Issue 586, 31 Oct 2003 THE INDEPENDENT CAMBRIDGE STUDENT NEWSPAPER www.varsity.co.uk

BEN THE ORDINARY TRAVEL BRINDED In depth investigation into new ‘dating’ Ethical questions The real top-up scandal in Cambridge over Burmese fees myths PAGE 12 travel PAGE 07 PAGE 13 Time to break rank? Restoring balance to the top-up fees debate Editorial by Tom Ebbutt As the national demonstration said that they are only looking for “a

proved last Sunday, few issues proportion” of the cost. Jess Blackstone arouse as much passion amongst The graduate who earns £15,000 all students as top-up fees. Rarely his life will ultimately pay back the has a debate been so one-sided. same as the successful entrepreneur. Around the marches, the ‘Big Top-up fees may push people to- Noises’, the catchy “top-up, shut-up” wards making choices due to mone- slogans a whole mythology has de- tary cost rather than real benefit. veloped. Varsity has therefore taken Even if university does become the unusual step of running a front cheaper up-front, the psychological page editorial to highlight some neg- impact of top-up fees may deter some lected arguments. These are some of poorer students. However, if impres- the myths as Varsity sees them. sions are what counts, perhaps every- Myth One: Universities do not need one should think twice before telling the money. Reality: Cambridge may the world that university life will be- look rich and does waste money but come a debt-ridden misery when the like many universities it is running a situation is far more complex. chronic deficit that could not be Perhaps a fairer system than top- plugged by excessive cost-cutting. up fees would be a graduate tax start- Myth Two: Top-up fees will be paid ing over a certain level of income for by students when at university cre- all graduates. This would not cov- ating problems for access. Reality: The er EU students or those who move current up-front fees will be abolished. abroad as they would not have to pay No-one will have to pay top-up fees fees and they could not be charged until after university and grants will taxes. If, as an alternative, a gradu- be reintroduced. University will be ate tax were implemented only for cheaper during your time there. those yet to graduate the funding gap Myth Three: Top-up fees could wouldn’t be plugged for decades due cause you serious financial trouble af- to the way the Government’s fi- ter University. Reality: You do not pay nances are structured. until you start to earn £15,000 per year One proposal that does have merit and even then at a very low rate. If you is the ‘uncapped income dependent dip below that, you stop paying. fee’ which charges those who have fi- Myth Four: It would be fairer if nancially benefited from university, University were free. Reality: If the but still allows the Government to bor- government pays, those who haven’t row against projected income to fill the March on Westminster been to university would bear part funding gap immediately. of the burden. The average taxpayer There are no simple answers to the Tom Cahill University are considering a gen- “sent a clear message to the earns less than the average graduate. questions involved in this debate. erous burasary scheme to reduce Government to go back to the draw- Even if you tax the rich, doesn’t the Varsity has tried to illuminate some of Three hundred Cambridge stu- the fees burden. ing board with top-up fees.” NHS or primary education deserve the issues involved and point out that, dents joined around 30,000 The rally, described by NUS In an address to students Frank the money more? despite the dogma, the issue is not as demonstrators in Trafalgar President Mandy Telford, as “the Dobson said: “The top institutions Of course there are valid arguments clear-cut as it seems. We need the mon- Square last weekend to protest biggest student demonstration for a who say they want top-up fees won’t against top-up fees. £3,000 fees won’t ey; if we don’t want top-up fees we against top-up fees. Some threat- generation” brought central London be spending the money on under- cover the Higher Education funding have to look at alternative means of ened a fee strike if the proposals to a standstill. CUSU President Ben grads, it will be spent on research ... gap. However the Government has funding – which do you prefer? ever become law. Meanwhile, the Brinded claimed that the protest had continued page 3

Sign the petition at Gardies or online Campaign update SAVE GARDIES Print the poster at www.varsity.co.uk PAGE 02

The region’s best guide to what’s on – see next Thursday’s Cambridge Evening News

NEWS EDITOR: BENJAMIN BLAND, LAURA-JANE FOLEY, JONATHAN WOOD 02Oct 31, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk

What’s inside... News pg2 Prayers said for Gardies Top up fees march, architec- CUSU council next week which op- Laura-Jane Foley e ture awards and Aboriginal poses the closure and resolves to pro- ar bones As the Varsity campaign to save mote the Varsity campaign.

Gardies gathers pace, the owner Frantic emails have also been ex- Kate W Where now? pg5 last night announced that the over- changed between alumni disgusted whelming support has given him by Caius’ decision. Graduate Katie The rights and wrongs of ani- “happiness inside”. Towers said “ex-Cams working in mal research At least 3,000 people have signed London are all up in arms about it and the petition since it was launched last forwarding emails like crazy”. One Comment pg7 Friday. Messages of support have been Caius graduate who accused the flooding in for owner Vas Anastasiou, College of being unable to “respect tra- Women only colleges - not urging Varsity to “keep up the pres- dition” wrote to inform the College’s necessarily a good thing sure, and ensure the right of future Bursar Barry Hedley that the action generations to eat”. According to taken to close Gardies will have a Anastasiou, five students even “went “massively adverse impact” on the Editorial pg8 in and prayed to save Gardies”. College’s alumni donations. Another Varsity’s View Over the past week the campaign graduate, told Varsity “I always had Varsity Editor Tom Ebbutt said he Editorial p8, Letters p9 has rapidly progressed; several tele- the impression that Caius was greater is not surprised at the level of support. Save Our Gardies vision and radio stations have report- than this”. Meanwhile Caius defend- “Everyone in Cambridge loves A Campaign Poster is available to Features pg10 ed on Caius’ decision to close the “his- ed its position in a letter to Varsity and Gardies and the success of the cam- download from the Varsity website. toric restaurant”, a Latin poem has stated that they have “been very aware paign so far shows the strength of feel- Tell Caius what you think – write to Intervention in the Balkan’s been dedicated to Gardies, and Varsity of and sensitive to the value of the ing against the closure”. When told Barry Hedley, Caius Bursar, has received supportive messages services provided by “The Gardy” [sic] how well Varsity’s campaign had ad- Gonville & Caius College, Trinity St. from across the world. JCR presidents and the fondness with which it is vanced Anastasiou said “ If we have Cambridge, CB2 1TA The Ordinary pg12 have drafted a motion to be taken to viewed by many students”. to go now, we go with our heads up”. Their fun is your challenge

Listings pull out Twin Towers depiction at the ADC Your four page guide to what’s of a compromise between the the- rape”. At another point, cast mem- ly received by a hushed auditori- Richard McGrath on this week atre and the cast. However, the play bers entered with placards with um, there was applause for the Not everyone in the audience still shocked audiences when cast facts about starvation in Africa, fol- show as a whole. Most people was laughing last week, when a members Jonathan Beckman, Roger lowed by another placard saying, leaving the theatre seemed un-of- Travel pg13 trio of Cambridge comedians Benson and Dec Monro danced to “It’s funny because it’s true”. fended. One spectator “thought Discovering Burma and danced in front of projected im- Geri Halliwell; their movements be- Many ADC patrons were up in it was quite funny” and another daytripping in Aldeburgh ages of the World Trade Centres’ coming deflated as the twin towers arms over the use of such explicit defended the scene, saying, “It collapse to an accompaniment collapsed behind them. and sensitive imagery in a comedy sounds worse than it was. In the of It’s Raining Men. There were also other instances show. One US student said, “I have context of the whole piece it made Fashion pg14 The ADC’s mainshow ‘Other of risqué humour in a play at- friends in the New York area and a fitting end.” Focus on menswear and Tara Leading Brand’ saw the first in- tempting to explore the nature and that the cast included this scene “It’s like the joke about Palmer-Tompkinson stance in five years of the ADC limits of humour. Some jokes re- seemed thoughtless and cruel; a Barbarians and pillaging,” ex- Committee censoring a production. lated to paedophilia. One scene fea- further victimisation of the plained Beckman. “The only differ- Rolling footage of the attacks was tured the song “Do you want to be American people.” ence is that was a thousand years Arts pg15 replaced with still images as a result in my gang, my gang, my gang Although the joke was general- ago, so it’s not tasteless.” A look back at the life of late Indie cult hero Elliot Smith Is this the end for the Monkey labs? Music pg18 ty and animal welfare” warrant an £8m over budget. In past months it tails of scholarly or experimental Jonathan Wood The death of dance music? urgent review. has been the subject of strong crit- work to be conducted in proposed The University admitted that The project to build a facility icism both from within and with- new facilities.” proposals for a primate research carrying out vivisection experi- out the university. The Council was more con- facility need to be reconsidered. ments has been making slow As Varsity uncovered two weeks cerned with the financial threats. Film pg20 Despite denying accusations of progress through a planning ap- ago, elements within SPEAC (Stop Though pro-Vice Chancellor Tony Eddie Izzard goes green “procedural irregularities” in the plication process already five years Primate Experimentation at Minson commented that the approval procedure, it acknowl- old and Cambridge Evening News Cambridge) are planning “massive University “remains convinced of edged “mounting costs of securi- have reported that the project is disruption” to the University if the the academic case” for the centre, Visual Arts pg21 project goes ahead. Meanwhile, the the University now faces an esti- Andrew Lloyd Webbers art Universitiy’s watchdog, the Board mated £8.4m deficit for 2002-03 and collection on display of Scrutiny, made damning criti- more to come. Alex Mair cisms of the way approval for the A financial risk assessment re- project was sought even claiming port has revealed a “significant Sport pg22 that the University was “econom- shortfall in the construction costs Win tickets to the Varsity ical with the truth”. Regent House, and the recurrent costs in running rugby match at Twickenham the University’s parliament was the facility”. The Council has rec- not made aware of the plans for an- ommended discussions with fund- imal testing at the site. ing bodies. Many have interpreted The University Council denied this as a requestfor further gov- Got a story? impropriety, pointing out that it ernment funding. Email [email protected] or ring did not always include detailed de- Professor Minson argued that, 01223 337575 if you have a story scriptions of academic work to be “the mounting costs ... must be ad- or would like to contribute to this carried out at particular facilities. dressed at a national level if Britain section. Meet us in The Bath House, It claimed that Regent House is to remain at the forefront of bio- Bene’t Street at 7pm on Sunday Protesters at an animal rights’ march earlier this month should not discuss “the specific de- medical research”. Visit our newly redesigned website at www.varsity.co.uk EDITOR:TOM EBBUTT NEWS www.varsity.co.uk Oct 31, 2003 03

TOP-UP FEES 30,000 take to the streets EXPLAINED continued from front page ... and senior professors. We do need If the Government White Paper be- more money for research – but not comes law: from undergraduates. The idea is Jess Blackstone wrong in principle and wrong in prac- •From 2006 universities could tice.” charge up to £3,000 per year. CUSU President Brinded also at- tacked the fact universities could •Top universities are likely to charge charge different fees explaining, “A higher fees market system would be established so that cost becomes a factor for stu- •Up-front fees will be abolished dents when choosing where to apply.” However, a statement by Alan •In 2005, the threshold for repay- Johnson, Minister for Higher ment will be raised from £10,000 to Education, argued, “We think it is fair £15,000 to ask graduates who benefit most to contribute to the cost of their educa- •2004 will see the reintroduction of tion in a fair and equitable way as well grants of up to £1,000 benefiting as the taxpayer. From 2006 universi- around one third of students. ty will be free at the point of access and fair at the point of repayment.” •Universities will be forced to pro- “Larger debt does not mean larger vide bursaries if they increase fees. monthly repayments. The less you earn, the less you pay. So if you don’t Before the rally Ben Brinded an- The marchers also raised the The university has announced that Alternatives solutions to the Higher work you don’t pay.” nounced plans to join forces with prospect of more direct action Onur it wants to introduce higher bursaries Education funding problem: Cambridge was well represented at President of Oxford University Teymur, a King’s student, said “If there to help students deal with higher fees. the march with strong contingents Students Union (OUSU), Helena Puig was a coordinated action to withold AUniversity spokesperson admit- •The Liberal Democrats argue for from Newnham, Selwyn and King’s, Larrauri. payment of fees, I would subscribe ted there was a “Very, very strong increased general taxation. carrying banners bearing slogans such He said: “If students from both to that in the best King’s tradition.” case” for providing bursaries to com- as “Not Fees-able” and CUSU anti-fees Oxford and Cambridge take a stance, Katy Davies, CUSU Higher pletely counteract the effect of fees for •The Conservatives want to reduce motto “The Blair Rich Project”. people take notice. We are working to Education Funding Officer, told poorer students. However, they could the numbers in higher education Demonstrator Dan Mayer said: “If develop an alternative white paper, Varsity that CUSU would consider not know whether this was practical fees are introduced, Cambridge will putting forward other options to the mass witholding of fees but their ini- until the full details of the new Higher •Others want a graduate tax paid by become full of the cream of society: Government. A degree should be tial strategy would be to press the Education settlement are known. all graduates past and present thick, rich and full of clots.” commended, not taxed. ” University to set low fees. The CUSU President on fees p7 NEWS EDITOR: BENJAMIN BLAND, LAURA-JANE FOLEY, JONATHAN WOOD 04 Oct 31, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk

NEWS NewsIN BRIEFpg2 Building ivory towers King’s rents update Adam Swersky and Marcus Besley have argued that the attention paid to buildings in science-based subjects has urner The new maths building took the been disproportionate. Natural science

Talks will begin this week prestigious Major Projects prize has refurbished lecture halls, and com- Dave T between King’s College and at the British Construction puter scientists use the new William Access First, a body set up after Industry Awards ceremony last Gates building while the arts are large- KCSU decided to proceed with week for being “fabulous from ly based on the decaying Sidgwick site. rent strikes. 135 students at every standpoint.” Some argue this An Allies and Morrison King’s College are withholding payment of their College Bills, in shows a growing disparity between Conservation Study criticised, among protest against increases in rent, arts and science facilities. other things, the layout of the KFC and food costs. Anne Garvey of Estates Sidgwick site: “The emphasis changes Management said: “the idea behind from low-key buildings... to assertive Hear it on the radio it [the maths centre] was to encourage faculty buildings which make little ef- the sharing of knowledge. It’s de- fort to relate to their setting.” Ms. Cambridge University Radio has signed to get them [mathematicians] Garvey suggested that, while the arts teamed up with Varsity’s news team out of their offices and integrating tend to have greater fundraising dif- to produce a news show which will with each other”, using a variety of ficulties, the inequality apparent to- be broadcast on Mondays and unusual features. Brilliant ideas con- day is merely cyclical. She said: “the Thursdays. The radio station which ceived in the foyer by mathematicians new Law and Divinity buildings and transmits its shows from Churchill lacking paper can instead be written the construction of the English and College broadcasts on 1350AM 24 on the furniture. Similarly, black- Criminology centres means that, hours a day. For more information boards in the toilets may save bud- while the arts may have had inferior log onto www.cur1350.co.uk ding theorems from human forget- facilities five or ten years ago, you can- velopment, after all.” Pembroke and Old Schools, to the Babysitter’s Club fulness. not say the same about them today. Changing fashions have made muscular Christianity ethos of red- A combination of government “You could argue that the arts fa- Cambridge what it is; from the ear- brick Selwyn and Girton. The con- A new scheme to help cash- money and private donations will cilities were improved first. In the liest cheap timber-framed houses crete new courts of the 1960s are sim- strapped student parents has been meet the £58 million cost. Yet some 1950s, Sidgwick was a modern de- through the Wren-influenced ply continuing this tradition. launched at Lucy Cavendish College. A babysitting register has been designed so that members can exchange tokens for childcare and Aborigines have a bone to pick other services such as car lifts and shopping. The scheme is open to all Australia and has seen the handover Dr. Robert Foley of Cambridge’s as Dr Foley put it, “it’s an endless re- students at the University. For more Jonathan Wood of thousands of specimens to Leverhulme Centre for Evolutionary search resource. Lots of people are information and to register go to www.lucy-cav.cam.ac.uk/baby One of Cambridge’s most unique Aboriginal communities. In the US sci- Studies said, “these collections are interested in the material from dif- collections of human and non- entists and native Americans have bat- central to what we do; if we have to ferent perspectives, for example Student Blaze Scare human remains is under threat this tled in the courts over possession of hand over some of this material it will forensic scientists looking into the year.The Duckworth Laboratory some remains held by museums. be tragic”. history of diseases. An unattended incense stick led to a houses over 18,000 human indi- Cambridge University scientists The collection has been accumu- “The collection is fantastically near-fatal blaze this week. Three viduals, skeletal material and oth- face an anxious wait for the verdict lated over the last two hundred years important. Much of the work that fire engines were required to fight er biological collection materials of the government’s Working Group and includes everything from skulls supported the Out of Africa theo- the fire in student accommodation from around the world but now on Human Remains which could have and bones to teeth and hair samples. ry - which shows all humans are on River Lane. Those in the house Aboriginal groups in Australia are major implications for collections such Some of the specimens are thousands of African origin - was done by remained unaware while smoke engulfed the rest of the property demanding the remnants of their as the Duckworth Laboratory’s. The of years old and several hundred sam- measuring skulls and bones from before it set off a fire alarm in an ancestors back. Department for Culture, Media and ples could be at risk from repatriation this collection”. adjoining property. Luckily the stu- Scientists fear that legal changes Sport’s group is examining “the cur- claims from Australia and the US if the The report was due in summer dents escaped largely unharmed. GJ may soon be recommended that rent legal status of human remains legislation does change. but has been delayed and is now would ensure the repatriation of re- within the collections of publicly fund- The Duckworth Laboratory’s col- expected in early November, with Cambridge’s Green mains abroad. Such legislation is al- ed Museums and Galleries in the lection remains an extremely valu- the government’s response hoped ready in force in America and United Kingdom”. able commodity for the university, for some time in December. Belt Saved

Plans to build 1,500 new houses on Green belt land overlooking Admissions interviews reviewed Grantchester Meadows seem set to be scrapped. Landscape consult- A centralised interview process, October 21, meaning that the tralised application procedure would ants have decided that the area is Aisleigh Sawyer heralded by the Government as a ‘fair- University may be forced to consider be a much needed “time saver”, Dr. unsuitable for development, much to the delight to the campaigners College-based admissions for ap- er’ system, is just one of many alter- new ways of dealing with the in- Rankin maintains that due to the vast- who have vigorously opposed the plicants could be ditched in favour natives to the current admissions pro- creasing number of hopefuls and con- ly differing College atmospheres, to development since the idea was of central interviews by the cedure presently on offer. Applications sequent strain on the system. “remove the Colleges from the equa- first mooted in February. University as a result of a review to Cambridge have gone up again this The implications of a centralised in- tion is to lose a fundamental part of urging change. year, with 3% more applicants as of terview process would be consider- Oxbridge education”. Many teaching able. Dr. Deana Rankin, a Girton fel- staff including Dr. Rankin insist that New cancer detec- low and interviewer, claimed that college-based interviewing “is [still] tion test “students would get a raw deal” from the best way to assess potential”. the proposals. All applicants for any “We endeavour to interview the Earlier diagnosis of cancer and given subject would be interviewed vast majority of applicants” states the other diseases could be a step Grace Ofori-Attah by the University directly, and if suc- official University website, but ac- nearer as a result of research by cessful, they would be allocated a col- cording to Access Press Officer, Sharon Vivamer, a company founded in the lege afterwards. Applicants would ef- Warren, “we may be forced to think Department of Chemical fectively make ‘open’ applications. about rejecting applicants without in- Engineering. The new technique With Charles Clarke urging terview”. Such a move would be a will enable earlier detection of Oxbridge to “ditch the Brideshead im- bold step for a University currently tumours using polymers to identify changes in physiology and adminis- age” in order to boost applications priding itself on widening access to ter anti-cancer drugs inside the from students from lower-income students from “non-traditional” aca- affected cells. HH families, such a system may have demic backgrounds and whose true strong appeal for the government. ability may not be best reflected in ex- Although acknowledging that a cen- amination results. EDITOR: ALEX STEER WHERE NOW? www.varsity.co.uk Oct 31, 2003 05

Controversial proposals for a Cambridge University primate research lab on the Huntingdon Road, close to Girton College, have sparked major demonstrations from animal rights activists, with some groups Where now? promising multilateral disruption campaigns if the centre is built which may put students at risk. ‘Where Now?’ examines the proposals, and the arguments for and against animal research. Should Cambridge support animal research?

