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Owners of 44 stores in court battles with Spar HQ

Dubai: George DA: Fêted lensman loan scams War on Waste focuses on Cape’s for Africa who’s to blame? dirty waters 2 ISSUE 246 • APRIL 2020 Your favourite magazine is now available on your iPad and PC

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NEWS YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW 2020 MARCHk noseweISSUE 245e

KATZ WANTS R1m COURT BATTLE BEGINS

4 Letters FEATURES 5 Editorial 6 Spar Wars Owners of 44 Spar shops go head to head 23 Not Rocket with parent company AVAILABLE Science ON YOUR 9 Dubai’s upfront-fee loan 24 Books TABLET scammers exposed 25 Letter from Multi-million-dollar loans for Africa just a mirage? Umjindi 13 George mayor’s War on Waste raked in Download your 26 Last Round illicit profits for pals DA initiates probe which reveals host of digital edition today 27 Smalls transgressions in Eastern Cape municipality BOTH SINGLE ISSUES AND – that NPA has ignored SUBSCRIPTIONS AVAILABLE! 16 Ponzi king’s main partner in crime cheekily accused Investec of fraud PLUS never miss a copy – Tannenbaum sidekicks tried unsuccessfully to with back issues available to block bank’s R34m in mortgage claims by alleging download and store devious dealing

19 Profile: The flying activist DOWNLOAD YOUR DIGITAL Fêted aerial and underwater photographer Jean EDITION AT Tresfon trains his focus on City of Cape Town’s www.noseweek.co.za reckless contamination of its coastal waters or % 021 686 0570

3 Letters Letters to the editor should be sent by email to [email protected]

Pravin’s qualifications law-abiding, and wonderful businessmen. Viv responds: Had a good conversation And that they are now forced by the on-line with various statisticians, all YOUR RESPONSE TO NIGEL POTT’S LETTER IN Australian authorities/justice system members of Mensa, after they had (nose244) refers: while Pravin Gordhan to allow despicable South Africans read the column in Noseweek. It is might not have had the qualification to like Tannenbaum (nose245), who have a statistically interesting topic that be appointed SARS Commissioner, it is fleeced hundreds of people leaving them validates my column. In addition, the common knowledge that he (with capable destitute, to live there, untouchable by word “beautiful” presents a problem: management) turned SARS into a world- South Africa’s law enforcement agencies. what exactly does it describe? – Viv. class organisation. Perhaps they simply yearn for the You cannot say the same of Tom old days? Perhaps it’s time for the man If I’m not, scientifically speaking, the Moyane. He purged SARS of about 60 top in the street in Australia to demand most handsome, beautiful, intelligent people and closed down highly effective explanations from their “justice system”. man/woman that’s just another units. This led to a huge under-collection Gavin Varejes example of an inconvenient truth. And a of revenue. It is also why we are now Gallo Manor reminder that what matters is: I’m the paying 15% VAT. man/woman my snookums loves! – Ed. Neil Evans When fair comment is foul By email Berea highrise that should You have a point, but the major SO YOUR COLUMNIST VIV THINKS WHEN A MAN not have risen reason for the decline in tax revenue is tells his wife she’s beautiful he is in all undoubtedly the general decline in the probability lying? What a load of sexist IT IS NO SURPRISE THAT ETHEKWINI’S LAWYER economy. – Ed. rubbish perpetuating the ongoing abuse is accused of hiding from the appeal court and violence towards women, starting evidence of the municipality’s complicity Why does Australia with ideas of ownership and beauty. to avoid liability (nose245): Really surprised to see this sort of drivel That’s how the eThekwini Municipality shelter our crooks? in Noseweek. And no, it’s not satirical or rolls. Just more evidence of their less- funny. than-legal operations in Durban. IT CONTINUES TO AMAZE ME THAT AUSTRALIA, Mandy Katz Nav Chan which was once basically a prison, is Oranjezicht now populated by upstanding, Durban Stent

4 C

Editor Martin Welz [email protected] Hands of pensions! Special Correspondent Jack Lundin Designer HORTLY BEFORE GOING TO PRESS, NOSEWEEK is the devastating effect the COVID-19 virus Simon Wilson received a letter from Adamus Stem- is having on the JSE. Just look at what met, spokesman for the Association for happened to Sasol shares. The sustainability Sub-editor Fiona Harrison Monitoring and Advocacy of Govern- of the fund is now really in jeopardy. ment Pensions (AMAGP), wanting to “The government’s guarantee for the invest- Contributors publiclyS express his organisation’s thanks to ments in Eskom amounts to only 67%, and in Susan Puren, Jennifer Crocker, the opposition MPs – those of the DA in par- any event can be regarded as non-existent. We Bheki Mashile, Susan Segar, ticular – who had declared themselves willing are, therefore, inclined to ignore any promises Justin Brown, Sibusiso Biyela, to go to the highest court in the land to stop regarding guarantees for the R254bn. The Viv Vermaaak the government from accessing its employees’ carrot of being able to have representation Cartoonists pensions for another Eskom bailout. on Eskom’s board or the new company to be Stacey Stent The ANC’s labour ally, Cosatu, in February formed should not impress anybody. Accounts proposed a “special purpose vehicle” that “Remember what happened when the PIC Nicci van Doesburgh would use monies from the Government appointed two directors on the board of the [email protected] Employees Pension Fund (GEPF) through the VBS bank? According to the Motau committee Subscriptions they were ringleaders in the corruption that PIC [they obviously hadn’t yet read the Mpati Maud August Commission’s report] and other state-owned took place. [email protected] developmental institutions, to take over R250 “You are no doubt aware that almost billion of Eskom’s R450bn debt obligations.” nothing is left of the contingency reserves Advertising Please note: Cosatu did not volunteer to of the pension fund. We have pointed out 021 686 0570 invest their own pension fund’s money into before that the income from investments can [email protected] Eskom’s perpetually rising debt. no longer cover the administrative costs and All material in this issue is copyright, and belongs In a media briefing to reporters, DA MPs present pension payments. Already 41% of to Chaucer Publications (Pty) Ltd, unless otherwise Natasha Mazzone, Kevin Mileham and Ghaleb monthly contributions by serving members is indicated. No part of the material may be quoted, Cachalia (all active members of Parliament’s used for this purpose. The eventual effect is photocopied, reproduced or be stored by any Standing Committee on Finance [Scof]), said obvious. electronic system without prior written permission. Disclaimer: While every reasonable effort is taken to the DA, would only accept a plan to invest “Despite the truly dangerous situation the ensure the accuracy and soundness of the contents of government pensions in Eskom if the govern- GEPF is in, the ANC and Cosatu seem hell- this publication, neither the authors nor the publisher ment implemented far-reaching reforms bent on their crazy plan to save Eskom. will bear any responsibility for the consequences of at Eskom, including tackling governance “Thank you once again for your support. We any actions based on information contained. Printed and Published by Chaucer Publications (Pty) Ltd. challenges, financial leakages and an opera- rely heavily on members of the opposition to tional crisis that has resulted in repeated safeguard our pension fund.” load shedding. Government employees and pensioners are “In the interim we as the DA will make not the only ones who need to worry about the sure government doesn’t touch a cent of management of their pension fund. Pension their employees’ pension money, until we are funds have generally been long regarded by convinced that it is a safe and secure invest- the financial sector as “victim capital”. The ment,” said Mazzone. bigger the fund, the bigger the prospects to Stemmet’s response: “Thank you very much hide their misdeeds. for your support in this matter. We really As Noseweek readers would have gath- need it as we have the dangerous situation ered from our recent reports on the matter, SUBSCRIPTION RATES where the ANC is in control at all levels Amplats pensioners, too, have reason to pertaining to the pension fund: the Board worry about their employer’s secretive plans Print of Trustees, where the government (ANC) to transfer their multi-billion-rand pension SA only R420 appoints half the members, and unions, six. fund to Old Mutual’s massive “umbrella Neighbouring states (airmail) R620 Only two members are elected, with only one fund” over which they will have absolutely no Europe, Americas and Australasia R760 representing the 400,000-plus pensioners. control. More about that in our forthcoming Internet edition At the PIC, the whole board is appointed by issue. 1 year R305 the government, so effectively the ANC is in In the meantime maybe they will find some Combined control of the management of the pension perverse consolation in the recent words of Print+Internet (SA only) R520 fund as well as the investments made by respected financial commentator Magnus To subscribe their corporation. Heystek: “The other day I still read about By phone (021) 686 0570 “We at AMAGP have warned before that some company promising a ‘carefree retire- despite the rosy picture the GEPF presented ment’. There is no such thing. Traditional Online (pay by credit card): www.noseweek.co.za to Scof on 19 February 2020 (repeated in their retirement strategies (equities, property and latest newsletter), the GEPF cannot afford a little cash) have been gutted over the past Email [email protected] the R254 billion to save Eskom, as suggested 5-10 years. Most retirement dreams have by Cosatu. A new factor affecting the GEPF been shattered...” – The Editor. (Note: cheques no longer accepted) Further information NOSEWEEK April 2020 Call (021) 686 0570; fax 021 6865 0573 or email [email protected] SPAR WARS Owners of 44 Spar shops go head-to-head with HQ

PAR GROUP LTD AND THE GROUP OF a much watered-down version of what in the High Court in Pietermaritzburg stores owned under the Spar was originally claimed and reported in when it was postponed until late May. banner by the Giannacopoulos the media. In yet another move, Spar also family, are involved in a dirty The trouble started more than a changed the family group’s terms of war of words and actions that year ago when Spar decided at a closed trading from a 30-day to a seven-day couldS eventually reflect on the share meeting to cancel the Giannacopoulos credit line, claiming that the group price of the JSE listed company. Group’s membership of its Guild. Spar was about to go into liquidation. They The 44 Giannacopoulos-owned Spar then took over all the Giannacopoulos- also kept the shops short-supplied of shops, that employ close on 3,000 owned stores on the back of an order bread and milk. people, claim in documents submitted obtained in the North Gauteng “This meant our stores, that buy to the KwaZulu-Natal High Court High Court, without prior notice to stock of around R40m per week from in Pietermaritzburg, that there has Giannocopoulos. After hearing the Spar warehouses, had to fork out been an orchestrated series of attacks other side two days later as a matter R160m to honour the new terms of on them driven by the Spar Guild of of urgency, the very same court over- trading,” says Harry Giannacopoulos, Southern Africa (an association of turned the order and the stores were one of three brothers in the family Spar shop owners) and Spar Group returned to the legal owners. business. (They paid cash on the turn.) Limited. Shortly after the Guild lost in court In an affidavit before court Harry Spar in turn accuses the family they proceeded nevertheless to cancel Giannacopoulos says the dispute group of bringing the brand into disre- the membership of the Giannacopoulos is the result of a personality clash pute because of the numerous and Group, who, when faced with the real between his brother Chris and Spar ongoing labour court cases brought possibility of losing their businesses, directors Desmond Borrageiro and against them. instituted a court action of their own Brett Botten. But it seems as though even the against both Spar Ltd and Spar Guild, “The real reason for kicking us Labour Court cases could be part of asking the court to overturn the out is money,” he says. “Our group is the onslaught because once the news- guild’s decision because it would force sourcing stock from suppliers other paper headlines have subsided, the them to close down their stores. than the Spar Group, which we are outcome of Labour Court cases is often The case was set to start on 13 March entitled to do, but this has led to Spar

