-• J111 L_Ire CL,113 a -urrit ii to q ■ hJ -1 _ d VisTe 42) r .67-1c.-:ant 7-Li Li1 wee-12r o .11/:-1 . HeirjDpern Yes, to the best of our recollection

by Edward J. Epstein and John Berendt

While you were busy watching the testimony over televi- sion, others were formulating theories as to what Water- gate was all about, from the tip of the iceberg right on down to the murky bottom. Here is how it looked from forty-three different perspectives. Choose one and run.

deman ordered his !Ilea 'cleaned" after ,lona( campaign of John Kerry. attempt. Who Masterminded June 17. ing to smear Connecticut Senator Lowell Watergate? Weicker, etc. He even proposed fire-bomb- JOHN MITCHELL "SIGN OFF" ing the Brookings Institution, according to THEORY John Dean. THE DAREDEVIL THEORY Drawback: Colson denies he had prior Penn ms: Jeb Stuart Magruder. John Proponent: I he White ll,use. knowledge of Watergate and says he took Ehrliehman, Fred Buzhardt. Thesis: Gordon Liddy either exceeded his and passed a lie-detector test in order to orders or directly disobeyed John Mitchell Mesh: John Mitchell approved the Wa- tergate break-in without telling anyone in prove it. by carrying out :he Watergate break in on Retort: Senator Sam Ervin on lie-detector his own. the White House. t tests: 'Twentieth-century witchcraft." Selling Points: Liddy was known to he a Selling Points: As chairman of the Com- daredevil adventurer—he had once threat- mittee to Reelect the President. John Mitchell was in a position to approve or NIXON'S THE ONE THEORY ened to kill Nlaeruticr. Furthermore. Lid- Proponents: tha Nlitchell, eight oer- dy claimed he had perm:salon for Water- Tercet any intelligence plan. Jeb Magruder, cent or the American people. gate from higher-ups. but none of the oth- his deputy. snore before the Ervin Com- Thesis: approved Water- er convicted coconspirators eser saw proof mittee- that Mitchell had indeed "signed off' on the idea. He also testified that gate and therefore had to cover it up. of that Firsthand. Selling Point: This explains everything in Drawback: For three weeks Liddy had Mitchell later ordered the wiretap logs destroyed. one fell swoop—Ockham's Razor. been feeding "Gemstone" phone-tap tran- Drawback: Why would the President risk r scripts to his superior. Mitchell left the campaign only fifteen days after the claiming domestic everything by involving himself? THE JOHN DEAN PRODUCTION problems. At the same time. Martha THEORY S THEORY Mitchell complained of "all the ditty Pentium:it: Carl Ogle0:ly in /he Boston 3 Proponent: J. Fred Buzhardt Jr.. Special things that go on" in politics. Almeria . Counsel to the President. Drawback: President Nixon has always Thesis: Hughes is ubiquitous. Oeksbe Theaks: Watergate was a John Dean pro- said he !tim his own campaigns. It notes, "Behind ;:iron stands Howard duction from stare to finish. Dean original- Retort: Nixon claims he was too occupied Hughes: behind Hunt and Liddy and the ly suggested to Muchell that the Commit- with being President to tun the campaign Caribbean counterrevolution stands tee to Reelect create a private detective this time. Hughes: behind Watergate stands I- agency, to be headed by his assistant John Hughes." Presumably, Hunt and Liddy re Caulfield. for security work and spying— THE DIRTY TRICKSTER THEORY .if budget $450.000. After Mitchell rejected Proponent: John Dean. were working for Hughes. Selling Point: This might explain why a- "Operation Sandwedge." Dean brought in 1 liesi.v Presidential Special Counsel I.iddy told McCord that Hughes would G. Gordon Liddy and Odd him that there Charles Colson secretly oserrode John ee supply a prisate plane for 3 "getaway" would be "a million or more" for spy Mitchell', veto of the Watergate bugging ig from a contemplated I.3-5 Vegas burglary. work. Although Mitchell thrice rejected plan and gave Hunt and Liddy the go- o- Hunt claimed to be friends—and business Liddy's plans. Liddy went ahead under ahead. ne partners—with Howard Hughes in Central the impression that Mitchell and Dean rust SeiGng Points: if Colson would walk over is wanted "deniability." After Liddy', team his grandmother to reelect Nrson. would Arne ricer. Drawback: No evidence. en was caught in the Watergate, Dean super- he not walk laser John MIL:hell? Colson us vised the corer-up. unknown to his superi- was Hunt's immediate superior at the ors. to protect himself. White House. and he had ureed than to HUNT VOICE-ALTERING ie- Selling Points: Dean admits sponsoring give Liddy's -intelligence- plans a lair THEORY Proponent: Dr. Charles Lane, molc.elar he "Operation Sandwedge" and he attended hearing at CREEP atter they sad been re- jected Widely thought of as Niaon's biologist, Cambridge, England. ep two meeting, where hugging plans were once. presented. Dean discussed executive clem- "dirty tricks" man. Colson ha.: superin- Thesis: E Howard Hunt used a "%owe- a ency with Magruder, sent messages to tended an ingressive assortment of shady :altering device" and various disuse-es to sr- McCord. and asked for. and