“We could not justify “Girton College is very “Research is carried out treating any human likely to become a to the highest animal being in this way” target” welfare standards”

David Bilchitz Rachel Clements and Pete Hempsall Cambridge University Member of Cambridge University Animal Rights Society JCR committee members, Girton College Official statement

The most shocking aspect of experimentation on animals The University’s plans to build a medical research lab The use of animals in research poses clear ethical chal- is that it reduces creatures that are highly sensitive, in- opposite Girton College have recently been the subject lenges. Studies using animals have led to many impor- telligent beings with lives of their own to mere tools, ma- of fierce controversy. tant developments in medical knowledge. Studying chines to be exploited at the whim of scientists. Pressure from animal rights groups who oppose the proposed health and disease in animals is sometimes the only way Emotional blackmail, I hear you object. Another bunny-hug- use of primates for neurological research has given the issue a to answer critical questions and has led to the devel- ging, animal rights diatribe. Animal experiments are done be- certain notoriety that the University would certainly have rather opment of effective treatments for conditions such as cause they are necessary for preserving human health. Let’s avoided. But the debate over the ethics of animal testing threat- polio, diabetes and heart failure. then consider the merits of that defence in light of the recent ens to mask the impact which the proposed labs would have Similarly, advances in the treatment of Parkinson’s disease, plans by Cambridge University to build Europe’s largest pri- upon University students, most specifically students from Girton. asthma and strokes have all been made as a result of research mate research centre, designed to advance understanding of "Girton Primate Labs" is what the campaigners against the with primates. Ongoing research with primates offers the hope diseases affecting the brain such as Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, research facility are calling it. This caption is accompanied by of effective treatments for conditions such as Alzheimer’s dis- strokes, and schizophrenia. pictures of primates with various gadgets welded to their ease, scizophrenia and sight disorders, as well as the devel- No-one disputes the importance of research into these hor- heads. The title is often in red on black, mimicking blood. opment of vaccines for malaria and AIDS. rible diseases. However, the proposal seems misconceived and We understand that many people find the use of primates likely to fail to achieve its stated aims. It is difficult to extrap- in medical research distressing. Research methods are con- olate findings concerning one species to another. Most of these tinually evolving and while scientists and medical researchers diseases do not occur naturally in primates. They must be ar- aim to reduce work involving animals to a minimum and to Pavla Kopecna tificially induced through brain damage or chemicals. In hu- develop alternative methods, some of this work must con- mans, for instance, strokes occur for a variety of reasons, of- tinue if we are to make essential life-saving advances. ten a result of some underlying illness. Artificially inducing By any common-sense definition, the word 'alternative' strokes in healthy animals by highly-invasive surgery cannot suggests a choice between two or more options. In the case hope to replicate the human condition. of animal experiments there is no choice. If a non-animal (in As Dr. Claude Reiss, a leading researcher into Alzheimer’s vitro) method is developed to replace animals, then it must disease, told a public inquiry into the research centre last be used. year, ‘even the chimpanzee, our closest relative in evolu- Advances in science and technology have lead to techniques tionary terms, is no model for research on the human brain’. that can reduce the use of animals. Every batch of polio vac- It is alarming that the University wishes to invest large sums cine made during the last 50 years was, until a few years ago, of money into promoting research with such dismal prospects tested on primates. Some people may not know that polio of success. Worrying Girton JCR are the negative effects of such an asso- caused infantile paralysis, which killed or disabled many thou- Were such research to involve wasting money on expen- ciation upon college applications and sponsorship. Who will want sands of children in the UK each year. Alternative methods of sive machines, it is unlikely that it would have attracted such to be linked with a name which conjures up such pitiful images? batch testing have been developed because of work on ani- opprobrium. It is the fact that the proposed objects of research And who wants to have to give directions to their college which are primates that is so disturbing. An undercover investiga- feature "opposite the monkey labs" as a final destination? “Marching against research that tion last year by the British Union for the Abolition of More pressing still is the problem of the security and safety of has eradicated lethal diseases” Vivisection exposed the high levels of suffering caused by neu- Girton students if the University’s plans go ahead. The College rological experiments upon marmosets. It documents pain, Council has taken a formal stance in opposition of the labs. mals. However, different research methods are generally com- distress, fits, vomiting, abnormal body movements, and loss Cambridgeshire Council has twice refused permission for the plementary rather than alternatives. of balance. We could not justify treating any human being in building of such a facility on the basis that animal rights groups The use of animals in teaching and research in Cambridge this way no matter what the benefits. Why then is it accept- may become increasingly active and potentially dangerous: an in- is carried out in close consultation with the Home Office able to subject a marmoset – that has such a high degree of dication of the severity of the situation. Inspectorate, which issues special licences, under the Animals sentience – to such suffering? Whilst many of those who oppose the labs are content to protest (Scientific Procedures) Act 1986. This is widely regarded as The traditional response is that monkeys are not human, and peacefully, there are likely to be some who break this code of eti- the most rigorous piece of legislation of its type in the world that explains the differential treatment. The insurmountable quette. Animal activists opposed to testing are known to be par- and we will continue to work with the Home Office to en- problem, however, is to show why having two legs or no fur ticularly prone to violent demonstration, hence the high security sure such research is carried out to the highest animal wel- measures in place at Huntingdon Life Science, for the protection fare standards. “The proposal seems miscon- of staff. Situated across the road from the proposed lab site at 307 All research involving animals carried out in Cambridge, ceived and likely to fail” Huntingdon Road, Girton College is very likely to become a tar- as elsewhere, is subjected to international peer review. The get. If the University’s request is approved by Cambridgeshire University has a rigorous local ethical review process that in- exclusively entitles us to decent treatment. In fact, what is moral- Council, the implications for security measures at Girton will be cludes consultation with lay members. ly relevant, to paraphrase Bentham, is not the number of a crea- vast. At present, the college prides itself on its relaxed and friend- Those people that joined the march last weekend are deny- ture’s legs nor whether they can reason or talk, but whether ly atmosphere. If the monkey labs come, all that will have to change. ing that they have been kept safe and well because of carefully they can suffer. Infants and humans with severe mental illnesses I realise that by now this is starting to sound like one of those controlled animal research. They were marching against re- may have lesser degrees of sentience and intelligence than adult "not in my back yard" arguments. If the University is going to build search that has eradicated lethal childhood diseases and now primates and yet no-one would deny that they have moral rights this facility, regardless of opposition then logically it has to go some- holds out hope of curing adult dementia. not to be subjected to harmful medical experimentation. Why where. But I think the question needs to be raised of why such a And if scientists continue to be attacked for their work, then should we not accord similar rights to primates? controversial and potentially hazardous project is being situated which keeps our children well, the research will go abroad. Primate experiments for brain research can neither be de- right across the road from a major area of undergraduate accom- Animal research will be conducted without the tightly con- fended on scientific nor ethical grounds. Let us hope that rea- modation, where at any one time around 330 students, plus staff, trolled guidelines and welfare standards that we have in the son and compassion will prevail on our decision-makers. are in residence. UK – which are the most stringent in the world.

EDITOR:ARCHIE BLAND COMMENT & ANALYSIS www.varsity.co.uk Oct 31, 2003 07 Ben Top Up Fees – Here are the Brinded Real Myths debunked

On Sunday over 300 students tion; campaigners against top-up fees an inequitable and, for some, inacces- if debt payments do not commence students to remain at Cambridge, from Cambridge joined one of do not deny this. However, it is a sible, system afloat. Come the next par- until they earn above £15,000, stu- and the quality of teaching and re- the biggest student demonstra- short-term solution to plug the deficit liamentary review in 2009, when dents’ debt will remain a burden for search at this world-class universi- tions in decades to protest with student fees. The Government is £3,000 per year will no longer be years to come. ty could suffer immeasurably. against the Government’s plans unwilling to address the deeper roots enough, the cap on top-up fees will be £15,000 is also £5,000 lower than Whilst top up fees will not affect to introduce differential top-up that cause problems in higher educa- lifted and fees will begin to inexorably the average national wage in this current students, they will have a fees. This was a clear indication tion funding and instead opt for a so- rise. The precedent for fee increases country – graduates would be asked huge impact on the future of the of the strength of opposition, but lution that is easy to implement. must not be set, otherwise, by 2010, to repay when there is no sign of University and those that come after it cannot necessarily explain why The real myth in this whole debate students coming to Cambridge could them financially benefiting from their us. Cambridge can remain a so many students protest against is that charging differential top-up fees be faced with an annual tuition fee of degree. Such high levels of debt and University that attracts the most ac- top-up fees. With an issue as will solve the funding crisis. It will not. over £10,000 as part of an ever-in- low levels of repayment will seri- ademically able students regardless complex as university-funding, it If Cambridge charges a maximum top- creasing cycle of costs. ously affect the career choices that of their social, educational, religious, can be difficult to sum up in a up fee of £3,000, then the actual income Differential top-up fees will not be graduates make, and could lead to financial, or other, background. Or it clear slogan or a catchy sound- to the University would not even be good for universities in the long-term, fewer graduates opting for lower could become a University that some bite exactly why differential top- sufficient to cover the University’s cur- and they will not be in the best inter- paid jobs in the public sector, the see as prohibitively expensive and fi- up fees will be so devastating to rent deficit (a deficit which figures ests of students. Although students charity sector and in academia. This nancially out of reach. It is up to cur- higher education. Yet make no show is steadily increasing). With fees will not pay their fees until after grad- will have a huge impact on the rent students, as well as those in mistake, Government plans rep- set at £3000, universities will not re- uation, the debt that will have University, who require bright and charge of the University, to ensure that resent a fundamental challenge ceive the funds they need to make amassed during their time at uni- able students to remain at Cambridge the future of this University is an eq- to a fair education system. up for years of under-funding in the versity could be as high as £25,000 to become the next generation of uitable and accessible one that does It is obvious to many that there is Higher Education Sector. Differential (when maintenance costs are includ- academics. There would be no fi- not renege on its currently increasing a funding shortage in higher educa- top-up fees are merely going to keep ed as well as £3,000 top-up fees). Even nancial incentives for encouraging openness and diversity. Not everyone thinks single Girls who sex colleges are a good thing: here are some reasons why like boys

4,000 Cambridge students have crease from 0.36% to 0.91% of our unpack some of the more pertinent environment we see beyond its provide single sex accommodation signed the petition in support junior members. issues at stake here. walls. While those who remain for those who require it. Surely of women’s colleges. Allegedly Would it be extravagant to conclude Girls are great. We have won- within a mixed college can miss out 1217 such spaces are far beyond the a majority of these signatories that the majority of signatories reside derful friends here. Problem? The on the varied social life that uni- actual requirement. Could we not are from women’s colleges. in colleges other than our own? Have balance is wrong. In fact, the bal- versity is supposed to offer, they maintain single sex halls in the cur- There are 1,217 junior members they considered the implications of ance is missing. When bumping still have a balanced social atmos- rent women’s colleges? resident in the three women’s what they are giving their support to? into a boy in the corridor makes phere with minimum effort. We There is no doubt that there has colleges in Cambridge. Perhaps not. us jump, we know it’s time to don’t. Cambridge is one step away been a place for women’s colleges Interesting. Under the guise of anonymity – leave. Thus we venture out into the from the real world, women’s col- in the past. They have played a Signatures on the wall-mount- after all, no-one is interested in our wider university for work and play. leges are one step further. valuable role in the development of ed petition in Newnham have leapt names – we, the unheard voice of We are left in limbo with a dissat- More critical is the argument es- the university, often leading the way significantly over the last week dissent in a sea of official pro-sin- isfied sense of belonging to a col- poused by the CUSU Women’s in student care and access. It seems from 2, to 5. This represents an in- gle-sex propaganda, would like to lege not offering the normal social Officer that “women’s colleges though that colleges which have have the crucial role of providing been progressive in so many ways an academic environment tailored are holding on to an outmoded tra- to the specific educational needs of dition for tradition’s sake. ori Flower

T women”. The JCAP report has no- Think before you sign. toriously found that women are at a disadvantage in their academic The authors are undergraduates work. To suggest that the existence at Newnham college of women’s colleges redresses this imbalance is to put a band-aid on a broken limb. This is equally true More online... for the problem of the sex imbal- ance in admissions. Women’s col- www.varsity.co.uk/comment leges do not solve the underlying problem: men continue to out- Including - number women. The university should stop relying on the presence Duncan Barrett of all-female colleges to even out on date rape in Cambridge its statistics. A better solution would be to work towards the Yfke van Bergen same level of provision for women predicts the extinction of men university wide, rather than taking the stance that ‘1217 of them are Adam Jacobs getting the support they need. on the oldest profession That’ll do fine.’ The one compelling argument Dan Butterworth for the continuing presence of bemoans the top-up nightmare women’s colleges is the need to We want ’em, you’ve got ’em - opinions to [email protected] EDITORIAL EDITOR:TOM EBBUTT 08 Oct 31, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk

Top up fees: time to think

The front page editorial run by Varsity this week is a very unusual step. It has also been a very controversial article within the Varsity team.This is not surprising; top up fees are an issue over which feelings run high.

The editorial is in no way an attempt to tell anyone what to think; but it is meant to make you think about the issues that lie behind the headlines. Before the editorial was printed it was sent out to a number of people to gauge the reac- tion to it. After reading it, one wrote: “I’d assumed, no doubt like many more students out there, that top up fees were going to completely financially screw up students *while at uni* rather than having to pay it back afterwards: and it’s true, the uni does need the money somehow. Think this’ll make a lot of people think, it certainly made me ponder”. Please do read, please do ponder, and then tell us what you think.

There is, like it or not, a “dogmatic mist” that surrounds the issue, and Varsity in no way pretends that our front page was free from this. However over the next weeks we hope to hear from all sides of the debate in this issue: we aim to be forum for the opinions of Cambridge students and we want to hear your views on the funding crisis that threatens higher education and the ways we can solve it. Our opinions are by no means set in stone and the debates that have raged in the Varsity offices in the past week have certainly affected our editori- al position. Email us, write to us, come in and speak to us. There is only one thing we ask that you don’t do; pretend that the problems faced by Higher Education are better left ignored.

S.O.G.: Save Our Gardies There is only one word to describe the reaction toVarsity’s ‘Save Gardies’ Editor campaign and that’s breathtaking. 3,000 signatures to the petition, mes- Tom Ebbutt sages of support from all over the world, emails flying round the [email protected] Cambridge grads in London and elsewhere expressing their outrage The week Online Editor at Caius’s decision: over 500 have now signed the online petition and Tim Moreton the number rises by the hour. In the words of Vas Anastasiou the reac- [email protected] tion has been “overwhelming”. in words Chief News Editor Reggie Vettasseri There has been movement from the College, in the letter printed across the page [email protected] there are a number of shifts from the position expressed by Caius last week, and “Keep up the pressure Varsity, and ensure the right of future gen- Business Manager an obvious attempt to try to soften their position. They say this move has always erations to eat chips and kebabs with that weird Dulux solid emulsion Sam Gallagher been their long-term plan: last week they told Varsity that they had only be- that they claim is mayo”. [email protected] gun to consider it in the past year. They now talk about student accommoda- A Cambridge graduate explaining why Varsity should not give up Technical Director tion, whereas last week the talk was of fellows’ rooms. Public relations or real on their campaign. Tim Harris shift? You decide. Photos Editor “Is Caius so out of touch as to enrage its former population by re- Pavla Kopecna The notice has not yet been served to Mr Anastasiou for the lease to be termi- moving all that has been great and good from our times?” [email protected] nated, we still have time to change the College’s mind. There have been the first Hear, hear, Cambridge graduate Jason Saunders. Production Managers noises reaching Varsity of a possible donations boycott among Caius alumni: Matthew Jaffe this is the type of action that will really make the College sit up and think about “ I used to be a genetic engineer. My mum cried for three months Jun Jhen Lew what they are doing, and we are fully behind the in this important move. In ad- when I started making kebabs” [email protected] dition we in Cambridge have to keep up the pressure: those who haven’t signed Vas Anastasiou talks about his dedication to kebabs and all Design Manager the petition please do so, those who have – you’ll see posters appearing in Gardies things falafel. Tom Walters over the weekend, if you support the campaign show the strength of your [email protected] feeling :you can print them out on our website – Varsity looks forward to seeing “Caius in my opinion is a major pain in neck” Design Consultant them around time. G.P Dr Carol Cooper offers her diagnosis on the situation. Tori Flower Page Setters And for now, that is all –but watch the website and the paper next week for more “It was lucky somebody didn’t die”. Thanks to the whole team developments. The notice of termination will be sent to Vas in two months time, Ronnie Booth, Cambridge Station officer, commenting on the River Chief Subeditors on Christmas day, a wonderful Christmas present from the College. We have Lane blaze. Rebecca Willis two months – lets make our feelings felt. Sarah Horner “Trying to make your buildings look historical – does that not make [email protected] you a fake?” Editorial Cartoonist Robin Deaney, Clare’s Buildings Manager, believes that additions to Move the Monkey Lab Andrew James existing University buildings do not necessarily need to replicate the The University have decided that the proposal to build the Animal Research original style, as the innovative Maths faculty receives its BCI award. If you would like to contribute to Varsity Centre outside Girton needs to be reviewed due to mounting security please e-mail the relevant section editor . costs.This could well mean that the proposal still goes ahead but with There is “no place for ancient feuds or ranking discord...Ken Clarke government funding, however for the moment it is up in the air. is a very old friend of mine.” Michael Howard, who in his Cambridge student days resigned Varsity is published by Varsity Publications If it is, in the end, given the green light one thing really should be considered; from CUCA when Ken Clarke invited Oswald Mosley to speak, telling Ltd and printed by Cambridge Evening News. All copyright is the exclusive prop- as the article from the College’s JCR on page 5 today mentions the implications journalists he would be working together with Clarke for the future of erty of Varsity Publications Ltd. No part of for the building of the labs in that location on Girton College will be im- the party. this publication may be reproduced, stored mense, particularly on student welfare. Varsity agrees with the concerns of the in a retrieval system or transmitted in any students and hopes that the University, if it decides to go ahead with the lab, “I know I have the confidence of the grass roots.” form or by any means, without the prior per- will reconsider its location which at the moment is hopelessly misconceived. But not of your Parliamentary colleagues, eh Iain? mission of the publisher.

