Supportive Parenting AN ONLINE PARENTING EXPERIENCE Session 1: Welcome to Supportive Parenting

Objectives

 Complete Paperwork

 Information form

 Consent and confidentiality form

 Two way release form

 Discuss purpose of program and topics that will be covered

 Introduce grounding exercise

 Introduce Reflection Form The following forms must be completed before continuing the program

Parenting information form

Consent and Confidentiality form

Two Way release form What is Parenting?

Parenting is different for everyone. This program is not here to tell you that you are a bad parent. This program is meant to provide you with the tools and skills to become the best possible parent you can be. Nobody is the perfect parent and children can be challenging. Supporting your children and helping them through life is a great place to start for every parent. As you continue through this program you will be encouraged to practice some of the skills you learn. Each child and parent relationship is different and the person who know most about their child is you. Topics of the course

Managing Stress and •This section will discuss Grounding techniques, emotional Emotional Regulation regulation, and expressions of feelings for children and adults.

•This section will discuss different communication styles. The Communication three main topics will include “I” statements, Boundaries, and appropriate consequences.

•This section will discuss the importance of attachment and Play child development.

•This section will discuss topics such as social media, impacts of Technology technology and risks Topics of the course

•This section will discuss topics surrounding sex and how to Sex and Sexuality discuss sex and sexuality with teens.

•This section will discuss risks about inappropriate use of drugs Drugs and Alcohol and alcohol, as well as appropriate uses of medication and alcohol.

•This section will discuss what to do to help children who are Bullying being bullied, cyber bullying, and what to do when confronting bullies.

•This section will discuss how divorce impacts children and Divorce what parents can do to create a smooth transition for their child.

•This section will discuss the effects child abuse has on Child Abuse children. This section will also focus on what to do if parents know or suspect their child is being abused. Activity

 Please take a moment to reflect on the events that brought you to where you are today. Here are some questions to help guide you through this reflection.

 What do you hope to learn from this program?

 What is it like for you to be a parent?

 What is your daily life like?

 How do you view yourself?

 What are some of your strengths as a parent?

 What are some of your weaknesses Starting from the ground up

What is grounding? Grounding is the ability to regulate your emotions and allow the body and mind to relax during stressful and highly emotional situations. These situations happen every day. They could happen while shopping, while driving and even at home. Understanding how to ground yourself during these times can help prevent these situations from escalating into larger problems. S.U.D.S. What are S.U.D.S? That’s great and all, but my child is still learning to count. S.U.D.S stands for Subjective Units of Distress Scale. These are measurements that allow That’s a good point. S.U.D.S. can also be used using pictures you to rate how you are to help your child show you feeling on a number scale. how they are feeling. This can For example, If you are be accomplished by creating having a stressful day you a scale from a “sad” face to may be a 6 on a scale from 1 an “excited” face. Children to 10. After trying a grounding can recognize faces from a exercise you may feel better young age and creating a and move to a 3 on the picture scale is a great step to rating scale. understanding their feelings ACTIVITY: Deep Breathing

 Here is a video about deep breathing. Before watching this video, please complete the S.U.D.S. scale. After the video, complete the scale again and see if there was a change.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sgb2cUqFiY

Teaching children deep breathing exercises is also helpful and can allow them to understand the rating scale. This can also be an activity you can do with your child Reflection

Reflect on this session and discuss what you have learned. What are some thoughts and feelings you have? Take as much time as you need. Send your reflection to the group facilitator when it has been completed. Please Answer the following questions.

1. What does it mean to be a parent and how does it apply to you? 2. What is grounding and why is it important. 3. How are S.U.D.S. helpful and what was your experience with them? Session 2: Managing stress and emotional regulation

 Objectives

 Review Grounding and S.U.D.S.

 S.U.D.S Activity

 Discuss stress in children and parents

 Discuss stress management techniques

 Discuss emotional regulation

 Progressive Muscle Relaxation Activity

 Reflection Lets Review

 Grounding

 Grounding can allow you to relax during stressful and highly emotional situations

 Deep breathing is a grounding technique that can be used anywhere

 S.U.D.S.

 Subjective Units of Destress can provide a tangible representation of how you are feeling based on a scale

 Combined with grounding techniques, S.U.D.S. can be used to help see the reduction of stress on the scale and allow you to stop before reaching a critical level of stress or other unwanted feelings.

 Children can express S.U.D.S. through faces and scales. Lets Relax

 Before starting this section please take 5 minutes to do S.U.D.S. and combine it with a deep breathing exercise. What is stress?

 Stress is tension, which can be felt in the body, that presents itself during times that can feel overwhelming and demanding. We can all think of a time when we have felt stress in our lives, but what can we do about it? Studies have shown that mindfulness and grounding techniques have been known to reduce stress. It is important to listen to your body and what it is telling you. Stress can be caused by many different things such as the loss of a job, arguments, school, and even raising children. Learning to manage stress can help reduce frustration surrounding tasks and create a more pleasant living environment. Stress in children

Sometimes stress in children can be overlooked or minimized. It is important to understand that they can experience stressful events as well such as school, bullying, parents fighting (yes, this can cause stress in children even if they can’t see it), and other life events. Children may also have a difficult time informing adults that they are stressed because it can be difficult to put into words. Children who are under a lot of stress do not do as well academically. Stress management is important to teach children and can help them regulate themselves. Below is a video of the effects stress can have on children. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sb1Uct4mns Good Stress How can stress be good? Great question! Everyone needs some stress in their lives. As we know, too much stress can cause a lot of tension in your body. However too little stress can cause a lack of motivation. Just the right amount of stress can help allow parents, and children, to become motivated and complete tasks.

It is important to not overwhelm children, as stated in the previous slide. Below is a link that discusses expectations of children and what parents expect. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyElHdaqkjo Emotional Regulation

What is emotional regulation and why is it important? Emotional regulation is the ability to monitor one’s personal behavior in a given situation. Regulating our emotions helps us to stay calm when we’re sitting in traffic, or in line at the grocery store. Similar to relaxation techniques, emotional regulation allows us to take responsibility for our emotions and allows us to make decisions based on our feelings. How does emotional regulation help children? Children may not understand their emotions or feelings, but that doesn’t mean they do not exist. Studies have shown that understanding emotional regulation can help children succeed academically and process emotions better. Lets Relax

 Before starting this section please take 5 minutes to do S.U.D.S. and combine it with a deep breathing exercise. Helicopter moms and dads

What does it mean to be a helicopter parent? The term “helicopter parent” refers to parents who are over-bearing and over-protective. It is important to let children learn and discover the world on their own. There is nothing wrong with wanting to protect your child. Don’t let them walk into the street or use dangerous items unsupervised. However, you can let them fail every now and then when it’s not extremely harmful, or detrimental to your child. Failure is a way for children to learn and grow. Without failure, children may become too sheltered and can lack critical thinking skills. This can also be stressful and overwhelming for the child. Lets talk about anger

Anger is one of those emotions people are told to suppress. Often times we are told “there’s no need to feel upset”, or “don’t let people see that you are angry.” Yes, anger can be scary at times, but it is still an emotion that we all experience. Children experience anger as well. Sometimes children can express emotions and parents feel ashamed or embarrassed. A perfect example is a child crying at a grocery store because they didn’t get an item they wanted. Teaching children to regulate their emotions can help prevent or make these situations easier to handle. Identifying Feelings

Anger is not the only emotion that can be difficult to manage. Identifying feelings is important because it can help children, and adults, to use words to describe their feelings. This wheel is also a great visual aid for children and adults. Activity

Please pick three different feelings on the feeling wheel in the previous slide and answer the following questions.

