Dark shadows episode guide 1967

Continue Welcome to the new and redesigned Dark Shadows Episode Guide! After years in a primitive form I decided it was time for a new look. I think you'll agree that looks really good. These resumes were written by Tony Lew on alt.tv.dark_shadows in the late 1990s as reruns aired on the Sci-Fi Channel. I've been the curator of these resumes for almost 20 years. To find a specific section of the guide just specify a cursor for the year at the top bar and then choose the month. As the months go on, I will go through the briefs and clean up some spelling errors and add any missing information as needed. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. My social media and email links are on the left side. Thank you and let the big house in Collingwood stand forever! -Nick Brobeck For information on events during this year's real-world timeline, see 1967 productions. The year Barnabus Collins came out of the coffin 1967 (MCMLXVII) was a total year since Sunday's Gregorian calendar it remembered to be the year Barnabas Collins started doing a lot of attacks in Collinsport, and it's also the year Jason McGuire went back to blackmailing Elizabeth Collins Stoddard about what happened 18 years ago. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118, 119, 120, 121, 122, 123 , 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 185, 186, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 201, 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 207, 208, 209, 210, 211, 212, 213, 214, 215, 216, 217, 218, 219, 220, 221, 222, 223, 224, 225/226, 227, 228, 229, 230, 231, 232, 233, 234, 235, 236, 237, 238, 239, 240, 241, 242, 243, 244, 245, 246 , 247, 248, 249, 250, 251, 252, 253, 254, 255, 256, 257, 258, 259, 260, 261, 262, 263, 264, 265, 266, 267, 268, 269, 270, 271, 272, 273, 274, 275, 276, 277, 278, 279, 280, 281, 282, 283, 284, 285, 286, 287, 288, 289, 290, 291, 292, 293, 294, 295, 296, 297, 298, 299, 300, 301, 302, 303, 304, 305, 306, 307, 308, 309, 310, 311, 312, 313, 314, 315, 316, 317, 318, 319, 320, 321, 322, 323, 324, 325, 326, 327, 328, 329, 330, 331, 332, 333, 334, 335, 336, 337, 338, 339, 340, 341, 342, 343, 345, 346, 347, 348, 349, 350, 351, 352, 353, 354, 355, 356, 357, 358, 359, 360, 361, 363, 364, 365, 366, 367, 368/369, 370, 371, 372, 373, 374, 375, 376, 377, 378, 379, 380, 381, 382, 383, 384, 385, 3 86, 38 7, 388, 389, 390/391, 392, 393, 394, 395 Events Edit Notes edit all episodes that aired in 1966, as expected in the 1967 timeline. Previous years The following year 1964 1965 1966 1967 1968 1969 1970 title card Dark Shadows was a daytime television series that ran from 1966 to 1971 on ABC. It covered 1,225 episodes and saw several shoots including a series of novels, comics and audio dramas in production from 2006 to the present. The contents of the show See the full article: List of Dark Shadows Storylines See the full article: List of Dark Shadows Subplots See the full article: Shadows on the Wall Creator Dan Curtis had a dream in 1965 of a mysterious young woman who was on the train. The next day, Curtis told his wife about the dream and pitched the idea as a TV show on ABC. Network officials greenlit the production and Curtis began hiring crew members. Art Wallace was hired to create the story from Curtis's dream sequence. Wallace wrote the history of the Shadow Bible on the Wall, the proposed title for the show, later changed to Dark Shadows. Robert Costello was added as the line's producer, and Curtis took over the creator and executive producer roles. Lela Swift and John Sedwick have agreed to direct the new series. Robert Cobert created the musical score and Sy Thomashoff developed the set. Curtis then went to find the actress to play the girl who was on the train. Alexandra Moltke, a young actress with little experience, was discovered and cast as Victoria Winters, an orphan who finds herself in the mysterious town of Collinsport, Maine, to unravel the mysteries of her past. Veteran movie star Joan Bennett was soon cast as Victoria's employer Elizabeth Collins Stoddard, a woman who had not left her home for eighteen years. Actor Louis Edmonds was cast as Elizabeth's brother Roger Collins. Another stage actress, Nancy Barrett, was then cast as the rebel daughter of Elizabeth Carolyn Stoddard. Children's actor David Hennessy has been cast as Roger David Collins' troubled son. The Dark Shadows had a rocky beginning. Critics were quick to find the show rather dull for its intense use of unknown actress Alexandra Moltke and the slow promotion of the show's legacy. The earliest episodes consisted of the introduction of problematic characters and did not show any of the supernatural elements that later made the show a hit. As the production on the series continued, the introduction of many new and mysterious characters and various unknown actors and actresses was prevalent on set. Most actors also end up Multiple characters, and the same characters often come back from the dead in unprecedented use of parallel times and memories. Memories. Edit See the full article: Canceled, starting in the fall of 1970, several ABC stations across the country took the show because of the falling audience. For half a year the ratings fell from 7.3 to 5.3. Ironically, Nielsen's ratings for March 1971 - the last full month during which Dark Shadows was on the air - showed that the audience of Dark Shadows has grown in recent weeks. Home Video Edit Watch also edit external links Edit Here is an episode guide for all the dark shadows of every day post. For the blog's greatest hits, check out Satan's Favorite TV Show Tag. April 1967 Introduction: Satan's favorite TV show Barnabas Collins appears at the White House to scare disadvantaged children. Episode 210: Opening the box We break into the mausoleum, find the secret room and open the secret window. Episode 211: Guess who comes to dinner Jason visits the cemetery and makes a new friend. Episode 212: Collins Blood We Learn a Few Reasons Why You Shouldn't Play in a Haunted House. Episode 213: I'm upset about something I'll explain why dark shadows are just like Melrose Place, Happy Days and family issues. But in a good way. Episode 214: Very lively Barnabas talks about pyramids and plaster for a while. Then he loses count of what he says and never recovers. Episode 215: Where's Willie? Someone's going to take the cows, and Jason's going to get to the bottom of it. Episode 216: I Don't Dig You Out We get examples of different methods of action, including backacting and pretending to be afraid of portraits. Episode 217: Not Enough Vampire in Your Vampire Show Jason gives his expert opinion repeatedly: hands of blood, we consider the effects of dude-on-the-dude vampire action, and Stanley Kubrick gets a great idea. Episode 218: Madman with a box Roger opens and closes the doors, Jason plays Where's Willie, and Barnabas dangles under the boom microphone for a while. Episode 219: Adled Kwax Roger talks to Willie, Jason, Sheriff Patterson and Dr. Woodard. The episode stops when he runs out of people to be sarcastic. May 1967 Episode 220: Never Drink Willie's Wine demonstrates a common soap opera disease called EPCP, or Excessive pre-commercial pause. It's important! Episode 221: Mystery Date Maggie meets a tall, dark stranger, and Barnabas gets a buzzard blocked. Episode 222: Who it was Barnabas makes a social call and we learn why the locks don't get stormed very often. In addition, Sam Evans has 22 words to say; Let's see how much he can remember for the rest of the scene. Episode 223: The Me/You Fun Gap Strike AFTRA in April 1967 takes its toll on the Dark Shadows cast as Liz puts sticks around, Burke sets his wristwatch, and David complains about the air. Episode 224: David's Late Shift Hears Dogs, Jason Makes Innuendo, and Maggie Has pretty sweet dreams. Episode 225/226: Fangs for The end of tonight's episode is a huge exciting trend that they screw completely. Also: Barnabas, Sam and Burke play Dialogue Chicken. Episode 227: Maggie's Sick Day feels drained this morning. We go through Dracula's checklist, plus: triple backacting. Episode 228: Those things in this room What things? You know, those things in this basement room. Which room? And so on. Epsiode 229: Thirst World Problems Maggie lost a lot of blood. She'll probably find it in the last place she looks. Episode 230: Maggie's Transylvania Twist in the Cemetery with a Vampire and Fog Machine and a brand new hairstyle. Episode 231: Bedside Manners Doctor Regenerates, and we break new ground in the area of resume. Also: I have a question for women. Episode 232: Just add water to a bunch of team talk, plus a thunderstorm. Episode 233: All the wet is raining, so Vicky and Carolyn sit in the living room and talk about how scary they are. Episode 234: Adventures in Nanny Dr. Woodard tells Sam that Maggie will be hit by a car. Or something like that. I didn't really pay attention. Episode 235: Maggie's Waiting Room loses blood, and then Dr. Woodard loses Maggie. Episode 236: Maggie's Extreme Makeup has disappeared from the hospital, but the most pressing questions are: Why is there a camera in the hallway, and why does everyone keep touching Sam? Episode 237: Cold Sheriff Patterson was all night searching for Maggie. Now he sits on the couch and talks about how discouraged he is. Episode 238: Unreal Estate Vicky and Carolyn just walk straight into the Old House and look around. It's technically stressful, but you have to be pretty generous about it. Episode 239: A local girl mysteriously disappears an undead ghoul from an 18th century kidnaps a waitress from a local cafe, puts her in her dead friend's wedding dress and takes her to a date of granddaughter. Relationship status: It's complicated. Episode 240: Open House We review the appropriate security protocol for vampires who are hypnotized by a girl in the territory. Episode 241: Ms. Snuffleupagus Another etiquette lesson for the criminally insane: How to react when you find intruders hanging in your home with a brainwashed girlfriend. Episode 242: Mystery in Science Dr. Woodard thinks he's going to find out who kidnapped Maggie by looking at her blood tests. Burke is concerned, but not enough to remember his line past Proposition Four. Let's see what happens. Episode 243: Blood Drive Dr. Woodard appears at the Old House and asks Willie for another blood sample, which is a perfectly normal thing that doctors do. June 1967 Episode 244: The obscene sentence of this episode is basically a series of escalating dares between Liz and Jason as a very slow and dramatic game of chicken. Episode 245: Tragic Malady Another an example of how Barnabas takes over the show, being much more interesting than anyone else has ever been. Episode 246: Planned Parenthood We See the Most Recent Lawyer to Appear on a Show That Doesn't End up obsessed with a witch. Also: two minutes spent opening and closing the doors. Episode 247: I have someone else Burke touches Sam again, Maggie invents thinks, and the director tries to figure out how to shoot a scene where an adult has a conversation, lying on his back in a coffin without looking stupid. Episode 248: Damsel in this Maggie's dress walked from Collingwood all the way down the hill to her father's house, wearing a bright white wedding dress and holding a pipe, and not attracting any attention at all. What are people doing at Collinsport that they're too busy to notice? Episode 249: This room with these things Liz and Jason finally let Carolyn and Roger into this room in the basement and all walk through Paul's grave. Episode 250: Exit Strategy Maggie the Vampire Slayer takes action, recruiting Willie in helping her knock some sense in Barnabas. Episode 251: Close to Killing You What Do You Do When Your Kidnapping Storyline Goes Your Course? Take the same girl and put her in another room. It's that simple! Episode 252: How to Destroy Your Life Carolyn has a pleasant evening with a pleasant and attentive young man. Everyone else needs to make hell easier. Episode 253: Alive and Someplace Maggie still spits escape plans, while David continues his reign as the world's noisiest intruder. Episode 254: Summer of Love Carolyn has another amazing evening with her Dreamboat Beatnik friend. Episode 255: Interview with the vampire Barnabas touches Maggie's hand, and without thinking she rolls back. This is what we call a career-limiting step. Episode 256: Fall from London Bridge falls, falls, falls. London Bridge is falling, my fair lady. Episode 257: The Bachelor party Jason has a quiet word with carolyn's boyfriend. It's not going well. Episode 258: Maggie's Accidental Ghost Makes a New Friend Who Happens to Be a Dead Nine-Year-Old Obsessed Singing London Bridge. Jealous? Episode 259: Cellular Blocked Carolyn decides that today she is the main character in an educational short about teen crime. Episode 260: The Secret of My Waiting Is Friday Afternoon's Last Day of School, and Dark Shadows Writers finally figure out what suspense means, just in time to scare the hell out of the kids. Episode 261: More inside Maggie is found alive on the beach, and Dr. Woodard comes up with a crazy idea: tell everyone she's dead and hope for the best. Episode 262: Feelin' Gloomy Vicki tells everyone that Maggie is dead, individually and in slow motion. Episode 263: Don't Say Anything To Vicky Visits Father to see if parking yourself on the couch helps at all, with predictable results. Episode 264: Ignorance of Barnabas collides with Jason as writers begin to figure out how to keep a vampire on the show. Episode 265: Dr. Strange We fall under the hypnotic spell of Doc-tor Hoff-man. July 1967 Episode 266: Jump Start People keep walking up to Elizabeth and telling her what time it is. Unsurprisingly, she began to see suicide as an option. Episode 267: The least tormented Barnabas and Liz stand on a rock and talk about life and death, and then Vicky and Burke dance. Episode 268: Suicide hurt Elizabeth decided to commit suicide. I don't know why the rest of us should suffer, but this is life, I suppose. Episode 269: Love Monster Vicky is trying to dissuade Liz from suicide, and I'm trying to figure out why I love this TV show when I can't stand the main character. Episode 270: Here comes bride Carolyn is determined to stop her mother's wedding. If anyone can do it, she can. Episode 271: I killed Paul Stoddard's Wedding Guests to clear the room for a flashback to 1949, where Elizabeth takes poker and just does what happens naturally. Episode 272: Bourne Yesterday procedural question for Burke and Roger: Why are you shooting Jason? He has no history of violence, he is unarmed, his back is turned and you are guests at his wedding. Episode 273: All these years Burke and the sheriff go down to dig up some trouble. Episode 274: Bachelor Barnabas and Willie have one of their regular staff meetings where they review their progress and set goals for the next quarter. Episode 275: The Last Normal Day Jason goes treasure hunting in a haunted house. It's not going well. Episode 276: Crime Scene This is Barnabas's first actual murder, which for a vampire is basically his bar mitzvah. Episode 277: Around the Sun is an episode where Barnabas literally goes from a psychopathic assassin to a romantic love triangle rival in the middle of the scene. Episode 278: Of course! Costume party! Barnabas and Willie are planning a pleasant social engagement because that's what vampires do. Episode 279: Party Animals Upcoming Costume Party leaves everyone with vague, inexplicable feelings of fear. Episode 280: Costume Drama Everyone appears at Barnabas's costume party, and there's nothing but a sip of a burgundy cup and talk about how much you look like dead people. So obviously they have a session. Episode 281: The Ancestors of Barnabas's Exercise throws a party to get closer to Vicky, but then his ex-girlfriend shows up and tells everyone that he's a jerk. I think we've all had nights like this. Episode 282: Julia's Researched Life tries to help Maggie figure out why she had that song stuck in her head. Episode 283: Role play Julia and Dr. Woodard swap personalities, sticks in this way. Episode 284: Doctor Who Julia speaks her way in life to an invitation to Collingwood. Episode 285: Candor Crush Is a Soulful Story about what happens when the living dead comes to your house to lend you a book. Episode 286: Slumber Party Is another example of great moments in filling time: Vicky walks around Josette's room for two minutes, lighting candles and then blowing them again. August 1967 Episode 287: Notes on Camp Julia can make more than 20 different personals in 60 seconds. We discuss the mythopoetic trickster figures for a while and then he went back to Julia's making face. Episode 288: Unelected Julia lies to everyone about everything. Episode 289: This Hoffman woman Vicky and Carolyn talk about the weather, while Julia quietly takes over the show. Episode 290: Ancient Truce Something in the studio lights up during the show and they keep the scene going. Seriously, what's really going on. It's amazing. Episode 291: Alchemist In a brilliant plot twist, Dr. Julia Hoffman offers Barnabas both material and spiritual liberation from the curse of the vampire. This includes cleansing the arterial system and other certifying scientific phrases. Episode 292: I know who is dead Julia lies Woodard, Sarah tells David that Maggie is not dead, and Vicky falls in love with the house. It's less complicated than it looks. Episode 293: Untouched Vicky will continue to tell the rich guys about this house that she loves until one of them finally buys it for her. This is a surprisingly successful strategy. Episode 294: House Party's Vicky and her two suitors walk house and talk about the past. Meanwhile, the spirit of a girl who died in the 18th century, pulls Maggie out of a mad asylum. It's a weird show, that's what I'm saying. Episode 295: Nothing but a lie thrililng development today is that the show is being broadcast in beautiful, dirty, low-definition colors. Today's episode includes small cups of things, a one-way phone conversation and a medallion of prescription power. Episode 296: United Stakes Julia continues to lie to everyone and then lights a cigarette with one of Barnabas' candles. Julia is a rock star. Episode 297: Honest Truth Sarah visits Maggie, and demands her doll back. Episode 298: Dread Alert Carolyn, Liz and Burke shuffle around an empty house, and then Julia comes in and lies to everyone again. Episode 299: Julia's human life is in love with Barnabas, but Barnabas spends