Volume 42 - Issue 20 - Friday, March 16, 2007

Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar

The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper

Spring 3-16-2007

Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected]

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Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 42 - Issue 20 - Friday, March 16, 2007" (2007). The Rose Thorn Archive. 202. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/202

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This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspaper at Rose-Hulman Scholar. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Rose Thorn Archive by an authorized administrator of Rose-Hulman Scholar. For more information, please contact [email protected]. R OSE -H ULMAN I NSTITUTE OF T ECHNOLOGY T ERRE H AUTE , I NDIANA Friday, March 16, 2007 Volume 42, Issue 20

News Briefs Rose hosts national track meet By Kyle Kamischke Christina Davis and Fred Webber Cameron wrong Photographer / Staff Writer about ‘Jesus Tomb’ riday and Saturday, March 9 and 10, over Stephan Pfann, a scholar at the Uni- F2200 people attended versity of the Holy Land in Jerusalem, has the National Collegiate Ath- recently come forward and claimed that letic Association (NCAA) James Cameron’s “The Lost Tomb of Je- Division III National Track sus” was wrong when it translated text on Meet here in Rose’s SRC. Matt an ossuary purportedly belonging to Mary Sinclair, Assistant Director Magdalene. The film suggests that the text for Recreational Sports and found, which was read as “Mariamene e Athletic Facilities, said 1500 Mara,” which translates into “Mary the paid spectators, 400 athletes, master” or “Mary the teacher,” is the final 150 coaches, 70 meet officials resting place of Mary Magdalene since and 100 staff attended the Mariamene was a rare name. Pfann ana- event. lyzed the inscription and reportst that Ryan Schipper, a senior civ- the ossuary doesn’t read “Mariamene.” It il engineer, competed in the instead is composed of two names in two pole vault. “I tried to prepare different forms of hand writing. He feels for the meet by letting my that it says “Mariame kai Mara,” which body rest for a few days and translates to Mary and Martha. This im- by getting mentally ready,” plies that more bones were added to the described Schipper. Schipper ossuary later. Pfann also said that Camer- had a great deal of support on’s documentary “fiddled” with facts to both before and at the meet. make their story work. “My parents drove down from Fort Wayne to watch the meet. Only one of my eight siblings Google to change was not able to attend because of an SAT test. The support privacy standards that I got from the track team, family, and friends that came On Thursday, Google Inc. announced down was really a big help to that it will be implementing new privacy motivate me.” Schipper was measures to makes its searches more enthusiastic about the com- anonymous. The company plans to re- petition. “I think it was a great move important identifying data informa- opportunity to have the best tion from its system every 18 to 24 months. jumpers in the nation com- This time period is meant to comply with peting at the facility that I use Christina Davis and Andrew Carlson / Rose Thorn laws around the world that order how long almost every day.” The NCAA Division III Indoor Track and Field Championships was held this past weekend in search engines must keep their search in- Qualifying to compete in the SRC fieldhouse. Ryan Schipper was the sole representative athlete from Rose-Hulman. formation. Authorities will still be able to the national meet is a feat in force Google to keep data beyond its set itself. According to Larry Cole, Around the middle of the the incoming guests. This af- exclaimed senior mechani- length of time. Privacy experts are very the Track and Field coach, week, all students that use the fected residents in Blumberg, cal engineer Aaron “Monkey” happy with the company’s precautions “only the top 12 to 14 athletes parking lots on either side of Mees, Scharpenberg, Deming, Markowitz. and others are glad that the search engine in each event qualify for the the SRC were required to move and the Apartments. “Finding is the first to mention how long it will re- NCAA meet.” their vehicles to make way for a parking spot was awful,” Continued on Page 3... tain data. The reason for the privacy an- nouncement is based on a subpoena by the U.S. Justice Department the company received and fought against which re- Math conference presents new ideas quested search information of its users. Chris Casillas presentations are the students or the Copy Editor main [invited] speakers. There are End of analog T.V. a growing number of these confer- he Rose-Hulman Undergradu- ences across the United States being date announced ate Math Conference was host- funded by the Mathematical Associa- Mark your calendars for midnight on Ted this past weekend by the tion of America (MAA),” commented February 17, 2009. That is the date that all Department of Mathematics. Allen Broughton. “We are one of the oldest owners of analog televisions that received Broughton, Department Head and places hosting [the conference], and signals through antennas will no longer Professor of Mathematics, Ken Mc- we’ve been doing it a lot longer than receive a signal. The only way to continue Murdy, Assistant Professor of Math- funding has been available.” receiving a signal is by purchasing a digital ematics, and with the assistance of The conference featured Rose stu- converter box for which the price is cur- Terri Moscan, the department secre- dents who were involved with the rently unknown. Every household, whether tary, organized the conference. The math club and Pi Mu Epsilon. These it needs a converter or not, will be eligible conference was held to highlight the students introduced student speak- to receive two $40 coupons towards the accomplishments of undergraduate ers and kept the sessions on time. purchase of two converter boxes from the mathematicians. They were also hosts at the student government. Registration for the coupons The goal of the conference was for party after the presentations on Fri- will be between January 1, 2008 and March undergraduate students to present day. Christina Davis / Rose Thorn 31, 2009. Coupons will be distributed until their project, thesis, or research work. Dr. Jerry L. Bona speaks to attendees about the $1.5 billion set aside for them runs out. “The only people allowed to make the Continued on Page 3... the math of tsunamis.

News Entertainment Opinions Sports Flipside

A sculpture of a house YouTube, Cartoon, 5 sayings that Women’s basketball “In the rear?” Flow My Tears, the have to go, Top 4 of the “In the rear.” Policeman Said week Page 3 Pages 4 - 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 2 PUZZLE & CLASSIFIEDS The Rose Thorn Across 1 Wiki defines it as a false backronym for warehouses at riverfronts, I just Crossword think dwarfs by Jim Sedoff 3 A takedown term in boxing 4 A kitten is cute, but this is cuter unless it’s a wolf’s 6 On this day 9-Down gets krunk 10 Important flying aspect of sailboats, just don’t “fall” over 11 The newest sorority on campus, don’t worry pandas don’t bite…hard 13 Comes in lemon, lime, apple and would have been great Wednesday 15 Some schools claim that 5-Down rounds to this number not 2-Down 17 Could be one of Jupiter’s moons or an important CS program component 18 A Mexican pocket gopher 19 A hypothesis which makes “zero” sense 22 The rivers run this in 9-Down on 6-Across and the snakes hate it 23 Charlize Theron, how many eras does it take to make two ____ ? Her: it fluctuates. Down 1 The Japanese celebrated this spin-off of Valentine’s Day on Wednesday, also Rose’s 2nd color 2 Indiana mysteriously rounds 5-Down to this number 3 A single new fly tennie, or a breakdance move like a head stand 4 Could be a precious metal element or a military exercise camp 5 Hopefully you celebrated this day on Wednesday 6 Last month it was okay to do this on Speed Lake, now you’d be better off fishing 7 Think Anjou or Bartlett in a nice white wine or chocolate cake 8 Some of its species are poisonous, but don’t throw out that healing green bottle just yet 9 Home of a department store tower and annually dumps green dye on 6- Across 12 Most of us don’t have this in our dorm rooms, unless Squishy is flushable 14 Could be the name of liqueur and lemon or what happens to milk forgotten on the counter 16 This Mike Wallace CBS News show could also be convincingly called “One ___” Check out the answers on our website: 20 A masculine “the” for Jean-Claude’s camera 21 It could be an IBM mainframe feature, or just a simple math inequality www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn acronym Classifieds

