The Reluctant Famulus 112

July/August 2016
Thomas D. Sadler, Editor/Publisher, etc.
305 Gill Branch Road, Owenton, KY 40359
Phone: 502-484-3766
E-mail: [email protected]

Contents

Introduction, Editor 3 Some more old Photos 7 Taken by A UFO, Frederick Moe 10 Among the Missing, Editor 12 Kentucky Palisades, Alfred D. Byrd 15 The Most Selfish, Eric Barraclough 20 The Crotchety Critic, Michaele Jordan 23 NAE Gayle Perry 26 Letters 31 A Planet 46 Artwork/Photos Steve Stiles Front cover, Back cover, 45 Anna Byrd 15, 16, 17,18
Teddy Harvia 47 Kynocks 33, 37, 41, 44 Spore 31, 35, 39, 43 Robert Kennedy 6, bottom right corner Internet 6, 7, 8, 9, 11, 12, 20, 22 The Reluctant Famulus is a product of Strange Dwarf Publications. Some of the comments expressed herein are solely those of the Editor/Publisher and do not necessarily reflect the thoughts of any sane, rational persons who know what they are doing and have carefully thought out beforehand what they wanted to say. Material not written or produced by the Editor/Publisher is is printed by permission of the various writers and artists and is copyright by them and remains their sole property and reverts to them after publication. TRF maybe obtained for The Usual but, in return for written material and artwork, postage costs, The Meaning of Life, and Editorial Whim.

2 The Reluctant Famulus Introduction: Drips from a leaky mind Or, I’ll never do that again.

In spite of what I wrote in the intro to I’m sure everyone noticed it: “y”. It was the previous issue I’m really not as bad supposed to be “by”. This in spite of off as it may have seemed. It was, among (supposedly) error catching as I type and other things, meant as a reminder to my- self not to become complacent and lax having later run a spell-check. Upon dis- and do the best I can. I was just doing covering that error I didn’t have the cour- what a lot of people do—indulging in a bit age to look for any more. There wouldn’t of exaggeration. be any sense to do so since the issue was Unfortunately it seems to have caused already on its way to my victims—er— a bit of confusion also. I apologize for readers. Well this gives everybody the that. I realize there’s a good chance I’ll fun of looking for however many dozens get all sorts of advice. But that doesn’t of typos I still missed. I can hardly wait mean I’ll take any of it. Heck, I could give to see how many and what typos were advice to people but I suspect none of missed in this issue. There’s no sense in them would take any of it, which is their crying over spilt (or spilled if you prefer) right. milk, as the old saying goes. Or maybe It would seem, too, that the bit about that should be spilt typos. a kick in the butt and the “ouch” were Now some more deranged or crackpot perhaps a bit too subtle an attempt at hu- random thoughts from someone who mor. might seem to be someone with too much A side note to Dave Rowe: Don’t take time on his hands. some of the preceding seriously. I’m I got to wondering if anyone has come grinning as I write this. From now on I’ll up with the possibility that one or more try to make it obvious that I’m only jok- highly advanced civilizations of intelli- ing gent beings whose technology is so far Another side note: So far, over all ahead of ours that they are able to moni- these years, no one has asked me to stop tor (watch) us from the very beginning sending TRF to them (although that our species appeared on Earth. In real could change at any time). Of course time, with no time lag. If so, long before upon receiving a copy someone may now they have probably decided 1. that throw it into the trash unread—or as a they and we have nothing in common or fire starter. Now that would be a worth- of any use for us, 2. We wouldn’t be any while purpose and use. good as food (or else are vegetarians) As usual, after mailing this issue I dis- and would probably give them gastroin- covered an error I missed and should testinal problems or nausea and dizzi- have caught. In the introduction one of ness, 3. We were too stupid or unreliable the words is missing a letter. The heck of to be slaves or they employ AI robots. 4. it is, the word is only two letters long. Been there, seen that, done that, there’s

3 nothing new to see. 5. That, as Douglas self to writing it out. Such as D. J. T. who Adams would say, we’re relatively harm- desires to be the leader of one of Earth’s less and no threat to them and they’re major nations. The shame! The horror! thankful we live so far away in the boon- I’d rather have the advanced extrater- docks as they may consider our little restrials stop by for a visit. spot in the universe. 6. That we wouldn’t Speaking of extraterrestrials . . . be good zoo specimens; they’ve seen our According to an article by Seth Shostak, Sen- kind before or they didn’t believe in such ior Astronomer, Seti Institute there was things as zoos. 7. That they have access something called “A Ping from the Cos- to a huge number of, habitable to them, mos” planets within a reasonable distance. He said, “It’s as if someone in a gal- On the other hand, it might slightly axy far, far away rang a loud bell.” He be possible they would offer to give us ac- wonders if it could it be a signal from cess to their technology such as FTL aliens trying to get in touch? Or is it starships with the proviso that we go off something hitherto unknown, but still in a different direction to some other completely natural? part of the universe and pester other civi- He notes that the ring came in the lizations. That might be their tactic of form of a fast radio burst (FRB), a phe- getting even with those other highly ad- nomenon that’s been causing astrono- vanced other civilizations, subtly having mers to scratch their scalps for nearly a us do their dirty work, knowing they’d decade. Finally, an international team of never have to keep an eye on us because researchers announced some significant we’re the gullible idiot children who progress in understanding FRBs. really can’t do that much harm. But then, Here’s a bit of background. In 2006, considering the unbelievably chaotic way Duncan Lorimer, an astronomer at West that one of the U. S. Presidential cam- Virginia University, was going through paign is going and especially one seem- reams of cosmic static that had been col- ingly deranged candidate in particular lected by the Parkes radio telescope, a and his deluded followers are acting at 210-foot diameter antenna located in least some small part of our species Australia. Unexpectedly, Lorimer found might be of more harm than those hypo- an intriguing signal that lasted for less thetical advanced aliens guessed. That is, than an eyeblink—it was a radio pulse. It if they’ve also been monitoring that seg- was quickly nicknamed a fast radio ment of our species. burst, for obvious reasons. No one had a On the third hand—if they happen to clue as to its cause. They wondered if it have one— maybe they’re watching us as was it really the radio signature of some- entertainment and shaking their heads— thing out there—maybe even a deliberate that’s assuming they have heads—at our, signal from intelligent beings. Or was it to them, crazy and irrational antics. Fur- merely an instrumental glitch? ther, they may be relieved and thankful It was a hard question to answer for they don’t live on a planet where persons something that seemed to be a cosmic such as . . . I can’t do it. I can’t lower my- one time sound. So how can anyone

4 study it if they no longer can see it? Subaru pointed to a suspect—an ellip- Since there was no good reply to that, tical galaxy 6 billion light-years away. astronomers looked for other FRBs—an According to astronomers Elliptical gal- intimidating task that’s somewhat akin axies are football-shaped, often massive to studying giant squids. Someone may stellar assemblages that frequently have claim to have seen one, but you won’t be giant black holes at their centers. The sure they actually exist until someone suspected source of the FRB isn’t in our spotted them again. And the next sight- corner of the cosmos. It’s three thousand ing could happen anywhere. times farther away than the Andromeda The search for more FRBs was dis- galaxy—the familiar cousin of the Milky couraging; months were spent searching Way which is a popular wallpaper on lap- through data looking for something that tops. might not even be there and real. Surpris- So now astronomers know from where ingly, additional bursts were found. They this particular FRB comes. But they still are, very brief, only milliseconds in don’t know for sure what produced it. length. Shostak notes “They are also mu- Considering the big picture, astronomers sical, for they rapidly run down the radio make two kinds of discoveries. In some, scale and similar to the sound you'd get they find something that’s been pre- from a slide whistle. That’s exactly the dicted to exist, such as planets in the type of behavior you’d expect from a ra- outer solar system or gravitational dio pulse that’s coming from far away, waves. In those cases, at least they know because hot interstellar gas between the what to look for, if not where. source and your radio telescope will In many other circumstances, as- slightly delay the lower frequencies of tronomers find something by accident— the signal.” something that no one had predicted. The question is, But how far is “far Things such as quasars, pulsars, or away”? No one knew. strange star systems like one called KIC Now they do. When an FRB was found 8462852. These things begin as head- in April of last year, the astronomy com- scratchers, and in every one of these ex- munity was quickly put on alert. Within amples, at least some folks have sug- hours of the burst, an array of six anten- gested that they’re proof of alien activity. nas known as the Australia Telescope (Such suggestions aren’t at all surpris- Compact Array was swung in its direc- ing. Some people are always looking for tion. With its ability to make highly de- extraterrestrials and seizing excuses tailed radio images of the sky, it pin- that support the likelihood of space pointed small areas that could include aliens.) the source of the burst. These areas were Shostak admits that’s intriguing, and then examined by the Subaru telescope frankly also possible. But he says what in Hawaii, which is an instrument with usually happens is that researchers turn an 8-meter diameter mirror that could up additional examples of these phenom- see light coming from the burst’s after- ena, and eventually clever theorists fig- glow. ure out what they are. And so far they’ve

5 all been due to nature, not little gray More thing on Mars : A piece of wood. guys. The discoveries aren’t always unambi- guous. Some early FRBs were actually traced to a microwave oven in the Parkes telescope used to warm up lunches for the astronomers. Still, there are almost 20 known cases of FRBs, and they are Next, Mars trees definitely cosmic, not culinary, in nature. Shostak notes, “hen you find so many ex- amples of a celestial phenomenon, you can pretty much rule out the possibility that they’re the result of a collaborative project by widely separated groups of aliens, all intent on whistling in the dark. Now that astronomers know more about FRBs— and that at least one of them is produced in a massive galaxy far, far away—astronomers might possibly Then, a determine their cause. Shostak con- A lake on Mars cludes with, “Whatever it is, it’s got to be something enormously energetic, and that usually stimulates astronomer’s Below: brains to imagine collisions between col- A giant crab, lapsed stars or black holes. Maybe so.” Courtesy of So keep listening for other pings. Bob Kennedy Who knows what might result from one?

6 Some old photos I doubt you’ve ever seen before

An elephant jumping from a monorail in 1950 in Wupertal Germany. The elephant, named Tuffi, lived another 40 years to brag about his escape. A pretty little thing, ain’t it?

Doesn’t everybody have their own hippo to ride?

Why wait until getting to jail to throw the criminal into a cell. It

Damned if I know how they did it. I just Work here. Definitely a creepy sight.

7 Mournful looking isn’t it? Dog tired.

A portable TV. Allegedly.

Well, maybe some of You older folks might have seen the one on the left. Did he really work that way? Or was it was Just a publicity stunt.

8 On the left, aliens in London. Just a couple of happy tourists.

Below is something called a cadborosaurus whatever that was. Ugly damned thing. (If it’s real.)

On the left. a photo of Abraham Lincoln’s Inauguration. Some- where in that crowd at the bottom was John Wilkes Booth. Lincoln is probably among those on the balcony with the flag

9 Taken By a UFO or Something Like It The Enigma of Jim Sullivan

by Frederick Moe

In 1969, thanks to the generosity of his fanfare & little acclaim. Again, his record wound friends, singer-songwriter Jim Sullivan went into up in thrift shops gathering dust. a recording studio with some of the more prolific By 1975, Jim was in debt, his marriage was session musicians of the era, members of The barely surviving, he had children to support and Wrecking Crew, including keyboard player Don had lost his appetite for the Californian music Randi, drummer Earl Palmer, and bass player scene. He decided to shift his career to Nashville, Jimmy Bond. He emerged a few days later with and would rely on the generosity of his wife Bar- an album of ten luminous songs that were com- bara’s relatives to help him resettle. Barbara de- pletely overlooked for three decades. cided to remain in LA, the city that she loved. Jim Jim Sullivan’s U.F.O was issued in infinitesi- set out to Nashville solo in his VW Bug with his mal quantities by Monnie Records in 1970 and acoustic guitar and about a hundred dollars in vanished almost immediately into the cut-out bins cash. His journey echoed his songs from years of Californian record shops. earlier. It was a record that was difficult to market – I have decided no hit singles, no Top 40 material, no commercial to part from you as company. potential. Jim’s lyrics evoked parched deserts, Everything I have is borrowed endless highways, melancholy ventures, and yes and you could give it all to me. – UFOs. A cursory listen to the LP might sink it I started thinking to the bottom of one’s collection – at first blush, about those voices in the crowd there seems to be little variety in the instrumenta- Words that started with a whisper. tion, arrangements or song stylings. However, It seems they’ve gotten all too loud. with repeated listening, Jim Sullivan’s nuanced world begins to emerge. Fifteen hours after he waved his goodbyes to Jim Sullivan had appeared briefly in the film his family, Jim was pulled over by the Santa Rosa Easy Rider, performed on the Jose Felicano New Mexico highway patrol. The circumstances show, and played in countless bars and clubs in surrounding that traffic stop are not well docu- the Los Angeles area. His second LP was re- mented, however Jim was brought to the Santa leased by the fledgling Playboy Records to much Rosa police station, determined to be sober, and directed to a local hotel room to get some rest. Allegedly he had been swerving on the road and was thought to have been drinking or perhaps ex- hausted from hours driving the desert roads. What is known is that Jim Sullivan did check into the local hotel, as evidenced by the hotel register. What followed after that is a perplexing mystery that endures to this day.