EDITOR:TOM EBBUTT EDITORIAL www.varsity.co.uk Oct 31, 2003 09

Tom The Israeli-Palestinian debate Lane really needs a rest

Help! I’ve got a big problem – I can’t of the prevalence of closet anti- the most eloquent ones are themselves ple. Writers are fond of drawing bib- emerges not from actions but from ac- stop reading student articles on the Semites’. And it is true that by read- Jewish. But then why is there this ob- lical parallels in the conflict, but the cidents of birth – the mischance of be- Israel/Palestine situation. ing some articles, you’d get the im- session with the situation almost to the endless exchange of innocent for in- ing born your foe. As for the suicide It’s a terrible compulsion – when I pression that the average Jewish expense of all others? Simple – the nocent seems not so much reminis- bomber ethic, the principle is not so see one there on the page, bedecked in person’s diary would read along the Israelis are white. Or whiter, on the cent of the Koran’s Allah or the Old much Islamic as archaic – drawn from melodramatic headlines and sombre following lines: whole, than those they are pitted Testament’s Yahweh, but of the pagan a different era where honour from accompanying pictures, I simply have Monday: dined heartily on the flesh against. One of the more patronising gods of ancient Greece and Rome. your own people legitimates any pain to read it. Maybe this one won’t be so of a Palestinian baby. Delicious, al- and racist hangovers from the Imperial With each numbing retaliatory strike, inflicted upon their enemy. It is an at- bad, I keep telling myself. Maybe this though it was slightly too charred by days is the unspoken belief that any one gets the sense of being a specta- titude with precedents in Livy and one won’t be a dull, vicious, partisan missile burns. ills committed by a white community tor at some almighty Oresteia, some Herodotus rather than the Koran. diatribe. Maybe this one… Tuesday: went to secret meeting are intrinsically worse than those of terrible, unending festival of violence The endless stream of tit-for-tat I don’t believe that any issue what- at 10 Downing St. about how to any other ethnic group. ‘Black on and retribution. A more modern ref- tirades in the student papers stems soever, be it top-up fees, Iraq, or the help Zionism take over the world. black’ crime, whether genocide in erence might be The Simpsons’ ‘Itchy from the same atavistic fury. They are, latest antics of the King’s College JCR Nice canapés. Rwanda or gang wars on the London and Scratchy Show’, with the two in their own minor way, the revolting gets more space devoted to it amongst Wednesday: felt in a bad mood to- streets is treated as ‘complicated’, sides as equally matched, indestruc- verbal equivalents of an Israeli missile the Cambridge papers. Even in the na- day, so I punched a nearby Muslim, but introduce a hint of racial tension, tible opponents, destined, as the lyrics in the wrong Palestinian apartment, tional press the topic seems to receive then when he complained, accused and it’s as clear as black and white. sing, to ‘fight and fight and fight and or another suicidal slaughter in a a slightly disproportionate measure of him of being anti-Semitic. Me and The increasing frequency with which fight and fight…’ crowded nightclub, bus or market. attention. Why, for instance, do we not Ariel had a good laugh about that the term ‘apartheid’ is hurled against The pervasion of random violence Like these genuine atrocities, each hear more about the Turkish/Kurdish one! Etc… Israel shows what is going on: Israel into daily existence is another source vituperative article changes nothing, situation, Zimbabwe, or countless oth- However preposterous this may is replacing the void left by South of fascination and horror. Neither ‘side’ but merely reinforces people’s pre- er similarly horrific situations? be, it’s clearly an equal insanity to as- Africa as the guilt-ridden post-colo- can count that being ‘innocent civil- conceived beliefs. Unless you have ‘Easy,’ some would say. ‘Israel at- sume that all critics of Israel are anti- nialist cause of choice. ians’ will make them safe. Again, like anything new to say, a dignified silence tracts so much opprobrium because Semitic, especially when so many of The reality, of course, is not so sim- two Greek ‘polis’ states at war, sin is the appropriate response. Please.

Letters should be submitted no later than midnight on Wednesday, and be as concise as possible. The editors Cynicism is dead Letters reserve the right to edit all copy. [email protected] A letter from the Bursar of Gonville and Caius

Dear Editor, likely to yield any more rent after their Anastasiou, and his position was con- There has been much interest and partial conversion to accommodation sidered at length by the College. We Michael concern expressed about the College’s for students, and will probably yield discussed the matter with representa- plans for the premises occupied by The less. However, we regard the provi- tives of the Gonville & Caius Students Lynas Gardenia. Perhaps the following sum- sion of accommodation in close prox- Union – from which it was clear that mary of the situation will help set the imity to the central College site, with there were some who loved “The MA Cantab pending: life after Cambridge record straight. all its facilities for students as being of Gardy” but frankly also many who The College bought this property over-riding importance. We also re- did not. We also sought the counsel of In Harvard Yard they have a rather reading a day. Pretty soon I realised he in 1989. It has been our long term plan gard the change to an unbroken se- all our neighbouring colleges, and re- fetching statue dedicated to John must have meant eight hours a week. for a number of years to use the upper quence of College accommodation as ceived broad support. Harvard. John was probably squat Or was that per month? But in John floors of the premises for student ac- being essential to create a proper sense We are sorry that this will inevitably and ugly with facial warts, like Harvard’s new Puritanical version commodation. We have now reached of community and critical mass cause disruption to The Gardy’s busi- most 17th century Puritans. But in of Cambridge the Professors mean a break point in the lease and have the among our students from many dif- ness, but Mr Anastasiou will receive the absence of any likeness, his business. During my orientation we opportunity to exercise this to enable ferent academic disciplines who live considerable financial compensation sculptor transformed John into a were handed a list of “motivating redevelopment and occupation by our in Rose Crescent. in return for the termination of the bronze Adonis of good leg, with words” to carry with us throughout own students. The change is all about In making this decision we have, of lease. The College feels that if there is high cheekbones and flowing locks. the year. Anon (2000) provided a route creating a proper collegiate presence course, been very aware of and sen- indeed a strong market for what “The For most of the year John is sur- through the problem of too much for Caius students in Rose Crescent - sitive to the value of the services pro- Gardy” offers then the business will rounded by cooing Japanese work and too little time in the day: this is the only property that is not giv- vided by “The Gardy” and the fond- be able to move and prosper from new tourists furiously snapping pho- “sleep fast”. And one of our student en over to upstairs College occupation ness with which it is viewed by many premises. tos. Elderly Texan couples wearing advisors chipped in, “Being here is like in the part of the block that we own. students. We have had a number of Yours faithfully, low-cut shorts can often be seen drinking from a fire hydrant”. I have The premises as a whole are not discussions with the proprietor, Mr Barry Hedley, Bursar, Caius College rubbing manically at his foot . never partaken of a fire hydrant, but John was an Emmanuel man before Anon hit the nail on the head. Gardies: a doctor calls making the trip over the Atlantic. And yet it’s impossible not to en- Latin cuisine While today most of us go to the States joy it here. Cynicism, which Dear Editor, Dear Editor, to catch some surf or eat some cow, Cambridge, England did so well ob- John went to help to create a better and viously died as John made it over the Some of your older readers will I am an alumna and yesterday was showing one of my sons around Godlier version of England. And in- Atlantic . Everyone is constantly hap- have memories of a pre-1961 Cambridge - incidentally telling him about the Gardenia as well as the stead of taking his camera or his py and smiling and enthusiastic even Gardenia. Its change of name from other haunts of my youth - when I picked up your issue of 24 October Emmanuel scarf, he brought the allowing for all the Prozac junkies. Nina’s was celebrated by a classi- and read the dire news. Protestant work ethic. Orientation consisted of singing cal contemporary of mine with a If Varsity ever needs A Doctor Writes piece on why midnight kebabs Every morning as I walk past Harvard songs with my classmates, stately Latin hexameter: Nina fuit are good for body and soul, just let me know! John’s statue at 8.30, groggy and tired scavenger hunts and general bonding. quondam, qua nunc Gardenia sur- My twins are thinking of applying to Cambridge and I want them to before my energising smoothie with I found myself looking around to catch git. He went down in 1950, which be able to experience the authentic Gardenia fare I used to enjoy. extra vitamins (VIE-TA-MINS), I someone’s eye and laugh at the whole provides what is known in the Caius in my opnion is a major pain in neck, e.g. there was a Caius silently curse him for bringing this thing. But no one wanted to join in. I trade as a terminus post quem non. gate/guest hours campaign (“Gate Hours - We Don’t Needham”. Long with him. “No more lie-ins until had to embrace their infectious en- I fear that a pentameter may now before your time I’m sure). lunchtime young man! No more af- thusiasm, and found it quite liberat- be needed to complete what seems ternoons in Ha!Ha! followed by de- ing as a hemmed-in Brit to actually be fated to end as an epitaph: Nunc Cheers, bauchery in Cindys,” he laughs at me. excited about something. But then I tamen heu tristi deperit illa uice. Dr Carol Cooper, In my first week at Cambridge my guess if you were paying $60, 000 a ex-Newnham Director of Studies informed us that year for the privilege you might be a Yours pedantically, E.J. Kenney we should expect to do eight hours of bit less cynical. Mightn’t you? FEATURES EDITOR: NAZ SADRI 10 Oct 31, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk Bosnia’s Bright Young Things Tristan Stubbs on foreign intervention in the Balkans

In July this year, five Cambridge students were accused of doing nothing to prevent But sympathy amongst the students for quick to insist that their quarrel was with the travelled to Bosnia to teach English at genocide, and of being in the position to stop the American or British governments’ poli- present British government, and not with its the University of Tuzla. We were part of the war from the outset but of failing to act. cy during and after the war failed to damp- people. The Bosnians interviewed, having the University’s Summer School One interviewee even put this down to the en their near-unanimous opprobrium for the experienced intervention for themselves, and Programme, which attracts young peo- UK’s apparent hatred of Muslims. Though recent war in Iraq. One female questioned, unlike certain commentators in the West did ple from all over Eastern Europe to study there was much praise for Blair’s actions in who called herself ‘Bosnian’, considered that not see British or American policy as neces- in Tuzla for a few weeks every year. The Kosovo, ( though some criticism of this in- the war might bring long-term benefits to sarily unchangingly self-seeking and de- scheme was organised by Student Aid for tervention came from a Bosnian Serb) and the Iraqi people, though she insisted that the structive. They were at pains to distinguish Bosnia, a student-run charity, but since a resigned recognition of the need for British all expenses were to be met by the vol- troops to remain in Bosnia for the foresee- “Praise for the benefits of exported British culture was unteers, I looked around for sources of able future, it was generally felt that not plentiful ...I discovered a love of British TV comedy” funding. I discovered that my College of- enough had been done to effect the arrest of fered an award designed especially to war criminals since the end of the war. expropriation of that country’s oil reserves between different phases of British and promote better understanding of the America’s conduct since the war’s end was was the main reason for the war. This was a American foreign policy. This gives the lie to Balkan region. the notion that Britain and America are I needed a research topic, however. viewed as “all-bad”. One Bosnian explained Reading books on the region, and acutely that now there was more crime and corrup- aware of much of the world’s reaction to tion than under communism, but he could

American and British foreign policy since ew Macdowall live with that since the Westerners had made September 11th, I recognised in Bosnia a rare his country free. opportunity. Through interviews with my Andr Though it is difficult to compare a small students and other people that I would meet, Eastern European state with a large Middle I could construct a picture of their opinions Eastern one, US and UK policy-makers in towards those countries that had intervened Iraq might take heart from such views. But militarily in Bosnia long before the recent in- as the students’ criticisms of both countries’ terventions in Afghanistan or Iraq. Much non-action early in the war and bad decisions post 9/11 literature has also surveyed the ap- reveal, these can often leave a lasting im- parent negative reaction that the spread of pression on the mind of those affected. American culture has come up against in Paddy Ashdown is well-liked by many in many parts of the world. I wanted to find out Bosnia for his work as the UN’s High whether this was also the case in Bosnia, an Representative, but the country’s huge and emerging nation with much American diplo- unwieldy bureaucracy has made pragmat- matic and economic influence. ic and often autocratic decisions frequent, and he has recently been the subject of much “Students were highly criticism in the popular press critical of the British In discussing culture, students were abun- government’s role ” dant in their praise of British. They demon- strated a love of British music, art and litera- Tuzla is a difficult city to reach. We had to ture, while I discovered that British TV fly to Trieste, take an overnight train to comedy, from Benny Hill to Only Fools and Zagreb and then a bus from there to Tuzla. Horses was very popular with people from all The journey in all lasted more than twenty- over the former Yugoslavia. Though all were four hours. Tuzla has always had a mixed aware of a distinction between British and population; though the principal city of a American exported culture, many complained predominantly Muslim region, it was the of a difficulty in accessing the former – for only city to vote along non-nationalist lines them, American culture was all-pervasive. in the general election that preceded the war. Some students even suggested that tradition- Although a number of students at the sum- al Bosnian culture would largely be replaced mer school were from other Eastern within a matter of decades. None of the stu- European countries, including Hungary and dents viewed this trend as positive, with one Croatia, most came from the cities of the Bosnian Serb highlighting its pernicious as- Federation of Bosnia-Herzegovina and pects – violence on TV, junk food and an un- Republika Srpska, the two entities created healthy lifestyle. Apparently his views are not by the Dayton Agreement. Long the home of unique. As the writers Ziauddin Sardar and liberal sentiment across Bosnia, the opinions Merryl Wyn Davies have shown in ‘Why do of young people from these cities cannot be People Hate America’, a widespread distaste for taken as representative of all their compa- such cultural symbols is one of the major rea- triots. The openness with which they be- sons that many people across the world have friended students of different faiths and recently expressed animosity towards the US. backgrounds was a far cry from the savagery Having intervened in Iraq, the eyes of the that once destroyed the villages dotting world will be fixed on Britain and America A bombed skyscraper in the residential area of Sarejevo, that came to be known as ‘Sniper’s Alley’ Bosnia’s breathtaking countryside. If they are to withdraw quickly and suc- Nonetheless, their views remain reveal- treated similarly, while their arms embargo common theme amongst the answers given cessfully, as is their stated intention, they ing. Almost all of those students surveyed against all parties (including Bosnian – the US needed Iraq’s oil to dominate the might well learn something from one of the world and the UK was stupid not to have re- newest countries in Europe. Executive deci- “It was generally felt that not enough had been done to alised this. Blair was singled out for partic- sions, though necesarily pragmatic, should effect the arrest of war criminals since the end of the war.” ular criticism, with many of the Muslim stu- be executed cautiously and economic re- dents bemused that a man who had shown forms, should not be undertaken without who described themselves as Bosnian or Muslims) during the conflict itself was de- such guile in confronting Milosevic in 1999 sympathy for local cultural attitudes. We Bosniak, a term used to denote Bosnian plored. However the students believed that should now be kow-towing to a statesmen must remember that though a state might Muslims, were highly critical of the British belated military action by the US was the key they considered an Islamophobe. have ‘failed’, the memories of its people do government’s role in the civil war. The British factor in finally ending the war. Students from across the region were not fail so easily. Have an interesting idea? Want to write for Varsity? Email: [email protected]

