E L GAUCHO

V.0I. 48 - No. 96 Santa Barbara, California Monday, April 1,1968

Dean Follows Leary's Bag, Chancellor Returns-. Drops Out of Administration 36-Hour Abduction Acting upon reliable information, a GUANO delegation scurried over to Olympus Hall (better “ It was only for 36 hours, but it seemed like 36 days," known as the Administraton Bldg.) to visit the was the first trembling phrase out o f the mouth o f a very haggard latest convert to hippiedom, Dean Dropout, Chancellor Vernon I. Cheadle when interviewed about his recent formerly known as Dean of Men Robert Evans. abduction from his posh campus dwelling. Before he embarked on his hitchhiking journey Last Thursday evening, just after dark, an unspecified num­ to Big Sir, Dean Dropout agreed to give his last press conference. ber o f kidnappers “just walked in" to the University House and “ Like man, I can't stand being hassled by walked off with the head o f UCSB’s Administration. Fortunately, a bunch of rules and regulations made solely neither Mrs. Cheadle, nor their son Billy, was at home at the time to limit my creative talent,” Dropout philoso­ of the Chancellor’s snatching. phized. “ Like, if iVs my bag to do my thing sitting on the floor of the Admin Bldg., I don't want no turned-off pencil pusher trying to tell me where KIDNAPPERS KNOWN it's at. Dig? The identity o f the kidnappers was deduced by the ever- “ Like, man, is your mind expanded enough alert Cheadle, and he has reported that they are part o f a rock and to groove with me? Like, man, I know it's outa- roll group, Ronnie and His Rocking Regents. The motive was evi­ sight, but can you dig it?, I mean, like I just had to bust out and find myself. How can you really, dently to attempt to force Cheadle into agreeing to give the group REALLY know what it's all about sitting at a more money for a performance here on campus. desk from dawn to dusk? Do you know what I Last Week at the Associated Students Senate (A.S.S.) meet­ mean?” ing, Squat Earring, A.S.S. Social Committee Chairman made a re­ When asked about his future plans, Dropout quest for more money for the group, but was denied the increase. flew into a rage, shouting, “ Like, man, you don’t plan the future; it just happens. I ’m going to be where it's at and groove with it.” NO RANSOM PAID Though his sudden action may come as a sur­ Cheadle stated that there was no ransom paid for his re­ prise to the many students who have been caUed lease. Instead, it seemed that the abductors used a sort o f “re­ into. Dropout’s former office, his colleagues in verse ransom, which is the way you raise funds nowadays." They the Dean of Students Office were hardly moved by the turn of events. expected Cheadle to agree to a lower University budget, and, hence, Dean Margaret M. Get man, Dean of Student more money for them and their other projects. Residents, noted, “ Of course he's always been gin™» the issue o f money is a University-wide one, Cheadle one - - he just never admitted it. So it came as thought that he was somewhat o f a random choice as a victim, no surprise to me. Yeah, man, beneath it all he’s though there was some logic in the snatch— “Santa Barbara needs (Continued on p. 8, col. 1) DEAN DROPOUT the money more than most other campuses.” In describing his journey to what he believed was an old riverboat on the Sacramento River within sight o f the State House, Cheadle reported, “I was blindfolded and then flown, I think, up there.

