Throssel Hole Buddhist Abbey

August Sesshin 2018

Four talks by Rev. Leandra Robertshaw One Bright Pearl

Inspired by re-reading Master Dogen’s fascicle from the Shobogenzo Ikka Myoju (One Bright Pearl).

We all are One Bright Pearl. Please do not doubt this by undermining and devaluing yourself with your rational, judging, assessing mind. Don’t let inadequacy knock you off balance. It is not that we alone are the One Bright Pearl. All things in the universe are One Bright Pearl. This pearl is not some thing that can possessed, not some thing that can be owned by an individual; it is the manifestation of Buddha Nature. Being the One Bright Pearl doesn’t make us special, stand out above others. We all are One Bright Pearl; all things in the universe are One Bright Pearl. Yet, at times when the brilliant light of another calls for our attention and we see they are One Bright Pearl, they may seem to stand out above others.

At this I will be approaching in different ways our universality as human beings. Today we will investigate Dogen’s writing One Bright Pearl. In later talks we will consider our vows as , particularly the first vow to help all beings. I hope each of us will use this time together to contemplate our own unique way of expressing our vows in our daily lives. I invite you individually to look into the deep connectedness of all things and how this connectedness can be expressed by taking in the Treasure. During the Renewal of Vows ceremony we take refuge in the Three Treasures of Buddha, and Sangha and are guided in how best to live in this turbulent world by expressing our vows. Our lives as bodhisattvas are guided by our practice. is central. The Precepts are essential. Finding your own expression in your own authentic voice is fundamental.

Do not copy others. Do not devalue others

-2- These two precepts invite us to take refuge in the Three Treasures along with all beings. We live this life alongside others, intertwined with others. Given this, we endeavour to take true refuge which means we look beyond our personal joy and suffering. True refuge cannot be only about us.

Zazen is useless if we approach it with gain-seeking mind. Dogen illustrates this in One Bright Pearl, taking up a set of dialogues between a teacher and a student - Seppo and Gensa. Gensa was a fisherman who loved boating and fishing on the river. One day a golden-scaled fish came to him without his seeking it, and suddenly he had the urge to leave the dusty world. The fish landed itself without being fished, for Gensa was already leading a relaxed and peaceful life without worrying about the results of his efforts, yet he chooses to leave the dusty world.

You, too, must in your own way have chosen to leave the dusty world or you would not be here today. Leaving the dusty world is not restricted to occasions when you are living in the , rather it is an attitude of body and mind that lives in the world as if in the sky. Don’t be deluded or naive; rather, see that all the ten directions are both dusty and without a single speck of dust.

Gensa realised the precariousness of the floating world and the preciousness of the Buddha Way so he gave up his boat and went off into the mountains.

Stop and consider for a moment what you have given up in order to truly follow the Buddhadharma.

Gensa went to study with Seppo and after some years decided to go away and see what other teachers might have to offer. I wonder if he was looking for a more well-rounded education? Or was he at odds with his teacher? Or doubting that he could find enlightenment by

-3- staying on at Seppo’s temple? Was he bored? Was he wanting something fresh and more inspiring? I am asking such questions in case these are the sort of ideas that pull you away from your practice, just as it is now, in your daily lives.

As Gensa was walking away he stubbed his toe on a big stone. There was blood everywhere and his toe hurt horribly. He said to himself Some say the physical body doesn’t exist, so where then is this pain coming from? He went back to Seppo’s temple. Seppo said What’s happening ascetic Gensa? Gensa: The trouble is I can’t be fooled. No one can be fooled. Seppo: Is there anyone who does not have these words inside them? i.e. know this deep down. But can others express these words out loud as Gensa did? Then Seppo said So how come you decided not to leave the temple and further your education? Gensa: didn’t come to China. Eka didn’t go to India.

Historically speaking Bodhidharma did go to China but Eka didn’t go to India. So perhaps what Gensa was suggesting was that those responded to a call rather than making an intellectual or worldly decision. Gensa was hoping to learn from others, but in the end how much can we learn from others? Is it possible to find true satisfaction with secondhand knowledge? Don’t we need to experience things for ourselves? And, of course, we do learn from others; we are inspired by others.

