Tfd, 1 Didn't Know the Marriag Course Had a Lab." in Slower-Burning Camels,"Says Bill Corum

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Tfd, 1 didn't know the marriag coursE had a lab." in slower-burning Camels,"says Bill Corum,

In recent laboratory tests, CAMELS Cigarettes that burn fast just naturally burned 25% slower than the aver- isn't BILLjust printed.CORUM'S . . it'ssports sprinted. news . . at burn hot. And nothing so surely wrecks age of the 15 other of the largest- lightning speed from press-box to press the delicate elements of flavor and fra- selling brands tested-slower than and the Five-Star Final. But when the grance as excess heat. No wonder you any of them. That means, on the candid camera catches Bill in his office get a hot, flat, unsatisfactory smoke. average, a smoking plus equal to with a cigarette-well, "No speed for The delightful mildness, coolness, me in my smoking," he says. fragrance, and flavor of Camels are ex- His own common sense and experi- plained by this important finding - X5 EXTRA ence tell him what scientists have found Camels proved to be the slowest-burn- out in their research laboratories-that ing cigarette of the sixteen largest-sell- SMOKES "slow-burning cigarettes are extra mild, ing brands tested! (The panel at the extra cool, fragrant, and flavorful." right explains the test.) 77] PER PACK! MORE PLEASURE PER PUFF... MORE PUFFS PER PACK!

Camels -t ie cgarre of //erTCCr doMu.t YOU'VE GOT IT!- Wdalk. NOW WHAT YOU

MARCH, 1940 GONNA' CALL IT? Vol. X No. 7

DON HEROLD Godfather

LOY BAXTER Graduate Editor

BOB MEYER Editor-in-Chief

BOB DOBBINS Business Manager

EARL McCASLIN Advertising Manager ABOVE, you see pictured the new building which has just been erected on the University campus. JACK MODISETT Circulation Manager Recently The Daily Student launched a campaign to name all the University buildings. Since then a huge volume of letters have poured in demanding that Bored Walk demand the building to be named in its honor. Below are some of the letters: STAFF Tom Miller 0 0 Nate Kaplan Sirs: Bill Fitzgibbon Dear Bob Johnson I think the building should be named: The Bored Walk Magazine Babs Hoelocker Memorial Building and should have a picture of the staff in limestone Lucy Sutton over the door. God knows, sir, Bored Walk has done enough for this Jim Wood campus. It's high time they're getting a little appreciation. Ginger Austin PAUL V. McNUTT Dick Beavans Max Scherer Blackie Wellnitz Dear Sirs: Hugh Clayton Why dontcha name the building the BORED WALK BUILDING NORMABELLE HELLMAN OF AMERICA AND INDIANA UNIVERSITY, and then let them Artist hold business classes in that little crooked end in front. That is, if the classes didn't interfere or bother any of your important business, Copyright 1936 by the Bored Walk sir. Damn these school officials. They never do anything fair. Oh Publishing Co., Inc. well, life is like that. You have to get used to getting no gratitude Published monthly nine times during for doing good in the world. Chin up, stout fellow. the school year from September to May FRANKLYN D. ROOSEVELT inclusive by students of Indiana Uni- versity. 0 "Entered as second class matter at 0 Bloomington, Indiana, under the Act of March 3, 1879." Dear Sirs: Address: Bored Walk, Indiana Uni- I think BORED WALK CENTER or take in the field and call it versity, Bloomington Ind. That would be nice. Subscription rates one dollar the year. BORED WALK MANOR. Single copies fifteen cents. THE DAILY STUDENT u u~ z Q E- '4-' z x

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" HOUSE SMOOTHIE Every fraternity has him-he " LOUNGE LIZARD lives, and will probably die, by Esquire. His hair is crop- Complete lack of enthusiasm ped close, revealing all the nothing to live for . . . he uneven contours of his dome. does nothing for hours but sits The cuffs of his pants are and stares ..dreams.. .looks nearer his knees than his down at everybody espe- shoes,which are always gray, cially if he isn't a fraternity brown, or black suede. He man . serves no purpose needs a shoe horn more for around the House except to getting his big feet through blackball three out of every the narrow bottom pegged four pledgees. trousers than for getting into his canal boats. His socks are a hideous combination of sick blue, nauseating green, bull red, and a bright yellow. He believes all he has to do is put in an appearance and a baker's dozen of Frosh will pledge . . . he usually flunks out of school.

* RUSHING CHAIRMAN You know him by his huge right hand and oozing " TREASURER personality. Somehow he can talk most Frosh into Everyone knows that look pledging, sometimes - "All right, fellows, if using a sledge hammer. you don't pay up, the house will go on the rocks, etc., etc., etc." * ATHLETE Whether his letters are earned managing the ping-pong squad, or playing varsity full back, he is always the same... refuses to abide by house rules... never pays up on his obli- " BLACK SHEEP gations . . . very affable PLEDGEE ... smiles and hits everyone in the stomach...likes Pledged in a mo- himself very much. ment of weakness... everyone dislikes him, but they don't know how to dis- pledge ... so they make him do all the " FRATERNITY work there is to do PRESIDENT . he hates the house, too, but he's On the brink of a afraid to hand in his nervous breakdown pin. .. bills .. bills . mortgage due .. . star pledgee flunked out... gas bill un- paid...worry, worry worry. THE BLUSHING BRIDE

" - I? They tell us of the blushing bride, Who to the altar goes; Down the center of the church . -- Between the friend filled rows. There's Billy whom she motored with, And Bob with whom she swam; - There's Jack-she used to golf with him

-3 And Steve who called her lamb. There's Ted, the football man, she owned, -".And Dan of Tennis Days; There's Herbert, yes, and blond Eugene, And there's Harry, college beau, With whom she used to mush, No wonder she's a blushing bride! Ye gods! She ought to blush!

The girls turned down all dates with Seth Because of his unpleasant breath. Orphan: I don't know who I am. I was left on a doorstep. But he has girls by dozens since Girl: Maybe you're a bottle of milk. He started eating Cryst-O-Mints.

CRYST-O-MINT gg costs nothing. SAYlEs Remember the poor-it

k Wiflf 'l Everybody's breath offends now ,,,rlYl jL: and then. Let Life Savers sweet- en and refresh your breath after Two fleas retired and bought a dog. eating, drinking, and smoking.

FREE! A BOX OF LIFE SAVERS FOR THE BEST WISECRACK!

What is the best joke that you heard on the campus this week? Send it in to your editor. You may wisecrack yourself into a free prize box of Life Savers!fy For the best line submitted each month by one of the students, there will be a free award of an attractive cellophane- wrapped assortment of all the Life Saver flavors. Jokes will be judged by the editors of this publication. The right to publish any or all jokes is reserved. Decisions of the editors will be final. The winning wisecrack will be published the following month along with the lucky win-[ ner's name.

He couldn't sleep at all on the train. The midget in the berth above him kept pacing up and down all night.