her time standing in the moonlight with someone else. Episode 300: Another woman Boring, boring, boring, Julia scene, boring, boring. Episode 301: Burke Devlin Must Die Barnabas speaks as a Bond villain, and disputes Burke similes. Episode 302: Snake Barnabas and Julia spend a quiet evening at home, chasing each other through the living room and asking Questions. Episode 303: The Back of My Mind Burke and Dr. Woodard consider the case, again. Episode 304: Scoo-Doo Must Die Burke stands behind a tree all night watching the Old House. He then walks around and asks people if they think Barnabas is a little weird. Episode 305: Paranormal Activity David takes the label through the forest of Chromakey, on his way to playdate in the crypt. Episode 306: Out of Order Sarah brings David to a secret room in the mausoleum, for no particular reason but to create a point of history later this week. Episode 307: Total Recall, everyone sits around in Blue Whale and makes an epic summary of the last two months of the show. Episode 308: In circles, Sam and Joe try to investigate what happened to Maggie, and then Julia lies to everyone. Episode 309: Finger Suspicion Is the Last Day for Writer Malcolm Marmorstein, and he's prepared something special for us. September 1967 Episode 310: Ghostbusters David looks into his crystal ball to find out where Sarah is. Turns out she's the last place he saw her anyway. Episode 311: The tomb of your young man, you giong fall into a trap in this secret room and you are going to stay there, whether it makes sense or not. Episode 312: Search team David is missing, last seen looking for Sarah. Barnabas doesn't take the news very well. Episode 313: Old Friends of David are still locked in a dark room, but there are plenty of other things to look at today. Episode 314: The logical explanation of Joe, Dr. Woodard and Maggie all believe that there should be a logical explanation for all this. Episode 315: Between the feeling and survival of the main character of the increasingly popular daytime television show decides to kill a ten-year-old child. Episode 316: The Big Bad Barnabas thinks that David knows that Barnabas is a vampire, but he doesn't, although David knows that Barnabas thinks David knows more than he says he knows what he's doing. Episode 317: The X-Files Sam and Dr. Woodard are still walking around and asking questions as there is any chance they will ever learn anything. Episode 318: Barnabas's Interesting Times impulsively smothers Julia, and learns that secret panel doesn't necessarily mean soundproof. Episode 319: This maniac Dr. Woodard has a plan to catch this lunatic who terrorizes the city. It's not a good plan, of course, but it's nice to see him having fun. Episode 320: This means that your life is David's chromakey nightmare, while Julia and Willie try, once again, to dissuade Barnabas from killing someone. Episode 321: What we're talking about when we talk about ghosts is Monday, which means that Barnabas has been all weekend to think things out and he still has the same stupid plan. Episode 322: Bite or Don't Bite Barnabas tries to find out if Julia actually wrote or if she's just lying again. Episode 323: Fire on Will Guess, which ends with five bullets in the back. Episode 324: The Wrong Man we don't have a vampire on the show today, but we have the next best thing: oil painting. Episode 325: David's Spiritual Child Looks at a Portrait of Barnabas, and Freaks Hell. Then Barnabas comes to his bedroom and shows him a knife. Episode 326: Time like this post includes the following: Goldfish, Nazis, Nick and Nora, City on the Edge Forever, Butter-colored pillowcases, German expressionism, and string It's just an ordinary locket. Episode 327: David vs. Goldfish People Story Boy is cursed with the ability to remember things for more than five seconds. Episode 328: Look! Ring! Again, the slow progress of Barnabas' moral development skids off the highway and into the tree. Episode 329: Willie Loomis must die Julia must decide whether to kill Willie by removing his IV, or smoking in his hospital room. Episode 330: Twenty-two minutes exploring five main types of dark shadows cliffhangers. October 1967 Episode 331: The Entertainment of Roger Bat and The Scene of Barnabas is one of those good old-fashioned slow-motion disasters that make watching Dark Shadows such an invigorating experience. Episode 332: Safe? Safe! Barnabas and Julia do another improvisation of suffocating scenes, and Sarah breaks the rules of sound effect. Episode 333: These interfering children of the Scooby gang drives the Mystery Machine to the Old House. It's not going well. Episode 334: All These Dead People If the Internet existed in October 1967, then #nuBurkeFail will be trending this week. Episode 335: The shadow he casts a psychiatrist explains to us that the whole show is a metaphor for itself. Episode 336: Dr. Woodard's talk show channels the Art of Linkletter, and discovers that ghost kids are saying the darnedest things. Episode 337: Time to Kill Dr. Woodard is America's undisputed leader The Next Vampire Victim. Episode 338: Think like a woman criticizing what Barnabas is proposing right now as a potential life partner, namely suffocation and carving. Episode 339: The End of Everything Dr. Woodard sneaks into Julia's room and spends almost the entire episode looking for her laptop. Episode 340: Dave Woodard Must Die Dr. Woodard opened another box. Episode 341: The Night of Dr. Barnabas and Julia kill Dr. Woodard. Sorry, I had to say spoiler alert. Episode 342: Shadow Bat Baffling scenes featuring people dressed in incomprehensible outfits. Episode 343: Julia's apparatus cranks out a crazy science, and Barnabas tries to get a love triangle going. Episode 344: Haunted Everyone Is Worried About David. Episode 345: Rest in Pieces Vicky gets bad news about Burke. Episode 346: Delivery News We Take a Look at the Purpose of Love open narrative. Also: why you can't send Julia to the farm. Episode 347: Mad Science Julia says it's too early to treat vampires, but Barnabas insists they go ahead with it. What could go wrong? Episode 348: Mission accomplished Barnabas and Julia light up the apparatus for another round of crazy science. Episode 349: Barnabas's Secret Aging Man was a man for ten seconds, and all he can do is complain. Episode 350: Grumpy Old Man If Barnabas wants to look young again, then he should drink someone's blood. Two candidates represent themselves. Episode 351: Grateful Dead Carolyn has a post-bite exit interview. Episode 352: Worried Kids It's Halloween 1967, and Carolyn celebrates by waking Up David early and telling him a lie. November 1967 Episode 353: I have a dream of Carolyn's speech suspiciously that Julia was hypnotized by Vicky's quiet. Episode 354: Julia's Ghost House hypnotizes Vicky again, and leads her all the way to the basement of the Old House and back. I don't know why she can't do it all in one trip. Episode 355: Julia Hoffman Must Die Barnabas Decides He Must Kill Julia... Finally. Episode 356: Beat The Clock Julia has a whole mansion full of hideouts, but she decides to hide her notebook in the middle of a busy Collingwood transport hub. Episode 357: When The Worlds Collide There's a new writer on the show and he brought a friend. Episode 358: A boy meets a Ghoul sailor costume, a first date, a subcutaneous needle and a secret magic number of the universe. Episode 359: Love and Death This episode presents a major etiquette issue: How crazy can be a guest at home before you start casually leaving the train schedule around, and talk about how good it is in Boston at this time of year? Episode 360: The Crazy Lady on Loose Collinsport People live her life in peace until: the sudden start of a mad lady. Episode 361: The one where Julia loses her mind I can't view this episode objectively, so I call for a backup. Episode 362: The Day After That Thing About Julia: She Goes At Eleven. And she doesn't even work her way up to it - today, she starts at eleven, and builds from there. Twelve options. Episode 363: Anyone but you is a vampire, doctor, lawyer, governess, niece and little boy who talks to dead people. For months, they've been clambering around each other, and it's time to bring this era of show to the close. Episode 364: Boom Goes Dynamite Barnabas thinks everything will be fine now that Sarah is back. He needs to get out of this idea in a hurry. Episode 365: Closing time the Collins family has a problem, and once again, there's only one thing to do: hold a session, and talk to the dead. Episode 366: The Phantom Menace victoria Winters begins and a terrible journey into the past that will redefine the show and reboot the main characters. Episode 367: Making a Story Vicky wakes up from a strange dream, and learns that it's true: she really stuck in 1795, and everyone hates her. Episode 368/369: The Evil Woman Here Comes Trouble: Angelica arrives at the Old House, and nothing will ever be the same. Time Travel, Part 1: Fog Opportunities Pre-empt Thanksgiving Special! We travel back in time until 1991 to watch the first episode of the revival of The Dark Shadows. Episode 370: A woman despised Angelica is angry and you know what it means. It's a bad day to be a toy soldier. Episode 371: Vicky's Damn Torpedo is trying to figure out how time travel works. This is not a typical soap opera issue. Episode 372: Another Country Angelica casts a spell on Ben Stokes, forcing him to work for her. Now the guy has two bosses that he can't stand. Episode 373: The Devil Wears Prada This is Ben's first day at work, and Angelica has some ambitious first-quarter goals. Also: Hat sides. Episode 374: Ben's wedding presence stands as Angelica delivers another spontaneous TED talk about how awesome she is. December 1967 Episode 375: The Dangerous Liaisons of Angelica Stage manages Josette and Jeremiah's infidelity. Episode 376: Card Tricks Story is stuck in neutral throughout the day, so Natalie busts out tarot cards as a plot accelerator. Episode 377: Speed Dating Love is in the air as Josette and Jeremiah turns together for a spell, and Nathan falls on his heels for Millicent's money. Episode 378: Resistance helpful Angelica turns Joshua into a cat. This episode has something for everyone, especially people who love deeply goofy TV shows. Episode 379: Nine Lives to Live Nathan comes on Vicky, and Joshua is still a cat. Episode 380: Something Borrowed by Barnabas and Josette have a traditional soap opera wedding. Episode 381: A runaway bride as Barnabas looks in the woods for Josette and Jeremiah, he works through some black box experimental theater. Episode 382: The Time Witch Abigail is sure that there is something strange in the cat, and there is something strange about Vicky. She's 100 percent true. Episode 383: Newlyweds playing ladies and gentlemen, please join me in toasting a happy couple, as they enjoy their first and only dance as Mr. and Mrs. Jeremiah Collins. Episode 384: Life After Love Barnabas has a duel with Jeremiah, and he asks a big question that blows the whole family to pieces. Episode 385: End of the story Reverend Trask accuses Vicky of being a witch, and then he just stands there and yells at her for the rest of the episode. Episode 386: Make as a tree Reverend Trask lies Vicky on a tree and leaves her there. I know it sounds crazy, but let's see where he goes with that. Episode True or Dare Angelica and Reverend Trask get along like a house on fire. Have you ever seen a house that burns? Episode 388: Barnabas's Bad Ideas has a lot of feelings about the marriage of Jozette and Jeremiah. Angelica is probably not the best person to share them with. Episode 389: It's hard for Angelica to disappoint Barnabas again, and when she's offended, she tends to say it with voodoo. Episode 390/391: Princess Barnabas tries to caress out her promise to marry Angelica. Time Travel, Part 2: Blood, Sweat and Tears Pre-empting Christmas Special! We travel back in time until 1991 to watch the second episode of the revival of The Dark Shadows. The sun shines all night, the subtext is dead, and I finally explain the real reason why Dan Curtis made the house of dark shadows. Episode 392: Christmas Pursuit Don't Be Afraid! For behold, I bring you a kind of great joy that will be for all my people. Episode 393: Tell them we're growing up there for another 10 months while George Romero invents zombies - so is this crawling out of Jeremiah's grave? Episode 394: The rules of Angelica's participation can make the dead rise from the graves, she can speak the word and stop the heart of a person - but no one can deal with Abigail. Episode 395: Cleaning the House The best thing about 1795 is that there is no shortage of screaming. January 1968 Episode 396: The Dead Angelica Dialogue woke up to Jeremiah's zombies, and now he can't go back to sleep. Episode 397: Lord of the Flies Angelica is still being chased by Z.J. Episode 398: No Rest for Wicked Special Guest blogger Charlie Mason gets everything in Angelica's face. Episode 399: Hide and Seek We Spend an entire episode looking for Vicky, and when they get up in their room, she doesn't even exist. Typical. Episode 400: Playing with fire Angelica and Reverend Trask just go ahead and burn the whole damn show. Episode 401: The Enchanted Darrin wonders what life would be like if she and Angelica had never met. Episode 402: Barnabas's plan decides that the best way to deal with your problems is to poison his wife's sherry. Episode 403: But I loved you, and other excuses Barnabas holds the knife to Angelica, and she still makes a sales pitch. Episode 404: My God, Vicky the idiot Vicky has been accused of witchcraft and she is not super equipped to defend herself. Featuring a special appearance by the worst actor who has ever appeared on Dark Shadows. Episode 405: Ever after it's a curse day! Barnabas shoots Angelica, and she curses his eternal life. Episode 406: Unbreak My Heart Ben enters the Old House and finds both his employers bleeding on the carpet. Episode 407: Bram Stoker I Love Lucy Put-on Angelica struggles with those stubborn after killing attempt blood stains and then who should come along but her mother-in-law! Episode 408: A A doctor at another medical school dropout makes a haunted call to the house. Episode 409: Spoilers Josette and Natalie get their hands on an episode guide. Episode 410: Night But First, on Earth as a vampire sent, your cors must be from his tomb to be rented: Then horribly haunt your native place, and suck the blood of all your races. Episode 411: The Bloods of Other People We Open the Secret Box Once Again, and something terrible is lost on the world. Episode 412: You Have to Believe Me Vicky is being judged according to the producers of the soap opera Justice, which means that everyone has to say everything they think out loud until someone starts crying and then the trial is over. Episode 413: New Black Sarah runs out of the house in her pajamas, and runs all the way to Eagle Hill Cemetery, which appears to be in her backyard. Episode 414: What you do Barnabas goes down to the docks for a bite to eat. It's been a rough week for Collinsport women. Episode 415: Closing the Loop as we begin tonight's episode, Sarah Collins is alive. Stay tuned for more information about this evolving situation. Episode 416: Stone Cold Another Day, Another Funeral, Plus a Vampire Suicide Pact. Call me crazy, but I think the show has gotten a little painful lately. Episode 417: Too soon this is the second of three direct Sproat scripts, and it's got me down. Featuring the return of our old friend, Comfortable Rooster. Episode 418: Dark and Stormy Night (Varney the Vampire, Part 1) I Can't Take Another Episode of Ron Sproat, so I go to my emergency backup plan - the important 1840s vampire penny awful, Varney the Vampire. February 1968 Episode 419: Losing my room Josette gets tenacious, and I explain why Twilight is the worst story in the world. Episode 420: The Pursuit of the Dead Hat enters, and under the hat of Suki Forbes. Episode 421: Plane Bird Josette wakes up with a song in her heart, and a brand new neck wound. Episode 422: Limiting Women ron Sproat finds another reason to lock up a woman in a room. He should probably try to develop other interests. Episode 423: Twisted What Dark Shadows is missing in romance, it amounts to a crazy plot of contrivance. Here are a few of them, in a row. Episode 424: The Haunted Bear Is Absolute Chaos here, with subplots just ricocheting all over the place. Episode 425: Jump Street Josette takes a flying jump. Episode 426: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Royal Family thinks they're so great, but the B-story goes away with today's episode. Episode 427: Disorder in Court Hear You, Hear You! Collinsport Imaginary Witchcraft Court is currently in session. Episode 428: Duel It's Self featuring an explanation of why soap operas can't make a murder-worthy mystery storyline. Episode 429: Destruction, Everywhere Dark Shadows Alone Invents Slash Fiction as well: Barnabas with his very very very very An idea ever. Episode 430: Dark Conquest At some point, either your show is going to make a two-part episode at Disney World or it's not. Episode 431: Catcher in rye Barnabas Collins, eternal capricious teenager, returns to the basement of his parents. Episode 432: The Kaiju Age We spent three months investigating Barnabas' past. What will his future be like? Episode 433: The Law of the Jungle Turns out that some TV shows know how to do trial scenes, and some just don't. Episode 434: Down Our Throats Nathan lied. You want to know why. This question doesn't get more interesting just because you've moved to the other side of the room. Episode 435: Next Stop Kansas This is the third consecutive trial episode. I think it's time for Dorothy to wrap things up and head home. Episode 436: Trembling with Emotions (Varney the Vampire, Part 2) I get a day of release from the prison of witchcraft. Episode 437: There's Just Us She's a Woman, She's in a stressful situation, she expresses how she feels and it's 1968. What do you think will happen next? Episode 438: Drag Me To Hell Barnabas has opened his set of Members of the Force of Darkness, and has found a bunch of new tricks to torment people he disapproves of. Episode 439: Something About That Hate It's February 1968. The Beatles are going to India to study Transcendental Meditation. And yet the most popular television show for young women is about a guy who plans to kill the reverend. How is that possible? March 1968 Episode 440: Seven habits of Barnabas's highly effective