The Giannacopoulos owners; Harry (left), Kleomenis and Chris Daniel Ademulegun

6 losing revenue. The loss of revenue Mdluli introduces himself as has negatively affected the perfor- the HCDI’s human rights ambas- mance bonuses of Borrageiro and sador on the letters he has written Botten.” to government ministers and heads But the fight with Spar is not the of departments, complaining about group’s only concern. Inspectors of alleged human rights abuses by the the Department of Employment and Giannacopoulos brothers. But in Labour have been arriving almost spite of the ambassadorial title there daily at their stores to investigate is no sign of diplomacy when his alleged contraventions of the labour cronies protest at the stores. They laws. At one point the police, inspec- focus on a specific shop, scare off the tors from Home Affairs and the staff, the customers and the passing labour department raided 11 of their public, lock the doors and even take stores, and in February the CCMA hostages, all seemingly without any hit them with eight arbitration consequences. awards totalling R12m. The ringleader’s first lieutenant is These were granted without the Daniel Ademulegun, a former Spar group’s labour law attorney Mary employee who was fired after he alleg- Erlank being informed that the edly failed to report for work in March arbitration matter was due to be 2019. Noseweek has established that heard. The group then launched an Ademulegun tried to lodge his case urgent application in the Labour at CCMA offices in three provinces Court asking for a review and a stay and in all instances the case was of payment of the R12m. The judge dismissed. ruled in their favour as Noseweek Ademulegun lives in Richards Bay went to press. and it seems as though the Nigerian The Giannacopoulos family, on has made it his mission to try and a more personal level, has had to trash the Giannacopoulos group. In deal with house robberies, death a verbally abusive and convoluted threats and extortion. Aggressive reply to questions from Noseweek, social media campaigns, even aimed he says he has contacted the rele- at their young children, have forced vant law enforcement departments On the Acquisiton Trail them to obtain court interdicts and to start investigations based on restraining orders against the ring- evidence he supplied. WE WANT TO BUY YOUR BUSINESS!! leaders of about 60 disgruntled When asked about his role in former workers who are staging the on-going dispute between Looking for Businesses in the SERVICE/ ongoing protest action at the family- Spar and Giannacopoulos Group, owned stores in Gauteng, North Ademulegun said Spar had invited OUTSOURCING Industry - Any Industry, West and KwaZulu-Natal. him to present his evidence of preferably Healthcare, Training, Financial The protesters have recently joined how the family runs their busi- Services, IT. hands with the Economic Freedom ness and treats their staff. Some of Fighters (EFF) but are allegedly this evidence was also forwarded Typically making an Audited Net Proft being steered by the Hartbeestpoort to Noseweek in response to what afer Tax of R5 million to R30 million and Community Development Initiative Ademulegun called our “suspicious, (HCDI), a non-profit company based malicious and biased questions”. higher, with growth potental. in Schoemansville in North West. Its We received 19 screenshots of chairman, Mmeli Mdluli, is one of WhatsApp conversations on chat 100% deal, with price based on a P/E of 4 - the people against whom the family groups named “Manager group” and 6, mainly cash paid, and some payment has obtained a restraining order. “Spar managers group” but there linked to future profts warranty. Mdluli says it is clear his organisa- was no proof that the messages and tion is a threat to all businesses that names were indeed authentic. Owner managed, who will stay on during do not adhere to labour laws and the Last year the Giannacopoulos Constitution. family obtained an urgent earn out period, preferably indefnitely, “Right now the EFF is at the high court order to confiscate but negotable. companies’ head office in Sinoville, Ademulegun’s phones and shut Pretoria where they will close them down his defamatory WhatsApp The Buyer is 51% BEE owned, which will down today,” the 47-year-old told groups and Facebook pages where add value to a business requiring BEE. Noseweek during a phone call, not death threats were made against short of big talk about his organi- them. A professional data analyst sation’s ability to trigger the red has since compiled a 60-page Win4Me (Pty) Ltd Business Brokers overalls into action, in order to once report that shows who Ademulegun Jef 082 371 0000 [email protected] again cause chaos at Spar and Tops contacted and where some of his www.win4me.org stores owned by the family group. money came from.

NOSEWEEK April 2020 7 conversations, he also never disagreed someone called Brightness: or denied any of the highly inflam- Ademulegun: “Spars in Empangeni matory statements made against the and Spars in Richards Bay, why are Spar Group and the Giannacopoulos- we not telling customers this is hippo- owned stores. In one conversation potamus meat they are eating?” on the chat group Ademulegun tells Brightness: “Shall I post it now or someone that he had received money [is] it already posted [?] from Pentecost. Ademulegun: “Now, now comrade, Pentecost and Borrageiro did not wake up! We are saving South reply to questions but Ademulegun Africans’ lives” told Noseweek the money he received Brightness: “Post on your Facbook was for travel costs. now. Let [’s] start to win.” However, the collusion between In response to questions sent to Spar, the Department of Employment Mdluli this was presented as fact to and Labour and Ademulegun can Noseweek and one of several accu- clearly be seen in a WhatsApp sations that he made against the message from Edward Khambudi of Giannacopoulos family. Mmeli Mdluli the Department of Labour, who asked “Evidence of game meat such as Ademulegun about annexures to hippos, zebra, kudu, wild pig and According to the report, Spar which his memorandum referred. giraffe was circulated by workers senior legal advisor Gordon Pentecost Ademulegun answered that he had from Empangeni in 2019. This game and the MD of Spar North Rand distri- asked Gordon Pentecost to share the meat is processed and sold to unsus- bution centre Desmond Borrageiro, annexures with Khambudi. “This pecting consumers.” were members of the chat groups, included statements from South Giannacopoulos lawyer Mary Erlank “Anti Giannacopoulos Match” and Africans of this slavery in our land responds: “Harry (Giannacopoulos) “The Whistleblower Hotline”. by the Giannacopoulos family. Let me has a permit to sell game meat as The report states that Pentecost ask Spar to assist.” such. To suggest that has included received and read 1,621 messages The following is a conversation on giraffe and hippo is ridiculous.” – By and, while he never participated in the WhatsApp between Ademulegun and Susan Puren n

8 Dubai’s loan scams for Africa Multi-million-dollar loans are, it seems, just a mirage

HE THREE VERSTER BROTHERS OF that Aras has chipped in anything for to make brass ammunition cases and Somerset West were delighted its 52%, Aras finds spurious reasons, bullets for the civilian market. The when a supposed global finan- such as late payment of SPV fees or aim was to fill the gap between cheap cial giant in the United Arab failure to supply required documents, Chinese product and “exorbitantly Emirates (UAE) offered them a to level large dollar penalties against priced” stock from Europe. Elder loanT of US$14 million (R219m) to get its clients. And if the loan-seekers brother Johann is a mining explo- their Western Cape start-up company don’t pay up, Aras moves to cancel sives technologist, Craig has a back- off the ground. their contracts. ground in information technology and Equally thrilled was budding Needless to say, none of the punters’ Jaco is a former plant-hire operations Johannesburg entrepreneur Fidelis substantial upfront payments are manager. They formed a company, Phiri, to whom the Dubai-based Aras returned, though when contracts are Quadrastar, and worked on the brass Group offered $7.4m (R115m) to fund cancelled Aras graciously offers to casings development plan for two his ambitious start-up. years. In what appears to be an opera- The Versters came across the Aras tion targeted at Africa, Noseweek The three of us are Group through a colourful Bulawayo has details of six more punters – in local named Wilson Sezi, who had Botswana, Tanzania and Nigeria – worked with Johann Verster in who have received offers of loans from working through our Zimbabwe. Sezi was acting as a partner Aras totalling $1.2 billion (R18bn). with Aras’s agent in the Emirates, However, no one appears to have fellow Zimbabwean Mfowethu Nkala. received a cent, which has aroused the personal financial When he was unemployed in 2018 interest of the Hawks, for Aras insists Wilson Sezi hit the headlines after on substantial upfront payments from positions and making filing a $3,800 (R59,545/month) main- its loan-seekers. These, they claim, tenance claim against his former are to pay for the establishment and girlfriend, Ruth Ncube, boss of the capitalisation of SPV companies great adjustments as a Zimbabwe International Trade Fair. (special purpose vehicles) which they His claim that they were “customarily would register in Dubai’s Ajman Free married” was rejected by the magis- Zone to handle each transaction. Aras result of this fake loan trate who agreed with Ncube that the would own 52% of these SPVs, with marriage was never lawful as Sezi the loan-seekers’ contributions giving offset initial contributions against the had not paid lebola. them 48%. hefty additional cost of a new contrac- Nkala introduced the Versters In what seems to be a regular pattern, tual relationship. to Aras Group, who agreed to loan after shelling out these upfront The plan of the Verster brothers them $14m for their start-up. First, payments – more than $241,000 – Johann, 57, Craig, 52, and Jaco, though, Aras insisted they must (R3.8m) each for the Versters and 48 – was to establish manufacturing establish a new company in Mauritius Fidelis Phiri – and with no evidence plants in Somerset West and Thailand or Botswana. They obliged with

