Sheridan Smith: Becoming Mum Press Pack

All contents strictly embargoed for publication until Tuesday 25 August 2020

Sheridan Smith: Becoming Mum

“The bigger jobs that you get, if you doubt yourself internally, then you constantly think that you are not as good as they think you are. And then my Dad died and I think maybe things that I hadn’t dealt with caused the big explosion, mentally...It was like a bomb went off in my head…Now I feel like I’ve got a second chance at life. It’s such a huge thing to have a baby. It’s the biggest worry - if you’ve had mental health issues in the past - will it rear its ugly head again? I would hate for the wheels to come off during pregnancy or post pregnancy. There are so many women out there who feel the same as me, who are just as scared as me, and we need to go and get some answers.” Sheridan Smith

TX Tuesday 1 September 2020 9.00pm TBC Embargoed until 00.01am on Tuesday 25 August 2020

With unprecedented access to actress and singer Sheridan Smith and her partner Jamie, this hour- long documentary tells the deeply personal and intimate story of her pregnancy and mental health struggles, past and present, as she prepares to become a mum for the first time.

It is thought that as many as one in three women experience mental health issues in pregnancy and in the months that follow. It is a subject that holds huge personal meaning for Sheridan, as she reveals aspects of her own story that she has never spoken about before.

The documentary follows Sheridan as she attends her first scans, pre-natal classes and sessions with a specialist therapist. She and her partner, Jamie, are filmed at home as they talk openly of their excitement and nerves about becoming parents. While preparing for her new arrival, Sheridan talks extensively about her own mental health and explores what help is available for other pregnant women and new mums. She visits a charity-run group which provides crucial, emotional support for other mums-to-be.

From her home in the countryside where Sheridan lives with Jamie and their dogs, Sheridan shares her excitement of being in the second trimester of her pregnancy: “Having a baby never crossed my mind until I met Jamie. I love him so much. He’s so brilliant. He’s going to be a great dad. I just hope I’m a good mum.”

Jamie says: “On our first date she was so timid, so sweet and nervous…she came in to this ram-packed boozer, an hour late. She walked in and literally she gave me this smile from across the bar and that was it….When I met Sheridan I didn’t know anything about mental health, learning how to cope and deal with that and understand it, was a difficult time…People don’t understand how far she’s come now. Honestly, it makes me so, so happy. It’s like I’ve got my best mate back.”

Sheridan reads messages she has received via social media about what to expect during pregnancy and its impact on emotional wellbeing and is struck by how many other mums-to-be feel the same worries that she does.

She explains: “The medication I’m on now is for depression and anxiety and when I got pregnant I just read online you shouldn’t be on any medication, so I stopped.”

As a result, Sheridan’s panic attacks returned and feeling unable to leave her house, she spoke to her doctor who explained she must not stop the medication: “I’ve still got these underlying issues so I went back on the medication and that was the right thing to do, but I constantly worried it is going to affect the baby, feeling really selfish, guilty, feeling shame and not knowing who to talk to about it.”

Sheridan meets a psychiatrist who specialises in mental health during and after pregnancy. He believes that one in three women suffer mental health issues during this time. Sheridan finds the meeting reassuring and it helps her to understand her struggles are possibly linked to past traumatic events, which often come to the surface in pregnancy.

“I’m from a generation that didn’t know anything about mental health. You just get on with it and my mum’s very much of the view that everyone’s going through something and she’s right. She’s instilled in me that you’ve got to carry on and there’s always people worse off than you…I think little things that I hadn’t realised how big they were deep down and I pushed them down. Like everyone does. And eventually you explode. You can’t keep pushing it down forever.”

Sheridan’s eldest brother Julian was diagnosed with cancer in childhood and Sheridan remembers how she performed songs and danced to entertain him when he was unwell. She sadly lost her brother when she was eight years old and admits she had blocked out the darker moments and memories.

Sheridan and Jamie head to their scan together before Sheridan drives to Derby to join a special coffee morning for new parents: “Social anxiety is a hard one to get over and to brave going out and meeting other people…People say, ‘but you’re so confident’, they just see the characters that you play but actually me on my own at home, I’m a very anxious person. It’s something people don’t really expect of me I think.”

