THE REAL JASON ALEXANDER P. 32 O GREAT ESCAPE ROOMS P. 34 O CHRIS BACHELDER’S NEW NOVEL P. 36 O 13TH AMENDMENT P. 38

Will ’s newest soccer team be the one that SQUAD GOALS sticks? —ADAM FLANGO THE RAIN IS SLASHING DIAGONALLY AT UC’S GETTLER STADIUM ON A GLOOMY SATURDAY AFTERNOON IN LATE NOVEMBER, GUSTS OF WIND BLOWING dozens of stray soccer balls onto the field, disrupting the scrimmage. More than 100 strikers, midfielders, defenders, and goalies showed up today in hopes of earning a chance to play for FC Cincinnati, the city’s latest attempt at establishing a professional soccer franchise. Watching from the sideline, dressed in all black, is former United States CONTINUED ON P. 32

ILLUSTRATION BY ALVARO DOMINGUEZ MARCH 2016 CINCINNATIMAGAZINE.COM 31 BOOKS  DISPATCH GROWING UP IS HARD TO DO Coming of age and making do with what you got in Theresa Rebeck’s new novel. —AMANDA BOYD WALTERS National Team captain John Harkes, a pioneer in American soccer and one of those charged with making sure the beautiful game sticks in Cincinnati. T THE BEGIN- wheelhouse; the Cincin- A ning of Ther- nati-born playwright The sport has an ignominious history in the city: esa Rebeck’s and novelist is good at 11 professional teams—carrying names like Cheetahs, SPEAK EASY third novel, I’m Glad pulling back the curtain Silverbacks, and Riverhawks—from various leagues About You (Putnam), on the entertainment A SHOW ABOUT un-coupled high-school industry: the unsettling have bit the dust or left town in the last 40 years. None SOMETHING lasted longer than eight seasons. Yet the names behind sweethearts Alison and focus on Alison’s ap- X It’s not what he’s Kyle are both uncom- pearance, her creepy FC Cincinnati are convinced that this time, things will fortable—she with her relationship with a be dif erent. known for, but Jason Alexander began plodding acting career director, even an online “There’s never been the ownership that’s required,” his acting career on in New York City, he hit piece. (One com- says Jef Berding, who spent 19 years working in sales stage. Here he talks with the self-diagnos- plaint: The book too for the Bengals before leaving to become FC Cincin- about returning to ing suburban mothers often trots out “Mid- those roots for a trio at his Cincinnati westerners are rubes” nati president and general manager. “You have to have pediatrics practice. Re- to underline the gulf ownership that has suf cient capacity to be patient.” of shows with the Cincinnati Pops Orch- beck wants them to between Show People Translation: The owners need to have deep pockets estra, as well as the squirm, it would seem. and Regular Folk.) Kyle and be willing to spend. That’s where having a Lindner short, stocky, slow- As Alison gets her big seems like someone backing the club comes in handy. witted bald man he break and Kyle’s mar- Rebeck might’ve sat can’t seem to shake. riage implodes, any next to at the parish When Berding got involved with the nascent fran- moment of relief the fi sh fry, a repressed chise in 2014, he had no intention of leaving the Bengals. How do you classify two fi nd (separately rule-follower carrying But a call from Carl Lindner III has a way of altering these shows? I don’t and together) is fl eet- a very particular sort of priorities. Berding facilitated talks with UC about play- think what I’m doing ing. Considering the Catholic guilt. ing at ; Lindner, then a board mem- up there looks like 24/7/365 life we live In the end, though it a Pops show. I don’t these days, perhaps may be unsatisfying for ber at the school, saw a chance for that’s the point. the reader, the path Re- his family to own a professional want it to be A Stodgy Evening with the As we follow beck has laid for these sports team again. Symphony Hall. There Alison’s rise, it’s clear confl icted characters Fit for the Pitch With Lindner in place as owner are a lot of laughs. A we’re in Rebeck’s feels all too real. Having a coach with and CEO and the newly renovated variety show, I expect the soccer bona fi des Nippert Stadium established as the dancing girls and of John Harkes is a big home fi eld, Berding knew he had magicians—so I don’t reason for optimism think it’s that. The among the FC Cincin- the resources necessary to build a evening is focused on nati brass. “That was team from scratch. Next, he found theater music, and the part of the reason we a coach who shared his vision. connective material hired John,” says Jef “The process of building from between songs are Berding. “When fans brick and mortar is always very stories that I think come, they need to have a fair amount see high-level soccer.” intriguing,” Harkes says with a of humor in them. hint of his New Jersey accent. The There’s a general “eve- concept is not new to him. After becoming the fi rst ning with” feeling. American to play in the English Premier League—gen- erally considered the world’s preeminent soccer divi- Why was a Pops orchestra the best sion—Harkes returned in 1996 to help launch Major medium for that? League Soccer (MLS). Following stints in broadcasting I love musical theater. and front of ce positions, he’s on CONTINUED ON P. 34 CONTINUED ON P. 34 I’M GLAD ABOUT YOU, ON SALE FEB 23

