•SI . VOLUME VI. WASHINGTON CITY, D. C., APRIL 2,1876. NUMBER 5. —A man by the name of Bell appeared before " Then be thankful that I did not bite it olT. Let A case occurred showing this, and not long since, upon the little balcony above the bay window, he THE CAPITAL, the War Department investigating committee gratitude fill your soul at my kingly forbearance. where a prime minister of one of the first govern- was yet more bothered to find a crowd of negroes PUBLISHED WEEKLY, last Friday, and told a tale which in many re- That is reward enough." ments of Europe put an affront on us he would not and boys with torches, who greeted him with rous-^. spects we would hesitate to believe from a wit- So says this Government in the shape of a wolf, have dared offer any other civilized power in the ing cheers. This was familiar music to his Demo- BY THE and so help us Moses that is the .only Government world. And did we resent the insult? Not at all. cratic ears, and forthwith he launched into a Demo- ness who followed an honest pursuit for a living. we have ever had. On the contrary, we accepted eagerly the situation cratic speech. For a few minutes his audience Capital Publishing Company, He is one of the American secret service bureau, And now, over the developments of extravagance, and bumped our admiring skulls upon the floor in listened in utter astonishment. Then, as with biting and this fact throws a cloud upon his testimony. theft and fraud in this very Government, the land is presence of the beautiful affront. sarcasm he attacked the corruptions of this Admin* 927 D street, Washington, D. 0. His evidence refers in part to Mr. A. C. Bradley, ringing with abuse of our town. It is the cooleBt Now Washington can be divided—not to be offen- istration, he was greeted with hisses. When he re- DONN PIATT and B. G. LOVEJOY Editors. a young lawyer of this city, whose life has been impudence we ever encountered. Why, the citizens sive—as railroad men divide their stock, into Wash- ferred to bayonet rule and the bloody rascality of spent here, whose early manhood has been de- of Washington have not been extravagant. They ington proper and Washington preferred. The first carpet-baggers fearful groans broke oat. But when TERMS: $2.50 per year (including postage) in cannot ¡Afford to be. They never stole anything. is made up of our dearly-beloved old town in all its bespoke of the disgusting spectacle of brutal negroes advance. voted to stricly professional pursuits, and whose They never had the opportunity, and never will have. culture, christian virtue and sober stability; the last being returned to the House and Senate, the most CLUBS : Ten copies to one address, $20 in ad- character for integrity is so universally recog- It is citizen Belknap of Keokuk, citizen Delano of frightful scene of cpnfusion followed. He heard" vance, with one copy free. Twenty copies to one of the floating political and social element that make nized that the statements and insinuations of himself denounced as a renegade and traitor, and in .address, $35 in advance, with one copy free. Mount Vernon, citizen Rotund of New Jersey, and so of our city a fashionable resort. The last has here- this witne^ cannot disturb the good opinion in on through the rogues' gallery of old oifenders. The tofore controlled. We suggest a change ot front. the midst a dead cat, gathered up from some ad- law-abiding, sober, civilized, church-going citizens of If the old, recognized families, the refined as well as joining alley, whistled through the air and hit him CONTENTS OF INSIDK. which he is held. Washington are as innocent as the late Ylce-Presideut moral people, choose, they can control the worse on his already damaged nose. Then followed old PAGE 2 —" Types of Character in Washington," We would like just here to add that this wit- Henry Wilson, who was so good that he closed his sen" element, and restore to us once more our good name. boots, and soon bats, brickbats, in a shower, hnr- by James Q,. Howard. ness, and the class to which he belongs, are an atorial eyes lest he see somebody steal something. They would find ere long-active cooperation from tied and rattled about his devoted law-making skull. PAGE 3.—-" Why We Laugh " and " Old Supersti- We were wont to'designate Congress as the national the better class of officials. The present condition A hasty retreat was in order. He retreated, and the tions." outgrowth of the Administration. It does not delegated ignorance, and now, from sad experience is as offensive to the Fishes, Bristows, Pierreponts crowd, after breaking his windows, relieved itself PAGE 6.