vampires need to learn one of the basic rules of crime: If you're going to go out and attack people, leave your identifiable accessories at home. Episode 441: The Weekend in the Modi Show goes from funny to sublime - or, in this case, from funny to even more funny. Episode 442: Cask Party TRUE! - nervous -- very, very terribly nervous I was and I; But why would you say I'm angry? Episode 443: Fan Club I think the 1795 plot ends with the characters. This episode is basically just holding props from one room to another. Episode 444: Anatomy of Speed Bump They have some time to fill in, and unfortunately they fill it with Noah Gifford, the worst henchman in the world. Episode 445: Generation Gap under the rules of 1968, children must spread love and peace, and an aging tyrant must close his mind to the truth. But these are dark shadows where normal rules don't apply. Episode 446: The son also climbs Joshua descends into the basement, and finds Barnabas in the coffin. Let's go out there and change some games. Episode 447: My Family and Other Crazy Animals This is the second day of the Joshua/Barnabas conversation, with no end in sight. Episode 448: Fighting Tower We get some new architecture. Episode 449: Nasty in Wooden Rituals, Locked Rooms, Vampire Attacks and Magical Portraits - this episode has all but meaning. Episode 450: The Scary Godmother Her name is Batia Mapes. Even that doesn't make sense. Episode 451: Exorcizing the Devil in futility We now join this exorcism, already in the process. Episode 452: Great Escape Oh, Great! More on that. Episode 453: Born to Run Who's For Good Old-Fashioned Teens to Run a Story? Episode 454: Mission: Impossible Vicky is finally figuring out what time is a thing. Episode 455: Food and Medicine and Vicky's plan points a loaded gun to a ten-year-old basically the entire episode. Episode 456: An Illogical Explanation This Is the Last Week in 1795, and the characters have moved to a new level of meaningless behavior. There must be an illogical explanation for all this. Episode 457: The Wrong Direction Today is to take your executive producer to the day job as Dan Curtis tries to direct the episode for the first time. Episode 458: Don't Love Me Naomi takes a hit from her giant novelty margarita glass filled with poison lemonade. Episode 459: Nathan Forbest Must Die It's Time for a Showdown. Episode 460: Eats, shoots and leaves We finally learn the true secret of a chained coffin, and that's not what we expected. April 1968 Episode 461: Leave Me Hanging We'll Return to the Present Day, exactly where we left it four months ago. But how do you turn this broken storyline into a sustainable show? Episode 462: No Place as Home Is the Most Important Event in Dark Shadows, since Barnabas climbed out of a mysterious box: Julia gets a haircut. Episode 463: Meanwhile, in the past we have five female characters messing with Barnabas, throwing him out of balance in an unpredictable way. They surrounded him. Episode 464: The First Wife's Club Another Madman joins the menagerie - the eccentric Professor Stokes. Episode 465: The Best of All Possible Worlds: Why Doesn't Barnabas Remember Vicky From His Past? A: Why do you think it's the same Barnabas? Episode 466: Welcome to Hellmouth Barnabas and Vicky to get off the road, and into a whole new storyline. Introducing Dr. Eric Lang, played by the worst actor to ever appear in Dark Shadows. Episode 467: The Doctor, Dr. Lang himself chews all the available landscapes. Episode 468: The Odd Couple Dr. Lang continues his reign of terror by taking a super spooky interest in Vicky. Episode 469: Dr. No Dr. Lang pretends to be smarter than Julia. There will be consequences. Episode 470: Mad Men Is Just Vicky and four guys today, each nuttier than the last. Episode 471: Farewell to arms Post, which answers the crucial question: Is dark Shadows more like the Munsters, or the Addams family? Episode 472: The Deadly Weapon of Barnabas and Julia finally have a conversation that is not about Barnabas and Julia. Also: harpoon attack. 473: Two dilemmas ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to the new Mrs. Collins. Episode 474: You Live Twice Isn't the Stupid Thing That Angelica Did - she turned a dude into a cat last year, which is hard to beat - but it's in the top three. Episode 475: Witch Dr Professor Stokes is loud and destructive, and he plays on the balcony. Not this balcony, of course; I mean the balcony in the theater next door. Episode 476: Monster Mash Dr. Lang offers Barnabas the opportunity for life. Two lives, really. Episode 477: We Warned You Angelica presents the following exciting plot: The Curse of Dreams! Episode 478: What Dreams Can Come The Curse of Dreams Begins! Episode 479: Face/Off So, Good. Jeff's crotch. Let's start with that. Episode 480: Another Life This episode asks the crucial question: Can Julia Hoffman be nerfed? Episode 481: Remember Someone There's a High Stakes, a dramatic cliffhanger that can be solved with three words, and Barnabas travel on word two. Episode 482: Witches Be Crazy More Fashion, More Screaming, More Acting, More Rummaging, More Dreams, More Doors and More Ties. Mostly it's ties. May 1968 Episode 483: Free Willie Barnabas and Julia rewrite some stories. Episode 484: Chekhov's Pistol It's Time for Another Turn on the Dream Curse Carousel. Episode 485: Huge Naked Dead Today is the day we've all been waiting for - it's Experiment Day! Episode 486: If They Both Live Experiment Was An Incredible Success; Now all they have to do is prepare their Nobel Prize speech. Episode 487: Precious moments of wasting time episode about a bunch of characters who worry that they're wasting time. Episode 488: Beautiful People in Terrible Trouble It's Time for Another Great Moment in Monster Medicine. Episode 489: Bein' Green Look Out - David is back and he has a Nehru jacket. Episode 490: What to expect when you expect well, the domain of God is not going to interfere with itself. Sam Hall: In appreciation, Sam Hall, the greatest writer of Dark Shadows. Episode 491: Wonder Years So Here They Are, The New Normal: Vampire, His Crazy Scientist Gal Buddy and Their Own Frankenchild. Episode 492: Terrible Melons Barnabas Barnabas and Julia face their first crisis as new parents. Episode 493: Revenge of the Child-Sat Course, you don't raise your children yourself. That's what they serve. Episode 494: To Your Teeth (Varney the Vampire, Part 3) We take another trip back to 1845 to witness the strange origins of vampire fiction. Episode 495: Talking Dead Dark Shadows finally picks a side. Episode 496: Father of the Year Sometimes there is just no logical reason why this set of people would even talk to each other. That's why you don't see a lot of gay soap opera writers. Episode 497: Fried The Week We Follow Jonathan Freed on a week-long promotional journey to discover the true darkness in the heart of America. In particular, the Glenbrook Shopping Centre. Episode 498: Diff'rent Strokes Four Words That Can Topple Civilization: Barnabas Has a Plan. Episode 499: Cassandra's senior moment ages up to a crisp. Episode 500: Really Big Brother Willie faces his biggest challenge: Nanny Damned. Episode 501: Say my name Barnabas, Barnabas, you don't think. Oh, Barnabas! Let it disappear! Barnabas! Episode 502: Gentlemen prefer blondes oh, as if you've never had a weird first date. Episode 503: Lock Her Ron Sproat: Threat, or Threat? Episode 504: Ladykiller We take a break from the show to look at the dark shadows of the novels that exist in their own unique bubble of madness. Episode 505: The Drowning Detective Cops on Dark Shadows combine the inadequacy of the soap opera Cops with the inadequacy of the monster movie Cops. Follow the technique. June 1968 Episode 506: After the fall Carolyn recovers from the test last week, just in time for the test this week. Episode 507: The Spirit of St. George I'm a protagonist. Episode 508: Dream Beater Professor Stokes exposes the dream curse story as an extended knock-knocking joke that is indeed the case. Time Travel, Part 3: Blood Chemistry Is a Pre-emption special, watching episode 3 of the 1991 Dark Shadows revival. Hot tentacles stretch upwards! Episode 509: Blind Date Sam turns into a magical charity elf. Episode 510: Some Enchanted Evening When a visitor shows up uneasy, you have to automatically assume that he plans to kill you. It's just hospitality. Episode 511: Professor of Fiction Stokes makes a very big mistake. Episode 512: All rise It's Jonathan Freed's worst nightmare: he's chained up and can't see the teleprompter. Episode 513: Thirty-two short films about episode 513 Try not to panic, Mr. Peterson. The terrible fact is that something went wrong. Episode 514: It's an endless summer in which it's proven that Dark Shadows are harder than the Sopranos. Episode 515: When Adam attacks the police are looking for a tall, dark man with limited vocabulary and an even more limited wardrobe. But, hey, who's not? Episode 516: The immoderate Barnabas is gone, lost in extreme home makeover, but Julia and Willie come to the rescue of their former tormentor and new best friend. Episode 517: Burn Notice Cassandra is determined to disrupt Elizabeth's day, but the spirit of Reverend Trask is on the witch's trail. Episode 518: In Memory, Meditation on Death, Loss, Renewal, and Teleprompters. Episode 519: Cassandra's ex-wife and Reverend Trask go head-to-head in a full kaiju battle. Episode 520: What Dead People Do Barnabas and Julia Talk About Cassandra and Trask Title Fight as They after the game summing up on ESPN, while Liz drinking the problem was catching up with her. Episode 521: Watch who says Barnabas and Julia play junior detectives again, on the trail of the missing Cassandra, while Professor Stokes is home-school in Frankenstein. Episode 522: The brother of another Nicholas Blair goes on set and takes over. Who the hell is this guy? Episode 523: The Devil You Know Nicholas struts around, and puts Reverend Trask in his place. Episode 524: Dead Man Walking Jeff/Vicky plot wrapped in twenty-eight seconds. Then it's deployed again. July 1968 Episode 525: The Witch of the Blair Project Nicholas calls on all the dark forces of daytime television production to help him in the search for the missing Cassandra. Episode 526: Nothing but revenge Nicholas entered the woods and turned a bunch of ashes into a man, and now he's doing a performance review. Nicholas is a bolver. Episode 527: Ride, car, house. A performance in one act. Episode 528: This is the case of Tawdry Nicholas and Cassandra have a strategy session that turns into a film noir sequence straight out of the Maltese Falcon. Episode 529: Missing Adventures It's Time for Adventure Underwater, with the first release of the comic dark shadows of the Golden Key. Episode 530: Requiem for Dream Curse plot hurtles to spine-tingling conclusion. Not really. Episode 531: The Interpretation of Dreams Girl From Sleep Dreams Again. Episode 532/533: In the darkest hour, Barnabas makes Cassandra an offer to end the Curse of Dreams, and I really want her to take on him. Episode 534: Caroline's crime scene finds Adam hiding in a root cellar, killing time between fun. Episode 535: Return Point Clinical Notes by Dr. Julian Hoffman, ABC daytime. The session was recorded on June 28, 1968, for broadcast on July 12. Episode 536: Preliminary directives Barnabas Collins is dead, and Julia and Willie dare each other to drive the stake through his heart. Also: an important lesson about TV visual literacy. Episode 537: Life Without Barnabas Julia and Willie faces an existential dilemma in today's tragicomedy, a version of The Dark Shadows in Waiting for Godot. Episode 538: Shaggy dog Julia buried Barnabas yesterday, and now she has to dig it up again. This is not a scalable business plan. Episode 539: Grieve Little Grieve Barnabas is dead (not quite), and Nicholas comforts Vicky (not quite). Episode 540: Mission: Unfathomable Writers have taken the best part of three months to figure out what they're going to do with Angelica's post-Dream Curse storyline. They didn't use this time effectively. Episode 541: Death of MacGuffin In which we discuss the recording of Dr. Lang's tape, the Maltese Falcon, the Ark of the Covenant, and the champion of all MacGuffins - pen. Episode 542: The Diary of Anne Frankenstein Adam vicious monster, or sensitive graduate student? Episode 543: The Problem With Harry Episode focused on Mrs Johnson's son Harry, who plays the least enjoyable actor in Dark Shadows history. Episode 544: Facts of Life Adam tries out the Green-skinned Cosmic Babe maneuver on Carolyn, using the classic reverse Kirk formation. Episode 545: Pet Teacher Nicholas Blair has a new project to work with, while Angelica gropes for something substantial to do. Episode 546: A slightly dull discussion of why the hospital's general profile and dark shadows are basically the same show. Episode 547: Justice in Hell Part 2 comparison and contrasting exercise between Dark Shadows and General Hospital. Episode 548: Bleak Lives Matter For his next trick, The Great Nicholas turns his beautiful assistant Angelica into prunes. August 1968 Episode 549: Take What You Want Adam's At-Home Curriculum takes a dark turn. Episode 550: The afternoon after Carolyn attacked Adam and she turns to Professor Stokes to figure out what to do about it. Episode 551: The Cruel World as Adam continues to dominate the storyline, we do an overview of what Barnabas has been up to since Vicky returned from 1795. Episode 552: Hooked on Adam's Acoustics there's new things to say, and a new dictionary to tell them with. Episode 553: What not to do Vicky trapped in Adam's room, and so we're apparently forever. Episode 554: Fresh Blood What Do You Do When America Falls in Love with Your Vampire Show and You No Longer Have a Vampire? Episode 555: Everyone tied Nicholas and Adam to stand in a dirty room and talk about what they're going to do with the kidnapped governess. Episode 556: The apotheosis of a good deputy meets a seductive vampire lady as Dark Shadows figure out what it is. Episode 557: Race Monsters Barnabas and Julia take time out from a busy plot to meet junior detectives. Episode 558: A long, hot summer I finally get around to writing about the civil rights movement and his connection to Frankenstein's fiancee. Episode 559: All You Deserve Nicholas, Joe and Maggie locked in a fight over who is the most interesting person in the scene. Episode 560: Messing around with dead people woe to them who seek deeply to hide their advice from the Lord. Episode 561: Angelica's Big Dream lures Joe into her clutches, in yet another scene that reminds me of the Maltese Falcon. Episode 562: It's Just Not That In Supernatural controlled by You We'll consider the show's new handsome boy in danger of a motif as vampire Angelica turns Joe into a piece of meat. Episode 563: Feeling Myself is a list of 32 things I like about this episode, in the order of appearance, with a particular focus on beautiful boys in danger, and the introduction of Miss Beverly Atkinson. Episode 564: Dig Dug Barnabas, Julia and Willie have a family To the cemetery. Episode 565: Weird Science Barnabas and Julia argue about what kind of plot to care about. Episode 566: Hangover Barnabas tries to figure out what happened to Julia, who is the last victim of a vampire. Episode 567: The show goes to Adam throwing Jeff's head on a part of the set that you shouldn't be thrown on, and I spend the rest of the episode wondering if he's okay. Episode 568: You Want Vicky to Die Jeff finds a secret murder lab in the basement of the Old House, and ends in an involuntary night interview. Episode 569: Liz Mis'anables Elizabeth is cursed and Julia is vampire-bitten, so they organize intra-party spooky competition. Episode 570: Friday's Fridspeak Barnabas sticks out one of the rogue vampires in a particuarly bug-prone episode. British Invasion (Bloodlust) Here are some more thoughts on Big Finish's new dark shadow audio drama, because I have and you might as well hear about them. September 1968 Episode 571: Rising Stakes Barnabas fights Tom in another Drak-on-Druck violence accident. Episode 572: Junior Detectives Barnabas and Julia play their favorite game as they investigate the horrific events at the House of the Sea. Episode 573: This strange way that you behaved stretched on vampire feeding, Joe asks Maggie to help him kick the habit. Episode 574: A Commercial Mystery Look at Gum Cards, which offer precious snippets of dark Shadows life for as little as five cents, plus a stick of chewing gum. Episode 575: Crazy Talk Show just goes crazy again, with vampires, Frankenstein monsters, time travelers and grave robbers. Episode 576: When They Think I'm Dead these scared cats on CBS move the Secret Storm out of the 4:00 p.m. timeslot, so it doesn't have to compete with the unstoppable ratings juggernaut that dark shadows. Episode 577: Carolyn's Artificial Intelligence doesn't know what to do with Adam, and doesn't make writers. Poor planning is a bit of an epidemic. Episode 578: Doubler Something Terrible Happened to Carolyn. Episode 579: Sproatinger's Cat Is one of those episodes where Jeff in the basement talks to Barnabas about Vicky, and Vicky upstairs talks to Julia about Professor Stokes. Episode 580: Temporary sanity Jeff is forced to help build another Frankenstein monster. Episode 581: Light My Fire It doesn't look like a Frankenstein movie, and The Lord knows it doesn't look like a soap opera, so why does Angelica's life force experiment look so familiar? Episode 582: Can't let me know that Barnabas's scene wants an explanation. Episode 583: Every Woman We Know: I Have Barnabas says: The body that gives vitality will be... Episode 584: Fugitives of Life in studio Dark Shadows is even more fraught than usual; this is the one where they had to tape the dress rehearsal. Episode 585: Halloween War with Frankenstein's Bride story stretches, we ditch the show and spend the day playing the infusion game Dark Shadows. Episode 586: The Invisible Woman Adam tries to kill Vicky, without much success. Episode 587: In which I just can't even with this How do you even begin to explain why Frankenstein's monster plays the hot game of passive-aggressive solitaire while the vampire describes his process of choosing a victim? Episode 588: Maggie Evidence Willie and Maggie's Stuck in the Mausoleum, a review of old business. Episode 589: In the smallest words perhaps Vicky tries to explain things to Roger, without much success. 