Santa Barbara Greeks Capture TORTURED TOES i “ First they began very aimiably, but when I refused to co­ operate, they put torches to my toes and managed to scorch my sole. When that didn't work, they threw figures at me with such Brewers’ Beer-Drinking Award rapidity and velocity that my head has been hurting ever since. It got to be so bad that I envisioned horseshoes twisted into dollar signs." The UCSB Interfraternity Council “ These young men have contributed When asked about his seemingly miraculous escape, Cheadle greatly to the American economy, as was awarded the “ Guzzlers citheYear” denied any James Bondish stunt, admitting, “ I didn’t have to es­ I award by the National Brewers’ Associa­ well as strengthening the moral fiber of cape. When they found that they couldn't break me, they set me tion yesterday. this nation. Their parents should well The award is presented annually by be proud of these fine men. My heart free in the middle o f the new construction at the Santa Barbara the Association to the individual or group goes out to these upstanding Americans. Airport. As I staggered across the slough, my sole in agony, I which “ does the most to further the They have strengthened one of Ameri­ thought I was going through typical budget negotiations." glorious art of beer-drinking in ca’s greatest industries.” When he returned to the University House, Mrs. Cheadle 1 America.” In announcing the award, was overwhelmingly relieved. As the Chancellor put it, “Sure she Brewers’ Association President Homer Q. Potbelly declared, “ the UCSB Inter­ REP SPEECHLESS was glad to see me back——I’m a pretty good meal ticket.” fraternity Council has made immeasur- The Interfraterntiy Council Repre- 1 able strides for the «cause’ by consuming sentatve, accepting the award at the , an average of 5,530 cans ot beer each ceremonies, was speechless. In fact, he Stassen Joins Staff for the past year. was so overcome with emotion that he 1 “This establishes an all-time could hardly rise from his seat and he Harold Stassen, candidate for the Republican Presi­ record,” the President continued. tripped on his way to the podium. Im­ dential nomination and Richard Nixon’s sole opponent in “ Never in our history have we seen such pressed with the importance of the occa­ tomorrow’s Wisconson primary, has withdrawn from the sion, he was able only to hiccup to the a noble, gallant effort in the interest of race to accept a S10,000 a year job at UCSB as an acting i one of America's great national past- crowd of over a thousand gathered inthe , times. field behind Robertson Gym. assistant lecturer in Political Science. His special emphasis and two courses are campaign theory and practice and campaign ethics-do they exist? PAG E 2 ----E L GAUCHO---- MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1968 Health Center Wing Opens Today CAMPUS KIOSK In a surprise announcement ing for several nurses (though When informed of the charge late yesterday, our Student many of the diggers do seem that the construction had re ­ Health Service revealed that reticent to find Miss Prickum. vealed partially fossilized re­ Try-outs for Gplendid in the Campus Crusade for Christ "new facilities, including an in­ " I realize there was some mains of students sitting in a Grass'* w ill be held all night has volunteered to help Hillel tensive care unit, will become opposition to our building pro­ long abandoned waiting room, tonight on the grass behind present events portraying available to the campus today.** ject,” he continued, throwing Letumbleed thundered: " I don’t the Drama Building. Jewish national history this a rock at an approaching County care what condition you claim j|c * 4c 4c * week. A ll martyrs please comb Rounding a corner of the clas­ Health Department official, who they are in, they will not get Honey Bares will meet at the to 2201 Abrego at 6. It’ s a good sically built health annex, seemed agitated. "But I am con­ in for appointments ahead of Goleta International Airport to­ way to prepare for Easter. Health Director P. J. Letum- fident that once some of our schedule! night at 9 to greet the P.U. ***** bleed revealed new construc­ doctors agree to return, life "B esid es," he added, nudging Chest Club. Mountaineers are planning to tion cleverly concealed under w ill go on as normal.** a prone student covered with ♦ ♦ * * * climb Mount Everest this quar­ a large logenberry bush. "The At the moment, Letumbleed peculiar black and purple Skin Diving Club is holding ter. There will be a mandatory current lean-to is temporary of disclosed that several LaC u m - sores, "most of these fellows its first "skin** dive of the meeting tonight in the Hima­ course; windows, walls, and bre Junior High Science stu­ waiting for appointments only quarter on Wednesday at 2. No layas. All members are urged beds will be added as appro­ dents were filling in for the dis­ equipment is necessary. to get their passports in order priations come in. For the mo­ sident doctors. *Gort of an ex­ need bedrest and aspirin any­ ***** by applying for a Tlbetian visa. ment we believe the fresh air tended field trip, you might say. way. That’ s the trouble with 4r 4c 4c 4c 4e w ill invigorate many of our At the moment," he went on, kids these days — no guts. Scabbard and Blade will meet patients.** ‘ patient losses are quite low — Why, this fellow’s temperature tonight. The main activity for According to Letumbleed, the two or three a day — which couldn’t be a degree over 106 the evening will be bayonet blade idea for the addition was "spur is, in fact, better than some of degrees. sharpening. our regulars, who prefer snake 4c * 4t * * of the moment." Apparently, At that point the interview the south wall, which had col­ ra ttles." Motorcycle Club will meet lapsed several months ago due tonight for a rumble on Cha­ to the pressure of human flesh pala Street at midnight. ***** in adjacent rooms, was dragging the rest of the Health Center Photography Club is holding down with it. its first meeting of the quarter anytime. New female members "It was terrible,** admitted are needed. Must be over 21 the Director, "filling out those years of age and non-embar- appointment slips amoung all r as sab le. that rubble — we are still prob­

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3329-B State St. “ LORETO PLA Z A " 9B5-2516 was interneted by a bulldozer and several armed County HAND MADE SANDALS, any Health Service employees style, ten to fifteen dollars. shouting something about regu­ Equivalent to $20-25 store lations and building codés. How­ To: All members of the Class of 1969 and all Greeks bought. Wayne Carr. 6517 Del ever, before the intruders could returning next year. Playa. 968-1182. detain Letumbleed, he scam­ pered across the new open-air waiting room, shouting: " By the oath of the Athletic Com­ Subject: mission, you’ll never take FASHION met”

?•: In her new spring outfit \ TIME || ready for Easter or any t Portraits For The Yearbook, EL GAUCHO || other slightly formal affair \ | | is Lois Martin, a sopho- j Rich Zeiger || more speech therapy major The 1969 LA CUMBRE. Editor §! form erly from Whittier and j Published try* time maafc Monday Uvougn Friday eicept during holidays I * . by the || now from Claremont, Cali- : Publications Board of the Associated Students. I liversity Of California. Santa Barbara || fornla. Recently chosen as I You, the Class of 1969 and next year's Greek actives must Entered » second class mattar on November 20. 1961 ' i at Goleta California || the new rush chairman for j provide us with your portraits— the only major group of Printed by the Cemout Press at 323 Magnolia Colata. || her sorority, Sigma Kappa, j photos available before the whirlwind of activity that begins California 93017 || Lois is also active in Spurs j: next October. We are making it necessary that you immedi­ and UCSB’s American j Field Service group. Also \ ately arrange to have your portraits taken during the month among her many activities i; of April. GA LERI A DEL SOL are sophomore class coun- t f e e z i 516 SAN YSIDRO RD. If ell and Awards Committee, \ Stationed in the barbershop area of the old Student Union || Lois is seen here model- | the competent campus photographer is ready to serve you Montecito II lng a new jacket costume | March 31st through this month from 8 to 5, except for the noon hour, on Mon­ || by Carlette which sells for | April 27th day through Friday. His telephone number is 968-2716. All $27.95. The dress is fitted, f SANDALS BY SBICCA Paintings || with a round collar and a j: sittings must be scheduled, and half the pictures taken, by 910 EMBARCADERO MICHAEL STERN || round collar and a beige j: Friday, May 10. The most convenient times are available now. | j band near the middle of | SANDALS BY SBICCA GARY OBERBILLIG || the dress sets off the cream | If you want comprehensive coverage of all your activities 910 EMBARCADERO || colored top and the black I in the upcoming year, and if you want to receive the LA D E L NORTE Tuesday through Sunday 11-5 i: skirt. The jacket is also II beige with short sleeves | CUMBRE at the end of the academic year and not the follow­ ISLA VISTA Friday and Saturday evenings, ing fall, you must help the staff get a head start on its tre­ fi and is tied to the dress | OPEN TIL 7 P.M . 6- 10. || colorwlse by black buttons. | mendous job. ff This new fashion is of 93%| || rayon and 7% silk. Please, schedule your portraits now. Look to the future, and For Easter clothes or | do not let your part in it go unrecognized. Help the yearbook IS li VISTA’S ONLY SHOE REPAIR SHOP || new styles for Spring Dorf- | staff to secure your place in the 1969 LA CUMBRE. H mont*s has exactly what you | || are looking for. Drop by and | || we*ll be glad to help you. | UNIVERSITY SHOE REPAIR Sharon Hann-Campus Representative Complete Shoe Repairing, Shoes dyed any color, Sandals, sneakers, and complete shoe accessories Sincerely, KAREN GERNHARDT Store hours: 10-5:30 1968 Assistant Editor 6575 SEVILLE ROAD Friday 12-9 NEXT TO CAMPUS FLORIST MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1968-— EL GAUCHO----PAG E 3 SEPARATIONS, DIVORCES, RECONCILIATIONS Governor Ronald Reagan announced his divorce The Blessed Trinity o f Lyndon Johnson, Charles have decided to make like beams and split. ***** from reality. DeGaulle, and Rick Berman announced that they will ***** go their separate ways in search o f the golden fleece. E. George Obem has decided that he must di­ Bobbie Kennedy announced his separation from They split up because they all claimed to be the Holy vorce himself from the University because EL G U A N O Eugene McCarthy recently. The two, however, hope to Ghost. has given him so much gas about running his articles. ***** ***** reconcile their differences soon. The State Vice Squad is investigating. Ho Chi Minh and General Ky have announced ***** Ethel, in an exclusive EL G U A N O interview, their reconciliation. Joining their forces together, they The University o f California today announced disclosed her divorce from THE PILL- ***** plan to infiltrate Los Angeles with the eventual hope of its trial separation from quality. Within the next two taking it over. They feel Los Angeles living is the ideal years it is hoped that the two will once again reunite. ***** Associated Press and United Press International way o f life.