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Editorial Staff The Rose Thorn Thorn Staff Editor-in-Chief Aaron Meles Writers Philip Becker Editor-in-Chief CM 5037, 5500 Wabash Ave. Kyle Kamischke Emeritus Lissa Avery Terre Haute, IN 47803-3999 Rachel Howser News Editor Ryan Schultz Phone:(812)877-8255 Matthew Melton Opinions Editor Andrew Klusman Fax: (812)877-8166 Tiffany Parrott Jessica Rogers Entertainment Editor Phillip Meiser E-mail: [email protected] Sports Editor Mike Ferguson Jim Sedoff http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn Humor Editor Gregory Weir Fred Webber Layout Manager Andrea Brown James Zhou Copy Editor Chris Casillas “Working to keep the Rose-Hulman community informed Photo Editor Andrew Carlson by providing an accurate and Photo Editor Emeritus Ken Meyer dependable source for news and information.” Cartoonists Erin Hudson Administrative Staff Luke Plummer Advertising Manager Richard Ballard The Rose Thorn is published on Fridays ﬁrst through ninth week each quarter. Asst. Advertising Mgr. Tyler Price Photographers Joseph Barlan Business Manager Alex Cerier Christina Davis Webmaster Jonathan Ziebell Albert Mui Advisor Richard House The Rose Thorn welcomes and encourages comments from its readers. We request that all letters to the editor be less than 600 words in length. THE DEADLINE FOR CONTENT SUBMISSION IS 5 P.M. TWO DAYS PRIOR TO PUBLICATION All content should be submitted to [email protected] or to the Rose Thorn Ofﬁce (Hulman Memorial Union room 249). The editors reserve the right to edit submissions for clarity, grammar, length, and factual errors. The editors reserve the right to accept content changes submitted after deadline. All letters must contain the writer’s signature (electronic form is acceptable) and contact information (e-mail address and/or phone number). The views expressed in the Rose Thorn are those of the original author and do not necessarily represent the views of the Rose Thorn staff or Rose-Hulman community. Friday, March 16, 2007 NEWS 3 Math, from Page 1

Students from Sienna Heights feedback from students and the College in Michigan, University people who attend, and people of Evansville, IUPUI, Millikin keep coming back.” University in Illinois, and Tru- “Sienna Heights, University man State University in Mis- of Evansville, and probably IU- souri attended the conference PUI and Millikin University will and presented their work. probably build this into their The conference also featured schedule to [have students] talks by Jerry L. Bona and Jenni- present their results to an off fer Quinn. Bona is a mathemat- campus environment,” men- ics professor at the University tioned Broughton. of Illinois at Chicago, who pre- “One of the benefits of the sented his talk on “Big Waves conference for our Rose stu- on Deep Water – Tsunamis dents is to meet other students, and Rogue Waves” and “Math- to meet them without going off ematics and Beach campus, in a profes- Albert Mui / Rose Thorn Protection”. Quinn is a sional but social atmo- Lauren Ewing, a local scupltor, lectures on an upcoming sculpture she designed for Gilbert Park in Terre mathematics and com- sphere. There are many Haute. The sculpture will be constructed of limestone and will highlight a typical Terre Haute house. puter science profes- opportunities for the sor at the University of students and faculty Puget Sound in Wash- to interact and time ington, who presented for networking,” com- Sculpting a home her talk on “Determi- mented Broughton. nants via Determined Ants.” “It wouldn’t be possible to run Rachel Howser rian cottages in Terre Haute and nam War. Ewing stated, “I was a “It is a requirement for all the conference without the help Staff Writer constructed a Victorian hybrid, part of the first mass culture. For math faculty from Rose-Hulman of the staff of the department which consisted of all of the com- the first time there was a sense of to attend. Faculty members and the student help. They help n Monday, March 12, mon features of the houses. The we.” She continued, “I wanted to from [the] schools presenting with the party and introducing Lauren Ewing, a locally piece of limestone will be quar- do art that was not about me, but attend the event,” mentioned the speakers and taking pic- Oborn sculptor, presented ried from Mansfield Stone Com- about we.” Ewing also stated, “We Broughton. “It is open for the tures. It’s a really nice math re- her designs for a custom-made pany in Brazil. The piece will make the world that we live in and Rose community to attend the lated project for them and [it’s] sculpture and base, which was be about seven feet tall and five we can make it however we need lectures and the student talks, a way to get them involved in commissioned as a project for feet wide, and it will sit on a large it to be. We can remake it.” and it usually fills up the GM service activities,” Broughton Gilbert Park in Terre Haute, to the base, which will provide seating Ewing explained that she was room.” said. “This year, there was a big local community at Rose-Hul- around the piece and a founda- interested in architectural to- After the event is over, the upswing in the number of Rose man. The sculpture is of a typi- tion to protect the piece from pography, which is the study of Rose math department receives students presenting. Half of cal house found in Terre Haute possible earthquake damage. different building types. She feedback on the conference the talks were by Rose students. and will “give new meaning to a Ewing explained her back- then discussed a series of pieces, by the participants. According They have been very active in common neighborhood feature ground and inspiration. She grew which she made in the late 1970’s to Broughton, “As far as I can the departmental seminars this that often goes unnoticed,” Ew- up with a love of animals and no through the early 1980’s, which remember, it is very positive year.” ing explained. sense of fear on a farm in Vin- contained various phrases. The Ewing commented on her cur- cennes, Indiana. When she went goal of the phrases in her art- rent project in Terre Haute. Ew- to college, she was greatly influ- work, Ewing explained, was to ing studied hundreds of Victo- enced by Woodstock and the Viet- make people think. University Village www.uvapartment.com Now Leasing See Our Website for Fall Semester UVapartments.com 3 Fitness Centers