The fraternity brother who owes you money may or may not think a great deal of you, but it is certain that the fraternity brother to whom you owe money thinks of you a great deal. "He flew all the way across the country just to be here tonight. " .. _ .. r v o WE ONLY HEARD . ". 0 Overheard From English Department We Note "There's a story been going "A serious thought for today, Senior lawyers still appear around the faculty about the ab- Is one that may cause us dis- with their distinguishing bit of sent-minded wife. It seems that may, costume, a walking cane and the professor had just returned Just what are the forces derby. Obviously a complete law- from a hard day's work and That bring little horses suit is too costly even for them. after dinner he and his wife set- If all of the horses say 'Nay' ?" tled down in the living room to From Street Corner enjoy the radio. Suddenly there From Curious Old Lady: was a knock on the door. "My "Why, I see you've lost your leg, The drunk tottered along the Husband !" the absend-minded haven't you?" curb. Several times he slipped wife gasped. "My God !" said the From Cripple: "Well, damned off into the gutter. Each time professor and jumped out the if I haven't!" he clambered on the sidewalk window." again. 0 From Lecture "Long stairway," he muttered. From Judge: "Who was driv- "There are three classes of ing when you collided with that women, the intellectual, the Advice, From Big Sorority Sister car?" beautiful, and the majority." "Virtue is often applauded- From Drunk Sigma Pi (trium- but it seldom gets an encore." phantly): "No one-we were all From Ad in Local Grocery in the back seat." "Here's something for dull 0 Sunday afternoons-buy a can From Sign in Law Library From Kappa Delta: "Do you of crushed pineapple and try to "Low Conversation Permit- know what good clean fun is ?" fit the pieces together." ted." From Delt: "No, what good is 0 it?" ! Man: "Who in the devil told you to plant those damned pe- tunias ?" Gardener: "Your wife, sir." Man: "Pretty, aren't they ?"

From the Sergeant: "How did you like my drag last night?" From 2-c Private: "Confiden- tially, sir, she was so homely that if she played Lady Godiva, the horse would steal the show." 0 From Observation "What is the greatest Greek tragedy ?" "Phi Delta Theta."

From Kappa Sig: "Your mouth is certainly pretty." From Chi Omega (proudly): "Yes, I'll put it up against any- one's any time." 0 From the Hospital "Doctor will the scar show ?" M.D.: "Not if you're careful."

From Freshie Boy (asking a riddle): "Why do you have so many friends?" From Soph Girl (answering said riddle): "I give up."

From Dr. Holland: "Are you troubled with i m p r o p e r thoughts ?" From Student: "Naw, I enjoy them." "You can see that everything he wears is plain, but good." The All-American Coed Team

The Indiana Coeds Who Have the Football Boys Wanting Photos and Letters - Beauties Chosen by the All-American Football Team

BELOW, with all the authority and conviction of Flo Zeigfeld, are the comments of the All-American football team who chose Bored Walk's All-American Coed Team which appeared on the cover of the February issue. Pressing deadlines last month crowded out the comments of the boys on the brand of Indiana pulchritude which was sent to them, not in the flesh as they desired, but only in the form of glossy print photos which the entrants submitted to Bored Walk. Ten of the eleven players returned their votes. Of these, Ruth Taylor, Tri Delt, received the most votes for first place, and Juanita Clayson, Delta Gamma, was second. On the whole, there was a great variability in the distribution of votes among the various types of beauty, but all of the judges compli- mented the general quality of those entered.

"Number one in my estimation seemed to be very sweet and charming. Her dark hair and eyes seemed to be very inribuing. Her fair features and fine nose line were very noticeable and sh has nice teeth. With these assets I choose the little dark haired and brown eyed girl in the fuzzy sweater for the number one girl. (Ruth Taylor). Signed, HARRY SMITH." All-American Guard Southern California . 0 Another who chose Ruth Taylor says:

RUTH TAYLOR "Each girl has individual charm and appeal-one in a certain way, the Tri Delt other in another, etc. My own appreciation of the technicalities of beauty "The girl in the fuzzy sweater." is quite limited, and so I had to choose for what I, personally, like in a girl's appearance. Signed, "BUD" KERR." All-American End Notre Dame

"The blonde chosen for number two spot has remarkable features. She has the most entrancing look and her eyes have that beholding, come hither look. A nice coiffure is the most desirable of her features. (Juanita Clawson. Signed, HARRY SMITH." "P.S.: One of my Kappa Sig brothers would like to have a date with the one of my first choice (Ruth Taylor). See what you can do, will you?" H. S. " 0

"I know that photographs do people injustice and only regret that I JUANITA CLAWSON cannot make the selections in person." Delta Gamma Signed, ED MOLINSKI." "That come-hither look." All-American Guard Tennessee "I like the girl without the hat (Alice Wright) because she reminds me of my cousin from Missouri." Again-HARRY SMITH " "

"I want to say that I certainly appreciate the honor bestowed upon me in helping you pick your college "beauties." I certainly admired the pictures and must say that Indiana has some beautiful girls. "I wish to ask you a favor, if it would not be too much trouble, would you have each girl to write me a letter and especially the winner. I would ALYCE WRIGHT also like to have the pictures of each one in remembrance of the first "Cousin from Missouri." beauty contest I have ever helped judge. Signed, JOHN KIMBROUGH." Editor's hint: He's an Adonis. All-American Bick Why don't you write, gals? Texas A. & M., Box 125 College Station, Texas

"On the whole, I believe, judging from the pictures, that you've got some very nice coeds. I could be more sure of my rating if I could see the girls in real life. "I would appreciate very much if you would send me their pictures after you're through with them. "If you can, please say "hello" for me to Bill Smith, the football player. Bill and I are old teammates. Signed, PAUL SEVERIN." All-American End North Carolina

"On the whole, the quality and the variety of types are a good crass BARBARAForest VAN Hal FLEIT section of the different types of beauty encountered in women." Prom Queen Signed, NICK DRAHOS." All-American Tackle Cornell "

"I am writing this short epistle from a sociology class, so you'll have to excuse the paper and the scribbly writing. "Being from Indiana it seems pretty funny to me that I would have a hand in the selection of the "Bored Walk" beauty queen. I know quite a faw kids at Indana and am only sorry that some of them are not here to give me a line on some of the girls. "I thank you for the opportunity you gave me. Signed, TOM HARMON." All-American Back Michigan

"I would much prefer picking the three most beautiful without ranking them and let it go at that. They are all mighty pretty and I envy the male students at Indiana University. Signed, NILE KINNICK." All American Back Iowa BORINGS a A LTSTIN BORINGS

BORINGS - A GOSSIP COLUMN WITH A SOUL GIRLS LOVE IT!