received. the Ikeda: overseeing a secret investigation imitate White House otticials. inch.ding .he F.B.I. reports on the case. into Edward Kennedy's private lite. trying Nixon. Ehrlichroan, Haldeman. teison. to Drawbacks: Mitchell okayed the plan. to force a tax audit on an anti-Nixon and Dean, while making calls on the an- Teamster official, compiling a White White House scrambler phone lie sanding to Magruder. hhrlichniart okayed um I cash payments to the burglar,. And Hal- House enemy list, "trashing- the Congrcs- thus able to command unsuspecting derlinns to carry out Watergate and the THE JACK ANDERSON ready on it. Liddy. according to News- cover-Up. EXCLUSIVE THEORY tvia-R. had kidnapped ITT lobbyist Dita Selling Points: This would explain many Proponent: Leo lam, former press secre- !leant out of New York. of the samtradection, in testimony : e.c. tary to Senator Edward Gurney at Hari- Drawback: No hard evidence. F.hrlichman claiming he neater letephoned da. General Cushman for C I \ assistance Thesis: Shortly after the Watergate bteak• THE CUBAN GAME-PLAN THEORY to Hunt. though Cushman says he heard in. Leo Z.ini put out the story that the Wa- Proponents Hidden): General Vernon Fhrliehman's voice: atrogh's orders from tergate langlara were registered Demo- Walters. of C.I.A.. John Dean. iClacni: Niaon to break into Ellsherg's raycnia. crats and that one of them. Flank Sturgis. James J. Kilpatrick, William F. Buckley. was a double agent in the employ of col- Thesis: The key to Watergate is Havana. umnist Jack Ander-on. According to Lim, Castro desired normal relations with the Anderson got Sturgis and another of the U.S. and believed that only a Democratic burglar% Eugenio Martinez, to set up the Administration would bring this about. Others and embarrass the Republicans. William Buckley suggests the following Selling Points: Not only are Anderson hypothesis: "Someone inside the Castro and Sturgis friends. but Anderson even Government. .ripped off a prominent went 133 court and asked to have Sturgis Republican" about a deal between Castro released in his custody. and the Democratic Party to finance the Drasvhark: Zani's ex-boss. Senator Gur- Democratic campaign. "The recipient of ney. apparently thought so little of this this information requisitioned a suitcase theory that he never mentioned it during full of money with which to pay profes- the Watergate hearings. sionals to bug the Democratic headquar- ters. But in tum, the Republicans were betrayed." Selling Point: The Watergate operation otEce; Dean's orders lions Halde- What Were They After? can he justified as a "national-security op- man to maintain a cover-up. Finalls. it SELF-DEFENSE THEORY eration," which Nixon Jauntiest ordering explains how the Watergate might hase Proponent: James McCord. conceit led, been authorized in the first place: Hunt Thesis: The Democratic National Com- Drawback: Dean and Walters have as- called 'Mitchell using Nixon's voice tone. mittee was encouraging kit-wing groups serted that the "Cuban Theory" was de- Drawback: Nonc. lea the perfect crime.. to plan violent demonstrations at the Re- vised to mislead the press. publican Convention. so the Watergate ACT OF GOD THEORY break-in was necessary to uncover the plot. COUNTER-BUGGING THEORY Proponent: Reverend Billy Graham. Proponent: James aiccora, Thesis: According to Graham. Watergate Selling Points: McCord cited the riots at Thesis: Watergate was justifiable on the was an the 1968 Democratic Convention and re- act of God and a judgment on grounds that the Democrats had already A met ica. counted to the Ers in Committee a dis- pulled a Watergate-style bugging opera- turbing trend of violence toward the fed- Saint:Point: This theory ennobles the tion on the Republicans. whole enterprise: the White House eral government t the Capitol and Penta- was We had word from C.R.P. sources." gon bombings) and the Republican Party covering up for God. McCord told the Erin Committee. "al• thumbing+ in Oakland. Manchester. Aus- Drawback: God only knows. leging that the McGovern committees had tin and threats against the lives of Mr. and 'a pipeline' directly into the offices of the Mrs. Mitchell). He said there was infor- MR. X THEORY Committee to Reelect the President in mation that 250.000 demonstrators would Proponent: John Mitchell. Washington: allegedly, they were feed- be in Miami. many of them "out to com- Thesis: Someone gave orders to go ahead ing out. on a regular basis. policy posi- mit violence." with Watergate after Mitchell refused, tion papers. i.e.. plans and strategy...." Drawback: If the above were true. it was Magruder wouldn't have gone ahead on Selling Point: When Nixon was told by a matter for the F.B.I.. not the plumbers. his own . J. Edgar Houser that the Democrats had Retort: J. Edgar HOove; as• ording to Sellinc Point: This clears Mitchell. bugged him in 1968., he Ehrlichman, was not to be trusted. vowed to do the Drawback: Magruder named Mitchell as same to them. Mr. X. ANTI-KENNEDY PLOT THEORY Drawback: Richard Nixon once