S c o *Q CW NIVERSJYY OF ITKI 4 APR 1

VOLUME 64, ISSUE 7, 9 APRIL 1990 TEL: (09) 366-0413 or (09) 390-789 FAX: (09) 303-2236

THE MISUSE OF DRUGS ACT

WHO'S MISUSING WHAT?

■ USA ATI

Craccum, 9 April 1990 — 1 horrific acts committed by bigots. In the We should apply Mr Williams’ criteria Editorial #1 greasy chips, ugly hotdogs and cottage middle ages bigots burnt women for for judging a trial to all of our day to day Hi everyone cheese and pineapple croissants. But there witchcraft by the tens of thousands. In activities to see if we in fact, rise above I hope in the past week you’ve managed is obviously more to Easter than food, es­ our modern age bigots carry out assassi­ our own prejudices. to scoff heaps of Easter eggs and pecially for those of us that are going to nations and fabrications of evidence After all, on the face of it, most Auck­ hundreds of hot cross buns because they Otago. against their opponents daily. One has land University students fail this test won’t be around much longer this year. Anyway, have a good break, so that only got to look at places like Chile, dismally. It’s good to see that even the University when varsity resumes everyone will be Ireland, South Africa and even other Coincidentally, we have been fortunate cafes have got into selling Easter Spirit refreshed and revitalised for another few countries closer to home to realise the enough to obtain an advance copy of a food that we can munch, along with our more enthralling weeks of term. truth in this submission. book, ‘Judicial Misconduct’ written by by Max < Peter Williams QC. The book has been Sarah The D i This address quotes some interesting a sellout in Malaysia and is due in NZ people. Joseph de Maistre was a French shortly. Excerpts from this will appear in Jech n o lc Editorial #2 the next issue of Craccum. diplomat and political philosopher. s o ftly -s p . It deals with questions of Law and the Let’s start this week’s issue on a seri­ Zangwill was a Jewish writer born in that we are all conditioned to the accept­ Law profession itself. kumara a ous note. As an editor of Craccum I have London, and Hectour was an American ing o f certain beliefs in our early child­ Law students should pay special atten­ found myself coming into close contact hood and these provide the basis fo r our Playwright. You should all have heard of Voltaire and Johnson, surely. There is va­ tion but the book is of pertinence to with a wider and wider circle of people. conscience throughout the remainder o f lidity in what these enlightened people are everyone. ! Dr John Looking for what students want to see our lives. No one is free from prejudice curriculum \ trying to tell us .... Steve in their newspaper, examining what in­ as defined in this manner, and I mean no­ pages long. In terests them and learning what they be­ body, from the ordinary labourer who this Wairoa lieve and think has surprised me a great shovels cement at a building site to the losophy schola deal. highest judicial officer in our land. labourer, Sad to say that despite the University What the judicial process demands, PREZSEZ - AUSA teacher, Chap being a cradle of open thought and a however, is that we deliberately put aside man, peace c place where the search for the truth is the our prejudices and come to the particu­ Teenaa koutou katoa. I’ve just read a tions Authority (NEQA) will have the consultant anc aim, I’m finding it a nest for bigots and lar problem with which we are seized spooky little document I thought you power to enter institutions and ‘inspect now leads Ne1 ignorant prejudice. Altogether too many calmly, dispassionately and without an would all be interested in. any books, records, or documents of the largest tertiary students slip into a “party-line” and refuse axe to grind. I f we cannot do that or are “The Education Amendment Act No 3 institution (including written or other Not that he to question what this really says or where unable to do that because of the power which was introduced to the House late recorded work of students)... and make time for his ni it ultimately leads. o f our private beliefs, we are not fit and on Friday night proposes that officials copies of, or take extracts from those terests in his from the Education Review Office (ERO) I believe the following opening address proper people to be judges. documents.’ The bill also makes provision where 70 and on Prejudice, attributed to PA Williams, There are thirteen judges in a court tri­ and the National Education Qualifica- to fine people up to $1000 for failing to week are the QC, discusses this most eloquently: al. The Jury is twelve o f them and His provide any information requested under most nights are Honour is the thirteenth. All have be­ this section.”[Excerpt from NZUSA press ingwork-relat release]. PREJUDICE stowed upon them by the law the highest dealing with Prejudice was described by Joseph de duty that a citizen o f our realm can per­ Like the president of NZUSA, Suze dence and atte Maistre as those opinions we have before form , that is to judge a fellow man. Wilson, I feel there is a terrible potential tions. And he for abuse of this power. Education admi­ we examine the facts. Samuel Johnson I f a person cannot rise above his or her a taxi-service described prejudice as to be weak. Vol­ prejudices and accord an accused person nistrators will be within their rights to energetic chile taire defined prejudice as “the King o f the a fair trial, he is unfit to be a judge no come on campus, investigate what you are “1 enjoy th< being taught, and your responses to those vulgar crowd.” matter how highly intelligent he may be. always interes Zangwill described prejudice as the dis­ The face o f bigotry can often be well teaching practises, that is, your essays, pose there’s a like for all that is unlike. An anonymous disguised. You have no doubt met bigots assignments and theses etc. in that you’re quotation defining prejudice “as being in your experience o f the world. Bigots They can take that work off-campus, ming the surfa copy it, do whatever the hell they want down on something you are not up on, ” exist particularly in areas o f racial from one n and perhaps the best definition of all prejudice and religious prejudice. Bigots with your ideas. I don’t know about you another meeti: but I find the whole thing appalling. comes from Ben Hechtour — our method can sometimes successfully disguise their terview — not These changes are in line with Govern­ of transferring our own sicknesses to prejudices behind facades o f being rea­ time to follow ment policy which is stripping universi­ others. It is our ruse for disliking others sonable people, people who are well-dres­ you’d want to than ourselves. sed and well-educated, people who follow ties of their intellectual and academic “I’ve also be freedom. The same government that is Perhaps you might agree that the the cricket and follow rugby, speak sof­ novel for abo turning education from a community mother o f prejudice is religion and we tly and earnestly. Bigots can be very cour­ which I reall resource into a gilt-edged commodity. have only to look at places like India and teous and indeed almost unctuous and yet time to work o The same government that is screwing Ireland to see the truth in that statement. in the areas o f their bigotry they will slip Christmas hoi you on lots of other fronts. Hold on to On the other hand from both those great the sharpened knife into the back o f their This is said c that thought as we plummet headlong nations have emanated great liberal perceived opponents without compulsion represents a m toward the elections, this is the year in thinkers — Gandhi would be an example or moral reprehension. Bigotry perhaps which Hinchc three we can take these people to task. from India and George Bernard Shaw is the greatest enemy o f all o f civilisation close to public Take every opportunity to let this govern­ would be an illustration from Ireland. and feeds upon rumour, hatred and The work, Pa ment know you don’t like, don’t want, Who was it who said “give me the child jealousy. novel based o won’t accept these changes!! and you give me the man. ” Is it not true History is plenary in its examples o f glefor land by Kakite anoo, e hoa maa. ofParihaka, < on Mt Taranal CONTENTS western plains Editorials and Presidential Columns...... 2 struggle took Profile: John Hinchcliff...... 3 PREZSEZ - ATISA tween 1866 an time period of Feature: Police (Mis)Use of Drug Laws?...... 4 Yet another week rolls by and it’s time M usic...... 6 book. to be coherent and inspiring again (HA!). “It’s one News Bits and Crossword...... 6 I have been following with some interest Special Feature: Bloke Magazine Liftout...... 7 Zealand’s great the letters in Craccum but it concerns me and sadly ig Pub Review and Womenspace S p a c e ...... 11 that ATI students don’t seem to be get­ Television ...... 12 ays. ting involved. Don’t be inactive or Parihaka wi Classifieds and Notices...... 14 resigned about this people. Letters...... 15 cliffs first fici If it works to submit the letters to us but follows te at ATISA to save crossing the road and has edited on s CREDITS actually talking to the University people, as nuclear di: Editors: Steve Amanono, Sarah Murray well, so be it, but you could be missing sport, comrr Features Journalist: Max Chappie [Tel: (09) 390-789 Ext 840] out on life here. and the phil Technical Editor: Tony Bell I hear a great deal of comment like “I religion. Technical Consultants: Independent Media Services Ltd [Tel: (09) 524-6162 or haven’t got time for that” or “I’m so busy” He says the Mobile: (025) 92-6228 Fax: (09) 524-6162] or “They won’t print it” etc, etc. great source of Marketing Manager: Joe Babich [Tel: (09) 390-789 Ext 841 Fax: (09) 303-2236 or Like the great line from Robin Wil­ “There are i (09) 833-9929] liams in “Dead Poets Society” when refer­ enjoy more t Printers: Rodney and Waitemata Times Ltd ring to an essay on how to evaluate down with an < Typesetting: Teresa Platt poetry: of paper and General Assistance: Susan, Marty, Wendy and Ross. “EXCREMENT.” thoughts dowi Special Bloke Assistance: Richard, Carl, Droid, Bryan and Pages Typesetting Too much effort is wasted committing When he’s n our opinion on the world without doing boardroom tal DISCLAIMER “squat” about it. ATI students are a huge of paperwork, contribution to tertiary education, to usually spends Craccum is published by the Auckland University Students Association, but Auckland and to this campus, so let’s be day a week w ATISA have been very nice and sort of indicated that they'll go to prison for us if it's vocal about it. Laurie at their the tech stuff at fault which I think is jolly good of them really, don't you? By the As Tom Smothers (and John Lennon) block at Bu way, the views expressed in Craccum do not necessarily represent the views of the said, “Life is what happens while you are “She’s harve Auckland University Students Association, the editors, or anybody, so there! busy making other plans.” Es and I’m 2 — Craccum, 9 April 1990 Hams’ criteria >ur day to day ct, rise above t, most Auck- fail this test JOHN HINCHCLIFF >een fortunate ice copy of a :t’ written by by Max Chappie ook has been is due in NZ The Director of the growing Auckland Institute of will appear in Technology (ATI) is no business high-flyer. He's a softly-spoken no-nuke Presbyterian who likes growing f Law and the , kumara and is now working on his eleventh book. special atten- pertinence to I Dr John Hinchcliffs kumara. It’s an excellent University’s philosophy curriculum vitae is 34 escape.” Steve department but refused, pages long. In his 50 years Hinchcliff met Laurie wanting more teaching ex­ this Wairoa-born phi­ while studying at the perience. From 1969-1973 losophy scholar has been a Hebrew University in he was assistant Professor labourer, muscian, Jerusalem in the mid of Philosophy at Virginia’s teacher, Chaplain, sports­ 1960s. It is one of many Hampden-Sydney college man, peace campaigner, experiences overseas — he and minister to four rural will have the consultant and author and and ‘inspect has studied at five univer­ Presbyterian churches. dow leads New Zealand’s iments of the sities and taught or largest tertiary institution. managed at seven tertiary ten or other With doubts he wanted Not that he gets much institutions here and a career in academic ... and make time for his numerous in- s from those abroad - but one which philosophy and a desire to Iterests in his present job left him pessimistic about return to New Zealand, ikes provision where 70 and 80 hours a for failing to peace in the Middle East. Hinchcliff moved to week are the norm and Auckland University to juested under most nights are spent read­ “I was awarded a Ro­ NZUSA press take up the position of ing work-related material, tary foundation fellowship Chaplain. Here he taught (dealing with correspon­ which provided for a year ZUSA, Suze Hberal arts, medical ethics, dence and attending func­ in any country I chose. philosophy of genetic en­ ible potential tions. And he also acts as Most people seemed to go ication admi- gineering. L taxi-service for his six to Britain or the United While in Auckland he ieir rights to energetic children. States - I wanted to go : what you are was heavily invloved in the “I enjoy the stress, it’s somewhere a bit different anti-nuclear movement mses to those always interesting. I sup­ and the Middle East has your essays, and traveled overseas to pose there’s a frustration always been a fascinating speak against nuclear in that you’re often skim­ area to me ... I was in­ arms. off-campus, ming the surface as you go terested in philosophy, ell they want He maintains his anti­ from one meeting to religion and politics and nuke stance but ac­ )w about you another meeting to an in­ you seemed to get all those appalling, knowledges Europe’s terview — not having the three in one place with in­ with Govern- moves towards making a time to follow through as tensity. better world. However, he >ing universi- you’d want to. “I did a course in polit­ nd academic is concerned that smaller “I’ve also been writing a ics in the Middle East... I countries are still involved iment that is novel for about 12 years visited the Arab refugee i community in nuclear arms and that which I reaUy only get camps and tried to get as there seems to be no cut­ commodity, time to work on during the many perspectives as pos­ t is screwing back in United States Christmas holidays.” sible. The more I got the :. Hold on to spending on weapons of This is said casually, but more I learned how When you compare our “We’ve still got a long “We can no longer blame net headlong destruction. represents a major project difficult and almost im­ situation with the univer­ way to go and I think that the Department of Educa­ is the year in Hinchcliff was Head of which Hinchcliff says is possible the situation is Humanities at the Royal sity in terms of resourcing as soon as we are able to tion for all the things that ople to task, dose to publication stage. there.” and you’ll see that the em­ provide appropriate cre­ we don’t do. We have to it this govem- Melbourne Institute of The work, Parihaka, is a His depressing outlook phasis has been very one­ dential degrees for de­ stand on our own two feet , don’t want, Technology where he was ;!! novel based on the strug­ comes from seeing first involved in administration sided. Compare our build­ gree-worthy courses then and say this is our budget, gle for land by the Maoris hand the entrenchment in and taught soical respon­ ings to the university vocational education will it’s a scarce resource, we of Parihaka, a settlement the attitudes of Arabs and sib ly in science and tech­ buildings, the infrastruc­ be as respected in New must allocate it in this on Mt Taranaki/Egmont’s Jews which has come with nology as well as ture, allied staff. Zealand as it is in Austra­ way.” western plains. The main centuries of animosity. professional ethics. “When I first arrived we lia and in other parts of He says the government struggle took place be­ had one allied staff mem­ the world.” can’t be expected to write tween 1866 and 1883, the “I was very impressed The attraction of a new ber to 3.8 teaching staff Whether it’s respected a blank cheque for edu­ toe period of Hinchcliffs with Martin Luther, who challenge and his contin­ members. The university now or not ATI is ex­ cation. y and it’s time book. was alive when I was in Is­ ued attachment to Auck­ had one allied staff mem­ tremely popular among “My own belief, based ; again (HA!), it’s one of New rael. His beUef was that we land brought him back ber to one teaching staff students and that popular­ on my own experiences some interest Zealand’s greatest episodes had to get both sides to and he took up the di­ member. ity is growing. overseas, is that education t concerns me and sadly ignored,” he put their history and build rectorship of ATI six years “We have been able to “Five years ago we had could consume the whole, em to be get- lays. on a future based on ago. The institute began in rectify this to some extent 17,500 students and now gross national product of inactive or Parihaka will be Hinch- respect. 1960, growing out of the because of recent Govern­ we’re up to 28,000 or a country. You never have diffs first fictional work “You do have core old Seddon Memorial ment initiatives but still 29,000 ... it’s because the enough because there’s al­ e letters to us but follows ten books he groups on both sides who High School. have a distance to go and Government has recognis­ ways something you can the road and has edited on subjects such are willing to work One of his efforts dur­ we hope the government ed the need for vocational do to improve the quality 'ersity people, as nuclear disarmament, together, who want peace. ing his time at the helm of will be able to retain us on education. of the education.” ild be missing sport, communications But it doesn’t seem to me ATI has been to raise the a level playing field fund­ “We’re still turning A concern that has and the philosophy of that there’s much listening rating of technical institu- ing basis.” away too many students. often been expressed is mment like “I religion. going on at the extremes.” tionsdong considered the Hinchcliff says the per­ At the moment we’re turn­ that ATI, in its drives to • “I’m so busy” He says the novel is a After attending Nelson lesser cousins of univer­ ceived gap between institu­ ing away 4000 students in supplement its income by tc, etc. great source of enjoyment. College in the 1950s, sities. tions is closing. some areas. I would like- setting up money-making n Robin Wil- “There are few things I Hinchcliff moved to Hinchcliff: “The whole “I think there’s still a lot to see it as an open access courses for overseas scho­ y” when refer- enjoy more than sitting Christchurch where he area of vocational educa­ of people who feel they institute where eveyone lars, will forget about its f to evaluate down with an empty piece earned his BA and MA tion has been vastly under­ have to have the status of can at least get on to the base of local trade of paper and try to put (Hons) in Philosophy. Af­ rated in New Zealand. If a university credential and educational treadmill.” students. thoughts down.” ter his work in Israel he you look at other ad­ I think that’s weakening At the centre of change “It’s not going to be :d committing When he’s not behind a settled in the United States vanced countries - Cana­ substantially. More and at ATI is the transition to enough to live by in terms without doing boardroom table or a pile where he attained his PhD da, Australia, the US, more I hear people say the autonomy for the institu­ of our drive for excellence nts are a huge of paperwork, Hinchcliff at Drew University, New Europe — you’ll see that credential of ATI serves tion. This means the tech so we’re going to have to education, to usually spends his one free Jersey. He also taught vocational education has them very weU in the mar­ is given a bulk Govern­ be entrepreneurial and >us, so let’s be day a week with his wife there and at the nearby been well supported by ket place. ment grant and left to its raise our own money. I Laurie at their horticultur- North-East Business Governments and has in “I’ve heard employers own devices. must emphasise that it lohn Lennon) I block at Bucklands. Machines School. fact more status in terms say that they would rather “This new era is going to must not compromise our while you are “She’s harvesting toma­ Hinchcliff was offered of the community and as a employ someone with ATI bring us all sorts of chal­ primary loyalty to the New toes and I’m harvesting chairmanship of the Drew resource.” credentials in some areas. lenges,” says Hinchcliff. Zealand students.”