THE ORDINARY EDITORS: MARTIN HEMMING AND WILL MOTT 12 Oct 31, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk The ISSUE FIVE: Treading water... TY! DIR rdinary!!!HOT!!!ACTION!!!!HOT!!!!LIVE!!!!WEBCAM!!!CURRENT AFFAIRS!!! You love it. O COLLEGE Look! New SHORTS BALLS Details of the annual College May Ball 2004 have been announced. The Scandal! theme, ‘Pins’, has been selected to rep- Latest ‘dating’ incident strikes at bop thing resent and sympathise with the needy, claims ball president Kettlebaston Hot Hot Hack to see you with less clothes around Fork. As usual the College will be di- Billy Milk-Junction yourself, or at least with your hat off’. vided up into many sections. In one They weren’t even pissed, for section drinks will be served. In an- Fears are rising around the Poselthwaite’s sake!” other, a man will help you impress at- University this week after a third After telling these two vermin to get tractive women of the opposite sex. and final alleged case of ‘dating’ was out of her already throbbing admission Dare you enter the barcode battler are- reported to local police. area, Ms. Formicary (‘Chuffy’ to her na? Marvel at the incredible world of The police were informed of this friend) contacted the police using a 3210 joinery! Discover the secrets that have “chuffing sick” occurrence by anony- and secret number a public-spirited fire- made ironmongery such a favourite mous witness Velcro Formicary,the Ents man told her once when her primary ON THE RAMPAGE: Look at this disgusting show of affection what I saw earlier with sadomasochists! Finally (liter- and Candyfloss rep from Price, school was burning down.Sergeant Silky me think of Kriss Akabusi in ’91.But the Randy a drink in the college bar and ally!) test your skill at capital punish- Waterhouse and Cooper’s College.“I hazarded a hunch that Chuffy had just excessive moisture gave me a rash and Randy said thank you.“I did raise a spec- ment. saw the whole sorry thing,” Formicary witnessed a case of what is now oh- her blouse was rank. I always preferred ulative eyebrow,” admitted the impli- The college have decided to make told The Ord after well-targeted ques- so-frequently being given the name ‘dat- Roger Black’s professionalism anyway.” cated barman,“And now it’s stuck like tickets 12% FREE for this event. tioning.“It were chuffing sick it were. I ing’. Chuffing, indeed. When asked why,at the crime scene,he that.” didn’t spend weeks and weeks organ- These dating rats were later discov- had taken Formicary aside and whispered My hilarious mate from Tit Hall (no, DIRTY MEAT ising me chuffing ‘Great Dictators and ered to be two students from neigh- in her ear,“Leave it out love – it’s been a seriously,you’ve got to meet him) added their Pets’ bop for those chuffers to bouring colleges and went by the suspi- dry spell”,he refused to make a noise. a hilarious comment that couldn’t be come along doing that.” ciously made-up names of ‘Gary’ and This really scary incident comes af- anything but off the cuff. Formicary alleges that at approxi- ‘Siobhan’.Whatever. ter two other couples being questioned It seems that this alarming new trend mately 9.22 and 12 seconds (at the third After several minutes of police-based already this term for allegedly similar in- is definitely on the increase, and this is stroke) on Friday nighttime, two “peo- questioning, Siobhan had to admit that, fringements. Dan and Louise from very alarming.What started out as a bet ple” attempted to enter the bop through yes, she had been dating or “on a date”, Girton were brought in after the latter in a charity shop has now spread like a her designated entrance hole.“I knew if you like.Gary,however,was not so sure. laughed with disproportionate volume plague disease, even reaching poor,in- they were trouble. Behaving chuffing “I could have been dating – I’m not so at one of the former’s lame jokes about nocent Cambridgetown. It must be weird, like,” she continued.“They were sure,” he told a uniformed man.“True, I that time he was in Topman.Neil and stopped to maintain our population and holding hands, smiling and kept looking did feel hotter than normal and every Randy from Robinson were fined two- to keep kids off the streets and in the into each others eyes,as if to say,‘I’d like time I looked at Siobhan’s hair it made weeks dinner money after Neil bought workhouses. Die dating scum.

gist to help make this article longer. Crime Captain “Crime is like a hot potato at the Tubular Studmuffin moment,” he proposed,“in that it can Headline? involve microwaves and ovens,and a bad Crime is fast becoming a thing of one is a total bugger,” he clarified. He the past in Cambridge,some peo- puts the apparent decrease in crime ple are saying today. down to the recent high pear harvest, Whilst lots more people are being grit rationing and the police. Eat it you dirty fat pig stabbed, robbed and murdered than However,nobody agrees. A man News just in: The Fadge wing of col- ever before, some parts of Cambridge came to my condo today selling wares lege is going to be replaced by a noisy haven’t witnessed a crime for ages – but also to comment that crime is be- and smelly late-night fast-food outlet, which is good. For example,of the four coming a societal scapegoat. “Everything replacing the library, computer room public bins on Kings Parade, the third is blamed on crime these days,” he be- and accommodation. It’s what the stu- one has never been vandalised since last gan. “OK,so my house was burglarized dents want. month. on Tuesday but I don’t blame it on ris- The Ord went along to investigate and ing crime rates.” What do you blame it found Sergeant Benny Barrington inside. on then, old timer? “Burglars,” he con- OUR BAD “It really is super news,” he con- cluded. It has come to our attention that in last firmed. “People have been telling me Crime began in the UK as a response week’s lead story ‘Slap,slap,slap’,an in- about so many places in this city that to the hotly-received BBC1 comedy- terview with the enigma and freak are crime-free. Anyway,fancy a game of cum-comedy Crime Traveller. Indeed, in Stuart Jefford, there appeared to be a twister?” he offered. the week after the now infamous lack of punctuation. Speech marks and It really is a thing that is happening. gherkin episode was screened,14 peo- apostrophes were nowhere to be Importantly, honey crime is down 1% ple complained of being fungled on their seen. We acknowledge that consider- from last week. If this trend continues way home from work as a result. ing the current political climate, this for another 90 weeks or so,Cambridge The first crime to occur in was crude and insensitive. will be totally free from nectar-related Cambridge was in 1988 when some- Unfortunately Stuart has now died and disorder. one’s virginity was stolen from out- is also unavailable for comment which I went along to ask a mad sociolo- side the front of TK Maxx. is lucky for obvious reasons. NO CRIME HERE, CHUM: Rubbish has never been so free from criminal violation When you think about us you touch yourself? Email [email protected] /31/10/03/LISTINGS/ Welcome to Varsity’s Listings pull-out. With our expert’s top recommendations below, Listings is your essential weekly guide to what’s on in Cambridge over the next seven days. FILM LIT MUSICTHEATRE V. ARTS

Igby Goes Down at the Arts Picture Michael Wood, Professor of Finally an excuse to wear nothing This Sunday pop down to A Jazz Just go down to Clown’s Cafe on House on Friday and Satuday at Comparative Literature at but bondage tape and a fur coat. Piss Evening in the ADC Theatre Bar pre- King Street, get a lovely jubbly bit of 11pm. Kieran Culkin plays the Princeton, is in town to give the Up Look Sharp plays music to ‘fuck sented by the cast and production food and stare at the children’s Holden Caulfield-but-not-half-as- Empson lectures under the rather to, get fucked to and say fuck you to’ team of Hot Mikado(ADC, 11-15 drawings of clowns, which we all cool character in one of those teen intriguing title, Literature and the (Saturday, King’s Cellars) while the Nov), starting at 7.45pm - Tickets £3. know are usually horribly scary, in indie films which although lacking Taste of Knowledge. Check English great Retro Electro returns to rapt ap- The ADC Bar transformed into a some kind of abstract post-modern that spark is a thoroughly enjoyable Faculty website for further details. plause on Thursday at the Kambar. smokey jazz club - hear numbers way incorporating crayons and felt film to remember that it’s about 31st Oct-7th Nov. Lectures are in the The most mashed up fun Hoxbridge from ‘Hot Mikado’ as well as other pens and wonder what went so hor- staying young and not growing old. Mill Lecture Theatre, at 5.30pm. residents will have. all term. hits from across jazz history. ribly wrong last night.

The Heywood What’s on this week? Society Invites Applications to FILM Direct/Produce in the Peterhouse Theatre Sunday St John’s Films: or for funding for shows Christ’s Films: Intacto - Fate, chance & luck and Phone Booth. getting it back when stolen. elsewhere Christs College, St. John’s College, Fisher Applications to Dan drd25 New Court Theatre. Building. 9pm. £2. Deadline: Friday 14th Nov 8pm. £2. Friday Christ’s Films: New Hall: Phone Booth. Festival of Indian Films - “The Christs College, Terrorist”. New Court Theatre. New Hall, Buckingham House 10:30pm. £2. Lecture Theatre. 8:30pm.

Anger Management, 15 Queens’ Films: MISC Sunday 2nd November - 7pm & 10pm Matrix: Reloaded. Queens’ College, Intacto,15 Fitzpatrick Hall. Friday 9pm. £2. Thursday 6th November - 9pm CU Chabad Society: Welcome the Shabbat with a deli- www.stjohnsfilms.org.uk St John’s Films: cious four course meal. Anger Chabad House, 19 Regent Management - Terrace. 7:30pm. when the therapist is more confronta- CU Jewish Society: tional than the patient. Friday Night Dinner - delicious 4 St. John’s College, course meal. All welcome. BATS invites applications to direct in Fisher Building. Student Centre, 3 Thompson’s Lent 2004. For details on how to apply, 7pm. £2. Lane. 7:30pm. see BATS website www.quns.cam.ac.uk/queens/events Thursday GREEK DANCING CLASSES or contact Hannah Meyer on hm290. Christ’s Films: Every Thursday, Darwin College Deadline midnight on 12th November. All applications to Hannah Meyer, Monty Python’s 5.15-6.45. First class 30/10,£2. Queens’ College (pigeonhole) “And Now For Darwin College, Ground floor Something Completely room, next to bar. Different” . 5:15pm. £20 per term. THE DEBATE Christs College, New Court Theatre. 10pm. £2. Saturday What is Really Going Wrong in CU Ballet Club: the Middle East? Queens’ Films: Intermediate ballet. Slightly more The Importance of challenging free class! . Speakers: Sharif Nishashibi, Being Earnest. Kelsey Kerridge, Chairman of Arab Media Watch To submit listings go to Queens’ College, Aerobics studio, top floor. David Horowitz, Editor of The Fitzpatrick Hall. 2:30pm. £1.00. Jerusalem Report 9pm. £2. www.varsity.co.uk/listings Sunday 2nd Nov, 8pm The Culanu Centre, 33a Bridge St, between Oxfam and The Galleria

L2 LISTINGS 31 OCTOBER 03

An eclectic mix of Urban Are you searching for a Fashion & Gifts from London

unique party venue? CU Ballet Club: Pointe class. Any pointe experience welcome!. Special Student Offer! Kelsey Kerridge, Aerobics studio, top floor. 3-Hour Cocktail Cruise on the River Cam 4pm. £0.50.CU Ballet Club: Advanced class. Grade 7+ free class!. Kelsey Kerridge, Aerobics stu- Only £10 per person (Sun - Thurs) or dio, top floor. 4:30pm. £1.00. £12 (Fri & Sat). You choose your favourite 3 or 4 cocktails and the crew supply them J-Com: (4 cocktails per person). Stand up and sketches from A full bar & PA System is also John’s Comedy Society. St. John’s College, Fisher available. Fully-appointed & heated, Building. Georgina is licensed to carry up to 110 9pm. £3. guests. This offer is based on a minimum of 80 guests. Pembroke College Winnie- the-Pooh Society: Elevenses, including a little MOSCOW MULE, SEX-ON-THE-BEACH, GIN & TONIC, smackerel of something. PINA COLADA, BLUE LAGOON, BLACK RUSSIAN,.... Rm 15, 4a Bridge Street, 4pm. Sunday CU Support for the BOOK NOW Homeless (CUSH): CALL RIVERBOAT GEORGINA Squash. King’s College, Monday CU Jewish Society: ON Munby Room. 7pm. Buddhist Meditation Study with a buddy - explore topics of Jewish learning. 01223 C.U.T.C.C.S: Samatha Trust: Culanu Centre, 33 Bridge Tai Chi Chuan: Hand Form; Introductory course in medi- Street. 7pm. Weapons Forms; Pushing tation. [email protected]. 307694 Hands; Self-defence. CU Meditation & Buddhism www.samatha.org. Fitzwilliam College, Soc: www.georgina.co.uk Reddaway Room. Pembroke College, Meditation with tai chi, chi 2pm. £2/3. N7 Old Lodge. 7:30pm. qong, creative writing, dream- The One-And-Only Riverboat Georgina. Your unique venue opportunity... work. Sidney Sussex College, offering you a luxury river cruise and a 1st class service Knox Shaw Room. 7pm. LOOKING FOR LOVE? Hi my name is Steve and I’m 30 years old. I’m looking for a foxy lady between the age of 18 and 23 to share my life and home with. Big tits are essential, and long blonde hair as well. A classy lady. She must be a good cook, and be a patient mother to my 4 boys. Lucky ladies, if this sounds like it could be you please call me on 1800 LOOK 4 LUV

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An eclectic mix of urban fashion and gifts from London

21 Petty Cury, Cambridge, CB2 3NE. Tel 01223 322 123. Monday - Saturday: 9.00am - 6.30pm. Sunday 11am - 6pm 31 OCTOBER 03 LISTINGS L3

[email protected] CUTazz: Beginners Jazz dance . Robinson College, Games Room. get involved... 6pm. £3. CUTazz: help organise cambridge’s largest student-run careers Inter / advanced jazz dance. Robinson College, Games Buy one event. over 2000 students attending, 30+ leading Room. employers from all sectors, the largest student publicity 7pm. £3. pizza get Maypole Quiz: budget in cambridge. Cambridge’s most entertain- one free ing quiz, with tickets drinks we’re looking for people to join our team for the 2004 and cash prizes. with this internships fair. could you liaise with recruiters, The Maypole Pub, Park Street, Upstairs. coupon design our publicity, implement a marketing strategy, 8pm. £1.

or deal with the organisation of such a big event? Rainbow Network Collection only Cambridge: it’s great fun and has lots of perks. HEALING Meeting - shar- ing, exchanging experiences, for more info or to get involved e-mail information, discussion DOMINOS CAMBRIDGE: 01223 355155 www.rainbow- 27 HILLS ROAD, CAMBRIDGE, CB2 1NW [email protected] by sunday 12pm cambridge.org.uk. Tuesday C.U.T.C.C.S: Bharat Bhavan (Old Library), CU Ballet CLub: Chi Kung: Breathing 119 Mill Rd (railway bridge). Improvers Ballet. For those Exercises for Stress Relief Tuesday 4th November Thursday 6th November 8pm. of you that know the basics!. and General Health and Financial Markets - Deutsche Bank Consulting Case Studies - Mercer Kelsey Kerridge, Aeorbics Fitness. Learn about what’s going on in the world of Discover what strategy consulting is all about. Romance.ucam.org: studio. New Hall, Long Room. fi nancial markets from a leading player in this In this interactive case study you’ll face a Speed Dating - “Musical 8pm. £1.00. 2pm. £2/3. sector. Talk to the people who are making it business problem similar to those faced by chairs with chemistry”. http://romance.ucam.org, happen and fi nd out what it takes. strategy consultants. CU Ballet CLub: Wednesday Please sign up in advance. Beginners jazz. Fun, lively 7:30pm. £4. CU Chabad Society: All events are free to members, start at 6.30pm at Sidney Sussex, and include wine and dinner. jazz dancing! . Book your place online www.cambridgefutures.com Queens’ College, Bowett Kabbalah Course - a begin- VSO: Room. ners guide to the esoteric. Tallk to returned volunteers 6pm. £1.50. and HQ staff about work Chabad House, 19 Regent overseas. CU Chabad Society: Terrace. futures Gonville Hotel, Gonville Parsha and Pasta - Come for 8pm. cambridgefutures Place, 07:30am. a thought provoking supper. cuis Chabad House, 19 Regent www.cambridgefutures.com the new cambridge university industrial society Terrace. 8pm. L4 LISTINGS 31 OCTOBER 03

Tuesday CUADC: Love Letters on Blue The Homecoming - Paper TUNE INTO THE ALL prostitution, pimping The Playroom, NEW VARSITY RADIO and Pinter on the ADC 9:15pm. £4/5.50. stage. ADC Theatre, . SHOW ON CUR 1350. 7:45pm. £5 - £7.50. Ellen Stenning: Loveplay. Pembroke Players: The Playroom, 7pm. Mondays and Fridays A Servant To Two Masters, Goldoni’s Footlights: comedy, adapted Lee Virgin Smoker 6 -6.30pm Hall. ADC Theatre, . Pembroke College, CUTazz: MUSIC Monday Hall. 11pm. £4. Beginners tap dance. Peterhouse Music Sunday Pembroke College, New Cellars. Robinson College, Friday Society: Culanu: New Cellars. 7:30pm. £4/5. REDS: Games Room. 7pm. Christ’s College Music Organ Recital by Mark Debate: What Is Going 7:30pm. £4/5. Pygmalion - Shaw’s Society: Smith. Wrong In the Middle Pembroke Players: classic comedy drama. CUTazz: Harry Blake (oboe), Peterhouse, Chapel. East?. REDS: A Servant To Two ADC Theatre, . Inter / advanced tap Geoffrey Paterson 8:45pm. The Culanu Centre, 33a Cross Road Blues - Masters Pembroke 7:45pm. £5 - £7.50. dance. (piano) - Schumann, Bridge St, bet Oxfam legendary tale of blues College, New Cellars. Robinson College, Britten, Hackston. Tuesday and The Galleria. and the devil. 7:30pm. £4/5. Wednesday Christs College, Games Room. 8pm. £3. Cambridge gamelan: 8pm. £2. ADC Theatre, . Clare Actors & Chapel. REDS: Traditional Javanese 11pm. £3/£4. Cambridge Arts Theatre: 7:30pm. £4/2. Cross Road Blues - CU Ballet Club: music workshop. Thursday Love Letters on Blue legendary tale of blues Beginners ballet. Beautiful-sounding Cambridge Inter- Zodiac Paper Clare Ents: and the devil. Absolute beginners tuned metallophones Collegiate Christian Productions/DDS: Arnold Wesker. Soul party! Come in ADC Theatre, . always welcome!. and gongs. Union: JULIA C - Shakespeare The Playroom, . fancy dress for £1 dis- 11pm. £3/£4. Queens’ College, Music Department, “The Bible Talks” - meets Big Brother in 9:15pm. £4/5.50. count. Bowett Room. West Road. 6pm. explaining Jesus from hilarious new play. 6pm. £1.50. Clare College, Cellars. John’s gospel. The Playroom, . Zodiac CUADC: 9pm. Productions/DDS: Thursday Queens’ College, 9:15pm. £4/5.50. Under Milk Wood - JULIA C The CU Jewish Society: Cambridge Classical Fitzpatrick Hall. tales of the residents of CUR1350 and Playroom, Shawarma Feast - Guitar Society: 1:10pm. Saturday Llareggub Hill. Amnesty 9:15pm. £4/5.50. Kosher Shawarma Bring your classical Brickhouse Theatre ADC Theatre, . International: made on site plus great guitar to perform, or CU Jewish Society: Company: 11pm. £3/£4. Paper, Scissors, Rock- Sunday atmosphere. come and listen! Lunch and Learn: Top Girls, a live bands and dj’s, fea- Pembroke Players: Student Centre, 3 Info (01223) 565552. Beigels, humous and feminist play by Caryl REDS: Pygmalion turing Street Regal. A Servant To Two Thompson’s Lane. St Lukes Centre, some food for thought. Churchill. ADC Theatre, King’s College, King’s Masters, Goldoni’s 7pm. Victoria Road, 8pm. £3. King’s College, The Corpus Christi 7:45pm. £5 - £7.50. Cellar. 10pm. Chetwynd Room. Playroom, . comedy, adapted Lee Hall. C.U.T.C.C.S: Retro Electro: 1pm. 7pm. £4-£5.50. Thursday Queens’ Ents: Pembroke College, Tai Chi Chuan: Hand classic and contempo- Love Letters on Blue ROCKY HORROR! New Cellars. Form; Weapons Forms; rary electronica, sixties, Friday CADS: Paper. Dress up for a night of 7:30pm. £4/5. Pushing Hands; Self- new-wave and synth- Cambridge Inter- Anyone for Denis? by The Playroom, . Halloween cheese!. defence. pop. Collegiate Christan John Wells. Hilarious 9:15pm. £4/5.50. Queens’ College, Fitzwilliam College, Kambar, Wheeler Union: political farce. Zodiac Productions: Fitzpatrick Hall. 9pm. Reddaway Room. Street. “MORAL ATHIEST: A Margaret as a Drag CUADC: £4. Julia C - Shakespeare 7pm. £2/3. 09.00. £3. CONTRADICTION IN Queen Under Milk Wood - meets ‘Big Brother’ in TERMS?” talk and free Christs College, ADC Theatre, . Young Russian Kick Bo: Friday lunch. all welcome. Fitzpatrick Hall. new exciting student 11pm. £3/£4. Non-contact aerobics Talents: Afro-Cubism: Sidgwick Site, Meade 7:30pm. £4/£5. writing. . The Playroom. using the dynamic Six amazing Russian ten-piece band unleash a blis- Room, economics faculty. Pygmalion . kicking and punching children + Moscow 9:15pm. £5.50-£4. tering improvised cuban-jazz 1:10pm. ADC Theatre, . moves of Martial-Arts. Conservatory Professor jam session. cafe afrika, stur- THEATRE 7:45pm. £5 - £7.50. Christs College, New tour Cambridge col- ton street. 7pm. £4. Court Theatre. leges this week. 6pm. £2. Unmissable. Friday Look out for posters or Trinity College Music Brickhouse Theatre Society: Thursday contact jak36 for Company: Sam Hudson and Top Girls, a Hellenic Dances details. Cathy Lanton present feminist play by Caryl Society Terpischore: 9pm. £2-£5. music by Mozart. Churchill. GREEK DANCING Trinity College, Trinity Corpus Christi CLASSES Saturday College Chapel. Playroom, . Every Thursday, Queens’ Ents: 8pm. £5/£3/£1. 7pm. £4-£5.50. Darwin College Greenworld Bass 5.15-6.45. First class Lines! Chill out to TALK 30/10,£2. smooth drum & bass. Friday CADS: Darwin College, Queens’ College, Cambridge Inter- Anyone for Denis? by Ground floor room, Fitzpatrick Hall. Collegiate Christian John Wells. Hilarious next to bar. 9pm. £4. Union: political farce. 5:15pm. £20 per term.. Trinity College Music “EVIL: NATURE OR Margaret as a Drag NURTURE?” Queen Friday Society: Jonny Sells conducts talk and free lunch, all Christs College, CU Chabad Society: music by Beethoven welcome. Fitzpatrick Hall. Welcome the Shabbat with Jennie-Helen Sidgwick Site, Meade 7:30pm. £4/£5. with a delicious four Moston on piano. Room (economics faculty). course meal. Trinity College, Trinity 1:10pm. CUADC: Chabad House, 19 College Chapel. The Homecoming - Regent Terrace. 8pm. £5/£3/£1. Saturday prostitution, pimping 7:30pm. CU European Union and Pinter on the ADC Society: stage. CU Jewish Society: Sunday Prof. Ricardo Petrella ADC Theatre, . Friday Night Dinner - Fitzwilliam College on “The Right to Live”; 7:45pm. £5 - £7.50. delicious 4 course Music Society: free for members. meal. All welcome. Elinor Rolfe Johnson Sidgwick Site, Law Pembroke Players: Student Centre, 3 (Soprano) in Concert. Faculty, Lecture theatre A Servant To Two Thompson’s Lane. Fitzwilliam College, Chapel. 8pm. LG19. 4pm. £2. Masters, Goldoni’s 7:30pm. comedy, adapted Lee To view more listings visit www.varsity.co.uk EDITOR:ANDREW R. MACDOWALL TRAVEL www.varsity.co.uk Oct 31, 2003 13 Travel’s great dilemma Daytripping Isabela Chick on whether tourists should visit Burma Aldeburgh

