It attac, it protec, but WEATHER, p. 2 THU: 20°F | 10°F most importantly... Cold and stormy it Tecc. FRI: -14°F | -31°F Colder bhetecc.com SAT: -459°F | -461°F Ni heim-like File 1, Attempt 56 ursday, May 17, 2018 GIRs to be replaced with Course reqs, e ective yesterday New curriculum will emphasize computational problem-solving By Hker Promoter tional inking Requirements pre- SYSTEMS ANALYST sented the nal proposal for the new requirements at the faculty meeting. In a move that some called “long e goal of the requirements is to overdue,” the faculty voted over- provide students with a background whelmingly last Wednesday to re- in computational thinking, explained place all the GIRs with the Course EECS professor and committee chair requirements. All GIRs, comprising Anathema Chandrakakasasan. classes, will be replaced with the “We interviewed hundreds of ca- classes required for the Course reer fair companies and all of them - degree. expressed the same thing: they e change has been three years want students who can code,” said MOTHER EARTHBHE TECC in the making. A committee was Chandrakakasasan. Hackers put up a disco ball on the moon Friday to celebrate the One Sustainable World tent parties. Un- convened in the spring of to Furthermore, percent of ma- fortunately, the hack couldn’t be seen during the day, and it was quickly taken down by Facilities to regain study the skills students would need jors at MIT require programming the power needed for the parties to continue. in today’s job market. e Committee on Computa- Sellout, Page 2 MIT student startup New system to sort students into destroys economy dorms using machine learning Course s without HASS exposure Housing lottery no longer a thing, everything predetermined deemed a national security threat By Sorting Hat dents to report their feelings about All of Course and Course WHERE DOES IT KEEP ITS BRAIN pineapple on pizza on a scale of have been recruited into a man- By Luddite Joe e students’ application made one to ten. datory research and development RESIDENT COMPUTER SMASHER over trillion in the rst hours e MIT Housing o ce is plan- In an interview with Bhe Tecc, project with the committee of el- of operation, making it the most ning an upheaval of the current AlphaGo, the new director of hous- ders, in order to create a neural Last month, E-phishin-C, a pro table app in history. E-phishin- housing lottery. Students will ll ing for fall , said that Housing network to map behavior to best t startup run by MIT students, known C now controls the vast majority of out a survey and undergo / sur- has been using the acceptance dorm. for its popular stock trading app, the world’s funds, putting a con- veillance in order to provide the tubes as surveillance devices: a According to AlphaGo, If any Peter Pan, unveiled its newest prod- siderable amount towards Erik data that will be used to sort them committee of elders, annually student attempts to game the sys- uct, DeepCloud. In what experts are Demaine’s origami research and into freshman dorms. elected by AlphaGo, ‘watches’ what tem, they will be sent to live at calling an “ill-advised” and “un- building a new o ce that will be e new, mandatory dorm sur- the students do for the ve months Harvard. ethical” move, the DeepCloud used “more fun than Google’s.” vey will determine which dorm between acceptance and August e survey also collects data customers’ servers and personal “We have nothing against culture the student in question ts and uses that information and the on race, gender, sexual orienta- computers to exploit loopholes Google, but since they rejected our best with. For example, the rst data from the survey to nd the in the nancial codes of over applications for internships, we’ve question on the survey asked stu- best t dorms for students. ML, Page 3 countries, including the US, the UK, been on a mission to outdo them in and Russia. e process is largely every way,” said Rick-Tack. secretive, but in an interview, COO In the following days, E- John Rick-Tack said that it uses a phishin-C bought out Google, “specialized form of machine learn- Facebook, Microsoft, Apple, and MIT hopeful Junot Díaz accusations will bring ing” to “mine currency from banks D-Wave, among other major com- — much like Bitcoin.” panies. With newfound access to awareness to fact that it has a writing program “ ese students never took a the world’s personal information, ough MIT administrators was similarly moved. “ ese ac- be published in e New Yorker,” single one of