THIS COLUMN IS DEDICATED TO THE IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO YEARN! the QUEENS ON THE CAMPUS, THAT THEY MAY No one was very surprised when with all NOT HAVE BEEN QUEENS IN VAIN, AND gaiety of the Theta State dance Phi Psi DICK TO THE LEADERS ON THE CAMPUS, THAT PRICE placed his badge on sweet Theta Miss MAY NOT HAVE LED IN VAIN: NORMA OVERBAY. ED, whata man, RUCIN- THEY Chi Sig Nu Prom SKI, Sig Pi, declared ALMA FREYN, Alpha Three bells to DICK STONER, Pleiades rec- Prom said, "I wonder cutie who recently received freshman chairman, who before the on campus. He's Prom ?", congrats on ognition, to be the best dancer if I'll be in school after the with a multitude successful Prom. Dick! been backing up his declaration a beautiful and McCONNAHA, Tri Delt Arbu- of dates with her. PAT Three bells to AUDREY SMITH, A.O.Pi and JOHN CLERKIN, Sig Nu man, met at a be out gal, tus editor, who said, "The Arbutus will Prom party and have been meeting regularly ever on time this year. Since I've accepted a Beta pin, since. There's more to a Prom campaign than in- I won't be bothered with dates." volves the Prom Queen candidate. Eh, Clerkin? Three bells to BOB TWYMAN, D.U. Arbutus has late aspira- Jane and I BILL HUNTER, A.T.O. prexy, business manager, who said, "Betty The third street must be out tions to be a Phi Beta Kappa. have both decided that the Arbutus nightly sprints to this year." "Don Lash" has been making on time with best intentions. There's only one Three bells to BARBARA VAN FLEIT, unor- the library he always manages to sit next to MARY, Queen, who said, "I was so happy catch - -anized Prom REES, the little LaPorte coed who fur- to say and I called my daddy Theta, I didn't know what the A's that keeps the Sluss street girls he didn't know what to say either." nished and within two credit points of the K.K.G.'s BILL Three bells to RUTH BREIMYER, unorganized NIVEN, S.A.E. rhinie, cheers with the best of 'em colonel of R.O.T.C., who said, "I hope I don't coed for I.U.'s coeds, but his heart cheers for an Alpha have a war on my hands." Chi way up at Purdue. bells to ANNA LOUISE COLE, Theta Three When clever andcute too, JERRIE WERBER, Walk princess in '37 and Arbutus freshman Bored has her Sig Nu boy friend from after three years of lovely Chi 0 pledge, queen last year, who home come down what will her "fairly steady" said, "I'm going steady with Ray foot-looseness Nu DUKE ATKIN have to say-especially the night of the Prom." Sig Sadler starting since home-town-flame expects to lodge at the Sig Nu house. ROBERT CUSACK, D.U. rhinie, hustles through four hours of boressing before hinting to FRANCES RENFRO, "I believe in being natural," Pi Phi pledge, that he would like to have a coke date. Kappa darling ANN FUHRER is going steady with JOHN, Figi man, HOUGHTON. It was a touching sight to see respective (not respected) Delts, DE BRYANT and MORRIS RITCHIE sleeping in each other's arms in mar- riage course the day after Delt State day. They say State days are like that! MORRY, Sig Pi, EGAN certainly didn't delay long in placing his new gold cross on JANE, Z.T.A., Three bells to JOYCE COLE, last year's Prom WAMPLER. I guess Jane knows a good thing Queen, also unorganized, who to everyone's sur- when she sees it ! prise has remained independent of a sorority and LEE AUSTGEN, A.O.Pi lady, keeps the sisters a male. wondering when and whether she will be wearing Three bells to MEREDITH BRATTON, Sig Nu the Phi Delt pin of lawyer JACK BROWN. "Seldom busy Saturday" man who said, "Every JEANNE GIFFORD, Tri Delt rush captain, cer- girl I ever dated started going steady or took a tainly hasn't been bothered with deferred rush as pin. If MARY HOLSINGER starts going steady far as Theta Chi JOE TROY and ACACIA BOB with someone else, I'll never date another." - EIFLER are concerned. sorry I can't give you two passes, Bratton, you'll FLASH: Ye olde Daily Student cupid comes have to read the same Bored Walk the other Sigma forth again ! BILL, Sig Pi, FITZGIBBON who lost Nu's do! his pin when he got it; as a freshman recently Three bells to HUGH FUNK, unorganized rod bought a new one and now he has lost it to MIR- recently reappointed to Union board, who is more IAM JAMES, cute gal reporter, who is seen sport- conscientious about banquet details than trips with ing it. Fitz and Miriam say it's just a boress, but Pershing Rifles. that look in their eyes denies such a statement. AUSTIN ah BORINGS AUSTIN GINGER - A MRS. WINCHELL WITHOUT A SOUL SHE'LL PRINT ANYTHING!

Kappa Sig sport, JOHN BOSWELL, enlarged Two bells to EDWARD "Eddie" HUTTON, S.A. his eternal triangle into a quadrangle by asking E. leader, who said, "With all my activities it's MARGE WARREN, Alpha Chi songstress, LOJS a rotten mistake when a prof hands me back a FRAZE, Alpha Chi, out of school, MARION paper with TERRIBLE written across the top." FLEMING, Louisville party gal, to the Kappa Sig- Two bells to ELIZABETH 'DAWSON, Delta ma winter formal. It seems as though the party ZETA Panhellenic prexy, who said, "I wish I gal won out-party gals usually do ! could defer my presidency to this organization question is settled." For three nights in a row we saw CAROLYN until the deferred rush BEUCHELE, Z.T.A. with Sig DALE TANNER. Two bells to LAURA.WILKINS, A.O.Pi prexy, Where, oh, where is our boy EMIL UREMOVICH ? who said, "I guess I'll circulate until JUNIE AN- Lambda Chi RIP VAN WINKLE and his car DRES comes back in April, I may never have an- too have been getting quite well acquainted with other chance." A.O.Pi PHYLIS OYLER. Someone in the cellar just phoned up that JANE CLIFFORD, Theta slickie, and JACK, Sig, LOCK- HAJT have severed all relations. JANE GILLESPIE of Kappa Alpha Theta con- nections just can't stay out of Med. school. It is told that now she is dating Phi Gam CARLTON, Richard Greene, KECK steadily on Saturday nights. MARY LAMPTON, cute Alpha Chi pledge, and DANNY, Kappa Sig, of course, JENKINS are not going steady-yet. For future results watch your Borings. Two bells to JEANETTE PRINZ, Alpha Chi two years ago, who is "Faithful BE OR NO TTO BE - IF YOU CAN'T BE A Prom Queen of TO Forever" to her Theta Chi pinee but is certainly QUEEN OR A SPHINX CLUB MAN, STU- "Hatin' this Waitin' Around." DENTS, BE A ROD OR RODESS. Two bells to GUS BROWN, Sig playboy from Two bells to BOB McCONNELL, Sig Nu Arbu- way back, who now has intentions of following tus photographer, who said, "The quickest way to his white cross being worn by RUTH COLLE, D. a gal's heart is with a camera." G. not in school this semester, with a diamond on Two bells to JOAN BARR, Theta cut-up recent- commencement day. That should commence some- ly pledged to Pleiades, who said, "BILL TIPMORE thing ! is my idea of a typical man-he's too darn typical." Two bells to MARYEL PATRICK, Chi 0 Arbu- Two bells to JEANNETTE DICE, Tri Delt Mor- tus queen, who said, "It's heck to be a senior and tar board prexy and Theta Sig prexy, who said, graduating when beauty contests will be continued "The first thing I say everytime batton starts to for years and years." The campus concedes that open his mouth is 'I didn't do it'." she will probably hit the bell for beauty again March 19th. Two bells to JEAN WEBER, recently elected prexy for the D.G. gals, who said, "Berne is such a little town to live in, but I guess I'd have more room to be with BO DRO." Two bells to "WHIZ" FOSTER, new prexy of the Acacia house, who said, "Oh well, I've had three years anyway to do as I please !" Two bells to MARVIN HUFFMAN, Beta bas- keteer, who has played around with a basketball for three years but is playing for keeps for the heart of Theta gal MARIE JEANNETTE TURGI. Two bells to BUCK MAUCK, Senior class prexy and Delt man, who said, "It's lucky for me I got BETTY before I got this office." BETTY Kappa gal, SPILLMAN sings, "Time on My Hands", as fiance BUCK swings the University into running form. Two bells to BOB WHITEHEAD, Phi Psi man, who said the other day as he entered the Commons "We use him so the new driver for the first time all year, "So this is where every- can find the fire plugs." one is when I'm looking for a date in the library ?" Slander ... Dirt .. ." Libel ... Borings