1. What makes you feel this feeling?

2. Why is this feeling important?

3. How can I teach my child about this feeling? ACTIVITY: Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation is activity that can allow a person to focus on the tension in their body. This is a way to regulate feelings and emotions when feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or any other emotion. This exercise can also be combined with deep breathing. Below is an instructional video on progressive muscle relaxation. Please watch the video and follow the instructions. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihO02wUzgkc Reflection

Reflect on this session and discuss what you have learned. What are some thoughts and feelings you have? Take as much time as you need. Send your reflection to the group facilitator when it has been completed. Please answer the following questions.

1. What are some stressful situations you have experienced as a parent and how did you manage your stress. 2. Why is emotional regulation important and how can it help children? 3. What are some changes you can make, as a parent, to help your child manage their emotions and stressful situations? Session 3: Communication

Objectives

 Review previous session

 Discuss communication

 Choice

 praise

 Discuss “I” statements

 “You” statements

 Discuss appropriate boundaries

 Discuss discipline and consequences

 Reflection Lets Review

 Emotional regulation is the ability to monitor one’s personal behavior in a given situation.

 Stress can be good and can serve as a motive to succeed.

 Allowing children to explore the world around them can be beneficial when parents are not over protective.

 Children may need guidance when expressing emotion. Parents can model this by properly expressing their own emotions. What is communication? Parents and children communicate every day. This communication can be verbal and non-verbal. Verbal communication can be giving children praise, asking children how their day was, or even disciplining children. Non-verbal communication could be a look of disapproval, or even something as simple as a smile. Often times non-verbal communication is seen before any words are ever said. Children are also very perceptive to voice tone. Using a calmer voice tone when discussing things with children can make it easier for them to receive your message. It is essential to be aware of voice tone and non verbal cues because it will allow you to convey your message in a way that is not threatening or intimidating manor. Regardless of what is happening there will always be communication. So what happens when communication is broken? Clear communication

Communication should be clear when interacting with children. Children can not always process or understand what parents are telling them and it can be frustrating when communication is disrupted. Having clear communication can be difficult, but here are some tips to help.

1. Tell children Exactly what it is that you would like to see.

 ex. May you please put your dirty clothes in the hamper after changing?

2. Create routines for morning, afternoon, and night activities

 ex. Before dinner each night, everyone will help set the table

3. Create family rules and morals together. Write these rules somewhere where everyone can see them. Hold each other accountable for following the rules of the home. This will help with consequences in the future.

 Ex. No hitting, Bedtime at 9pm. Homework must be done before playing Choices

We make choices every day. Some take longer to process than others, but what if we don’t like the option? Children are just as likely to refuse to do something as parents are. So how can parents prevent this? Lets play a quick game. Follow the instructions below: 1. Choose a color Green or Blue? 2. If you chose Green, then continue to the next slide 3. If you chose Blue, skip the next slide and go to the following slide. You chose Green! Congratulations!

This slide has the same information on as the other, it’s just a different color. You just checked didn’t you, that’s ok. The choice accomplished its mission. A classic example of this scenario is when a child refuses to wear a jacket, even when they know it is cold. The parent tries to force the child to wear the jacket, but this only leads to an argument. It’s snowing outside, so not wearing a jacket isn’t an option. What do you do? A technique that can be used is giving the child a choice. “Jack, you can wear the Blue jacket, or you can wear the Green jacket. Which one would you like to wear? In this situation the child was given a choice. This allowed the child to feel as though they played a part in the decision to wear a jacket. This also allowed the parent to accomplish the goal of getting their child to wear a jacket. You chose Blue! Congratulations!

This slide has the same information on as the other, it’s just a different color. You just checked didn’t you, that’s ok. The choice accomplished its mission. A classic example of this scenario is when a child refuses to wear a jacket, even when they know it is cold. The parent tries to force the child to wear the jacket, but this only leads to an argument. It’s snowing outside, so not wearing a jacket isn’t an option. What do you do? A technique that can be used is giving the child a choice. “Jack, you can wear the Blue jacket, or you can wear the Green jacket. Which one would you like to wear?” In this situation the child was given a choice. This allowed the child to feel as though they played a part in the decision to wear a jacket. This also allowed the parent to accomplish the goal of getting their child to wear a jacket. Your turn to practice with this scenario.

You’re in the grocery store and your child wants a snack. Your child runs off and comes back with gummy bears and a chocolate bar. You don’t want your child to have both, but your child insists they have both because they want chocolate gummy bears (they’re not wrong, chocolate covered gummy bears are really good). What do you say? Take some time to think about your answer and see if it matches the one on the next slide. So what did you say?

Every answer is going to be different, but here is a sample answer: You are allowed to have either gummy bears, or the chocolate bar. Which one would you like? Now I know what you might be thinking…”That doesn’t work. My child will just throw a fit and scream if he can’t have both.” That’s ok. Here is another response you can try. Ok, you get one more chance. You can either have the gummy bears, or the chocolate. You can’t have both. I’ll give you 10 seconds to decide. If you can’t make a decision then you don’t get either. These responses are not guaranteed to work 100% of the time. However they can be effective ways of communicating with your child and part of the techniques you can use. You’re doing a great job! Keep up the good work!

Seriously though, you are doing a great job. Praise can feel good when you receive it. Praising your child has multiple benefits. Whether it’s a high five or a “Good job!” children typically enjoy being praised. Praising children can also boost their self esteem. Children with a high self esteem, and sense of self worth, tent to perform better academically and when being asked to do tasks. Catch them doing good A lot of time people notice children when they do something bad. When this happens children are usually punished or reprimanded. What about when they do good? Is this behavior reinforced, or do we just expect children to act that way? Having a reward system can be extremely helpful. Often times parents or teachers label children as the “problem child.” Children aren’t inherently deviant. With that being said, here are some more tools to add to your arsenal of skills.

Exercise 1 Exercise 2 Place 16 coins in your right pocket. Create a token economy. Each Each time you praise your child time your child does a desirable move one coin to the left pocket. behavior, like a chore, give them a There are 24 hours in a day, 8 of token. These tokens can be saved those should be spent sleeping, until your child reaches the desired and the other 8 children are amount to receive a reward. That typically in school, unless it’s a reward could be Pizza, or a movie, weekend. That’s one praise per or Laser tag. Whatever your child hour, or two on a week day. Try it wants to work towards. Give this and see how many you get. exercise a try and see what works for you and your child “I” Statements

What is an “I” Statement? “I” Statements are ways of communicating with others by taking responsibility for one’s own feelings. Ex. I am upset because the room is still messy The example above shows a statement without blaming language. Give it a try and see if your response matches the one on the next slide. Without using the word “you” construct a response to the following scenario: You come in and your child is painting on the walls, and you know they’re no Micahel Angelo. How do you respond? “I” Statements continued

Did you come up with something like this? “I am upset because there is paint on the wall” It’s ok if you didn’t. I statements can be tricky at first. Chances are your answer may have looked something like this “Why are you painting on the walls? I don’t like it when you paint on the walls” It can be difficult to take responsibility for your own feelings without using blaming language or statements. On the next slide is a complete “I” statement and a template on how to use them. It is also important to understand “you” statements. Children can feel intimidated and possibly afraid when “you” statements are used. As discussed earlier, it is important to also consider voice tone and language when talking to your child. I feel ______when ______, because______. I would like______.

Above is an outline of how to create an “I” statement. Please think of a time where you would have liked to use an “I” statement, but you were too upset or frustrated to think of one. How would you have responded to the situation if you could do it differently? Practice creating “I” statements for these situations. Below is an example.