10 There’s a highway Bought me a ticket got a front row seat. telling me to go where I can. I’m checkin out the show Such a long way, with a glassy eye. I don’t even know where I am. Looking at the sun dancing through the sky. Such a long way …long long way. Did he come by UFO? Gonna sit right here where I am Jim’s poetic friends would prefer the latter. and it’s easier to stay here, UFOs and space were subjects that Jim would think I know my way here return to frequently late at night after a gig. I’m gonna lay here alright. Jim’s folk music seemed to mask deeper emo- Tomorrow I’m gonna hang my feet in a stream, tions, deeper loss. Listening to his records, one pretending my world is real, yours a dream. hears the voice of someone drawn by hope, Jim’s VW bug was found abandoned twenty- drawn by magic. Yet Jim’s voice is weary in the six miles outside of Santa Rosa. His guitar, wal- way that someone who has seen many sleepless let, clothing and copies of his Playboy LP were in nights is weary. the back seat. A local family supposedly found My sense is that Jim had every intention of him sitting near his car on the side of the road and making it to Nashville, scoring some paying gigs, questioned him about his presence. They alleg- settling in as a session musician or a songwriter, edly left him alive and well. selling the copies of his record that he had packed Jim Sullivan was never seen again. in the VW bug. Many musicians have survived Several months later, the decomposed corpse by busking; it is a time honored tradition. He was of a man was found several miles into the desert well equipped to eke out a reasonable living at from the road where Jim’s VW has been aban- the start of his new venture, and eventually might doned. Speculation was fierce that the remains of have very well for himself. He was an established Jim Sullivan had been found. However, due to the musician who had a better chance than most who man’s height (two inches taller) and various items aspire to Nashville fame. found near the corpse, authorities announced that Where is Jim Sullivan, how did he vanish, the body they found was not that of Jim Sullivan. and why? Somewhere in New Mexico, the high- However, they never did identify who they had way went on without him. found. Read what the signs say. The famous saying goes: we don’t know what Fallin rocks are on the road. we don’t know. Could there have been a reason The bridge is out you better drive slow. why the coroner would declare that the body of I guess there’s no place left to go. Jim Sullivan had not been found? Was there a all lyrics by Jim Sullivan. connection between local police and the local family (rumored to be connected with organized crime) who last saw Jim Sullivan alive? What were the specific interactions between Jim Sulli- van and the police? Was Jim depressed enough to walk out into the desert and eventually end his life? Did he run away from something or some- one at the side of the road? Was he disoriented by sun, heat and the monotony of driving? Or did something more cosmic occur? Shakin’ like a leaf on the desert heat, his daddy’s got a book that’s hard to beat

11

Among the Missing The Editor

A brief introduction. The case of Valentich is notorious for the People who have mysteriously disappeared in creepy recording that accompanies it. In 1978, National Parks, as recounted by Gene Stewart in Cessna 182L light aircraft pilot Frederick Valen- a Rat Stew Column may cause some people to tich reported a UFO while on his way to King rethink about touring any of those parks. As it Island, in Australia. He claimed the unidentified turns out, national parks aren’t the only places aircraft was flying about 1,000 feet above him. where people vanish, as Frederick Moe pointed Specifically, Frederick said, “That strange aircraft out in his columns in TRF 110 and 111. That be- is hovering on top of me again. It is hovering and ing so, I thought I would join in on the subject of it’s not an aircraft.” vanishing people. It turns out there are accounts Soon after, his aircraft began to malfunction of people mysteriously disappearing any time, and the plane disappeared from radar, never to be any place. Here are a few samples. Whether or found again. Despite recent “evidence” that not these incidents are real and actually occurred claims to debunk this case with the assertion that is left up to you readers. A certain amount of Frederick Valentich believed in UFOs, the final skepticism will be expected. I hope you find them 17 seconds of the flight recording contain metal- interesting at least. lic noises that analysts are unable able to explain. Frederick Valentich: It turns out that the Department of Transport’s “It’s Not An Aircraft” “Aircraft Accident Investigation Summary Re- The case of what became of Amelia Earhart port” contains a transcript of radio communica- is the most famous account of someone going tions between Valentich and the Melbourne missing. But there is another one perhaps much Flight Service Unit. more unsettling. In October 1978, Australian pilot This case became even weirder. According to and reputed UFO enthusiast Frederick Valentich a Royal Australian Air Force spokesman, about was flying his plane over Australia’s Bass Strait 10 reports of UFO sightings were also docu- when he radioed Melbourne’s Air Traffic Control mented during the same weekend of the disap- to report that an unidentified flying object was pearance, and a few years later, a man claimed to intermittently tracking him, stopping in mid-air, have discovered an artifact which contained a and vanishing. The last thing he was heard saying message from Fredrick Valentich. before his transmission was interrupted by white William Morgan noise is “It’s hovering, and it’s not an aircraft.” William Morgan, a resident of Batavia, NY, No trace of Valentich or his plane was ever learned the hard way that it’s not a very smart found. idea to aggravate Freemasons. Fourteen US presi-

12 dents have been members of this secretive frater- some of his female victims—had bragged to a nal order with its secret rituals and its rumored fellow soldier in the French Foreign Legion about great political power; two of whom were assassi- his prowess at the art of strangulation. Before po- nated. lice were able to capture him, “Hoffman” had dis- In the summer of 1826, after reportedly being appeared. In 1932, rumors spread in New York denied membership at a local Masonic temple, City that Kiss was working there as a janitor, but William Morgan announced his intention to the janitor vanished before police were able to write an exposé revealing the group’s occult prac- interview him. tices. Soon thereafter came a series of fires at the The Mysterious Cloud print shop where Morgan planned to produce the Three soldiers claimed to be witnesses to the book. In September of that year, he was abducted bizarre disappearance of an entire battalion in and never seen again. Ten local Masons were 1915. They finally came forward with the strange convicted of kidnapping charges in Morgan’s story 50 years after the infamous Gallipoli cam- case. John Quincy Adams, the US president at the paign of WWI. The three members of a New Zea- time of Morgan’s abduction, would later blame land field company said they watched from a the Masons for Morgan’s murder. The political clear vantage point as a battalion of the Royal fallout from Morgan’s disappearance led to the Norfolk Regiment marched up a hillside in Suvla formation of the Anti-Masonic Party, known as Bay, Turkey. The hill was shrouded in a low- the country’s “first ‘third’ party,” which ran can- lying cloud that the English soldiers marched didates for president in 1828 and 1832. straight into without hesitation. They never came Hungarian Serial Killer Béla Kiss (the sur- out. After the last of the battalion had entered the name is pronounced “Kish”) cloud, it slowly lifted off the hillside to join other An “amateur astrologer "and dabbler in the clouds in the sky. When the war was over, figur- occult, Kiss had already left his home and entered ing the battalion had been captured and held pris- the First World War as a soldier when authorities oner, the British government demanded that Tur- who searched his house for metal drums he’d key return them. The Turks insisted, however, claimed contained gasoline pried open the drums that it had neither captured not made contact with to discover the corpses of an estimated 24 these English soldiers. EN F women. The women all had puncture wounds on AMILY S SON Owen Parfitt their necks and had lost significant amounts of Parfitt was an ex-tailor who lived in the little blood. English town of Shepton Mallet, in the county of In 1916, when investigators traced Kiss to a Somerset. Parfitt was an invalid, aged about 70, recovery room in a Serbian hospital, Kiss placed who resided with his sister Susannah in a cottage the body of a dead soldier in his bed and made an on what was, for that day and age, a busy turn- escape before being captured. Four years later, a pike road. One balmy June evening in 1768, Par- man matching Kiss’s physical description and fitt was carried by his sister and another younger calling himself “Hoffman”—an alias Kiss had woman, Susannah Snook, downstairs and placed used in letters he’d written in attempts to woo in a chair by the door. He was left alone there,

13 with his coat across his chest, as his sister went closely in a horse-drawn cart. Worson ran easily upstairs and Snook went home. About fifteen for several miles, conversing along the way with minutes later, the sister heard, according to one his friends. Suddenly, when he was only a half witness account, “a noise” and quickly ran dozen yards from them, and with their eyes fixed downstairs. She discovered Parfitt’s chair was upon him, Worson appeared to stumble in the empty beneath the coat that was still lying there, middle of the road. He then fell forward and, as but he was nowhere in sight. A massive search he went down, gave out an awful cry of terror. He was conducted, but to no avail. Old Parfitt was then vanished completely. Burns and Wise well known around Shepton Mallet, and if some- searched frantically, but couldn't find a trace of their friend who appeared to have evaporated into how he’d miraculously managed to rise from a thin air right before their eyes. A subsequent ex- chair he supposedly was unable to rise unaided tensive search of the area yielded similar results, from, and make his way to the turnpike road, and Worson was never seen again. surely one of the 3000 inhabitants of the town According to various sources who keep track would have noticed him. Parfitt was never seen of such things mysterious unexplained disappear- again. Forty-six years later, a local attorney in ances occur frequently if not all the time. How Shepton Mallet, William Maskell, together with a many of those are real and verifiable is open to few other locals, conducted a re-investigation of speculation and the vanishings may have been the Parfitt disappearance. There were still direct intentional and premeditated by the vanished. witnesses living, but not much new information came to light. One witness still alive, Jehosaphat Stone, left an appropriately cryptic comment when he stated (after claiming Parfitt’s sister had found the chair in which her invalid brother had been sitting to have moved when she came rush- ing downstairs in the wake of a noise); “I knew Owen Parfitt well. He was a tailor. Many folk round here at the time believed that Owen Parfitt had been spirited off by supernatural means”.

James Burne Worson

Worson was a shoemaker who lived in War- wickshire, England. He was prone to bragging about his prowess as a long-distance runner, and on September 3, 1873, he was challenged by two friends, linen draper Barham Wise and photogra- pher Hamerson Burns, to run the 40 mile distance from Leamington to Coventry. Worson accepted and started jogging while his friends followed 14 KENTUCKY RIVER PALISADES

Alfred D. Byrd

Kentucky’s Bluegrass is At these plains’ heart, the strange: all seafloor, but no Kentucky has dug a canyon a sea. Geologists at the Uni- hundred miles long with walls versity of Kentucky here in of white limestone. Back in Lexington will tell you that the Appalachians’ sandstone the seafloor was laid down highlands, the Red River, a over 450,000,000 years ago, tributary of the Kentucky, has when a vast, shallow gulf of dug Red River Gorge, which ocean covered lands west of balanced rocks, rock houses, the Appalachians, which and arches have made a piece were higher than they are of southern Utah in the East- now (maybe higher than Ev- ern Woodlands. Someday, I erest is now?). Débris washed down from these, may tell you of Red River Gorge’s wild natural coupled with shells of sea creatures, made a deep beauty, maybe when I get up the gumption to bed indeed. hike the Red River’s trails. Sixty-one-year-old Depositing alternating layers of limestone knees… (sea creatures) and shale (Appalachians) went on Just now, let’s return to the Kentucky River to past the Ordovician into the Carboniferous, when see how its gorge came to be and what’s become the seabed began to rise above sea level. The sea- of it in human hands. The Kentucky River Pali- bed, rising highest in the Bluegrass along a mas- sades, the cliffs lining the gorge, formed in the sive vertical fault, formed what geologists have Quaternary as the Cincinnati Arch’s ongoing rise, named the Cincinnati Arch. Why they call a coupled with sea level’s fall during periods of structure mostly in Kentucky after a city in Ohio, widespread glaciation, induced the Kentucky I can’t say, but they do call it so, and we’re stuck River, which had formed meanders across the an- with the name. The Lexington Arch would’ve cestral Bluegrass, to entrench them deeply into been better… limestone. As the river flows from Boonesbor- In any case, since the Paleozoic ended, the ough in the southeast to Frankfort in the north- Cincinnati Arch has eroded until Carboniferous west, walls are in places 250 feet high. strata are gone. Deep beds of Ordovician lime- These embrace in a meandering crescent what stone now underlie soil rich in geographers call the Inner calcium, making strong bones Bluegrass, but geologists in racehorses. Also, since the call the Lexington Plains or Paleozoic, a river has run the Elkhorn Plains. (Elkhorn through a rolling plain formed Creek, draining much of the by the arch’s erosion—the Inner Bluegrass, flows into Kentucky River, which rises the Kentucky just north of in three branches in what’s Frankfort, above where the left of the Appalachians, and gorge ends.) These plains becomes one stream at the form horse country, a roll- eastern edge of what we now ing landscape of grass call the Bluegrass. growing on limestone-