said, "Two wronga don't make a right." Proponent: ,A Kennedy aide. THE HALDEMAN TAP THEORY Med.,: 55.ttergate was part of a plot to Proponent: Mart McGiory stop Ted Kennedy from being "drafted" McGOVERN ASSASSINATION Tbeas: The bugs in the Oval Office and for the nomination. .N listening post was THEORY on the Nixon telephone, were placed by established in Larry O'Brien', office to Proponent: Charlie McCollum, writer for H. R. Haldeman without the President's keep tuba on the itop-MeGosern plot in Ti.. Ih.....run ?hornet knowledge. "Although nobody outside progress there. If it appeared that the pro- Thesis: The purpose of the Watergate ever suspected that the President V, as re- Kennedy forces were on the verge of MLIC- break-in was to obtain the floor plan of ceiving heath of anti-war groups through GCS*. a series of prepackaged Kennedy George Nit:Govern', suite in Miami in or- the side door or calling up Angela Oasis scandals could be revealed. der to plan his assassination. on the sly." writes alio. McCrory. "the Selling Points.: Kennedy was kept under McCollum aity, he came upon this evi- thought may have crossed Haldentares surveillance by White House operatives. dence from a friend of "a guy" who had suspicious Mind." Also. "Maybe Haldeman Hunt had forged cables implicating John stumbled across a plot to kill George ale- worried that Ehrlichman. the only other F. Kennedy in Diem's assassination. Ciao ern while re-watching John Kennedy's person the President eser saw. would tell These presumably could be used to blaelo .1.11.115.0 nation. him something about Watergate that the mail or discourage Ted.) Selling Paints: None. President should not know." These taps. Drawback: Chappaquiddick. Drawbacks: Nixon's men considered posits Mos Mel:rota, might hase been re- George McGovern the weakest possible vealed to Sown by Haldeman past prior to THE ITT THEORY Democratic opponent and went to consid- the April IS talk v, al, Dean. Proponent: Jeb Stuart Magruder. erable trouble to help him get the nomina- Selling Point: Nlexander Butterfield told Thesis: Hunt and Liddy had traced leaks tion. Killing him would have undone all of the Senate ak atergate Committee that the in the ITT case throngh Jack Anderson to Donald Segretti's sabotage. President seemed "abb. ion." of the taps. Larry O'Brien. And they were hoping to This theory points to Haldeman as archi- he able to find some evidence to blackmail THIRD-RATE BURGLARY tect of the cut er-up. O'Brien. ATTEMPT THEORY Drawback: The tapes are stored in the Selling Points: VI the time of the hugging. Proponent: Ronald Ziegler. fur Richard Whitt House. It it had been a Haldeman I yr was is great embarrassment to the plot. he'd have stored them chess here. White House. Hunt and Liddy were al- NiugiThesis: The Watergate break-in was just

12S ESOU■RE, NOVEMBER Thesis: The C.I.A. engineered Watereate retuning of the door. the too-late warning and exposed the cover-up. "Many of the that the police were coming. It gave the more sophisticated C.I.A. men." says the Democrats their only universally accept- Tirtte.r. "felt that the agency was in danger able campaign issue. It allowed the hard- of being emasculated by the President." pressed Democrats to institute a multi- The C.I.A. had displeased Nixon: e.g., by million-dollar law suit against the C.R.P. not coming up with proof that "external Drawbacks: Such brilliant planning is culprits.' could be blamed for campus un- hardly consistent with the rest of the Dem- the Demo- rest. For this and other failures, Nixon oetatic campaign and anyhow. was setting up his own independent secur- crats faded to make much use of Water- ity agency that would come up with an- gate as an issue. The Republicans offered swers he liked. As McCord testified: "The to settle the suit, indicating they didn't be- Democratic plot. Nor does ) White House had for some time been try- lieve it was a this theory explain why White House offi- 4 ing to get political control over the C.I.A. assessments and estimates in order to cials made payments to the conspirators_ malt them confirms to White House pot. offered executive clemency and coordi- icy." Suspecting a putsch against the nated a cover-up. C.L.A.. the Agency staged its counter-coup Disposition of "theory: Inoperative. / with MeCord. once described by Allen Dulles as -my top mart," masterminding THE BREMER CONNECTION "Oper: ea"- " rgate." THEORY Set All the Watergate opera- Proponent: Bernard FenSler1A add. one of 12,g0I burglaries committed in Uses h.L..! ....LA. connections. Nlartinez E, Howard Hunt knows some- Washington in 1971 A third-rate burglary even kept a diary for the C.I.A. Evidence thing about the shooting of George Wal- at that. of White (louse-C.I.A. conflict can be lace that the Administration does not want Selling! Point: There has been no evi- seen in the banishment of Richard Helms resealed. Hunt has threatened to tell all he dence that the Watergate break-in was a to Iran and the reorganization of the knows. and this is why he blackmailed the first-rate