Gensa came to see the reality of now you have, this is all . He came to see that there was nothing lacking in living with Seppo. The universe was always all that he needed and teaching at every moment (even if that teaching was sometimes painfully direct, like bashing his toe on a rock!) Sometimes people turn away from Soto Zen, or try it out in a different temple with a different flavour that they hope will suit them better, and sometimes like Gensa, they return after the detour.

-4- Are any of you willing to say I can’t be fooled?

Gensa went on to say no one can be fooled. Was he right in your case? Perhaps, we are all fooled at times until we stand on our own true ground. Part of the process of standing on our own true ground seems to be about balance, in the sense of finding our own way to learn from others without copying them. Do you really believe when it comes to rock-bottom that it is you, yourself, and nobody else who is the source of your own delusions and deceptions? Push yourself over this to see if actually you would still like to put the blame on somebody else. Uncomfortable clarity helps us to see that only we have the power to end our delusions, right here and now. Isn’t Buddhism about learning to cut through delusion? Probably most of us what to believe that delusion is caused by forces outside our control. Not so! Delusion and deception don’t come from outside.

Gensa’s I can’t be fooled acknowledges that he, and we, can’t blame anyone else for anything. This is difficult, isn’t it? No loophole, no escape route from taking full responsibility for ourselves.

Gensa became Seppo’s heir. After the stubbed toe episode Gensa never left Seppo. Who is to say whether it is better to stay with a particular teacher or to go around visiting different temples and learning from different teachers. How can we pontificate on this. It is hard enough to know what is good for us to do, let alone attempting to tell others what they should do. Though sometimes a trainee leaves the OBC to practice with another Soto Zen tradition and yet they keep returning to honour and to express gratitude to their original training place. It can be clear that they have made a beneficial move, both for themselves and for those, as a bodhisattva, they encounter in their “new” life. And, on the other hand, it may be useless to travel around if we have already found who the true teacher is for us. As we recite in Rules for : Do not travel to other dusty countries, thus forsaking your own seat.

-5- Life and the changes therein are multitudinous. Thus we need to keep sincerely asking What is good to do? This can mean following changes of direction that may feel challenging, and may disturb and puzzle others that know you.

The chapter moves onto Gensa, who now is the master of the temple, saying to his disciples/students:

The entire world in the ten direction is one bright pearl. A student asked How should I understand this? Gensa: What do you do with your understanding?

A good question for all of us to engage with. When we think we have finally understood an aspect of practice by penetrating it deeply through diligent and determined zazen, what then do we do with our understanding? Do we try to speak of it to others? If so, for whose benefit - theirs/ ours/ all of us?

When Dogen speaks of the universe in the ten directions - and he also does so frequently in other chapters of the Shobogenzo - what does he mean? Whatever we come up with, for example, vast and great, I suspect he would have said No, not that! So we try again.

Inconceivable and all encompassing. No, not that! Obvious and disclosed in perfect clarity. No, not that! Not obvious and hidden. No, not that!

If we sit with and don’t push aside Dogen’s frequent refusal not to get caught in any duality, something opens up in us even, in spite of continuing to feel we don’t understand. Dogen goes on to point out, in his poetic and paradoxical way, that the truth of non-dualism is

-6- essentially inseparable from dualism; it is not its opposite. If non-duality were the opposite of duality, it would be dualistic, whereas non-duality is real because it flows into duality. Each informs the other in the impossibility of their separation. Thus coming and going, living and dying are expressions of everyday life. The One Bright Pearl is beyond life and death in terms of coming and going, so it is real life and real death in terms of coming and going. The past days have left and present starts from here. Who can see the ten directions as moment following moment, and who can talk about the world in the ten direction as solid and stable?

So can the ten directions be described as a state of total stillness? No and Yes. Personally, I see in myself and others the ceaseless process of pursuing things to make them into self and pursuing the self to make it into things. When emotions arise, wisdom is pushed aside. Because we chase the self and make it into things, the entire world in the ten directions is ceaseless. Yet, at times during zazen we may fall into the depth of total stillness. So here again there is no dualism between different states. It is the whole universe causing things to accord with ourselves and ourselves according with things. Even when our emotions and our intellect separate us from the real universe, and we feel that separation; even then, that sense of separation is also part of reality. Our body-and-mind of each present moment is One Bright Pearl. It isn’t that there are, or are not, miscellaneous things, bits and pieces of the entire world of the ten directions. It is just that they are all One Bright Pearl.

