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PASTORAL LEADERSHIP for MANHOOD and WOMANHOOD Pastoral Leadersh.44198.I03.Qxd 5/7/04 12:38 PM Page 2 Pastoral Leadersh.44198.I03.Qxd 5/7/04 12:38 PM Page 3 Pastoral Leadersh.44198.i03.qxd 5/7/04 12:38 PM Page 1 PASTORAL LEADERSHIP FOR MANHOOD AND WOMANHOOD Pastoral Leadersh.44198.i03.qxd 5/7/04 12:38 PM Page 2 Pastoral Leadersh.44198.i03.qxd 5/7/04 12:38 PM Page 3 FOUNDATIONS FOR THE FAMILY SERIES PASTORAL LEADERSHIP for MANHOOD and WOMANHOOD WAYNE GRUDEM AND DENNIS RAINEY, EDITORS CROSSWAY BOOKS A DIVISION OF GOOD NEWS PUBLISHERS WHEATON, ILLINOIS Pastoral Leadersh.44198.i03.qxd 5/7/04 12:38 PM Page 4 Pastoral Leadership for Manhood and Womanhood Copyright © 2002 by Wayne Grudem and Dennis Rainey Published by Crossway Books A division of Good News Publishers 1300 Crescent Street Wheaton, Illinois 60187 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided by USA copyright law. Crossway’s publication of Pastoral Leadership for Manhood and Womanhood is in cooperation with FamilyLife and the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. Cover design: Josh Dennis Cover photo: Getty Images First printing, 2002 Printed in the United States of America Scripture references marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. The “NIV” and “New International Version” trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society. Use of either trademark requires the permission of International Bible Society. References marked NASB are from The New American Standard Bible. Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1975 and 1977 by The Lockman Foundation and are used by permission. References marked ESV are taken from The Holy Bible: English Standard Version®. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Pastoral leadership for manhood and womanhood / Wayne Grudem and Dennis Rainey, editors. p. cm. — (Foundations for the family series) ISBN 1-58134-419-8 (tpb. : alk. paper) 1.Pastoral counseling—Congresses. 2. Marriage counseling—Congresses. 3. Single people—Pastoral counseling of—Congresses. 4. Christian gays— Pastoral counseling of—Congresses. 5. Single. I. Grudem, Wayne A. II. Rainey, Dennis, 1948- . III.Series. BV4012.27 .P37 2002 259'.1—dc21 2002015619 CIP DP 13 12 11 10 09 08 07 06 05 04 03 02 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Pastoral Leadersh.44198.i03.qxd 5/7/04 12:38 PM Page 5 We dedicate this book to our pastors and their wives: Darryl and Holly DelHousaye of Scottsdale Bible Church, Scottsdale, Arizona Steve and Robin Farish of Crossroads Church, Libertyville, Illinois and Robert and Sherard Lewis, Bill and Ann Parkinson, and Bill and Carolyn Wellons of Fellowship Bible Church, Little Rock, Arkansas, who in their teaching and in their daily lives have given us excellent examples of biblical manhood and womanhood lived in obedience to God Pastoral Leadersh.44198.i03.qxd 5/7/04 12:38 PM Page 6 Pastoral Leadersh.44198.i03.qxd 5/7/04 12:38 PM Page 7 CONTENTS The Contributors 9 Preface Wayne Grudem and Dennis Rainey 13 Foreword Dennis Rainey 15 I. THE PASTOR’S PERSONAL LIFE 1 The Pastor’s Marriage R. Kent Hughes 23 2 The Pastor’s Responsibility for Romance in 37 His Congregation and Marriage Dennis Rainey II. THE OPPORTUNITIES TODAY 3 The Little Things That Build or Destroy Marriages 51 Danny Akin 4 Using Small Groups: The Key Strategy for 69 Building Stronger Marriages Bob Lepine 5 Cultivating a Man-Friendly Church H. B. London, Jr. 83 6 Single Adults in Your Ministry: Why They Stay and 99 Why They Stray Dick Purnell 7Father Hunger Among a Lost Generation: 117 The Pastor’s Opportunity Timothy B. Bayly 8 The Marriage Ceremony: A Cornerstone in 137 Building Godly Families Timothy B. Bayly 9 Church Discipline: God’s Tool to Preserve and 161 Heal Marriages Ken Sande Pastoral Leadersh.44198.i03.qxd 5/7/04 12:38 PM Page 8 III. THE CHALLENGES TODAY 10 How to Encourage Husbands to Lead and 189 Wives to Follow C. J. Mahaney 11 Church Ministry to Persons Tempted by Homosexuality 209 Bob Davies 12 “Someone I Love Is Gay”: Church Ministry to 231 Family and Friends Bob Davies 13 Helping Single Adults Handle Moral Failures 247 Dick Purnell 14 Pastoral Responses to Domestic Violence 265 David Powlison, Paul David Tripp, and Edward T. Welch 15 Standing Courageously in Your Home, Church, 277 and Community Paige Patterson Scripture Index 291 General Index 297 Pastoral Leadersh.44198.i03.qxd 5/7/04 12:38 PM Page 9 THE CONTRIBUTORS Danny Akin earned his B.A. in Biblical Studies from Criswell College (1980), his M.Div. from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary (1983), and his Ph.D. in Humanities from University of Texas at Arlington (1989). He is currently serving as the Vice President