March, 2018 Volume XLIV Number 3

ASKANCE Whole Number 43

Edited & published by John Purcell, 3744 Marielene Circle, College Station, TX 77845-3926 USA

Once again, proofreading services rendered by Duckie, the wonder Labrador. Any typos are not my fault. Honest!

Contents © 2018 by John A. Purcell. Contact information: [email protected]

Even so, all rights revert to original artists and authors upon publication. Disclaimers are a dirty business, but are always included. You understand. I know you do.

What you have here in your hands (or on screen) is another Mythical Publication. Copies of this fine, back on a quarterly schedule fanzine can be had for The Usual, which means expressed interest, submission and eventual inclusion of articles and artwork, letters of comment, and cold hard cash in the amount of $3.00 USD if you want a printed copy mailed to you. Bribes are also accepted. Of course, if you send in locs, articles, and artwork, you just earned a life-time free subscription. Consider yourself lucky, indeed.

Table of contents Bemused Natterings………………………………………………………….3 The Care and Feeding of the Purcells, by Valerie Purcell…..7 Off to Europe!, by John Purcell……………………………………..…12 Traveling Woes, by Taral Wayne…………………….……………….16 Book and Fanzine Reviews……………………………………………….20 Chat: the 4th Fhannish Ghod, by Teddy Harvia…………………23 Incident at Babel, by Taral Wayne……………………………………24 From the Hinterlands – letters………………………………………….25 Regional Convention Calendar………………………………………….33 What’s Next……………………………………………………………………..35

Art credits: Denny Marshall – front and back covers Sheryl Birkhead – 2; clip art – 3, 12, 18, 24, 33; photo of Kate Wilhelm from file770.com – 5; Image Googled – 16; photographs by John Purcell – 13, 15, 19, 25, 29, 30, 32, 34, 37; Worldcon 75 Hugo Awards website photo - 36

2 Member: FWA (since 2007!) Page

As the new year begins, it is time to wonder exactly how much of each issue of this fanzine will be devoted to recounting my 2017 Trans-Atlantic Fan Fund trip to the 75th World Science Fiction Convention in Helsinki, Finland. Even now, over seven months after that trip began, I still find it hard to believe that Valerie and I actually went there, experiencing a lifetime of events, meeting tons of wonderful people, seeing incredible places, and generally just being overwhelmed by the awesomeness of Europe. We were world travelers, and would love to do it again. In two years the Worldcon will be held in Dublin, Ireland. How can we possibly resist?

This year our convention travels are deliberately restricted to local – as in Texas – conventions. On our radar for calendar year 2018 are ArmadilloCon 40 in Austin over the first weekend in August, a mere two weeks before the 76th World SF Convention out in San Jose, California, which sadly we will be missing due to saving up for our trip to Dublin next year. Then at the end of September is one of our favorite Texas cons, FenCon XV, which is not quite a three hour drive north of us. There are other sf conventions scattered around Texas and in nearby states, notably SoonerCon up in Oklahoma City (June), which is roughly eight hours away, and New Orleans, Louisiana hosts Contraflow, among many others. The weekend before Worldcon is when Bubonicon occurs west of here in Albuquerque, New Mexico, but that is a non-stop 12 to 14 hour drive for us. Some year, though, we will get to Bubonicon because it is another con with a very fannish reputation.

So this year we are a bit limited, but not out of the cycle. We will go to cons as we can afford them. I look forward to whichever convention we attend, and promise to raise funds for TAFF at them.

Late again?! Why the heck not? As the old saying goes, it’s not fannish if a fanzine is not late. This particular issue was originally planned to appear at the end of January this year. Then it got shoved back to February. Obviously that did not happen. So I wrote off to cover artist Denny Marshall to quickly re-date the splendid artwork he created, thus now you hold the properly dated 43rd issue of Askance, albeit two months later than expected.

There is a very simple explanation for the delay: I’ve been busy. Since mid-December I have written approximately thirty thousand words on my 2017 TAFF Trip Report, segments of which 3

have appeared in Vibrator #46 (November 2017), Exhibition Hall #28 (March 2018), Banana Page

Wings #69 (March 2018), and the soon to be published zines Inca #14 (March 2018) and Beam #14 (April 2018). Technically, two precursor entries appeared last October in my zines Askew #21 and Askance #42, so a lot of this is out there. The next Askew (April this year) will have another short segment, and I foresee at least a couple more chapters appearing in Askance. I really want to get my Netherlands and Czech Republic sections done for CounterClock Real Soon Now. As for my actual Worldcon 75 convention report, I am now thinking of putting that out as a one-shot sometime this spring. My goal is to have the entire shebang done and released as a book in time for the Dublin Worldcon in 2019.

Pray for me. I’m definitely going to need it. An Announcement – of sorts Many science fiction fanzine fans have been inundated by a flood of science fiction academia from the pen of one Robin Bright, PhD, a resident of Australia. Personally, I believe this is a fictitious name – a nom de plume, a pseudonym, a bit of literary chicanery – to protect the writer, but just in case, I think it is best to acknowledge that Dr. Bright really does exist and has done extensive research into the Biblical/futanarian linkages in the fiction of Robert A. Heinlein. When attempting to read these articles, many fanzine fans have run screaming into the night, ripping their eyes out, crying “no more! Please, no more! We can’t take it!” Thus I hereby announce that this fanzine will no longer publish contributions from the aforementioned scholar.

I do admit, however, it has been fun. The academician who resides inside me – who has been frequently released to stretch his literary limbs over the past decade – has taken a perverse delight in reading these glorious obfuscations of Dr. Bright’s that require, near as I can tell, a Fog Index of 27 to comprehend. Yes, I actually figured this out during the Holiday break between semesters. I took four articles (two from Askance, two from Charles Rector’s fanzine Fornax) and computed out that a reader needs to have surpassed 27 grade levels to understand these texts. In other words, these texts are damned near incomprehensible.

Yeah. I think enough is enough. It is time to move on and make room for other contributors.

Who’s in this issue We have familiar faces herein. And they are… Teddy Harvia At long last, “Chat, the 4th Fhannish Ghod,” returns! It has definitely been a while since this fhannish furry feline has graced the pages of Askance, and I do hope there will be many more installments of this cartoon. Hopefully next issue will also see the return of Bill Fischer’s “Figby.”

Won’t that be lovely, hmm? 4

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Valerie Purcell My darling wife, and 2017 TAFF trip companion, wrote up the “Care and Feeding of the Purcells” as a how-to guide for our host families during last year’s European trek. It makes a delightful introduction to my trip report, and Valerie eventually plans to write a Food and Drink Supplement to be included when the entire trip report is compiled into one volume.

Taral Wayne Everyone in science fiction fandom is enjoying the writings again of Taral as he continues to recover from the stroke he suffered a year ago. “Traveling Woes” is the second installment of the Taral Triptych, begun last issue and will conclude in the next issue. These articles are a shining example of his wit and ability to relate his progress to all of us. I am very glad he is doing so well, and hope he continues to regale us with his unique perspective for many more years.

Kate Wilhelm (1928-2018)

Back in 1986, Minicon 21 featured as its Professional Guests of Honor Damon Knight and Kate Wilhelm. According to the Minicon history on the website minnstf.org, 1475 warm bodies came to see this famous and fantastic husband and wife team grace Minicon’s podium. My big regret was not being at that convention because that was the year I was living in Los Angeles. As a result, I never had the chance to meet either of them, although there were distant chances – as in, being in the audience – at two world conventions (1976 and 1978). From what I remember from those long ago convention panels, they were both intelligent, witty, and simply wonderful in all aspects.

Sadly, Damon Knight died in 2002 at the age of 79, and on March 8th of this year, Kate Wilhelm passed away: she was 89. Her work has received numerous awards. Here is the brief listing from her Wikipedia entry:

• Nebula Award for Best Short Story, 1968, "The Planners"

• Hugo Award for Best Novel and Locus Award for Best Novel, both 1977, Where Late the Sweet Birds Sang” 5 • Nebula Award for Best Novelette, 1986, "The Girl Who Fell into the Sky" Page

• Nebula Award for Best Short Story, 1987, "Forever Yours, Anna” • Hugo Award (best related book) and Locus Award (best nonfiction), both 2006, Storyteller: Writing Lessons and More from 27 Years of the Clarion Writers' Workshop

I have always loved her writing, be it fiction or non-fiction. Kate Wilhelm will be greatly missed by all those who have had the pleasure to meet her. To give my readers a short glimpse into what kind of a person she was like, Neil Rest shared this convention memory on his Facebook page:

In January, 1978, Kate Wilhelm was GoH [Guest of Honor, ed.] at Confusion π in Ann Arbor. (Confusion traditionally is numbered eccentrically.)

The hotel layout had an unusually large space in front of the elevators. As you came out, there was a wall to your right, a wall 12 or 15 feet in front of you, and you turned left to go to the rooms.

