Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page iv Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56i AM Page iv Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page i

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues The Best Women’s Stage Monologues Published by Smith and Kraus, Inc. of 2000Published by Smith and Kraus, Inc. of 2000 177 Lyme Road, Hanover, NH 03755 177 Lyme Road, Hanover, NH 03755 www.SmithKraus.com www.SmithKraus.com

Copyright © 2002 by Smith and Kraus, Inc. Other books byCopyright Jocelyn ©A. 2002 Beard by Smith and Kraus, Inc. Other books by Jocelyn A. Beard All rights reserved All rights reserved Manufactured in the United States of America Manufactured in the United States of America 100 Men’s Stage Monologues from the 1980s 100 Men’s Stage Monologues from the 1980s First Edition: June 2002 100 Women’s Stage Monologues Firstfrom Edition: the 1980s June 2002 100 Women’s Stage Monologues from the 1980s 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues9 8 7 6 of 5 19904 3 2 1 The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1990 The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1991 The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1991 CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that the plays represented CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that the plays represented in this book are subject to a royalty. They are fully protected under the copyright laws The inBest this Men’s/Women’s book are subject Stage to a Monologuesroyalty. They of are 1992 fully protected under the copyright laws The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1992 of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copy- The ofBest the Men’s/Women’s United States of Stage America, Monologues and of all of countries 1993 covered by the International Copy- The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1993 right Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Com- The rightBest Men’s/Women’sUnion (including Stage the Monologues Dominion ofof Canada1994 and the rest of the British Com- The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1994 monwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention monwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1995 The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1995 and the Universal Copyright Convention, and of all countries with which the United and the Universal Copyright Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional, amateur, The StatesBest Men’s/Women’s has reciprocal copyrightStage Monologues relations. of All 1996 rights, including professional, amateur, The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1996 motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video The motionBest Men’s/Women’s picture, recitation, Stage lecturing, Monologues public of reading, 1997 radio broadcasting, television, video The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1997 or sound taping, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproductions such as in- The orBest sound Men’s/Women’s taping, all other Stage forms Monologues of mechanical of 1998 or electronic reproductions such as in- The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1998 formation storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of transla- formation storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of transla- The Best Stage Scenes for Men from the 1980s The Best Stage Scenes for Men from the 1980s tion into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Pages 107–113 constitute an extension tion into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Pages 107–113 constitute an extension of this copyright page. Theof Best this Stage copyright Scenes page. for Women from the 1980s The Best Stage Scenes for Women from the 1980s The Best Stage Scenes of 1992 The Best Stage Scenes of 1992 cover illustration by Lisa Goldfinger The Best Stage Scenescover of illustration 1993 by Lisa Goldfinger The Best Stage Scenes of 1993 cover and text design by Julia Hill Gignoux cover and text design by Julia Hill Gignoux The Best Stage Scenes of 1994 The Best Stage Scenes of 1994 The Monologue Audition Series The Best Stage ScenesThe of Monologue 1995 Audition Series The Best Stage Scenes of 1995 ISSN 1067-134X The Best Stage Scenes of 1996ISSN 1067-134X The Best Stage Scenes of 1996 ISBN 1-57525-287-2 The Best Stage Scenes of ISBN1997 1-57525-287-2 The Best Stage Scenes of 1997 978-1-57525-287-2 978-1-57525-287-2 The Best Stage Scenes of 1998 The Best Stage Scenes of 1998 NOTE: These scenes are intended to be used for audition and class study; permis- MonologuesNOTE: from These Classic scenes Plays are 468intended B.C. to 1960be used A.D. for audition and class study; permis- Monologues from Classic Plays 468 B.C. to 1960 A.D. sion is not required to use the material for those purposes. However, if there is a Scenession fromis not Classic required Plays to 468 use B.C.the materialto 1970 forA.D. those purposes. However, if there is a Scenes from Classic Plays 468 B.C. to 1970 A.D. paid performance of any of the scenes included in this book, please refer to the per- 100 Greatpaid performance Monologues offrom any the of theRenaissance scenes included Theatre in this book, please refer to the per- 100 Great Monologues from the Renaissance Theatre missions acknowledgment pages 107–113 to locate the source who can grant per- missions acknowledgment pages 107–113 to locate the source who can grant per- 100 Great Monologues from the Neo-Classical Theatre 100 Great Monologues from the Neo-Classical Theatre mission for public performance. mission for public performance. 100 Great Monologues from the 19th C. Romantic & Realistic Theatres 100 Great Monologues from the 19th C. Romantic & Realistic Theatres Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page ii Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56iii AM Page ii Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page iii

Smith and Kraus Books For Actors Smith and Kraus Books For Actors THE MONOLOGUE SERIES THE MONOLOGUE SERIES The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1999 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1999 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1998 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1998 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1997 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1997 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1996 TheThe Best Men's / Women’sBest Stage Monologues of 1996 The Best The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1995 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1995 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1994 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1994 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1993 Women’sThe Best Stage Men's / Women’s Monologues Stage Monologues of 1993 Women’s Stage Monologues The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1992 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1992 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1991 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1991 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1990 The Bestof Men's 2000/ Women’s Stage Monologues of 1990 of 2000 One Hundred Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues from the 1980s One Hundred Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues from the 1980s 2 Minutes and Under: Character Monologues for Actors 2 Minutes and Under: Character Monologues for Actors Street Talk: Character Monologues for Actors Street Talk: Character Monologues for Actors Uptown: Character Monologues for Actors Uptown: Character Monologues for Actors Ice Babies in Oz: Character Monologues for Actors Ice Babies in Oz: Character Monologues for Actors Monologues from Contemporary Literature: Volume I Monologues from Contemporary Literature: Volume I Monologues from Classic Plays 468 B.C. to 1960 A.D. Monologues from Classic Plays 468 B.C. to 1960 A.D. 100 Great Monologues from the Renaissance Theatre 100 Great Monologues from the Renaissance Theatre 100 Great Monologues from the Neo-Classical Theatre edited100 Greatby Monologues Jocelyn from theA. Neo-Classical Beard Theatre edited by Jocelyn A. Beard 100 Great Monologues from the 19th C. Romantic and Realistic Theatres 100 Great Monologues from the 19th C. Romantic and Realistic Theatres A Brave and Violent Theatre: 20th C. Irish Monologues, Scenes & Hist. Context A Brave and Violent Theatre: 20th C. Irish Monologues, Scenes & Hist. Context Kiss and Tell: Restoration Monologues, Scenes and Historical Context Kiss and Tell: Restoration Monologues, Scenes and Historical Context The Great Monologues from the Humana Festival The Great Monologues from the Humana Festival The Great Monologues from the EST Marathon The Great Monologues from the EST Marathon The Great Monologues from the Women's Project The Great Monologues from the Women's Project The Great Monologues from the Mark Taper Forum The Great Monologues from the Mark Taper Forum YOUNG ACTOR SERIES YOUNG ACTOR SERIES Great Scenes and Monologues for Children MONOLOGUEGreat Scenes and AUDITIONMonologues for SERIES Children MONOLOGUE AUDITION SERIES Great Monologues for Young Actors Great Monologues for Young Actors Multicultural Monologues for Young Actors Multicultural Monologues for Young Actors SCENE STUDY SERIES SCENE STUDY SERIES Scenes From Classic Plays 468 B.C. to 1970 A.D. Scenes From Classic Plays 468 B.C. to 1970 A.D. The Best Stage Scenes of 1999 The Best Stage Scenes of 1999 The Best Stage Scenes of 1998 The Best Stage Scenes of 1998 The Best Stage Scenes of 1997 The Best Stage Scenes of 1997 The Best Stage Scenes of 1996 The Best Stage Scenes of 1996 The Best Stage Scenes of 1995 The Best Stage Scenes of 1995 The Best Stage Scenes of 1994 The Best Stage Scenes of 1994 The Best Stage Scenes of 1993 A SMITHThe Best Stage AND Scenes KRAUS of 1993 BOOK A SMITH AND KRAUS BOOK The Best Stage Scenes of 1992 The Best Stage Scenes of 1992 The Best Stage Scenes for Men / Women from the 1980s The Best Stage Scenes for Men / Women from the 1980s

If you require pre-publication information about upcoming Smith and Kraus books, If you require pre-publication information about upcoming Smith and Kraus books, you may receive our annual catalogue, free of charge, by sending your name and ad- you may receive our annual catalogue, free of charge, by sending your name and ad- dress to Smith and Kraus Catalogue, 4 Lower Mill Road, North Stratford, NH 03590. dress to Smith and Kraus Catalogue, 4 Lower Mill Road, North Stratford, NH 03590. Or call us at (888) 282-2881, fax (603) 643-6431. www.smithandkraus.com Or call us at (888) 282-2881, fax (603) 643-6431. www.smithandkraus.com Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page ii Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56iii AM Page ii Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page iii

Smith and Kraus Books For Actors Smith and Kraus Books For Actors THE MONOLOGUE SERIES THE MONOLOGUE SERIES The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1999 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1999 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1998 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1998 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1997 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1997 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1996 TheThe Best Men's / Women’sBest Stage Monologues of 1996 The Best The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1995 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1995 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1994 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1994 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1993 Women’sThe Best Stage Men's / Women’s Monologues Stage Monologues of 1993 Women’s Stage Monologues The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1992 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1992 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1991 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1991 The Best Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues of 1990 The Bestof Men's 2000/ Women’s Stage Monologues of 1990 of 2000 One Hundred Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues from the 1980s One Hundred Men's / Women’s Stage Monologues from the 1980s 2 Minutes and Under: Character Monologues for Actors 2 Minutes and Under: Character Monologues for Actors Street Talk: Character Monologues for Actors Street Talk: Character Monologues for Actors Uptown: Character Monologues for Actors Uptown: Character Monologues for Actors Ice Babies in Oz: Character Monologues for Actors Ice Babies in Oz: Character Monologues for Actors Monologues from Contemporary Literature: Volume I Monologues from Contemporary Literature: Volume I Monologues from Classic Plays 468 B.C. to 1960 A.D. Monologues from Classic Plays 468 B.C. to 1960 A.D. 100 Great Monologues from the Renaissance Theatre 100 Great Monologues from the Renaissance Theatre 100 Great Monologues from the Neo-Classical Theatre edited100 Greatby Monologues Jocelyn from theA. Neo-Classical Beard Theatre edited by Jocelyn A. Beard 100 Great Monologues from the 19th C. Romantic and Realistic Theatres 100 Great Monologues from the 19th C. Romantic and Realistic Theatres A Brave and Violent Theatre: 20th C. Irish Monologues, Scenes & Hist. Context A Brave and Violent Theatre: 20th C. Irish Monologues, Scenes & Hist. Context Kiss and Tell: Restoration Monologues, Scenes and Historical Context Kiss and Tell: Restoration Monologues, Scenes and Historical Context The Great Monologues from the Humana Festival The Great Monologues from the Humana Festival The Great Monologues from the EST Marathon The Great Monologues from the EST Marathon The Great Monologues from the Women's Project The Great Monologues from the Women's Project The Great Monologues from the Mark Taper Forum The Great Monologues from the Mark Taper Forum YOUNG ACTOR SERIES YOUNG ACTOR SERIES Great Scenes and Monologues for Children MONOLOGUEGreat Scenes and AUDITIONMonologues for SERIES Children MONOLOGUE AUDITION SERIES Great Monologues for Young Actors Great Monologues for Young Actors Multicultural Monologues for Young Actors Multicultural Monologues for Young Actors SCENE STUDY SERIES SCENE STUDY SERIES Scenes From Classic Plays 468 B.C. to 1970 A.D. Scenes From Classic Plays 468 B.C. to 1970 A.D. The Best Stage Scenes of 1999 The Best Stage Scenes of 1999 The Best Stage Scenes of 1998 The Best Stage Scenes of 1998 The Best Stage Scenes of 1997 The Best Stage Scenes of 1997 The Best Stage Scenes of 1996 The Best Stage Scenes of 1996 The Best Stage Scenes of 1995 The Best Stage Scenes of 1995 The Best Stage Scenes of 1994 The Best Stage Scenes of 1994 The Best Stage Scenes of 1993 A SMITHThe Best Stage AND Scenes KRAUS of 1993 BOOK A SMITH AND KRAUS BOOK The Best Stage Scenes of 1992 The Best Stage Scenes of 1992 The Best Stage Scenes for Men / Women from the 1980s The Best Stage Scenes for Men / Women from the 1980s

If you require pre-publication information about upcoming Smith and Kraus books, If you require pre-publication information about upcoming Smith and Kraus books, you may receive our annual catalogue, free of charge, by sending your name and ad- you may receive our annual catalogue, free of charge, by sending your name and ad- dress to Smith and Kraus Catalogue, 4 Lower Mill Road, North Stratford, NH 03590. dress to Smith and Kraus Catalogue, 4 Lower Mill Road, North Stratford, NH 03590. Or call us at (888) 282-2881, fax (603) 643-6431. www.smithandkraus.com Or call us at (888) 282-2881, fax (603) 643-6431. www.smithandkraus.com Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page iv Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56i AM Page iv Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page i

www.smithandkraus.com

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues The Best Women’s Stage Monologues Published by Smith and Kraus, Inc. of 2000Published by Smith and Kraus, Inc. of 2000 177 Lyme Road, Hanover, NH 03755 177 Lyme Road, Hanover, NH 03755 www.smithandkraus.comwww.SmithKraus.com www.smithandkraus.comwww.SmithKraus.com

Copyright © 2002 by Smith and Kraus, Inc. Other books byCopyright Jocelyn ©A. 2002 Beard by Smith and Kraus, Inc. Other books by Jocelyn A. Beard All rights reserved All rights reserved Manufactured in the United States of America Manufactured in the United States of America 100 Men’s Stage Monologues from the 1980s 100 Men’s Stage Monologues from the 1980s First Edition: June 2002 100 Women’s Stage Monologues Firstfrom Edition: the 1980s June 2002 100 Women’s Stage Monologues from the 1980s 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues9 8 7 6 of 5 19904 3 2 1 The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1990 The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1991 The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1991 CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that the plays represented CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that the plays represented in this book are subject to a royalty. They are fully protected under the copyright laws The inBest this Men’s/Women’s book are subject Stage to a Monologuesroyalty. They of are 1992 fully protected under the copyright laws The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1992 of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copy- The ofBest the Men’s/Women’s United States of Stage America, Monologues and of all of countries 1993 covered by the International Copy- The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1993 right Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Com- The rightBest Men’s/Women’sUnion (including Stage the Monologues Dominion ofof Canada1994 and the rest of the British Com- The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1994 monwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention monwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1995 The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1995 and the Universal Copyright Convention, and of all countries with which the United and the Universal Copyright Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional, amateur, The StatesBest Men’s/Women’s has reciprocal copyrightStage Monologues relations. of All 1996 rights, including professional, amateur, The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1996 motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video The motionBest Men’s/Women’s picture, recitation, Stage lecturing, Monologues public of reading, 1997 radio broadcasting, television, video The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1997 or sound taping, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproductions such as in- The orBest sound Men’s/Women’s taping, all other Stage forms Monologues of mechanical of 1998 or electronic reproductions such as in- The Best Men’s/Women’s Stage Monologues of 1998 formation storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of transla- formation storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of transla- The Best Stage Scenes for Men from the 1980s The Best Stage Scenes for Men from the 1980s tion into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Pages 107–113 constitute an extension tion into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Pages 107–113 constitute an extension of this copyright page. Theof Best this Stage copyright Scenes page. for Women from the 1980s The Best Stage Scenes for Women from the 1980s The Best Stage Scenes of 1992 The Best Stage Scenes of 1992 cover illustration by Lisa Goldfinger The Best Stage Scenescover of illustration 1993 by Lisa Goldfinger The Best Stage Scenes of 1993 cover and text design by Julia Hill Gignoux cover and text design by Julia Hill Gignoux The Best Stage Scenes of 1994 The Best Stage Scenes of 1994 The Monologue Audition Series The Best Stage ScenesThe of Monologue 1995 Audition Series The Best Stage Scenes of 1995 ISSN 1067-134X The Best Stage Scenes of 1996ISSN 1067-134X The Best Stage Scenes of 1996 ISBN 1-57525-287-2 The Best Stage Scenes of ISBN1997 1-57525-287-2 The Best Stage Scenes of 1997 978-1-57525-287-2 978-1-57525-287-2 The Best Stage Scenes of 1998 The Best Stage Scenes of 1998 NOTE: These scenes are intended to be used for audition and class study; permis- MonologuesNOTE: from These Classic scenes Plays are 468intended B.C. to 1960be used A.D. for audition and class study; permis- Monologues from Classic Plays 468 B.C. to 1960 A.D. sion is not required to use the material for those purposes. However, if there is a Scenession fromis not Classic required Plays to 468 use B.C.the materialto 1970 forA.D. those purposes. However, if there is a Scenes from Classic Plays 468 B.C. to 1970 A.D. paid performance of any of the scenes included in this book, please refer to the per- 100 Greatpaid performance Monologues offrom any the of theRenaissance scenes included Theatre in this book, please refer to the per- 100 Great Monologues from the Renaissance Theatre missions acknowledgment pages 107–113 to locate the source who can grant per- missions acknowledgment pages 107–113 to locate the source who can grant per- 100 Great Monologues from the Neo-Classical Theatre 100 Great Monologues from the Neo-Classical Theatre mission for public performance. mission for public performance. 100 Great Monologues from the 19th C. Romantic & Realistic Theatres 100 Great Monologues from the 19th C. Romantic & Realistic Theatres Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page viii Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56v AM Page viii Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page v

CONTENTS CONTENTS

ALASKA (2), Le Wilhelm ...... 1 ALASKA (2), Le Wilhelm ...... 1

AND THE WINNER IS . . . , David-Matthew Barnes ...... 6 AND THE WINNER IS . . . , David-Matthew Barnes ...... 6

ANTON IN SHOW BUSINESS (2), Jane Martin ...... 8 ANTON IN SHOW BUSINESS (2), Jane Martin ...... 8

APARTMENT 3A, Jeff Daniels ...... 11 APARTMENT 3A, Jeff Daniels ...... 11

ASYLUM, Kara Hartzler ...... 12 ASYLUM, Kara Hartzler ...... 12

BACK STORY “Maid of Athens”, David Rambo ...... 13 BACK STORY “Maid of Athens”, David Rambo ...... 13

BAD PARTY, Alison Diana Meehan ...... 15 BAD PARTY, Alison Diana Meehan ...... 15

BE MY BABY!, Michele Forsten ...... 16 BE MY BABY!, Michele Forsten ...... 16

BETTY’S SUMMER VACATION, Christopher Durang ...... 18 BETTY’S SUMMER VACATION, Christopher Durang ...... 18

BIG LOVE (2), Charles L. Mee ...... 19 BIG LOVE (2), Charles L. Mee ...... 19

BIG POTATO (3), Arthur Laurents ...... 23 BIG POTATO (3), Arthur Laurents ...... 23

BLUE MOVIE, Jay Boyer ...... 26 BLUE MOVIE, Jay Boyer ...... 26

CLAUDIA LAZLO, Arthur Laurents ...... 29 CLAUDIA LAZLO, Arthur Laurents ...... 29

COASTER (2), Adam Langer ...... 31 COASTER (2), Adam Langer ...... 31

FALSE HOPES, David-Matthew Barnes ...... 35 FALSE HOPES, David-Matthew Barnes ...... 35

THE FISH IN THE DUMPSTER, Nancy Gall-Clayton ...... 36 THE FISH IN THE DUMPSTER, Nancy Gall-Clayton ...... 36

FOR NOW, Jocelyn Beard ...... 41 FOR NOW, Jocelyn Beard ...... 41

FUDDY MEERS, David Lindsay-Abaire ...... 43 FUDDY MEERS, David Lindsay-Abaire ...... 43

GOING TO BORDEAUX (2), Richard Lay ...... 44 GOING TO BORDEAUX (2), Richard Lay ...... 44

HOLY MOTHERS, Werner Schwab (translated by Meredith Oakes) ...... 46 HOLY MOTHERS, Werner Schwab (translated by Meredith Oakes) ...... 46 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page vi Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56vii AM Page vi Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page vii

HOW MISS BRENDA LOU TURPIN BECAME MISS SAVE THE BABIES HOW MISS BRENDA LOU TURPIN BECAME MISS SAVE THE BABIES AND A STAR FOR JESUS, Kristan Ryan ...... 48 AND A STAR FOR JESUS, Kristan Ryan ...... 48

HUNGER (3), Sheri Wilner ...... 52 HUNGER (3), Sheri Wilner ...... 52

JUST A LITTLE FEVER (4), Caitlin Hicks ...... 55 JUST A LITTLE FEVER (4), Caitlin Hicks ...... 55

THE MEMORY OF WATER (2), Shelag Stephenson ...... 61 THE MEMORY OF WATER (2), Shelag Stephenson ...... 61 Dedicated to the Victims of September 11, 2001 Dedicated to the Victims of September 11, 2001 MRS. MYGOODNESS, David Fleisher ...... 64 MRS. MYGOODNESS, David Fleisher ...... 64

NUDE MONOLOGUE, Jeff Goode ...... 67 NUDE MONOLOGUE, Jeff Goode ...... 67

THE ONE, Jolene Goldenthal ...... 71 THE ONE, Jolene Goldenthal ...... 71

PAST TENSE FEMININE GENDER (3), Le Wilhelm ...... 73 PAST TENSE FEMININE GENDER (3), Le Wilhelm ...... 73

POMPEI, Bob Jude Ferrante ...... 79 POMPEI, Bob Jude Ferrante ...... 79

PRETTY, Alison Diana Meehan ...... 83 PRETTY, Alison Diana Meehan ...... 83

RADIUM GIRLS, Dolores Whiskeyman ...... 84 RADIUM GIRLS, Dolores Whiskeyman ...... 84

THE REINDEER BITERS, Jussi Wahlgren ...... 85 THE REINDEER BITERS, Jussi Wahlgren ...... 85

ROMEO & JULIET PART II, Sandra Hosking ...... 86 ROMEO & JULIET PART II, Sandra Hosking ...... 86

SISTERS (2), Gabriel Lanci ...... 88 SISTERS (2), Gabriel Lanci ...... 88

TEOTWAKI (2), Jo J. Adamson ...... 91 TEOTWAKI (2), Jo J. Adamson ...... 91

TONY NUTCRACKER, Jocelyn Beard ...... 97 TONY NUTCRACKER, Jocelyn Beard ...... 97

TOO DIRECT, Jeff Goode ...... 99 TOO DIRECT, Jeff Goode ...... 99

THE TRESTLE AT POPE LICK CREEK, Naomi Wallace ...... 101 THE TRESTLE AT POPE LICK CREEK, Naomi Wallace ...... 101

THE VICTORIAN TRAVELER, Linda Stockham ...... 102 THE VICTORIAN TRAVELER, Linda Stockham ...... 102

WHEN THEY SPEAK OF RITA (2), Daisy Foote ...... 104 WHEN THEY SPEAK OF RITA (2), Daisy Foote ...... 104

Permission Acknowledgments ...... 107 Permission Acknowledgments ...... 107 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page vi Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56vii AM Page vi Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page vii

HOW MISS BRENDA LOU TURPIN BECAME MISS SAVE THE BABIES HOW MISS BRENDA LOU TURPIN BECAME MISS SAVE THE BABIES AND A STAR FOR JESUS, Kristan Ryan ...... 48 AND A STAR FOR JESUS, Kristan Ryan ...... 48

HUNGER (3), Sheri Wilner ...... 52 HUNGER (3), Sheri Wilner ...... 52

JUST A LITTLE FEVER (4), Caitlin Hicks ...... 55 JUST A LITTLE FEVER (4), Caitlin Hicks ...... 55

THE MEMORY OF WATER (2), Shelag Stephenson ...... 61 THE MEMORY OF WATER (2), Shelag Stephenson ...... 61 Dedicated to the Victims of September 11, 2001 Dedicated to the Victims of September 11, 2001 MRS. MYGOODNESS, David Fleisher ...... 64 MRS. MYGOODNESS, David Fleisher ...... 64

NUDE MONOLOGUE, Jeff Goode ...... 67 NUDE MONOLOGUE, Jeff Goode ...... 67

THE ONE, Jolene Goldenthal ...... 71 THE ONE, Jolene Goldenthal ...... 71

PAST TENSE FEMININE GENDER (3), Le Wilhelm ...... 73 PAST TENSE FEMININE GENDER (3), Le Wilhelm ...... 73

POMPEI, Bob Jude Ferrante ...... 79 POMPEI, Bob Jude Ferrante ...... 79

PRETTY, Alison Diana Meehan ...... 83 PRETTY, Alison Diana Meehan ...... 83

RADIUM GIRLS, Dolores Whiskeyman ...... 84 RADIUM GIRLS, Dolores Whiskeyman ...... 84

THE REINDEER BITERS, Jussi Wahlgren ...... 85 THE REINDEER BITERS, Jussi Wahlgren ...... 85

ROMEO & JULIET PART II, Sandra Hosking ...... 86 ROMEO & JULIET PART II, Sandra Hosking ...... 86

SISTERS (2), Gabriel Lanci ...... 88 SISTERS (2), Gabriel Lanci ...... 88

TEOTWAKI (2), Jo J. Adamson ...... 91 TEOTWAKI (2), Jo J. Adamson ...... 91

TONY NUTCRACKER, Jocelyn Beard ...... 97 TONY NUTCRACKER, Jocelyn Beard ...... 97

TOO DIRECT, Jeff Goode ...... 99 TOO DIRECT, Jeff Goode ...... 99

THE TRESTLE AT POPE LICK CREEK, Naomi Wallace ...... 101 THE TRESTLE AT POPE LICK CREEK, Naomi Wallace ...... 101

THE VICTORIAN TRAVELER, Linda Stockham ...... 102 THE VICTORIAN TRAVELER, Linda Stockham ...... 102

WHEN THEY SPEAK OF RITA (2), Daisy Foote ...... 104 WHEN THEY SPEAK OF RITA (2), Daisy Foote ...... 104

Permission Acknowledgments ...... 107 Permission Acknowledgments ...... 107 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page viii Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56v AM Page viii Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page v

CONTENTS CONTENTS

ALASKA (2), Le Wilhelm ...... 1 ALASKA (2), Le Wilhelm ...... 1

AND THE WINNER IS . . . , David-Matthew Barnes ...... 6 AND THE WINNER IS . . . , David-Matthew Barnes ...... 6

ANTON IN SHOW BUSINESS (2), Jane Martin ...... 8 ANTON IN SHOW BUSINESS (2), Jane Martin ...... 8

APARTMENT 3A, Jeff Daniels ...... 11 APARTMENT 3A, Jeff Daniels ...... 11

ASYLUM, Kara Hartzler ...... 12 ASYLUM, Kara Hartzler ...... 12

BACK STORY “Maid of Athens”, David Rambo ...... 13 BACK STORY “Maid of Athens”, David Rambo ...... 13

BAD PARTY, Alison Diana Meehan ...... 15 BAD PARTY, Alison Diana Meehan ...... 15

BE MY BABY!, Michele Forsten ...... 16 BE MY BABY!, Michele Forsten ...... 16

BETTY’S SUMMER VACATION, Christopher Durang ...... 18 BETTY’S SUMMER VACATION, Christopher Durang ...... 18

BIG LOVE (2), Charles L. Mee ...... 19 BIG LOVE (2), Charles L. Mee ...... 19

BIG POTATO (3), Arthur Laurents ...... 23 BIG POTATO (3), Arthur Laurents ...... 23

BLUE MOVIE, Jay Boyer ...... 26 BLUE MOVIE, Jay Boyer ...... 26

CLAUDIA LAZLO, Arthur Laurents ...... 29 CLAUDIA LAZLO, Arthur Laurents ...... 29

COASTER (2), Adam Langer ...... 31 COASTER (2), Adam Langer ...... 31

FALSE HOPES, David-Matthew Barnes ...... 35 FALSE HOPES, David-Matthew Barnes ...... 35

THE FISH IN THE DUMPSTER, Nancy Gall-Clayton ...... 36 THE FISH IN THE DUMPSTER, Nancy Gall-Clayton ...... 36

FOR NOW, Jocelyn Beard ...... 41 FOR NOW, Jocelyn Beard ...... 41

FUDDY MEERS, David Lindsay-Abaire ...... 43 FUDDY MEERS, David Lindsay-Abaire ...... 43

GOING TO BORDEAUX (2), Richard Lay ...... 44 GOING TO BORDEAUX (2), Richard Lay ...... 44