Ex. I feel upset when the lights are left on in the house, because our electricity bill is expensive. I would like to see the lights turned off when people are not in the room. “You” Statements

“You” Statements are some of the first reactions that come to mind when we know there is something wrong, or another person has done something we perceive to be wrong. “You” statements are examples of blaming language because they attack the person who is believed to be at fault. Blaming language can cause people to act hostile and defensive. This is the same for children. “I am upset because the room is messy” sounds more gentle than “I am upset because your room is always messy”. Practicing I statements can take time, but they can ultimately foster better communication between others without using blaming language Boundaries

What are boundaries and why are they important? Boundaries help to create a healthy distance between people and objects. Teaching children not to talk to strangers is an example of setting a boundary. Though this can be a healthy boundary, over protecting your child can also be detrimental. As discussed before, over parenting does not allow children to learn healthy boundaries and explore things on their own. The opposite is also true. A lack of parenting and proper boundaries is also detrimental to child development. There is nothing wrong with having a close relationship with your child, but there is still the boundary between parent and child. Just like you wouldn’t tell the CEO of a company how to run their business, children should not be parentified by the parents. How can healthy boundaries be created?

 Teaching children respect can help create proper boundaries. Respect for yourself, Respect for others, and Respect for the environment are the three main things to respect.  Saying “NO” is healthy. When children are taught that they are not allowed to say no, or question people’s intentions, they can find themselves in dangerous situations.  Remember that you are the parent and they are the child. Keep a healthy boundary by not allowing children to dictate all of your decisions. An example can be the child who is crying in the store because they are not getting the toy they want. Rather than buying the toy, set a boundary and ignore the negative behavior. Then, you can reward the good behavior immediately when the child learns that crying will not get them what they want. Enmeshed Boundaries

 Enmeshed boundaries can also create issues with authority and discipline. It’s important to have a relationship with your child, but there are things that should stay between adults. Children should not be used as leverage against the other parent, or told to keep secrets from the other parent. This can lead to triangulation and one parent feeling excluded. Enmeshment also makes it difficult enforce consequences for undesired behaviors. If parents are on different pages, with respect to discipline, this can create conflict in the home. Lastly, if a child sees themselves as equal to a parent’s authority it will be difficult to enforce rules, regulations, and consequences.

 Allow children to be children. It is good to give children responsibilities. A good example is to give children chores to do around the house. Having children keep secrets is NOT a proper use of responsibilities for a child. Discipline and Appropriate Consequences

What does it mean to discipline children? Parenting techniques have changed throughout the years. Some parents remember being spanked, hit by a belt, or another object. Spanking and hitting are unacceptable forms of discipline today. If I hit my child, they’ll learn not to do it again? This is not always true. Children learn consequences best when they are caught in the act of undesirable behavior. Think of a time when you were hit, spanked or even yelled at because you did something wrong. Can you remember what it was? Did you do it again? When children are not disciplined appropriately, they have a much more difficult time connecting what they did wrong with the consequence. Discipline and Appropriate Consequences Cont.

It’s important to remember emotional regulation. Practice taking a few deep breaths before responding to a situation. Here are some examples of ways to help you respond to situations as opposed to reacting.

 Be a good role model for your children and exhibit behaviors you want to see

 Consult with a friend, spouse, or partner about discipline

 Don’t jump to conclusions or take things personally

 Keep track of your thoughts and don’t catastrophize things Spanking Children

Parents spank children for a variety of reasons. Regardless of that the reason may be, it is never acceptable to spank your child. Despite research and laws parents continue to spank their children. Why is that? Is it blatant disrespect for authority, or are there more reasons? Lets look at some of the reasons below. Maybe you can relate to some of these reasons.

 Personal History  When Angry

 “Act of Love”  Religious reasons

 Punishment  Cultural practice

 Teaching Respect  Preparing them for the real world Why is spanking detrimental to children?

One major reason is that violence can breed hostility and more violence. Spanking teaches children that hitting is acceptable. Another is when parents justify their actions by saying they are “doing it out of love.” This reasoning can greatly distort the child’s concept of what love is. Children will associate spanking as a form of love. These actions can also lead to thoughts of self-worth and self-esteem being hindered. Children, and even adults may begin to believe they deserved to be spanked or hit. Parents may also say, “I spank, but I would never hit my child” as a way to justify the behavior. Regardless of what parents call it, hitting, beating, spanking, smacking, disciplining out of love, it’s all the same. Just to keep it simple DO NOT HIT YOUR CHILD. They may spend the rest of their lives trying to understand why you did it. If I can’t spank my child, then how can I effectively discipline them?

 Time outs  Time outs can work for younger children. A good rule to follow is 1 minute of time out per age of the child. (ex. If your child is 5, then they get a 5 minute time out).  Do not give them any stimuli during this time (television, books, things to play with).  Make sure you are clear and consistent with giving time outs. Make sure children understand why they are receiving a time out  Do not send children to their room as an easy way of not enforcing the time out. They will just learn that they act however they like and then they are rewarded by playing in their room  Lastly, do not shame your child. Simply help them understand why this is happening and how it can be avoided in the future If I can’t spank my child, then how can I effectively discipline them?

 Negative Reinforcement

 Take away Items children enjoy

 If your child is swearing and yelling at a video game, feel free to remove it and explain why you are choosing to remove it

 Make sure you are clear and consistent with giving time outs. Make sure children understand why they are receiving a time out

 Do not send children to their room as an easy way of not enforcing the time out. They will just learn that they act however they like and then they are rewarded by playing in their room

 Lastly, do not shame your child. Simply help them understand why this is happening and how it can be avoided in the future If I can’t spank my child, then how can I effectively discipline them?

 Natural consequences

 Natural consequences happen daily. A natural consequence is when someone learns not to do something without the help of others.

 Ex. A child touches a candle and realizes fire is hot. The child then learns not to touch the flame

 Natural consequences are a great way for children to learn about and explore the world around them.

 It is still important to make sure you are actively observing your child. Not everything can be a natural consequence. One obvious example ithat you wouldn’t let your child run into the street and get hurt to understand not to run into the street. Remember, It is still important to protect your child from harm or injury. How do I know what punishment is appropriate?

A good way to judge appropriate consequences by relating the punishment to the crime. If your child Hits someone or throws an object and breaks it, it would not be appropriate to hit your child back to let them understand how it feels. Or throw one of their toys to break it. Instead, placing the child in a time out to relax, or taking toys away until they can be played with respectfully is a more appropriate consequence. Punishments should not be threatening. Threatening to do something and not following through is known as an empty threat. Empty threats, as well as treats in general, can undermine your authority as a parent. Threatening to break your child’s toy is very extreme and you might not follow through with that action. Only state punishments that you will follow through with if rules are not followed. Empty threats allow children to continue the behavior because they know you will not follow through with the consequence. How do I know when to discipline my child?

Disciplining actions should take place immediately after a rule is broken in order to achieve the best results. If a child gets in trouble at school and you get a phone call then it is important to discuss the issue with the child and then create a consequence if necessary. If you jump straight into a punishment when the child gets home this can create confusion and the child may not connect the punishment to the issue that happened at school. Like other parenting skills, appropriate discipline will take practice. Continue to work on these skills and combine them with each other to create better communication. Reflection Reflect on this session and discuss what you have learned. What are some thoughts and feelings you have? Take as much time as you need. Send your reflection to the group facilitator when it has been completed. 1. Why is communication important and how can you change your communication style to support your child. 2. What are “I” statements, why are they important, and write three examples of “I” statements. 3. How can appropriate boundaries be created? 4. What are appropriate forms of discipline and what can parents do to teach their children right from wrong? 5. What are some things that your child does that frustrates you and what can you do differently after learning these techniques Session 4: Play Time and Family Time

 Objectives

 Review previous session

 S.U.D.S. and Mindfulness activity

 Discuss Child Development

 Stages

 Importance of play

 Discuss attachment

 Discuss family Rules and Morals

 Activity

 Reflection Lets Review

 Choices can be a good tool to get children to complete tasks

 Praise is important for self-esteem, self-worth, and connection

 I-statements are used to take responsibility for your own feelings and asking for things in a non threatening form of communication

 You-statements can contain blaming language which can cause people to be more hostile when asked to complete tasks

 Boundaries are important to teach children to help them respect others, themselves and the environment. Boundaries also create healthy relationships

 Discipline: Be clear and communicate why the child is being punished. Do not use empty threats, Do not hit children and do not shame children as a form of discipline. Mindful Coloring

 Please complete the S.U.D.S. worksheet before and after the activity.