Sitting on the floor in front of the elevators on the con suite floor, Dana Siegel had a closed hall party with Kate. It's a little hard to describe. Dana and Kate were sitting near the corner and more people were sitting around, but only the people Dana asked sat down to join the group. It's not like anyone was cold-shouldered or there were funny vibes or anything, but, somehow, only people Dana invited sat down.

And this was not just with Kate Wilhelm, who was wonderful, and was GoH, it was on the floor with the con suite, so traffic was pretty constant. Dana finished the glass of water she'd been sipping, and a guy getting off the elevator offered to refill it in the con suite. He took the glass, and came back with it refilled. The next time Dana'd emptied the glass, the same guy was getting off the elevator and refilled it again.

So we began experimenting. At one point I asked for root beer. A little while later, someone wandered by with a six-pack of root beer and gave it to us. Eventually we found that it only worked in the building; Dana never got her gyros from the place across the street.

So Dana keeps prompting Kate to ask for something. Kate modestly continued to resist. Finally, she asked for an Irish coffee. Ten or fifteen minutes later, a lovely blonde high- school aged girl in an excellent full-body dragon costume, with her large green dragon head under her arm and an Irish coffee in the other hand got off the elevator and asked, "Does anyone want an Irish coffee?"

Godspeed, Kate Wilhelm. 6 Page

For your edification, Valerie Purcell presents:

The Care & Feeding Of the Purcells: A TAFF Trip Primer For Would-Be Hosts

So, you are thinking about hosting a Purcell – perhaps as temporary foster home, or perhaps as lifelong forever home. Well good on you! But which kind of Purcell is the right one for you and your lifestyle? Do you play it safe and get a John? Are you already an experienced host(ess) and think you are ready for a Valerie? Or are you at a point where you want to consider getting one of each? We will look at some of the differences between Purcells, so that you can make an informed decision if this is the choice for you.

How Much Care Is Required: John Purcell

Want a Purcell, but not sure you are up to the task of caring for one? If so, then John Purcell is the perfect starter Purcell for your household! He is a 1 on the PURCELL MAINTENANCE SCALE. <--John

What Does He Eat? Where Do We Keep Him?

Being raised in the upper Mid-West, he thrived on a meat & potatoes kind of diet. Despite having all his teeth removed a mere few months ago, he STILL thrives on a meat & potatoes diet! John will quite literally eat anything, at any time, in any place, whether you put it in front of him or just tell him it’s ready & waiting in a certain place. He has no known food allergies and seemingly few preferences. He is known as a Purcell Garbage Can! That said, he is known for his daily consumption of salty snacks; esp popcorn (he actually prepares this in his own hand- cranked maker on the stove several times a week), pretzels, and corn chips or Bugles. He also loves chocolate! You can bribe him to do most anything with a bit of even crappy American “chocolate” (which is full of wax additives & barely qualifies as chocolate! Imagine what he’d do for a French, Belgium, or Swiss bit of this snack of the gods!)

Likewise, no special housing requirements are necessary for John. He can sleep anywhere, in any position, or any surface – and frequently does (he has been known to pass right out whilst sitting upright, even while holding his offspring).

Is There A Downside?

The only bother you will find with this human is that he is prone to frequent bathroom visits and you will need to afford him time to put his teeth in/out. Otherwise, your new Purcell is good to go! 7

I’m just a bill; yes, only a bill. Page

What Of Temperament? Anything Else Helpful To Know?

He is annoyingly positive at all times, wakes up that way, in general, and is considered a “morning person.” Thusly, this means that he will want to sneak away into a corner to sleep earlier than his companion humans.

If you do find him in a state otherwise, just hand him a musical instrument, of any kind, or failing a nearby guitar, put music into his ethersphere, and just watch as he melts into submission!

He loves to grill food, and can/will help prep foods for other humans. He is also willing to “earn his keep” and lend a helping hand whenever he can (although not being gifted with mechanical prowess or brute strength, he is always willing to give impromptu musical recitals, open jars, and take out rubbish!).

Chapter 2

How Much Care Is Required: Valerie Purcell

Tipping the scale at the other end of the spectrum is his missus. Valerie is a Valerie nightmare Purcell, shooting off the top of the PURCELL MAINTENANCE SCALE at an 11! She actually DOES come with a warning label and should only be considered ONLY if you have loads of experience at successful keeping of Purcells. Valerie is NOT a Purcell for the novice keeper or the faint of heart!

A Note About Color

Not all Purcells are created equal. If the Purcell you are considering is a red variety of Purcell, then you need to pay special attention to these warning labels. Being the rarest color combination of all her species, she is, of course, more interesting to have as a guest. However, this rarity factors into some rather handsomely costing care and time requirements that isn’t always realized at first glance. Some scientists and geneticists believe these “ginger” Purcells to be a subspecies closely related to, or directly descended from, a Sasquatch-like creature. Valerie is an extraordinarily hairy ginger Purcell. While most note she is covered in very fine hair, take care to realize just how much fine hair it takes to cover that entire body and then factor in how much fine hair it takes to have that thick of hair x the great length it is often found at. Future hosts should keep plenty of Drain-O type products on hand, a plumber on speed dial, and/or may want to invest in pipe snakes, if fostering for more than a week. If you are convinced that a ginger Purcell is right for you, but can’t decide which color of red you’ll get, or can’t find the right color in your area, a great place to see the large variety of red Purcells is at RedHead Days held annually, in the Netherlands. You can buy, sell, trade, or just see all the different varieties of reds there are. Be forewarned however, that not all of these gingers are actually Purcells.

8 They say our solar system is centered ‘round the sun.

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What Does She Eat? (AKA; The Down Side!)

Good luck feeding this Purcell! The list of foods Valerie can eat seems to shrink every year she manages to keep breathing. This Purcell was never an “adventurous eater,” (but this probably has a lot to do with the geographical origins of her species). The natural habitat of Valerie is a temperate, four season, land-locked, Mid-Western, rural community. When one lives where THE BEST Angus beef, pork, chicken, corn, and soy beans are raised, then that is pretty much all one eats. Well, that and the vegetables grown from the seeds available at a time before the internet. While the soil is so rich you can spit out a seed one day and find its plant growing the next, it comes at the price of a short growing season, and there is little access to seafood, exotic fruits, and fresh vegetables.

Combine those origin limits with an increasing list of allergies to foods and you now have a VERY HIGH MAINTENANCE EATER! This causes Valerie no end of embarrassment. In order to TRY to be a lower maintenance Purcell, she will often travel with specialty foods, or want access to local markets before being brought to a meal time. It is hard to say if the list of CAN EAT or the CAN’T EAT is easier to put forth to would-be hosts, so we will enclose both on a special table below for your convenience.

CAN EAT DO NOT FEED (Remember that “can eat” & “will eat” are 2 different things in this character! GREENS: GLUTEN! Not having an official diagnosis yet (postponed Kale – LOTS & LOTS of this cholesterol-scrubbing as long as she can!), but being vexed with increasingly green! She will eat it as a salad, on sandwiches, steamed worsening bouts of a plethora of illnesses, while looking up on eggs or slipped into any kind of “casserole!” symptoms to help one of her children, Valerie realized she had SPINACH – same as above, but is less important to 14 of the required 12 symptoms of a Celiac sufferer and quit get in the amounts and frequency as KALE. that stuff cold-turkey! That was over 5 yrs ago, and after OTHERS – not all greens make the cut. Some textures, accidently eating a regular hotdog bun and being deeply sick like mustard greens, need to be mixed in with the other 2 for 2 days and functionally ill for more than 2 wks, she knew as in a nice mesclun . staying GLUTEN-FREE was her new life. Please also note that while John also loves greens & BE AWARE That some things which are considered GLUTEN salads, his new teeth pose a problem. He has not been No-No’s are not made with a gluten base. This includes things able to successfully manage the eating of salads without like: choking. But keep offering him this healthy mix as only VINEGARS – White vinegar is right out. Whereas, apple practice will make it better. cider & rice vinegars are perfectly fine. There are other items that are controversial as whether or not MEATS: they themselves cause the reaction or if it is something in the Red Meats – Beef, it’s what’s for dinner! She loves it processing – such as liquors. For some ppl they cause no prepared anyway that it’s “not bleeding” on her plate. prob. Others it’s only the flavored kinds – like Lemon Vodka. Literally, if it is meat – John will eat it! He grills at least 5 LATEX! For our purposes here, it would be called a times/wk ALL yr long & is quite skilled at achieving perfect “latex-related foods” After her 1st spine surgery, Valerie was smoke rings in his loins! (HAHAHAHA!) He will grill for diagnosed with a “true latex allergy.” She carries an epi-pen