me what they really thought. In a more

open discussion they would have run gh-uk.com the risk of a serious interrogation and

probable torture should a government .aldebur Isabela Chick official have found out. For every ten inhabitants in a block of flats, there is www a government liaison officer to whom you have to report your every move: any unreported visitor to your house could mean a series of excruciating in- terviews should it be discovered. I still shudder at the thought that I could Me and the mud. It teams with have put people in danger. warm squeaming mutations, The country’s main freedom fight- wriggling with a sort of radical er, Aung Sang Suu Kyi, with her con- glee. Behind me the brown town tacts in the West, is the only person mirrors this sort of lively sea- really to have informed the world sauce, in front are the draughty about the problems in isolated horizons of the North Sea. Burma. But her work is severely ham- When I set out across the pered by the government, who de- windy hump of East Anglia to cided to put her back under arrest Aldeburgh, the talk of yacht clubs when they worried that she might be and sprawling second homes rallying too much support for her made me expect a more rural cause. One of her main messages to pashmina-tangled King’s Road. the West, however, is that people The other side of Essex. should not visit Burma. I have regrets Cambridge is all very well, but about not heeding her advice, even with its own guiding spires across though Burma is certainly the most the fens, there lies another great beautiful and unspoilt country I have power station, with a similar clus- ever been to. It is an incredible melt- tering population of academic ing pot of cultures, an unlikely fusion oddities: Sizewell, the old nuclear of Indian and Chinese, with beauti- monster of the oily North Sea. Its ful landscapes of grey and blue hills lurid fumes seem to have bred a dotted with the golden stupas of each unique collection of oysterguz- pagoda, that surpass any Chinese wa- zling, poetryspouting populace. tercolour and astonishing architec- The classic fishermen’s pubs have ture which outdoes any Rajasthani a sort of “yellow fog that rubs palace. But by going you are inad- its back against the window vertently funding the government. panes”; you peer into the half-rot- I made every effort never to stay in ten shipwrecked bar, and a grue- a government sponsored hotel, or eat some radioactive pint is oozed in any government sponsored restau- out as you snuggle with the rant but the problem is that even the smuggler poets. The place has a “I was amazed by the spiritual strength of the Burmese, who meditate through their suffering and still smile broadly” small amount of free enterprise, main- grotty romance. Arriving at the airport in yearning for peace at whatever cost. ganda and have had all links to the ly Singaporean and Thai ventures There are pubs where you are Yangon, I emerged into an Peace and silence are actually what West severed. An email will take a which cater for tourism, must be in ca- not likely to catch parasites, (ex- arrivals lounge which is shiny struck me most while I was in Burma. month to get through to Burma thanks hoots with the government to open cept if you are a rich young man and new, built for 1996 “Visit There is a beautiful aspect of the peace to the careful censorship. their business in the first place. This during the sailing season.) The Myanmar (the Burmese name and quiet in the monasteries and pago- There is no internet in Burma ex- made me feel incredibly uncomfort- Cross Keys is a higgledy-pig- for Burma) Year”, launched by das - most notably the incredible cept for government intranet to which able, and unable at times to fully in- gledy hub. There is a fantastic the military government to Schwedagon, where in the centre of only people with connections have ac- dulge in the beauty of sites like Bagan, Indian restaurant piping its mu- boost its ever-dwindling income. the chaotic capital you find a beauti- cess. Western programs are forbidden, relax into enlightening conversations sic onto the street, and several An interminable queue and a lit- fully surreal atmosphere where though the BBC World Service has with monks in the monasteries of more upmarket places to eat nu- tle lying to avoid giving the regime monks, nuns and thousands of lay provided a great amount of informa- Mandalay, the beauty of Inle lake with clear crab. Better still - the fish and a precious $200 later you step out people who visit and meditate there tion to those able to listen to it in well- its floating villages and the lush upper chips. The best I’ve had, even into Yangon. everyday are friendly and eager to talk hidden, locked rooms. The govern- Shan and Kochin states. coming from Brighton. In the Burma used to be called ‘the pearl - provided you steer clear of any direct ment has achieved something quite It might be a little unorthodox for summer the nearby concert halls of the east’, exporting rice to most of reference to the military dictatorship. remarkable; to scare the population a travel article to advise people not at Snape Maltings host renowned Asia, as well as oil, teak, jade and The slightly less idyllic aspect of this about the dangers of influences from to go somewhere so incredibly beau- classical music performances, ap- pearls. It is now Thailand’s poor neigh- all-pervading peacefulness is that al- free societies, using the excuse that tiful. But I would only go at your own parently often accompanied by bour and totally overshadowed on its risk, on your own conscience. I re- topless ballerinas... The high other borders by the powers of India Burma is the most beautiful and unspoilt coun- turned with a heavy heart, realising street bursts into carnival with a and China. The oil and gas reserves try I have ever visited. But the freedom fight- how important it was to acknowledge certain seaside innocence as mod- are almost dry and the country now ers’ leader has a message: Don’t go. I have re- the consequences of my actions and el boats float on the duck pond. has to import its staple food. The ever- grets about not heeding her advice my potentially dangerous belief in “Ives Ice-cream Parlour” is depleting natural resources on which free speech as well as appreciating Aldeburgh’s land of milk and the economy relies are paralleled only though the Burmese people are aware they are preserving their all-important that I had been funding the regime. honey. This unpolluted dairy by the ever-growing military budget that the government is failing miser- traditions. I just can’t remember when Then again, I was glad to have my haven proclaims its lack of artifi- (now 40% of total public expenditure) ably, they refuse to speak out. This is censorship, armed forces, forced work eyes opened to a culture it would be cial colours or flavourings and and the growth of the army which has partly because while they resent many and spies in every monastery formed impossible to imagine, with so many sells amoretto flavour with doubled its ranks since 1998. It does- aspects of the political regime, many part of the Buddhist Burmese cultur- contrasts and ambiguities that it ground up amoretti biscuits. They n’t take an economist to see that the people have an immense fear of the al heritage. leaves you wholly transfixed. Most also have oyster flavour; nothing, country cannot carry on like this. You West which has corrupted countries Those who speak out are few and of all, I was amazed by the spiritual it seems, quite escapes the briny may wonder why nobody does any- like Thailand, making Thais, in far between. Only in a few remote vil- strength of the Burmese, who medi- slime…. thing about it. I do; but I think it has Burmese eyes, less spiritually pure. lages where there was nobody listen- tate through their suffering and still Aldeburgh is an hour away by car something to do with silence and a They are fed pro-government propa- ing could I convince people to tell smile broadly. Zoe Organ

STYLE EDITOR: NICOLE GOLDSTEIN AND SARA NAGUIB 14 OCT 31, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk Q&A Style talks to Tara STOOD UP Palmer- Tomkinson

What is your greatest extravagance? A black and white D and G jacket How important is dress to you? It is extremely important to me. Something so simple can make you feel so fab. How would you describe your own style? Sexy, modern and elegant.. Favourite fashion faux-pas? Turning up to my own party wear- ing nothing but my underwear and a snorkel. How much do you think inner charisma adds to dress sense, or are they mutually exclusive? Charisma totally adds to a style, be- cause great style comes from with- in. Who has had most influence on your dressing style and why? Dolce and Gabanna. I love every- thing they do. I have bought their entire collection for this season- would you believe! Who do you consider a style mav- erick? Audrey Hepburn is definitely up there; and in terms of my contem- poraries, I just adore both Stella Modelled by Ben McCartney’s personal style and her Styled by Sara designs. I have every single style of Photographs by Joanna Galanis [email protected] her shoes, in every single colour! She is such a talented girl; slightly rock Diesel Jeans £120 Dogfish, Vivienne Westwood Shirt £182 Dogfish, chick and just very down to earth. I Braces £1 Sally Ann’s, G Star Raw Blazer £160 Dogfish, Matching also have to say that of course Sarah Trousers £95 Dogfish, Vest £3 Market, Cravate £1 Market, Converse Jessica Parker should get a worthy £34.99 Office, Scarf £59 Reiss. mention. What would be your motto? To be uninhibited. I personally don’t do things by halves. What single thing would most im- prove the quality of your life? Truly comfortable high heels. And twice as much closet space. What has been an important life lesson? Don’t take life too seriously! Favourite fragrance? The new scent from Stella McCartney. Which decade do you most identi- fy with and why? Spotted this week on King St... The Sixties. I just love the whole sex Rowland Manthorpe, Second kitten aspect to this decade and not Year Historian from Johns. to mention the mods and rockers Vêtements: Jacket, Uth, Shirt, Vintage Saville Row, Stripey Top, who as youth figures remain iconic Top Man, Jeans, Kiliwatch Paris, trend setters. Shoes, Swear. What are your style tips for Inspirations: The Rolling Stones, Cambridge boys and girls? My Dad, the legendary Johnny - Keep your style simple. Try and top so hot right now! your outfit off with an edgy some- thing. Never buy fads. Always aim to keep it classical which means you can buy something as a student and end up keeping it for life. EDITOR:RONOJOY DAM ARTS www.varsity.co.uk Oct 31, 2003 15 ARTS Better off than dead Ronojoy Dam goes down Suicide Alley

Last Tuesday, Elliott Smith, the introspectively sensitive and darkly talented U.S singer/songwriter, died. From a

single self-inflicted stab Domino Records wound to the heart. The news, as such things are, was an 6 AUGUST 1969 - 21 OCTOBER 2003 untimely shock. Smith is an indie cult hero who only really briefly touched fame with his Academy Award nomina- R.I.P tion for his song Miss Misery from the soundtrack to the film Good Will Hunting in 1998. Prior to his suicide, Smith had released five highly-ac- claimed solo albums of a fragile yet hardened beauty that expressed feverish emotions and an outsider romanticism regarding relation- ships, drug abuse and loneliness in a voice that was quite simply other- worldly. However, with all art and its perpetrators it is the personal connection that stands as the most powerful. Sitting in a Notting Hill basement bedsit at 3am with a few friends as a hormonal adolescent, listening to Smith and sharing dis- gustingly cheap drink . When an artist, whether musician, painter, writer or actor, premature- ly dies, it is painfully unnerving how swiftly their lives and their work can be mythologised and over-romanti- cised. How art that never garnered attention or praise during the artist’s lifetime can so suddenly be jumped upon and snatched to the heart in death. And more and more fre- quently in today’s world, the way in as a cult icon and the fame of his I choose my death when I am about firmed or denied bestows a differ- world weariness and rebelliousness which business and marketing films is solely due to the car crash to depart from life”). This dichoto- ent perspective upon an artist’s and like Smith, Cash, too, battled forces utilize death as a promotion- that took the young actor’s life away my is a hard balance to comprehend work, suicide never assured great- drug addiction but at the age of 71, al tool, witnessed perhaps most ex- so suddenly. and emphasizes the lack of real un- ness. Nirvana were great before he was still producing some of the plicitly in the record business’ han- Death is one thing. Suicide is an- derstanding behind such an act. Cobain shot himself. Feeder will best music of his career and finally dling of such hip hop ‘martyrs’ as other. Albert Camus grandly starts The arts world, especially over the never be despite drummer Jon Lee’s died a natural death, a quasi-myth- Tupac Shakur. The Myth of Sisyphus by stating that, last century or so, has been marred self-hanging. Elliott Smith pos- ical hero while Smith’s life-cut-short While his comparative statement “There is but one truly serious philo- with suicide including such greats sessed a devoted fan base, deeply is mourned. Despite its glamourised was hyperbolic, Marilyn Manson sophical problem and that is sui- as Hemingway, Woolf, Kirchner and affected by his death, yet his pre- aura, suicide has never really been acutely professed the idea of death cide.” Suicide is not only constitut- Rothko. However it is in the deaths mature passing away will bring him a part of art any more than divorce in art and its business link in a typ- ed by premature death but its of such artists as the poet Sylvia no closer to mainstream success has. Art deals with and always will ically grand statement in an inter- self-infliction places the victim’s life Plath and the playwright Sarah compared to his being up on stage deal with life and the personal and view with Rolling Stone magazine in a different perspective and as Kane that suicide really becomes an in a white suit besides Celine Dion their expression and cannot be con- this year: “Jesus was the first rock Camus puts it in The Fall, “Martyrs, important factor with regards to the at the Academy Awards ceremony. stituted by singular actions. The star. The cross is the biggest, great- cher ami, must choose between be- critical and popular approach of The Neil Young quote, “It’s better theme from M*A*S*H may have est piece of merchandise in history, ing forgotten, mocked, or made use their work in retrospect. Does sui- to burn out than to fade away” is professed that suicide is painless bigger than any concert t-shirt. And of. As for being understood – nev- cide really assert such a captivating frequently used in conversations but it’s not. It’s the people left be- Jesus was the first dead rock star. er!” Suicide sections away its casu- enigma to suddenly warrant major upon this sensitive subject and yet hind who hurt. Like Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain alty from the realm of the real world, attention? It would be nice to believe rather than burning out like a ro- and Jimi Hendrix, he became im- and stands simultaneously as a tes- in l’art pour l’art but context has al- man candle, it seems more as if I can't beat myself mortal by dying. A dead rock star tament to great weakness and pain ways been a major issue. these flames are uneccesarily extin- And i don't want to talk becomes perfect, and he’ll be that yet also to self-assertion and control The French philosopher Emile guished early. I'm taking the cure so i can be quiet forever.’ Whilst Manson’s words are in a Senecan sense (“Just as I shall Durkheim argued that suicide was Johnny Cash’s death in Whenever i want only directly relevant to the world select my ship when I am about to the product of external social forces. September stands in stark contrast of music, these sentiments are also go on a voyage, or my house when And while the search for causes to Smith’s recent suicide. The two Needle in the Hay pertinent to other fields. James Dean I propose to take a residence, so shall which will never really be con- shared a blunt emotional honesty, Elliott Smith

EDITOR:A C BERWICK THEATRE www.varsity.co.uk Oct 31, 2003 17 Girls on Top Batting for the other side