15 enriched soil. The plains Commonwealth of Kentucky form a sharp contrast to the built locks and dams. Of Palisades, which have their these, Lock 4, at Frankfort, own ecology, poor for Lock 5, at Tyrone, Lock 6, at horses, but good for hawks Oregon, Lock 7, at Shaker and herons. Landing, Lock 8, at Camp Before Euro-Americans Nelson, Lock 9, at Valley reached the Bluegrass and View, and Lock 10, at replaced its prehistoric cane Boonesborough, flank and (bamboo) grasslands with define the gorge today. (The grasslands based on an in- locks’ numbers run against vader (Poa pratensis, com- the river’s flow.) The dams monly called Kentucky Bluegrass) accidentally drowned the fords and slew most of the commu- imported from Great Britain, the Palisades were nities beside them. Thus, a first cycle of ghost heavily forested, both on cliff tops and on ter- towns appeared in the gorge. races above the riverbed. Along the riverbanks From the 1830’s until shortly after the Civil grew a wealth of wetland plants supporting a rich War, locks and dams made the gorge a flourish- community of amphibians. Spring ephemeral ing waterway. Communities burgeoned around wildflowers unique to the gorge bloomed and still ferries and landings as steamboats plied the bloom there in riotous profusion. river’s tamed waters. Sternwheelers like those on The river itself rose and fell from season to the Ohio and the Mississippi carried passengers season, but supported fish favoring a swiftly upriver past Boonesborough, and the showboat flowing stream with ripples. Most important of all Princess entertained river dwellers at each land- of the river’s creatures as a source of food for Na- ing. With riverboats come gamblers, along with tive Americans were freshwater mussels. I hear cutpurses and pickpockets. The gorge was still that these were tasty and nutritious. Sadly, they wild, just not naturally so. Residents needed no vanished, along with much of the rest of the longer fear bears and bobcats, just fellow hu- gorge’s pristine ecology, when we Americans mans. The topmost of top predators was in reshaped the river for our own ends. charge . . . The first pioneers crossed the river at fords or Locks and dams made the river navigable, but on ferries and built communities at crossings. At not necessarily safe, for river traffic. Engineers first, during spring floods, loggers floated logs had designed the dams to be “low head,” almost from the Appalachian highlands down the Ken- flush with their impoundment pools, so dams are tucky. The logs were bound into rafts on which invisible from upstream until a vessel reaches loggers rode in hair-raising, sometimes fatal ex- them. Unwary pilots of boats, barges, and stern- peditions. (Around 1920, my maternal grandfa- wheelers sometimes ran them over dams with re- ther would drown, thrown from such a raft, in the sults fatal to crew and passengers. Even today, nearby Licking River.) Most the Kentucky River Author- of the logs went on to the ity warns boaters in the Ohio for use at Louisville, gorge of the dams’ dangers Memphis, and New Orleans, to them. but some stopped in the When railroads spread in the gorge. There, sawmills rose Bluegrass after the Civil to shape timber for nearby War, riverboats vanished. Lexington. Today, only Dixie Belle, tak- All changed in the gorge ing tourists from Shaker when, in the early 1800’s, to Landing on a cruise (I found make the river navigable for it scenic and relaxing) deep-draft shipping, the through Pool 7, recalls a lost

16 era. Along with river- The third railroad crosses boats there vanished the Kentucky at the gorge’s communities dependent heart near Shaker Landing. on them. Those who Here, engineers built High know the gorge can find Bridge, which needs no a second cycle of ghost qualifier before its name, towns crumbling among as this bridge was the first ever deepening stands of and the higher of the canti- second-growth timber. lever bridges built across As the gorge forms a the gorge in the 1800’s. wide crescent cutting the Before the war, engineers Inner Bluegrass metropo- had built massive pylons to lis of Lexington off from carry a suspension bridge the Outer Bluegrass over the gorge, but funds south and west of it, builders of railroads routed for this bridge dried up in an economic downturn, three of them through the gorge. At the gorge’s and the project didn’t survive the war. After- southern end, one railroad used to run across a wards, a new firm built the present bridge, once low bridge by Valley View Ferry. The bridge is the world’s highest and longest railroad bridge. gone now, but for its pylons, along with the rail- Once, High Bridge carried passenger trains over a road. Maybe, its rail bed will someday make a thousand feet across a nearly 250-foot-deep lovely hiking/biking trail. The Commonwealth of plunge. In time, the bridge’s deck grew from one Kentucky is making progress, albeit slow in these track to two tracks. Like much else in the gorge, days of ever-deepening budget cuts, on hiking/ High Bridge has become one of a kind. Even to- biking trails. They’ll run through lovely scenery day, it proudly carries freight trains, locomotive when they’re ready in some perhaps far future. whistles echoing eerily along the Palisades, in the At the gorge’s northern end, near the still ac- time-honored leap. tive community of Tyrone, a second railroad built As riverboats had fallen to railroads, railroads a cantilever bridge called Young’s High Bridge. made peace in the Twentieth Century with high- (“Young’s” sets it apart from another High ways. The earliest of these entered the gorge on Bridge in the gorge.) Sadly, this bridge is now winding tracks (often, in the olden days, contain- closed, and the railroad is dead but for a museum ing switchbacks) and crossed the river on low train taking tourists from Versailles past the Wild bridges or, in the case of Tates Creek Road, on Turkey Distillery to the bridgehead by Tyrone. the Valley View ferry. Most of the old bridges are Developers plan to make gone, but you can still go the bridge the heart of a from Lexington to Richmond recreational site (where over such a bridge on old US Wild Turkey will be 25, from Lexington to Som- served?). I hope that they erset on a low bridge carry- repair holes that gaped in ing old US 27, and from the bridge’s floor when I Lexington to Shaker Village walked across it with fel- on US 60 over the Brooklyn low graduate students back Bridge (could I interest you in the early 1980’s. Brown in buying it?), so named for water under my feet is bad the ghost town of Brooklyn for my vertigo. James nearby. Most of the traffic Stewart, I know how you that crosses the gorge nowa- feel. Still, the bridge is a days takes the high double dramatic venue. I hope that the recreational site bridges for Interstate 75, US 27, the Bluegrass succeeds. Parkway, and Interstate 64.

17 The Valley View viniculture. “Have a Blue- Ferry, run for the Com- grass merlot with your monwealth of Kentucky bourbon!” “Hic, don’t by the Valley View Ferry mind if I do.” Don’t com- Authority, carries up to plain to me if your head three vehicles at a time hurts come morning! In between Spears and Val- any case, back in the Eight- ley View on Tates Creek eenth Century, grapes Road. The ride on the withered on the vine. Still, ferry is relaxing, like that the community lives on, on Dixie Belle, but repurposed as a bed and shorter than the stern- breakfast for business re- wheeler’s voyage. From treats. the ferry, you can see the The gorge was also once a old railroad trestle’s pylons, which now hold atop site of mining and quarrying. Mines for calcite them small trees like potted plants. Is nature try- and fluorspar have been abandoned, perhaps ing to reclaim its own? someday to be repurposed as underground cities. Given my knowledge of the gorge, I couldn’t I did promise you readers of TRF one of those, keep from laughing when I watched the first epi- didn’t I? Near High Bridge, a vast underground sode of Justified, in which Deputy Marshal Ray- limestone quarry supplied stone for pavement, lan Givens investigates a crime scene on a bridge houses, and the Bluegrass’s world-famous stone carrying Tates Creek Road over a large stream. fences. Quarrying has ended, but the mine lives Sadly for the show, the sole large stream that the on, repurposed as a thriving underground storage road crosses is the Kentucky River, which the facility for RV’s, medical records, and the Uni- road crosses on a ferry. Fans of the show would versity of Kentucky’s overflow library holdings, no doubt tell me that I’m being picky, but details inter alia. Underground storage leaves Bluegrass at a crime scene matter, don’t they? At least, unspoiled by warehouses, one hopes. Sherlock Holmes tells us that they matter on Ele- Ever repurposing itself, humanity goes on in mentary. the gorge. Its pools yield drinking water for Just as High Bridge is the last active railroad nearby cities and water for distilleries like the bridge over the gorge, so is Valley View Ferry Wild Turkey distillery at Tyrone. Could it be why the last active ferry. Other ferries that once plied Tyrone lives on? In any case, if you taste Wild the Kentucky between the Palisades remain only Turkey, you taste Kentucky River water that’s as place names. Clay’s Ferry, where a highway flowed for nearly a hundred miles between cliffs bridge replaced the ferry, is still an active com- of Ordovician limestone. Of course, if you taste munity; other communities too much Wild Turkey, that rose around ferries are you’ll forget how the wa- ghost towns, if they haven’t ter tasted, but how much returned completely to for- you taste is up to you. est. Today, the gorge is also a Our last ghost town is a center for recreation. settlement founded by Swiss Landings, docks, and ma- immigrants in the gorge rinas let sportspersons southeast of Nicholasville for fish and boat in im- growing grapevines and poundment pools. The making wine. Sadly for the prehistoric community of Swiss, they were ahead of fish is gone, displaced by their time. Now, the Blue- locks and dams that grass is a growing center of turned the Kentucky into

18 a chain of deep, slow-moving reservoirs much Conservationists have better luck with plants like those that make up today’s Ohio River. The and land animals. Much of the central gorge be- Commonwealth has stocked the Kentucky’s im- tween the Civil War site of Camp Nelson (a fu- poundment pools with game fish like bass and ture article on which is in the works) and High muskellunge to lure boaters and fishers to the Bridge has been turned into wildlife refuges and gorge. Sadly, some boaters and fishers, perhaps nature preserves by a coalition of the Nature Con- numbed by bourbon born from the gorge’s wa- servancy, the Audubon Society, and the Jim ters, run afoul of the gorge’s low dams. Trails Beam Distillery (near Camp Nelson). The Lex- above and below the Palisades let hikers enjoy ington Fayette Urban Country Government mean- their beauty and wildlife. Sadly, some hikers mis- while runs Raven Run Nature Sanctuary near judge the transition from cliff to air. Even in the Clay’s Ferry. Some conserved land offers trails gorge’s paradise, life moves with death. and campsites for the hardy, but much land is off The automobile brought camping to the limits to all but conservationists. gorge. As not every campground has run in the These are fighting an uphill battle to preserve black, those who know where to look can (thanks and expand isolated pockets of the gorge’s forest to the Kentucky River Authority’s helpful map) ecology. The chief threat to this comes nowadays, find their ghosts in the gorge. Other campgrounds not from humans, but from invasive plants. The stay in business. In some, you can rough it in usual suspect, kudzu, is here, but the chief cul- your pup tent; in others, you can enjoy home’s prits are bush honeysuckle and winter creeper, comforts in your RV. Why should you have to which overgrow other plants just as efficiently as leave GPS and WiFi behind when you answer the kudzu does, and are better adapted to the gorge call of the wild? (Oops, has sarcasm shown its than it is. Conservationists have been fighting in- white fang?) For those seeking, not a week, but a vaders with bulldozers, herbicides, and fire. season, in the gorge, summer homes line the Slowly, the invaders fall back, letting native wild- river’s east bank in the shadow of the twin flowers, shrubs, and trees return. bridges carrying I-64 between the palisades south Limestone means caves. Many of them of Frankfort. formed in the gorge geological ages ago and Besides visitors, the gorge has permanent stand dry high above the river. The caves hold residents. Many live in houses along lanes that unique wildlife including rare cave bats endan- run steeply down the gorge’s walls and then gered by white-nose fungus, devastating bat along terraces above the riverbanks. Such houses populations throughout the Commonwealth. Con- tend to be rustic and sprawling, many of them servationists have acquired title to the caves and raised on stilts to survive floods. Others residents made them off limits to the public. Besides serv- live in splendor above the cliffs. In a bend of the ing as vectors of fungus, unauthorized visitors to river at the Palisades’ start, a gated community of caves during nesting season frighten mother bats modern mansions looks down on Clay’s Ferry’s into dropping their pups and may make whole bat blast from the past. populations flee. Not all want the gorge’s human population to We are to bats what vampires are to us. Will grow. Opposing those who develop the gorge are the conservationists’ efforts save the cave bats? those who seek to preserve what’s left of it, and We are to the gorge what glaciers and sea-level even restore it to its pre-American state. Sadly for changes once were. Will the parts of the gorge conservationists, they can’t restore stream fish being conserved return to their pre-European and mussels to the river as long as Central Ken- state? Will further socio-technical change spin a tuckians want water, and the world wants bour- third cycle of ghost towns and raise new settle- bon. Freshwater mussels will never return to the ments in the parts of the gorge that have been set- gorge while tourists take the Kentucky Bourbon tled? Will I finish my article on an underground Trail. (Google it; I’m not making it up. I’ve heard city in the gorge? “Time will tell,” the Doctor has that some of the distilleries give tourists free sam- said/says/will say. “It always does.” ples…)