ANYONE who would like to enjoy a home-cooked BBQ. now, just in case. The list of her formerly favorite foods that 9 Poultry – They eat a ton of chicken, and love turkey! she can no longer eat includes, but is not limited to: The white meats (including their beloved native pork) Avocados, Bananas, Eggplant, it’s VERY annoying as Page

become far more important the higher her “bad” these are some of her favorite go-to foods! You can learn cholesterol climbs since the medications to control this more at http://latexallergyresources.org/cross-reactive-food genetic defect cause a great deal of pain & had to be as you can see there is A LOT of uncertainty, a lot of cross- discontinued). over with GLUTEN allergy & LATEX stuff & she has many SEA FOODS – Both Purcells ADORE this treat! unknowns at this point – something is STILL causing her Everything from shellfish to pickled herring (it’s the nearly daily breakouts which can then lead to swellings, Norwegian heritage in the Valerie, but don’t even think of mucous membrane drying & sore throat. She takes Benadryl offering that slimy nasty lutefisk! The other heritages in at the first signs of symptoms as well has Rx cream. Of course her will rebel & you will have a mess on your hands!) her beloved corn has now been causing gastric distress in That said there is the increasing need to be vigilant for copious amounts, but she just can’t get all the way off that cross-reactive allergies in shellfish. You should assign delicious but useless carb. Also nothing but a useless carb, someone to control the amounts of shellfish she is offered peas, has never been a fav of Valerie although ironically she at one sitting. can consume mass quantities of fresh/raw sugar snap peas! NIGHT SHADES FAMILY: Potatoes - are the biggest of the offenders. While she can easily avoid these at home by substituting with the Yucca Root (aka Cassava Root) she knows this is going to be a potentially huge embarrassment in a European environment. This goes against her very own European genetics ( ½ Bohemian on her father’s line & a Norwegian+Scotts- Irish/English mix on the mother’s line). But then what’s more embarrassing that travel all over UK, Europe & Scandinavia and NOT imbibing BEER & WINE & BREADED/FRIED stuff! *VEGETABLES – Of course her beloved corn has now been causing gastric This is where the geographic isolation origins cross the distress when indulging in copious amounts, but she just unadventurous aspects: it’s hard to know which came first can’t get all the way off that delicious but useless carb. or which the more heavy influence is. Accustomed to only eating things like *potatoes, greenbeans, (her personal Those few aside (which is the basis of the European diet all favorite), peas, carrots, and the occasional iceberg Purcells are raised with), they usually enjoy eating veggies lettuce, her vegetable world is ever expanding. raw, steamed, grilled, roasted, etc… Frequently eaten veggies now also include, cassava root, sweet potatoes, and asparagus! John of course eats EVERYTHING! *FRUITS – *See the DO NOT FEED list for BEVERAGES: exceptions! Got Milk? Because their son was diagnosed during his 1st Having only seasonally-available fresh fruits during youth, yr as having MSPI, the entire house stopped drinking dairy she never had the opportunity for anything as exotic as a milk products, though BOTH like cheeses, (Valerie can be kiwi until her adulthood in the urban metro area of lured into windowless vans with the promise of them). When Minnesota. Canned fruit cocktail or heavily-sugared the need arises to have a liquid “dairy” product they still canned pie berries were considered a desert in her drink/cook with almond, cashew, or rice milks. They both enjoy house. As long as you show her HOW to eat a new fruit, creamer in their coffee, but have stuck to the crappy store and it isn’t an allergen, you will find this area to be her brand Fat Free powdery flavored kind (Cinnamon, Amaretto, most willing new food adventuring! John will eat French Vanilla varieties). EVERYTHING. Again. SUGARY Drinks: This is a very big temptation, but the ------weight loss she has achieved compared with the weight loss ALCOHOLS: still to go for medical purposes makes this an important Special alcohol note: [The generations of alcoholism is avoidance. It is fine to offer these, but be prepared to be 10 strong in both families & is shared by John as well. While turned down regularly.

he CAN imbibe, he should only do so in LIMITED John LOVES Pepsi over Coke – NOT diet – becuz he never Page

quantities & frequencies! Generally, he rarely partakes of gets fat! beer, but when he does, it is generally the “non-alcoholic” COFFEE, TEA, or….? varieties. Even with these there can be a marked BOTH Purcells thrive on COFFEE! If you want to see your difference in temperament & Valerie DOES tend to be a Purcell active in its habitat or take it out for a walkies, then you harsh monitor on his intake!] will NEED to caffeinate it – esp Valerie! BEER- OMG the pure SHAME of not being a BEER Both Purcells enjoy a good hot cuppa from time to time, but imbiber & going throughout the beer-consuming capitals being stuck in the sultry south they generally prefer iced tea (I of the galaxy! And again – the GENETICS are betrayed! know! The horror! And with NO SUGARS!) Some fav blends Not liking the taste of beer is the least of the problems include Earl Grey & Orange Pekoe for her. He will drink associated with this foamy elixir; the fermentation process anything. Both like green tea blends in iced format. itself, combined with the GLUTEN-filled origins, make this Water: Cold, Potable H20 (which they have to BUY in TX) w/a little less than a nuclear weapon in her gut! dash of lemon juice or a slice of lemon or lime (or orange will WINE- Although once enjoyed, the interference with her work in a pinch) is pretty much all you need to put in Valerie’s life-saving medications is not worth the temporary water tube. BOTH Purcell species drink copious amounts of enjoyment derived from it. How one gets through Europe water, though of course John likes his any old way he can get without consuming hourly bottles of wine, remains to be it & despite you having water at her beckon call, Valerie will seen. often fail to adequately hydrate by the day’s end. Liquors – While GREATLY ENJOYED, the same When you want to give your Valerie a treat, you can offer interferences with her medications are experienced. sparkling waters – (Citrus flavors preferred) as long as they Valerie loved the “hard” liquors in her youth (“why dirty a don’t contain additives like sodium, aspartame. Coconut glass when you have an already sterilized bottle!”). She water & Coconut milk are favorite “cocktail hr” drinks she will CAN have non-gluten potent potables such as rum, and add lime & sparkling water or low-sodium club soda to. will on rare occasions out, enjoy a calorie-filled mix of Release The Kraken Rum & cola or non-cola soda (such as 7-Up/Sprite). She was always fond of the blender ______drinks like Pina Coladas, Daiquiris & Margaritas, but most Yogurts are an almost daily ‘lunch’ snack along of the mixes contain Gluten or Latex-related items). It is a w/a protein bar & a piece of fruit. Valerie eats a sure-fire way to see the Valerie at her most entertaining. If low calorie (90 or below)(non-aspartame she does partake, make sure you get her to do her “little containing “greek” yogurt. Again, the super cheap girl poems.” stuff from WalMart. As with everything else, she Some of the (breads, cookies, muffins) has to be careful of fruit she can’t have & is partial brands she eats regularly: to citrus, berries, coconut/pineapple types. Valerie UDIS: http://udisglutenfree.com/ (usual even has John eating yogurts on occasion. breakfast consists of 2 pcs of toasted whole grain bread topped with Reduced Fat Philly Cream Cheese & Orange Marmalade. (Schaar products are another brand of go-to GF breads – esp their baguettes & buns.

We hope you have found this material helpful at best (entertaining at least). Now you should have an idea if a Purcell the right creature to invite into your home. Good luck & happy hosting!

Lolly, lolly, lolly – get your adverbs here. 11 Page

Crimea River! We took a wrong turn at Omsk!

The TAFF 2017 adventures of John and Valerie Purcell

Herein begins the account of John and Valerie Purcell, flying Houston to Manchester – via *shudder* Newark! – on the 2017 Trans-Atlantic Fan Fund trip to their eventual destination of Helsinki, Finland, to attend the 75th World Science Fiction Convention. Yes, they were excited, but the Fates would not be kind…

Thursday morning, July 13, 2017 broke sunny and warm, which is typical for what I call SouthCentralEastern Texas. The late night packing spree to get all of our bags filled and loaded into the car was finally completed around four o’clock in the morning, which meant we were able to get at least a couple hours of sleep before awakening at 6:30 AM to get coffee into our tired bodies, get washed and dressed, get more coffee for the road, then we were off to the Woodlands, our dogs Duckie and Cholo in the backseat. They would be spending the next month at our daughter Penny’s house in the Woodlands, which is a short drive from George H. W. Bush International Airport. Our plane’s departure time was scheduled for 10:35 AM, so we knew we were cutting it close, but everything was already packed and in the car. All we had to do was get to Penny and Eric’s house around 8:00 AM, which we knew we could do (their house being just over a one hour drive away, door-to-door). Well, we arrived about twenty minutes later than planned, but the dogs were quickly shuttled into their house, and then Penny and Eric jumped into our car and off we went to the airport.

Traffic was nowhere near as bad as Penny feared it might be since we were heading down a major drag, I-45, toward Houston, but the airport is on the north side of the city, and we used the High Occupancy Vehicle lane to shoot past some traffic congestion and arrived at Bush International just before 9:00 AM. That gave us an hour and half before takeoff, which is cutting it fine considering we had luggage to check in and get through the customs check. Penny and Eric helped get our stuff into the terminal just outside the United Airlines counter,

the kids then bade us an emotional bon voyage, and Valerie and I were left to our devices. 12 Page

Only a few passengers were waiting in line for our flight, which was a stroke of luck. We were astonished at how quickly our luggage and tickets were processed – ah, the wonders of using the United App on our brand new iPhones; these devices definitely can speed things up if you use the technology right – and even though we were slowed down a bit going through the customs check, we made it onto our flight fifteen minutes before it would take off. So far, so good. We got settled into our seats, took a selfie, and prepared for Valerie’s first ever airplane flight.