NOSEWEEK April 2020 9 Oakbridge (Pty) Ltd, incorporated in code (International Bank Account Ten days after the Versters received Botswana. Also, they must pay Aras Number for cross-border transac- this report, Aras raised an invoice $241,287 (R3.8m) upfront for the tions), their payment was reversed demanding a $15,822 (R247,900) establishment and capitalisation of and it took 16 days before the transfer fee for their late SPV payment. The the Dubai SPV. finally went through. brothers paid this under protest. In its many trade press write-ups, Aras sent them a certificate of Aras’s Najjar then claimed that they Aras Group claims to have 100-plus incorporation in Dubai’s Ajman Free had failed to meet the four-week employees in Dubai and to have Zone of the SPV company named deadline for the supply of documents arranged US$816m worth of loans Aras Project 739 Ltd, incorporated on – although, along with the accusation, to more than 100 start-ups across 21 October 2019, to handle the loan Aras admitted that the required docu- the globe. They have explained transaction. There was no proof that ments had been received the night their niche to the trade press: “With Aras had injected any capital for its before the deadline. banks remaining asset focussed and 52% share of the company. Aras’s $14m loan to the brothers’ becoming more risk averse, mid- Oakbridge company was due in market firms can struggle to access tranches; the first, on 20 November traditional forms of funding. This 2019. It never arrived. On 26 creates a clear opportunity for private December Najjar emailed that the debt to fill the gap.” group was “initiating prearrange- However, the loans – no recipients ment of pay-out”, but no funds were have been named – don’t come from forthcoming. Aras Group, who say that they, in On 31 December Najjar emailed: turn, raise the money from financial “We are entitled to withdraw from the institutions and wealthy Gulf Arabs. contract. We have not yet made use of Last September the three Verster this because we are still convinced of brothers flew to Dubai to sign the the implementation of your project.” final documents for their $14m loan. On 8 January 2020: “The delays On arrival they were wafted from that have occurred so far are solely the airport in a Rolls-Royce Ghost to due to your omissions and we have the Aras offices high in The H Dubai been entitled to withdraw from the Office Tower, with a panoramic view contract for a long time.” over the old city. On 21 January: “We are still In the boardroom they met convinced of the project planning, the group’s top dog, “key account especially that it can be successful. manager” Frank Khan, and the head We therefore propose that a new of audit, Hassan Najjar. The tanned financing contract be concluded. We and balding Kahn, who appeared to will credit the cost contribution you be in his 60s, was casually dressed Stung: Fidelis Phiri made to the new contract.” in cotton jacket and jeans. Khan, a On 30 January (by which date German national, claimed he could Previously, Aras had concen- the first three tranches of the loan not speak English – unheard of for trated its activities in Frank Khan’s should have been paid): “In order to a German global businessman – so Germany, but between 2017 and proceed further with your project the conversation with him was tedious, September 2019 Aras featured in existing contract should be cancelled. conducted through an interpreter. what a Level 1 red flag corporate Our company waives the claims for Hassan Najjar, clad in an expen- intelligence report, commissioned by damages which we are entitled to sive grey suit and sporting an over- the Versters, describes as “approxi- under the contract, but only on the sized wristwatch, told the brothers mately 15 highly derogatory articles” mandatory condition that you apply that he was a Jordanian chartered in the US-based German language for a new project or the revised old accountant. “He came across as arro- website Gerlach Report. project again.” gant and controlling,” says Craig The primary allegation in Gerlach, On 9 February the Versters informed Verster. Also present was managing says the intelligence report, “is that Aras that they would not sign the director Ashraf Mahmud, resplendent Aras Group fraudulently makes cancellation contract and gave Aras in full Emirati dress, who said his money by charging clients up to notice of breach of contract. family were pearl traders. A corporate US$290,000 to secure massive loans On 17 February Aras responded, data report lists Mahmud as Aras that ultimately never materialise”. stating it had terminated the loan Group’s sole shareholder. They “also contain claims of terror agreement contract without notice At the meeting, the Versters were financing, extortion and defamation, and was withdrawing. They said the told they had just five days to pay and that an investigation into the Versters had failed to comply with the the $241,287 establishment and company was active in Germany.” documents deadline, had been unable capitalisation fees for the SPV. What The intelligence report concludes to provide “proof of invested funds” in with travelling time and two public that the identified issues are not valid documented form [presumably holidays looming in Botswana, the considered severe, that the informa- the SPV payment] and had declared brothers said this was impossible. In tion is unreliable or not credible and their company’s income in rands the end, thanks to an incorrect IBAN the risk “minimal”. instead of US dollars.

10 Aras demanded $503,406 compen- protection in 2016. sation (R7.9m) by 25 February, failing Phiri, who holds a degree in which “we will seek judicial assis- mechanical engineering, decided to tance”. form a company called Dekha Cables. Says Craig Verster: “Total funds He was offered a $7.5m loan (R117m) paid to the Aras Group amount to by Aras to set up a plant making elec- $257,109 (R4m). And now they claim trical cables. However, like the Verster compensation of another $503,000! brothers, Phiri was first required to “The three of us (the Verster finance the establishment and capi- brothers) are working through our talisation of an SPV company in personal financial positions and Dubai, for which he duly handed over making great adjustments as a result $241,316 (R3.8m) to Aras. of this fake loan. It’s impossible to As with the Versters, no loan money attach an accurate value to our direct was forthcoming, just the usual accu- Evidence for the Versters’ case piles up and indirect damages and losses at sations of outstanding documents etc present, as we are still busy cancel- from Dubai. be borrowers from Aras Group in On 30 January Hassan Najjar told Botswana, Tanzania and Nigeria? Phiri that the “next step” was for him Aras’s agent for all of these deals was ‘Apart from two to cancel the contract, after which Mfowethu Nkala, who also set up the “we will initiate further steps to Versters/Quadrastar deal, as well as exceptions, there ensure the refinancing.” Najjar added Fidelis Phiri’s. It won’t please Aras, the carrot: “A pay-out by the end of but Noseweek holds a document from February beginning of March seems Nkala’s files that includes details of is no contractual to be realistic.” all eight “loans”, as well as Nkala’s In a separate email Najjar said frank comments on the status of each that an advance payment of 400,000 at 17 February. Some extracts: relationship with the dirhams – that’s $108,916 or R1.7m – l Quadrastar (South Africa): loan was required as “down-payment” for a $14m. “Project has exceeded the pay other companies you new contractual relationship. “Due to date and client taking legal action.” the cancellation agreement we have l Dekha Cables (South Africa): loan incurred an inconsiderable [sic] finan- $7.5m. “Client not paid. Tricked into have mentioned’ cial loss, which should be compen- cancelling his contract and now being sated with the planned new contract,” asked to pay an additional $100,000.” ling and reversing our contractual said Najjar. l Catfin Finance (Botwsana): loan obligations. This has come at a huge As Noseweek went to press Fidelis $75m. “Client made to pay a fine for personal and financial loss to the Phiri was veering between joining the late payment of SPV of $140,000. three families and will have a knock- Verster brothers in bringing criminal Project documents currently being on effect for many years.” charges and civil claims against Aras reviewed and client not yet told me This sorry scenario has been virtu- in Botswana and Dubai and playing outcome or when he will get his funds.” ally duplicated in the case of would-be a waiting game in the hope that Aras l MilkAfric (Botswana): loan Johannesburg entrepreneur Fidelis would pay back his R3.8m. Having $9,422,939. “Client to sign contract.” Phiri, 34, former maintenance engi- initially promised to tell the whole l Power Tower Integrated (Bot- neer with SunEdison Energy Southern story to Noseweek, Phiri changed his swana): $800m. “Client requested to Africa, whose solar giant parent in the mind and would not accept calls. show proof of funds, ie $10m for [SPV] US filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy And those six other African would- equity which will be paid to Aras.”

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NOSEWEEK April 2020 11 l Champrimo Innovative Livestock is progressing with their funding and materialising. (Botswana): loan $246,075,266. had [sic] since resolved their issue The response came from one “Client being asked to pay $240,000 with Aras. Nader Al Laithi in the Aras legal for due diligence. Client refused and “With regard to the other projects department. “Your questions have Aras has reverted back and said they you mentioned, I am not aware of any somehow left us astonished,” runs are going the SPV route and will problems. You can also contact Aras his note. “First of all, we assume disregard due diligence fees.” directly. I am just an independent that you as a journalist are aware l Swiftline Logistics (Tanzania): agent and thus not authorised to that the data requested by you $8.9m. “Client being asked to pay speak on their behalf. With regards to about companies and individuals $240,000 for due diligence. Client the Quadrastar issue, please ensure are subject to data protection, refused… (as above).” you get the real facts from the project which is applicable in both UAE l Coal to Power plant (Nigeria): owner as he is very much aware of and your country. $100,000m. “Client being asked to what went wrong.” “In principle, we are happy to give pay $240,000 for due diligence. Client We emailed Aras Group’s head a statement about the companies and refused… (as above).” of audit Hassan Najjar. We asked the individuals you have mentioned Noseweek asked Mfowethu Nkala whether any loans to companies in provided you send us a statement by if any of the African loans have been Africa have been paid out, as well as the respective company or person paid out, as well as the status of his the position regarding the Versters’ where we are explicitly exempted clients’ deals listed above. We said we Quadrastar and Phiri’s Dekha from data protection. Basically, we understood the Versters and Dekha Cables. We also asked about the would like to draw your attention Cables had encountered problems. Aras policy of requesting clients to to the fact that the information Nkala, who is based in Dubai’s pay large sums upfront to capitalise you have is apparently taken over neighbouring emirate of Abu Dhabi, SPVs in Dubai and the summary by third parties without verifica- replied: “Quadrastar [the Versters] cancellation of contracts for late tion, because our company does not had contractual issues with Aras. upfront payments and documents require large advance payments, as They are better placed to explain to delivery, leaving clients substan- you write, which are subsequently you what went wrong. Dekha Cables tially out of pocket with no loans lost by the customer. “However, it can be communicated in advance that, apart from two Hot money oasis in the Middle East exceptions, there is no contractual relationship with the other compa- HE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES IS THE Khorasan all raise significant nies you have mentioned.” Tprimary financial and trading revenue in the UAE, funnelling this The following day another missive hub in the Middle East – and Dubai money through Dubai via Iran and arrives from Nader Al Laithi. Aras is now a popular tourist centre. But Pakistan,” said FINTRAC. has now received an email from there’s a darker side to the sun and Risk factors to be taken into Craig Verster, who “has been urging sand haven. A 2018 assessment by account included “general trading our company to do certain things, FINTRAC, Canada’s financial intel- companies for which client informa- including paying out a very large ligence unit with a mandate to detect tion is difficult to obtain, particularly amount of money. However, Mr money laundering and the financing those operating in economic free Verster has no claims whatsoever, of terrorist activities, said that the zones, and the country’s frequent role which will also be the basis for a UAE’s open and relatively unre- as an intermediary for international legal dispute in Botswana.” stricted free trade zones, as well as financial transfers. Al Laithi’s note continues: “Mr its exposure to higher risk jurisdic- “General trading companies that Verster literally writes that he will tions including Somalia, Afghanistan engage in what appear to be non- have media accreditation studies and Pakistan, left the Emirates at business-related transactions with carried out with the help of a jour- elevated risk of terrorist funding. multiple unrelated parties pose a nalist from South Africa. He further “Al Qaeda, the Taliban and Daesh heightened risk, since their inter- states that he will only refrain from mediary role can obfuscate the true this media accreditation if we fulfil his sender or beneficiary of funds.” demands. Since there is no legal and In other words, UAE tricksters use justified claim by Mr Verster currently documentation provided by distant against our company, we will not be loan-seekers to create a paper trail, fulfilling any unjustified claims under raise the loan money, then divert the the threat of a media investigation. funds elsewhere. “We are not making a legal evalu- ation of this procedure at this point. International reports have cate- According to jurisdiction of our gorised the UAE as a major hub country, it is a matter of coercion, if for terrorist funding and money- not of extortion, as Mr Verster laundering, estimated to have a threatens to be a ‘sensitive insidious’ global annual volume of around $2 if we do not meet his unjustified trillion. n demands.” – By Jack Lundin n