Craccum, 9 April 1990 — 3 either through vestigation ABUSE AND MISUSE pendently. Stanhope s of just tw o c< the last five ir authority justification Police accused of abusing search laws In both cases I ty decided the reasonable search. The Misuse of Drugs Act was introduced in 1975 to combat drug “People wh abuse by allowing the police to search without a warrantrBut the plain I can’t c< pro-marijuana group Norml (National Organisation for the Reform Stanhope say Under Sec of Marijuana Laws) is worried the law is being used for other pur­ officer must poses. Max Chappie reports. reasonable g the person is i of a particuh Norml, says national polls have shown that peo­ come up to you and say Stanhope co-ordinator Mike Finlay­ ple right across the spec­ ‘empty out your pockets, son’s reputati son, is as much a civil trum smoke pot — drain we’re looking for drugs!’ user may be rights group as a pro-dope diggers, plumbers, engi­ You think ‘this is some­ reasonable g lobbying group. He says it neers, doctors, even MPs. thing to do with the drugs not the gro is involved in marijuana But it is not professionals act and I have to empty Other factor only because marijuana that are getting busted. out my pockets.’ but whether they; laws are interfering with “Most busts are under they’re really asking you nibis or their < the civil rights and liberties 20. Sure, you’ll get upper for consent. time. of New Zealanders. middle class kids getting Finlayson says New The a c t s a y Such is NormPs concern busted but the greater ma­ Zealanders are like three d a y s o: it is about to launch a jority of them are young, mellowpuffs and few are being u n d e major campaign through­ male, brown and out on prepared to stand up for officer m u s t out the universities spread­ the streets in just the sort their rights. Commissione ing information about civil of cars the police want to “The police and govern­ which is d o n rights. Called Bustbusters, stop anyway.” ment' institutions have the campaign is the largest Finlayson argues the built up this idea that the ever and aims to raise drugs act is being used as police have got absolute awareness about where a tool for social control. rights to search people. people stand with the law. He claims that in 1987 the They can only search you Norml itself has about police did between 100,000 if they’ve got a search war­ 2000 members nationwide. and 200,000 searches but rant, if they’re going to in­ H Finlayson says that at that they only used the law voke the Misuse of Drugs the centre of the civil 630 times resulting in 522 Act or want to search you rights debate is section 18 seizures. The police refute because you’re a real dead­ of the Misuse of Drugs this claim. ly looking character for Act. This legislation gives Finlayson says that at offensive weapons. And police officers the right to the centre of the issue is they can’t pull that on guys search without warrant how police officers ap­ that look like you or me.” anyone they believe on proach possible drug car­ Finlayson says the law reasonable grounds has riers. He says that to avoid was brought in to stop drugs in their possession. having to get authority or large-scale trafficking. But Finlayson says the worst report a search without a he says it is being used as part about the law is that warrant officers talk peo­ a means of searching with­ it is discriminatory. ple into giving consent. out real reason. “Heylen polls and other “What they do is they “This law is the only law

Mike Finlayson P h oto: W en d y Newton G

that exists that gives the for, and is keen to see peo­ Norman Stanhope saysi police the right to stop and ple able to grow, possess, is difficult to answer Fin TALKBACK search us. It’s rather use and transport personal layson’s criticisms without strange that an act that amounts of cannabis, he citing specific cases, whidi was designed to do one urges people to respect the he does not feel should tx thing is being used to do law enforcers. discussed in the something competely dif­ “We want people to ap­ newspaper. HOST ferent. proach the police with a “His comments are verj “It’s really interesting lot more respect. If a cop generalised and it’s ver that they’re so keen on not comes up to somebody difficult to reply to gena getting the law changed. and you say ‘what do you alised comments because It’s because they realise, want pig?’ we haven’t got he’s not giving me any 95 BFM is holding auditions for right up to the top, what a lot of time for them specific instances where he power they would lose.” when they ring up and say alleges we have abused our a new talkback host Finlayson claims the po­ they were hassled. powers. lice use coercion in drug “We’re not anti-police “I’m not prepared to Apply in person to Devra at the searches. but we’re anti-abuse of this comment on the aspects of “They say, ‘listen kid, law and what this law the law. The Government station before we’ve got you with a cou­ stands for and that’s caus­ sets the law, we enforce! ple of seeds here, you’d ing a whole lot of other But I think evidence hat Friday April 20th better tell all.’ They coerce problems like alienation shown that marijuani them, basically it’s and people not want­ quite often leads to heavi- Bring a CV and if possible a demo tape blackmail.” ing to co-operate. That’s er drugs.” “I had a guy ring me up impeding the police’s Stanhope says that if 95 BFM last week who said the progress.” people feel the police have coppers weren’t going to Finlayson estimates that breached the Misuse of Top Floor charge him with cultiva­ the police’s efficiency is Drugs Act or searched tion, they were going to impeded 20% to 25% by when they shouldn’t have Student Union Building charge him with posses­ the marijuana prohibition. been searched, they can / Ph: 366-7223 sion, if he could nark on From the other side of and do lay complainti / some other guys.” the law books, Auckland with the Police Comp­ While Finlayson is City Area police Con- laints Authority. It will in- against what the act stands trqller Superintendent vestigate their complainti

4 — Craccum, 9 April 1990 ither through a police in­ supervisor. Stanhope says “I would say that those vestigation or inde­ that if the supervisor felt figures are grossly inflat­ pendently. that the search was not in ed. Where did he get those 1 , Stanhope said he knew accordance with the act or figures from? Did he talk of just two complaints in the instructions the officer to 100,000 people?” the last five months to the would be asked for an ex­ “He’s suggesting 4000 authority over the planation. policemen conducted justification of searches. “Our instructions say 200,000 searches in one ws In both cases the authori­ that except in an emergen­ year. That’s an awful lot ty decided the officer had cy an officer should seek of searches per person. reasonable cause to the permission of an NCO Stanhope says that to search. (Sergeant or Senior Ser­ his knowledge the consent “People who don’t com­ geant) before he com­ given before searches is plain I can’t comment on,” mences the search. If that’s genuinely obtained. But he Stanhope says. not possible he must says he has to accept of­ Under Section 18 the report the search to a ficer’s explanation that the officer must believe on commissioned officer or person agreed to be reasonable grounds that an NCO as soon as possi­ searched without the need the person is in possession ble straight after.” for using the act. of a particular drug. “If he found drugs the He doubts the act is Stanhope says a per­ search was obviously used for purposes other son’s reputation as a drug valid.” than drugs operations. user may be part of the Stanhope says the police “He’s suggesting that we reasonable grounds but made 1846 searches with­ use the act to scoop all not the grounds itself. out warrants under section sorts of things and to Other factors could be 18 in 1988. In 1543 (83%) search people. He’s saying whether they smell of can- of cases drugs were found. that because a car’s driving or their actions at the Last year there were 2269 around at 2am and we’d time. such searches with 1896 like to have a look in it The act says that within (83%) resulting in a drug that we use the Misuse of three days of the search find. Drugs Act. I am not aware being undertaken the Stanhope disputes Finl- of that occurring but I officer must advise the ayson’s estimation that would be foolish to sug­ Commissioner of Police, there were up to 200,000 gest that it never does which is done through a searches during 1987. occur.” W ÊĒ3KÊjh Norman Stanhope Photo: Wendy Newton

The University of Auckland

id y Newton GREAT POR SfWfr'S CLUBS . . . . t o g PAMILV PRESENTS.... EVBRYPAY WEAR

Itanhope saysii : to answer Fin. iticisms withoi ific cases, whii >t feel should oly shirts i in ■P Carres T- r . nments arevi d and it’s vi ) reply to gem 1 3 - 0 0 nments becai f „ giving me >tances where lit ?I a/LAT SUIRTS $ 3 9 - 9 5 " have abused oui p o n Y f o r g e t p e n n a n t s )t prepared m th e aspects of h e Government v, we enforce it lk evidence hat 2 Lome St, ( Corner Victoria and Lom e St') iat marijuana l leads to heavi- University Book Shop 34 Princes St. (ground floor of Student Union Building) >e says that. I th e police have th e Misuse of :t o r search) shouldn’t hav ched, they can o lay complaint! Police Comi> lority. It will it . heir complaint! Alt TShirfS no o n ly