“It’s strange because it just comes at any time. You always hear people say just pull yourself together… you’re going to be fine, but it’s such inner turmoil. it’s no-one’s fault and no-one can also make you calm down.”

The coffee morning is part of a much bigger project in which parents help other parents with their mental health. The volunteers go through a training process, run by the organisation Ripplez and so far they have helped nearly 5,000 parents in Derby. Sheridan nervously meets some of the volunteers to understand how crucial the support they provide can be.

Afterwards she meets new mum Kirsty, who reveals she suffered from domestic violence in the past. Sadly her older son had been taken into care but thanks to the on-going support of volunteer Emma, she has found the help she needs to manage life with her new baby.

Sheridan reluctantly attends the red carpet opening of the musical Pretty Woman, wanting to support her friend who is directing the production. She explains how her battle with self-confidence in younger years escalated into anxiety on-stage, particularly following her father’s diagnosis of cancer. Sheridan describes hitting rock bottom due to an addiction to anti-anxiety medication on the night of the BAFTA TV Awards and the friend who later saved her life.

“This industry can be such a circus. Like the press kind of laying things out there to ridicule someone and kick them while their down…All the trolls come out. But no one knows really what’s going on behind it all.”

Jamie says: “After Pretty Woman, the stories all came out. They were fine. I didn’t read the comments. She did. Let’s say there’s a thousand comments, 950 will be nice, 45 will be neutral and then there’ll be five horrible ones. Nothing else will matter. It’s those five ones. And she will beat herself up until she’s mentally black and blue. It’s devastating to see.”

Sheridan’s focus now is on staying in a good place for the baby and preparing for the birth. With eight weeks to go, Sheridan decides to explore therapy further and attends an emotional session with a therapist to help her vocalise what might be triggering her anxiety and harsh self-criticism.

Then with lockdown in the UK suddenly announced, the final weeks of Sheridan’s pregnancy take an unexpected turn as she’s forced to stay home and continue to film herself without the crew: “I feel like I’ve taken loads of steps back in my personal journey…It’s quite a scary time for pregnant ladies at the minute.” Sheridan explores what support is available for mums-to-be during lockdown and does a one-to-one session online, followed by a group ante-natal class on zoom run by an NHS midwife.

With her son’s arrival just days away, Sheridan says: “Being in lockdown has taught me a really good lesson. You’ve got to be okay with being on your own and being in your own head, because I’m going to be a mum. He will come first in my world. Everything will be about him but it’s important that we take care of our own mental health too...it’s going to be amazing and it’s going to be life-changing. I’m going to have a baby!”

Two months later we re-join Sheridan and Jamie as they introduce their beautiful little bundle of joy and Sheridan reflects on what she’s learnt.

Sheridan says: “This little miracle. I’ve never felt love like it...he completes me.”

Produced by True Vision for ITV.

Press Contacts Lyndsey Large (Mon-Tues) Lyndsey.Large@itv.com Hannah Green (Weds - Fri) [email protected] Pictures: Peter Gray [email protected]

Sheridan Smith: Becoming Mum Press Pack Interview

Strictly embargoed for publication until 00.01am on Tuesday 25 August 2020

Congratulations on becoming a new mum! How are you finding motherhood? It’s the best feeling in the world! I’d kind of been told that by people but I actually never thought I was maternal, even though I’ve always had animals… Everyone said motherhood will change your life but I guess I just hadn’t thought about it until it happened and then when I saw him, I mean there are no words that could explain that bond, that connection. Just recently he’s started smiling and Jamie and I were saying, because my son came early and I ended up having an emergency caesarean, but the day he smiled at me was more amazing and emotional even than the day he was born, because you suddenly think, ‘Oh my god – you love me back!’ Suddenly all those sleepless nights and all that worry goes out the window. You look in those little eyes and the love you feel, it’s like a connection I’ve never felt and thank god I’ve done it. I mean I’ve left it later in life but I think it’s probably the right thing and I wasn’t ready before, before I met Jamie. And now I’ve got this little family and I just feel, I can’t explain it, like a contentment, a calm. Maybe I was looking for something in the wrong places and now I feel like I’ve found it in this little boy when I look in his eyes, it’s just incredible.