"I have known people to stop and buy an apple on the corner and then walk away as if they had solved the whole unemployment problem.’ -Heywood Broun

But apples were not jobs. women—many forced to sell apples to sewn into women's and children’s A system of insurance against earn a few pennies—unemployment apparel. It is a symbol of progess made unemployment was required. insurance provided a welcome ray and more to come. So, just thirty years ago, of hope. Look for it when you shop. unemployment insurance started The 450,000 members of the in this country. International Ladies’ Garment Workers’ If you’d like some interesting (and Unemployment insurance—which we Union today are dedicated to work for brief) reading plus many fascinating accept as routine today—marked the decent wages, improved working historic pictures, send for our 64 page start of a far-flung system of social conditions and greater social security for publication entitled “Signature of security that helped bring recovery to ourselves, our families and the people 450,000.” the nation. of our communities. GPO, Box 1491, N.Y., N.Y. 10001, For millions of jobless men and Our signature is the union label, DEPT. CA-4. PAG E 4 ----E L GAUCHO---- MjONDAY, APRIL 1, 1 968 IDIOTORIAL Guano Raps Out

With presidential primaries coming and going, and candidates coming and lar, or bring a pennant to Dodger Stadium? going almost as fast, if not faster, it is mandatory that the communications media For Paulsen’s stands on these vital issues are unapproachable . . . in fact, he not only keep the public completely informed o f the country’s political climate, but hasn’t approached them himself. also take a strong stand in support o f the candidate o f its choice. For who else, with such experience, is qualified to be leader o f our nation? To our knowledge, no newspaper has taken such a provacative, foresigh ted, In this dire time o f need, Paulsen, the leader o f that great social institution The farsighted, unadulterated, unbiased, regenerative, viable, moral, God-fearing position Fathers, is the only candidate who can promise to do all he has said he would. For yet. EL G U A N O , then, courageously, forthrighteously, provacatively, foresightedly, we all know fathers never lie. farsightedly, unadulteratedly, unbiasedly, regeneratively, viably, morally, God-fear- Paulsen is therefore the only declared candidate who has yet to make a false ingly, stands up to the world in support o f the next President o f the United States, promise; as everyone knows, what we need in government today is honesty and Patrick Paulsen. integrity. In his very own immortal words, our saviour has proclaimed, " I f nomin­ We realize he entered the fray a little late,, but with his groundswell of sup­ ated, I will not serve; if elected, I will not run.” Honesty and humility like this is hard port demonstrated every Sunday night, it is inaccurate to label him opportunistic. to come by nowadays. After all, opportunity knocks forever, as our candidate himself believes. It is for these reasons that we throw our entire support behind Pat Paulsen in Yet there is genuine political expediency behind our endorsement. Who can his bid for the Presidency. doubt that Pat Paulsen could not end the war, ease the urban crises, stabalize the dol­ Junior Idiotorial Bored

«KWWOOOWaeOOOOOOOWOOWSOOOOOOOWHOWOOOQWWMaOO e o o o o o o o c Advisement Mindless Robots Of Reception