Craccum, 9 April 1990 — 5 MUSIC

BREAD AND CIRCUS through to the music. The pearing in a number of Toad the Wet Sprocket feel of the album is relaxed cultish films, including (CBS) and reasonably light — “Video-Drome,” “Union like a Santa Barbara City” and “Hairspray” and From the suburbs of sponge cake in fact .... has even co-hosted on Santa Barbara, California, The tracks that stand MTV. Add to this sporad­ come four young men out include “Way Away,” ic singles, more recently “Toad the Wet Sprocket.” “Know Me” and “One Lit­ the awesomely revolting “Bread and Circus” is the tle Girl” — a harrowing “French Kissing in the first LP for the band and tale of abuse and indif­ USA.” (Yeek), she hasn’t shows plenty of promise. ference. been slothing .... They have been des­ “Toad the Wet Sprock­ Def, Dumb and Blonde, cribed as a cross between et” (the name incidentally however, is a conscious at­ Jackson Browne and The was taken from a Monty tempt to “return to the Smiths. Personally I Python skit) are at the roots.” With former Blon­ found this hybrid totally beginning of their success die man Chris Stein, and unhelpful. A cross be­ and at the moment appear producer Mike Chapman, tween Sneaky Feelings and to fill the commercial end it sounds like the roots lay REM is more like it, but is of the alternative music somewhere in the late se­ probably equally unhelp­ market. It will be interest­ venties with chart success. ful in summing them up. ing to see where they’ll go You guessed it, this is the The album contains next. next closest thing to an songs ranging from the in­ What more can I say. original Blondie album. telligently poppy “Way Ribbit, ribbit. Side one opens with T Away” to the contempla­ Cath Townsend Want that Man” which tive “Pale Blue.” (Person­ admittedly is better than ally I prefer the band when the other three songs on they’re in full swing). DEF, DUMB AND commercial and radio From the first bars of BLONDE playlists. “Love Light” is a side one, the Chills and Deborah Harry (EMI) song written by Chris Sneaky Feelings jump to Stein about his interest in Brazilian percussionist (?) Arthur Baker. “End of credible force in commer mind, however there is She’s not deaf but she’s metaphysics, the occult called Nana the Run” is a documentary cial music, as proven b] more emphasis on the vo­ possible def, she ain’t and espiritu. It’s more Vasconsuellos. ballad about past events, the success of “I Want tht cals with “Toad the Wet dumb but she sure is abrasive than the other Side two opens with namely the formative Man” which incidentally! Sprocket,” and this is de­ blonde — still. tracks and even has back­ “Sweet and Low” which C.B.G.B.S era in the mid written by Kiwi Allanal monstrated by the poetic Deborah Harry is back ing vocals from Ian Ast- sees Harry exercising her seventies in New York. Currie (Thompso nature of the lyrics (Lyric and judging by the queues burn of “The Cult.” vocal cords more, as she Remember Debbie Harry Twins). Of course this me sheet included with the at the doors she’s still “Maybe for Sure” is an old does on “He’s So.” That was THERE when punk ans that if a New Zealam album!) knockin’ ’em dead. She Blondie song and is for­ voice is actually improving began, Hell, Nancy Spun- music quota is introduced, Themes of surburban may have been absent mula stuff for them. An with time ...“Brite Side” is gen used to party with her this single will spin and frustration and quiet des- from touring for a while interesting inclusion here a soundtrack from the before Sid came along. spin on commercial radio. peraiion predominate, but but since the Blondie hey- is “Calamarie” which is in movie “Wiseguy” and is Harry has survived Def man. these ideas don’t carry deys she’s been busy ap­ fact a composition by a produced by the legendary from that era and is still a Richard Gourly CROSSWORD NEWS Across Rec Centre 1. Hailer 4. Return Stays Shut 7. Asked for it 9. Undecided 10. Anechoic BITS ATI’s recreation centre will remain 11. Relate closed and is due to be demolished, says 13. Forced the institute’s administration. 14. Protect Associate director Ian Turner told 15. Trickle Craccum there was no demand for recre­ 17. Hindu descent Tech Bar ation classes and that the centre was 19. Cubic decimetre tagged for demolition along with the rest 20. Simplicity Opens Soon of A Block. The demolition is planned as 22. Share part of the tech’s development plan, 23. Heritage which is subject to yet-to-be-confirmed 24. Return Construction of the ATISA Social Education Ministry funding. 25. Floor covering Club Bar, the first polytechnic bar in the Turner said the recreation officer was country, is well underway and prepara­ to have run recreation classes as request­ tions are being made for the official open­ ed by other departments. But he said Down ing on April 18 by ATI council there were no requests for classes so the 1. Soothed chairperson John Course. centre was shut at the end of last year. He 2. Pillage Bar Manager Philip Dean said there said there were no funds available to open 3. Dried grape was still some skepticism about the bar the centre outside class hours. 4. Uplifted and fears of drunken students in class­ ATISA manager Gary Williams said 5. Provision rooms and workshops. there was dissatisfaction with the recrea­ SOLUTION NEXT WEEK 6. Transferred “The Social Club has written a set of tion officer. 7. More equal than rules that deal with this problem and if “There may have been the demand but Solution to Crossword, Issue 6 : most anybody abuses the bar facilities severe we couldn’t establish the demand because 8. Incarceration disciplinary action will be taken,” he said. the recreation officer was not easily con- Across: 1. Education 8. Item 9. Splendour 11. Settle 11. Plane Dean said the bar was only for Social tactable by students,” he said. 13. Reels 15. Deer 16. Gloss 17. Spawn 18. Inert 12. Gall Club members and there was a limit of Williams said he would contact univer­ 19. Veto 20. Eager 22. Thatch 25. Kangaroos 15. Fiery 5000 members so people would have to sities to see what sort of recreation facili­ 26. Once 27. Secondary. 16. Teaser move fast to become members. ties they offered and what arrangements Down: 2. Dope 3. Clever 4. Tidal 5. Onus 6. Stationer 17. Most northern Eighteen year old students would be al­ they had for staff and equipment. Then 7. Immersion 10. Reign 12. Addiction 13. Relevance 18. Give lowed into the bar but would not be per­ he would forward submissions to the ATI 14. Space 17. Stock 19. Veered 21. Aggro 23. Haze 21. Therefore mitted to drink alcohol, he said. administration, he said. 24. Poor. 22. Let flow

6 — Craccum, 9 April 1990 N E W ZEALAND'S ONLY JOKER MAGAZINE

* ’ A i ISSUE TWO, APRIL iPS

I , ■

■ ■ \ ; of “I Wanttha ARE YOU! :h incidentally j f Kiwi Allanal (Thom pso m J » F co u rse this me - A tit or a bu a N ew Zealand ta is introduced, ; will spin and m m ercial radio. bloke? m m ich a rd Gourlej * ------— ------—. GET STUFFED! ■ - w a m s m ! - Dealing with3 w m l a Al® 1 for it :ided m ioie ! d e l descent WMi ; decimetre CONCRETE! icity ige a - Bry tells you covering how! / 1 e grape «ipt ed lion "IS [erred SPECIAL equal than I aeration SECTIOIf: mm t ’i