This was exciting to the point of making her stomach gurgly. Valerie has a history of getting motion sickness in the car, especially when I am driving, which really isn’t a statement of how badly I drive, but a simple fact: she doesn’t get motion sickness when she’s driving. When she’s sitting on the passenger side of the front seat – gawd forbid if she ever had to sit in the back seat: that’s a guaranteed barf generator for her – she usually closes her eyes, even when I accelerate gradually and try to avoid stop-and-start driving. It’s just how she is. Penny gave her mother some anti-nausea traveling tips (how she knew these things is beyond me since Penny has never flown, either), such as chew mints, put an ice-pack on your chest, close eyes, take deep regular breaths…that sort of thing. So Valerie, who was in the aisle seat, was ready for whenever the gurgling gut syndrome hit.

What we were not ready for was the presence of a family with three small children (two toddlers and an older sibling) a half dozen rows behind us at the back end of coach seating. Everything was fine until the engines started up and the plane began to back away from the terminal. That’s when toddler number one started wailing. He was soon joined by toddler number 2, his sister, as the engines roared louder as the plane began rumbling down the runway for takeoff. As soon as the wheels came off the ground both went into full-blown screaming mode. Their older brother, apparently a world traveler at the ripe old age of six, began yelling at them to shut up, accompanied by their parents shushing and comforting their brood at an ever-increasing volume.

“Fucking great,” Valerie whimpered as I gripped her right hand.

“Steady, girl,” I said. “Once the plane levels out, they should quiet down.”

That did not happen.

Three hours later, our ears bleeding from the incessant crying of those toddlers, the airplane began its descent into Newark International Airport. The changing cabin air pressure ratcheted up the caterwauling chorus – big brother joining in this time – all the way down to the ground. Things were not helped one bit as the plane had to make a wide swing around a line of heavy 13

thunderstorms sitting along the east coast from northern Virginia all the way up to just south of Page

– you guessed it – Newark, New Jersey. The skies around us were somewhat cloudy, yes, but extreme turbulence was present, making the plane bounce along like a 1952 Edsel going down a barely used dirt road in Kansas, all the while reducing altitude, making ears pop, which made those damnable children cry at the top of their lungs.

At that point Valerie suddenly let go of my left hand, grabbed the doubled-up air sickness bags from the seat pocket in front of her, and began heaving into them. Miraculously, she managed to do this quietly, although the people on the opposite side of the aisle from us turned their heads to look out the window. Apparently watching an approaching line of deadly thunderstorms was preferable to what was happening inside the plane.

Unperturbed by the ruckus in coach, the pilots expertly guided the 738 to as bump-free of a landing as possible. Valerie had stopped vomiting by now. The three children behind us were still crying. We waited until all the other passengers unloaded their carry-ons from the overhead storage compartments and cleared out before I got up and grabbed our stuff. Valerie led the way out, dropping her tightly sealed barf bag into a trash container a stewardess held as we approached the doorway. The smushing noise it made indicated Val was not alone in that need.

When we got out to the waiting area where we sat down, I checked the time: my cellphone clock had automatically shifted to Eastern Daylight Time, so I read 5:07 PM. Our trans-Atlantic flight to Manchester, England, United flight #81 (on a Boeing 752 jetliner), was due to depart at 7:35 PM, so we had roughly two and a half hours to relax because the international terminal was the next one over, probably a mere fifteen minute walk. The rest would be good for Valerie. I went off and bought some 7-Up and mints for her and a Dr. Pepper for myself as we sat and rested for an hour and a half before going to our departure gate.

Our initial three hour layover (4:30 to 7:35 PM) turned into a six hour layover. First, all incoming and outgoing air traffic was halted for over an hour as the storm rolled through. Then our flight was delayed because it was “not ready” over in the maintenance hangar, which, as luck would have it, was across and down on at the far end of the airport. The dagnabbing thing needed to be towed to our dock. Oh, but before that could happen, all of those aforementioned incoming and outgoing flights had to land/takeoff first, so that meant UA #81 was held up in a traffic jam. They couldn’t get the damned plane across the frigging airport! Eventually they did – at 9:20 PM. (Yes, I wrote down all the times on the Notes App on my iPhone because I just knew that this would all make for a crackerjack trip report – and we were still in Newark! Decades ago my dad once said, when our family had flown in from Minneapolis to visit his parents in Manhattan, “Welcome to Newark. Don’t worry: we’re not staying here.”) Then we had to wait even longer, staring at our plane attached to the end of the entrance ramp tunnel, while every passenger’s luggage had to be brought out and loaded. We were starving, so I went off in search of some gluten free food for Valerie and a sandwich for myself when the PA dinged and announced, “Attention passengers for United Airlines flight 81 to Manchester. There will be a slight delay while final materials are loaded. United Airlines flight 81 to Manchester will depart in 40 minutes.” Said forty minutes turned into fifty-five minutes before the PA dinged again: “Attention passengers for United Airlines flight 81 to Manchester, England. Boarding will

now commence. Thank you for your patience. And have a safe flight.”

That was the first time I have ever seen a standing ovation for a faceless public address 14 mechanized voice. It was now 10:42 PM. We had been sitting in Newark International Airport Page

for nearly six long hours. At almost exactly 11:00 PM our flight finally started backing out away from the gate, leisurely taxied out to the runway, and the jet engines roared to life. The plane shot down the pavement and leaped up into the darkness.

We were finally leaving the United States behind, not to see Newark for five and a half weeks. That was certainly not long enough for us.

This entire aviation kerfuffle meant that we would not be landing at Ringway Airport in Manchester until 10:25 AM on July 14th instead of the original arrival time of 7:30 AM. Fortunately, while stranded in the Newark airport we had free Internet, the only thing that went right in Newark, so just before boarding I sent Paul and Cas Skelton, hosts for our initial weekend in England, an email saying, “We’re frigging finally get on the frigging plane!”, or words to that effect. Cas wrote back, “No problem. We will be there.”

The overnight flight was event-free, thank Great Roscoe! No screaming children, and the interior design of the airplane was not as cramped as the Boeing 738 from Houston to Newark. Even in coach, the seats were comfortable and afforded decent leg room. Each seat had a small computer screen on the backside of the seat in front upon which you could watch inflight movies or television programs from their video library. There was even a link to track the flight, which I checked every hour or so. It was actually kind of neat to see where we were over the North Atlantic in case the plane went down. Ah, the wonders of modern technology.

The only real glitch was when the cabin lights came on at 12:45 AM because it was “dinner time.” You got that right. Nearly one hundred tired, cranky passengers were awakened to eat airplane food. Whatever. It actually was edible - and warm, too – and had flavor. By two in the morning the cabin lights were dimmed and people were sleeping. Before I nodded off, I looked out the window. A ship’s lights sparkled against the dark waters, and a veil of clouds, lit by the moon, covered the distant horizon. It was a beautiful sight, making me wonder why I had waited so long to make such a journey.

Morning – heck, what am I saying? We had been flying all night – later that morning we watched sun creep up, and got very excited as the plane first flew over Ireland before beginning its descent as it crossed the Irish Sea. Valerie got her anti-barf gear ready, but this time it wasn’t necessary. Being a much larger plane than the one we took to Newark, this bird had more mass and stability, and the landing was one of the smoothest I disembarked, where a wheelchair we had ordered awaited Valerie. After grabbing a cart – or trolley, as a young British airport steward informed me - it took us a bit of time to go through baggage claim and Our plane at the gate in Manchester. customs check, but this was a painless process. As we emerged into the wide expanse of the terminal, there were Paul and Cas, waving and smiling at us. Cas held up a cardboard sign on

which was scrawled, in large black magic marker letters, the word “Godot.” 15

The Purcell Invasion of Europe had begun. Page

Gee, Bill, you certainly have a lot of patience and courage.

Traveling Woes

Taral Wayne

It's been a harrowing three days ... I mean, not in the grand scheme of things, of course. Ordinary people routinely deal with more problems like mine in one afternoon than I do in a month. But I'm less of an ordinary person than who I used to be, five or six years ago. Time has a way of leveling us all... My immediate problem is that I haven't had Traveling Matt over the last several days. Ten days while Matt is in the shop for much needed repairs have left me feeling crippled. I plan to call tomorrow to check up on Matt’s progress … but it's unlikely I can expect results sooner than next Friday at earliest, no matter how dependent I am on wheels. No one has promised Matt would be ready even then.

But while being without wheels in technically a mere inconvenience, but all hell decided to break out within a few days of missing by mechanized Traveling companion.

First of all, I was booked for a doctor's appointment, despite any obvious way for me to get there. The Queen Street clinic was only down the street a few blocks, so that wasn’t really a problem. One of the social workers who work in my building pushed me in a wheel chair to the appointment. That was simple enough, but the social worker kept mixing up the day and time of the appointment. I had to phone the clinic two or three times to correct the information the social works insisted on. I went to be bed at my usual late hour, but got up as soon as the clinic opened to confirm my appointment one last time. My social worker nevertheless came to my door about three hours later and work me up again, to hurry me to an appointment the erroneously insisted was three hours earlier than it was.