This is mindful coloring. Mindful coloring is a relaxation exercise where you just focus on coloring. You will need markers, crayons, or colored pencils. There is no wrong way to complete the drawing. You do not have to finish. Take 10 minutes to focus on the axtivity. Child Development

 There are different stages of development for children. This section will focus on four main stages of development; Physical, Intellectual, Social and Emotional, and Language.

 These are key stages in development and where children can discover who they are and their place in the world around them.

 Children’s brains are constantly developing and these developments allow children to continue moving forward to the following stages. Lastly, parents and other adults, play a large role in a child’s development and can impact the child’s experience during these stages. Physical Development

 From ages 0 to 5 children are learning many different motor skills. One is gross motor development. Gross motor refers to movement of large muscles. Crawling and walking are a large part of this development. As children grow older, ages 3 to 5, they develop fine motor skills. Fine motor skills are things such as holding a fork, or using a pair of scissors.  From ages 5 to 13 children continue to develop physically. For the most part children are relatively similar in size and weight until puberty begins. Children also learn how to use their bodies more efficiently through sports or other fine motor activities. Girls and boys will develop differently and at different rates. These developments will continue to happen until the stages of puberty have been complete.  Here is a quick video on physical development skills https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuVkkhpiHTA Intellectual Development

 As children grow older, they develop more intellectual abilities. Some of these abilities include, but are not limited to, recognizing shapes, colors, letters and the ability to problem solve. Children must continue to be stimulated if these connections are going to stay in their brain. The more children interact with different stimuli, including parents, the more they will learn as they develop.  As children become older they will be able to think more abstractly and complete more complex problem solving tasks. Similar to this program, learning builds on itself and children can retain information more efficiently when combined with previous knowledge. During the early ages, around 6 to 8 years old, children can provide reasons for why they solved a problem. As they develop and become older they will begin to solve problems more logically. This can occur around ages 12 and 13.  Here is a video on cognitive development for children https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gaxu3CZSOY Language Development

 Similar to intellectual development children will use their cognitive abilities to learn words and, phrases and sentences. Early stages of development, ages 0 to 6, are a great time to teach children another language as well. This is the stage where children begin to develop connections between words and meanings

 As children become older they will continue to develop new vocabulary and create more grammatically correct sentences.

 Overall, talking, reading and teaching language to your child is an extremely important skill. Talking with children even when they are babies is a great way to teach communication skills as well. Emotional and Social Development  As stated in the previous sessions, children may need some help expressing feelings and emotions. Children’s emotional and social growth is constantly developing and will continue to develop even onto adulthood. As children begin this stage they will be more dependent on the adult who is teaching them. As children become older, and more understanding of the world, they will want to push for more independence. THIS IS NORMAL. As children develop into their teens and young adults they will want to be more independent and spend more time with their friends than their parents. It is important to let children spend this social time with their friends, while still being able to monitor them from time to time.

 Peers are a huge influence on children. Peers can also encourage children to find their identity and where they fit in the world. Some groups that may help wit this process could be Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, the YMCA, or any other group you believe can be a good fit for your child.

 Here is a video about the importance of social development https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIZ8PkLMMUo&t=2s Play Play is an important aspect of development. As seen in the previous slides, playing is a great way to connect with your child and teach them rules and boundaries. It Games and is also important to allow children to Activities socialize and play with others.  Jenga Play can also allow for children to develop critical thinking skills.  Scrabble Research has also shown that giving children objects, which aren’t  Pictionary necessarily toys, can foster  Hide and Seek imagination and creativity. To the right are some examples of games  Mindful and activities that can be helpful Coloring with child development. Give them a try!  Legos Use these games to bond with your  Sports child. This will help your child form a positive relationship with you. Find  Create your other things activities you can all do own game together and don’t be afraid to ask your child to give ideas as well. Attachment  Children can easily become attached to their parent. Children should not be denied the ability to form attachments. These relationships set examples for children to follow when they meet new people. As stated in previous sections, children can recognize facial expressions. These simple facial expressions can allow children to form attachments to their care giver. There are four types of attachments; Secure, Anxious Ambivalent, Anxious Avoidant, and Anxious Disorganized.  Children begin to form attachments from a vey young age. It’s important to use positive language when you’re bonding with your child. These positive interactions will help create bonds with your child that can last a lifetime.  Below is a video that explains all four attachment in children. You may also recognize topics discussed earlier in this parenting program. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjOowWxOXCg Norms and Values Norms and Values can be shared by a family. Every family will have different values, morals, and rules. The importance of these values is to create a fair disciplined environment where everyone in the family unit is held to the same standard. Family rules play a large part in creating a secure and supportive household. If rules are broken and people are not held accountable, then it can be upsetting for others. Norms and values help families decide what is acceptable and what is unacceptable. Some of these norms and values can be passed down by generations. Use this Reflection paper to think of a time when you were a child and you were held accountable to a standard that other members of your family were not. Write a reflection about it and answer the following questions: What was a rule, norm, and value your family had? How did you feel about it? What are some rules, norms, or values you treasure in your own home? Developing Family Rules

Here are some ways to help establish family rules.

1. Make it a family activity

 Let everyone participate and have the children gather as well to help with the decision making process

2. Share behaviors that are seen as problems

 Allow everyone a chance to share what they believe some of the problems are. Try not to use blaming language. I-statements are encouraged

3. Use a poster board, or a large sheet of paper, and allow everyone access to the rule making.

4. Create a list of rules with the family

 This is a great opportunity for children to participate. Parents are encouraged to help children create rules and guide their decisions. Developing Family Rules continued

5. Keep rules clear and specific.

 Do not create rules that are too vague. “No throwing things in the house” is an example of a very vague rule. On occasion some objects may be tossed to thrown, like throwing clothes onto the bed. Instead, create a specific rule having to do with a game your children may be playing that involves throwing. An example of this is “No playing catch in the house. Catch can only be played outside of the house”. 6. Create no more than 7 rules. Having a small number of rules can make it easier for children to remember 7. Create a consequence and a reward for each rule.

 Children should help decide what these consequences should be, as well as the rewards. It is important to not only watch for unwanted behaviors, but it is just as important to watch for the good behaviors and giving your child praise and rewards.