r aorthern . i ■<, * fore v > w *A . I lets hitched! back to a possible mother in la w if sh e h a s n ’t lefti disgust already she’ll be dragged out screaming, You’ll be out of play fora while until your ground recovers but you’ll sooa be back into it. Just quick note here, could be a good idea to use one only while touring a s th o s e s o r ts o f statis­ tics have a habit of get­ ting around and couli wreck your chances with the selectors. The forward pass, B it of an illegal one here but is a real winner when the refs not looking. Sim­ ply take Shirl along to one Yeah g id So you've been going out with her for a few weeks. She's cute, of those after match func­ now and but now she pops the dreaded question "How about coming tions a n d p u t a n effective guide to m forw ard bluff into play around to Mum's place for tea?". A real bloke would fair quiver Buy her a few of those in his sprigs. BLOKE looks at how to tell her its over. fluffy duck thingies (the sheilas really love ou knc you’ve things and drink gallons then its jump in the from it. Having done so m ade < o bloke wants to o f th e stuff., th e y cost the Y New Zealand be thought of as a Holden and its off to your blind side will earth and look like a tart* bastard, and giv­ Kaitaia to cut scrub for a become readily apparent etand drinki windowbox but the thing! You’ve got a I ing the old gal the couple of months. Even­ but by then the new th e y do to y o u r intestinal Nshove is clearly a danger tually she’ll more or less push being well and sheila’s w obh t r a c t y o u j u s t wouldn' time. No matter how you get the gist that she’s not truly underway should Oxford Unive read about... not in this shagging Tiff break the news, she’ll be in your top ten any more. deter any counter-attack. magazine anyway). devastated that she’s los­ wanath m ore Once she’s had about more vigoroui ing such a great bloke as a • eighteen of these she’ll doctor thinks EDITORIAL you. Do this wrong and be starting to look fairly the past ten y the sheila will be crying blurry, so you makea heldtheWorl in her pillow for weeks. f o r w a r d p u s h toward! mind title wil BLOKE Magazine has G idday. the w ing, m aking a fen cialist subject been consulting experts fein ts as you lure the Black rolling Welcome to the second issue of the length and breadth opposition in to the falsi period from J of this great nation of BLOKE — the magazine for blokes. belief th at you are play B.C. to July 2 ours, from footy reps to ing a fairly standar B.C. and it’s i We're dedicating this issue to the Keith Holyoake; with m anoeuvre. When yoi to beer Kim rolling maul. With inflation, unem­ these choice tips that think you've got every is constantly ‘Goodnight Irene’ will be and begging t ployment and the rumours about body fooled then male easier than spinning the your play. About thii pwfthymi Murray Mexted, one of the few cer­ ball at Lorraine Mexted. time you’ll be needin involves killir driving tainties in life is that All Black for­ At the end of the the help of a reliabl match, it’s the winning mate. Simply play th wards will trample over the best side that takes home the ball forward to you ic k H u blokes the rest of the world can pro­ trophy. So being a real team-mate and let hii ond, a bloke, you’ll have more duce. do the running. You’ Dw rist i than a few tactics up soon be out of the wai four into a fou Why is it that New Zealand rugby you’re jersey, depending John Gallagher knows how to fend off unwanted a n d ru n n in g clear, Shiri off-road tyres on which ways the games consistently produces the Tremains attention... w ill b e b lis s fu lly drink- satisfying mai going. If you’re up el at the side < and Kirkpatricks? How do the Fitz­ ing her twenty-thirj against the Welsh (or a After a few weeks of ner­ Well it all looks good on fluffy thingy and chat- accelerator a patricks and the Loes find their way front row of wet vous anxiety she’ll be off paper but I haven’t tried ting away to some blob ^asf down tl from breakdown to breakdown? Do leeks,they both play the down the boozer with the this one myself. who she thinks is you dominating " same) you’ll no that next man of the match By the time she find there wa the loose forwards leave a trail of overkill is not really an who makes the winning The Tricky Groin out, you’ll be in Welling belt of Pinus ] breadcrumbs for them to follow or issue, and keeping to try. She’s happy and “Look Shirl, I’d love to ton for the cricket. himself as he break and sa does the scent of blood attract the some solid reliable for­ you’re subbed and look­ really but I took a bit of ward play will suffice. ing forward to next a knock in that last line- Making it simple, towering n ati traditional Kiwi front rower? But on the other hand, if weeks game. Simple. out and I need a break” I’ve said it before, with- feet of valuah Buggered if I know. Must have you come up against a Warning, reliable safe Making that supreme side like ours it’s absolute bought of al side that poses a real effort is not without something to do with the mutton. play this may seem but it ly impossible for a shodd ° threat to you’re open would be a good idea not reward, but sometimes foreign-type side to pene !wsl(lue> J^s style of running play, to do this on your home things can go horribly t r a t e o u r o p e n runnin P „ .ov®r. ^ (not that I can think of a ground. It can be a bit of wrong - every bloke style of defence. Howeve ^7cumchV8 the ignition. team like that offhand) an embarrassment to knows that - and so in a shield match yo He practice you’ll probably want to come home and find hopefully will Shirl. The could come up agains grin in the re; mount a frontal assault, someone else's colours in consistently tricky groin some tricky customers, co across th e ro instituting a rolling maul the gentle annie. strain will no doubt put a they’ll be real blokes lik T , , to gain ground. And in damper on the match, you.„„„ s„fi>Safe reliable pin bterrogativel „ the scrum of love that The blind side without risking being nginthesugi a re th e a n sw e r here a, ^ hmere swc can be a tricky ball to Sorry I’m home so late labeled a panty-waist by in the rolling maul of his casu al play. However, I’ve Shirl but I had an the rest of the jokers. romance similar tactii known a few blokes who extended practice...uhh Keep up with the play should be observed. have not only covered “Well” she : look I’m dead tired. cancelled and she’ll soon Remember, today's bas the blown ty large amounts of territo­ Think I’ll just sleep be on her bike, then it’s a tard is tomorrow’s sheik vrthateh,“C ry in both halves but through this one OK? miracle cure and a tour of brother’s rowing machin R a tio n , scored consistently and So a couple of weeks France. Make sure you practice, and even if yo t * , in time kicked a high conversion back you met her take it relatively easy could do him up a righ 1 p,,.^ watche ratio as well. Good ball younger sister at the though as you don’t want treat you don’t want) by into the handling skills come in footy club and now she to risk a real one. risk an injury this eaJ b her well- here, and backed with features heavily in your on in the season. So keej (jody glowing reliable game plan tac­ forward position. Can Having the chop it easy and let her do ra d a r < tics you will leave your you maintain this pace For the really desper­ gently... she may screaulw’rve of her opposition stunned and and still keep both ate side this rather and wail and threaten moment as t unable to counter. options open pending a dodgy manoeuvre can give her mother yoi speared th ro i break from the scrum? really throw a deter­ address but in the Ion thought Scrub For a while yes, and you mined opponent on shock run a little bit of under his Seiko Duo This is the “Absence can make this play work value alone. Simply stan d in g or just sou *No worries, \ makes the heart wonder to your advantage. Once shave off all of your dow nright ignorano you don’t mir just where the bloody the new play is in effect pubic hair and tell her should see you right. hell he’s got to” method. and in a strong position, you’ve had a vasectomy N ext tim e we’ll be look It was relaxi Just start out with - the previous tactic hav­ (make sure you get the in g a t w a y s o f gettin for a bonk be “Hey Shirl, I’m just going ing become redundant right term or you won’t y o u rse lf a new one... th Japanese cho out to get a new packet BOX 1. PONTEFRACT will fade as the games feel a right tit). The blokes guide for scorin trying to uni of Durex and a Mars bar” direction moves away moment the news filters w ith b ird s. toothpicks m a ossible mother steak, 34 dozen oysters, you rebulit the Spitfire. At crete for the minimum ie h a s n ’t leftii 39 quick shags with 12 the moment it is green input of work and maxi­ •eady she’ll be different women and 47.9 and covered in trees but mum intake of beer. ut screaming crates of beer (all before you are drawn, no The first machine I’ll it of play fora breakfast) will see that inspired to cover it in a look at is the 1 y o u r ground cured. What concerns you huge gleaming expanse of 56741.98*10^ m® capacity u t y o u ’ll soon (in a blokey way of course) grey cement. liquid nitrogen cooled, are these girlie feelings of Right, that’s the Blokey nuclear powered, depleted nto it. Just lack of self actualisation, Shakespearian opening uranium-clad, computer h e re , could be direction and purpose in out the way, now for the controlled OceanFiller ia to u se this life. On the surface you down to earth advice.... model manufactured by v h ile touring are the ultimate bloke, Struth did I write that ? Fletcher Brownbuilt. It o r ts o f statis- but you’re not a superfical Hell I must have been comes with a lifetime a habit of get type of guy, you are a really pissed. guarantee, is made of n d a n d couli bloke to your soul and Right... ummm.... kevlar/carbon-fibre epoxy r chances wit] want some way to express yeah.... I’m unacustomed resin and requires no rs. it. What can you do ? to expressing my deepest, effort on the part of the Well if you were a bender most blokey throughts operator. This is all very y a r d pass, (you’re not of course - this and emotions on paper well but it doesn’t have illegal one here is hypothetical so put that but I’ll give it a go, and anywhere to rest your al w inner shotgun down) you would just hope it doesn’t sound tinny so I give it a score of >t looking. Sim- probaly mince off, read too girlie. I LOVE CON­ G (i.e. for girlies only). iirl along to 01 Yeah gidday, Bry here... Every bloke likes to do a bit of concreting ‘Metro’ , eat vego rabbit CRETE!!!! !! Yeah.... right The best mixer in the ter match find now and again, so BLOKE magazine has included a quick reference food and become a hair­ that sounds a bit dodgy, world at present is of dresser (yuck! I wonder if talking about love but I’m course the one I knocked iu t a n effective guide to making huge sparce areas guaranteed to be totally uninhab­ lu ff into play you can catch up a couple of i few o f those itable by most life-forms for up to fifty years! something just by “Your job involves killing weeks ago out of t thingies (the writing that word CKD crates, an old ou know how it is - demolishing buildings, ally love these jokes natually, but it’s not - not that I’m small animals , d riv in g 1964 Holden and a you’ve just been earning a squillion dollars very blokey). But one day scared, just won­ disused aircraft- l d rin k gallons made captain of the a week, running the New you wake up with the dering) . A Bloke very fa st, demolishing carrier when me L th e y cost the YNew Zealand rugby, crick­Zealand Space program ( world’s biggest mind- would just get and my mates b u ild in g s , ea rn in g a took like a tart* et and drinking teams. in which you are to be the blaster of a hangover and pissed. were pissed. With : b u t th e things You’ve got a D.Phil. in first blokemanaught) and also you feel unfufilled. However you squillion dollars a it I can clear-fell a y o u r intestinal Ileila’s wobbly bits from hitting people. Your I’ll write about the hang­ stride ( John native forest in the ju s t wouldn’ Oxford University. You’re wanger is of such a size as over first as it’s much Wayne-like) into w eek....” morning and have t... not in tlli shagging Tiffany Barag- to make it’s gravational more interesting. the bathroom and a carpark built anyway), wanath more often and collapse into a blackhole a Your brain feels as just as you start to fire up glad I’ve got it off my with enough time left over e ’s h a d about more vigorously than her very real possiblity. though someone smashed the old 2 Stroke Masport manly chest. to catch the shield game of th e s e she'l doctor thinks is wise. For You’re so goodlooking the top of your head open Mower with which you You’ve got to admit con­ highlights on the box. It l to look fairl the past ten years you’ve ( in a manly way of with a 1964 Holden and shave, you happen to crete is beautiful, it’s such has a beer chiller com­ ) you make held the World Master­ course) that even Mother then attacked the grey glance out the window at a pretty colour. Oh hell, partment and can be used push toware mind title with your spe- Theresa is hot for you. matter with an egg beat­ the backyard. Suddenly it this is getting a bit out of as a scrum machine on m a k in g a fei cialist subject The All You regularly drink sever­ er. Your guts feel like all becomes clear: life has hand I’m beginning to the weekends. What more you lure thi Black rolling maul in the al supertankers of piss ( they’ve had 4.392 * 10® a meaning! You know talk like a bender, all could a bloke want. I just in to the fialsl period from June 13th 197 in fact Lion Breweries tonnes of the foreign what the Bloke god has those words like pretty love it. Sometimes I go : y o u are pla; B.C. to July 22nd 196 have just named their muck the dagos call tuck­ put you on this earth to do and beautiful. OK, I’ve got outside and hug and kiss rly standar B.C. and it’s relationship very strongest beer after er pass through them. .. you w ill.. you m ust.. to pull myself together, it all over...,I love it’s grey­ re . W h en to beer ”. Kim Bassinger you). Your wanger has shrunk you are really , really think about cement mix­ ness, it's gearing, the i've g o t every is constantly phoning up All of this is bloody good so that it is now only keen to.... concrete the ers ....Yeah... Gidday... smell of that grease... ed then mak and begging to have oral and makes you happy (not slightly bigger than Texas crap out of the back lawn. am*... ummm....this is uhhh, um... I'll be back sex with you. Your job in a girlie way of course, I y. A b o u t thi and your feet hurt. The back-yard where the the renaissance man’s next issue with some tips involves killing small ani- mean they are always ’ll be needi The hangover you can old sheila hangs out your guide to obtaining the on domestic air-strip con­ s, driving very fast, giggling, usually at your take - 187.43 kilos of raw enomous y-fronts, where optimum output of con­ struction. of a reliab nply play th y a rd to youi ick Huge chopped it down into sec­ spent the entire day driving, so he decid­ e and let him ond, and with a deft flick of the ed he could be late... again. in n in g . You' wrist sent the big chevy four by Stopping off at his city penthouse at the u t o f th e four into a four wheel drift. As the chunky top of the top of the Feltex/Winstone n g clear, off-road tyres began to crunch in a most tower, Dick took a shower and over over a issfully drin satisfying manner through the deep grav­ few tinnies consulted his wardrobe’s twenty-thir el at the side of the road, Dick nudged the selection of canturbury casual's, casting n g y a n d chat accelerator and pointed the throbbing PHALLUS his discerning eye about for the right look You remember last week, timber tycoon Dick Huge had just to som e beast down the fire-break track. Past the he would need tonight. A quick glance at th in k s is yon dominating “HUGE CORP-KEEP OUT” clinched the largest Totara key-ring deal in Australasia, and to his Seiko duo which told him it was ime she fim sign, there was a protective hundred yard celebrate had spent the night with the luscious Genevive... 6.15am in Lisbon, and a splash of the ol’ be in Welling belt of Pinus Radiata, and Dick smiled to 33 and he was on his way. ; cricket. himself as he rounded a bend in the fire­ of kakapo got caught in the milling sunset yet again, it was slightly cloudy The VBG was unusually quiet for a break and saw the enormous stand of machine. It gave him time to think about with a 40% chance of rain. Thursday, as he strode towards his usual it simple, towering native forest, millions of board the cricket. Dick didn’t care about the way he table, he was mildly surprised (Dick was it before, with feet of valuable timber, and all his. The Pen fought the urge to cry out as a drove, life was cheap and death was just never more than mildly surprised at any­ irs~it’s~absoiutJ bought of all that money sent a surge surging tide of passion roared in her ears, a way of avoiding provisional tax. He thing) to find Fenella absent. Suddenly, ble for a shi iugh his deeply tanned, well-muscled and as the ecstacy reached an unbearable wiped the sweat from his brow and there was the delicate smell of Charlie, and ie side to pei physique, just like it always did, so he crescendo of proportions she had never sculled back a steinie dry, hit the volume a pair of long cool bare feminine arms o p e n runni; pulled over into the lay-buy, revving the before experienced, there was an unmis­ on the blaupunkt and pushed the already snaked about his neck. “Hi Huge, thought 427cu inch V8 unnecessarily before killing takable peep-peep-peep noise. straining engine to a reckless 230 kph. you’d forgotten about me” Dick was fence. Howe1 the ignition. dd match yi “Hold on a sec”, said Dick, “it’s me cell­ Wah wah wah wah wah wah! “Struth” momentarily flummoxed, he had forgotten He practiced his boyish Ian Botham phone.” He listened for a while to the soft ne up agai he said, “that eagles CD must be poked” about her ( Dick was only ever momentari­ grin in the rearview mirror again, looked dulcet murmurings and then said to he fiddled with the graphic equaliser for ly flummoxed, but with his schedule he for­ y customers, across the road and raised an eyebrow Penn “Would you mind hopping out for a a while, and it was only when the Traffic got regularly) real blokes interrogatively.”HI baby” he said, drink- while, it’s kinda private”. Pen reluctantly Department high speed pursuit vehicle “Of course not, doll - pull up a pew and reliable pla] ingin the suggestive curve of her clinging complied, gathering a genuine New pulled alongside that he realised that HI grab you a drink.” Dick sauntered up to iswer here cashmere sweater. It was Penelope, one Zealand lambskin car-seat cover to con­ “Desperado” was actually coming the bar. “Hey Dave” he muttered, “Wots filing maul of his casual's.“Can I give you a ride, ceal her nakedness. through uncorrupted. “Bollocks” he the bint's name, and what does she drink?” s im ila r tacti “Gidday” said Dick in his manly Jeremy thought to himself. Slowing down to fifty “That’s Tiffany, Dick, and she drinks observed. “Well” she said, looking helplessly at Coney baritone, “You should have called k’s, he pulled over to the side of the road, Fluffy Ducks” said Dave in his usual con- >er, today's, _ the blown tyre on her Daihatsu Mira earlier Fenella, remember what hap­ and the tyres crunched satisfyingly spiratorially grovelly manner. riorrow s sheila] ^hatch, “Okay” she said, squirming in pened last time”. Dick smiled as he through the gravel again. He watched “Giz eight o’ those in a pint glass then, rowing machia anticipation, “but I have to be back at the recalled how he had spent the afternoon the cop pull up in front of him, and and I’ll have me usual, thanks Dave - and even if yoi ^dio in time for the weather”, with Fenella and her two twin sisters, pulled out his wallet. He powered down stick it on the Tab.” him up a righ pick watched as Penny climbed grace- whom he only knew as Rambo and Piglet. the window as the filth approached, and “Oh Dick, you remembered!” smiled don’t want! fully into the passenger seat of the cock- He had promised to return her to the stu­ they casually flicked off their Raybans at Tiffany, her eyelashes fluttering. Dick was ljury this earl] pit, her well-proportioned lithe young dio by 3.45, but by the time he had satis­ the same instant. “Excuse me, sir, but checking out the amount of room under season. So kee body glowing in the suffused light of the fied them all it was 4.05. “I don’t like did you realise you were..... oh, gidday the table when a shadow fell across his id let her down hawk radar detector on the dash. The being rushed”. Fenella bit her lip at Dick! I didn’t recognise the new car.” wine list. Looking up he realised with hor­ he may screai curve of her face was silhouetted for a Dick’s chastification, “I’m sorry, it’s all my “This heap?” Dick sneered, “it’s only a ror (this was the first time he had ever and threaten! moment as the dying rays of sunlight fjault.... shooting at the nissan set took a loaner while I’m waiting for the Penetra- looked up with horror) that he was not mother you gpeared through the ancient trees, and little longer today”, “don’t worry baby, I’m tor. Here’s ya century, but buy me a Moet going to get a snog tonight. iut in the loa Dick thought of Tasmania. He checked just about done here, 111 meet you at the out of it, 111 be at the Water-jump on Fri­ “Hiya, Dick ya dirty little Rheineck- le bit of under his Seiko Duo, waterproof to 200 metres. VBG... chow”. Dick replaced the handset day.” He roared off again, thoroughly drinker” snarled the figure. It was Less, ; or just somi ‘No worries, we’ve got fifteen minutes, if and glanced out the window at the shiv­ rooting the paintwork of the cop’s Com­ his evil half-brother..... it ignorant you don’t mind running from the turn- ering pen.” Gotta go baby, there’ll be a modore as he went past. } you right. of logging truck along in about five min­ Dick Huge was normally a caring sen­ What will happen next? Will Dick get a snog tie we’ll be look It was relaxing to have so much time off utes... I got some heavy chores to attend sitive sort of guy, the kind of bloke that tonight? Did Penn make the Weather? What ays of gettin for a bonk between business deals with to” Arrogantly Dick wrenched the igni­ would cross oceans, move mountains and are eight fluffy ducks worth at the VBG ? i new one... tl Japanese chopstick manufacturers and tion key, slamming the 457 cubic inch risk insurmountable odds for the woman And who is Less Huge? Don’t hold your fide for scorin trying t° unload sixteen million rimu engine into life. He smiled at penelope’s he loved. But the gas station closed at six breath for the next episode of.. 3. toothpicks made defective when a family hint of a tear as he roared off into the and and he was running low, having Phallus!... ARE YOU A T E N T O P PISSIN G TIPS!