19 The Most Selfish of All Virtues Eric Barraclough

The Lady in the Van, Alan Bennett calibur, it could never thereafter be released, rust- Profile Books Ltd / Faber & Faber Ltd ing so firmly into place that when the van came to 2015 be moved ten years later it had to hoisted over the First there was the rather odd reality, then it wall by the council crane.” was an article in London Review of Books. Then The van had be parked directly in front of it was a book. And a series of readings on BBC Bennett’s front door. Visitors would have to ma- Radio 4 which became a Book on Disc. It then neuver past the vehicle and sometimes endure a became a stage play and finally a film. surprise verbal attack from its occupant. One such The book is brief. About 100 pages, just 21 victim was Vincent Price. “For someone who lines to a page and 40 character to a line. If you brought terror to millions it was an unexpected want more “bang for your buck” purchase Four taste of his own medicine” wrote Bennett, letting Stories by Alan Bennett which includes The Lady an impish humor briefly gleam through his nor- in the Van and three other stories. Four Stories is mal Poe-faced delivery. labeled “Fiction,” The Lady in the Van (the book) The vehicle was the first of two. The second is labeled “A True Story” and the film is labeled was purchased by the largerss of a well-heeled “A Mostly True Story.” Read on and you'll see Catholic lady who lived on the Crescent. why. Both vans became crammed with old clothes, Alan Bennett first came to note with Jonathan half-eaten cake, unwashed bake bean cans and Miller, Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, when the used sanitary pads. The stench could be over- Oxford University revue Beyond the Fringe came whelming. The movie version doesn’t shy from to London and New York. Since then the team this which is a bold move as odor is usually an have appeared in twos and threes but they were anathema to movie-makers as the audience can'’ never to met again as a foursome. Meantime, smell it. Bennett has made a name for himself as play- In this fetid stench Miss Shepherd, a staunch wright/screen writer. His 2004 play, The History Catholic, would pray plaintively and loudly as Boys, won over eight awards. though she already was a soul tortured in hell The Lady in the Van concerns itself with a which in some ways she was. certain Miss Shepherd who in April 1970 lived in the equivalent of an Econoline which was to be found parked at various locations along Grosve- nor Crescent, London NW9. At that time, knowl- edgeable people would have referred to her as an inebriate woman which is a polite term for a bag lady. The van’s engine was clapped so the vehi- cle had to be pushed to whatever kerbside locality she desired. Homeowners on Grosvenor Crescent found this very undesirable and finally she was served with an obstruction order. Bennett offered her electricity and the sanctuary of parking her home in his front garden. The “garden” was a concrete level about 8 x 15 feet. Miss Shepherd stayed there until her death in April 1989. “Once the van was on site Miss S. applied the handbrake with such determination that, like Ex-

20 Bennett does not attempt to define what men- less than excellent. tal disorder caused her to live the way she did. It Maggie Smith already has a plethora of praise could have been schizophrenia. Most people call for her role as Violet Crawley (Dowager Countess up the ghost of Norman Bates when discussing of Grantham) in Downton Abbey but with 50 schizophrenia but that was acute schizophrenia movies and two Oscars under her belt she still (with murder thrown in). Basic schizophrenia is isn’t keen on film work because there’s only “one best described as an inability to deal with society shot” at getting it right. On the stage she can con- and the best examples are tramps and bag ladies. tinually explore and perfect the role which is He also doesn’t explain why he was so good to what she did with the stage version of The Lady Miss Shepherd. The book opens with William in the Van. Hazitt’s quote “Good nature, or what is often con- Surprisingly she is almost devoid of self- sidered as such, is the most selfish of all virtues: confidence although she will stick by her intui- it is nine times out of ten mere indolence of dis- tion when she needs too. Doing just that she got position.” That is Bennett’s self-absolution from up the snooty nose of Noel Coward once. A rather the crime of charity, at least with the intellectual dangerous nasal excursion as Coward kept a little set. The quote is also repeated in the movie and black book in which he listed all the people that later he adds “Charity is ****” which also ab- had upset him and would only cross-out each solves him with the non-intellectuals. name after exacting a humiliating revenge. One simple explanation could be that Bennett Alex Jennings has the unenviable task of not was from a working class background and was just imitating Alan Bennett but portraying him probably the only such home-owner in Grosvenor and Bennett is a “household figure” over here. He Crescent. As Sir Nicholas Winton has observed carries it off with humor and exactitude. “the poorer people are, the more generous people Actually he plays two Alan Bennetts. Alan are.” Not that Bennett is poor but he is from a Bennett the person and Alan Bennett the play- poorer background then those of his neighbors. wright. They are only distinguishable by a single An aside here: If you have never heard of Sir piece of clothing and their attitudes (Does that Nicholas Winton, Google him or get a copy of the piece of quasi-fantasy legitimize this review’s DVD documentary Nicky’s Family. Winton was a appearance in a SF fanzine?). One of the screen- stockbroker in the late 1930s who managed to play’s subtleties is that it originally cuts from one transport 669 endangered children out of Nazi- Bennett to the other, but as they resolve their ob- occupied Czechoslovakia and quietly put all that servations on Miss Shepherd and themselves they behind him when the war started. His work was start sharing the screen, then standing side by side rediscovered by accident in the late 1980s and like thin versions of Tweedledum and Tweedle- earned him his knighthood. dee, until in one brief moment they physically As for the movie version of The Lady in the interact. Blink and you’ll miss it. Van: It’s the third Bennett screenplay to be di- It should also be noted that the film has a for- rected by Nicholas Hytner. The other two were est of British character actors. Can an actor be an The History Boys and The Madness of King actor if he isn’t a character actor? A lot of movie George which was originally called The Madness stars are very handsome or very beautiful but of King George III but the backers feared that the most are pretty much one-trick ponies. As one viewing public would think they’d missed I & II. American critic declared “I prefer British drama How ignorant do movie-backers think the public presentations. People look like people.” They act are? like them too. The movie was released over here in Britain And if this film about such an outrageous in November and in the States in December in the character seems so very natural it is in part be- hopes of Oscar nominations (but it didn’t get dis- cause it was filmed where the reality happened. tributed until February). It didn’t receive one al- Bennett still owns his old house on Grosvenor though the screenplay certainly deserved it and Crescent so the location came cheap; however, Maggie Smith in the lead role was never anything the neighbors who remembered Miss Shepherd

21 became somewhat agitated when her van reap- and that’. She also shows me the text of a letter peared on the site after 25 years absence. Would she is proposing to send to the Argentinean Em- Miss S. also reappear from the dead? bassy on behalf of General Galtieri. ‘What he There isn’t enough room here to go over all doesn’t understand is that Mrs. Thatcher isn’t the her ventures and misgivings in the book but the Iron Lady. It’s me.'” big difference between the book and the film is “October 1987. I have been filming abroad. that the accident that caused Miss Shepard to be- ‘When you were in Yugoslavia,’ asks Miss S., come a vagrant is at the very start of the movie. ‘did you come across the Virgin Mary? ‘No.’ I There’s a collision in which a motorcyclist was say. ‘I don't think so.’ ‘Oh, well, she’s been ap- killed. In the book (the true story) the motorcy- clist ran into the side of her van. She had no pearing there every day for several years.’ It’s as blame at all but she left the scene of the accident if I’ve missed the major tourist attraction.” and that was illegal and she stayed “on the run” But there is a moral question here, and there is no ever since. In the movie pieces of the puzzle are continual uncovered. In the book Bennett knew easy answer. Both the book and movie are outra- next to nothing about her past until after she died. geous funny. Alan Bennett as his own fall guy There are other differences. In the movie Ben- invites you to laugh with him but it’s Miss Shep- nett quietly owns up to his own homosexuality herd who we laugh at. And that is mocking the but strangely enough not to his bi-sexuality. He afflicted. had a “long-term relationship” with his house- keeper, Anne Davies, until 2009 when unfortu- nately she died. She does not appear in the movie or book. So if you are not familiar with Alan Bennett’s writings, just how good is he? Here are three pas- sages taken entirely at random... “Miss S. seldom wore stockings, and alter- nated between black pumps and brown carpet slippers. Her hands and feet were large, and she was what my grandmother would have called ‘a big-boned woman’. She was middle class and spoke in a middle-class way, though her queru- lous and often resentful demeanor tended to ob- scure this; it wasn’t a gentle or a genteel voice. Running through her vocabulary was a streak of schoolgirl slang. She wouldn't say she was tired, she was ‘all done up’; petrol was ‘juice’; and if she wasn’t keen on doing something she’d say ‘I’m darned if I will’ All her conversation was impregnated with the vocabulary of her peculiar brand of Catholic fanaticism (‘the dire impor- tance of justice deeds’). It was the language of the leaflets she wrote, the ‘possibly’ with which she ended so many of her sentences an echo of the ‘Subject to the Roman Catholic Church in her rights etc.’ with which she headed every leaflet.” “April 1985. Miss S. has written to Mrs. Thatcher applying for a post in ‘the Ministry of Transport advisory, to do with drink and driving

22 The Crotchety Critic Michaele Jordan Nebula Nominees—Younger and Better

You may recall (since I was complain- mor. The resolution is satisfactory, and ing about it just last issue) that I was the ending unexpected. Even the names less than happy with the Nebula ballot. (I are charming, be they attached to major am even less pleased with the awards— figures like Ambrosius Goldenloin or really, really unhappy, in fact—but we’ll small support roles such as Coriander talk about that later.) Of six candidates Cadaverish. I read the whole thing in an for Best Novel, two were excellent, two hour, turned to my husband and said, were not even good, and the last two “Here, read this.” were—whatever your opinion of their Cuckoo Song by Frances Hardinge quality—sequels. (Amulet Books, NY, 2015) was also a The Nebula ballot did, however, offer strong candidate. It opens with a young some excellent candidates for the Andre girl called Triss (short for Theresa) wak- Norton (Best YA) award. (None of them ing. She’s in pain and she’s hearing won, unfortunately, but at least they strange things: laughter and someone were nominated.) I voted for Nimona by whispering, “Seven days.” She’s uncer- Noelle Stephenson (HarperTeen, NY, tain who or where she is, but she is afraid 2015). I admit I only picked up Nimona of the laughing. when I did because I wanted something I Everything around her is somehow could read in a hurry and it was a graphic out of focus, simultaneously familiar, novel. I didn’t expect to fall in love. I’m and completely strange. But her mother not a huge fan of graphic novels. They and father and a doctor are there, reas- are usually weak on dialogue, and I often suring her that she is safe, and well. find them sententious. Not so Nimona. She’s taken a nasty fall into the river, Nimona is set in semi-science fiction, and so been very ill, but she is better now. semi fantasy world. The Institution of The fog in her mind is natural, they tell Law Enforcement and Heroics is confi- her. She is not to worry about it. She just dent it has beaten back the powers of needs to rest and recuperate. magic. Armored knights coexist with There’s one more person in the room, mad scientists, and public festivals fea- her little sister Penny. When called upon ture jousting and science fairs. But none to come forward, Penny flees, screaming of the heroes are the absurdly over- that Triss is a fake, not real. Triss re- muscled creations common in tales de- members that Penny hates her. Which signed to appeal to teenage angst. does not prove that Penny is wrong. Rather, the drawing is simple, typical of But Triss believes herself to be real, a book for younger children. and is frightened as she finds herself in- Did I say most graphic novels are creasingly plagued by unnatural symp- weak on dialogue? In Nimona, the char- toms. While her parents accept Triss as acters indulge in light banter as good (or their own, it is not because they are inno- better) as anything in your favorite TV cent of whatever dark powers have show. The more serious talk is delicately touched her. They are clearly haunted by handled, with a keen ear for how much of secrets of their own. They had a son once, their feelings most people are willing, or who died in the Great War, and his mem- even able, to verbalize. The story is seri- ory is caught up in the oddities and dis- ous, but handled with good-natured hu- turbances that spiral outward from Triss,