To catch the last bit of sleep owed to me, I chased them out at again, but it was hopeless. I resigned myself to a bit of lunch, and made my way to the lobby to meet the social worker

The first day’s appointment was more or less routine. For some reason, however, it trip to and from the Queen Street clinic seemed to leave me exausted. I went to be early, and nearly slept around the clock.

Next day, I had two doctor's appointments, both at St. Joesph's. While the hospital was not any great distance going by way of Traveling Matt, we had to take a taxi. The cab fair wasn’t enormous, but nevertheless it was $10 each way with the tip, so I wasn't in the least bit sanguine about it. Unfortunately, I had a booking with the anti-coagulant unit that could not be no avoided or put off. The dosage of Warfarin is highly sensitive and most be carefully 16 monitored – too much clotting and I might have another stroke, but too little could lead to bleeding. The good news is when my levels are ideal. But this month my levels were Page

inexplicably bad. After a satisfactory period of stability, my levels were down and marginally unsafe for me. I had to adjust the dosage again ... and that meant least another unscheduled appointment to monitor the change. Worse, it meant another pair of cab fares to go to and from St. Joe’s for the testing.

When I was finished with the blood work, it was time for my first regularly scheduled speech therapy session.

At first I have to say that I initially had no idea what this would entail. Actually, it didn’t seem to amount to much. I would be shown pictures of objects or animals, asked to name them, recite letters or read numbers. For a more demanding task, I would be asked describe a scene with a woman and two children in a kitchen. Later, I was asked to drawn a tree. Of course, none of this seemed especially helpful by then, and I had largely managed by recovery by myself over the months. I did have to admit that I was lagging behind with speech, though…

So it seemed that I would begin once a week for at least the coming months ... which meant at least a month of weekly round trips by cab! Did I mention I have a fixed and not particularly lavish pension? Yes, I think I must have, as it is very much on my mind.

This would not have been a problem ... except Traveling Matt was away for repairs, right?

After the session this afternoon we brokered a new schedule. I had been doing pretty well by the doctor’s estimate. She had a few minor tips, such as creating lists of words she thought I had trouble with, for instance. The thing is that I would not bring it to mind now … but I would a moment, or in a few minutes later. I always came up with the word eventually. I said it was only speaking without hesitating or mumbling a word that gave me trouble. But even as talked I was demonstrating considerable improvement over the last time we met, a couple on months before. What I thought I needed was not practice reading, writing or doing mental handstands, but more opportunity to simply talk. I get precious little while living alone, even at the best of times. Given my progress, however, we decided we could put off our next sessions until February, and if I had improved by as much next month, I might well not require further therapy.

By then I should be in a vehicular way again.

Unfortunately, all that blood work could not be put off indefinitely. If Matt wasn’t in working condition soon, I would have to return for blood work again… and again… at considerable cost. If my levels don’t become more stable again, a weekly trip to St. Joe’s will be ruinous without Traveling Matt.

So, as far as it went, I had survived two successive tough days when I left the hospital that afternoon … except it wasn't over. I only thought it was.

On the way home, I was instructed to pick up the new dosage of Warfarin from the neighborhood pharmacy on the way. It was just around the corner and hardly any trouble at all. Except, that is, but nobody knew anything about the prescription at the pharmacy, and no- 17 one would fill it. Nor could the doctor who did the blood work be reached at her number, Page

though I had carefully written down in case of this very contingency! I waited until just before closing to call the call the pharmacist one last time, but there was no news. So… Would it matter if I went without the new dosage overnight, or was I courting another, new, massive stroke? Probably not, but the dire warnings from the blood technician were not encouraging, and I was pretty frustrated by the end of the evening.

Next day, I got early and called the pharmacy again, and this time I was assured that the prescription had been filled. One of the social workers downstairs went across the street to pick the medication up for me. Problem solved... right?

Not quite. Naturally there was one more, new problem.

A registered letter arrived that day, unexpected. It would have be to be picked up in person since one of the social workers could do it for me without my identification. Had the letter come at a better time, it wouldn't have been a problem, but unless dealt with a short number of days it would be returned to the sender. I might just wait and hope Traveling Matt would be repaired in time, but I knew there was money in the envelope, as well as a customer in Britain who naturally wanted what he paid for. I was aware of all this, but the timing almost couldn’t have been worse.

Much as I hated to do it, I was able to phone a friend who didn't live too far away. He’s had troubles of his own of late, that I didn’t want to intrude upon, who nevertheless managed to make some time in his busy schedule to take me drive me down the street to the post office – a miserable ten blocks, that without Traveling Matt might as well have been ten miles. Despite other things to do, my friend picked me up to drop me off for a quick dash into the post office. It suppose it was inevitable what happened next. I stiff- legged out of the car and got out of the car, and wobbled to the curb across from post office … and only then suddenly remembered that I left the delivery notice at home! No delivery notice to identify the letter, so no letter. We had to drive all the way home again, carry myself up through the lobby a second time, ride up the elevator and let myself into apartment again in order to find the bloody delivery notice exactly where I had conveniently put it next to the phone … where I wouldn't forget it! Back to the car, I leaped out of the car a second time, picked up the letter, then I was and finally home again with the bloody package. As he drove away, I watched my friend roll his eyes knowing.

But you know ... after all that bone-wearying exertion, I actually felt rather invigorated, as though I might benefit from a little extra exertion now and then. God knows how I sweat moving shit around, getting heavy things down, putting all the same stuff back, bending over for what’s of reach and all the aches and pains and risk of falls that come with increasing

immobility. But there really is a certain stimulating pick-me-out that comes from thorough workout of the major limbs, of moving freely and the pleasure of well limbered working muscles

… however briefly before I collapse again in my chair. Then I remember the aching back, the 18 Page

trembling legs and the torrents of sweat that accompany any sustained exertion, and then go back to my sloth. I can't wait until Traveling Matt is back.

- Taral Wayne

Below are two pictures I took during our trip last summer. As I see fit to fill space in this issue, other photo ops will be shared and dutifully notated. - JP

Screen shot of the plane tracker as Saturday, 15 July 2017. Pre-dinner chatting with (from left) our flight was descending to Ringway Paul Skelton, Valerie Purcell, Mike Meara, Cas Skelton, Pat Airport in Manchester, England. Meara. (see Beam #14 for details on this eventual feast)

Place three zeroes after any number and you have multiplied that number by

one thousand. 19

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Books In Askance #42, available for perusal and pursuant loc-writing, I mentioned that I recently read a few of John Brunner’s early novels, two of which were halves of Ace Double books, and all three were, in my estimation, quite forgettable.

Now I’m finishing up on the freebie books I acquired at Worldcon 75 this past August in Helsinki, Finland. As anyone who has ever attended World SF Conventions knows, this is a place where publishers – especially independents – ply their wares and bring piles of recent books they have released in hopes of getting prospective customers to buy more books at these publishers’ tables in the dealer’s room. There were six freebie books at LoneStarCon III in San Antonio, Texas (2013), and a couple of those were okay, but the rest were definite “mehs” in terms of quality. These things are a hit or miss proposition, as one could expect from small press publishers; however, sometimes a gem hides in the rough. At Worldcon 75 there were three freebie books: Giants at the End of the World, an anthology of “Finnish weird” stories edited by Johanna Sinisalo and Toni Jerrman; Operation Act of Grace, a collection of stories and essays from the German Science Fiction field published in 2017 edited by Sylvana Freyberg, Jürgen R. Lautner, and Martin Stricker; and a special publication, expressly to be distributed at Worldcon 75, of the Croatian fanzine Parsec, edited by Maja Śkvorc (a.k.a., Maya Starling). So here are some brief thoughts on these publications.

The only real book of fiction I actually acquired at Worldcon 75, Giants at the End of the World is a fine collection of short stories edited by Johanna Sinisalo, who was one of the Guests of Honor, and Toni Jerrman, who may have been present at the Worldcon, but I never met her if she was; after all, over 7000 live bodies filled the halls of the Messukeskus convention center. Be that as it may, I enjoyed reading this book. Stories range from straight fantasy, to modern horror, ghost tales, and science fiction. The title story, written by Leena Likitalo, is probably my favorite story and is a mashup of contemporary fantasy/science fiction mixed with Finnish mythology. The opening sentence sets the mood and grabs the reader’s interest: “It was the last caravan of the giant season.” Ah, hah. Tell me more. Likitalo does just that using an 20 understated narrative voice that I find evocative and perfect for this story. My second favorite Page

story is the first in the book, “The Haunted House of Rocketworks Streeet” by Pasi Ilmari Jääskeläinen, and is a strong start to the collection. This modern ghost story is so well-written that it made me want to find more stories by this author. The other stories are good, too, but these two were the standouts, IMHO.