12 George mayor’s War on Waste raked in illicit profts for pals DA initiates probe which reveals host of transgressions in Eastern Cape municipality – which NPA has ignored

T READS LIKE THE PLOT OF A CRIME tion, BEE and its counterpart WMC. The latest municipal project under novel; here we have a picturesque Then the A-Team arrives in town scrutiny is War-on-Waste (WoW), South African town nestling and, without further ado, seizes which promised to provide employ- against the backdrop of a majes- the mayor’s phone and car tracking ment through the government’s tic mountain range, bordered by records. These reveal that the first Expanded Public Works Programme. ancientI yellowwood forests and end- citizen is not only a liar he is also The Hawks investigated WoW in less white sandy beaches on the In- corrupt. Obvious next question: is he 2018 and the results were handed to dian Ocean. Yet this pleasant town a lone ranger? According to the script, the National Prosecuting Authority conceals a dark underbelly of corrup- no – but there are still a few more (NPA) almost a year ago. tion, where the main accused is none pages to be written. With no further action taken by the other than the mayor – who denies Welcome to George Municipality NPA, Western Cape MEC for Local any wrongdoing. where the Democratic Alliance has Government Anton Bredell appointed In true South African style, resi- been trying for months to purge itself forensic investigators Anthony Botha dents on both sides of the railway of fraud, theft, corruption, maladmin- and Annelita Mentoor to conduct a track (there really is one running istration, malpractice, undue influ- further investigation. through town) are incensed at the ence, nepotism, irregular appoint- Botha and Mentoor lined up more allegations, along with the thinly ments and inflated payments made to than 30 people for questioning, disguised racial friction, discrimina- service providers. including municipal manager Trevor

NOSEWEEK April 2020 13 sion, an emergency situation would be needed. Coincidently, at that very moment a bulldozer at the municipal landfill site broke down. And although a second one is said to have been avail- able on site, the municipal officials obtained approval to procure a bull- dozer from outside the George region. Bruiners’s company, Mr Noodles CC (not a joke), was then verbally appointed to deliver the bulldozer on an emergency basis. The investigators later found this emergency situation to be “wholly misconstrued and incor- rectly applied”. Bruiners told the investigators that Naik had also advised him to form a new company, as there was much illegal dumping in George and the municipality needed to lease tipper trucks and excavators for the clean- up. The new company, Numocento (Pty) Ltd, was quickly registered but did not supply an address in George, Executive Mayor of George, Melvin Naik and Trevor Botha which was a requirement. Unperturbed by this small techni- Botha; director of community services, cality the resourceful Naik report- Walter Hendricks; cleaning services edly arranged for Bruiners to use manager Wessel Robertson; DA poli- the George address of Rowan Botha, tician Jean Säfers and municipal a Naik relative. But the favour came employee Rowan Botha. Their main with a price tag of R100,000. persons of interest, however, were the Sometime later Botha threatened DA’s executive mayor Melvin Naik, to spill the beans after Bruiners only and Myron Bruiners, a businessman paid him R60,000. Once again Naik based in neighbouring Mossel Bay. allegedly saved the day and covered Naik introduced WoW to the George the shortfall by arranging a job for town council as a so-called mayoral Botha as the supervisor of the War-on- project in early 2017. His first step Waste project. was to source BEE companies to fulfil the contract and then carefully select one that was allegedly willing to give him and his cronies a kickback share The two firms were of the payment. Enter councillor Jean Säfers; he reportedly introduced Bruiners to paid more than R9m Naik at an after-hours meeting in the mayor’s office. Bruiners told the inves- but the council had tigators that he and Naik held follow- up meetings at: the local strawberry farm; a private game lodge in Port no record the services Elizabeth; the Spur in Hartenbos; and at the Wimpy in George. These clan- destine meetings would eventually were rendered link Bruiners and Naik by supplying compelling circumstantial evidence to support the allegations made against There was no service level agree- the mayor, the municipal manager, ment in place during the nine months Trevor Botha, and municipal officials that Mr Noodles and Numocento Hendricks and Robertson. supplied the trucks and earth-moving During their get-togethers, said equipment to the municipality – which Bruiners, Naik promised him a long- was unable to provide any record that term contract without having to go the services were in fact rendered. Yet through the legally required supply the two companies were paid more Jean Säfers chain process. To justify this diver- than R9 million.

14 Bruiners told the investigators an interdict against the party. Trevor leaders, hoping to prove they are he had handed R19,000 to cleaning Botha followed suit. corrupt and not capable to lead. services manager Robertson and that DA George constituency head, Three DA councillors who voted with Hendricks, director of community Geordin Hill-Lewis told the George the opposition against suspending services, received furniture to the Herald that the party had expected Botha – Edmund Bussack, Dawid value of R20,000. Hendricks denied Naik to follow the legal route but Willemse and Belrina Cornelius – this while Robertson admitted that that would not change anything. “Our have also lost their party membership. Bruiners paid him R19,000. Part lawyers will defend any legal action Myron Bruiners told the George of this amount apparently went to from his side,” said Hill-Lewis. Herald his conscience was clear about Robertson’s church. The DA was much criticised by oppo- what he had stated on record.“I’m glad Naik and municipal manager Trevor sition parties who accused them of something happened, but I am not Botha allegedly received kickbacks of running a public relations campaign happy with the time that has elapsed. R600,000 each from Bruiners. Both in the run-up to the 2021 elections. “I believe there are also corrupt men denied this during questioning Dawid Camfer of the Independent ministers for whom he does favours by the forensic investigators. Civic Organisation of South Africa trying to protect Naik.” Botha explained that his visits (Icosa) told the Oudtshoorn Courant Indeed, there is much of this story to Bruiners in Mossel Bay were in that the DA was targeting coloured still to be written. – By Susan Puren n connection with inquiries regarding property investments in the area as well as discussions about other issues, while Naik told investigators that he had only met Bruiners for the first time after Mr Noodles started rendering services to the municipality. He also denied that Rowan Botha was a family member and that he had requested Bruiners to pay Botha for the use of his address in George. This is where the irrefutable evidence of phone and car tracking records enter the story; the forensic report says the municipality allo- cated a Toyota Fortuner (registration number GRG WP) to Naik and that its tracking records show it spent hours at an address in Mossel Bay belonging Stag Cronjé to Bruiners, and at the Spur in Hartenbos, where Bruiners had said Nepotism cloud hangs over DA’s one of the meetings had taken place. The records of Naik’s office phone fnance portfolio councillor showed that he had called Hendricks, N APRIL LAST YEAR, FORMER DA MEMBER report back to the council in 90 days. Robertson and Säfers at the time Iand now Minister of Public Works, Attorneys Brand & Van der Berg, when Mr Noodles was appointed and Patricia de Lille, handed a dossier to said in a recent letter that FTI rendered services to the municipality. the Public Protector in which it was Consulting’s findings are “patently The investigators came to the alleged that “VBS-style” corruption wrong” in fact and in law and that the conclusion that bribes were indeed was happening in George Municipality. council should not take further steps. paid to Naik, Trevor Botha, Hendricks It referred to a 2018 case of kickbacks They said that Old Mutual’s decision and Robertson and that it appears as if allegedly received by the son of Stag to pay Cronjé jr a referral fee stands Naik also benefited from the proceeds Cronjé, DA Portfolio Councillor for apart from the contract between Old of crime. It was recommended that Finance. Mutual and the municipality. they all pay back the money they An investigation by FTI Consulting The George Herald reported at the received and that the more-than R9m found that an investment agreement end of January that a Daniel Cronjé payment made to Mr Noodles and concluded with Old Mutual provided was to appear in the George Regional Numocento must be recovered. for a referral fee of 0.18% to be paid Court in connection with several Trevor Botha was placed on precau- to Daniel Cronjé, who is the son of counts of fraud and theft. tionary suspension. (He has since Stag Cronjé, and that this contractual It said the case stemmed from been reinstated as municipal manager undertaking constitutes a breach of several alleged incidents in 2015 when by the high court.) Naik was asked the Code of Conduct for Councillors. Cronjé, then a broker at a bank, alleg- to resign but refused to step down, Cronjé snr is yet again under scru- edly transferred some of his clients’ saying the allegations against him tiny after the George council appointed investments into his personal bank had not been proven in court. When a special committee to investigate his account. the DA subsequently cancelled his involvement in the investment. l Stag Cronjé has confirmed that membership, Naik approached the The committee, consisting of one the Daniel Cronjé charged in court is Western Cape High Court to obtain ANC and two DA councillors, has to his son. n