What motivated you to make this documentary during your pregnancy? I’d done a voiceover for the production company for a film about children living in poverty which they were nominated for a BAFTA for. I was only doing the voiceover but I’m a working class girl and I really got quite emotionally involved in the story of it. They asked me if I had done documentaries and I’d only done ‘Who do you think you are’ and done one with my music. But I was pregnant at the time, I’d just become pregnant so I mentioned that and the producer’s wife was also expecting, so he suggested making a film about pregnancy. I’d decided to take some time off, we live in the country and I wanted my pregnancy to be stress- free and not to be on the road somewhere and it was ideal timing. First of all, it was going to explore old wives tales about pregnancy and look into that. So I put a tweet out asking to be sent emails from anyone who had any worries about pregnancy. And every single email that I received mentioned mental health worries. That was the biggest thing. So the documentary changed a bit. Even people who hadn’t had mental health issues were worried it would arise and happen to them in pregnancy and the people who had, were worried it might rear it’s ugly head again. So having been through stuff myself, it seemed like the right thing to do to go and find what was out there to help these women, who were genuinely worried about it. So then we started out on this journey.

You speak very openly about your own mental health struggles in this film, which is extremely brave and must have been difficult? I wanted it to be an educational documentary, not like a reality show. But yes, of course I do speak about my own personal journey in it. Hopefully just to help others. In fact, I speak about things I have never spoken about before and I’d never spoken to my family and loved ones about, other than in this documentary. So there are things revealed that I’ve never felt it the right time to say, or I’ve been ashamed or embarrassed to say before. But I thought, if I’m going on this journey for other women too who feel like that, then I need to be completely honest about what’s happened in my life.

What was the experience of filming the documentary like? It’s been great, it’s really helped me and my hope is it will help others too. We’d been filming for a while and met all these incredible people and then lockdown happened, which was of course a total surprise and totally threw it all. Most of the advice I’d been getting up to that point was just get out of the house, meet other mums, go to coffee mornings, because I’d been living in the country with Jamie and taking time off work and isolating myself anyway a little bit. So I was trying to do that but then lockdown happened and took us back into isolation. I think everyone felt that, not just pregnant women or new mums. Everyone felt a slight worry and mental health concerns. So it could have gone either way. We nearly stopped filming because obviously the crew couldn’t come round anymore but we had these little home cameras to film ourselves. Then I found out there was all this support online – antenatal classes, charities offering zoom calls – which I’d never done zoom in my life. So the documentary probably actually helped me more than I realised because had I not known there were all those avenues to go down, I don’t know - you never know what might have happened. So it really helped me personally and I just hope that the whole thing will help other women know what’s out there for them and know that they’re not alone and maybe get the conversations going a bit more about that. I hope it can actually help people.

How did Jamie feel about it and deal with the experience of filming? Jamie has been just amazing. He’s been my rock through everything. It’s really since I met Jamie that I started on my road to recovery. And also hard for him because if you don’t have experience of it, you have to learn quickly and he’s been reading up on mental health and knowing how to deal with someone who’s had those issues in the past. He knows me better than I know myself now. He knows if I’m getting anxious. He can read me so well. So that support is amazing. I mean I take my hat off to single mums out there. I don’t know how I could have done it. I’m very lucky. Also, I’m back working at the moment and he’s doing Daddy day care while I’m on set filming. Which is great so that I won’t miss out. I’m very lucky in that respect because it’s nice to be back at work as well. So I mean, I’m in great place thank goodness, I feel like I’ve come out the other side and been given a great opportunity and having Billy - I can’t explain the feeling of contentment in myself that I’ve never felt before. Now I’ve got him, it’s like he’s my world. And you stop being so selfish and maybe worrying about things that don’t mean that much. It’s all about him now.

How would you describe your pregnancy, looking back? Was it as you imagined? I take my hat off to women everywhere. I did not realise what we are capable of doing - our bodies - I’m fascinated by it all. It’s incredible. I know it’s sounds stupid but I’m awe. I’ve grown a little person! If he cries, my body leaks milk, I mean - it’s amazing. I’d just never thought before about how incredible the female body is. Every time I see a pregnant woman now I’m obsessed. I get it now. In fact just anyone bringing up a child - I take my hat off to you. It is the toughest role yet, but the rest role yet.