Your extremely perceptible Must Be Stopped! miscue in the course of the concatenation of argumentation in the analytical abilities of a member of your task force has By MOCK LIFTOFF obliterated any Intentional in­ Idiotorial Dirigible herent desirability in the per­ usal of your daily pi4>lication Our spacious program has recently suffered a serious set­ on my part. back with the announcement by Gen. William Lostmoreland o f the In consequence of which one infiltration into the valley o f Ngo-Li-Tah o f large numbers o f me­ peruser of the quotidian con­ chanical, godless robots under the direct control o f foreign influ­ glomeration of events and oc- curranees on the planet earth ence. and the analysis of the psycho­ “ Such contumacious resistance to the glorious continua­ logical capabilites of certain tion o f our nobility o f outer-directed achievements cannot be per­ of the inhabitants thereof, is mitted to advance itself unmercifully and inevitably,” commented considering a possible alter­ the General. native towards the continuance of same. "Immediate steps must, shall, and will be advanced in order Please be advised of the re­ that the protection o f all concerned will, is, or does not suffer, or ception of above message. lack,” he continued. CYRUS ENTIFFIC, Allow us tç consider the ramifications and consequences o f A^., MJS., Ph3., LL3., such a rash, and hasty and headlong rush into the brave unknown o f LLJ)., M.L.E., C.Q., R.F., AJ3., I.B.M., A.A.AJ3., P 3 J 3 . the wild blue waters o f the deep blue sea o f endless possibilities and bottomless pits that the General’s opinionated declaration opens up before our very own eyes. Retch’s Bud | Firstly o f all, it is inhuman. Secondly o f all, the naturalness o f everything is being forcibly subordinated to the unnaturalness of' the mechanical Tells A ll nature o f the godless robots. Hi, Retch! Thirdly o f all, people are increasingly being considered to How've you been? What have be secondary in nature to the controllers o f the robots from you been doing with yourself lately, as if I should know? foreign influence. Ha, ha. We must, can, and will therefore decide and make up our minds, with the acceptance and complete following o f our hearts, I bet you dont know either. At least, judging by the way in to obliterate and destroy and burn and kill and raze the infringe­ which your newspaper, EL ment and encroaching o f our own personal spaciousness and return GUANO, has been appearing to the open, free and wide vastness o f spaciousness pre-existent lately, it appears to seem that to the appearance o f the mechanical assistants which are perverting you don't know either what you the purposes o f their owners and regular people to their own ends are up to, be that as it is or may. and purposes. I only wish I had known about air in the community and you your new activities earlier so LITTER that I might have been able to know how bad air pollution is I want you to know that be­ help you off your feet in the getting these days, and the cause of your biased, inaccurate W ord From other direction. Meaning, of No M ore smoke gets in my eyes and I news stories ( and I use the course, that you're going down­ start to cough and sneeze and word loosely) and your hard- Pasadena hill now, ha, ha. wheeze (I’m not a youngster to-read type I am cancelling Letters! any more, you know) and I ray subscription. I refuse to Dere edirot: Ta, ta, old buzzard, THE MASKED PHANTOM just wish that all these hotbloods underwrite such blatant hypo­ Just thought I ’d drop you a Won't you please tell who­ would give each other and the crisy. line to let you know I'm in PJ3. Now I ’ll bet you’ll have ever is in charge of the letters rest of us older folks a chance complete agreement with your fun trying to remember who I to the Editor that I don't want to rest and let the air settle a Goodby! latest position on that burning am or if you never knew any­ to see any ~ more letters by little before it gets too bad. “ CLICK'' HANGUP question of the modern day, not body named the Masked Phan­ anybody on the editorial pages? Thank you ever so much. one of those emberical ques­ tom, trying to figure out who I The format is too much of a You're a fine young man, I know. tions of a former era. am. It's one of my most well- strain on my eyesight. N . SPRING CHICKEN, Age 105 There, is a great deal of merit known and interesting favorite It would be so nice if you Fam ily Way and worthwhileness in what you ploys. could give my tired old eyes say and i only wish that more of a rest once in a while and run your compadres and com­ Subscription Dear Editor: a blank page. That would be patriots in the journalism busi­ I must admit that past Serf’s Up! | such a pleasure to look at for ness and elsewhere had the management of our little cam­ a change. I'm not complaining Threatened courage to speak out the way pus daily has not been like a T o the Editor: about the rest of your rag, only you did in today’s paper. bright light in a smoke-filled Why don't you recognize us the letters page. Dear EL GUANO: as a real and viable force in room. But of recent, I DO Any time you need some help I ’ll tell you why, if you want YOU STINK! I hate yore bias­ today's national politics? We COMMEND YOU. It has been in clarifying your own creative to hear. And if you don't, I'll ed, prejudiced and partial ac­ have started to break into the a long time since I have en­ ideas about some subjects you tell you anyway. So you'll have count of the less-than-news- corridors of power of the big countered a nuisance paper of may not know about just let me to listen. It would be a great worthy happenings in your pre­ national parties, and as soon as such outstanding leadership, know and i'll do what i can to public service if you would do cinct. I mean, when you can't we can vote, we plan to unseat sterling and straightforward confuse the issue. as I ask every so often (mice even tell the difference between the powers that be and replace | edtorilizing, and extremely high I rilly injoy yur paper and a day) because I notice that all a murder and a robbery, it's them with Mickey Dora. reporting. It is a basket (like the good and many and lntres- you print are letters by letter- a pretty sad state of affairs. cherries) to be-hold. Keep up sing things you have to say w riters who answer other let­ And then you try to tell your Signed, the work. evry day. ter-writers and it gives me innocent unsuspecting readers SOME CLEAN-CUT KIDS (And We’ ve Been to College, such a headache to have to and electorate that there was Dedicated to you and yours, Sincerely, Too.) follow the bouncing ball from an election in your precinct THE SMITHELY TWINS EDNA WINTHROP one side of the page to the other. when it was really a free-for- Freshman, Creative Studies (A little old lady from Pasa­ P.S. Why not hold the elec­ Besides, it just stirs up the a ll that takes the cake. Senior, Underwater Geography dena.) tions at Malibu? MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1968 ----E L GAUCHO---- PAG E 5