As far as finding books by the editors and contributors, the back of the book contains a 12 page listing of Finnish fantasy and science fiction books published in English and other languages. The authors listed have had their works translated into thirty-eight different languages, and this is just a sampling of what is available. I definitely plan on looking up some of these writers.

Both of the “fanzines” are more like professional publications in terms of production values, which makes sense because if your organization wants to make a favorable impression, definitely throw money into the printing process to make it look really good. Both Operation Act of Grace and Parsec do just that. I am very impressed by both publications. The first one, Operation Act of Grace, is an anthology of fan-writings from various German fans and fan publications, although I have always thought that German fandom was not very nationally organized. Even so, the contributions are quite good, especially the survey of German science fiction awards and brief histories of sf clubs, conventions, and significant fans. There are also two pieces of fan fiction, and those are okay. (I have never been that big on fans writing science fiction or fantasy for fanzines, but one must start some place, so why not in fanzines?) Overall, this is a good introduction to what’s happening in the world German science fiction fandom. Before I forget, the article closing out this fanzine anthology is “As if I was Living on Another Planet” written by Wolf von Witting, the editor/publisher of the fanzine CounterClock, which is a leading European fanzine and is available on efanzines.com.

Parsec is published by the Sfera Science Fiction Society in Zagreb, Croatia. Like Operation Act of Grace, Parsec contains fiction and articles, in the process advertising numerous conventions and clubs that illustrate just how active Croatian SF is these days. Heck, the Croatian SF Group threw a splendid party on Wednesday night of Worldcon 75, which I will write more about in my proper

Worldcon 75 report (to be released hopefully by the end of 21 April 2018). The standout article in this impeccably Page

produced fanzine is “VIKTOR – Croatian Steampunk Point-and-Click Adventure Game” by Danijel Štriga to close out this issue. Yes, I found this piece quite interesting because I do like my Steampunk, and I figure it was just a matter of time before Steampunk video games would emerge.

All in all, these three publications are an excellent introduction to the world of science fiction, fantasy, and their fans across Europe. Speaking of Fanzines…

I do believe that Askance is past due for looking at other fanzines which have recently appeared. While Guy H. Lillian III publishes his extensive zine listing in The Zine Dump, which is published once in a blue moon, I firmly believe that fanzines are an on-going conversation. Therefore, in no particular order, except for being alphabetically listed, here is a selection of recent fanzines that I have either read online at efanzines.com or have arrived via snail mail.

BCSFAzine

Felicity Walker (contact email is [email protected]) is the long-time editor of this monthly club newsletter of the British Columbia Science Fiction Association. (Aren’t you glad fans abbreviate their clubzine titles? I am.) Each issue contains a lettercolumn, listings of local events and goings-on, reviews, and short articles about conventions (such as their annual V- Con) or other Canadian related stuff. It’s a fun little read. You can acquire a paper copy by writing to Felicity and requesting one, or just go to www.efanzines.com and download it.

CyberCozen

This is the monthly publication of the Israeli Society for Science Fiction and Fantasy, edited by Leybl Botwinik (contact email is [email protected]), and contains short articles about not only SF&F, but also related material. For example, the March 2018 issue contains commentary about the television programs ST: Discovery and The Orville, short scientific articles about human transformation via DNA sculpting, robots at the recent Las Vegas CES convention/exposition, a review of the ‘Jews in Space’ exhibit at the New York Center for Jewish History, keeping kosher food in space, and a lengthy review of the 2017 movie Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. Leybl packs in a lot of material in these six pages. This fanzine is available at www.efanzines.com.

Pablo Lennis

John Thiel has been producing this fiction and poetry fanzine for a very long time. In front of me is March 2018 issue, numbered 364, and is jam-packed with short-short stories, poems,

letters, and a review section in which John writes about books, movies, fanzines, and other sf- 22 related things that strike his fancy. I commend him for his devotion and maintaining Page

enthusiasm for this zine for so long. You can write to John Thiel at 30 N. 19th Street, Lafayette, IN 47904, to request a paper copy, although it does likewise appear at www.efanzines.com .

Represent979

This is not a science fiction fanzine, but is a local zine produced by a colleague of mine, Kevin Still, and Kelly Minnis. Like the title suggests, this fanzine represents the varied interests and activities that are happening here in the Brazos Valley of Texas, where we all live (the Bryan- College Station telephone area code is 979, if you haven’t guess that by now). In here you will find reviews of recent music and film releases, beers, pithy articles covering current events either of local or national interest, and gives a listing of local venues featuring local bands. It’s a fun little digest-sized zine of itty-bitty typeface that is still readable. If interested, write to “979Represent”, 15530 Creek Meadow Blvd. N., College Station, TX 77845, or go their webpage of www.979represent.com ; emails are taken at [email protected].

Tetragrammaton Fragments

Rob Imes (contact email [email protected]) is the editor of this, the “official newsletter of the United Fanzine Organization,” a small collective of comic book fans who write, draw, and publish their own comics. It’s actually a bit of fun, reminding me of my comic book collecting days of forty to fifty-odd years ago. Not available at efanzines.com, you can email Rob for a copy, or send a fanzine in trade to him at 13510 Cambridge #307, Southgate, MI 48195.

An adverb is a word (that’s all it is! And there’s a lot of them!). 23 Page

Incident at Babel

Taral Wayne

The other day, I ran into Scott – one of the social workers in my building – as we were both coming in. I also encountered an unfamiliar man with a package. As we waited for an elevator, the other man came closer, and stopped to ask me a question.

“What was that?” I asked.

He repeated the question. I listened again, but still couldn’t make it out. He tried a third time, with no better luck than before.

Maybe it’s just that my hearing is worse than it used to be, or maybe it’s because Toronto has become a suburb of Babel over the years, but it seems that these days I have trouble with almost everyone’s accent. In the first thirty years of my life, I might occasionally have a spot of trouble with a foreigner’s thick Italian or Jewish accent, or whose French was problematic. But increasingly, I am having trouble understanding with people with Indian, Korean, Vietnamese, Arabic, Russian, Tibetan, Nigerian, South African, Afghani, Turkish, Ukrainian, Persian, Portuguese … even “Bajan” accents, which is technically English, although it is nearly unintelligible. I have come to think of it as the normal state of affairs in Toronto in my elder years.

But whether it was my hearing, or this particular person’s accent, I was utterly unable to understand a word of what he was saying. His question was short, and sounded a little like English, without any foreign-sounding vowels or consonants … but it simply didn’t make sense.

Finally, I turned to Scott for help.

Luckily, he seemed to have no trouble. Scott exchanged a few words with him, and the man happily took off down the hall, ignoring me and the elevator just as the doors opened for Traveling Matt. At the same time, Scott was headed for his office at the other end of the hall.

I called out to him, “What did that guy want, anyway?”

“I have no idea,” said Scott, as the doors closed on me.

Wherever that guy was going, I hope he got there. 24

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From the Hinterlands

Letters from readers.

All of the pictures here in the lettercolumn were taken by me at various stops along my TAFF trip last summer. For example, this header photo is of a swan’s ass in Cardiff Bay. I hope all y’all enjoy these.

A good lettercolumn should be edited down to essential and interesting comments from readers. Unfortunately, I received a loc from Chuck Connor, which may or may not be sufficient warning for what follows.

Chuck Connor 85 The Paddocks Stevenage SG1 9UF United Kingdom

December 21, 2017

[Okay, let’s try and make this a wrap! Talking Texas, take – Jay-zus, are we into three figures already?] Yeeeee-Haaaaw!

Well howdy there Mister Purcell, sir! And, well, rustle my heifers and swoggle my horny toads – hey, you swoggle mine, an’ I’ll swoggle yours! – it’s be a time since Askance #42 landed face down on the doormat of the bunkhouse here at the Lazy Queen [Try again] the Lazy Bitch? [Seriously?] er, the Lazy LoCcer Ranch!

I’m your good ol’ bunkhouse buddy, Chuck Wagon, [Be sensible!] Chuck Steak? [Give me strength!] Chuck E. Buns! [Not a hope in Hell!] Lonesome Cowboy Chuck, so you jist get 25

yourself settled down and comfy, while I pop outside to readjust my saddle bags – it’s murder Page

when they start a-chaffing, as you no doubt righty know – then we can git dayan to LoCcin’ your ish!

Well, first off, sir, an’ I hope you don’t think me presumptuous in askin’ this, but what in Gawd’s name possessed you to call your hound ‘Duckie’? And let me remind you at this point that although it may well be Chachalaca season until February 25th, you can only carry ten across the State line at any one time – ask my uncle Caleb, currently doing a 1-to-3 over in Brazos County.

However, moseying along to your Bemused Natterings, an’ I was sorry to read you’d been thrown from your horse. Still, as you say, you’re now back in the saddle once more, an’ what proud member of the Lone Star State wouldn’t praise the joys of a Jensen and McCredie all leather tailor-made? Personally I prefer the Snug Fit myself – mainly as the low profile horn doesn’t smack you in the nuts every time you break into a canter. [Okay, enough with the product placement already! This isn’t a Spielberg or a Lucas production, believe me]

Then we get to all the TAFF stuff. Usually I don’t get involved with that these days, apart from throwing a little money into the pot now and then. But then I also got to readin’ Missy O’Brien’s piece in BEAM 12 an’ got to thinkin’. First thought was it’d be like when The Beatles came over from England – an’ anyone can tell you jist how weird the everyday Brits are, let alone the celebrity kind. But after a while I began wonderin’ if this TAFF hadn’t become too big – an’ not necessarily for its boots, you understand, but for organisin’ in general?