HOLY MOTHERS, Werner Schwab (translated by Meredith Oakes) ...... 46 HOLY MOTHERS, Werner Schwab (translated by Meredith Oakes) ...... 46 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 4 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:561 AM Page 4 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 1

ways wondered about that. Rabbits don’t lay eggs, they have . . . they have ways wonderedAlaska about that. Rabbits don’t lay eggs, they have . . . they have Alaska babies. They’re mammals, not birds. But the Easter bunny lays eggs, he babies. They’re mammals, not birds. But the Easter bunny lays eggs, he Le Wilhelm Le Wilhelm doesn’t or she doesn’t — and that’s another thing. How can he be a he doesn’t or she doesn’t — and that’s another thing. How can he be a he and lay eggs — shes lay, not hes. That’s really confusing if you think about it. and lay eggs — shes lay, not hes. That’s really confusing if you think about it. Then the last. He was the one that was so sweet, and . . . no one Then the last. He was the one that was so sweet, and . . . no one Scene: An empty house in central Florida Scene: An empty house in central Florida would have even believed it . . . Everyone thought he was so . . . and if would have even believed it . . . Everyone thought he was so . . . and if Serio-Comic Serio-Comic anyone knew . . . they’d have assumed it was me . . . that I’d been fool- anyone knew . . . they’d have assumed it was me . . . that I’d been fool- Nadine (thirties to forties), a country pop singer. Nadine (thirties to forties), a country pop singer. ing around . . . or that I’d done something . . . ‘cause that nice, gentle ing around . . . or that I’d done something . . . ‘cause that nice, gentle man . . . wouldn’t . . . but he did . . . he beat me . . . and I was a . . . I man . . . wouldn’t . . . but he did . . . he beat me . . . and I was a . . . I On her way to a gig, Nadine drops off a sewing machine and some fabric at On her way to a gig, Nadine drops off a sewing machine and some fabric at should have gotten out . . . but, well, I’d already lost twice, and the third should have gotten out . . . but, well, I’d already lost twice, and the third her new neighbors’ house. When her blue Dolly Parton wig draws an appre- her new neighbors’ house. When her blue Dolly Parton wig draws an appre- — that would be really . . . three times and can’t make a go of . . . so I — that would be really . . . three times and can’t make a go of . . . so I ciative stare or two, she explains that she’s got to wear a lot of makeup under ciative stare or two, she explains that she’s got to wear a lot of makeup under figured I should try and do better . . . not to make him angry . . . ‘cause figured I should try and do better . . . not to make him angry . . . ‘cause the lights or she washes out. the lights or she washes out. when he was sweet, afterwards, he always was so sweet. But then it’d be when he was sweet, afterwards, he always was so sweet. But then it’d be a week or month or so . . . and I shouldn’t have . . . ’cause when you let a week or month or so . . . and I shouldn’t have . . . ’cause when you let NADINE: What do you think of the wig? Does it look okay? NADINE: What do you think of the wig? Does it look okay? that happen . . . it’s like an animal . . . dog . . . that gets beaten . . . beat that happen . . . it’s like an animal . . . dog . . . that gets beaten . . . beat I just bought it. I don’t usually wear wigs, but I thought, “What the hell?” I just bought it. I don’t usually wear wigs, but I thought, “What the hell?” a dog . . . enough and if it stays . . . don’t run off . . . you snap your fin- a dog . . . enough and if it stays . . . don’t run off . . . you snap your fin- Got it on sale for $15.95 down at Bruce’s Wigs. He’s a real dear. You’d Got it on sale for $15.95 down at Bruce’s Wigs. He’s a real dear. You’d gers and it’s flat on . . . its stomach . . . tail between its legs . . . shaking gers and it’s flat on . . . its stomach . . . tail between its legs . . . shaking love him. I hope you all don’t get the wrong impression about me. I don’t love him. I hope you all don’t get the wrong impression about me. I don’t . . . it’s the way it works . . . and when he left . . . it took some time ...... it’s the way it works . . . and when he left . . . it took some time . . . usually wear this much makeup, especially not this much mascara, but usually wear this much makeup, especially not this much mascara, but and then I started getting angry . . . angry . . . just angry . . . at every- and then I started getting angry . . . angry . . . just angry . . . at every- when you’re performing, the lights just wash you out something awful. when you’re performing, the lights just wash you out something awful. thing . . . angry at everyone . . . tonight . . . there I was angry . . . I saw thing . . . angry at everyone . . . tonight . . . there I was angry . . . I saw ‘Specially my eyes, and my eyes aren’t my best feature — my legs are my ‘Specially my eyes, and my eyes aren’t my best feature — my legs are my the . . . knew them . . . knew how they . . . thought . . . didn’t know . . . the . . . knew them . . . knew how they . . . thought . . . didn’t know . . . best feature — but you don’t sing with your legs. Least I don’t. And un- best feature — but you don’t sing with your legs. Least I don’t. And un- but thought . . . and I was so angry . . . and I thought of you kids . . . but thought . . . and I was so angry . . . and I thought of you kids . . . less I put on lots of mascara to bring them out, they’re just sort of two less I put on lots of mascara to bring them out, they’re just sort of two of Blue and Lydia . . . thought they’re nice folks . . . they don’t make me of Blue and Lydia . . . thought they’re nice folks . . . they don’t make me blobs. But with the mascara, sometimes people even mention them. Now blobs. But with the mascara, sometimes people even mention them. Now angry . . . when you moved in, I watched you and I thought, “Them’s angry . . . when you moved in, I watched you and I thought, “Them’s if I had eyes like Blue, that’d be a different story. But Lydia, ain’t that al- if I had eyes like Blue, that’d be a different story. But Lydia, ain’t that al- nice people . . . they’re nice . . . it’d be wonderful if you could make friends nice people . . . they’re nice . . . it’d be wonderful if you could make friends ways the way it is? Men got features that they don’t really need, and us ways the way it is? Men got features that they don’t really need, and us with them . . . someone would just let you be” . . . and I could tell you with them . . . someone would just let you be” . . . and I could tell you women could really use them, but we don’t have ‘em. Someone else al- women could really use them, but we don’t have ‘em. Someone else al- don’t have much . . . and I thought, “Maybe I can help them just a lit- don’t have much . . . and I thought, “Maybe I can help them just a lit- ways has what I want. Not that I wish I had your eyes and you had mine. ways has what I want. Not that I wish I had your eyes and you had mine. tle” . . . I got quite a lot from the last . . . we had a joint checking, and tle” . . . I got quite a lot from the last . . . we had a joint checking, and I’m not coveting. I wish I had eyes like yours and you had even prettier I’m not coveting. I wish I had eyes like yours and you had even prettier I withdrew when he left . . . and I thought, “I can help them out” . .. I withdrew when he left . . . and I thought, “I can help them out” . .. ones. Whatever you want. ones. Whatever you want. I’m not rich . . . maybe it’s something like a mother’s feeling . . . I prob- I’m not rich . . . maybe it’s something like a mother’s feeling . . . I prob- ably won’t ever, probably never have a child. Not that I couldn’t still, but ably won’t ever, probably never have a child. Not that I couldn’t still, but I can’t hold. I miscarry. No matter if I just lie in bed, I miscarry. That’s I can’t hold. I miscarry. No matter if I just lie in bed, I miscarry. That’s why Bill and I got married, but I lost the child just after he left. why Bill and I got married, but I lost the child just after he left. There was some strange Easter egg — maybe you had one, too, when There was some strange Easter egg — maybe you had one, too, when you were a child. Mother can’t remember where she got it. She thinks I you were a child. Mother can’t remember where she got it. She thinks I dreamt it all. But it was different. First it’d seem like any of the others, dreamt it all. But it was different. First it’d seem like any of the others, covered with chocolate, but just inside the chocolate was a robin’s egg blue covered with chocolate, but just inside the chocolate was a robin’s egg blue

4 4 1 1 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 2 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:563 AM Page 2 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 3

Alaska and I realized that the Easter bunny was just Alaskalike Santa Claus. No dif- and I realized that the Easter bunny was just like Santa Claus. No dif- ferent. I figured the other one out quicker . . . and I felt ashamed. I felt ferent. I figured the other one out quicker . . . and I felt ashamed. I felt Le Wilhelm Le Wilhelm awful for them. There they were in the early morning hiding all those awful for them. There they were in the early morning hiding all those things, and I knew. I went back to bed, and when it came time for me things, and I knew. I went back to bed, and when it came time for me to awaken . . . I pretended to be asleep, and I went through all the mo- to awaken . . . I pretended to be asleep, and I went through all the mo- Scene: An empty house in central Florida Scene: An empty house in central Florida tions. For two years I did that . . . I know it was pretending, but it was tions. For two years I did that . . . I know it was pretending, but it was Dramatic Dramatic all so much fun for all of us. all so much fun for all of us. Nadine (thirties to forties), a country pop singer. Nadine (thirties to forties), a country pop singer. Tonight it wasn’t no fun pretending. Least with the other, there were Tonight it wasn’t no fun pretending. Least with the other, there were candies and eggs and baskets . . . but I wasn’t getting nothing from this. candies and eggs and baskets . . . but I wasn’t getting nothing from this. Nadine has dropped by her neighbors’ house to discover that her new friend Nadine has dropped by her neighbors’ house to discover that her new friend So I came back . . . stopped at Cajun Bill’s and picked you up some food So I came back . . . stopped at Cajun Bill’s and picked you up some food Lydia has just stabbed a strange man with a pair of scissors. When Nadine Lydia has just stabbed a strange man with a pair of scissors. When Nadine and came back . . . and came back . . . threatens to call the police, Lydia puts the scissors in her hand and forces her threatens to call the police, Lydia puts the scissors in her hand and forces her (Singing.) “Billy, don’t be a hero, don’t be a fool with your life. Billy (Singing.) “Billy, don’t be a hero, don’t be a fool with your life. Billy to stab the man several times following which she breaks down into a state to stab the man several times following which she breaks down into a state don’t be a hero, come back and make me your wife.” Seventeen. He went don’t be a hero, come back and make me your wife.” Seventeen. He went of exhausted confusion. of exhausted confusion. off to the war in Vietnam, and I was faithful. And I sang that song, al- off to the war in Vietnam, and I was faithful. And I sang that song, al- though I was already married to him . . . but he didn’t die. He came back. though I was already married to him . . . but he didn’t die. He came back. NADINE: (Indicating the meal she brought for them.) It’s all cold, I’m sure. Cold. NADINE: (Indicating the meal she brought for them.) It’s all cold, I’m sure. Cold. But it wasn’t the same . . . course we’d only been married for a few days But it wasn’t the same . . . course we’d only been married for a few days I thought it’d be a nice snack. When I was a child, too old not to know I thought it’d be a nice snack. When I was a child, too old not to know before he left, so I don’t guess I knew what being with him was . . . but before he left, so I don’t guess I knew what being with him was . . . but better, on Easter morning, we used to . . . I used to hunt eggs . . . brightly better, on Easter morning, we used to . . . I used to hunt eggs . . . brightly I thought I knew . . . dreamt what it’d be . . . and then there was this I thought I knew . . . dreamt what it’d be . . . and then there was this colored . . . and baskets . . . little chocolate candies . . . Easter candies colored . . . and baskets . . . little chocolate candies . . . Easter candies evening in late October — no, late September — that he said, “It ain’t evening in late October — no, late September — that he said, “It ain’t . . . filled with vanilla and maple and cherry . . . in the front yard. Every . . . filled with vanilla and maple and cherry . . . in the front yard. Every working,” and I said, “No, it ain’t.” And that I was sorry, but I didn’t know working,” and I said, “No, it ain’t.” And that I was sorry, but I didn’t know Easter morning in the front yard . . . I’d hunt eggs and candies and bas- Easter morning in the front yard . . . I’d hunt eggs and candies and bas- what to do, and so tell me, and I’ll try. But I didn’t know what to do, what to do, and so tell me, and I’ll try. But I didn’t know what to do, kets . . . nestled in the forsythia and the trunks of the maples in our front kets . . . nestled in the forsythia and the trunks of the maples in our front and he said, “Don’t worry.” Next morning, he left. Just left. That was best, and he said, “Don’t worry.” Next morning, he left. Just left. That was best, yard. yard. really the best, because why not? I mean, what’s the point of hanging really the best, because why not? I mean, what’s the point of hanging I should have stayed out there tonight. I felt it. I knew I should have. I should have stayed out there tonight. I felt it. I knew I should have. around when it’s not working? Even if you still care, what’s the point? around when it’s not working? Even if you still care, what’s the point? But I just didn’t feel like . . . my heart wasn’t in it. Hard to do something But I just didn’t feel like . . . my heart wasn’t in it. Hard to do something I worked the number up. I sing it sometimes. “Billy, don’t be a hero.” I worked the number up. I sing it sometimes. “Billy, don’t be a hero.” when your heart ain’t in it. I got this wig, thought it might perk me up when your heart ain’t in it. I got this wig, thought it might perk me up Some of the older ones like it. Some of the ones opposed to war, they Some of the older ones like it. Some of the ones opposed to war, they a little . . . made this dress. Nice dress, I like it . . . soft and feminine. a little . . . made this dress. Nice dress, I like it . . . soft and feminine. like it. (Softly she sings, then she stands, and performs the first part of the like it. (Softly she sings, then she stands, and performs the first part of the Don’t misunderstand. I wasn’t having to buy my drinks . . . I don’t have Don’t misunderstand. I wasn’t having to buy my drinks . . . I don’t have number with total concentration, as if on a stage.) number with total concentration, as if on a stage.) to buy my drinks . . . but my heart wasn’t in it. I just knew how it was to buy my drinks . . . but my heart wasn’t in it. I just knew how it was (Realizing what she’s done.) So I worked the bars. No sense sitting (Realizing what she’s done.) So I worked the bars. No sense sitting going to end up . . . not the detail, but the total or something . . . and I going to end up . . . not the detail, but the total or something . . . and I around thinking . . . crying over spilt . . .worked the bars as a singer. Mostly around thinking . . . crying over spilt . . .worked the bars as a singer. Mostly got kind of queasy-stomached over that . . . cause I don’t want to give up got kind of queasy-stomached over that . . . cause I don’t want to give up I guess . . . not only . . . not as . . . but as someone who’s trying to find I guess . . . not only . . . not as . . . but as someone who’s trying to find hope . . . and it’s not that I have . . . sometimes you can just burn your- hope . . . and it’s not that I have . . . sometimes you can just burn your- . . . I always sang when I was a kid . . . finally, I met someone . . . yes, . . . I always sang when I was a kid . . . finally, I met someone . . . yes, self . . . fry yourself . . . and you need to regenerate . . . juvinate . . . I self . . . fry yourself . . . and you need to regenerate . . . juvinate . . . I finally. Six foot tall . . . drove a yellow Volkswagen bug . . . our first time finally. Six foot tall . . . drove a yellow Volkswagen bug . . . our first time don’t know. don’t know. was on the hood of that Volkswagen bug down on the Suwanee River. was on the hood of that Volkswagen bug down on the Suwanee River. One Easter morning, at nine or ten — my age, not the time — I One Easter morning, at nine or ten — my age, not the time — I He got a divorce, and we got married, and then he got a divorce and got He got a divorce, and we got married, and then he got a divorce and got awoke early, and I looked out the window . . . the living room window awoke early, and I looked out the window . . . the living room window married again. Have you ever thought about how odd it is that Easter married again. Have you ever thought about how odd it is that Easter . . . and out on the lawn I saw them . . . hiding the eggs and candies and . . . and out on the lawn I saw them . . . hiding the eggs and candies and bunnies lay eggs? Before I knew that it was all something invented, I al- bunnies lay eggs? Before I knew that it was all something invented, I al- the basket in the early morning dew in the forsythia . . . and daffodils . . . the basket in the early morning dew in the forsythia . . . and daffodils . . .

2 2 3 3 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 2 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:563 AM Page 2 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 3

Alaska and I realized that the Easter bunny was just Alaskalike Santa Claus. No dif- and I realized that the Easter bunny was just like Santa Claus. No dif- ferent. I figured the other one out quicker . . . and I felt ashamed. I felt ferent. I figured the other one out quicker . . . and I felt ashamed. I felt Le Wilhelm Le Wilhelm awful for them. There they were in the early morning hiding all those awful for them. There they were in the early morning hiding all those things, and I knew. I went back to bed, and when it came time for me things, and I knew. I went back to bed, and when it came time for me to awaken . . . I pretended to be asleep, and I went through all the mo- to awaken . . . I pretended to be asleep, and I went through all the mo- Scene: An empty house in central Florida Scene: An empty house in central Florida tions. For two years I did that . . . I know it was pretending, but it was tions. For two years I did that . . . I know it was pretending, but it was Dramatic Dramatic all so much fun for all of us. all so much fun for all of us. Nadine (thirties to forties), a country pop singer. Nadine (thirties to forties), a country pop singer. Tonight it wasn’t no fun pretending. Least with the other, there were Tonight it wasn’t no fun pretending. Least with the other, there were candies and eggs and baskets . . . but I wasn’t getting nothing from this. candies and eggs and baskets . . . but I wasn’t getting nothing from this. Nadine has dropped by her neighbors’ house to discover that her new friend Nadine has dropped by her neighbors’ house to discover that her new friend So I came back . . . stopped at Cajun Bill’s and picked you up some food So I came back . . . stopped at Cajun Bill’s and picked you up some food Lydia has just stabbed a strange man with a pair of scissors. When Nadine Lydia has just stabbed a strange man with a pair of scissors. When Nadine and came back . . . and came back . . . threatens to call the police, Lydia puts the scissors in her hand and forces her threatens to call the police, Lydia puts the scissors in her hand and forces her (Singing.) “Billy, don’t be a hero, don’t be a fool with your life. Billy (Singing.) “Billy, don’t be a hero, don’t be a fool with your life. Billy to stab the man several times following which she breaks down into a state to stab the man several times following which she breaks down into a state don’t be a hero, come back and make me your wife.” Seventeen. He went don’t be a hero, come back and make me your wife.” Seventeen. He went of exhausted confusion. of exhausted confusion. off to the war in Vietnam, and I was faithful. And I sang that song, al- off to the war in Vietnam, and I was faithful. And I sang that song, al- though I was already married to him . . . but he didn’t die. He came back. though I was already married to him . . . but he didn’t die. He came back. NADINE: (Indicating the meal she brought for them.) It’s all cold, I’m sure. Cold. NADINE: (Indicating the meal she brought for them.) It’s all cold, I’m sure. Cold. But it wasn’t the same . . . course we’d only been married for a few days But it wasn’t the same . . . course we’d only been married for a few days I thought it’d be a nice snack. When I was a child, too old not to know I thought it’d be a nice snack. When I was a child, too old not to know before he left, so I don’t guess I knew what being with him was . . . but before he left, so I don’t guess I knew what being with him was . . . but better, on Easter morning, we used to . . . I used to hunt eggs . . . brightly better, on Easter morning, we used to . . . I used to hunt eggs . . . brightly I thought I knew . . . dreamt what it’d be . . . and then there was this I thought I knew . . . dreamt what it’d be . . . and then there was this colored . . . and baskets . . . little chocolate candies . . . Easter candies colored . . . and baskets . . . little chocolate candies . . . Easter candies evening in late October — no, late September — that he said, “It ain’t evening in late October — no, late September — that he said, “It ain’t . . . filled with vanilla and maple and cherry . . . in the front yard. Every . . . filled with vanilla and maple and cherry . . . in the front yard. Every working,” and I said, “No, it ain’t.” And that I was sorry, but I didn’t know working,” and I said, “No, it ain’t.” And that I was sorry, but I didn’t know Easter morning in the front yard . . . I’d hunt eggs and candies and bas- Easter morning in the front yard . . . I’d hunt eggs and candies and bas- what to do, and so tell me, and I’ll try. But I didn’t know what to do, what to do, and so tell me, and I’ll try. But I didn’t know what to do, kets . . . nestled in the forsythia and the trunks of the maples in our front kets . . . nestled in the forsythia and the trunks of the maples in our front and he said, “Don’t worry.” Next morning, he left. Just left. That was best, and he said, “Don’t worry.” Next morning, he left. Just left. That was best, yard. yard. really the best, because why not? I mean, what’s the point of hanging really the best, because why not? I mean, what’s the point of hanging I should have stayed out there tonight. I felt it. I knew I should have. I should have stayed out there tonight. I felt it. I knew I should have. around when it’s not working? Even if you still care, what’s the point? around when it’s not working? Even if you still care, what’s the point? But I just didn’t feel like . . . my heart wasn’t in it. Hard to do something But I just didn’t feel like . . . my heart wasn’t in it. Hard to do something I worked the number up. I sing it sometimes. “Billy, don’t be a hero.” I worked the number up. I sing it sometimes. “Billy, don’t be a hero.” when your heart ain’t in it. I got this wig, thought it might perk me up when your heart ain’t in it. I got this wig, thought it might perk me up Some of the older ones like it. Some of the ones opposed to war, they Some of the older ones like it. Some of the ones opposed to war, they a little . . . made this dress. Nice dress, I like it . . . soft and feminine. a little . . . made this dress. Nice dress, I like it . . . soft and feminine. like it. (Softly she sings, then she stands, and performs the first part of the like it. (Softly she sings, then she stands, and performs the first part of the Don’t misunderstand. I wasn’t having to buy my drinks . . . I don’t have Don’t misunderstand. I wasn’t having to buy my drinks . . . I don’t have number with total concentration, as if on a stage.) number with total concentration, as if on a stage.) to buy my drinks . . . but my heart wasn’t in it. I just knew how it was to buy my drinks . . . but my heart wasn’t in it. I just knew how it was (Realizing what she’s done.) So I worked the bars. No sense sitting (Realizing what she’s done.) So I worked the bars. No sense sitting going to end up . . . not the detail, but the total or something . . . and I going to end up . . . not the detail, but the total or something . . . and I around thinking . . . crying over spilt . . .worked the bars as a singer. Mostly around thinking . . . crying over spilt . . .worked the bars as a singer. Mostly got kind of queasy-stomached over that . . . cause I don’t want to give up got kind of queasy-stomached over that . . . cause I don’t want to give up I guess . . . not only . . . not as . . . but as someone who’s trying to find I guess . . . not only . . . not as . . . but as someone who’s trying to find hope . . . and it’s not that I have . . . sometimes you can just burn your- hope . . . and it’s not that I have . . . sometimes you can just burn your- . . . I always sang when I was a kid . . . finally, I met someone . . . yes, . . . I always sang when I was a kid . . . finally, I met someone . . . yes, self . . . fry yourself . . . and you need to regenerate . . . juvinate . . . I self . . . fry yourself . . . and you need to regenerate . . . juvinate . . . I finally. Six foot tall . . . drove a yellow Volkswagen bug . . . our first time finally. Six foot tall . . . drove a yellow Volkswagen bug . . . our first time don’t know. don’t know. was on the hood of that Volkswagen bug down on the Suwanee River. was on the hood of that Volkswagen bug down on the Suwanee River. One Easter morning, at nine or ten — my age, not the time — I One Easter morning, at nine or ten — my age, not the time — I He got a divorce, and we got married, and then he got a divorce and got He got a divorce, and we got married, and then he got a divorce and got awoke early, and I looked out the window . . . the living room window awoke early, and I looked out the window . . . the living room window married again. Have you ever thought about how odd it is that Easter married again. Have you ever thought about how odd it is that Easter . . . and out on the lawn I saw them . . . hiding the eggs and candies and . . . and out on the lawn I saw them . . . hiding the eggs and candies and bunnies lay eggs? Before I knew that it was all something invented, I al- bunnies lay eggs? Before I knew that it was all something invented, I al- the basket in the early morning dew in the forsythia . . . and daffodils . . . the basket in the early morning dew in the forsythia . . . and daffodils . . .

2 2 3 3 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 4 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:561 AM Page 4 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 1

ways wondered about that. Rabbits don’t lay eggs, they have . . . they have ways wonderedAlaska about that. Rabbits don’t lay eggs, they have . . . they have Alaska babies. They’re mammals, not birds. But the Easter bunny lays eggs, he babies. They’re mammals, not birds. But the Easter bunny lays eggs, he Le Wilhelm Le Wilhelm doesn’t or she doesn’t — and that’s another thing. How can he be a he doesn’t or she doesn’t — and that’s another thing. How can he be a he and lay eggs — shes lay, not hes. That’s really confusing if you think about it. and lay eggs — shes lay, not hes. That’s really confusing if you think about it. Then the last. He was the one that was so sweet, and . . . no one Then the last. He was the one that was so sweet, and . . . no one Scene: An empty house in central Florida Scene: An empty house in central Florida would have even believed it . . . Everyone thought he was so . . . and if would have even believed it . . . Everyone thought he was so . . . and if Serio-Comic Serio-Comic anyone knew . . . they’d have assumed it was me . . . that I’d been fool- anyone knew . . . they’d have assumed it was me . . . that I’d been fool- Nadine (thirties to forties), a country pop singer. Nadine (thirties to forties), a country pop singer. ing around . . . or that I’d done something . . . ‘cause that nice, gentle ing around . . . or that I’d done something . . . ‘cause that nice, gentle man . . . wouldn’t . . . but he did . . . he beat me . . . and I was a . . . I man . . . wouldn’t . . . but he did . . . he beat me . . . and I was a . . . I On her way to a gig, Nadine drops off a sewing machine and some fabric at On her way to a gig, Nadine drops off a sewing machine and some fabric at should have gotten out . . . but, well, I’d already lost twice, and the third should have gotten out . . . but, well, I’d already lost twice, and the third her new neighbors’ house. When her blue Dolly Parton wig draws an appre- her new neighbors’ house. When her blue Dolly Parton wig draws an appre- — that would be really . . . three times and can’t make a go of . . . so I — that would be really . . . three times and can’t make a go of . . . so I ciative stare or two, she explains that she’s got to wear a lot of makeup under ciative stare or two, she explains that she’s got to wear a lot of makeup under figured I should try and do better . . . not to make him angry . . . ‘cause figured I should try and do better . . . not to make him angry . . . ‘cause the lights or she washes out. the lights or she washes out. when he was sweet, afterwards, he always was so sweet. But then it’d be when he was sweet, afterwards, he always was so sweet. But then it’d be a week or month or so . . . and I shouldn’t have . . . ’cause when you let a week or month or so . . . and I shouldn’t have . . . ’cause when you let NADINE: What do you think of the wig? Does it look okay? NADINE: What do you think of the wig? Does it look okay? that happen . . . it’s like an animal . . . dog . . . that gets beaten . . . beat that happen . . . it’s like an animal . . . dog . . . that gets beaten . . . beat I just bought it. I don’t usually wear wigs, but I thought, “What the hell?” I just bought it. I don’t usually wear wigs, but I thought, “What the hell?” a dog . . . enough and if it stays . . . don’t run off . . . you snap your fin- a dog . . . enough and if it stays . . . don’t run off . . . you snap your fin- Got it on sale for $15.95 down at Bruce’s Wigs. He’s a real dear. You’d Got it on sale for $15.95 down at Bruce’s Wigs. He’s a real dear. You’d gers and it’s flat on . . . its stomach . . . tail between its legs . . . shaking gers and it’s flat on . . . its stomach . . . tail between its legs . . . shaking love him. I hope you all don’t get the wrong impression about me. I don’t love him. I hope you all don’t get the wrong impression about me. I don’t . . . it’s the way it works . . . and when he left . . . it took some time ...... it’s the way it works . . . and when he left . . . it took some time . . . usually wear this much makeup, especially not this much mascara, but usually wear this much makeup, especially not this much mascara, but and then I started getting angry . . . angry . . . just angry . . . at every- and then I started getting angry . . . angry . . . just angry . . . at every- when you’re performing, the lights just wash you out something awful. when you’re performing, the lights just wash you out something awful. thing . . . angry at everyone . . . tonight . . . there I was angry . . . I saw thing . . . angry at everyone . . . tonight . . . there I was angry . . . I saw ‘Specially my eyes, and my eyes aren’t my best feature — my legs are my ‘Specially my eyes, and my eyes aren’t my best feature — my legs are my the . . . knew them . . . knew how they . . . thought . . . didn’t know . . . the . . . knew them . . . knew how they . . . thought . . . didn’t know . . . best feature — but you don’t sing with your legs. Least I don’t. And un- best feature — but you don’t sing with your legs. Least I don’t. And un- but thought . . . and I was so angry . . . and I thought of you kids . . . but thought . . . and I was so angry . . . and I thought of you kids . . . less I put on lots of mascara to bring them out, they’re just sort of two less I put on lots of mascara to bring them out, they’re just sort of two of Blue and Lydia . . . thought they’re nice folks . . . they don’t make me of Blue and Lydia . . . thought they’re nice folks . . . they don’t make me blobs. But with the mascara, sometimes people even mention them. Now blobs. But with the mascara, sometimes people even mention them. Now angry . . . when you moved in, I watched you and I thought, “Them’s angry . . . when you moved in, I watched you and I thought, “Them’s if I had eyes like Blue, that’d be a different story. But Lydia, ain’t that al- if I had eyes like Blue, that’d be a different story. But Lydia, ain’t that al- nice people . . . they’re nice . . . it’d be wonderful if you could make friends nice people . . . they’re nice . . . it’d be wonderful if you could make friends ways the way it is? Men got features that they don’t really need, and us ways the way it is? Men got features that they don’t really need, and us with them . . . someone would just let you be” . . . and I could tell you with them . . . someone would just let you be” . . . and I could tell you women could really use them, but we don’t have ‘em. Someone else al- women could really use them, but we don’t have ‘em. Someone else al- don’t have much . . . and I thought, “Maybe I can help them just a lit- don’t have much . . . and I thought, “Maybe I can help them just a lit- ways has what I want. Not that I wish I had your eyes and you had mine. ways has what I want. Not that I wish I had your eyes and you had mine. tle” . . . I got quite a lot from the last . . . we had a joint checking, and tle” . . . I got quite a lot from the last . . . we had a joint checking, and I’m not coveting. I wish I had eyes like yours and you had even prettier I’m not coveting. I wish I had eyes like yours and you had even prettier I withdrew when he left . . . and I thought, “I can help them out” . .. I withdrew when he left . . . and I thought, “I can help them out” . .. ones. Whatever you want. ones. Whatever you want. I’m not rich . . . maybe it’s something like a mother’s feeling . . . I prob- I’m not rich . . . maybe it’s something like a mother’s feeling . . . I prob- ably won’t ever, probably never have a child. Not that I couldn’t still, but ably won’t ever, probably never have a child. Not that I couldn’t still, but I can’t hold. I miscarry. No matter if I just lie in bed, I miscarry. That’s I can’t hold. I miscarry. No matter if I just lie in bed, I miscarry. That’s why Bill and I got married, but I lost the child just after he left. why Bill and I got married, but I lost the child just after he left. There was some strange Easter egg — maybe you had one, too, when There was some strange Easter egg — maybe you had one, too, when you were a child. Mother can’t remember where she got it. She thinks I you were a child. Mother can’t remember where she got it. She thinks I dreamt it all. But it was different. First it’d seem like any of the others, dreamt it all. But it was different. First it’d seem like any of the others, covered with chocolate, but just inside the chocolate was a robin’s egg blue covered with chocolate, but just inside the chocolate was a robin’s egg blue