their HASS classes the startup used machine learning have expressed deep sadness that cusations have made us take a essayist Mike Blom eld said in an seriously,” SHASS Dean Melissa to rank the population on attrac- one of the Institute’s premier lec- minute to re ect on the fact that interview with Bhe Tecc. “CMS is Gracefuls said in a statement to the tiveness. “We’re very excited to use turers, renowned author Junot such behavior can happen any- full of heavyweights like me, wait- press. “If they had, we wouldn’t be Díaz, has been accused by mul- where, even in a TOP TEN NA- ing to have our stories told.” in this situation right now.” Doom, Page 2 tiple of women of sexual harass- TIONALLY-RANKED WRITING Not everyone has been able ment, many are seeing it as an PROGRAM. You’re publishing to turn negatives into positives, opportunity to raise awareness that, right?” Reif wrote in an email however. Former tech CEO and about an important issue: the fact to Bhe Tecc. future commencement speaker that MIT actually has a writing In response to Díaz’s alleged Carly Fiorina voiced disgust with IN SHORT is planned on registration day. program. misconduct, MIT is launching a MIT’s actions, saying the school You have until p.m. May “It’s really a travesty that such nationwide campaign to increase seems to be taking advantage of to move out of this dimension. The Tech Shuttle will be replaced a respected individual could in recognition of and matriculations the situation. Remember to close the windows, by the Cat Bus starting next fall reality be so vile,” Joanna S. Mur- into its writing program. A lifelong advocate for women, turn o the lights, and pray for the ose with allergies are encour- dock, head of the Department of Authors in the CMS depart- Fiorina told Bhe Tecc, “MIT is tak- best. ere will be no summer aged to take the Hairless Cat Bus. Comparative Media Studies/Writ- ment expressed hope that the ac- ing these actions without thinking storage. ing, said in an interview with Bhe cusations, which made interna- of the women involved, speci cal- Bhe Tecc is looking for gossip Tecc. “Our only hope is that some tional headlines, will be a wake-up ly the women which its humani- There will be a soul-drive in La bloggers, free verse poets, and an- good will coming out of it, namely, call to people who have never giv- ties advocacy will inevitably turn Sala de Puerto Rico May . cient philosophers. people realizing that our writing en their literary accomplishments away from pro table careers as department exists.” the voice they deserve. “MeToo? minions at my software company.” Pre-registration has been can- Send news and tips to tbeaver@ MIT President Rafael L. Reif Yeah, like MeToo, I also want to Missy Riter celled. A Battle Royale for classes mit.edu. UNION OF UA AND THE NEXT VIRAL VIDEO SLEEP TOILETRY NOBEL SAGAS Opinion . .4 Lecturer recordings capture widespread It’s very important. GSC PRIZE CREATED Arts . .5 fame. ARTS, p. 22/7 PHOTO, p. 7 Efficiency calls for Hygiene is recog- Photo Spread . .7 reorganization and FREE FOOD GUIDE nized as an impor- Campus Life . .8 removal of officers. tant field of science. Science . .10 NEWS, p. 13 For when you need a snack. SCIENCE, p. 999 Fun Pages . 11 CAMPUS LIFE, p. 0 B T T , M , WEATHER 130°W 125°W 120°W 115°W 110°W 105°W 100°W 95°W 90°W 85°W 80°W 75°W 70°W 65°W 60°W Yikes 40°N By Panic Before the Storm And don’t think the New Eng- EEK land states will escape unscathed. Right after the tornado nishes We’re fucked. Phoenix is fucking over the Great Plains, it’s 35°N fucked. Santa Fe is fucked. Albu- coming for us binches. So, New querque is fucked. Amarillo is Haven is fucked. Torrington is fucked. Oklahoma City is fucked. fucked. Philadelphia is already Tulsa is especially fucked. Wichita fucked so how much damage is fucked. Lawrence is fucked. To- can this storm do, really? Albany peka is fucked. Dorothy is fucked is fucked. Saratoga Springs is 30°N and will not get home. Kansas fucked. New York City will be ne. City is fucked. St. Louis is fucked. Providence is fucked. Kennebunk Spring eld is fucked. Chicago is is fucked. Manchester is fucked. fucked. Urbana and Champaign Wow it’s really hard to think of are jointly fucked. Indianapolis city names. Somerville is fucked. 25°N is fucked. I have no fucking idea Brookline is fucked. Lexington what the fuck is going on in any and Concord will be even more of my fucking classes and so I am fucked than during the fucking fucked. e whole fucking state of American Revolution.