How to Train Baseball Teams
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Humor El Gato • Friday, November 15, 2019 • www.elgatonews.com 15 Enns finds the formula to producing Netflix original hits by Amelia Enns 1. Someone who was popular in one or two movies but has been virtually 1. Take a classic movie plot and make it weird. Movies Humor Editor unknown since. Example A: Brenda Song in Secret Obsession. After starring as like The Christmas Prince follow the standard small-town- As I scroll through the endless choices of Netflix movies, I’m London Tipton in the Suite Life of Zack and Cody, arguably an Academy Award girl-meets-rich-boy-and-falls-in-love story, but something overwhelmed with love, fear, disgust, and confusion. How does worthy performance, Song starred as Jeniffer Williams in the Netflix original, just doesn’t sit right with it. Maybe it’s the younger sister Netflix manage to produce hit after hit? The Kissing Booth may racking in a stunning 31% from Rotten Tomatoes and an abundance of awards. in the wheelchair? have seemed like a one hit wonder for the streaming network, but 2. A completely unknown actor or actress who is almost attractive but not 2. Make you fall in love with a psychopath. With their after releasing Tall Girl, Secret Obsession, and quite there. No acting skills are required for this. A prime example is Glen Powell, movie Extremely Wicked Shockingly Evil and Vile, following the Perfect Date, Netflix has proved itself who plays Charlie in the film Set it Up. With no acting or comedy skills, the story of Ted Bundy, superior to any other film Powell catapulted the Netflix paints the picture production company. movie to the top of an innocent man con- As an aspiring film of the box office, victed of heinous crimes major, I knew I needed selling out the- and makes the watch- to crack the elaborate aters everywhere ers fall in love with algorithm used by Netflix and launching Ted Bundy. Hands up to produce box office hit his career. if you’re a Ted Bundy after hit. After years of ardu- 3. Noah Centi- stan now! ous research and hacking, I’ve neo. If options one Netflix’s movie finally discovered the formula for and two don’t appeal game remains unan- Netflix Originals. to you, don’t worry. swered and unchal- The Cast: Arguably the most important part of a movie is the cast. Noah Centineo is available to star in any Netflix movie in any role. lenged, but now that Although some movies have deviated from the casting algorithm, such The Plot: Writing the story arc for a movie is never easy, yet their formula has as The Kissing Booth for starring our lord and savior Jacob Elordi, Netflix manages to nail it every time. With oppressive connotations been leaked, I expect each Netflix has three main options for choosing actors and actresses to and double standards, movies like When We First Met and Sierra Bur- and every reader to write, direct, and produce their own star in their films. gess is a Loser keep fans glued to their screens and in love with the plot line. originals to rival Netflix. How to train baseball teams PG&E power shuts down by Sami Elizondo Carve Pumpkins: With Thanksgiving right by Ethan Sanders that will bring them together as Culture Editor around the corner, what better way to cel- Editorial Editor brothers and sisters and allow With the recent power outages in Los ebrate than carving pumpkins with friends Coaching a sports them to compete as a Gatos, I am sure many people are and family? Carving pump- teams is hard, espe- cohesive unit. feeling at a loss. Without elec- kins not only provides you cially when it comes The first step is tronics to entertain them, with a scary jack o’lantern to teaching small to pull off the abduc- students do not know how to light your home with children what is tion of your entire to fill their day with candlelight, but the pump- perhaps the most team. Consider using exciting things to do. kin seeds are a nutritious stereotypical sport candy or the promise So, here are some ideas snack. The lack of power for aspiring young of free WiFi to lure that may inspire you to will cause your refriger- athletes: little league the little leaguers escape the confines of ated groceries to fester, baseball. As a little league into your coaching van. your dark, cold homes: and you may not be able coach, you are constantly bom- But, and this is impor- Fill your home to roast the seeds, but barded with threats from helicopter tant, you must hide your with air mattresses: the pulp is extra pro- parents who insist that Timmy, their true intentions and make This idea is for those tein. If plain pulp and little lovebug, should be playing more it seem as if you are piling of you who value sleep seeds is not your ideal because he is “simply the best at everything them into your van to take above everything else. meal, an array of spices can he does.” Overprotective parents make you them to a game or practice. Staying in bed is boring, and add a kick that is sure to look bad as a coach, ruining the chemistry Remember, parents don’t you do it every day anyways. impress anyone. amongst your players and threatening to sue like it when their kids Take advantage of the power outage by manually Play Hide and Seek: For people who need to you if you don’t give their special snowflake are kidnapped. blowing up as many air mattresses as you can get rid of some energy, I recommend a game of hide enough playing time. Once you successfully until the floor of your home is out of sight. Then and seek. For the ideal experience, play at night- However, just because Timmy sucks at get all of your players in your van, the real accumulate all of the blankets that you can and time when it is pitch black, so no matter how good baseball, that doesn’t mean your coach- coaching and team bonding begins. Bring your cocoon yourself in your fuzzy kingdom. An added you are at seeking, finding people will be next to ing has to. Many coaches succumb to team to a remote forest location and have them bonus of the power outage is random days of impossible. The game takes longer than Monopoly, the wrath of irate parents as they fail to find forage for supplies to build basic shelter, water school being cancelled because the high and is twice as fun. It is an excellent game to play the perfect way to circumvent the parents antics. collection devices, and of course, a baseball dia- school is powerless. This means that you with your competitive younger siblings, especially Although often overlooked due to its questionable mond. Build team chemistry by threatening to can keep up your fortress for a prolonged if you are tired of hearing them complain about morality, the solution is obvious: kidnap your spit roast the worst player on the team over a fire period of time. By remodeling your not being able to play Mario Kart because the WiFi own little league team. Similar to an initiation at until they exhibit a basic understanding of the home with air mattresses, you and is down. Just count down from 60 really loudly collegiate fraternities, your little league baseball fundamentals. Soon, your players will be your friends will have a comfy place and then go about your day. If they want to win, team must undergo an experience so battle-hardened that they will be able to evade to stay during these dark times. they will be sure to be quiet for hours and you can landmines in the outfield and the various booby finally enjoy the silence. traps (piranhas, spike pits, quicksand, etc.) clus- Whether you decide to blow up tered outside the base paths. mattresses, carve pumpkins, or play If you manage to carry out this hide and seek, you are sure to be pro- expert coaching maneuver, you can vided with some entertainment while find solace in knowing that although you wait for your power to return. your little league players will be able The current power situation in Los to give a perfect description of your Gatos may seem inconvenient, but face to the police sketch artist, they if you handle it the right way, it can will only know you by one name: Coach. actually be fun. Adult life introduces new traditions and appreciations by Morgan Tinsley I gain an appreciation for oatmeal cookies after becoming an adult, scam, checking my email once again, and turning the volume of my Editor-in-Chief but they have also become my lifeline. I can’t look at chocolate chip ringtone up to max. I felt like a true, validated adult. I fell asleep I recently turned 18, meaning I can now vote in the midterms cookies anymore. Those sugar-stocked desserts are for children. I, at 11:30, which felt like an extremely late night for me. for the perfect candidate who doesn’t exist, get a “tasteful” tattoo an intellectual adult complete with a refined palette, know that After my birthday, I maintained my adultness. I spent all that I definitely won’t regret in 30 years, spend all of my money oatmeal cookies are superior. Plus, I can eat three cookies a day and of my birthday money on fuzzy toilet seat covers and Count- gambling, and even adopt a pretend I’m staying healthy, because I’m basically ing Crows tickets.