13 Reasons Why You Should Buy Bloodlust Explaining Why Big Finish's Dark Shadows audio drama miniseries should be a part of your life. Episode 590: This old house is the whole episode today people are arguing about whether they should go upstairs or down. Episode 591: The Sounds of Science Barnabas and Julia run the Bride of Frankenstein experiment over and over again, this time with Carolyn in the title role. October 1968 Episode 592: And Wall dropped Adam trying to tuck Carolyn's life force back into her body, but it's like trying to get toothpaste back into a tube. It's a one-way street. Episode 593: Missing Adam is on his way to the slaughter of the whole family. When he steps into action, Barnabas drinks a glass of water. Episode 594: Weak Shoddy's Opponent Nicholas summons the most evil woman in history to be the life force of the bride, and uses the satanic power of anagrams to cover her tracks. Episode 595: Julia's Electric Ladyland flips some switches, twiddles some pens, and brings Adam's mate to life. Episode 596: The Phantom of Eva Fortress opens its eyes - experiment success! - but Professor Stokes has an alarming newsflash from the fridge door. Episode 597: Eva's Three Faces Professor Stokes is suspicious of Eva, but she refuses to answer his questions; she just stands around looking unhinged. Episode 598: The Great Sproat Caper Carolyn, David and Professor Stokes found themselves in a whirlwind post-plot development of retcons. Episode 599: Live, Die, Repeat Maggie runs away from the mausoleum, and the show makes a crazy dash for the reset button. Episode 600: Mate that fate made me create for Eve resents Nicholas's plan for her and Adam because she is awesome, while Barnabas, Julia and Stokes hold a session because it's the same. Episode 601: The Last Days of Ron Sproat There's chaos on and off the screen as Dan Curtis, Ron Sproat and Sam Hall play a tug of war with the show. Episode 602: Neuralizer Nicholas the table, watches TV on smartmirror, plays a prank on Jeff and generally acts like a boss. Episode 603: Television Without Pity Roger smashes Elizabeth's toy mausoleum. Episode 604: Sedating play Elizabeth dies temporarily, and everyone gets all alarmed about it. Episode 605: Crazy World We Take Another Side trip to 1968 pop culture, with one hit wonder wearing a flaming hat. Episode 606: Late Mrs. Collins Is Barnabas's Worst Nightmare - His Ex-Wife Wants to Be Together Again. Episode 607: In the world of turtlenecks Adam, Joe, Tom and Jeff are displayed on the sacrificial altar as Julia performs a ritual that ends the tyranny of the turtleneck forever. Episode 608: You're my angelica calls Barnabas, her new blood slave, and orders him to get rid of the guy he replaced. Episode 609: No one understands the dark shadows, but Me Eve tries to remember why she knows about the seasons. Episode 610: Unexplained You Eve recognizes Jeff as Peter Bradford, who she loved in the 18th century, apparently. Episode 611: Love Object Eva comes to give Jeff a good pursuit to. Episode 612: Reflections on the Golden Eye Saturday Evening Post explains the Dark Shadows in America. Episode 613: Joe Haskell Must Die Julia catches Barnabas in the act of feeding Joe the poison, and Barnabas explains that he didn't realize what time it was. Episode 614: Curtains, Foiled Again It's Halloween 1968, and the little kids of America watch the half-naked Joe throttled Barnabas with a rope. November 1968 Episode 615: The Truth About Cats and Dogs Sheriff Patterson Investigation finds itself deadlocked as usual, but Julia makes the startling discovery that leads to the third act of the 1968 saga. Episode 616: The Great 1968 Wrap-Up Barnabas is buried in the ground again as Ron Sproat kicks off a new phase of house cleaning. Episode 617: Roger to the aid of Roger catches Jeff and Eve having an intimate moment in the garden, and Jeff touches his face a lot. Not Roger's face, his own face. Episode 618: Stop trying Angelica plans to turn Barnabas into a vampire like she ever does anything else. Episode 619: Gunslinger Julia goes straight to the devil, pokes him in the eye and then asks why he's such a dick about it. Episode 620: Vicky's sets and violence brings Barnabas to one place where no one will ever find them - the West Wing of Collingwood. Episode 621: Better Medicine than Julia wants to save Barnabas from Angelica and make the story more interesting, not necessarily in that order, and Nicholas is determined to be no help at all. Episode 622: Heated Arguments on someone else's lawn You think you see two noisy women in dresses standing outside someone else's house and arguing about reincarnation and time travel. do you think that's what was written and filmed by adults and then broadcast Abc television at four o'clock in the afternoon. But it's not real. Episode 623: This happens Eva travels back in time in 1795 because she is crazy and reckless, and there is no excuse for her behavior. Episode 624: The Lost and the Little Ones Vicky and Liz are preparing for the traditional, sentimental wedding of a soap opera, which means they are completely doomed. Episode 625: Cold Feet Before we get to Vicky and Jeff's wedding ceremony, there are only a few questions we need to ask. Episode 626: An amazing new phenomenon Jeff digs up his own coffin and then decides it's time to skip the city. Episode 627: Bad Moon Rising The Great 1968 Wrap-Up puts on a new burst of speed as Dark Shadows opens up one to fabricate a member out the door, and allows a new walk straight to inch Episode 628: Horrible Bosses Angelica descends into the underworld to tell the devil what Nicholas now fully means to her. Episode 629: In many gloomy colors and now: Dark Shadows View-Master set proudly present the crazy show on Earth, in three dimensions. Episode 630: Vicky Ruins All The Role of Victoria Winters will be played by Miss Betsy Durkin, whether you like it or not. Episode 631: Goat is the new Wiki is a really bad remake, or is there another reason why Dark Shadows fans don't like her? Episode 632: Owl, Raven and Bat Dark Shadows goes as crazy as they possibly can, presenting a Black Mass wedding ceremony that is interrupted by a werewolf kill. Episode 633/634: All our dead have turned into skeletons Do you say you want a revolution? Time Travel, Part 4: I was just noticing your harpoon collection Another Dark Shades Pre-empt Thanksgiving special! We watch episode 4 of the 1991 Dark Shadows revival, which is one with all the demons of the fire lady. Episode 635: One Damn Thing After Another Is Adam's Last Stand, and he goes the way we always knew he would, under a hail of bullets, screaming and sedatives. December 1968 Episode 636: Missing Link So What Happened to Adam, Anyway? Episode 637: Bury Me a Little After Jeff Marries Vicky, he's pulled back into the mysterious them's past. Who are they and what do they want? Episode 638: Win a date with Jonathan Freed Fall '68: The Fourth Estate pay attention to the Dark Shadows, and Jonathan Freed is offered as a prize contest. Episode 639: Vampire excites wives, a young set of homeless bully Amy Jennings busts out of a shelter in the middle of the night, and makes Beeline for the biggest home she can find. Plus: meet Danny, 14. Episode 640: Bad Wolf Chris Jennings is a beautiful and charming bad boy with a heart of gold and a secret of grief. He's also a serial killer, but only occasionally. Episode 641: The Week Left Ghost story begins with Vicky clutching a broken wristwatch, and trying with the world of spirit. Spirit. 642: Mind Over Manners As Ghost Week '68 continues, Professor Stokes leads the session to contact Jeff, but they get the wrong number and eventually contact the other spirit. Episode 643: Interacting with Oscar No, they had no plan about quentin and Chris and the curse of the werewolf. It's the Dark Shadows, they never have a plan. Episode 644: Phoning It In David and Amy spend all day locked in a room, which means they still allow Ron Proat to write episodes. Episode 645: Spirited Away Everyone says that the ghost plot of quentin is based on the turn of the screw, but, as sometimes happens, everyone is misinformed. Episode 646: The Rotating quentin Collins appears on Dark Shadows for 42 seconds, and the show will never be the same again. Episode 647: David's Wire sets a trap for his father as the first step in the program destroying the descendant of quentin. Episode 648: Astral Disorders Freelance eccentric Madame Find explores a strange happening at Collingwood, using a spirit of guidance, psychic reading, and extravagant hand gestures. Episode 649: The Rise and Fall of Madame Janet Find: A Flame That Burns Twice Brightly Burns twice as long. Episode 650: Luckily ever before Victoria Winters makes a wish for a wristwatch, and it comes true, just in time for a happy ending. X1: Barnabas goes to the circus I'm away this week, so the rush of you, I present some weird things that I can not fit into the regular post. Today: Two stories from the world of dark shadows. X2: Everything Julia says in episode 361, in alphabetical order If you've always wanted to see everything Julia says in episode 361, in alphabetical order - today is your happy day. X3: Barnabas Collins and Poetry Slam is a very literary entry today as we study and catalog the three main schools of poetry Dark Shadows. X4: An uncertain and frightening journey I use Markov's circuit text generator to create the perfect narrative of the discovery of dark shadows. X5: This is a troubling problem today, we answer burning questions like what happened to Sarah and London Bridge, what happened to Tony, and how Barnabas get injured in a car accident. Episode 651: Julia's little assistant mother distributes the sedatives right and left as Liz becomes gloomy and Chris tries to escape from the full moon. Episode 652/653: Kill the Moon, Chris turns into a wild beast, saving viewers from being buried alive under Elizabeth's depression. Time Travel, Part 5: Consider Rhoda This is another Dark Shadows pre-emptive Christmas special where we discuss the Mary Tyler Moore Show. Obviously. Episode 654: Half an Hour wolf Joe struggles with a brutal werewolf attack with scissors and reckless disregard for the young set. We make a quick list of what's so cool about werewolves and then all the guys get off themselves. Episode 655: By Accident Introduction to the new character of support, Barnabas butler. Episode 656: Unspooky David and Amy engage in the least creepy creepy baby routine in history. Episode 657: Unpacking David and Amy try to trick adults into thinking that their haunted house is actually haunted. January 1969 Episode 658: Did he fall, or was he pressed? Saying goodbye to Joel Crothers, Joe packs in Windcliffe. Episode 659: Gone Girl Once Again, Victoria Winters follows her main directive, causing as much damage to space-time as she possibly can. We took the opportunity to address some important questions about ghosts, and orphans, and plane crashes, and the true meaning of the time bomb. Episode 660: The Secret of time Barnabas, Julia and Professor Stokes stand around and argue about how time works, in an extremely dark shadows-y episode of Dark Shadows. Episode 661: The Greatest Hits in the Cemetery, Barnabas tells Julia the story of the time when The Dark Shadows tried to make a music video show. Episode 662: This night Barnabas uses his magical vampire powers to return to 1796, where he meets an old enemy and a new friend. Episode 663: Being that way again varnava takes some time to bite as writers figure out what they've done wrong and where they want to go next. Episode 664: The Last Stand Sproat Good Writers take the time to figure out what they're going to do with the show, leaving Ron Sproat behind the nanny. Episode 665: Vicky Ruins All (Reprise) Vicky and Peter finally get their happy ending, leaving Barnabas and the audience in the wrong century. Episode 666: The second arrival of Julia and Willie bring back Barnabas from the past, clapping his hands and wanting very, very hard. Episode 667: Take the Actors, Please TV Guide Critic Watches The Week of Dark Shadows, and writes a review. Unfortunately, this is not one of the good weeks. Episode 668: Aristocrats David and Amy dress up in other people's clothes, and no one has a single interesting thing to say about it. Episode 669: Back my boyfriend Mrs. Johnson cleans the caretaker's cottage, and quentin Collins finally shows up for work again. Episode 670: Small World Chris moves into the caretaker's cottage, which is far from other people, but perhaps not quite far enough away. Episode 671: Dead Liz's phone book lies in a coffin for three weeks, which obviously means she knows everything that's going on. In addition, the werewolf does his famous mirror routine. Episode 672: Werewolf night wolf man chases his girlfriend through the woods until she reaches the grave of her mostly dead mother and then all hell breaks out. Episode 673: Shambls Barnabas and Julia grab all the weapons they can find and get out in search of trouble. Episode 674: Donna from the Dead Beautiful, Moody's TV series Chris Jennings got into an awkward social situation that can only be solved in pain and blood. Episode 675: Unscooby Gang Barnabas and Julia travel around, protecting monsters from these children's intervention. Episode 676: The Murder Club of Barnabas invites Chris to join The Murder Club, his social network for monsters that kill people because sometimes you just can't file with you. Episode 677: Lycanthropology Dr. Hoffman catches up on some of the back issues of the journal Werewolf Medicine. Episode 678: Chris Jennings Must Die Chris was poisoned, and Barnabas and Julia are on stage. It's not exactly whodunnit; It's more of a reason to be a jelledun. Episode 679: Not going Amy tries to blow the whistle on a haunted house story, but she encounters a couple of unfortunate speed strokes. Episode 680: Room We Take Time Out from Ghost Story to look at all the interesting things David has in his bedroom. Seriously, that's what we're doing today. February 1969 Episode 681: Could He Speak? It's time for quentin to stop skulking in the shadows, and take his place as the main character. Is he ready? Episode 682: Four Maggie Maggie turns into Vicky is no problem. Dark Shadows actually has four Maggie's, and most of them are Vicky. Episode 683: The Very Last Ron Sproat Episode We Reach Another Important Turning Point in the History of Dark Shadows - The Day Writer Ron Sproat finally leaves the show and leaves my life. Episode 684: Barnabas Collins and the Mysterious Ghost The New Era of Dark Shadows begins as they always do, with Barnabas Collins opening a secret box. Episode 685: A Fish called Ezra There's a misunderstanding and mistaken identity as Dark Shadows discovers the second most important thing about quentin. X1: What does Barnabas say after he bit a girl? I have to go away this week for a conference, so instead of episodes, I'm going to post excerpts from Barnabas Collins's funny Vein. I apologize in advance. X2: Why did Barnabas become a vampire? Another sampling of jokes from Barnabas Collins in a funny vein. This post has a lot of jokes about blood banks. I'm trying to figure out how it might seem tempting. X3: What does Barnabas use in his coffee? It's Day 3 of our constant coverage of Barnabas Collins's Funny Vein. Today there are some jokes about Wolfman if it sweetens the pot. X4: Did Barnava ever drink milk? In today's look at Barnabas Collins's funny Vein, Barnabas breaks out of the aesthetics of dark shadows, and basically becomes a one-man Addams family. X5: Why did Barnabas sell fangs for a dollar? We wrap up our week-long review of Barnabas Collins's new 1969 novelty joke book In a Funny Vein with the most brain-scrambling jokes ever written. Episode 686: The Case Raised Book Another Stranger expired in the living room of Collingwood, and junior detectives swing into action. 