NOSEWEEK April 2020 15 History revisited Ponzi accomplice cheekily accused Investec of fraud for calling in loans

Tannenbaum’s top agent, Dean Rees, tried unsuccessfully to block bank’s R34m in mortgage claims by accusing it of devious dealing

N JUNE 2009 NOSEWEEK WAS THE to fund the importation of raw mate- of these “principal debtors” were wound first to expose Barry Tannenbaum’s rials used to manufacture drugs for up by the high court in 2010 and 2011 R3-billion cash pyramid or Ponzi the treatment of HIV/Aids. However, while in July 2010, a further two were scheme – an illegal form of gam- Tannenbaum faked the documentation wound up by way of voluntary resolu- bling. Major players who were used to prove that the scheme was lawful tions by the members. temptedI to participate in the “game” and ultimately the plan fell apart, as all To ward off Investec’s claims, Rees that started in 2004 and crashed in such cash pyramids inevitable do, when accused Investec of misconduct and 2009 included scores of South Africa’s the flow of new investments no longer tried to discredit the supporting docu- ultra-rich. (See box story.) grew fast enough to cover the profits ments on which Investec based their The scheme generated a turnover promised to earlier investors. claims by calling for handwriting anal- of over R3bn (some estimates put it at The battle between Rees and Investec ysis of the signatures on these docu- double that), capping Brett Kebble’s started in June 2012 when Investec ments in an attempt to prove forgery. massive gold share frauds. filed a court case against Rees as well In addition, Rees alleged that Investec A more recent follow-up investigation as his business partners Benjamin and had colluded with the liquidator of by Noseweek (nose245) has found that, Edward Jowitt. Edward Jowitt was also the wound-up companies and that despite extensive and extremely costly one of the larger investors in the Ponzi Investec conspired with auctioneers to investigations by insolvency trustees scheme. sell certain of the properties owned by and forensic auditors, a lot of the money Investec submitted 14 claims total- these entities for prices well below their that flowed in and out of the scheme to ling R34m, excluding interest. actual value. offshore bank accounts remains unac- The 14 claims were backed by loan He also alleged that Investec had not counted for. Of the money that was agreements between Investec and a adequately accounted for the proceeds recovered, most was seized by the state number of companies in which Rees had of the sales or dividends received from as the proceeds of crime. an interest. the wound-up companies. And the two main perpetrators, The majority of these principal However, an acting judge at the South Tannenbaum himself and top accom- debtors who concluded loan agreements Gauteng High Court and later five plice Dean Rees, remain safely with Investec, had been put into liqui- judges of the Supreme Court of Appeal ensconced abroad – in Australia and dation following an application by Rees largely pooh-poohed Rees’s allegations. Switzerland respectively – out of reach himself to the high court when they all On top of facing the Investec claim, of South African law enforcement agen- defaulted on their debt obligations. Rees’s own South African estate was cies. Rees wrote in an affidavit that seven placed in the hands of insolvency prac- Noseweek’s recent research has found one further ironic chapter in the story that largely escaped media atten- tion: how Rees attempted to dodge a R34-million claim Investec brought against him by accusing the bank of devious dealing and fraud. Dean Rees was one of Tannenbaum’s top collaborators, along with lawyer Darryl Leigh, in a multi-billion-rand Ponzi scheme that was launched in 2004 and went bang in 2009. The Ponzi scheme, with its too-good- to-be-true promises of quick profits, attracted hundreds of wealthy South Africans. The funds deposited with the scheme were ostensibly going to be used Dean Rees on his boat

16 Rees and Edward Jowitt. In one of the claims, Investec relied on a suretyship that was not signed by Rees. The allegations made by Rees relating to the claims were not set out with sufficient particularity to defeat what was prima facie evidence estab- lished by the certificates of indebted- ness which Investec relied upon as proof of its various demands, the judge said. “Accordingly, I do not believe that any bona fide defence has been raised in this regard,” Hutton said. Hutton found that one suretyship Private Boeing relied on by Investec was of inferior quality. titioners in 2009 by the courts after the edly provided sureties for the indebt- “Investec pleads that it is the only Ponzi scheme went under and investors edness of the principal debtor in each copy in its possession. Mr Rees has scrambled to get their money back. of the claims. Edward Jowitt allegedly seized on this and states that this is In addition, in 2011 the National provided surety for two of the claims. one of the documents he would wish to Prosecuting Authority’s (NPA) Asset Rees argued that Investec had nulli- have analysed by a handwriting expert. Forfeiture Unit (AFU) confiscated his fied his suretyships as a result of the He also denies that he signed the sure- Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano that he bought bank freezing his company accounts. tyship. The document attached to the for R4m as the car was considered He accused Investec of manipulating particulars of claim is certainly of a to have been bought with the proceeds the debtors into defaulting in terms poor quality, but it is not so illegible that of crime. of the loan agreements by unlawfully the essential requirements of a valid Rees had fled to Switzerland in early freezing their accounts, and that this suretyship cannot be easily ascertained 2009 in a Boeing he had hired for the prejudiced the sureties and released from it,” Hutton said. occasion, after making off with tens of him from these obligations. The names of the creditor and the millions of rand in loot, and he remains These sureties were “removed sure- principal debtor, as well as the limita- at large as the NPA has never applied ties”, Rees alleged. tion of the surety’s liability to R5m, can for his extradition. “I find the contention that the be “discerned with great difficulty”, the On July 13, 2012, the defendants respondents are ‘removed sureties’…to judge said. gave notice of their intention to defend be wholly unconvincing. In my view no Rees’s denial that he bound himself the action. On August 1, 2012, Mirielle bona fide defence has been disclosed on as a surety in this instance was “an Ackermann, then Investec recoveries this score,” Hutton said. opportunistic one which is not worthy officer, launched a summary judgment Rees also accused Investec of having a of credit,” Hutton said. application against Rees and Edward “collusive relationship” with his former “In the circumstances, I conclude Jowitt. business partner, Christopher Harris, that, save in the respects specifically The court hearing into the matter who in most instances was a co-surety conceded by Investec’s counsel, the was held on 18 and 19 February 2013 in respect of the principal debtors in the respondents have failed to demonstrate at the South Gauteng High Court in Investec summons, either personally or the existence of a bona fide defence. Johannesburg. Acting Judge AJ Hutton on behalf of one or more of his trusts. “In my view, Investec, as the over- gave judgment on March 5, 2013. However, Hutton said that Rees’s whelmingly successful party, is entitled Hutton said that Investec’s combined allegations accusing Investec of collu- to its costs on the attorney and client summons was a work of “epic propor- sion with Harris were devoid of any scale, as agreed to in the suretyships, tions”. “The particulars of claim run detail whatsoever. including the costs occasioned by the to some 250 pages… These claims are “Sweeping assertions of misconduct employment of two counsel,” Hutton supported by annexures which run to are made in Rees’ affidavit, but are not said. a further 700 pages. The annexures backed up with anything of substance. In his judgment, Hutton granted consist of various loan agreements, “I find that the manner in which the summary judgment to Investec for mortgage bonds, deeds of suretyship, defence of prejudice has been averred to 13 out of 14 claims totalling R31.9m, certificates of balance and the like.” be needlessly bald, vague and sketchy. excluding interest. In the particulars of claim, Investec I cannot, in these circumstances, find Of that amount of R31.9m, R26.6m indicated that either a judgment by that the defence of prejudice has been was payable by Rees, and R5.3m was default had been made against the rele- bona fide raised,” said Acting Judge jointly and severally payable by Rees vant principal debtor or that the prin- Hutton. and Edward Jowitt. cipal debtor had been wound up, Hutton Rees claimed that Harris had negoti- Jowitt and Rees challenged Hutton’s said. ated with Investec regarding the debt judgment, and the South Gauteng The Aljebani Trust, of which Benjamin defaults and had been successful in High Court granted leave to appeal to Jowitt was a trustee, and Rees alleg- securing his position to the detriment of the Supreme Court of Appeal (SCA) in

NOSEWEEK April 2020 17 Bloemfontein. principal debtors had defaulted on its The high court granted Rees leave obligations to Investec, Saldulker said. to defend one of the claims as to the Rees’s contention about “removed suretyship that Investec relied upon sureties” had not been explained, in support of that claim as it was alleg- Saldulker said. edly not signed by Rees. “Rees’s affidavit is replete with conjec- Investec also dropped its applica- ture and speculation for which there tion for penalty interest concerning the was no factual foundation. claims. “In my view, Mr Rees was sparse with The SCA matter was heard on the truth and deliberately vague,” the February 20, 2014, and five judges judge said. His claim of prejudice was considered the issue. They were at the hollow and smacked of desperation, as time: SCA Deputy President Justice did his charge that Ackermann’s affi- Kenneth Mthiyane, Justice Carole davit lacked effectiveness. Lewis, Justice Visvanathan Ponnan, “Looking at the matter at the ‘end Justice Mandisa Maya, who is now of the day’ and all the documents that President of the SCA, and Madam [were] properly before it, it cannot Justice Halima Saldulker. be said that the high court erred in The SCA ruling, written by Saldulker, granting summary judgment against with the other four judges concurring, the appellants,” the judge wrote. stated that Rees’s affidavit did not “The result is that the appeal must dispute that many loan agreements had fail,” Saldulker said, and so the SCA been concluded between the principal dismissed the appeal with costs. debtors and Investec and that mort- l When approached shortly before gage bonds had been registered against this issue of Noseweek went to press, various immovable properties as secu- Investec declined to reveal how much rity for the debts owed to Investec. they succeeded in collecting of the R34m Besides, various deeds of suretyship that they claimed from the indebted had been concluded as additional secu- companies and Rees as surety. – By Barry Tannenbaum rity for Investec’s debts, and each of the Justin Brown n From Noseweek’s exposé in June 2009… DECADE AGO SCORES OF SOUTH AFRICA’S “If you’re looking for a good deal,” we Rees hired a private Boeing and flew to Arich and famous were caught up told readers, “go to Investment Cars in Switzerland with his wife and two small in Barry Tannenbaum’s illegal ponzi Bryanston, who have on offer a new stock children. Talk had it that he had bought scheme, a fraudulent scheme on a scale of good-as-new Porsches, Lamborghinis, a house in Lausanne for several million to rival that of Brett Kebble. Rollses and Bentleys, only slightly used euros, and another in Barcelona. Noseweek had the names of many, by Tannenbaum’s victims. Poor Mr Sere- Back in Johannesburg, he was booked starting with former Pick n Pay CEO bro has even put his house up for sale.” into a suite at the Michaelangelo Sean Summers, who invested over Shortly thereafter about 200 of the (R10,000 a night) to attend the meeting R50m, and who claims he is now owed investors attended a meeting at the of panicked investors at Routledge over R100m. Just so he shouldn’t feel too offices of attorneys Routledge Modise in Modise’s office – apparently hoping to bad about it, former CEO of OK Bazaars Sandton. The meeting was chaired by a persuade them he was as much a victim Mervyn Serebro invested R25m and partner in the firm, Warren Drue, who as they were, and was “on their side” in believed he was by then owed over R50m. introduced himself as a fellow investor. attempting to recover their money. The 400 investors were believed to There to represent a whole clutch of Despite his best efforts – and attorney have lost R2 billion or more between Cape investors who had put in over Drue’s attempts to protect him from them. All of it has disappeared, most of R100m between them were attorneys unsympathetic questioners – the it via a Hong Kong bank account, to... Craig Delport (see past noses about him) majority of investors present clearly well, only Barry Tannenbaum and two or and Richard Goudvis. Surprisingly, also weren’t going to take Rees’s word for three of his local recruiting agents know there to address them was Dean Rees. it. His Prada shoes, Ed Hardy Jeans where. It has been estimated by some of those ($1,000 a pair) and spectacular gold Many were so seduced by greed, in the know that Rees made “hundreds watch did not help the situation at that they emptied their offshore dollar of millions” out of commissions he earned all. (Friends said he has a collection of and euro accounts into Tannenbaum’s by recruiting investors for the scheme. “investment” watches equal to that of the account. By the time Noseweek’s exposé That February, when Tannenbaum had late great Brett Kebble.) Immediately appeared in June 2009 they were franti- already defaulted on interest payments after the meeting Rees booked out of the cally selling the fancy cars they’d bought two months in a row and some inves- Michaelangelo and was on a flight back in a fit of euphoria only months earlier. tors had started asking nasty questions, to Switzerland. n