8. To maintain these rules hold a family meeting (possibly once a month) to discuss the rules. Remember, these rules are not set in stone. Rules can change and adjust to the living environment. Below are some examples of rules that can be used at home. Homework must be completed before you can play. No throwing objects inside the house Everyone does their dishes after a meal Creating Morals

Much like adults children learn to create morals and begin to understand right from wrong. Having these morals can create feeling for both children and adults. When morals are followed they can allow for pleasant memories to occur. The same is true with negative memories. These negative memories can cause unpleasant feelings for children and adults. Sometimes parents use this tactic to scare children or use these feelings to create a learning experience. Unfortunately the child rarely makes this connection and all that is left are the unpleasant feelings. Here are some examples of negative statements. “If I catch you throwing that ball one more time, you’re going to get it”! Get what? The child has no idea what the parent means in this situation, the parent doesn’t even know what they mean. This statement is an empty threat and can create anxiety or children calling their parent’s bluff. Either way, this is not a good situation for parents or children. Reflection Reflect on this session and discuss what you have learned. What are some thoughts and feelings you have? Take as much time as you need. Send your reflection to the group facilitator when it has been completed. Please answer the following questions. 1. What are the four stages of development, and what is the importance of each one? 2. What are some morals you developed in your family? 3. Create a list of family rules you would like to follow with your children. Session 5: Technology

Objectives

 Review Previous session

 Discuss Technology

 Social Media

 Children and technology

 Impact of technology

 Risks and benefits

 Reflection Lets Review The four stages of development  Physical  Intellectual  Language  Social and emotional Playing with children is important to help them develop social and communication skills. Play helps parents bond with their child. Attachment  Secure  Anxious Ambivalent  Anxious Avoidant  Anxious Disorganized Morals and values should be discussed as a family. These important rules help shape the minds of children and create appropriate boundaries Technology

Technology is an industry that continues to evolve. Classes are online, people can connect around the world in a matter of seconds, and sometimes the line between reality and our online life can become blurry. So how can we know what type of technology is good and what can be detrimental? Social Media

Social media is an extremely popular form of technology. Most people have a social media account and to some it can be extremally addictive. Adults and children can both crave attention online. Although social media can be something that connects everyone, it can also be harmful. Monitoring children

Schools have classes on how to use computers and other forms of technology. Despite the trying to regulate technology use, children still manage to find ways around it. A research study asked parents about screen time and when they believed the appropriate age to introduce technology to children would be. Over 70% of parents believed technology should be introduced as early as one year old. If you recall from the precious session, this is around the stage where children are learning to use their gross motor skills. Please take the time to write a reflection on this topic and answer the following questions: Do you agree with these parents? Why or Why not? What age would you introduce technology What are your thoughts about children and social media?

Wood, E., Petkovski, M., De Pasquale, D., Gottardo, A., Evans, M., & Savage, R. (2016). Parent scaffolding of young children when engaged with mobile technology. Frontiers in psychology. 7, Frontiers in psychology. 2016, Vol.7. Monitoring Children continued

So what can parents do to help limit their child’s use of social media and screen time? Creating family rules surrounding social media and holding everyone accountable can be helpful. Remember, being specific and clear is important. One example could be the following: “Phones and other electronic devices are not to be used at the dinner table or when we are having family time” Another way to can be to install passwords and child blockers on phones, televisions, computers and other devices. This can allow parents to monitor the content their child can see while still allowing them the freedom to explore technology. Here is a video discussing screen contentment and how it can impact child development https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P41_nyYY3Zg Impact of Technology

As seen in the previous video technology has impacted children and adults. In some ways it has allowed our society to thrive and flourish more in the past 30 years than it has since discovering electricity. Technology has also created problems in society as well such as lack of privacy, disconnection, distractibility and even addiction. So how can we find the right balance? Are we missing the big picture? Benefits of Technology

 Technology has advanced enough to allow learning programs for children to be shared around the world.

 Children are learning to advance their technology abilities faster than adults and can even teach their parents how to work different types of technology.

 The use of cell phones has allowed for parents to track their child and see where they are at all times.

 Technology allows parents to find resources for their child faster and makes researching information more convenient. Risks of Technology

 Too much screen time can lead to health and physical problems in the future.  Children can easily gain access to inappropriate content through technology  Parents may sometimes substitute technology for spending quality time with their child. This can lead to a disconnect between the child and the parent as well as communication.  The excess use of social media can lead to an addiction of technology. Lack of monitored content can also lead to children being harassed, bullied, or threaten in an online world.  Technology can cause distractions while driving or completing other important tasks. Texting and Driving

Texting and driving is a problem that many people experience daily. Teens learn to drive at the age of 16. This is also a time where teens are discovering their personality and trying to express themselves. Being addicted to Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat can cause many distractions while driving. Teens aren’t as experienced with driving because they are still learning. Texting can exacerbate that lack of experience and crate a dangerous situation. It is important to talk with your teen about these risks and express your concern. Remember, set a good example. Don’t look at your phone while driving. This includes using the GPS! What is a parent to do?

Technology is neither good, nor bad. It is simply a tool that if abused, like most things, can become detrimental to parents and children. It is ultimately the parent who gets to make the final decision on how to use technology. There are risks and benefits to everything. Teenagers are very active online and their online persona can impact their thoughts of self-worth and self- esteem. It is much harder to be a parent now than it was 50 years ago. Parents need to adapt to today’s society and understand the risks about things in the world. Good communication, relationship building and family values can help make the challenge of using technology easier. Reflection Reflect on this session and discuss what you have learned. What are some thoughts and feelings you have? Take as much time as you need. Send your reflection to the group facilitator when it has been completed. Please answer the following questions.

1. How has social media impacted your role as a parent? 2. What are some changes you can make to adjust the changes social media brings to children and parents? 3. How do you plan on discussing texting and driving with your teenager Session 6: Sex and Sexuality

Objectives

 Review last session

 Discuss Sexuality

 Discuss Sex and Puberty

 How to speak to children about sex and sexuality

 LGBTQIA+

 Sexually Transmitted Infections

 Reflection Yes, this section may feel a little awkward. But it might be more awkward for parents when children ask about sex and they don’t know how to respond. Lets Review

 Technology is a growing field. It is important to monitor the content children have access to.

 Social media and technology use can be addictive.

 Technology use can impact child development. Too much screen time can lead to health and physical problems in the future.

 Appropriate boundaries and family values can make it easier for parents to monitor and limit technology. Sexuality

What is sexuality? Sexuality refers to sexual expression and people’s ability to have sexual feelings. Sexuality is different for everyone. Heteronormativity, the assumption that being heterosexual is “normal”, is often assumed by teens and adults. However, sexuality can be expressed in many different ways. When children begin to go through puberty their sexual expression may change as well. It is important for parents to understand their child’s sexuality because it can be a scary time in a child’s life if they lack the proper support. Sexuality simply refers to who or what you are attracted to sexually Sex and Puberty

Sex refers to a person’s sexual reproductive organs. At birth children are given a sexual orientation. If a child has a Penis, they are male. If a child has a vagina, they are female. This is true for roughly 98% of births. So what about the other 2%. The other two percent are known as Intersex and will be discussed later in this section. Puberty is when a boys and girls began to mature sexually. Girls typically begin puberty before boys. During this time a child’s body will be going through many different changes. Children may ask questions or even feel embarrassed. It is important for parents to be supportive and help their child answer any questions they may have. This is a major change for children and can have an impact on their view of themselves. The more support a child receives during this time, the more positive view of themselves and their body they are likely to have. Puberty for girls

 Puberty typically occurs between the ages of 10 and 14 for girls

 The development of breasts is one of the first signs of puberty

 Hair around the vagina and armpits will also begin to grow during this time

 Lastly, Menstruation begins. Menstruation is also known as a period. This can be scary for girls, especially if they are never told about what menstruation is or why it occurs.

 Other changes include body odor and a change in voice.

 Both boys and girls may experience growth pain and muscle pain as the go through puberty. They will begin to reach their adult height and they will finish growing after puberty stages have commenced Puberty for boys

 Puberty typically occurs between the ages of 12 and 16 for girls

 The penis and testicles will begin to increase in size during this time

 Pubic hair will develop around the genital areas and in the armpits.