Caryl Churchill’s Top Girls fourth wall was most certainly in Charlotte Holden enjoys some good ol’ fashioned explores the roles of women place, despite the Playroom’s con- in the 1980s and the confu- spicuous lack of a third wall. But I fun at Pembroke New Cellars sion of female identity still was impressed in general by the au- familiar today. From the femi- thentic accents and lack of ham- How does the prospect of a two- nist to the feminine, a whole my acting, although the drunken hour dose of 18th century farce range of perspectives is pre- denouement in Act 3 did verge on sound for a night out on the sented by the hilarious/mov- becoming over-emotional. The star town? A jolly good hoot, what? ing 80s caricatures in colossal of the show was Gabi Holyoake, As I stumbled into the darkness of earrings and shoulder-pads, who gave a compelling perform- Pembroke’s New Cellars for Lee’s Heather Newton supported ear-catchingly by a ance as Angie, Joyce’s childish, re- adaptation of Goldoni’s A Servant to delightfully 80s soundtrack: sentful teenage daughter; the repar- Two Masters, I did feel a little shivery, even the Thundercats theme tee between Angie and her young not because of the cold – the cellars tune makes an appearance. friend Kit (Emily Hargreaves from are very well heated – but rather due The play centres around two sis- the Whizz Kids Company) was one to the combination of Baroque ters from opposing worlds: of the most poignant moments of strings and doily-clad props. Marlene, a motivated career-girl the production. Fortunately, I was wrong: this play who escaped her humble origin in Given that the play flits between is nothing like that wholesome yet search of success, played confi- a London office and Joyce’s living paradoxical concept the Union sells dently by Liz Mallett; and Joyce, room, leaping back in time in the as “serious fun”. This is pure, un- Kate Baxter’s utterly convincing in- third act and all within the rather pretentious, slapstick humour at its he uttered. And there were many. in the enigmatic presence of Servio terpretation of a downtrodden ‘cosy’ space of the Playroom, Zara best: live, vibrant and spontaneous. Unsurprisingly, the comedy lies in (Spencer Pinkus); a serious charac- northern housewife. Hayes (director) did well to avoid The set is sparse and each viewer is the irony of a servant leading his so- ter always subject to the bumbling Interspersed are hilarious scenes fragmentation and yet create dis- perched up close and personal with cial superiors a merry dance. And antics of the others, he provides an at Marlene’s employment agency tinct settings. However, the frequent the players. And yes, there is direct this is just what the burlesque actors eerily understated backbone to the where interviewers (the wonder- blackouts were more disruptive interaction with the audience: you managed to do, as they significant- play, never quite fitting in: one to fully acerbic Rachel Grahame and than productive: were the incessant may be sat on or offered a sun dried ly outperformed their two rather watch out for. And he’s also a dab Georgie Osborne) debunk the make- incursions of a troop of stage hands, tomato, but the real sense of in- dull masters. Outstanding was hand at fencing. up masks of job-seekers. There are shifting tables and rearranging volvement pervades the whole ex- James Everest, balancing the two car- It made me laugh, it made me enough hard-headed stilletto-heeled cushions, really necessary? perience, and comes with just being icatures of doddering aristocratic cry…well almost. For a night of se- executives, Sloanes (notably the hys- This is a lively and thought-pro- in the thick of the action. crust and simplistic country bump- rious entertainment, watch last terical Graihagh Crawshaw), drip- voking production: if the combi- The eponymous servant (Miles kin porter to perfection. Whether week’s recordings of The Weakest py romantics, cunning vixens and nation of Thatcherism and Bullock) deservedly stole most shaking jowls and making growls as Link. For a night packed with gen- bullshitters in this play to fill any Thundercats doesn’t make for a laughs as the sly yet stupid rogue, the former, or just managing to look uine laughter from fresh comedy tal- cocktail party! Yet there is genuine stimulating evenings entertain- predictably sporting a chirpy cock- incredibly stupid as the latter, he ent, this is just the ticket. pathos in the regrets and resent- ment, I don’t know what will! ney accent as his working class tag. couldn’t fail to captivate. Charlotte Holden ments of the two sisters. Clare Diacono His scuttling antics captivated a row You may be relieved to hear that Performances were strong, al- of New Hall girls who just couldn’t this isn’t a solid two hours of slap- A Servant to Two Masters runs though I felt the actors could have Top Girls runs every night, 7.00, at control the giggles at each rude word stick. There is an element of pathos every night, 7.30, until Saturday appealed more to the audience: the the Playroom, until Saturday Happy Families

Despite the amount we have terrifying mix of sophisticate and Grossman) needed to be generally seen of Pinter in the last few psychopath, and his father Max a nastier, not a doddery old man with years - including a BBC sea- violent old man who hates his too much shuffling, and not enough son last year - he remains one brother Sam. Then there’s Joey: shouting. This perhaps resulted in of the most cantankerous men none too quick, but a ladies’ man. the climax lacking the shock that it in British theatre, and his Hanging over them is the shadow demands; the family’s response to plays still shock forty years of Max’s deceased wife Jessie. And Sam’s collapse was un-convincing. on. you thought your family was fun All things considered, The The Homecoming deals with his at Christmas. Homecoming is a strong production, regular themes: hidden menace, There is a lot to recommend this and there were some wonderful sexual jealousy and family hatred. production: Tim West’s Lenny bristles moments. Go and see it: your fam- Set in the front room of a North with an arrogant malevolence, Ralph ily will never seem the same again. London house, the play looks at the Shirley’s Joey is suitably neanderthal, Edd Capewell return home of Teddy, an academ- and Sophie Middlemiss is a wonder- ic, and his wife Ruth. The home is fully erotically loaded matriarch. The Homecoming runs every night, womanless: his brother Lenny is a However, I did feel that Max (Jon 7.45, at the ADC until Saturday. Maggie, I’ve got something to say...

John Wells’s Anyone for Denis? de- Denis (Ali Nunn) is well-cast as the known entities. The careful handling scribes a weekend of frolics in the droll husband: obedient but main- of the set is reflected in the direction Thatcher household that goes awry. taining a grumpy air of rebellion. His and stage-management, which is slick: Denis plans a covert lads’night when supporting cast are also impressive, in vital, considering the number of im- Maggie’s away; however, when the Iron particular Boris the Russian: hysteri- portantly timed exits and entrances Lady decides to stay, hilarity ensues. cal and given to passionate wailings. that are needed to make the play work. Matthew Jamison steals the show The setting – the Thatchers’ living Anyone for Denis? is one of the fun- with a convincing and worryingly room – is well-judged. In addition to niest student productions that I have likeable Maggie. The intense peering, a two caricatures of Maggie and Denis seen. An impressive cast and tight pro- protruding neck and permanently up- in the background, there is a “Tory- duction make for a must-see show. right handbag – as well as the husky Blue” tablecloth and a “Red” cabin be- Giulia Miller voice – make the portrayal realistic hind which Boris the Russian forever enough to banish the thought of a lurks; the bedroom and conference Anyone for Denis? runs every night, woman ever playing the part! area remain – unsurprisingly – un- 7.30, Christ’s New Court, until Saturday. MUSIC EDITOR: ELLEN E. JONES 18 Oct 31, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk They’re Welsh Aren’t They? Edwin Lane visits The Super Furry Animals in their natural habitat. It’s eleven o’clock at Norwich Guto with a smirk. UEA, and the Super Furry Tonight the Super Furry Animals Animals have just come back on keep the crowd of die-hard and drunk stage for the encore. Dressed in Super Furries fans happy with a se- big furry costumes and hobbit lection of classics from the last ten Phil Pethybridge feet, they launch into a rendition years, as well as new material from the of The Man Don’t Give a Fuck in latest album Phantom Power. Regarded front of a giant screen showing as bleaker than earlier work, the new looped footage of a smug-looking songs reveal a seriousness about the George Bush. To each side of the band, “Recent events have definitely screen, evil looking volcanoes affected the way this record turned belch out clouds of smoke under out,” remarks Guto. “When you’re in strobe lights. the studio all night, you watch a lot of Earlier, lead singer Gruff Rhys sang News 24. There’s a lot to feel angry the whole of Slow Life through a about.” Some would find it hard to Power Rangers helmet, and take such sentiments seriously at a munched on celery in time to time when it’s almost cliché for musi- Receptacle For The Respectable. cians to tell Tony Blair to fuck himself. Despite most of the band being well “We’ve always been serious about into their thirties, it’s clear the Super what we do” responds Guto. “We’ve Furry Animals are still having always done things for our own en- fun.“It’s nice to have this level of joyment, and hope that other people production again,” admits bass enjoy them as well, but we’re serious player Guto Pryce earlier that day. about the music.” “We’ve just come back from touring The truth is, the Furries were always America where we couldn’t have the a seriously good band. Songs like The rarely-spotted super furry animal can usually be found in the welsh valley and lives exclusively off a diet of cake. surround-sound and the screens, so Demons and Herman Loves Pauline still be categorised. “We don’t set ourselves dents, while the likes of The have had as much freedom if we had our gigs were a bit more low-key. sound as fresh as they did back dur- any rules when it come to songs.” Says Stereophonics and Coldplay are the become that big.” Maybe the popu- But we like to put on a show.” It’s ing the dark days of post-Britpop Guto. “We just do what sounds best. ones filling stadiums and arenas across larity they deserve will come, but it’s about three in the afternoon and Oasis-a-likes. And Golden Retriever If you try to make a certain type of the world. “We are happy where we unlikely the band will let it worry Guto has just got out of bed. In the shows they haven’t lost their ability record, you’re just limiting yourself.” are” says Guto. “To get to that level them. “We’re happy. We’re a very busy background, the rest of the band mill to craft the odd pop gem . But perhaps Perhaps it’s strange then, that the you need a freak occurrence. That kind group. There are always new songs around eating cake and playing their real success is in the fact that Super Furry Animals are in Norwich of success limits you. We get to do any- flying around. We live the life of the records. “It’s a hard life” comments ten years down the line, they still can’t playing to a few hundred drunken stu- thing we want, maybe we wouldn’t Super Furry Animals”. The Destiny Of Dance The Cambridge Music Festival comes to town Mazin Saleem lets the pills do the talking The next three weeks will see November 12th. If your preference ty of d’n’b. But as far as club culture ing on clubland’s grave, take heart. Cambridge’s frantic concert calen- is for subtlety, and you’d like to is concerned, and the variations of Clubbing has enjoyed great re- dar saturated to an even greater hear one of the world’s greatest house and trance are enshrined, silience over the years, for two rea- degree, with a wide variety of per- Debussy pianists, then book early something’s gone very wrong. sons. One, the undeniable fact that formances celebrating French for the Michel Dalberto Piano Telling someone you like house drugs and clubbing have the sym- choral music in particular. Berlioz Recital, the prospect of which is al- these days is like admitting biotic relationship that they do, and features prominently in this year’s ready exciting lovers of arguably necrophilia. And the metaphor is though the former is not necessary proceedings which mark the 200th the most luminous piano music apt: getting your kicks out of some- for the latter, it’ll be a cold day in anniversary of his birth. The vi- ever written. thing that’s best left alone. hell before chemical euphoria is brant orchestration and unsubtle This year’s festival also marks the But if we’re looking for blame completely usurped by drunken effects of Berlioz’s music will cer- birthday of another significant com- the best place to start is the canni- moshing. Dance music, as music, tainly colour Cambridge’s musical poser, 140 years younger than

chive balistic chimera that is dance mu- is arguably compromised because landscape in the coming weeks; the Berlioz. The music of Cambridge’s sic. It was destined to fail, and it is of it’s association with drugs but if pick of the bunch could prove to be own Robin Holloway will feature its own fault. The very nature of it’s looked at in the context of club the monumental Messe solennelle, in no less than four concerts, one of arrsity Ar dance music is that it’s utilitarian, culture it’s as mundane andobvious performed by the University which will be given by the presti- V What the pill monkey sees as he gurns..... something to be danced to for a few a part of the scene as the clothes, Festival Chorus and the Orchestra gious Nash Ensemble on November Three years ago an optimistic minutes before the next tunes kicks slang or any otheridiosyncrasies that of the Guildhall School of Music 20th. Ciáran Rhys Jenkins hack at Ministy wrote, “The same in,an instant fix. There’s nothing arise from any subculture. Secondly, under the baton of Christopher Contact The Cambridge Music thing happens every year. Everyone wrong with this fast-food ap- though the numbersof clubbers are Robinson at King’s Chapel on Festival box office on 01223 503333 queues up to sound the death knell proach. One of the great qualities on the wane, the numbers of DJs and of clubland. And sure enough every of dance music is that it - like producers is growing. anez year the smart alecs are proved Ronseal Wood Stain -does exactly If they learn that blind produc- wrong.” Not exactly Nostradamus what it says on the tin. But because tivity is at the expense of creativity, eh? Everywhere you read, someone, of this, it needs constant reinven- then perhaps there’s hope for reju- Alvara Y in an air of smug prescience, is pro- tion, and so it’s rigged itself for pe- venation yet. Clubbing will never nouncing that dance music is, if not riodical oblivion, not being able to again be the cultural behemoth it yet dead, at least quadra-spazzed do anything new since there’s was in the late 90’s - and maybe on a life-glug. The question is how nothing new to do anymore. for nostalgia’s sake that’s for the a once thriving music subgenre and This explains why bootlegging best - but its impact was such that lifestyle choice du jour, came to this. and 80’s style electro is prevalent at until a suitable replacement is It’s easy to blame trendset- the moment: if you can’t look for- found, there will always be a place ters for abandoning the dance floors ward, then look back. for the sheer pretence-less fun of for garage rock, and easy to ease But before the indie kids get having a DJ jerk your musical pup- worries by looking at the populari- all excited about ironically danc- pet strings in some 4am subter- Collegium Regale courtesy of The Cambridge Festival EDITOR:ELLEN E. JONES MUSIC www.varsity.co.uk Oct 31, 2003 19 Client, Clare Cellars 25th Oct Client work like a no-nonsense even the most try-hard kinky lyrics REVIEWS northern parody of the worst - “You’re so filthy aren’t you baby”- excesses of that campglorious with the pathos of a soggy chip in a electrowank those Londoners Scunthorpe gutter. But sadly pretend to like. Client:B (a Frida to Client:A’s Elephant Man, Pon Di River, Pon Di Bank 10th Nov Atlantic Records, They certainly appreciate the val- Agnetha,) just can’t rid herself of the After Sean Paul hit the charts peddling a watered-down ragga/hip-hop crossover, ue of a good gimmick.There’s the ad- indie girl at a keyboard pose ( shoul- it’s time for the original badmen of Jamaican dancehall to show us how it’s done. mirable attempt at showy anonymi- ders back hips forward, one hand on With his dyed blonde afro (often in bunches) and his outrageous lisp, it doesn’t get ty, for instance. They rarely allow limp of the keyboard ) and the much badder than the Energy God himself, Elephant Man. “I’ve seen nuff dance their faces to be photographed offer- whole thing starts to whiff a bit of before, but I’ve never seen a dance like this” - proclaims the chorus. But although ing instead two identikit pencil-skirt- cynical re-invention. it is a catchy, danceable tune, the riddim isn’t as instantly infectious as the ubiq- ed behinds to the camera and they Then again earnestness never was uitous Diwali Riddim (No Letting Go, Get Busy) and Ele’s vocal is tight but repeti- also usually insist on being refered a prerequisite of electo. Who cares tive. Nothing special but certainly worth the bling. Shizzle! Henry Bowen to as Client:A and Client:B. if they really mean it or not when Pretentious, moi? Good effort, but its theyhave songs as perfectly sordid never going to work, because Sarah as Rock n Roll Machine and can cov- Radiohead, 2+2=5 17th Nov Parlophone ‘her-out-of-Dubstar’ Blackwood has er Billy Idol’s White Wedding like it This is a track for anyone who ever insisted that Radiohead was “slit your wrists” got one of maybe five unmistakable was written for them. Performing music. The opening static and electronic distortion creates a sense of disorienta- Brit-pop voices that will forever be to 100 or so Cambridge students ob- tion drawing us into a familiar, morose, Trigger Happy TV soundworld replete with associated with the era. Synthesiser viously bores Client shitless but so minimal guitar-driven accompaniment and strangely intense falsetto backing vo- or no synthesiser. much the better. It all just adds to cals. At times, the minor harmonies, intensified by quivering guitar tremolandi, Tonight she reveals this is not al- the performance. stray towards the transcendental before the drums and bass really kick in for together a disability by investing Ellen E. Jones the climactic final section where Thom Yorke does his writhe-around-and-look- psychotic routine, so central to Radiohead’s popularity. Hilary Davis

Chikinki, Assassinator 13 10th Nov Island Records They use synths like guitars, man, so they must be good. Anything that salves the indie fraternity’s anti-electronica guilt is leapt upon as NY new wave sex god- dery and flogged from here to Hoxton as if ‘dance’ and ‘hip hop’ don’t exist (see: Fischerspooner). Thus the new single by poor Chikinki is held up as some kind of post-everything space-rock manifesto, when really it sounds like a bored, monged-out Iggy Pop fucking about with an ice cream van. If you want sonic in- vention, go and get some OutKast, this is dull prog-lite with all the bleeps in the right place. Sam Elliot