18 Profile The fying activist Fêted aerial and underwater photographer Jean Tresfon trains his focus on the City of Cape Town’s contamination of its coastal waters

LYING OVER CAPE TOWN IN outfall programme – and he has very misleading when they talk about his light aircraft in 2014, continued his research into the subject “treated effluent” being pumped out to marine conservation photog- for the past five years. In the process sea. When pushed, they refer to ‘pre- rapher Jean Tresfon noticed he has got to know several scientists treatment’, not ‘primary treatment’. distinct “plumes” of strange- working on this issue, including UWC It’s a play on words, but pre-treatment colouredF water drifting off some of water treatment expert Professor – what is that? Cape Town’s favourite beaches. Long Leslie Petrik and water pollution “What they actually do is pass the plumes of sewage stretched across fundi Professor Jo Barnes (nose245). sewage through a series of screens. the blue sea water, having entered “The three outfalls – one in Hout There is a 5ml or a 3ml screen to the ocean off Camps Bay, Hout Bay Bay, another in Camps Bay and remove larger objects like nappies and Green Point via underwater pipes the third in Green Point – have a and sanitary towels. Whatever is left called outfalls. combined capacity of 55 million litres just gets pumped straight into the sea. “I guess I’ve always known about of untreated effluent per day that No chemical treatment. Nothing to the outfalls. I know we pump sewage goes into the sea. I was horrified that negate the bacteria. That’s not treat- into the sea,” Tresfon told ment, that’s just screening. Noseweek. “But, like everyone There’s a big difference. It’s else, I always assumed it was done on purpose because it’s treated first and that it was the cheapest way to do it. It’s safe going into the sea.” that out-of-sight, out-of-mind Shocked by the stark contrast mentality. Nobody sees it from between brown sewage and the land as the different pipe- blue ocean, Tresfon posted the lines go out about a kilometre. photographs on to his popular “The sewage goes through marine conservation page on what is called a diffuser. It’s Facebook. But to his surprise, like having a sprinkler on the none of his nearly 16,000 end of a hosepipe. It’s meant followers was outraged. to break the flow up and let it “I realised the two things mix. But the fresh water and missing were scale and the sea don’t mix for a long context. So I went to take time.” photographs on a day when According to Tresfon, the it was really bad. The plume City’s website used to say rises to the surface most days, that the deep water outfalls but it varies. On some days it’s occur far from shore so that really bad and on others it’s the effluent is dispersed at the not as horrendous. level of the sea floor, doesn’t “I took the standard tourist reach the surface and is far shot of Robben Island, with from the shore. a 5km-long plume stretching Jean Tresfon: photographer, pilot, diver… “Even if you deem it accept- out to sea. It showed exactly able that we are using the where it was and the scale of sea as a dumping ground, the it. I posted it to social media and it 55 million litres of raw, untreated fact is it doesn’t work that way. The went viral. sewage and greywater is pumped into effluent bubbles to the surface on a “In the post, I had said it was unbe- the ocean every day via the outfalls. I regular basis and often gets blown lievable that in this day and age we discovered, with the scientists’ input, straight back to shore. just dump raw poo into the sea, as it’s what a disaster this is. “On the Atlantic Seaboard, on out of sight, out of mind. The issue “Worldwide, there are different any westerly wind – which is our ended up on the front page of most protocols for effluent treatment. prevailing winter wind – like a north- newspapers and in other media.” Terms like primary treatment and west or a west or a southwest – the Tresfon then made it his business to secondary treatment have specific effluent blows straight back to the find out what was actually happening meanings in terms of what you do to shore. You walk along that Atlantic in the City of Cape Town’s marine that effluent. The City of Cape Town is Seaboard and you smell it. Kayakers

NOSEWEEK April 2020 19 Spotted from the air: the ‘mysterious phenomenon’ of a supergroup of humpback whales feeding on krill on the West Coast paddle though it and surfers get sick.” flying a light aircraft as a hobby and photos of hundreds of fish species; the He said he and scientists like was soon taking wildlife and land- sardine run, the chokka spawning and Barnes, Petrik and others, have docu- scape photographs from the sky. Since squid mating season. I used to do the mented many cases of illness. then he’s taken footage that most surveys for the shark spotters (before Barnes says of Tresfon: “He is a photographers can’t even dream of. the white sharks started disap- superhero – not only for what he does His Facebook page, Jean Tresfon – pearing).” but for his persistence in the face of Marine Conservation Photographer, His photographer role models some unpleasant treatment at the has over 15,000 followers. On the page, are National Geographic Magazine hands of the authorities – like all of us he describes himself as “a wildlife and photographer Paul Nicklin – “an he mentions. I can produce hard-drives landscape photographer specialising amazing advocate for nature” – and full of data yet not equal the impact of in underwater and aerial images, with local photographer Thomas Peshar. one of his evocative photographs. He is a passion for showcasing his city and “They both told me to tell a story with both dedicated and extremely skilled his country”. my images.” at what he does.” “I always wanted to study marine For Tresfon, taking photographs Previously sales director for a brick biology but my dad wouldn’t let me,” from his aircraft was a game changer. company, Tresfon has been diving in Tresfon told Noseweek. “He had this He’s been flying once or twice a week the Western Cape oceans for more theory that the world is full of starving for ten years. “It’s a fantastic way to than 30 years and working full-time scientists. He said, ‘go and get a real see the marine environment. You start as an underwater cameraman for the job and when you’ve made money, you seeing patterns and you see when past ten years. can do what you like’.” those patterns start to change.” “I was one of the youngsters of So Tresfon, who went to school He has assisted the authorities by my generation who was inspired by at Bishops in Cape Town, studied reporting poaching, pollution and photographer/conservationist Jacques commerce and then worked in “a real illegal fishing and helps scientists with Cousteau. I was snorkelling at the job” as a sales director at Cape Brick their work, by flying whale surveys for age of 11, got my scuba ticket at 16 for years while doing his diving and the whale unit and helping with other and I’ve never stopped diving.” photography on the side. fisheries surveys. He learnt photography through “Then, ten years ago, I started doing He also did a lot of photography trial and error and was soon winning full-time photography. The photos I of Western Cape dams during the awards, including Getaway Gallery take are so varied. I’ve photographed drought. “I kept track of water levels Photographer of the Year in 2007. dusky dolphins, common dolphins and in all Cape Town’s six major dams.” A decade ago, Tresfon, who is bottle-nosed dolphins; whales mating “It’s taken years, but today, I’m married with three children, started – and whales with calves. I’ve taken privileged to have a solid relationship