 As the stages of puberty continue boys will begin to develop a deeper voice, facial hair, body odor, and muscle growth

 Both boys and girls may experience growth pain and muscle pain as the go through puberty. They will begin to reach their adult height and they will finish growing after puberty stages have commenced How to discuss sex with teenagers Discussing sex can be awkward for both parties involved, however it is an important discussion that should take place between parents and their children. There is a lot of false information on the internet and from other sources, so it is important to inform teenagers about the correct information. Here are some important things to cover when discussing sex with teens.

 When discussing sex it is important to use the names of the sexual parts (penis, vagina, breasts). This is also important when children ask about their private areas. Using the correct names allows children and teens to identify exactly what parts are what, as opposed to names like (hoo ha, thingy, dingaling). Below are some links about how to discuss sex with teens. https://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/protective/pdf/talking_teens.pdf https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/parents/high-school/what- should-i-teach-my-high-school-aged-teen-about-sex-and-sexua How to discuss sex with teenagers continued

 Do not lie to children to scare them away from sex. Examples can be “Kissing can lead to getting pregnant” or “If you have sex before marriage nobody will ever want to be with you.” These lies can cause children to fear sex and possibly feel ashamed of their body. Instead, be open with your child and answer any questions they may have honestly.

 Assure children that these changes in their body are normal

 Ask teens what they know about sex. You may be surprised at the amount of information they know, or the amount of misinformation.

 If you do not know the answer to a question, don’t be afraid to look it up or admit that you do not know. It’s better than telling a lie or providing misinformation. How to discuss sex with teenagers continued

 Discuss respect with you child and the importance of having respect for their body, as well as others

 Sex should ALWAYS be consensual.

 Discuss sexually transmitted infections and inform children about the risks of sex

 Educate teens about contraceptives and safe sexy. It’s better for a parent to teach their child about contraception than the internet.

 Provide children with any resources they may need or want. Here is a short video about discussing sex and birth control with teens https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WTXkP3kvms LGBTQIA+

 Some teens may identify as being part of the LGBTQIA+ community.

 Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer/Questioning, Intersex and Asexual

 It is important for parents to be supportive if their child identifies with the community. Some children who are not given any support may struggle with self-esteem and are sometimes kicked out of their home. Parental support is also important because studies have shown that suicide can occur among teens who are rejected by their parents, friends, and others who may no longer support them.

 Sometimes children are forced into gender roles. It is perfectly acceptable for a little girl to play with fire trucks, or a little boy to play with dolls. Allowing children and teens to express who they are is important and can support their self image as well. Sexually Transmitted Infections

Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI) can sometimes manifest after having sexual intercourse. It is important for children and adults to understand these infections so they can take the proper steps to have safe sex. Here are some STIs listed below.

 Herpes

 HIV and AIDS Herpes

 1 in 6 Americans has genital herpes

 When herpes presents itself on the penis, vagina, anus, scrotum, butt, or inner thighs, it is known as genital herpes.

 When sores are presented on the mouth, lops, or throat, it is known as oral herpes

 Herpes is passes through skin to skin contact. Penetration does not need to occur for herpes to be passed.

 symptoms include sores, burning if urine touches herpes sores, headache, fever, chills, swollen glands, and feeling achy or tired

 Herpes stays in your body for life HIV and AIDS

 HIV is the virus that causes AIDS  HIV can affect anyone and roughly 1 million people living in the U.S. have the virus. Once you have HIV it stays in your body for life  HIV can be passed from person to person. AIDS is the disease caused by the damage the HIV virus does to the body.  HIV can be transmitted through sex, sharing needles, cuts and sores, or being stuck with a needle that has HIV–infected blood  It can take years before healthy people begin to show symptoms if given the virus. People may feel feverish after the first month and have flu like symptoms  Aids happens when a certain number of CD4 cells are lost. Symptoms may include bad infections, chronic pelvic inflammatory disease, yeast infections sore throat.  It is always important to be checked by a doctor regularly Reflection Reflect on this session and discuss what you have learned. What are some thoughts and feelings you have? Take as much time as you need. Send your reflection to the group facilitator when it has been completed. Please answer the following questions. 1. How did your parents talk with you about sex? Would you do things differently? 2. How do you plan on discussing sex with your adolescent children? 3. Why is important to discuss sex with adolescents? 4. What is difficult about Session 7: Drugs and Alcohol

 Objectives

 Discuss Alcohol

 Alcohol abuse

 Risks of alcohol

 Alcohol and teens

 Appropriate uses of alcohol

 Discuss Drugs

 Drug use

 Risks

 Drugs and teens

 Reflection Alcohol

Alcohol is a common drink among adults. Likewise, teenagers typically like to explore alcohol as well. If you remember learning about prohibition laws in back in history, then you might also remember that people still continued to make alcohol despite what the law said. Like any substance alcohol can become addictive and be abused. Parents should set a clear example about the uses of alcohol and what is appropriate. So what is alcohol abuse?

Alcohol abuse can occur when too much alcohol is consumed at a time daily, weekly, or pretty frequently. Yes, alcohol can make you feel good, happy and excited, but like all substances it can be easy to lose control. Addiction to consuming alcohol, or even having a mental illness due to the large consumption of alcohol, is what is known as Alcoholism. Alcoholism can run in the family and parents who frequently abuse alcohol increase the chances that their children will also be more likely to abuse alcohol in their lifetime. Like most addictions, it can be difficult to remain sober or lower the consumption of alcohol. Below is a that discusses alcoholism symptoms, what causes it, and what some treatment options may be. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5DxD6Tuxxw Risks of Alcohol

Though alcohol can be enjoyed regularly it does come with some risk factors. We have already discussed abuse, addiction, and alcoholism, but what other risks are there? There are many health problems associated with alcohol. Some include liver disease, cancer, brain damage, and even risk of serious injury. This information is not meant to scare or intimidate, but rather educate parents about the risks and how to protect teens from those risks. DUI laws exist for a reason. Driving under the influence can put your life and other people’s lives in danger. Below is a chart that can tell you what your legal limit to drive is, but keep in mind that sober driving is always the safest driving. Alcohol impacts everyone differently. This chart is a rough estimate and should not be used to justify drinking. Remember, even if you are under the limit, a police officer can still issue a DUI at their own discretion Risks of Alcohol continued Even if you are not behind the wheel of a vehicle, alcohol can still be a threat to yourself and others. A common illness is Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. This can occur when mothers continue to drink when they are pregnant with a child. The excess amount of drinking can cause the child to become dependent on alcohol when they are born. Drinking while pregnant can also cause birth defects, cancer and even death to the child. Another health risk is Karsakoff Syndrome. Karsakoff Syndrome can be described as having a lack of attention, memory loss and lacking insight to decisions. This happens when the drain is deprived of thiamine in the brain and is over powered by the toxins in alcohol. It is important for parents and teenagers to know and understand the risks of alcohol before deciding to have that one drink. Alcohol and Teens

How many drinking games do you know? If you said beer pong, and maybe one other, then chances are teenagers know more drinking games. This not uncommon because teenagers who want to experience alcohol typically play games as opposed to pouring a glass of scotch and actually enjoying the flavors. How do they get access to alcohol? Teenagers can access alcohol in the home, at parties, or from other adults who are willing to buy them alcohol. Remember when we discussed boundaries and family values? This is one of those times where discussing family values and boundaries surrounding alcohol can be beneficial to teenagers and their parents. Practice writing some of them down. If your child really want’s to throw a ping pong ball into a cup, then water and soda are always great alternatives. Alcohol and Teens continued

How can I get my child to stop drinking? If teenagers want to drink they will probably find a way. The best way to combat this is to talk with them about alcohol use. Do you remember being told “No, you can’t do that” by a parent or authority figure? Did it make you want to do it more? That is what teens can experience when being told they can’t have alcohol. This is not to say that buying your children alcohol and drinking with them is the solution. What this is saying is that you can not control what your children do when they are out of your supervision. The best you can do is educate them about the risks and concerns you have surrounding alcohol. This is also a great time to implement I-statements and express your feelings. Similar to sex, it is important to have this discussion with your child. Appropriate uses of Alcohol

When you tell teens alcohol is bad the typical response is “well you drink it”. Then you play the “I’m an adult” card and they tell you that it’s not fair and possibly call you a hypocrite. Modeling appropriate behavior and use of alcohol, combined with talking to your children about alcohol, can help foster better conversations and clear communication. Here is a list of appropriate uses of alcohol.