23 and her parents to encompass the entire bunch of low life jerks who get a kick out city of Elchester, and the three magnifi- of seeing other people’s blood. cent bridges that her engineer father has I know, I’m being unfair. There are built. And lurking in the outskirts, never many who view the struggling young present but never absent either, are . . . fighter as a concrete metaphor for the others. indomitability of the human spirit. He The story is convoluted but solid. fights—as do we all—to survive against There are no holes in it anywhere. I really cruel odds. And fighting prowess in any hate it when there are holes in the story, form is not easy to acquire. It requires when events do not match up correctly endless practice, and the sacrifice of all and loose ends dangle. It knocks me those simple pleasures that mean so right out my willing suspension of disbe- much: gooey desserts, beers with friends, lief, and leaves me fuming. But there late nights out and a little time spent re- were no missteps in Cuckoo Song, laxing with favorite TV shows. A great despite the many machinations of fighter requires, above all else, intense agencies human and otherwise. It all discipline. fitted together as neatly as a Chinese Ms. Lee knows all about that. She has, puzzle box. herself, practiced several martial arts for And yet, the plot does not excessively years, and her experience shows in Ze- dominate the book. There are none of the roboxer. It’s genuinely interesting—even usual sacrifices of character or setting for someone like me who tends to skim which one so often sees in plot-oriented past the fight scenes—to see what books. Just the opposite. The two young changes she has made to traditional box- sisters are the heart of the story. Every- ing techniques to adapt them to zero thing moves around them, and they are gravity. There are, she concludes, maneu- perfectly realized: complex, realistic and vers where the inertia of a push (from the completely without the romantic stereo- floor, wall or ceiling) can compensate for typical gloss commonly applied to sis- the absence of gravity. There are other ters. The setting is strong, too. Ms. maneuvers that just won’t work. Most Hardinge evokes a grey gloomy city, in direct punching is useless, unless the the early stages of the industrial revolu- fighters are grappling. Ms. Lee makes tion with deft attention to its dark cor- zero gravity boxing convincing. ners. This was good reading. Continuing on the theme of mixed I must admit, my response to Ze- feelings, the standard, almost paint-by- roboxer by Fonda Lee (Flux, 2015) was numbers, opening troubled me. Carr mixed. It’s a near future tale of a boxer Luka is a young, ambitious but still inex- who competes in a zero gravity cube. In perienced fighter, worried that his con- all fairness to Fonda Lee, much (maybe tract won’t be renewed if he doesn’t win all) of the problem is me. I told you last his next fight. But, not only does he win, issue that I didn't like military SF. I he does so with an unusually impressive don’t like stories about boxers, either. I and dramatic knock-out that rockets him didn’t even see Rocky. into overnight celebrity. The ZGFA (Zero A boxer is a person who has—by defini- Gravity Fighting Association) assigns tion—committed his entire life to unnec- Carr a pretty publicist and proceeds to essary violence. Doubtless, he has few market him to the masses. (I should other choices, due to poverty, class barri- mention at this time that before becom- ers, or limited intellectual capacity, but ing a novelist, Ms. Lee worked as a corpo- still—his every waking minute is devoted rate strategist for a Fortune 500 com- to practicing and improving his ability to pany. I’m guessing she knows something hurt people. And why? To entertain a about marketing new trends.)

24 At this point I am sure I see the rest It’s not really racial, of course. The ra- of the book coming. Carr will climb dog- cial characteristics just make it easier to gedly to the top, only to face a command track the teams. On a much more pro- from the bosses to throw a big fight. found level, it is economic, rising out of Risha, the pretty publicist, will probably historic issues of separation and the in- turn out to be a money-grubbing heart- escapable mutual dependencies that re- breaker, in on the scheme from the begin- main. This was sophisticated stuff, and I ning and there specifically to make sure was impressed. he caves when he’s told to. Although, I Mind you, it is still a book about a thought it possible that she was the true- boxer. But it is a really first class book hearted girlfriend who would stand by about a boxer. him until the end, even though she was I also meant to say something about going to be dumped when the money- Shadowshaper by Daniel José Older. I grubbing heartbreaker arrived on the read it around two months ago, and scene. thought I liked it. I didn’t think I loved it, Wrong. Nobody asks anybody to take but I did think I liked it. But only two a dive. Ms. Lee has too much respect for months later, I found couldn’t remember fighters for that. Some fighters may be a thing about it. I had to look it up on- so avid to win they will cheat in the pur- line to find out what it was about. suit of victory, but no fighter in her book It’s about a magic system in which an- is going to take a dive. cestral spirits are infused into painted Risha does not turn out to be a money murals. (Always murals. The local cul- -grubbing heartbreaker and she does not ture is too poor and ethnic to entertain get dumped. She’s just his girlfriend. In fine arts.) Looking back over the internet fact, although she’s presented as smart notes, I can see elements I would nor- and ambitious, she doesn’t really serve mally have found provocative. But . . . I much purpose in the story. She’s just his didn’t. I forgot every word. Maybe justly, girlfriend. Her primary function is to be or maybe because I was having a bad day. a Martian. I originally meant to conclude with a Because, just when you were expect- statement that even if Shadowshaper ing a standard boxing story, the narra- failed to meet my admittedly high stan- tive skews pleasantly off to interplane- dards, the first three books mentioned tary politics. There are only two plane- above restored my confidence in the tary bodies at stake: Earth and Mars (the value of the Nebulas. But that was before moon being an adjunct of Earth), al- the awards were announced. Naomi No- though there are numerous orbital sta- vik’s Uprooted took the Best Novel. I tions, where much of the action takes have not forgotten that I told you in the place (because, well, duh, zero-boxing re- last issue that Uprooted was a seriously quires a place with no gravity). There is a stupid waste of time. lot of hostility between Earth and Mars. Heavy sigh. I stand by that. Obviously Superficially the bigotry is racial. my (so called) peers do not agree, but my Mars is still sufficiently inhospitable opinion has not changed. I also told you that its residents have had to resort to that Updraft by Fran Wilde had interest- considerable genetic tweaking. The re- ing points and showed some promise, but sulting Martians are visually distin- was deeply flawed and in no way worthy guishable at a glance. On Earth, however, of an award. So, guess what won the An- genetic adjustment beyond the strictly dre Norton. I may have to resign my therapeutic is illegal, and the laws are SFWA membership. rigidly enforced. The government keeps genetic profiles of all citizens on file.

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30 From the Faithful Readers Letters of Comment

From: Sheryl Birkhead, descendants from spacecraft debris or perhaps offspring 25509 Jonnie Court (long changed and mutated) of Gaithersburg, MD 20882 USA the pets that made a getaway from those crafts. In the long June 12, 2016-June 29 run (for me at least) it doesn’t really matter. I will admit, Dear Tom, et. al, though, that it might be nice to know. At the very least per- Groveling and apologies. I haps it is a ghood story. took a quick look at the stack of Rat Stew all the more zines I tote around with me and “troubling” in that is would right off the bat found three is- appear these things all happened and no one can sues of TRF (# 108, 109, and 110). That is abso- come up with an acceptable explanation that lutely inexcusable. keeps within our normal experiences. Fun stuff to I am trying (really I am) to remember where I read! recently read a list of zines to get. I just can’t re- Nice to see a Teddy Harvia fillo. call where I read it or who wrote it, but I dis- tinctly remember that TRF was right there on a I like Brad’s fillo comment “I don’t think the fairly short list. Well one out of three isn’t abys- world owes me a living, but I wouldn’t mind a mal and I did remember the most important part! few explanations”. Well, one can hope. Don’t forget the most important part of ban- Children of the Flood. Underground cities. ishing typos is to circle widdershins (or around Uh—aside from claustrophobia . . . The first whatever shins you can find). You are missing thing that popped into my mind is also a problem out on a cannily crafted plan, telling readers this up top; where is all the waste going and not pol- is all a complex plan to give the reader something luting the “other” ecosystem? (s) to focus on and look forward to locating. Aha, I always love reading the information on this ish it may be some strategically misplaced “new” dinosaurs. It is as if a whole new stage was signatures (perhaps on art . . . perhaps on locs, set every so many years with all the players perhaps on?) and maybe nextish it will be a page changing DNA as well as habitat and body shape/ or two cagily transposed to start out the wrong type. What is difficult for me to grasp is the slow article. Yes readers, just trying to make sure you slide that on a daily/monthly/yearly basis must are paying attention. Of course it is all a well have seemed unchanging yet huge leaps were thought out program to make sure you are reading made (based on the fossil evidence). each ish closely and insure you write about the Jumping forward to the loc. A note about aforementioned, um, anomalies you find. Ned: I just saw that there is (will be soon?) a dis- Comments on side effects of seeding other play of Ned’s passions at the University of Geor- stars. Okay, so maybe we are the equivalent of gia . I believe there is a website. If I can find it,

31 I’ll try to send you the link. I am hoping to be period of time, will tell. able to see all his collections (at least samples Now we have the Brexit. Luckily I read about from them all), duplicators, fanzines, typers, and it in the Sunday paper the week before the vote in the list goes on! the UK, so I knew what it was all about. I can Alas, my hoped for a t-shirt from Sasquan did hope it will just end up being a minor hiccup in not materialize. I’ll keep looking for that or for the economic road, but this is another one that we another one that strikes my fancy. will know much more about soon. I agree with you on your comments to Lloyd I waited to see if Rat Stew was going to take a (Penney) about Brad’s Twilight Zone Cover. stroll down current political . . . um, er idiocy(?) Ghreat stuff. but maybe not much worse than usual for every 4 John Purcell was awaiting the next Dr. Who years or so. episode. We are now all doing the same thing. If I At first glance Brad’s illo on page 10 fleet- have it correctly, there will be a Christmas Spe- ingly reminded me of a small order of fast food cial which will introduce the new companion. I fries. have not poked around enough to see if that is Ah, slobber/drool! Another installment of merely the prelude to a new season. I must say I Gayle Perry’s earlier earthly inhabitants informa- still cannot figure out the British ideas of a TV tion! Seeing the mention of the giant wasp makes season or having one season follow then next me think of the current much smaller critters year to year (not in two years, not in . . . but you making our lives dicey (tick borne stuff, flea get the idea). I must also admit that the idea of a borne stuff, mosquito borne —well you get the full season being made of 6 episodes is frustrat- gist). ing. At this risk of encouraging . . . I really like Brad’s piece on page 45 could easily become the silliness on page 28. a bookmark! Ah, now Gayle Perry part deux. On to 109 Tom, think of typos this way: if nothing else, In re: Colonizing Mars (etc.) would bring new they are a barometer of how closely your reader- meaning to “worth its weight in gold” since, ob- ship is ... reading (or at the very least how much viously, costs involved in getting seeds (if plant- typos bother each reader). For me, personally, I ing medium is presumed) or food itself and meth- find most typos “understandable” and it is a bo- ods to produce more would costs many times nus when they are amusing. As long as they don’t over its weight in gold (platinum?) for transporta- interfere with context, I usually smile and keep tion alone. We, or at least our descendants, will on reading. see if this can come to (ahem) fruition. Tom check out this link Side trip. Just the mention of Hitler and elec- https://www.google.com/fusiontables/ tion brings current politics acutely to the fore- DataSource?docid=l zeGKlay5hHF4 — front. Months ago I laughingly thought, Trump wP_XRWydqy9HqKKRJ9etfY for real as a viable political candidate? You have 8NOez#rows:id=1 to be kidding. Well, we aren’t laughing now. Part It is supposed to be a Free Download Shaver of me hopes someone will write an entertaining Mystery, The, Book Four By Richard S. Shaver, alternate universe story in which Trump wins in so maybe more hunting would unearth free ver- the general election. Man, I hope this would only sions of the first three? be a story. Too many parallels to be drawn Please Al, I hope readers get the tip of the hatlo to let this all be a bad dream. Time, all too short a

