The WALRUS The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things: Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings. - Lewis Carroll

Vol LXVII, No. 4 St. Sebastian’s School February 2014 Black History Month Assembly Highlights Affirmative Action dreds of years and then once allowed mentored Steve Pemberton, author By JACK ADAMS ‘15 to race would do so in chains and of “A Chance in the World”, the On Monday, February 2nd, as the shackles. This is the view of many all-school read this past summer school day finished around 1:30, a African Americans in their commu- and guest speaker earlier in the rare occasion, the entire St. Sebas- nities today. After finishing the first year. Mr. Bunch’s main message tian’s community gathered in Ward round of excerpts, Dana Hall again was directed to all students at St. Hall to celebrate our annual Black took the stage with a performance Sebastian’s. When we prepare to History Month Assembly. Filing into of Kirk Franklin’s “Melodies from apply for colleges and think of where the rows of seats, students grew quiet Heaven”. we will be best fit at for four of the and whispers were heard around The next MPA members to take most important years of our lives we the room, as all were buzzing with the podium, Adama Kaba ’17 and need to think of diversity. Mr. Bunch excitement. Prior to the assem- Maynel Fuentes ’16, continued stressed that diversity will forever bly, Tyson Mattox ’15 offered his sequentially through Joseph Tran’s need to be a part of life and we need opinions to some classmates on the paper. This pair read excerpts about to prepare ourselves to know how to upcoming assembly, “This time is affirmative action and its role in the act in situations with a diverse and gonna be even better than last year. application and acceptance to col- very different crowd when we move I mean I got a preview right here if lege for minorities. Implementing on in life. y’all wanna hear some right now.” the acceptance rates from colleges Mr. Bunch then took a group of MPA Aturo Adkins ‘14, the Men with across the country, a strong case was members of different ages and even Positive Attitudes (MPA) president, presented for the need of affirma- a few Dana Hall Choir members, a opened the ceremony with a warm tive action. This specific aspect of new attempt to further involve our welcome and invitation for Fr. Arens college and affirmative action would guests in the assembly, into the AV to help all pray. Aturo introduced the later be discussed in more depth room to televise a “fishbowl” where theme of this year’s Black History by the guest keynote speaker. For they talked about affirmative action Professor Dan Bunch addresses the St. Seabastian’s community at this year’s Black History Month Assembly. Month Assembly, “Thina Simunye” their last vocal performance of the and diversity in their lives as students translated into English as “We are day, Dana Hall Gospel Choir stood and people thus far in their growth. together”. After a quick reflection on and delivered their own version of Mr. Burke rose and closed the as- Mother-Son Mass Brings St. this theme and its close relationship Fred Hammond’s “We Lift Up Your sembly with his remarks on the role to the theme of the year for Seb’s, Name”. To celebrate the wonderful of this year’s theme, community, and community, MPA featured the first singing of Dana Hall, St. Sebastian’s a prayer. of their main focuses this year, the students led a clamorous round of After the assembly Mr. Meyer Cham- Sebastian’s Families Together Q: What was it like to sing with your crowd walked to their tables in the Black Bruins. applause. bers agreed to answer a few ques- By STEVIE KAROL ‘17 mother? transformed Ward Hall at the conclu- The lights dimmed as all eyes shifted Once again Joseph Tran’s paper on tions regarding the assembly. When On a cold January evening, the mothers MM: I sing with my mother all the time sion of the Mass. At dinner, I observed to the projector screen and a spo- affirmative action would take the talking about the fishbowl use during of St. Sebastian students arrived at St. so it felt comfortable. two trends of seating arrangements ken word clip by Sy Stokes of the forefront as Tyson Mattox ’15 and the assembly Mr. Chambers re- Bartholomew’s Church for the annual Q: How did you choose the song? during the annual event. There was Black Bruins, an African American/ Jordan Brydie ’14 read more ex- sponded with “The fishbowl, though Mother/Son Mass and Supper. This MM: My mom always loved the song the usual combination of son, mother, diversity club at the University of cerpts. As they read, the next main presented through simulcast, is not event is a highlight of the year as all “The Prayer”, and she’s been waiting son, mother, etc, sitting around a table California Los Angeles, came on. Sy message from Tran’s paper involved a foreign concept to Seb’s. We’ve the moms and sons in attendance take a f o r a n e v e n t t o p e r f o r m i t . and there was the increasingly popular break from their busy schedules to pray Q: How often do you and your mother combination of tables of all students spoke about affirmative action and its affirmative action in respect to done that before. Its addition to the together, enjoy delicious food, great sing together? and another table of all mothers. Al- role in the past, present, and future employment. Drawing upon a social BHM program gave us an opportu- conversation, and enjoy a special night. MM: We sing together all the time; though this combination seems like the specifically at UCLA. With great experiment where hundreds of ap- nity vary the presentation and include As the large group of mother and sons on car rides, in church, at home, you ideal seating arrangement for a social passion, Sy captured the attention plications went to many businesses Dana Hall on a more meaningful joined together in the Church, Fr. Arens name it. If we can sing together, we evening, maybe we as sons can make of all St. Seb’s students and faculty with all the same credentials but level. My personal feelings are that delivered a touching speech about the usually do. It’s as natural as talking in a better effort to make the night more members. Along with Sy’s message, differing names some “black names” it was a “win-win”. It was good for invaluable connection between a moth- our family. about our mothers. Before digging into a paper written by Seb’s Joseph Tran and the others “white names”. After our students to experience fishbowl- er and son. He talked about his special Q: Did she influence your music abil- our caesar salad appetizers, Mr. Burke relationship with his own mother and delivered a short speech and encour- ’14 would highlight and underline the experiment, the “white names” ing on a larger scale. It was good for ity/teach you how? how lucky we are to share such a MM: My mother hasn’t really affected aged everyone to share in grace. With the importance of affirmative action drew more callbacks from the busi- our AV program to stretch itself and beautiful connection with our mothers. my style much at all but my ability and Mr. Burke’s approving words “Bon in today’s communities and country. nesses despite having the same exact discover some new media possibili- Throughout the Mass, Fr. Arens con- affinity certainly comes from her. She Appétit”, we were treated to a buffet But first the Dana Hall Gospel Choir, credentials as the “black names”. ties for the future.” Mr. Chambers nected the readings and the Gospel to never gave me any official lessons, but dinner featuring chicken marsala, wild led by Dana Hall’s own Mr. David The next performance was not read was then grilled about the role of the special bond and unique mother/son I learned by watching her. rice, roasted vegetables and a cheese- Coleman, would sing a moving from a paper or sung from the Dana the seniors in MPA and the future of relationship. Marlon Matthews and his Q: Does anybody else in your family cake dessert. The food was delicious rendition of David Frazier’s “I Need Hall Gospel Choir, rather St. Seb’s the club, “MPA’s seniors and leaders mother, Allison, delivered an incred- sing? and everyone had a great time with ible duet at the end of the Mass that left to Survive”. own Mr. Meyer Chambers, on the were awesome. Our debriefing meet- MM: My sister, cousins, aunts, uncles, their mothers and friends. The Mother/ many wiping tears from their eyes. The etc. We’re just one enormous musical Son Mass and Dinner was a great night After Dana Hall had finished their piano, and Marlon Matthews ’14, on ing on Tuesday was most inform- two talented singers sang “The Prayer” family. to reflect on all of our blessings, enjoy first song, Chinedu Okwerekwu the vocals, took the stage. Deliv- ing. They were both affirming and and after the event, I briefly spoke with Their memorable duet became a dinner with the St. Sebastian commu- ’19 and Mudia Onaiwu ’18 intro- ering a tremendous performance appropriately critical about ways to Marlon about the memorable moment popular conversation topic as the nity, and reconnect with our mothers. duced Joseph Tran’s paper. Reading of “All Good Gifts” by Stephen improve on what was presented and excerpts from the paper, Chinedu Schwartz, the student spectators suggesting next steps for continuing and Mudia explained the situations rewarded Marlon and Mr. Chambers the conversation. The future looks Strachan ‘14 Impresses in 2014 and circumstances that minorities, with a well-deserved standing ova- bright and the MPA members are specifically African-Americans are tion. With maybe the hardest act to looking forward to discussing more currently experiencing in America. follow, Joseph Tran rose to conclude aspects related to diversity, especially The strongest analogy used in the his paper and transition into the as it applies to St. Seb’s.” In clos- Semper Fidelis Bowl in California is his work ethic that trumps every- paper was that of a 200 yard sprint. guest keynote speaker. ing Mr. Chambers wishes that, “the blitz or broken play, the quarterback By ANGUS O’ROURKE ‘15 thing. He puts his finest effort into was running from Strachan, who Loosely quoted, imagine if all kinds MPA vice president, Edosa Onaiwu discussion (about affirmative action) Connor Strachan ’14, captain of everything. In the gym, practice, the would close in with his 4.4 speed of people came to race in a 200 yard ’15, introduced Mr. Dan Bunch, continues in classrooms” and that the St. Sebastian’s football during field on game day, and school, you (the fastest of all inside linebackers dash. Now imagine if the gunshot to MSW Director, Learning to Learn we remember that “There is one race the 2013 season and future Boston can find Connor giving it his all, in the country). start the race had been fired and the Program leader, and professor at and it consists of all human beings. College linebacker, was selected which is why he was selected to be Strachan’s energy during the game African American participant would Boston College. While teach- Community. Thina Simunye.” to play in the Semper Fidelis All the captain of the East team. and ferocious drive was in keep- be held back from starting for hun- ing at Boston College, Mr. Bunch American Bowl, which was held in When game day came on ing with his play at St. Sebastian’s Anaheim, CA. Sunday January 5th, the St. Sebas- where he started as an inside middle This game is comprised of the best tian’s community proudly watched linebacker for all four years. student-athlete high school football Strachan march to the center of the In 2012, Strachan helped players in the country, Strachan field for the coin flip. When the the Arrows to a 9-0 record and in being one of them. However, the game started, the talent of all play- 2013 to 5-3 record (rousing the Semper Fi bowl represents much ers was evident. All 90 participants team to 4-0 in the last four games). more than football and Strachan were the best of the best at their po- Connor Strachan is a role model understands that, for when asked sition. The speed of the game was for all aspiring athletes to look about the Marines he said, “The jaw-dropping. Quarterbacks were up to. He has earned everything. Marines are awesome. They’re able dropping back and making college People think it is just a gift to run to keep it so disciplined, it’s really level passes to equally talented re- a 4.4 or out lift everyone in the inspiring.” The days in prepara- ceivers. Running backs were show- gym. It takes whole lot of time, tion for the Bowl are not just about ing the poise and talent of grizzled commitment, and desire to reach defensive schemes and offensive veterans. The hogs on the offensive those heights. Strachan’s mindset plays, but about the Marine Corps and defensive line were nearly the it one all should take notes on, for values of service, leadership, honor, same size as a professional football it has led him to success. He was commitment, and courage. These line, with average height around 6’ recognized for these qualities at the values are reaffirmed in these young 5” and average weight at about 300 Semper Fi Bowl, which earned him men by Marine Corps drill instruc- pounds. Strachan said, “it’s awe- a captainship. Also, the members tors that are involved in every prac- some competing with other athletes of the St. Sebastian’s football team tice leading up to the game. Connor at this kind of level.” Even with classmates and undergrads of Con- Strachan showed that he holds the all those talented all stars on the nor recognized these qualities as values of the Marine Corps, for field, Strachan was not fazed, for he well and elected him captain for the he was selected as one of the East had no trouble making numerous 2013 season. He has set the tone for Team’s captains. His captainship of bone-crunching hits. Strachan also all football players and all students both the Arrows football team and showcased his knowledge of the who desire success. His legacy on of his Semper Fi East team goes game by perfectly positioning him- the football team will fuel the 2014 to show that Connor Strachan is self for pass defense, making sure team to push the limits and reach truly a young man of leadership, that the West’s quarterback would for and believe in success. Strachan honor, and commitment. Besides not throw over the middle. Further- will look to bring his leadership Strachan’s more than impressive more, Strachan’s speed kept the qualities and skill to Boston College Connor Strachan ‘14, St. Sebastian’s and Semper Fidelis East football captain, airborne. tangibles like speed and strength, it quarterback moving, for on every for the next four years. NEWS SPORTS Senior Slide Approaching, Teachers Does Not Appear in Photo: Varsity and 8th Grade Basketball Con- Mildly Disappointed The End of the School Ping- tinue to Play Well Pages 3, 4 Pong Tournament . Page 8 Page 2 THE WALRUS February 2014 College B-Ball Update, Predictions out to a 17-4 start. Two other New Tournament Surprises: By MATT KARPOWICZ ‘16 England teams have also been making • Michigan—the Wolverines QUOTES of the Now that Super Bowl some noise, two teams that do not are ranked 10th as of 2/5 but no one XLVIII and the NFL season are in the tend to find themselves this close to seems to be taking them very seri- rearview mirror, America will now the top. UMass-Amherst jumped to ously, look for them to pull of some look ahead to the remainder of the as high as No. 14 in the AP Poll, and upsets in the second week of the college basketball regular season in now sits just outside the first 25 with tournament preparation for March Madness. What a 16-3 record. Finally, after advanc- • UCLA—Despite not being America will find is that the 2013-14 ing to the second round of last year’s ranked at the moment, the Bruins campaign has been one of the best in tournament with a first round upset, don’t have many tough games left on MONTH Harvard is hoping to enter this year’s their schedule, and a strong Pac-12 recent memory. Through 13 weeks of play, four different teams (Kentucky, tournament as a favorite for a few tournament could give them a path to “Your breath feels really good on me.” Michigan St., Arizona, and Syracuse) rounds, and with a 18-4 record they the Sweet 16 or Elite 8 have held the top spot in the Associ- are on pace to do that. They are also • Iowa St.