Christina Davis/ Rose Thorn 5 Laundry Centers Pole vaulters wait to compete at this past weekend’s NCAA Division III indoor track and field championship. Rose’s Ryan Schipper is pictured third from the left. Sign Up Now For Best Selection NCAA, from Page 1 University Village Offers: University Village Offers: BIGGEST SELECTION WIDE RANGE OF Set-up for the event began sev- ested in assisting with the event. eral days prior to the start of the I thought it would be fun to help OF STUDENT HOUSING PRICE POINTS meet, which consisted of several out,” stated Frey. Frey was put in -Studio Apts. sets of bleachers as well as the charge of concessions: “I had a -1 Bdrm - Standard Apts. per person (sharing a beginnings of a fence. good time and got to watch some -1 Bdrm - Lofted Apts. Rose-Hulman students served of the events.” Young, who was $295 4-Bdrm./2 Bath) as drug testers, vendors at the also assigned concession stand concession stand, and guides to duty, agreed with Frey. -2 Bdrm - 1 Bath Apts. campus and the SRC. Some also Cole explained how Rose had -2 Bdrm - 2 Bath Apts. helped with selling tickets and the opportunity to host the event. Spacious 1-Bedroom resetting field events such as the “We placed the bid with the NCAA $450 pole vault and long jump. Many two years ago,” explained Cole. -3 Bdrm - 2 Bath Apts. student groups participated, in- “We actually competed with MIT -3 Bdrm - 2 1/2 Bath Townhouses cluding several sports teams, SRC in Boston for the meet. We sold staff, and residence hall staff. the NCAA committee that Boston APPLY NOW...while they last! Prior to the start of events each hosts meets every weekend dur- -4 Bdrm - 2 Bath Apts. for the Location, Size, Features, day, the Rose-Hulman Pep Band ing the winter season: however, -4 Bdrm - 3 Bath Townhouses performed “The Star Spangled this would be a very special event & Price Point you want Banner.” for Rose-Hulman and the city, if -4 Bdrm - 4 Bath Apts. Katie Frey, junior mechanical we secured the bid.” engineer, and Jessica Young, ju- Apparently, the event was spe- CLOSEST HOUSING MOST SPACIOUS BEST FEATURED nior civil engineer, were two of cial to other teams as well. Ac- many Rose students who con- cording to Cole, “Several coaches TO CAMPUS UNITS IN THE CITY UNITS IN THE CITY tributed to the success of the commented that this was the event. “[Women’s Softball] coach best indoor championship meet [Brian Shearer] asked the play- in the history of Division III track University Village ers if any of us would be inter- & field.” 659 Elm St. 235-8573 Adjacent to the ISU Library Parking Lot 4 ENTERTAINMENT The Rose Thorn Tears of a Disney introducing first black princess Garesia Randle makers John Musker and Ron Cle- don’t know much about this par- attributed to the changing make- dystopian world The Daily Reveille ments, who also collaborated to ticular film except for what I have up of the company’s decision- direct and produce Disney favor- seen in the advertisements, but I makers. Ely Spears Walt Disney Studios is ventur- ites like “The Little Mermaid” and do understand how Disney has “Today, you have more people Guest Writer ing into a new direction while “Aladdin.” Randy Newman, New tapped into the historical context of color involved in making the preserving its classic hand-drawn Orleans native and Oscar-win- of the film industry,” Durant said. decisions of how films should Coming from the author animation with its new fairy tale ning songwriter and composer, “From the ‘60s, [filmmakers] have portray the story of their people,” whose works inspired the films film, “The Frog Princess.” will write the songs and score for been trying to find ways to diver- Durant said. “An old African prov- Blade Runner, Total Recall, The fairy tale, which is in pro- the film. sify in film. The economics of the erb says ‘Until the lion writes its and Minority Report, the novel duction and will debut in 2009, The Disney spokesperson, Hei- television and film industry have own story, the tale of the hunt will Flow My Tears, the Policeman is set to take place in the heart of di Trotta, did not return repeated a part in this.” always glorify the hunter.’ People Said follows a much more se- New Orleans -- the French Quar- phone calls by press time for fur- Durant said industries like Dis- have to tell their own story to date path. In typical Philip K. ter -- and will feature Maddy, Dis- ther comment. ney have to find ways to “advertise make it socially correct.” Dick fashion, the novel centers ney’s first black princess. Maddy’s character will join the to untapped markets” like blacks Durant said he is not surprised on a futuristic world where the Plans for the film were unveiled collection of other Disney prin- and the rising U.S. population of at the decision of where the story government is slowly inching a week ago by Dick Cook, chair- cesses. She will be turned into a Hispanics. of the first black Disney princess towards unrestricted control. man of The Walt Disney Studios, doll and featured on other Disney “I don’t think anything is wrong would be told. Some unique elements, how- and John Lasseter, chief creative paraphernalia. with it,” Durant said. “My ques- “Before the hurricane, two- ever, save Flow My Tears from officer for Disney and Pixar Ani- Thomas Durant, Louisiana State tion is -- why not? This is a fairy thirds of the New Orleans popu- being just another of those mation Studios. University professor of sociology tale after all. The characters have lation was made up of blacks,” preachy dystopian books. For Lasseter told The Associated and former director of African and to reflect some kind of personal- Durant said. “It is a very historic the real science fiction fan, Press that the movie would return African-American Studies said he ity.” place and has a very ethnic im- Flow My Tears provides enough to the classic hand-drawn ani- is glad to see Disney set new prec- Durant said another underlying pact on the movie. Choosing that suspense to make the read mation process, instead of using edents, but he said he also under- reason for company efforts to ap- venue seems to go along with the worthwhile. Only the few read- computer animation that has be- stands the reasoning behind it. “I peal to diverse groups can also be story.” ers interested in long-winded come the industry standard. Katrina Bell, LSU psychology philosophy, however, will ap- Disney has recently switched its senior, said she is excited that preciate the ending. focus to digitally animated films, Disney now takes a step in a new The story begins by introduc- and this is the first hand-drawn direction but questions the time ing a bubbling and charismatic film since the Disney animation factor behind producing the first television host, Jason Taverner. house completed work on sequels black Disney princess. Though Taverner is loved by to the films “Brother Bear” and “I guess my thing would be, millions of viewers, he finds “Cinderella” in mid-2006. what took them so long?” Bell said. himself being attacked by an “We’re pleased to be here in the “But I think that it would be great angry ex-girlfriend in the open- heart of New Orleans to announce to see a black princess, someone ing chapter. When he wakes up, ‘The Frog Princess,’ a great story who looks like me and other little Taverner discovers that he has with all the ingredients that go African-American girls, to play the lost all of his identification and into making an extraordinary mo- leading role.” that no one in the world re- tion picture experience,” Cook Cassidy England, LSU psychol- members who he is. The author said in a March 8 release. ogy senior, said she is also im- makes this wrinkle especially Cook said the film’s setting in pressed with the new character. interesting by establishing that New Orleans and strong princess “I think it is pretty neat that they the futuristic government con- character “give the film lots of ex- did the movie in New Orleans,” trols practically all facets of life citement and texture.” England said. “And the princess through intensively enforced According to the news release, will also give African-American identification cards and check- www.wikipedia.com the film is based on an original Concept art of Maddy, as shown in the New Orleans release girls someone else to look up to.” points. Thus, despite his good story by acclaimed Disney film- looks and charm, Taverner has instantly become among the lowest forms of life on the Forest Whitaker is one bad dude in ‘King of Scotland’ planet and risks being sent to a Megan Becwar later in the film. Instead we meet personal physician. its eeriness and suspense oth- labor camp for lacking ID. As I The Maneater a young Scottish man, Nicholas But it becomes clear that erwise. The film works best as a read the novel, I couldn’t help Garrigan (James McAvoy), who Nicholas -- who accepts read- thriller, and though Whitaker’s but to think of that credit card For those of you who don’t has just graduated from medical ily -- didn’t really have a choice. performance is subtly creepy in commercial where the old lady know Idi Amin, you should prob- school. He trusts and supports the lov- the beginning, we shouldn’t be is voiced over by some motor- ably read up on your history. But Nicholas, who is desperate to ably eccentric Amin, and though sucked into his charm as Nicho- cycle hogs telling the story of to get the most out of “The Last get away from his overbearing Nicholas is warned that all dic- las is. how they swiped her VISA. King of Scotland,” just know that father, decides to go to the first tators are the same, Amin gives It is also important to remem- As the novel progresses, the he was a bad, bad dude. place his finger lands on a globe. him many decadent gifts, such ber that “The Last King of Scot- story shifts from Taverner, who For his Amin portrayal, For- The first place is not desirable, so as new cars and pretty women. land,” based on the novel of the is picked up and questioned by est Whitaker won an Academy he goes to the second: Uganda. Nicholas is slow to realize that same name, is only very loosely the police, to the police chief Award, and with good reason. In Uganda, he has a failed love these gifts are payment for his based on actual events. I say this Felix Buchmann. Dick typically Whitaker has primarily been cast affair with another doctor’s wife, soul. not to take importance away includes fractured police offi- in roles that require joviality and a scene that could have been ed- Nicholas understands that from the film but to commend cers as main characters in his charm -- characteristics Amin ited out with no ill effects. More Amin isn’t so harmless after peo- the filmmakers for crafting a works, and Buchmann may be likewise requires. importantly, it is here that he ple start dying in droves. He be- great, and as far as I can tell, ac- the most iconic of them all. Bu- The difference lies in the way meets the new Ugandan dictator, gins to fear for his own life, as he curate psychological portrait of chmann is married to his sister Amin’s charismatic cheerfulness Idi Amin. should. an infamous madman. Alys, a drug-using bisexual who slowly dissolves to reveal a true Garrigan saves Amin, with his The reason it is important to “The Last King of Scotland” is happens to be the only person face of paranoia, violence, cow- requisite dictatorial paranoia, remember that Amin is a bad more than a vehicle for one of the that can remember who Tav- ardice and cruelty. from a minor injury. Amin, who dude is because the beginning of best performances seen in years. erner really was. Amin, with his consuming per- is fond of the Scottish and Nicho- the relationship between Amin It is also an important, riveting, As the novel concludes, Dick sonality, does not show up until las’ pluck, asks Nicholas to be his and Nicholas will lose much of and above all, terrifying film. focuses more and more on Po- lice Chief Buchmann and some of his tragic thoughts and experiences. Very ironically, drug use ends up being at the heart of the explanation for Tavern- er’s lost identity in a most un- usual way. The ending of the novel is quite unspectacular. Most of the plot is resolved in a few very straightforward para- graphs, but Dick leaves enough lingering details that you’ll be wondering if what you have read isn’t really a surprise ending after all. In short, for those who like futuristic literature that doesn’t try to pretend like WEDNESDAY, MARCH 28, 6 PM it is epic, Flow My Tears is a great book. Those more inter- HULMAN UNION, #263 ested in epic action or surprise PERFORMING ARTS ROOM endings can certainly do better with some of Philip K. Dick’s other novels. for more information about the Peace Corps, visit Rating: 3/5 www.peacecorps.gov or call 312.353.4990

Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Run dates: 3/16, 3/23 Size: 3.87” wide by 4” tall Friday, March 16, 2007 ENTERTAINMENT 5 Time to lay the smack down in ‘Crackdown’ Mark Riechers orbs to boost your agility level. and all gang members you see - your rocket launcher, become an billow into the sky with frighten- The Daily Cardinal “Crackdown,” the latest open- - working your way up the hierar- obsession for hours on end. ing accuracy. This is largely due world game from Real Time chy until you can take on its head Anyone who remembers “The to a spot-on physics engine in It gets your adrenaline pump- Worlds for the Xbox 360, manag- honcho. Tick” and his leaping building- the game, which keeps cars and ing and lets you see things you es to unify the free-roaming de- The hook here is the “super cop” to-building can live out their flaming bodies of gang members could never see in reality. It keeps struction familiar to “Grand Theft angle. Based on how you choose fantasies through the game’s level flying from their explosive source you looking for bigger highs, Auto” fans with the highly addic- to dispatch gang members and design, with buildings stretching in stunningly realistic patterns. seeking even more insane and tive orb-grabbing game play. bosses, your basic skills evolve to high into the sky and providing Although the addictive nature dangerous ways to get your heart The plot is serviceable to justify higher and higher levels. Figuring a huge vertical environment to of the basic gameplay and the pumping and score more in the explosions and orb hunting. You out the best way to heighten your explore as you hop to higher and raw thrills of being a super cop of- process. It only gets better when are a superhuman cop working agility, bolster your strength and higher heights looking for crime fer some great game experiences, you have friends to share it with, for “The Agency,” a police force power up your “justice delivery and orbs. Unfortunately, this ver- ultimately the high is short lived. because you can do more danger- tasked with reclaiming Pacific ordinances” is incredibly addic- tical style leads to some camera The basic game can be completed ous and insane things together. City from the three gangs con- tive. Jumping building-to-build- problems in tight places. Nothing in less than eight hours. More fun Mostly, these dangerous ac- trolling the city. Naturally, you do ing trying to find more “orbs” is more confusing than trying to can be found when you play on- tivities involve blowing things up this by “strategically” clobbering to heighten your leap, and gang leap between two buildings 30 line with a friend over Xbox Live, and grabbing out-of-reach agility the ever-living crap out of any members on whom to test out stories up while the camera spins where emergent gameplay -- like around you wildly. playing catch with economy cars The most impressive graphi- can keep you busy for a while -- cal element is the explosions, but sometimes buggy online play which bloom like beautiful flow- can ruin the fun. ers of destruction. After all, any Ultimately, the explosions can solid action game has to nail the only get so big, and gamers will explosions, and in this case, they move on to the next big thrill. This Arcade deserves