32 Ferdinand Feghoot— nal hard drive). I try to do love ‘em! My clos- use the newest OS est recent Kentucky when I can if I intend contacts are that my to do a lot of online brother and his wife are stuff. Right now I am back for their latest 4 trying to educate my- month world cruise. self on what would be My niece (in Louis- the “best device to use ville) contacted me to ask veterinary questions only for online TV shows. I am guessing some- about the Greyhound she adopted as a rescue. thing like an iPad (sticking with the Mac theme Personally I also watched the Kentucky Derby on since all the CPUs are macs). TV that first Saturday in May and had hopes of a With the recent Brexit, I hope this makes the second Triple Crown winner in two years-but not future trip across the Pond more financially at- to be. tractive for you! Daleks— c’mon—really? Kids scared of Brad, The MCSPCA has gotten involved in scaled up salt shakers? A few excursions into Dr helping fix a hoarding situation and took in ten Who history (of the show) indicated that appar- kittens and 2 moms. One set of fosters took seven ently young children in Britain really were fright- kittens and the two moms, so I got to look at all ened by them in the early years, Heck, around her of them at the same time. The first time I checked WETA UK is airing Pertwee’s Dr. Who movie them all out, I knew they were extremely length episodes from early on and watching stressed, so hurried with notes on what to really Daleks “race” around on mandated flat and fairly “look” at next time. The second and third visits I straight paths is mildly amusing for terrorizing got the same results on the slightly older of the 2 villains. Heck, just put in a step of a narrow right moms. I simply could not see the fundus (back of angle and that is the end of any pursuit! the eye/retina) and entertained the idea that it Nice to see Teddy Harvia’s work re-appearing might be me or my equipment but as soon as I on a regular basis. moved on to any of the remaining 8 cats I could Lloyd, I have a very long list of TV shows I see things clearly. I told the fosters that I wanted try to watch (but never seem to catch up with) but a second opinion before sending her to an oph- usually tape and now have found several more thalmologist since all I knew is that what I was online sites that turn up a lot of shows. One is seeing was not what I should be seeing. I men- CTV-- which I am guessing is Canadian TV? I tioned that this had only happened to me once guess it is supposed to be obvious enough not to before in almost 30 years of practice-- not being “spell” it out. I am still relying on this old laptop able to visualize the fundus in a young cat and the to get me access but the OS is so old there are no ophthalmologist then had said bilateral congenital more updates on much of anything for online (or nutritional/ infectious) central cataracts that in work (i.e. for security etc). I guess that means it is cats are usually uncommon, very slow growing, my own choice, but proceed at your own peril. and never cause a real issue as long as the cat Since the other part of this is to do what I am do- stays inside and the furniture is not moved! ing now and typing locs, which requires access to Got another practitioner to check out the eyes this old OS, Guess I’ll stick to it. I do have the (“but I’m not an ophthalmologist”. Don’t worry. newest OS on the desktop iMac (which runs this All I want to know is if you can focus on the ret- same old OS, but has the newest OS on an exter- ina. If not, off she goes to an ophthalmologist).

33 She agreed with me so off the cat went. I gave the Aha, yet more books to put on the to-read- veterinary ophthalmologist the history and what I someday list! could not see and what I thought from (a sample And more interesting really old life forms! of only one cat) what the previous one had as a Ghreat fun! diagnosis. Success! Diagnosis, bilateral central I really like Brad (Foster’s lettercol starter. cataracts possibly congenital/nutritional/infection Taral, I still need to add a few more smoke (but not active now). So I backed into the correct (etc) detectors (as an aside, while looking to see diagnosis solely by “accident”. With any luck what is actually “required” by the county I found Tiffany will never need surgery, but she will need that any home being built, in order to pass final intermittent exams by an ophthalmologist to inspection, must have a sprinkler system!). I was watch progression etc. Case closed. Well, she is looking at Kidde units and found some sub- ready for adoption—just has a known headings for the kitchen, hallway, and bedroom. I “condition”. never saw what the particular specifics that dif- Tom, for your strange but true. Guernsey ferentiated one group from the others. Knowing cows produce yellowish-orange milk due to the my tendency to burn stuff on the stove I never high content of Vitamin A (beta carotene). want to put a detector anywhere near the kitchen. (Tom- I know I have at least two more issues Tom, remember, if you get the Shaver mys- hanging around, but since I have #110 right here I teries, nothing says you have to read them, but will see if I can get some notes down and then you can always say you own them and hope/ mail this so I’ll only be one ish behind) intend (choose wisely) to get to them RSN. On to #110 Lloyd, I see the UK trip is planned for Au- Nice to see Kurt E gracing the cover on TRF gust, so with any luck economics will be highly #110! Somehow, the lead in topic of the GOP in your favor in a few months (although I have forerunners seems to lean in that direction al- read several different dates for the UK to with- ready. draw from the EU), but I'm not certain what con- All the images are wildly open to interpreta- crete differences the withdrawal will mean. tion; nice to see the captions so I can see what at Hi, Dave (Rowe). Ah, but you must admit least one person saw in them. Of course, one of that in general, with an Indian or a Chinese astro- these days RSN, someone actually making the naut would be more supply and space (meaning trip to Mars can take a close-up look and let us all how much is taken up, not space out there) know. friendly. Perhaps Bennington County is the Bermuda Yes, I miss Vanamonde, too. At least it Triangle of Vermont? Hmm. Maybe if we plot sounds as if it was not something I did to slide off such “sinks” around the world we can find an ac- the mailing list. tual center akin to a black-hole of such happen- About the unexplained music heard by the ings? Nah, didn’t think so. Apollo astronauts . . . I guess I just presumed that Byrd’s comment about Basketmakers just re- anything transmitted to the craft regardless of minds me how stunning some baskets might be (a source but if heard over the earphones (maybe tip of the hat to Antiques Road Show). Yes, I’m this was not) ) was recorded. If that was the case, off topic, but I get easily sidetracked. Wow, so at least a length of silence would be something the receding foreheads you mention were/are a (i.e. a recording being made would imply length direct effect of cultural mores, i.e. being strapped recording being something was there whether to a cradle-board! heard on the recording or not).

34 As always, thank you. I’m surprised they moved the apart- ment block in Romania. Ceausescu [[Well you certainly seem to simply tore down the downtown to be a really busy person. I build himself (among other things) hope you have time for im- the largest Presidential Palace in the portant things such as sleep- world. And he had a number of da- ing, eating and just relaxing chas in different places around the once in a while. There’s no country, all kept fully lit and heated/ need for apologies, ever. cooled for whenever he wished to I may be mistaken but I think drop in. Meanwhile they were hav- one has to go widdershins ing power shortages, in a country counter-clockwise (that’s that was an oil producer. anti-clockwise for you Brits.). I think it’s done There’s also the “fool child” syndrome. The hero- that way to banish your problems or ward off bad ine is naive, untrained, but worth training, so the luck. Apparently that doesn’t work on typos. others tell her to stay behind where it’s safe. (sigh). I doubt that I am canny or devious enough Naturally she pitches a fit, says she’s not a weak to conceive anything as complicated as you pro- helpless woman, and storms off, getting into trou- pose. It would be totally accidental if I did. I’d ble if not fatal peril, having to be saved at great become thoroughly confused if I did try.// Your effort and distraction. Then she does it again. And take on our possible origins isn’t very comforting. again. It seems to be the principal plot of the Mutated pets indeed.// It’s always nice to see a work. Harvia cartoon and Brad Foster’s as well. Theirs I once read a book about the Loch Ness Monster is the wacky, off-the-wall goofiness that I enjoy.// that claimed that it was evolved from Tullimon- Yeah, claustrophobia in underground cities might strum gregarium. That did explain the shape but be a major problem. That would be the downside not the size, or the fact that there seemed to be a of colonizing Mars or the Moon in such a man- total lack of breeding population, ner.// Regarding Dr. Who and his nemeses the There are a few Feghoots out there. Anyone who Daleks, the latter, I suspect, were based on pep- follows Stephen Pastis’s strip Pearls Before per pots. I don’t recall seeing saltshakers that Swine will encounter some. He’s even learning to looked that way. Also, I think they were conceived make the stupid oafish zebra-hunting crocs be as dangerous, deadly opponents—but not very funny. smart ones and more monomaniacal. If my mem- I remember hearing that “Hunting Hitler” (I did- ory is correct, Daleks are capable of levitation. n’t bother to actually look at the TV) and thinking At least I vaguely recall seeing an episode or two how absurd it was. By April of 1945 his health where they seemed to be doing that. At any rate had deteriorated to the point where he might not they were airborne in some way.]] have lived much longer anyhow. He had openly declared he was going to stay in Berlin to the bit- From: Joseph Major ter end. June 16 2016 The producers evidently couldn’t get the funding for a trip to Antarctica, where the real rumors put I could discuss my hemoglobin and thyroid prob- Adolf’s hiding place. (Said rumors mostly com- lems. If that gets too depressing I could discuss ing from a Holocaust Denier who does UFOlogy my legal problems. Or is that the other way on the side.) around?

35 Namarie. cover, a cornucopia of inventiveness, by Teddy Harvia and Marc Schirmeister. I'm still finding in Joseph T Major it new treasures. Are the artists predicting an em- [[I’m sure all your problems, legal and physically barrassment of riches for you in terms of submis- are depressing and worse than mine. I’d be de- sions to TRF? pressed too. My own physical problem, which by Re your introduction: (1) I'm sorry to hear of now is in the open, seems of little consequence the end of Rat Stew. Gene Stewart's column may compared to yours and that of others. I’m thank- have sometimes been infuriating, but was always ful for that.// Ceausescu aside, it’s still amazing interesting and often instructive. (2) I, too, hope and puzzling that apartment block was moved at that you never again experience any of the list of all. Most of the time in most countries such large medical horrors that you printed. (3) Those who structures are demolished to make way for some- fear that extraterrestrial intelligences may come thing else or left to decay and let Nature do its to the earth for its resources overlook that, given job. Then something replaces it.// Thank good- any currently theoretically possible space drives, ness I’ve never, to the best of my recollection, it'd be far more economical for an intelligent spe- suffered through such fiction. I’d have thought a cies to mine local asteroids, comets, satellites, heroine like that no longer existed.// Maybe it and planets for their resources and to synthesize was a mutated version of an immature one.// complex organics, including Soylent Green, at Hmm . . . I’ll have to take a closer look at Pearls home than to come to the earth for any of the Before Swine next time I see one. The last sen- above. Any spice that a sandworm can synthe- tence of that paragraph is intriguing.// It very size, the Bene Tleilax can synthesize better! well may be true that Hitler didn’t escape from That was quite a mélange of thoughts. Berlin and ended up in South America. Why peo- I enjoyed the picture of the memory for Paul ple believe such a thing is beyond me. I guess that Bunyan's thumb drive. Hitler committing suicide just wasn’t exciting Gene Stewart gave TRF a haunting finale in enough, too mundane and that, in some perverse "Remarks about the Black Dahlia's Possible Kil- way it was more exciting to believe he escaped. ler." Aside from a gruesome back-story and chill- But Hitler escaping to Antarctica . . . To me that ing atmospherics, the article pointed out a frus- seems even more unlikely place for him to hide trating limitation to historical inquiry: sometimes, out instead of somewhere warm and comfortable. we never seem to get all of the facts, and we're Then too I wonder about all those Holocaust den- left with intuition and reason perhaps to bridge ier’s belief. Considering all the detailed records the gaps between them. It would be neat for one the Nazis kept, the gas ovens and mass graves, man to have been four serial killers. (Well, three the statements of people who managed to survive and a spectacular singular murderer.) In any case, the holocaust and the photographed documenta- it's curious that no two historians or wannabes tion by the victorious Allies who went through reach quite the same set of conclusions about any Germany. All the evidence in the world would given event. Does the disconnect have something never convince them.]] to do with publication? From Al Byrd I doubt that you've ever published anything creepier than the picture of George Washington's Dear Tom, teeth. They made me think of the song "John Thank you for TRF #111. I enjoyed the front Wayne's Teeth" from the movie Smoke Signals, but I digress. 36 Frederick Moe's duction Continental "How's the Weather Army jacket, a pon- Up There?" is a derous mass of nicely told vignette wool dyed blue, of a mysterious dis- was issued to me. appearance. Sadly, Wearing it awhile, I some stories never wondered whether find an ending. Cu- it limited the dis- riously, I read the tance the Continen- article the day after a friend had told me that her tal Army could march before its constituent sol- husband-to-be had proposed to her atop Agio- diers began collapsing under their uniform's cochook. Coincidence? I don't think -- well, yeah, weight. Still, the jacket, being made of wool, was probably, it is. Still, after I'd lived sixty-one remarkably cool in the heat and humidity of a years, what were the chances that I'd hear/read Georgia swamp on a summer day. the word Agiocochook for the first and second My thanks to John Purcell for his comments times from unrelated sources on two consecutive on my Sinagua articles. I understand his desire to days? (Unless I'd seen the word before and then return to the American Southwest. Anna and I forgotten it. Did I mention sixty-one?) have been talking of going next year to New Thank you, Crotchety Critic, for easing pangs Mexico. There, I might gather material for more of conscience that I feel at reading hardly any Ancestral Puebloan articles... current offerings in fantasy, science fiction, and According to biographies that I've read of horror. Now, I can go back to enjoying Ashton Adolf Hitler, his health problems and the danger- Smith, Vance, Zelazny... ous experimental herbal and hormone therapies I'd add R. A. Lafferty to the list, but who that he took for them might well have ensured knows how to classify his writings? that, even had he not committed suicide in 1945, Reading Gayle Perry's New Ancient Earth- he wouldn't have long lived on in exile. Still, I've lings, I found that the author had made a mistake: read like conclusions about Abraham Lincoln and "Defining the Tully Monster" shouldn't have John F. Kennedy. Who can truly say that they opened the article. Always save the best for last! wouldn't have fooled us all and become cente- Will we ever know from what lineage this strange narians were it not for assassins' bullets? beast came, or why it seems to have lived only in The revolver camera, discontinued for unfa- ancient Illinois? Still, the article's closing seg- vorable responses from real revolvers. ment, "Question: How Do You Sex a T. Rex?" is Thank you again for TRF 111. I look forward fascinating in its own right. I imagine answering to coming back for more of what's to come. the question on living specimens of the ultimate Meanwhile, I'm sending you an article of Ken- carnivore as one of the least popular tasks at Ju- tuckiana, and I've got a further article of Ken- rassic Park. tuckiana in the works. Recently, too, Anna and I When you mentioned how heavy a Civil War made a trip through Tennessee, Mississippi, and era rifle is, you reminded me of an experience Alabama so that I could at long last deliver a talk that I had long ago (I believe that I mentioned it on Quantrill in Birmingham. Articles for TRF in a loc to TRF) of going with a team of Revolu- may come from that trip, too. tionary War re-enactors into a Georgia swamp to Best wishes, Al fire a Coehorn mortar. For the occasion, a repro-