—They haven’t --Paige Sanderson ‘15 ated Press Top 25 poll. On Saturday 5-1 in the Ivy League, the only league been hot as of late, but it’s all about February 1st, No. 1 Arizona, No. without a postseason conference playing your best at the right time and 2 Syracuse, and No. 4 Wichita St. tournament. In addition to those three, they are certainly capable of that were the last three undefeated teams. Boston University is in second place Tournament Disappointments: Wichita St. had to earn its 23rd win in its first year in the Patriot League, • Duke—the perennial powers “If I had a million pairs of socks, I’d be of the season against Evansville, who two spots ahead of local Holy Cross. don’t seem to have enough scorers once held a 15 point lead. Syracuse Lastly, Bryant University in Rhode Is- other than Jabari Parker to outlast saw its three point lead disappear at land is 14-9 and a game out of first in tough defenses in March, don’t expect completely content.” the buzzer against No. 19 Duke, but the North-East Conference, in just its to see them advance past the first managed to hold on in overtime. No. fifth year playing Division I college weekend 1 Arizona was not so lucky, losing 60- basketball, three years removed from • UMass—for those hoping to --Pat McGowan ‘15 58 to California on a jump shot with a 1-29 season. get behind the local underdogs, don’t just over one second left. As for the big boys, the get too excited; their lack of tough The beauty of college field is wide open. However, Lou- schedule isn’t going to give them a basketball lies in its unpredictability. isville, Michigan, Wichita St., and high seed and their lack of size will No one is safe and every game has the Syracuse—teams that made up last come back to haunt them “I don’t gel my hair.” potential to be an upset. Jim Boeheim, season’s Final Four— are all ranked • Michigan St.—gut feeling Syracuse head coach of 38 years, says in the top 15. Look for their past after watching them lose to unranked “it’s the best place it’s ever been when experience to help them as they try to Georgetown last week tells me the --Jimmy Mitchell ‘15 you consider what’s best for college make runs deep into March and April. Spartans will be susceptible to a loss basketball: you go top to bottom… Take a look at the rest of my March despite a solid seed heading into the you’ve got a lot of balance.” It defi- Madness predictions: tournament nitely feels like there are about 15-20 teams that have the ability to run One Seeds: Final Four: Florida over Wichita “I can’t wait for Strachan to graduate so the table come March, not only the • Syracuse—great coaching St.—Shockers’ first real competition, traditional powers such as Syracuse, and a skilled point guard make for Florida wins easily Duke, Kansas, Michigan St., Florida, postseason success I can be the strongest guy in school.” and Kentucky, but also mid-majors • Wichita St.—not necessar- Kansas over Ohio St.—despite upset- and underdogs like Wichita St., San ily one of the four best teams, but its ting some teams, Buckeyes don’t have --Andy Carr Diego St., Cincinnati, Creighton, weak schedule makes the path much enough talent to hang with Kansas Saint Louis, and Gonzaga. A lot of easier hard decisions will have to be made • Florida—another well- Florida over Kansas—it’s the Gators’ once it is time to fill out your bracket. coached team that doesn’t have much year, a good point guard and streaky Another storyline, at least in competition outside of Kentucky in shooting is a time-proven recipe for “Imagine if a really lovely girl liked you, New England, has been the relative the SEC winning in March, and especially success of the local teams. Although • Kansas—the Big 12 looks April it is generally used to success, UConn like the best conference in the country Division Three: Vassar over that’d be great.” has been hampered with recruiting right now, but Kansas has a lot of Amherst—too much Mickey Adams violations and hit hard with sanctions talent and their tough schedule should ’13 for the Lord Jeffs to handle. in recent years. With those now in boost their chances among the selec- Shoutout! --John Bartlett ‘14 the past, the Huskies have jumped tion committee

“I just wanted you guys to know you’re awesome...also, never let a chicken kiss you on the mouth.” --Marlon Matthews ‘14 to the Walrus Senior Editors The Quiver Aims to Establish Itself Within the ISL, Expand Exponentially Syracuse’s star frosh Tyler Ennis goes for the layup against Duke’s Amile Jefferson. Cuse won 91-89 in OT By EDGAR ESCOBAR ‘15 ing and artwork has also moved This new approach is much like a “You pierce our patron with ar- a step forward with a surprising college style competition, and it rows so we sew them on our crest. twist. The hundred dollar prize “brings the Quiver up a level,” ac- You nail our Savior to the Cross still stands, but the contest has cording to Mr. White. The Quiver The Walrus so I wear one on my chest.” – now gone regional. The Quiver takes its mission as a literary A St. Sebastian’s Publication Headmaster William L. Burke’s board hopes that the added com- magazine seriously, and it hopes So petition will bring the best out to grow and eventually compete We often attempt to ce- of our writers while also gaining with other notable magazines. ment philosophy, values, emo- some more notoriety for both the In respect to submitting Senior Editors: John Bartlett ‘14, Dan Fulham ‘14, Jack Goldman ‘14, tions, and ourselves into forms magazine and our school. work, the Quiver expects many Christian Kelley ‘14, Will Kenney ‘14 that can be seen, touched, held, The Quiver also gives in- submissions this year. “Isn’t that and felt. Imagination is never sight on St. Sebastian’s students. what St. Sebastian’s is known Apprentice Editors: Conor Craven ‘14, Brian Curley ‘14 limited, and as middle and high Although it is not a representation for? We’re a writing school,” school students, we are at the of the ‘day-in-the-life’ of a stu- said Mr. White at the most recent Head/Feature Writers: Caleb Aldrich ‘14, Niko Fischer ‘14, Shane prime of capturing this explosion dent, the Quiver photographs our Quiver meeting. Therefore, part McDonald ‘14, Connor Murray ‘14 of creative art. Throughout human school’s writing and artwork, and of the Quiver’s mission is to existence, art has been an influ- in one way reveals that ‘we say motivate writers to create their ential and powerful statement in what we mean, and mean what best work and, most importantly, CONTRIBUTORS: Jay Daukas ‘14, Jack Adams ‘15, Edgar Escobar ‘15, Chris culture. So in the wake of fearless we say’ but in our own unique to submit. Many English classes Haley ‘15, Joe Kerwin ‘15, Ryan Lee ‘15, Billy McCarthy ‘15, Ryan McGuirk ‘15, styles. The magazine is the op- are using creative assignments to expression we take our arrows, Jimmy Mitchell ‘15, Angus O’Rourke ‘15, John Ryan ‘15, Paige Sanderson ‘15, bear our crosses, and wear our portunity not just for the student promote submissions. Senior edi- crest. body to stand out, but for indi- tors often encourage the student Scott Westvold ‘15, Chris Wolpe ‘15, Cole Aldrich ‘16, Michael Calabro ‘16, The Quiver is our vidual students to put their foot body to submit their work with Matt Karpowicz ‘16, Paul Keady ‘16, Casey Kelly ‘16, David Korzeniowski ‘16, forward and display perhaps some school’s literary magazine that Monday morning announcements, Jake Loughborough ‘16, Jack Ragnoni ‘16, Jimmy Ryan ‘16, Sam Cullen ‘17, publishes student writing and art- of their more reserved talents. social networking, fliers, and of work. The writing often comprises Dan Fulham, now a senior editor, course, the contest with a money Stevie Karol ‘17, Joe O’Malley ‘17 poems, short stories, and other fic- and James Tran, a graduate from prize. tional pieces. Art-wise, last year’s last year, have contributed many Many talents go un- Quiver featured detailed sketches, pieces of writing and art, respec- noticed and many works of art paintings, and photographs that tively, and through their works go underappreciated. Perhaps spoke for themselves. Students they show the passion all students shyness of the artist or even Editors Emeritus: Mickey Adams ‘13, Peter DeMatteo ‘13, Michael Hoff ‘13, spend incalculable time and effort have to engage in a creative and ignorance of the beholder is what Kevin Patterson ‘13, Mike Petro ‘13, in crafting soulful works. Thus, thoughtful process. causes art to be buried away, but the Quiver holds fragments of The Quiver showcases it is certainly the duty of the artist Faculty Advisor: Mr. Dan Drummond ourselves, joins them together, and the school’s best work, whether to be fearless and express himself displays who we are to the world. it is indeed a poem or a drawing. or herself in a tangible form… Last year’s edition of the The magazine even includes work to create art. Senior editor Jack The Walrus is the official student newspaper of St. Sebastian’s School. The Walrus Quiver was a big step forward, as from students taking Spanish Goldman writes, “Art is beautiful. seeks to provide news and entertainment for the St. Sebastian’s community, as well as it was the first printed edition and classes. Their poems from last Art is sophisticated. Art is simple. to provide an open forum for students to offer opinions on issues related to world, na- year, written in Spanish, de- Art is an oxymoron. It’s also a included a new editorial board and tional, and school affairs. The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect opin- faculty advisor, Mr. White. This scribed lifeless objects such as the skill, a passion, and a struggle.” year marks more changes and new wind and the snow and figurative- These words are a part of the ions of the faculty advisors or senior editors of The Walrus or of St. Sebastian’s School. members along with help from ly brought them into being. This closing of last year’s Quiver, and Correspondence to The Walrus should be addressed to The Walrus, c/o St. Sebas- Mr. Cleary, once a fiction editor of year, the Quiver will have more as we embrace them, we also em- tian’s School, 1191 Greendale Avenue, Needham, MA, 02492. Senior Editors and produc- editors specifically dedicated to brace a new year and a new edi- the University of Montana’s liter- tion staff reserve the right to reject, edit, or admit any or all submissions. To submit an ary magazine. Last year’s brand presenting Spanish work. The tion. We await this year’s Quiver new school-wide contest with a regional contest will allow stu- and whatever unexpected pieces article, visit the Walrus page, found on the student portal of our beautiful new school hundred dollar prize for both writ- dents from other high schools to may come from the regional con- website. submit their work to the Quiver. test. February 2014 THE WALRUS Page 3 Catholic Schools Week Builds School Unity, Embraces Tradition By JOHN RYAN ‘15 Catholic Schools Week is “Catholic whip cream and chocolate sauce and Coming back from a well- Schools: Communities of Faith, Oreos and M&M’s. Also, during deserved long weekend over Martin Knowledge and Service” (ncea. lunches, teachers filled the duty of Luther King, Jr. Day, students and org). Catholic Schools around the completing work duty, with Mr. teachers prepare themselves for a country celebrate this week with Nerbonne donning a white apron to new semester. Suddenly, the focus various activities, such as a school clean off the tables in Ward Hall. shifts from exams and the long mass, open houses, and student- and The following day was Teacher weekend to the seemingly far off teacher- appreciation days. The Appreciation Day, so, after Aca- March break. Students and teach- 2014 celebration of the week was demic Awards Assembly, members ers wait for those two weeks to the 40th anniversary of such, as it of National Honor Society gathered come, always keeping it in the back was created in 1974 “to recognize in the front lobby to be assigned of their mind like they do right Catholic education as a great gift to teachers to thank and to whom after Thanksgiving, waiting for the Church and the nation” (ncea. they would give a Panera gift card, Christmas break. But amidst those org). Each day in the week has a thanking them for their hard work long weeks between post-exams theme based on the Weeks’ theme it- and dedication on behalf of the rest and March break, there are events self (Communities of Faith, Knowl- of the school. Also, throughout the to which students and faculty can edge, and Service). Around the day, members of NHS took the place look forward: the three day week nation, Catholic schools on Sunday of teachers, who were given the in February, the beginning of Lent celebrated “Faith, Knowledge, and opportunity to take a period off, or, with Ash Wednesday, and National Service: In Our Parish”; on Monday if you are Mr. Doherty, to take the Foreign Languages Week. But, there “Faith, Knowledge, and Service: whole day off. So, if you happened is also another week-long event that In Our Community”; on Tuesday, to roaming the halls, you might can alleviate the agony in waiting “Faith, Knowledge, and Service: In have seen Ryan Lee towering over for March break: Catholic Schools Our Students”; on Wednesday (the Mr. Doherty’s eighth grade Ancient Week. During this last week of National Appreciation Day for Cath- History students, or you might have “Oh yeah, honey I love you so much, I’ll take you out to dinner and buy you stuff...” January, students can look forward olic Schools), “Faith, Knowledge, seen Chris Wolpe taking over for to the Sundae bar and Mr. Nerbonne and Service: In our Nation”; on Mr. Albertson, using his beloved po- cleaning tables, and faculty and staff Thursday, “Faith, Knowledge, and dium to teach Mr. Albertson’s eighth Valentine’s Day: Living in can look forward to the gift card to Service: In Our Vocations; and on grade Latin students. Panera. But, student- and teacher- Friday (National Teacher Apprecia- With both these days, we appreciation day are only two days tion Day), “Faith, Knowledge, and try to honor and thank all those to Fear of Everything? Op-Ed of the week-long celebration of Service: In our Faculty and Staff”. whom we are grateful, as a stu- By PAIGE SANDERSON ‘15 in this article is a guide to surviving February, and lets face it, nobody’s Catholic Schools that is recognized Here at Seb’s, we too celebrate this dent, to your fellow classmates on through the Valentine’s Day chaos. going to pass up on that one heck of a around the country. week, as we are, indeed, a Catholic Tuesday, and to your teachers on SCOTT WESTVOLD ‘15 Valentine’s Day is a tricky good deal. Based on personal experi- According to the website School. Wednesday. However, we should Coming up on Friday, Febru- holiday to get right. Unlike Christ- ence, you might want to check if your of the National Catholic Educa- On Tuesday, we celebrated always appreciate our students and ary 14, is Valentine’s Day: the only mas, where you can blame everything girlfriend doesn’t have an allergy to tional Association, National Catho- Student Appreciation Day. In the teachers, not just on certain days, day of the year in which all humanity on Santa, Valentine’s Day is a holiday Geckos first because that can get re- lic Schools Week is “the annual morning, there were free pastries because, as Mr. Burke