20 with most of the marine scientists in are whales – 40 tonnes apiece. More problem for the City to deal with, he the Cape. It’s an exchange. I offer my than 100 animals. It was one of the believes there are a number of meas- time, I fly them for their surveys, and most incredible sights I’ve seen.” ures that should be taken. in return, I get massive knowledge He was one of the first people to dive “I am a realist. I know they have and education. It’s super interesting.” and film them feeding. a practical problem to deal with. Tresfon’s series of photos called The “It’s because of these beautiful sight- Obviously it would be better if they Abundance Series features photo- ings and my passion to protect our didn’t put anything into the sea, but graphs of shoals of yellowtail (“thou- beautiful oceans that I have become that’s not a reality. So I believe they sands of them boiling on the surface an environmental activist. I’m doing need to build a sewage plant to treat in spawning aggregations”). One of his this through necessity.” the sewage to secondary level before photos features three different marine Tresfon said that when he flies – pumping it into the sea. The treat- mammals in one photo – “whales about twice a week – to take photo- ment won’t do anything about the playing with dolphins playing with graphs, he takes note of the plumes bacteria and chemicals going into the seals.” and takes photographs whenever they sea, but one problem at a time. He also writes a weekly blog on his look particularly bad. He has five or “There are other things that are Facebook page. “I focus mostly on the six years of photographs of the plumes. important here, such as the fact that if bounty we have. I get to see things Through the years, he said, the City’s you treat sewage to a secondary level, most people don’t dream exist. You response has varied. “Initially they you can recover at least 50% of the have to see what I see to believe what denied it, to the point where they said water that came down the sewer line. we have under water. We have such the plumes I had photographed were So, assuming you have got a capacity an abundance of life and it’s so crucial from passing ships. of 55m litres a day, you have 25-odd to protect it. You can’t see what I’ve million litres of water a day that you seen and sit by and do nothing about are saving. protecting our oceans, rather than “Yet the City tried to build a desali- waiting till they are empty.” nation plant to save 2 million litres! In November, 2015, Tresfon spotted ‘It’s such a cheat, “Added to that, the methane and something from his plane which solids you recover from the treat- astonished him: a humpback super- only half of Camps Bay ment plant are a potential fuel source group. This mysterious phenomenon, so there would be a lot of benefit in which is fairly new to South African treating the sewage other than just whale scientists – sees up to 1,000 beach has Blue Flag helping the environment. There are a humpback whales gather to eat krill lot of other benefits to doing it prop- on the West Coast, between St Helena erly. Bay and Cape Point. status – they don’t tell The City say their main objection When they first encountered the is cost and availability of land. They phenomenon, whale researchers you that!’ say there is no land available and it said they’d never seen anything like costs too much. I find that amusing this. Humpbacks, despite migrating, because when we wanted a stadium feeding and mating in groups, are we could suddenly make a couple of normally known for being the loners “When I pointed out that the plumes billion available, build a stadium in a of the sea. Most of their lives are spent were at the exact coordinates of their year and have a piece of land available in solitude, or in small groups of up own outfalls, the story changed to, but something as important as City to seven individuals for short lengths ‘Okay, maybe it’s not a passing ship sewage, we can’t do. of time. But in recent years scientists but its not harmful to the environ- “Also the DA is hellbent at the have reported more than 22 cases ment’. Then, two years later and after moment on selling off that Maiden’s where humpback “supergroups” – of millions of rands were spent on a Cove piece of land in Camps Bay and 20 to 200 whales – have appeared off report that was too damning for them the southwest coast of South Africa. to release to the public, they changed Tresfon, who wrote movingly about tune to say, ‘Okay, it might be harmful his first supergroup encounter on his to the environment but there are other IF YOU RENT PROPERTY blog, was the first person to get an sources of pollution, like stormwater aerial photo of the phenomenon. “I drains and informal settlements.’ KEEP THIS NUMBER took a photo with over 100 humpback “Now we’re at the stage where they whales tightly gathered in a dense are saying, ‘Okay, it’s harmful but I CAN HELP YOU WITH aggregation that has never been what choice do we have?’” seen in the world before. In fact, the In the past, said Tresfon, he has, PROBLEM TENANTS scientists who wrote the paper on the been invited to meetings of the City’s I CAN ASSIST YOU WITH THE supergroup phenomenon published a Water and Sanitation committee – “I RENTAL HOUSING TRIBUNAL peer reviewed paper on it, using my assume to shut me up”. photograph. “The bottom line, as per the people IF YOU DON’T NEED ME NOW, “I saw a disturbance offshore and in charge, is budget. They say there YOU WILL LATER went to check it out. At first I thought isn’t the money to build a treatment ‘wow, a lot of dolphins’, then I thought, plant.” JOHN: 082 901 0824 ‘hold on, those are not dolphins, they While Tresfon concedes it is a huge

NOSEWEEK April 2020 21 Visible pollution: sewage from the City Bowl is discharged into the sea from the Green Point marine outfall having it developed into shops, hotels tion zone. So you are basically swim- our coast where people can be at risk and restaurants, but it is the last ming and surfing in raw sewage – yet of getting seriously ill. available piece of land and it is the it’s a Blue Flag beach. So this whole “When the report was released, perfect spot for a sewage plant. thing is a joke.’’ the City did not release the publicly You don’t have to have the old-fash- Tresfon said second prize, if no plant funded report to the public. Instead ioned sewage plant that’s an open water is built, would be to cap the output at they issued a press release referring to source that smells. That’s technology of current levels. He explains: “The three the report, and it said that the report 40 years ago. You can build an under- main outfalls have a capacity of 55 absolves the City from any wrong and ground plant. It doesn’t have to be million litres a day, and the sewage shows there is nothing wrong with smelly, or invasive or an eyesore. These obviously increases at a corresponding the sea and it’s all fine to swim there. things can be done if there is a will. rate to the population, which doubles That’s not what the report said at all. “They say it is all about money, but every seven to ten years, so there So there’s been a lot of sneakiness the rates paid by the Camps Bay or comes a point when the sea cannot along the way from the City. Atlantic Seaboard ratepayers’ asso- cope with the amount of sewage being “On top of this, the City used to have ciations, for example – who are very dumped into it a coastal waters discharge permit to anti what’s going on – are some of the “I think we are already at that point discharge the sewage into the sea. But highest in the country. They pay three but if you accept we are not there yet, in 2003, most of our Cape Coast was or four times more for sewage removal we need to start planning now for an declared a Marine Protected Area. The than other people and yet the sewage alternative. The City has done nothing National Environment Management literally goes down a pipe and gets in the five years I’ve been hammering Act and the Marine Living Resources pumped into the sea. home the message. Not a single thing. Act both prohibit the dumping of “And don’t even get me started on In fact, it’s got worse.” waste into a marine protected area the Camps Bay’s Blue Flag status as Tresfon referred to a report from the without permission.” it’s such a cheat. Only half the beach CSIR, commissioned by the City (“but Jean Tresfon will continue taking is a Blue Flag beach. They don’t tell which was not independent because photographs and being an activist for you that. Testing is done only three the City insisted on doing a lot of its the Western Cape’s waters. “As my months a year when the prevailing own testing”) which concluded that wife put it, I’ve become the poster boy wind is southeast and offshore. The there is not an imminent ecological for shit in the water in Cape Town! testing is once every two weeks or disaster from dumping raw sewage “I never wanted that. I don’t want something like that. It’s a total cheat, into the ocean. to fight with the City. I don’t need the and it doesn’t reflect the fact that “But, in the conclusion, the CSIR recognition, fame, or notoriety. I am Camps Bay itself has a pipeline that scientists still distanced themselves not looking for attention. comes out near Maiden’s Cove. And from that and said the practice is “What I want is for the City of Cape very often the sewage goes straight frowned upon, has to be changed and Town to just do their job.” – By Sue back into the bay that acts as a reten- that there are significant areas along Segar n

22 Not rocket science SIBUSISO BIYELA

The subtle art of changing minds

HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A SCIENCE around climate change have shaped connection, where they feel heard and communicator, someone who helps action to combat it. She says scientists understood rather than attacked. other people understand complex mistakenly believed that the facts Think of people who believe in or technical information about alone would prompt governments to things like “white genocide,” or that our world, before I even knew it take action. vaccines cause autism in children. wasI called “science communication” or But human beings do not work Their fears are very real, but their understood it to be a viable career. like that. Too much room was left conclusions are flawed. From a young age I have been for debate, and money has played an Of course, some people cannot be sharing interesting knowledge with important role in pushing the narra- reasoned with; they can refuse to be. my friends and family based on what tive of “climate scepticism.” So, it might be helpful to address indi- I have learned. Looking back, it felt At an academic science communica- viduals instead of groups as you can’t good when they would see something tion conference (SciComm 100) that I reason with a blood-thirsty mob. brand new, in things they previously attended at Stellenbosch University To me, nothing beats human conver- took for granted, just like I had. in 2018, some speakers lamented the sations full of empathy and kindness. I like to share how something new many failed efforts to change people’s And to start conversations with a goal I have learned has changed my world minds by just dumping facts on them. of learning and teaching, instead of view, and if something is complex, Dietram A Scheufele, a science com- “destroying” your “opponent”. They I break it down into simpler bits in municator at University of Wisconsin- call this the Socratic method of debate the same way I did to wrap my head Madison, told me that growing polit- and we need more of it around it first. ical divides and online echo chambers today. n This brings me to an important are reasons why facts do not easily lesson in science communication: facts convince people. do care about your feelings. “To protect our identities and our Those of us who consider ourselves belief systems, we’re adjusting rational thinkers have a tendency to the facts to fit our beliefs, overestimate our ability to change instead of adjusting our people’s minds simply by presenting beliefs to fit the facts,” the facts. Smoking tobacco, driving he said. without a seat belt, and choosing an The key is to under- unhealthy diet are just a few exam- stand why people ples of how people do not necessarily have certain beliefs make the best decisions even with in the first place, and access to the best information. to realise that distrust Since climate change science became in authority and expertise a political football in America, the might be why they recoil when whole world has caught a cold from presented with new information. that sneeze of greed and stupidity. The Ridiculous as purveyors of United States of America is a global the flat earth movement may be, powerhouse of science and technology, at the core of their perception of yet president Donald Trump tells the reality is a very real distrust of World Economic Forum 2020 – where authorities they feel have lied to delegates gathered under the theme them before: “if the government of sustainability – that the climate lied about this or that, they could change message is “alarmist”. well be lying about the shape of the On that note, Professor Amanda earth, couldn’t they?” their thinking Lynch of Brown University, told me would go. that climate scientists made a mistake I believe there’s a bigger chance in how they chose to let the world that you’ll change someone’s mind know about climate change from if you acknowledge their fears and the very beginning. She’s written feelings about a topic. This is not the a book called Urgency in the same as agreeing with or condoning Anthropocene, about how narratives their belief, but it leads to a human