4 4 1 1 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 8 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:565 AM Page 8 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 5

Anton In Show Business sugar shell and rich caramel, moreAnton like toffee, In and Show then a white Business shell and sugar shell and rich caramel, more like toffee, and then a white shell and inside the cream was a green shell which held a snow white almond. Each inside the cream was a green shell which held a snow white almond. Each Jane Martin Jane Martin Easter, I couldn’t wait until I found this egg. I loved them so much. And Easter, I couldn’t wait until I found this egg. I loved them so much. And they were always hidden in the most difficult places. Not only did they they were always hidden in the most difficult places. Not only did they have all these colors, but they had the most intricate, highly complex de- have all these colors, but they had the most intricate, highly complex de- Scene: A bare stage Scene: A bare stage signs. When I learned the order of color, I’d always look carefully when signs. When I learned the order of color, I’d always look carefully when Serio-Comic Serio-Comic I was opening the various shells to see if something had been changed, I was opening the various shells to see if something had been changed, T-Anne (twenty to forty), a stage manager. T-Anne (twenty to forty), a stage manager. that pink was in the place of blue, or that yellow had been substituted. that pink was in the place of blue, or that yellow had been substituted. It never was, but I was always curious to see, to look for a change, some It never was, but I was always curious to see, to look for a change, some Here, savvy T-Anne offers a sadly accurate description of the current state of Here, savvy T-Anne offers a sadly accurate description of the current state of sort of variation on the pattern. sort of variation on the pattern. American theatre as she prepares to organize auditions for a new production. American theatre as she prepares to organize auditions for a new production. It was awful over there. In that war. It must have been awful. Really It was awful over there. In that war. It must have been awful. Really terrible, but I can’t understand why Billy changed so much. terrible, but I can’t understand why Billy changed so much. T-ANNE: The American theater’s in a shitload of trouble. (Flash, crash.) That’s T-ANNE: The American theater’s in a shitload of trouble. (Flash, crash.) That’s The meal’s cold by now, all cold, but would you like something to The meal’s cold by now, all cold, but would you like something to why the stage is bare, and it’s a cast of six, one non-union. (Flash, crash.) why the stage is bare, and it’s a cast of six, one non-union. (Flash, crash.) eat? eat? I’m T-Anne, the stage manager, but I’m also in the play. (Flash.) Like a I’m T-Anne, the stage manager, but I’m also in the play. (Flash.) Like a lot of plays you’ve seen at the end of the 20th century, we all have to play lot of plays you’ve seen at the end of the 20th century, we all have to play a lot of parts to make the whole thing economically viable . . . (Crash.) a lot of parts to make the whole thing economically viable . . . (Crash.) . . . HOMAGE TO THORNTON WILDER. (Flash, crash. She drops the . . . HOMAGE TO THORNTON WILDER. (Flash, crash. She drops the cloak. She wears blue jeans, a T-shirt, many keys at her belt.) The date is cloak. She wears blue jeans, a T-shirt, many keys at her belt.) The date is (Current date.), 2000, just before noon. Well, I’ll show you a little bit about (Current date.), 2000, just before noon. Well, I’ll show you a little bit about how our profession is laid out. Up around here are the Broadway the- how our profession is laid out. Up around here are the Broadway the- aters, sort of between 42nd and 52nd Street, we like to think that’s the aters, sort of between 42nd and 52nd Street, we like to think that’s the heart of everything. City of New York, State of New York, United States heart of everything. City of New York, State of New York, United States of America, the world, the galaxy, the universe. Down over here is Green- of America, the world, the galaxy, the universe. Down over here is Green- wich Village, around there we do off-Broadway, that’s good too. Now wich Village, around there we do off-Broadway, that’s good too. Now Tribeca, Soho, Lower East Side, we call that the “downtown scene,” off- Tribeca, Soho, Lower East Side, we call that the “downtown scene,” off- off stuff. An incredibly colorful group of people who despise realism and off stuff. An incredibly colorful group of people who despise realism and have all won the Obie Award . . . that’s good too. Beyond that, radiating have all won the Obie Award . . . that’s good too. Beyond that, radiating out in all directions for thousands of miles is something called “regional out in all directions for thousands of miles is something called “regional theater,” which I understand once showed a lot of promise but has since theater,” which I understand once showed a lot of promise but has since degenerated into dying medieval fiefdoms and arrogant baronies pro- degenerated into dying medieval fiefdoms and arrogant baronies pro- ducing small-cast comedies, cabaret musicals, mean-spirited new plays, ducing small-cast comedies, cabaret musicals, mean-spirited new plays, and the occasional deconstructed classic, which everybody hates. After and the occasional deconstructed classic, which everybody hates. After that, moving west, we reach the burning, uninhabitable desert and its mili- that, moving west, we reach the burning, uninhabitable desert and its mili- tias who don’t go to plays, and beyond that, singing a siren call, the twin tias who don’t go to plays, and beyond that, singing a siren call, the twin evil kingdoms of Flick and Tube, the bourne from which no traveler re- evil kingdoms of Flick and Tube, the bourne from which no traveler re- turns. Now back to New York, thank God. Let’s see, the Empire State turns. Now back to New York, thank God. Let’s see, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty and the Actors’ Equity offices . . . that’s Building, the Statue of Liberty and the Actors’ Equity offices . . . that’s

8 8 5 5 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 6 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:567 AM Page 6 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 7

And The Winner Is . . . sonal mothah fuckin’ assistant. And it’s aboutThe time. Winner I deserve all Is this . —. . sonal mothah fuckin’ assistant. And it’s about time. I deserve all this — because unlike the four of you dirty tramps — I live an honest life with because unlike the four of you dirty tramps — I live an honest life with David-Matthew Barnes David-Matthew Barnes dignity and self-respect. I care about the movies I make and not the size dignity and self-respect. I care about the movies I make and not the size of my bank account. So if the four of you can not maintain yourselves of my bank account. So if the four of you can not maintain yourselves like the decent young women God intended y’all to be, then step aside, like the decent young women God intended y’all to be, then step aside, Scene: Backstage at the Academy Awards, during a commercial break. Scene: Backstage at the Academy Awards, during a commercial break. because I can and I will. It’s not about box office. It’s not about power. because I can and I will. It’s not about box office. It’s not about power. Serio-Comic Serio-Comic It’s not about having your face on every trashy magazine in America. It’s It’s not about having your face on every trashy magazine in America. It’s Tracy Morrison (thirties), an African-American nominee for Best Actress. Tracy Morrison (thirties), an African-American nominee for Best Actress. about givin’ somethin’ to the world — and believe you me, I’z got plenty about givin’ somethin’ to the world — and believe you me, I’z got plenty to give. Now, get that camera rollin’, because I am ready for my inter- to give. Now, get that camera rollin’, because I am ready for my inter- When Tracy is egregiously ‘dissed by her sister nominees during a live inter- When Tracy is egregiously ‘dissed by her sister nominees during a live inter- view. view. view show at the Oscars, she lets loose with some very plain talk that man- view show at the Oscars, she lets loose with some very plain talk that man- ages to shut everyone up. ages to shut everyone up.

TRACY: Listen up, you little star fuckers! My name is Tracy Morrison and I’m TRACY: Listen up, you little star fuckers! My name is Tracy Morrison and I’m here because I was nominated for my performance in “Sorry Is My Sis- here because I was nominated for my performance in “Sorry Is My Sis- ter.” Now, if y’all wanna be nasty about this, then I can be nasty. First of ter.” Now, if y’all wanna be nasty about this, then I can be nasty. First of all, April Newton — everyone that I know has slept with your husband all, April Newton — everyone that I know has slept with your husband at least a dozen times — and they all complain about the same damn thing at least a dozen times — and they all complain about the same damn thing — two inches don’t go very far in my neighborhood, okay?! And Pauline — two inches don’t go very far in my neighborhood, okay?! And Pauline Emerson why don’t you take your skinny white ass back to England and Emerson why don’t you take your skinny white ass back to England and choke yourself on a pot of piss and tea. Your movies are almost as bad as choke yourself on a pot of piss and tea. Your movies are almost as bad as your nose job — and don’t even let me get started on how many sexu- your nose job — and don’t even let me get started on how many sexu- ally transmitted diseases you be spreadin’ ‘round town, you triflin’ ho! You ally transmitted diseases you be spreadin’ ‘round town, you triflin’ ho! You lay on a doorstep faster than the mornin’ newspaper. And Rachel Riley lay on a doorstep faster than the mornin’ newspaper. And Rachel Riley — for some God-awful reason, some dumb ass put you in a movie and — for some God-awful reason, some dumb ass put you in a movie and told you that you can act. Shhh-eeeit. That son of a bitch lied to your stu- told you that you can act. Shhh-eeeit. That son of a bitch lied to your stu- pid ass and because of that — we all have to suffer by seeing your ugly pid ass and because of that — we all have to suffer by seeing your ugly grin smilin’ up at us every time we go to Blockbuster. I could make one grin smilin’ up at us every time we go to Blockbuster. I could make one of your movies with ten dollars and a hooker from Harlem. And Danielle of your movies with ten dollars and a hooker from Harlem. And Danielle Taylor — you little drunk bitch — that sweet innocent routine doesn’t Taylor — you little drunk bitch — that sweet innocent routine doesn’t fool me. You’ve got an arrest record a mile long and more ex-boyfriends fool me. You’ve got an arrest record a mile long and more ex-boyfriends than Elizabeth Taylor. In a year, you’ll be burned out, used up and doing than Elizabeth Taylor. In a year, you’ll be burned out, used up and doing infomercials. I, myself, worked three jobs trying to put myself through infomercials. I, myself, worked three jobs trying to put myself through college. I’ve studied every aspect of actin’ you can possibly imagine. I’ve college. I’ve studied every aspect of actin’ you can possibly imagine. I’ve played every maid, call girl and the wife of countless dope dealers — on played every maid, call girl and the wife of countless dope dealers — on every stage from here to Kentucky. It took me eleven years to get a part every stage from here to Kentucky. It took me eleven years to get a part in a film — and now that I’m here — I’m not going anywhere! I got an in a film — and now that I’m here — I’m not going anywhere! I got an agent. I got a manager. I got a lawyer. I got a publicist. I’ve got a per- agent. I got a manager. I got a lawyer. I got a publicist. I’ve got a per-

6 6 7 7 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 6 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:567 AM Page 6 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 7

And The Winner Is . . . sonal mothah fuckin’ assistant. And it’s aboutThe time. Winner I deserve all Is this . —. . sonal mothah fuckin’ assistant. And it’s about time. I deserve all this — because unlike the four of you dirty tramps — I live an honest life with because unlike the four of you dirty tramps — I live an honest life with David-Matthew Barnes David-Matthew Barnes dignity and self-respect. I care about the movies I make and not the size dignity and self-respect. I care about the movies I make and not the size of my bank account. So if the four of you can not maintain yourselves of my bank account. So if the four of you can not maintain yourselves like the decent young women God intended y’all to be, then step aside, like the decent young women God intended y’all to be, then step aside, Scene: Backstage at the Academy Awards, during a commercial break. Scene: Backstage at the Academy Awards, during a commercial break. because I can and I will. It’s not about box office. It’s not about power. because I can and I will. It’s not about box office. It’s not about power. Serio-Comic Serio-Comic It’s not about having your face on every trashy magazine in America. It’s It’s not about having your face on every trashy magazine in America. It’s Tracy Morrison (thirties), an African-American nominee for Best Actress. Tracy Morrison (thirties), an African-American nominee for Best Actress. about givin’ somethin’ to the world — and believe you me, I’z got plenty about givin’ somethin’ to the world — and believe you me, I’z got plenty to give. Now, get that camera rollin’, because I am ready for my inter- to give. Now, get that camera rollin’, because I am ready for my inter- When Tracy is egregiously ‘dissed by her sister nominees during a live inter- When Tracy is egregiously ‘dissed by her sister nominees during a live inter- view. view. view show at the Oscars, she lets loose with some very plain talk that man- view show at the Oscars, she lets loose with some very plain talk that man- ages to shut everyone up. ages to shut everyone up.

TRACY: Listen up, you little star fuckers! My name is Tracy Morrison and I’m TRACY: Listen up, you little star fuckers! My name is Tracy Morrison and I’m here because I was nominated for my performance in “Sorry Is My Sis- here because I was nominated for my performance in “Sorry Is My Sis- ter.” Now, if y’all wanna be nasty about this, then I can be nasty. First of ter.” Now, if y’all wanna be nasty about this, then I can be nasty. First of all, April Newton — everyone that I know has slept with your husband all, April Newton — everyone that I know has slept with your husband at least a dozen times — and they all complain about the same damn thing at least a dozen times — and they all complain about the same damn thing — two inches don’t go very far in my neighborhood, okay?! And Pauline — two inches don’t go very far in my neighborhood, okay?! And Pauline Emerson why don’t you take your skinny white ass back to England and Emerson why don’t you take your skinny white ass back to England and choke yourself on a pot of piss and tea. Your movies are almost as bad as choke yourself on a pot of piss and tea. Your movies are almost as bad as your nose job — and don’t even let me get started on how many sexu- your nose job — and don’t even let me get started on how many sexu- ally transmitted diseases you be spreadin’ ‘round town, you triflin’ ho! You ally transmitted diseases you be spreadin’ ‘round town, you triflin’ ho! You lay on a doorstep faster than the mornin’ newspaper. And Rachel Riley lay on a doorstep faster than the mornin’ newspaper. And Rachel Riley — for some God-awful reason, some dumb ass put you in a movie and — for some God-awful reason, some dumb ass put you in a movie and told you that you can act. Shhh-eeeit. That son of a bitch lied to your stu- told you that you can act. Shhh-eeeit. That son of a bitch lied to your stu- pid ass and because of that — we all have to suffer by seeing your ugly pid ass and because of that — we all have to suffer by seeing your ugly grin smilin’ up at us every time we go to Blockbuster. I could make one grin smilin’ up at us every time we go to Blockbuster. I could make one of your movies with ten dollars and a hooker from Harlem. And Danielle of your movies with ten dollars and a hooker from Harlem. And Danielle Taylor — you little drunk bitch — that sweet innocent routine doesn’t Taylor — you little drunk bitch — that sweet innocent routine doesn’t fool me. You’ve got an arrest record a mile long and more ex-boyfriends fool me. You’ve got an arrest record a mile long and more ex-boyfriends than Elizabeth Taylor. In a year, you’ll be burned out, used up and doing than Elizabeth Taylor. In a year, you’ll be burned out, used up and doing infomercials. I, myself, worked three jobs trying to put myself through infomercials. I, myself, worked three jobs trying to put myself through college. I’ve studied every aspect of actin’ you can possibly imagine. I’ve college. I’ve studied every aspect of actin’ you can possibly imagine. I’ve played every maid, call girl and the wife of countless dope dealers — on played every maid, call girl and the wife of countless dope dealers — on every stage from here to Kentucky. It took me eleven years to get a part every stage from here to Kentucky. It took me eleven years to get a part in a film — and now that I’m here — I’m not going anywhere! I got an in a film — and now that I’m here — I’m not going anywhere! I got an agent. I got a manager. I got a lawyer. I got a publicist. I’ve got a per- agent. I got a manager. I got a lawyer. I got a publicist. I’ve got a per-

6 6 7 7 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 8 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:565 AM Page 8 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 5

Anton In Show Business sugar shell and rich caramel, moreAnton like toffee, In and Show then a white Business shell and sugar shell and rich caramel, more like toffee, and then a white shell and inside the cream was a green shell which held a snow white almond. Each inside the cream was a green shell which held a snow white almond. Each Jane Martin Jane Martin Easter, I couldn’t wait until I found this egg. I loved them so much. And Easter, I couldn’t wait until I found this egg. I loved them so much. And they were always hidden in the most difficult places. Not only did they they were always hidden in the most difficult places. Not only did they have all these colors, but they had the most intricate, highly complex de- have all these colors, but they had the most intricate, highly complex de- Scene: A bare stage Scene: A bare stage signs. When I learned the order of color, I’d always look carefully when signs. When I learned the order of color, I’d always look carefully when Serio-Comic Serio-Comic I was opening the various shells to see if something had been changed, I was opening the various shells to see if something had been changed, T-Anne (twenty to forty), a stage manager. T-Anne (twenty to forty), a stage manager. that pink was in the place of blue, or that yellow had been substituted. that pink was in the place of blue, or that yellow had been substituted. It never was, but I was always curious to see, to look for a change, some It never was, but I was always curious to see, to look for a change, some Here, savvy T-Anne offers a sadly accurate description of the current state of Here, savvy T-Anne offers a sadly accurate description of the current state of sort of variation on the pattern. sort of variation on the pattern. American theatre as she prepares to organize auditions for a new production. American theatre as she prepares to organize auditions for a new production. It was awful over there. In that war. It must have been awful. Really It was awful over there. In that war. It must have been awful. Really terrible, but I can’t understand why Billy changed so much. terrible, but I can’t understand why Billy changed so much. T-ANNE: The American theater’s in a shitload of trouble. (Flash, crash.) That’s T-ANNE: The American theater’s in a shitload of trouble. (Flash, crash.) That’s The meal’s cold by now, all cold, but would you like something to The meal’s cold by now, all cold, but would you like something to why the stage is bare, and it’s a cast of six, one non-union. (Flash, crash.) why the stage is bare, and it’s a cast of six, one non-union. (Flash, crash.) eat? eat? I’m T-Anne, the stage manager, but I’m also in the play. (Flash.) Like a I’m T-Anne, the stage manager, but I’m also in the play. (Flash.) Like a lot of plays you’ve seen at the end of the 20th century, we all have to play lot of plays you’ve seen at the end of the 20th century, we all have to play a lot of parts to make the whole thing economically viable . . . (Crash.) a lot of parts to make the whole thing economically viable . . . (Crash.) . . . HOMAGE TO THORNTON WILDER. (Flash, crash. She drops the . . . HOMAGE TO THORNTON WILDER. (Flash, crash. She drops the cloak. She wears blue jeans, a T-shirt, many keys at her belt.) The date is cloak. She wears blue jeans, a T-shirt, many keys at her belt.) The date is (Current date.), 2000, just before noon. Well, I’ll show you a little bit about (Current date.), 2000, just before noon. Well, I’ll show you a little bit about how our profession is laid out. Up around here are the Broadway the- how our profession is laid out. Up around here are the Broadway the- aters, sort of between 42nd and 52nd Street, we like to think that’s the aters, sort of between 42nd and 52nd Street, we like to think that’s the heart of everything. City of New York, State of New York, United States heart of everything. City of New York, State of New York, United States of America, the world, the galaxy, the universe. Down over here is Green- of America, the world, the galaxy, the universe. Down over here is Green- wich Village, around there we do off-Broadway, that’s good too. Now wich Village, around there we do off-Broadway, that’s good too. Now Tribeca, Soho, Lower East Side, we call that the “downtown scene,” off- Tribeca, Soho, Lower East Side, we call that the “downtown scene,” off- off stuff. An incredibly colorful group of people who despise realism and off stuff. An incredibly colorful group of people who despise realism and have all won the Obie Award . . . that’s good too. Beyond that, radiating have all won the Obie Award . . . that’s good too. Beyond that, radiating out in all directions for thousands of miles is something called “regional out in all directions for thousands of miles is something called “regional theater,” which I understand once showed a lot of promise but has since theater,” which I understand once showed a lot of promise but has since degenerated into dying medieval fiefdoms and arrogant baronies pro- degenerated into dying medieval fiefdoms and arrogant baronies pro- ducing small-cast comedies, cabaret musicals, mean-spirited new plays, ducing small-cast comedies, cabaret musicals, mean-spirited new plays, and the occasional deconstructed classic, which everybody hates. After and the occasional deconstructed classic, which everybody hates. After that, moving west, we reach the burning, uninhabitable desert and its mili- that, moving west, we reach the burning, uninhabitable desert and its mili- tias who don’t go to plays, and beyond that, singing a siren call, the twin tias who don’t go to plays, and beyond that, singing a siren call, the twin evil kingdoms of Flick and Tube, the bourne from which no traveler re- evil kingdoms of Flick and Tube, the bourne from which no traveler re- turns. Now back to New York, thank God. Let’s see, the Empire State turns. Now back to New York, thank God. Let’s see, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty and the Actors’ Equity offices . . . that’s Building, the Statue of Liberty and the Actors’ Equity offices . . . that’s

8 8 5 5 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 12 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:569 AM Page 12 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 9

Asylum our union. They make sure no more than 80 percentAsylum of our membership our union. They make sure no more than 80 percent of our membership is out of work on any given day. And over there . . . yes, right over there is out of work on any given day. And over there . . . yes, right over there Kara Hartzler Kara Hartzler is where we worship, yes sir, The New York Times. Well, that’s about it. is where we worship, yes sir, The New York Times. Well, that’s about it. Now, with a short subway ride we get to one of the audition studios where Now, with a short subway ride we get to one of the audition studios where producers and theaters come to find actors for their plays. Here’s the front producers and theaters come to find actors for their plays. Here’s the front Scene: An office in the Department of Immigration and Naturalization Ser- Scene: An office in the Department of Immigration and Naturalization Ser- door, elevator up to the fifth floor, Studio C, where the San Antonio, Texas door, elevator up to the fifth floor, Studio C, where the San Antonio, Texas vices. vices. Actors Express has come to the big city to cast The Three Sisters by Anton Actors Express has come to the big city to cast The Three Sisters by Anton Dramatic Dramatic Chekhov. He’s Russian. At noon, you can always hear the actors doing Chekhov. He’s Russian. At noon, you can always hear the actors doing Leah (twenties to thirties), an idealistic young woman trying to make a dif- Leah (twenties to thirties), an idealistic young woman trying to make a dif- their vocal warm-ups. their vocal warm-ups. ference. ference. (Vocal warm-ups can be heard.) (Vocal warm-ups can be heard.) Aya — there they are. Not much happens before noon. Theatre folks Aya — there they are. Not much happens before noon. Theatre folks Leah’s job is to interview individuals applying to the United States for polit- Leah’s job is to interview individuals applying to the United States for polit- sleep late. So, another day’s begun. There’s Lisabette Cartwright walking sleep late. So, another day’s begun. There’s Lisabette Cartwright walking ical asylum. After a particularly frustrating day, she is asked why she does this ical asylum. After a particularly frustrating day, she is asked why she does this into Studio C. She graduated from S.M.U. (Southern Methodist) drama into Studio C. She graduated from S.M.U. (Southern Methodist) drama for a living. She makes the following reply. for a living. She makes the following reply. department and began teaching third grade. Then she was invited all the department and began teaching third grade. Then she was invited all the way to New York for an audition because the producer once had her ap- way to New York for an audition because the producer once had her ap- LEAH: Fine. This is why I came here. LEAH: Fine. This is why I came here. pendix removed by one of her uncles. Lisabettes’ really excited, and her pendix removed by one of her uncles. Lisabettes’ really excited, and her (All of her barriers have broken down.) (All of her barriers have broken down.) mom, who is at this moment canning okra, is too. Over there is Casey mom, who is at this moment canning okra, is too. Over there is Casey I came here because I care about people, and I’m interested in human I came here because I care about people, and I’m interested in human Mulgraw, the one dressed in the skirt/pants thing, a lot of people call her Mulgraw, the one dressed in the skirt/pants thing, a lot of people call her rights. I also came here because I wanted something that would look good rights. I also came here because I wanted something that would look good the Queen of off-off Broadway. She’s a little hung over because she just the Queen of off-off Broadway. She’s a little hung over because she just on a resumé. I came here because I felt guilty when I read Newsweek. And on a resumé. I came here because I felt guilty when I read Newsweek. And celebrated the opening of her 200th play without ever having been paid celebrated the opening of her 200th play without ever having been paid I came here because I wanted to have a purpose. I came here because I wanted to have a purpose. a salary. She also has a yeast infection that is really pissing her off. In our a salary. She also has a yeast infection that is really pissing her off. In our [DANIEL: Anything else?] [DANIEL: Anything else?] town, we like to know the facts about everybody. town, we like to know the facts about everybody. LEAH: Sometimes when I’ve listened to three straight hours of hideous stories, LEAH: Sometimes when I’ve listened to three straight hours of hideous stories, this sick, jaded part of me starts to find them fascinating. I’ll sit and think, this sick, jaded part of me starts to find them fascinating. I’ll sit and think, “Wow, hung upside down and beaten with ice, I’ve never heard that one “Wow, hung upside down and beaten with ice, I’ve never heard that one before.” Then I’ll file it away, in my mind, to recount to my father and before.” Then I’ll file it away, in my mind, to recount to my father and my peacenik friends, and anyone who doubts that I’m a caring, com- my peacenik friends, and anyone who doubts that I’m a caring, com- passionate person. passionate person.