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW FROM INSIDE RONNIE’S MIND

M O R E T R A S H GRANADA EL GUANO STAFF 1216 Stale St. ■ 965-6541 EL GUANO (Continued from p. 4) Retch Zigzag Editor EL GUANO is compiled Steve Bailbond Expectant Editor PETER USTINOV once each year (but is aft Dave Hy-ball — Office Boy Hot Honey DEAN JONES seen with a paper of a simi­ Nina Pimpsme Village Editor lar name, which, by the Jim Betinbed — — — — — — — — — — — — Idiotorial Dirigible H assles Ed SUZANNE PLESHETTE grace of the A JS^3. the Mock Liftoff — — — — — — — — — — — — Idiotorial Dirigible Dear Editor, honey: BLACKBEARD'S advertisers, and God Dave Kraut — — — — — — — — — — — — Booze Editor What’s the big idea of stand­ GHOST comes out every school Ann Shafted — — — — — — — — — — — — Parttime Helper ing me up last weekend, huh? year day — except dur­ AND John Retard — — — — — — — — — — — — Parttime Helper You said you was gonna pick me ing vacations, finals, and Ku Klux K a la n ------_ — — ------— -----Sprots Editor up at 8 and we’d paint the town B R IG H T Y O F dead week at which time Nancy Cutrate — — — — — — — — — — — Reproduction Editor blue, or red. And I even got everyone of our splendid Windy Free — — — — — — — — — — — — Reproduction Editor GRAND CANYON my roommate to go home for the personages attempts to Gary Handover — — — — — — — — — — Anyone's Editor weekend. You big louse. cram into 2 weeks what has Kathy Wallflower — — — — — — — — — — Moonlight Editor STATE been crammed into 10 But, honey, I’m gonna give you 1217 State St. • 962 7324 weeks from 17 weeks) at STUFF WRITERS BLACKMAILERS just one more chance. Billie the humble offices on the Wayne Rasputin John Walkin is leaving again this weekend, esteemed third floor of that Rick Rash Steve Rediculous so why don’t you come up and great edifice for modern Ann Horny Sam Conman see me sometime? SOON!!! I ’m ¡(GEORGE PEPPARD man, the UCen, in cubicle Alan Sledgehammer Steve Laughin only doing it cuz you’re such a 3125. And is printed by Gerry Nest Greg Nowhere sweetie. (RAYMOND BURR jovial Don the Printer and Sam Outhouse Roger the Lodger Signed your loving friend, " P . J." his merry elf band at Cam­ Lee Marigold TOMMIE AND pus Depressing. The whole Wreck a Winsome Conglomeration of warped Rick Raw iCHARLTON HESTON minds is registered daily HAWAI I Teresa Trainery SUMMER (MAXIMILLIAN SCHELL under the act which is the Richard Manpower APRIL FOOL’S DAY SPECIAL "COUNTERPOINT” pride and joy of the Goleta HOWARD TOURS Anthony Quinn, Gregory Peck postmaster, the Act of 20th year o f excellence. Earn 6 Omar Sharif March 3, 1879. And thusly University of Hawaii credits while in is registered as second enjoying a fabulous vacation with I RIVIERA 962 3477 § class matter (which is DISCLAIMER the original Hawaii study tour BEHOLD A PALE V. Near Santa Barbara Mission, ¡o giving it the benefit of the The material (such as it is) Price includes United Airlines HORSE |j opposite El Encanto Hotel §i in the editorial columns (such roundtrip from West Coast, resi­ doubt) by the same post­ dence, and a most extensive A drama of adventure, pursuit master in that self samed as they are) represent the schedule of parties, dinners, and courage in the snowy crags j NOMINEE BEST FOREIGN} hamlet (tabled 93017), all biases of the individual idiot. cruises, sightseeing, beach events, and passes o f th e Pyrenees. FILM of which was accomplished Editorials signed by the Junior cultural functions, etc. Apply: CAMPBELL HALL Idiotorial Bored represent a on that glorious date in Howard Tours, Inc.; 552 Grand 9:15 p.m. — 75i {«CLOSELY WATCH El history, November 20,1951 consensus of that board who Ave., Oakland, Calif. 94610. Tel, (which was also the date have been bludgeoned into sub­ (415) 834-2260. TRAINS that Joseph McCarthy was mission by the strongest AND caught with his fly down in member, who in all probability the Senate while revealing is getting a kickback. Also re ­ ROBBERY Communists in the State presented in the prejudices are Department). the wives and lovers of EG staff members (not necessarily in that order). Letters to the Edi­ i •pOY), CINEMA tor, crank threats; and 1 6050 Hollister five. • 967-5661 j creditors should be sent to the Gulley, which is where we’ll WINNER OF MOST be. %___ __—- — ^ GLOBE AWARDS A. S. CONCERTS P R E S E N T E D PRESENTS MONDAY NITE THE FUSION OF JAZZ ANNE BANCROFT AND POP DUSTIN HOFFMAN

"THE GARY THE BURTON * GRADUATE QUARTET” Mm urna TUfTK 900 UfBARCADIRO DB, NOKTB, 1 IU VUTA AND FAIRVIEW "THE QUINTET HITS WITH THE SHOCK OF ft f 251 North Fairview 967-4531 « SWITCHBLADE v « * “ DE SADE” 4 ACADEMY AWARD A P R IL 21 KHIFE! NOMINATIONS St r u m a n c a p o t e ' s ; IN COLD BLOOD

