TOOTSIE Music and Lyrics By David Yazbek Book By Robert Horn Broadway Post-Opening December 14, 2019 ii. SONG LIST (As of 3/7/19) ACT 1 1. OPENING 2. WHADDYA DO 3. WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN 4. WHADDYA DO (REPRISE 1) 5. I WON’T LET YOU DOWN (AUDITIONS) 6. I WON’T LET YOU DOWN 7. I’M ALIVE 8. THERE WAS JOHN 9. I LIKE WHAT SHE’S DOING 10. WHO ARE YOU 11. WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN (REPRISE) 12. UNSTOPPABLE ACT 2 13. JEFF SUMS IT UP 14. GONE, GONE, GONE 15. WHO ARE YOU (REPRISE) 16. THIS THING 17. WHADDYA DO (REPRISE 2) 18. THE MOST IMPORTANT NIGHT OF MY LIFE 19. TALK TO ME DOROTHY 20. ARRIVEDERCI! 21. WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN (REPRISE 2) 22. MICHAEL'S REPRISE 23. THANK YOU (TALK TO ME DOROTHY REPRISE) 24. BOWS 4/12/19 6:00 PM 1 I-1 INT. A BROADWAY STAGE - PRESENT DAY The curtain rises on New York City. One by one, New Yorker’s appear, populating the stage with their enthusiasm and excitement to be part of this thrilling world. MEN AND WOMEN NEW YORK! NEW YORK! KAT THE NIGHT IS FALLING ON MANHATTAN AND SOON THE DAYLIGHT WILL BE GONE ANTHONY ANTICIPATION’S ALL AROUND YOU AS ONE BY ONE THE LIGHTS ARE COMING ON DIANA, HARRIS, KAT, ANTHONY AND YOUR FEET WANNA FLY AND YOUR PULSE WANTS TO RACE SHINA, LESLIE, JOHN ‘CAUSE YOU’RE FREE AND YOU’RE YOUNG AND YOU’RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE NICK YOU’RE RIGHT HERE BRITNEY YOU’RE RIGHT NOW DREW YOU’RE A PART OF NEW YORK ALL AS THE NIGHT COMES ALIVE IN THE HEART OF NEW YORK ALL (CONT'D) ENSEMBLE 1 (KP) NOTHING MORE EXCITING NOWHERE MORE DELICIOUS EVERYTHING’S INVITING EVERYTHING’S THE BEST EVERY SOUL IS SOARING EVERYONE’S AMBITIOUS NO ONE HERE IS BORING NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS LIKE THE FEELING ...the feeling that anything is possible here. Even the impossible is possibly possible in -- 4/10/19 6:00 PM 2 ALL NEW YORK! ENSEMBLE 2 (AW) You dream when you’re awake. Any dream can be a dream come true in -- ALL NEW YORK! From behind the group of people, MICHAEL DORSEY walks by, speaking as he goes... MICHAEL Underneath this city that’s all pavement, is a city that’s all heart. ALL MICHAEL (CONT'D) GOD THIS IS EXCITING DON’T YOU FEEL GIDDY? MAN THERE’S NOTHING LIKE IT BOY THIS IS THE BEST NOW YOUR LIGHT IS BLAZING WOW THIS IS A CITY Ron? I’m sorry, Ron?! ISN’T THIS AMAZING? AREN’T YOU SO BLESSED Stop, stop, stop. Ron, holding a script, walks onstage. RON Stop, stop! Let’s all stop the rehearsal again because Mitchell has another compelling question. MICHAEL It’s Michael. Dorsey. And would my character say the city was all heart? He’s a traumatized war vet, evicted from his rent-controlled apartment during the sewage baked heat of summer. All heart? I don’t think so! RON Where, in the history of the printed libretto, does it say any of that? MICHAEL It’s the back story I gave him. 4/3/19 6:00 PM 3 RON Back story? He doesn’t even have a name. He’s ‘guy who walks by’! MICHAEL My character deserves his truth! I’m just saying what every actor on this stage is thinking! The other actors take one LARGE simultaneous step back. RON Lovee, this is a Ron Carlisle show. My vision, me, creating a living aggregate from the imagination of nothing! You want out? You’re out. MICHAEL Of the whole song? RON Of the whole show. Of any show I ever do in the pantheon of ever! Then even after that, after that! MICHAEL This opening number is benign and dishonest, directed by an inept, derivative hack. And this musical sucks! The entire ensemble’s body language changes. They are now narrating his story for us. ENSEMBLE THIS IS THE TALE MICHAEL DORSEY HE IS THE CENTER OF THE PLOT IS HE AN ACTOR, YES OF COURSE HE IS IS HE SUCCESSFUL, YES OF COURSE HE’S NOT 4/11/19 4 ENSEMBLE (CONT’D) THAT DOESN’T MEAN HE ISN’T REAL GOOD NO ONE IN TOWN WOULD DISAGREE HE REALLY COULD BE GOOD AS GIELGUD, BUT YOU WON’T SEE HIS NAME ON THE MARQUEE INT. THEATER STAGE - AUDITION Michael is on a stage auditioning. The director sits at the end of a table, Michael stands at the other. MICHAEL (With an accent) ‘Carla, I threw it all away, for you, for the kid, just to cross that bridge, Carla. That damn grey bridge.’ DIRECTOR 1 That’s fine, Mr. Dorsey. Actually, we’re looking for someone... younger. Michael rips off his fake mustache. MICHAEL Oh, I can be younger. DIRECTOR 1 Actually, we’re looking for someone ...shorter. Michael takes off one shoe and exaggerates his shortness. MICHAEL Oh. Wait. See. I can be shorter. DIRECTOR 1 Actually, we’re looking for somebody... different. MICHAEL Sounds to me like you don’t know what the hell you’re looking for! DIRECTOR 1 We’re looking for somebody else! (Beat) Get out! 4/11/19 5 ENSEMBLE AND NOW THERE’S SOMETHING QUITE FAMILIAR HE FEELS IT RISING LIKE THE MOON HE’S FEELING VICTIMIZED AND BITTER LIKE NOTHING GOOD IS GONNA HAPPEN SOON THE ODOR OF HUMILIATION BEGINS TO PERMEATE THE ROOM THE PUTRID STENCH OF IT SURROUNDS HIM LIKE AN INEXPENSIVE PROSTITUTE’S PERFUME INT. SMALL THEATER STAGE - AUDITION Michael is auditioning, holding a script. MICHAEL (As a British child) ‘Mummy. Daddy. Come quick. Something’s wrong with Biscuit. He was chasing his tail and he fell down the well.’ DIRECTOR 2 Good, but, can you do it happier? MICHAEL Happier? The kid’s dog plunged down a well to its death. Why would he be happy?! DIRECTOR 2 Because I’m the director, and that’s how the playwright wrote it. MICHAEL Tell the playwright he’s wrong! DIRECTOR 2 I’m also the playwright. Now get out. ENSEMBLE AND HIS FEET START TO THROB AND HIS HEAD STARTS TO ACHE CAUSE HE CAN’T GET A JOB AND HE CAN’T CATCH A BREAK ENSEMBLE MEN BUT HE’S FREE AND HE’S YOUNG ENSEMBLE WOMEN HE’S NOT YOUNG 4/11/19 6 ENSEMBLE MEN YEAH, THAT’S TRUE ENSEMBLE ALL THAT THEY WANT, IS SOMEONE WHO’S EXACTLY NOT YOU SOMEONE MORE EXCITING SOMEONE MORE ATTRACTIVE SOMEONE THEY CAN DEAL WITH NOT A SNOTTY JERK. MAYBE SOMEONE NICER SOMEONE LESS REACTIVE CAN YOU REALLY BLAME THEM? WILL HE EVER WORK? INT. SMALL THEATER - Michael walks out towards center stage-- DIRECTOR 3 Get out. --He does a 180 and walks off without ever stopping. ENSEMBLE WOW HE’S BATTING ZERO DUDE IS SO PATHETIC HOW DOES HE KEEP GOING MAYBE HE SHOULD STOP NO, IT’S GONNA HAPPEN SOON THEY’LL ALL BE CLAPPIN’ SOON HE’S GONNA MAKE IT HE’S GONNA MAKE IT TO THE TOP. HE’S GONNA MAKE IT TO THE TOP. HE’S GONNA MAKE IT TO THE -- We NOW see Michael in a waiter’s apron. MICHAEL No more orders. Kitchen’s closed! ENSEMBLE TOOOOOOOP! 4/12/19 7 I-2 INT. A TIMES SQUARE TOURIST RESTAURANT - LUNCHTIME Michael and JEFF, late 30’s, offbeat and likable, are closing the restaurant, as Michael verbalizes his frustration. MICHAEL How could I not have booked that play, Jeff? I was electric. You know what the problem is? JEFF MICHAEL (CONT'D) People are intimidated by People are intimidated by my your work. (Beat) Because you work. (Beat) Because I care care about the truth? about the truth! MICHAEL (CONT’D) I turn 40 today, Jeff! 40! In a harsh and ageist business. JEFF Michael, part of the problem is that you don’t recognize you’re all of the problem. MICHAEL Stop procrastinating and write your play so I have something to be in. JEFF Am I perfect? No. Do I try to be a little bit better every day? No. Which is why I considered not doing something this harsh on your birthday, but now I’m thinking, yeah, do it. Jeff tauntingly pulls out a small piece of paper. MICHAEL The list? You kept the list? JEFF When you were 19 what did you say? MICHAEL Keep this list. JEFF So I kept the list, of everything you said you’d accomplish by the time you turned 40. MICHAEL Do NOT read that list! 4/2/19 6:00 PM 8 JEFF Let me read the list; ‘Make a living exclusively as an actor’. Nope. ‘Do Midsummer with Meryl’(Laughing) Nope. Have your parents refer to you as an actor without using air quotes. ‘Nope’. MICHAEL So what should I do? Abandon my idealism because doors are slamming in my face? I don’t give up, Jeff! “WHADDYA DO” WHADDYA DO WHEN SUDDENLY YOU REALIZE THE CALENDAR INSIDE YOUR HEAD IS RUNNING OUT OF PAGES? WHADDYA DO IF YOU CAN SEE THE ODDS ARE GOOD YOU’LL NEVER BE THE PERSON YOU’VE BEEN TRYING FOR FOR AGES? IS IT LUCK? IS IT FATE? IS IT SOMETHING THAT YOU ATE, LIKE AN OVERWHELMING PLATE OF HUMBLE PIE? WHADDYA DO WHEN EVERYTHING YOU WANTED MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF IS LAUGHING AT YOU, CALLING YOU A JERK? WHADDYA DO? YOU MAKE IT WORK WHADDYA DO WHEN EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING BUT EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING TO EVERYBODY BUT YOU? ALL OF THE PHONIES, FRAUDS AND FAKES ARE GETTING JOBS AND GETTING BREAKS AND EATING STEAKS, BUT NOBODY WILL TOUCH YOU? ARE YOU HAUNTED BY THE FACT ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS ACT? AND IT’S ALL YOU WANT TO DO UNTIL YOU DIE? BASHING AWAY AT THE SAME OLD DOOR, YOUR ARMS ARE TIRED, YOUR FISTS ARE SORE, THE PATIENCE YOU’VE GOT LEFT IS WEARING THIN.