12 12 9 9 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 10 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5611 AM Page 10 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 11

Anton In Show Business ApartmentAnton 3AIn Show Business Apartment 3A Jane Martin Jeff Daniels Jane Martin Jeff Daniels

Scene: A bare stage Scene: An apartmentScene: in a A mid-western bare stage city Scene: An apartment in a mid-western city Serio-Comic Serio-Comic Serio-Comic Serio-Comic Lisabette (twenties), an idealistic young actress. Annie (thirties), a womanLisabette struggling (twenties), to recover an idealistic from ayoung failed actress.relationship while Annie (thirties), a woman struggling to recover from a failed relationship while at the same time being presented with the possibility of new love. at the same time being presented with the possibility of new love. Following her first performing experience in New York, Lisabette here con- Following her first performing experience in New York, Lisabette here con- firms her love of acting while expressing some hope for the future of theatre. firms her love of acting while expressing some hope for the future of theatre. Here, Annie describes the emotionally gruesome events that led to the end of Here, Annie describes the emotionally gruesome events that led to the end of LISABETTE: ‘Night. (Lisabette remains in a single light. She looks around her.) her relationshipLISABETTE with Richard.: ‘Night. (Lisabette remains in a single light. She looks around her.) her relationship with Richard. Wow. Crazy. It’s so stupid, but I love to act. It always feels like anything Wow. Crazy. It’s so stupid, but I love to act. It always feels like anything could happen. That something wonderful could happen. It’s just people, ANNIE: I came home. I wascould early. happen. And thereThat somethinghe was. Or wonderfulthere should could I say happen. was It’s just people, ANNIE: I came home. I was early. And there he was. Or there should I say was you know, just people doing it and watching it, but I think everybody his bare ass becauseyou that’s know, all I could just peoplesee. That doing and herit and legs watching wrapped aroundit, but I think everybody his bare ass because that’s all I could see. That and her legs wrapped around hopes that it might turn out to be something more than that. Like peo- his back. Actually, hopesthey were that wayit might up around turn out his to neck. be something And I remember more than that. Like peo- his back. Actually, they were way up around his neck. And I remember ple buy a ticket to the lottery, only this has more . . . heart to it. And thinking, what’s Richardple buy doing a ticket fucking to the a gymnastlottery, only on topthis of has my more grand- . . . heart to it. And thinking, what’s Richard doing fucking a gymnast on top of my grand- most times, it doesn’t turn out any better than the lottery, but sometimes mother’s dining roommost table. times, I actually it doesn stood’t turn there, out any marveling better than at their the flex- lottery, but sometimes mother’s dining room table. I actually stood there, marveling at their flex- . . . my dad runs a community center, and back in the day they did this ibility. Mary Lou saw. . .me my first. dad Oh,runs my a community God, Richard. center, Richard. and back He turns. in the day they did this ibility. Mary Lou saw me first. Oh, my God, Richard. Richard. He turns. play called Raisin in the Sun, just about a black family or something, and He sees. Lots of silence.play called Lots Raisinof fumbling in the Sunfor ,clothing just about no a one black can family find. or something, and He sees. Lots of silence. Lots of fumbling for clothing no one can find. it was just people doing it. He said there was a grocery guy and a car me- He tries to apologize.it was He just tries people to make doing it my it. Hefault. said He there tries was to get a gr meocery to guy and a car me- He tries to apologize. He tries to make it my fault. He tries to get me to chanic, a waitress, but the whole thing had like . . . I don’t know . . . aura, slap him. Hit him.chanic, Hate him. a waitress, All I want but theto dowhole is check thing the had condition like . . . I ofdon’t know . . . aura, slap him. Hit him. Hate him. All I want to do is check the condition of and people wanted to be there . . . so much that when they would prac- my grandmother’s andtable. people She leaves.wanted I togo be into ther thee . kitchen. . . so much I come that backwhen they would prac- my grandmother’s table. She leaves. I go into the kitchen. I come back tice at night, ‘cause everybody had jobs, they had to open the doors at out with some furnituretice at polishnight, and‘cause I make everybody what Ihad thought jobs, wasthey the had love to open the doors at out with some furniture polish and I make what I thought was the love the center and hundreds of black people would just show up, show up of my fucking life thepolish center that and table hundreds until it shines.of black The people next wouldmorning, just I show up, show up of my fucking life polish that table until it shines. The next morning, I for the play practice. They brought kids, they brought dinner, old peo- put it out on the streetfor the and play it’s practice. gone in They thirty brought minutes. kids, As isthey he. brought Cross dinner, old peo- put it out on the street and it’s gone in thirty minutes. As is he. Cross ple in wheelchairs, and they would hang around the whole time, kids run- fade. Two weeks later.ple inI’m wheelchairs, in the corner and market, they would Richard hang walks around in. the With whole time, kids run- fade. Two weeks later. I’m in the corner market, Richard walks in. With ning up and down, until the actors went home, night after night at her. I say, Richard.ning He says,up and Annie. down, I say, until what the ar actorse you doingwent home,here. He night after night at her. I say, Richard. He says, Annie. I say, what are you doing here. He practice, and when they finished, these people would stick around and says, picking up a fewpractice, things. and I can when’t resist. they “ finished,You mean, these besides people her?” would She stick around and says, picking up a few things. I can’t resist. “You mean, besides her?” She they would line up outside like a . . . reception line . . . like a wedding calls me a bitch. Headsthey turn.would The line kid up behind outside the like counter a . . . looksreception up. I line turn . . . like a wedding calls me a bitch. Heads turn. The kid behind the counter looks up. I turn . . . and the actors would walk down that line . . . “How you doin’? How to Richard and say,. .why. . and All the I wantactors is would a reason walk why. down And that he linelooks . . at. “H meow you doin’? How to Richard and say, why. All I want is a reason why. And he looks at me you doin’?” shaking hands, pattin’ on the kids, and the people would give and he says . . . he says,you doin’?”because shaking you care hands, too much pattin’ in ona world the kids, that anddoesn the’t people would give and he says . . . he says, because you care too much in a world that doesn’t them pies and yard flowers, and then the audience and the actors would give a shit anymorethem . . . piesand andI stand yar dthere, flowers, in the and middle then the of audiencethat market and the actors would give a shit anymore . . . and I stand there, in the middle of that market all walk out, in the pitch dark, to the parking lot together. Nobody knew and for the first timeall walkin my out, life, in I thecan’t pitch think dark, of a to thing the parto kingsay. So lot I together. run. Nobody knew and for the first time in my life, I can’t think of a thing to say. So I run. exactly what it was or why it happened. Some day I’d like to be in a play Out of my market.exactly Out of what my neighborhood.it was or why it Outhappened. of my lifeSome as dayI know I’d like to be in a play Out of my market. Out of my neighborhood. Out of my life as I know like that. I would. So I guess I’ll go on . . . keep trying . . . what do you it. I end up at the likelocal that. U-Haul I would. outlet So where I guess I rentI’ll go a truckon . . for. keep the trying first . . . what do you it. I end up at the local U-Haul outlet where I rent a truck for the first think? Could happen. Maybe. Maybe not. (She looks at the audience.) Well time in my life, packthink? up Couldeverything happen. I own Maybe. and start Maybe driving not. (Shearound looks the at the audience.) Well time in my life, pack up everything I own and start driving around the you came tonight anyway. city in circles untily Iou come came upon tonight this anywaysign. Apartment. for Rent. Which I city in circles until I come upon this sign. Apartment for Rent. Which I (Blackout.) do. After being told(B howlackout.) lucky I am. do. After being told how lucky I am.

10 10 11 11 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 10 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5611 AM Page 10 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 11

Anton In Show Business ApartmentAnton 3AIn Show Business Apartment 3A Jane Martin Jeff Daniels Jane Martin Jeff Daniels

Scene: A bare stage Scene: An apartmentScene: in a A mid-western bare stage city Scene: An apartment in a mid-western city Serio-Comic Serio-Comic Serio-Comic Serio-Comic Lisabette (twenties), an idealistic young actress. Annie (thirties), a womanLisabette struggling (twenties), to recover an idealistic from ayoung failed actress.relationship while Annie (thirties), a woman struggling to recover from a failed relationship while at the same time being presented with the possibility of new love. at the same time being presented with the possibility of new love. Following her first performing experience in New York, Lisabette here con- Following her first performing experience in New York, Lisabette here con- firms her love of acting while expressing some hope for the future of theatre. firms her love of acting while expressing some hope for the future of theatre. Here, Annie describes the emotionally gruesome events that led to the end of Here, Annie describes the emotionally gruesome events that led to the end of LISABETTE: ‘Night. (Lisabette remains in a single light. She looks around her.) her relationshipLISABETTE with Richard.: ‘Night. (Lisabette remains in a single light. She looks around her.) her relationship with Richard. Wow. Crazy. It’s so stupid, but I love to act. It always feels like anything Wow. Crazy. It’s so stupid, but I love to act. It always feels like anything could happen. That something wonderful could happen. It’s just people, ANNIE: I came home. I wascould early. happen. And thereThat somethinghe was. Or wonderfulthere should could I say happen. was It’s just people, ANNIE: I came home. I was early. And there he was. Or there should I say was you know, just people doing it and watching it, but I think everybody his bare ass becauseyou that’s know, all I could just peoplesee. That doing and herit and legs watching wrapped aroundit, but I think everybody his bare ass because that’s all I could see. That and her legs wrapped around hopes that it might turn out to be something more than that. Like peo- his back. Actually, hopesthey were that wayit might up around turn out his to neck. be something And I remember more than that. Like peo- his back. Actually, they were way up around his neck. And I remember ple buy a ticket to the lottery, only this has more . . . heart to it. And thinking, what’s Richardple buy doing a ticket fucking to the a gymnastlottery, only on topthis of has my more grand- . . . heart to it. And thinking, what’s Richard doing fucking a gymnast on top of my grand- most times, it doesn’t turn out any better than the lottery, but sometimes mother’s dining roommost table. times, I actually it doesn stood’t turn there, out any marveling better than at their the flex- lottery, but sometimes mother’s dining room table. I actually stood there, marveling at their flex- . . . my dad runs a community center, and back in the day they did this ibility. Mary Lou saw. . .me my first. dad Oh,runs my a community God, Richard. center, Richard. and back He turns. in the day they did this ibility. Mary Lou saw me first. Oh, my God, Richard. Richard. He turns. play called Raisin in the Sun, just about a black family or something, and He sees. Lots of silence.play called Lots Raisinof fumbling in the Sunfor ,clothing just about no a one black can family find. or something, and He sees. Lots of silence. Lots of fumbling for clothing no one can find. it was just people doing it. He said there was a grocery guy and a car me- He tries to apologize.it was He just tries people to make doing it my it. Hefault. said He there tries was to get a gr meocery to guy and a car me- He tries to apologize. He tries to make it my fault. He tries to get me to chanic, a waitress, but the whole thing had like . . . I don’t know . . . aura, slap him. Hit him.chanic, Hate him. a waitress, All I want but theto dowhole is check thing the had condition like . . . I ofdon’t know . . . aura, slap him. Hit him. Hate him. All I want to do is check the condition of and people wanted to be there . . . so much that when they would prac- my grandmother’s andtable. people She leaves.wanted I togo be into ther thee . kitchen. . . so much I come that backwhen they would prac- my grandmother’s table. She leaves. I go into the kitchen. I come back tice at night, ‘cause everybody had jobs, they had to open the doors at out with some furnituretice at polishnight, and‘cause I make everybody what Ihad thought jobs, wasthey the had love to open the doors at out with some furniture polish and I make what I thought was the love the center and hundreds of black people would just show up, show up of my fucking life thepolish center that and table hundreds until it shines.of black The people next wouldmorning, just I show up, show up of my fucking life polish that table until it shines. The next morning, I for the play practice. They brought kids, they brought dinner, old peo- put it out on the streetfor the and play it’s practice. gone in They thirty brought minutes. kids, As isthey he. brought Cross dinner, old peo- put it out on the street and it’s gone in thirty minutes. As is he. Cross ple in wheelchairs, and they would hang around the whole time, kids run- fade. Two weeks later.ple inI’m wheelchairs, in the corner and market, they would Richard hang walks around in. the With whole time, kids run- fade. Two weeks later. I’m in the corner market, Richard walks in. With ning up and down, until the actors went home, night after night at her. I say, Richard.ning He says,up and Annie. down, I say, until what the ar actorse you doingwent home,here. He night after night at her. I say, Richard. He says, Annie. I say, what are you doing here. He practice, and when they finished, these people would stick around and says, picking up a fewpractice, things. and I can when’t resist. they “ finished,You mean, these besides people her?” would She stick around and says, picking up a few things. I can’t resist. “You mean, besides her?” She they would line up outside like a . . . reception line . . . like a wedding calls me a bitch. Headsthey turn.would The line kid up behind outside the like counter a . . . looksreception up. I line turn . . . like a wedding calls me a bitch. Heads turn. The kid behind the counter looks up. I turn . . . and the actors would walk down that line . . . “How you doin’? How to Richard and say,. .why. . and All the I wantactors is would a reason walk why. down And that he linelooks . . at. “H meow you doin’? How to Richard and say, why. All I want is a reason why. And he looks at me you doin’?” shaking hands, pattin’ on the kids, and the people would give and he says . . . he says,you doin’?”because shaking you care hands, too much pattin’ in ona world the kids, that anddoesn the’t people would give and he says . . . he says, because you care too much in a world that doesn’t them pies and yard flowers, and then the audience and the actors would give a shit anymorethem . . . piesand andI stand yar dthere, flowers, in the and middle then the of audiencethat market and the actors would give a shit anymore . . . and I stand there, in the middle of that market all walk out, in the pitch dark, to the parking lot together. Nobody knew and for the first timeall walkin my out, life, in I thecan’t pitch think dark, of a to thing the parto kingsay. So lot I together. run. Nobody knew and for the first time in my life, I can’t think of a thing to say. So I run. exactly what it was or why it happened. Some day I’d like to be in a play Out of my market.exactly Out of what my neighborhood.it was or why it Outhappened. of my lifeSome as dayI know I’d like to be in a play Out of my market. Out of my neighborhood. Out of my life as I know like that. I would. So I guess I’ll go on . . . keep trying . . . what do you it. I end up at the likelocal that. U-Haul I would. outlet So where I guess I rentI’ll go a truckon . . for. keep the trying first . . . what do you it. I end up at the local U-Haul outlet where I rent a truck for the first think? Could happen. Maybe. Maybe not. (She looks at the audience.) Well time in my life, packthink? up Couldeverything happen. I own Maybe. and start Maybe driving not. (Shearound looks the at the audience.) Well time in my life, pack up everything I own and start driving around the you came tonight anyway. city in circles untily Iou come came upon tonight this anywaysign. Apartment. for Rent. Which I city in circles until I come upon this sign. Apartment for Rent. Which I (Blackout.) do. After being told(B howlackout.) lucky I am. do. After being told how lucky I am.

10 10 11 11 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 12 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:569 AM Page 12 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 9

Asylum our union. They make sure no more than 80 percentAsylum of our membership our union. They make sure no more than 80 percent of our membership is out of work on any given day. And over there . . . yes, right over there is out of work on any given day. And over there . . . yes, right over there Kara Hartzler Kara Hartzler is where we worship, yes sir, The New York Times. Well, that’s about it. is where we worship, yes sir, The New York Times. Well, that’s about it. Now, with a short subway ride we get to one of the audition studios where Now, with a short subway ride we get to one of the audition studios where producers and theaters come to find actors for their plays. Here’s the front producers and theaters come to find actors for their plays. Here’s the front Scene: An office in the Department of Immigration and Naturalization Ser- Scene: An office in the Department of Immigration and Naturalization Ser- door, elevator up to the fifth floor, Studio C, where the San Antonio, Texas door, elevator up to the fifth floor, Studio C, where the San Antonio, Texas vices. vices. Actors Express has come to the big city to cast The Three Sisters by Anton Actors Express has come to the big city to cast The Three Sisters by Anton Dramatic Dramatic Chekhov. He’s Russian. At noon, you can always hear the actors doing Chekhov. He’s Russian. At noon, you can always hear the actors doing Leah (twenties to thirties), an idealistic young woman trying to make a dif- Leah (twenties to thirties), an idealistic young woman trying to make a dif- their vocal warm-ups. their vocal warm-ups. ference. ference. (Vocal warm-ups can be heard.) (Vocal warm-ups can be heard.) Aya — there they are. Not much happens before noon. Theatre folks Aya — there they are. Not much happens before noon. Theatre folks Leah’s job is to interview individuals applying to the United States for polit- Leah’s job is to interview individuals applying to the United States for polit- sleep late. So, another day’s begun. There’s Lisabette Cartwright walking sleep late. So, another day’s begun. There’s Lisabette Cartwright walking ical asylum. After a particularly frustrating day, she is asked why she does this ical asylum. After a particularly frustrating day, she is asked why she does this into Studio C. She graduated from S.M.U. (Southern Methodist) drama into Studio C. She graduated from S.M.U. (Southern Methodist) drama for a living. She makes the following reply. for a living. She makes the following reply. department and began teaching third grade. Then she was invited all the department and began teaching third grade. Then she was invited all the way to New York for an audition because the producer once had her ap- way to New York for an audition because the producer once had her ap- LEAH: Fine. This is why I came here. LEAH: Fine. This is why I came here. pendix removed by one of her uncles. Lisabettes’ really excited, and her pendix removed by one of her uncles. Lisabettes’ really excited, and her (All of her barriers have broken down.) (All of her barriers have broken down.) mom, who is at this moment canning okra, is too. Over there is Casey mom, who is at this moment canning okra, is too. Over there is Casey I came here because I care about people, and I’m interested in human I came here because I care about people, and I’m interested in human Mulgraw, the one dressed in the skirt/pants thing, a lot of people call her Mulgraw, the one dressed in the skirt/pants thing, a lot of people call her rights. I also came here because I wanted something that would look good rights. I also came here because I wanted something that would look good the Queen of off-off Broadway. She’s a little hung over because she just the Queen of off-off Broadway. She’s a little hung over because she just on a resumé. I came here because I felt guilty when I read Newsweek. And on a resumé. I came here because I felt guilty when I read Newsweek. And celebrated the opening of her 200th play without ever having been paid celebrated the opening of her 200th play without ever having been paid I came here because I wanted to have a purpose. I came here because I wanted to have a purpose. a salary. She also has a yeast infection that is really pissing her off. In our a salary. She also has a yeast infection that is really pissing her off. In our [DANIEL: Anything else?] [DANIEL: Anything else?] town, we like to know the facts about everybody. town, we like to know the facts about everybody. LEAH: Sometimes when I’ve listened to three straight hours of hideous stories, LEAH: Sometimes when I’ve listened to three straight hours of hideous stories, this sick, jaded part of me starts to find them fascinating. I’ll sit and think, this sick, jaded part of me starts to find them fascinating. I’ll sit and think, “Wow, hung upside down and beaten with ice, I’ve never heard that one “Wow, hung upside down and beaten with ice, I’ve never heard that one before.” Then I’ll file it away, in my mind, to recount to my father and before.” Then I’ll file it away, in my mind, to recount to my father and my peacenik friends, and anyone who doubts that I’m a caring, com- my peacenik friends, and anyone who doubts that I’m a caring, com- passionate person. passionate person.

12 12 9 9 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 16 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5613 AM Page 16 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 13

Be My Baby! Back StoryBe My Baby! Back Story Michele Forsten “Maid of Athens”Michele Forsten “Maid of Athens” David Rambo David Rambo

Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now Serio-Comic Scene: Here and nowSerio-Comic Scene: Here and now Susie (thirties), a woman whose relationship has reached an impasse. Susie (thirties), a woman whose relationship has reached an impasse. Dramatic Dramatic Ainsley (nineteen), a young woman struggling to keep it together in a fam- Ainsley (nineteen), a young woman struggling to keep it together in a fam- Susie and Clair have been happy and comfortable in their relationship for ily wounded by deconstruction.Susie and Clair have been happy and comfortable in their relationship for ily wounded by deconstruction. quite some time. When Clair indicates her desire to either have a baby of her quite some time. When Clair indicates her desire to either have a baby of her own or to adopt, Susie realizes that she would rather spend the time and en- Ainsley has cut her ownfinger or while to adopt, helping Susie to realizes prepare that a meal. she would Here, rathershe recalls spend the time and en- Ainsley has cut her finger while helping to prepare a meal. Here, she recalls ergy required to raise a child on herself. Here, she describes her feelings. a special memory fromergy her required childhood to raise in an a childeffort onto makeherself. the Here, pain she go describesaway. her feelings. a special memory from her childhood in an effort to make the pain go away.

SUSIE: I have some time to kill because Clair just called to say she’d be late SUSIE: I have some time to kill because Clair just called to say she’d be late AINSLEY: Shit! Oh . . . shit! AINSLEY: Shit! Oh . . . shit! coming home. Clair’s so into her work. She doesn’t make a whole lot of coming home. Clair’s so into her work. She doesn’t make a whole lot of (She runs in wrapping a finger in a bloody swath of paper towel. It really (She runs in wrapping a finger in a bloody swath of paper towel. It really time to spend with me, her devoted spouse. I work a lot less and earn time to spend with me, her devoted spouse. I work a lot less and earn hurts. She calls off.) hurts. She calls off.) more. But money has never been Clair’s thing and that’s what attracted I’m okay. I’ve got anmore. ice cubeBut moneyon it. Aunt has neverLou, putbeen the Clair’s potatoes thing in and a pot that’s what attracted I’m okay. I’ve got an ice cube on it. Aunt Lou, put the potatoes in a pot me to her in the first place. She has a good heart. I often lose sight of of cold water. Exceptme theto herone inI gotthe bloodfirst place. on. She has a good heart. I often lose sight of of cold water. Except the one I got blood on. this, though, because she’s always broke and it drives me crazy. I come this, though, because she’s always broke and it drives me crazy. I come (To herself, raising her bloodied fist, and taking deep breaths.) (To herself, raising her bloodied fist, and taking deep breaths.) from a family that measures success by how much money you have. My Hold it above the heart.from aCome family in, that ice measur cube. Makees success it numb. by ho Ice.w much Iceberg. money you have. My Hold it above the heart. Come in, ice cube. Make it numb. Ice. Iceberg. older sister Renee would bring home all these slimeball guys. Glacier. A big Alaskanolder glacier sister .Renee . . on wouldmy finger bring. Kissing home myall thesefinger, slimeball mak- guys. Glacier. A big Alaskan glacier . . . on my finger. Kissing my finger, mak- (Slide of Renee, with a guy who looks like a gangster.) ing the pain go away. Glaciers.(Slide of Renee,Snow, within soft a guywhite who drifts, looks likelike wavesa gangster.) of ing the pain go away. Glaciers. Snow, in soft white drifts, like waves of Quicker than you can say gelt, my grandma would get a handle on icing on a wedding cake,Quicker like . . than. you can say gelt, my grandma would get a handle on icing on a wedding cake, like . . . the guy’s net worth. Like this: . . . Leonard Bernstein’sthe guy’s hair. net The wor summerth. Like I was this: eleven, and Reuben took . . . Leonard Bernstein’s hair. The summer I was eleven, and Reuben took (Imitates her grandma, taking on Yiddish accent.) me to Tanglewood. They(Imitates remembered her grandma, him, all taking the older on Yiddish musicians accent.) did, me to Tanglewood. They remembered him, all the older musicians did, “Pleased to meet you . . . What do you do in business? . . . For a liv- from when he played there.“Pleased First to clarinet. meet y ouReuben . . . What told dothem you he do was in business?just . . . For a liv- from when he played there. First clarinet. Reuben told them he was just ing you’re a hit man? Vos iz dus? You mean you play baseball? . . . Oh, I teaching now and ingI was you his’re stara hit pupil. man? But Vos theyiz dus? kne Ywou. Itmean was ayou hot play day ,baseball? . . . Oh, I teaching now and I was his star pupil. But they knew. It was a hot day, see, you’ve made a killing . . . More than one . . . uh huh. Very impres- and when a drinkersee, sweats, you’ve you made can ajust killing smell . .it . onMore them. than W onee all . could.. . uh huh. Very impres- and when a drinker sweats, you can just smell it on them. We all could. sive, a regular tycoon on Wall Street . . . Oh, you’re not in the financial And then, this . . . thissive, wave a regular of energy tycoon comes on Wallat us, Street and it’s . .Leonard . Oh, you’re Bern- not in the financial And then, this . . . this wave of energy comes at us, and it’s Leonard Bern- markets . . . Oh, the cement business. Well, whatever you do, you’re a stein. “Reuben! Reuben,markets God, . . where. Oh, thethe hell cement have youbusiness. been? WReuben,ell, whatever dear, you do, you’re a stein. “Reuben! Reuben, God, where the hell have you been? Reuben, dear, young man with a future. Have a good time, you two.” darling, Reuben.” Andyoung Leonar man dwith Bernstein’s a future. hugging Have a Reubengood time, and you kissing two.” darling, Reuben.” And Leonard Bernstein’s hugging Reuben and kissing (Squeezes out mop.) him. Kissing! Then, Reuben(Squeezes says, out “Lenny” mop.) — to Leonard Bernstein! — him. Kissing! Then, Reuben says, “Lenny” — to Leonard Bernstein! — Okay, Okay. I exaggerate a little. But you get the idea. The need for he says, “Lenny, this is AinsleyOkay, Okay. Belcher, I exaggerate my star pupil. a little. She But plays you the get clar- the idea. The need for he says, “Lenny, this is Ainsley Belcher, my star pupil. She plays the clar- financial security is genetically passed down in my family. Being in the inet.” And then . .financial . security is genetically passed down in my family. Being in the inet.” And then . . . closet for about a decade, I didn’t have to put up with my dates getting closet for about a decade, I didn’t have to put up with my dates getting (She lowers the wounded hand, as if it’s being held by Leonard Bernstein.) (She lowers the wounded hand, as if it’s being held by Leonard Bernstein.) the third degree, like my sister did. Leonard Bernstein thekisses third my degree, hand! Can’tlike my look sister him did. in the eye, or I’ll sink Leonard Bernstein kisses my hand! Can’t look him in the eye, or I’ll sink (Slide of hand waving outside almost closed closet door.) (Slide of hand waving outside almost closed closet door.)

16 16 13 13 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 14 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5615 AM Page 14 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 15

like the Titanic. So I’m looking at his hair, these waves of thick, soft, white like theBad Titanic. Party So I’m looking at his hair, these waves of thick, soft, white Bad Party hair. Like snow. Big, soft, Alaskan glaciers. hair. Like snow. Big, soft, Alaskan glaciers. Alison Diane Meehan Alison Diane Meehan They call rehearsal, and “Lenny” looks up at me, and quotes Lord Byron, They call rehearsal, and “Lenny” looks up at me, and quotes Lord Byron, my favorite poet! my favorite poet! “Maid of Athens, ere we part, “Maid of Athens, ere we part, Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now Give, oh give me back my heart.” Give, oh give me back my heart.” Serio-Comic Serio-Comic And he left. For three hours I sat on the grass watching rehearsal, and And he left. For three hours I sat on the grass watching rehearsal, and Ashley (eighteen to twenty-five), a young woman describing a frustrating Ashley (eighteen to twenty-five), a young woman describing a frustrating didn’t move a muscle or even go to the bathroom, even when the orchestra didn’t move a muscle or even go to the bathroom, even when the orchestra and failed relationship. and failed relationship. took a break. I didn’t move. took a break. I didn’t move. (She hums a passage from Beethoven’s Ode to Joy, “conducting” with the (She hums a passage from Beethoven’s Ode to Joy, “conducting” with the Here, Ashley recounts the strange direction her life took after meeting a guy Here, Ashley recounts the strange direction her life took after meeting a guy wounded hand.) wounded hand.) at a bad party. at a bad party. After that, when I practiced up in the cake room, if my cheeks hurt, or After that, when I practiced up in the cake room, if my cheeks hurt, or the muscles in my jaw got tired, I couldn’t feel it. Leonard Bernstein was the muscles in my jaw got tired, I couldn’t feel it. Leonard Bernstein was ASHLEY: It starts at a bad party. You talk to a guy about how lame the party ASHLEY: It starts at a bad party. You talk to a guy about how lame the party there. Conducting. Kissing my . . . there. Conducting. Kissing my . . . is; how much you hate school or how you can’t believe your friends are is; how much you hate school or how you can’t believe your friends are (Her hand.) (Her hand.) flirting with those guys. The next week at a slightly better party and you flirting with those guys. The next week at a slightly better party and you It doesn’t hurt anymore. It doesn’t hurt anymore. aren’t as drunk you start talking to the same guy. As you talk to him you aren’t as drunk you start talking to the same guy. As you talk to him you realize you’re telling him more than you ever meant to. Suddenly, you realize you’re telling him more than you ever meant to. Suddenly, you start seeing this guy everywhere. He knows everything about you. He start seeing this guy everywhere. He knows everything about you. He knows your friends, your family, where you work . . . he even knows what knows your friends, your family, where you work . . . he even knows what you’re thinking. This should scare you, but it doesn’t. So you end up going you’re thinking. This should scare you, but it doesn’t. So you end up going out with him a couple of times. Three months later you realize how much out with him a couple of times. Three months later you realize how much trouble you’re in. That’s when you realize that you should ask him what trouble you’re in. That’s when you realize that you should ask him what his name is. A year later you still haven’t asked his name. You don’t want his name is. A year later you still haven’t asked his name. You don’t want to hurt him. Then you’re at Thanksgiving dinner and you want to in- to hurt him. Then you’re at Thanksgiving dinner and you want to in- troduce him to your family, but you don’t know his name so you just act troduce him to your family, but you don’t know his name so you just act rude. In the middle of dinner he mentions to your mother how nice you’ll rude. In the middle of dinner he mentions to your mother how nice you’ll look in his grandmother’s wedding dress and you finally start screaming. look in his grandmother’s wedding dress and you finally start screaming. “Married? You want to get married?? I don’t even know your name!!” You “Married? You want to get married?? I don’t even know your name!!” You yell this over and over until you faint. Eventually you end up at the shrink’s yell this over and over until you faint. Eventually you end up at the shrink’s talking about your ex-boyfriend and dying for a cigarette. When the good talking about your ex-boyfriend and dying for a cigarette. When the good doctor asks what your ex’s name is you just smile. Then time is up and doctor asks what your ex’s name is you just smile. Then time is up and you go outside and are about to light up that cigarette when you see this you go outside and are about to light up that cigarette when you see this guy who knows everything about your life walking by. And no, I never guy who knows everything about your life walking by. And no, I never did find out his name. did find out his name.