By not having any feature and flowing endlessly, the One Bright Pearl can take on any feature according with circumstances, while simultaneously it is sweeping along without stopping for an instant. This is a way of saying that never stops, even for an instant; it has no feature and is always manifesting in accordance with differing circumstances. In asking how the One Bright Pearl might be described and then saying No! not that. Dogen is telling us that the One

-7- Bright Pearl IS the world in the ten directions, not some thing that is IN the world of the ten directions.

We should always give a pearl to a close friend. (Lotus story of a man who sewed a valuable pearl inside the clothes of a dear friend who was drunk.) When you are drunk, i.e. deluded, there is a close friend who will give the pearl to you; and you as well must give the pearl to a close friend.

Although, you may say I am not a bright pearl you should not doubt. Such doubt comes from limited views. However, limited views are merely limited views. There is nothing to despise or beat yourself up about. We all have limited views at times. In not condemning them we see them with the bright clarity of the pearl and the whole universe in the ten directions reveals the bright pearl’s infinite colours and shades. How lovely! Even our mistakes are part of the perfection of the universe. Everything is enlightened, even delusion. We must try endlessly to penetrate this mystery.

We fan ourselves (i.e. sit in zazen) even though the air is ever present. This refers to the last section of Dogen’s Genjokoan. However we assess our training to be going - whether brilliantly or failing hopelessly - it is still the One Bright Pearl. How can we not love the bright pearl? When a body-and-mind has already become a bright pearl, thereafter the body-and-mind is not personal. Then there is no worrying about whether we are a bright pearl or not a bright pearl. What arises and passes is not a substantial self. We are no longer gathering and binding weeds to trap ourselves.

When you clarify that the body-and-mind are the bright pearl, you understand the body-and-mind is not the self. Who then is there to be concerned about whether or not appearing and disappearing are the bright pearl? Even if you are concerned, that doesn’t mean you are not the bright pearl. You have come to see that your real, true nature is

-8- impersonal, and empty of any substance that appears and disappears. What results is that you are not bothered anymore about if you are, or are not, the bright pearl. Besides our daily lives, with their ups and downs, there is nothing else called the One Bright Pearl. In the midst of always changing reality, we can wholeheartedly decided to cultivate the practice of One Bright Pearl together with all beings, rather than deciding to follow blindly our desires and run away from our fears.

As Dogen says in the Zuimonki without exception everyone is a vessel of the Buddha-Dharma. Never think you are not a vehicle.

The Four Bodhisattva Vows

In talking about our bodhisattva vows my intention is to encourage each of us to find how to balance our karmic tendencies with our vows to keep awakening for the sake of the world.

As we will recite on Wednesday here are the bodhisattva vows. 1. However innumerable beings may be, I vow to save them all. 2. However inexhaustible the passions may be, I vow to transform them all. 3. However limitless the Dharma may be, I vow to understand it completely. 4. However infinite the Buddha's Truth is, I vow to realise it.

These vows can be seen as a reference to, or based, on the of Buddhism. 1. Suffering exists. 2. The cause of suffering. 3. Suffering's end. 4. The eightfold path.

-9- Ordinary beings like us, are often pulled around by our karma. Sometimes our ordinary-being nature is at the forefront and our Buddha Nature in the dark, yet at other times this is reversed and our Buddha Nature is in the light and we naturally act from the wish to help all beings. When we live by vow, our bodhisattva nature is revealed in the light.

When we receive the Precepts, as we will at the ceremony of Renewing the Precepts on Wednesday afternoon, we also make the Four Bodhisattva Vows, and we repeat the confession verse together. These vows are boundless and endless. Being able to acknowledge this fact, they won't seem quite so daunting. It can also help when we realise that we are all in this together. Letting go of the wish or expectation that at some time during our training we will be able to say to ourselves that we have completely accomplished these vows; letting go of this wish/expectation enables us to settle down with confidence so that we can keep taking the next small step in this wonderfully endless bodhisattvic practice.

