SONGS FOR WAITERS: A LYRICAL PLAY IN TWO ACTS Thesis Submitted to The College of Arts and Sciences of the UNIVERSITY OF DAYTON In Partial Fulfillment for the Requirements for The Degree of Master of Arts in English By Andrew Eberly Dayton, Ohio May, 2012 SONGS FOR WAITERS: A LYRICAL PLAY IN TWO ACTS Name: Eberly, Andrew M. APPROVED BY: ___________________ Albino Carillo, M.F.A. Faculty Advisor ____________________ John P. McCombe, Ph.D. Faculty Reader ____________________ Andrew Slade, Ph.D. Faculty Reader ii ABSTRACT SONGS FOR WAITERS: A LYRICAL PLAY IN TWO ACTS Name: Eberly, Andrew M. University of Dayton Advisor: Albino Carillo, M.F.A. Through the creative mediums of lyrical poetry, monologues, and traditional dramatic scenes, Songs for Waiters concerns an owner and two employees at an urban bar/restaurant. Through their work, their interactions with the public and each other, and reflecting on their own lives, the three men unpack contemporary debates on work, violence, and sexuality. The use of lyrical poetry introduces the possibility of these portions of the play being put to music in a performance setting, as the play is written to be workshopped and performed live in the future. iii TABLE OF CONTENTS ABSTRACT……………………………………………………………….…………..…iii ACT I…………………………………………………………………………...…………1 ACT II……………………………………………………………………………………35 iv ACT I The play begins with no actors onstage. The set consists of café tables upstage right and left and a bar upstage center. The décor is that of a classic bar with some history. The bar is George’s—known for good food. It’s independent, casual, eclectic, open late, and located on High Street in Columbus, Ohio. The lights are dim. The audience hears snippets of music on the empty set interrupted with the characters’ voiceovers complaining about the current song before promptly changing the music. The staff is having their normal battle over the music for the Saturday night shift at George’s. The audience overhears the three characters, as if the staff were in the kitchen, offstage. The tone should be comical, as though these guys are making fun of each other’s music, but making fun of each other in a familial way. *Note: All song titles can be updated by director/designers in order to make the music as contemporary as possible. Whatever the genre, these men love music and would know what is current. An American Roots song comes on (Wilco) Reg/voiceover: Oh hell no. Music skips to rap, something aggressive. (Lupe Fiasco) George/voiceover: It’s too early to be getting yelled at son. 1 Music skips to a Tin Pan Alley instrumental or a contemporary musical theatre song Trenton/voiceover: Oh c’mon George. Are you trying to scare the cool people from coming in tonight? Music skips to contemporary rock (Jack White) Reg/voiceover: Somebody needs to tell that bitch to stop screaming. Music and lights dim and the audience hears a couple more changes of music. Lights come back up and it’s now Saturday night at George’s. The tables are full and the audience consists of the guests who are waiting for available tables. REG appears… speaking to a specific table upstage…(perhaps each night a few audience members are seated onstage [company members, community personalities, fellow theatre artists from the community]). Reg has an old school Brooklyn baseball cap on, a “George’s” t-shirt and some sneakers. He has a quick tongue, a quick smile, and acts ridiculously confident, though he is somehow more endearing than obnoxious. REG: (to a table) Alright, so I got a veggie burger on wheat w/ provolone, no pickle, side of fries, another Brooklyn Brown, and a falafel, extra tahini, no tomato, sub small house for the fries, no tomato, light balsamic on the side. Iced Tea. No. Sorry. Yeah. Sure. No. Cool. (Faces audience) I wanted to be like, “I get it. You don’t like tomatoes, damn.” But I held my tongue. It’s gonna be a long Saturday and I’ve been practically living here this 2 week. I don’t need no extra shit. She looked like the type that could get fussy real quick, have you running for “extra side this” and “fresh lemon that.” A pretty little pain in the ass, know what I mean? Ya’ll, I’m begging. Take a moment when your waiter stops by. Add up all your little needy requests, then give me the list, and I’ll go hook you up. Anyway, “No tomato” over there