14 14 15 15 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 14 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5615 AM Page 14 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 15

like the Titanic. So I’m looking at his hair, these waves of thick, soft, white like theBad Titanic. Party So I’m looking at his hair, these waves of thick, soft, white Bad Party hair. Like snow. Big, soft, Alaskan glaciers. hair. Like snow. Big, soft, Alaskan glaciers. Alison Diane Meehan Alison Diane Meehan They call rehearsal, and “Lenny” looks up at me, and quotes Lord Byron, They call rehearsal, and “Lenny” looks up at me, and quotes Lord Byron, my favorite poet! my favorite poet! “Maid of Athens, ere we part, “Maid of Athens, ere we part, Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now Give, oh give me back my heart.” Give, oh give me back my heart.” Serio-Comic Serio-Comic And he left. For three hours I sat on the grass watching rehearsal, and And he left. For three hours I sat on the grass watching rehearsal, and Ashley (eighteen to twenty-five), a young woman describing a frustrating Ashley (eighteen to twenty-five), a young woman describing a frustrating didn’t move a muscle or even go to the bathroom, even when the orchestra didn’t move a muscle or even go to the bathroom, even when the orchestra and failed relationship. and failed relationship. took a break. I didn’t move. took a break. I didn’t move. (She hums a passage from Beethoven’s Ode to Joy, “conducting” with the (She hums a passage from Beethoven’s Ode to Joy, “conducting” with the Here, Ashley recounts the strange direction her life took after meeting a guy Here, Ashley recounts the strange direction her life took after meeting a guy wounded hand.) wounded hand.) at a bad party. at a bad party. After that, when I practiced up in the cake room, if my cheeks hurt, or After that, when I practiced up in the cake room, if my cheeks hurt, or the muscles in my jaw got tired, I couldn’t feel it. Leonard Bernstein was the muscles in my jaw got tired, I couldn’t feel it. Leonard Bernstein was ASHLEY: It starts at a bad party. You talk to a guy about how lame the party ASHLEY: It starts at a bad party. You talk to a guy about how lame the party there. Conducting. Kissing my . . . there. Conducting. Kissing my . . . is; how much you hate school or how you can’t believe your friends are is; how much you hate school or how you can’t believe your friends are (Her hand.) (Her hand.) flirting with those guys. The next week at a slightly better party and you flirting with those guys. The next week at a slightly better party and you It doesn’t hurt anymore. It doesn’t hurt anymore. aren’t as drunk you start talking to the same guy. As you talk to him you aren’t as drunk you start talking to the same guy. As you talk to him you realize you’re telling him more than you ever meant to. Suddenly, you realize you’re telling him more than you ever meant to. Suddenly, you start seeing this guy everywhere. He knows everything about you. He start seeing this guy everywhere. He knows everything about you. He knows your friends, your family, where you work . . . he even knows what knows your friends, your family, where you work . . . he even knows what you’re thinking. This should scare you, but it doesn’t. So you end up going you’re thinking. This should scare you, but it doesn’t. So you end up going out with him a couple of times. Three months later you realize how much out with him a couple of times. Three months later you realize how much trouble you’re in. That’s when you realize that you should ask him what trouble you’re in. That’s when you realize that you should ask him what his name is. A year later you still haven’t asked his name. You don’t want his name is. A year later you still haven’t asked his name. You don’t want to hurt him. Then you’re at Thanksgiving dinner and you want to in- to hurt him. Then you’re at Thanksgiving dinner and you want to in- troduce him to your family, but you don’t know his name so you just act troduce him to your family, but you don’t know his name so you just act rude. In the middle of dinner he mentions to your mother how nice you’ll rude. In the middle of dinner he mentions to your mother how nice you’ll look in his grandmother’s wedding dress and you finally start screaming. look in his grandmother’s wedding dress and you finally start screaming. “Married? You want to get married?? I don’t even know your name!!” You “Married? You want to get married?? I don’t even know your name!!” You yell this over and over until you faint. Eventually you end up at the shrink’s yell this over and over until you faint. Eventually you end up at the shrink’s talking about your ex-boyfriend and dying for a cigarette. When the good talking about your ex-boyfriend and dying for a cigarette. When the good doctor asks what your ex’s name is you just smile. Then time is up and doctor asks what your ex’s name is you just smile. Then time is up and you go outside and are about to light up that cigarette when you see this you go outside and are about to light up that cigarette when you see this guy who knows everything about your life walking by. And no, I never guy who knows everything about your life walking by. And no, I never did find out his name. did find out his name.

14 14 15 15 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 16 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5613 AM Page 16 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 13

Be My Baby! Back StoryBe My Baby! Back Story Michele Forsten “Maid of Athens”Michele Forsten “Maid of Athens” David Rambo David Rambo

Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now Serio-Comic Scene: Here and nowSerio-Comic Scene: Here and now Susie (thirties), a woman whose relationship has reached an impasse. Susie (thirties), a woman whose relationship has reached an impasse. Dramatic Dramatic Ainsley (nineteen), a young woman struggling to keep it together in a fam- Ainsley (nineteen), a young woman struggling to keep it together in a fam- Susie and Clair have been happy and comfortable in their relationship for ily wounded by deconstruction.Susie and Clair have been happy and comfortable in their relationship for ily wounded by deconstruction. quite some time. When Clair indicates her desire to either have a baby of her quite some time. When Clair indicates her desire to either have a baby of her own or to adopt, Susie realizes that she would rather spend the time and en- Ainsley has cut her ownfinger or while to adopt, helping Susie to realizes prepare that a meal. she would Here, rathershe recalls spend the time and en- Ainsley has cut her finger while helping to prepare a meal. Here, she recalls ergy required to raise a child on herself. Here, she describes her feelings. a special memory fromergy her required childhood to raise in an a childeffort onto makeherself. the Here, pain she go describesaway. her feelings. a special memory from her childhood in an effort to make the pain go away.

SUSIE: I have some time to kill because Clair just called to say she’d be late SUSIE: I have some time to kill because Clair just called to say she’d be late AINSLEY: Shit! Oh . . . shit! AINSLEY: Shit! Oh . . . shit! coming home. Clair’s so into her work. She doesn’t make a whole lot of coming home. Clair’s so into her work. She doesn’t make a whole lot of (She runs in wrapping a finger in a bloody swath of paper towel. It really (She runs in wrapping a finger in a bloody swath of paper towel. It really time to spend with me, her devoted spouse. I work a lot less and earn time to spend with me, her devoted spouse. I work a lot less and earn hurts. She calls off.) hurts. She calls off.) more. But money has never been Clair’s thing and that’s what attracted I’m okay. I’ve got anmore. ice cubeBut moneyon it. Aunt has neverLou, putbeen the Clair’s potatoes thing in and a pot that’s what attracted I’m okay. I’ve got an ice cube on it. Aunt Lou, put the potatoes in a pot me to her in the first place. She has a good heart. I often lose sight of of cold water. Exceptme theto herone inI gotthe bloodfirst place. on. She has a good heart. I often lose sight of of cold water. Except the one I got blood on. this, though, because she’s always broke and it drives me crazy. I come this, though, because she’s always broke and it drives me crazy. I come (To herself, raising her bloodied fist, and taking deep breaths.) (To herself, raising her bloodied fist, and taking deep breaths.) from a family that measures success by how much money you have. My Hold it above the heart.from aCome family in, that ice measur cube. Makees success it numb. by ho Ice.w much Iceberg. money you have. My Hold it above the heart. Come in, ice cube. Make it numb. Ice. Iceberg. older sister Renee would bring home all these slimeball guys. Glacier. A big Alaskanolder glacier sister .Renee . . on wouldmy finger bring. Kissing home myall thesefinger, slimeball mak- guys. Glacier. A big Alaskan glacier . . . on my finger. Kissing my finger, mak- (Slide of Renee, with a guy who looks like a gangster.) ing the pain go away. Glaciers.(Slide of Renee,Snow, within soft a guywhite who drifts, looks likelike wavesa gangster.) of ing the pain go away. Glaciers. Snow, in soft white drifts, like waves of Quicker than you can say gelt, my grandma would get a handle on icing on a wedding cake,Quicker like . . than. you can say gelt, my grandma would get a handle on icing on a wedding cake, like . . . the guy’s net worth. Like this: . . . Leonard Bernstein’sthe guy’s hair. net The wor summerth. Like I was this: eleven, and Reuben took . . . Leonard Bernstein’s hair. The summer I was eleven, and Reuben took (Imitates her grandma, taking on Yiddish accent.) me to Tanglewood. They(Imitates remembered her grandma, him, all taking the older on Yiddish musicians accent.) did, me to Tanglewood. They remembered him, all the older musicians did, “Pleased to meet you . . . What do you do in business? . . . For a liv- from when he played there.“Pleased First to clarinet. meet y ouReuben . . . What told dothem you he do was in business?just . . . For a liv- from when he played there. First clarinet. Reuben told them he was just ing you’re a hit man? Vos iz dus? You mean you play baseball? . . . Oh, I teaching now and ingI was you his’re stara hit pupil. man? But Vos theyiz dus? kne Ywou. Itmean was ayou hot play day ,baseball? . . . Oh, I teaching now and I was his star pupil. But they knew. It was a hot day, see, you’ve made a killing . . . More than one . . . uh huh. Very impres- and when a drinkersee, sweats, you’ve you made can ajust killing smell . .it . onMore them. than W onee all . could.. . uh huh. Very impres- and when a drinker sweats, you can just smell it on them. We all could. sive, a regular tycoon on Wall Street . . . Oh, you’re not in the financial And then, this . . . thissive, wave a regular of energy tycoon comes on Wallat us, Street and it’s . .Leonard . Oh, you’re Bern- not in the financial And then, this . . . this wave of energy comes at us, and it’s Leonard Bern- markets . . . Oh, the cement business. Well, whatever you do, you’re a stein. “Reuben! Reuben,markets God, . . where. Oh, thethe hell cement have youbusiness. been? WReuben,ell, whatever dear, you do, you’re a stein. “Reuben! Reuben, God, where the hell have you been? Reuben, dear, young man with a future. Have a good time, you two.” darling, Reuben.” Andyoung Leonar man dwith Bernstein’s a future. hugging Have a Reubengood time, and you kissing two.” darling, Reuben.” And Leonard Bernstein’s hugging Reuben and kissing (Squeezes out mop.) him. Kissing! Then, Reuben(Squeezes says, out “Lenny” mop.) — to Leonard Bernstein! — him. Kissing! Then, Reuben says, “Lenny” — to Leonard Bernstein! — Okay, Okay. I exaggerate a little. But you get the idea. The need for he says, “Lenny, this is AinsleyOkay, Okay. Belcher, I exaggerate my star pupil. a little. She But plays you the get clar- the idea. The need for he says, “Lenny, this is Ainsley Belcher, my star pupil. She plays the clar- financial security is genetically passed down in my family. Being in the inet.” And then . .financial . security is genetically passed down in my family. Being in the inet.” And then . . . closet for about a decade, I didn’t have to put up with my dates getting closet for about a decade, I didn’t have to put up with my dates getting (She lowers the wounded hand, as if it’s being held by Leonard Bernstein.) (She lowers the wounded hand, as if it’s being held by Leonard Bernstein.) the third degree, like my sister did. Leonard Bernstein thekisses third my degree, hand! Can’tlike my look sister him did. in the eye, or I’ll sink Leonard Bernstein kisses my hand! Can’t look him in the eye, or I’ll sink (Slide of hand waving outside almost closed closet door.) (Slide of hand waving outside almost closed closet door.)

16 16 13 13 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 20 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5617 AM Page 20 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 17

smoldering woodpiles I didn’t bring smolderinganyone home. woodpiles I would just get something like this: I didn’t bring anyone home. I would just get something like this: to leave shattered stones, (Imitates her grandma.)to leave shattered stones, (Imitates her grandma.) empty streets, “You know, youempty wouldn’t streets, have to work so hard if you had a husband. “You know, you wouldn’t have to work so hard if you had a husband. and silence (Slide of Susie andwith silence cutouts of a nuclear family.) (Slide of Susie with cutouts of a nuclear family.) no living thing You’re a nice lookingno living girl. thing I don’t know why you’re not popular” You’re a nice looking girl. I don’t know why you’re not popular” no bird, no animal After one toono many bird, times no animal of hearing this spiel I lost it and said, After one too many times of hearing this spiel I lost it and said, no dogs, “Grandma, I am popularno dogs, . . . “Grandma, I am popular . . . no children, (Slides of Susieno with children, different girlfriends.) (Slides of Susie with different girlfriends.) not one stone left standing on another, . . . with the ladies.not one I’m stone a lesbian, left standing bubbie, ona dyke, another, a female feygaluh . . . with the ladies. I’m a lesbian, bubbie, a dyke, a female feygaluh rather a wilderness of stones . . . get it?” rather a wilderness of stones . . . get it?” and see if finally then She didn’t answerand seeand if I finally walked then away She never mentioned dating She didn’t answer and I walked away She never mentioned dating a lesson has been learned. again. And I didn’ta mentionlesson has my been girlfriends. learned. But you know the expres- again. And I didn’t mention my girlfriends. But you know the expres- Because there are times sion, “Silence equalsBecause death”? there It took are years times for me to realize that grandma’s sion, “Silence equals death”? It took years for me to realize that grandma’s when this is justified silence was worse thanwhen her this dating is justified spiel. She was the most important per- silence was worse than her dating spiel. She was the most important per- there are times, though you may not like it, son in my life, andthere she didn’tare times, accept though me. Didn’t you may accept not me.like it, son in my life, and she didn’t accept me. Didn’t accept me. when this is all that human beings may rightly do and to shrink from it But I digress .when . . Wait this a isminute. all that I humannever use beings the wordmay rightlydigress. doI guess and to shrink from it But I digress . . . Wait a minute. I never use the word digress. I guess is to be less than human. I’m nervous talkingis in to front be less of athan group. human. I was always super quiet in school, I’m nervous talking in front of a group. I was always super quiet in school, never had any desire to be a teacher . . . Another way that Clair and I are never had any desire to be a teacher . . . Another way that Clair and I are different. She’s a college professor. I’m picking up some of her vocabu- different. She’s a college professor. I’m picking up some of her vocabu- lary, though. lary, though. I’m getting off the fucking subject, that’s what I’m doing. The sub- I’m getting off the fucking subject, that’s what I’m doing. The sub- ject of me and Clair. A lot of our lesbian friends, both single and cou- ject of me and Clair. A lot of our lesbian friends, both single and cou- ples, have kids now. Or they’re planning for one. Clair gets depressed when ples, have kids now. Or they’re planning for one. Clair gets depressed when she hears about this one adopting, that one being pregnant. I feel the time she hears about this one adopting, that one being pregnant. I feel the time and energy a kid demands is better spent on myself. I have room to be and energy a kid demands is better spent on myself. I have room to be a good partner, friend, co-worker, but not a good parent. I know that a good partner, friend, co-worker, but not a good parent. I know that and just about accept it, almost. and just about accept it, almost. It’s funny, though. With so many friends and acquaintances having It’s funny, though. With so many friends and acquaintances having or getting kids, I’m feeling out of the loop. Like how I felt when I wasn’t or getting kids, I’m feeling out of the loop. Like how I felt when I wasn’t bringing boyfriends home. And just like back then, I start blaming my- bringing boyfriends home. And just like back then, I start blaming my- self. And that makes me mad, so angry that I want to scream at Claire, self. And that makes me mad, so angry that I want to scream at Claire, “Get used to it, I’m not going to change.” But I don’t. That attitude is “Get used to it, I’m not going to change.” But I don’t. That attitude is so rigid it frightens me. I don’t want to be like that. so rigid it frightens me. I don’t want to be like that. Something’s got to give. Clair and I argue too much. Sometimes from Something’s got to give. Clair and I argue too much. Sometimes from the second we get up. No, I’m not kidding. What? You think I’m exag- the second we get up. No, I’m not kidding. What? You think I’m exag- gerating again? Being melodramatic to make a point? I beg your pardon. gerating again? Being melodramatic to make a point? I beg your pardon.

20 20 17 17 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 18 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5619 AM Page 18 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 19

Betty’s Summer Vacation BigBetty’s Love Summer Vacation Big Love Christopher Durang Charles L. Mee Christopher Durang Charles L. Mee

Scene: A beach house Scene: A country atScene: war A beach house Scene: A country at war Serio-Comic Dramatic Serio-Comic Dramatic Mrs. Siezmagraff (forties to fifties), bombastic, loquacious and a tad naive. Thyona (twenties),Mrs. a woman Siezmagraff driven (fortiesby the passionto fifties), of bombastic,her convictions. loquacious and a tad naive. Thyona (twenties), a woman driven by the passion of her convictions.

Mrs. Siezmagraff has encountered Mr. Vanislaw, a derelict flasher in a women’s Here, Thyona speaksMrs. with Siezmagraff great fire about has encountered injustice in Mr. the Vanislaw,world and a the derelict need flasher in a women’s Here, Thyona speaks with great fire about injustice in the world and the need changing room at the beach. She has brought him back to her vacation home, to take responsibilitychanging to rectify room social at wrtheongs beach. before She allowing has brought oneself him the back lux- to her vacation home, to take responsibility to rectify social wrongs before allowing oneself the lux- which she is currently sharing with her estranged daughter and several other ury of love. which she is currently sharing with her estranged daughter and several other ury of love. unusual characters, including hapless Betty, who only wanted to enjoy a hol- unusual characters, including hapless Betty, who only wanted to enjoy a hol- iday by the sea. Here, Mrs. Siezmagraff prepares to go out on a date with the THYONA: All this talk ofiday love. by the sea. Here, Mrs. Siezmagraff prepares to go out on a date with the THYONA: All this talk of love. nearly feral peeping tom while chatting idly with Betty. You think I’m not nearlycapable feral of love,peeping too? tom while chatting idly with Betty. You think I’m not capable of love, too? But in the real world, But in the real world, MRS. SIEZMAGRAFF: (To Betty.) I have these enormous red welts on my upper if there is no justiceMRS. SIEZMAGRAFF: (To Betty.) I have these enormous red welts on my upper if there is no justice thighs. It’s really unfortunate. I guess if I have sexual relations with Mr. there can be no lovethighs. It’s really unfortunate. I guess if I have sexual relations with Mr. there can be no love Vanislaw, we better keep the lights off. Or he could be blindfolded, I guess. because there can beVanislaw, no love we better keep the lights off. Or he could be blindfolded, I guess. because there can be no love I’ve never done that, but people find it exciting, I’m told. that is not freely offeredI’ve never done that, but people find it exciting, I’m told. that is not freely offered (Checking what Betty is cooking; or nibbling on something.) and it cannot be fr(Checkingee what Betty is cooking; or nibbling on something.) and it cannot be free I once saw this movie about a sorority hazing, and they showed these fresh- unless every personI oncehas equal saw this standing movie about a sorority hazing, and they showed these fresh- unless every person has equal standing man girls this bowl of wiggling worms, then they blindfolded them and and so man girls this bowl of wiggling worms, then they blindfolded them and and so fed them what they assumed was the worms, but it was really just the first order of businessfed them is towhat make they a just assumed society. was the worms, but it was really just the first order of business is to make a just society. spaghetti, but the girls didn’t know that and they choked and vomited You wish there wouldspaghetti, be love but and the mercy girls anddidn compassion’t know that and they choked and vomited You wish there would be love and mercy and compassion and just had a terrible time. But first comes justice,and just had a terrible time. But first comes justice, [BETTY: A sorority hazing. How unusual.] and if there is [noBET justiceTY: A sorority hazing. How unusual.] and if there is no justice MRS. SIEZMAGRAFF: Yeah, I guess so. I have no idea what the movie was. I think then those whoMRS are. SIEZMA being GRAFFtaken :advantage Yeah, I guess of so. I have no idea what the movie was. I think then those who are being taken advantage of that was the only scene of it I saw. It seemed to be from the fifties. I think have every right that was the only scene of it I saw. It seemed to be from the fifties. I think have every right the difference between the innocence of then versus now is that now they’d to take their oppressorsthe difference between the innocence of then versus now is that now they’d to take their oppressors just go ahead and feed them the worms and not bother about switching to take those who juststand go in ahead their andway feed them the worms and not bother about switching to take those who stand in their way to spaghetti. Isn’t that sad? I feel something’s been lost. But, oh well, we and drive them acrossto spaghetti. the fields Isn’t that sad? I feel something’s been lost. But, oh well, we and drive them across the fields have someone coming to dinner, so I shouldn’t let my feelings plummet like frightened horseshave someone coming to dinner, so I shouldn’t let my feelings plummet like frightened horses down to the cellar, should I? La dee dah, oh for the life of a swan. Is that to set fire to their housesdown to the cellar, should I? La dee dah, oh for the life of a swan. Is that to set fire to their houses the saying? Oh, for the life of a something. to ruin everything thethat saying? comes Oh,to hand for the life of a something. to ruin everything that comes to hand to hurl their corpses into wells to hurl their corpses into wells where once there were houses where once there were houses to leave rubble to leave rubble

18 18 19 19 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 18 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5619 AM Page 18 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 19

Betty’s Summer Vacation BigBetty’s Love Summer Vacation Big Love Christopher Durang Charles L. Mee Christopher Durang Charles L. Mee

Scene: A beach house Scene: A country atScene: war A beach house Scene: A country at war Serio-Comic Dramatic Serio-Comic Dramatic Mrs. Siezmagraff (forties to fifties), bombastic, loquacious and a tad naive. Thyona (twenties),Mrs. a woman Siezmagraff driven (fortiesby the passionto fifties), of bombastic,her convictions. loquacious and a tad naive. Thyona (twenties), a woman driven by the passion of her convictions.

Mrs. Siezmagraff has encountered Mr. Vanislaw, a derelict flasher in a women’s Here, Thyona speaksMrs. with Siezmagraff great fire about has encountered injustice in Mr. the Vanislaw,world and a the derelict need flasher in a women’s Here, Thyona speaks with great fire about injustice in the world and the need changing room at the beach. She has brought him back to her vacation home, to take responsibilitychanging to rectify room social at wrtheongs beach. before She allowing has brought oneself him the back lux- to her vacation home, to take responsibility to rectify social wrongs before allowing oneself the lux- which she is currently sharing with her estranged daughter and several other ury of love. which she is currently sharing with her estranged daughter and several other ury of love. unusual characters, including hapless Betty, who only wanted to enjoy a hol- unusual characters, including hapless Betty, who only wanted to enjoy a hol- iday by the sea. Here, Mrs. Siezmagraff prepares to go out on a date with the THYONA: All this talk ofiday love. by the sea. Here, Mrs. Siezmagraff prepares to go out on a date with the THYONA: All this talk of love. nearly feral peeping tom while chatting idly with Betty. You think I’m not nearlycapable feral of love,peeping too? tom while chatting idly with Betty. You think I’m not capable of love, too? But in the real world, But in the real world, MRS. SIEZMAGRAFF: (To Betty.) I have these enormous red welts on my upper if there is no justiceMRS. SIEZMAGRAFF: (To Betty.) I have these enormous red welts on my upper if there is no justice thighs. It’s really unfortunate. I guess if I have sexual relations with Mr. there can be no lovethighs. It’s really unfortunate. I guess if I have sexual relations with Mr. there can be no love Vanislaw, we better keep the lights off. Or he could be blindfolded, I guess. because there can beVanislaw, no love we better keep the lights off. Or he could be blindfolded, I guess. because there can be no love I’ve never done that, but people find it exciting, I’m told. that is not freely offeredI’ve never done that, but people find it exciting, I’m told. that is not freely offered (Checking what Betty is cooking; or nibbling on something.) and it cannot be fr(Checkingee what Betty is cooking; or nibbling on something.) and it cannot be free I once saw this movie about a sorority hazing, and they showed these fresh- unless every personI oncehas equal saw this standing movie about a sorority hazing, and they showed these fresh- unless every person has equal standing man girls this bowl of wiggling worms, then they blindfolded them and and so man girls this bowl of wiggling worms, then they blindfolded them and and so fed them what they assumed was the worms, but it was really just the first order of businessfed them is towhat make they a just assumed society. was the worms, but it was really just the first order of business is to make a just society. spaghetti, but the girls didn’t know that and they choked and vomited You wish there wouldspaghetti, be love but and the mercy girls anddidn compassion’t know that and they choked and vomited You wish there would be love and mercy and compassion and just had a terrible time. But first comes justice,and just had a terrible time. But first comes justice, [BETTY: A sorority hazing. How unusual.] and if there is [noBET justiceTY: A sorority hazing. How unusual.] and if there is no justice MRS. SIEZMAGRAFF: Yeah, I guess so. I have no idea what the movie was. I think then those whoMRS are. SIEZMA being GRAFFtaken :advantage Yeah, I guess of so. I have no idea what the movie was. I think then those who are being taken advantage of that was the only scene of it I saw. It seemed to be from the fifties. I think have every right that was the only scene of it I saw. It seemed to be from the fifties. I think have every right the difference between the innocence of then versus now is that now they’d to take their oppressorsthe difference between the innocence of then versus now is that now they’d to take their oppressors just go ahead and feed them the worms and not bother about switching to take those who juststand go in ahead their andway feed them the worms and not bother about switching to take those who stand in their way to spaghetti. Isn’t that sad? I feel something’s been lost. But, oh well, we and drive them acrossto spaghetti. the fields Isn’t that sad? I feel something’s been lost. But, oh well, we and drive them across the fields have someone coming to dinner, so I shouldn’t let my feelings plummet like frightened horseshave someone coming to dinner, so I shouldn’t let my feelings plummet like frightened horses down to the cellar, should I? La dee dah, oh for the life of a swan. Is that to set fire to their housesdown to the cellar, should I? La dee dah, oh for the life of a swan. Is that to set fire to their houses the saying? Oh, for the life of a something. to ruin everything thethat saying? comes Oh,to hand for the life of a something. to ruin everything that comes to hand to hurl their corpses into wells to hurl their corpses into wells where once there were houses where once there were houses to leave rubble to leave rubble

18 18 19 19 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 20 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5617 AM Page 20 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 17

smoldering woodpiles I didn’t bring smolderinganyone home. woodpiles I would just get something like this: I didn’t bring anyone home. I would just get something like this: to leave shattered stones, (Imitates her grandma.)to leave shattered stones, (Imitates her grandma.) empty streets, “You know, youempty wouldn’t streets, have to work so hard if you had a husband. “You know, you wouldn’t have to work so hard if you had a husband. and silence (Slide of Susie andwith silence cutouts of a nuclear family.) (Slide of Susie with cutouts of a nuclear family.) no living thing You’re a nice lookingno living girl. thing I don’t know why you’re not popular” You’re a nice looking girl. I don’t know why you’re not popular” no bird, no animal After one toono many bird, times no animal of hearing this spiel I lost it and said, After one too many times of hearing this spiel I lost it and said, no dogs, “Grandma, I am popularno dogs, . . . “Grandma, I am popular . . . no children, (Slides of Susieno with children, different girlfriends.) (Slides of Susie with different girlfriends.) not one stone left standing on another, . . . with the ladies.not one I’m stone a lesbian, left standing bubbie, ona dyke, another, a female feygaluh . . . with the ladies. I’m a lesbian, bubbie, a dyke, a female feygaluh rather a wilderness of stones . . . get it?” rather a wilderness of stones . . . get it?” and see if finally then She didn’t answerand seeand if I finally walked then away She never mentioned dating She didn’t answer and I walked away She never mentioned dating a lesson has been learned. again. And I didn’ta mentionlesson has my been girlfriends. learned. But you know the expres- again. And I didn’t mention my girlfriends. But you know the expres- Because there are times sion, “Silence equalsBecause death”? there It took are years times for me to realize that grandma’s sion, “Silence equals death”? It took years for me to realize that grandma’s when this is justified silence was worse thanwhen her this dating is justified spiel. She was the most important per- silence was worse than her dating spiel. She was the most important per- there are times, though you may not like it, son in my life, andthere she didn’tare times, accept though me. Didn’t you may accept not me.like it, son in my life, and she didn’t accept me. Didn’t accept me. when this is all that human beings may rightly do and to shrink from it But I digress .when . . Wait this a isminute. all that I humannever use beings the wordmay rightlydigress. doI guess and to shrink from it But I digress . . . Wait a minute. I never use the word digress. I guess is to be less than human. I’m nervous talkingis in to front be less of athan group. human. I was always super quiet in school, I’m nervous talking in front of a group. I was always super quiet in school, never had any desire to be a teacher . . . Another way that Clair and I are never had any desire to be a teacher . . . Another way that Clair and I are different. She’s a college professor. I’m picking up some of her vocabu- different. She’s a college professor. I’m picking up some of her vocabu- lary, though. lary, though. I’m getting off the fucking subject, that’s what I’m doing. The sub- I’m getting off the fucking subject, that’s what I’m doing. The sub- ject of me and Clair. A lot of our lesbian friends, both single and cou- ject of me and Clair. A lot of our lesbian friends, both single and cou- ples, have kids now. Or they’re planning for one. Clair gets depressed when ples, have kids now. Or they’re planning for one. Clair gets depressed when she hears about this one adopting, that one being pregnant. I feel the time she hears about this one adopting, that one being pregnant. I feel the time and energy a kid demands is better spent on myself. I have room to be and energy a kid demands is better spent on myself. I have room to be a good partner, friend, co-worker, but not a good parent. I know that a good partner, friend, co-worker, but not a good parent. I know that and just about accept it, almost. and just about accept it, almost. It’s funny, though. With so many friends and acquaintances having It’s funny, though. With so many friends and acquaintances having or getting kids, I’m feeling out of the loop. Like how I felt when I wasn’t or getting kids, I’m feeling out of the loop. Like how I felt when I wasn’t bringing boyfriends home. And just like back then, I start blaming my- bringing boyfriends home. And just like back then, I start blaming my- self. And that makes me mad, so angry that I want to scream at Claire, self. And that makes me mad, so angry that I want to scream at Claire, “Get used to it, I’m not going to change.” But I don’t. That attitude is “Get used to it, I’m not going to change.” But I don’t. That attitude is so rigid it frightens me. I don’t want to be like that. so rigid it frightens me. I don’t want to be like that. Something’s got to give. Clair and I argue too much. Sometimes from Something’s got to give. Clair and I argue too much. Sometimes from the second we get up. No, I’m not kidding. What? You think I’m exag- the second we get up. No, I’m not kidding. What? You think I’m exag- gerating again? Being melodramatic to make a point? I beg your pardon. gerating again? Being melodramatic to make a point? I beg your pardon.