Now I know things have changed since old man Willis’s days, an’ that’s understandable. But with the inclusion of Europe as a whole, ain’t it about time for the European countries to sheer off and create their own National versions? Apart from the fact it would make the administration a dang sight less complex, it would also make identifyin’ the most deservin’ of the critters far easier to the relevant voters – ie those in their respective European countries. An’ by generating local interest, it would mean far more participation because of recognition, rather than someone sayin’ “Well, I ain’t goin’ to vote because I have no idea who the candidates are as fans.”

Gettin’ them to the Worldcon is easy. Getting’ them to vote and crowd fund is the really difficult part. The only way to do that is to generate an interest in the people being voted for which, when they’re x-many thousands of miles away, ain’t likely to happen. Yep, I know, there can be all sorts of people saying that that is what the campaigning is all about. But not every fan is plugged into social media 24/7-366 (Leap Years included) and not every country has the same ‘social media’ demographic. In fact in some cases (Twitter, for one) there’s now a migration away from some in the same way that MySpace and LiveJournal have become graveyards of inactivity.

26 Page

I dutifully skipped over page 5 on reading the word (an’ it pains me to type it here, believe me, sir) sheep. You can say I’m as crazy as Larrabee’s calf, but I don’t hold no truck with sheep. I do, however, remember reading Stand on Zanzibar in the early 1970s – hardbacks being out of my pocket’s reach at the time, and a mail order company (J.D. Barnecoat) was more than happy to ship paperbacks by the bucketful. Then came Bruce Stirling’s Involution Ocean, and I was off down another glorious trail of discovery – not quite, but less dystopian, than the New Worlds/New Wave writers that had appeared in the late 1960s. True, I did read Ballard, and Dick, but also the likes of Edmund Cooper, and the cheap thrills that were E. C. Tubb ‘quickies’.

An’ then I read down page 6. I tell you now, sir, that I was almost ready to go out and tip a cow. Of course Finland is going to be at least 30 degrees less than Texas – that’s why they called it The Cold War, damnit!

After that, I got to reconsiderin’, and found it to be an informative and very pleasant read. One tip I always mention to people I know who are about to plan for a Grand Tour, and that is to check https://www.seat61.com/ for anything and virtually everything to do with train travel across Europe. You can, in my opinion, sir, take to flying, but nothing beats the relaxin’ pleasure of sittin’ in a trans-Europe train carriage an’ jist watching the world go by. Unless it’s rainin’ of course. Or midnight. Or a blizzard, come to that.

The Taral Wayne piece reminded me of my own burnout phase back in the late 1980s – I migrated into APAs, as it was still a time of no Internet and no cheap home computing – and again at the start of 2000/2001. There again, for me, Fandom has always been FIJAGH and never FIAWOL – something that the FIAWOLers often miss the point of when it comes to their zealot-ness. Fandom doesn’t pay the bills, or the mortgage/rent – or any of a dozen other essentials that make up day-to-day living in any respect. In truth, despite the best laid men of mice and plans, some projects die, or wither away, or just remain inside your head, to be completed RSN. Such is Life.

But then, Ho-Lee-Shit! I went straight and headlong into Dr Bright’s piece, an’ was left wonderin’ if the wordy-processor part of your computer doo-hickey had been brainfucked – or whatever the kids call it today? Seriously, I am not joshin’ you here, sir, but one sentence, picked at random, ran for 123 words an’ nine commas before there was any sight and sign of a period!

Then I got to thinkin’, an on second thought, maybe Dr Bright is a reincarnation of Erik von Daniken? The first thought was he was an Alabama snakeoil seller, with a tongue more silver than that Mr Lillian III (him bein’ a lawyer an’ all) an’ that he’d been getting’ high on his own supply before sittin’ down at the keyboard.

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And that, sir, via Taral’s amusing comic page, brings me to the LoCs. I always found Milt to be one of the Old Skool fans, who could LoC on any subject, and do so with ease and entertainment – and at times he had an off-the-wall sense of humour.

An’ then the news that Mr Penney is finally back in gainful employment (rather than being forced to participate in all that sleazy an’ degradin’ voiceover work – even though what pay there is, is usually pretty good IM not so HO, that is.)

Now I know you look like a man who can tell his grits from his corn pone, sir, so it came as no surprise to see you askin’ him if’n he was of a mind to write up some of his Steampunk experiences. That would surly make a purdy fine article, and’ no mistake!

An’ that about does it for me, Mister Purcell, sir. I’d jist like to say again, thanks, from all the boys here at the Lazy Tart [Look, I will not tell you again!] an’ that we is all lookin’ forward to your next issue. [Okay – and clear! That take’s in the can – which is where I’m going right now, probably due to all the fatback’n’beans we were fed for lunch….]

Chuck Connor

{I have nothing.}

Lloyd Penney 1706-24 Eva Rd. Etobicoke, ON CANADA M9C 2B2

January 23, 2018

Many thanks for Askance 42. With such a fannish number, I should be able to create a decent loc, as late as it is. My apologies for that, so off I go, trying to make sure I can get something in for the next issue.

Again, congratulations on a quite successful TAFF trip. Looks like you were looking quite steamy in that photo with the GUFF delegate. When it comes to deciphering the Tube, we did what many others do, take a cab. We are now planning our return to England in 2019. I hope money and health will allow us to do that. 28 Page

Our numbers continue to dwindle, and some big names have left us, so those of us left have got to step things up, keep pubbing, and start living a little healthier. Either do that, or be so bad, you’ll live forever. After all, only the good die young…

The locol…everyone assumes that Canada always has snow. We do get summer, you know. And on that say, we all go swimming. Right now, I can look out the window, and there is no snow on the ground. There are many areas of the US who cannot say that right now.

My letter…the fractured bone in Yvonne’s arm actually came back to cause her pain, and it seems a little treatment has once again made all things right. We still don’t know what happened there. She is now happily retired, and getting used to the idea that she doesn’t have to go to an office she doesn’t like in the mornings. I do have work! It is a part-time job with a mystery shopper company, and today, I wasn’t needed. Gives me more time to find something more full-time, I guess…

On page 28, you make a list of other places where Worldcon could be. I hope to be wrong, but I doubt you will ever see another Canadian Worldcon. I do not know of any other group of fans in the country who could do, or be willing to even consider it. Many moons ago, there was the idea of a Torcon 4, but that was shooting the breeze, and will not happen. I am pleased you got to meet Kees and Angelique van Toorn. We worked with them during our time as the Canadian agents for the Dutch Worldcon in 1990, we often broke bread with them at Worldcons, and we did go to Holland for the Worldcon, and had ourselves a marvelous time. Valerie and Emma England at the Dublin in 2019 bid party in the Messukeskus Convention Center, with yet Lloyd Penney another redhead in the background. Three redheads walked into an Irish bidding party at a con….

{We had a marvelous time in Netherlands, too, despite being on our way to attend a Worldcon. Kees and Angelique are delightful people, and we look forward to seeing them again if they (and us) can make it to the Dublin Worldcon next year. We are definitely saving up for that.

Also, I am a bit envious of Yvonne being retired, but I have to admit I really enjoy my position

as a college professor of English, so I probably won’t retire for another six years. By then I will be 70 years old! Holy Schmoley, but that’s hard to believe. Funny, I don’t feel ancient. Then again, my motto is “Don’t ever act your age.” Works for me.} 29 Page

Dave Haren

Tyrbolo@

November 15, 2017

I liked your TAFF myth except for the seriousness you took with the last question. If a long-suffering wife of 28 years hasn't figured out if you're crazy it may be a sign she's not paying enough attention. However, I consider it to be mere rhetorical wifery.

After 50 + years together, my own won't even bother to ask such things for rhetoric; the current DSM diagnosis manual covers every contingency possible and we are all crazy now. This is akin to the three pope era when all Christians had been excommunicated at least twice if they weren’t before. Unkind wags have noted that it was the end of religion since none were unheretical enough to begin a restart.

It is possible in America due to the lack of anyone sane or normal to use as a referent for the scale midpoint of the sanity graph.

I am quite fond of Brunner. He epitomized the viewer with alarum we need in these latter days as consumer culture runs the whole human enterprise off the cliff we see ahead.

I'm glad someone bothered to notice This is in Prague, Czechia. We really wanted to as the Panglossian clueless are a bit go inside, but couldn’t. This will have to do. hard to take at the best of times.

I've been re-reading Panshin and his Villiers epics. The great mystery is Torve the Trog and like Lovecraft pointed out aliens from the stars are probably quite different in oh so many ways.