37 [[I agree with your first paragraph. It would seem to be that way.//All things ultimately must come From Jerry Kaufman to an end, voluntarily or due to unforeseen cir- cumstances. Gene can be an intense writer but he ‘The front cover is intricate and funny. I like will be missed and his reasons for leaving are the way Marc and Teddy have worked so many nobody’s business. He sometimes may have been mythological and fantastical entities into it, and infuriating but some of us have been that way on find it an interesting challenge to figure out where occasion.// Believe me, I intensely and fervently the Harvia ends and the Schirmeister begins. hope I never have to go through that again too. Teddy’s back cover is goofy. That’s what we’ve There is much improvement and it may take a come to expect, right? while longer for a satisfactory conclusion but the You are maybe a bit goofy, too. At the begin- worst is over. As bad as it was at the time it could ning of your editorial, you hint that May was un- have become something worse—prostate cancer. pleasant for you, but you say you’ll write about it What I went through is minor compared with at a later day. But in the second column on the what many other people endure and I’m awed by page, you have a whole paragraph of words and their fortitude and courage to face what they have phrases that point at prostate problems—not can- and even remain optimistic. They’re heroic in cer, I hope, but at the least a enlarged prostate and their own way.// Yeah. That was some “thumb probably a surgical procedure. I had surgery my- drive” and hardly a portable one. I have seen self just over a week ago, which involved photos of Washington’s teeth before and thought “vaporizing” the inner part of my prostate; I’m some readers may not have ever seen them and healing well but not back to normal yet. So I find them interesting; also, he had more than one know what you went through, and sympathize. kind, made of different materials.// Why bother Considering the work of Kipping and trying to classify Lafferty’s writing? Just enjoy it Teachey, I wonder if they have suggested a rea- anyway. Think of it as Laffertyism (I think I just son why we have not found any signals from made that up.). Sadly, I met Lafferty only once other civilizations. If we are concerned that aliens that I can recall and that was, I think, at a Chi- might find us, maybe the hypothetical aliens have con. I wish I had met him earlier than that and the same concerns and have been masking their more than once. My loss.// Regarding the Civil electromagnetic output (whatever the method). War . . . Think of all the gear the soldiers carried besides the uniforms they wore: weapons, ammo, Yours, food, eating utensils, personal items and other Jerry Kaufman kinds of things their officers might have insisted on. It has continued to be that way well up into [[I agree with you about the cover. I’m impressed the 21st century with fancier, more lethal and by Marc’s artwork that I’ve seen. It’s the kind I weighty weapons. It’s a wonder they weren’t too enjoy along with that of Teddy Harvia, Brad Fos- tired to fight, then and now. (Well, occasionally ter,, Steve Stiles, and Kurt Erichsen for their they were after a long march.)// I look forward to whimsicality. There’s much humor, absurdity, seeing your articles about those states. There was oddity and truth to their works. I expect the goofi- a fair amount of Civil War skirmishes in Ala- ness and in fact encourage it.// Agreed. I am in- bama besides the action at Mobile Bay and what deed “a bit goofy”—in fact a lot goofy, which I I wrote about in Decatur, Alabama a few years strive for. Jerry, you hit it on the nail, as the say- ago.]] ing goes. I was trying to approach the subject obliquely. Thankfully it was due to ongoing pros- 38 trate problems and not cancer. (The On a personal note: Have fear of which lurks deep inside my hiked along the banks of mind occasionally when I’m feeling Paglesham Reach. Pagle- pessimistic.) Your surgery appears to be similar to mine. Mine was sham was one of the towns called TURP: Transurethral Resec- where the Mayflower's John tion of the Prostrate gland. I’m glad Winthrop preached before to hear you’re healing well. As to coming to America. “back to normal”, I know what you It's no great stretch to find mean. We both may not get com- Darwin mentioned in a col- pletely back to normal but at least as close as possible. I sympathize with you, too.// umn about prehistoric animals (did you That’s a good question in your last paragraph. So know Darwin discovered at least one far, I haven’t seen anywhere any reasons for not fossil and did it while riding horseback, having found any alien signals. You could be cor- just to show what a clever cuss he was?). rect and any other alien beings may be doing the But a mention of Beach Movies19191 same thing—cloaking their planet and doing a good job of it.]] To continue with the outrageous: Bikini Beach director, William Asher,

claimed that the film's script had origi- nally been written for the Beatles but From: Dave Rowe they backed out after their success on 8288 W Shelby State Road 44 The Ed Sullivan Show. This is somewhat questionable. Franklin IN46131-92110, The Ed Sullivan Show was February 9, Re: TRF 110 1964 and the Beatles were unknown in the U.S. up until late December 1963. Bi- With regard to Darwin and The kini Beach was an American Interna- Voyage Of The Beagle, do you know what tional Picture (they were always made in the final destination of the Beagle was? a hurry) that didn't come together until Some people believe it to be Paglesham after The Ed Sullivan Show and the film Reach, an inlet just north of the Thames was released July '64. Estuary. Certainly, the H.M.S. Beagle was And why would the Beatles ap- stationed there (are ships "stationed"?) to pear in anything as inane as a beach deal with smugglers after its voyage movie when they'd already shot the around the world. Recently some ship's groundbreaking Hard Day's Night? wood has been found in that river's mud And who would trust what an and on the wood were the remains of sea- American International director has to life (such as barnacles) that came from the say anyway? islands that the Beagle visited.

39 Re: TRF 111 joy. Beaut of a cover. Kudos to Of those that have appeared in TRF, Terry and Marc. Only wish that num- am pretty sure Brad, Kurt, Marc, Sheryl, ber of articles and locs were actually and Teddy would all be worth asking. Ta- coming to you. (More on that subject ral might. So might Steve if he isn't too later) buried by pro and semipro work. Ask Tom if he's willing to come out of self- Pity that Gene has dropped out. His last imposed retirement? The worst that two pieces showed far less of those "in could happen is you get some declines. references" and many a fine turning of a And while on the subject of the phrase worst that can happen: That photo of And why the sudden self- the men in 1956 pushing a 5 megabyte flagellation over whither TRF? Was all computer into a van is a little horrify- that brought on by your hospitalization ing. Note the strap around one of the (vaguely referred to in your editorial)? loaders (they're still in use today), if the Did Gene leave in a huff? (Certainly load were to suddenly roll backwards hope he isn't ill) Was it lack of locs? the guy wouldn't be able to get out of O.K. there were only eight but they were the way and would be mangled! fairly lengthy and involved. As for the death and disfigurement As for improving TRF: This was of Liz Short (the Black Dahlia): Have all gone over 15 or 20 years ago, You you seen the mortuary photos? You'd need to take charge and add to the per- think that when a body was cut in half, sonality and individuality of the zine. the two open ends would collapse. In fact All you need do is stop being so very intro- the very opposite happens. They open up verted, and self-insert the thinnest of back- like skirts caught by an under-draft. Very bones and go out and ask fan-writers and macabre. loc-writers (whose works YOU like) to And doesn't Michaele Jordan write articles/columns for you. become eloquent when vexed? You also need to ask a handful of Enough to make you wish she'd only fan-artists to illustrate specific articles. read bad books and get very vexed. You have about six or so articles per ish. O.K. More advice on the way. Items like Book Reviews, Al's pieces and If you want to become a writer, do so. New Ancient Earthlings don't need fan- As you'd like to be a better writer illos. That leaves three or four per ish why don't you see if there's a local uni- that would gain from illustration- So if versity, college or night school giving you engaged the miniscule number of lesson in creative writing. If not, check eight fan-artists they would only have to around for a legitimate on-line course or submit work once every four months. lessons on disc. Be warned that right now Again, ask those artists whose work YOU en- when it comes to accepting new authors

40 publishing houses such workshops. I are as tight as a know—that’s a bad atti- crab's anus and tude. Well I’m stuck with that's watertight. it and beyond all hope. Besides, there are many But you have been writers out there whose published before works I personally find and if you im- good and I can study prove your writing their writing. without the pitfall of slavishly imi- that would also contribute to improving TRF tating them. I’ll work out something. As for your too. suggestions regarding soliciting illos for specific articles . . . We went through that in the past. With all due respect I’d prefer to leave it there. [[“Self-flagellation.” Really? I’m not sure I Yeah. I’m a contrary old coot. I guarantee I’ll made myself clear in that part of the Intro—at never do something like that again. I’ll smack least it feels that way. I may have been expressing myself on the head first and then go of to a nice, self doubts to a certain degree or perhaps submit- quiet place. ]] ting to a bout of angst but nothing more than that, not even scourging myself. In, perhaps, a bizarre From Milt Stevens way it was intended as humor. It’s obvious now June 28, 2016 my attempt at that kind of humor fell flat or else was a bit too subtle. If I were to indulge in self- flagellation it would be in private, between me and me and decidedly harsh. Truly. Honestly! Dear Tom, I may have been expressing only a few self-doubts In Reluctant Famulus #111, you’re looking to a certain degree but nothing more. If anything for exciting ideas to invigorate your fanzine. I I was undergoing a bout of angst at the most. I haven’t come across any really exciting ideas in a also expect to receive some advice on improving long time. This may be because there are fewer my writing. I also expect the advice would vary to exciting ideas, or it may be because I have be- some degree. But as noted in the Introduction I come harder to excite. Of course, there is always could ignore it. I imagine there are many people politics. People seem to be getting excited about who ignore advice of any sort no matter how well politics. Some of them look like they are about to meaning it was meant.// Living out in the country explode. It doesn’t really look like much fun. as I do, such venues as you suggest would be in Speaking of exciting, I can remember when places like Louisville, Lexington, Georgetown, the items in those photographs were gosh wow Frankfort (the closest), or Cincinnati. Traveling high tech. Now they look almost silly. It makes to and from them would become tedious. Also, me think of Cedric Hardwicke’s speech near the getting involved in that would be like working on end of Things To Come. Progress makes what we a project by committee: too many opinions, dif- thought great seem small. It’s enough to make a ferences, and “do it my way” attitudes. No, A guy go out and smash a space gun. If there was a stubborn old coot like me . . . I’ll take a pass on space gun lying around loose, we probably should it. As one person I know has commented, it would smash it. People could get seriously hurt with a end up being “cookie cutter” stuff, no individual- gadget like that. ity or voice. Then, too, there’s the academicism of 41 A five megabyte hard drive that’s about 8 feet plode. Especially when it comes to a certain can- by 8 feet by two feet. I was about 13 when that didate with the initials D. J. T. (Again, I can’t machine was delivered, and I was reading sf sto- bring myself to spell the name in fool—er, uh ries about giant thinking machines taking over the full.). But then politics and presidential cam- world. Come to think of it, I know what sf writers paigns have been nasty and vicious since about were smoking and drinking at the time, so the re- the John Adams or Jefferson era and continue to sults aren’t all that surprising. be so with the current one reaching to greater In regard to Michaele Jordan’s article, I don’t heights—or should it be lows. So the current po- think Uprooted is the best novel published in litical activities don’t look like much fun to me; 2015. However, it’s the best novel on the Hugo to sadists, maybe. Rational, sensible, level- ballot. (My choice for the best novel of 2015 headed (yes, they are out there) should be fearful would have been The Dark Forest, but it didn’t about the so-called outsider becoming president. make the ballot. Uprooted made me think of Jane Sure people talk about getting away from the in- Eyre. That in turn made me think of the Dragon a sider, establishment politicians and going for new looking like Orson Welles who played Edward blood. To many people it sure as hell isn’t D. J. T Rochester in the 1943 movie version of Jane (There’s that acronym again). That’s enough of Eyre. my probably mild rant.// There’s no need to While reading Uprooted, I began wondering worry about space guns. It’s the current kinds of what would cause a forest to go bad. It’s not that high-powered weaponry even average citizens forests can hang out with bad companions. I can purchase and own in quantities whether thought the novel came up with a pretty good ex- they’re sane or not. Thanks to the good old Sec- planation of why the forest had become evil. Up- ond Amendment and the NRA look at all the seri- rooted is a good, straight forward fantasy novel. ous hurting people go through now.// The thing Unlike many fantasy novels, it makes sense in its is, way back then the thinking machines con- own context. tained vacuum tubes among other parts and spewed paper tapes of data. SF writers these day Yours truly, may still be smoking and drinking the same things Milt Stevens as back then. Novels should make sense in their contexts always. But sometimes that doesn’t hap- 6325 Keystone St. pen.]] Simi Valley, CA 93063 [email protected] From John Purcell