says, “This is forced into listening to old Taylor where you must step up your game. ally messy really fast. celebration of Catholic education and beverages given to students school is made for [the students]”, Swift, watching inane chick flicks, Luckily, I, Paige “the Love Doctor” Tip #3: Take your girlfriend in the United States. It starts the by our local student government and the only way we students can and eating heart-shaped Tums. Valen- Sanderson M.D* and PHD*, am here on a vacation. It can be halfway way last Sunday in January and runs all members. During lunches, a sundae learn and grow, is by our teachers. tine’s Day is a day in which we should to help you get through this holiday around the world or five minutes week, which in 2014 is January 26 bar was offered to students, staffed So, even though it may be a few try to pretend we enjoy being “har- conflict free. away. It can be someplace exotic like to February 1. Through these events, by members of National Honor weeks late for the official day, make dos”. Therefore, this Valentine’s Day, Tip #1: Take her someplace Canada, or Lincoln, Massachusetts. It schools focus on the value Catholic Society. There was vanilla, choco- sure you find a way to show your embrace hardos everywhere and give nice. Many may think that taking her can also be relaxing, like the scenic education provides to young people late, and coffee ice cream, as well fellow classmates and teachers that back to the greater good by pretending to fancy, upper class, expensive plac- shores of Florida, or dangerous and and its contributions to our church, as assorted toppings. Students felt you appreciate them in some way, to enjoy buying fake jewelry for your es like Arby’s or Long John Silver’s exhilarating like the shores of New our communities and our nation” greatly appreciated that lunch, with since you wouldn’t be where you are girlfriend. would do the trick, but according to Jersey. If you’re the type of couple (ncea.org). This year’s theme for bowls brimming with ice cream and today if it weren’t for them. Valentine’s Day initially was several tests we conducted, such tom- who just likes to relax, enjoys doing meant to celebrate Christian martyrs foolery will not work. Instead, take crosswords together, and are allergic and mark the beginning of spring. her to a place that will get the heart to the sun, a nice evening at home can It provided an unobtrusive holiday pumping like a Chucky Cheese ball work wonders. Classy furniture like meant to represent the end of the pit, or a bowling alley, or Lazer Zone. beanbag chairs and/or a rug are a must dark winter months. Today, Valen- Nothing speaks romance like a good because after all, you are a gentleman. tine’s Day represents a day of love old showdown in the Lazer arena. Next find a movie that will appeal to with a reputation which consumes Tip #2: Gifts. The gifts you both of your taste. ‘Transformers’ and the whole day. Both historically and give on Valentine’s Day should be ‘Cheetah Girls’ are strictly bro movies today though, Valentine’s Day falls memorable. It should also be some- and your girlfriend has probably seen of February 14, which was the day on thing meaningful that will symbolize every episode of ‘Gilmore Girls’. which St. Valentine was buried. This your relationship. That’s why you That’s why a cuddling up in front year, the 14th falls on a Friday. There- can’t go wrong with buying a toaster. of a heartwarming movie like ‘The fore, girlfriends will expect the night Romantic, stylish, and usable, getting Grey’ is the most reasonable choice. to be spent with them. By all means your special someone a toaster is the Our test results have shown that it is spend time with them, but make sure ultimate gift. Your girlfriend will the finest possible movie to view on to remember Sebs loyalties- Henry’s, instantly fall head over heels in love Valentine’s Day. It has everything a God, Family, Friends. Varsity Hockey with her brand-new industrial toaster. romance movie needs: a plane crash, has a game against Lawrence meaning Think of all the things you can toast: snow, Liam Neeson, wolves, Liam that all good American members of bagels, pop tarts, zucchinis, tinfoil, Neeson fighting wolves, and much the Sebs community should be at the toast, you name it. If this gift doesn’t more. game, even if they also bring along work, (which it does 99% of the time, Those are all the tips I have. their girlfriends to Henry’s Corner. according to our tests), then buy a pet. Now remember, have fun, do some- [Ed. Note: Seniors may not be so okay Dogs and cats take too much effort thing special for your girlfriend, and with you bringing your girlfriend into to take care of. What you needs is a stop, drop and roll in case of a fire. Henry’s. Like, stand off to the side or cheaper and scalier option: Geckos. (Note: All test cited in this passage something.] Geckos are easier to manage, cheaper, were used on mice, not human beings, Due to the ensuing drama and tears and more fuel-efficient. Plus, Petco so results may vary) Symptoms of Flappy Bird Syndrome include depression, anxiety, outbursts of anger, etc. which may come from such a day, is having a 20% sale on them this Seb’s Students Take on Latest Bird Senior Slide: A Virulent Pathogen, Based Phone Application Inflicting Harm on the Class of ‘14 By CALEB ALDRICH ‘14 274. This score is mind-blowing like Welker in Super Bowl XLVI. 113 days left). We seniors are TV, some food, and nothing By NIKO FISCHER ‘14 HEAD WRITER when the average student struggles 98 is not 100.” struck with decreasing motiva- else”; “Wake up, do nothing, The goal of the new to break into double digits. Wolpe While so many students HEAD WRITER tion and a lack of concentra- leave. Repeat.”; “Physically iPhone and Android game “Flappy stated that the game is physically are caught up with the sensational “Senior slide is like tion as social events become present. Mentally checked Bird” is to get a bird through “a serious strain on the thumbs” game, many others don’t dare a rat searching for cheese… much more important than out”; “Choose a job you love as many pipes as you can. The after a while. download it, fearing addiction. No matter what happens the school work. The celebratory and you’ll never have to work concept of the game is simple. The However, Wolpe noted that it’s One anonymous senior said, “I rat always finds and takes 100 day mark signifies the ar- a day in your life… or, be a the mental toll of the game that’s don’t play because I don’t want to player taps his or her phone screen delight in the cheese.” This rival of senior service projects senior, it’s the same thing”. the toughest: “It's one of the most get addicted like everyone else.” to keep the bird flying. However, comment, made by an anony- and summer vacation. It also As I sit here on my grueling mental challenges the Another anonymous senior laid while the concept is simple, the mous senior, summarizes the represents the end of a chapter computer I am debating game is very challenging and moti human mind can face. At first, down a hard fist, opposing the - inevitable senior slide. Urban in all seniors’ lives. We begin whether I am going to write vates players to continuously try to it's amusing. But as you progress Flappy Bird fad: “If you’re good at dictionary defines “senior to focus on what lies ahead as this article or just let it go. break their high scores. through the tubes, your mind en- Flappy Bird, you should probably slide” as that magical part the stress of maintaining good Not only did I forget to go So, where did Flappy Bird come ters into an almost mindless trance. figure it out and get a real life.” of senior year in high school grades and writing applica- to the Walrus meeting, but I from? Flappy Bird is the work After you hit 200 or so, it feels like Regardless of whether when things get a little easier of Dong Nguyen, a 29-year old you aren't even playing the game you love Flappy Bird or hate it, the tions diminishes. While junior also picked this article up late, and nothing you do matters. Vietnamese man who runs a game anymore. It feels like you're above highly addicting game has made year may be the most stressful completely forgetting I had an About this time every year at company called .Gears. His popu- your own body watching yourself its presence known and is here to school year, senior fall is by assignment. The chances this lar creation was initially released play.” stay – at least for a while. St. Sebastian’s, and at every far the busiest and by the time even makes it to the newspa- in May 2013, but didn’t take off Senior Connor Murray Editor’s Note: By the other high school in the coun- seniors hit this point in the per and you read it are very until late January 2014 when it un- also stands near the top of the pack time this article is published, try, a change trickles into the year, we are more then ready slim. On behalf of the Class expectedly shot from being ranked with a high score of 213. Murray Flappy Bird will be offline. The classrooms. Funny enough, to take a break. of 2014, I apologize to all the 13th to 1st on the App Store. said that external distractions are creator of Flappy Bird has an it happens right after seniors I’ll share some teachers moving forward. Our often the toughest challenge of aversion to money, success, and While Nguyen’s highly hear from colleges, and the thoughts that the Class of nerves are fried, our brains Flappy Bird. He added, “When popularity. In other words, if the addicting game has taken the first semester is over. There 2014 has about senior slide: are exhausted, our confidence people send me texts, I die, so creator of Flappy Bird was an country by storm, it has also made comes a time when students “Senior slide, really, I have is soaring, our excitement is don’t.” independent band, he would earn a clear presence on the St. Sebas- start learning where they are been sliding since day one growing, everything we have tian’s campus. Many students have Another respected Flappy scores of praise from Pitchfork going to college and start to of high school”; “My books worked for over the past four Flappy Bird on their phones and Bird player, Henry “the Hammer” Media for rejecting the notion of realize that their high school are always cold… they never years has come to fruition… play the game to kill time. Some Finnegan, said that the mental ‘selling out.’ Artistry and reputa- careers are coming to an end. leave my car”; “I was told to we are seemingly done. It’s struggle with their single digit toughness required to be success- tion are apparently on the line For many seniors it’s a time to scores. However, several students ful is “unparalleled by anything when it comes to internet video memorize Shakespeare’s ‘To time to reflect on all we have spend the last couple months separate themselves from the pack else in this universe.” Finnegan games. Thus, the Michaelangelo be or Not to be’, only memo- learned, to enjoy each other’s relaxing and spending time and reach double digit and some- currently stands with a respectable of simple iPhone applications has rized the first ten lines before company and the brotherhood times even triple digit numbers. high score of 98. Finnegan, who passed from the public eye. The with one another, reflect- calling it quits”; “Senior slide that we developed, and to Junior Chris Wolpe is ar- was just two points away from rest is silence. ing on their years together. is not a myth. I’ve been slid- celebrate our accomplishments guably the highest profiled Flappy reaching triple digit immortality Editor’s Note #2: That Seniors begin counting down ing harder than a fat man at to date while looking forward Bird player in the school. Wolpe stated, “I’ve got to get to 100. I was Fulham writing Editor’s Note the number of school days a water park”; “My school to all the future has in store for stands alone with a high score of didn’t, I fell a little short. I choked #1. Read at your own risk. remaining (as I write this nights consist of TV, more us. Page 4 THE WALRUS February 2014 CINEMA WITH SHANE Kid to Know: Sonny Huang Lone Survivor: A New-Age Saving Private Ryan Sonny dat boss: Chess and Tennis Aficionado Federer weep. However Ben shifted not his real email, there’s a number By DAVID KORZENIOWSKI ‘16 his feet, sprinted over to the ball and after it, but for security purposes I It’s not often that the “Kid to returned it between his legs: a win- didn’t include that number because Know” at a school is their third best ner. Sonny had lost to Ben. After his the whole school would be emailing tennis player, but at St. Sebastian’s, victory, Ben said, “I’m the best tennis him, demanding to know his chess this is exactly the case. Those of you player who’s a baseball player in the secrets. Then, in a similar situation, who know him must know why he’s game. When you put a sorry Varsity Sonny was pulling up a document in By SHANE McDONALD Sniper’. The extensive training free. Men and women in the armed this month’s “Kid to Know”. Sonny is tennis player up against me, that’s the Mr. Connolly’s English class, and the these men endure and the patrio- forces make sacrifices for us every well known for his expansive tennis result you gon’ get”. class once again noticed his email. ‘14 HEAD WRITER tism they possess for their country day so we can live freely as we skills, chess superiority, his nickname Sonny was also born with Mr. Connolly loved it and has called Guts, glory, America. is truly remarkable. Each man is please. This movie opened my eyes (“Sonny dat boss”), and the fact that a chess piece in his right hand. And, sonny, “dat boss” ever since in class. Lone Survivor is a must- willing to give his life for the sake wider to the life of military per- he is never wrong about anything, since Sonny’s a righty (I think), he In fact, the phrase “dat boss” has see. This patriotic thriller starring of their country, I feel blessed to be sonal. ever. is better at chess than tennis. That’s become the motto of the English 10H Boston’s own Mark Whalburg is a protected by such honorable men. Action movies often sacri- Sonny was born with a ten- just the way it is. He’s been playing revolution against our overlord Mr. film every American should watch. Operation Red Wings fice violence and killing for intellec- nis ball in his left hand. Ever since the his whole life, even before he started Richard Connolly. Sonny’s nickname Based on the book ‘Lone Survivor’, takes a turn for the worst when tuality, but this is not the case for in tender age of four he’s been working playing tennis. He was a master by is much more than a nickname, it’s a chronicling the real life story of the crew stumbles upon innocent Lone Survivor. The movie provides on his tennis game. When coming to the age of 9. When he came to Sebs way of life, and it gives hope to those Navy SEAL Marcus Luttrell, the Afghan civilians in the hills before just the right amount of action while St. Sebastian’s, he had a confidence for his day visit, he didn’t really know revolutionaries who fight for their film adaption is a rousing crowd attacking their target. The crew is still preserving the sacredness and about himself that no one could if the school was for him. However, freedom every day first period in Mr. pleaser. I emerged from the theater left with a difficult decision; con- truth of the situation the soldiers strip from him. And then Sonny met after walking through the library and Connolly’s room. with a newfound sense of patriotism, tinue with the mission and kill the found themselves in. I applaud di- Weston Brach. However, despite the glancing at our magnificent chess Finally, something that and a deep desire to serve my coun- captives, or follow military protocol rector Peter Berg’s masterfulness in games and practices in which Weston tables and pristine pieces, he knew