for Academic Administration, Dean, School of Theology, and Professor of Christian Preaching at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Daniel has been married to his wife, Charlotte Tammy, for twenty-four years and is the father of four sons. Timothy B. Bayly is a teaching elder of the Presbyterian Church in America serving as the Senior Pastor of the Church of the Good Shepherd in Bloomington, Indiana. Bayly took his B.A. in history at University of Wisconsin (Madison) and his M.Div. at Gordon- Conwell Theological Seminary. Married for twenty-seven years to Mary Lee (Taylor), the Baylys have three daughters, two sons, one son-in-law, and one grandson. Bob Davies is an administrative assistant in the Worship & Music department at University Presbyterian Church, Seattle. He is a grad- uate of Prairie Bible College, Three Hills, Alberta. He and his wife, Pam, have been married since 1985. From 1985-2001, Bob was North American Director of Exodus International, a worldwide Christian outreach to men and women seeking freedom from homosexuality. Wayne Grudem received his B.A. from Harvard, M. Div. from Westminster Theological Seminary, and Ph.D. in New Testament from Cambridge University. He is currently Research Professor of Bible and Theology at Phoenix Seminary. He has published several books, including Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (coedited Pastoral Leadersh.44198.i03.qxd 5/7/04 12:38 PM Page 10 10 PASTORAL LEADERSHIP FOR MANHOOD AND WOMANHOOD with John Piper) and Systematic Theology. He and his wife, Margaret, have been married for thirty-three years and have three adult children. R. Kent Hughes has been in the pastoral ministry for forty years, the last twenty-five years as pastor of College Church in Wheaton (Illinois). He is a graduate of both Talbot Seminary and Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. Dr. Hughes is also the author of twenty- five books, among them the best-selling Disciplines of a Godly Man. He is also editor of the ongoing fifty-volume Preaching the Word series, to which he has made numerous contributions. He and his wife Barbara have been married for forty years and have four children and eighteen grand children. Bob Lepine is co-host of the nationally syndicated radio pro- gram “FamilyLife Today.” He speaks internationally on subjects related to marriage and family. He and his wife, Mary Ann, have been married for twenty-three years, and they are the parents of five chil- dren. They live in Little Rock, Arkansas. H. B. London earned his D.D. from Nazarene Theological Seminary, Point Loma Nazarene University. He is currently serving as the Vice President of Ministry Outreach/Pastoral Ministries at Focus on the Family. He has been married to his wife, Beverley, for forty-five years, and together they have raised two children and cur- rently have four grandchildren. C. J. Mahaney is the Senior Pastor of Covenant Life Church, located in the northern suburbs of Washington, D.C. He is one of the founding pastors and has served the church since 1977. He also leads Sovereign Grace Ministries, which is involved in planting and sup- porting local churches in the U.S., Mexico, Canada, and the U.K. He is the executive publisher of Sovereign Grace Media’s Sovereign Grace magazine and serves on the board of the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF) and on the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW). He has edited or coauthored four books in Sovereign Grace Media’s Pursuit of Godliness book series: Why Small Groups?, This Great Salvation, How Can I Change?, and Disciplined for Life. C. J. and his wife, Carolyn, have been married Pastoral Leadersh.44198.i03.qxd 5/7/04 12:38 PM Page 11 The Contributors 11 for twenty-seven years and have three daughters and one son, as well as a grandson. They make their home in Gaithersburg, Maryland. Paige Patterson is President and Distinguished Professor of Theology at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in Wake Forest, North Carolina. He previously served as President of The Criswell College and was twice elected President of the Southern Baptist Convention. His passions are missions, evangelism, and bringing scholarship to the life of the church. He has been married to his wife, Dorothy, for forty years, and together they have raised two children. David Powlison received his A.B. in Social Relations from Harvard College, M. Div. from Westminster Theological Seminary, M.A. and Ph.D. from the University of Pennsylvania. He edits the Journal of Biblical Counseling, teaches at the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF), Westminster Theological Seminary, and counsels at CCEF.
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