687: You remind me of a new friend showing up in Collingwood, with an old face. Episode 688: Basically cloudless time stands still for a series of awkward social encounters as Barnabas, Julia and Maggie try to cope with another in a series of tiresome characters by Roger Davis. Episode 689: The First Era of Theremin It's Time for a hot new single to fall: The theme of Barnabas from Dark Shadows (ABC TV Network series). Episode 690: Laugh like Man Boys just don't like puzzles and other thoughts from a haunted house. Episode 691: Bechdel Trial The Final Stage of the Collinwood Siege begins, as quentin openly declares war on the family. They don't take it well. Episode 692: The New Mischief Maggie falls in love with Barnabas, David and Amy are obsessed with demons, and Collingwood falls under the influence of one of the Beatles, probably George Harrison, in the paperback library novel by Barnabas Collins vs. the Sorcerer. Episode 693: Sticks and Stokes Professor Stokes leads the exorcism of Collingwood to banish the spirit of quentin Collins and save the boy's life. This is a huge success. Episode 694: Surrendering for the first time in two centuries, the Collins family left Collingwood, leaving him crazy, violent and aimlessly eccentric. Episode 695: The Ghost of the Exile quentin has taken over Collingwood, and the living Collinses all live elsewhere. Episode 696: The Ghost of the House Hunters of quentin took hostages, and Barnabas and Willie mount a rescue attempt, armed only with flashlights and good intentions. Episode 697: The young and restless ghost of quentin Collins dresses the residents of Collingwood and play with them, and the good guys have no idea what's going on. Episode 698: Act's sister Ned Stewart is going to help her sister Sabrina recover from a werewolf attack, even if he has to rub his face all over her to do so. Episode 699: A player in the dying days of fading storyline, it's time for the ritual to lead to the revival of the show, with some help from Jim Morrison and the Tibetan book the Dead. Episode 700: I Ching Body Electric Professor Stokes presents iChing, Apple's new destructive divination technology. March 1969 Episode 701: The most important thing about quentin eccentric millionaire Barnabas Collins takes an astral journey in the late 19th, where crazy gypsies plan to rob jewelry, Young Danny falls in love and we meet an amazing black sheep named quentin. Episode 702: Vampire Strikes back Barnabas makes a new friend, Jamieson gets a new boat, and quentin starts recruiting new collaborators, choking people. Episode 703: The Problem of Beth Barnabas/Julia Chemistry works even when Julia wears brown makeup and pretends to be someone else, while the quentin/beth story is sprayed on the launch pad. Episode 704: It's just so happens Grabs the sword from the wall and threatens to kill Barnabas, which is the way the Collins family say well to meet you. Episode 705: Inmates Emily Post Judith interrupts one of the attempted murders of quentin for the second time in two days, and Barnabas gets a long-overdue time face to face with Edith. Episode 706: Cliffhung trapped in 1897, Barnabas meets more members of the Collins family, each of whom is nuttier than the last. Episode 707: Another Jane The Other governess arrives at another house filled with romance and furniture and terrible secrets. Episode 708: Will Power participates in a high-stakes deep cover operation in the 1890s, Barnabas antagonizes Edward, Magda, Jamieson, quentin and everyone who happens. Episode 709: Forget that Barnabas explains to quentin that the spirit of the unfinished business can linger to haunt a house that is one hundred and eighty degrees counterproductive. Episode 710: Was caught stealing everything quentin did, it's a steal his grandmother will have, and now everyone is now a common jerk about it. Episode 711: Let's twist again quentin and Evan call Angelica out of the fireplace, and back to the show where she belongs. Episode 712: The Infinite Story of Angelica claws her way back to the surface of the world, just in time to see Barnabas hand another music box to the latest iteration of Josette. Episode 713: Meet the Staff In this episode, Barnabas shares all her secrets with Magda and involves her in all his plans, which means they're friends now, and she's basically Julia. Episode 714: Inherit The Win Basics of the Great Estate trembles as Edith throws a golden apple in the middle of the living room and forces her grandchildren to fight for it. Episode 715: Mystery Mysterious Clue Rachel tries to get into the tower room because she has a cross between Jane Eyre and Nancy Drew, in a love triangle with Count Dracula and Abigail of Crucible. More: Interview with Violet Welles for an additional Sunday treat - a full 1991 interview with writer Violet Welles from the World of Dark Shadows, offering an amazing behind the scenes glimpse into the writer's crazy life Dark Shadows. Episode 716: Generation Gap Barnabas Collins finally appears in prime time, though it's not quite Barnabas's dark shadows as much as Barnabas's Barnabas Collins's funny Vein. Episode 717: Mom Weirdest Bride Frankenstein's camp diva femme fatale is back as Mad Jenny Collins, armed with scissors and looking for trouble. Episode 718: Other than my wife Angelica reads the episode guide aloud, quentin calls Baal out of nowhere, and Magda completes her transition to Julia with a wig on. Plus, the first appearance of a new cast: a slow two-wheel-drive. Episode 719: Haunt You Magda tells quentin he will be stabbed to death in two days by a woman The name starts with J, but she probably says that for everyone. Episode 720: Halfway the blog reaches halfway through this strange and terrifying journey through dark shadows, and celebrate, we read another issue of the comic book The Golden Key: Fire of Darkness! Episode 721: Dead Again The Late quentin Collins is on the floor and covered with a mountain, while the other characters stand side by side and deliver about sixty percent of their dialogue. Episode 722: Uncle Deadly quentin's closest and loved ones mourn their loss in the only way they know how - screaming, and playing records. April 1969 Episode 723: Pride and Prejudice and the zombies and vampires of quentin returned from the dead like any other soap opera character ever. Episode 724: The exquisite corpse of the zombie quentin picks up the governess and carries her away, which turns out, is not really what zombies do. Episode 725: The troubled zombie quentin returns to the cemetery and loses aside, which is another thing that the zombies don't. Episode 726: The Return of Reverend Trask puts the spirit of quentin back where it belongs, just in time for quentin and Barnabas to have another passionate conversation about their relationship. Episode 727: Nick and Jane Here They Are, making a simple prequel traveling back in time to turn the screw starring Count Dracula when Reverend Trask busts, and brings two other novels with him. Episode 728: Pacher quentin comes back to life, and Barnabas bites a new victim, and Nora draws hieroglyphics, and no one explains anything. Episode 729: Goodnight Edward and Beth have a secret, Nora has a bad dream and no one has anything interesting to say. Episode 730: How I Met Your Mother explores the supernatural similarities between Laura Collins and the Tomb cybermen. Episode 731: Mrs. Burns Laura was sacrificed on a burning bonfire by Alexandria's firefighters, and now she's standing in the living room. This raises an important question: what the hell is a fire priest? Episode 732: Varnava's Rules of Engagement finds Angelica standing over quentin, who is cold on the carpet and on the border of death. Angelica sees it as a romantic opportunity. Episode 733: Beautiful Men Play Devil Minerva Trask appears in Collingwood, with a new supply of backstory for Rachel. Episode 734: Tim Don's tragedy of Briscoe appears on the show as the deeply unromantic Tim Shaw, which means it's time for our behind-the-scenes game to guess: Did he fall, or was he pushed? Episode 735: The Book of Punishment Laura lights a candle while Reverend Trask curses the darkness. Episode 736: All about the fact that Vase quentin finds a magic urn and wraps an eternal flame as the New Jersey network picks up a check and the third year begins. Episode 737: Sacred Bull Flame in Laura's Magic Urn Went, but Instead of Dying normal person, she attaches to a passing gardener and asks the Sun God for a miracle. Episode 738: Little Games quentin tries to explain to Jamieson why killing his mother seemed like a good idea at the time. It's not going well. Episode 739: Another strange noon Barnabas sees an old flame, Angelica offers dating tips, and Reverend Trask sees many things. Episode 740: The local Salon of Cunning Barnabas carries oil paintings around, so he can spring it on to people as a surprise. Episode 741: Lunch Date with The Fate of Barnabas wants some information from quentin, and quentin answers the only way he knows how: flirting is outrageous. Episode 742: Home One Special Guest star Joe Leadter writes a post today, and tells the truth about the truth of the hug, grinning and what happens when all adults go out for the evening. Episode 743: Stand Next to Barnabas Is a Date Night for quentin and Barnabas, and they play their first round of junior detectives. May 1969 Episode 744: Jenny's Crazy Little Thing is on the loose again, and she uses Collingwood's most abundant natural resource: the murder weapon. Episode 745: Meet OK Corral quentin and Beth a romantic moment at gunpoint, and Magda makes a shocking, funny and wonderful discovery. Episode 746: Love the Life of the Unfortunate People of Magda has a plan to save Jenny and solve all the problems, so naturally it must be stopped at all costs. Episode 747: Die Laughing Barnabas and Judith come up with a plan to capture Jenny, and we ask the crucial question: Why can't quentin take anything seriously? Episode 748: Misunderstanding Poor Little Rich Boy quentin Collins has spent the last week telling everyone he's going to kill Jenny. Then he killed her, and all of a sudden he didn't want to do it. Episode 749: The Big Break, in which David Selby discovered 16 Magazine, and haunts forever. Episode 750: Gypsy Ascendant Magda imposes a curse on quentin, and then stands alone to enjoy the ensuing massacre. Episode 751: Dorcas Day There's a new monster to lose on the big Collingwood estate, hunting for redshirts. Episode 752: The one where Evan Ruins the carpet of quentin returns home after a long night, with a headache and a ripped shirt and do not know what happened. Everyone blames the gypsies. Episode 753: Dog days Jamieson is locked in a closet and Beth takes refuge in a pentagram as a werewolf runs around in the woods looking for midnight snacks. Episode 754: The Hunger Games Edward struggles to cope with Barnabas, this crazy cloak who thinks he can beat the werewolves. Episode 755: This means that Laura's war decides that she has a new make-up term when she's going to burn her kids, and that's coming soon. It won't be long. Episode 756: I know you are, but what I am Is Laura and have a school fight over someone's diary, making mutual vows to destroy each other. Episode 757: Drunk HIstory Angelica assembles her skilled team of drunken kaiju operatives to save Barnabas. Episode 758: Give me the strength to crush my enemy quentin and Angelica calling Ra, Sutech and Mara to fight the phoenix, while young Danny has an awkward moment at home. Episode 759: Kill Me, Maybe Angelica dies in the fire, for almost seventeen minutes this time. Episode 760: Light Fuse and Get Away Barnabas questions incomprehensible instructions, Edward bristles with a mustache, and Laura's light pilot finally comes out. Episode 761: After school, Barnabas intentionally pokes holes in Edward's persuasion barrier, and troubled teen quentin has an after-school moment. Episode 762: Agents of Dark Shadows They A Chance Remark offers new ideas in them, a dark and dark organization, manipulating events from behind the scenes. Who was the old lady in Providence? What was Paul Stoddard really doing on his last night at Collingwood? And why does Charity Trask have blue eyes? Episode 763: The one where Magda learns the story of a werewolf snaps into the spotlight with yet another devastating twist. Episode 764: Straight Outta Collinsport Barnabas, Julia and quentin travel to distant places as we listen to the last two Big Finish audio plays, and try to figure out whether Dark Shadowsness is portable. Episode 765: Rabbit Season Barnabas and Magda go werewolf hunting. It must be one of those extreme sports you hear about. June 1969 Episode 766: You have to admit that it is the point quentin makes one of the classic mistakes: never get involved in a land war in Asia, and don't mess with Dorcas Trilling. Episode 767: Elegy for David C Dr. Julian Hoffman offers some sleep analysis as Jamieson wakes up with a fantastic idea for a half poem. Episode 768: Number One with the bullet of Barnabas and quentin claim both Jonathan and David make their long-held dreams come true. Episode 769: Crazy Ex-Boyfriend Dirk Wilkins puts on a one-man show about revenge, secrets and little pulsating things. Episode 770: Clockwork Barnabas, Jamieson, Edward and Beth walk back and forth between Collingwood and The Old House, spreading confusion and panic everywhere they go. Episode 771: Psycho Karl interrupts the vampire hunt to introduce Pansi Fay, his unsuitable bride Cockney choir girl, straight out of Blandings Castle. Episode 772: Nothing Lasts We Take a Moment to Celebrate the Demise of Star Trek, which was canceled in June 1969 and has never been heard from again. Episode 773: The Pursuit and Murder of Minerva Trask, played by Tim Shaw, directed by the Marquis de Sade, Tim looks calm, with a funny smile on her face, like the woman he killed fighting for the last painful breath. Episode 774: What Happened Dirk Freshman Vampire Dirk Tears Through Like a buzz; he must be the most hungry vampire in history. Episode 775: Winner Is Dirk vs. Barnabas in a totash battle for the title of the coolest vampire on the show. Fortunately, Barnabas has a plan. Episode 776: Blood Sports After last week's dominant show, Vampire Dirk makes three fatal mistakes, all of them manning staffing related. Episode 777: All Point Updates from 1897 Police blotter. Episode 778: Pocket full of Kryptonite Magda returns from his trip to visit the King of Gypsies with a wonderful treasure that will solve everything: the mystery box! Episode 779: Blood and Thunder Barnabas thinks all Jozette, Angelica announces the deadline, and quentin undergoes his final initiation into the murder club. Episode 780: The Creation of a Vampire Barnabas is being hunted by residents wielding torches and pitchforks, but don't worry! He has a plan. Episode 781: Hunting Reverend Trask learns how not to catch a vampire, in nine simple lessons. Episode 782: Don't Leave Home We Check Out With a Paperback Library Again for Book 14, Barnabas Collins and Demon quentin. This is the first book that includes quentin, plus there's a waltz, a dead bat, a fat police chief and a long series of socially uncomfortable dishes. Episode 783: Barnabas and Magda's Helping Hand huddles in a cave, trying to convince a magical severed hand to fly across town and heal the sick. Episode 784: The things that people say when they've escaped from sensible things to say well, your psychic abilities seem to have let you down! Episode 785: We interrupt this program Judith has news for his brothers that it is so striking he temporarily turns Dark Shadows back into a soap opera. Episode 786: Blog Post on Original Music from Dark Shadows with Robert Cobert's Orchestra - Featuring Jonathan (Barnabas) Fried and David (quentin) Selby's Dark Shadows soundtrack album falls, and it's full of vampire brainwashing fantasies, dramatic bites, poetry, percussion, werewolf attacks, and fan service for desperate housewives. July 1969 Episode 787: Dog Pound Barnabas gets caught trying to spring a wolf man out of jail, and someone stole his magic hand. It's a bad night for the Killing Club. Episode 788: Mrs Judith is haunted by the first Mrs. Trask, who is not allowed to be dead to get in the way of her crackpot revenge schemes. Episode 789: My wife and my dead wife are worried about the possibility of the ghost of Minerva haunted by Collingwood, Evan and Trask to make a brilliant plan: conjure up the ghost bait! Episode 790: The Tale said we check out another writer's take on the current storyline. Episode 791: Sign the paper as Judith prepares for her summer vacation, we do some story forensic work to determine what happened to the original plan for 1897. Episode 792: Dancing with the Wolves Just as quentin thinks he is advantage, in walks and his Dancing Girl. Episode 793: Puppeteer Faced with the challenge of launching an extended storyline, the writers do what they always do in these circumstances: they evoke Angelica. Episode 794: Victor and wolf a mysterious stranger comes to town. It's more mysterious than anything we've seen before, and a hell of a lot of strangers. Episode 795: The pits like quentin are strapped to the table, we're looking at what the hell Edgar Allen Poe was saying all the time. Episode 796: Death and Taxes Obviously, quentin won't die under this swinging pendulum, so we can look at something important like Barnabas and Angelica talking about their feelings. Episode 797: Meanwhile, in the present Desperate to save quentin from fulfilling the counter prophecy of doom, Barnabas is embroidering a plan so puzzling that even a fan of the Dark Shadows can't explain it. Episode 798: Everyone You Love Must Die We Mourn the Passing of Sandor Rakosi in the only suitable way for a soapy audience, namely: enjoying a funeral. Episode 799: When Halloween Jewelry Rules the World of Magda thinks she can solve everything with an axe and a fireplace, but the legendary hand has its own ideas. Episode 800: Sitting on a Tree There is only one thing in the world worse than writing about, and it's not written about. Episode 801/802: You Crook, Captain Hook Wolf Man and Gypsy Witch expose a mad god from a fairy kingdom that no one knows as a spell. Episode 803: What a fresh hell Edward returns from a hard day's work, and on a hard day at home. Episode 804: Another puppeteer Young Jamieson Petofi pulls the strings and makes the dolls dance, for a hand-picked audience of brand new adults. Episode 805: It's in his Kiss Big Finish producer Joe Lidster appears in my fireplace, so we can watch an episode of Dark Shadows together and talk about cocktails, Cockney, kisses and the terrible dangers of playing Scrabble alone. Episode 806: FML Jamieson obsessed, Charity annoys quentin, and Reverend Trask is haunted by a thunderstorm that doesn't exist. Episode 807: Dickens without poor people is a portrait of quentin changing into a werewolf, as seen in dorian Gray's painting and his many action-adventure cliffhangers. Episode 808: Twisting Count Petofi, the true hero of the show, comes with a whole new set of story points to explore. Episode 809: Twice Burned Charity find out that quentin is a werewolf, just so that Count Petofi can stroll on set and fix all the problems of quentin. August 1969 Episode 810: The most dangerous game As the show gets darker and more murdery, Milton The company offers a different kind of dark shadows experience. Episode 811: Deadbeat dad Lenore is sick, and quentin rushes to her aid because he's obviously the most devoted father in the world. Episode 812: While You Were Out Tim Shaw returns to town, with a new girl that he took to Broadway. Episode 813: Happy Ghosts Meanwhile, in another spooky old mansion of the American imagination, 999 restless spirits open their squeaky doors and invite us in. Episode 815: Time TV with the legendary hand of Count Petofi on the legendary wrist, he opens his magic closet and invites Barnabas to watch Dark Shadows. Episode 816: Summer Count Petofi walks down the stage, looks directly at the fourth wall, and shows us why it is impossible to remake Dark Shadows. Episode 817: Night in Casablanca The Amazing Count Petofi and his magic hand reveals the terrible mystery at the heart of the 1897 storyline. Also showing: a rare conversation in a coffin. Time Travel, Part 7: Here We Go Again It's another Dark Shadows pre-emption special where we watch an episode of the 1991 revival and try to figure out what it all means. This time, Vicky was thrust back in time in the 18th century to take another shot at the reboot. Episode 818: Green Light We Reach the Final Major Turning Point in the History of dark shadows - the day when MGM greenlights the House of Dark Shadows. It's not good news that you might expect it to be. Episode 819: War and Peace As Aquarius Exhibition of Peace and Music breaks out on a dairy farm somewhere, Count Petofi waves his legendary hand and shows people visions of his own death. Episode 820: The Hand Shakedown Gypsies are looking for the legendary hand of Count Petofi, so there's only one thing to do: dig up the grave, and make the legendary bait. Episode 821: Magda's Big Switch is brought to gypsy justice by King Johnny and his huge, partially dressed companion Istvan. Episode 822: Giant Evil Power We travel into the second dimension to check with the residents of the Collingwood trading card. Episode 823/824: Deadly Tamburin quentin comes up with another bright idea to free Barnabas from Petofi's clutches, and it involves closing doors and opening windows and drinking cognac and looking at the clock. Episode 825: The plot of watching the sweat of quentin passes without a hitch, except that it's already half an hour late, and someone is poisoned. Episode 826: Hungarian Crime Story King Johnny Roman brings Magda to court before the jury of the deceased killer of a pirate gypsy from Boston. Episode 827: Barnabas' Bat Cloud appears and saves the day, by killing someone and then hosting a fashion show. Episode 828: My skeleton My friend Stephen Robinson joins me today to watch Dark Shadows and talk about time travel, live theater, Vietnam, Abe 200, and why everyone on the show is so stressed at work. Episode 829: Things that happen when Count Petofi is not around everything goes completely back to normal. Episode 830: The book I wrote the story of another impossible, time-travel book - my 1986 laptop Dark Shadows summary. September 1969 Episode 831: Crash Kaiju five villains were left alone in Collingwood for the evening, so they try to kill each other with silver bullets and control the mind and suffocation and establish the design. Episode 832: Triangle Factory Is a Good Day for quentin - he beats the curse, off Trask, and racks up his third consecutive love triangle. Episode 833: 3D Printing - Early years sinister Count Petofi performs what no other Dark Shadows character has ever done, namely making a plan six weeks in advance. Episode 834: What-Thatters Young Heiress explores a haunted house with a pair of professional ghost-disturbs in the pilot episode for Dead of Night, Dan Curtis's first attempt at a bottle of Dark Shadows of Magic. Episode 835: Meanwhile, in the future meanwhile, Barnabas plans to go into the future to find out what he needs to prevent in the past, in order to keep the present. He also writes a letter, and hides it in the table for seventy years. Episode 836: Murder, she wrought After six months, Barnabas still did not fix the quentin's ghost problem, so Julia finally steps in and takes over. Episode 837: Julia Hoffman's Trip opens the doors of perception, expanding her mind and connecting it with all living things through the general consciousness. She also travels through time and meets some new actors. Episode 838: Just Shoot Me, Finally, the moment we've all been waiting for: the death of quentin Collins, probably. Episode 839: Gods Laugh Sometimes We Finally Get What We Want - Barnabas, Julia and quentin, all in the same room, with Angelica waiting back in Collingwood. This is the best dark Shadows script. Episode 840: Adult Count Petofi threatens to touch Julia's face, Charles Delaware Tate smashes the decor, and Romance quentin writes checks that he can't cash. Episode 841: Through the Window, and what Alice Found There Count Petofi throws sticks I Ching and opens the doors of perception, but his vibrations are bad, his head space is wrong and he got too many hangs. Episode 842: Graduation Day Julia walks away from the shot, invents a new theory of time travel, cures vampirism and gets all the funny lines. Episode 843: I can make you man Charles Delaware Tate spontaneously creates a man out of the air and graphite, but not one of the good ones. Episode 844: These Adults Intervention Meanwhile, Saturday a new creature is born. He has five goals and twelve legs and he will run forever. Episode 845: Barnabas Collins Must Die He Asked for It. Episode 846: The plan meets the world of the show's main character is dead, so today we get a few minor characters, arguing about who belongs, in which plot. Episode 847: ... And Carry On An Information Management episode where the characters learn that Barnabas is dead, and start making plans for the afterlife. Episode 848: Brought to You by quentin tells Amanda that he loves her. Then he meets the laws. Episode 849: Here today Barnabas travels to Illinois to become a professional tennis player, Rachel gets shot and goes on safari, and Amanda heads to London. Does someone else show up for work? Episode 850: Proof of Your Perfidy Full Episode trask Trash Talk. You'll see, quentin. You will see! Strange Paradise, Episode 1: Dry Ice Burns We take a week's vacation from The Dark Shadows to watch Strange Paradise, a 1969 Canadian knock-off that is full of secrets and thunderstorms and portraits and mice, with a cameo appearance literally the worst actress you'll ever see. Strange Paradise, Episode 2: Crypt Kicker Continuing our week trapped on the mysterious island of Strange Paradise, a whiny main character obsessed with the spirit of a guy who is way more interesting than he is, and somehow it's a problem. Strange Paradise, Episode 3: Church and Estate It's Day 3 of our special week to watch the Canadian supernatural soap Strange Paradise, where we get a little old time religion mixed with old time soap trails. Strange Paradise, Episode 4: Cryonic Woman As Our Week With the Ongoing Saga Strange Paradise Continues, we ask some pointed questions about plot development, cryogenic suspension, and the right way to get rid of malicious oil painting. Strange Paradise, Episode 5: When Raxle attacks our week with a strange paradise culminates in a question we never thought we'd ask: What would Sproat do? Episode 851: Everybody Hates quentin goes six rounds with his enemies, otherwise known as the rest of the world. Episode 852: Who's Afraid of Violet Heles? Two unfortunate couples on a collision course involving alcohol, insults and a quick round get guests. Episode 853: Head Game Three Years, Katherine Lee Scott finally finds her light. Episode 854: Positively, as Beatle David Selby is taken to Baltimore, where he sits on a convertible and waves into the crowd and thinks about what he's doing with his life. Episode 855: Ring Count Petofi is finally ready to unveil his master plan for quentin Collins. Not today, obviously, but pretty soon. Dark Shadows Comic Strip, Part 1: Torture of the Undead I'm Out of Town for a few weeks, so instead of regular episodes, we'll be looking at comic dark shadows which gives a chilling answer to the question: What happens to the Collins family after the TV show is over? Dark Shadows Comic Strip, part 2: A Forever Death Is the second day of our special feature on the 1971 Dark Shadows comic, where we find Barnabas Collins vibrating, ominously. Dark Shadows Comic Strip, Part 3: Bite of Love Isis, an ancient Egyptian goddess of nature and magic, searches for the Sunday soul of her husband Osiris, and you'll never guess where she finds him. Dark Shadows Comic Strip, part 4: Ptainted Love The Dark Shadows comic tells a classic boy-meets-ancient-Egyptian-goddess story, and Barnabas Collins takes a tour of The Frids through the ages. Dark Shadows Comic Strip, Part 5: Try to Forget There's a Werewolf Lose in the Dark Shadows comic, and we ask the crucial question: are the dark shadows of history cursed? Dark Shadows Comic Strip, Part 6: Millennial War Continuing our special feature on the 1971 Dark Shadows comic, we are witnessing the return of a whole new century-old nemesis. Dark Shadows Comic Strip, Part 7: Swipe left Barnabas and Angelica to fight the forces of Evil, for some reason. Dark Shadows Comic Strip, Part 8: The Ballad of Big Boy Strange Visitor arrives at the great Collingwood estate, and threatens everyone who lives there, even pets. Dark Shadows Comic Strip, part 9: Betrayal of images of Dark Shadows comic killed TV show, and now it's coming for us. There's only one thing to do: unsubscribe a comic book, and make sure it never exists. Dark Shadows Comic Strip, Part 10: Do-Over Our special feature on Dark Shadows Comic concludes, with an impossible rewrite of a false story that never happened. October 1969 Episode 856: Switcheroo Count Petofi reveals his stunning master plan as quentin changes his mind once again. Episode 857: All of his quentin Collins and Count Petofi swapped bodies, which raises the question: Aren't they basically the same person anyway? Episode 858: The Woman Who Wasn't There quentin digs a hole, Angelica plans a wedding, and Julia screams at the soundtrack, in an avant-garde reprise of the fall 1968 1968 point story, made right this time. Episode 859: If I were you dressed in each other's bodies after a particularly quirky Friday, quentin Collins and Earl of Petofi learn that he would like to see the world from the perspective of the other guy. Episode 860: Mesa of Lost Women Kitty Hampshire walks around, asking everyone why she feels drawn to things. They're not sure. Episode 861: Intangible Back From Her Summer Vacation in a Sanatorium, Judith Collins Goes Straight into a Full Time War. Episode 862: JJ For two centuries, the restless spirit of Jeremiah Collins has been haunting a large estate, and it doesn't work. Where does he go from here? Episode 863: Sin and Judith returned home from nuthatch, which means trouble for Trask, in a well-liked plot twist of the sort that Dark Shadows don't really do anymore. Episode 864: Down the Hatch Angelique opens a manhole in the world and enters a mysterious space where people build brick walls in the middle of caves. Episode 865: Things people say while they wait for Barnabas to come back from vacation I'm just trying to point out the absurdity of it all! Episode 866: Briar Patch Count Petofi locks Angelica in a cave and tells her everything he knows. Episode 867: Nothing Of My Sleeve by Barnabas Collins, in a cave, in a coffin, with a stake in his heart. And all you have to do is find a vampire... Episode 868: The New Storm Man threw Fried washes on the shore of the doctor's office, with the same old face and fishy new backstory. Episode 869: Schrodinger's Vampire What Happens When Schroedinger Opens a Mysterious Box and the Cat Refuses to Play? Episode 870: Cat Collapse There in barnabas field and Barnabas's bed, a quantum superposition that refuses to tackle. Who will help us get our reality back in shape? Episode 871: Give Me Back My Talent Four Weeks into an insanely accelerated production schedule, the Dark Shadows crew fantasizes about having duplicates themselves to do all the extra work. Episode 872: Tick Talk Count Petofi has a portrait, a suitcase, a map, money and the 49th hexagram, and he is ready to go into the future. What could go wrong? Episode 873: Violent Majority Supernatural Serial Killer Barnabas Collins visits another large estate to scare disadvantaged children at Tricia Nixon's Halloween party. Episode 874: Rape Kitty Soames All Josette wants for Kitty to stop existing, so that Jozette can have sex with his brother-in-law using Kitty's body. Is it really too much to ask? Episode 875: Switchback quentin Collins returns to where he came from. November 1969 Episode 876: The Curse of Caffeine As the villains of 1897 settle their differences in Thunderdome, we check with the comic Barnabas, who is tussling with his usual enemy, an evil man from the past. Episode 877: The Killing Club is still overwhelmed by the accelerated production schedule, Dark Shadows indulges in another fantasy in the workplace: killing your employees. Episode 878: Flight of the Conquered Beetle-browed undead chain-wielding maniac Garth Blackwood stomps on set, creating a new standard for daytime television. Episode 879: Aristede's Old Business in the Bedroom with a Revolver, Judith in the living room with poison, and Tim in the west wing with a spatula and a pile of bricks. Someone should probably check the conservatory for free candlesticks and lead pipes. Episode 880: Further Adventures of Other People With The cast is dropping like flies, we take another look at some of the latest Big Finish audio to see what happens to the dark shadows of the characters that manage to survive. Episode 881: Sunny Day The New Suspect Appears in Who Killed the Dark Shadows Murder Mystery Game. He's eight foot two, yellow, and he doesn't know how to count. Episode 882: Don't overnight warning comes out - quentin is in trouble! - and all his little forest friends rush to his aid. Episode 883: Tate Murder Reign of Count Petofi ends in fire and vengeance and pain, right on schedule. Episode 884: Widows of Hell 1897 plot concludes with a traditional parade of ruined lives as widows and orphans sift through the ashes, trying to find some peace. Episode 885: Not in the canvas more Barnabas goes even more back in time than he already was, and tries to stop the irresistible tragedy. Episode 886: The Sacrifice Dark Shadows cleans the house as we prepare for the dawn of a new crazy circuit, adapting H.P. Lovecraft's story of invisible cosmic horrors to a daily television soap opera. Episode 887: Whatever happens next Barnabas falls with a gang of grim graduate students, Julia hears voices, Caroline's skirt declares war, and a man walks around wearing shoes. It's a new storyline. Episode 888: Little Shop Carolyn and Julia visit a new antique shop, and meet a friendly couple who have just arrived from a spooky valley. Episode 889: It's from the past They've turned Barnabas into evil again, and he commits the most diabolical crimes of the soap opera: Resistance Summary. Episode 890: Barnabas's Curious Faith Leads Them Through Mysteries That Make Them React. Time Travel, Part 8: She's Me It's a pre-emption day, so we're watching another episode of the 1991 revival series. In this episode, the epic tragedy becomes even more epically tragic, as a team of new writers struggles to correct the terrible mistakes of the past. Episode 891: Curious People Two Reckless Antiques find the perfect object to complete their stockpile of hazardous materials. Episode 892: Welcome to the Dunwich Leviathans had countless centuries to decide on a pair of Favorites, and they landed on Megan and Philip. How do you explain something like this? Time Travel, Part 9: Frequent Flyers This is the second pre-emption special week, watching another episode of the 1991 revival of the series. This one is about witch hunters and zombies and diaries and eyebrows, and ends with the welcome return of an old friend. Episode 893: A Night of The Big Lies by Carolyn Stoddard meets her father for the first time, and it turns out the Dark Shadows of the soap opera after all. December 1969 Episode 894/895: Chairman Barnabas's Love reveals that he is the secret boss of the Leviathan people, then reopens it, and reopens it. Episode 896: Help sought in two weeks, global conspiracy falls apart, so they turn to the only person who can help them: a thirteen-year-old shoplifter. Episode 897: You're the worst Megan Todd sits alone in an antique shop for five minutes, jumping on the noises and ruining the show. Episode 898: Executive baby Megan and Philip are on the verge of destroying each other when they suddenly get a new supervisor, just in time for the last moment. Episode 899: Fam Dram With Space Monsters tentacles waiting in the wings, the Stoddard family makes their case for Dark Shadows as a soap opera. Your Lies and Spells (Blood and Fire) Big Finish sends Angelica back in time to destroy the Dark Shadows, just in time for her 50th birthday. Episode 900: The Long Con Barnabas presents Paul Stoddard with his final payment notice due, in a sequence that makes the story of Leviathan worthwhile. Episode 901: Sympathy for the Devil of the 1960s ends abruptly during a Rolling Stones concert, an event that offers an ominous warning about the future of dark shadows. Episode 902: Raising a Child Is another excerpt from parenting for the criminal madman, Dr. Spock, Dr. Jekyll and Dr. Phibes. Episode 903: Sentences taken by random from G.P. Lovecraft Stories that I didn't read a thing must have happened around three to thirty in the afternoon... Episode 904: Watching Detectives Elizabeth knows too much about the invisible horrors threatening her family, and there is only one thing to do. Cue a dream sequence! Episode 905: Waiting for quentin quentin kept us waiting for three weeks, and when he finally appears on set, he gets knocked unconscious and forgets who he is. It's not an appropriate team spirit. Episode 906: Little Caesar's New Child blows into town, calls himself Alexander. He has plans for Carolyn, big plans, which means Paul Stoddard is through. Savvy? Episode 907: Barnabas v Julia: Dawn of Justice Barnabas and Julia are on the way out; he refuses to participate in her storylines, and goes away to have scenes with other people. It's unbearable. Episode 908: Jim Henson's Gaslight Babies Miniature Crowd boss Alexander visits Collingwood for a playdate with a broken man. Episode 909: Another alias Julia tries to make quentin remember that he is quentin, or at least actively involved in the process. Episode 910: Epistemology Portrait We offer a critical analysis of the structured binary opposition between the signs of quentin Collins and Grant Douglas. Episode 911: Is Julia's joke sneaking into a public enemy #1 in Collingwood, to discuss time travel and how it doesn't work. Episode 912: Blink Barnabas Collins and Julia Hoffman have an intense, dramatic confrontation over who's going to get a glass of water. Time Travel, Part 10: Here's Why We Don't Have Good Things This is another Christmas pre-emption special in which the 1991 revival disappears, once to Ben Cross's nose. Episode 913/914: Death and Taxidermy Leviathan Child has another growth spurt, adopting a new identity of a spoiled rich child in a sweater. Episode 915: Walkback Leviathan is the story of the tanks, so the producers throw together an extraordinary episode that retcons the last six weeks and still doesn't make much sense. Episode 916: One of us Leviathans are falling in the polls, so they're making a desperate move for the public: What should you lose? Episode 917: Spoon Paul Stoddard patiently explains exactly what's going on. January 1970 Time Travel, Part 11: Judicial Error It's New Year's Eve 1970, and we're ringing in the new decade with another batch of the 1991 revival show. In today's episode, a twisted Victoria Winters is on trial for her life, while Barnabas stands outside and makes animal noises. Episode 918: Too Big to Not a Leviathan Scheme to Get Rid of Julia, for the third time this week. Episode 919/920/921: New Neighbors New Soap Opera appears on ABC's daytime schedule, and heads are about to roll. Episode 922: For my fans, the Audience Paperback Library offers an intimate look at Jonathan Freed, at work and in the game, in Barnabas Collins: Personal Image Album. Episode 923: Probably the thirteen-month plot of her quentin comes to a crushing climax that he doesn't realise is actually happening. Episode 924: A beautiful woman can Angelica find happiness as the wife of another multimillionaire? Episode 925: The Wolf of Wall Street Michael comes on the date of the game, and discovers the real purpose of board games. Episode 926: Shark, and How to Go Is a Beautiful Girl Trapped in a Secret Room That Doesn't Exist, while a monster that doesn't exist tells her not to be afraid. Episode 927: A Limited Amount of Tomorrow's Time And Meanwhile, in 1986, the New Jersey network canceled Dark Shadows, and it is destroyed and gone forever. Episode 928: Another day in the supernatural valley Michael dies, Megan cries, Philip whines, and Mrs. Hutchins talks to her parrot. Episode 929: Les Disposables All say that the problem with the leviathan story is that Barnabas is evil, so now he is not evil anymore. It fixes everything. Episode 930: The Man With The Feelings dark shadows writers are selling their new plot twists the only way they know how: with the miki, backacting and thinking. Episode 931: MPOV, in which we ask the question: Does a TV show have to include things you can really see on TV? Episode 932: Gate Heck quentin gives Amanda a medallion to forget it, and she responds by jumping off a bridge. Episode 933: King Kong vs. Godzilla quentin and Amanda choose their way through the treacherous netherworld under ABC Studio 16 as Paul Stoddard shudders to a halt. Episode 934: Pet Detective Another Stop Monster Commits unspeakable murder, and Julia Hoffman calls the police. What's she thinking? Episode 935: Monster later this week Jeb Hawkes, the dark angel of Altamont, says: Please let me introduce myself. Episode 936: Dynamics Man is dead, and this time, we're actually allowed to have some feelings about it. Episode 937: Jeb's Predator compiles a list of enemies that includes his supporters. We can't let this man become president. Episode 938: Dunwich Cuckoo Barnabas finally tells Julia exactly what didn't happen at the end of 1897. Episode 939: My Father's Killer, in which a zombie rises from the grave to witness a failed marriage proposal. Episode 940: Those whom the gods will destroy, they first give Ascot the new beautiful alpha monster arrived, and quentin Collins struggles to stay relevant. February 1970 Episode 941: When something happens Jeb and Barnabas are trying to figure out where everyone is. Episode 942: Huge white ring conspiracy you caused something to happen to me! Why? Episode 943: Inside Maggie is missing again, which means that everyone has to walk around in circles and talk to the cops on the phone. Episode 944: Essence and Intelligence and Werewolves Another chapter in the eon-old war between the ancient gods of slime and their sworn enemies, werewolves. Seriously. Episode 945: My Sweet, Sweet Moves by Jeb Hawkes shows us how to treat a lady. Episode 946: Universal Monsters We take another trip to Paperback Collingwood to see if spin-off novels can do anything useful with Barnabas, quentin, Maggie and the slow-burning supernatural menace. Episode 947: Help the dog werewolf fights the space of the octopus in the living room, and, as always, the only one who can save us is Jonathan Freed. Episode 948: War games in which they retcon retcon, this time with a session and a flappy bat. Episode 949: The Last Days of The Guthrie Brothers Dr. Guthrie and Inspector Guthrie have a few questions to ask you about the Stoddard case. Episode 950: Flappy Bat for the Win Barnabas, quentin, Carolyn and Jeb stand in the living room, shouting secret plans and drinking passive-aggressive cocktails. Then there are the kisses and runs and sleep sequences and we open another box of mystery. Episode 951: Into Darkness In their only stand-up Leviathan turn a vampire back into a vampire. Episode 952: Something Evil People Fear like Antiques Shop smolders, we check out another moment when Barnabas was updated - The Vampire Trap, from the Comic Book Golden Key. Episode 953: Walking around and pretending to have a plan only when we thought we were getting somewhere, together comes Nicholas Blair, a demonic speed kick. Episode 954: An unapologetic publishing mogul with a grotesque and terrifying secret marries the girl of his dreams, who has several of them. It doesn't last. 955: Once again Angelica returns to the things she does best: casting spells, flirting with boys and talking to Barnabas about their relationship status. Episode 956: How we feel quentin and Maggie suddenly find themselves desperately in love with each other for no particular reason, like any other soap opera pair. Episode 957: Sue Agatha's sad song Willie Loomis is back, but he can't stay, he just can't! Episode 958: Not a normal tyrannical monster takes over, and Collingwood shares like never before. Roger is scared and confused, and he turns to his waswolf cousin for help. Episode 959: Don't Hurt the New Masters of Earth rattled by the standard dark shadow-haunted house sequences, including darkness, candle blowing, and cold. Episode 960: The time and temperature of Bruno was smothered by a ghost yesterday, and now he has a pet zombie with a gun waiting for a guy to turn into a werewolf. Life is full of surprises. March 1970 Episode 961: Protagonizing It's All Singing, All Dancing, All-Villains Spectacular, featuring werewolves, zombies, betrayal, blood loss, and lots of opening and closing doors. Episode 962: The Second Law of Thermodynamics by Carolyn, Jeb, quentin and Chris confront the inevitable death heat of the fictional universe dark shadows. Episode 963: Golden Key Barnabas feels a sudden and inexplicable desire for blood that can only be saturated, turning the show into a comic book and never letting it turn back. Episode 964: Julia corrects all the time again, Dr. Julia Hoffman examines a sick plot, and says, yes, I could do something about it. Episode 965: Wedding Crashers Jeb Hawkes struggles to find a way to survive the disastrous end of his disastrous storyline. Episode 966: Jeb's Happy End destroys the leviathan field, the Leviathan altar and the whole damn Leviathan plot. Episode 967: Vicky Ruins Everything, Part 3: How It Happened Jeb and Carolyn Run Away From a Hanged as a Young Danny Enters the World of Dark Shadows. Episode 968: Jeb Hawkes's only weakness is on the run, besieged by a long line of villains just itching to take advantage of any of his three-only weakness. Episode 969: PTED A random guy with dark eye makeup invades the scene between Elizabeth and Hoffman. Episode 970: A less rational explanation for Barnabas and Julia walking into an empty room, and start sucking the postulates around. Episode 971: Crew cleaning Roger wakes up on the floor, and finds Julia standing next to her, admiring the architecture. Episode 972: Gold-hatted Lover Barnabas stands on the doorstep, watching trailers for an upcoming storyline when someone throws him a copy of the novel. Episode 973: Groundhog's new husband Carolyn fears his own shadow. Episode 974: Your Decline Days of Leviathan Story Is Almost Over, So Angelica Walks telling everyone to go to hell that they would. Episode 975: Bruno dies at the end of a tribute to the amazing Bruno, and his accomplice, Ralston-Purina Lamp. Episode 976: Another world on the day when Barnabas changes the channel and enters Parallel Time, begins a different story, with familiar faces making different choices, such as which show will be next. Episode 977: Things I already love about parallel being all buzzing about the new parallel time storyline opening this Friday. Episode 978: What Prepares The Dark Shadows Cookbook helps feed a hungry audience for the last time. Episode 979: Jeb Hawkes Must Die Leviathan plot reaches completion with a dream, a menace and a big, wet knock. Episode 980: The next stop of Keystone City Barnabas breaks through to the other side as we play several rounds parallel or not parallel. Episode 981: The Clone Wars Barnabas is washed on a foreign shore, where everyone has the best clothes and lighting and dialogue. Episode 982: Bad Marriages A New Literary Crime Wave erupts as Dark Shadows writers walk into the library and help themselves some story points. April 1970 Episode 983: Terror of Tarrytown Dark Shadows cast the heads of the northern part of the state to make the film Dark Shadows, instead of staying at home and making Dark Shadows. Episode 984: What we know we're joining history is already in the process, as people usually do with soap operas, forcing us to use our TV literacy to figure out what we missed. Episode 985: Cassandra Violet Heles leaves the show, but there's time for a final surprise: the mystery of the witch's twin sister. Episode 986: Down in the Science dungeon Dr. Cyrus Longworth has a few things to say about good and evil and rabbits and apparatuses and how many people are human. Episode 987: Truly two quentins need to find out whether Alexis is a good twin or an evil twin, except there is no such thing as good and evil, and he really doesn't care anyway. Episode 988: Staggering Weirdness Bruno Bruno calls the shipping office, and rediscovers many of the past. Episode 989: Scientific Progress Goes Boink Dr. Cyrus Longworth synthesizes a bunch of chemicals he probably shouldn't, and invents the world's first hate potion. Episode 990: Let him burn my friend Randall joins me today to talk about what happened to Sabrina, the dubious value of re-enacting things, and my reliable plan for the next year of this blog. Episode 991: Sabrina Sabrina invites herself to a mandatory night party in Collingwood, and then she just stands around and talks about how evil everyone else is. Episode 992: Is You Is Or Is You Ain't Squad devotees Angelique truthers follows Alexis around, desperately trying to figure out if she is herself or her twin sister. Episode 993: All I know is the danger there are ghosts in Collingwood again, opening boxes and playing the piano and dripping blood on things, so quentin calls in a crazy man he can think of. Episode 994: Polterguest Show interrupts his murder mystery to enter another murder mystery, featuring another misbehaving ghost. Episode 995: I Bite Something Newsweek offers a comparison between Dark Shadows and Sesame Street as lost children in the early 1970s gently redirected down another path. Episode 996: Love The 9th Dr. Longworth takes a sip of his magic de-jekylling potion, and heads downtown to see what life is like when you don't have to sit and receive phone messages. Episode 997: Fifty Shave Spares Thoughts for Today's Boring Housewife, which sets up for the first time and witnesses Yaeger and Buffy's courtship. Episode 998: No Riots This is another day in this haunted town where ghosts are set on fire and crazy scientists are drinking their diabolical concoctions. Episode 999: The dead wife of quentin tries to figure out whether his dead wife is dead or not, and then something about Twin Peaks. Episode 1000: Back from Death Angelica Collins slept in her crystal coffin for six months, patiently waiting for a kiss of true love. Episode 1001: Wife Swap The Sinister Witch Switches With Her Twin Sister. Episode 1002: Ordinary Circumstances John Jaeger, the personification of evil impulses in the soul of man, goes out into the evening and personifies. Episode 1003: How We Live Now Angelica is back from the dead, mostly, and she needs a new source of energy. But who doesn't? Episode 1004: The Way Home by quentin, Danielle and Amy attend the perfume show that was, and will be again. Episode 1005: People try to talk about the feeling of Dameon Edwards they can bring you here because they have control over life and they can send you again because they have control over death. May 1970 Episode 1006: Too big to do anything, but Fail Cyrus Longworth drinks juice, puts on a false mustache, and tries to open a bank account that raises the question: Why did Jekyll and Hyde have to be scared? Episode 1007: Keeping Dark Shadows Meanwhile, in 1986, the New Jersey network pulls the plug, and puts the kibosh on its fourth year. Episode 1008: This terrible truth Dark Shadows is saved from the scaffold, thanks to hardworking fans, a bunch of audio recordings and the amazing power of Star Trek slash fiction. Episode 1009: The great train robbery of quentin and Angelica touch your fingers and light candles, hoping to get a shred of useful information from the dead. Episode 1010: Larry Parts Another Doomed Investigator Takes Full Responsibility. House of Dark Shadows: Let's Not Play Mad Games Special Journey Through the 1970 film House of Dark Shadows with film critic David Edelstein, which includes Hammer movies, overstuffed sets, love triangles, as you can tell, it's daytime, cameos, guns, blood color, and the age-old war between actors and scenery, and ends with the extermination of everything you love. Episode 1011: The Cast Came Back will release Barnabas from the coffin over and over again, which is bad for his book, but good for the show. Episode 1012: Trapped in a world (not mine own) Barnabas Collins and Captain Kirk are trapped in the Mirror Universe, where Bond villains rule the world, and Barnabas comes from Peru. Episode 1013: What makes a crazy woman want quentin gets a postcard from Paris, and Angelica struggles to concentrate. Episode 1014: You quentin quentin can't understand why he feels like he's feeling. Episode 1015: You Were Killed by Angelica/quentin story gets into an unruly tangle that can only be solved by Hoffman, a blood scientist for the family historian's housekeeper. Episode 1016: Fire Is Not a Friend Angelique uses a voodoo doll to give quentin a heart attack, and then she is shocked when he has a heart attack. She also talks to candles. Episode 1017: The Struggle of Barnabas tries to act like a mature man, in just one night. Episode 1018: Dr. Longworth's Murder Diagnosis gives quentin the bad news that he is in perfect physical condition and is all in order. Episode 1019: Peer on Prop Angelica and Hoffman take another step in their diabolical plan to annoy both the puzzles of quentin and Maggie. Episode 1020: Serve The Man Let's Get Prey. Episode 1021: Five Things Dan Curtis is back at work, so what Barnabas gets bitten by as the show begins a week-long Dark Shadows quality improvement program. Episode 1022: Suddenly shipping another character falls under the spell of Maggie's seductive Parallel. Episode 1023: Rage Against the Machine Maggie has a night out with John Yaeger. Episode 1024: The End of Love Maggie gets caught up in catching up on other people's correspondence. Episode 1025: Rebecca to Rescue The Week-Long Dark Shadows Quality Improvement Program concludes with what turns into the strangest version of Rebecca. June 1970 Episode 1026: The seventh level of Angelica's witchcraft defies the gods, and faces a sworn enemy she never knew she had. Episode 1027: Winds of War trapped in another world, Barnabas declares another world war. Episode 1028: Can't stop Sabrina's problem of getting up on a psychopathic serial killer who she's still inexplicably in love with. Episode 1029: There's a spirit here that means hurting your wife Maggie attending a clinic argument as spirits line up for a chance to hurt her. Episode 1030: Room One's Own Is Another Failure for a Female Lib as Maggie Gets Locked Up and London Bridge Falls. Episode 1031: The last day of parallel time Barnabas rounds the turn and sprints to the finish line. Hurry up, Barnabas! Hurry! 1032: The Curse of the Curse Blinovich Barnabas had to choose between Julia and Hoffman, and chooses the wrong side. Episode 1033: Follow Money It's All Sets and Violence Today as Barnabas works in circles, Liz has someone's dream, and Sabrina learns an important lesson about financial responsibility. Episode 1034: Errors in Justice This is another visit to the paperback library, where Carolyn, Liz and Roger suffer with another gaggle of unspeakable houseguests. Episode 1035: Elegy for truly two, as Cyrus Longworth's experiment comes to a quick and violent conclusion, we ask: What, if anything, have we learned? Episode 1036: I'm Not Hoffman And Just When All Hope Is Lost: Julia Hoffman, expressing the feeling you've made the wrong parallel size of life choices through an iron fire environment to the back of your head. Episode 1037: Things That Happened, in Which We Challenged Maggie's Status as the only sane person living in Collinsport. Episode 1038: The Spy Who Loved Me Special Agent Julia Hoffman of the Federal Bureau of Instability reports for working on someone else's job. Episode 1039: Barnabas, Julia and the lady in Julia's back salon stand aside as Barnabas finds another ingenue for projecting her needs and desires on. Episode 1040: Stupid Theatre Mystery Inspector calls, but everyone is too busy incriminating himself to call back. Episode 1041: Westworld quentin partially strangles another victim who gets him in trouble with the Police Cylon. Episode 1042: Another killer Carolyn tries to forget about all the terrible things that happened, but to no avail. Episode 1043: The Heat Death of the Universe of quentin is on vacation, so what Barnabas, Julia, Will and Carolyn are desperately hunting among the hatpins for a new source of narrative energy. Episode 1044: Weekend in Barney Barnabas and Will break into Stokes's place and steal his unconscious lady as they workshop another potential story direction. Episode 1045: We belong to dead Angelique Corners will be in the tower room where he stars in a one-man version of Cat on a hot tin roof. Episode 1046: Woke Barnabas manages to get the lady in the back cabin on her feet, but after that, she refuses to participate. Episode 1047: The Invention of Barnabas's Senses tells Carolyn that her husband is dead and her rage burns the show. July 1970 Episode 1048: North Barnabas's Claw delves into the mystery of Claude North, and comes with a handful of free props. Episode 1049: All the Secrets Carolyn drinks her way through the big East Coast mansions. Episode 1050: Error in Our Stars Three Characters, Unconscious Lady and a pair of mysterious legs keep themselves busy this afternoon. Episode 1051: PTED: Destroyer of the Worlds The real protagonist of Dark Shadows finally appears: our hero, Claude North. Episode 1052: Ouroboros Angelica Julia follows Barnabas, and Barnabas tells Julia to follow Angelica, and we all go in circles. Episode 1053: Whodidn'tit Detectives surrendered, so the murder mystery decides itself. Episode 1054: Another day in the desert of quentin, Maggie, Angelica