will be just fine. Her man though…hoooo. Dark skin, nice little waist, looking all cute in his jacket. I wouldn’t kick him offa no futon, you understand? What? I hit on my customers all the time. I don’t give a fuck. It’s Columbus, baby, you never know. And I’ve got some stories, but that’s for another time. Pops keeps telling me he’s gonna pull me off of the floor and send me back to washing dishes, but that ain’t about to happen. People askin’ to sit in my section all the time. Everybody be comin’ to George’s. We keep it real, downtown. Shit. Anyways we on about a 25 minute wait, so make sure we got your name and we’ll do our best. You tell ‘em you want to be sat in Reg’s section. I’ll take care of you. (Eyes someone in the audience) I can definitely take care of you. (To the audience in general) What? You never know. (Music becomes audible … something folksy, downbeat, sensitive [Bon Iver]) Aw man turn that shit off. Damn. Ever since that lil’ bitch Jeremy starting workin’ lunches, he keeps slipping this shit into all the playlists. These fuckin’ bands of the month he always reading about on those stupid music blogs. Man by the time he plays it a couple of times, and somehow, miraculously, some other customer actually starts to like this shit… it’s gone, he doesn’t want to play it no more. It’s like, as soon as someone else knows about it, all the sudden it’s the worst track in the world because somebody 3 less cool had the nerve to like it too. Dude doesn’t even like music; he just like rents for a little while. I hate this shit: 10,000 strummy fuckin’ songs about people leavin’. People been leavin’ me my whole life and I just say “fuck ‘em.” They should let me make the playlists exclusively for dinner. Exclusively. Heads would be nodding. I promise you that. (Back to previous table with the couple) Man, we outta Brooklyn Brown. I guess you musta drank it all. (openly flirting) Just playin’. I’m sorry. Yeah. Yeah. No. Cool. (Looks at audience, mischievous smile). (To Audience) Where was I? Oh yeah. Man, I’m telling you I could set this place up track for track. Someday I’m a run this joint. As he says this last line Reg steps on a repeat pedal that is located conveniently under one of the tables. The line “Someday I’m a run this joint” repeats quietly on loop as there is a slow lighting change. “About to Change That” Reg will rap the first section a capella. There is a gradual transformation from Reg as a waiter fooling around, free-styling to a full-on rap star fantasy concert. I’m calling a recall on how we divide up the power You fat cat salaried, I’m fuckin’ paid by the hour Plus tips, but don’t trip, one day I’ll rule the nation And until then you’re flippin’ to my radio station W-REG, Reg serving up delicious Hot treats and rock beats, cat you can bring the Mrs. 4 The party goes my way, and the party’s got my tracks Ya’ll some big beats? I got my band in the back. GO! (Live band drops a big drum beat, and Reg is in full out fantasy performance) That’s right, band’s live, gonna keep things straight up B Hat like Chuck D, oh shit, wait up Step to Reg wrong way son, you get laid up Downtown C-Bus you served right, you paid up And I’m owning your headphones on a permanent basis Listen to my thesis, boy you just call me Oasis Now some might say, “Is this kid serious?” And some might say, “Oh no, he looks queer to us” And still some might say “his beats got me delirious” B, here comes the hook, rhyme skills furious Chorus Hook: Right now I’m fetching, making your night better Servin’ High Street, call me the town’s trend setter Right now you’re thinking, I get shoved around If the push comes, then I’ll back away and look down And I want ya’ll to make that mistake, go head, buy the ticket You ain’t seen me dominate yet; I’m about to kick it So call the news, call the mayor, and call your dad You ain’t seen strength but I’m about to change that I’m about to change that. 5 Verse Two: Stand up to me eye to eye, this ain’t a test I’m about to hit your mind, reach in your chest Thump, thump, thump, poundin’ goes below your belt Vegas, Blackjack, sit back I got your hand dealt Back to point, I’m on a fuckin’mission I’m a change this whole culture. Quiet knucklehead, listen. I work through and take my cues from Public Enemy Don’t care if you say, “Reg, he offended me.” P.E.