Read Ebook {PDF EPUB} Driving Me Nuts! by P.J. Jones Driving Me Nuts! by P.J. Jones. P.J. Jones picked up the 2nd last-place finish of his career in Sunday’s / Save Mart 350 at the Infineon Raceway when his #04 Jim Beam / Menard’s Toyota fell out with power steering problems after completing 2 of the race’s 113 laps. Jones, a NASCAR Sprint Cup “road ringer” with 26 series starts coming into Sunday’s race, has worked closely with owner-driver as a relief driver. Jones wasn’t tabbed as a “road ringer” for any of the other Sprint Cup teams coming into Sonoma, so Gordon fielded a second Toyota for Jones on Thursday. This made Jones a “post-entry,” that is, even if he qualified, Jones would not score any points in Sunday’s race because the entry was filed after the deadline had lapsed. A wild qualifying session on Friday saw full-time rookie slide off course in Turn 10 and fellow road racer Brian Simo blow the engine during their qualifying laps. This made Jones’ lap of 91.425 mph good enough to beat five “go-or-go-home” drivers, including Speed and Simo, granting Jones the 37th starting spot. When the green flag waved on Sunday, Jones made an unscheduled stop right after completing the first lap. After some repairs, Jones returned to the track, only to slow in the Esses and go behind the wall, having lost his power steering. 2009 last-place finish leader went behind the wall on the same lap, but the lap Jones lost put him one lap behind Blaney and, thus, became the last- place finisher. It was the first last-place finish for Jones in almost five years, dating back to his first-ever last-place finish driving for Don Arnold in the 2004 Pennsylvania 500 at Pocono. In terms of laps completed, Jones has completed the fewest laps of any driver in any points race this season, besting ’s three laps completed in this spring’s Goody’s Fast Relief 500 at Martinsville. (That finish, however, is still the season record holder for fewest miles completed). The race also marked the third time that the #04 has finished last in the 21 NASCAR Sprint Cup races held at the Infineon Raceway. The previous two last-place finishes occurred with ageless veteran Hershel McGriff behind the wheel in the 1990 and 1993 runnings. Jones and McGriff share a few other historical coincidences as a result of Sunday’s race. The 1993 event was McGriff’s final NASCAR Sprint Cup Series start and, until now, that race was also the last time the #04 had qualified for the NASCAR Sprint Cup race in Sonoma. This same weekend when Jones got the #04 back into the show, McGriff attempted his return to NASCAR competition by trying to qualify for the Bennett Lane Winery 200, a NASCAR Camping World West Series race, also held at Infineon. pjjoneswrites. Hey, folks. It’s time for a sale! Why? Because we’re coming on my second year anniversary of being a published indie author. To celebrate, I’m giving away all of my Amazon Kindle books for .99. Some are even FREE! If you walk around with a large stick shoved up your ass or are easily offended, this sale might not be for you. If you are looking for some raunchy, rip snortin’ fun, then download a PJ Jones’ book today. You (probably) won’t regret it! And LOOKIE! NAUGHTY LITTLE SCHNITZEL is back by (sort of) popular demand. It’s only got seven bad reviews. I know there have to be more easily offended readers readers out there, right? Visit my Amazon author page for more great deals. Books and short stories by PJ Jones: BUT WAIT, THAT’S NOT ALL! DURING THE MONTH OF MARCH, I’LL BE GIVING AWAY SIGNED COPIES OF EITHER DRIVING ME NUTS! OR ATTACK OF THE FAIRYTALE ZOMBIES! TO THREE LUCKY READERS. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ANSWER MY QUESTION AND LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW TO ENTER FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN. QUESTION: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR LAUGHS? G ood luck, and thanks for stopping by. ** Signed books are available for US residents. International residents are eligible for free book downloads. Comments 11 Comments Categories books. Quit whining indie authors! So some guy on KindleBoards is whining that his book isn’t selling. Loads of other authors offer advice. He’s offended. He wants to quit the writing business. I didn’t comment on that thread, just like I don’t comment on the numerous whiny author FB posts. My book isn’t selling. Nobody loves me. I should just quit. Wahhh! Authors, don’t invite us to your pity parties and then reject our advice. Authors, quit whining that nobody is buying your books. If nobody is buying your books, whining isn’t helping. DO something about it. Here are some options: 1. New cover 2. Revise. 3. Promote more. 4. Try writing another book or a whole new genre. 