and Roger spend another day standing in the most dangerous house in the world. Episode 1055: Famous Last Words But the Man Who Killed Angelica deserves special punishment! Episode 1056: The parallel sky of Angelica falls, and this world falls with her. Episode 1057: Endless jokes in which we consider the consequences of parallel universes, with a specific attention to how many characters are too many characters. Episode 1058: When I'm Not With You We're invited to feel something about Roxanne, a simple-minded Jungle Girl who only knows one and two syllables of the word. Episode 1059: The world behind the doors of Barnabas and Maggie shutter the windows, lock up hats, and close Collingwood forever as we learn what parallel universes are for. Episode 1060: Dreams of Manderley Is the final showdown of Parallel Time, where old scores are settled with guns and fire as our hero hides behind curtains. Episode 1061: I'll be there for you two friends struggling to make it into the future world of 1995. Episode 1062: Don't take this personal (just one of the days of Dem) The doctor and her companion invade someone else's adventure as we ask again: Who are they? Episode 1063: Wonderwall It can't be very dangerous because music is rarely used to scare. Episode 1064: Here comes Hotstepper Introducing Big Bad 1995, which must be bigger worse than anything we've ever seen before. Episode 1065: You Oughta know Barnabas and Julia must learn the secrets of 1995, until 1995 destroys soap operas forever. Episode 1066: This is how we do this house party goes sour as ghosts play a baffling mix of tape that drives all the guests away. Episode 1067: No More I Love You's Julia becomes a traitor as we explore the most important question of the 1995 storyline: is Gerard hot? Episode 1068: Just a Girl We Look at Two Possible Futures for Carolyn Stoddard: a crazy old bat from 1995, and the aimless rich girl from Big Finish's The Flip Side. Episode 1069: Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me 1995 knocks to the conclusion as quentin loses his mind, Julia loses her soul and Barnabas loses his voice. Episode 1070: Paradise Gangsta Barnabas and Julia fight in the future, draw. August 1970 Episode 1071: Back from the future Barnabas and Julia return now, and prepare for a terrible disaster that is about to happen. Episode 1072: Something Terrible We're Trying to Cope With The Inegreend Holly Stokes. Episode 1073: Star-Powered Elizabeth enters the age of Aquarius with a visit to a local astrologer who decided to explain what he is not. Episode 1074: The Future of So Bright Barnabas takes another flash forward time trip into the future, in search of the monster that stole his soil. Episode 1075: Night of the Sun and Moon All worry about the moon, the game room and the astrologer. Episode 1076: Say Yes Dress This is the second time around the track for this misplaced adaptation of Turn the Screw, and it looks like we'll be racing in circles for a while. Episode 1077: The smell of lilac for the second time in a month, the romantic lead falls in love with a pale, unstanding woman without personality, just because he likes the way the flower smells. Episode 1078: Everyone has to leave this house at once the ghost of Daphne Harridge scatters magazines and shops and hypnotism around the house, charming all but me. Episode 1079: Carrying a big stick Countdown to disaster continues as Daphne finds the stabbing of quentin, Holly apologizes for what she didn't, and quentin disavows the spirits, but to no avail. Episode 1080: What's in the store Liz sits and looks at her horoscope all day, while Carolyn comes out and tries to get some plot to happen. Episode 1081: Born Rock David and Holly and Ted and Carrie spin in circles around the carousel. Episode 1082: You don't have to put on a red light Barnabas finds his Roxanne again, and invites her to a chronologically impossible date. Episode 1083: Your Dark Shadows Horoscope Astrology for Boobies; The only way to truly understand yourself and your destiny is to watch episodes of Dark Shadows that aired on your birthday. Episode 1084: 100 Things I Would Like David and Holly to See When They Open the Playroom Door, in No Particular Order Episode 1085: Our Ignorance and Stupidity by quentin, Julia and Daphne play a plot game promoting tug-of-war. Episode 1086: Feeling something ghosts make a pretty compelling argument why we should just let them take the kids and move on to something else. Episode 1087: Stranger Things Gerard returns, and does what a good villain always does: he makes the show better. Episode 1088: Our Summer of Discontent Barnabas and Carolyn are banished from Collinsport for a week to promote a film they don't like. Episode 1089: Standing on the Graves David explains a series of made legends as they polish a new gun for Chekhov's wall. Episode 1090: Today ten things that don't make sense Gerard changes his mind, David has to change his clothes, and someone needs to key Maggie in on what's going on. Episode 1091: You' Alive While We Await a Catastrophe That May Never Come, Dark Shadows offers us a nice old-fashioned piece of vampire melodrama. September 1970 Episode 1092: Tenterhooks All waiting around for something that won't happen. Episode 1093: Shortening Two children were in the playroom, doing a master class on giving back to hell. Episode 1094: An Evening of Champagne and the Whistling Ghost Gerard Stiles takes on another member of the Collins family, with no real effect. Episode 1095: Holly Parts Holly doesn't know and she doesn't want to know. Episode 1096: Rose Cottage was sledging with a hundred and fifty episodes to go, Dark Shadows, and I ask: why are we still doing this? Episode 1097: Dawn honey Badger David and Holly Ted and Carrie, and Carolyn Letizia, and I'm bored and no one cares. Episode 1098: The Lie Lock Barnabas discovers that children were obsessed with completely incompetent ghosts. Episode 1099: Damsel's Damned Heaven must be missing an angel, because here she comes: Daphne Harridge, going undercover as a living man. Episode 1100: Gang Aft Agley Daphne, Ted and Carrie try to part with the veil and bring a wild demon of revenge into the world, and they can't even do it right. Episode 1101: Super Determined Lesson of quantum physics, presented by a dollhouse, fire, writing and a bunch of ghosts. Episode 1102: More Than Just Sleep Review of Maggie's new role as a very relaxed vampire diner. Episode 1103: Julia's Center for Light fights for control of the show, armed with a hypnotic medallion and a series of audacious questions. Episode 1104: Burning Barnabas squares up against Gerard in a thrilling anticlimax that breaks an ancient truce, once and for all. Episode 1105: Burning question, as we head into the final twist, we ask the question: how does a soap opera work out of ideas? Episode 1106: Lady Vamp Stakes raised again as Julia and Willie come to kill. Episode 1107: You have to stop what happens Gerard pulls the strings as this spooky puppet spectacle comes to an uncertain close. Episode 1108: Exit with nothing left to prove Maggie Evans is making for the sunset. Episode 1109: Gerard's Last Straw wins as we close this timeline down and hope for better days. Episode 1110: Attack of The Clones To Lock Up Your Gungans; it's time for another prequel. Episode 1111: Healer Julia enters the world of 1840, where she finds a mad patriarch, a stupid writer, and a Destroyer of Collingwood: The Healer himself. Episode 1112: Boy friend Julia safecracks Barnabas' old crib, and learns some valuable lessons about playing with wild animals. Episode 1113: Military Doctor Cross-Time Traveler Julia Hoffman survives the opening shootout of the Second Great Time War. October 1970 Episode 1114: Unwavering, in which we meet the third Roxanne in four months. Episode 1115: Gun Runner Gerard enters the room and demonstrates the value of the road is not accepted. Episode 1116: It's Us We're There Barnacle Crawlins trying to keep the show on the air, with the help of his werewolf Quinine. Episode 1117: Meanwhile, again Barnabas Collins races to save his best friend, three days and a hundred and thirty years ago. Episode 1118: Getting forward Desmond Collins returns from the Far East with a severed head in a glass box, and he can't understand why everyone is in such a dick about it. Episode 1119: Why We Like Us Daniel Collins asks important questions. Episode 1120: House of Sensibilities We know that Gabriel must win and that everything he says is true, but we hate him anyway, so screw Gabriel. Episode 1121: The other quentin arrives, but unfortunately it's not one of the good ones. Episode 1122: The Lost World All refuse to tell quentin anything about the many mysteries lurking behind the scenes. Episode 1123: Jay-zee Desmond is contacted by a mysterious disembodied head lurking in his living room, and he absolutely refuses to do anything reasonable about it. Episode 1124: We had the face of Trask speaks urgently of Roxanne as we pull in an extreme close-up that takes us a full minute to get out. Episode 1125: The things you say to Otis Green, the dead loop, the noose, the unmarked stone, and then - what was it, again? Episode 1126: To your head Desmond goes underground and finds another mystery box filled with gold and a can for some reason. Episode 1127: An inexplicable event Desmond switches sides, and asks quentin how they can fix what he just did wrong. Episode 1128: Like Rome Burns There's a Monster Movie going on outside, but I only have eyes on Gerard. Episode 1129: Windmills, and how to tilt at them Barnabas and quentin go out on the hunt for a goalless creature in the woods until they are bored and get back inside to do something different. Time Travel, Part 12: However, they persisted in the last episode of the 1991 Dark Shadows revival, Vicky hung up and something would happen to Abigail, and I really don't remember everything else. Episode 1130: Time and Tantrums Angelica spends forty-five years walking in circles, looping back to Collingwood every year for a different anniversary. Episode 1131: The Dangers of Memory Is a Reunion Day as Barnabas and Danielle catch up with their dead wives. Episode 1132: Armed society arriving in Collingwood, Daphne gets access to the man she plans to kill, and vice versa. Episode 1133: Low Clearance quentin struggles to cope with his most cunning enemies: props, dialogue and door frames. Episode 1134/1135: Cemetery Smash With an Electric Storm on the Way, Julia Hoffman single-handedly repairing her secret underground mad science lab. November 1970 Episode 1136: Waiting for Storm Julia pulls the threads, and brings something terrible to life. Episode 1137: He's alive, like lightning flashes, and a mad scientist wakes up a sleeping horror that flips over and hits in Button. Episode 1138: The problem with tulip spell wears off and everything goes back to normal, which is great for all but the 17th century florists. Episode 1139: Nothing on Earth Barnabas and Julia talk about their problems, Angelica expresses herself in voodoo and fire, and quentin replace screams at props as always. Episode 1140: You Miranda Gerard calls Angelica the wrong name, and inserts a prequel into her backstory. Episode 1141: 13 Reasons Why the Game Hall, zombies, unfinished horoscope, diary, bust, model of the ship and seven other clues that never appeared. Episode 1142: The golden moment decapitated sorcerer Judas sakeri takes control of Gerard's body, which we all wanted to do but never had the courage. Episode 1143: Viva Droopy There's a knock on the door, and in the walks of Senor Droopy, from Guadeloupe. Episode 1144: The hilarious widow Angelica got Julia locked in a lighthouse, doing a replay from four months ago. Episode 1145: The Undeated Curse of quentin shows his new time machine an evil sorcerer who nods and smiles and thinks about something else. Episode 1146: The Dark Horse Gerard explains the amount of substance, and other important issues. Episode 1147: Strain We finally see Daphne at school with Ted and Carrie, and the path is not paved with love. Episode 1148: After this afternoon quentin and Daphne talk things over. Episode 1149: Wicked Barnabas, Flora, Randall and Trask come in and out of the rooms until everyone is believed in vampires, and then they go and kill Roxanne. Episode 1150: Strange Goings-On Monster Mania is coming to an end, with an uncomfortable kick. Episode 1151: Wherever you are, and all of a sudden we're in Gerard's bedroom, which works for me. Episode 1152: The Truth About You Barnabas left the studio for a couple of weeks, so it's up to Angelica and Julia to team up and save the day, sort of. Episode 1153: How to Explain a Doll by quentin and Gerard strings up the Amazon to find a West African voodoo doll through Haiti, Louisiana, medieval Britain and new Jersey. Night of Dark Shadows: Haunted Horse It's Thanksgiving Day 1970, so we take a day off to write an incredibly thorough analysis of The Night of Dark Shadows, with the help of cast commentators, shooting scripts, Famous Monsters Filmland, H.P. Lovecraft, a couple of podcasts, The Tappan See Bridge and a very haunted horse. Kill Dubun! Episode 1154/1155: The Fall of the Cow Herd? Of course I've heard of cows. Episode 1156: Framing Randall is finally dead, and all anyone can do is complain. December 1970 Episode 1157: The last Collinsport sheriff law enforcement tries for the last time to successfully make an arrest. Episode 1158: When one deals with Judas sakeri, there's no margin for Gerard's error starts an epic streak and takes over 1840 forever. Episode 1159: This first unfortunate experience While 1840's quentin is locked up for witchcraft, we take a look at the library's paperback novel about quentin, starting a cult of black magic in Collingwood, and then not very much with it. Episode 1160: See who goes Gabriel makes an important step forward. Episode 1161: Monster Collingwood They finally decide to screw it up, Gerard is the only interesting character on the show, we might as well give it to Collingwood. Episode 1162: Adversity, and then, just when we least expected it, is the tragic story of the worst actor to ever appear on Dark Shadows, and the life of his character after death. Episode 1163: Love The Afternoon Boy follows Carrie home from the funeral, which on Dark Shadows is considered a meet-cute. Episode 1164: Almost help Barnabas finally shows up for work, and comes dangerously close to doing something productive. Episode 1165: In the haze of history faced with another witch trial, we check out Gold-Ki's alternate story about Barnabas Collins visiting Salem, the infamous city of witches. Episode 1166: Proceedings of quentin sits quietly in the dock while five other people spend the day yelling at each other on his behalf. Episode 1167: The English Way of Death smart boys in Big Finish take a hit on defining the future of Dark Shadows with their new 13-part TV series, Bloodline. Episode 1168: As I long err in the basement of the Old House, Gerard and Trask excavate the past, while upstairs, Barnabas and Julia face the ultimate future. Episode 1169: This wonderful little collection of Barnabas, Angelica, Julia and Gerard come together for an anachronistic discussion of plot points they don't know about. Episode 1170: This place is not an honorable place of a desperate warning for the future, in response to the CW's announcement that they are making a new TV show Dark Shadows. Episode 1171: He Schemes, He Scores, in which Gerard Stiles demonstrates that he does not have a coherent testing and tracking strategy. Episode 1172: Lara Parker's Deck Chairs strikes her first blow in the war for dark shadows, with the 1998 publication Angelique's Descent. Episode 1173: One where everyone learns more characters discover that there may be something suspicious about Gerard, moving us ever closer to the possibility of plot development. Episode 1174/1175: Merry Gentlemen as dark shadows approach its final Christmas, we'll see who's on the naughty list. Time Travel, Part 13: Total Blood Volume at Christmas Pre-emption special, we cast an eye on the unsalvageable 2004 WB pilot that begins a terrible cycle over and over again. Episode 1176: The week between they got one week to save the show, until the final 13-week cycle. Strategy: The unexpected return of the characters you thought were gone, and explaining Once again. Episode 1177: Julia's Unfinished Dream generates new cover stories as Professor Stokes contemplates a crossword puzzle that he is not destined to solve. Episode 1178: Mary Sue's Extrusion Barnabas Barnabas Collins battles Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries for owning a Victoria Winters soul as we delve into the 1999 novel Dreams of Darkness. Episode 1179/1180: Connect with the Dead and then, just to prove that it can still be done: our hero, Barnabas Collins, is a special guest star and advocate for the defense. January 1971 Time Travel, Part 14: This is what we ring in the last New Year show, watching the 2012 Tim Burton film as it gradually rolls back and falls to a dirty death on the rocks below. Episode 1181: You, again only when you thought you saw the limit of the decline of the Dark Shadows, together comes Joanna Mills, a resurrected boat anchor that quentin thought he had shook off months ago. Episode 1182: I Feel I'm Samantha Breaking Into a Psychiatric Hospital to Confront a Doomed Leading Lady, on loan from the Globe Theater. Episode 1183: Damn Daniel Today episode aired on the day I was born, and the end of Dark Shadows intertwined with my beginning. Things just got personal. Episode 1184: Graham Crack-Up It's time for another meeting in the paperback library of the book club, featuring Barnabas, quentin and the Curse of Scorpio, a story about murder and psychiatric care. Episode 1185: Meanwhile, in 1971, meanwhile, in 1971, we find a crazy, wretched Carolyn in a shack in Find Bay, along with Phyllis Vic, Claude North, Dr. Julian Hoffman and eleven women from Fort Wayne, and we finally decipher what they are actually up to. Episode 1186: Fuck, Marry, Kill They complete the 1840 plot, so they begin the traditional slaughter of all the secondary characters, starting with one person who we thought was definitely safe. Episode 1187: I guess you've never heard of something called Parallel Time Out at Wiley, Windy Swamp, Daphne makes the discovery. Episode 1188: Don't panic the narcissistic psychopath took us all hostage, and tells us his whole secret plan as a Bond villain. Villain.

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