D k AND INCIDEN WATERHOLE NO. 3! VICTOR ARNOLD • ROBERT BANNARD • BEAU BRIDGES -RUBY DEE- ROBERT FIELDS -JACK GILFORD MIKE KEllIN- ED McMAHON • GARY MERRILL • DONNA MILLS-TONY MUSANTE - BROCK PETERS THELMA RITTER- MARTIN SHEEN-JAN STERLING - DIANA Van der VllS AIRPORT Drive-In SHOWN AT 6:30 & 10:00 Hollister and Fairview • 967-1210 AND RITA TUSHINGHAM IN DAVID MCCALLUM "A TASTE OF RONEY" 1 "SOL MADRID" AND 7 • 30 PM CAMPBELL HALL I RICHARD BURTON U6SB STUDENTS - $2.00 PUBLIC ------$ 3 . 0 0 nNOW o w THROUGH WED. ! ELIZABETH TAYLOR AT UCEN INFORMATION BOOTH OR SANTA BARBARA PREMIERE ! THE COMEDIANS BENETTS MUSIC, CO. s THE RECORD RACK KPHONE 90S IS111 PAG E 6 ----E L GAUCHO---- MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1968 ■ ...... * Stadium-Arena Simple Seating Seven "y V Mfllion Soon To Be Superimposed A large Stadium-Arena Simple (as opposed Music Building Annex, but due to bureaucratic to complex) is going to be constructed on the hangups, the Annex is not complete and classes UCSB campus by fall 1968; it was announced have been re-rescheduled for the KCSB Control today by Cactus Jack Curt, Athletic Director Room. and Head Squash Coach at Santa Barbara. The domed Stadium, to cost $179,999,900, will seat seven million, and together with the Arena, SIMPLY SCALED RATES which will seat 40,000, will cost $180,000,000. Built specifically to house the Gauchos* fan­ The money will be taken out of Incidental Fees, tastic football and basketball teams, which have which will rise slightly due to the fact that the roared to a near forty per cent win record in construction firm, McCloskey and Co., will be paid recent years, the Simple seats will be scaled in small unmarked bills before construction be­ at $8, $7.50, $7, and $6, with a special student gins. (McCloskey and Co. built the Spectrum, but rate of $25 per game. have changed their ways.) The Stadium has been built with a retractible dome to counter the ferocious UCSB rainstorms SIMPLE SITE which have canceled at least one basketball or The location of the glamourous Simple, which football game in the last ten years. However, w ill be called Large Stadium-Arena Simple in due to a labor dispute, the dome will not be in the great campus tradition of graceful names, use during baseball season, when rains are hea­ will be on the present site of the Administra­ viest. GAUCHO DOME ----- Artïst’s(?) conception of the new $179,999,900 tion Building and Campbell Hall. McCloskey has “ There will be ample parking,“ said - Curt, stadium-arena simple that w ill be constructed on the present site of promised that student life will not be disrupted “ withspace for 53 cars.*' The rest will be parked Campbell Hall. The football stadium will seat in upwards of seven mil­ when the destruction of Campbell Hall begins “ somewhere,” he stated. Also, there will be lion (straight upward), and the arena w ill house 40,000 more. The two are expected to be empty most of the time, as usual. Monday at one p.m. neither drinking fountains nor restrooms in the ----- drawing by Neece However, classes were rescheduled for the. tradition of great Southland Simples. Barkey To Miles and miles of just a few words and holding hands. Boss Bruins UCSB Basketball Coach Ralph Barkey, fresh off yet another fine season of Gauchoroundball, admitted last night at the SAE basketball banquet that he has signed a no-cut contract as head coach of the UCLA basketball squad. Departing Bruin Coach John Wooden, in attendance at the banquet, congratulated the un­ popular young mentor and wished him the same consistent success he has experienced at Santa Barbara. “ Coacher” Barkey, in ap­ praising the Bruin basketball situation, announced, '([realize that the loss of Neville Saner and Gene Sutherland will be our main problem, but I feel that Larry “ IM” Smith and Doug "Hunch” Franklin will more than take tg> this slack.“ Barkey w ill take these two stars, along with Assistant Coach ‘ (Smiling” Ray Bosch, with him to the Los Angeles campus.

Summer is following good vibrations...feeling happy...talking « All NEW 68 s about things that matter and things that don’t... running around * SERVICE with friends... using TWA’s 50/50 Club card to discover new places all over the US for only half fare... « PARTS Meeting people...the surfers at Malibu ...stomping and yelling 614 CHAPALA at the Monterey Pop Festival.. .and the Newport Folk Festival... dancing all night at the Salvation.. .drinking beer at the Dodger’s game... * USED CARS Folk singing Sundays in Washington Square... the artists and writers 716 CHAPALA at Big Sur...the big guys and the little guys... the people who agree with you and the people who don’t...just being together...all the people at TWA who want you to have a good summer... Find them... Find you. i V d A h t u / U i Summer is a finding-out time. Check your travel agent, C h e v r u & e t or your TWA Campus Rep: ' 1 the Jeff Jorgensen at 962-2700. 'DOWNTOWN DISCOUNTER' u p — w ith the •SHARPEST PENCILS •Service mark owned exclusively by Trans World Airlines, Inc. ON THE COAST’ L ~7 ~D A YS/ NU ESf j MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1968 ----E L GAUCHO---- P A G E 7 ROOS/ATKINS A.S.S. Students Senate Seeks United Nations Sovereignty endless struggle on behalf of In their normal, lightning of a famous-faced but untried new singer, Ronnie Reygunn. the ASSUCBS. He further re­ Sta-Prest fast, inimitable style (reminis­ quested that the lowest grade cent oí Art Hoppe’s Vthnng It seems Reygunn had delusions which could be given be de­ War), the Associated Students of grandeur in hoping that he lineated as a "B .” Senate (A.SJS.) last night una­ would be able to use the group After much debate, the nimously passed a resolution as a stepping stone to the pre­ sidency of the largest record­ amendments proposed by De­ requesting admittance to the pendent Rap Jan Musical to limit LeviTwill s United Nations as a sovereign ing company in the nation, Capi­ the new dispensation to elected country. tal Recordings. The additional AjS,S.es amd raise the mini­ According to Grog Stemass, funds were refused. mum to an " A - ” were passed AJ3.S. President and the author Sta-Prest is Levi’s copyrighted name for the with only Musical abstaining. of the resolution, it is designed U NITS FOR A.S.S.? to allow AJ3J3. to take stands on In what may have been the The final motion before the permanent pressed finish that keeps these vital international issues with­ most significant and incompas- chamber had to be tabled until out being chastised by various sing proposal ever to come to next week, since it concerned student groups who want to take the floor of the A.SJ3. cham­ an adjournment to the noted pants crisp and neat all day. Easy to wash, their own stand. ber, Rep-at-Lodge Jim Aither health resort, the Sight Line " If this thing goes over asked that all members of the which, it seems, was closed they can be worn without ironing. In Bronze right,” Stemass noted, AJ5J5. be granted unit credit two hours before the end of the session. " A ^ JS.es all over the country fo r their unstinting, tireless, or Khaki, sizes 30 to 36. 8 »SO might begin to take our lead as a logical ext Misión of the policy of non-non-intervention in international affairs.”

