guest article Those UndergrounD Rainbow Days ... A Memoir by Sridhar Rangayan Can you imagine a time when there was no Internet, WhatsApp chats, you can’t even imagine how anxiously no mobile phones, and not even computers? Can you we used to wait to receive a response to a letter we had imagine such a dark age? And in that age, can you imagine written to an unknown gay guy, sometimes in the same how a lonely person would have felt if they thought they city. It took weeks of waiting before one got a reply, and were different from others? months before one could actually meet the other person. Imagine all of this in today’s age of speed dating! That’s exactly how I felt when I was growing up in the 70s and 80s, during and post my teenage years. I couldn’t Perhaps that’s all the more reason why we valued our find any validation anywhere for what I was feeling from flings and friendships. We kept them for a long time. Not within—my attraction towards other men. The only just friends, but also the alternate family we formed—a mention of homosexuality was in the medical books, that group of gay men who bonded closely in the 90s. We too in a derogatory manner. The only solace I could find are still very close to each other, even though many have was in furtive sexual encounters in the dark—unnamed moved to other cities and countries. At a time when there and unspoken. was no validation for our existence, we huddled together as a family, caring for each other and being there for each When I came to Mumbai to study at IIT Bombay, I met other—in both good and bad times. Suhail who was my classmate. Little did I know that four years later I would come out to him, and I would be drawn Every weekend, we would go to Gokul’s on Saturday, into the whirlpool of the emerging gay movement! which was then the only bar that welcomed gay men. We partied till late at the bar, hung out at ‘The Walls’ As soon as I came out, I joined the team of ‘Bombay Dost,’ next to Gateway of India, and took the last train we which was India’s first gay magazine founded in 1990. I called ‘The Maharani Express’, where we would sing and came on board from its second edition onwards to design dance along with our drag queen friends. On Sunday and edit some of the editions. It was an eye-opener for evening we would go to Maheshwari Gardens in Sion me—my personal had become my political. to meet other gay men from the working class, and also Of course, everything was hush-hush even then. No one to distribute condoms and safe-sex pamphlets. Come spoke about homosexuality in the open. You would only Monday, we would all go back into our closets, and be be able to meet another gay man in one of the house typical employees in typical companies, except for those parties, or accidentally while cruising. Cruising at public in creative fields who got to flaunt their sexuality a wee parks, railway stations, bus stands, and public toilets was bit more openly. the norm but it was also very dangerous as you never knew In 1994, Suhail and myself, along with Ashok Row whom you would meet. There have been encounters with Kavi founded ‘The Humsafar Trust’—India’s first gay homophobic policemen and blackmailers, where people organization. Soon after, we organized India’s first gay have not only lost a lot of money but their lives were put conference along with Naz Foundation in December in danger as well. Fear of exposure to one’s family or at 1994. Meeting gay men from across India, and also the work place was a constant threat. Indians from outside the country, was a very powerful Bombay Dost came as a huge relief to me. Apart from experience. It was not only a joyful union, but also offered feature articles and news, there was also a pen-pal catharsis for many, for all the bottled up emotions from column called ‘Khush Khat’ where people could write having lived lonely lives in far corners of India. letters to each other. In today’s day of dating apps and Forming networks was really important for us those 1 days—it helped us stay connected and also helped us When I look from the stage of KASHISH every year at stay sane. It also offered us friends in cities we travelled the 1200 people gathered in the grand art deco Liberty to. I find myself very lucky because if I need a home to Cinema, where we speak openly about LGBT rights stay wherever I travel to, I always have one. The LGBT and desires, my eyes usually well up—with a sense of community was really close knit then. With Internet and fulfillment in knowing that we have come such a long way social media today, I feel people have dispersed further from those underground days when even whispering the instead of coming closer. The close bonding we felt is no word ‘homosexual’ was a taboo, and living an open life more. Earlier if we visited a city, our local friend there as a gay man a dream. Now that dream is a reality where would gather a bunch of gay men to chat up with us, and I celebrate 25 years of togetherness filled with love and we would immediately feel at home. fulfillment with my partner Saagar. Thus, dreams do come true if you wish them to. In fact, our own home has welcomed lots of visitors from India and abroad. My partner Saagar Gupta and I have Yours Queerfully, played host to countless parties and sleep-ins. Our home Sridhar Rangayan was the maika for the alternate family. They could feel free and be themselves at our place. Our home was where gay men got ‘married’ and drag queens performed with beautiful adaas. All that is a thing of the past now. Our alternate family hardly meets, and even though we are in touch regularly and care for each other just as much, we don’t meet a lot anymore. It’s rather sad that both real and virtual distances separate us now. However, I have been lucky to see changes happen in my lifetime. I have seen the LGBT community come out of the closet; I have seen the law change from a hopeful judgment in 2009, to a reversal in 2013, to finally being read down in 2018. I have seen the youth of today feeling freer than ever before, unshackled by the law, and more understanding families who are also networked through news on the cell phones. However, the situation in Tier 2 & 3 cities and small towns is still complicated for LGBT persons to live their life with dignity and without fear. My film Evening Shadows, which is now on Netflix, highlights the issue about mothers being disempowered because of patriarchy, which makes it challenging for them to accept their children’s sexuality. There are so many organizations, groups and events in the cities today where the LGBT community comes together. There are huge Pride Marches in almost all the big cities and also in most Tier 2 & Tier 3 cities. Spaces like KASHISH Mumbai International Queer Film Festival, which I founded in 2010 along with Saagar Gupta and other friends, and which celebrated its 10th anniversary this year, offers a safe space to the LGBT community to express their sexuality in the open. It also offers an opportunity to the mainstream society to mingle with the LGBT community without any prejudice. The festival uses cinema as a medium to sensitize the larger civil society. 2.