[[ I confess I agree with you about exciting ideas 7/3/2016 to invigorate TRF and I also agree I have become Once again into the breach we go! It is time harder to excite too.// Yes, there is real politics for a full, head-on assault on the sanity beach- and people do get excited about it. Especially the head, as we plunge into the latest issue of your current U.S. presidential campaigns and all the fanzine, Thomas. Let's see what comes to mind. hijinks and usual promises that seldom kept or conveniently forgotten. But going by the candi- Why, yes, I have been keeping myself busy dates and the political news the people aren’t ex- these past few months, what with the spring se- cited in a good way. And, yes, there some people mester rumbling to a close, then taught a fresh- who do look as if their heads are about to ex- man composition class during first summer ses- sion, which just ended this past Friday, July 1st. 42 Those two things alone would be enough, plus I've All the best, also been playing guitar at John Purcell open mic nights, so my fan- zine and letter-writing pro- 3744 Marielene Circle duction has been cut back, College Station, TX 77845 but that's fine. Reading USA books is a given, as you will see in the pages of Askew: [[ Oh No! Does this fanzine brief book reviews are a assault readers’ sanity? How regular feature in that little could that happen? I didn’t fanzine. Other than that, mean it. It wasn’t on pur- things are going well on the pose. Sorry but the beach- home front. head is under water due to If I were you, don't worry about whether or (the supposedly non existent) global warming. Or not you're not putting enough pizzazz into TRF. are you just feeling militarily? “Plunge ahead”. Seems to me it's quite healthy. The recent addi- What? Are you a plumber? Never mind.// Wow. tion of historical photographs of really oddball You were actually busy!. And here I thought you inventions and other bizarre doo-dads has been a were frittering your time away indolently. Well fine idea. I really enjoy that kind of thing. Now, I you were reading books. Good for you. Does that am going to miss reading Gene Stewart's column include fiction? (Just being absurd. (BTW, that "Rat Stew," which always contains intriguing ma- was a joke, D. Rowe.)// Okay. I won’t worry terial. What are Gene's future plans? Is he plan- about the pizzazz. Maybe I could use a little oreg- ning a new novel or something along those lines? ano, basil, rosemary or maybe some hot sauce.// Whatever he will doing, I wish Gene all the best. I’ll miss Gene’s column also. It was his decision You know, of the remaining articles in this to quit and certainly not mine to question it. I’ve issue the one that I appreciate the most is no doubt he’s still writing fiction among other Michaele Jordan's overview of this year's Nebula things but I’m not sure of novels. I think Gene nominees for Best Novel. Of course, now we might appreciate your wish.// Well in spite of the know that Naomi Novik's Uprooted won, which way it may seem, TRF is still interested in SF Michaele gave a rather tepid review, suggesting it novels and Fandom. A month or so ago I went on was better fitted for the Andre Norton Award for a SF reading, or re-reading, binge. There was Best Young Adult Fantasy. Her comments about some Heinlein among others. The Rolling Stones, all these nominees reveals a rather thin field. It Glory Road, Methuselah’s Children, and Beyond will be interesting to see how the Hugo Awards This Horizon and others. Also Clarke’s The reflect this appraisal. Sands of Mars . Farmer’s To Your Scattered Bod- And I think with that I shall stop there. I have ies go and its sequels and the works of certain some other things to do yet today/tonight (some other SF writers.// What! You’re only a week be- work on Askance 37, now a week behind sched- hind schedule. The way SF fandom is, that’s still ule), so onward and upward, as the bard says. on time. More or less.// Keep my stick on the ice. Thank you, as always, for the fanzine. Keep your But I don’t play ice hockey. I’ve never even used stick on the ice. ice-skates. If I ever tried to my legs would go in opposite directions and I’d spend more time with

43 my butt on the ice or Trump is not elected. suffering a concussion. We all need a double- No thanks. Besides, dose of sanity; it’s that ice is cold. I know something we have- for a fact. I’ve assisted n’t had to deal with in in “making” ice for a some time. Today, municipal skating Sanders endorsed rink.]] Clinton, so hope is up, although many Sanders supporters will not vote for Clinton. This From: Lloyd Penney election will be very close. Does Cthulhu still 1706-24 Eva Rd. have a chance? I keep hoping for the Martians… Etobicoke, ON Marvin will enjoy quite the comeback. CANADA M9C 2B2 Well, with Wingnuts keeping the back cover July 12, 2016 on this issue, I guess I should fold it up, finish up and say that I am done for now. Thank you for Dear Thomas: what’s there, and I’d like to see more, please. Not Thank you for The Reluctant Famulus 111. to worry about the contents of future issues, it That’s a great Harvia/Schirm cover, and it is so should do fine. See you then. true, too. As I continue to look for work, it seems Yours, Lloyd Penney. that every open job gets flooded with resumes, and there’s no real opportunities to find some [[The cover was definitely unusual and a very work. It also makes me wonder if the jobs you busy one. Look at what’s going on. What a crazy, see listed everywhere are real, if they truly exist, wild world they inhabit.// The employment situa- if someone isn’t just phishing for resumes to put tion where you live doesn’t look good or promis- in their files. ing. May it improve greatly soon so you can find Fanzines are difficult to produce regularly…I a job and if all goes well you can keep it until tried, and I couldn’t. I guess I’m happier to sim- you’re ready to retire.// Fanzines are indeed diffi- ply contribute to each issue through the locol. I cult to produce regularly. After I’ve finished and have to wonder if I can continue making these sent out copies of an issue I find myself wonder- contributions. You’re right, we are all at the age ing what the heck I’m going to have for the next where our own personal headlines are all about issue and will I be able to come up with a subject our health concerns. for the Introduction to it. I’m always on the look- I’ve seen that picture of the giant 5Mb hard out for interesting and unusual items that might drive being delivered. Many of us have much capture a reader’s attention. Whatever I manage more than that, 16Gb or so, dangling off our key to provide for TRF 113 I’ll strive to avoid the chains. Give it time…we will have much more subject of health concerns. We all have them of storage available to us in such a small package. one kind or another and different degrees of se- Terabytes, petabytes, exabytes, and bigger than verity. If at all possible I’ll focus on something that… uplifting or at least not dire and pessimistic even John Purcell has some words for Republican if, right now, I have no idea what it will be or if I candidates, and I must agree with him. They can produce something fit to publish. One thing I sound horrible, and the world is hoping that can count on is coming up with all kinds of ty- pos.// Yes the size of storage devices increases in 44 capacity while remaining much smaller than ear- something that has nothing to do with what else is lier storage media or devices. (Magnetic tapes, on the page. But it was too doggone good not to those floppy disks.) Eventually they may be the use somewhere. Oh the temptation . . . How diffi- size of a dime with such a large capacity that the cult it is to give into it. Only three pages more average person might never fill one in her/his and we’re done. Then I can start worrying about lifetime even if the average lifespan is a century what I can Ste—er, uh acquire. (That’s another or longer. How’s about that for a wild predic- joke, D. Rowe.) May the fannish ghods Ghu and tion? Yeah, I didn’t think so.// John voices what I Foo Foo watch over me and provide what I need. suspect many voters feel. The GOP and its lead- Three more pages to go. Won’t that be a re- ers and the presidential candidate seem to have lief. Of course I can think of something that’s lost any semblance to sanity, good sense rational- even worse: the Republican National Convention, ity and tolerance. (There have been some in the thanks to He Who Must Remain Nameless. Yeah. GOP in the past who did possess those attrib- I know. I stole that from Harry Potter. I leave it to utes.)]] others to decide which He Who Must Remain We’re almost at the end. There’s a little bit Nameless is worse. Voldemort or . . . I still can’t more and then the agony (That’s a joke, D. bring myself to writing it out. Cthulhu seems be- Rowe.) will be over. As usual in my idiosyn- nign in comparison to . . . (I’m joking—I think. cratic, arbitrary and infuriating way I plugged in Yes, it’s a joke, Dave. Honest.)

45 A Possible Science Fictional Planet?

It was recently reported that as- HD 131399Ab orbits the sys- tronomers had located an unusual tem’s brightest star, HD 131399A, planet. at a distance of about 7.6 billion Astronomers working with one miles. That’s roughly 82 times the of the world’s biggest telescopes average distance from the Earth to have discovered a planet with the sun―and, according to the as- three Suns and seasons 300 years tronomers , the widest orbit ever long each, far longer than a human seen for a planet in such a star sys- lifetime. tem. The unusual exoplanet, known The other two stars in the sys- as HD 131399Ab, is located 320 tem, HD 131399B and HD 131399C, light-years from Earth in the large twirl around each other as they or- southern constellation Centaurus. bit HD 131399A at a distance that’s It’s a gas giant like Jupiter but 300 to 400 times greater than the about four times as massive. distance from the Earth to the sun. While it’s one of the coldest The planet was discovered us- exoplanets ever to be directly pho- ing the European Southern Obser- tographed by a telescope (rather vatory’s Very Large Telescope in than as a result of the dimming of northern Chile. The ESO is sup- starlight as it passes in front of its ported by Austria, Belgium, Brazil, host star), HD 131399Ab is very hot the Czech Republic, Denmark, by human standards. The average France, Finland, Germany, Italy, temperature exceeds 1,000 degrees the Netherlands, Poland, Portugal, Fahrenheit. Spain, Sweden, Switzerland Chile HD 131399Ab isn’t exactly the and the United Kingdom. Re- kind of place you’d call home. searchers published a paper on There’s no hint that it even har- their findings in the journal Sci- bors alien life. But if you could get ence. close enough, you’d find its sky a The paper’s lead author Kevin most peculiar place. There you’d Wagner, a University of Arizona see either constant daylight or tri- Ph.D. student and said that the sys- ple sunsets, depending on the sea- tem’s configuration is “surprising son. and extreme.” And each season on HD It’s also a bit precarious. 131399Ab lasts about 300 years. Dr. Daniel Apai, assistant pro- 46 fessor of astronomy and planetary of life that could live on such a sciences at the university and co- planet. Would there be intelligent author of the paper, said in a news beings with life spans long enough release, ” If the planet was further so they could live through all three away from the most massive star seasons or part of only one and we in the system, it would be kicked could see what they were like? No. out of the system. Our computer Not likely. Not even if we could simulations have shown that this travel there. If people deem Mars type of orbit can be stable, but if as having a harsher environment you change things around just a than we humans could tolerate little bit, it can become unstable and conquer, Marc’s would be con- very quickly.” sidered mild compared to that of Whether stable or not, HD HD 131399Ab. But maybe some 131399A is fascinating to astrono- time in the future we could send AI mers partly because it helps fill in controlled probes there to send gaps in our knowledge of how back images for humans to see planets form and change orbit. second-hand. Ed. ]] “This new report gives us a weird dynamical system to study, pushing our models of planet for- mation to new limits,” said Dr. Jay Pasachoff, professor of astronomy at Williams College. Dr. Apai also said the discovery “allows us to study a planet that is close to what Jupiter would have looked like when it was very young,” But then we’ll be learning more about Jupiter in the coming months as NASA’s Juno probe, safely in orbit around the planet, starts sending back data. [[Although the planet is far too distant for us humans to reach and see it in person it might make for an interesting and speculative SF story or novel. Imagine the kinds

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