L When approaching a urinal position BUM OR A ITT yourself in the middle of the largest expanse of stainless steel visible. If you stand too close to someone else they may think you are gay. If you stand too far away from them, they Z A: Some tits. may think that you think that they are Some y< EH'B: A bum. gay. its discov ŪC:A nectarine. geois shop 2. Don’t look at it. Got a complex or D D: Don’t know. all that m( something? day morni Ever since the first cavebloke said "phoooaaar! look at those over wagon in t there!" the difference between the two types of blokes has been 3. Don’t look at anyone elses, real blokes don’t compare sizes. a consider akin to the difference between a frenchman and a missionary. So the incept which side of the bread are you buttered on? BLOKE magazine 4. Don’t grunt. Take your time and Double Si asked Dr Wayne "Spud" Currlot from the Institute of Northern South appear to enjoy it! N ewm ark Otago to come up with this do-it-yourself pshyco-analysis to help something you understand you primeval urges. 5. Aim downwards at a fourty-five tentative] degree angle. This is because: atmosphei Only short wimps spray up. ly post wai A horizontal spray tends to reflect at the old N e1 It’s simple. Any bloke can do it, and don’t worry, no bloke will think your a an acute angle and disperse all over panty-waist for filling out a quiz... especially if you tell them its all about tits. your pants so you look like a real loser ists in the f Just cop a decent eyeful of the following pictures and let your natural basic or even worse, people think you pissed al Georgi nestled qu desires dictate what you feel is the correct answer. Tick the appropriate box H A: Some tits. yourself. Vertical spray makes a very un-blokeish loud noise. rather bel< then add up your total to find out if you're a bum or a tit bloke.... Z] B: A bum. Z C: An orange. of high scl □ D: Don't know. 6. THREE SHAKES ONLY Mandalay, Two is unhygenic refuge fro: Four shakes is a wanker! consumeri Five is right out. way. It’s n< consumeri 7. Don’t under any circumstances use the washbasin. Other blokes get really thing, ju st pissed off if you piss in the washbasin, provides t especially if they are using it at the from it, time. They might beat you up and get­ chooses nc ting punched up is really uncool. the rail y a With litt 8. After farting ALWAYS say “Cor, in dam agir what a ripper!” If you don’t say any­ E-team ch thing you will be mistaken for the kind bar from ’ Z A: Some tits. Z A: Some tits. Z A: Some tits. of un-blokish wimp who has to read its assessm ŪB:A bum. LH B: A bum. Z B: A bum. crap like this to learn how to go for a Z C: An apple. Z C: A passionfruit. □ C: Duke. piss. Don’t ever say “Excuse me”, or CZ D: Don't know. [Z D: Don't know. O D: Don't know. “Tee hee hee”. Girlies do that. 9. Don’t use the blow drier. Every bloke knows that blow driers are for HOW DID girlies, models and other wimps. Either wipe your hands on your pants W< YOU SCORE? or wander around with wet hands - it looks like the condensation from at 'Ok lads, let's sort you out. Count up least five jugs. the number of times you chose A, B, C and D. If you got mostly A's, you’re 10. If you have mastered all the above Last Fric points, you are a master pisser! With womenspac a tit bloke. If you chose all the B's this new status you can now demon­ you’re definitly a bum bloke (that is a strate your superiority to other non­ of friends, girls bums bloke and not anything blokes who have’nt read this. Talk to ing about t dodgy). If you chose mainly C’s, you them, this really intimidates them and of sexual h are a greengrocer or have potential to makes them leave the urinal prema­ what a helj Z A: Some tits. Z A: Some tits. turely, pissing in their pants and mak­ University ŪB:A bum. DB:A bum. excel in the field. If you got mostly D’s ing the girlies leave them alone. This cases. W e g □ C: Some grapes. Z C: A banana. you are definitely NOT a bloke. In of course means that there are more portance o CZ D: Don't know. Ū D: Don't know. fact, you’re probably a bender. girlies to go around! such as v defense coi Dear Brian, Williams on Sunday mornings? What said she the I don’t know who else to turn to - shall I do, I mean last night he took such a goo< I’ve tried evrything. I wear the t-shirt his Seiko Duo off to have a shower, a woman and the right shorts, I wear a seiko and it’s waterproof to 200 metres! might ange duo and Brut 33.1 know all the best Please help me. into h u rti: dirtiest jokes and can name all the more. all-blacks in the world cup final, Iv’e Desparate, Mrs M ula got a chainsaw and a triumph toledo Titirangi. censed an d with the roof cut off. I reckon I can maine would have made a better Dear Brian, tell my s to r spit, fart and spew with the best of number eight than Bobby Moore. I Brian replies: Where’s my bloody socket set you ward a b ett them and I can’t stand woofters. reckon his could have made a differ­ bastard? Dear Desparate, You sound like Basically I’m the best bloke a bloke ence in the famous try decision in quite a level headed little sheila, told the g ro can be , and yet I still can’t score with the second half. I reckon if it were Bill from next door. why dont we pop down to the local last year, lal the bird’s. You must of had thousands Bobby out there he would been able tonight and I’ll buy you one of noon, I wen mate, can you help me? to out-run the Swansea backs and Brian replies them fluffy duck things? I mean, under th e 1 would have taken the kiwis to 49 -12 Oh shite sorry mate, its in the back there are plenty of reasons why he fore going Confused, as opposed to the finishing 47. They of me ute somewhere. Bring over might of be behaving like this - lecture. Glen Eden. thought I was talking out of a hole some tinnies and we’ll try and find there might be something in the No one el in my arse. What do you think? by the bastard. water. Anyway, if he keeps on the place wa; Brian replies. the way, I can’t seem to pull the drinking Rheineck he m ust be a 1 had this ir To put it simply mate, no I haven't, bird’s, you must have scored thou­ Dear Brian, woofta so drop the pantywaist and that som eor and no I can’t, cos I can’t pull bird’s sands mate, can you help? The other day I came home early, get yourself a real Bloke; you might next toilet, i either. No blokes ever can. We just and I found my Bloke drinking a meet up with one sooner than you tuition I gu< say we do. Stop worrying about it Curious, (gasp) Rhieneck. I’m not usually an th in k! When I c< and lie through your teeth like the Henderson emotional girl, but I fair wet myself. he was, star rest of us ya stupid bastard. He claimed it was left over from the in front o f r Brian replies. last party - but we both know that’s nent. I can : Dear Brian, Well curious, you were quite right a load of bollocks. I keep wondering B rian is prepared to read any old shite your beige overall My mates and I were sinking a few in your letter - you are talking out if it’s my fault, maybe he’s trying to prepared to send him , so long as its got some the waist, tinnies of fosters the other day and of a hole in your arse. As for get back at me by trying to embar­ really good bits or has a crate of draught sweatshirt a we were having a bit of an argument pulling the bird’s, try some brut 33 attached. H e reserves the right to call you a rass me or somfing. Oh Brian, what glazed red, hi about the third test against and get yourself a seiko duo... never if he starts buying Metro or watching right bastard if he wants to, ju st as you would me. Swansea in 1967 and weither Caltra- fails. that Food programme with Vic expect from any other bloke. inal position he largest visible. If PUB-LICK EYE teone else ly. If you lem, they that they are Some years ago, before al George. The public bar owe us money), and a CD great importance is that with a fair selection on tap (‘This is not my bicycle!”) its discovery as a bour­ is a remarkably pleasant jukebox, which would not the head dude will call pa­ (Fosters, Lion red, — and free to contemplate geois shopping islet, when place, being very spacious, really appeal to hard core trons to the phone when Speights, Rheineck) and what can generally be re­ complex or all that moved on a Satur­ with low and high tables BFM listeners and FACE cued to do so by an incom­ many others behind the garded as a comfortable day morning was the odd (chairs and stools respec­ readers alike, but has a ing call. Disturbingly food bar, a mild state of europ- neighbourhood pub. The tively) and good ventila­ related are the toilets, but horia was maintained. 'ses, real wagon in the rail yard, and good selection of solid late afternoon patrons are a considerable time before tion. Some discussion was drinking music. Some dis­ these were gleefully disco­ Momentarily, other pat­ predominantly working the inception of the Two entered into as to whether gust was expressed, both vered to be of good quali­ rons were heard to shout class male, but the Broad­ time and Double Seven mentality, the aperture to our right verbally and visually, at ty and heated by means louder than the E-team, way influence is evident in Newmarket possessed was a window or an eye-le­ the somewhat short dura­ other than ordinary flatu­ but lacked the stamina to their notable genteel something of that quiet, vel ranch-slider, with the tion playing time. Not ex­ lent locals. An impressive compete and faded into demeanour and on this urty-five tentatively exhausted latter hypothesis gaining actly a fixture, but none­ feature of the installation obscurity. strength the Royal George mse: atmosphere with a severe­ considerable support when theless a noteworthy fea­ is that one can lean against Once again, closing time Inn is placed unequivocal­ ip. ly post war feel. A trace of one of our number attem­ ture, is the abundance of the wall while making use saw the E-team out on the ly in the upper echelons of to reflect at the old Newmarket still ex­ pted to enter the bar parking space in the form of the urinal. This invoked pavement — literally in the traditional public bar. se all over ists in the form of the Roy­ through it. Fortunately the of the Newmarket Car­ emotional scenes as E- e a real loser the case of Spinner M ik you pissed al George Inn, which, main door was located and park, directly opposite the team members reminisced akes a very nestled quietly next to, or some degree of order Royal George. about after-match func­ rather below, the bastion restored. Needless to say, In the area of food, this tions at the AURFC dur­ of high school revelry the we were by now onto our bar performs admirably. ing the summer Touch Y Mandalay, provide a quiet eleventh round and found Crisps at 90 cents per stan­ Football series. The E-Team Rating refuge from the incessant ourselves reasonably plea­ dard public bar packet,are Being decidely mono- consumerism of Broad­ sed with the prices, pro­ served in a bowl (aestheti­ sexual on this outing, the way. It’s not that incessant nouncing them to be cally pleasing and great for E-team is unable to report consumerism is a bad acceptable, whilst pro­ high performance eating) on the nature of the ladies’ istances use thing, just that this place nouncing our own names conveniences, other than Pleasant kes get really and cold pies are free, with difficulty. With the TrHr/Trf'Trf e washbasin, provides the only refuge though probably not for that they are conveniently g it at the from it, assuming one quality of furnishings everyone. Large packets located on the premises. chooses not to rediscover taken into account, the of crisps are available on This particular bar was Instant u up and get- Regulars uncool. the rail yards. prices are quite good. request. There is also a discovered to be a great With little or no interest Other notable fixtures in brasserie (Thurs, Fri, Sat place to spin one’s tilla, say “Cor, in damaging tradition, the the bar are a TV (patrons and many a yarn began to <53* nights) that would make Cold & Frothy ’t say any- E-team chose the public were noted to be reasona­ an ideal spot to read this flow. The beer flowed too, n for the kind bar from which to make bly attentive during the review (again). Not neces­ all over the table at almost ias to read its assessment of the Roy­ news), two pokeys (that sarily food related, but of every opportunity, but ij to go for a lse me”, or that. r. Every iers are for wimps, n your pants WOMANSPACE SPACE et hands - it in from at