NOSEWEEK April 2020 23 Books JENNIFER CROCKER

8000 Days – Mandela, Mbeki and beyond

N NOVEMBER 5, 1985 AN working under Mandela in the Office a personal glimpse into how the first interview with Oliver Tambo, of the Presidency, and the quandaries four presidential administrations func- the president of the banned he faced when he visited England – tioned, and sometimes scraped by with African National Congress because of Mandela’s support for the the luck of the gods on their side. appeared in full in the Cape IRA and his open and friendly style. From the ebullience of the Mandela TimesO. At the time it was against the Heard also served under Thabo days, through the scholarly and often law to quote anyone from a banned Mbeki, alongside colleagues who had egg-shell diplomacy days of Mbeki, to organisation and Tony Heard, the then to devise strategies to mitigate Mbeki’s the caretaker presidency of the Kgalema editor, knew full well the risks he was peculiar obsession with trash-talking Motlanthe after Mbeki’s ouster as taking in publishing the interview. the link between HIV and Aids, a leader of the ANC, to the horror of the This book is not about Heard’s strange blip in the behaviour of a man arrival of the Zuma years, this is a book journey as a journalist and editor of who was a scholar and, as Heard says, for the reader who enjoys good story- the Cape Times: that story was told in would probably have been happier as telling. It is a mild and humble evalua- Cape of Storms. This is the story of what an academic than a president. (Heard tion of one man and his contribution to happened in his second career after he recalls: “Some days before Mbeki’s South African politics in the trenches of had been booted from the editorship political fate was sealed, I had an SMS Parliament rather than in the corridors of the paper in August 1987 by Times from Bheki Khumalo, who was right at of the Fourth Estate. Media Ltd, who gave no real reason for Mbeki’s side at Polokwane: “The Chief There are moments in the book and removing a principled and respected has decided to leave it to the vagaries incidents where the reader feels one journalist and editor, merely saying that of the vote.”) would like a little more juicy detail, but he had been in the position for 16 years The story that Heard weaves in 8000 Heard has not set out to be salacious. and it was time for a change. Days is by no means an exact chronicle He is free in his criticism of those he There is a poignant link though in of the times and politics of the years he deemed to be doing a bad job, but he the story of his unexpurgated interview spent as a presidential advisor. Nor does also has the ability to see that most with Tambo and his new book, which it pretend to be a definitive critique of people are a mixture of good and bad, bears a cover of Heard giving then the politics of the time. Rather, it gives or competent and incompetent. Perhaps President Nelson Mandela a framed that is his journalistic experience that picture of Tambo and himself. allows him to see the world as grey, and Being fired at 56 isn’t great, and not black and white. in 8000 Days, Heard chronicles his This story also mixes in moments of concern about what he would do next. personal reflection, as Heard became What happened next likely fell into a single father with a demanding job, place because of the respect in which about learning to sew buttons on school Heard was held by the newly returned shirts, after the tragic death of his members of the ANC, who had won an former second wife. In fact, for those election and needed to form a functional of us who knew Mary Ann Barker, his government. retelling of the night she died is one of Heard was not a member of the ANC, the most difficult parts of the book to and yet in 1994 he was approached read, but Heard tells it with economy by the irrepressible Kadar Asmal at a of style and a lack of hysteria, while party in leafy Rondebosch. Asmal was allowing the reader to sense just how about to become Minister of Water much of a seismic shock this was to his Affairs and Forestry, then a strange younger children. portfolio for a man of keen intellectual 8000 Days tells a story about our and legal gifts. But, having put together recent history, peppered with human a team – that included Heard – Kader observations and some recommenda- went on to prove that water could be tions offered as ways to take back the fun, while focusing on bringing water country Oliver Tambo once dreamed of to people as a human rights issue. Ah, and discussed with a wayward brave those were the days when ministers editor. It’s a great book to read to remind actually thought they were meant to be 8000 DAYS yourself of the things – dear heavens making a difference. by Tony Heard – the things we have been through Next he’s relating his experiences (Missing Ink) since 1994. n

24 BHEKI MASHILE Letter from Umjindi

On the light side

HE LIFE OF A NEWSPAPER (OR IN rubbish is on e.tv Extra. So what? Cape Town. That scene made interna- this case) magazine columnist Well, my keen observation was spot tional news. is not an easy one, particularly on. Suffice it to say I have a new-found for one’s state of mind. Herein Here is another gem: in February for respect for taxi drivers; you do not lies the problem: there is ab- the almost the entire month, at least mess with their livelihood. It’s a good solutelyT nothing that slips by us. Our for weeks, our little town of Barberton thing those kids ran like cheetahs minds have been programmed to com- and its surrounds was rocked by because, as God is my witness, if one ment on everything we come across, service delivery protests. And we all of them would have been caugh, the observe, hear, see, watch etc whether know how these things play out. taxi lads would have killed them and I we want to or not. We become very First, the protesters take to the would be writing about murder at my keen observers and analysts, some- streets and highlight reasonably farm gate. times too keen. legitimate gripes – followed, of course, Oh, by,the way, four police vehicles Unfortunately all too often we by the customary looting and distur- showed up right behind the taxi and find ourselves being compelled to bance of all activity, schooling, traffic the taxi guys said they we will handle comment on serious issues, like the flows etc. this. The police stood there dumb- recent Roundup herbicide threat I Now, I guess they feel they have struck, not knowing what to do. wrote about in Noseweek’s last edition done a pretty good job in destabilising Once again a word to the (nose245). But hey, every once in a Umjindi township as well as the town wise: don’t mess with taxi drivers. while one is drawn to commentg on centre, so they decide they’re now Like I said, we journos are very something that makes this columnist going to disrupt the surrounding rural perceptive. I saw this coming and thing enjoyable. So here are a couple areas. like an idiot I stood there in front of of fun observations I recently made Alas, I wake up in my usual jolly my gate watching all this go down. that I must share with you. good mood, look out the window, and It was only later, after it was all said Let’s begin with our free TV station what do I see? There are five protesters and done, that I realised I could have e.tv, I was miffed, gatvol, peed-off putting up a roadblock right in front been killed. I mean, what if one of the that it had stopped airing the likes of of my gate. taxi guys had a gun and came out Forensic Files and Unusual Suspects. I am like “What the f***k? shooting? Your favourite columnist Oh, wait a minute, they did not stop I think for a bit, and I decide to call would have taken a stray bullet – like airing them altogether, they relegated the taxi associations. happens so often in Cape Town. these true crime stories to ridiculous So the taxi guys show up and pull Yes we are keen observers, but early morning insominiac hours. But a Trojan horse manoeuvre, hiding sometimes we are stupid for the story.. hey, thank goodness they have since inside the taxi, and pop out when the Argh! Such is the life of journos, so I been brought back to a reasonable idiot protesters move closer. implore readers to appreciate what we 10pm time slot on Tuesday. Man, oh man, I thought I was seeing do because, in the words of Canadian But before then I was yelling, the 1980s all over again when the rocker Brian Adams, What we do, we screaming, shouting out like a lunatic apartheid police did the same thing in do it all for you. n and asking why can’t e.tv at least run these interesting crime stories in the time slots in which they air trailer park trash entertainment. You know, the rubbish that is Couples Court with the Cutlers, Impact (the wres- tling) Paternity Court and Judge Judy. (Okay, leave the Jud she’s a hoot). And at one point I end my mad-man- talking-alone rant at e.tv by saying, “The next thing we know these idiots will bring us Jerry Springer the king of trailer park trash tv”. A few days later e.tv announces the upcoming airing of Judge Jerry, oh yeah, like I said, we columnists are keen observers. Okay, the Jerry Service delivery protetsts

NOSEWEEK April 2020 25 Last Round VIV VERMAAK

The President’s speech reimagined

HE PRESIDENT’S RECENT SONA you’re sorry. The ANC will rule until its territorial disputes and its feisty address was described as a Jesus comes back. birds. There was a striking girl called “lame duck” and “a lead bal- “To the 1% who pay 61% of our Sleeping Duty and a fearsome chick loon”. Same old, no action. There taxes, do you want the truth? You called Godzille. But the goose who were also people who didn’t can’t handle the truth – never before got all the attention was Snow White likeT the speech. Cyril Ramaphosa has so much been owed by so many to Monopoly Capital. Everyone wanted a intended to inject some hope and so few. So, I am going to make you an piece of her because she was the goose realism into the nation with his ora- offer you can’t refuse: we are going to that laid the golden egg. Snow White tion but instead, it acted as a general tax you on the beaches, we shall fleece Monopoly Capital was always pursued anaesthetic. It needed some punch and you on the landing grounds, we shall by seven dwarfs. They were all dopey, vooma. What if history’s best scribes expropriate you in your fields. For but their names were: Julius, Floyd, conspired to re-write the event? Eskom, for SAA, for corruption we Mbuyiseni, Andile and Expropriation have not even invented yet. We shall Without Compensation. EFF Pre-Show never surrender. “One day, a big bad wolf, aka ‘Reality’ (As written by the Looney Tunes) arrived in Mzansiland ‘I am going to While suitably animated, enter- huff and I am going to puff and I am taining and cartoonish, this part could going to blow this whole place down!’ have been much shorter. Bugs Bunny, he warned. Nobody listened. It was if Fred Flintstone and The Simpsons Reality did not exist. have some pearlers which per- “The wolf took a megaphone he fectly summarises the sound and got from the ratings agencies and fury of the EFF, signifying the same repeated his mortal threat. ‘I am nothing, but saying everything of going to huff and I am going to puff worth in their antics: and I am going to blow this place “Yabba-dabba-doo! Zoinks! Pik- down!’ Pik-de Klerk! Beep! Beep! Eat my “The President was shocked, but shorts!” apart from that, no one changed their behaviour. The Main Event “The wolf shook his head. What (Reworked by Shakespeare, more could he do, really? Then he took Churchill et al) a deep breath. He huffed and he puffed This part lacked gravitas and brutal and he blew the place down like he honesty. We borrowed from the heavy- “So show me the money! Show me said he would. Even as the country lay weights of literature and the silver the money!!! Everyone will say this in ruins, people seemed to not notice screen, including some input from has been my finest hour. Go ahead, Reality had hit them. The big bad the Statue of Liberty and Alfred E make my day.” wolf was frustrated. He decided that Neuman: he would make himself even bigger; “Friends, comrades and fellow coun- surely then people would notice him? trymen, lend me your fears. I have Extra Feature On his next gig, he showed up as the nothing to offer, but the blood, toil, A Grimm Fairy Tale elephant in the room and was again tears and sweat of the tired, poor and The President’s speech had some ignored. huddled masses yearning to be free. good fantasy elements, but if you are “It is not clear whether anyone lives “What, me worry? Frankly, my dear, going to sell people fairy tales, you happily after. Could go either way, I I don’t give a damn. should make them more memorable, guess. “To those who have remarked upon according to the Brothers Grimm. “Thus, ask not what your country my presidency, it is clear you do not They also suggested stronger main can do for you, ask what you can do understand; I could have been a characters, so the story could be illus- for your country. More importantly, contender. I could have been some- trated as a children’s book, perhaps. you’ve got to ask yourself one ques- body, instead of a bum, which is what We could sell some copies to make up tion: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ I am. As you know, being a member of for the budget shortfall. “Well, do ya, punk?” the ANC means never having to say “Mzansiland was renowned for Th-th-th-that’s all folks. n

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