RONNIE AND THE BUDGET In another major move, Squat MISS Earring, AJ3J3. Social Chair­ man, requested a larger budget YOUR to bring his latest rock find, Ronnie and his Rocking Regents TURN? to play at the UCen in three weeks. Earring, when asked why he suddenly needed more money, stated that the group was be­ When road signs become a problem, take it as a coming much more tight-fisted signal. Something is going wrong with your vision. than when he had originally contacted them when they were Missing a road sign, of course, is just an annoy­ known as Clark and His Califor­ ance. Suppose it was a pedestrian that you had fail­ nians. ed to see? He intimated that it was solely due to the inclusion in the group Wise drivers take the missed road sign as a sure sign of trouble, they take their troubles to the eye physician -

EG Publications For all your eyeglass needs, see To Cease Friday The EL GAUCHO will cease publishing with this Friday’s cTasiiioh ©pticafi Co. issue, Editor Retch Zigzag an­ nounced today. NOW! 3 CONVENIENT LOCATIONS: "A variety of reasons are be­ 5370 Hollister Avenue hind the decision to close down 1511 State Street the newspaper,” Zigzag de­ 235 West Pueblo Street clared. Among them was the fact that Leg Council’ s appropria­ W e ars licensed by the State Board of Medical Examiners tion for the third quarter amounted to $0.13, that the en­ tire staff walked out yesterday, and that campus radicals stormed the office last week, carrying away typewriters and desks and setting fire to the re ­ mains of the office. W here will "It was a hard decision to face,” Zigzag mourned. "F o r some reason that I simply can’t understand, nobody seems to you be 5 years like EL GAUCHO.” The UCSB Administration contacted the Argo to see if they would like to replace the from today? GAUCHO as the official cam­ pus communication medium. Unreliable sources indicated that the Argo has replied to the You may have already decided that your future request, but declined to ela­ lies in the department store business. On the borate (xi the nature of the reply. other hand, you may have decided that retail­ ing is not for you. But, if you are still unde­

DRIVE cided, we would like to tell you about our OFFENSIVELY— business, its creative excitement, its rewards,

LET THE OTHER GUY its satisfactions. You may know stores only as WATCH OUT FOR YOU a customer and, possibly, do not appreciate FOR A CHANGE. the many opportunities they provide for young men and women. M acy’ s realize that many of tomorrow’s leaders in the department store BENW irrs business are now in college. Perhaps one of them may be y o u ...5 or 10 years from today.

Mr. G. Luther Weibel, Vice Presi­ dent for Personnel, and Mrs. Mar­ garet Tucker, Personnel Manager, will be in the Student & Alumni Placement Center on Monday, April 8, to discuss our Executive A r t and Development Program. It might be to your advantage to make Engineering an appointment for an interview. Supplies „ Student SANTA BARBARA: 819 STATE STREET 1305 PAGE 8--- EL GAUCHO----MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1968 Administration Building Dean Dropout: Love Kid? Slowly Sinking Asunder (Continued from p. 1) thought of shaving every morn­ a hippie? "On second The UCSB Administration has seeped through their floors a love generation kid.” ing. But the real clue was when thought,»* reconsidered Miss Building is sinking into the and into the foundation, creating Dropout’s able Assistant he bought that second-handcar. Goddard, "maybe he’s justtry- earth at the rate of three feet another slough directly under Dean of Men, Richard W. Jen­ It ’s one of those psychedelic ing to infiltrate Isla Vista. To a year, the Geology Depart­ the building. sen oportunistically c o m - red jobs. That was the cue that me, the real indication was when ment announced yesterday. "The Regents, notified of this mented, " I ’ve always thought he was on his *way up.’ ” I looked out of the Admin Bldg, Department Chairman Her­ finding, wanted to move the him chicken. I ’ve noticed many Most shocked of all was Dean and saw him singing