he not a lot of people know about try. and abort the mission. The soldiers creating a movie where such serious would manhandle Sonny, as he did to would be coming to St. Sebastian’s. In Sonny Huang is the fact that he’s The movie follows a Navy decide to abort the mission and matters can be both entertaining and nearly everyone, Sonny still worked his first year in the chess tournament, never wrong about anything. He is SEAL squadron on operation Red set the captives free. Shortly after heartfelt. to get better. He made varsity tennis Sonny’s chess abilities were unknown infallible. If you ask any of Sonny’s Wings. The operation’s target was freeing the civilians, the soldiers All in all, I give Lone Sur- last year as a freshman, and he will to the community. He was seeded at a teachers they will attest to this fact. a high profile terrorist hiding in the find themselves surrounded and in vivor four Big Macs. Well-directed be a key part of the team in years to lowly 11 and lost to Anthony Canavan After a test or quiz is handed back Hindu Kush area of Afghanistan. a vicious gunfight with the Taliban. movie, important message, and fine come. There is another story about in a close game. Ever since that day, to the class, Sonny will calmly look The SEALs are the finest fighting Outnumbered and outgunned, only acting. This is a movie that will Sonny and tennis that I feel is neces- Sonny worked relentlessly with the over his test or quiz, and examine the force America has to offer. They are one soldier survives to tell the story. affect the way you think. When you sary to include. Last spring, one of the help of the seven chess apps on his questions that the teachers marked the highest trained and most effec- Lone Survivor is a movie wake up on the morning, don’t take best tennis matches in the history of phone (not hyperbole - he has seven). wrong. He’ll raise his hand, and when tive soldiers on the planet. Before that should be shown to all students the day for granted. Think about St. Sebastian’s took place on our hal- This year Sonny was given a number the teacher calls on him, he will argue watching this film, I had read Chris across the country. I feel like in those who have gone before you in lowed tennis courts. This match was 1 seed and was Mr. Stefan Cressotti’s with literally every single question Kyle’s book about his experiences today’s day and age Americans do preserving your freedom. not between Sonny and Weston. This pick to win the tournament. Since Mr. that was marked wrong. He’s never as a Navy SEAL sniper, ‘American not understand that freedom is not match was between Sonny Huang and Cressotti is never wrong, Sonny did in wrong. Even when the teachers hold Ben Fachetti (aka “Big Pickle”, aka fact win the 2nd annual chess tourna- their ground and explain why Sonny “Big Chetti”). The game didn’t count ment, and he crushed 63 dreams along got that question “wrong”, Sonny will for anything, as Ben Fachetti was a the way. know that the teachers are the only star on the freshman baseball team Sonny was born with a mistaken ones. After he’s done, I’ll and was not a member of the tennis nickname as well. His nickname is nod at him and give him a fist bump; team. Despite Ben’s lack of experi- “Sonny Dat Boss”, which his family, it’s really an amazing sight. ence, the match was a close one. The friends, and Mr. Connolly have used When I asked Sonny if there set score was 6 to 5 in favor of Ben, whenever talking to Sonny. Sonny was anything he wanted me to add to the underdog, and the game score never really told St. Sebastian’s about this article, he said, “I don’t believe was 40 to love in Ben’s favor as well. his nickname, and I don’t know why. this article is real. I’ll sue you if you It was Ben’s serve. As he gracefully However, one day in Mr. Doherty’s write about me.” A really powerful tossed the ball up six inches, he came history class, when Sonny was going quote, I thought. For those of you down on it and hit it as un-athletically to his email to pull up his power-point who don’t know Sonny, get to know as possible. The ball popped over the presentation, the projector showed him. You’ll like him. His tennis and net and Sonny belted a cross-court that Sonny’s email was in fact “son- chess skills, along with his nickname return that would have made Roger [email protected]”. That is and infallibility will astound you. Warren Buffet Looks To Give Away a Billion For a Perfect Bracket: Gooooooood Luck By JIMMY MITCHELL ‘15 & philanthropist who runs the holding perfect bracket one must be smart, company Berkshire Hathaway. A gutsy and bold in order to choose the RYAN McGUIRK ‘15 billionaire who ranks fourth on Forbes right upsets throughout the whole As the month of February list of top billionaires, Buffet made a bracket and make smart picks by rolls around, the college basketball Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch plan their next move in the hills of Afghanistan mind-blowing offer that contributes choosing higher ranked teams over season starts to pick up the pace as to March Madness that could change low ranked teams with the ability to teams engage in heated conference the life of a lucky college basketball upset teams. By the time the long Senior Slide Activities: Nobody games as the NCAA Tournament fan. With his company Berkshire awaited official bracket is released looms. Teams are trying to line them- Hathaway and the collaboration of by the NCAA, fans will have already selves up and build strong résumés in Quicken Loans, Buffet is prepared decided who they think will win “The Is Doing Anything Worthwhile order to make the big dance. Confer- to offer $1 billion to the fan who Big Dance.” Every year there are a ence rivalry games, top ten upsets, get the saying “Well, here’s your to the world.” AKA destroying fills out a perfect NCAA Tourna- couple of lower seeded teams to make By JAY DAUKAS ‘14 and hard-fought road wins highlight problem.” to be his catchphrase. Quincy. ment bracket. If there is more than it a long way—for example, last year the important month of February in With Senior year and 20. Will Dufour: Has been in a 41. Tucker McLoughlin: Contin- one winner, which is nearly impos- 15-seeded Florida Gulf Coast made the college basketball season. The time winding down at Sebs, bulking stage. ues to “steal everyone’s girl.” sible and hardly imaginable, the cash it to the Sweet Sixteen—and it is the month is also significant to college many seniors have started to 21. Conor Duffy: Hustling 7th 42. Johnny McNamara: Fulfill- prize would be shared. As great as the passionate fans jobs to decipher which basketball fans across the country, not take up new hobbies and pur- graders in Ping Pong. ing his dream of becoming a prize sounds, the chances of someone teams will be able to make it far. only to see their favorite school make suits to fill the void that home- 22. Henry Finnegan: Running an Lumberjack. achieving a perfect bracket are slim Although Warren Buffet’s the tournament, but also to prepare work otherwise used to take up. illegal gambling ring out of his 43. Luke Murphy:Taking a break to none. Last year, the best bracket challenge has created a buzz, it is themselves for Bracketology. Fans basement. from seafood. was just over 39% accurate and, ac- almost impossible to have a perfect tune in to marquee matchups to figure 1. David Abelson: Video games, 23. Niko Fischer: Has gone from 44. Connor Murray: Befriending cording to Forbes.com, the odds of a bracket. Many people have criticized out who could be tournament favor- obviously. a sneaky savage to a full-time, Rivers kids left and right. fan having a perfect bracket are one Buffet saying that he is encourag- ites and who could be the possible 2. Aturo Adkins: Has started full-blown, savage. 45. Justin Nicklas: Trying to in 4,294,967,296 (just over 0% and ing cheating. These critics say that “Cinderella” teams. Sports fans are taking interpretive dance 24. James Fiore: Has recently become the re-incarnation of nearly impossible). Nevertheless, War- it wouldn’t be hard for somebody to excited to see March Madness come classes. become a vegan and can be seen Jordan Belfort. ren Buffet has created a buzz around pay off the referees to make sure their along, as they are eager to watch 3. Caleb Aldrich: “What’s Se- yelling “meat is murder” near 46. John O’Leary: Has been the sports world and has left millions team wins. Although this seems like non-stop college basketball and fill nior Slide?” the deli meats. playing Flappy Bird for the past of fans dreaming of the minute pos- a good plan, it most likely wouldn’t out their brackets for a potential cash 4. Richard Arms: Hitting the 25. Dan Fulham: Still listening 3 weeks and shows no signs of sibility of winning the substantial cash work because one would need a prize of a few hundred dollars. If fans slopes. Hard. to terrible music. stopping. prize. substantial amount of money in order are excited to receive say a $500 cash 5. Matt Barletta: Re-Invested 26. Nick Flanagan: Still lighting 47. Chris O’Shea: Goes to the Warren Buffet realizes that to pay off the referees as it is very prize in a bracket pool with friends, himself in the dream of “JV Ouellette up in bubble hockey. Casino virtually every night. it is basically impossible to achieve dangerous to fix games. All in all, it imagine winning $1 billion for a Hockey.” 27. Kevin Ginns: “Investing” 48. Matt Ouellette: Been sharp- the perfect bracket, but he has put up is highly unlikely that someone will perfect NCAA Tournament bracket. 6. John Bartlett: Surprisingly, 28. Jack Goldman: Now films ening up on his bubble hockey a challenge this year for all college receive Buffet’s $1 billion come early Warren Buffet is an has yet to get arrested. Weddings, Baptisms, First Com- game. Still can’t beat Flanagan. basketball fans. In order to attain a April. American magnate, investor, and 7. Jack Birmingham: Money munions. You name it, He’ll film 49. Malcolm Osazuwa: Has re- laundering. it! Please Call! cently been on a terrible scratch 8. Justin Bellinger: His insta- 29. Teddy Griffin: Keeps audi- tickets binge. gram game is “too strong.” tioning for the re-boot of Charlie 50. Alex Pappas: Plotting. 9. Jordan Brydie: Working on and the Chocolate Factory. 51. Matthew Pickard: Doing ev- his memoirs. 30. Miles Hunter: Has been erything in his power to become 10. Chris Callahan: Frequents trying to meet his true love on more like “The Fresh Prince of Chuck E. Cheese’s, yelling christianmingle.com. Bel-Air.” “Santa isn’t real,” before leav- 31. Joe Kearney: Taking vaca- 52. Patrick Rivard: Modeling for ing. tions to exotic parts of the world GQ. 11. Connor Campanelli: Plenty because he can. 53. Morgan Rockett: Trying to of rest. 32. Owen Kehoe: Still continu- make it in the rap game. 12. Sam Carroll: ing to skip leg day. 54. Corey Ronan: Shopping for SEEEEEEEPPPPP 33. Cam Kelly: Auditioning new hats. 13. Zach Chambers: Has taken for a spot on the Real World: 55. Connor Strachan: Continues up the acoustic guitar in hopes Detroit. to out-lift every human male on that girls will find his rendition 34. Christian Kelly: Sneaky the face of the earth. of Wonderwall “dreamy.” power couple. We’re talking 56. Brandon Sweeney: Has de- 14. Brennan Coakley: Contin- Clinton stuff here. Him and the cided to “mail it in” for the rest ues to “drive Cadillacs in his first lady, no wonder we elected of his senior year. dreams.” him. 57. Joe Tran: Has been devoting 15. Andrew Corcoran: Is hop- 35. Will Kenney: Has been using more time to his blog. ing against hope that Destiny’s the elevator a lot lately. 58. Zach Taye: 3 Hunna Child will reunite and do a con- 36. Jake Levy: Running the trap. 59. Alex Walsh: Has decided to cert at his graduation party. 37. Austin Lewis: Becomes use his free time to apparently 16. Conor Craven: Campaign- more and more like Chris Angel not bathe nor go near a bar of ing for Hilary Clinton’s 2016 everyday. soap or a bottle of shampoo. Presidential campaign. 38. Tedy Loughborough: Has 60. Andrew Warner: Knee still 17. Brian Curley: Playing hacky been spending more time with doesn’t work. sack, because when he gets to Danny Seibel. 61. Luke Wasynczuk: Refers college, he’s “going to be so all 39. Marlon Matthews: Really to his girlfriend as “Dad.” It’s about that.” connecting with Mr. Cressotti. weird. 18. Jay Daukas: Trying to save 40. Shane McDonald: Has the whales. devoted his time to eradicating 19. Des Digiovanni: Trying to what he calls “the largest plight Warren Buffett hoops it up on a budget, but wants to make you a billionaire for free February 2014 THE WALRUS Page 5 Secrets of Seb’s Revealed, Along With Several Lies and Rumors master.”- Stefan Cressotti bare knuckle boxer. By RYAN LEE ‘15 & Mr. Chambers was Now for a few about the CHRIS WOLPE ‘15 divinely inspired to write ‘Taste school as a whole: and See’. Witnesses say he began There is a colony of mice Throughout its illustri- to shake and convulse as his eyes living between the student lounge ous 73 years on this earth, St. rolled to the back of his head when and Mr. Tull’s room. Occasion- Sebastian’s has played host to he picked up his quill to compose. ally, as he takes his mid-afternoon some crazy rumors, wacky facts, Mr. DT used to live in nap, they muster up the courage to and just downright absurd secrets. Albuquerque, where he befriended roam his room and nibble on the Challenged with the task of il- his former student Jesse. He faked crumbs in his beard. luminating the secrets buried deep his own death and moved to Bos- The school employs a in the walls of 1191 Greendale ton. psychologist. Ave, we have decided to jumble Mr. Stanton has his head The ladder at the top of the real and the fake, the fact and buffed twice a week with a floor the third floor staircase is actu- the fiction, the believable and most polisher by Jetpack Steve**. ally the entrance to Mr. Wu’s tree unbelievable, into the most incred- The Ryan Family uses the house. ibly revealing yet almost entirely chemical wash station shower after There is a biannual gladi- false sleaze far beyond even Lewis their rigorous 4am workouts. ator battle between teachers at the Carroll’s intended meaning of The “Cam Cain claims to have amphitheater. The winner has his/ Walrus. The suspense is killing us. Harrelson’s Marty Hart and McConaughey’s Rust Cohle contemplate their investigation had a stroke last week”- Andy the her contract renewed. The loser Ladies and Gentlemen, the time Trainer (Who Trains) dies. Famous winners: Albertson has come to speak of many things. Scott Westvold goes home (somehow), Cleary, Wong. No- Mr. Ryan challenged Mr. HBO’s Dark Drama ‘True Detective’ weeping to Scott Sr. because he is table Losers: Suave, Mike Curran Wilbur to a duel for the Chair of the second best gamesman in the (he is dead to us), Doc Martin. the science department. An octa- school. The rim that the opposing Lives Up To Hype, Captivates Viewers gon was set up in Billerica where The toys Mr. Thomasy team shoots on during basketball him to completely devote himself hand in hand, the portrayal of True the duel came down to the fifth By WILL KENNEY ‘14 keeps in his desk come alive after games is 3 inches higher than the to the investigation, as he has no Detective remains constant every and final round. Mr. Ryan stayed he locks the door each afternoon. rim we shoot on. SENIOR EDITOR family or friends. episode. Another interesting aspect alive with his grappling ability, but Christian “Spike” Kelly There is a famed Ward This winter, HBO added While McConaughey’s of the series, while not completely eventually succumbed to a triple goes home and gels his hair to underground tunnel where the fifth another incredible show to its Cohle captivates viewers, Woody unique, is its anthology style, spinning axle kick to the head, relive the “glory years.” Kingsley