all the above Last Friday I was up in I couldn’t give a step by )isser! With womenspace with a group step description of what ow demon- other non- of friends. We were talk­ occurred next but it hap­ his. Talk to ing about the whole issue pened quickly. Him and I ites them and of sexual harassment and both pushing, he forcing nal prema- what a helpful set up the me into the cubicle again nts and mak- University has in such and me, head buried in his alone. This cases. We got onto the im­ belly pushing him out and e are more portance of doing things against the wall. such as women’s self- I managed to get him to defense courses. Piadora the sink area, there we just rn in g s? What said she thought it wasn’t stopped and glared at each ig h t h e took such a good idea because other. I didn’t know what a a shower, a woman fighting back to say, I was so shocked. '0 m etres! might anger her attacker Then I remembered my into hurting her even self-defense teacher telling more. us we had to turn the situ­ ' / Mrs Mulakeenie was in­ ation around, make them A 0oTYoMl-Ē.Sy censed and urged me to the victim and ourselves tell my story. To put for­ the agressor. We had to 'T w x t . get angry she’d said. n ind like ward a better argument I ■le sheila, told the group about how I wasn’t exactly angry, I to the local last year, late in the after­ was frightened but I \ one of noon, I went to the toilets reached inside and con­ ? I mean, under the bookshop be­ jured up a pseudo rage m s why he fore going to my next rather like “Fake it and ke this - lecture. you’ll make it.” Now I was ig in the No one else was about, boiling, I shouted, “How eps on the place was silent and yet dare you!” and “What tu s t be a I had this irksome feeling gives you the fuckin’ right yw aist and that someone was in the to think you can!” Then e; you might next toilet, waiting — in­ with every swear word I’d r than you tuition I guess. learnt I verbally abused off!” and “Get out of there’s more info to catch ously but that’ll just make 1-5.30 pm, cost, $39. When I came out there him. They shot out at him here!” Dejected and them with. you even angrier right? Mrs M also reminded us he was, standing directly as violently poisoned pained in the face he shuf­ “So you see,” I said to Mrs M was breathing that sexual harassment in front of me, my oppo­ arrows. fled away. Piadora, “it’s better to give regularly again now and isn’t only physical and sex­ nent. I can see him now, All the while he just I rushed to the custodi­ it a go, not give away your she gave us the info on ual violence. It is any­ y old shite your beige overalls unzipped to stood and stared, this ans who searched for him. power; stand up for your­ self-defence classes; thing, absolutely anything is its got some the waist, a mustard maddened me more so I I filed a report too, which self and fight back.” Sure, Phone YWCA - 778-763. that you feel uncomforta­ ) f d r a u g h t sweatshirt and two eyes, shoved him in the side is important, especially if it’s usually not that simple Next courses: 1. 21-22 ble about and that you feel to call you a glazed red, hovering above with the end of my um­ there are other complaints and sure, sometimes it April is gender based. st as you would me. brella telling him to “Fuck on the same person, then may anger the twit danger­ 2. 26-27 May Catherine Dale (CMD) Craccum, 9 April 1990 — 11 TELEVISION WITH TRAVIS BRICKLE

The problems that the Alan Alda. Emmy award United States had in Viet­ winner Delany carries the nam have been well doc­ show well, keeping a stiff umented. Its GIs spent so upper lip during gory sur­ much time taking psy­ gery scenes, telling aggro chedelic drugs, listening to young GIs that there’s Doors tapes, telling inter­ nothing particularly big or national news crews that clever about burning inno­ they didn’t know what cent Vietnamese villages they were fighting for, and generally striking win­ taking more drugs and some expressions at every writing poignant letters opportunity. Of course home that they had little this being Hollywood the energy to waste on actual­ positive stereotyping only ly going into combat goes so far — Delany against the Viet Cong. plays a nurse although it is Consequently they kept on quite feasible that her cha­ losing most of the strateg­ racter could be a doctor — ic battles until eventually but at least it’s a step in the President Nixon had to right direction (or maybe admit that they were never just a clever way of silenc­ going to make much head­ ing liberal opposition to way and called them the show’s essentially pro­ home, whereupon the army portayal of war, if Khmer Rouge obligingly you want to be cynical). stepped in to uphold the regions’ reputation for Accurate mass carnage. China Beach also deser­ Victor ves praise for the efforts of its creators to seek out the However, fortunately experiences of real medical for the States this is the staff during the war in age of the visual change. order for its storylines to Nurse McMurphy (Dana Delany) takes time out of her busy schedule Whereas once the victor more accurately depict patching up American GIs at China Beach to demonstrate the Heinlich was the side that wrote his­ events (and not because tory, the victor is now the you ran out of ideas I manoeuvre on Dr Richard (Robert Picardo). side that can make the best trust, guys). However films. On this basis Viet­ once again the show’s make Vietnam such a stateside to defend their in the real army. Also the encourages them). nam isn’t even in the run­ commercial sensibilities messy war. No one comp­ local golf courses against locals all speak English, ning; from Rambo to mean that this realism lains about the inequalities communist insurgency even the kids, which is China Beach, Two, Mon Platoon to Full Metal only goes so far and the of the draft system that while those who couldn’t handy. Avoid (and for 8.30 Jacket the war has been re­ ugly issues of war tend to had upper class twits like afford a varsity education chrissakes don’t buy the Tour of Duty, Two, played time and time again be pushed into the back­ Dan Quayle remaining had to take their chances spinoff soundtracks it only Thurs, 8.30 in our popular imagin­ ground by the sort of ation and always with the relationship stories that same result: the Viet Cong could be set anywhere. being revealed as cruel and But, as over sanitised as stupid and the Yankies China Beach may be, its walking away with their solid scripts, occasionally dignity (if not always their barbed wit and well sanity) intact. developed characterisation make it worthwhile Industry television. But the real kick in the teeth for the Vietnamese Confusing comes from the fact that Tour of Duty, on the while their ‘victorious’ other hand, is bilge of the two-bit Communist re­ first order. Chronically gime grovels in poverty the short of interesting plot Americans are not only re­ ideas, T of D drifts across shaping the world’s the screen in an aimless perception of events in haze of extended confus­ south east Asia but are ing battle scenes fought by making a bundle at the soldiers with ridiculously same time. In fact the square jaws who shout Vietnam industry has be­ Boy’s Own dialogue at come so huge and profita­ each other and only ever ble that the inevitable has receive painless shoulder happened and Television wounds. Anderson and his has jumped on the band­ men go on a mission and wagon. We can now get a have no choice but to kill twice weekly dose of ‘Nam forty Viet Cong in a fit of nostalgia’ in the comfort cartoon violence before of our own homes from the first ad break. Yawn. the hit series China Beach Now how are they going and Tour of Duty. to fill in the next ten minutes? Maybe the cast Credit could floss between their Set in an upscale ears. / M*A*S*H style military Unreal hospital, China Beach is the stronger of these two Realism is not T of D’s shows and deserves credit forte. Nowhere to be seen for its capable female cast is the napalm, carpet bom­ CUT ABOVE LOCATIONSABOVE headed by Dana Delany, bing and aforementioned the fairer sex’s answer to drug taking that helped to FARMERS PH: 366-1612 DOWNTOWN PH: 790-987

12 — Craccum, 9 April 1990 LETTERS CONTINUED FROM PAGE 15

ance was paid up and all else RAV: I certainly wouldn't want bigotries, the inquisitions, PURIST man needs, and does not ne­ DISCOMFORT Christianity was worth it, it be- was clear, away you'd go. to mess with you big boys Dear Editor cessitate the struggle for a DESERVED If you had, say, a conviction nefitted we humans by giving across the road. Surely you've I hope you keep Craccum genuine socialist society in for drunk driving, the cell net­ us the hope that we can be Dear Steve been "messing" with your­ open to ideas of all sorts. which "from each according to work would instruct the car not something better than we are." The cartoon in your last issue selves for long enough "Name Withheld" objects to his/her ability, to each accord­ to operate and you'd be out! Think about it. of Craccum, showing that already.... Roger Telfer's article on ing to his/her needs" becomes unfortunate woman suffering Also, no pubs would accept Dave (&) the Team: Bravo Finally to those who think Eastern Europe as "Lies" and the reality — the concrete bloc. such an embarassingly prevent­ your card until your punishment Phil Blakely: see M Jurgens "sex is fun'' where are the fem­ Leon Davidovitch inists? The Victorian miss who wants you to stop printing able accident, shows a pauci­ time was fulfilled. Yargaroth, God of Anarchistic them. If you don't print all Similarly benefit fraud would held herself in high regard, she ty of thought on the part of the Pagans: Hooray! Another dog­ sides, how are we to know lies rapidly become impossible. It had a price, a home, an income. Womenspace outfit who insist ma ready to enter the fray... from the truth? "Name with­ would be easy to catch up on Craccum's two page listing of on pushing this kind of rubbish. Piglet's Mother: I'm so sorry HE held" cries "lies" but does not P R A IS E BE It reminds me of an old joke; people on the dole and also has turned out this way. sex diseases (issue 2) seems a prove it. He/she wants to re­ Dear E-team Q. "Why do feminists get working for extra income, as However I know a good suppli­ poor alternative. What do you place debate with censorship Great articles but how about both transactions would go er of "Russian Tractor Parts" think? messy periods?'' - one of the hallmarks of Sta­ a special feature on pubs open A. "Because they deserve thru the card and the computer if you'd like to "rub him out," Connie Purdue linist dictatorships! on Sundays? could easily see the illegality. Past Sec, Equal Pay and them." if you know what I mean, He/she objects to Mr Telfer Cheers People on various other be­ Opportunity Council It is a point which sums up comrade? defending true communism Marty general feelings on these hags nefits would soon find themsel­ Graham Blaikie: I like it. I think PS. I'll take you any time to see from the Stalinist aberration rather well. As a group, aren't ves unable to purchase luxury that your reasoning is jolly good the smoke from the incinerat­ that exists in the USSR and items, like TV sets, radios, ing unborn babies' bodies. BETTS' BACK they hideous? indeed. But whether or not you Eastern Europe. Although Mr beer, cigarettes etc. so their Dear Steve Regards use our (redundant, supposed­ Telfer shows that Stalinism is benefit would be spent as res­ GIVE THEM AN I'd like to applaud Twit, the M Levin ly) argument or yours, what is anti-communist, "Name with­ ponsibly as it should be; as in­ the conclusion?... desperate masculist who INCH... held" insists on calling these tended. Easter Bunny Believer: see RM formulated such a convincing Dear Steve dictatorial regimes "com­ DPB fraud would be stopped, Bennett case for nudity on campus in Did you see in the news; munists." since to get into the house re­ R Macdonald: Miaow ... his/her comments about INTERSPECIES KINK IRAQ BUILDS ATOM BOMB! His/her family "escaped." quires using a card for each Schlop! (Onamatopoeia of a clothes burning. My Dearest Charlene Porker These guys are fast; in only Mr Telfer and other real individual access. If one par­ blender). I'd also like to salute Darling Sow's your form? 30 years they've come from communists do not run from ticular person shows up too (PS - don't I know you?) and Melchic who quoted those You poor deluded thing. For­ primitive barbaric tribalism with Stalinism, they fight it at great much ie. a defacto ... Wham! Hatt Mawkins: Bravo with Teq­ famous Fred Dagg words, "I get about that nasty swine Pig­ a pagan background, to an personal risk. Just as they fight Credit cancelled! uila and Ouzo...hie! - am bloke." A sense of identity let and focus your attentions on advanced barbaric pagan the evils of capitalism. Some fairly elaborate fraud Dr Who: who cares? is vital to one's physchological a real male. nationalism with a technologi­ "Name withheld" should attempts might be tried at first, Hello and goodbye to you all well-being. I have sired several kids and cal competence. Wow! What stop branding all ideas he does but the card would take care of Alistair Ramsden Now that you've established after reading your letter to achievement! They mastered not like "lies" and call for their that in three ways: Secretary AU Freethinkers the fact that you are blokes, Piglet, decided that you proba­ the poor man's A - bomb, poi­ suppression, and find out 1. A record of all graduates etc, Editor ARA Solidarity Magazine how about recognising that bly deserve the honour of bear­ son gas and now they've got something about Leon Trotsky their fields of expertise etc Deposed CAS candidate Sheilae are also strong and in­ ing at least one of my offspring. the real thing too! and the Left Opposition, which would allow quick close checks (Vote me for president of vincible - and that they tend I, being of the superior group of Let's hope they do some­ did not run from Stalinism, but of anyone with the requisite AUSA, but and more beside^) to prefer blokes who are not people known as Capricorn- thing decent with it and flatten fought for it, in the name of knowledge base. PPS. "Quot homines tot sen- only strong and invincible but ians, am a far better choice of Iran. Then they can pick up a genuine communism, even at 2. Unusual transactions, which tentiae" - Jolly Good idea! also gentle and imaginative. mate than a pig. You are obvi­ scrap with India, who also have the cost of their lives. are unexplainable by their size Re whistling: Anthony made ously a pig yourself, but not to a w orkable A - Bomb. Leon Davidovitch or nature or are inconsistent Ed's note - isn't that a sexist a valid point when he defend­ worry, real blokes can service Hopefully the Third World will with previously held infor­ quote then? ed his right to whistle to his anything. annihilate itself. Then us civi­ MARX IS NOT THE mation. heart's content. Whistling I am adept at butting, I get lised ones can get on with 3. Criminal elements would EDITOR OF TIME? serves many useful purposes. big horns and will eat anything. some serious stuff like fixing up soon find their credit with­ CHRISTIANITY Dear Editor I whistle when I'm walking So goat ooit, seek me out. the unemployed. drawn. Everywhere they tried J Santuccione writes about through Auckland's darkened Bill E Goat W A S G O O D Your friend to go it would be easy to iden­ communism as a "concrete streets because it's been ANYWAY Clive C tify them. It's give yourself in block" — apart from misspel­ proven that assertive behaviour or starve! Dear Sarah, Dear Steve PORK SUPPORT ling "block" he is quite correct. can deter would-be attackers. CRACCUM RUINS The movement of undesira­ No student I, but have a debt Dear Steve But doesn't he realise that the The feminist cause is (unfor­ bles is easily controlled by the of gratitude to "Craccum" go­ For too long now male stu­ point of Mr Telfer's excellent tunately) alive and well. If An­ LIVES card, ie. excluded from good ing far back to '73 when some­ dents have suffered under the article was to show that Stal­ thony believes there are any Dear Steve suburbs because they can't go how I, a T rade Union employee repressive feminist yoke. Final­ inist dictatorships are not com­ sane women on campus who I thought I was the centre of past automatic choke areas. and executive member got hold ly however, the engineering munism. Far from it, they are aren't feminists, it's about time the universe ... Under-agers can't get into of a copy of your paper carry­ school has produced a man of bureaucratic regimes which are he grew up. yours disillusionedly pubs at all since their cards ing a front page headline, "La­ sound mind and character. I re­ parasitic in the working po­ Bill E Goat remarks that "real Humble don't open the doors. dies, how to get rid of that fer of course, to that reviver of pulation. blokes can service anything." Convicted shoplifters stay 101 lbs of excess flesh." Blokedom; Piglet. Only now If J Santuccione wants to Fascinating! So do us all a serv­ out of shops for the same This was to advertise a have we, the followers of disprove Mr Telfer's claim that ice mate: shut up or ship out! reason. Queen St pro-abortion march. Hippocrates, got over the socialism is superior to capital­ This week's Campaign for Further, people who are It was timed when Prime Mi­ shock of hearing an intelligent ism he should stop swanning Better Quality Blokes chocolate about and chatting to old men BEASTLY LETTER deemed to be anti-social or nister Norman Kirk was trying comment from that foundry of fish goes to A Bundy for his whatever can be kept from to hold the Labour Party to the yobbism and glorified builders. in the quad, and either prove contribution to world health. viewing harmful videos, films policy of being neither for nor With reference to Piglet's that Stalinism equals commu­ His efforts against breast or TV. against. He lost under the pres­ statement in letter No 3 point­ nism (according to Karl Marx, cancer will be long reme­ Dear S te v e All this with one card. Later sure from the radical feminists ing out the synonimity of not Time Magazine) or, that mbered. Lately we have heard people we could even replace the card when they adopted the Work­ civilisation and Blokedom. Ev­ "today's reality" of a 'dog eat Betty H objecting to the use of a single by an infra-red tattoo on every­ ing Women's Charter in 1980 ery major social and scientific dog' capitalism does meet hu- Spokesperson, CBQB ID code for each citizen by the one's arm. into which Sonja Davies had in­ advance has been made by a state. Further, we see much cri­ See, it's easy! serted an abortion on demand true beer drinking rugby playing ticism of Government agencies ON ANY DAY clause. Bloke. collating information and pool­ T. Ainich But I was horrified at the The time has come for new ing their data processing Each day SCHIZOID SPEAKS Craccum advert, so wrote a hot Blokes to stand up and be networks. I do nought and get up to nothing "Open letter" asking "did you counted. Will we sit idly by and Well, it's all to no avail, be­ Dear Craccum waking at noon know you were suggesting that watch our fellow men join the cause the technology of today Re — lots and lots of letters: tea smoke and then away your son, your daughter be bisexual, lesbian, feminist, gay, has already passed by these M Jurgens: you're quite right. scalded to death by saline injec­ youth, dungaree wearing, meagre attempts. The bible (or bibble?) can be And these boots have worn fine on Auck­ tions or pulled to pieces by vac- meditating, astronomy follow­ What we should aim towards made to say absolutely any­ land streets cuum pressure?'' From that the ing, alsation owning, hairy is a cashless society, where thing. That is why it is a load and climbing higher every step pro-lifers got hold of me and I legged fellowship? everyone has a "Citizen's of cobblers. My brother asks a hundred for ’em joined their ranks as a fighter I say no. We shall fight in Card." This would be like a cre­ Scottie: Bravo (They are his) for equal rights for all, born or Shadows, we shall fight in the dit card. All transactions would V Skinner: Bravo I have no money unborn. be by EFT-POS. RM Bennett: Bravo with cher­ Quad, we shall never surrender. (he regrets) Further a restraining control ries, but I'm agnostic and but in a short reply to "Rea­ To paraphrase another great But I say Bro ... son and Christianity;" in a could be placed over the peo­ wouldn't really be AS happy Bloke, perhaps the greatest if you don’t play the way your spirit quote from Paul Johnson, in his figure in our language: ple who required a guiding in­ belonging to "AU Atheists" as flies "History of Christianity" writ­ Lay on Piglet and neutred be fluence. For example, all cars "AU Freethinkers." you come out warped and singed ten when an atheist, editor of him who first cries "Hold would be fitted with "cells" (PS. the name is historical, not enough/" networked into the system. To literal). the left-wing bible "New It’s just that start the car you'd insert the SPE Lee: like, really cosmic Statesmen and Nation" - "in Stand Finn doing nought spite of the religious wars, the card and providing your insur­ man... "Bulbo spongiosi" and getting on with nothing.