or even a second-rate burglary Agency, the investigation by Howard White House and obtained a promise of attempt. Hunt of the role in the minder of elemency. Drawback: The burglars had more mon- Diem ithe inters iew with Colonel Coneint Selling Points: This theory explains the ey on them than was to be found on the and the foietng of the Diem cables. This cosec-up. FenStelfWald, who is lames premises they were burgling. theory would also explain why Dean felt Cord's lawyer. is the head of the Commit- Disposition of Theory: Inoperative. he could ask the C.I.A. to come up with tee to Ins estigate Assassinations money for the defendants. it would also He claims that investigators acre tracing explain why the C.I.A. didn't help in the the 1972 movements of accused political Nixon Was Framed cover-up, but instead sent politically dam- saboteur Donald Segretti. and the trail had aging photographs of Liddy outside the led them to Milwaukee. Bremer's home- RIGHT-WING PLOT THEORY Ellsberg burglary to the Department of town. Proponents: Leonid Itrothnev and Soviet on Justice. According to Hunt. Charles Cols journalists. Drawback: It the C.I.A. were attempting a called him and told him to go to Milwau- Thesis: Watergate is the work of a right. coup against him, why would Nixon try to kee and break into Bremer's apartment to wing conspiracy aimed at destroying the roust up for them? look for left-wing literature or Other ma- American-Soviet detente. Objecting to the terials that would point blame toward the S.A.I..T. talks. the Vietnam peace and DEMOCRATIC FRAME-UP Democrats. wheat deals, a small group of right-wing THEORY Drawbacks: There was a primary going saboteur and levanchists purposely Proponents: Spiro Agnew. Clark Mac- on in Wisconsin in 1972. which may be botched the Watergate mission to tkvas. Criegor. Martha Mitchell, minority coun- the sole reason that Donald Segretti was tate Nixon. One Sosict journalist. based in sel Fred ihompson. in Milwaukee. Further, it has been eNtigh• New York. was quoted as saying. -I'll al- thesis: Watergate was masterminded by liNhCLI that Bremer stalked candidates ways remember what :::a Garrison said. Nixon's political opponents to weaken his Humphrey and Nixon as well as Wallace. He said that they got Kennedy. and if an- chances for reelection. Agnew posited in other American President ever tries to September of 1972 that "Someone set up turn the away from mili- these people and encouraged them to un- tarism. they'll get him too." Ergo. Nison's dertake this caper to embarrass them and How Could Such plight, embarrass the Republican Party." The vic- a Dumb Thing Happen? Selling Points: All the Watergate conspir- tim a the burglary. Larry O'Brien, was ators. and especially Hunt and Liddy. esen suggested as the possible perpetrator acre right-wingers The Dean testimony ATMOSPHERE THEORY Proponents: leb swan Maeruiler. John was orieinally scheduled at the same time as the awhile.: gosh to Washington, pre- Dean, Walter Hieket, Richard Nixon. sumably. Dean was in on the conspiracy. Thesis: Watergate. the cover-up. and oth- were natural products of a Nixon's power to deal with other nations er illegal acts has indeed been hamstrung by Watergate, mood of lawbreaking within the White according to American and European House. Says former Interior Seeman neay.papers. Nickel. the President "created the atmo- Finally. Vice-President grieve. Nixon-, sphere and the attitude fur it to happen." putative 'enlacement. would be less likely Selling Points: Magnifier testified that White House staff members became "in- to continue the detente. Drawbacks: Watereate could have blown ured" to breaking the law. John Dean de- up ifejort the election. putting the pm-de- scribed the stairs eagerness to smooth the tente McCrosern in the %hue House. to way tor Nixon even it it meant hiring satiation on this theory bandied about in "thugs" or doing other illegal things to get Shanghai. holds that Chiang and the MUI- the jots done. The cover-up. said Dean. bc• masa lobh% crig'tnecred ibNalerplIC to tot- came "a way to life " , pedu the Soto-American entente.' of it. Alfred Baldwin—who served as The President himself gave this 'NW 21 lookout nett'ss the street—was men- blight when he wrote in his May statement: "Ti' the extent I may in am SEVEN DAYS IN MAY THEORY tioned as the double agent. Martha Mitch• was have contributed to the climate in Proponents: Lcais Chester. Cal Mel rys- ell thought Slek'ord was the 00c. which [the break-in and cover-upl took tal and Stephen Al is of the Sunday I iliac, Selling Points: Phis would esplain why plate, I did nut intend to." of London. they acre so easily taught—the taping and