In living with the Precepts as our guide and repeatedly returning to the universal essence of the four bodhisattva vows, we will be making the Precepts and the Vows our very own personal vows. We each have a unique personality and capability, so it naturally follows that we find our own particular way of helping all beings that looks for no reward or aggrandisement in our own eyes or the eyes of others.

Taking the bodhisattva vows and making repentance are both part of the Renewal of the Precepts Ceremony. Even though we vow to avoid making unwholesome karma and to create wholesome karma based on our vows, when we look closely and honestly at ourselves (as zazen keeps encouraging us to do) we often see so many things in our thoughts, speech and actions that might cause harm. In part we see so many things because our practice is being refined by zazen and things that might not have been on the radar before now are, because in the

-10- past we were not so tuned in to the seemingly tiny and insignificant small breakages of the Precepts. We have begun to see how subtly our karmic negative tendencies can manifest. We now are more sensitive to realising the ways we defile ourselves and thus twist our longing to be of help to others. Such clarity can bring shame as well as joy. We realise that the gateway to enlightenment is open, actually it always has been open. We enter the gateless gate and make a fresh start.

In Dogen's Shobogenzo chapter Keisei sanshoku (Sounds of Valley Streams and Colours of Mountains) he describes his originally personal vows. Other Zen masters also wrote about their personal vows in short writings called Hotsugan-mon. Here is what Dogen wrote:

Even though my past unwholesome karma has accumulated and there are causes and conditions that obstruct my practice of the Way, may all the buddhas and ancestors who have attained the Way bestow their compassion on me and enable me to be released from karmic entanglements, and enable me to practice without hindrances. . . . .

When buddhas and ancestors radiate their compassion in all directions, we will receive helpful conditions (and drop them off as well).

What is this Dogen is pointing to? Is he pointing to the ultimate emptiness of causes and conditions?

He goes on to say we should quietly study and penetrate the causes and conditions . . . . When we make repentance in this way, we will without fail receive invisible help from the buddhas and ancestors. . . . The power of confession melts the roots of misdeeds.

Can you too trust that we are supported in every way by the buddhas and ancestors of the past, present and future? Can you open your heart/mind to the possibility that our ancestors also count on us, on

-11- our life of practice? I don't know how many of you share this extraordinary, inexplicable sense of being continuously surrounded by a cloud of buddhas and ancestors ever longing to share and offer their compassion and wisdom so that we may practice without hindrances and touch the root of awakening. You are most blessed if you do. Realising there is no separation between buddhas and ancestors and ourselves; no separation between samsara and ; no separation between enlightenment and delusion; then there is no birth and no death. Thus we are beginning to live in Uji: Time being where all beings are time and time is all beings, so is it really a mystery that the presence of the buddhas and ancestors is so palpable? For me personably their presence can be touched and felt and I feel blessed and yet unworthy.

A vital aspect of our vows is that we don't make them to improve ourselves so as to accomplish something desirable for ourselves alone. We try to help dharma flowers bloom in muddy water. In the Shobogenzo chapter Shoji (Life and Death) there is a wonderfully inspirational sentence by Dogen: Just cast aside and forget your body-and-mind and throw them into the house of the Buddha; then all is done by the Buddha.

The arises naturally in daily lives and what does this mean in our current Western world? Might Soto Zen have changed with the times and cultures it has been transplanted into so that Zen Master Dogen might find it unrecognisable? Our lives may seem very different in many respects from our ancestors' lives but in its true essence is any human life that different from any other? Do the different cultural backgrounds mean that the human are different, or are they the same, though perhaps expressed differently? For example, Dogen was of his time and so some of his illustration of how best to practice might be misinterpreted by us living now in the West. What might he make of Soto Zen practice here at Throssel? How can we do anything different than speak the Dharma relevant and pertinent to our day and age? We

-12- need to find a balance between revering our ancestors and finding our own sense of how present day practice can best unfold.