www.msxbox-world.com Crackdown is the latest free-roaming destruction game, but this time, you’re supposed to be the good guy. a second token Neil Johnson album has plenty of strong songs; The Heights “Keep the Car Running” is about Cat girls and magic and mecha (oh my) as good as the album gets, and it Sarah Hegeman character point has a mere tenth No problem! The templates are It’s difficult to compare the really does recall something like Guest Writer of its former power. You may re- easy to modify. Arcade Fire’s great new album, “Born to Run”-era Springsteen. member BESM 2e as being a slim The biggest downside to the “Neon Bible,” to its first because The song pounds forward with a After much fanfare, BESM (Big paperback volume of modest pro- system is the character sheet. To it is not a band with a clear, con- heavy drum backbeat that drops Eyes Small Mouth) Third Edition portions, but 3rd is a full-sized be frank, it’s terrible. The boxes sistent sound. Instead, the songs out at selected times for dramatic is finally here. While it is billed hardback, with a built-in anime are the wrong sizes, it doesn’t on its first album, “Funeral,” effect, and the instruments and as an anime role-playing system, “multiverse” in which to run make a lot of sense when print- were united by their emotional Butler’s voice slowly increase BESM 3rd Edition remains a good games. It includes maps of Japan ed in black and white, and there content (most in intensity all-round system for whatever and Tokyo to make GMing (game aren’t lines in the big boxes for reviews included t h r o u g h o u t . strikes your fancy. It makes a nice mastering) easier and tells you ex- writing attributes, defects, etc. the word “cathar- The instrumen- edition to any table-top collec- actly how to go about destroying There’s even a typo on the sheet tic” somewhere, tation is per- tion, coexisting peacefully with buildings and blowing up whole that is hard to miss and should though some fect, with some such powerhouses as GURPS 4 worlds in a game session. Frankly, have been easy to fix. The up- preferred to call trademark vio- and Dungeons & Dragons 3.5. there is more material than you shot is that you may want to de- it something like lin flourishes, While Guardians of Order, the may ever need. But the creators sign your own character sheet. If a sense of urgen- and the effect original publisher and creator of understood that and scattered you’re feeling lazy, I know some- cy). Although the is very different the BESM series has died, Arthaus notes throughout the book on one who already has. album, recorded from the explo- Games, the makers of White Wolf, good rules to ignore and how to Another cool feature is that the in the wake of fa- sive catharsis of have picked up the system so that streamline gameplay. book is full color with a wealth of milial losses that www.arcadefire.com songs like “Wake it may finally see the light of day. One of the most interesting art, much of it in the anime-style. band members The band website uses the Up,” because It makes significant changes new features from a character- Colors are strategically used to had just expe- same neon bible album art where they from the second edition, add- creation standpoint may be the organize the layout and differen- rienced, was a with animated lights to show might reach fe- ing both new content and more character templates. Would you tiate between chapters. However, farewell to youth off its demo tracks. ver pitch, “Keep complicated additions to previ- like to make a Demon Hunter? I spent a lot of time just looking at and whatever the Car Run- ously existing rules. However, it Try page 122. It will cost 130 the art. It gives the distinct feel that entails, and nearly all the ning” just cuts off, leaving the retains the original goal of the se- points for a basic demon hunter that while role-playing may not songs addressed that one subject listener on edge. There are other ries, by being reasonably simple with appropriate abilities and be serious business, it should be thematically, it was stylistically standout tracks, too. “No Cars to pick up and ridiculously fun skills. Templates make character a darned good time. disparate. Go” is a song from the Arcade to play. Like its predecessor, it creation easier for first-time play- While I’ve yet to run a game in Impressive arrangements and Fire’s first EP, and it fits in nicely uses the 2-d6 Tri-Stat system, but ers, although you may find your- the new system, I think it’s a good instrumentation were common here -- although the lyrics may contains numerous changes to self disagreeing from time to time buy. You can pick it up pretty to all these songs, and lead singer fit better among older material the other rules. Skill points were with what the writers consider much anywhere for a suggested and songwriter Win Butler’s voice (with lines like “Us kids know”), done away with entirely and the appropriate abilities and skills. retail price of $39.00. added weight to every track. But- the song is much like “Keep the ler’s voice is awesome, and he is Car Running” in the way it chugs able to switch from quiet intensity forward. “Ocean of Noise” opens to passionate desperation almost with some ominous thunder instantly. When he sings with all sound effects, then just features Video of the Week his strength, it’s quite something Butler backed by sparse piano David Bander -- see the latter half of “Interven- and a soft guitar riff. It slowly Guest Writer tion” or “Funeral”’s “Neighbor- builds up, but by the end, it has hood 2 (Laika),” among others. reached its climax, with a pretty This week’s videos are not new to the YouTube scene, but if you haven’t seen them, they’re new to you. Thematically, “Neon Bible” piano part and a horn section. Either way, I think you need to see them. If you have any videos you want me to see, send them to ventures into Springsteen ter- One way in which “Neon Bible” [email protected]. ritory, with tales of characters differs from “Funeral” is its unity How to poop - Japanese potty training video Hahaha down on their luck, appealing to as an album. “Funeral” cohered higher powers to help them, des- quite well, but individual songs What it is: The title really just What it is: Just a baby laugh- perate for a way out. “Any idea stood out. Many of these got sums this one up. It is a Japanese ing. That’s all it is. The seem- where I was at your age/ I was airplay on alternative radio sta- potty training video with an ad- ingly Eastern European father working downtown for the mini- tions, but outside of “Keep the vertisement tied in. It is animated, likes to “bling” and “blong” mum wage/ And I’m not gonna Car Running,” it’s hard to imag- which is a plus, and the characters which makes this baby’s day. His let you just throw it all away/ I’m ine many of these songs making are of course non-human. There laughing is contagious and you through being cute, I’m through it onto the radio. A lot of them ex- are clever and lovable characters can’t help but laugh along. I find being nice/ Oh tell me, Lord, am periment with strange structures, representing poop and pee, with that even in my worst of moods I the Antichrist?” Butler yells at and many, like “Black Wave/Bad a friendly but slightly creepy toi- this will pick me right up. Favor- the end of “(Antichrist Television Vibrations” and “The Well and let to sit on. Careful with this one ite this one and you’ll see why it Blues).” Even on that somewhat the Lighthouse” center on quick that you don’t get the song stuck has 14 honors on YouTube. conventional song, Butler’s voice, changes like the one near the end in your head or you’ll be singing How to find it: Search for combined with the melodramat- of “Wake Up.” to yourself next time you need to “baby laughing” and it’ll be your ic lyric and the theatrical flourish Within the album is an inter- pop-pop. Bonus: after you suc- first result. before an abrupt and unresolved esting dynamic both between cessfully pop-pop in the toilet, end, illustrates just how thrilling songs and within songs, and you apparently level up. the band can be, even in weaker this is part of what makes “Neon How to find it: Search for “how www.youtube.com songs. Bible” a very worthy and quite to poop” and it’ll be your first re- Potty training and babies. I’m see- But a discussion of weaker compelling follow-up to the be- sult. ing a theme here David. songs is irrelevant, because the loved “Funeral.” 6 OPINIONS The Rose Thorn The top four news stories of the week

And my opinion is...