IN THE SPRING A YOUNG GIRL'S FANCY ! The Lonely Hearts club lost a chapter member Three long distance calls from the gal back when Kappa Sig JIM, salesman's delight, FISH home in one day is fairly indicative that NATE attended the Kappa Sig winter formal in the com- MILLER, Phi B. D. man, has ties that bind. pany of a Northwestern Theta, BETTY BEAUD- BUDDIE, Kappa Sig, FERRIS is again posses- WAY. That strong fraternity man D. BACON RICH- sor of his Star and Crescent pin since he and aloft McPIKE have ARDSON, Theta Chi, still carried a torch BARBARA, Alpha Chi pledgling, WINNIE BLACK. parted ways. for A.O.Pi Room 1216 of the Warren hotel was the scene And for the sake of record it should be noted of quite an impressive D.U.-Chi 0 party the night that lovely PAT NICHOLS, DG lass, has the pin of the D.U. state Dance. of Phi Psi smoothie, ELLIOTT HICKAM. It's being told that MARTIE KATZ, Phi B.D., Delt HARRY HUFF is really torn between two has at long last placed his pin on a cute little coed fires! Theta beauty JULIA ANN ARTHUR and at Purdue. DG cutie.ELOISE STUMP both look awfully good BERNIE ROSE, Phi B.D., has once again swal- to him. Phi Psi BOB ANDERSON would be glad lowed the bait. He hitch-hiked four hundred miles to relieve him of one - if JULIA ANN would recently to see the girl for ten minutes. To think only say the word ! love would come to that! One of Bo's poor little boys has been seen quite ADELE DAUER, Alpha Chi pledge, and JIM frequently with MARGIE, Chi 0, BARNES. In COX, Sigma Pi, have agreed to go steady, but fact the Sig Pi pin of FRANK SMITH now accom- HARRIET CONN, Alpha Chi too, and GEORGE panies the brand new Chi 0 pin of MARGIE. KIRSCH, SIG PI, just can't make up their minds FRANCES DUNCAN, Kappa Frosh, has signed about each other. the steady agreement with FRED, Sig rhinie, By the time this issue is in circulation, Beta WIECKING. football man, DICK RERM and Theta JANE WINTHERS may be keeping steady company. steady list are DORIS, Tri Delt, Also on the We wonder if the interest of GINNY BURK- HUFFSTETTER and Phi Delt slickie, DICK WAG- HOLDER, Theta gal, for CON STERLING, Beta, GONER; JOAN BONSIB, Kappa, and BILL, Sig is just another of her "platonic friendships." rhinie, GREGORY. DWIGHT, he dates all the Thetas, HANDLEY Although MARTHA KEELTY, Chi 0 gal, goes and Theta rod MARY SUSAN STULL have been home on weekends to see her home-town boy- seen together lately. When DWIGHT dates the friend, at other times she is wearing the Sigma same girl any number of times, it's a certain in- Alpha Iota Symphonium pin of HERB LASWELL. dication that spring isn't far away ! In the league After the way the Daily Stooge editorial staff of Handy Andy admirers are REBA PENDRY, knifed the D.U.'s about their freshmen preferring A.O.Pi lass, whom he took to State Day dance and jail to the Chapter House during Hell Week, we DORIS JONES, Theta gal, whom he took to the next expect them to proclaim that the Phi Psi's Prom-or would it be more correct to say- went are jumping out of third floor windows in hope of to the Prom together. Ask Doris how one makes landing on a freshman. money to buy a Prom ticket. BILL "I-love-LaPorte" GRIELING, D.U., re- And still JIM, Sig Pi, GRIDLEY hasn't put his serves a Teany bit of his love for JEANIE TEANY pin on Alpha Chi, JANE STINGLE, although we the Chi 0 queenie. all know it's just a matter of time and place. SAM, Sig Pi, VAN ARSDELL has been rushing We're wondering if the royal sluff-off of BY- JOYCE, 1939 Prom Queen COLE in no piker's RON, he's really neat, NESBITT, S.A.E., by Pi fashion, he really means it ! Phi R.O.T.C. sponsor BARBARA JOHNSON is MARY JANE THOMPSON, Kappa, has again going to be permanent-or will the woman change accepted the pin of TOM HASBROOK, Kappa Sig. her mind? Kappa prexy HELEN THIEME is going steady JOHNNY, S.A.E., FREED won't admit it but with PAUL, Phi Psi, MILLER. it's evident that every time he glimpses MADE- SHIRLEY MALONEY, Kappa intellect, has LINE SCULLY, Pi Phi gal, his pulse sounds like been seen quite frequently with Phi Delt, Bob the recording of "Swampfire." SPRAUL. Slow but sure is the keynote of the year's court- TOM LANAHAN, D.U. senior, is quite A.O.Pi- ship of BILL VAN HORN, A.T.O., for PEGGY, eyed about NAOMI BATES, pledge to Pleiades, D.G., MORRISON who just 'recently made their who seems to be able to Heal-y his romance love binding with a pinning. wounds. The suave senor BERT, D.U., SERVAAS has Lambda Chi JIM DEVOL was certainly worried had (Fern) HART trouble lately. The petite Tri about A.O.Pi lady DOROTHY BILLINGS when Delt lass prefers to remain foot-loose and fancy- she went home with the flu. His brothers suspect free. that it is something more than a friendly interest. GENE WHITE, S.A.E muscle factory, has been PEGGY GATES, Z.T.A. cutie, can not decide trying to arrange for some kind of "heart" agree- between her home town boy friend and JOHN ment with Theta's bundle of fun CLAIRE SNY- STEIN, K.D.P. lad. DER. BROADCAST OF TOMORROW

(The system of radio communication being universal and nearly perfect, we will be able to bring you the latest war crisis developments in- stantly-the moment they occur.-Radio Bulletin

Announcer: This is your daily man- in-the-trench program brought to you through the courtesy of your nearest Garcon Gas Mask dealer and the hos- tilities of Guesshoo and Guesshoo- again, the two belligerent countries whose efforts to guarantee peace have made this war possible. Remember, if you want to show your face in pub- lic, wear a Garcon Gas Mask. No huff, no puff, it's gas-proof stuff. Thousands who are wearing them constitute living proof that they are 100% effec- tive. Not one person has complained of his Garcon Gas-Mask failing. Do you sense that gassy smell? Are you having coughing fits? Are people collapsing around you? Then get a Garcon Gas Mask. QUICK! And now we bring you Garcon's man-in-the-trench, Happy Jack Bosco, who is now in the front line of Guess- "I understand one of those things costs as much as ten thousand dollars!" hoo's defenses ready to give you the latest communiques and the inhuman side of the news. Take it away, Happy a Garcon Gas Mask, is there?" "Ha, maybe he was. Tell me, what Jack! "Thank God, no. Of all the--" are you fighting for?" "Hello, people. This is your man- "A dollar a day." "Thank you, sir, thank you. And in-the-trench, Happy Jack Bosco, "No-no. Seriously, what are you may I present you with a reserve gas right here in the thick of it in Guess- fighting for?" container for your trouble. hoo's front line. Ah! Here's a grizzled "Why don't you ask the general?" "Ah, here's a soldier peering chap just doffing his Garcon Gas "Look, you're the man - in - the - through a trench periscope. Pardon Mask. Tell me sir, there's nothing like trench. The war couldn't be fought me, sir, but may I ask you a few ques- without you. Why are you fighting?" tions?" "Self-defense. They started it." "You probably would anyway." "What did they do?" "Ha, ha-will you answer them?" "You don't know a helluva lot "I might. I guess the war won't stop about anything, do you? Why they just 'cause I stop looking at it." just started it cause we wouldn't give "Could you give us your name? in. Here, speak right into the micro- "Give in to what?" phone." "Why give in to-to-well, we just "Corporal John Jones, third pla- wouldn't give in, that's all. Say, the toon, company A, first battalion, first reason ain't so important. We're division." fighting and that's the main thing. "Well, corporal, how do you like Duck! Now scram, I'm gonna be living in trenches?" busy." "Less and less more and more." "Wow! Here comes a shell folks. "You think Sherman was right then, It's going to . . ." eh?" Announcer: Due to technical dif- "Anything top Sergeant Sherman ficulties we shall be unable to con- says, goes. tinue with the Garcon Gas Mask "No, I mean the civil war Sherman. program. Remember he said quote war is hell unquote?" "Oh, he did?" They're advertising the picture, "Yes." "The Grapes of Wrath" as follows: "Pretty good hand at understating See the Grapes of Wrath, and bring can send "All right, Miss Durkin, you a bunch! in those Treasury men." things, wasn't he?" THE POUNDING

Mercilessly lie pounded and thump- ed the quivering, inarticulate thing before him. At times he would ruth- lessly strike it in a regular rhythmical frenzy and then, as if taking pity for a moment he would cease. But the in- termissions were all too short, for the racked and tortured object. Had it been able to speak, it would have pleaded for a rest, but it was mute and could only endure this punishment in silence. When it seemed that the poor bruis- ed frame of the persecuted could endure no more, the man rolled this manuscript out of his typewriter, folded the little portable machine and put it away for the night.