Ending on a personal note of how my practice and vows unfold in my life today. I realise the need to live gracefully with old age and yet not indulge myself by playing the old-age card. It seems to call for patience; for instance, slowing down to accommodate bodily changes. To live without regretting youth's passing which often requires dropping off expectations based on what I used to be able to do, physically and mentally. I am called to make allowances for change without pretense or panic. So the body-and-mind can teach me how to let go of body-and-mind in this life. Zazen is as much a body practice as a heart-mind practice. What a treat to just sit in zazen with nothing to do or think and no place to go. Letting go of body-and-mind is the sitting place for us all.

We can then leave behind any measuring tool for we know we are wholeheartedly trying to give expression to living our vows. We are not judging good or bad, for how can we really know the consequences of any action beforehand. For instance, when somebody says you helped me so much when you . . . . . I am left perplexed. Did I really say that or do that? I know my memory is increasing unreliable as I get old, but did I really, or was it that the person was listening to their own voice and wisdom?

Our personal expression of the bodhisattva vows

When I first came to practice I was focussed on myself and had no spelt-out sense of being drawn to Buddhism by the wish to help other beings. I thought I was drawn to practice so that I could live fully and be completely who I was. Yet, was this really all? Why had I chosen to be a therapist if there was no seed of longing to help others? Even if that

-13- seed were earthed in soil contaminated by selfish desires - perhaps, such aspects as wanting to be well-thought of by myself and by others - that seed was a seed waiting to flowers into an all-encompassing love for all things. A love that was not personal to me. When you are holding to concepts and opinions which are always tangled up with emotions, you cannot BE true love.

As I began, and have continued, to sit regularly in zazen, I find that the self that is always running around seeking the satisfaction of desires and the self that is immovably sitting and letting go of thoughts and desires are not two selves. Sometimes one is in ascendance and so appears in the light and the other at that moment seems to have disappeared into the dark. Then inevitably they change places.

So does talking of appearing and disappearing make much sense?

We can all become stable enough to see all conditions simply as scenery that is coming and going. Actually our practice - or the movement of this world - is the mother of all buddhas. There is a continuing unfolding of our personal karma, even when we are not thinking about practice. Each one of us has some cause that leads to whatever we are doing right now. Each one of us has a different motivation, which is related to what we did in the past. There are many things that help us to practice and many things that don't. It is up to us as individuals to discern the difference.

There is no gain-seeking mind in zazen. I don't bring to the cushion an expectation that we human beings will no longer struggle with fear and desire; that the poor will become rich; that people will no longer struggle with depression, anxiety, psychosis; that society will become fair; that there will be universal equality and loving kindness; that global-warming will be halted. Nonetheless, it seems good to offer to tough, seemingly intractable circumstances. The bottom line is that suffering is suffering, bad things do happen and yet, it is good to

-14- remember that suffering and all conditions have no fixed self-nature. We have no real alternative than to trust that we can settle down and be at peace with our true selves and that this is enough. More than that; it is ALL.

In the Scripture of Great Wisdom we sing: All the Buddhas True of present, past and future they ARE all. Perhaps, unbeknownst to most of us, in doing zazen we are making the best contribution a human being can to changing our society. Our zazen is already reverberating through the world. And there are our bodhisattva vows and work to be done. We don't sit on a heavenly cloud watching the world burn.

If we look back at our ancestors and what is known of how they expressed their bodhisattva vows we can appreciate that our practice in the 21st century is still influenced by what these people did. Undoubtedly, each of us will have our personal favourites who have been most influential, most inspiring of our going on, always going on, always becoming Buddha. In the Denkoroku, Keizan tells the stories of ancestors who lived by their vows, rather than being pushed around by their individual karma. Yet, did they eliminate their karmic attributes? Not really. Personality, capability, the environment in which they were born and lived, the culture of their time and place; all these things retained their influence, as it does for each of us. However, we all try to offer ourselves for the sake of establishing the Dharma in our own unique ways. The Way is vast and we traverse it in the details of our own lives, filled with the longing to share the fruits of practice with others.

With humility we can study the example and teaching of other practitioners whether from centuries ago or from the person sitting next to you in zazen. While simultaneously we take responsibility for our own actions and their consequences. The heart of the bodhisattva is to be found in small things - in each loving thought; in each tender word;

-15- in each gesture we make towards ourselves and towards the world that surrounds us. Also, very importantly, in not looking away from what is heart-breaking and inhumane; in not turning away from extreme suffering - the drowning of refugees; the homeless, starving man or woman; the maltreated dog; the crushed and dying pheasant. Let us not allow horror shrink our hearts.