Andrew Klusman http://static.firedoglake.com/ http://abcnews.go.com/ Senator Harry Reid (D-NV). Opinions Editor Hugo Chavez in an interview http://www.hansini.de/ This week was a bad week for with Barbara Walters. Beware! This tasty yel- Senate Dems dealt defeat low snack finances ter- large-scale news. Some things Hugo Chavez calls Bush a http://www.csmonitor.com/ burst onto the scene really late. Representative David Obey On the same day as the pre- ror! donkey Others were somewhat impor- (D-WI). vious story, Senate Democrats tant, but not too much. Yet oth- In an ABC News interview, were delivered a key anti-war Terrorist bananas House Dems deliver on ers probably are better suited for Barbara Walters interviews Hugo loss by the Republican minor- Yes, the bananas are out for us, the “Flipside.” Chavez, and he shares his views Iraq withdrawal ity. but the apples are not (yet). Due to the complete shortage on the U.S. and the President. On March 15 the House Ap- The Senate Democrats fought Chiquita Brands International of interesting news, I am proud Walters asks Chavez about his propriations Committee voted for weeks to push this measure has agreed to pay a $25 million to bring to you, the faithful read- famous name-calling of President 36-28 to approve the budget through but were 12 votes short fine for hiring a terrorist group to ership, my take on what I consid- Bush “the devil” at the United Na- proposal for Iraq and Afghani- of the necessary 60 votes to protect a volatile farming area of er the top four news stories of the tions last year. Chavez also stated stan that has a timeline for pass. The measure called for Colombia. week. Some will be funny, some “Another time, I said that he was withdrawing troops from Iraq. troop withdrawal to begin with- Federal prosecutors handling will be direly serious. Others, a donkey just because I think that In this budget proposal, in 120 days, and set a March 31, the case said the company paid well, we won’t address why they he is very ignorant.” House Democrats were able 2008 completion date for the about $1.7 million between 1997 happened... Enjoy. For as much as Chavez talks to insert a timetable that calls redeployment of the troops. and 2004 to the United Self-De- about America, he could learn for troops to leave Iraq by Sep- After being dealt this defeat, fense Forces of Colombia. This the symbols for each of the major tember 2008 and perhaps even the Democrats brought their organization has been responsi- Have comments national parties, and perhaps call sooner if certain benchmarks true intentions to light and stat- ble for some of the worst massa- President Bush something other are not reached. ed that they would try to force cres in Colombia and was desig- about the Top than the symbol for the party that A splintered Democratic the President to bend to their nated as a terrorist organization opposes him. party has been having trouble will next week, when the Senate in September 2001 by the US Four? Send us Not only that, but he thinks trying to find support for this begins work on legislation that Government. the CIA has a plot with dissident bill, because many Representa- provides money for the wars in Oddly enough, Chiquita fig- letters and e- groups in Venezuela to assassi- tives cannot agree on how soon Iraq and Afghanistan. ured that paying only a right- nate him, and tells Walters “If I get the U.S. should withdraw from After a mere two whole wing terrorist organization was mail! killed, the president of the United Iraq. As was written earlier in months of being in office, the not right, and also made pay- States should be held respon- the year, pulling out of Iraq is a high-sounding “bipartisan- ments to the leftist Revolution- sible.” foolish idea and puts the entire ship” rhetoric has faded once ary Armed Forces of Colombia. email: opinions@ Interesting, that he thinks that region on the edge of a mas- again to the background of par- Hopefully the stiff $25 million our President should be held ac- sive war between Saudi Arabia tisanship. At least the Senators fine is enough to stave off any rose-hulman.edu countable for what happens to and Iran. Hopefully things im- can stop pretending to be nice future terrorist thoughts by other other nations’ leaders... prove... now... produce companies... Five sayings that must go John Pinkus with other Homo sapiens. When form structures. Such a driving out they do it anyway, I say the big fish.” If it is not on Wikipedia, Guest Writer I do not want to entirely explain force would require tremendous following, “I told you once not then it did not happen. The truth these thoughts to others, I can amount of en- to do that, now is that most stories that use such There are many things in life call upon certain combinations ergy, due to that I rarely ever use a I am telling you a saying are not worth the time to that I take for granted. There are of silence, constants, and vowels pesky Second twice! If I tell finish. I like to say, “And the rest countless engineers, scientists, (I also take for granted the fact law of Thermo- cup because my you a third time, of the story isn’t worth my time to manufacturers, and construc- that such distinctions exist). For dynamics. I I will (insert a tell you.” tion workers that all contribut- the most part these combina- understand that choice of beverage threat of bodily “It is the greatest thing since ed to my simple task of driving tions of silence, constants and units of change gets individually harm on an in- sliced bread.” To think that seven miles each day. I carry a vowels are well known. The fol- can be fused to- dividual that I sliced bread is the greatest thing cell phone whose signal is con- lowing are some combinations I gether through packaged. I like to cannot inflect that we currently have is an instantly adjusted as my position wish would leave the vernacular. the use of epoxy. bodily harm sult to our civilization. Here is on the planet changes. I am cur- The reasoning being ... I don’t Even if such a say, “That isn’t my upon).” a list of things which I think are rently typing on a device that fif- like them. structure was aluminum can of “And the greater then sliced bread: my ty years ago was not imaginable. “That isn’t a small chunk of constructed, it rest is history.” laptop, the light bulb, my digital I use a little piece of cloth to pur- change.” For this combina- would not have Dr. Pepper.” There are times camera, the book-binding pro- chase goods and services, even tion of silence, constants, and much value. when it is ap- cess, my iPod, House M.D., my the types that do not get factored vowels to make intrinsic sense, There are not propriate for Swiss analog watch, my car, my into the GDP. Through use of vi- change must “chunk” together. any reputable establishments the speaker, but there are many z-rest, my Chillow, my $3 red- brations in the air, I have the abil- There must be a driving force that would accept an amoeba- more times when it is not appro- and-blue Wal-Mart flip-flops, ity to communicate my thoughts for individual units of change to shaped structure of fused coins priate. For instance, if a person and Taco Bell, just to name a few as currency. The saying at the top of the paragraph always follows 1000 Words a monetary measurement of a good or service. I like to say, “(in- by Erin Hudson sert monetary value here) contains many significant figures to the left of the decimal place.” “That isn’t my cup of tea.” I hate tea, and I always have. It is simply dirty, hot water that burns my taste buds. When I am performing acts of hydration that result in dehydration, I ingest aqueous solutions of high fruc- tose corn syrup. I rarely ever use a cup because my choice of beverage is individually packaged. I http://www.artezen.com/ like to say, “That isn’t my aluminum can of Dr. Pepper.” says, “Then Hitler went to in- things. None of these things are “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told vade Russia, he realized it was a worthy of being called the “great- you a thousand times!” I assume bit cold, and the rest is history.” est thing since sliced bread.” I that “you” have been told this by This is the case, because you can would say the phrase as: “It is a parent at one point in your life. look in a book that Hitler ended the greatest thing since photo- It was probably around the same up in a ditch, covered in petrol, synthesis.” time when NFL Blitz 2000 had on fire. Very often this saying is There are many other say- “amazing” graphics. I haven’t had used like this: “Billy Bob caught ings that I think should leave a math class in over a year, but I that big fish and the rest is his- the vernacular. Wait a second, am pretty sure that 1000 is much tory.” I don’t know if there are where does a saying “go” when larger then 1. If I told a person any Wikipedia pages dedicated it leaves the vernacular? Kay not to do something, and I find to Billy Bob’s conquest of “that serra serra, and obla di obla da. Friday, March 16, 2007 SPORTS 7 Sports Briefs 2006-07 women’s basketball: by Mike Ferguson

