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Proquest Dissertations WHATEVER GETS YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT A Thesis Presented to The Faculty of Graduate Studies of The University of Guelph by NATALIA SEGAL In partial fulfillment of requirements For the degree of Master of Arts May, 2010 ©Natalia Segal, 2010 i Library and Archives Bibliotheque et 1*1 Canada Archives Canada Published Heritage Direction du Branch Patrimoine de I'edition 395 Wellington Street 395, rue Wellington OttawaONK1A0N4 Ottawa ON K1A0N4 Canada Canada Your file Votre refSrence ISBN: 978-0-494-67777-3 Our file Notre reference ISBN: 978-0-494-67777-3 NOTICE: AVIS: The author has granted a non­ L'auteur a accorde une licence non exclusive exclusive license allowing Library and permettant a la Bibliotheque et Archives Archives Canada to reproduce, Canada de reproduce, publier, archiver, publish, archive, preserve, conserve, sauvegarder, conserver, transmettre au public communicate to the public by par telecommunication ou par I'Internet, preter, telecommunication or on the Internet, distribuer et vendre des theses partout dans le loan, distribute and sell theses monde, a des fins commerciales ou autres, sur worldwide, for commercial or non­ support microforme, papier, electronique et/ou commercial purposes, in microform, autres formats. paper, electronic and/or any other formats. The author retains copyright L'auteur conserve la propriete du droit d'auteur ownership and moral rights in this et des droits moraux qui protege cette these. Ni thesis. Neither the thesis nor la these ni des extraits substantiels de celle-ci substantial extracts from it may be ne doivent etre imprimes ou autrement printed or otherwise reproduced reproduits sans son autorisation. without the author's permission. In compliance with the Canadian Conformement a la loi canadienne sur la Privacy Act some supporting forms protection de la vie privee, quelques may have been removed from this formulaires secondaires ont ete enleves de thesis. cette these. While these forms may be included Bien que ces formulaires aient inclus dans in the document page count, their la pagination, il n'y aura aucun contenu removal does not represent any loss manquant. of content from the thesis. 1+1 Canada DEDICATION I dedicate this book to all the skids who shared the streets with me. I Love you all. I fucking love you all: Guitar Steve, Guitar Shawn, Cockroach (Big Sue, Punky, Leopard), Hooch (the dog), Shit Sue (Chop Suey, Little Sue), Janis and dog J.J. Bear (RIP), Jon, Big John, Little John, Paul (RIP), Swan, Rainbow the dog (RIP), Styles the pop corn pimp, Psycho, George, Gwen, Frankie, Jesus, Animal (Pussy-Eater), Little Animal, Psycho Dave, Mike and Mark (RIP), one-leg Mike (RIP), D.A., Maya, Harmony, Care-Bear, James, Pig-dog, Shawna, Bible Thumper, Mike, Helen (the bag lady with the dolls—RIP), Darryl, Ken (and your brother), Chelsea (mother of Ken's baby), Chelsea (Darryl's ex-girl friend), Mike, Tami, Danny, Jenny (doesn't smoke), Shorty, Spider, Cookie, Andy, Bird, Keith (Bobo), Sputnik, Jessey (RIP), Shaggy (RIP), Old Mo (the boxer~RIP), Rosie, Air borne, Red, Rug Rat, Smurf, Rob and Trish and Brian of the Three Little Injuns (RIP and RIP and RIP), Queen Street Dan, Ganja, Twilight, Gordy on the bench with the red wine (RIP), Garry (that never swears), Glue-bag Dave (RIP), Amerika, Weasel, Uma, Pablo, Cesar (and daughter Victoria), Karen (and daughter Alicia), Franky (and daughter Rain), Crystal (and sons Davey and Roger), Konan (and son Roger), Dice (RIP), Killer Laurie, Shane (RIP), Ted (teddy bear), Vicky, Hacker John, Rose and the dogs, Tim and the dogs, Guitar Mike, Fox (RIP), Squirrel, Happy (Vancouver), Donut shop mom (RIP), A.J. (fucker), Star, Scrappy (Yvonne), Karl (King and Janitor of the universe—Vancouver and Toronto), Larry, Daniel Ross (Yin Yang on both Palms), Steve and Crystal, Old Man Scotty (RIP), Sky, Carol, Turtle, Mom (Turtles lady), Tad pole (Tad-Ottawa), Fat Sue, Sid, Bill the biker, Mike the drummer, Banshee, Clusterfuck, Dusty, Dan and Carol and the wolfgang, Kid, Brenda, Mitch, Leonard, Kid-Panda, Roach, Lee, Duce, Kelly, Pinky, Jeff, Smurfette, Churchill, Joker, Justice, Angel, Cameron, Ducky, Jerry, Sad, Manglescum, Animal (Ottawa), Scabby, Little Wiz (RIP), M.J., Nelly, Rebel and Deb (and son Dab), Bob (Vancouver), Whiz (Vancouver~ RIP), Muppet (Vancouver), Rory (Vancouver), Holly and Cora-Lea (Vancouver), Wendy (Vancouver), High Tower (Vancouver ~RIP~ suicide party), Slut-puppy, Scot (RIP ~alcohol induced diabetes coma), Siobhan (legs broken on the highway), Alphabet, Siobhan (and baby), Amazon (and baby), Scott, Sorry, Brenda, Aryn (Vancouver), Celeste (Van couver), Bud (Van