 Having a drink at a celebration

 A glass of wine at dinner (not the bottle)

 A beer at a sport’s game

 Going out with friends to a bar with a designated driver or taking an Uber or Lyft home. Modeling and discussing these behaviors is how teens will view alcohol as they become older. Drug Use

Similar to alcohol teens and parents may sometimes experiment or use drugs. For the purpose of this section, the term “drugs” will refer to substances that are used without a prescription written by a doctor. There are many different drugs available today, some more dangerous than others. It is not uncommon for children to be curious about drugs, but just like alcohol, it is important to educate children about the use of drugs. The most popular drug is Marijuana. Especially die to its legalization in California, and other states, Marijuana is a popular drug to be used recreationally. Below is a hand out that has been created to help parents and adults speak with teenagers about drugs, as well as alcohol. Risks of Drug Use

 Drugs can have many different effects on the body. Marijuana is an example of a popular drug that has been connected to memory loss, impairment of motor skills, slower cognitive processing and anxiety. This is not to say that all marijuana use is bad and should never happen, but just like alcohol, drug use has its risks.  Marijuana has been prescribed medically for people who have cancer or chronic pain. It can provide some pain relieve and help calm people. Marijuana can come with its risks, but it is unfair to claim that it has no benefits. Children naturally want to explore, and drugs are difficult to avoid throughout high school and college. Peer pressure plays a major role in drug use, but speaking with your children can allow for better boundaries and higher self-esteem to help children say no to using drugs.  Similar to alcohol, babies can also be born with a dependency on drugs that the mother was taking, while she was pregnant. It is important for parents to understand these risks before using drugs. Different types of Drugs

Marijuana has been known as the “gateway” drug. Many teens try marijuana, and though not all teens begin to take more powerful dugs, some will still try more than marijuana. During college and high school teenagers may also experiment with prescription medication such as Adderall or Ritaline. These medications are known for helping with concentration. Teenagers and college students may sometimes take this medication, without a prescription, to help them stay awake for studying or concentrating on schoolwork. This can create a dependency on the drug and a need for more, even if there is no more work to do. Below is a video on different drugs and use of drugs in teens during high school. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mesfPehYGg Reflection Reflect on this session and discuss what you have learned. What are some thoughts and feelings you have? Take as much time as you need. Send your reflection to the group facilitator when it has been completed. 1. What are your experiences with drugs or alcohol, and how have they impacted your views and experiences with parenting? 2. How did you first learn about drugs and alcohol? 3. How do you plan on discussing drugs and alcohol with your children? What will you do differently from your parents? Session 8: Bullying

 Objectives

 Discuss Bullying

 Discuss cyber bullying

 Dealing with bullies

 What to do if your child is being bullied?

 What to do if your child is the bully

 Reflection What is Bullying?

 Bullying happens in schools, at home, and even online. Bullying is when someone directly targets another person for a variety of reasons. Whatever the reason, it is never appropriate to deliberately harass, pick on, or target another person simply for being different.  It is important for parents and teachers to actively observe children and their interactions with others. Bullying can go unnoticed if parents and teachers are not aware of group dynamics. By having open communication with their children parents can have an easier time understanding these dynamics and possibly find ways to prevent bullying. Cyber Bullying

Cyber bulling occurs online and can often go undetected for long periods of time. As discussing in previous sessions it is very important that parents understand what content children are engaging in online. Cyber bullies often target children who feel lonely or isolated. These bullies can also turn an entire online community against someone as fast as clicking on a post. Social media is a huge part of society, but unfortunately there are people who find ways to embarrass, shame or isolate people online. In some ways cyber bullying is much easier to do because children are very active online and there are very few measures in place to prevent bullying. It is also very easy to create fake accounts and remain anonymous when bullying someone online. How do I know my child is being bullied?

Here are some steps to help if you notice your child is being targeted or bullied  Your child has injuries that are from an unknown origin  Personal items are lost or damaged. Possibly stolen

 Children will often fake an illness to avoid going to school or going somewhere where they know the bully would be.  Eating habits may change. Children may develop eating disorders or consume comfort food to feel more control  Difficulty sleeping or nightmares  Grades in school may begin to drop or children may lose interest in activities  Loss of friendships and lack of socialization  Decreased self esteem and feelings of helplessness. This can also lead to destructive behavior towards themselves and others How do I know if my child is a bully?

Here are some signs to look for if your child might be bullying others  Starting physical or verbal altercations with others  Who are your children’s friends? Do they bully others? If so, your child may be involved  Does your child’s aggressive behavior continue to happen more frequently?  Being reprimanded by authority or constantly in trouble with teachers or being sent to the office  The have extra money or items that do not belong to them  Blame others for their problems  Refusing to take responsibility for actions (I-statements are a good tool here)  Being overly competitive or extremely concerned about their reputation or how popular they are at school.  Getting in trouble at school Do’s and Don’ts

DO DON’TS Have a discussion with your child Don’t tell your child to fight back Speak with the proper authority Don’t ignore your child figures. Don’t tell your child to “be a man” Teach your child to do their best to or “deal with it.” leave the situation Don’t blame your child for being Believe your child when they say bullied they are being bullied Don’t get into physical altercations Have an adult discussion with the associated with the bully bully’s parents if possible. Boys vs. Girls

Boys and girls are different with respect to bullying. Let's start with boys. Boys are more physically aggressive when they are bullying. Boys will hot, push, punch and harm each other. This is not to say that boys can’t bully other ways, however they are more likely to be physical. Girls are more likely to bully other girls indirectly. They will shun or shame other girls, and boys, for many different reasons. Rumors are a very popular way for girl to bully. Girls can be physical, however they are more likely separate others from certain groups. Why don’t children say something?