ESQUIRE: NOVEMBER 129 - Drawback: John Ehrlichman testified to ern California. out of which Nixon and the moral rectitude of the White House "Cowboys, The Yankees represent East- his men emerged. ern Establishment. old-line interests, star- staff. Selling Points: The following arc from ring the Kennedy% the Roclsefellers. the Southern California: Haldeman. Kalm. liberal wing of the C.I.A.. the Council on ZEAL bach, Porter, Ziegler (former Disneyland THEORY Foreign Relations, and the Bilderberg r Proponent: Richard M. Ni son. guide). Chapin, and Segretti. According to Group. The Cowboys represent the new- Thesis: Watergate and the cover-up were I Dean. the cover-up was planned at La moneyed, self-made tycoons in oil. mu- planned and carried out by wild-eyed Costa. almost halfway between Disney- tual funds and missiles. including Lyndon Nixon aides "whose zeal exceeded their land and San Clemente. B. Johnson. Richard Nixon. Howard judgment. . in a cause they deeply be. Drawbacks: The following are not from Hughes, Aristotle Onassis and Frank Sina- Southern California: Dean, Mitchell, tra. Since World War 11, both elites have Magruder. Ehrlichman, Colson. Liddy, been gripped in a death struggle for con- Hunt. LaRue. and Stens. trol of defense contracts. national re- sources and the government. THE MEMOIR THEORY Up to 190, the Yankees retained con- Pritponent: ictor Navasky. trol through Roosevelt. Truman. Eiwt- Thesis: Watergate exploded into a scan- hower (remember his warning about the dal because the participants wanted to in- military-industrial complex!) and John flate the value of their memoirs. Kennedy. The Cowboys took over after Selling Points: McCord has already writ- the assassination and have held the initia- ten a book on Watergate and Hunt (au- IL% e until Watergate. thor of forty-six spy books) has received According to Oglesby. who gives the several offers. Martha Mitchell_ has told most coherent version of the theory, when reporters. "My husband has told me I Bobby Kennedy was assassinated. the / r- could get two million for anything I Yankee managers realized the Cowboys wrote. John Dean, a previously anony- - were play ing tough. and adopted a new mous White House figure, has achieved game plan—The Watergate Option. Yan- national celebrity status by writing a 245. liesed to be right." namely the reelection kee agents were thereupon infiltrated into page memoir of Watergate. Frank Sturgis. of Richard Nixon. the Cowboys' secret police to set a trap at one of the Caribbean mercenaries caught Selling Point: Charles Colson's declara- Watergate which worked. in the Watergate, has opened bidding on tion that he would walk seer his grand- Oglesby theorises that James McCord his hook. mother to reelect Nixon does suggest ex- was a Yankee master spy, tapped for the Drawback: It is illegal to write books for cessive teal. big job by someone high in Yankee coun- profit in prison. Drawback: The zeal was short-lived. par- cils. McCord then taped and re-taped the ticularly when the facts started to come out and the zcaluts began accusing each THE NIXON LIBRARY THEORY Proponent: anonyIot a. St bite other and making demands of up to a mil- Hun lion dollars. source. Thesis: 'Die taps on the Democratic Na- tional Party at Watergate. like those in the LONER THEORY Oval Office of the President himself, were Proponent: senator Barry Goldwater. part of an -oral history" program destined Thesis: The underlying reason that Wa- for the Nixon library. tergate happened was that Richard Nixon Selling Point: It explains the self-bugging has "never been able to be one of the a of the W hitt House. boys." as Senator Barry Goldwater told Drawback: It doesn't explain why C.R.P. Dan Rather of CBS. "His biggest weak- paid for the buggings. ness has been the fact that he's lived his life by himself. He's never let his hair JUDAS GOAT THEORY down to fi iends. He's never asked enough Proponents: Spiro Agnew, Seeriiian Skol- friends what he's dune wrong or what he nick and Carl Oglesby. done right. So st have to i.4)' that's his Thesis: One member of the Watergate in- problem." filtrators was a double agent who led the Selling Point: Nixon rarely meets with fir others into a carefully prepared trap. his Cabinet or me press air Hunt's lawyer is quoted by Sherman Skol- _ Draw bark: 14. R. Haldeman the Presi- nick as saying. "Some of the defendants dent's top aide. regulails saw Nixon for TI wanted to get caught . . . they suckered over an hour .-cry day. Pr Nixon into a plan which they led him to believe was his plan." THE DISNEYLAND THEORY 7: Selling Point: It explains the incredible ger Proponents: Lrie Sevareid. Michael Da- bungle at Watergate. vie, Rehecca Wed. pci Drawback.: If there was a double agent, Thesis: Th: ()nein, of Watergate can be W- why hasn't Nixon resealed explained by the peculiar nature of South- it: entrapment is a salid defense. Watergate doors, setting up the bust in - - hopes of driving the Cowboys from power wit and "restoring the Yankee dynasty under car G rand Schemes, young Prince Ted." vcs: Selling Points: McCord did place the Tips of Icebergs rapes. and Martinez says McCord was the Hut 4 one who insisted on going ahead with the YANKEES VS. COWBOYS bugging after they'd noticed the tapes had C.R THEORY been removed. reh PrOptitieril at" Orleshy 4 I hr floweret This theory explains why the cover-up boa. PhUrnir 1. Kite Sale iThe rf/f Re- failed: the Yankees control important ele- ohs view a/ flook3), Mae Brussel! t truer it The Real. ments of the F.B.I.. C.I.A.. Justice De- S. partment, Washington Pr01, New York • Thesis: Watergate is merely one episode Tinier. etc. It also tits in with the radical kilk. in a titanic subterranean war between two critique of history, which assume: that pets competing elites. known in the under- momentous economic issues underlie the (awe ground press as the "Yankees" and the turning points in history, iris: of tan ESQUIRE NOVEMBER Drawbacks: If McCord's lob was to make ket (at a going price of S5.000.000' two - _ cure they were caught inside the water- days after the crash, and were being of- r , ' • gate. why didn't he do It during the first fered by members of the "Sarelli mob" ; -a• break-in. on May 30? Also. if Nixon re- which had carried out the 737 hit in the •• • 7700

signs or is impeached. another Cowboy, first place. • )7••'4 - • .1 Agnew. takes over. So what is gained? Selling Points: Skolnick. who brought the t, • original charges again,' Otto Kerner that a THE EXECUTIVE THEORY resulted in the ex-Ciusernors bribery And . 4 j Proponent: Daniel Ellsherg. extortion com•ietton. goes the following Thesis: I he burglary of the Beserly Hills et ;acme. Mrs. Hunt had passed the word psychiatrist and the other work of the that her husband had enough esidence to Hunt-Liddy seam. including presumably "impeach the Pie-adroit.- and that he - -max r Watergate. arc all part and parcel of an could "blow the White House out of the Jo , "executive coup- plotted in the White water." Medical coinuner, found cyanide 20' • Howe to "change our form of government present in seven of the crash victims in- 1 to one dominated by a Police State.- eluding Mrs. Hunt. Miss Clark, the two ao-aestaitaatore'' Selling Point: his would captain why men carrying the Mitchell papers, and the the eighty-four White House aides were pilot. Small pinpricks were found in the press': the use of federal intelligence ma- deployed to the key agencies of thc gov- planes altimeter, possibly esplaining why chinery for political purposes 'the S.S.— ernment. the plane was Diu feet below course be- Oche:me Stams-Politer I: the plumbers Drawbacks: It was the executive agencies fore the clash. One of the flight recorders, 'S.S.j. Enemy lists. sabotage, and the Wa- of the federal government which. in fact. Skolnick reported, had unaccountably. tergate bugging are more consistent with eaposed Watergate: the Washington po- totalitarian regimes than democratic ones. lice made the arrests: Kleindicnst refused ••T"'" . _ -'""'"--- Drawback: The men in tail—or under in- to have the Department of Justice conceal dictment—are former members of the the involvement of McCord and C.R.P. in Niacin oreanitation. the burglar): the F.B.I. traced the money used in Watergate to C.R.P.: the C.I.A. re- MURDERVILLE THEORY fused to intervene to cover up the investi- Prw000pdonents: Mae Brus-elt. Lours Tack- gation. UN !TED ! Thesis: Watergate is just one visible sign TIT FOR TAT THEORY of a gigantic plot by the C.I.A.-military- Proponents: II. R. Haldeman. Dick Tuck. \ industrial complex to take over the coun- Richard Nixon. . try. Using information in Tackwoosfa Thesis: Sa. ale :1We is the latest in a series book, Thr• Gluts fluor' Tarr r. Mrs. Brus- of tricks the Republicans and Democrats Nell posits that the team caught at Water- have played on each other. As Richard gate had been making arrangements to Nison said. "Both our great parties have foment violence at the Republican Con- been guilty of such tactics." vention in 1972 so that Nixon could de- Selling Points: Dick Tuck. a Democratic clare martial law and cancel the elections. idea man. lung considered the champion The same C.I.A, people who directed and campaign prankster. stepped forward to • — - funded the Greek coup d'etat are deeply accept some of the responsibility for Wa- involved in this one, she says. tergate. It was Tuck who arranged fur I he crand alurderville conspiracy the- Barry Goldwater's train to roll out 411 the malfunctioned just before the crash, and ory iv relentlessly all-inclusive: it takes in station while he was still speaking from it. the other was lost until it mysteriously not only all the political assassinations but In the midst of Watergate hearings. H. turned tin some hours later. also the deaths of Janis Joplin. Jimt Hen- R. Haldeman encountered Dick Tuck in a Drawbacks: Plastic seat covers give off drix. the Manson slayings tall staged to corridor on Capitol Hill and said. "You cyanide gas when they burn, which often discredit the youth movement 1, Cisappii- started all this. ruck:- accounts for the presence of cyanide in quiddick if-eddy wasn't even in the car: he Drawback: As ;Zicirard A. Moore testi- crash sictims, according to the F.A.A. was drugged I, J. Edgar Hoover's death tied, Dwight Chapin thought up the Tuck The E.A.A. reported no pinpricks in the 'murder), and so forth. angle as a phony cover-up story. altimeter, Mrs. Brussel! is fast becoming Ameri- Neither flight recorder was too, al- ca's leading conspiracy theorist. already. THE MIDWAY CRASH THEORY though one did malfunction. championed by the underground. Each Pruponent: hnerman SkoInto, United Airlines says that Mrs. Hum was week, she broadcasts Use oeur: Aaaatioar- Thesis: The crash of a United Airlines in first class and Miss Clark was in coach, noir over KLRH in Carmel. California. 