1. master chug* £ i

m ILÍ10ÍPUR MEN S SHOP 6551 TRIGO ROAD 9 6 8 - 4 8 1 0 5850 HOLLISTER AVE Recent returnees from the Dropout's Office Attire 9 6 7 -4 8 0 1 Western Association of Student T rivia Editors report that, upon receiving the award for first Beige-orange 6 mo male cat lost ANNOUNCEMENTS ■ 1 CAB WEEK little games tournament FOR R E N T------5 place waffling, Publications Ad­ dead week. Had blue collar-968-3894 Apr 1-5, sign up in UCen & Rec Off. reward. visor Joe Nonack attacked Miss TOWERS DANCE Sat. April 6-two F all and summer "Houseboat” Ocean, WASTE of 1968 as she handed bands: Sleepy Hollow-Silvers Blues Vote for Campus Hero, Heroine, & 6665 Del Playa Dr., Girls, 967-2811. him the trophy. Miss Waste, a Band. 8:30-12:30; Price 50?. Vlllian, Apr 1-5, In front of UCen. MOTORCYCLES------13 BEACH APTS. Now and Summer 6525 budding starlet, is recovering “ Man: The dory, Jest, & Riddle...” Win Panda bears, play blackjack & Del Playa 968-7097 6 pm or before TRIUMPH TIGER CUB needs some from severe shock and ex­ April 4 & 5 CH 8 pm GCF. roulette, Community Fair along the 10am. work firm 145 968-8534 between 5-7. posure. SAE bike path, April 5, 9 a.m. The 69er-April 5th 5-9 pm Old Bank Embarcadero Company now leasing of America-start. prizes. fo r Fall-Many attractive units still Build a Mile of Dimes - South Hall PERSONALS - 14 Path, April 1-5, CAB WEEK. available 968-3508. Come tothehome Stolen Schwinn 10 spbike; Men’s Var­ of satisfied customers. THE 69er-Trophles, Free Pizza Mer- sity Model; blue; REWARD 968-3480. Community Aid Board Week, Apr 1-7, chandls Awards-April 5th. mile of dimes, little games tourna­ FOR SA LE ------6 A p ril Fool’s Show-Behold a Pale ment, a chump, Community Fair, and The 69er-Flnd New Parking Spots- Horse with Peck, Quinn and Sharif. Awards Breakfast, Support CAB. Electric Guitar Cruclanelll (Vox)$150 Jr Class Car Rallye. Campbell Hall. o r best offer 968-0062. POETRY WANTED for anthology. In­ MARTINI—FLAKE OFF!! PS HAPPY Congratulations on your Charter clude stamped env. Idlewlld Press, For Sale: last year's winning push­ A P R IL FOOLS DAY-THE ARAB. AEPhi TEPhi Denver. 543 Frederick, San Francisco 94117. cart w/out wheels $30 call: 7-3084. Congratulations to K. Waite on her § I £ b - 9 ëèfè Pop & Jazz piano lessons, reasonable, CLASS OF WEEK APR IL 1-6. no Surfboard: 10> Roberts excellent cond. engagement to Russ Dember. ITwawS": Bob at 968-4326. Make offer. 968-7838. Save Your Money & Rent a Chump- APARTMENTS TO SHARE------2 Would you believe a lifetime of RE­ MARTIN ELECTRIC DUAL PICKUPS Buy 2 whole hours of labor-April 3, CORDS UNLIMITED at bargain black 350 w/case Jim 968-4473. UCen lawn, noon - who’s your favorite One girl needed to sublet GOOD (1) prices. chump. apt. on Del Playa 968-3069 or 8- 3409. 1968 Sony tape Deck $100. Heath 100 Congrats to Theta Delta Chi on going watt stereo app. $75; 9*6” Bing surf­ National — The Flea. Need 1 man for Beach apt, 6709 Del board $35 Ph. 8-8148: Playa 968-0083. Good pianist wanted to play with vio­ STUDY IN ISRAEL 9 *6” Bing Surfboard. Ideal for begin­ linist for enjoyment. 968-5284. 2 girls (UD) to share 4-man for fall ner $35 8-8148, qtr. Call 968-6648. Fontalnebleu is the closest residence Rowboat, $10 boat trailer $25; Sail­ hall to campus. Ideal location for any Tel Aviv University 2 girls (UD) to share 4-man for boat $40 962-7232 after 5. g irl. summer Call 968-6648. Surfboards Hawaii-10*5"-good condi­ A fully accredited and wide ranging opportunity for qualified GCF Fellowship mtg. F ri. 7 p.m., PLACE WANTED for entire summer. tion-make offer-968-0609. 336 E. Pedregosa, Transp. 968-5182 undergraduate and graduate American students interested in Call Kathy at 968-7246. o r 968-3294. Ampex "1000” taperecorder $150; exploring the various aspects of life in Israel while earning aca­ Need girl to sublease Skyview apt. plays both directions 968-9729. New $4 lighters with guarantees only demic credit. now 64/mo. 968-2877. 85?, 6647 El Coleglo, #323A. Braz. guitar, exc. cond., w/case, $85 SPECIAL INTENSIVE HEBREW PROGRAMS FOR AUTOS FOR SA LE ------3 or trade for surf board, 968-0234. Come & Rent a Chump, April 3 on the UCen Lawn, noon, Bring MONEY. FRESHMEN AND JUNIORS 64 Malibu Navy blue, clean, new tires, Bike Ideor Italian 10 sp., exc., $100, Ulpan: Begins July 1 through mid-October Vibrosonic, auto-PS $1050, 968-6533 Eplphone Jazz guitar $100, 966-1495 First Annual Community Fair is com­ ing, April 5 alapg the SAE path, play ONE YEAR PROGRAMS FOR FRESHMEN AND JUNIORS games, win prizes, 9 a.m. - sundown. 55 Cad. $25 or offer. 6688F Picasso FOUND- MOST UNDERGRADUATE AND GRADUATE or 968-2690 between 5 & 7 pm. Come to CAB Awards Breakfast April Abandoned about March 1-good man's STUDIES AVAILABLE 1966 VW Bus rebuilt eng. 2new tires; 7, UCen 11 a,m., reservations In Regular Academic Session: October through July bicycle w/o UCSB decal-Call 968- UCen. $150 or offer 963-7048 or 964-1866. 1310 and Identify. ALL FINAL EXAMS ARE IN ENGLISH CREEP IS LOOKING FOR PANTA- SCHOLARSHIPS ARE AVAILABLE 55 CHEVY 327 3-speed 365 bp. See to see; make an offer Jim 968-4473. GLEIZE. For further information fill out form below and mail to: HELP WANTED------8 American Friends of the Tel Aviv University PADDY MURPHY'S spirits are high 55 Pontiac $150 New brakes, exlnt. as he recovers from his operation. mtr. S-park, good transportation Call G irls 21 or Older. Good pay; waitress- 407 North Maple Drive He is receiving regular injections. Beverly Hills, California 90210 aft 6 pm 968-8649. door-bar maid. Apply HANGOUT Telephone: 272-5003 Monday or Tues. 1960 Ford Panel with cab-over SERVICES OFFERED------17 camper. Rebuit engine, over $1,000 l o s t ------11 Need a drummer? Call Bob at STUDY IN ISRAEL Invested $550. Ph. 8-8148. 968-1480, experienced. Help info, on orange M cat shaved Name______Phone 5 8 CB Bristol near new engine 2 new patch on side; lost 3-18 968-0285. Michelln tires runs good must sell The WILD MOUNTAIN THYME play, Home Address, 968-6594. good music, ask your Grossler or Lost-clipboard-Friday morn, campus call 968-4956, 6-7 p.m. '49 Buick. xlnt condition. Call Jim o r IV 968-0368. School______968-1492 $150, WANTED------21 Blue Swim Trunks, beach steps at Camino Pescadero Thurs. Reward. 1963 Chev Biscayne 2 door 6 auto; Skis 210c, boots 10m, poles, VW bus. Present Class 968-4096. exit cond $650 968-3389. call Bob, 5 a.m. - 9 a.m., 967-1246