Bullying can be a humiliating experience. Children being bullied often feel isolated, helpless, afraid, and insecure. It can be difficult to tell someone because they may not feel safe. Children who are sheltered or have overbearing parents are often more likely to be victimized by bullies as well. Children may also fear being rejected by their peers is they tell someone about being bullied or retaliation from the bully themselves. Bullying can happen to anyone so it is important to have good communication with your child and be aware of what is happening in their lives. Here is a short film about bullying and the impact it can have on others. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXI79v0l-QE Reflection

Reflect on this session and discuss what you have learned. What are some thoughts and feelings you have? Take as much time as you need. Send your reflection to the group facilitator when it has been completed. Please answer the following questions. 1. What have been your experiences with bullying? 2. How will you talk with your child about bullying? 3. What can you do to prevent bullying and protect your child from bullying? Divorce

Objectives

 Divorce

 Impact of divorce on children

 Domestic Violence

 Reflection Lets talk about Divorce

40 to 50% of marriages end in divorce. This can be a discouraging statistic to see, but divorce does not have to be a bad thing. Sometimes living in conflict can be more detrimental to children than having two parents who live separately. If divorce is inevitable, then there are some steps parents should follow to make the transition as smooth as possible. Children may not always understand why parents are getting divorced, so it is up to the parents to communicate to the children reasons for divorcing each other. Making those reasons age appropriate is also very important. Impact of Divorce on Children

Children can have a negative or a positive experience. Parents play a large role in this experience. Divorce is a stressful for both parties and is one of the most stressful events to experience in life. Stress reduction techniques can be helpful for children and adults who are experiencing a divorce. Children often believe they caused the divorce of their parents. It is important for parents to not blame children and to take responsibility for their actions, as discussed in previous sessions. Children may also feel as though they need to choose between parents. This can cause a lot of stress in children. Although parents may not be able to live with each other, it is important for them to agree on how to raise their children. Below is a video about the important things parents need to understand about divorce. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKd7PI_GjSs Common Mistakes When parent’s get divorced there are some common mistakes that are made. Here is a list of some of the mistakes.  Making a child choose sides  Though parents may not mean to, their children sometimes feel as though they need to pick sides. Communication with your child and spouse is important to help children transition properly.  Talking negatively about the other partner  Speaking negatively about the other parent can make your child feel uncomfortable, regardless of what may or may not be true. This can also create enmeshed boundaries. Leave those conversations between you and your partner  Lying to your child about what is happening  This can vary depending on the age of your child, but teens can understand more than an 8-year-old can. Make sure you use appropriate language and topics. How to Transition

 Keep things as similar as possible for your child.

 Try an minimize the amount of arguing that occurs between you and your former partner.

 Be open and honest when your child asks questions. Remember to keep appropriate boundaries.

 Assure your child that they are NOT the reason you and your partner decided to get a divorce.

 Let your child know that both you and your partner still love them. Reflection

Reflect on this session and discuss what you have learned. What are some thoughts and feelings you have? Take as much time as you need. Send your reflection to the group facilitator when it has been completed. Please answer the following questions. 1. What are your experiences, if any, with divorce? 2. What do you believe is the best way for parents to separate and speak with their children about divorce? 3. Why do you think divorces happen? Child Abuse

Objectives

 Child Abuse

 Physical

 Sexual

 Neglect

 What to do if you suspect child abuse

 Reflection Domestic Violence

Domestic violence occurs when a spouse or partner abuses their significant other, children, or both. These forms of abuse can be physical, verbal, financial, and emotional. As stated earlier, parents should never hit their child, or justify their violent behavior by doing it “out of love.” Living in this type of environment can lead to children becoming fearful, anxious or even resentful of the abuser, and sometimes the survivor. Domestic violence is similar to bullying, but more specifically within the home environment. Although it may be difficult, it is important to get help. Minors can be removed from a home and a domestic violence situation. Parents can also be arrested and charged because of domestic violence situations. Communication is worth knowing that proper communication does NOT involve any form of domestic violence or abuse. Child Abuse

Child abuse can happen to any child at any time. Parents should be vigilant of sighs of abuse in children. This section will discuss three types of child abuse that are commonly seen; physical abuse, sexual abuse, and neglect. Children are likely to be abused by someone they know and trust. Yes, this includes their parents. Understanding this can allow parents to be more cautious about who is around their child. Recognizing abuse is important for parents to understand because it can help prevent potentially harmful situations from happening to children and their families. Failure to Protect Failure to protect refers to a parent’s ability to protect their child from violence, harm, or other dangers that may occur. Sometimes parents who try their best still have their children removed from their custody? Why does this happen? Using domestic violence as an example we can see failure to protect occur. If the person being abused chooses to stay in the relationship they can be seen as an unfit parent because they are indirectly putting their child in danger. Unfortunately it works the other way as well. Some parents can not leave because the abuser also has custody of the child. Should the parent try and leave with the child the abuser may threaten to press charges for kidnapping. This catch 22 situation is not unheard of and can happen in these relationships. Seeking assistance from others can be challenging, but it is important for parents to protect their child. Domestic violence can happen to anyone and can also lead to child abuse and result in the removal of children from their home. Physical Abuse

 Physical abuse can be anywhere from forcefully handling a child to hitting and leaving marks, broken bones, or lacerations on their bodies.

 Some children lie and say they fell or that it was an accident. This could be out of fear or love. Love? How can that be love? If you recall from earlier sections, children can experience a distortion of what love is and can be. They may still love their parent unconditionally even though they are constantly being abused.

 Physical abuse can happen from parents, relatives, siblings and anyone who has access to children.

 Like bullying, children can be fearful of the abuser and may be afraid to say something. Using clear and loving communication can help create a safe environment for children to explain what is happening. Sexual Abuse  Sexual abuse of children is categorized from ages 0 to the day before they turn 18. Yes, that is a very specific age, but ANYONE under the age od 18 is considered a minor. This is an important fact if children who are in their teens become romantically or sexually involved with someone with is 18 or older.

 Sexual abuse is likely to occur by someone the child trusts and is familiar with. It could be a sibling, parent, family friend, relative, or even an adult who spends a lot of time around children. This is not to say all people are dangerous, but it is important for parents to be watchful of signs that their children may be being sexually abused.

 Some of these signs can be over sexualized behavior, fear of the abuser, and even abusing other children.

 Penetration does not need to occur for sexual abuse to happen. Fondling children, inappropriate touching, child pornography, and showing pornographic images to children can all be forms of sexual abuse Neglect

Neglect can frequently be overlooked or forgotten.  Neglect happens when children are left alone to obtain their basic human needs, or parentified. Parents who neglect their children may not be purposefully neglecting them, however their priorities may be towards something other than taking care of their children. An easy scenario to visualize can be a parent who chooses to abuse drugs or alcohol before choosing their child, but what about working parents? Maybe a single parent who is barely making enough money to survive is too depressed to leave their bed. This may also qualify as neglect.  Parentifying children can also happen when parents are gone for too long or do not assume their responsibilities as a caregiver. Some children drop out of school to take care of their siblings. Essentially they become the second or main parent of the household.  Depression can happen to anyone and is a serious mental illness, but it is still a parent’s responsibility to try and get the care they need for themselves and their children. What can parents do?

The most important thing for parents to do is to BELIEVE THEIR CHILD! It can be difficult for children to report any form of abuse. Do not blame the child by saying they “asked for it” or that they “wanted it” because it is NEVER their fault. Often times people refuse to believe that a relative or someone close to the family could have abused a child. This causes parents to suppress the child and deny their accusations in order to protect the perpetrator. This can be devastating for children, and anyone who has ever been abused. Watch for signs of abuse and report ANY abuse or suspected abuse to the proper authorities. Some children and may not be able to explain what is happening. It is important for parents and adults to be the voice for children who are silenced. S.U.D.S

This session has had a lot of powerful and possibly triggering content. Please complete a subjective units of distress form and choose any of the following stress reduction or mindfulness exercises:

Mindful Coloring Progressive Muscle Relaxation Deep breathing Reflection

Reflect on this session and discuss what you have learned. What are some thoughts and feelings you have? Take as much time as you need. Send your reflection to the group facilitator when it has been completed. Please answer the following questions. 1. Have you had any experience with abuse or domestic violence? 2. What are some ways you can protect yourself and your child from experiencing any form of abuse? 3. Create a safety plan that includes people who you can contact, a safe place to go, and steps to ensure that you and your child will be safe if any abuse happens. Congratulations!

Great job on completing the Supportive Parenting Program. Please write a reflection and express your thoughts about the program. 1. What has changed for you now that you have completed the program? 2. How will you approach parenting differently? 3. What did you enjoy about the program? 4. What would you change about the program? 5. Please write any other comments you have about the time you spent completing this program