737 at Chicago's Midway Airport last De- which would have made an interview dif- and every two weeks she gets out her Con- cember was part of an increasingly des. ficult. spifary Neu-iferrrr, A prodigious research- perate and complex effort to cover-up the er, she cross-referenced the twenty -six vol- Watergate. THE AMERICAN REICH THEORY umes of the Warren Report. and now she Anions the 43 people w ho died were the Proponents: tame.. McC ord. \r[/'ii reads eight newspapers a day and keeps a wife of E. Howard Hunt and CBS News Sc West mic: Senators Georce al clios ern. growing tile on Watergate ifillt) subject correspondent Michele Clark. Edmund Muslie, J. William bulbright, s.ardc already/. On July Ii, I972. only Sherman Skolnick. an independent in- Sam Frvin, and Mae Brusaell. three weeks after Watergate. she com- vestigator in Chicago. claims that Mrs. Theory: Watergate was but one manifes- pleted a long article for TN- Refills,. re- Hunt was carrying more than two million tation of an attempt to set tip a dictator- vealing the detailed and complex back- dollars shed "ripped or from the ship grounds of all those involved in W aver- C.R.P.—not merely the $10.000 she was Selling Points: One can find similarities eate. She a as way ahead of her time. reported to have had—and that she had between Hitler s retch and tactics used by Selline Points: None. boarded the plane with Michele Clark to the Nixon Administiatiun. Mass arrests. in Drawback: but all of Mae Brussell's whom she was going to pour out the w hole Washington in 1970 'Gestapo harass- conspiracies to be true. more than halt the truth about Watergate. ment): the plan to tire-bomb the Brookines country would have to be in on them. thus Skolnick further claims that men also Institution 'Reichstag fire!: antagonism rendering them more or less democratic. lilted in the crash had been carrying pa- toward left-wing elements at house but pers highly incriminating to John Mitchell, friendliness toward Soviet and C hincse THE MACHIAVELLIAN POLITICS involving eonflict of interest in .in anti- Communists Hitler-Stalin pave: attacks THEORY trust gas pipeline case. These papers were on press and prior restraint in Pentaeon Prup,ment: I he Nev. Yolk allegedly placed on the underworld mar- Papers ease labolition of all anti-Hitler he hugging of Watergate was

r4OVEMBEA 131 part of a broader plot to defeat the stronar- Director Vernon Walters, and the F.B.I.'s Drawback: See Manufactured-Issue The- er Democratic candidates--and notably L. Patrick Gray. ory. Muekie--and trick the Democrats into But they went Nixon one better. They nominating their weakest candidate. Mc- attempted to cover up not only national- MANUFACTURED-ISSUE Govern. security operations but Watergate as well. THEORY Selling Points: Ronald Seeretti. a sabo- "lit now appears." the President said on Proponents: Ron Ziegler: Spiro Agnew; May 22. that there were persons who may teur paid by Herbert Kalmbach. the Presi- Fin: foaday Ithe newsletter of the Re- dent\ personal 'Joyce has been indicted have gene beyond my directives and publican National Party t; the Burlington for attempting to blacken atriskie and sought to expand my etforte to protect the !Vet mont r Fret, Press. national-security operations...." Humphrey in the Honda primary. Thesis: Watergate has been purposely Selling Points: This theory explains some With the hindsight of hiator.. this theo- made into a national issue by the press, overt attempts at cover-up: ry would provide a rational motive for of the mare which has transmogrified a simple "caper" White House interference in the F.B.I. in- Watergate. It would tic together neatly all into an enormity of national sienilicance. vestigation. Ehrlichmana. telling Dean to the other Republican clandestine aanvi- Salim Point: Press circulation has risen take the papers found in Hunt% safe and ties that Porter worried about and sword doutiancalla Once the Watergate revela- them into the Potomac. the explain all the adverse happenings which "deep six- tions. Journalists have found it a profit- confused and divided the Democrats offer of executive clemency and money to able lade to mine. I,Muekie's tears in New Hampshire, Ea- keep Hunt quiet about his other secret Drawback: No.on himself has demon- gleton. etc.). (See Bremer Connection activities. strated the importance of Watergate by re- Drawback: No evidence has been given Theory.) placing airman:, the entire White House which proves that national security was Drawback: Watergate was not hued un- staff (Haldeman. Ehrli:hman. Dean. til late May. after all the ptimarie, except jeopardized. Chapin. Colson). two Cabinet