5. Quit whining. Quit whining. Quit whining. My parodies aren’t selling as well as I’d like. I realize that this genre is limiting. Not every reader is a fan of crude paranormal parody. My mainstream comedy has received stellar reviews and has sold far better than the parodies. So my next PJ Jones’ book will also be a mainstream comedy, not a parody. Do I love writing parodies? Does it sadden me that I have to put those books on hold for a while? Am I whining about it? Because whining isn’t going to sell more books. I pubbed YA under another name with a publisher about five years ago. Those books didn’t sell well, but they are selling well now that I’ve gotten my rights back and put them on Kindle, Nook and itunes. I’ve realized that right now YA is HOT. So yet another reason to put parodies on hold while I focus on releasing more YAs. In today’s market, when the publishing industry has been completely rewritten by Kindle and other epubs, publishing houses are forced to adapt. This is the perfect market for indie authors. At least, those indie authors who are savvy enough to quit bitching and write for the market. Just like the publishing houses, we have to adapt, too. We have to learn new ways to sell our books. Try new things. But most of all, we have to quit whining! And if you, the indie author, can’t market, can’t revise, can’t adapt, can’t accept feedback, then maybe this isn’t the business for you. Comments 22 Comments Categories books. Driving Me Nuts! is FREE today. Well, today is the last day to snag Driving Me Nuts! for FREE. The gracious Shea MacLeod has a sample scene on her blog. To read it, go here. To download your free Kindle copy, go here. Hope you’re having an awesome weekend. The sun is out and the breeze is just perfect in my little slice of Texas. Oh, and Nuts! now has 15 reviews and a 4.6 star rating! Thanks readers! Driving Me Nuts! Three mental patients, two loaded guns, one stolen car, and a whole lot of trouble… Jones Is No Longer a Far Cry. Parnelli Jones, perhaps the toughest guy to drive at Motor Speedway, was in tears Sunday. His 35-year-old son, P.J., had just qualified for his first , 41 years after Parnelli won the race they call the “Greatest Spectacle in Racing.” “I never wanted my boys to be race car drivers because I know it’s a dangerous sport,” Parnelli said, “but this is something special. It will mean a lot to Page.” Page Jones, a couple of years younger than P.J., suffered a near-fatal accident in a sprint car race 10 years ago at in Rossburg, , and has never completely recovered. He is home in California, but is coming for the 500. “Page called me almost as soon as I crossed the finish line,” P.J. said. “He was really excited. You know, he is my hero. With what he’s been through, in a coma and all that, and all the work he’s done rehabilitating, he’s the real hero. So he’s my hero. He’ll be here for the race. It’s something he and I have dreamed and talked about since we were little kids racing each other in go karts.” The 500 also will be a revival of one of racing’s greatest rivalries between Parnelli Jones and A.J. Foyt, whose son Larry and grandson A.J. qualified last week. The last time there was a Jones and a Foyt in the same 500 was 1967, a race won by Foyt after Jones had led for 171 of the 200 laps. P.J. Jones was the first of seven drivers who qualified Sunday to fill the traditional field of 33 for the 88th Indianapolis 500 next Sunday. His four- lap speed around the 2.5-mile rectangular oval was 213.355 mph, good enough for the outside of the 11th and last row. Other Bump Day qualifiers were Greg Ray, 216.641; 1996 winner , 215.110; rookie Jeff Simmons, 214.783; Richie Hearn, 213.715; 45-year-old rookie Marty Roth, 211.974; and Robby McGehee, 211.631. , the 2002 Winston Cup champion, stunned Speedway officials and the 1,000 or so spectators who came for Bump Day by flying in from Charlotte, N.C., where he finished third in the Nextel All-Star race Saturday night. The unpredictable Stewart, who won an Indy Racing League championship in 1997 before turning to NASCAR, took a physical and showed up in Foyt’s garage apparently ready to drive one of A.J.'s No. 14 cars and put it in the race. Stewart got as far as pit lane and the Foyt crew had the engine warming up, but after Cary Agajanian, Stewart’s attorney, explained the ramifications of his driving in the 500, the whole scenario was called off. “According to Cary, legally I can’t do it,” a disappointed Stewart said. “There’s a couple of variables in the equation that kept us from doing it legally, so if we do it, and I hope it’s next year, we’ve got to do it the right way.” Stewart is under contract to -- Foyt’s car is Toyota powered -- Home Depot and Racing in his NASCAR program. He also runs sprint cars, however, that are Mopar sponsored. “You know, A.J. and I are pretty emotional about this place. When this whole thing started, it really wasn’t a serious deal when I got here, but the more A.J. and I talked, the more excited we got. But we got a lot of people who support our stock car program deal, and the two groups that called wanted us to do it, but there are conflicts with their companies.” Jones’ qualification, which came after he had only 35 laps of