He: May I call you Revenge? She: Why? He: Because Revenge is sweet. She: Sure, if you'll let me call you vengeance. He: Why? She: Because vengeance is mine.

Is your gas tank half full? Why, no, it's half empty.

She's the kind of a girl who tells her friends about the run in her stock- ing when there's not a thing she can do about it for hours.

There are two kinds of women :those who wish to marry and those who have not the slightest desire not to!

A rich man never knows the kick a poor man gets from milking his own cows.

Banker: I just found out what's the matter with the United States. Merchant: And what's that? Banker: We've been trying to run this country with only one vice-president.

TUNE IN-Sir Walter Raleigh "Dog House." Every Tuesday "ight, NBC Red Network. Buy a drum and beat it. "You say you've been having gnawing pains, Mr. Carling?" A BIRD IN HAND

We can't vouch for this story because we weren't there when it happened, but the squirrel who hangs about the window of the Dean's office swears that it's the truth. Those of you who make a practice of sitting near the window in all classes probably have noticed the three birds flying about who have been making their homes on the roof of the library. One afternoon, Joe, the youngest of the trio, told his fellow birds that he was going to fly into town and that they could expect him back by six o'clock. When he hadn't returned by twelve o'clock, the other two birds began to worry. They didn't know what to do or where to go looking for him. They were sitting there picturing the worst, Joe getting mixed up with the wrong flock, Joe disguised as the main dish on a Squab dinner special, when Joe, looking very tired and dusty, appeared on the roof. "This is a consolation race for the Whitlow Stables. They never had a winner." "Where were you? What happened to you?" his two relieved friends inquired anxiously. HOW TO COMPOSE A POEM TO A appropriate gestures before y o u r Shaking the grime from his feath- mirror. YOUNG LADY ers, Joe explained, "It was such a Blush. lovely day, I decided to walk home." The first thing necessary is to know And if the poem reaches her instead a few facts about the girl. Don't be of the waste basket you're a- - need 0 alarmed-nothing intimate or risque we say anymore? is necessary. Color of eyes - hair- shape of nose-mouth-and general appearance are good facts to observe. The condition of teeth is another good point. However, it is not con- sidered good form to pry open the mouth for detailed inspection. The feet are another good part-only if they're small, of course. The next thing is to think of all the words that rhyme with "love". Inci- dentally, don't forget "you" and "true" are perfect rhymes. To be on the safe side, beg, borrow, and steal (never buy or you'll violate code number 3 of the Love Poets Pact) a rhyming dictionary which will give you words rhyming with "thou" "evermore," "sweet," "passion," to mention a few. When you get to the description of the hair, take care-what was blonde yesterday, may be brunette today, or vice-versa. Now revise the poem. Re-revise it. Copy it.

Stand up and read it aloud with the "He wants to take blind flying lessons." The FINE ARTS PAGE

Infinite B .. . IN A LITTLE ROOM.....

Psychologists Take Note:

The case is of a 15-year-old boy who murdered one of the women teachers in his village school after she had refused him "I always work fast. I get scared under here in the dark." sexual intercourse. .. . The criti- cism is made that the school failed to recognize this boy as a INSURANCE HONEST Scientists have definitely variant and to adjust itself to his proved that the bumble bee has A young man of honest ten- needs. - From "Child Develop- not enough wing space with ment Abstracts and Bibliogra- dencies-something rare in these which to fly. However, the bum- days-applied for an insurance ble bee does not know this and phy," Vol. 10, page 234. policy. flys anyway. -New Yorker "Father living?" the agent inquired. "No. He died when he was 30 years of age." "What did he die of?" "Tuberculosis." "That's pretty bad," the agent commented; "but possibly it will be better with your mother. She living ?" "No, she's dead, too," the ap- plicant replied. "Died of insanity when' she was twenty-five." The agent folded his papers. "Surely you don't think there is an insurance company anywhere that would take a chance on a man with such a family record as that! Sorry, but we can't handle it here." The young man knew that hon- esty wasn't the best policy in insurance applications, so he told a different story to the next agent. "Father living?" he was asked. "No. He was killed when he was 92 years of age. A horse fell with him while he was playing polo." "How about your mother ?" "She's dead, also. Died when she was 86." "What caused her death ?" The agent had already reached for his pen and was indicating a place for the young man to sign. "CHILDBIRTH !" "I understand the coach feeds him fish as a bonus if we win!" FRATERNITY BIGWIGS

