Notebooks of an Apocalypse — Vol. 3 / p. 1

Introduction

I had spent those years materializing Mother’s Message and trying to give its Sense, then struggling to keep her Agenda intact and free. But the main thing was still to be done: to pick up the thread of the true story, the Adventure of the species in the body’s cells, and how can one change all this “human” system? the next step of Evolution before our Earth is destroyed once more by its present inhabitants. Satprem October 12, 2000 Notebooks of an Apocalypse — Vol. 3 / p. 2

1982

The True Work begins

May 14, 1982

To bathe in this luminous silence like a million vibrating pistils.

* Impression that “one” has taken me in hand. There is like a yes.∗

May 15, 1982

To let oneself be inhabited by the Divine.

May 16-17, 1982 (night)

Vision

A first big swell from which three huge, completely black fish sprang. (The subconscient begins to let its ugly fish be seen).

May 26, 1982

(Personal letter)

∗ It was that day that I made the decision and began the yoga of the new species. Notebooks of an Apocalypse — Vol. 3 / p. 3

I am dictating to Sujata. I wish I no longer wrote at all, but I sense your question and it might be useful to take stock of the situation. What is very obvious and definitive, I think, is that I don’t want to start again the round of the scribe, write books and letters and keep human contact. It would be a complete waste of time. I want to go ahead. What was still a mere “idea” or conjecture (the transformation) has become the only urgent and imperative fact. I don’t know how to manage that, I only know that there is an imperious, inevitable and irreversible aspiration, I could say, and that it has become a sort of physical necessity, a need in the dark, and I could not do anything else anymore. I don’t know any direction, I don’t know where I am going, but somewhere it does not matter, what matters is this exclusive concentration and this unfolding of an almost physical need which contains or must contain its own ineluctable direction. It is a kind of awakening of the aspiration in the physical consciousness and it moves according to its own unknown law (unknown to me). All that I know is that I want to live within that exclusively. All that I know, mentally and almost physically, is the necessity of creating a first terrestrial sample of the new species⎯so that a first step is taken and a first possibility appears as a concrete hope, attainable by the rest of the humans who are capable of doing it. What is needed is a concrete hope for the earth and an obvious sign of its next path⎯so that all could say, even if they cannot do it yet: we are going there. It is the only obvious thing to do, even if it is impossible. What would have seemed to me in the past a sort of immoderate ambition has become a simple, indisputable fact. I don’t care at all whether I am the first sample or not, but it must take place somewhere on earth, in a first human being putting his body at the disposal of… “that.” I don’t care at all whether I succeed or not, and in a certain way, it is not my business; what is my business is to try up to the end. A few other unknown Notebooks of an Apocalypse — Vol. 3 / p. 4

people may try and are probably trying the same thing in their own way, with other words or in another form, but the evolutionary push is imperative and ineluctable and it takes hold of all those who agree to “put themselves at the disposal of that.” Whether others do it or not, I feel compelled to follow this path, without any tonality of “I” in all that⎯besides, one no longer knows at all where the I is in this groping dark in which the only hope is the divine Hand, if it cares to take mine. But since our return from Oceania, one capital and simple fact occurred: one day (it was May 14) I felt something say yes. That and the aspiration in the physical consciousness are the only two driving forces in something that otherwise seems perfectly blind. But since we are back, and as I was beginning to grope my way in all that, a thing struck me as rather obvious: I must take, or try to take, the first step by myself. A first step is needed, we could say a first breakthrough, and I really think that one can do it only by oneself. At the beginning, and Mother hesitated, wondering whether they had to take the first step by themselves, then drag the others along, but very quickly they dragged everything, or tried to drag with them the recalcitrant mass of humankind. By doing so, they were apparently hindered, but they did the Avatar’s work, which consisted in taking everything in their arms and opening the path⎯and they did open the path. Now it’s for us to go through the door. But this old scribe of old feels that he will not be able to drag along were it to be a dozen people or even two or three, without being completely hindred and obliged to absorb the difficulties of the few who would agree to follow him. A first step must absolutely be taken, and if this first step is taken, then the irrefutable proof will be there along with the power to drag a few others. But at this stage, I would only drown myself or drag behind for years. I clearly see how extremely difficult it is for a human being to stop all that makes the fabric of his life⎯stop his thoughts, stop his action, stop his feelings⎯and stay hanging in mid-air. Suddenly, it is an Notebooks of an Apocalypse — Vol. 3 / p. 5

enormous shakti [power] that pours into an empty cage in which one might go round in circles like a mad lion. In fact, this is what obliges you to try and find the way out of the cage. But for a normal human being, it is almost an impossible task or in any case a task very difficult to accomplish without going off the rails⎯in fact, you have to go off the rails … but even so without going off the rails. I cannot clearly see who could undergo this operation without my having at least taken a first step or found a first rift that would enable me to make the others go through. That is, this pretty vision I had of a dozen men that would be like the last cry of the Earth is still valid, but it seems to me that what has changed is the order of the operations. The place too seems to have changed. The Oceanian island was probably an old remnant of my Breton romanticism. The place … I will clearly know it only when I have taken the first step. Then everything will be clear, imperative and indisputable. I shall know. So it is the order of the operations that has changed, not the principle⎯and we know nothing of the world conditions that could come and change that order again. The fact is I feel less and less like moving or wanting anything that could divert this occupation within me. Even the Himalayas seem rather vague to me and do not attract me much, except if C.P.N. Singh insisted and called me with you. I no longer feel like disturbing the concentration that seems to grow every day. We’ll see. So I don’t know where I am going, but I feel that “one” has taken me in hand and that, God willing, as in that vision of 1973, (I, flat on my stomach across that black chasm, like a bridge, with my bike on my back), two big Hands will come and pull me onto the other side. Then everything else will be clear. For the time being, one is flat on one’s stomach across the black chasm. You can understand that I don’t want to write anymore but to live in that until the irrefutable sign⎯then it will be obvious for everyone and one will Notebooks of an Apocalypse — Vol. 3 / p. 6

not have to speak or write. For the moment, this is the picture as I see it, but one doesn’t know what the circumstances will suggest. Sujata told me: now that you don’t feel like moving anymore, things are going to move (!). I am always with you and with the few faithful brothers and sisters who helped me so much all those past years. Let them have faith and the patience to wait for