Did preparing to become a new mum during lockdown add to the anxiety that you were experiencing? Yes – he was born in lockdown and also we did the first seven weeks of his life in lockdown and we had no-one else. But it was a blessing in a way because you would normally lean on the grandparents and get help and because he came early and was so tiny, I think I would have just said, ‘Argh – everyone help me!’. But we were on our own and just had to get on with it and were thrown in at the deep end. And now he’s thriving and he’s like a real little chunky monkey, and the fact we’ve achieved that and we’ve got him to three months and he’s thriving, he’s healthy, the paediatrician’s thrilled with him. So that first anxiety, of, ‘Oh my god, he’s come early, in lockdown, with no antenatal, no help, no-one could come’, all that worry is suddenly gone. I mean I’m sure down the line there will be difficult days and more worry but we both feel really proud. We’re really proud of ourselves. To see him smiling back and see that he’s happy and healthy, you can’t put it into words.

How did it feel to meet other parents who were struggling with their own mental health? I was very grateful that they agreed to talk to me because you never want to feel like you’re intruding in their lives. I spoke to mums who were getting help from Ripplez, a community project run by mums who volunteer to help other mums that are vulnerable or struggling. The help Ripplez gives is amazing, and the mums are so brave to reach out to them. I found it all very humbling. At the same time, it puts everything into perspective for me. Things I would have worried about before – work and so on, everything goes out the window. Those volunteers are incredible. They are not there to judge or report anyone, they just want to help. Even if you have amazing parents and an amazing partner, sometimes they are not the people you feel able to talk to and you need some help.

Do you feel like there is enough support available for women during pregnancy and in the months afterwards? The NHS are incredible but they are so stretched. After the baby is born is when people often seem to struggle but are scared to reach out, especially to their partner or their family in case they are judged. There is still a long way to go with mental health. Especially with a baby involved, from the emails I was getting, people seemed scared to speak out through fear of being judged. But actually we found that there are so many people out there who are lovely and who are so willing to help, who I wouldn’t have known were out there. There are some incredible charities and support online. I know it’s difficult and it’s scary to reach out and do it because you just want to hide away, I know that from experience. For me at the start of my pregnancy, I’d just got myself to a good place and I thought, ‘Please don’t let this be a turning point where things change for me’. That was my biggest worry. Then I met this amazing psychiatrist during filming called Dr Alain Gregoire - he is chair of the Maternal Mental Health Alliance and what an incredible man he is. He immediately put me at ease. I hadn’t really expressed my past problems or my worries but he feels there is not enough help out there actually, there needs to be more support. The charities felt that way too. I think we are starting to get better with talking about mental health but of course the charities all need support now more than ever too. But there is way more help than I thought. And I didn’t know anyone else worried as much as I did until I got those emails from mums-to-be! Everyone else looks so calm and you think they’re taking motherhood in their stride but it’s often not the case. Hopefully this film will help other people realise that too and realise there is support out there.

You seem to be in such a positive place now. What advice would you offer to other mums who might be struggling at the moment? What has helped you the most? What helped me the most, and it will be different for everyone, but I know from a personal point of view that I tend to shut down slightly and not say what I’m feeling. Luckily I have Jamie now who has learnt that and knows that but some people might not have someone there to do that. What I’ve learnt during this documentary is that the worse thing you can do is to close off. I mean, I was even filmed going to a therapy session, which I’d always been a bit anti about, personally, because - I know it sounds weird as an actor - but I don’t like talking about myself. I find it quite hard. I’m fine talking about a project or a job but I’ve always found the thought of going to therapy a bit self-indulgent in a way. I don’t want to talk about myself all day, people have got it a lot worse than me - all those classic things. And I think a lot of people feel that way. But what I’ve learnt is that it is okay not to be okay, you can reach out and get help. I know it’s terrifying to do because I find it terrifying, but even if it’s not with the people you love, do it secretly, with a charity, they’ve got your best interests at heart and they are there wanting to help. It’s anonymous. You don’t need to feel ashamed or guilty or all these horrible feelings I have felt too, like you think you’re not good enough. It’s okay to need help. I think that’s all I could advise. I just hope this documentary will show that and if it helps just one person then my god, I’m so glad I’ve done it.

Please credit: ‘Sheridan Smith: Becoming Mum is on Tuesday 1st September at 9.00pm on ITV’ (TBC)