—New York Letter. rest with the Republicans to point at the char- we call the whole Government the delegated Iniquity and others as it is to the better sort of our own people. of some fearful yells and dispersed. PAGE 7.—Chronicles of Congress, etc. acter of such witnesses, who, when they do tell the truth, expose the secrets of their former of the land. Its representatives hail from every part Let us begin this reform by recognizing the axiom Our friend sent for Doctor Garnett. of the country but the District of Columbia. If any employers. that an office-holder is not ex-officio a gentleman ; "Doctor," he asked, plaintively, Vis there any- EVENTS. rogues are found under Hallet Kilbourn's deeds of and if the moral tone is brought to bear here thing in this disease of mine that affects the brain ?" trust, we will wager a North Pacific bond that they as elsewhere, another season will experience a purer "Certainly not," responded the eminent M. D. —Mrs. William H. Osborne of New York, a are all aliens to us. —Your average congressman must have his atmosphere than we have been breathing during the "Why?" daughter of the late Jonathan Sturges, has pur- If, however, there were any truth in the abuse, in last ten years. " I seem to be in a dream—a horrible nightmare. joke; he is not a legislator if he is not a funny chased Cozzens' West Point Hotel, and pro- what are we worse than any other city of the United Our Colored Friend. I don't know what's the matter with me;" and he fellow. The following paragraph, taken from poses to dedicate it to the uses of convalescents States ? Wherein would we differ from New York, then narrated his day's adventures. The Doctor We came in possession, the other day, of rather a the Baltimore Sun's Washington correspond- Philadelphia, St. Louis or any other incorporated laughed till the tears came, and then, leading his from the New York hospital. Such a beautiful good story anent a new member of the House, that ence, suggests the graveyard scene in Hamlet, iniquity, that we should be selected for such lively patient to the mirror, said: and practical charity deserves that recognition will bear publication. assaults ? And the attacks come from the very where clowns, engaged in a serious occupation, which may enforce the good example on the at- He is a modest—no, not modest exactly, but a shy " My friend, I have unintentionally medicated you places that are so wicked that, considering the way indulge in much levity. The occasion was the sort of gentleman. It is astonishing how many into an American citizen of African descent." tention of those who squander their wealth in in which the Lord disposed of Sodom and Gomorrah, _ Wednesday's session of the Emma mine investi- perky members elect at home sink into this uncom- The poor M. C. has since been bleaching himself the vulgar display of modern society, and have we are impressed with the belief that Divine Provi- gating committee: fortable state after being sworn in. From being the back to his Anglo-Saxon complexion. dence Is not in these later days doing so much as he' little to show for their expenditures except first man of the village he sinks into the la»t at once did in that line of business. "The chairman said that as the proceedings had champagne headaches, terrapin-tortured diges- Home, and from one extreme he naturally swings been rather dry, he would asjc Mr. Schenck whether tions and a host of eating and drinking para- General Teoumseh Sherman. over to the otker. He finds himself lost in a crowd, LATEST BY TELEGRAPH. the drawing he handed to him was a true represen- The latest specimen of moral philosophy engaged and the eye of the Speaker—that blessed dispensa- tation of that distinguished gentleman, Albert sites for their friends. Important from the Rio Grande. in this abuse Is the above-named gentleman. He tion that lifts one from obscurity—is monopolized by •Grant? [Laughter] The drawing was a carica GALVESTON, April 1.—A special to the Galveston • —The avidity with which army officers, such made a speech not long since—of course, if he could a dozen men no better than himself. He feels News from Brownsville, Texas, dated the first, says ture. Mr. Hewitt remarked that perhaps Mr. as Custer and Hazen, are improving the oppor- not breathe through his chin-music, as bad little keenly his enforced obsfiurity, but accepts the situa- that night before last Mr. Sustendal, an American »Schenck conld not tell, as be had seen the original citizen, aged sixty years, was placed on the top of tunity to unload their memories of facts and boys call it, he would choke to death, this Epau- tion, in a shy, awkward sort of way that is quite the parapet wall in Matamocas.