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ILLUSTRATION BY PABLO 32 CINCINNATIMAGAZINE.COM MARCH 2016 CINCINNATI FC COURTESY PHOTOGRAPH HARKES JOHN / CARBONI MONIQUE © PHOTOGRAPH REBECK THERESA PLAYTIME  DISPATCH There is a thrill to singing great songs with a large orchestra. Most of the time you’re ROOM WITH doing it in a Broadway the sideline as head coach for the show, which means fi rst time in his career. you’re doing eight shows a week for six NO VIEW Do you ever feel trapped? Do you want to? Escape The team is launching as part of the months to a year. United Soccer League (USL), which has rooms—timed challenges in which participants work That’s taxing. This is together to solve a series of puzzles that lead the way doubled its size in two years and will all the joy of doing out of a locked room—have laid claim to our city, with fi eld 29 teams for the 2016 season. It’s a that and none of the themes ranging from Houdini to (of course) zombies. downside. notch below MLS, America’s top league, Your 60 minutes start...now! —AIESHA LITTLE but many of the team’s initial crop of I assume it’s a dif- players come with MLS pedigrees. “The ferent rush being START fan base is dying to have [soccer] at this on stage versus on level,” says Harkes. screen? It is a very Some, however, aren’t convinced dif erent rush. The place I get the most FC Cincinnati has done enough to gratifi cation day-to- Zombies. We know, win over those fans. As president and day as an actor is when they’re every- The namesake room is a hit, but where these days. CEO of the newly formed Dayton Dy- I’m performing live. Houdini’s Room Escape also has namo, David Satterwhite knows how There’s no safety net. Including Trapped the most Cincy-specifi c challenge: in a Room with a difficult starting a franchise can be. It is a very pure kind of Carew Tower. In “The Tower” performance. There is Zombie!, where His team played the last six seasons room, “visitors” accidentally get a certain joy to having one is chained to locked on the observation deck as the Cincinnati Saints in a semi-pro complete control of the wall as you and must fi nd a lost pair of Reds league below the USL, but he knew he your own work. solve the puzzle tickets to make it out before the couldn’t compete with the resources of that will set you game starts. We’ve all been there, free. Get out or FC Cincinnati. So he moved the team Regardless of what amirite? houdinisroomescape.com you’re doing, you will get eaten. funat to Dayton. He’s hopeful that high-level always be immedi- theweb.com/zom professional soccer can last here, but is ately referenced as bie-puzzle-room skeptical FC Cincinnati is the club to do “George Costanza it. “I’m a soccer fan in Cincinnati, but from Seinfeld.” Does their marketing doesn’t appeal to me,” that annoy you? An- noy is the wrong word. For all you Poltergeist-philes, Escape the Room says Satterwhite. “The logo, the Fútbol George has become, Challenge is the only local location with a ghost- Club—I’m not Spanish—and I have no for me, a portal in life. themed option. In “Esmeralda’s Curse,” you must idea what a grif n-winged tiger”—FC It opens many more fi nd out who killed a fortune teller before you’re Cincinnati’s mascot—“is.” doors than it closes. trapped by her curse—forever. More of a Sopranos Berding feels differently. The re- It’s a strange thing. I fan? Try recovering a family heirloom from the mob tend to think of acting instead. escapetheroomchallenge.com sponse from fans has been overwhelm- as an incredibly selfi sh ingly positive, he says. Two months career choice—no one before the fi rst home game, the team needs an actor—but to claims to have sold roughly 75 percent have done something The timeless obses- of the club seating season tickets and like Seinfeld, it has sion with Sherlock touched so many has a lofty goal of averaging 10,000 fans Holmes makes people for so long. Cincinnati Escape per game—which would have been the It is more than a TV Room’s 221B Baker second highest attendance in the USL show for them. It’s a With four challenges running Street its most in 2015. Berding also has his sights set phenomenon I can simultaneously, Breakout Cincin- popular option by on the MLS, citing the model of Orlando only be grateful for. nati of ers the most escape-room far. Apprentices I am fully aware that City SC, which jumped there after only variety: Flee before your kidnap- follow clues in the the world thinks, Oh, per returns, recover stolen art- apartment of the fi ve seasons in the USL. that’s George. But it work, fi nd a missing MI6 agent, or world’s greatest With other teams looking to follow is because of Seinfeld evacuate a tropical island before detective to solve a that same model, the fi ve-year time- that I get to do the a volcano erupts. Then...fro-yo? murder. Not quite line is unlikely, but not impossible. FC Cincinnati Pops. It is breakoutcincinnati.com elementary, but the thing that puts me Cincinnati has the resources and cred- it’s close. cincinnati on the marquee. escaperoom.com ibility necessary to be a lasting soccer —JUSTIN WILLIAMS franchise. The proof, however, will be on the pitch. JASON ALEXANDER: AN EVENING OF COMEDY FINISH AND SONG, MARCH 4–6, MUSIC HALL, CINCIN 34 CINCINNATIMAGAZINE.COM MARCH 2016NATISYMPHONY.ORG ILLUSTRATIONS BY SAM ISLAND