ACACIA KAPPA DELTA RHO PHI KAPPA PSI WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT, former JOSEPH TRIAN, vice-president of Con- WOODROW WILSON, former Presi- President of the United States. tinental Illinois bank in Chicago. dent of the United States. WILLIAM JENNINGS BRYAN, dis- BILL MEYERS, Federal farm credit FRANK MORGAN, movie actor. tinguished orator, statesman and free administrator. BUDDY ROGERS, actor and band silver advocate. JOHN L. GEIGER, Indianapolis musi- leader. HENRY BUSSE, orchestra leader, cian. BOB DENNY, trackman and rod. trumpet player. EARL BANNISTER, National Director of Collegiate Chamber of Commerce, DICK ARNOLD, Board of Aeons and SIGMA ALPHA EPSILON much else. Pershing Rifles, Skull and Crescent, Sophomore baseball manager. WILLIAM McKINLEY, former Presi- dent of the United States. ALPHA TAU OMEGA KAPPA SIGMA BOBBY JONES, famous golfer. HOAGY CARMICHAEL, song writer. BITSY GRANT, tennis ace. CHARLES HORNBOSTEL, famous Writer of "Stardust." RUDY VALLEE, actor and orchestra runner. LOWELL THOMAS, news commenta- leader. EVERETT DEAN, basketball coach at tor. HAL TOTTEN, radio baseball announ- Stanford. BRANCH McCRACKEN, basketball cer. GEORGE RIGHTMIRE, president of coach at Indiana University. Ohio State university. SENATOR McADOO, U. S. SENATOR. HOWDY WILCOX, Skull and Crescent, TED FLEMING, P. G. and Union Board SIGMA ALPHA MU Daily Student, etc. rod and much else. SHEP FIELDS, orchestra leader. MILTON TUCKER, look him up. LAMBDA CHI ALPHA THEODORE IGNALL, famous celeb- BETA THETA PI LLOYD CLAYCOMB, prominent law- rity. PAUL V. McNUTT, presidential can- yer. HERMAN DICTER, Collegiate Cham- didate and the pre-requisite for the MICKEY COCHRANE, baseball great ber of Commerce rod. McNutt for President club. and all-American catcher. WENDELL WILLKIE, president of GLEN HILLIS, well-known politician. SIGMA CHI Commonwealth Southern corporation. EDDIE HERBERT, Hoosier football WILLIAM DOUGLAS, associate Justice player. GROVER CLEVELAND, former Presi- dent of the United States. of Supreme Court. PHI BETA DELTA CURLY ARMSTRONG, high scoring GEORGE ADE, humorist and Hoosier. TONY MARTIN, actor and singer. Hoosier and hardwood toughy. FRANK MURPHY, Justice in Supreme LOUIS B. MAYER, head of Metro Court. Goldwyn Mayer. BILL MENKE, basketballer and Sphinx DELTA CHI MELVYN DOUGLAS, actor. rubber. GERSTEN RAPPAPORT, a man with CLAUDE SWANSON, former secretary a musical ear. of Navy. BERNIE ROSE, Daily Student desk SIGMA NU LEO McCAREY, Hollywood director. KAY man and Sigma Delta Chi. KYSER, orchestra leader. Corn J. W. BRICKER, Governor of Ohio. exponent. CORBY DAVIS, all-American football PHI DELTA THETA HERMAN B WELLS, President of Ind- player. *WILL HAYS, movie czar, Hollywood iana University. censor. ZANE GREY, author. DELTA TAU DELTA SENATOR VANDENBERG, senator WENDELL PHILLIPPI, Daily Student from Michigan. rod and political mixer. of Stude- PAUL HOFFMAN, president BOB WEIR, Aeons, Sphinx, and the RICHARD STONER, Prom committee baker corporation. rest. chairman and Beta Gamma Sigma. BRANCH RICKEY, Executive of St. Louis Cardinals baseball team. PHI GAMMA DELTA SIGMA PI RALPH CARR, governor of Colorado. CALVIN COOLIDGE, former President CURTIS SHAKE, Indiana Supreme BUCK MAUCK, everything. of the United States. Court member. DEAN C. E. EDMONDSON, Censor of NEWTON BAKER, former Secretary PROF. LYNCH, historian. Bored Walk. of War. PROF. HAAS, prominent business THOMAS R. MARSHALL, former authority. vice-president of the United States. BILL FITZGIBBON, of thhe World, DELTA UPSILON MIFF THOMAS, swimmer and Ha- Daily Student, SDX and Miriam CHARLES EVANS HUGHES, Chief waii good will Ambassador. Justice of Supreme Court. James. EDGAR BERGEN, comedian and actor. PHI KAPPA CHARLIE McCARTHY, stooge of Edgar AL SMITH, former Presidential nomi- THETA CHI Bergen. nee. GEORGE STARR LASHER, journalist. BOB JOHNSON, winner of $500 play JAMES A. FARLEY, Postmaster-Gen- SAMMY KAYE, orchestra leader. contest. eral. DAVID B. RICHARDSON, Campus BILL TIPMORE, Football player and SPENCER TRACY, actor. His next clown and rod. campus rod. picture: "The Life of Paul Muni." BLACKIE WELLNITZ, Well? SORORITY BIGWIGS ALPHA CHI OMEGA MARJORIE ROACH, sweetheart of S. PI BETA PHI RUTH A. CULBERTSON, pianist with A.E. MARGARET WEYMOUTH JACKSON, the Boston Symphony Orchestra. JOEY BARR, Sophomore rod, ambition novelist. ELIZABETH PLUMMER, former city to get married. "Barr none" a la MRS. CALVIN COOLIDGE, wife of editor for Associated Press. Daily Student, she is typical girl at former President of United States. BETTY LOU FRALING, famous editor I.U. (Kappas also claim her). *See Kap- and deadline observer. KAPPA DELTA pa, cross reference. JEANNETTE PRINZ, last of the or- PEARL S. BUCK, authoress, writer of CARY JACOBS BOND, songwriter. ganized Prom Queens. "Good Earth." MARY OSBORNE, Jordan River Revue ALPHA DELTA PI HILDEGARDE FILLMORE, writer for and masculine dignity disturber. FLORENCE GEORGE, famous actress. McCall's magazine. FRANNY WATKINS, tanned-skin B. B. ANDERSON, appeared in "Gone HELEN CLAIRE, actress. Florida prototype. With the Wind." MRS. BANKHEAD, wife of the Speak- MARY LOU KOSTER, tap dancer. er of the House of Representatives. SIGMA KAPPA DOROTHY TAYLOR, Daily Student KAPPA KAPPA GAMMA ANN SHEEAN, fashion director at copy reader. MARJORIE WEAVER, movie actress. Marshall Field's store. ALPHA OMICRON PI DOROTHY FISHER, authoress. ANN DOUGLAS, Daily Stooge stooge. MARY ELLEN CHASE, famous speak- MRS. CALVIN COOLIDGE, wife of VIRGINIA TRICKEY, Student col- er and writer. former President of United States. umnist. MARGARET TALLICHET, actress. (Pi Phis also claim her). SIGMA PHI EPSILON MARGARET BURKE WHITE, photog- BETTY JO HANSON, University The- MRS. KATE KAMEN fashion director rapher. atre play actor. of A. C. Lawrence Leather company. AUDREY SMITH, Arbutus ed and SARAH GRAY, Theta Sig, Pleiades and MARIAN ROSENBLUM, Chattanooga Snuffy exponent. Kappa prexy. Free Press reporter. CHI OMEGA PHI MU MRS. ROSLY- MATTHEW REIS- ANN SOTHERN, movie actress. JAYNE REGAN, 20th Century Fox MAN, listed in Who's Who as young- ZASU PITTS, movie actress. executive. est sorority national president. JUDGE FLORENCE ALLEN, first JOSEPHINE JOHNSON, authoress. BERNICE SAPERSTNIN, Experimental United States Supreme Court judge. FANCHON DEVOC, former editor of Theater, Radio, Taps. IRENE WICKER, the "Singing Lady" Mademoiselle. of radio. LOUISE HURST, night editor of Ma- ZETA TAU ALPHA DORIS VATER, University Theatre damoiselle Daily Student. FAITH BALDWIN, novelist. maker-upper. PHI OMEGA PI HONOR GREGORY-HOUSE, Gregory- DELTA DELTA DELTA DOROTHY AYRES SOUDON, cooking House Advertising agency. MRS. HORTENSE HUDSON, head of expert. DOROTHY SHAEFER, vice-president Futures Preferred. ELSIE STARK, Manager of editorial of Lord-Taylor advertising agency. MRS. ERNESTINE GRIGSBY, Pan department of Best Foods Inc. GEORGIA VORGANG, W. A. A. rod. Hellenic representative. DORIS BOWDEN, has lead in "Grapes of Wrath." JEANNETTE DICE, President of Mor- tar Board and Theta Sig rod. MARGARET HALL, University The- atre bigwig and vocal-pipe smoothie. DELTA GAMMA RUTH BRYAN RHODDE, Ambassador to Denmark. BRENDA JOYCE, movie actress. MARY BETH HUNT, Brain trust and women's activity active. VIRGINIA HELLER, D. G. rod and campus figure. DELTA ZETA MARY CAMPBELL, executive in See- ing-Eye corporation. MARION MASON SWAIN, authoress of children's books. ELIZABETH DAWSON, President of local Pan Hell. KAPPA ALPHA THETA ELEANOR HOLM, swimmer, former wife of Art Jarrett, present wife of Billy Rose. HELEN WILLS MOODY, champion women's tennis player. "Once ten years ago, when in college, she was asked to MARJORIE RAWLINGS, authoress. pose for a toothpaste ad." BORINGS AND POT-PORRY