Ask yourself in what direction your personal vows point. Vows are unattainable, they are not about achieving a goal, rather, in their uncluttered, unattainable stare there is a great beauty and power. Give yourself wholeheartedly to your vows and leave behind all measuring tools. Do not judge good or bad, for how can you really know the consequences of any action. I find when someone says, for instance, you helped me so much when you . . . . I am left perplexed. Did I really say that or do that? I know my memory gets increasing unreliable as I age, but did I really? And does it matter if I don't remember the interaction as being as the other person described it, if it helped them?

Are the teachings of Dogen, for instance, applicable only to people who practised in Zen in 13th century Japan? Have they anything to do with us living in the 21st century, whether we practice as monks or as householders? Perhaps, you need to think about such a question before you follow my nudge to read Dogen's Shobogenzo-zuimonki. If you are somebody who opens up the Shobogenzo hoping on this occasion to get to the end of at least one paragraph! However, you find yourself giving up sooner than that. Well try the Zuimonki as you may find these informal talks easier going. The chapters are much shorter and may seem less confusing and contradictory than the Shobogenzo.

You may decide you would be better served by looking at teaching and practice in the 21st century. Or you could, if Dogen continues to speak to you across the centuries, consider reading commentaries on his writings from contemporary Zen practitioners such

-16- as Okumura. Undoubtedly, most contemporary Soto Zen doesn't look quite like the Soto Zen of our ancestors. At Eiheiji much of the form Dogen established remains but here at Throssel forms have been adapted to our era and culture; to our material and socio-political contemporary climate. Although, there have been changes in the form, the heart of the Bodhisattva Way remains as it always was in spite of some elements of the Judea-Christian environment seeping into our practice and some Asian elements that didn't seem to make sense leaking out.

The heart of the bodhisattva vows remains in its pure state even though the way we express the work as bodhisattvas, and the tools and opportunities we have at hand to carry out the work are different. Do we not need to recognise the particular nature of Western suffering? Yes and No. Yes in that clearly seeing the current circumstances helps us to respond skilfully, and no, because surely human suffering is and has always been based on the delusion of the existence of a separate, fixed and unchanging self. In spite of accelerating scientific discovery and the explosion of powerful technologies that assume more control of our daily lives, the stories we are telling ourselves about the nature of self haven't changed all that much. The pattern of the arising of suffering, and our liberation from it, is part of the human condition and is one of the commonalities that connects us across space and time. We need to stand at the intersection of traditional and modern buddhist practice; stand at the intersection of West and East. Then we can legitimately ask if we do need new forms. The answer can come if we investigate whether part of the holding on to old forms is the comfort that brings. Neither change for change's sake, perhaps bluffing ourselves that we want practice to remain fresh and alive; nor a resistance to change from fear of putting our heads above the parapet, or more honourably perhaps, that in changing we may lose the true essence of the bodhisattva life.

Just as the fish can't see the water and the bird can's see the air, we are driven by cultural expectations that may remain invisible to us.

-17- These invisible assumptions must surely affect the way we receive and interpret the teaching. When coming into contact with Soto Zen practitioners in different traditions than our own, the differences are in plain sight. How quickly desire and opinions arise: I wish we did it their way or what a pity they are caught up in trying to appeal to their congregations by adding unnecessary frills. Yet, these differences are not to be judged as impurities. Rather they offer an opportunity to step back and look at our habitual behaviour and sincerely ask Is ours really the best way? And then, vitally important, put the question down. Our karmic conditions are the ground of our practice, so to see them as clearly as we can and accept them with gratitude, thus our daily confusion and mistakes can show us how to grow the lotus blossom to benefit all beings. There is nowhere else to go than sitting steadily in our own lives, just as they are. As bodhisattvas we can only offer ourselves.

