Instructional Text : “Incredible Edibles”

Incredible Edibles Task 6

This will be your final write of this unit…..ooooh! (I might carry on giving you some crazy recipes to try in future HL tasks though….just for fun!).

You are now going to create your own Revolting Recipe!!! And no, you don’t have to make it……it’s not for real. (See example below).

In your Revolting Recipe you will need to set your work out using The Four Part Structure; using The Key Features and that List of Cooking Imperatives both from Task 5…..oh, and you can draw a Revolting Picture/Illustration to go with it as well.

Tagliatelle Eyeballaise ? Feet Loaf ?

Here’s an old favourite recipe I often dig out when I need a little pick me up….

Bogey, Dandruff & Toe Nail Clippings Smoothie

On a hot Summer’s day, there is nothing quite so refreshing as a chilled glass of thick, green, putrid booger sliding down the old throat! This little semi-solid nasal mucus number is what makes life worth living!!! Follow the recipe below and you too could be gulping down this little beauty!

Equipment: Ingredients:  Nail Clippers  100g finest dandruff  Nail File  300ml best semi-solid mucus  Hairbrush/Comb (preferably lettuce green)  Frying Pan  Pinch of (to taste)  Palette Knife  Pinch of black pepper (to taste)   20ml white vinegar  Glass Bowl  50g rancid toe clippings  Eyeball, sorry…Hi Ball Glass  1 medium-sized fish eyeball (for  Umbrella, ella, ella, ella crunch and decoration)   A smidgen of belly-button fluff (blue  (Cardboard of course) of course)

Method

1. Firstly, empty the contents of both nostrils into a small glass bowl. To do this efficiently, cover one nostril at a time and blow vigorously through the other. Do this for both nostrils until you have approximately 300ml of the old boogeroonies. Put to one side for the moment or to rest in the fridge. 2. Next, pick up your brush or comb and rapidly give the old bonce a good raking. Do this over the kitchen floor so that when you sweep up the old dander you might be lucky enough to collect a few stray cat’s or dog’s hairs as well – good for taste and texture. Whilst you’re down on the kitchen floor check out any other little “goodies” that may be lurking down there and throw those bad boys in as well! 3. Place the frying pan on a medium to low heat and whilst this is warming up, get about those manky old tootsies. Hack away at those little rancid, golden-brown tooters with the nail clippers. (If you’re fussy you can file the remaining nail stumps smooth when you have finished). 4. Toss the nail clippings into the frying pan and fricassee lightly until you detect the delicate aroma of burnt cheese….these are done to perfection! Turn off the gas and save burnt cheesy offerings for later. 5. Now to amalgamate this little cornucopia of loveliness! Firstly, pour the rested/chilled boogers into the glass bowl. Follow that lump of deliciousness with the old dander dust. Sprinkle carefully and fold in using a palette knife. Getting nice and thick now, eh? Lob in those little cheesy brown toe nail clipping lovelies and whisk up to a froth! 6. Add to the verdant mixture 20ml of white wine vinegar – this cuts through those stubborn, tough, chewy boogers a treat! Stir carefully, making sure you don’t disturb the frothy head. 7. From a great height, dust in a pinch of salt and a pinch of black pepper. 8. Tip, scrape, lever, prise, chisel the glistening mix from the glass bowl into the eyeball, I mean Hi Ball glass (try to use an old, unwashed glass for extra pizzazz!). 9. Stare longingly at your green glass of loveliness before adding the finishing touches – 1 fish eyeball on a cocktail stick (for extra crunch and decoration) – 1 , ella, ella, ella, a la Del Boy – and garnish with some warm, newly excavated belly button fluff (blue of course , but any colour will do if you haven’t got blue). 10. Finally, hammer a drinking straw through the beastly concoction, place to lips, suck, swallow…..and enjoy! Mmmmnn……boogerlicious!!!!!!

Chef’s Tip: To spice up your new, favourite drink, dig out and add some fresh (or stale) ear wax …..you know it makes sense!

So…..there you have it….my favourite drink! Now it’s your turn to get gross and revolting up close……get those creative flowing (pardon the pun) and write yourself a fine and dandy Revolting Recipe!

Send us your masterpieces via Dojo….I can’t wait!

Bon Appetite. Mr Blair.