and bringing hope to those affected by suicide. Their website has a support group directory. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself/loss-survivors National Toll-Free Helpline (24/7) - 800-273-8255 (TALK) Loss survivors can find resources to help them cope and read stories of other loss survivors. Alliance of Hope www.allianceofhope.org The Alliance of Hope provides healing support for people coping with the shock, excruciating grief, and complex emotions that accompany the loss of a loved one to suicide. Their online message board (forum. allianceofhope.org) operates like a 24/7 support group. CHILDREN CLINICAL SUPPORT Camp Kita – Rome, ME American Psychological Association (APA) www.campkita.com www.apa.org/helpcenter/coping-after-suicide Camp Kita is a summer bereavement camp APA is the leading organization representing open to children ages 8-17 who are suicide psychology loss survivors. in the US, with 118,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants and students members. Visit their The Children’s Room – Arlington, MA psychologist locator to learn how to choose a www.childrensroom.org psychologist. The Children’s Room creates safe, EMDR Institute supportive communities so that no child has www.emdr.com to grieve alone. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy treatment that was Jeff’s Place – Framingham, MA originally designed to alleviate the distress associated www.jeffsplacemetrowest.org with traumatic memories. The Institute offers training in Jeff’s Place offers comprehensive the EMDR methodology and provides a locator for bereavement support services ensuring that trained clinicians. all children and families experience a healthy grieving process in a supportive National Association of Social Workers Referral environment. Service www.therapymatcher.com Phone: 800-242-9794 Email: [email protected] The Dougy Center: The National Center for This free telephone referral service is user-friendly and Grieving Children & Families – Portland, OR confidential. Their network of licensed therapists www.dougy.org provides services to most Massachusetts areas. The Dougy Center provides a safe place for children, teens, young adults and their families who are grieving a death to share William James College INTERFACE Referral Service their experiences through peer support interface.williamjames.edu groups, education, and training. The INTERFACE Referral Service collects and categorizes resources related to mental health and wellness. 1 of 4 When Someone Close to You Dies by Suicide Losing a loved one to suicide is a uniquely painful and difficult experience. Suicide loss survivors, people who have lost a loved one to suicide, can be at risk for elevated rates of complicated grief. Surviving the suicide of a loved one is a life-changing ordeal that requires all of the resilience that a survivor can muster and all of the support that family and community can provide. In this handout, we hope to highlight some themes in the grief of suicide loss survivors, with the aim of helping you to understand your own complicated grief -- or to empower you to help support a friend, family member, colleague, or client who is grieving a suicide loss. What are some thoughts and feelings common to suicide loss survivors? With death by suicide, many grieving people have questions and complex emotions. Each of the emotions described below is a normal and understandable reaction to surviving death by suicide. Asking “why?” - Often, suicide loss survivors try desperately to understand how their loved one could have felt like suicide was the only option. This might look like replaying events leading up to the death and analyzing what could have been done or said differently to “save” their loved one. This question is often what most differentiates grief of a suicide death from other losses. Responsibility – At first, the suicide of a loved one may have come as a shock: they did not give any indication that they were thinking of taking their own life, they did not seem depressed, the signs did not seem to be there. However, looking back, some survivors may experience the “tyranny of hindsight” – feeling