couver, Toronto), Ace (Vancouver RIP), Phoenix, Mike S.K., Wolfe, Christina, Junior (Skippy, Jimmy), Damian, Crackhead Carl, Shelly, Lee (Van couver ~ RIP), John (Vancouver RIP), Sarah, Biff, Beer-Wolf, Mad-Dog, Isis and dog Arrow, Limb less Mark, Val and Deb at Isabella, Tiny, Night Crawler, Cat Man, Rat Man, Alley Cat (Pegasus), Twinkie, Frenchy, Dragon, Highway, John (Jessey's other brother), Jesse James, Thumper, Sunset, Darren (Vancouver), Alice (looks like Alice Cooper), Joe Unicorn, Scooby (Sleepy), Gar field, Yvonne (singer), Alice, Big Dave, Mike H (brought Karen to the street), Janis b. (Hippy Janis, Punk Janis), Bruce, Alexander (part cyborg Russian F.B.I, agent), Casper, Ray, Bandit, Troy, Art, Tara (and daughter Druid), War lock, Mike (Vancouver ~ RIP), Bob (Ian, Damien), Moose, Punky French, Ronin, Rubby (Montreal), Hobo (Montreal), Charles (Montreal), Lady Cat (and daughter Tabitha), Lyn, Harley, Glen, Brain-dead, Subway, Red-dog, Bonk (RIP). I know there are many names I've forgotten. Forgive me. 11 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS I would like to express my sincere gratefulness to my advisor, Karen, "Kaz", Connelly for her wisdom, talent and endless dedication, Professor Guy Allen for teaching me how to see what I love and steal it, Simon Ortiz for reading and rereading and rereading, for teaching me writing is long, Zara Segal-Heldt for making me tea while I wrote, Alma Segal for making me forget about the writing and my beautiful partner, Sandra Diana Dughman-Manzur for her devotion, support, tasty cooking, beautiful kisses, unsurpassable mind and limitless love. in TABLE OF CONTENTS DEDICATION i ACKNOWLEDGMENTS iii PROLOGUE 1 IS 4 Birthday 5 Old School 12 Hooch 17 Race 18 Bill the Vietnam Vet 20 Smiley 24 First Job 27 Bill the Vietnam Vet 40 Walkman 41 A Window 46 Big Foot, the Movie 49 The Roach 51 Under the Evergreen Roof 53 Three Little Injins 57 Frogger 64 Daniel Ross 66 George 73 The Salisbury Steak House 74 16 75 Birthday 76 Pimps 78 Psycho 81 Black Boy 87 Native Men's Res 91 This Old Man 95 Dog Water 98 Ditches 104 I Heard You Have Lupus Dementia Now, Somewhere on the Streets of BC 107 Eighteen-Wheeler Ill Rodney King 116 Young Pussy 123 Fortunes 125 Sacrificial Wood 131 iv Black Mountain 133 The Spider Web Ceiling 139 17 142 Birthday 143 St. Helen's Hotel 146 The Road Home 153 No One Stops for Us 154 37-Cent Massacre 156 Bear and Campers 160 Into a Prairie Sun 162 The Big Smoke 164 The Big Smoke 166 The Motel Room Above Jilly's Strip Joint 168 Kangaroo Court 172 Under the St. Clair Bridge 176 Out of the Toilet 178 Postcard 183 At the Salvation Army 185 Love 187 The Carrier Bridge 192 Montreal 194 Deserve to Die 200 The Break-Up 202 18 205 A Sacrifice for Satan 208 Jessey Walsh 210 Gluebag Dave 216 Lessons 219 Are you sitting down? 221 Children 224 Over the Phone, from Don Jail 226 Pasteficio's 227 19 232 Birthday 233 Doing It 234 Against the Wall 235 Grange Park 237 Down To This 242 V PROLOGUE Half-Pint Under a maple tree in College Park, I peer into my palm and inspect the miniscule paper snippets. "This is acid?" I say. "Yup," Steve answers. "All you need is one hit - more will blow your tucking mind." "There is no rucking way that one of these pieces of paper will get me stoned," I say. Steve snorts, "It will - trust me." I pop three hits under my tongue. "What the fuck are you doing - you're crazy!" "I'll be fine," I say. "No, you won't." Steve shakes his head as I head toward College Street. Pedestrians turn into cars and I become one of those cars, a red racer. I veer through pedestrian traffic and marvel at how fast I drive. A few minutes later, in front of Kentucky Fried Chicken, my arm turns a strange shade of red. I scratch the arm and it grows redder. Am I bleeding? I can't tell if I'm bleeding or not; I stare and stare at my arm. The sidewalk melts and small green skeletons float to the surface. Vision flicks on and off. "Hey, chick, are you okay?" 1 His teeth look like daggers. I gasp. I'm bleeding. Why can't he see it! "I don't rucking know!" I scream. "Why don't you tell me?" "You tell me!" Am I in a mental asylum? "Am I bleeding?" "What?" Psycho says, inches closer. "I'm Psycho." "Don't fucking come near me - I'm bleeding!" "Okay... you're not rucking bleeding." He wants to fool me, fool me into thinking I'm fine. So I'll never know I'm in the psych ward. He 'sjust said he's psycho! "I know I'm rucking bleeding." "What are you on?" "On?" "What did you take -- what drugs?" He's a cop. I'm going to jail now. "Nothing. I'm fine... just a little bit tired..." "Acid -1 bet it was acid." "Am I bleeding or not?" "Do you have a sitter?" "What?" "A babysitter; someone to watch you.
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