Saving all beings is being one with all beings. No separation. Each together is everything. Practice and enlightenment woven together - suffusing each other. For all of us our vows are embedded in our daily lives. Don't imagine that it is any different for monks; we all bring ourselves to where we live. Being human and imperfect we face similar dilemmas and challenges wheresoever we are. There is no ideal environment to hanker after, rather any environment can be a perfect one in which to ground one's practice and we are very fortunate indeed if we have allowed our hearts to guide us to what is personally the most fertile field in which to ground ourselves considering our unique personality and karmic conditioning. Of course, there are differences in monastic and lay life but it is useless to try to tot up the positives and negatives for either form of training because we will never find a hard and fast result. Simply be grateful for your own life. Don't elevate monastic life, or Throssel above the real world. If being here feels different to being at home, why is that? Do you behave differently at the monastery in spite of the familiar discriminations, dislikes and irritations? Who is different really? If you believe better why is that?

-18- Paraphrasing Okumura When we see emptiness, we realise there is no hindrance, no obstacle to block our life force. There is always a way to continue growing, a way to continue becoming Buddha. Thus we keep returning to our central vow of meditating regularly. Hopefully, we have already learnt that there is not anything more interesting, more exciting, more important to pull us off centre. This vow may at times seem the hardest of all but when we submit to it, return to it, we can settle into deep stillness where there is nothing lacking, nothing to attain.

The Sangha Refuge

I want us to consider together taking refuge. What does taking refuge mean to you? In particular, let us think about the Sangha Refuge. Does coming together with other practitioners, whether at a monastery, priory, meditation group or simply a group of like-minded friends, help you to keep practising, help you to treasure the Sangha, to treasure each other?

In the Zuimonki Dogen includes all things as Sangha. Although the sound of bamboo is marvellous, it does not sound of itself; it cries out with the help of a piece of tile. Although the colour of peach blossoms is beautiful, they do not bloom of themselves, they open with the help of the spring breeze. The condition of practising the Way is also like this. The Way is inherent in each of us; still our gaining the Way depends upon the help of co-practitioners. Though each person is brilliant, still our practising the Way needs the power of other people in the Sangha. Therefore, unifying your mind and concentrating your aspiration, practice and seek the Way together. Since sangha is born out of the realm of purity

-19- Taking refuge is a recommended part of our practice.

What do you personally take refuge in? All three treasures: Buddha - Dharma and Sangha?

Rev. Leon of Portland Priory in America is also one of the lay minister advisors working with Rev. Master Mugo. He recently wrote a letter to lay ministers in which he said that when we take refuge we exercise our ability to open the door of willingness, the willingness to see what is good to see about ourselves or the circumstances we find ourselves in. This opening the door of willingness is one of the ways we deepen our sense of refuge and we allow the strength and wisdom of the sangha to help us. We realise we need its help.

Your willingness in meeting face-to-face with somebody else and opening your secret hearts was very evident at the dharma interviews this week. It was Buddha meeting Buddha. The meeting - the looking directly at each other (eyeball to eyeball) was the essential thing. The encounter was more than the words exchanged. Thank you all for opening the door of willingness to overcome anything that might have inhibited you: perhaps anxiety; fear of revealing yourself; judgment of yourself or of me. Thank you for taking refuge. Taking refuge is NOT unidirectional; it is Buddha together with Buddha and both participate equally.

What is Sangha? There are specific , such as the Throssel Sangha; the OBC Sangha; all Soto Zen Sanghas; also all Buddhist Sanghas embracing practitioners of any denomination. Would you also include anybody following a particular religious faith? Is there really any limit? Or is the Dharma pervasive, enfolding and penetrating all things?

It is difficult to be open to change, nonetheless I have recently been reconsidering and how popular it has become. Just a

-20- reminder that mindfulness is one of the steps of the and has therefore been in Buddhism from the start. In our modern world mindfulness is very popular and it has transmogrified from what the Buddha taught. It seems to offer hope to ending human unhappiness: claiming to reduce stress; to be an answer to the search for meaning in life; to promote creativity; to improve focus at work; to ameliorate psychological problems. And on and on. Quite a claim! No wonder it is so popular.

Given the easy availability of mindfulness courses both on line and face-to-face with a facilitator, I am surprised and delighted that people still seek out Throssel and apply to come on an introductory retreat. This set me to wondering why they come.