Craccum, 9 April 1990 — 13 STUDENT CAM PUS PHARMACY CLASSIFIEDS ALLOWANCES Fractured English Reset PAYMENTS 1990 A n y o n e caught English usage is more than using English words. JEANS SALE These will all be by direct credit shoplifting on our L] Preliminary drafts of essays, reports, theses, to your bank account. premises shall be TO Jeans Sale: Room 139 There are 37 weeks of pay­ papers and translations reviewed, and revised prosecuted under the 1st Floor Student Union Building ment for the period 26 Febru­ for 75 cents per 100 words incl GST ary to 9 November 1990. Craccum \ Crimes Act. subjects of c (Behind TV Room) The first payment will consist A non-pedantic approach stressing clarity. Wed 11th April 11 am-5 pm as indicated of 7 weeks grants and will be Postal requirements neatly) on o Contact Bryan. $ 4 0 a pair made on: and Telecom Phone preferred ov Phone and Fax: (09) 733-288 Not Seconds! Wednesday 11 April address and Thereafter payments will be Cards are available at ie-plume is i Mail: Box 68-333 Newton credited each fortnight to your Campus Pharmacy - editors' d iscr account on: rhe intended located where the Post NOTICES Tuesday 24 April Wednesday 09 May Office used to be. Wednesday 23 May "LASHIN< T H E FU TU R E 1 9 9 0 AUCKLAND FILM UNIVERSITY Wednesday 06 June NATIONWIDE Dear Editor (CHINESE) CONSTI­ CELEBRATION SOCIETY - 1990 FEMINISTS Wednesday 20 June Obviously M VEGETABLE T U T IO N OF EVENTS PROGRAMME Meet Thursday lunchtimes Wednesday 04 July Craccum stirre 1-2pm in Womanspace. Wednesday 18 July PROTEST to his assault H O N G K O N G Contact Susan Rae x858 Wednesday 01 August Dear Edit» Galvin's sincer 11- 13 April 1990 Asia and Pa­ April 10 Taipei Story, Taiwan Wednesday 15 August Telly fans - cop this: cle writtern fr< cific Rollerskating Champion­ 1984, E Yang 6 and 8pm. LESBIANS ON Wednesday 29 August TVNZ is continuing to water well as the hea A public lecture by Professor Wednesday 12 September ped the boot frc ship, ASB Stadium, April 17 Frida: Living Life, Mex­ down our favourite pro­ Sir William Wade, Univerity of CAMPUS Wednesday 26 September , of arrogant a< Kohimarama. ico 1988 6 and 8pm. Charley grammes with bloody adverts, Cambridge. The lecture will be Wednesday 10 October Grey's Pictures. Meet Fridays 1-2 pm in Women- The time has come to say alists. delivered at the University Con­ 12- 16 April "Jesus 1990 space. Contact Susan x858. Wednesday 24 October enough is too much! Rememba Levin is a cru ference Centre, Symonds Easter Surf Classic" Piha Wednesday 07 November the Black Adder success!?! in desperation t Street (next to Engineering Beach. AOTEA CENTRE Please note that you will Well, now we've got the ; rationalism anc School), on Wednesday 11th 14 April Tamil Hindu New Year. have to present yourself and "Quality-Television-Viewing reasonable rear April 1990 at 5.30pm. MAIDMENT 14-15 April Fiji Association W H A T 'S O N sign a declaration of full-time Nationwide Rotten Vegetable" mic history he Major Concert of Indian Music MOVIES attendance on either 30th April protest. ! down the irrati and Dance No 2, Avondale, or 1st May and on either 23rd All you need to do is signs human psyche UNITED Saturday 14 April - 7.30pm. SEASON 1990 Racecourse Centre. July or 24th July 1990. This letter in the quad and place it l and plunges int THEATRESPORTS 14 April- 5 May "Madam But­ MESSIAH - an authentic copy will be at the Recreation along with a piece of rotten cautious predic - a unique opportunity to hear cal and behav terfly" Opera Performance April 23 "Young Einstein." Centre. vegetable in an envelope. We Handel's traditional Easter That institution Mercury Theatre, Auckland. Nutty comedy from Down Un­ Failure to do this will result will deliver them to TVNZ. work, Messiah, performed on which Levin r« Sunday at 8pm, Maidment der based on the premise that in cessation of payments. Roger the Rotter original intruments. Book icon of intellec Theatre. Teams of profession­ Albert Einstein not only deve­ through BASS. and sanity cai al actors compete in improvised loped the Theory of Relativity, BISEXUAL modest role a: games, Tickets $15, conces­ but also invented Rock'n'Roll. AUCKLAND seeker of the ■ sions $12. CONFERENCE Written, produced and directed CHRISTIAN FOCUS UNIVERSITY GYM­ f nature of its s by Yahoo Serious (90 mins). ABSENCE: If interested, remember to get ARTIST'S TALKS NASTICS CLUB 20 April 1990 in the Maclaurin sceptism make more details and booking forms For all those interested in gym­ Chapel Hall. "But who are we [crustaceans lik< PRENSENCE from the Student Association U B 4 0 nastics, whether beginners (the really?" Speaker: Rev. Graham upon its back. office. The conference takes Ralph Paine/Thomas Pound. majority of us) or more ad­ Fergusson. Everyone is wel­ Risque word place in Wellington 13-15 April. Slide lectures by artists exhibit­ vanced. We have the equip­ come and tea/coffee with bis­ "feelings" and Last few days to see photo­ If you will be in Wellington, ing during April at Artspace, ment and the coaching, so cuits will be served at the must and will f graphs by Adrienne Martyn at Christchurch or Dunedin over Easter, contact Wellington Bi­ Quay Street and the George come along and try it out. conclusion of the meeting, j in any discussi< the George Fraser Gallery, Fraser Gallery respectively. the Easter Break, you could fairs, Those wh sexual Women's Group, PO We meet Tuesday and Thurs­ Sunday 8 April, the usual Sun­ Princes Street. (Weds 18 April, 8pm). probably see UB40. so without takir Box 5145, Wellington. day nights in the Main Hall of day Evening Services for Stu­ I count are nothi the Recreation Centre (Must be dents will be taking place in St fools who will b a member of centre). Andrews church at 7pm on the If only she knew about QUARDLE OODLE ARDLE? corner of Alten Rd and Sy­ I time and time a< 6.00pm to 8.00pm. monds St, again all are al intellect whic We also have trampolines if welcome. western views you're interested. ! centuries shouk UNIPHOTO any dubious 5 ALL WELCOME - DON'T BE The University Photo Shop on Campus (taken in moc SHY!! GOD CAN BE KNOWN wonder that George Seber, Head of Maths drugs are so po WOMINSPACE and Statistics. JOURNAL ety ruled by ma Campus Crusade for Christ matism! COLLECTIVE Exec Lounge If religion is the people''it's Production dates for Autumn Tuesday 10, 1 pm it appeals to hu 1990 Journal: needs and feelii Tuesday 10 April 2-4 pm: ply must be adc Normal retail price $1095.00 Proof-reading in Room 139 and RADIO SANDINO Czechoslovakia': Your opportunity to Quardle your way into Theatre, dramatise art-work and cover design gdent did ackno) During April, May and June, bring your your wildest Oodle and see your Ardle come alive! deadline. A solidarity group for Latin tribution of a w colour print processing with this advert to America on Campus. 'Quardle Oodle Ardle', Theatre Workshop's festival of original Sat 14 April (Easter) 9 am un­ lance; he also < be in the draw. ALSO all entries will be in for performance follows the highly successful 1989 festival 'Reign til finished: First meeting: salvation of the' Rain'. a weekly prize for Layout at Wominspace — Tuesday 10 April, 1pm human heart." Submissions are wanted in all aspects of performance — dance, bring lunch to share and tapes Rm 202 New Arts Building • 5 rolls Kodak film • drama, poetry, music by April 12th 1990. All writers, direc­ to play. Come to Uniphoto for tors and performers are welcome. Thurs 26 and/or Fri 27 April: All welcome. Collating and stapling at the MUCKY Th FILMS Contact: Catherine Amner ph 694-296 or Lucy Wilkinson ph 521-2293 Print Centre. Dear Piglet We stock all major brands of film in Festival dates - July 9th-16th in Little Maidment Theatre. Contact: K.A.O.S. Let me be yo colour print, transparency Sue - Home ph 604-726 Why don't we and black and white. The Auckland Revolutionary Me? CENTRE FOR ARTS Army is proud to announce that PROCESSING SERVICE CRACCUM DEADLINES the next K.A.O.S. game starts ^ High quality developing and printing. TAPES on Monday 23rd April. Seethe Black & White, E.6. processing. people wearing the black ARA Plus many other services available. Articles Tuesdays noon T-shirts in the upper common] EYE FOR 1 Thursday 19 April, 8pm. room at lunchtimes - or - ring;, Letters Wednesdays noon Dear S teve UNIPHOTO — School of Architecture, Video Art from Halifax, Cana­ Chris 418-0783 [ Isn't it ironic Notices Wednesdays noon da presented by Philip Dadson. Property and Planning — opposite Alistair 360-0369 have nothing to Artspace, Quay St. ninity. Chemistry Building. for more information.