All good things come to an end-and so with JUNE, Alpha Chi, ELKINS and JOHN "one of BETTY ANN TILLMAN, Alpha Chi roddess, and the Jones boys" STONE are very, very chummy! BOB, S.A.E. neatie, MORRIS who have torn up their pin contract and gone in various directions. JACK, Sigma Pi, MODISETT has been receiving a letter every day from OLIVIA, Chi 0 now at the Lambda Chi intellect CLYDE BLOCKER defi- Fort Wayne extension, DAYS. This smacks of the nitely prefers home talent - who? JANNE real 'thing STEELE. Speaking of preference, I'm told that Lambda There's a wager on how long PHIL, Beta boy, Chi man DICKIE HELD and A.O.Pi MARTHA SCOTT will continue to wear his pin. We wonder TIERMAN prefer the darker spots on the campus. how influencing a factor Kappa MARGE LITTLE will be. We anticipate a pinning of JIM JEWETT, blond god of K.D.R., and cute kid, MARY KATHERINE Sigma Chi frosh MAX WOOLERY and Kappa GREEN, Z.T.A. frosh MARTHA CAUBLE are going steady. An- JEAN CONRAD'S home town boyfriend cer- other case of good frosh getting together. tainly doesn't trust the I.U. boys. He's been Kappa JEAN THOMPSON put out BOB DEN- down for the last four Sundays. NEY'S Phi Psi pin with her new Kappa key. Kappa Sig rhinie JIM MORRISON has been in a swoon over Delta Delta Delta pledge BETTY JAKE GIBSON, while under the influence of ANN SMALL since first seeing her at the Prom a beverage with a goat label, bet three D.U. broth- Queen election. Will someone please introduce ers that he'd put his pin out in two weeks-on the pair, so Jim's roommates can get something whom this time, Jake? done. PAUL SPLITTORFF and DAN CHIDDISTER, A Beta, D.U., Delt and a Phi Gam besides an early risers of the D.U. house, spark the "Yawn S.A.E. keep JANICE BARTLING, A.O.Pi lady, Patrol" composed of them plus such sterling sol- dated up on weekend and week nights too. diers as DWIGHT HANDLEY and BILL TIP- We predict that soon GLENN, Delt keen guy, MORE, also D.U.'s, on its required retreat to the RUST will place his square badge on A.O.Pi song field house at 7:59 a.m. twice a week. They re- bird MARTY WEISMAN. port a desire for a coed-sponsor. At the present date MISTO CORBIN, Kappa JAY HILLIS eligible young Lambda has his eye Sig, and ELOISE KRIEGBAUM, Alpha Chi, are on a Delta Gamma cutie ELIZABETH PURVI- very much "that Way" about each other. ANCE.

-Stolen from Bulletin 'Board in Biology Bldg.: ODE TO A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER (by a ,plant taxonomist) o herb, that blow'st by woodland byre Who can, like I, thy .charms admire? Thy stem, though armed with barbels raucous, Bears leaves entire, smooth and glau- cous; Thy flowers are wont to nod and doze In inflorescence racemose; Each head hath involucral bracts Obtuse and serrate, yet it lacks All trace of calyx or of petal (Unlike the teasel or the nettle) ; Ten stamens, clearly diadelphous, In keying-out are sure to help us; Antlers oft become caducous, Filaments are ochroleucous. Carpels five with ovules three Point to the Clelandaceae. Yet would I make a fam'ly new (Thine alate nutlets are too few) And name thee Weatherwaxiella Curiosa watthehella. Overheard at the corner of Jordan avenue and Third street where two students, of the second grade, were conversing when one of their feminine classmates Te R. L. Cosler Co. passed by: Said one: "Her neck's dirty." Said other: "Her does ?" Jewe1ers-Enravers

From customer: "Do you sell dog biscuits in this rotten little shop ?" 537 SOUTH WALNUT ST. PHONE 6175 From Waiter: "Yes, Sir. Will you eat them here, or shall I send them around to your ken- ICI, nel?" II

From Any Place (the morning All At Sea Two men were seated together in a crowded street car. One of after): "M' Gawd !-well, go on "Oh, steward, I have a com- -wat did I do next ?" them noticed that the other had plaint to make. A sailor peeked his eyes closed. into my cabin last night. "Wassamatter, Bill," he asked, "What do you expect for sec- "feeling ill ?" A Senior has nicknamed his ond class-the captain ?" "I'm all right," answered bill, girl "Appendix" because it costs "but I hate to see ladies stand- so much to take her out. ing." Wife - The new maid has burned the bacon and eggs, dar- What'll you take for marrying ling. Wouldn't you be satisfied us, parson ?" "You are an apt boy. Is your with a couple of kisses for break- sister apt, too ?" "Why, whatever it's worth to fast? you.,, "If she gets a chance, she's apt Husband-Sure. Bring her in. to."

Johnny giggled when the teacher read the story of a man who swam a river three times : \OUSLy each morning before breakfast. SPCAYtNG "You do not doubt that a trained swimmer could do that do you ?" asked the teacher. a ~5 Only a woodenheaded dummy. gives "No Mam," replied Johnny, ''° ' no thought of the future - doesn't "but I wonder why he didn't plan on being "somebody" or of ac- it four times and get back make complishing big things in life. to where his clothes were."

He-Dearest,- your stockings So we are addressing you - and those other students who really are wrinkled. want a future after college days - a future that, whether man or She-Oh you brute ! I haven't woman, will pay an average income of $6000.00 a year - a future any on. that offers ease - dignity - a professional future almose as important to the country as medicine.

FREE * FREE 0" FREE If you are truly interested in such a future you will lose no time in writing for full information on Optometry - the uncrowded pro- fession - and data on this big accredited school. The winner of this month's Life Saver Contest is BETSY We operate on the quarterly system so you can enter JOHNSON, Theta. January, April, July or October. Your credits give you advance standing. Then there's the guy who got thrown out of his apartment Address, L. E. Needles, Registrar when the landlady heard him drop his shoes on the floor twice. NORTHERN ILLINOIS COLLEGE of OPTOMETRY 4160 Drexel Blvd. Chicago, ill. A box of Life Savers will be mailed to the winner each month. The heavy sugar daddy and a "Since I started to go to "Hello, pal, my name's new chorus girl were enjoying school, everytime I'm kissed it Shmith," the first drunk said. a little dinner in a private room upsets my nerves. If you were a "'Sfunny, my name's Smith, at a roadhouse. As the meal doctor, what would you give too, the second ditto countered. neared its finish he cleared his me?" "Yeah? Well, I'm Ed. throat and said: "Er-er, er, how "A nervous breakdown." Shmith." about a little demi tasse now, name's dear ?" "'Sremarkable! My "I knew it! I knew it!" ex- Little Johnnie with a grin Ed., too." ploded the girl. "I knew you Drank up all of father's gin; "What'sh your middle initial? weren't treating me this nice for Mama laughed to see him Mine'sh N." nothing." plastered, "Mine'sh B." Said: "Come to bed, you little "Whew ! For a minit I thought -darling." I was lookin' in a mirror !" He: "What's all the bustle about ?" She: "Don't get personal." Gypsy Rose Lee may not un- "So we named the baby g derstand parliamentary law, but Weather Strip, because he kept she can certainly put a motion father out of the draft during We cannot find, for love or before the house. the War." money, A joke that's clean and also funny!

She: "If you want to kiss me, Dobbs CROSS COUNTRY squeeze my hand. If you don't want to kiss me, don't squeeze my hand. If you want to kiss me, and don't want to tell me, squeeze my hand-" He: "Ouch! Hey, get off my foot!"

Wife (to drunken husband): "Dear, let's go to bed." Husband: "Might as well, I'll catch hell when I get home anyway."