practice in the No. 98 Chevrolet-powered that was pieced together by the Greg crew in the last four days, came with a touch of deja vu. One of the owners is the Agajanian family, whose father J.C., owned the No. 98 that Parnelli Jones drove to victory in 1963, and another of the owners, Greg Beck, is the son of Roger Beck, who raced against Parnelli in jalopies and was a fabricator on his Indy-winning car. Cary Agajanian, who is P.J.'s attorney as well as Stewart’s, is J.C.'s eldest son. The other owner is record magnate Mike Curb. The path from son of an Indy champion to making the field at 35 has been long and circuitous for the slender P.J. “I came here the first time when I was 18 for a midget race at the Speedrome and thought I’d be back for the 500 by the time I was 21,” he said. “Just looking back over the years and thinking about how many years we wasted not being here for whatever reason was kind of sorry. Then, career-wise going more toward NASCAR racing and racing a bit down there cost some more time. “Then having the accident here two years ago with a great car, I really wondered if I’d ever make it.” Jones was taking a practice lap before 2002 qualifying when he crashed in the first turn and suffered a broken neck. “That was weird because I didn’t hurt and I expected Dr. [Henry] Bock to give me an OK to drive in a day or two. Then he said the X-rays showed a broken vertebrae and when he told me another hit before it healed could be fatal and that was the end of that.” Jones spent most of last year working on his construction business in , building houses and selling them. On the race track, he made one Nextel Cup start, one Craftsman Truck race and a few U.S. Auto Club short-track races. Before coming here two weeks ago, P.J. had finished fourth in a USAC Silver Crown race May 8 in Memphis. “If you spend too much time out of these cars, it’s like everyone will forget about you. Having this deal put together at the last minute last week, coming here without a ride and it all falling together is pretty awesome. “It’s also been nerve-racking. You think, ‘OK, we have plenty of time.’ Wednesday goes by, Thursday goes by, Friday goes by. Finally we got out a little bit yesterday and today trying to knock the rust off.” Parnelli, while happy for his son’s success, was not too pleased with how it came about. “It’s difficult to see your son come here with a secondary -- and I don’t say a secondary team, but without a lot of time. When you come here you need to come early, run some laps for preparation. Look at P.J., he doesn’t have 50 laps here, then look at [Helio] Castroneves, he’s got probably three 500-mile races under his belt.” Parnelli said there was no comparison between qualifying for his first 500 in 1961 and P.J.'s. “I came here with Aggie in a good car and qualified in the middle of the second row,” Parnelli said. “I led 27 laps and could have won the race. Of course, things were a lot different back then. It was about 50% car and 50% driver. Today, with all the engineering and stuff, the car has become much more important in winning.” The field has eight rookies, three former winners and an almost perfect balance among engine manufacturers with 12 , 11 -- including the first seven qualifiers -- and 10 . pjjoneswrites. Hey, folks. It’s time for a sale! Why? Because we’re coming on my second year anniversary of being a published indie author. To celebrate, I’m giving away all of my Amazon Kindle books for .99. Some are even FREE! If you walk around with a large stick shoved up your ass or are easily offended, this sale might not be for you. If you are looking for some raunchy, rip snortin’ fun, then download a PJ Jones’ book today. You (probably) won’t regret it! And LOOKIE! NAUGHTY LITTLE SCHNITZEL is back by (sort of) popular demand. It’s only got seven bad reviews. I know there have to be more easily offended readers readers out there, right? Visit my Amazon author page for more great deals. Books and short stories by PJ Jones: BUT WAIT, THAT’S NOT ALL! DURING THE MONTH OF MARCH, I’LL BE GIVING AWAY SIGNED COPIES OF EITHER DRIVING ME NUTS! OR ATTACK OF THE FAIRYTALE ZOMBIES! TO THREE LUCKY READERS. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ANSWER MY QUESTION AND LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW TO ENTER FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN. QUESTION: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR LAUGHS? G ood luck, and thanks for stopping by. ** Signed books are available for US residents. International residents are eligible for free book downloads. Comments 11 Comments Categories books. Pride and Prejudice and Vampires is FREE today and tomorrow! If you are ready to take a jaunt through low-brow inane prose, join Elizabeth Bennet and her vampire family as they disgrace a once-esteemed novel while feasting on toad-faced suitors, servants and orphans. Mmmmm. Thank goodness for Mr. Darcy, who tries to steer Elizabeth back on script, and preserve