14 — Craccum, 9 April 1990 PHARMACY

caught n g o n our LETTERS a > shall be TO THE EDITOR id under the Craccum welcomes letters to the editor irom readers, on c t. -ubjects of concern. These may be sent to us, or delivered as indicated). Letters should preferably be typed (or written equipments r.eatly) on one side of the paper only. Short letters are P O S T T O F A X T O icom Phone deferred over long ones. All letters must include name, Craccum, 3rd Floor, Craccum, Craccum, address and telephone numbers of the writer, even if a non- Student Union Building, Auckland University Students Association, Auckland University s available at de-plume is used. Obscene language may be deleted at the Auckland University, Private Bag, Students Assoc Inc, Pharmacy - editors' discretion, provided this does not appreciably alter or ATISA Office, ATI. Auckland. (09) 303-2236. the intended meaning of the letter. here the Post ed to be. "LASHING LEVIN" R A T S RACE PIGLET SAYS I thus call upon all righteous DULCE aligned himself with the poor blokes to gather together to de­ and oppressed of the society in Dear Editor Dearest Myrtle Lemur Yo Steve Dear Little Pig WIDE fend their right to chunder. In­ which he lived. He challenged Obviously M Levin is quite a A proposition? Let me just Being a well-adjusted and deed, as the dorie have their Thank you for your concern the power and ownership ABLE Craccum stirrer! I am replying say that the peservation of reasonable bloke, I can handle monthly spiritual occasion, it about my fashion sense - yes, structures of Jewish society. T to his assault on Ray Galvin. wildlife is one of our main con­ both the lavish praise and cal­ seems only just that blokes also I look stunning in sackcloth. I For this reason, it is impor­ Galvin's sincere informed arti­ cerns. In fact the wilder the life lous abuse to which I am sub­ Dear Editor celebrate life by a decent emis­ speak not with "evil intent" but tant that Christians are similarly cle writtern from the heart as the greater our desire to look af­ ject in Craccum. However, the - cop this: sion from their deepest souls. rather with the aim of improv­ involved in challenging today's well as the head certainly cop­ ter it, him, her. Of course crass outpouring of Agent •ntinuing to water Be hard ing cultural relations between society and this is why the Na­ ped the boot from a whole bevy there's a strong market for bi­ Speights-no-mates does stand favourite pro- Run strong Sheilality and Blokedom. tional Catholic Tertiary Stu­ of arrogant academic ration­ ological anthropologists, we're out for its poor literary style and h bloody adverts, Yahoo If the Engineering School is dent's Conference to be held such caring (!) people and in malicious content. Suffice to as come to say alists. Piglet the lofty peak of academia, here at the AUSA Student Un­ Levin is a crustacean clinging very short supply too. Get 'em say that this motherless pox- much! Rememba PS. This Christian stuff has got then academia has indeed sunk ion in May is concerned with in desperation to the arid age of while they're 'ot, they're ridden knave warrants little der success!?! out of hand. The letters pages to murky depths. As you are the Treaty and race relations rationalism and reason. All the luverly. attention and I will thus not de­ obviously one of "the big boys we've got the are for serious debate about issues. reasonable reasearch in acade­ Yours (hopefully) mean myself to his level by des­ levision-Viewing such worthy topics as dorii, li­ from across the road," men­ Yours mic history has failed to pin David Innabarrow BBC cending to cheap abuse. otten Vegetable" quor, cars etc. I will thus finish tioned by the RAVer, are you Jennifer Cochrane and down the irrational part of the The Piglet will stick to debat­ the debate with my customary really sure you want to defent J MacDonald human psyche which erupts ing the issues confronting mo­ ;d to do is sign a insight and tact: your heritage? For Newsoc/conference and plunges into confusion the A BOBBY'S PLACE dern society and offering I assure you Piggy, that this quad and place it Who gives a duck's arse? planning group cautious predictions of policti- Dear Sir and Madam solutions to the myriad of pro­ discussion about orgasm is i piece of rotten You can't prove/disprove God no cal and behavioural science. Regarding the instalation of blems confronting blokes in an envelope. We so why bother? Be happy - crap. They do exist. The fact That institution, the university, a community constable as was these troubled times. tern to TVNZ. get pissed. that you and your insensitivity TSK, TSK, SARAH which Levin raises up as an proposed in the Quad on April This week's issue - Roger the Rotter PPS. RM Bennett and Co are have never inspired any, is be­ icon of intellectual scepticism 4th. What a really good idea. Chunder. Dear Sarah sick units. Ignore their whing- side the point. and sanity can boast only a Seeing there have been under­ This noble art had been much I have just read your report ing letters and piss on them if Softly modest role as guardian and cover policemen and women maligned recently in your au­ from the talk given by the Israeli you get a chance, but only if Betty H seeker of the truth. The very on campus for years it would gust journal. Having been priv­ Ambassador to NZ and I must N FOCUS they're not on fire. nature of its slow ponderous good to have our taxes going ileged to observe such REAL S T IN K react. ) in the Maclaurin I sceptism makes it possible for towards someone who could spectacular projections as the Dear Anita Macdonald and As an ex-soldier of the Israe­ 'But who are we ■crustaceans like Levin to thrive actively help us. Tag-Team Townsend Helicop­ Greenies li Armed Forces I have a diffe­ WITCHY WORDS rent point of view and I think ker: Rev. Graham upon its back. Regarding the two men who ter the Amanono-Blood Chun­ It was really clever spraying the readers of Craccum need to iveryone is wel- Risque words like "heart,” spoke in the Quad: der and Reg Fence-Clearer I feel Dear Editors all them cans of CFC propellant hear it as a balance. For 50 e/coffee with bis- ''feelings'' and "human spirit" To the first man from Norml. I should defend this activity Jim (Craccum 26th March) aerosols into the supermarket years the surrounding countries 3 served at the must and will have their place You are breaking the law from unjust criticism. feels that the concept of aisles to stop it ending up in the of Israel have tried to occupy f the meeting. in any discussion of human af­ everyime you light up your illicit However, I do not wish to Womenspace is sexist and that Ozone layer, because that's ex­ her. Israel has suffered five ril, the usual Sun- fairs. Those who attempt to do mind altering substance. Obvi­ condone the weak paralytic there should be a "Bloke- actly where you put it. If I were wars which she was forced into Services for Stu- so without taking them into ac­ ously it's made your dying burblings of undisciplined juv­ space" too. you I would feel really stink. and survived. taking place in St count are nothing but arrogant braincells so paranoid they eniles or the frothy spittle of I have always found it hard I suppose when you catch up Only the soldiers in these rch at 7pm on the fools who will be proved wrong can't comprehend the fact that gelled wine-cooler filthoids, but to explain to men why women with all the drift-net fishermen wars can really know that war ten Rd and Sy- time and time again. The ration­ the Police in this country are so rather to praise the gastric only spaces are necessary. You you will throw their nets in the is the worst man-created thing. again all are al intellect which has governed overworked already they have erruptions of piss-swilling jok­ have to start from the point of water. western views of reality for more important things to do ers who put their bodies on the view that men are the oppres­ Supermarket Owners Son Israels' policy is negotiation centuries should be treated like than waste their valuable time line for Blokedom. sors or dominant group in with the surrounding countries any dubious substance and busting the dregs of life such as A real bloke chunders while almost every area, and few to acquire peace - as proved BE KNOWN taken in moderation; little you. sober so as to enjoy the full men will agree to this without RE: THE ABORTION with Egypt. wonder that hallucenogenic To the second man (in the T pleasure of the moment. Blokes endless argument. In 1967 Israel won the 6-day r, Head of Maths DEBATE shirt with Lenin on it), I doubt war after a surprise attack by 5. drugs are so popular in a soci­ go for stylish chunders, such as If you believe this, as I do, ety ruled by materialistic prag­ very much if a policeman is go­ a heave into the primped hair­ then the need for a women­ Dear Steve 3 surrounding countries and oc­ sade for Christ matism! ing to randomly hit you on the style of a cringing pinko space becomes evident. Wom­ If rape is considered bad, cupied the West Bank. Israel If religion is the "opium of head on your way to a lecture. fashion-pussy, or a gush of dic­ en need a space where they why is it that killing babies is called to those people living considered good? there to stay and live in peace 1 pm the people” it's simply because Also although Police violence is ed carrots over the boatshoes can talk, relax or simply be in it appeals to human emotional never justified I'd like to know of a greasy cash-clutching an un-oppressed atmosphere. Men can't rape, but women — after 20 years these people needs and feelings which sim­ just what you were doing when Commerce cretin. Whereas creating a can kill ... want an independent country ply must be addressed. Ok, so this brutal act took place on Blokes go for recreational, "Blokespace” as suggested by And yet, there are some peo­ inside Israel - they are doing ple who hold both these incon­ \N D IN 0 Czechoslovakia's new poet Pre­ your person at Waitangi. team and competition (manual Jim, would be futile. Men have this by breaking the law - sistent views. sident did acknowledge the con­ Both of you calling the New or automatic) chunders. For us, no need for this 'release' being, throwing stones and molotov Strange indeed! group for Latin tribution of a western security Zealand Police abusive names it is a spiritual occasion, some­ as I believe, the oppressors. bottles. Israel is a state of lampus. rfance; he also added that ''the made me sick and ashamed to what akin to the feeling a ripe Many men would vehemen­ M Levin democracy thus breakers of the PS. And if it is OK to kill sprogs, law must be punished. Police salvation of the world lies in the be a New Zealander. dorie gets when she finally pro­ tly deny that women are op­ how come we have to pay the and soldiers are sent to keep 'kpril, 1pm human heart." I take consolation in the fact duces a bloke's offspring, as pressed, but you only have to however that if either of the lit­ the very contents of our manly read the letters page of this DPB to the ones which manage the peace and enforce the laws 1 Arts Building A Brown tle burrows, caves or wherever bodies are offered to the paper to how women are to survive? of justice. Soldiers are ordered the pair of you dwell gets bur­ assembled multitudes. regarded by the likes of Piglet, not to harm women and MUCKY T H O U G H T S gled you wouldn't dream of And yet, in some diseased Jim, RAV etc. children. contaminating yourselves by IT WAS GOOD I cannot deny that there is a Dear Piglet quarters, this ability to produce Yours expecting the Police to retrieve problem in the West Bank and Let me be your little trufle. a fulsome flow of paint-strip- Witch E N O U G H FOR your property. the leaders and politicians need Why don't we oink around a ping broth is frowned upon, CHRIST Yours faithfully nay villified even. This once to solve these problems in the id Revolutionary We? form of negotiations. No viol­ Dolores Rachael Callender (Miss) respected skill has been HELPFUL THOUGHT Dear Eds to announced denigrated and denounced to In reply to Simon de Montfort ence will ever bring solutions to Dear Some Cyclist O.S. game starts the point that unless decent (Craccum, March 12) and the problems. Auckland is very If you are the pillock who 3rd April. Seethe I S P Y blokes gather round there is a Kevin Ashurst (CraccumMarch far away from the West Bank, tried denting my car last Thurs­ ig the black ARA Dear Editor serious danger that it may pass 26): so it may look heroic to stand day, here is a safety hint. When 3 upper common] EYE FOR THIG H I saw Susan Rae (WRO) kiss­ into the mists of time al­ Christianity is not just about with an olive branch in front of itimes - or -1 waiting at an intersection in­ | Dear Steve ing Piglet goodnight. Does this together, with only a few griz­ personal saluation but chal­ Israeli soldiers but perhaps for tending to go straight ahead, 83 | Isn't it ironic that feminists mean that she's a real dori and zled veterans gathering around lenges the way we live our lives someone who comes from this don't wait on the left of the car )369 have nothing to do with femi­ does she play doctors and their campfires of burning Arts and our whole society. beautiful peaceful country - turning left. Take heed or be ninity. nurses? texts to reminisce fondly about Christ was a radical who tal­ judgements come too easily. rmation. sorry. Yours Yours the fabled chunders of days ked to women in the streets (a Shalam Akeichem Bob Shishky Mini-Skirt Fan Felicity gone by. definite no-no at that time) and OG Craccum, 9 April 1990 — 15