officers, and California. Muskic had withdrawn from • the acting F.B.I. director, (Former Cabi- the race in April, and NlaGmern was al- net officers. Mitchell and Soma, were also ready considered by the press to be the indicted in a related matter.) nominee. THEORY Proponent: Katharine Graham. publisher of The W ashington Post. HORROR STORIES COVER-UP THE HIDDEN GOVERNMENT Thesis: In a plot to discredit The Wash- THEORY THEORY ington Post. false information was being Prominent: John Mitchell. Proponent; Jim Garrison. fed to unsuspecting Post reporters in the Thesis: A second goaernment. "essential- Thesis: Mitchell permitted the cover-up Fall of '1972. leading them to write 'stories because tie feared the White House horror ly Fascist in character." seized control of connecting Watergate to the White House: America by killing President Kennedy in stories would he expuard if the truth about these stories would later be disproved. Watergate ever got out. So. the cover-up 1963 and has since "aucceeded in effec- thus severely damaging the credibility of tively influencing the course of the tra- was not exactly a cover-up of Watergate. The Post. ditional esvvernment through its chosen ISee Accidental Cover-Up Theor).) Selling Points; There Is no doubt that a representattvee and humnese agents: Pres- Saline Point: The horror stories included mutual antagonism between The Pair and the Eilibet g burglary, the Diem tureenes, idents Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nix- the Nixon Administration did coke and . . on—whose previous loyalty to the war- the White House was particularly enraged fare sector of the traditional government at The for publishing the Pentagon had been well demonetrated before the Po4 Papers. Furthermore, last fall John ditch- eliminations were initiated which made ell ominously warned Poo reporter Carl them Chief Executive,: Watergate re- Bernstein that "Katie Graham is going to vealed the tenuelea of the hidden govern- get her tit caught in a big fat wringer." ment. In October. l972. The Port ran a Selling Point The White House was "source" story about five men authorized bugged because the hidden government to approve payments from ',Oixores secret didn't trust Nixon. espionage fund. Campaign chief Clark Draw back: No evidence. MacGregor called the tor "malicious .1:.:.,,` • unsubstantiated" and said the Water- gate-While Howie link was "e charge . But It Didn't Really which The Post knows—and half a diner' investigations have found—to be false." Happen Later, it turned out no such testimony had been presented to the grand jury. ACCIDENTAL COVER-UP Drawback: The story ss as true anyway. kidnapping of riTm Beard. fire-bombing of THEORY Disposition of Theory: Inoperative. %.,atcLapping of Proponent: Richard St. Nixon. Brookings Instatition. etc.. and they were pretty hair- Thesis:: Richard Nixon had no prior TICwsrntil, knowlethe of the 1.1 JicrInte. break-in. but THE VENDETTA THEORY raising he may have unintentionally set off the Proponent: Senator Carl T. Curtis tRa Drao hack: Why cover up the horror cover-up when he told the Justice Depart- Nebrasam. stones? ment. the F.B.I.. the C.I.A.. and his man Thesis: A rii-Nixon conspirators. unable Retort: To reelect Nixon. staff to limit their insestigations so as to bear his victory last November. are de- Re-retort: Why? not to reseal any crisert national-security liberates distorting the facts around Wa- operations unrelated re VI■ Litergatc. tergate to malign him. Senator Curtis ex- ALL-AMERICAN THEORY Shortly after the break-in. Nixon plains_ "Watergate has brought into being Pro/mounts: Jonn Wayne, Ronald Rea- learned that several of those inNO‘Cki a determined and militant coalition. whose gan, Robert F Reaier. Weft former C.I.A. uperatises and mem. oteoet is rot justice. but rather to 2ct Ilicaia: Watergate was not a crime. "Po- berg of the White House plumbers unit. These include (1) the Niaon-hat- litical espionace is as American as apple Nixon feared that unrestricted investiga- eta. C.2) a group of politizooadiata. Ott a No.- according to Rohe t F. Beaver mea- tion of Watergate would have imperiled small segment of newsmen who prefer pto surer of the elite Lincoln Club in Orange the secrecy of the legal covert cmeratians litical propaganda over 0hp:ow repott- Courtl .6 I. W Jacrgalc was. in the words of of both the C.I.A. and the plumbers. So ing, 141 a Ins extreme partisans, (St those John Wayne. "a damned pants raid" car- he instructed Assistant Atturnes General pulitietans mottling to earauir any issue tor ried out by people Ronald Reagan defend- ?eerier' to "may out of national-ace:Una personal raribiwio." ed as "not criminals at heat t.- matters" while inseatieating iS aterroec. Selling I•uint: This would explain the per- SelGtsit Paints: None. Also he passed the word to Haldeman, -lisicracc 01 the issue over the past sixteen Drawbacks: There have already been sev- Eh rile hman. Kk ind le nal, Deputy C la a. months. en cons fictions,

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