Although there is overlap between therapeutic mindfulness and mindfulness as described by the Buddha there are also radical differences. Therapeutic mindfulness could be described as a mode of sensory enhancement; a way to become more appreciative and aesthetically aware of the beauty in ordinary mundane experiences - whereas Buddhist mindfulness is concerned with the nature of being. Also, mindfulness based stress-reduction is presented as a problem-solving technique, or a means to achieve some desired end. These ends are those which the self-as-agent and the facilitator administering the treatment programme deem worth achieving, whereas the Buddha saw mindfulness as a tool for a deep inquiry into the nature of a self who is suffering. Such a deep inquiry into the nature of self can potentially be an extremely unsettling and destabilising experience. So for those who turn to Buddhism, might it be that what is stirring in people's hearts is a realisation that all the positive promises mindfulness makes are seen from one perspective, which is an expression of dissatisfaction with one's self and one's life? It is not an inquiry into the nature of a self who is suffering, rather it encourages self-promotion and self-development.

-21- Turning again to the Four Noble Truths: Suffering exists There is a reason for suffering There is an end to suffering. The means is the Noble Eightfold path.

Buddhist mindfulness penetrates into the true nature of self, in order to see through the delusion of its inherent existence. Basic ignorance is the root cause of mental and emotional pain; it is not merely lack of knowledge, but a deeply instinctive sense of an unchanging self, of a "I", separate from all other things. When we begin to really see through this fundamental delusion that the existence of person in a world is a continuous being from the time of birth until death, the dharma gate of acceptance is already wide-open and we can begin to look through that gate. Skillful bodhisattvas help others trust this starting point of acceptance, which is not about passively doing nothing, rather it is seeing more clearly what is good to do, even though at times this may be to wait patiently. To be a bodhisattva requires integrity: no pretending; no cajoling people to join the sangha by selling Soto Zen as a feel good practice.

All of us have our difficulties and delusions, our stray opinions that aimlessly deviate from , the longing to find the Truth. However, does that mean we cannot support each other? Perhaps, acknowledging to ourselves any tendency or occasion in which we stray from the true dharma allows us to help with more humility and understanding of the human condition, knowing first-hand our innate human propensities, our karmic conditioning. We can stretch out a helping hand without any taint of superiority - or inferiority, for that matter. We are all in the same boat. Can we conduct our lives without falling into comparisons?

I still fall into the trap of comparing one with another, myself with others. However, I am getting more skillful at springing the trap before it has time to close on me. Even admiration for another can be a

-22- pitfall if we hope to mimic them; rather, we need to have the confidence to actualise the Dharma, each in our own way. Even finding ourselves, in spite of our intention not to do so, mimicking another's behaviour of body, speech and mind, we will still be revealing our own quirky way of being a mimic. It is as if, at ground zero, we are authentic in spite of our wish to copy others.

Changing direction, seeking another Sangha, another teacher is not a sin! At the centre of our being there remains the still point of trusting What is Good to Do in the sense of what is the most conducive practice for us personally, untainted by desire for something else that might seem to offer something more exciting, something new and fresh. Rather, in following what is good to do, we find something that will better help us deepen our practice so that we may find the Truth.

Some of our Sangha have after years of practising with the OBC left to join another Sangha. However, when, as they depart, they deeply bow in gratitude to what they have received, then the abundant joy of their moving on flows in all directions. It reminds me of the bows monks make to the world during the ordination ceremony in gratitude to what has brought them thus far. There is no blame, no guilt, no regrets. Ultimately, the trainee is simply following the path of their own life and in doing so, all reap the benefits.

What guides your life? Can you trust sufficiently to let go of wanting to be in control, and simply follow your heart's direction, follow bodhicitta? Different teachers open different dharma doors. A wise teacher invites individual students to see things from the perspective most useful for that particular student at that particular moment. A teacher can mirror your desires, allowing you to really see and acknowledge those desires. From your side, as a student, trust the path that leads you to your teacher, learn from them with humility and respect that is NOT about putting them on a pedestal. We all make mistakes. See mistakes with kind eyes. Try to imagine seeing through the eyes of the other.

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