March Madness Johnson gets four a year in review is here months in jail Bill Waite two main sets and we just ran a daily basis than the males are,” Guest Writer different variations. So it was a said Prevo. “I had to be a little bit The first round of the NCAA Chicago Bears defensive line- little wrinkle, I guess, in a main more sympathetic with them.” Division I men’s basketball tour- man Terry “Tank” Johnson was This season marked the best offense, and more of the focus “A lot of the girls on our team do nament began on Thursday with sentenced to four months in year in school history for the was on fundamentals,” said not respond to getting screamed a field of 64 teams. The opening jail for violating probation in a Rose-Hulman women’s basket- Tharp. at, and [Hill] wasn’t willing to round game of the tournament, 2005 gun case. He was on pro- ball team. The team had 21 wins That new focus paid off, espe- change that,” said Carlson. “[Pre- which featured 21-13 Florida bation from an incident in 2005 this season, shattering the pre- cially for the players up front. “I vo] is willing to adapt, and be like, A&M versus 22-11 Niagara, was where he was seen outside of a vious record of think that our ‘Okay, well yelling probably isn’t played on Tuesday in Dayton, nightclub in his vehicle with a 13, and broke posts have really the best thing for this girl. I prob- Ohio. The Niagara Purple Eagles handgun. He was subsequently 18 other school improved,” said ably shouldn’t scream at her if handled the Rattlers of Florida suspended for one game by the records over the Carlson. “We she turns the ball over.’” A&M by a score of 77-69 to earn Bears. Johnson was arrested on course of the had Katie Tharp Prevo made his players want to the 16th seed in the NCAA tour- December 14, 2006 after police season. step up, and work hard, and that made all the nament. Niagara will take on raided his house and found Statistically, we had [sopho- difference. “[In past seasons], it number one seed Kansas to- unregistered firearms. He had the biggest dif- more center] Liz was very hard to be motivated to night at 7:10 p.m. The field will been on house arrest but the ference this sea- Ridgway, and I be at practice,” said Tharp, “and be pared down to 32 teams for judge in his case allowed him to son was defense. think that was if you’re not motivated to be at the second round, which begins attend practice as well as play in Last year, op- really crucial to practice, you really don’t have tomorrow. The championship the Superbowl. Johnson plead- ponents scored our success this any motivation to win, period. game is slated to take place on ed guilty to violating his proba- 66.6 points per year.” Coach Prevo made us want to April 2nd in the Georgia Dome tion and was given 120 days in game against Prevo also be there, made us want to work in Atlanta. jail plus a $2,500 fine. Rose-Hulman; drove player im- hard, and made us want to win.” this year, op- provement by ponents scored running more 55.3 points per efficient prac- Engineer Scoreboard game with a .366 tices. “We have field goal per- Rose Hulman News practice sched- Baseball Men’s Tennis centage. The Engineers set 19 school re- uled down to the 5-3 (0-0) 3-2 (0-0) Statistics don’t cords in the 2006-07 season. minute; we’re March 10 March 11 tell the whole going to do this Illinois Wesleyan 0 Rose-Hulman 3 story. The driving force behind drill for five minutes, this drill the outstanding season is new for seven minutes,” said Tharp. at Rose-Hulman 1 Oakland City 6 head coach John Prevo, who fo- “We’re moving from drill to drill cused on helping individual play- to drill to drill to drill, and we’re Illinois Wesleyan 6 IU-Southeast 7 ers to improve. “Coach Prevo re- just continuously going, so it at Rose-Hulman 13 at Rose-Hulman 2 ally took me and just developed makes practice flow a lot better. individual skills,” said junior for- You could see us improving and Women’s Tennis ward Katie Tharp. “Every day we we just wanted to keep coming in 12-5 (7-1) March 14 did ball handling, or we split the and working on it. It’s like, when Rose-Hulman 1 guards and posts and did indi- you can see the improvement March 10 at Wabash College 8 vidual workouts.” in yourself and in others, it just Rose-Hulman 8 Prevo worked to simplify the makes you want to keep going.” Centre College 1 offensive strategy and shift the Prevo was sensitive to players’ focus away from learning new motivation. Prevo previously Track and Field plays. “We had a ton of plays spent 12 years as an assistant [with former head coach Tony coach to the men’s basketball March 9-10 NCAA Division III Nationals Hill]. We had to memorize so team, but quickly adjusted his Rose Hulman News Schipper 9th overall in pole vault Terre Haute, IN many plays,” said senior guard coaching style to match the wom- The Rose-Hulman women had Suzy Carlson. en’s personalities. “The young la- their best season in school his- “This year, Coach Prevo had dies are a lot more emotional on tory with their 21-5 record. Forsyth named WNBA prospect Rose Hulman News compiled a 21-5 record to shatter the previous college mark for vic- Senior Rebekah Forsyth has tories by eight. The 21 wins were been listed on the final version also the most by any Rose-Hul- of the 81-player WNBA Draft man basketball team in 30 years. Prospect List, according to the Extra Large 1234 WABASH AVE. One Large league’s official website. One-Topping Store Hours... One-Topping Forsyth is the only NCAA Divi- Mon-Wed: 9am - 1am sion III player on the final pros- Thurs-Sat: 9am - 2am pect list, and joins Katie Gearlds 99 Sunday: 12pm - 12am of Purdue as the only players 99 Campus Only

ONLY Campus Only from Indiana colleges on the list. 9 232-PAPA 7 Forsyth completed her career with five school records to help lead the Engineers. She scored Sharp Flats, LLC 1,779 points, made 663 field East In Town goals, buried 428 free throws, Are you looking for the convenience of Want a great apartment at a great price? grabbed 1,062 rebounds and recorded 185 steals in the record walking to class but longing for Check out Sharp Flats In Town setting career. a place of your own? * Studios and One Bedrooms from $325 Check out Sharp Flats East Forsyth was also a four-time * Two Bedrooms from $550 first-team all-conference selec- * Located at Wabash and Hunt Rd tion. (1st stoplight east of campus) * Three bedrooms featuring spacious bed The WNBA Draft will be held in Rose Hulman News rooms with lots of closet space, large bath Cleveland on Wednesday April 4. Rebekah Forsyth set five major * We offer effi ciencies, studios, with garden tub, kitchen with breakfast bar, Extra Large 1234 WABASH AVE. One Large and one bedroom units This season, Rose-Hulman school records in her career. and more! One-Topping Store Hours... One-Topping Mon-Wed: 9am - 1am * Effi ciencies start at $340 (includes utilities) * Four - Five bedroom house , 2 baths, lofts, Thurs-Sat: 9am - 2am * Studios start at $390 (includes utilities) AC, laundry, yard, and more! Sunday: 12pm - 12am * One bedrooms start at $440 (plus electric) 99 Like sports? Like to99 write? * Five bedroom house at 1221 S. 6th St. Campus Only * We offer your own bathroom with shower/