Hundred Reasons, The Great Test 3rd Nov Columbia You might be fooled by the slightly pretentious cover art into thinking The Great Joelle Cleveland Test is going to take you to wonderful new places that HRs not-quite-wet-enough Oceansize, The Boatrace 23rd Oct to be emo hasn’t been before. Well, it won’t. Sounding like a short summary of everything they’ve written, it’s got loud, stuttering guitars, a quiet bit seeming- “This song is dedicated to Elliot Breed Siamese and Saturday Morning ly thrown in to remind us they can do ‘sensitive’ and singer Colin Doran howling Smith because he’s dead. No Breakfast Show, one a stellar b-side worthy, vague lyrics that don’t actually mean anything. Then it ends abruptly, other reason, really.”Those who and the other a highlight from their you say “So what?” and go do something more interesting, like watch some have come for An Evening of debut album Effloresce. Both songs particularly boring paint dry. Was Yaqoob Entertainment with Oceansize demonstrate all that is good about are clearly at the wrong meet- this band, melding majestic, meat- ing. But then, the song is called cleaver riffs to passages of wank-free, Amy Winehouse, Frank 20th Oct Massive Bereavement and intelligent guitar histrionics that The term the ‘next big thing’ may as well have been invented for this 19-year- maybe it’s the presence of such send the listener skyward. old south Londoner. Miss Dymanite meets Billie Holiday, Frank exhibits a dan- humour, however dark, that Oceansize took a lot of flak in the gerously hip hybrid of modern R & B and smoky, backroom jazz. Know You Know sets Oceansize apart from their early days from the very same mu- epitomises the majority of the album; early promise of subtle, stripped-down soul closest musical forbear, Tool, sic press that is now showering them is unfulfilled as the onset of obtrusive hip-hip beats brings it crashing back down and their cosmic twins across with accolades, and this conversion to the level of more average chart-fodder. Similarly, the acerbic criticism of Fuck the pond, The Mars Volta. has largely been brought about by Me Pumps, stating “You all look the same” might be a bit more convincing if Amy For all its neo-prog-hardcore com- live shows that cannot be argued was not flaunting her breasts in the publicity shots. Kate Collier plexity, tonight the Manchester five- with. Tonight is no exception. They piece make their music feel natu- say the pen is mightier than the ral. Songs are as long or short as they sword, but maybe, sometimes, the Something Corporate, North Out Now-Geffen Records need to be, whether that be ten min- guitar is kryptonite to them both. North works on the premise of another famous corporate success, the chicken utes or three. Many bands clearly Gbenga Adelekan nugget. If you like one nugget, you’ll probably be happy to eat thirteen more that taste love their own music, but few de- just the same. Unfortunately, by track six or seven of North you feel you’ve had enough serve to as much as Oceansize. chicken.These musical morsels are prepared according to the Counting Crows’ recipe During One Day All This Could Be for inoffensive pop-rock, with a pinch of emo/punk gestures here and there accord- Yours, guitarist Steve Durose allows ing to taste; none last longer than four minutes. There are some intriguing mo- himself a huge shit-eating grin dur- ments, such as the lovely guitar harmonics on Only Ashes, but the formulaic nature of ing a guitar breakdown that sounds the songs ultimately bores the listener, and boredom becomes horror at the deep like a panzer tank being fed through frying in schmaltz of Björk’s Unravel, which closes the album. Yuck. Adam Welch a flanger. It has to be said that their set sags slightly in the middle, but this is Various, Desert Sessions 9 & 10 Out Now Island Records partly due to the fact that the sound What happens when you take Josh Homme, mastermind behind contemporary at the Boat Race is pretty poor, as rock gods Queen’s of the Stone Age, and stick him in the middle of the Californian usual. Quieter, more intricately tex- Desert with a bunch of industry chums ? A Desert Sessions record, that’s what. In tured songs like Remember Where You the space of 45 minutes, Homme and co. weave us a gorgeous tapestry of eclectic Are (their next single release) are the rock, from the irresistible, tongue-in-cheek pop-funk of I Wanna Make It Wit Chu sound of a band trying to write pre- alker to Harvey’s cathartic wailing over a brutal flamenco guitar rhythm on There Will cisely with crayons. Wisely, the band Never Be A Better Time. Always a work of grand collaboration rather than mere

close with the one two punch of Adam W compilation, this is a low-profile gem not to be missed. Daniel Hemming FILM EDITOR: DUNCAN BARRETT 20 Oct 31, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk Mystic Mastery Duncan Barrett on Clint Eastwood’s latest film

It’s been over ten years since Robbins is the best we’ve seen him the release of Unforgiven – the since The Shawshank Redemption (and image.net film that really proved Clint looking an awful lot older) as the Eastwood had what it takes to vulnerable, distracted family man be a director, as opposed to just Dave; Kevin Bacon is far better than a power-hungry studio star try- you’d imagine – subtle, thoughtful, ing his hand behind the camera. engaging and sympathetic. Unforgiven was both critically The supporting cast are brilliant and commercially succesful and too, in particular Marcia Gay Harden placed Eastwood firmly on the as Dave’s wife, who finally gives into independent film-making map. her suspicions and abandons him to Mystic River looks set to recon- Jimmy’s revenge. And the young firm that reputation. boy from Gladiator, Spencer Treat Personally I was never the biggest Clark, puts in a powerful perform- fan of Unforgiven – it was classy, so- ance as the mute child mysteriously phisticated and very well put to- caught up in the murder. gether, but ultimately a bit of a limp- But where the film really succeeds ing ride. To me, it made the Western in its atmosphere, and the evocation seem like a tired genre - and one of a small, claustrophobic commu- that Eastwood was somehow un- films. There’s the powerful, semi- ual abuse of a young boy. the worst. Gradually the threads nity struggling to deal with its own able to escape. respectable town criminal (a bril- Sean, Dave and Jimmy grew up that hold the neighbourhood to- violent elements. In some ways the Yet oddly, Mystic River – which is liant Sean Penn), a bunch of mar- together as kids, but years later they gether begin to unravel, old secrets plot is quite predictable, but the dis- set in contemporary Boston – has a ginalized wives and daughters, and hardly see each other: Sean is a high- come out and the race is on for Sean orientation you feel leaving the cin- lot of the feel of a Western about it. the gibbering wreck of an emascu- flying cop across the river, Jimmy an to find out the truth about the mur- ema is quite profound. Eastwood For a start you have the thoughtful, lated man (Tim Robbins) to show ex-con grocery store owner and der before Jimmy’s rage leads to has woven a kind of cinematic mag- taciturn Sheriff - a lank and moody what tough guys the rest of the Dave still dealing with the effects of desperate measures. ic here, and if the film feels disjoint- Kevin Bacon, looking rather like characters are. his abduction as he tries to raise a This may sound sensationalist, but ed or unsettling it is partly because Eastwood himself these days. But while the film may have one family and move on. the film is artfully subtle through- he deliberately avoids a sense of Alongside him is his deputy – foot in an older genre, in other ways When Jimmy’s daughter is found out. The performances are all quite easy answers or resolution. Laurence Fishburne, with a much it is quite frighteningly modern. It murdered and Dave staggers home exceptional: Sean Penn is utterly The music, also composed by subtler and more watchable per- deals with the aftermath, many covered in blood the same night, the compelling as the tough-guy father Eastwood, is understated but arrest- formance than in the recent Matrix years later, of the abduction and sex- community soon starts to suspect unable to express the grief he feels; ing – gently complimenting the sub- Izzard Invasion! Classic film Greenpeace short sets its sights on earth Ghostbusters (1984)

Eddie Izzard’s transition from So what’s the Concept? project to director/producer Ivan stand-up comic to serious actor Three unemployed university Reitman, who changed the location has been a long one, but if parapsychologists set up business to New York City and recruited his you’ve seen Shadow of the as crusaders against ghosts, spooks Animal House writer Harold Ramis Vampire or The Revenger’s and all things paranormal after they to work on the script with Ackroyd. Tragedy you’ll be aware of the lose their college grants. The film Belushi was not forgotten however, charm and sense of fun that he combines National Lampoon/ as he reportedly provided the in- can bring to a film. What you Saturday Night Live-style comedy spiration for the green ‘Slimer’ ghost may not know is that if you g.uk with fun, Jim Henson-type creatures that was to become a well-known head down to the cinema any and special effects, which have stood symbol of the film. time over the next month or so, the test of time surprisingly well. Well, how did they create Mr you might get to see a bit of eenpeace.or And the Cast? Stay Puft? Izzard when you least expect it. .gr The Ghostbusters are played by In a time before computer graph-

Alien Invasion is a short film that www Bill Murray at his sleazy, wise- ics, the effects team - who’d collec- will be trailering before many new of the film is pretty obvious, and ical, laid-back aliens and McFadden cracking best, Dan Ackroyd in a tively contributed to Poltergeist, ET, releases in November. It’s been pro- indeed it ends with a series of in- rather sweet as the young idealist. straighter and more subdued role Raiders of the Lost Ark and The Empire duced by Greenpeace, along with junctions to the ‘armchair activists’ Anyone who’s seen the brilliant and Harold Ramis as freakish, yet Strikes Back - were working with American company Hungry Man, to that Greenpeace are targeting, offer- Orange adverts with Carrie Fisher loveable science nerd, Egon miniatures. A tiny model of New raise awareness of ecological issues. ing ways that they can plausibly and Roy Scheider will have an idea Spengler. The three have perfect York City was created with cars Izzard plays Brik, a laconic, cyni- make a difference: ‘Don’t buy Esso’, of what’s in store for them. buddy comedy chemistry, round- from Toys R Us. The marshmallow cal alien who thinks earth’s not ‘Insist on GM-free foods’, ‘Use low Being a charitable endeavour, the ed out nicely with Sigourney man, a King Kong for the new gen- worth the cost of invasion. Set energy lightbulbs’, ‘Buy locally pro- film was made on literally no budg- Weaver as Murray’s love interest eration, was simply a life-size man against him is the idealist Zarg, duced goods’ and so on. et. All those involved donated their and Rick Moranis as a painfully in a big white suit. Easy as that. played by Scottish actor Joe But Greenpeace are keen to stress time and resources to the project, geeky accountant. The final word. McFadden, who believes humans that Alien Invasion is a legitimate which was shot over two days with How did the idea come about? Whether you look back at the 80s should be given the chance to prove short film in its own right: enter- many hours of special effects work In Ackroyd’s original concept he with fondness or frustration, themselves. Jim Broadbent plays taining, artistically credible and styl- added afterwards. The result is a fun and John Belushi were ‘Ghost Ghostbusters, with its infectious their leader Robin, an apathetic pen- ishly acted and produced. And in piece of short-filmmaking as well as Smashers’ travelling through space brand of non-cynical humour and pusher who must determine the fate many ways their investment has effective ecological propaganda – and time in pursuit of phantoms. fast paced excitement won’t fail to of the planet. payed off – the film is witty, effective and if it goes any way to encourage However, Belushi died in March bring a smile to even the most jad- In some ways this is little more and entertaining. Izzard and future projects of the kind, it’s un- 1982 and was eventually replaced ed of cinema sceptics. than a glorified advert. The message Broadbent are very funny as the cyn- doubtedly an excellent idea. DB by Murray. Ackroyd then took the Charlotte Smith EDITORS: ISABELA CHICK AND DAISY LEITCH/ ELAINE TIERNEY VISUAL ARTS/LITERATURE www.varsity.co.uk Oct 31, 2003 21 The viewer as voyeur Stripped bare Kirty Topiwala on the pre-Raphaelites Naked in the library ‘It is very much a personal col- tacularly horrible Victorian sculpture Balanced at the top of the Jesus The sculpture evokes a Lear-like lection based on my own taste’.And with Nude Reclining in a Hammock by Quincentenary Library stairs, is image of man stripped down – dis- such taste it is. Warning bells Frilli, described by Waldemar ex-Cambridge student and lead- robed of social structure, environ- should certainly have been ringing Januszcak as ‘a mildly pornographic ing British sculptor, Antony ment and artifice. Just as Lear para- in every hapless visitor’s ear. Why garden ornament’. This accompanies Gormley’s Learning to See. doxically lost his sight to gain true else would such a defensive state- a chronological progression through The 1994 Turner Prize winner uses vision and knowledge, so Gormley ment be included in the exhibition the pre-Raphaelites and their follow- the cast of the human body as a ve- suggests that we must seek knowl- introduction if not to defend the ar- ers, alongside a jumble of ceramics and hicle to address concerns arising from edge untainted by prejudice. Here is ray of unpleasant works of art other arts and crafts. the dichotomy between ‘spirit and the central paradox at the core of which follow it? Towards the end of the exhibition matter’. The human figure is not Gormley’s work: knowledge allows Promoting himself as a die-hard pre- the visitor is plunged into a confusing linked to any discernible time, place, us to see, yet it is only with true sight Raphaelite fan rather than an informed whirlwind of late Victoriana. The or ethnicity; his work presents an im- that we gain knowledge. art collector, a glance at the collection ‘modern’ room which follows is a age of timelessness – of individuals Gormley’s message is a timely confirms Lloyd Webber’s artistic ig- complete anomaly. The Picasso is linked by a common humanity. one, a pertinent reminder of the norance. The few inclusions of scarcely worth a mention, but Stanley It is a work of paradoxes and du- times in which we live with the ho- Holman-Hunt’s stark religious scenes Spencer’s Triptych is an explosive mass ality. For Gormley, “Sculpture uses mogenizing effect of mass-media. It are lost in the mass of scantily-clad of oversized limbs and dramatic ges- the physical means to talk about the is a reminder of the power that pouting ladies captured in a saccha- tures. Ultimately it does the collection spirit, weight to talk about weight- knowledge and vision bestows upon rine glow. Shakespearean heroines, a disservice, as its dynamism simply lessness, light to refer to darkness, a us. And with that power is its corol- biblical figures and femme fatales highlights the bland paintings which visual means to refer to things which lary: responsibility. blend into one soft-focused medioc- precede it. cannot be seen.” Learning to See rais- Katie Sutton rity. In Lawrence Alma-Tadema’s Baths Just as Lloyd Webber’s musicals es metaphysical concerns through of Caracalla, a classical theme serves seem to be stuck in the same best- the medium of the human body ad- just as well for some more strategical- selling formula: catchy song, trite sto- dressing age-old philosophical de- ly placed languid beauties, this time ryline rut, the Pre-Raphaelites had an bates surrounding the mind and S.J. Wharfe against a backdrop of frolicking naked Alicia Craig Faxon unflinching ability to pop out watery- body, individual and society. companions in the baths. It is by this with blazing halo from tangled ap- eyed beauty after beauty. For all Lloyd Inherent in Gormley’s sculpture is stage that one fully grasps the nature ple blossoms. Rossetti apparently Webber’s protests, it remains an alarm- ambiguity about the body itself. The of that ‘taste’ mentioned earlier. proudly commented: ‘It looks a rip- ingly tasteless collection. figure on the one hand resonates so- The exhibition showpiece, Dante per!’. Well, quite. lidity and strength, while on the oth- Gabriel Rossetti’s A Vision of However it is an extensive survey Pre-Raphaelite and other Masters: The er hand the minimalist, streamlined Fiammetta, takes pride of place. of pre-Raphaelite painting. His col- Andrew Lloyd Webber Collection, is on and fluid structure suggest that the Amongst her seemingly identical sis- lection stretches beyond tasteless display at the Royal Academy from 20 body is merely a temporary casing ters, Fiammetta emerges doe-eyed paintings and into the realms of spec- September—12 December 2003 for the mind or soul. In Graphic Detail James Purdon on the comic form

The tailpiece to the new edition first instance of the ‘serious’ comic strip” language is sufficient to em- of Lanark, by Alasdair Gray, breaking into the mainstream, pick- bark’. His book itself is drawn sim- prints a story the author is fond ing up a special Pulitzer Prize for ply, almost diagrammatically, in a of telling any time he is con- letters six years after it was first way that seems to mix Tom & Jerry fronted with the question, Google Images published. Its success, and the suc- colouring with the kinds of outlines ‘when did you realize you were cess of similar books, laid the foun- you see on aeroplane safety cards. an artist?’ ‘I did not realize it’, dations for a new type of illustrat- That touch in itself evokes its own he says, ‘like all infants who ed book, incorporating elements of particular reactions: maybe the kind were allowed materials to draw literature, art and reportage, of of awkwardness and unease one with, I did, and nobody suggest- which Joe Sacco, (author of Palestine feels while being shot through the ed I stop’. and Safe Area Gorazde) is the most air in a metal tube —and being told Recently, I picked up a copy of visible exponent. about how to escape from it ‘in case Jimmy Corrigan – the Smartest Kid Comics (or ‘comix’, if you insist) of emergency’— has something sim- on Earth. It’s a graphic novel, or a are not a genre, but a form. There are ilar in it to the textbook-perfect de- comic book, about ‘a lonely, emo- those champions of the graphic nov- velopment of Jimmy Corrigan’s tionally impaired human castaway’, el who claim for it a facility, an ease emotional trouble. by an illustrator and writer named of reading, a universal quality which Like Jimmy, the medium has Chris Ware. Not that you’d know mon to their lives through se- worth remembering that ‘comics’ makes it worthwhile. These people been challenged (as David Hajdu it—the cover is a mish-mash of quences of simple pictograms and aren’t a genre. The earliest self-pro- have missed the point. The graphic recently explained in the NYRB) to graphics, a chewed-up title and a lit- images, for such ‘picture stories’ claimed ‘graphic novels’, like Will novel may be, and must be, univer- ‘pare itself down and grow up’. tle gold sticker self-consciously pro- serve to ‘make sense’ and ‘order’ Eisner’s A Contract with God, began sal. But it is universal in the same That is not to prescribe minimal- claiming that it was ‘inexplicably be- the exciting and sometimes con- consciously to turn away from ex- way that poetry is universal, as Chris ism across the board. Far from it. stowed the Guardian First Book fusing new world which accosts pected generic elements—super- Ware writes. ‘Comics are the visual The simplicity of Chris Ware’s Award, 2001’. Ware slips quietly them. However, with the onset of heroes, villains, slapstick comedy equivalent of poetry: you’re using work is matched equally by rich away to the very last entry of the early education, social condition- or violence—by chronicling within imagery, in a limited space’. They are colour washes and ostentation in postscript, where he describes him- ing, and class circumstance, this their pages and boxes another sort an empowerment of language and the work of writers like Neil self as an ‘American cartoonist’. His congenital skill has been tradi- of confinement: the experiences of image concentrated by its confine- Gaiman or Alan Moore. But, like playful essays and notes on its tionally left to atrophy… the artists, their families and friends ment, no longer in a genre, but in a poetry, these books are pared down boards put me in mind of Gray’s an- For a long time, probably from the as Jews in the wartime years of the form. That is not easy, nor is it facile. to their essentials of imagery and ecdote, and suggest reasons why inception of comic books them- twentieth century. It was Art Ware, tongue firmly in cheek, pro- text, while retaining the intelli- some people who start out seeing the selves, there has been a greater or Spiegelman’s Maus (1986), drawn vides a ‘Technical Explanation’, with gence of expression, wit and slick world in picture form do stop. lesser stigma attached to their var- in stark black and white outline ‘five test questions by which you execution that proclaim them It is the natural inclination of ious genres. I use the word ‘genres’, (and now available in a single vol- should be able to determine whether ‘grown up’, free of awkwardness, children to describe events com- in the plural, with some care: it is ume edition), which marked the your understanding of the “comic and ready to face the world.

SPORT EDITORS: SHANAZ MUSAFER AND ALEX DRYSDALE 22 Oct 31, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk

Gavin World sport may be in the gutter Versi but all is well on the Fens...