20 20 17 17 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 24 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5621 AM Page 24 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 21

Big Potato Big Love Big Potato Big Love Arthur Laurents Charles L. Mee Arthur Laurents Charles L. Mee

Scene: Here and now Scene: A country atScene: war Here and now Scene: A country at war Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Nessa (sixty to eighty), a Holocaust survivor determined to seek vengeance. Lydia (twenties), a Nessayoung (sixty woman to eighty),in love. a Holocaust survivor determined to seek vengeance. Lydia (twenties), a young woman in love.

When Nessa’s plan is challenged by her son, she confronts him with his igno- Lydia has chosen loveWhen over Nessa’sloyalty. plan Here, is shechallenged tries her by best her to son, explain she confronts her feel- him with his igno- Lydia has chosen love over loyalty. Here, she tries her best to explain her feel- rance of the depth of her suffering in Auschwitz. ings to her sisters. rance of the depth of her suffering in Auschwitz. ings to her sisters.

NESSA: You never grew up! You played soldier, you got a little hurt, instead of LYDIA: You know, everythingNESSA: You you never say grew may up! be Youright, played Thyona, soldier, you got a little hurt, instead of LYDIA: You know, everything you say may be right, Thyona, growing up, you grew in. I grew up, sweetheart! I grew up with dead bod- but I have to ask myself,growing up, you grew in. I grew up, sweetheart! I grew up with dead bod- but I have to ask myself, ies like a rush hour in the subway! I grew up in a graveyard — up, not if it is ies like a rush hour in the subway! I grew up in a graveyard — up, not if it is in, up! then why don’t I feelin, goodup! about it? then why don’t I feel good about it? [SONNY: I did time in my graveyard, sweetheart. Of course, it was a foreign I have to somehow[SONNY go: Ion did my time gut ininstincts my graveyard, sweetheart. Of course, it was a foreign I have to somehow go on my gut instincts graveyard.] because sometimesgraveyard.] because sometimes NESSA: All graveyards are foreign, you turtle. But nothing in the whole of all you can convinceNESSA yourself: All graveyards in your mind are foreign, you turtle. But nothing in the whole of all you can convince yourself in your mind history was like ours. Yours was like all the rest: you were supposed to about the rightnesshistor of a ything was like ours. Yours was like all the rest: you were supposed to about the rightness of a thing live. We were supposed to die, smart-ass. They told me I was — a thing, and you try to findliv faulte. We with were your supposed reasoning to die, smart-ass. They told me I was — a thing, and you try to find fault with your reasoning only there to die. but you can’t only there to die. but you can’t Do you know humiliation? For years, a lifetime! Humiliation! A thing, because Do you know humiliation? For years, a lifetime! Humiliation! A thing, because good for nothing but to die. But I don’t. He don’t. A hundred pounds however you turn itgood over for in nothingyour mind but to die. But I don’t. He don’t. A hundred pounds however you turn it over in your mind between us, but we survive! Heroes! For two minutes. As long as it took it comes out right between us, but we survive! Heroes! For two minutes. As long as it took it comes out right to burn a new synagogue. So again we run — here. And here, we pre- and so you have toto think: burn a new synagogue. So again we run — here. And here, we pre- and so you have to think: tend like we are normal. After all that! But didn’t I look like a normal I’m just a completelytend unreasonable like we are personnormal. After all that! But didn’t I look like a normal I’m just a completely unreasonable person woman, darling boy? Didn’t I behave like a normal woman? I had chil- I know it’s right butwoman, I don’ tdarling think it boy? is Didn’t I behave like a normal woman? I had chil- I know it’s right but I don’t think it is dren. I open a beauty parlor, I sit on my sitter, quiet like everyone else. or I think it’s rightdren. but I I know open ita beautyisn’t parlor, I sit on my sitter, quiet like everyone else. or I think it’s right but I know it isn’t But again it starts: the Russians, the Arabs, the Frenchies. Not here? No? and you could endB uput againthinking it starts: the Russians, the Arabs, the Frenchies. Not here? No? and you could end up thinking Where oil matters more than life? Where they put swastikas on motor- you’re just a moronWhere oil matters more than life? Where they put swastikas on motor- you’re just a moron cycles to prove they are big men? Where I am again the smart little Jew or an emotional personcycles to prove they are big men? Where I am again the smart little Jew or an emotional person business woman? Again humiliation? Again die? I don’t sit on my quiet or some sort of deficientbusiness sort woman? of thing Again humiliation? Again die? I don’t sit on my quiet or some sort of deficient sort of thing sitter anymore! I don’t forget and they must not be forgotten! It has to but really there aresitter some anymore! things I don’t forget and they must not be forgotten! It has to but really there are some things stop! when you want to stop!know the truth of them when you want to know the truth of them you have to use your whole person you have to use your whole person you have to use not just your mind and your feelings you have to use not just your mind and your feelings but your neurons or your cells or whatever but your neurons or your cells or whatever

24 24 21 21 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 22 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5623 AM Page 22 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 23

your whole body your wholeBig bodyPotato Big Potato to make some decisions to make some decisions Arthur Laurents Arthur Laurents because they are too complicated for just your mind because they are too complicated for just your mind or even just your mind and feelings or even just your mind and feelings they need to be considered in some larger way they need to be considered in some larger way Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now and in the largest way of all and in the largest way of all Dramatic Dramatic I know in my bones I know in my bones Nessa (sixty to eighty), a Holocaust survivor determined to seek vengeance. Nessa (sixty to eighty), a Holocaust survivor determined to seek vengeance. that I have to go with my heart that I have to go with my heart or whatever it is or whatever it is Nessa and her husband, Itzhak, have vowed to punish those responsible for Nessa and her husband, Itzhak, have vowed to punish those responsible for I have to go with my whole being I have to go with my whole being the horrors of the Holocaust who remain alive and untouched. Here, she tells the horrors of the Holocaust who remain alive and untouched. Here, she tells when it says I love him and he loves me when it says I love him and he loves me her son of their decision to travel to South America in search of war crimi- her son of their decision to travel to South America in search of war crimi- and nothing else matters and nothing else matters nals. nals. even if other things do matter even quite a lot even if other things do matter even quite a lot even if I’m doing this in the midst of everyone getting killed even if I’m doing this in the midst of everyone getting killed NESSA: I am afraid of nothing. You want the truth? Ninety-two, I am, darling, NESSA: I am afraid of nothing. You want the truth? Ninety-two, I am, darling, I can’t help myself I can’t help myself and the day you were circumsized was the day I got Social Security. There and the day you were circumsized was the day I got Social Security. There and I don’t think I should. and I don’t think I should. is nothing I am too old for! Fifty I could be when you were born and a is nothing I am too old for! Fifty I could be when you were born and a Probably this is how people end up marrying Nazis Probably this is how people end up marrying Nazis miracle it wouldn’t be. A miracle is the ability to do whatever you want miracle it wouldn’t be. A miracle is the ability to do whatever you want but I can’t help it. but I can’t help it. and I have it, my darling. I escaped Auschwitz, I can escape Florida. How and I have it, my darling. I escaped Auschwitz, I can escape Florida. How much cash is downstairs? Those tickets are going to be changed. By me. much cash is downstairs? Those tickets are going to be changed. By me. To South America we are going, me and that young man who is your fa- To South America we are going, me and that young man who is your fa- ther. We’ll bring you a souvenir, Sonny: Colombian Red, Argentinian ther. We’ll bring you a souvenir, Sonny: Colombian Red, Argentinian Green, Brazilian Gold. Green, Brazilian Gold. (Taking a drag from the joint he is smoking.) (Taking a drag from the joint he is smoking.) And for the world — Martin Bormann! Don’t tell me he’s dead because And for the world — Martin Bormann! Don’t tell me he’s dead because I know he isn’t. And if he is, we’ll get Mengele or Mueller. A big potato, I know he isn’t. And if he is, we’ll get Mengele or Mueller. A big potato, darling! Even you will be proud! Page One! Everyone will see and this darling! Even you will be proud! Page One! Everyone will see and this time, no one will forget — you in particular! time, no one will forget — you in particular!

22 22 23 23 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 22 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5623 AM Page 22 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 23

your whole body your wholeBig bodyPotato Big Potato to make some decisions to make some decisions Arthur Laurents Arthur Laurents because they are too complicated for just your mind because they are too complicated for just your mind or even just your mind and feelings or even just your mind and feelings they need to be considered in some larger way they need to be considered in some larger way Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now and in the largest way of all and in the largest way of all Dramatic Dramatic I know in my bones I know in my bones Nessa (sixty to eighty), a Holocaust survivor determined to seek vengeance. Nessa (sixty to eighty), a Holocaust survivor determined to seek vengeance. that I have to go with my heart that I have to go with my heart or whatever it is or whatever it is Nessa and her husband, Itzhak, have vowed to punish those responsible for Nessa and her husband, Itzhak, have vowed to punish those responsible for I have to go with my whole being I have to go with my whole being the horrors of the Holocaust who remain alive and untouched. Here, she tells the horrors of the Holocaust who remain alive and untouched. Here, she tells when it says I love him and he loves me when it says I love him and he loves me her son of their decision to travel to South America in search of war crimi- her son of their decision to travel to South America in search of war crimi- and nothing else matters and nothing else matters nals. nals. even if other things do matter even quite a lot even if other things do matter even quite a lot even if I’m doing this in the midst of everyone getting killed even if I’m doing this in the midst of everyone getting killed NESSA: I am afraid of nothing. You want the truth? Ninety-two, I am, darling, NESSA: I am afraid of nothing. You want the truth? Ninety-two, I am, darling, I can’t help myself I can’t help myself and the day you were circumsized was the day I got Social Security. There and the day you were circumsized was the day I got Social Security. There and I don’t think I should. and I don’t think I should. is nothing I am too old for! Fifty I could be when you were born and a is nothing I am too old for! Fifty I could be when you were born and a Probably this is how people end up marrying Nazis Probably this is how people end up marrying Nazis miracle it wouldn’t be. A miracle is the ability to do whatever you want miracle it wouldn’t be. A miracle is the ability to do whatever you want but I can’t help it. but I can’t help it. and I have it, my darling. I escaped Auschwitz, I can escape Florida. How and I have it, my darling. I escaped Auschwitz, I can escape Florida. How much cash is downstairs? Those tickets are going to be changed. By me. much cash is downstairs? Those tickets are going to be changed. By me. To South America we are going, me and that young man who is your fa- To South America we are going, me and that young man who is your fa- ther. We’ll bring you a souvenir, Sonny: Colombian Red, Argentinian ther. We’ll bring you a souvenir, Sonny: Colombian Red, Argentinian Green, Brazilian Gold. Green, Brazilian Gold. (Taking a drag from the joint he is smoking.) (Taking a drag from the joint he is smoking.) And for the world — Martin Bormann! Don’t tell me he’s dead because And for the world — Martin Bormann! Don’t tell me he’s dead because I know he isn’t. And if he is, we’ll get Mengele or Mueller. A big potato, I know he isn’t. And if he is, we’ll get Mengele or Mueller. A big potato, darling! Even you will be proud! Page One! Everyone will see and this darling! Even you will be proud! Page One! Everyone will see and this time, no one will forget — you in particular! time, no one will forget — you in particular!

22 22 23 23 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 24 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5621 AM Page 24 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 21

Big Potato Big Love Big Potato Big Love Arthur Laurents Charles L. Mee Arthur Laurents Charles L. Mee

Scene: Here and now Scene: A country atScene: war Here and now Scene: A country at war Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Nessa (sixty to eighty), a Holocaust survivor determined to seek vengeance. Lydia (twenties), a Nessayoung (sixty woman to eighty),in love. a Holocaust survivor determined to seek vengeance. Lydia (twenties), a young woman in love.

When Nessa’s plan is challenged by her son, she confronts him with his igno- Lydia has chosen loveWhen over Nessa’sloyalty. plan Here, is shechallenged tries her by best her to son, explain she confronts her feel- him with his igno- Lydia has chosen love over loyalty. Here, she tries her best to explain her feel- rance of the depth of her suffering in Auschwitz. ings to her sisters. rance of the depth of her suffering in Auschwitz. ings to her sisters.

NESSA: You never grew up! You played soldier, you got a little hurt, instead of LYDIA: You know, everythingNESSA: You you never say grew may up! be Youright, played Thyona, soldier, you got a little hurt, instead of LYDIA: You know, everything you say may be right, Thyona, growing up, you grew in. I grew up, sweetheart! I grew up with dead bod- but I have to ask myself,growing up, you grew in. I grew up, sweetheart! I grew up with dead bod- but I have to ask myself, ies like a rush hour in the subway! I grew up in a graveyard — up, not if it is ies like a rush hour in the subway! I grew up in a graveyard — up, not if it is in, up! then why don’t I feelin, goodup! about it? then why don’t I feel good about it? [SONNY: I did time in my graveyard, sweetheart. Of course, it was a foreign I have to somehow[SONNY go: Ion did my time gut ininstincts my graveyard, sweetheart. Of course, it was a foreign I have to somehow go on my gut instincts graveyard.] because sometimesgraveyard.] because sometimes NESSA: All graveyards are foreign, you turtle. But nothing in the whole of all you can convinceNESSA yourself: All graveyards in your mind are foreign, you turtle. But nothing in the whole of all you can convince yourself in your mind history was like ours. Yours was like all the rest: you were supposed to about the rightnesshistor of a ything was like ours. Yours was like all the rest: you were supposed to about the rightness of a thing live. We were supposed to die, smart-ass. They told me I was — a thing, and you try to findliv faulte. We with were your supposed reasoning to die, smart-ass. They told me I was — a thing, and you try to find fault with your reasoning only there to die. but you can’t only there to die. but you can’t Do you know humiliation? For years, a lifetime! Humiliation! A thing, because Do you know humiliation? For years, a lifetime! Humiliation! A thing, because good for nothing but to die. But I don’t. He don’t. A hundred pounds however you turn itgood over for in nothingyour mind but to die. But I don’t. He don’t. A hundred pounds however you turn it over in your mind between us, but we survive! Heroes! For two minutes. As long as it took it comes out right between us, but we survive! Heroes! For two minutes. As long as it took it comes out right to burn a new synagogue. So again we run — here. And here, we pre- and so you have toto think: burn a new synagogue. So again we run — here. And here, we pre- and so you have to think: tend like we are normal. After all that! But didn’t I look like a normal I’m just a completelytend unreasonable like we are personnormal. After all that! But didn’t I look like a normal I’m just a completely unreasonable person woman, darling boy? Didn’t I behave like a normal woman? I had chil- I know it’s right butwoman, I don’ tdarling think it boy? is Didn’t I behave like a normal woman? I had chil- I know it’s right but I don’t think it is dren. I open a beauty parlor, I sit on my sitter, quiet like everyone else. or I think it’s rightdren. but I I know open ita beautyisn’t parlor, I sit on my sitter, quiet like everyone else. or I think it’s right but I know it isn’t But again it starts: the Russians, the Arabs, the Frenchies. Not here? No? and you could endB uput againthinking it starts: the Russians, the Arabs, the Frenchies. Not here? No? and you could end up thinking Where oil matters more than life? Where they put swastikas on motor- you’re just a moronWhere oil matters more than life? Where they put swastikas on motor- you’re just a moron cycles to prove they are big men? Where I am again the smart little Jew or an emotional personcycles to prove they are big men? Where I am again the smart little Jew or an emotional person business woman? Again humiliation? Again die? I don’t sit on my quiet or some sort of deficientbusiness sort woman? of thing Again humiliation? Again die? I don’t sit on my quiet or some sort of deficient sort of thing sitter anymore! I don’t forget and they must not be forgotten! It has to but really there aresitter some anymore! things I don’t forget and they must not be forgotten! It has to but really there are some things stop! when you want to stop!know the truth of them when you want to know the truth of them you have to use your whole person you have to use your whole person you have to use not just your mind and your feelings you have to use not just your mind and your feelings but your neurons or your cells or whatever but your neurons or your cells or whatever

24 24 21 21 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 28 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5625 AM Page 28 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 25

it just me? . . . Men are slime. This is totally lame male fantasy, isn’t it. it justBig me? . .Potato . Men are slime. This is totally lame male fantasy, isn’t it. Big Potato Men are categorically a lower form of life. Completely off the food chain Men are categorically a lower form of life. Completely off the food chain Arthur Laurents Arthur Laurents . . . That was so. Not. Sensual . . . Okay, okay . . . What they’re doing . . . That was so. Not. Sensual . . . Okay, okay . . . What they’re doing now isn’t so bad — It’s not as-bad maybe. It’s still bad though, it’s just now isn’t so bad — It’s not as-bad maybe. It’s still bad though, it’s just not as homicidally aggressive toward women . . . All right, if you’re a man not as homicidally aggressive toward women . . . All right, if you’re a man Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now — if you’re on a desert island — if you’re a registered sex offender, who — if you’re on a desert island — if you’re a registered sex offender, who Dramatic Dramatic knows, this is — I admit it, this is sort of erotic . . . That much, I’ll give knows, this is — I admit it, this is sort of erotic . . . That much, I’ll give Nessa (sixty to eighty), a Holocaust survivor determined to seek vengeance. Nessa (sixty to eighty), a Holocaust survivor determined to seek vengeance. you. Sick — but erotic . . . He seems to like her, doesn’t he. He should you. Sick — but erotic . . . He seems to like her, doesn’t he. He should register that thing with his local police . . . You should watch this, hey, register that thing with his local police . . . You should watch this, hey, Nessa and Itzak finally manage to capture someone they believe to be a “big Nessa and Itzak finally manage to capture someone they believe to be a “big you don’t want to miss, are you watching this — it’s your ripe little blonde. you don’t want to miss, are you watching this — it’s your ripe little blonde. potato”; their grown children insist that they allow the suspected Nazi to go potato”; their grown children insist that they allow the suspected Nazi to go But that’s not her real hair. They’re extensions. But that’s not her real hair. They’re extensions. free. Here, Nessa angrily confronts her offspring revealing her passionate need free. Here, Nessa angrily confronts her offspring revealing her passionate need for justice. for justice.

NESSA: Oh, sit down and be quiet. NESSA: Oh, sit down and be quiet. [ROCHELLE: I will not. (But she does.)] [ROCHELLE: I will not. (But she does.)] NESSA: (Quietly.) I was not relieved when you left my house, Rochelle. You NESSA: (Quietly.) I was not relieved when you left my house, Rochelle. You were. I was too much for you. I still am. were. I was too much for you. I still am. (To Sonny.) (To Sonny.) Also for you. You think I haven’t known what the both of you think of Also for you. You think I haven’t known what the both of you think of me? Your admiration is only that I still go on. I’m just a tiresome, mad me? Your admiration is only that I still go on. I’m just a tiresome, mad old fool with an obsession. Yes! I am obsessed — with living, you idiots! old fool with an obsession. Yes! I am obsessed — with living, you idiots! That’s what I learned from the camps: How glorious it is! That’s what I That’s what I learned from the camps: How glorious it is! That’s what I want for him, for me, for you. want for him, for me, for you. (A plea to Sonny.) (A plea to Sonny.) For you! . . . Not your fantasy of screwing your clients in the back room. For you! . . . Not your fantasy of screwing your clients in the back room. Yes: fantasy! Oh, I play along, I encourage because that at least is a way Yes: fantasy! Oh, I play along, I encourage because that at least is a way to keep alive — if it is real. But your dreams are dry! Real life is what I to keep alive — if it is real. But your dreams are dry! Real life is what I tried to breathe into you. The both of you! With the blood pumping and tried to breathe into you. The both of you! With the blood pumping and the juices flowing and the heart screaming! But that is too much for you, the juices flowing and the heart screaming! But that is too much for you, too enormous! And what is your answer? “You’re a bad momma. Shut too enormous! And what is your answer? “You’re a bad momma. Shut up.” How small. How tiny. up.” How small. How tiny.

28 28 25 25 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 26 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5627 AM Page 26 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 27

Blue Movie is it with men and blondes? . . . Not that anyBlue of yours Movie were exactly pure. is it with men and blondes? . . . Not that any of yours were exactly pure. Once you have testosterone, what is with blonde, is all I want to know Once you have testosterone, what is with blonde, is all I want to know Jay Boyer Jay Boyer from you . . . I don’t want to think about who you were sleeping with, from you . . . I don’t want to think about who you were sleeping with, had any of them even heard of hygiene, or what you might be passing had any of them even heard of hygiene, or what you might be passing along . . . Oh — that is so sick . . . What is it about men that makes them along . . . Oh — that is so sick . . . What is it about men that makes them Scene: A bedroom Scene: A bedroom want to degrade a woman? . . . You’re a man, no really, I’m asking, where’s want to degrade a woman? . . . You’re a man, no really, I’m asking, where’s Serio-Comic Serio-Comic the allure? What pleasure is there in that for you people, how is that a the allure? What pleasure is there in that for you people, how is that a Woman (thirties to forties). Woman (thirties to forties). turn-on? . . . Look. Are they kidding? Does all sex have to be twisted and turn-on? . . . Look. Are they kidding? Does all sex have to be twisted and sick? . . . Some pathetic male fantasy . . . Is that arousing to you people? sick? . . . Some pathetic male fantasy . . . Is that arousing to you people? When she retires for the evening, this unsuspecting wife discovers that her hubby When she retires for the evening, this unsuspecting wife discovers that her hubby . . . Who’d do that to themselves? They don’t, look, they don’t move when . . . Who’d do that to themselves? They don’t, look, they don’t move when has fallen asleep while watching a porn film. Here, she offers insight into her has fallen asleep while watching a porn film. Here, she offers insight into her she, I could never . . . I hope they’re not going to do what I think they’re she, I could never . . . I hope they’re not going to do what I think they’re married life while watching the film. married life while watching the film. going to do . . . OH MY GOD . . . Do you suppose they write this out going to do . . . OH MY GOD . . . Do you suppose they write this out in advance? Can you imagine the script?! Ala Citizen Kane the camera in advance? Can you imagine the script?! Ala Citizen Kane the camera The point of this monologue is that the speaker’s response to the blue movie The point of this monologue is that the speaker’s response to the blue movie cranes higher and higher until it happens upon a scene of completely per- cranes higher and higher until it happens upon a scene of completely per- she finds on her television screen playing in silence at the foot of her bed is she finds on her television screen playing in silence at the foot of her bed is verted sodomy . . . What did I tell you? They keep pointing straight up verted sodomy . . . What did I tell you? They keep pointing straight up much more complex than what she says to her sleeping mate, and toward that much more complex than what she says to her sleeping mate, and toward that in the air . . . They’re like a totally separate entity . . . Tupperware, or in the air . . . They’re like a totally separate entity . . . Tupperware, or end it is sparely written. Its intent is to give an actress a chance to show off end it is sparely written. Its intent is to give an actress a chance to show off something . . . Oh God, Oh — now there’s something I couldn’t have something . . . Oh God, Oh — now there’s something I couldn’t have her talent for physical comedy. Hence, where there are ellipses below, there her talent for physical comedy. Hence, where there are ellipses below, there lived without seeing. That is more about this woman than I really cared lived without seeing. That is more about this woman than I really cared should be on the stage changes in facial expression and posture and the like should be on the stage changes in facial expression and posture and the like to know. Thank you for letting me watch; I’m a much better person now to know. Thank you for letting me watch; I’m a much better person now as she responds to what she sees. How broad this should be played is the choice as she responds to what she sees. How broad this should be played is the choice . . . How is she doing that with her legs? It looks like they’ve got five legs . . . How is she doing that with her legs? It looks like they’ve got five legs of the actress. But it has been written so that what she says should follow from of the actress. But it has been written so that what she says should follow from between them, HOW IS SHE DOING THAT WITH HER LEGS . . . between them, HOW IS SHE DOING THAT WITH HER LEGS . . . or counterpoint whatever physical business she brings to the script. or counterpoint whatever physical business she brings to the script. When you’re like, you know, twelve years old and you’re going through When you’re like, you know, twelve years old and you’re going through Lights up as the speaker comes to the bed sleepily, her hair tousled, her eyes Lights up as the speaker comes to the bed sleepily, her hair tousled, her eyes puberty, is that who you’re envisioning, is that how you think women puberty, is that who you’re envisioning, is that how you think women half-shut. From the audience’s perspective her spouse is already asleep beneath half-shut. From the audience’s perspective her spouse is already asleep beneath look when they take off their clothes . . . This is exactly my point: an- look when they take off their clothes . . . This is exactly my point: an- the covers, an effect that can be had for no more trouble than stuffing that the covers, an effect that can be had for no more trouble than stuffing that other woman looks at a woman like that and thinks, Honey, something other woman looks at a woman like that and thinks, Honey, something side of the bed with pillows. side of the bed with pillows. new, it’s called hygiene . . . She looks like she ought to have a valve on new, it’s called hygiene . . . She looks like she ought to have a valve on her back. You know, open it and she ought to go flying around the room, her back. You know, open it and she ought to go flying around the room, WOMAN: Why’d you let me fall asleep on the couch, are you still up? . . . What WOMAN: Why’d you let me fall asleep on the couch, are you still up? . . . What shriveling into nothing, is how she looks . . . You’d like what they’re doing shriveling into nothing, is how she looks . . . You’d like what they’re doing are you watching? . . . What in God’s name . . . What is this you’re watch- are you watching? . . . What in God’s name . . . What is this you’re watch- now . . . Well I think — don’t bother to deny it — I think you’d have to now . . . Well I think — don’t bother to deny it — I think you’d have to ing? . . . Is this what’s on cable at this time of the morning? . . . It’s pretty ing? . . . Is this what’s on cable at this time of the morning? . . . It’s pretty admit, you’re a little conflicted, sexually, I mean. I think you’ll have to admit, you’re a little conflicted, sexually, I mean. I think you’ll have to explicit, isn’t it . . . Tell me you’re not serious . . . Oh — shoot me now explicit, isn’t it . . . Tell me you’re not serious . . . Oh — shoot me now admit that . . . Which explains why all the sports. And your first wife . . . I admit that . . . Which explains why all the sports. And your first wife . . . I . . . Oh NO. Look at that . . . What are those, Triple-E cup or some- . . . Oh NO. Look at that . . . What are those, Triple-E cup or some- blame that on your mother. After what she did to your psyche, it’s amaz- blame that on your mother. After what she did to your psyche, it’s amaz- thing? . . . She’s SO gross. She’s . . . another woman would look at her thing? . . . She’s SO gross. She’s . . . another woman would look at her ing you can have sex at all . . . Oh God! That’s totally gross . . . Oh my ing you can have sex at all . . . Oh God! That’s totally gross . . . Oh my and think, “That woman’s a cow” . . . Watch what they’re doing. I hope and think, “That woman’s a cow” . . . Watch what they’re doing. I hope God THAT IS SO EROTIC, I’m telling you . . . Doesn’t she have friends? God THAT IS SO EROTIC, I’m telling you . . . Doesn’t she have friends? you’re as bored with this as I am . . . The blonde one’s not that gross, you’re as bored with this as I am . . . The blonde one’s not that gross, What if she’s shopping at Target, what if they saw? . . . What if she has What if she’s shopping at Target, what if they saw? . . . What if she has okay. But only by comparison. She’s pretty gross though . . . When we okay. But only by comparison. She’s pretty gross though . . . When we children some day, and there it is for posterity? . . . Right. Nice touch. children some day, and there it is for posterity? . . . Right. Nice touch. met, why were all your girlfriends blonde? What is with blonde, some met, why were all your girlfriends blonde? What is with blonde, some Like we need to see her tongue to get it . . . Is that a stimulating view, is Like we need to see her tongue to get it . . . Is that a stimulating view, is kind of purity-madonna-virgin-whore thing? . . . I’m just asking. What kind of purity-madonna-virgin-whore thing? . . . I’m just asking. What

26 26 27 27 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 26 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5627 AM Page 26 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 27