brother is said to live. ranks with the critically-acclaimed Harrelson’s Marty Hart is no less where the series is judged by the executed flawlessly by Mr. Wilbur. Matt Karpowitz had The football team went 9-0 in murder mystery True Detective. interesting than his partner. On the season not the episode. Each new Some say that if you stand surgery at the age of six in which 2012. Prior to going into detail on the surface, Hart is the quintessential season will have new characters, in the middle of the rotunda at steel rods were put in his calves, Lunches were once the new show, I have to state that if Louisiana country boy: easy- a new setting, and a new plot, the midday on the summer solstice, making him grow four inches. highlight of the day. you do not have HBO, you are going, humorous, and fatherly. He same model that FX’s American the light shines through each Mr. Tremblay writes Seven of these are actu- missing out on some of the best does, however, have a dark side, Horror Story follows. With this glass pane so that a shadow of books. ally true. Happy Finding! shows ever. With HBO’s online where alcoholism and adultery model, each new season will be Bill Burke’s face reflects on the Bill Burke sleeps in a *Sneaky Narwhal- The counterpart, HBOgo, which comes prevail. Hart is married with two independent of the other, and northern-most wall. bowtie. act of sticking one’s head in free with your subscription to the children, yet is carrying out an Pizzolatto will have the chance to Mr. Ferguson doesn’t There is a bearded legion between someone’s side and their television aspect, you can watch extramarital affair with a court- create entirely new universes for blink. of vigilantes at the school. The arm. any past or current HBO show, as house secretary. In their long car each season. Another independent Mr. Thomasy hoards group includes Fr. Arens, Mr. Tull, **Jetpack Steve used well as any movies the channel is rides through the Louisiana bay- aspect of True Detective is its spoons from Ward Hall. Mr. Thomasy, and Mr. Kittler. to roam the halls each day after currently showing. With HBOgo, ous, Hart is subjected to Cohle’s eight episode season. This model “At Monday Morning Mr. Nunan’s moustache school. The man was a living leg- you can catch up on Game of philosophical questioning of faith, is unnaturally short for an HBO corporate chapel, if you sneaky still roams around the religion end. He disappeared in the winter Thrones, or watch the entire series humanity, morality, and life, put- series, which usually span 10 to 12 narwhal* Mr. Burke while he classrooms on the feast of St. Igna- of 2011, never to be seen again. of The Wire, which is arguably ting his easy-going and superficial episodes, making True Detective a speaks to the school community, tius. the best show in television history. character to the test. As an audi- show where plot and action move you immediately become Head- Mr. Ferguson was once a Talk to your parents, or just bor- ence of one, he attempts to silence quickly, thus keeping the show row your friend’s account. Either Cohle’s rambling and denounce from falling into the lulls that way, you’ll have access to some it as stupid and meaningless, yet critically-acclaimed shows like 2014 Oscars Predictions: Everything Is of the best shows in television his- is noticeably affected by it as the The Walking Dead and Mad Men tory. series carries on. When Hart and have. HBO’s newest show, True Cohle are shown in their separate What first drew me to Horrid, Even the Finest Movies interviews in 2012, neither man True Detective was what first drew female. And that brings us to Ameri- don’t see Philomena as having much Detective, follows detectives Rust has spoken to the other since the most viewers: the A-list actors in By SAM CULLEN ‘17 & can Hustle, which is probably the prospect in the face of movies with Cohle, played by Matthew McCo- investigation, showing that a major the leading roles. After seeing Mc- JOE O’MALLEY ‘17 stupidest movie we have ever seen. more name-recognition, Nebraska is naughey, and Marty Hart, played by Woody Harrelson, as they are falling out will occur in the flash- Conaughey in Dallas Buyers Club We all hated the Grammys and, It was just another stupid attempt to definitely a contender for Best Film. bring us into the suspenseful world As for Dallas Buyers Club, it didn’t interviewed by a duo of detectives backs later in the series. as a man with AIDS who begins frankly, the 86th Oscars probably True Detective is un- smuggling drugs that treat the won’t be much better. And as com- of crime and corruption in New York, really scream “Oscar” and we don’t in 2012 about their 1995 inves- like any show that HBO, or any disease from Mexico, I wanted to pletely biased reporters, we are here and it failed at that. Let alone the fact see much success there. tigation into the occult murder network, for that matter, has ever see what he could do in a murder to make sure you hate every movie that Bradley Cooper got a perm in Now, for the moment of a young woman in backwater broadcast. While most shows are mystery thriller. With Harrelson, just the same. Just like FOX News, it, which is almost as weird as a man you’ve all been waiting for, our Louisiana. The series is set up as we are 99% Fair and Balanced. in love with his computer… almost. flat-out predictions without the side flashbacks from both Cohle and written by a team of writers as the I have always enjoyed his mov- Anyways, we are looking forward Besides that, we see the night as commentary. Here it goes. 12 Years Hart as they are interviewed sepa- season progresses, creator Nic Piz- ies, so I knew that I could expect to a J-Law with a Miley-do trip on being a bust for the film, unless of a Slave will win the Best Picture rately by the team of detectives. zolatto wrote the entire first season a strong performance from him. stage and hope to fill you in on what course Katniss Everdeen can pull off category. Chiwetel Ejiofor should McConaughey’s performance of on his own, as the show was origi- McConaughey’s portrayal of Rust a win for Supporting Actress. And take home an Oscar for Lead- is next for showbiz at the Oscars. Cohle is truly captivating, as he nally designed to be book. That Cohle is some of the best acting we all know that you are a dedicated ing Actor, but it seems to be like Of the films contending portrays the dark detective in the idea changed when Pizzolatto de- I have seen from any actor, but it actress, when you “stain a costume Matthew McConaughey in Dallas for Best Picture, we’ll hate on them most serious way possible. Cohle cided that he would rather visually is especially impressive from Mc- gown” while eating “Doritos” as the Buyers Club is the favorite, for some one by one. The film we wish the is a former undercover drug agent represent the backwater Louisiana Conaughey, as I had only seen him worst of luck on is Gravity with film’s costume designer revealed to unbeknownst reason to us. And Cate landscape as a parallel to Hart and in comedic or romantic comedy the press. But Lawrence’s slacker Blanchett in Blue Jasmine will win who was transferred to the homi- Sandra Bullock and George Cloo- Cohle’s investigation. Along with roles. The show’s writing allows nature doesn’t end there as she told Leading Actress in a landslide, but it cide department of the Louisiana ney, because who doesn't want to State Police after four years un- the single writer, True Detective him to never break character, and watch two of the 'best performers The Telegraph UK, “I had all the seems like that category wasn’t very dercover in Mexican cartels. The is also independent from all other the pure seriousness of his charac- ever' fly aimlessly through space at knowledge I needed from just watch- competitive, except for Meryl Streep. after effects of the drugs he took shows as it is directed by a single ter is incredibly captivating. thousands of miles per hour for 120 ing television and movies and I knew Barkhad Abdi is destined for an Os- undercover as well as the death of person as well: Cary Fukunaga. With the 5th episode of minutes? The film fails the expecta- Rosalyn’s type.” Well, apparently, car in Supporting Actor, and J-Law we can be great actors and actresses will win for Supporting Actress. And his daughter and eventual divorce While many shows have different the season coming up this Sunday tions of best picture as the plot was directors for different episodes, at 9, I expect all of the readers to rather dry and they killed Clooney too. All you have to do is wing it. lastly, Martin Scorsese WILL win the contribute to his nihilistic view of thus convoluting the vision of the devote 4 hours of their time to off too fast. However, the one sav- Great words of advice. Directing Oscar for The Wolf of Wall society, believing that humanity show, Fukunaga keeps True Detec- catch up on HBOgo and then tune ing grace of this film is the special Next up on the stand is Street. All-in-all, we view this year’s is a mistake, and the only accept- tive’s dark storyline and vision in. This is the best show of the effects, which are worth the ticket The Wolf of Wall Street, which was Oscars as being a so-so year talent able outcome for our species to itself. It will at least win the special surprisingly entertaining, and despite wise with some highs and some lows allow it to descend into extinction. present in every episode. With winter, and possibly one of the effects category and I would bet its focus on sex and drugs, the film (i.e., American Hustle). His cynical stance on life allows Pizzolatto and Fukunaga working best shows HBO will ever air. I both the sound categories. 12 Years had a greater importance. Hyper- highly recommend it. a Slave actually seemed to be a good bolically exposing the truth behind movie, despite the presence of Brad Wall Street brought the truth to Pitt, which usually ruins our view- America as it comedically exposed ing experience. Even with these the corrupted legal and financial previous Oscar winners in its cast, institutions in America. The Wolf of RARE QUESTIONNAIRE: the true beauty of this film is the fact Wall Street truly deserves a round of that the lesser known actors outper- applause and we foresee a pleasant Best Teacher To Worst Watch Sebs Which Historical Weirdest Profession form the likes of Mr. Pitt. We really night for Scorsese, DiCaprio and Read a Bedtime Country to Swimming or Figure Would Be For a Horror Movie Hill. We think that it will win the feel that Chiwetel Ejiofor should Story? Lead? Squash? the Best Dad? Antagonist? win the Oscar for Actor in a Leading Director category and maybe Hill Role. Also, Steve McQueen should will pull off Supporting Actor, but it Sam Martin ‘19 Mr. Cornish North Korea Swimming MLK Butcher win the Best Directing category, but seems like a longshot. However, the competing against the brand that is only competition for Best Picture is Martin Scorsese is a challenge and from Captain Phillips, which offers we are sure that Scorsese will pull a unique perspective into modern- Johnny Stankard ‘18 Mr. Palmaccio North Korea Squash Eisenhower Mailbox Repairman out a win in that category for Wolf day piracy. It is definitely the most of Wall Street. The one dilemma suspenseful film of the year. The with 12 Years a Slave is its lack of fact that Captain Phillips is based on a true crisis at sea makes the movie exposure compared to its competi- Stewart Smith ‘17 Mr. Stanton Cuba Squash Ellen Degeneres Orca Whale Trainer tors in the Best Picture category. even more interesting. Tom Hanks Now, we can’t avoid the outdid himself again as his portrayal most “memorable” film in the run- of the resilient sea captain was bril- ning, Her. About a man who falls liant, complimented by the great Johnny Behman ‘16 Mr. Thomasy Africa [Combo] Mr. Thomasy History Teacher in love with an uber-intelligent, acting of lesser-known Somali actors, always-evolving OS system, played including Barkhad Abdi, who has by the lovely Scarlet Johansson. a real shot at the Supporting Actor category. Abdi’s acting flawlessly Creepy? Yes. Psychotic? Check. At Pat McGowan ‘15 Mr. Cleary French Indo- We have JFK Fry Cook least one Oscar? NOT A CHANCE. translated to the American people the But if you’re a lonely sci-fi nerd who mind and actions of a modern pirate. China swimming? needs a girlfriend… this film can be He definitely can beat the likes of your comfort. However, it has been Jonah Hill, Bradley Cooper and a good year for Amy Adams with Michael Fassbender in their respec- David Abelson ‘14 Mr. Williams French The play Rosa Parks Nutritionist two Oscar-nominated films (Her tive categories. As for the movie Canada and American Hustle), and in one of Nebraska, Mr. Sean Cleary said them she is the only actual human that the film was “very good” and we’ll take his word for it. While we Page 6 THE WALRUS February 2014 POINT / COUNTERPOINT

Some Like It Hot: Some Like It Cold: [Note: If you have no idea what con- negligible following: a few penguins, BILLY McCARTHY ‘15 V. JOHN BARTLETT ‘14 comed into Mr. Snow Miser’s royal a 101 in order to even come close to flict these articles reference, or need Santa Claus, and his mother. palace with the lowering of a well- the Snow Miser’s smooth breath that to refresh your memory, look up Mr. The Look: As mentioned “Mr. Icicle”, and “Mr. 10-Below”. SENIOR EDITOR guarded drawbridge and a chorus of crystallizes into a -10. Then there’s Snow Miser/Mr. Heat Miser Song on above, the Heat Miser is a hefty fel- In a world where nicknames are not If your friend gets really trumpets, and have the opportunity the fact that Mrs. Claus chooses to YouTube. You’re welcome.] low. Because of his shape, he seems just descriptors, but also indications worked up about something and to get comfortable before the king go to the land of ice first, where the If you do not consider the so naturally cuddly and huggable, and of rank, it is safe to say that a man of starts acting in a generally rude himself enters and begins his ballad. song is first performed, before ven- Heat Miser the superior of the two yet his perpetual grimace adds an air the title “Mr. Heat Blister” holds far and unseemly manner, would you His counterpart, on the other hand, turing over to the glorified volcano Miser brothers, then you and I would of seriousness to him. Nevertheless, more power than a man dubbed “Mr. tell him to heat up? No, because he starts belting out his knockoff ver- where it is essentially repeated with probably not be very good friends. his most identifiable characteristic Icicle.” The Snow Miser’s nicknames, would probably get even angrier and sion of a suspiciously similar tune as a few substituted words. Talk about In truth, you probably wouldn’t have is his flaming red hair, thick near cliché and boring, reflect his inferior- direct his fury in your general direc- soon as Mrs. Claus manages to find lack of originality; that’s strike two. many friends at all, seeing as the the scalp and pointy at the top like ity. Additionally, the Heat Miser’s tion. In such a scenario, the way her way into his crude, poorly ac- Lastly, consider what each world’s most populated areas are a flower bud or a volcano. For these aliases are, quite frankly, much cooler. to calm down an angry comrade is commodated cave. Once his song is character represents. One is snow, some of the warmest. This heat-seek- qualities, the Heat Miser would make The Crib: This comparison not to tell him to flare up, boil over, completed, Mr. Snow Miser politely and the other is heat. Only one of ing nature of the human race makes a popular stuffed animal. By contrast, matches the interior of a fiery volcano or increase his general mental or asks his guest how her husband is these things is even tangible. Snow arguing on behalf of “Mr. 100-and-1” the Snow Miser gives me the