BEYOND THE ‘COUGAR’ STEREOTYPE: WOMEN’S EXPERIENCES WITH AGE-HYPOGAMOUS INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS Milaine Alarie Department of Sociology McGill University February 2018 Submitted to the Department of Sociology in fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy at McGill University. Copyright © Milaine Alarie 2018 1 Table of Contents ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS .......................................................................................................................... 4 ABSTRACT .................................................................................................................................................. 7 RÉSUMÉ ...................................................................................................................................................... 9 INTRODUCTION ...................................................................................................................................... 12 Age-hypogamous intimate relationships: Prevalence and longevity ...................................................... 13 Who chooses younger men as intimate partners? ................................................................................... 17 ‘Cougars’ as deviants .............................................................................................................................. 20 The study ................................................................................................................................................. 27 CHAPTER 1 ― GENDER, AGE, AND HETEROSEXUAL PARTNER SELECTION .......................... 33 Explaining partner selection: Theoretical tools ...................................................................................... 33 The complexity of partner selection: Empirical evidence ....................................................................... 43 CHAPTER 2 ― METHODS ...................................................................................................................... 53 Research question ................................................................................................................................... 54 Sampling strategy.................................................................................................................................... 56 Recruitment ............................................................................................................................................. 61 Data collection and analysis .................................................................................................................... 67 CHAPTER 3 ― RELATIONSHIP FORMATION AND (THE MYTH OF) THE OLDER WOMAN CHASING YOUNGER MEN .................................................................................................................... 71 “I didn’t do anything; It just happened” .................................................................................................. 76 “They’re the ones chasing the cougar”: Younger men as pursuers......................................................... 79 “[For] women my age, like there’s nobody”: Feeling pushed towards younger men ............................. 84 “I don’t have the body of a 20-year-old”: The effect of ageist conceptions of women’s worth on women’s dating behavior ........................................................................................................................ 91 Resisting potential accusations of deviant behavior ............................................................................... 94 Conclusion .............................................................................................................................................. 99 CHAPTER 4 ― DESIRE AND PLEASURE: WOMEN’S SEXUALITY IN AGE-HYPOGAMOUS INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS ............................................................................................................... 104 ‘MILFs’ and ‘cougars’: Women feeling fetishized (or not) .................................................................. 111 “I have a pretty healthy libido!”: Women presenting themselves as highly desiring ........................... 117 “I know what I like in bed and I’m not afraid to say it”: Women being sexually assertive .................. 125 2 “They wanted to satisfy me before themselves”: Women wanting to reach maximal pleasure ........... 132 Conclusion ............................................................................................................................................ 139 CHAPTER 5 ― FLING OR FOREVER? WOMEN’S PERCEPTIONS OF THEIR AGE- HYPOGAMOUS INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS’ LONGEVITY POTENTIAL .................................. 144 Wanting to settle down (or not) ............................................................................................................ 147 Fertility, motherhood, and the question of children .............................................................................. 156 The specter of fading beauty ................................................................................................................. 165 Younger men’s (im)maturity ................................................................................................................ 170 Women’s fear of being stigmatized ...................................................................................................... 174 Men’s socioeconomic status ................................................................................................................. 179 Conclusion ............................................................................................................................................ 182 CONCLUSION ......................................................................................................................................... 187 Contributions......................................................................................................................................... 194 Limitations of this study ....................................................................................................................... 196 Future research ...................................................................................................................................... 200 APPENDIX A- RECRUITMENT FLYER ............................................................................................... 203 APPENDIX B ― SAMPLE SOCIODEMOGRAPHICS ......................................................................... 204 APPENDIX C ― CONSENT FORM ...................................................................................................... 217 APPENDIX D ― SOCIODEMOGRAPHIC QUESTIONNAIRE ........................................................... 219 APPENDIX E ― INTERVIEW GUIDE .................................................................................................. 222 APPENDIX F ― LIST OF RESOURCES ............................................................................................... 228 REFERENCES ......................................................................................................................................... 229 3 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS This thesis became a reality with the incredible help and support of many individuals. I would like to extend my sincerest thanks and appreciation to all of them. Foremost, I would like to thank the women who participated in this study for taking the time to share their experiences and insights. This thesis is dedicated to them. I would like to thank Elaine Weiner, my supervisor, for her support and critical feedback throughout the writing process. Her comments were tremendously insightful, and they undoubtedly allowed me to strengthen my analysis and finesse my writing. Her generosity with her time, especially in the final months leading to the submission of my dissertation, was instrumental in this achievement. I would also like to thank Jason Carmichael for his support and continuous encouragement. I am also grateful for his insight and assistance in the development of our quantitative research project on age-hypogamous intimate relationships. That study improved our knowledge about the prevalence of age-hypogamous intimate relationships among middle- aged women and of the sociodemographic characteristics of women who choose younger sex partners, which was very useful considering the themes addressed in this dissertation. I also wish to thank Professors Axel Van den Berg and Eran Shor for their support and insight on my work, and for their commitment towards graduate students more broadly. I also wish to extend my gratitude to Francine Descarries, Bonnie Fox and Céline LeBourdais for their highly useful comments on my thesis. I would also like to thank Rosemarie Sarno for her transcription work and Alexandra Janho for her editorial assistance. Several institutions were vital in supporting this research. I would like to thank the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada (SSHRC) for the Vanier Canada Graduate Scholarship I received. Furthermore, I am grateful to have received tremendous support from 4 McGill University throughout the years. Most notably, I am thankful for the encouragement and monetary support that came with the various awards I received while pursuing my doctoral degree at McGill, such as the Everett C. Hughes Research Award, the Institute for Health and Social Policy (IHSP) Graduate Award, the Graduate Student Teaching Award, and