A business man who made it a point always to get full value for his money complained to his optician that his new glasses were not nearly strong enough. N "But they're No. 1 type," said the optician. "What comes -next to number one?" "Number two, sir." "And after that ?" asked the business man. "After that, sir, you buy a East or West-wherever you travel dog." -- you can look your smartest if There was an old man from Nan- you wear a Dobbs Cross Country. tucket Who kept all his cash in a buck- Here's lightness without limpness. et; But his daughter, named Nan Here's good looks plus comfort. Ran away with a man- And as for the bucket, Nantuck- PRICED AT $5.00 et. 0 Then there's the little duck- PILLi Vn ling who was terribly embar- rassed because his first pants \~/~'Fashions for Men were down. lower step is wearing a dark brown shetland suit. He's car- Nrying the snapshota camel's athair the top upper coat. left, His thecompetition undergraduate is wearing on the a heavy tweed sport coat with contrasting dark grey trousers. On his arm is a natural colored alligator coat. The young man who seems oblivious of the spring football practice is wearing a cashmere long sleeved v-neck sweater with flannel sport trousers. The three figures stepping along so jauntily in the center all wear sport outfits of contrasting jackets and trousers. All dressed up with someplace to go, the formal young man is wearing a Chesterfield overcoat, a white silk muffler, white buckskin gloves, and, of course, an opera hat. Of the two shirts, one is thin striped with a round point collar. The other is solid blue with a buttoned down roll collar. of Beaties before we continue with the program." Obediently, the Professor rose and made his way to the kitchen. No Beaties. Throckmorton pulled on his shoes and sprinted off to the corner store, returning just in time to hear the last strains of the Beaties program. For the next two hours, Throck- morton fought the valiant fight. Quiz- zes; off-key baritones; pickle pro- grams; automobile broadcasts; jit- terburg jamborees and Uncle Ron's Chatterbox for wayward brats. Cour- ageously, Throckmorton carried on, giving ground inch by inch before the battering blasts. Then, suddenly, a stentorian voice reached out of the loud speaker. Mr. Throckmorton sensed the end. "This announcement will jerk you right out of your chair!" the voice boomed. Professor Throckmorton stiffened, then tensed himself. He was very im- pressionable man. "For fifty cents and four hundred and eighty-seven coupons or reason- able facsimilies of same," the voice went on, "you too can enjoy the com- forts of the Dullem Razor Strap." "And then the ship started sinking right in the middle of my souffle!" Sure enough, Throckmorton found himself jerked violently from his chair. Like a whirling dervish he spun crazily across the room, coming to "YOU'VE GOT TO RELAX" That evening, comfortably attired rest on a bridge lamp. It was a stange- in smoking jacket and slippers Professor Horace Throckmorton ly determined looking Throckmorton Throckmorton snapped on the switch was a good man. He sent cards to his who rose and dusted himself off. of his radio, lay back in the easy chair mother on Christmas and Mother's "Where are you going, Horace?" and prepared to relax. Day and was kind to animals and his Mrs. Throckmorton inquired fearful- wife. All this despite conditions (a "This is the Beaties Program!" One ly, noting the strange gleam in her class full of athletes) which had vir- of those irritatingly robust voices in- husband's eye. tually driven the "Throckmorton formed him. "Beaties- the back- "I'm going..." Professor Throck- Lectures" and Professor Throckmor- bone of world beaters. Try a dish full morton grated ominously, "I'm going ton himself, against the wall. of Beaties NOW! You must have Beat- down to the nearest boiler factory. ies But even the strongest of men give if you are to be right. Before you I'm going to relax." way eventually and so, at last, Pro- go and get your plate of Beaties, fessor Throckmorton wended his way though, pause and listen to what wearily to the offices of the family Mammal Mammask has to say about physician. BEATIES. it1 "Trouble with you, Horace," that "Mr. Mammask, who lives in the worthy said jovially after a thorough Artic Circle, writes, quote,-'Every examination, "is that you've been un- winter before the long Arctic night der a strain too long. You've got to sets in, I fight my way over three hun- relax." dred miles of frozen wastes, through "How?" Horace asked mournfully. the raging blizzards and roaring "I haven't any hobbies . . . Golf an- polar bears to lay in my winter sup- noys me-" ply of Beaties. I would no more be "Tut tut!" the doctor silenced him. without Beaties during the long Arctic "What I want you to do is to go home night than I would be without my ig- tonight, pick out the most comfort- loo and Mrs. Mammask' unquote." able chair and merely listen to the "Now," the robust voice announced radio. Just sit, listen and relax." pompously, "you may get your plate "Bite that, maybe it's me!" IDttIJIN *FLICK TIPS*

WHERE THE STUDENTS GO C C 25c

PENGUIN BOOKS have enjoyed sensational suc- cess in every civilized country of the world. Since their in- troduction to the United States a few months ago they The new spring season promises to have been highly acclaimed by bring an April shower of hits to the educators everywhere. Princess next month. To wind up the month of March in a blaze of glory the Princess is showing the film ver- sion of "Swiss Family Robinson," which will be shown Tuesday, March 26th, SAT., SUN., MON., TUES. through Friday. Featuring Thomas MARCH 30 - 31. APRIL 1 - 2 Mitchell, Edna Best and Freddie Bar- tholomew this thrill film shows the PENGUIN BOOK publishes sev- Robinson's carve a magic new world eral different types of books. among the perils and bounty of a de- serted tropic paradise a thousand miles PENGUINS which are reprints. from nowhere. All the wonders of the world-famous book, which have thrilled PENGUIN SPECIALS, which are young and old for 120 years, are original works available in no other brought to vivid life on the screen edition. in this maginficent production. Starting Saturday, March 30th, the P E N G U I N ILLUSTRATED Princess is proud to present Robert E. CLASSICS. Sherwood's Pulitzer Prize Play, "Abe Lincoln in Illinois," with Raymond PENGUIN SHAKESPEARES. Massey in the role he immortalized on the stage. The story deals in vivid PELICAN BOOKS, which are fashion with Lincoln's own career, authorative non-fiction. from an awkward and unlettered fron- tiersman to the newly-elected Presi- Get the handy pocket- dent on his fateful way to Washing- size edition of some of ton. Massey's portrayal of Lincoln is a these good books today. difficult, sharply etched interpretation New books are published of a great man whose memory is en- on the 15th of each shrined forever in the hearts of a month. Place a standing brave nation. "Abe Lincoln In Illi- order at the - nois" is a picture to be seen and enjoyed by every American. Other films included in the April FIRESIDE BOOKSHOP shower of hits which are coming to ON THE STAGE the Princess include "Too Many Hus- FRIDAY, MAR. 29 bands," starring Fred MacMurray, Matinee and Night of the Jean Arthur and Melvyn Douglas in a riot of mirth and laughter; the starring BARNEY trio if Bing Crosby, Dorothy Lamour I flDIAflA and Bob Hope in the musical comedy, RAPP "Road to Singapore"; Walt Disney's and His New Englanders flIOZSSIT second full-length feature cartoon. Featuring "Pinocchio"; and David O. Selznick's I3OOkSTOIF 1 "Sebecca," featuring Laurence Olivier RUBY WRIGHT and Joan Fontain. Fooled A tingling sensation of sheer "Daughter, dear daughter, delight went through her as she what's in that drink?" stood beneath her shower. "Water, just water, what do you What a feeling of rapture the JIM BIRR think?" flowing water carried. "Come, let me taste it, it looks How it rushed through her I.U. '38 Says- like a fizz." hair. And ran over her dainty "I'm ashamed of you, daugh- reddish ears... Down her swan- ter, water it is!" like neck. . . Across her beautiful back. . . Over her- Hey ! Who turned on the cold Soph - Did you ever take water ! chloroform? Frosh-No, who teaches it? 1 The night was yielding to the light bluish sky of the early Governor, looking at newly dawn when the lady, alone, was constructed WPA dam - Mi- entering the door of her apart- gawd, the water ! It's supposed ment house. She suddenly to be on the other side! stopped and turned to the milk- SHE 0 man who at that time was pull- "Pardon me," will like the sleek, ing up to the curb. Lady (to little boy) -My dear, she said, "But have you got the smooth lines, and the does your mother know you time ?" "Yeah," he answered, luxurious finishings in smoke? "but who's going to watch my the New Small Boy-Madam, does your wagon?" husband know you speak to DODGES strange men? 0 and Customer-Have you any wild PLYMOUTHS Paw, what is a joke? ducks? Shut up. Don't you know Waiter-No, sir; but we can enough not to criticize the gov- take a tame one and irritate ernment. him for you.

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