Blue Movie is it with men and blondes? . . . Not that anyBlue of yours Movie were exactly pure. is it with men and blondes? . . . Not that any of yours were exactly pure. Once you have testosterone, what is with blonde, is all I want to know Once you have testosterone, what is with blonde, is all I want to know Jay Boyer Jay Boyer from you . . . I don’t want to think about who you were sleeping with, from you . . . I don’t want to think about who you were sleeping with, had any of them even heard of hygiene, or what you might be passing had any of them even heard of hygiene, or what you might be passing along . . . Oh — that is so sick . . . What is it about men that makes them along . . . Oh — that is so sick . . . What is it about men that makes them Scene: A bedroom Scene: A bedroom want to degrade a woman? . . . You’re a man, no really, I’m asking, where’s want to degrade a woman? . . . You’re a man, no really, I’m asking, where’s Serio-Comic Serio-Comic the allure? What pleasure is there in that for you people, how is that a the allure? What pleasure is there in that for you people, how is that a Woman (thirties to forties). Woman (thirties to forties). turn-on? . . . Look. Are they kidding? Does all sex have to be twisted and turn-on? . . . Look. Are they kidding? Does all sex have to be twisted and sick? . . . Some pathetic male fantasy . . . Is that arousing to you people? sick? . . . Some pathetic male fantasy . . . Is that arousing to you people? When she retires for the evening, this unsuspecting wife discovers that her hubby When she retires for the evening, this unsuspecting wife discovers that her hubby . . . Who’d do that to themselves? They don’t, look, they don’t move when . . . Who’d do that to themselves? They don’t, look, they don’t move when has fallen asleep while watching a porn film. Here, she offers insight into her has fallen asleep while watching a porn film. Here, she offers insight into her she, I could never . . . I hope they’re not going to do what I think they’re she, I could never . . . I hope they’re not going to do what I think they’re married life while watching the film. married life while watching the film. going to do . . . OH MY GOD . . . Do you suppose they write this out going to do . . . OH MY GOD . . . Do you suppose they write this out in advance? Can you imagine the script?! Ala Citizen Kane the camera in advance? Can you imagine the script?! Ala Citizen Kane the camera The point of this monologue is that the speaker’s response to the blue movie The point of this monologue is that the speaker’s response to the blue movie cranes higher and higher until it happens upon a scene of completely per- cranes higher and higher until it happens upon a scene of completely per- she finds on her television screen playing in silence at the foot of her bed is she finds on her television screen playing in silence at the foot of her bed is verted sodomy . . . What did I tell you? They keep pointing straight up verted sodomy . . . What did I tell you? They keep pointing straight up much more complex than what she says to her sleeping mate, and toward that much more complex than what she says to her sleeping mate, and toward that in the air . . . They’re like a totally separate entity . . . Tupperware, or in the air . . . They’re like a totally separate entity . . . Tupperware, or end it is sparely written. Its intent is to give an actress a chance to show off end it is sparely written. Its intent is to give an actress a chance to show off something . . . Oh God, Oh — now there’s something I couldn’t have something . . . Oh God, Oh — now there’s something I couldn’t have her talent for physical comedy. Hence, where there are ellipses below, there her talent for physical comedy. Hence, where there are ellipses below, there lived without seeing. That is more about this woman than I really cared lived without seeing. That is more about this woman than I really cared should be on the stage changes in facial expression and posture and the like should be on the stage changes in facial expression and posture and the like to know. Thank you for letting me watch; I’m a much better person now to know. Thank you for letting me watch; I’m a much better person now as she responds to what she sees. How broad this should be played is the choice as she responds to what she sees. How broad this should be played is the choice . . . How is she doing that with her legs? It looks like they’ve got five legs . . . How is she doing that with her legs? It looks like they’ve got five legs of the actress. But it has been written so that what she says should follow from of the actress. But it has been written so that what she says should follow from between them, HOW IS SHE DOING THAT WITH HER LEGS . . . between them, HOW IS SHE DOING THAT WITH HER LEGS . . . or counterpoint whatever physical business she brings to the script. or counterpoint whatever physical business she brings to the script. When you’re like, you know, twelve years old and you’re going through When you’re like, you know, twelve years old and you’re going through Lights up as the speaker comes to the bed sleepily, her hair tousled, her eyes Lights up as the speaker comes to the bed sleepily, her hair tousled, her eyes puberty, is that who you’re envisioning, is that how you think women puberty, is that who you’re envisioning, is that how you think women half-shut. From the audience’s perspective her spouse is already asleep beneath half-shut. From the audience’s perspective her spouse is already asleep beneath look when they take off their clothes . . . This is exactly my point: an- look when they take off their clothes . . . This is exactly my point: an- the covers, an effect that can be had for no more trouble than stuffing that the covers, an effect that can be had for no more trouble than stuffing that other woman looks at a woman like that and thinks, Honey, something other woman looks at a woman like that and thinks, Honey, something side of the bed with pillows. side of the bed with pillows. new, it’s called hygiene . . . She looks like she ought to have a valve on new, it’s called hygiene . . . She looks like she ought to have a valve on her back. You know, open it and she ought to go flying around the room, her back. You know, open it and she ought to go flying around the room, WOMAN: Why’d you let me fall asleep on the couch, are you still up? . . . What WOMAN: Why’d you let me fall asleep on the couch, are you still up? . . . What shriveling into nothing, is how she looks . . . You’d like what they’re doing shriveling into nothing, is how she looks . . . You’d like what they’re doing are you watching? . . . What in God’s name . . . What is this you’re watch- are you watching? . . . What in God’s name . . . What is this you’re watch- now . . . Well I think — don’t bother to deny it — I think you’d have to now . . . Well I think — don’t bother to deny it — I think you’d have to ing? . . . Is this what’s on cable at this time of the morning? . . . It’s pretty ing? . . . Is this what’s on cable at this time of the morning? . . . It’s pretty admit, you’re a little conflicted, sexually, I mean. I think you’ll have to admit, you’re a little conflicted, sexually, I mean. I think you’ll have to explicit, isn’t it . . . Tell me you’re not serious . . . Oh — shoot me now explicit, isn’t it . . . Tell me you’re not serious . . . Oh — shoot me now admit that . . . Which explains why all the sports. And your first wife . . . I admit that . . . Which explains why all the sports. And your first wife . . . I . . . Oh NO. Look at that . . . What are those, Triple-E cup or some- . . . Oh NO. Look at that . . . What are those, Triple-E cup or some- blame that on your mother. After what she did to your psyche, it’s amaz- blame that on your mother. After what she did to your psyche, it’s amaz- thing? . . . She’s SO gross. She’s . . . another woman would look at her thing? . . . She’s SO gross. She’s . . . another woman would look at her ing you can have sex at all . . . Oh God! That’s totally gross . . . Oh my ing you can have sex at all . . . Oh God! That’s totally gross . . . Oh my and think, “That woman’s a cow” . . . Watch what they’re doing. I hope and think, “That woman’s a cow” . . . Watch what they’re doing. I hope God THAT IS SO EROTIC, I’m telling you . . . Doesn’t she have friends? God THAT IS SO EROTIC, I’m telling you . . . Doesn’t she have friends? you’re as bored with this as I am . . . The blonde one’s not that gross, you’re as bored with this as I am . . . The blonde one’s not that gross, What if she’s shopping at Target, what if they saw? . . . What if she has What if she’s shopping at Target, what if they saw? . . . What if she has okay. But only by comparison. She’s pretty gross though . . . When we okay. But only by comparison. She’s pretty gross though . . . When we children some day, and there it is for posterity? . . . Right. Nice touch. children some day, and there it is for posterity? . . . Right. Nice touch. met, why were all your girlfriends blonde? What is with blonde, some met, why were all your girlfriends blonde? What is with blonde, some Like we need to see her tongue to get it . . . Is that a stimulating view, is Like we need to see her tongue to get it . . . Is that a stimulating view, is kind of purity-madonna-virgin-whore thing? . . . I’m just asking. What kind of purity-madonna-virgin-whore thing? . . . I’m just asking. What

26 26 27 27 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 28 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5625 AM Page 28 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 25

it just me? . . . Men are slime. This is totally lame male fantasy, isn’t it. it justBig me? . .Potato . Men are slime. This is totally lame male fantasy, isn’t it. Big Potato Men are categorically a lower form of life. Completely off the food chain Men are categorically a lower form of life. Completely off the food chain Arthur Laurents Arthur Laurents . . . That was so. Not. Sensual . . . Okay, okay . . . What they’re doing . . . That was so. Not. Sensual . . . Okay, okay . . . What they’re doing now isn’t so bad — It’s not as-bad maybe. It’s still bad though, it’s just now isn’t so bad — It’s not as-bad maybe. It’s still bad though, it’s just not as homicidally aggressive toward women . . . All right, if you’re a man not as homicidally aggressive toward women . . . All right, if you’re a man Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now — if you’re on a desert island — if you’re a registered sex offender, who — if you’re on a desert island — if you’re a registered sex offender, who Dramatic Dramatic knows, this is — I admit it, this is sort of erotic . . . That much, I’ll give knows, this is — I admit it, this is sort of erotic . . . That much, I’ll give Nessa (sixty to eighty), a Holocaust survivor determined to seek vengeance. Nessa (sixty to eighty), a Holocaust survivor determined to seek vengeance. you. Sick — but erotic . . . He seems to like her, doesn’t he. He should you. Sick — but erotic . . . He seems to like her, doesn’t he. He should register that thing with his local police . . . You should watch this, hey, register that thing with his local police . . . You should watch this, hey, Nessa and Itzak finally manage to capture someone they believe to be a “big Nessa and Itzak finally manage to capture someone they believe to be a “big you don’t want to miss, are you watching this — it’s your ripe little blonde. you don’t want to miss, are you watching this — it’s your ripe little blonde. potato”; their grown children insist that they allow the suspected Nazi to go potato”; their grown children insist that they allow the suspected Nazi to go But that’s not her real hair. They’re extensions. But that’s not her real hair. They’re extensions. free. Here, Nessa angrily confronts her offspring revealing her passionate need free. Here, Nessa angrily confronts her offspring revealing her passionate need for justice. for justice.

NESSA: Oh, sit down and be quiet. NESSA: Oh, sit down and be quiet. [ROCHELLE: I will not. (But she does.)] [ROCHELLE: I will not. (But she does.)] NESSA: (Quietly.) I was not relieved when you left my house, Rochelle. You NESSA: (Quietly.) I was not relieved when you left my house, Rochelle. You were. I was too much for you. I still am. were. I was too much for you. I still am. (To Sonny.) (To Sonny.) Also for you. You think I haven’t known what the both of you think of Also for you. You think I haven’t known what the both of you think of me? Your admiration is only that I still go on. I’m just a tiresome, mad me? Your admiration is only that I still go on. I’m just a tiresome, mad old fool with an obsession. Yes! I am obsessed — with living, you idiots! old fool with an obsession. Yes! I am obsessed — with living, you idiots! That’s what I learned from the camps: How glorious it is! That’s what I That’s what I learned from the camps: How glorious it is! That’s what I want for him, for me, for you. want for him, for me, for you. (A plea to Sonny.) (A plea to Sonny.) For you! . . . Not your fantasy of screwing your clients in the back room. For you! . . . Not your fantasy of screwing your clients in the back room. Yes: fantasy! Oh, I play along, I encourage because that at least is a way Yes: fantasy! Oh, I play along, I encourage because that at least is a way to keep alive — if it is real. But your dreams are dry! Real life is what I to keep alive — if it is real. But your dreams are dry! Real life is what I tried to breathe into you. The both of you! With the blood pumping and tried to breathe into you. The both of you! With the blood pumping and the juices flowing and the heart screaming! But that is too much for you, the juices flowing and the heart screaming! But that is too much for you, too enormous! And what is your answer? “You’re a bad momma. Shut too enormous! And what is your answer? “You’re a bad momma. Shut up.” How small. How tiny. up.” How small. How tiny.

28 28 25 25 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 32 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5629 AM Page 32 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 29

I believe truth only exists in movement. I believe truth exists only in ac- I believeClaudia truth only Lazlo exists in movement. I believe truth exists only in ac- Claudia Lazlo tion and everything else is a lie. There was one night when the moon- tion and everything else is a lie. There was one night when the moon- Arthur Laurents Arthur Laurents light was shining in through the blinds and I watched my shadow on the light was shining in through the blinds and I watched my shadow on the floor of the studio sliced into pieces by the blinds, and as I moved, I was floor of the studio sliced into pieces by the blinds, and as I moved, I was transfixed by the image of my body moving on the floor and as I watched transfixed by the image of my body moving on the floor and as I watched Scene: A theater Scene: A theater the broken shadow, I realized at that moment that everything it was doing the broken shadow, I realized at that moment that everything it was doing Serio-Comic Serio-Comic was right and everything I was doing was wrong. You could say that the was right and everything I was doing was wrong. You could say that the Madeline (forties), a grand dame of the stage. Madeline (forties), a grand dame of the stage. two were the same, but if you said that, all that would mean is you didn’t two were the same, but if you said that, all that would mean is you didn’t understand what I just said. All opinions are shit. That’s why I work in understand what I just said. All opinions are shit. That’s why I work in Madeline is in rehearsals for “Claudia Lazlo,” the role of her career. When Madeline is in rehearsals for “Claudia Lazlo,” the role of her career. When the restaurant. It helps pay the bills. the restaurant. It helps pay the bills. she is late for scene work, her director asks her what kept her. Here, the great she is late for scene work, her director asks her what kept her. Here, the great actress makes the following reply. actress makes the following reply.

MADELINE: I was on the phone, darling. On the phone? Yes, on the phone, MADELINE: I was on the phone, darling. On the phone? Yes, on the phone, long distance. With my lover? With my agent? I have neither. With my long distance. With my lover? With my agent? I have neither. With my son, Moses. Who was in tears. Do you know the sound of an adolescent son, Moses. Who was in tears. Do you know the sound of an adolescent boy in tears? It’s awful. I never want to hear it again . . . His headmaster boy in tears? It’s awful. I never want to hear it again . . . His headmaster at Ridgefield — not one of the grandest of prep schools, no, they wouldn’t at Ridgefield — not one of the grandest of prep schools, no, they wouldn’t take him. Not because of him — he’s brilliant and gorgeous and terri- take him. Not because of him — he’s brilliant and gorgeous and terri- fied. No, because of me: actress; single mother. Neither divorced nor sep- fied. No, because of me: actress; single mother. Neither divorced nor sep- arated. arated. (Imitating a grand headmaster.) (Imitating a grand headmaster.) “No father, Mrs. Gray?” “No father, Mrs. Gray?” “I call you — ah ha — Mrs. Gray because the mothers of all our boys “I call you — ah ha — Mrs. Gray because the mothers of all our boys who come to us are — ah ha — Mrs. But no father at all, Mrs. Gray?” who come to us are — ah ha — Mrs. But no father at all, Mrs. Gray?” (As herself.) (As herself.) “No, Reverend, no daddy at all. I found him in the bull rushes. Why did “No, Reverend, no daddy at all. I found him in the bull rushes. Why did you think I called him Moses?” . . . When I was seven months gone and you think I called him Moses?” . . . When I was seven months gone and showing big, I went home to Albuquerque. He isn’t big now, my boy. Well showing big, I went home to Albuquerque. He isn’t big now, my boy. Well formed, great legs but not big. I was and proud to be, so I went home formed, great legs but not big. I was and proud to be, so I went home where I hadn’t been in almost 20 years. The esteemed professor who is where I hadn’t been in almost 20 years. The esteemed professor who is also my daddy didn’t even say Hello. Just pointed to my belly and said: also my daddy didn’t even say Hello. Just pointed to my belly and said: “If it’s a boy, bring him around.” Tightened his Paisley bow tie, then turned “If it’s a boy, bring him around.” Tightened his Paisley bow tie, then turned and went back into the house I had run away from . . . The headmaster and went back into the house I had run away from . . . The headmaster at Ridgefield also favors bow ties. I should have taken that into consid- at Ridgefield also favors bow ties. I should have taken that into consid- eration before turning Moses over to him. This morning, he summoned eration before turning Moses over to him. This morning, he summoned the boy to inform him his mother’s check for the semester had bounced. the boy to inform him his mother’s check for the semester had bounced. Perfectly true: it had. Burn me at the stake, put me in stocks, flog me — Perfectly true: it had. Burn me at the stake, put me in stocks, flog me —

32 32 29 29 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 30 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5631 AM Page 30 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 31

the check bounced and not just yesterday. We have discussed it 10, 12, the checkCoaster bounced and not just yesterday. We have discussed it 10, 12, Coaster days ago — maybe 2, 3 weeks ago. I could see over the phone he was days ago — maybe 2, 3 weeks ago. I could see over the phone he was Adam Langer Adam Langer wearing a polka-dot bow tie. I had assured him but to no avail, darling. wearing a polka-dot bow tie. I had assured him but to no avail, darling. He ordered Moses to call me now! The boy did. Through his tears, he He ordered Moses to call me now! The boy did. Through his tears, he begged me to get a tuition check to the headmaster fast — now! “And be begged me to get a tuition check to the headmaster fast — now! “And be Scene: Chicago Scene: Chicago sure it doesn’t bounce, Mom.” The prick meant to humiliate me, of course. sure it doesn’t bounce, Mom.” The prick meant to humiliate me, of course. Serio-Comic Serio-Comic He doesn’t care it was my kid he humiliated. How can they allow some- He doesn’t care it was my kid he humiliated. How can they allow some- Carri (twenties), a dancer. Carri (twenties), a dancer. one like that to be in charge of children? Do you wonder the boy was in one like that to be in charge of children? Do you wonder the boy was in tears? . . . Well, it took a very long time to calm him down. That’s why tears? . . . Well, it took a very long time to calm him down. That’s why Here, this free-spirit describes her philosophy of life, revealing a mind that is Here, this free-spirit describes her philosophy of life, revealing a mind that is I was “so very late.” I was “so very late.” as direct as it is bold. as direct as it is bold.

CARRI: I don’t believe in hypochondria. I don’t believe in the word. I believe CARRI: I don’t believe in hypochondria. I don’t believe in the word. I believe that there are things out there that you can’t see that are just as deadly as that there are things out there that you can’t see that are just as deadly as all the microorganisms and all the germs and all the bacteria that people all the microorganisms and all the germs and all the bacteria that people say they can see. I believe you can be flattened just as bad by a gust of say they can see. I believe you can be flattened just as bad by a gust of bad energy as you can get flattened by a Dodge Truck. I believe that bad bad energy as you can get flattened by a Dodge Truck. I believe that bad people are just as contagious as germs, and their moods are worse. I be- people are just as contagious as germs, and their moods are worse. I be- lieve the right person’s hand on your ass can do just as much good as a lieve the right person’s hand on your ass can do just as much good as a bottle full of St. Joseph’s orange-flavored chewable aspirin for adults. That’s bottle full of St. Joseph’s orange-flavored chewable aspirin for adults. That’s just what I believe. I believe all the world’s truths, such as they are, can just what I believe. I believe all the world’s truths, such as they are, can be found in song lyrics. And not just in good ones, the bad ones most be found in song lyrics. And not just in good ones, the bad ones most of all, like “Love the One You’re With,” “Why Don’t We Do It In The of all, like “Love the One You’re With,” “Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?” and “You Gotta Stand For Somethin’ Or You’ll Fall For Anything.” Road?” and “You Gotta Stand For Somethin’ Or You’ll Fall For Anything.” I believe the smallest things in life should make a person happy — the I believe the smallest things in life should make a person happy — the smell of a rose, the yawn of a Labrador puppy, rain falling on a spring smell of a rose, the yawn of a Labrador puppy, rain falling on a spring day. So why the hell am I so depressed all the time? I don’t know. Peo- day. So why the hell am I so depressed all the time? I don’t know. Peo- ple tell me all the time I should become an actress, that I’ve really got a ple tell me all the time I should become an actress, that I’ve really got a knack for it, but I wouldn’t know how to do that. I don’t know how you knack for it, but I wouldn’t know how to do that. I don’t know how you can make a part of yourself not real. I’m a very spiritual person. I know can make a part of yourself not real. I’m a very spiritual person. I know I was here before and I was a much happier person then. I know I was I was here before and I was a much happier person then. I know I was here before that and I was a much sadder person then. I believe drugs are here before that and I was a much sadder person then. I believe drugs are natural as water and both can cure you and both can kill you. I think of natural as water and both can cure you and both can kill you. I think of all the evil things in the world, the worst thing of all of them is a liar, all the evil things in the world, the worst thing of all of them is a liar, but I believe that even the biggest liars in the world think on some level but I believe that even the biggest liars in the world think on some level they’re telling the truth. I believe anyone who says they don’t believe in they’re telling the truth. I believe anyone who says they don’t believe in God is lying to herself. And the same goes for anyone who says they do. God is lying to herself. And the same goes for anyone who says they do. I believe every word ever invented in any language is a little kind of lie. I believe every word ever invented in any language is a little kind of lie.

30 30 31 31 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 30 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5631 AM Page 30 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 31

the check bounced and not just yesterday. We have discussed it 10, 12, the checkCoaster bounced and not just yesterday. We have discussed it 10, 12, Coaster days ago — maybe 2, 3 weeks ago. I could see over the phone he was days ago — maybe 2, 3 weeks ago. I could see over the phone he was Adam Langer Adam Langer wearing a polka-dot bow tie. I had assured him but to no avail, darling. wearing a polka-dot bow tie. I had assured him but to no avail, darling. He ordered Moses to call me now! The boy did. Through his tears, he He ordered Moses to call me now! The boy did. Through his tears, he begged me to get a tuition check to the headmaster fast — now! “And be begged me to get a tuition check to the headmaster fast — now! “And be Scene: Chicago Scene: Chicago sure it doesn’t bounce, Mom.” The prick meant to humiliate me, of course. sure it doesn’t bounce, Mom.” The prick meant to humiliate me, of course. Serio-Comic Serio-Comic He doesn’t care it was my kid he humiliated. How can they allow some- He doesn’t care it was my kid he humiliated. How can they allow some- Carri (twenties), a dancer. Carri (twenties), a dancer. one like that to be in charge of children? Do you wonder the boy was in one like that to be in charge of children? Do you wonder the boy was in tears? . . . Well, it took a very long time to calm him down. That’s why tears? . . . Well, it took a very long time to calm him down. That’s why Here, this free-spirit describes her philosophy of life, revealing a mind that is Here, this free-spirit describes her philosophy of life, revealing a mind that is I was “so very late.” I was “so very late.” as direct as it is bold. as direct as it is bold.

CARRI: I don’t believe in hypochondria. I don’t believe in the word. I believe CARRI: I don’t believe in hypochondria. I don’t believe in the word. I believe that there are things out there that you can’t see that are just as deadly as that there are things out there that you can’t see that are just as deadly as all the microorganisms and all the germs and all the bacteria that people all the microorganisms and all the germs and all the bacteria that people say they can see. I believe you can be flattened just as bad by a gust of say they can see. I believe you can be flattened just as bad by a gust of bad energy as you can get flattened by a Dodge Truck. I believe that bad bad energy as you can get flattened by a Dodge Truck. I believe that bad people are just as contagious as germs, and their moods are worse. I be- people are just as contagious as germs, and their moods are worse. I be- lieve the right person’s hand on your ass can do just as much good as a lieve the right person’s hand on your ass can do just as much good as a bottle full of St. Joseph’s orange-flavored chewable aspirin for adults. That’s bottle full of St. Joseph’s orange-flavored chewable aspirin for adults. That’s just what I believe. I believe all the world’s truths, such as they are, can just what I believe. I believe all the world’s truths, such as they are, can be found in song lyrics. And not just in good ones, the bad ones most be found in song lyrics. And not just in good ones, the bad ones most of all, like “Love the One You’re With,” “Why Don’t We Do It In The of all, like “Love the One You’re With,” “Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?” and “You Gotta Stand For Somethin’ Or You’ll Fall For Anything.” Road?” and “You Gotta Stand For Somethin’ Or You’ll Fall For Anything.” I believe the smallest things in life should make a person happy — the I believe the smallest things in life should make a person happy — the smell of a rose, the yawn of a Labrador puppy, rain falling on a spring smell of a rose, the yawn of a Labrador puppy, rain falling on a spring day. So why the hell am I so depressed all the time? I don’t know. Peo- day. So why the hell am I so depressed all the time? I don’t know. Peo- ple tell me all the time I should become an actress, that I’ve really got a ple tell me all the time I should become an actress, that I’ve really got a knack for it, but I wouldn’t know how to do that. I don’t know how you knack for it, but I wouldn’t know how to do that. I don’t know how you can make a part of yourself not real. I’m a very spiritual person. I know can make a part of yourself not real. I’m a very spiritual person. I know I was here before and I was a much happier person then. I know I was I was here before and I was a much happier person then. I know I was here before that and I was a much sadder person then. I believe drugs are here before that and I was a much sadder person then. I believe drugs are natural as water and both can cure you and both can kill you. I think of natural as water and both can cure you and both can kill you. I think of all the evil things in the world, the worst thing of all of them is a liar, all the evil things in the world, the worst thing of all of them is a liar, but I believe that even the biggest liars in the world think on some level but I believe that even the biggest liars in the world think on some level they’re telling the truth. I believe anyone who says they don’t believe in they’re telling the truth. I believe anyone who says they don’t believe in God is lying to herself. And the same goes for anyone who says they do. God is lying to herself. And the same goes for anyone who says they do. I believe every word ever invented in any language is a little kind of lie. I believe every word ever invented in any language is a little kind of lie.

30 30 31 31 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 32 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5629 AM Page 32 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 29

I believe truth only exists in movement. I believe truth exists only in ac- I believeClaudia truth only Lazlo exists in movement. I believe truth exists only in ac- Claudia Lazlo tion and everything else is a lie. There was one night when the moon- tion and everything else is a lie. There was one night when the moon- Arthur Laurents Arthur Laurents light was shining in through the blinds and I watched my shadow on the light was shining in through the blinds and I watched my shadow on the floor of the studio sliced into pieces by the blinds, and as I moved, I was floor of the studio sliced into pieces by the blinds, and as I moved, I was transfixed by the image of my body moving on the floor and as I watched transfixed by the image of my body moving on the floor and as I watched Scene: A theater Scene: A theater the broken shadow, I realized at that moment that everything it was doing the broken shadow, I realized at that moment that everything it was doing Serio-Comic Serio-Comic was right and everything I was doing was wrong. You could say that the was right and everything I was doing was wrong. You could say that the Madeline (forties), a grand dame of the stage. Madeline (forties), a grand dame of the stage. two were the same, but if you said that, all that would mean is you didn’t two were the same, but if you said that, all that would mean is you didn’t understand what I just said. All opinions are shit. That’s why I work in understand what I just said. All opinions are shit. That’s why I work in Madeline is in rehearsals for “Claudia Lazlo,” the role of her career. When Madeline is in rehearsals for “Claudia Lazlo,” the role of her career. When the restaurant. It helps pay the bills. the restaurant. It helps pay the bills. she is late for scene work, her director asks her what kept her. Here, the great she is late for scene work, her director asks her what kept her. Here, the great actress makes the following reply. actress makes the following reply.