chills, as against that of a frozen ice palace. I physical temperature reading in any doing and even squeezes in a clever is ten times out of ten a substance an easy task. Clearly, he is the better I imagine he is supposed to. A cross contend that a volcano would make way. In most cases, nothing more is pun before the scene changes. Mr. that falls from the sky when the brother; otherwise, vacationers would between the Joker, Ebenezer Scrooge, for much cozier living quarters than needed than the words, “chill out.” Heat Miser, on the other hand, temperature drops below forty, and sojourn in Alaska rather than Hawaii, and that cranky old guy from your an ice structure, especially consider- In the scenario of the “heated” strikes an immediately accusatory heat is…what? A relativistic idea and Antarctica would be the world’s local golf course, he is simply ap- ing the amenities that might accom- friend and in all others, the prefer- tone as he asks whether Mr. Claus that can’t exist without the pres- most inhabited continent. Fact is fact, palling. The idea of a stuffed Snow pany each. Hot food is better than able state is to be cool. People like is busy campaigning for his foe. ence of cold as comparison, which and there is no way around it. Allow Miser is just plain sickening. Without cold food, and hot tubs are better to think of themselves as sweater- Even in the realm of heat, the Snow changes depending on where in the me to explain. a doubt, the Heat Miser is more aes- than cold baths, so the Heat Miser’s weather characters, and they want Miser’s name pervades and reduces world someone lives. I don’t know The Impact: The Heat Miser is a thetically pleasing. crib is clearly more homely than his to see others similarly. Would you the master of the kingdom to bicker- about you, but I’d rather not put trendsetter. He championed, for ex- The Jingle: Charm, looks, brother’s. rather hang out with a chill guy, or ing and jealousy. Clearly, the man my trust in such an untrustworthy ample, the notion of global warming and music – the Heat Miser truly has The Minions: The Heat a hothead? The answer is obvious, of snow wins the competition for currency. Materialism aside, snow well before it reached the internation- it all. Sure, the Snow Miser offers Miser, on his own, is lovable enough. because low temperatures simply hospitality. That’s strike one. is also more appealing than general al spotlight. He has always called for a dazzling couple of pirouettes and A camp of mini-misers circling his make an all around better person. Up next for inspection are heat. As a kid, would you rather play a warmer climate pattern, but only boasts a terrific falsetto, but ulti- throne only enhances his allure. Their Some people may wonder, then, the performances themselves. In in the snow or in the heat? When after the installation of such practices mately his tune is too upbeat. When synchronized dance, punctuated by why so many choose to vacation terms of showmanship, Mr. Cold it’s really hot outside, people beg as industrialization and deforestation compared to the Heat Miser’s blues- a spectacular cap toss, is just icing in warm climates as soon as they Miser is clearly unparalleled. Mid- for air conditioning to be turned on. did humans contribute to and join infused rendition, it seems amateur, if on the cake. In the same way, the get a break from their normal lives. song, he pulls off pirouettes that When it’s really cold out, they don in the movement. Moreover, he was not childish. The Heat Miser sings in Snow Miser was already ugly and Doesn’t this mean they prefer heat? surpasses even that of a levitating a jacket and move on with their day. one of the earliest participants in the baritone, and his pitch is impeccable. detestable. Accompanied by smaller, No. In reality, people go to these Mary Poppins on a London rooftop The Heat Miser can’t even think of obesity epidemic that has over- He harmonizes well with his hench- misshapen versions of himself, he be- places because their lives at home in her own critically acclaimed film. a holiday that represents him as he whelmed the United States in recent men, and decorates his performance comes unbearable. The Heat Miser’s make them stressed and overheated, And speaking of levitation, he’s so performs his song. He calls himself years. It wasn’t until the start of the with a casual stomping of the feet. army is most definitely the better one. and they want to be in an environ- light on his feet through the whole “Mr. Green Christmas,” which is twenty-first century that Americans Pure showmanship. So there you have it. For the ment where they can feel cooler than song that he might as well be flying. really just a slightly worse version came to realize that which the Heat The Nicknames: The Heat reasons enumerated above, the Heat the surrounding atmosphere. Even His minions are better trained, have of what “Mr. White Christmas” can Miser has known all along: a little Miser’s nicknames include Mr. Miser is king. Embrace his charisma, if they are not actually cooling off, more synchronized choreography, boast, especially in front of Santa’s excess weight is okay. His wisdom is Green Christmas, Mr. Sun, “Mr. Heat appreciate his style, learn his song, people take such trips to be able too and arrive on scene for the chorus wife. Mr Heat Miser either needs to boundless, and his following on earth Blister”, and” Mr. 100-and-1”. The and join in his following. I promise fool themselves into thinking they just as their leader goes into his start coming up with his own mate- is ever-increasing. The Snow Miser, Snow Miser, meanwhile, goes by that you will not be disappointed. are chilling out and returning to a whirlwind of awe. In a different rial, or pack his bags and go home. on the other hand, leads an almost “Mr. White Christmas”, “Mr. Snow”, more comfortable psychological place and a different era, these guys His fire’s out. temperature. Why else would people would be a sure choice for Broad- For too long people have wish they were on vacation again way. What does the man of flame been deceived by the notion that immediately upon returning home? attempt to counter such an act? An higher temperature means a higher It’s the realization that their expen- awkward shuffling of the feet and quality of life. Hopefully this video Celebrity Look-Alike the accidental melting of his own will help them realize the magni- sive warm climate vacations really did nothing to cool them down and spotlight. Hardly impressive, to say tude of their mistakes. Who could Ted Loughborough ‘14 Daniel Tosh prepare them to take on the world the least. His trick of slowly melting possibly side with the whiny cave again. What people really need is a stolen shovel into nothing is easily dweller who’s been too generous to a hiatus to somewhere like Alaska, bested by the Snowman’s transfor- his waistline over the classy Broad- where the real healing can take mation of his own hat into a snow- way performer? If Santa chooses to place. You’ll all realize I’m right ball, which he then changes back do commercials for him, as the Heat someday. into a hat. He needs to eat some Miser says himself, you should too. Let’s take a look at the video itself. strange red material and spit it back Chill out, people. Mrs. Claus and her minions are wel- out like chewed gum in the form of 8th Grade Hoops Shows Great Promise For Future Varsity Team of inches for his flat top), Pace is “Every team has off days or days By MICHAEL CALABRO ‘16 by far the biggest 8th grader in the that just don’t flow the way they & JACK RAGNONI ‘16 league. To accompany his height usually do”. A great success of Jonathan’s got game and he’ll throw this year’s team was winning the Basketball has been a down some nice moves in the post. Roxbury Latin Tournament. After staple in Boston since the sport’s When big lil’ Pace puts the goggles losing to a tough Belmont Hill team inception, and with every great on, you know he means business. and beating CM at the buzzer these team came a Big 3. First, there Dana Tate, from the first three teams went into 2 minute tie- was Bill Russell, Bob Cousy and week of school this year, when he breakers since they all held a record Tom Heinsohn; then there was was rocking a purple shirt, match- of 1-1. In the first tiebreaker against Larry Bird, Kevin McHale and ing purple shoes, and a sideways Belmont Hill the Arrows pulled out Robert Parish; and of course, we all flattop, emanated confidence. On a close win after Dana Tate stole an remember Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, the court, Dana has the same poise inbounds pass with nine seconds Dan Fulham ‘14 Pau Gasol and Kevin Garnett. But now there’s and presence that we see in the left and found Carlson for a win- a new Big 3 on the rise, a group of hallways. Even though he shaved ning layup. Then came CM. It took players who ignite a crowd every off the hair, this player’s talent is three overtime periods but the Ar- time they step on the court together. enough to make him stand out on rows were able to come out with a These three players, the members the floor. For a 6 foot 1 inch eight much a deserved win and a place in of St. Sebastian’s Big 3, are Harry grader, Dana is terrific with the ball the championship game. They faced Carlson, Jonathon Pace, and Dana in his hands, a smooth jumper, and Nobles and dispatched them quickly Tate. a knack for getting to the hoop and 31-8, winning the championship for Some call Harry Carlson the foul line. Paired with the two their team. the next Matt Karpowicz, but that other Big 3 members, Harry and Last but certainly not could be an insult. A great ball Pace, Dana, along with the team’s least the man behind the magic; the handler for a kid of his size, Harry terrific role players, have taken over mastermind of the whole operation not only possesses a tremendous the ISL. is coach Mr. Jim Rest. A past varsity basketball I.Q. but has great com- So far the Fourth Basketball team basketball coach at St. Sebastian’s, posure on the court and has a knack has attained a record of 6 wins and Mr. Rest has since taken his basket- of slowing things down and getting 3 losses not counting the Roxbury ball expertise to the 8th grade level the team back in check. Harry can Latin Tournament. With close wins and has experienced great success, get to the rim at will, post up even against BBN, Thayer, and BC High, especially now with his current the biggest of 8th graders, and has winning by five, one, and four group of players. made a huge impact on the team. points respectively, this team shows With five games left on Jonathan Pace, now even bigger a great ability to finish tight games. the eighth grade schedule, there’s than his older brother, has potential The X-factor of the team, Mudia still time to come and see the show, to be just as good if not better. At 6 “Tank” Onaiwu, who commented which we encourage everyone to feet 3 inches (give or take a couple on the three surprising losses said, do. February 2014 THE WALRUS Page 7 Suped Up: The Walrus Tackles Super Powers The Best Useless Super Powers THE PREDICTOR: By CHRISTIAN KELLY ‘14 and will never help you conquer the that only comes after the fact. In world. essence, hindsight is pretty much SENIOR EDITOR This Month, Sebs Super Powers Odorless Feet—This really entirely useless. Of course, there’s By JACK GOLDMAN‘14 now. It’ll just be a sure thing when it’s get blinded by the blinding pairs of Superpowers have long just makes you less human, but not hindsight’s counterpart foresight, but a superpower. pink pants shining in their eyes. I’d been a source of entertainment necessarily super. I mean sure, peo- that’s actually a useful superpower SENIOR EDITOR Blake Gallagher will have be worried, criminals, things aren’t Alright, guys, big month and conversation for the human ple might compliment you on how and thus has no place in this conver- the ability to make people feel better looking so good for the health of your this February. I accurately predicted race. From the powers featured in not bad your feet smell, but that’s sation. about themselves by destroying them. eyes at this point. how long Flappy Bird would be a characters from Greek and Roman all you’re really getting out of this. Spidey Sense—Popularized Here’s the scenario: down on your David Abelson will have thing, I updated my predicting sense mythology to those that can be found Honestly, it’s kind of weird. People by Spiderman, this superpower is life? Feeling lonely? Purposeless? the power to Abelson you. I don’t with OS 2.7, and this month I take in modern mythology with charac- might even think you’re pretentious actually completely useless for 90% Annoyed? Angry? Cantankerous? even know what that means or is, but on the subject of super powers while ters like Superman, Spiderman, and or egotistical because of this. You’re of the human race. Think about it. Blake will make sure those feelings according to my Predictor sense, one attempting to avoid making any Val- Batman. Well, maybe not Batman, so good you literally lack negative You get this tingling sense of trouble evaporate with one demolishing. Your day, we’ll all know… entine’s Day jokes. Let’s get through but the point still remains. human bodily functions. Go you. or imminent danger when it ap- body may never feel the same because Aturo Adkins will have the this together, people. Too often we focus on the he’s broken every bone in your body power to eat an actual horse. Raw. Defined Calves—Like great proaches. Seeing as the majority of This month’s topic: which “practical” superpowers—super and that takes a while to heal from, And like it. Very useful when there’s hair, this actually is a superpower people aren’t unexpectedly assaulted superpowers would members of the speed, godlike strength, invisibil- but mentally you’ll have never felt a man holding a gun to your head as calf size and definition relies daily, this superpower is irrelevant. St. Sebastian’s community have? stronger, more ready to take on life’s threatening your life if you don’t eat ity—and overlook the less pragmatic largely on one’s genetics instead In fact, it’s probably annoying if not It’s a ridiculous question to ask The challenges than ever before. And not every last bone of that raw horse, am I examples—great hair, having feet of hard work. Having great calves highly detrimental to one’s quality Predictor, cause nobody in the St. because of the debilitating concus- right? Another plus side of that power that don’t smell, being able to flex as was thought of a sign of royalty in of life. Your Spidey senses would be Sebastian’s community is getting sion. is that he can magically make milk long as possible without passing out. Ancient Rome and Medieval Europe. tingling—only ever so slightly—for superpowers anytime soon, right? The brothers Kaba will have appear to help wash that stuff down. For the rest of this article, I’m just And, let’s be honest, it still is to this every single second of the day as WRONG! The Predictor believes the ability to kick anything within Raw horse makes your throat a little going to compare some “useless” day. But, again, like hair, it’s just you worried about distant, looming fervently that when the nuclear fifty feet of them. You criminals won’t dry, I guess. Another bonus is that superpowers and hopefully come to an indicator of status as opposed to danger, such as mortgage payments, apocalypse happens (there are going see it coming. Nobody will be near Aturo will have the ability to wrestle a consensus as to which one is best. being something that actually earns student debt, or global war. It would to be a lot of apocalypses, it’s not you, you’ll be in the clear, when sud- every horse successfully if he is will- Great Hair—Having great it for you. Plus, you can get calf im- be this annoying sensation that like a final thing when they happen— denly a foot will snake out and knock ing to eat it, which is pretty incred- hair has always been a point of pride plants if you’re really worried about slowly led to a tragic fall into neu- I’m not sure why, but all these people you into next year. Whoops, you just ible, I think. for human beings, from Alexander it. roticism, paranoia, and psychosis. survive apocalypses on television got Kaba’d. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Matt Bell will be able to the Great to Mr. Connolly. While Hindsight—Unlike the Easily the worst possible superpower now so it seems legit), each mem- The brothers Kaba: crime fighters, bench press anything. You name it, many may argue that this is a mere other superpowers on this list, this your typical human being could ask ber of St. Sebastian’s will receive a great men, better friends to mankind. he’ll bench it. Want someone to bench reflection of one’s effort towards hair one has an actual superhero associ- for. superpower. When will that happen? Evan Reddick will have your giant wheel of cheese? He’s your care, this is simply not the case. The ated with it—Captain Hindsight Anyway, that’s all that real- That’s for me to know, and you to the mane of a horse. Never too long, man. Want your bench bench pressed? greatness of one’s hair is entirely ge- from the popular animated TV show ly comes to mind. I can imagine that wonder about for the rest of your never to short, just mane-like. Auto- Call him, he’ll handle it. Ever want to netic and thus a superpower, but this South Park. Hindsight is useful in there are plenty of useless superpow- miserable lives. Let’s do this people. matically. Who wouldn’t be a fan of see Arnold Schwarzenegger benched? is where we have to bring the actual Mario Oliva’s hands will that it might help us learn the causes ers out there, but these are the only that hair? Other than me, obviously. Well, now you’ll be able to. Very usefulness into question. All great turn into combs. Have you seen that of our mistakes, perhaps making it ones that come to mind currently. If My hair is way better. The Predictor’s underrated power. hair does is improve your physical hair? The man is a comb-wizard. In possible for us to not make those I had to pick one, it would be great hair is a gift to humankind, but we Des Digiovanni, Teddy Grif- appearance, but without charisma fact, that’ll be his nickname: Mario mistakes in the future, but that’s hair. There’s no logical reasoning don’t need to talk about obvious stuff, fin, and Justin Nicklas will actually the Comb Wizard. I can see it now: or an ability to negotiate, great hair the exact flaw that makes hindsight behind that one. It’s just a matter of I’m not in the predicting obvious have the ability to turn into jeeps and Mario, running across an expansive is really just an aesthetic advantage pretty much useless; it’s something personal preference for me. stuff game— too elite for that circuit. just off-road forever. open field toward a bunch of people Anyway. James Fiore will have the who’s hair is hopelessly mussed, and Matt Eldridge would have power to make whatever he wants saving them from eternal embarrass- the best punch in the league. And out of anything. Really wishing you ment. Got to love superheroes. And by the league, I mean on the planet. had a toy truck when your parents combs. Soccer goalies punch the ball. It’s like gave you your sister’s old bicycle for Marty White already has a phrase. Just accept it, alright? He’ll Christmas? Call James, he’ll make a superpower, as that cowlick is punch people really hard and it’ll be that stupid bike into the toy truck of supernatural. But since we’re talking really cool and then you’ll under- your dreams. Have a pile of dirt and superpowers, I think that if he got stand, I promise. want a castle? Get ready for a trip one, it would just be the ability to Sean Harrington would have back to medieval times my friends. give other people cowlicks. Marty the ability to turn into a tree. Which No substance will be unconquerable will walk up to people and just head- could move. And just smash people. ever again. butt them as hard as they can, and He and Eldridge will make a great Christian Kelly will have the suddenly, BAM! Cowlick. America. combo. One guy who can punch the ability to make anything weird. Let’s Winning. Ka-chow. living daylights out of you, and one move on from this power. Like right Will Fox would be The who’s chest is so large he can turn now. Captain. Literally, his superpower into a tree really suddenly and just Austin Lewis will be able to would just be that whenever he crush you under his many branches. play the music of his choice in other looked at people, they would just The world will be a safer place. people’s heads. Best DJ ever. hear in their heads the words “I’m Matt Karpowicz will be the Shane McDonald will be The Captain.” Women will swoon, next Jimmy Olsen. He can stretch in able to watch every movie in history men will salute, and young boys every conceivable direction, ready to since he’ll have the power to store and girls will scurry around asking do whatever he’s called to do. He’ll entire movies inside of his brain. for autographs and hugs. All will be be the best basketball player ever, and Tucker McLoughlin will good. even better at rescuing cats from trees actually be able to memorize every Cam Cain’s superpower for grandmothers. Who doesn’t need fact ever. That’ll be really awkward will be strength. Why? ‘Cause he’s String-Karp? Not buying that? Well, I for opinions. Cam Cain; come on, you already didn’t get into this for nicknames. Luke Murphy will be able to knew that. Need that tree uprooted David Korzeniowski will turn any car he steps into yellow. and tossed wherever uprooted trees In Photo: Captain Hindsight and his trusty sidekicks, Shoulda, Coulda, and Woulda have the big-eyes super power. In Finally, Dan Fulham will need to be tossed? Cam’s your man. movies, people who can pull of have the ability to stop any criminal Need to punch through that wall? the sad, cute puppy eyes thing can in its tracks by boring it to sleep using Ask Cam to give you a head start. basically get whatever they want. his power to turn any argument into a Ski Team Fights Through Adversity, Need to lift ten tons of weight for That will be Korzeniowski’s power; long dissertation on the purposeless- no apparent reason? Give him a call, through his eyes, he’ll be able to have ness of life and all purpose in general. Keeps Its Cool and Finds Success he’ll be there in a second. Need help whatever he wants. Get ready to buy Stay super, superheroes, and By COLE ALDRICH ‘16 equipment. This business casual ing is very team-oriented. The finishing an enormous sub? Cam David a lot of pricey stuff, because don’t forget about your favorite Pre- approach testifies to the fact that coaches, along with the rest of will eat that for you and scrunch it PAUL KEADY ‘16 you’ll have no choice. Those eyes… dictor when whoever gets the money the ski team enjopys having fun the team, are always cheering up with his crazy strong stomach You’re flying down the Jack Adams and Will D’Orsi power is ready to share. I’d like to while also staying serious about on whoever is racing. And they muscles. No food, weight, or person mountain between 25 and 50 will have the ability to blind people retire soon. I’m thinking April if that’s what they do. This dress is also are always cheering for, never will be able to handle the strength mph, weaving in an out of the with the colors of their pants. No alright with you guys. Until next practical, because the team has against. I guess you could call of Cam Cain. Not that anything can flags, risking your safety to gain to be on the bus and ready ten them a “cloud” because they are criminal is getting away when they month, my friends, until next month. fractions of a second while on minutes after the bell rings. always in a dense pack bring- the brink of tumbling down the Henry Finnegan’s skiing career ing a storm of enthusiasm to the slope. This is Arrows skiing. has been riddled with injuries, slopes. The St. Sebastian’s JV including back pain and a liver The team is the epitome and Varsity ski teams have been contusion. If he falls with this of what St. Sebastian’s calls battling tough conditions this liver contusion, he could bleed “a family.” The ski team, aside year. It’s inherent of the sport internally; therefore, he has from the actual racing, is wel- that conditions won’t be perfect not raced this year, but remains coming to new players. Matt every day; some days there’s a great leader and a model of Aisenberg, a new member of the ice, or slush, or little to no snow. toughness and intensity for the team, felt at home right away. The courses become worn down, rest of the skiers for the team. He said that they supported each and when coupled with slush Coaches Rynne and other during the workouts and often make for tough conditions. Uhlman have a positive forecast practices and encouraged each Sometimes the grooves freeze for the rest of the season with other to get as fast as possible. over locking the skier into a rut. the NEPSAC Alpine Champi- Even with some tough injuries, Regardless of the weather, the onships on February 12th and the team still kept their heads Arrows skiers have overcome Catholic Cup on February 27th high and worked hard. No these obstacles and are having coming up among other big racing experience is required a quite successful season so far. races. The team has been work- to join the team. For example, Sebs Super Powers: Like the Justice League, but with fewer world-saving options and more bad jokes Of the three races this season, ing very hard at practices 3 days Henry Finnegan didn’t race be- the Varsity team has finished in a week at Nashoba Valley and fore he joined the team. If you 7th, 5th, and 5th place. It takes has consistently been improv- snow board, you can convert 28-40 seconds for the varsity ing, as the results show. Also, to skiing, as Will Barnard did a skiers to complete a slalom the team can look forward to few years ago with much suc- course. Slalom is one off the more success, with a talented cess. types of ski races which consists group of talented skiers such The ski team welcomes of short and quick turns around as Peter Murphy, Reed Walsh, fans to come to races. There is a poles. While only Varsity skis Luke Jones, Jack Brugger, Ted waffle house at Nashoba Valley slalom, both JV and Varsity ski Duffy, Matt Aisenberg, and to satisfy your afternoon hunger. Giant Slalom (GS), perhaps the many others. If that’s not enough to get you more well-known style. Gates The Ski Team, like all there, then here’s more: at every in giant slalom are farther apart other St. Sebastian’s teams, has race there are fans from other than slalom allowing for much a strong brotherhood. However, schools with cow bells cheering higher speeds. the Ski Team has a special bond, their schools along, but not from The team is lead by which they call “The Cloud.” Sebs. If Henry’s Corner is truly seniors Richard Arms and Henry Sophomore skier, Jack Brugger the best cheering section in the Finnegan. Arms consistently says that they call the brother- ISL and beyond, then we must puts up the best times for the hood, “The Cloud” because get out to the races, brave the team, and has played a vital role “snow comes from clouds.” cold(which is not different than Comics With Jimmy in the teams success. He also Although skiing is technically a hockey rink), and cheer on our started a tradition of wearing an individual sport, at Sebs ski- skiers. dress code under all the ski ARROWS SPORTS Vol LXVII, No. 4 St. Sebastian’s School February 2014 Basketball Making Push for the Postseason Swimming Improving Personal Bests suffered a loss to Nobles, unable to 16 point swing. Tyson Mattox and By JOE KERWIN ‘15 Although the timing of vacations and of the team.” The openness of the swim By DAN FULHAM ‘14 play with the intensity they had against Matt Karpowicz earned tough baskets team is something that I can attest to per- Head coach Ms. Callini describes this snow days have challenged the momen- Brooks and Thayer. Understanding the in the paint, thoroughly devastating sonally. I have never swum competitively, SENIOR EDITOR year’s swim team as “a group of good tum of the team this year, the swimmers importance of energy and tenacity, the the BB&N big men. It looked like the but this year I decided that I would join St. Sebastian’s Varsity guys who enjoy swimming, want to do will be practicing more consistently in team realized it had to play with anger Arrows were running away from the the program as a way to stay physically ac- Basketball is having its most success- well, and are willing to work hard.” This the impending weeks. Coach Callini feels against Belmont Hill on Friday Night. second place Knights. With 10 seconds tive, and to get back into a team environ- ful season in recent history, defeating work ethic will be vital to the swim team confident that if the swimmers are able to The past three years, Belmont left in the game, however, BB&N had ment. Although I too am a novice, I am top-flite opponents and maintaining in the weeks ahead. maintain their focus in these upcoming Hill has beaten St. Sebastian’s in bas- the ball and was down two points. The very glad that I chose to participate. Both a winning record. Led by a veteran So far this season, the swim weeks, many will be able to finish out the ketball. Vowing to stop the bleeding, Arrows were playing tenacious defense, the coaches and my teammates have been coaching staff of Mr. Morelli, Mr. team has competed against teams from season at New England’s with personal Sebs set out to eliminate their oppo- and BB&N was desperately looking for incredibly helpful, understanding, and Hinman, and Mr. Al Ruh, the Arrows Portsmouth Abbey School, St. George’s bests. nents in a convincing manner. Moti- a way to score. Desperate, a BB&N encouraging. The members of the swim have been able to face adversity and School, Berwick Academy, and Dexter The swim team has come a long vated by great support from Henry’s player heaved up a 40-foot three point team have helped me to feel comfortable respond with victories during the sea- School. Led by captains Cam Kelly of the way in the past several years, adding more Corner, the Arrows outworked Belmont shot. Miraculously, the shot went in stretching myself and trying new things, son. Thrilling wins and bitter defeats Class of 2014, and Jack Adams and Will competitive teams to their schedule, and Hill from the opening tip. Strong and the Knights stole a victory from St. regardless of how they turn out. have been characteristic of the year Supple of the Class of 2015, the team has bringing together a group of dedicated rebounding from Tommy Pace ’15 and Sebastian’s. Although the team does have thus far; but through the turmoil of a earned a record of three wins and two loss- swimmers. The swim team has continued key shooting from Kevin Murray ’15 The Arrows went on a two a committed core group, many of these roller-coaster type season, the team has es. Though the end of the swim season is to expand this year, gaining four new helped swing the game in favor of the game skid after their heartbreaking swimmers are part of the Class of 2015. worked harder than ever to attain suc- fast approaching, the swimmers still have swimmers at the onset of the season. The Arrows. Brydie proved essential to the defeat against BB&N. Fortunately, This means that in two years, there will be cess. several formidable opponents in their way team has even added a new member to the offense, scoring important baskets on however, they were able to recover in a significant void for the younger students Varsity basketball stormed before New England’s at the beginning of coaching staff this