whatever dignity is left of Jane Austen’s good name, while at the same time, salivating over Elizabeth Bennet’s huge breasts. Included in this shameless satire is more rip-snortin’ good fun, a collection of eight short paranormal parodies: The Guide to Immortal Sex; The PMS Vampire, Werewolf and Zombie Handbook; Melvin the Vacuum Salesman Zombie; and a few other nameless, tasteless short stories. What are you waiting for? Either buy the book or get out now before you suffer permanent brain damage. *** Praise for Pride and Prejudice and Vampires *** From Jane Austen: This book motivated me to return from beyond the veil of mortality so that I might smack PJ Jones upside the head. From PJ Jones’ neighbor’s dead cat: I can’t believe I wasted one of my nine lives reading this book. From Melvin the zombie: Brains. Books. Brains. From the flasher in the Safeway parking lot: Come a little closer. I’ve got something else for you to read. From the sanitation truck driver in PJ’s neighborhood: I knew there was a strange smell coming from PJ’s house. Death of racer shakes his mentor Parnelli Jones. “I just want to cry,” Parnelli Jones said, and a moment later tears welled in the eyes of the legendary race car driver Thursday. The tears were for veteran driver Jason Leffler, a Long Beach native who died Wednesday night from injuries in a sprint-car racing crash in New Jersey. He was 37 and left behind a 5-year-old son, Charlie. As tributes from the racing community poured in for Leffler, who also raced in all three of NASCAR’s national series, his death was acutely felt at Jones’ race shop in Torrance. That’s where Leffler as a teenager learned about race cars while working alongside Jones, whose accomplishments included winning the Indianapolis 500 in 1963, and Jones’ sons P.J. and Page, who also raced at the time. Leffler dreamed of racing, so he happily swept floors, cleaned car parts and soaked up everything he could about the sport at the Torrance shop, with the elder Jones becoming his early mentor. “He probably had more desire to become a race driver than we realized at first,” Parnelli Jones said. “That’s why he wanted to work on the cars.” Over the years, Leffler stayed close to Jones’ family, which first got word of Leffler’s fatal crash when P.J. Jones heard about it from family friend , the five-time NASCAR Sprint Cup Series champion. “It’s just a dead feeling all over,” Parnelli Jones, 79, said as he sat at his desk in the Torrance facility. “I still feel that way. I can’t get over that. “I just can’t imagine [Leffler] not being around,” Jones added. “We’ve never really been far apart.” Leffler might not be familiar to casual racing fans and he never achieved the results or status of Johnson and NASCAR’s other stars. But Leffler was an accomplished driver. Starting in the 1990s, he drove sprints and midget cars, lightweight but powerful open-wheel cars often raced on dirt tracks, and won four U.S. Auto Club (USAC) championships in those series. (Sprint cars are not to be confused with NASCAR’s Sprint Cup Series, which is named after the sponsoring telecommunications company.) His record included twice winning the traditional midget car race in Southern California on Thanksgiving (in 1999 and 2005), a race Parnelli Jones himself won. Leffler then moved mainly to NASCAR. He never won in 73 starts in the Cup series, and won twice in 294 starts in its second-tier Nationwide Series over a 12-year period. He also had one victory in 56 starts in NASCAR’s truck series. Leffler also drove in the Indianapolis 500 in 2000, finishing 17th. But when the 2013 season arrived, Leffler was without a full-time NASCAR ride, so he returned to . “I think he was not happy doing that,” Parnelli Jones said. “He was happy to be still driving something, but I think he — I didn’t like it, I didn’t like the fact that he had to do that. “I felt badly for him because somebody else didn’t pick him up in the Nationwide Series or the truck series or something like that.” But Jones acknowledged that there are “a lot of young, talented racers” and that, “like in the movie industry or anything else, as long as you’re climbing that ladder, everything is good. But when you falter, pretty soon people start writing you off.” Regardless, “We lost a great race car driver and a great friend,” P.J. Jones said. He recalled how Leffler “came to the shop every day” as a teenager, and “It was like an apprenticeship. For a kid that was 13, 14 years old, he was incredibly sharp about race cars.” “I also remember how every day we would go to lunch,” P.J. Jones added, and Leffler “would order a cheeseburger with French fries and pour a whole bottle of ketchup on the fries. Every day.” Leffler’s death came as Jones’ shop prepared for a previously planned barbecue for Friday, and workers were setting up tables and hanging checkered flags for a party that now had taken a solemn turn. “It’s kind of a sad deal,” Parnelli Jones said. “I’m sure the topic is going to be all about Jason.”