University of South Carolina Scholar Commons Theses and Dissertations 2016 Heidelberg Justin Brouckaert University of South Carolina Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarcommons.sc.edu/etd Part of the Creative Writing Commons Recommended Citation Brouckaert, J.(2016). Heidelberg. (Master's thesis). Retrieved from https://scholarcommons.sc.edu/etd/3409 This Open Access Thesis is brought to you by Scholar Commons. It has been accepted for inclusion in Theses and Dissertations by an authorized administrator of Scholar Commons. For more information, please contact [email protected]. HEIDELBERG by Justin Brouckaert Bachelor of English Saginaw Valley State University, 2013 ________________________________ Submitted in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements For the Degree of Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing College of Arts and Sciences University of South Carolina 2016 Accepted by: Elise Blackwell, Director of Thesis David Bajo, Reader Ed Madden, Reader Bobby Donaldson, Reader Larry Ford, Senior Vice Provost and Dean of Graduate Studies Copyright by Justin Brouckaert, 2016 All Rights Reserved. ii ABSTRACT Two long-distance runners train for the Olympic Marathon Trials in Detroit in the wake of the 2013/2014 Heidelberg Project arsons. iii TABLE OF CONTENTS ABSTRACT ....................................................................................................................... iii CHAPTER 1: SHADOWS ................................................................................................. 1 CHAPTER 2: DETROIT VS. EVERYONE .................................................................... 21 CHAPTER 3: TO BOSTON ............................................................................................. 32 CHAPTER 4: LAKESHORE ........................................................................................... 41 CHAPTER 5: BARRIERS ................................................................................................ 53 CHAPTER 6: CAVANAGH PIONEERS ........................................................................ 57 CHAPTER 7: CRIM ......................................................................................................... 67 CHAPTER 8: OCELOT ................................................................................................... 79 CHAPTER 9: DEMOLITION .......................................................................................... 89 CHAPTER 10: RUNNING SAVES ................................................................................. 92 CHAPTER 11: HUNTER EYES .................................................................................... 102 CHAPTER 12: RIVER ................................................................................................... 105 CHAPTER 13: DETROIT MARATHON ...................................................................... 107 CHAPTER 14: FINISHES .............................................................................................. 120 CHAPTER 15: FALL MARATHON RESULTS ........................................................... 124 CHAPTER 16: RUNNER AT REST .............................................................................. 136 CHAPTER 17: THE HOUSE OF SOUL ........................................................................ 138 CHAPTER 18: ART ....................................................................................................... 151 iv CHAPTER 19: EARLY RETIREMENT ........................................................................ 153 CHAPTER 20: THE PENNY HOUSE ........................................................................... 158 CHAPTER 21: THE WAR ROOM ................................................................................ 170 CHAPTER 22: GHOST .................................................................................................. 185 CHAPTER 23: THE CLOCK HOUSE ........................................................................... 201 CHAPTER 24: ARSON .................................................................................................. 210 CHAPTER 25: UP NORTH ........................................................................................... 213 CHAPTER 26: ARTIST’S STATEMENT ..................................................................... 228 CHAPTER 27: THE DOLL HOUSE ............................................................................. 232 CHAPTER 28: SNAIL Q ................................................................................................ 242 CHAPTER 29: BOSTON ............................................................................................... 250 WORKS CITED ............................................................................................................. 253 v CHAPTER 1 SHADOWS Gordon’s fingers found their places under the chin of the porcelain bowl. He could have taken a trash can to the back of the locker room or even retreated outside, away from the field house, behind a tree or a bush or the soccer field. But here, at least, the shadows wouldn’t reach him. They’d wait at the sink or in the hallway, almost certainly in his periphery when he walked out to the track. But not here. When Gordon recognized the bowel-filtered smell of whey protein, he retched and emptied: a granola bar, a bottle of water, a package of salted crackers he’d eaten just seconds before. It wasn’t enough to fuel him, even before it landed in the bowl. He retched again and put a hand to his twisting stomach, hard and small. It was almost time. “Cooper, you good?” someone called from outside the stall. “Fine,” Gordon called. He saw the neon and black Saucony Guide 8s from beneath the stall and knew it was Nick Van Owen, the sophomore half-miler who thought he was a miler. “Dual meet jitters.” Van laughed and slapped the stall, startling Gordon’s thumb off the lip of the bowl. “High stakes, buddy. Those Central Michigan milers got your picture on their walls.” 1 Gordon counted Van’s steps until he was sure he was gone. The kid over-strided, touched down too hard on his heel—Gordon had told him, Donnelly had told him, everyone had told him. Talented runner, but not especially smart. Stubborn even before a few easy indoor wins went to his head. When Gordon was alone, he flushed and tore a square of toilet paper to wipe his mouth. He gripped the stall to support his shaking legs. The shadows were waiting. So was Callie, who’d decided she liked seeing her boyfriend win races around the time winning got hard, when her boyfriend was less runner than puking, ghastly wreck. Donnelly was waiting, too, pacing by now, folding and refolding the brim of his cap, wondering which underclassmen he could send next to check on his star. Gordon closed his eyes and pressed both arms against the stall. It shuddered resistance, and the more muscle he put into it, the stronger he felt. He could win this race, but it wouldn’t be pretty, it wouldn’t be fast, and he didn’t know what would happen afterward. Go, he commanded. When he shouldered the stall open, the shadows scattered like roaches. Gordon always wanted to be great—at something, anything—but as a kid, he was more desperate than talented. He wailed too loud from the back row of his elementary school choir, organized failed team meetings before recess kickball games. He idolized Barry Sanders and Pelé but was too scrawny for football and too stubborn for soccer, quitting the sport when the toe-punch was no longer acceptable form. He spent the awkward, friendless years of middle school missing bounce passes and dropping fly balls. When 2 Gordon found running at fourteen, he looked down at his wrists—even the veins were thin—and, for the first time, didn’t hate them. He wasn’t scrawny, he had the distance runner’s build. From then on, he channeled his misdirected energy into running, and his body transformed: bulk in his calves and thighs, definition in his chest. Lungs that expanded with deeper and deeper breaths, a new height that felt purposeful, donor to a gliding stride. His eyes opened, flashing a blue so sharp the weed dealers stopped propositioning him after school, teachers stopped scolding him for sleeping when he was actually awake. When his peers were partying or dating, Gordon was building base mileage, fine- tuning his finishing kick, beating the sun up every morning and outlasting it at night. He mapped Grosse Pointe’s ten square miles with the bottoms of his shoes. He listened for his first-place finishes on the intercom and wore a varsity jacket that jangled like an angry chime. Proof, finally, that he was an athlete. He got along with teammates, but not well enough to call them friends. They had their parties, and he had the track, the rubbery waft, the surface getting hotter and softer from April to May to June, small pebbles sticking to Gordon’s fists when he knelt and pounded them on the start line. Gordon had been born a runner. It just took him fourteen years to figure it out. Miler: Gordon wore the title with more pride than his own name, engraved on two state championship trophies and enough medals to fill a duffel bag. The scholarship offers came his junior year, and Gordon quickly cut the list to two: Stanford, his father’s alma mater, and Michigan State, the school he applied to in secret and knew his parents would hate. 3 Stanford had a powerhouse program, but Gordon couldn’t imagine running for their coaches, who met him at their athletic offices in suits and ties. They talked