Bright seems to be subject to a bit of fanzine diagnosis these days, I'm sure he/she/it could crank out a few thousand words on the subject to easily clear up the confusion.

Since I pose as a comp geek on the Net I was quite bemused to find that all of the Intel CPUs since 2008 are internally compromised by their own hardware unreachable by the normal user and thereby unfixable. They have a security hole that bypasses all the defenses

undetectably. Since Apple tossed its Motorola chipsets prior to 2008 they are just as easy a target. A cheerful bit of news with all the rest of the circus presented by the spectacle.

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The best spectacle is Catalonia. It shoved Brexit right off the radar of EU watchers. Spain apparently has a problem with a concept like declaration of independence. If it is that then Spain has nothing which will recover it except to send the army to occupy and conquer Catalonia. That is not going to sit well with the rest of the EU. Some local such a great success the last time around that history is not this states strongest academic subject. Feynman got involved in the textbook reviews process and trashed the entire enterprise at length years ago. He also worked over the NASA management bunch for much the same reason. What we have learned is that nobody learns anything the easy way when they can re-create a past disaster.

Taral seems to be recovering which I am glad to see. That is not fun to try to rebuild yourself to functionality as each case is slightly different. There's a treatment in animal trials that clears arteries of plaque with a single dose. It looks promising so maybe future folk can be spared the problem.

Dave

{Yeah, I know I promised to edit down letters to just the interesting bits, but some people, like Dave Haren, pepper their locs with a lot of tasty bits of seasoning.

Murray Moore 1065 Henley Road Mississauga, Ontario Canada L4Y 1C8

November 2, 2017

Reason Number Seven of Don't Be a Fan Fund Winner. During the Hugo Awards Ceremony you must wear a top hat (see Purcell, John; Helsinki) (a hat which must have needed its own suitcase from Texas).

I, of course, am the voter who made you the TAFF delegate: ignore all of the other voters who also voted for you: I stood on their shoulders. You are welcome.

Robin Wright: assign me instead, please, Professor, to read second-rate John Brunner. I won't be surprised to learn of a bid for Detcon 2, in Detroit.

Should you ever visit Toronto, in the heritage Distillery District are two chocolate lover

destinations, Soma Chocolate and Cacao 70 Eatery. The latter I have not experienced, but I 31 Page

rarely leave the Distillery District without a round of dark chocolate studded with slow-roasted hazel nuts.

Murray

{Ah! Chocolate is always a fine enticement to visit anywhere, although Toronto has long been on my Must Visit list, along with Montreal and Quebec City, then there’s Nova Scotia, Newfoundland sounds delightful, too, and on the other side of the continent there’s the beauty of Vancouver and British Columbia; we might even stop off in Banff along the way…. Heck with it! Canada is at the top of my Bucket List.

Yes, I think if Detroit bids for another NASFiC that would not surprise me, either. Speaking of which, isn’t Salt Lake City, Utah bidding for next year’s North American Science Fiction Convention (which is what NASFiC stands for) since Dublin, Ireland is hosting the World SF Convention? Maybe Detcon 2 would be good for 2020 since nobody in their right mind is bidding against New Zealand in this year’s site selection.

I ALSO HEARD FROM LIST

Bill Fischer, Teddy Harvia. Jerry Kaufman, Fred Lerner, Denny Marshall, Jeanne Mealy, Tom Sadler, Taral Wayne

A candy bar in a Cardiff shop. This photo is for Chris Garcia’s two sons, Benjamin and John Paul.

Insert your own bottom lino here:

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Conventions in Texas

This time I am just going to include a selected list of science fiction and related conventions that are scheduled for Texas throughout the rest of this year. A couple of them (maybe more) are on the docket for me to attend, so look for me at either Armadillocon 40 in Austin or FenCon XV in Dallas. That is, of course, if any of you gentle readers will be there, too. Onward to a simple listing. Just click on the link provided to go to that convention’s homepage and peruse.

Scifi, fanzines, and game convention. Revelcon 28 Houston, TX March 23-25, 2018

Scifi, comic, and game convention. HavenCon Austin, TX March 29-April 1, 2018

Horror convention. Texas Frightmare Dallas, TX May 4-6, 2018

Game convention. BGG.Spring

Dallas, TX 33 May 25-28, 2018 Page

Scifi, comic, and game convention. A-Kon Fort Worth, TX June 7-10, 2018

Scifi, comic, and game convention. ZiCon Edinburg, TX July 6-7, 2018

Scifi, comic, and game convention. Delta H Con Houston, TX July 13-15, 2018

Traditional literary SF convention Armadillocon 40 Austin, TX August 3-5, 2018 http://www.armadillocon.org/d40/

Scifi, comic, and game convention. DreamCon Waco, TX August 10-12, 2018

Traditional literary SF convention FenCon XV The famous “pissing alien” sculpture / fountain at a Dallas, TX dockside café near the Helsinki, Finland harbor. September 21-23, 2018 http://www.fencon.org/

Horror and cult classic movies Cult Classic Convention Bastrop, TX September 28-30, 2018

Mercury was near the sun, so Janet stopped by, 34 But the mercury on Mercury was much too high. Page

WHAT’S NEXT

The 44th issue of this fine, furry fanzine will contain yet another chapter of my 2017 TAFF report; what that will be has yet to be written, and will probably be about more of our adventures in Paris, France, with a focus on all the museums we perused: the Louvre, the Museé D’Orsay, The Dali Place, the Chocolate Story, and other places we gawked at – little things like the Cathedral of Notre Dame, the Jardine des Tuileries, Champs de Elysees, Arc de Triomphe, midnight boat ride on the Seine, Eiffel Tower, the Roman ruins beneath Notre Dame, Montmarte… Stuff like that. Come to think of it, this chapter might be rather lengthy, so I’d best get cracking on it.

This issue in your hands/on your screen was supposed to contain my Worldcon 75 report, but it’s Not Done Yet. But fret not, my friends. What I shall do is include here a short section from it, notably something funny that happened during the Hugo Awards presentation ceremony on Friday night of said Worldcon.

Sampling of Worldcon 75 Report

As the TAFF delegate, one of my WorldCon duties was to present the Best Fanzine Hugo Award with GUFF delegate Donna Maree Hanson. Our registration packets included the script we were to follow, plus instructions for what to do onstage, our name badge ribbons for program participant and Hugo Awards, and the invitation to the pre-Award reception for nominees and presenters.

Before the rehearsal time set for Donna and I, I killed time by checking out the dealer's area (didn't buy a single book all week!) and the art show (pretty sparse, but there were some really nice pieces displayed), then relaxed in our room before heading down to Hall 1 for the rehearsal. Donna and I went over the script for the second time making notes and corrections, especially one glaring mistake. For some unknown reason, my first name was correct on the first page, but halfway down page two it morphed into Jeff Purcell. So we corrected those spots on our copies, told Joshua Beatty, who was in charge of the ceremony, and carried on. Easy procedure, nothing to worry about for us. Joshua, though, was suitably worried to a frazzle, but seemed to be in control - I think. He must have been because the actual ceremony went off

very well, even though it started 20 minutes late. In other words it was running on Fannish

time, of course. (Not Finnish time, but that’s for another part of this convention report.) 35 Page

At the reception everybody was duded out in their finery, enjoying a light meal and drinks (not me: I went down at 6:45 since Val wasn't quite ready yet) and chatting away. At one point I was in a small conversation group with Robert Silverberg and his wife Karen Haber Silverberg, then we were joined by George R. R. Martin and retinue. After that group broke up, I talked with Andrew Trembley, Andy Roche, James Bacon, Jukka Halme, Donna Maree Hanson and her daughter, plus numerous others. The pre-award reception ran over due to the audience needing time to get seated, and just as we started heading towards Hall 1 for the ceremony, Valerie arrived looking simply stunning in her Tardis-blue off-shoulder evening gown, accessorized with a Dalek necklace, matching Tardis earrings, and a wide glittering bracelet.

Once we dignitaries were seated, the show began with a nod to Star Wars as toastmistress and ceremony host Karen Lord was introduced. Sadly, the live stream on the Hugo website was not working (as I found out after the ceremony), but the entire event was recorded. The Best Fanzine Award happened about an hour in, and it started off just fine. Donna did a fantastic job, but I made one small verbal stumble, quickly corrected and was fine for the rest of it. After we sat back down on the stage couch again, Karen Lord did a brief interview with all the international presenters, eventually getting to her scripted questions for Donna and I.

She called me Jeff Purcell. No one had made the name correction in her script. I didn't catch it at first, but the running transcription on the large stage screen had that name in plain view for all the world to see as she said "Jeff" two more times. I let it slide, but for the rest of that night and weekend my name was Jeff Purcell.

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How about some more pictures from the Worldcon in Helsinki?

Top: The fan fund delegates and Guests of Honor at

opening ceremonies. Left: WOOF collation (L-R: Sumo Suntilla, Jim Mowatt, me, Murray Moore). 37

Above: Past & current TAFF winners (L-R: John Coxon, Page me, Anna Raftery, Nina Horvat, Theresa and Patrick Nielsen-Hayden).

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