When they write the history books, from the shambolic mix of scandal and ing mess was a murder or two. measure, contributing to a cracking he was forced to change his under- October 2003 will go down as one depravity was a drugs exposé. And Reassurance was needed that not Sunday afternoon atmosphere. wear at the break. of the blackest months sport has it came along. Three of them, just for all sport was about deceit and treach- Colleges often receive sound male If that wasn’t enough, a group of ever seen. good measure. ery. And sure enough, a soiree to John’s support at even the most insignificant Girton freshers had gone as far as to It began with the indiscipline of the First Rio Ferdinand missed a rou- pitches at the weekend lifted the doom matches, but the female contingent produce a provocative banner (“F*** Man Utd-Arsenal game fresh in the tine drugs test, then Dwain Chambers, and gloom, and reminded me what was equally strong here: as Messrs off you posh t****”). Commendably, memory, not to mention allegations of the forerunner of British sprinting, test- competition is all about. Turner, Mugan and Ford entertained no Johnian rose to the occasion, not a gang rape against no fewer than six ed positive for THG, a performance- To be honest, I was more interest- the crowds with their ball skills and even after Girton right-back Richard Premiership footballers. Then came enhancing designer steroid. Dozens ed in the Charlton-Arsenal game that bending shots, a number of fillies im- Apps’ over-enthusiastic challenge, revelations that top international ten- of his peers were also accused of drug was taking place at the same time, but pressed the players with some curva- which earned him a rare booking. nis players have been throwing match- abuse, whilst another two profession- to the rest of my college this game re- ture of their own. On the field, it was backs-to-the- es for financial gain. But that was only al footballers tested positive for ecsta- ally mattered. No fewer than a hun- Most of them, however, appeared wall stuff for Girton in the final twen- the half of it. sy and cocaine. dred supporters – ordinary college folk to be more concerned with the fashion ty minutes, as the supporters’ finger- Alpay Ozalan took it upon himself What on earth was going on? Sure, – had descended upon the playing on show than the football, with a nails met their cuticles. But they held to drag sport further into the mire with those involved in the seven above- fields to cheer on their friends in a clutch of girls commenting on the on, to prompt euphoric scenes at full- some psychotic behaviour directed at mentioned scandals are million-dol- game of football. Bedecked in col- John’s players’ varying boxer short ex- time. David Beckham during the Turkey- lar professional athletes, but all that lege colours, they offered encourage- posure. One offender, revealing tartan Terrific entertainment and not a sy- England game. All that was missing seemed to be missing from the revolt- ment and abuse in (almost) equal no less, received such a blasting that ringe in sight. Girton get going in league Magdalene maul Jesus undergraduate study – confessing, COLLEGE FOOTBALL “I’m going to have to degrade

again.” hardson Gavin Versi and Darren Turner Elsewhere, Jon Russell’s superb

second half strike was enough to Sam Ric “I’m Alex Mugan.You’re going give Jesus an opening three points to have to get used to writing as they defeated Trinity 1-0. that name,” Varsity was in- In a game that lacked free-flow- structed by a mild-mannered ing football, Jesus had the best of ginger fella in freshers’ week. the first half chances when Alex And credit where credit’s due – Hurrell’s shot was cleared off the the new boy wonder, making his line by Matt Ellis. Jesus had much college football bow, bossed a of the early play but lacked that highly entertaining affair at telling final ball. Hurrell could John’s, inspiring his Girton to a have extended Jesus’ lead with an 2-1 win. early second half volley that was Mugan’s confidence was in- well saved by Tom Huckstep. dicative of the entire Girton camp After Russell’s opener, Trinity going into the game, after a pub- responded encouragingly, taking licity drive the like of which few the game to the visitors. Captain colleges will ever witness. A dozen Rob Ogilvie went the closest to different posters were designed, snatching an equaliser with his beseeching the Green population header from Anil Stocker’s corner. to “come watch the legends in ac- Jesus Captain Jon Young summed Magdalene go 2-1 up on Jesus as Tom Page crashes in a penalty corner tion.” Indeed, such was the hype up his side’s effort by saying, Tom Page cracked the ball in for endanger John’s, and they had to going into the game, one half-ex- “Although it wasn’t our finest dis- COLLEGE HOCKEY Jesus shortly afterwards. rely on a string of outstanding pected to see the Girton team out play, it was good to get off to a win- From then on Magdalene con- saves, and on John’s skipper James kissing babies on King’s Parade. ning start.” Sam Richardson trolled the possession, but Jesus Sym stacking it in front of the op- On the pitch goals by wun- Meanwhile, Catz overcame a continued to make chances. position goal, much to the amuse- derkind Mugan and black hand torrid pitch to beat an under- Magdalene mauled Jesus and Goalkeeper John Niland used his ment of both sets of fans. Paul Touil gave Girton a well de- strength Darwin side 6-0, with John’s downed Downing, as the head (in more ways than one) to But just as Downing looked to served 2-0 lead at the break, in spite goals from Angus (2), Everson (2), college hockey league burst into block a Bouldon effort just before have weathered the storm and of former captain Greg Smyth’s Ghoman, and Mills. But the result life in its second week. half time. Jamie Franklin saw his de- made a rare foray into the John’s first ever penalty miss. of the week has to go to Downing, Jesus came out of the blocks flected strike ruled out, and half, they were hit by a clinical Their collars were up, but the who took the lead after 35 seconds promisingly enough against a Bouldon again came close. counter-attacking team goal. A clas- chips were most definitely down and didn’t let up until the final Magdalene side packed with Tempers boiled over as Jesus sic short corner was converted by for John’s. However, after weath- whistle, as they blew away their University players. When fresher were frustrated, not helped by the Pete Jones to make it 2-0, and Sym ering another frenetic start to the fellow-newcomers Pembroke 10-0. Chris Bouldon dispossessed the fact that Downing’s umpire prob- made it three just before half time, second half by Girton, they got a Brendan McCann, having honed Magdalene defence only to be cyn- ably couldn’t have adjudicated on after an apparently muffed short firm foothold on the game and con- his skills with the university Gaelic ically hacked down, Sam Grimshaw a beauty contest between Ann corner was passed across the box trolled the second period, Chris Football team, scored four, while converted his penalty flick to give Widdecombe and Halle Berry. and into space. Weeks pulling one back on 70 min- Rich Payne (2), Tom Godwin, Jesus the lead. After the match fizzled to its 2- As the temperature dropped to utes. With the exciting Mike Adams David Filtness, Joe Sullivan and However, just as the Jesus sup- 1 conclusion, Magdalene skipper below five degrees, this reporter’s always in the thick of things, a captain Rasheed Zakaria also made porter was getting keen with some Adam Briggs told Varsity, “We were notebook became increasingly il- number of close calls followed as it onto the scoresheet. touchline domination, Magdalene brilliant, we’re back where we be- legible. Radley apparently “scored Girton tired, but time ran out and Zakaria told Varsity, “We think drew level. A swift eight-man move long,” and added, “Jesus don’t like with a fat girl”, although I presume lightning had struck twice: Girton we can really give the big colleges resulted in a goalmouth melee, and it up ’em”. Jesus will look to get this means that he “scored with a had repeated last season’s league a run for their money.” And on this Will Smith pounced to equalise. off the mark today against Catz, but fine goal” to make it 4-0. score line. evidence he may be right. As Magdalene piled on the pres- after their game they had to watch Sym told Varsity afterwards that A mini pitch invasion followed, Downing take on Catz this week- sure, Jesus goalkeeper Anush as title rivals John’s got off to the the performance was “not spectac- with an emotionally spent Mickey end, while Jesus play hosts to main Newman brilliantly kept out a short perfect start against Downing. ular, but a job well done against Villa – now in his seventh year of rivals John’s. corner, and from the same move, Downing never looked likely to weak opposition”. EDITORS: SHANAZ MUSAFER AND ALEX DRYSDALE SPORT www.varsity.co.uk Oct 31, 2003 23 Hockey’s hard woman SPORT IN BRIEF

Blues Hockey captain Jenny College Rowing Parkinson talks to Shanaz Musafer k Gilmour Last Saturday saw the majority of college crews out on the Cam for the Nic How do you feel the start of the first competitive race of the term. Organised by Rob Roy Boat Club, season has been going? the Cambridge Autumn Head attracted a good number of visiting We had a slow start, but that’s teams and several international crews. College crews took the oppor- typical of our team. We’re in a tran- tunity to test out new squads assembled after the summer break and sitional year – lots of players have to size up the opposition in anticipation of the end-of-term Fairbairns gone so we’re starting off with a race. The head race wound its way along a course of 2.6km with boats new team. We lost our first three assembling in front of Baits Bite Lock for a rolling start under the matches unfortunately, but we won Motorway Bridge. Churchill College put in a strong performance, against Gravesend last week and coming in with an impressive time of 9.43 to win the men’s eight sec- won again this week. So I think tion. Robinson can also be proud of their effort, finishing only a sec- we’re turning things round. ond slower than the Churchill crew. Caius surprisingly failed to break Pleased with the performance the ten minute barrier and appeared to be somewhat off the pace. A this week? full list of results is available from the Rob Roy Boat Club website. Yes! Finally, the floodgates have http://www.robroyboatclub.org.uk/events/cah2003/finish.html opened. [The Blues won 8-1 against Ipswich II] We’ve definitely found a squad so we’ve got our foot in. University Golf From a personal point of view, my life. I can’t imagine not doing it at and knowing that had we had a fit I’ve heard that you play college at all. I enjoy it too much. side we could have beaten them. So The Cambridge University Golf team has been in fine form in their hockey in the men’s league…. Plans to play for England? it’s not affected us mentally at all. In opening matches this term. Impressive wins against Little Aston G.C. I played regularly in my first Well, before coming to university the league we’ve lost three matches and Blackwell G.C., along with strong performances against some of year. I play as much as I can now but I played for my county, for a nation- but we think we can win every England’s top clubs, suggest consistency within a side that has sever- often it clashes with my work or our al league club, and for Midlands. match from now on. al top class golfers. With the improvement over the summer of sever- [Blues] training so if I’m available I And then since I’ve come here I’ve What would you say makes al 2nd team players - most notably James Gunton, who secured 11 play. I haven’t played yet this year played British Universities and so CUHC stand out from other wins in a row - combined with the experience of returning Blues such but hopefully I will. have got some international experi- University clubs? as Adam Gold and Krysto Nikolic, the outlook is optimistic for CUGC. How do you find competing ence. It’s a big step up from the stu- The thing about the hockey club against men? dent side but it’s always a possibility. that I think is different from any I love it! It’s brilliant. They’re so Do you have time for any other club is the social side. We go University Skiing much faster and stronger that it’s the other sports? out together all the time. I don’t think competition and the challenge of try- In my first year I got a football you see for instance, the rugby boys Fireworks bursting over the glamorous skyline of High Wycombe pro- ing to keep up with them that I love. blue as well. Now it wouldn’t be and girls going out together. Also, vided the backdrop for the opening race in the dry slope ski racing Do you feel out of your depth? possible, not with the captaincy. I when we have four teams playing at season on Saturday. With a squad almost entirely made up of new Erm, no. I mean obviously men do miss playing football but if I home, its brilliant - like a club day. recruits, Daniel Holyoake was unsure how the team might fare against are much faster and stronger gener- had to make the choice hockey And everyone knows everyone on the cream of the London & South East region, but the captain was ally that there’s no way I can keep would win every time. I do play the other teams. The atmosphere pleased with the results. In a field of 21 the mixed first team finished up with them, but skillwise I feel I’m football for Jesus, but again college within the club is fantastic. in 6th place, and the seconds in 15th . The ladies’ team deserves con- definitely competitive and I don’t matches tend to clash with hockey. Is there much college rivalry gratulations for their impressive 2nd place. With more experienced think I weaken their side. I played in the Cuppers final last within the squad? racers available for upcoming events , the team should be able to build Do the men treat you differently year though and if I’m available I Oh, there’s always a bit of banter on this promising start and begin challenging for honours. when they play with you because play but I’m very reluctant because going on. It’s usually Catz and you’re a girl? of the risk of picking up an injury. Jesus who are the big guns, and No, I don’t think so. I give as What are your hopes for the there’s a big Jesus contingent and a Hawks’ Charity Dinner good as I get. If you’re part of the University team this year? big Catz contingent in the Blues, so squad then it’s not a problem really. I think winning Varsity is a big it’s quite funny. But it makes it a bit On 8th November the Hawks’ Club are hosting a black tie charity din- The opposition I suppose think I’m a possibility. We played Oxford last more feisty on the pitch. You know ner at Fitzwilliam College in support of the National Multiple weakness and give me more space week and lost 1-0 but we were hit how each other plays, and you Sclerosis Society. The event has been inspired by Hawks’ old boy but that works to our advantage. very hard with the flu that’s going know you can push them. You can Alistair Hignell who represented his country in both cricket and rugby Do you plan to carry on playing round Cambridge at the moment. give it a bit more welly! Women’s before sadly being diagnosed with the disease 5 years ago. Tickets are hockey after you’ve graduated? But we’ve come back from that hockey cuppers is definitely some- £30 for students and £40 for non-students and are available from the Yeah, definitely. It’s a huge part of knowing what level we’ve got to be thing to watch out for. Hawks’ Club House, or e-mail rhma2 or db293.

Continued from back page Leicester’s defence as much as he the middle. Harry, meanwhile, would have liked. Most of all, he’ll Varsity Rugby Competition oozed class with his every touch. The want to forget the seventy-fifth man in the white boots, affection- minute, in which he missed an open

Shanaz Musafer ately known as ‘Harold’ to a pocket goal. Johnny Hughes, like Win the complete Varsity Rugby day out of home supporters, was close to his Pantelides, was guilty of a one-on- precocious best and deserved a goal, one miss in the first half, whilst Sion To win tickets to both the Twickenham match and the Official Varsity not to mention more of the ball. Lewis was unlucky to see his firm Ball with the players at Café de Paris, just answer the question below: One man who did see plenty of header rebound off the crossbar action in the opening period was shortly before. Where do Cambridge University rugby club play their home fresher Nick Pantelides of John’s, The home side got the clinching games? who was making his full debut goal on the half hour, after Harold’s playing in right midfield. He did left wing cross deflected to To enter, e-mail [email protected]. This week’s winner will be not do much wrong, but he didn’t Harding, who coolly side-footed announced in the next issue of Varsity. Closing date: midnight do much right either, and poor con- home from ten yards. Tuesday. trol let him down when he was “We played fantastically at the clean through early on. back. This being the first game of the The Official Varsity Ball Dave Harding’s game suffered season we can make allowances for last year due to the added respon- missed chances. We’re determined The Official Varsity Ball will be held at London’s Café de Paris on 9th sibility of being captain. Worryingly, not just to win the league, but to win December 2003. Tickets are £20 and include limited free drinks. To apply Fairbairn was not his usual harrying it in style, and convincingly,” for tickets or for more information please visit www.varsityball.com Harry Hughes on the ball self, neither did he get behind Fairbairn said afterwards. OARS AHEAD OF IVY LEAGUE .com aphic ET Photogr Courtesy of J

The Light Blue crew beat off competition from every US University eight at the annual Head of the Charles regatta in Boston..Furthermore the Cambridege team were a mere 3 seconds off the Canadian eight. before losing to an international-level time set for the 2004 Boat Race. performance in 2002, Cambridge best- up in Dubrovnik to find themselves BLUES ROWING four from Ireland. This year’s This year, after two weeks on the ed the US National team, was 3 sec- allotted low-quality, unfamiliar equip- President, Wayne Pommen, raced in water, the squad split into two eights. onds off the Canadian eight, and beat ment. Despite the obstacles, the crew Nate Kirk from Boston the pair for Canada at the World The first eight went to Boston, USAto every university from the US. raced extremely well, pulling out a Championships in Milan, taking on compete in the Head of the Charles. Although Cambridge was handed a narrow win in the final over crews con- The result of last year’s Boat Race the likes of Pinsent and Cracknell in The race is a two-day regatta over a 3- questionable penalty buoy as a result taining Croatian internationals. campaign was a disappointing the final. Although he qualified for the mile course (approximately 15 min- of trying to avoid a severe clash with Recent history suggests that the Blue Boat loss to Oxford by one Olympic boat, Wayne elected to stay utes), with over 7,000 competitors and another crew, the team was pleased 2004 Boat Race will be a close one. In foot. To do justice to this year’s at Cambridge to attempt to win the an estimated 300,000 spectators. It is with the day’s racing and the third addition, the fact that it will be the training, the CUBC put together 150th Boat Race. the height of autumn competition for place finish overall. 150th running of the Race promises to two fours and sent them on a sum- For the 2004 campaign, CUBC has all US universities, and in an Olympic The other CUBC eight went to draw special attention from the media mer program of racing in Prague, four returning Blues, as well as the stern year, just over one month after the Dubrovnik, Croatia for the weekend. and public. After strong opening per- Amsterdam and Marlow. five from the Goldie crew. For those World Championships, internation- The race consisted of heats and finals formances in Boston and Dubrovnik, Once at Henley in July, the coxed unfamiliar with trialing for the CUBC, al crews are also reliably fast. This year, over a 1100 metre course. With a few the squad’s next task is the Fours Head four went through several heats to training began two weeks before the the US silver medal eight and exceptions, the members of the crew of the River in London on November eventually win the Britannia Cup. The start of term with a heavy volume of Canadian gold medal eight from the were new to the CUBC and had little 1, where the CUBC will seek to defend coxless four entered the Visitors Cup cross training, and continues seven 2003 Worlds were in attendance. experience in international racing. To its three titles from 2002 against Oxford and qualified for the finals on Sunday days a week until March 28 at 6pm, the Starting in fourth place after a solid complicate matters, the crew turned and the GB National competition. Blues begin campaign with win whelm early BUSA 1sts 2B pace- day IDS faced a vote of confidence, BLUES FOOTBALL setters Leicester. vice-captain Benny Allen instructed The result doesn’t reflect the dom- his men to “go back to basics.” They inance Cambridge enjoyed, as listened to his call, but showed Gavin Versi Fairbairn attested: “Going forward, glimpses of their trademark attack- Shanaz Musafer to create that many chances is very ing flair nonetheless. BLUES 1 pleasing - we could have beaten The two players named Hughes them five or six. I was nervous be- – Harry and Johnny – stood out more LEICESTER UNI 0 cause it seemed we might have all than any other. Johnny, who played the play then they would equalise. in goal the previous week, was al- Blues captain Chris Fairbairn is, But we were very passionate, we lowed to demonstrate his strength to quote Marlon Brando’s weren’t like some of the cute and skill whilst partnering Fairbairn Godfather,“a serious man, to be Cambridge teams of the past.” in attack. With golden boy Dan treated with respect.”In their Certainly, getting off to a winning Waistell breaking a leg in a college opening league fixture of the sea- start was all that mattered. Harry game, last year’s Pop Idol finalist can son, his team gave a serious, re- Hughes’ dancing feet aside, the team expect more chances to shine down spectable performance to over- kept things simple. Indeed, on the Continued on page 23 Fairbairn: “A serious man, to be treated with respect”