year, Spanish teacher offense and hustling on defense. By the time for an important game against St. to fill. I would urge any student that has out of the gate in league play, starting March. Coach Callini expects the meets Ms. Gilman. Coach Gilman comments, “In end of the night, the Arrows celebrated Mark’s, a team St. Sebastian’s has not considered becoming a part of the swim the year with a 3-0 record in the ISL. against Worcester Academy and Milton spite of being a novice, the guys have been a 54-46 victory over their rival. beaten in 12 years. A resounding team team to step out of his comfort zone, and With wins over St. George’s, Roxbury Academy to be particularly competitive. welcoming and I’ve enjoyed being a part Latin, and Groton, the team set a tone Emblazoned by an important effort against St. Mark’s gave the Ar- to give it a try. of victory. The team’s 65-58 win over win over Belmont Hill, the Arrows rows a very impressive win. The win Roxbury Latin proved particularly im- sat at fourth place in the ISL with a set the Arrows on a track for a great pressive, as RL is one of the best teams 5-2 league record. The team looked finish to the season. Wrestling Works Hard, Looks To ISLs resulting in the team having to give Roxbury Latin, although we lost, many in the ISL. Great play from captain towards an important game against Currently 6-4 in the ISL, the By CASEY KELLY ‘16 up six points against every team with of our wrestlers wrestled tough and Jordan Brydie ‘14 led the Arrows to 2nd place BB&N. Like the game team looks to run the table for the rest The wrestling season has a 106 pounder. The following match fought as long as they could. The same victory against the Foxes. against Brooks, the Arrows went into of the season. The success of the bas- started off once again with laps around was against Thayer and, as our student weekend we had yet another quad meet The Arrows then faced halftime with an 8 point deficit. Talk ketball team this year can be attributed the football field, and reps of going up body president would say, “West consisting of Landmark, Lexington Brooks, the preseason favorite to win in the locker room, however, was not to excellent coaching, great team play, and down stairs. The rag-tag group of Milton Academy,” however Thayer Christian, and St. Marks. That week- the league. An impressive, Brooks negative; rather, it was an affirmation and the desire to play every game with kids that Mr. Tull and Mr. Ryan were was a quick win for us, whereas Milton end the team wrestled tough, and we gave the Arrows a true challenge to of the importance of the hustle and grit intensity and heart. Arrows basketball able to muster up would suffice for proved a bit of a challenge. This chal- were able to pull out all three wins at test how they were as a team. After that would be required to win the game. is only improving these days, so get out a team; we were only missing a few lenge resulted in our loss by only one the quad. Now it was exams week, and the first half, Brooks led by 10. Un- Inspired by a passionate speech from to as many games as you can to close lower weights. Some huge helps to match. Our next match for the team on Wednesday we wrestled Nobles, our daunted, St. Sebastian’s came out with Coach Hinman, the Arrows stormed out the year. the team include Cam Cain ’15 who was a tri-meet against both Middlesex match against Nobles was not wrestled intensity in the second half, cutting the court and took an 8 point lead, a was able to wrestle our heavy weight and Concord Academy. This was one well and had disappointing results. The the game to within two points. Great class for us, and Pat Reed ’15 who of the biggest matches of the year for next week we were going to wrestle shooting from Jordan Barros ’15, in- had some clutch wins throughout the Pat Reed ’15, who faced the Middle- Brooks, who beat us pretty badly, and tense defense from Edosa Onaiwu ’15, season. Along with the new season sex captain in the 152 weight class. although some wrestlers were tough and impressive post play from Tyson brought new ideas by both Mr. Tull Pat’s match had come after a slump while others lost to simple mistakes. Mattox ’15, gave the Arrows a chance and Mr. Ryan, including one called of losses, and resulted in a surprise After this loss we had to go to Belmont at victory. Unfortunately, Brooks was the hammer award. The Hammer win by Pat, boosting the morale of the Hill on a Saturday for a quad meet yet able to hold on for a 54-50 victory. award was given to whatever wrestler team, and giving us hope in the match. again, and this may have been one of Angered over a missed op- had worked the hardest, showed up We then wrestled Concord academy, our more disappointing matches. The portunity to take control of the league, to every day of practice for the week, leaving the team with one more match three teams we faced and lost to that Sebs would not be contained by Thayer and had a big impact on the team. The against Lawrence Academy before Saturday were Belmont Hill, Pomfret, Academy in its next game. Within five Hammer, although it was a good mo- winter break. and Phillips Exeter. When facing Bel- minutes of play, the Arrows jumped tivator in the beginning of the season, As winter break practices mont Hill, although we had a few wins, out to a 20 point lead. Matt Karpowicz it eventually became a sort of cursed began, the number of team mates we were out matched. Phillips Exeter ‘16 dominated in the paint, scoring object. Everyone who had received showing up to practice also dwindled. won clearly due to the majority of our seemingly at will against the Thayer the award got injured the week they This was due to vacations and other wrestlers not wrestling to their fullest. defenders. Strong defense from Mi- received it. In some ways The Ham- prior obligations; however even though Lastly, against Pomfret, we lost by one chael Calabro ’16 stymied the Thayer mer was similar to being on the cover the team became a lot smaller with match which shouldn’t have happened. attack. of the popular football game, Madden. the absence of some wrestlers, our The only match of the season left was The next week, St. Sebs Jordan Brydie ‘14 drives to the hoop against Brooks. However, the season came in quick work ethic did not diminish. The team our match against Beaver Country and went by quick due to the large worked hard throughout the winter Day, who we slaughtered due to the amounts of quad-meets and tri-meets. vacation, even when shorthanded. The fact that their team only consisted of Squash Looks to Escape Slump The first match the team had arrived team as a whole was motivated to work four wrestlers. This weekend is ISL’s, By CHRIS HALEY ‘15 ally doesn’t bother any of us. We’re just of the team so far this season. after a few short weeks of practice, hard throughout Christmas break in or- or the Graves Kelsey Tournament, trying to get better as a team, and if get- Their most recent match was against the leaving the team a little under prepared der to come back after and wrestle our and then the following weekend is the When you think of winter sports here ting up early is what it takes to win, then long time St. Seb’s rival Belmont Hill. for the match. The match was against harder half of the season. In the second New England and JV New England at Seb’s, the first that come to mind that’s what we’re going to do.” Flatley, Belmont Hill, one of the best teams in BBN, St. Paul’s, and Tabor, and the half of the season we would wrestle tournament. Hopefully we are able to are hockey, basketball, and wrestling. a junior who has been on the squash prep school squash, is a highly skilled results in some ways were good and in multiple teams that are very talented bring home some hardware, but we do However, another sport lurks in the dark team since the eighth grade, is one of squad that always seems to be com- others bad. We managed to beat BBN, such as Roxbury Latin, Brooks, and have a disadvantage considering we shadows cast upon it by these better- the veterans on the squad. His leader- petitive in the ISL. The match was a but lost to St. Paul’s and Tabor. This Belmont Hill. With only about four have multiple wrestlers injured at the known cold weather activities: Squash. ship skills and team-first mentality have hard fought one, and close throughout. first match our wrestler in the lightest days of practice with a full team, we moment. With this season coming to a The St. Sebastian’s Squash helped to propel the team forward on its Unfortunately, however, Seb’s couldn’t weight class, James Driscoll ’16, got were surprisingly able to get a lot done. close it was quite successful with many team formed in 2001, and has consis- path toward victory. “I don’t keep track pull out the win, and lost by a tight a serious concussion causing him to Coming back from our Christmas helpful seniors whom will be missed tently attracted a large group of players of my wins,” Flatley said, “It doesn’t score of 4-3. Though the wins haven’t be out for a majority of the season. break the first match we had was next year. Next year’s captains and the every year since. Coached by Mr. matter to me.” arrived yet, the talent and the will to win Driscoll’s injury ended up being the against, Roxbury Latin, one of the bet- size of next year’s team are still yet to Moore and Mr. Brown, the team has The team has played in three matches have been there for the squash team all one with the worst effects on the team, ter teams in the ISL. When wrestling be determined. enjoyed success over the last few years. this winter, but unfortunately, these season long. work to raise awareness of our sport,” Due to the lack of available squash matches have not been in the arrows’ The largest problem facing the squash he said, without a hint of hesitation. courts in the area, the team has been favor. Despite their 0-3 record, however, team this season, however, is a lack Awareness brings more players, and forced to make adjustments to their the team has not lost confidence. “Ev- of awareness of the sport. Ask any with more players, inevitably, comes Varsity practice schedule. The team practices eryone on our team, including myself, student in the hall how the squash team more skill. at the Noble and Greenough School on needs to get better if we are going to is doing this year, and you will surely The squash squad plays on Friday at Monday and Tuesday nights at 7:00, and start winning games,” Flatley comment- get a shoulder shrug, or even a simple Brooks. As usual, spectators are wel- Results on Thursdays and Fridays at 6:45 in the ed. “Everyone needs to keep working I-don’t-know response. If squash is come. morning. hard to get better. That’s how we’re going to succeed at Seb’s, interest needs “We’ve got a really good group of Despite the strange time slots for court going to turn our season around.” to increase. Flatley, who came into the guys,” said Flatley, “If we keep working Varsity Hockey: space, John Flatley says that he is not The team is not, however, lacking in tal- season hoping for the team to win more hard, and playing our game, we’re going at all bothered: “it’s kind of weird to ent. The list of studs includes Matt Bell, matches than last season, also comment- to start winning. We have to focus on practice at these strange hours of the Ian von Schroeder, and Matt Pickard. ed on this need for interest: “We need to vs. Milton Academy 4-3 W getting out of this slump.” night and early in the morning, but it re- The Big Three have been the backbone Hockey Advances Through “Roller-Coaster” Season @ Tabor 3-2 W By JAKE LOUGHBOROUGH ‘16 the glass and yelling at the team. So, astating loss. Matt Doherty ’15 put the hockey career at Boston University. This @ Lawrence 4-0 W looking for revenge, Henry’s packed Arrows on top in the first period with his year the team traveled down to Marion, It’s been a bit of a roller- the rink that day looking to cheer for power play goal, and we seemed to hold and managed to squeak out a 3-2 vic- coaster season so far for the Arrows. the team. American flags were flying, all the momentum until the third period tory, extending their winning streak in Varsity Basketball: After starting out the season with a and many USA chants were shouted, when Belmont Hill came out flying. Late this game to four years. This was a huge strong record of 5-1-1, they’ve fallen but it was all to no avail, because that in the third period, Belmont Hill broke win for the team for a couple reasons. vs. BB&N 50-51 L to 6-10-1. That rough stretch of games St. Andrew’s team was undoubtedly the Tedy Loughborough’s shutout with a First off, Tabor is a good team this year, weren’t exactly against easy teams, best team Sebs has faced this year. All shot that was thrown out of the corner so it helps their playoff hopes. Secondly, however, in fact in one week, the team things considered, that was a successful and hit off of a few bodies. In overtime, it came a time where they needed a big vs. Phillips Andover 44-58 L played against the then number seven in tournament for the team. a Belmont Hill player came in alone on win to fuel their late season push. New England Nobles on a Wednesday, On January 5th, the team Sebs’ net and put it by Loughborough to As it currently stands, Sebs’ vs. St. Mark’s 60-56 W number three Thayer on that Friday, traveled to Dexter to play a game not give them the 2-1 victory. record is 8-10-1, so the chances of and to top it all of number four Exeter quite like any they’ve played before. A highlight of the season so making New England playoffs are slim, on Saturday. They had a tough schedule Their opponent was the U.S. Olym- far has to be the Travis Roy Cup. Each however, wins against Thayer, Nobles, Varsity Wrestling: that hit them at a point in the season. pic Women’s team, which had been year, Sebs plays against Tabor in the Tra- and St. Paul’s would help them make a In their annual Christmas playing a lot of the local prep schools vis Roy Cup, which is played in memory strong case for one of the last spots in vs. Pomfret 42-39 L Tournament, the team finished in to prepare themselves for Sochi. After of Travis Roy, a Tabor graduate who was the large school bracket. second place, which is the best they’ve Will D’Orsi scored in the first minute paralyzed just eleven seconds into his done since winning the tournament in to put Sebs ahead, USA dominated for @ Beaver 60-56 W 2009. In the first round, they played the rest of the game. The final score against Albany Academy, whom they was 5-2 in favor of the U.S. Women’s beat 4-3 despite trailing 3-0 midway team. A very large crowd gathered for Varsity Skiing: through the game. In the second round, this one, however, this one was unlike Sebs outlasted Williston-Northampton the ones the teams’ used to. For starters, @ Nashoba Valley 5th place by a score of 2-1, placing them in the rather than impassioned students, the finals against St. Andrew’s, a Cana- stands were filled with hockey moms, dian college. The last time these teams and their daughters, who idolized the Varsity Swimming: played against each other was back women they saw on the ice. Also, in the first round of this tournament whenever there’s a game with a lot of in 2011. After a close battle, it came fans, Henry’s usually putnumbers the @ ISL’s 3rd place done to a shootout, where St. Andrew’s other team’s supporters, whereas here, got the better of us. Their goalie then the rink erupted in applause with every proceeded to sweep the ice in the goal scored on Sebs. All in all it was a Varsity Squash: direction of Henry’s Corner, and their great experience for all the players. whole team jumped against the glass in The game at Fenway versus front of us. Henry’s reacted by charging vs. Belmont Hill 3-4 L Belmont Hill was an absolutely dev- Corey Ronan rips a slap shot on goal against Albany.