ONLY Campus Only Awesome, spacious with large bedrooms, 9 232-PAPA 7 tub combo, wireless internet, laundry facilities, beautiful kitchen, living room, 2 1/2 bath, Write for the Thorn! off street parking, great maintenance, friendly laundry, and more! Call now, it won’t last management, and housing to fi t your budget long! e-mail us at * You’ll love the Trails End Deli located just in * Six Bedroom unit located on S. 6th St. front of Sharp Flats East features 2 full baths, laundry facilities, [email protected] living room, central air, and more! Visit our website! www.sharpfl ats.com Call us today! (812) 877 - 1146 Volume 42, Issue 20 This one goes out to all those Flipside editors who didn’t make it to this issue. Never forget. Friday, March 16, 2007 New clubs in works Making my mark Jim Sedoff Ryan Schultz am so self-righteously impor- We are not alone Staff Writer News Editor tant that I feel the whole world Phillip Becker nerdy hood ornament I would will want to have this informa- Staff Writer construct, I began to pass this me- This just in! After talking with I have a confession to make. I tion because, I mean, hot damn, chanical centaur with robot head some major players around am feeling a bit left out. General- it’s me! As I drove down the road the and car body. It wasn’t a robot at campus, I have the 411 on new ly, I end my emails the same way, So, I’ve decided that I’m going other day, I saw another car. This all! It was a hitch to connect to clubs that you should defi nitely with just my name. Recently, as to construct the most pimpin’ car looked about like any other the little nubbins on the back of look out for during the Activi- I see minor novellas attached signature ever. I will be sure to car except for a giant metal con- trucks. This “robot’s” arms were ties Fair come next fall. Among to just about every email, I feel attach it to every email, no mat- traption on the front. It seemed rusty chains that kept the car in the most popular and certainly a touch defi cient. Why don’t I ter the length or who I’m send- like it would be dangerous to have tow in case the hitch broke. most promising—amid the ever- too put my entire résumé at the ing it to (be it all.campus, my something like Sweet. changing and expansion of clubs end of every email I send out? friends, or a random group that I that obstruct- The hitch would I could just tell on campus—are the Procrastina- Why don’t I too include all of my think needs to get an eyeful of all ing your front he was a road pi- tors, Club for Anti-Social Thespi- personal contact information of my accomplishments). Take a windshield. drop and clasp rate. Finding the ans (CAST, a spin-off group of the in random emails that I send to gander at this signaturifi c mas- I immediate- onto their nubbin. classy pimped- Rose Drama Club), and the Cam- complete strangers? After all, I terpiece: ly recognized out Escalades and oufl age Group. it as a robot. A Then he would riding up on them. After putting this article off shiny metal ro- The driver of the until this past month, I was only Ryan Schultz bot with two climb through the victim car would able to leave a message for the 1337 H4X0R Mechanelectroputer Engineering Major arms hanging window onto his tap the brake to up-and-coming President of The to its side and a get this tailgater Procrastinators; our meetings • Future “Really Really Rich Guy” according to U.S. News and head held erect hood. off of them. But keep getting postponed. World Report so it could feel that’s when the The soon-to-be Secretary for • Mrs. Wismer’s Kindergarten Fastest-Fingerpainter Award the wind on its face, just biding hitch would drop and clasp onto CAST sent me an invite to one • Voted “Most likely to do something” in 6th grade Earth Science its time until it could shed the their nubbin. The chain would of the club’s meetings, which • Tripped and fell down the stairs at high school graduation shackles of servitude and con- latch on and the road pirate would was supposed to take place last • Recipient of fi rst speeding ticket ever on a Segway going back- quer its human master, perhaps kick his car into neutral. Then he Wednesday in the GM Room. Ei- wards infi ltrating human society by liv- would climb through the window ther it was cancelled or I went to • Rose Chapter of the British Ministry of Silly Walks – Silly Walk ing in the man’s place. onto his hood and leap onto the the wrong room, because no one Prototyper It was really odd that some- victim car. He would climb 90s- showed up. I was able to inter- • Church-of-ARA Tater-Tot-Worship Prayer Group – Ultimate Full- body would have such a robot action-movie-style across the view one of the members of the Contact Euchre Team and Tater-Tot Eater mounted on the front of their car. roof and swing around the side new club who provided great in- • Intermittent Flour-Pile-on-Sidewalk Dumper (haha!) So I realized it probably wasn’t a through the driver’s window. His sight into its standing. “I haven’t • Gorgeously handsome (and single!) real robot. I mean, with the short road pirate boots would catch the gone to many of the meetings dangly arms it wasn’t going to do driver square in the chin and the yet, but I still get notices. It is Cell: 555-537-8008 much of anything effectively. I dazed and confused driver would the only club that I know of that Room: 812-555-1234 fi gured it was just a super nerdy be thrown onto the road and still informs you of club events Fax: 924-855-5555 hood ornament, constructed by bounce limp across the interstate and meetings which you don’t Email: yeahright17@getthepointyet?.com the driver just to catch people’s as the road pirate would fl oor it need to physically attend to still Room number: 1414 ARes North Wing attention. to escape back to his hide-out. be considered a member,” com- As I considered what kind of Road pirates are so cool. mented Naked Girl Riding Fish If, for some reason I happen to not be in my head, just knock three in an aloof interview in the Quad times, do the hokey pokey, and I should get back to you at the next Wacky Prof Quotes last Thursday. lunar eclipse. Finally, despite many rumors “No one asks me what the ‘L’ “Now if this were a real biology

in the dark, I was able to conﬁ rm innocent. is suspect stands for. It stands for ‘Lov- class...” an order of magnitude, meaning that the the that meaning magnitude, of order an

the existence of the Camouﬂ age by off is whiteboard the on equation the able.’” —Prof. Rogge, on Punnet

eld. That means that that means That eld.

Group. All I’m willing to divulge ﬁ DeVray a of ence —Prof. L. Wayne Sanders squares

is that classic green and black pres- the suggests It image? oscilloscope’s Did you notice the odd “jitter” in the the in “jitter” odd the notice you Did camo doesn’t work so well in the SOLUTION: TODAY’S “Yesterday was beautiful. Today “Hey, look at me, I like waffl es.” middle of Speed Lake. is beautiful, and we should —Prof. House, giving résumé all be happy because we’re advice Top ten “your mom” jokes all beautiful.” —Prof. Livesay, keeping it “At the party, students will be MMatthewatthew MMeltonelton positive told who they will be sleep- SStafftaff WWriterriter ing with.” “Women and children get in the —Prof. Broughton, making 10.YYourour mmomom’s a NNakedaked GGirlirl RRidingiding FFishish iinn tthehe QQuaduad. boats fi rst. Guys, you swim arrangements 9. YYourour mmomom’s a fl our-pile-on-sidewalkour-pile-on-sidewalk dumper.dumper. back to England.” 8. YYourour mmom’som’s a rrealeal bbiologyiology cclasslass. —Prof. Brophy, on sexism “Go to Wal-Mart and try to 7. YYourour mmom’som’s a rroadoad piirate.rate. choke a grandmother’s 6. YYourour mmom’som’s a llittleittle lineline ofof llitigiousitigious lard.lard. “That’s an indication that the in- child.” 5. YYourour mmom’som’s a PPunnetunnet ssquare.quare. structor is not good, ... and —Prof. Brophy, endorsing fe- 4. YYourour mmom’som’s JJoshuaoshua HHertz.ertz. should throw himself off of a lonious assault 3. YYourour mmom’som’s a sshinyhiny mmetaletal rrobotobot wwithith ttwowo aarms.rms. cliff somewhere.” Send your prof quotes 2. YYourour mmom’som’s an ulltimatetimate ffull-contactull-contact eucheuchrree tteam.eam. —Prof. Merkle, on invalid ar- or other humor material 1. YYourour mmom’som’s a ffreakyreaky ggardenerardener wwhoho llikesikes ttoo bbakeake ““custardcustard ppies”ies” oonn guments to fl [email protected] wweekendseekends whenwhen thethe ppastorastor comescomes overover fforor ddinner.inner.

This Day in History In 1521, explorer Magellan reaches the Philippines, where he is later killed by a horde of men with bamboo spears and cutlasses in a logistical failure that was quite hilarious in retrospect... to the survivors.

In Addition Proper comprehension of the role of the hemisemidemiqua- ver in postexpressionist music is the ﬁ rst step to a fuller un- derstanding of the demands of nouveau-Musik soundtracks in the transmodern era.

The Little Line o’ Litigious Lard: The content of the Flipside is intended to be purely humorous, and it does not represent the opinions of the Rose Thorn or Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology. It doesn’t represent anybody’s opinions. What do I do now? I should have made a contingency plan. Facts in “This Day in History” courtesy of New York Times Online. All material is copyright of its owner. Any unattributed material was created by Gregory Weir.