MADELINE: I was on the phone, darling. On the phone? Yes, on the phone, MADELINE: I was on the phone, darling. On the phone? Yes, on the phone, long distance. With my lover? With my agent? I have neither. With my long distance. With my lover? With my agent? I have neither. With my son, Moses. Who was in tears. Do you know the sound of an adolescent son, Moses. Who was in tears. Do you know the sound of an adolescent boy in tears? It’s awful. I never want to hear it again . . . His headmaster boy in tears? It’s awful. I never want to hear it again . . . His headmaster at Ridgefield — not one of the grandest of prep schools, no, they wouldn’t at Ridgefield — not one of the grandest of prep schools, no, they wouldn’t take him. Not because of him — he’s brilliant and gorgeous and terri- take him. Not because of him — he’s brilliant and gorgeous and terri- fied. No, because of me: actress; single mother. Neither divorced nor sep- fied. No, because of me: actress; single mother. Neither divorced nor sep- arated. arated. (Imitating a grand headmaster.) (Imitating a grand headmaster.) “No father, Mrs. Gray?” “No father, Mrs. Gray?” “I call you — ah ha — Mrs. Gray because the mothers of all our boys “I call you — ah ha — Mrs. Gray because the mothers of all our boys who come to us are — ah ha — Mrs. But no father at all, Mrs. Gray?” who come to us are — ah ha — Mrs. But no father at all, Mrs. Gray?” (As herself.) (As herself.) “No, Reverend, no daddy at all. I found him in the bull rushes. Why did “No, Reverend, no daddy at all. I found him in the bull rushes. Why did you think I called him Moses?” . . . When I was seven months gone and you think I called him Moses?” . . . When I was seven months gone and showing big, I went home to Albuquerque. He isn’t big now, my boy. Well showing big, I went home to Albuquerque. He isn’t big now, my boy. Well formed, great legs but not big. I was and proud to be, so I went home formed, great legs but not big. I was and proud to be, so I went home where I hadn’t been in almost 20 years. The esteemed professor who is where I hadn’t been in almost 20 years. The esteemed professor who is also my daddy didn’t even say Hello. Just pointed to my belly and said: also my daddy didn’t even say Hello. Just pointed to my belly and said: “If it’s a boy, bring him around.” Tightened his Paisley bow tie, then turned “If it’s a boy, bring him around.” Tightened his Paisley bow tie, then turned and went back into the house I had run away from . . . The headmaster and went back into the house I had run away from . . . The headmaster at Ridgefield also favors bow ties. I should have taken that into consid- at Ridgefield also favors bow ties. I should have taken that into consid- eration before turning Moses over to him. This morning, he summoned eration before turning Moses over to him. This morning, he summoned the boy to inform him his mother’s check for the semester had bounced. the boy to inform him his mother’s check for the semester had bounced. Perfectly true: it had. Burn me at the stake, put me in stocks, flog me — Perfectly true: it had. Burn me at the stake, put me in stocks, flog me —

32 32 29 29 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 36 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5633 AM Page 36 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 33

The Fish In The Dumpster CoasterThe Fish In The Dumpster Coaster Nancy Gall-Clayton Adam Langer Nancy Gall-Clayton Adam Langer

Scene: Outside a SuperAmerica gas station off an expressway exit near a small Scene: Chicago Scene: Outside a SuperAmerica gas station off an expressway exit near a small Scene: Chicago rural community. Serio-Comic rural community. Serio-Comic Dramatic Carri (twenties), a Dramaticdancer. Carri (twenties), a dancer. Angie (sixteen to eighteen), a young homeless woman. Angie (sixteen to eighteen), a young homeless woman. When Carri meets Sam, she is trying to choreograph a dance recital based on When Carri meets Sam, she is trying to choreograph a dance recital based on Angie has been deposited at the gas station by the truck driver she’d been trav- diseases of the body,Angie and he has is beenconvinced deposited that at he’ thes dying gas station of a brain by the tumor, truck driverso she’d been trav- diseases of the body, and he is convinced that he’s dying of a brain tumor, so eling with until he discovered that she was pregnant. Here, she tells the tragic naturally they hit iteling off. Followingwith until ahe casual discover dateed thatat a sheDef was Leppard pregnant. concert, Here, she tells the tragic naturally they hit it off. Following a casual date at a Def Leppard concert, story of her pregnancy and subsequent disposal of her newborn child. Carri saves them bothstory a bitof her of awkwardnesspregnancy and by subsequent speaking frankly disposal about of her their newborn child. Carri saves them both a bit of awkwardness by speaking frankly about their prospects of spending the night together. prospects of spending the night together. ANGIE: It was a flip-floppy fish-sort-of-feeling, mostly right around my belly ANGIE: It was a flip-floppy fish-sort-of-feeling, mostly right around my belly button — strong sometimes, like one of them orange fishes flinging it- CARRI: I wish people wouldbutton always — strong be that sometimes, direct, say like what’s one on of theirthem minds. orange fishes flinging it- CARRI: I wish people would always be that direct, say what’s on their minds. self upstream on the nature shows you see on TV and all. [SAM: Being honest is justself being upstream self-serving. on the nature Self-serving shows and you self-righteous.] see on TV and all. [SAM: Being honest is just being self-serving. Self-serving and self-righteous.] I thought I might be able to kill the thing if I drunk a whole bunch CARRI: That’s fucked up. I thought I might be able to kill the thing if I drunk a whole bunch CARRI: That’s fucked up. of liquid — not alcohol, I don’t care for the taste and I didn’t want to [SAM: A person can affordof liquida form — of notprotocol.] alcohol, I don’t care for the taste and I didn’t want to [SAM: A person can afford a form of protocol.] pickle it — but water so cold it would sting my teeth — and apple juice CARRI: That’s just bullshit,pickle because it — everyonebut water knows so cold when it would you’re sting lying. my It’s teeth just — and apple juice CARRI: That’s just bullshit, because everyone knows when you’re lying. It’s just and Kool-aid — healthy drinks, things they give kids in daycare, things too much trouble toand call K youool-aid on it. — F ormshealthy of prdrinks,otocol things — what they that give means kids in daycare, things too much trouble to call you on it. Forms of protocol — what that means to shock it. — you’re gonna lie.to Ishock know it. you’re gonna lie. You lie. You know I know — you’re gonna lie. I know you’re gonna lie. You lie. You know I know And if I couldn’t kill it while it was in me, I planned to squeeze it that you’re lying, but whatAnd weif Iagree couldn’t — ourkill formit while of protocolit was in —me, is Ithat planned to squeeze it that you’re lying, but what we agree — our form of protocol — is that out by filling my belly with more food than I could hold, like how water I’m not going to callout youby onfilling it. I’m my just belly gonna with sit more here food with than this littleI could bull- hold, like how water I’m not going to call you on it. I’m just gonna sit here with this little bull- spills over the edge of the tub when you run it too long and you step in shit smile on, so thisspills shit over is not the addressed. edge of Fuckthe tub that. when Like y ouus. runSitting it too here. long and you step in shit smile on, so this shit is not addressed. Fuck that. Like us. Sitting here. and something has to give. I sure wish I could tell Jimmy it worked. You drinking an iceand water, something me eating has toan give.ice cr Ieam. sure wishI’m going I could to tellwatch Jimmy it worked. You drinking an ice water, me eating an ice cream. I’m going to watch He was real nice, Jimmy. I wouldn’t have stayed with him otherwise, you drinking your waterH,e ywasou’re real gonna nice, watchJimmy me. I wouldn eating ’tmy have ice stayed cream. with him otherwise, you drinking your water, you’re gonna watch me eating my ice cream. now would I? Is nice, I should say. Winter was coming when we met, I’m gonna talk aboutnow this, would you ’rI?e Isgonna nice, talkI should about say that.. W I’minter gonna was comingtalk when we met, I’m gonna talk about this, you’re gonna talk about that. I’m gonna talk and he bought me a coat right off. It had one of them fake fur collars about my dance, howand fucked he bought up it’s me going, a coat how right I think off. it’s It shit,had andone you’reof them fake fur collars about my dance, how fucked up it’s going, how I think it’s shit, and you’re that feel nice and deeplike and smooth up against your cheek. gonna go yeah yeahthat yeah feel yeahnice yeahand deeplike and you’re and gonna smooth talk up about against your your cheek. gonna go yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and you’re gonna talk about your Jimmy and me, we met by the Krispy Kreme doughnut case at a symptoms — some tumor,Jimmy some and exaggerated me, we met headache, by the Krispy some whatevKremeer doughnut case at a symptoms — some tumor, some exaggerated headache, some whatever Thornton’s somewheres in Indiana. I was drinking coffee with lots of that — and I’m gonna Thornton’sgo yeah yeah somewheres yeah yeah in yeah, Indiana. all the I was while drinking avoiding coffee with lots of that — and I’m gonna go yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, all the while avoiding Amaretta flavoring in it. The one in the little purple container. Gee, I what’s going on inAmaretta your head flavoring and what’s in it.going The onone in in mine, the littlehow purpleyou’re container. Gee, I what’s going on in your head and what’s going on in mine, how you’re could drink that stuff straight! Actually, I do sometimes. gonna try to talk yourcould way drink through that stuffthis “mystraight! girlfriend’s Actually, moving, I do sometimes. our re- gonna try to talk your way through this “my girlfriend’s moving, our re- Anyways, there I was, kinda leaning on the doughnut case, getting lationship’s kinda bullshit”Anyways, thing sothere we canI was, wind kinda up fuckingleaning onor touchingthe doughnut case, getting lationship’s kinda bullshit” thing so we can wind up fucking or touching ready to take a sip outa my coffee, and he walks in and smiles at me, like my tits or just makingready out to or take whatever, a sip outa and my how coffee, I’m thinking and he walks “Nah, in nah. and smiles at me, like my tits or just making out or whatever, and how I’m thinking “Nah, nah. he knows some secret, a good secret I mean, and he looks smack dab into I’m not into that,” heso knowswe talk some about secret, other a stuff, good becausesecret I mean,you kinda and knowhe looks smack dab into I’m not into that,” so we talk about other stuff, because you kinda know my eyes. Something — fate, I guess you might call it — makes me toast already if it hasn’t happenedmy eyes. Somethingyet, then it ’—s not fate, going I guess to happen you might and callwhat it’s — makes me toast already if it hasn’t happened yet, then it’s not going to happen and what’s

36 36 33 33 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 34 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5635 AM Page 34 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 35

the point of finding that out for certain and how I’m having a good time the pointFalse of finding Hopes that out for certain and how I’m having a good time False Hopes just sitting here and I don’t want to fuck it up by being a bitch — not just sitting here and I don’t want to fuck it up by being a bitch — not David-Matthew Barnes David-Matthew Barnes that that makes me one — but why bother having you think that, ‘cause that that makes me one — but why bother having you think that, ‘cause you’re an all right guy and who knows maybe if whatever these symp- you’re an all right guy and who knows maybe if whatever these symp- toms are don’t turn out to be something horrible and sexually transmit- toms are don’t turn out to be something horrible and sexually transmit- Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now ted, I mean who knows? Keep your options open, I guess. But just fuck ted, I mean who knows? Keep your options open, I guess. But just fuck Dramatic Dramatic some guy for the hell of it? Maybe a couple of years ago when I was doing some guy for the hell of it? Maybe a couple of years ago when I was doing Claudia (thirties), a woman who is angry with her sister. Claudia (thirties), a woman who is angry with her sister. a lot of coke and my self-image was shit and you figure fuck this guy, a lot of coke and my self-image was shit and you figure fuck this guy, maybe he’ll stick around, I don’t know — whatever bullshit I was think- maybe he’ll stick around, I don’t know — whatever bullshit I was think- Claudia’s sister, Amy, has become pregnant from participating in an un- Claudia’s sister, Amy, has become pregnant from participating in an un- ing. But now, there’s no net benefit and opportunity cost? That’s basi- ing. But now, there’s no net benefit and opportunity cost? That’s basi- savory office affair. When Amy turns to Claudia — who cannot have chil- savory office affair. When Amy turns to Claudia — who cannot have chil- cally nil, because what am I missing? When it comes down to it. 10 percent cally nil, because what am I missing? When it comes down to it. 10 percent dren of her own — for help, she finds a less-than-sympathetic response. dren of her own — for help, she finds a less-than-sympathetic response. chance — something I’ll remember fondly. 40 percent change — some- chance — something I’ll remember fondly. 40 percent change — some- thing I’ll regret. 50 percent chance — something I’ll have no opinion thing I’ll regret. 50 percent chance — something I’ll have no opinion CLAUDIA: What do you want from me, Amy? You want me to tell you that it’s CLAUDIA: What do you want from me, Amy? You want me to tell you that it’s about whatsoever. I’ve got better things to do with my time. So, are you about whatsoever. I’ve got better things to do with my time. So, are you okay? You want me to make you feel better for having an affair with a okay? You want me to make you feel better for having an affair with a gonna come watch my recital next week? gonna come watch my recital next week? man who used you? I won’t do it! You’re on your own. It was your deci- man who used you? I won’t do it! You’re on your own. It was your deci- [SAM: Sure.] [SAM: Sure.] sion to sleep with the man. It was your decision to resort to the only tac- sion to sleep with the man. It was your decision to resort to the only tac- CARRI: There’s beer. CARRI: There’s beer. tic you knew in order to advance your career. Now, you have to pay the tic you knew in order to advance your career. Now, you have to pay the price. Just like I have to pay the price. I’m still paying the price for your price. Just like I have to pay the price. I’m still paying the price for your mistakes! This whole office is full of gossip about you. But guess what? mistakes! This whole office is full of gossip about you. But guess what? I’m your sister and that makes me guilty by association. I’m the sister of I’m your sister and that makes me guilty by association. I’m the sister of the whore of this corporation and now she’s gone and gotten her fool self the whore of this corporation and now she’s gone and gotten her fool self knocked up. Don’t ask me for support. Don’t ask me for advice or help knocked up. Don’t ask me for support. Don’t ask me for advice or help or forgiveness. You don’t deserve it. The only thing you’re concerned about or forgiveness. You don’t deserve it. The only thing you’re concerned about is yourself and your career. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back is yourself and your career. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to work. to work.

34 34 35 35 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 34 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5635 AM Page 34 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 35

the point of finding that out for certain and how I’m having a good time the pointFalse of finding Hopes that out for certain and how I’m having a good time False Hopes just sitting here and I don’t want to fuck it up by being a bitch — not just sitting here and I don’t want to fuck it up by being a bitch — not David-Matthew Barnes David-Matthew Barnes that that makes me one — but why bother having you think that, ‘cause that that makes me one — but why bother having you think that, ‘cause you’re an all right guy and who knows maybe if whatever these symp- you’re an all right guy and who knows maybe if whatever these symp- toms are don’t turn out to be something horrible and sexually transmit- toms are don’t turn out to be something horrible and sexually transmit- Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now ted, I mean who knows? Keep your options open, I guess. But just fuck ted, I mean who knows? Keep your options open, I guess. But just fuck Dramatic Dramatic some guy for the hell of it? Maybe a couple of years ago when I was doing some guy for the hell of it? Maybe a couple of years ago when I was doing Claudia (thirties), a woman who is angry with her sister. Claudia (thirties), a woman who is angry with her sister. a lot of coke and my self-image was shit and you figure fuck this guy, a lot of coke and my self-image was shit and you figure fuck this guy, maybe he’ll stick around, I don’t know — whatever bullshit I was think- maybe he’ll stick around, I don’t know — whatever bullshit I was think- Claudia’s sister, Amy, has become pregnant from participating in an un- Claudia’s sister, Amy, has become pregnant from participating in an un- ing. But now, there’s no net benefit and opportunity cost? That’s basi- ing. But now, there’s no net benefit and opportunity cost? That’s basi- savory office affair. When Amy turns to Claudia — who cannot have chil- savory office affair. When Amy turns to Claudia — who cannot have chil- cally nil, because what am I missing? When it comes down to it. 10 percent cally nil, because what am I missing? When it comes down to it. 10 percent dren of her own — for help, she finds a less-than-sympathetic response. dren of her own — for help, she finds a less-than-sympathetic response. chance — something I’ll remember fondly. 40 percent change — some- chance — something I’ll remember fondly. 40 percent change — some- thing I’ll regret. 50 percent chance — something I’ll have no opinion thing I’ll regret. 50 percent chance — something I’ll have no opinion CLAUDIA: What do you want from me, Amy? You want me to tell you that it’s CLAUDIA: What do you want from me, Amy? You want me to tell you that it’s about whatsoever. I’ve got better things to do with my time. So, are you about whatsoever. I’ve got better things to do with my time. So, are you okay? You want me to make you feel better for having an affair with a okay? You want me to make you feel better for having an affair with a gonna come watch my recital next week? gonna come watch my recital next week? man who used you? I won’t do it! You’re on your own. It was your deci- man who used you? I won’t do it! You’re on your own. It was your deci- [SAM: Sure.] [SAM: Sure.] sion to sleep with the man. It was your decision to resort to the only tac- sion to sleep with the man. It was your decision to resort to the only tac- CARRI: There’s beer. CARRI: There’s beer. tic you knew in order to advance your career. Now, you have to pay the tic you knew in order to advance your career. Now, you have to pay the price. Just like I have to pay the price. I’m still paying the price for your price. Just like I have to pay the price. I’m still paying the price for your mistakes! This whole office is full of gossip about you. But guess what? mistakes! This whole office is full of gossip about you. But guess what? I’m your sister and that makes me guilty by association. I’m the sister of I’m your sister and that makes me guilty by association. I’m the sister of the whore of this corporation and now she’s gone and gotten her fool self the whore of this corporation and now she’s gone and gotten her fool self knocked up. Don’t ask me for support. Don’t ask me for advice or help knocked up. Don’t ask me for support. Don’t ask me for advice or help or forgiveness. You don’t deserve it. The only thing you’re concerned about or forgiveness. You don’t deserve it. The only thing you’re concerned about is yourself and your career. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back is yourself and your career. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to work. to work.

34 34 35 35 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 36 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5633 AM Page 36 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 33

The Fish In The Dumpster CoasterThe Fish In The Dumpster Coaster Nancy Gall-Clayton Adam Langer Nancy Gall-Clayton Adam Langer

Scene: Outside a SuperAmerica gas station off an expressway exit near a small Scene: Chicago Scene: Outside a SuperAmerica gas station off an expressway exit near a small Scene: Chicago rural community. Serio-Comic rural community. Serio-Comic Dramatic Carri (twenties), a Dramaticdancer. Carri (twenties), a dancer. Angie (sixteen to eighteen), a young homeless woman. Angie (sixteen to eighteen), a young homeless woman. When Carri meets Sam, she is trying to choreograph a dance recital based on When Carri meets Sam, she is trying to choreograph a dance recital based on Angie has been deposited at the gas station by the truck driver she’d been trav- diseases of the body,Angie and he has is beenconvinced deposited that at he’ thes dying gas station of a brain by the tumor, truck driverso she’d been trav- diseases of the body, and he is convinced that he’s dying of a brain tumor, so eling with until he discovered that she was pregnant. Here, she tells the tragic naturally they hit iteling off. Followingwith until ahe casual discover dateed thatat a sheDef was Leppard pregnant. concert, Here, she tells the tragic naturally they hit it off. Following a casual date at a Def Leppard concert, story of her pregnancy and subsequent disposal of her newborn child. Carri saves them bothstory a bitof her of awkwardnesspregnancy and by subsequent speaking frankly disposal about of her their newborn child. Carri saves them both a bit of awkwardness by speaking frankly about their prospects of spending the night together. prospects of spending the night together. ANGIE: It was a flip-floppy fish-sort-of-feeling, mostly right around my belly ANGIE: It was a flip-floppy fish-sort-of-feeling, mostly right around my belly button — strong sometimes, like one of them orange fishes flinging it- CARRI: I wish people wouldbutton always — strong be that sometimes, direct, say like what’s one on of theirthem minds. orange fishes flinging it- CARRI: I wish people would always be that direct, say what’s on their minds. self upstream on the nature shows you see on TV and all. [SAM: Being honest is justself being upstream self-serving. on the nature Self-serving shows and you self-righteous.] see on TV and all. [SAM: Being honest is just being self-serving. Self-serving and self-righteous.] I thought I might be able to kill the thing if I drunk a whole bunch CARRI: That’s fucked up. I thought I might be able to kill the thing if I drunk a whole bunch CARRI: That’s fucked up. of liquid — not alcohol, I don’t care for the taste and I didn’t want to [SAM: A person can affordof liquida form — of notprotocol.] alcohol, I don’t care for the taste and I didn’t want to [SAM: A person can afford a form of protocol.] pickle it — but water so cold it would sting my teeth — and apple juice CARRI: That’s just bullshit,pickle because it — everyonebut water knows so cold when it would you’re sting lying. my It’s teeth just — and apple juice CARRI: That’s just bullshit, because everyone knows when you’re lying. It’s just and Kool-aid — healthy drinks, things they give kids in daycare, things too much trouble toand call K youool-aid on it. — F ormshealthy of prdrinks,otocol things — what they that give means kids in daycare, things too much trouble to call you on it. Forms of protocol — what that means to shock it. — you’re gonna lie.to Ishock know it. you’re gonna lie. You lie. You know I know — you’re gonna lie. I know you’re gonna lie. You lie. You know I know And if I couldn’t kill it while it was in me, I planned to squeeze it that you’re lying, but whatAnd weif Iagree couldn’t — ourkill formit while of protocolit was in —me, is Ithat planned to squeeze it that you’re lying, but what we agree — our form of protocol — is that out by filling my belly with more food than I could hold, like how water I’m not going to callout youby onfilling it. I’m my just belly gonna with sit more here food with than this littleI could bull- hold, like how water I’m not going to call you on it. I’m just gonna sit here with this little bull- spills over the edge of the tub when you run it too long and you step in shit smile on, so thisspills shit over is not the addressed. edge of Fuckthe tub that. when Like y ouus. runSitting it too here. long and you step in shit smile on, so this shit is not addressed. Fuck that. Like us. Sitting here. and something has to give. I sure wish I could tell Jimmy it worked. You drinking an iceand water, something me eating has toan give.ice cr Ieam. sure wishI’m going I could to tellwatch Jimmy it worked. You drinking an ice water, me eating an ice cream. I’m going to watch He was real nice, Jimmy. I wouldn’t have stayed with him otherwise, you drinking your waterH,e ywasou’re real gonna nice, watchJimmy me. I wouldn eating ’tmy have ice stayed cream. with him otherwise, you drinking your water, you’re gonna watch me eating my ice cream. now would I? Is nice, I should say. Winter was coming when we met, I’m gonna talk aboutnow this, would you ’rI?e Isgonna nice, talkI should about say that.. W I’minter gonna was comingtalk when we met, I’m gonna talk about this, you’re gonna talk about that. I’m gonna talk and he bought me a coat right off. It had one of them fake fur collars about my dance, howand fucked he bought up it’s me going, a coat how right I think off. it’s It shit,had andone you’reof them fake fur collars about my dance, how fucked up it’s going, how I think it’s shit, and you’re that feel nice and deeplike and smooth up against your cheek. gonna go yeah yeahthat yeah feel yeahnice yeahand deeplike and you’re and gonna smooth talk up about against your your cheek. gonna go yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and you’re gonna talk about your Jimmy and me, we met by the Krispy Kreme doughnut case at a symptoms — some tumor,Jimmy some and exaggerated me, we met headache, by the Krispy some whatevKremeer doughnut case at a symptoms — some tumor, some exaggerated headache, some whatever Thornton’s somewheres in Indiana. I was drinking coffee with lots of that — and I’m gonna Thornton’sgo yeah yeah somewheres yeah yeah in yeah, Indiana. all the I was while drinking avoiding coffee with lots of that — and I’m gonna go yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, all the while avoiding Amaretta flavoring in it. The one in the little purple container. Gee, I what’s going on inAmaretta your head flavoring and what’s in it.going The onone in in mine, the littlehow purpleyou’re container. Gee, I what’s going on in your head and what’s going on in mine, how you’re could drink that stuff straight! Actually, I do sometimes. gonna try to talk yourcould way drink through that stuffthis “mystraight! girlfriend’s Actually, moving, I do sometimes. our re- gonna try to talk your way through this “my girlfriend’s moving, our re- Anyways, there I was, kinda leaning on the doughnut case, getting lationship’s kinda bullshit”Anyways, thing sothere we canI was, wind kinda up fuckingleaning onor touchingthe doughnut case, getting lationship’s kinda bullshit” thing so we can wind up fucking or touching ready to take a sip outa my coffee, and he walks in and smiles at me, like my tits or just makingready out to or take whatever, a sip outa and my how coffee, I’m thinking and he walks “Nah, in nah. and smiles at me, like my tits or just making out or whatever, and how I’m thinking “Nah, nah. he knows some secret, a good secret I mean, and he looks smack dab into I’m not into that,” heso knowswe talk some about secret, other a stuff, good becausesecret I mean,you kinda and knowhe looks smack dab into I’m not into that,” so we talk about other stuff, because you kinda know my eyes. Something — fate, I guess you might call it — makes me toast already if it hasn’t happenedmy eyes. Somethingyet, then it ’—s not fate, going I guess to happen you might and callwhat it’s — makes me toast already if it hasn’t happened yet, then it’s not going to happen and what’s

36 36 33 33 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 40 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5637 AM Page 40 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 37

like it stretches out into forever behind me. Overhead, stars are twinkling him. I was kind oflike taken it stretches with his outgold into tooth forever with behind the heart me. cutout, Overhead, too. stars are twinkling him. I was kind of taken with his gold tooth with the heart cutout, too. down. The building looks real bright against the darkness, and I can hear I hold up my coffeedown. cup andThe holler,building “Cheers!” looks real like bright we was against old palsthe darkness,cele- and I can hear I hold up my coffee cup and holler, “Cheers!” like we was old pals cele- cars and trucks whooshing by every so often while I’m a-grunting and a- brating some importantcars and occasion, trucks whooshingmaybe a tenth by everywedding so often anniversary while I’m or a-grunting and a- brating some important occasion, maybe a tenth wedding anniversary or groaning. something. He seesgroaning. right off I have a little class, a little more knowledge something. He sees right off I have a little class, a little more knowledge After a whole lot of commotion in my belly — I mean a whole lot! than the usual lady youAfter see at a Thornton’s.whole lot of commotion in my belly — I mean a whole lot! than the usual lady you see at Thornton’s. — that fish finally swims outa me and lands on a pile of wet leaves. It’s “Hold that,” he— saysthat andfish swatsfinally me swims on the outa bottom me and and lands walks on off a pilein of wet leaves. It’s “Hold that,” he says and swats me on the bottom and walks off in slimy and slick when I try to pick it up, and its tail is still attached to the direction of theslimy men’s and room. slick “Holdwhen Iwhat?” try to I’mpick thinking it up, and to myself.its tail is still attached to the direction of the men’s room. “Hold what?” I’m thinking to myself. something up inside me. I hack at the tail with a tin can lid I find on the “Hold what? The coffee?something The upway inside I’m standing? me. I hack Something at the tail hewith meant a tin to can lid I find on the “Hold what? The coffee? The way I’m standing? Something he meant to ground and cut myself. Not a big cut — here see. hand me?” ground and cut myself. Not a big cut — here see. hand me?” (Shows her cut.) When he comes back(Shows out, her he cut.) smiles again, and the sunlight kinda When he comes back out, he smiles again, and the sunlight kinda Anyway I’m noticing newspapers stacked up beside the dumpster. I bounces off that gold heartAnyway on hisI’m tooth.noticing He newspapers bumps his stackedleg smack up intobeside the dumpster. I bounces off that gold heart on his tooth. He bumps his leg smack into tell myself I should wrap up the fish in a newspaper and I do. It flops mine — accidentallytell on myself purpose, I should you know. wrap “You up thewith fish someone?” in a newspaper he asks. and I do. It flops mine — accidentally on purpose, you know. “You with someone?” he asks. around for a minute — that was no surprise — and even makes a little “You,” I say, decidingaround for on a the minute spot. — “You, that ifwas that’s no yoursurprise 18-wheeler — and even makes a little “You,” I say, deciding on the spot. “You, if that’s your 18-wheeler whimpering sound. I ignore everything and just fling the whole mess into out there.” whimpering sound. I ignore everything and just fling the whole mess into out there.” the dumpster. “Good-bye, Amaretta,” I say, “and good riddance.” Prob- The night I metthe him dumpster. I looked “Good-bye, fine, real fine, Amaretta,” but then I Isay, am “and the kind good riddance.” Prob- The night I met him I looked fine, real fine, but then I am the kind ably shouldn’t give it the name of something I like, but it was all I could that flowers after midnight.ably shouldn My’t hair give was it the tied name back of in something a pony tail, I like,white- but it was all I could that flowers after midnight. My hair was tied back in a pony tail, white- think of at the time. It landed near a big ‘ole mound of coffee grounds. blonde I think it was,think and of Iat had the me time. an Italmost landed new near pair a bigof hiking ‘ole mound boots of coffee grounds. blonde I think it was, and I had me an almost new pair of hiking boots Then I pressed them buttons on my watch and thought about magic with rawhide laces so longThen I hadI pressed to wrap them them buttons ‘round on my watchankles andtwice. thought about magic with rawhide laces so long I had to wrap them ‘round my ankles twice. and pixies. I spread out the coat Jimmy got me at the Salvation Army, My roomie at the shelterand pixies. give I‘em spread to me out ‘cause the coatthey Jimmypinched got her me toes. at the Salvation Army, My roomie at the shelter give ‘em to me ‘cause they pinched her toes. and I lay me down to sleep just like that prayer they say on TV. Jimmy must haveand Iliked lay methe down way I to looked sleep ‘causejust like soon that as prayer I said theythat, say on TV. Jimmy must have liked the way I looked ‘cause soon as I said that, That was only five days ago, I think, four or five. It was yesterday he said, “Come on,” andThat away was w eonly went. five He days told ago, me weI think, were headingfour or fivtoe. It was yesterday he said, “Come on,” and away we went. He told me we were heading to when a giant truck come along and backed up to the dumpster and car- Oklahoma with a loadwhen of a bikes. giant Saidtruck he come deliv alongered them and backedall over. up Isn’t to thatthe dumpster and car- Oklahoma with a load of bikes. Said he delivered them all over. Isn’t that ried it off. I guess the fish is in the landfill somewheres by now and can’t something? I didn’tried know it off. kids I guessrode bikesthe fish so muchis in the these landfill days. somewher Me, I wases by now and can’t something? I didn’t know kids rode bikes so much these days. Me, I was bother nobody. Jimmy will be glad to know that, I ‘spect. I’m figuring twelve the last timebother I was onnobody. a bike Jimmyand racing will like be gladheck toto knowget away that, from I ‘spect. I’m figuring twelve the last time I was on a bike and racing like heck to get away from he’ll be stopping off on his way back to Ohio. He wouldn’t have left the a mean dog that endedhe’ll beup stopping sinking itsoff teeth on his into way my back rear to end. Ohio. The He sher- wouldn’t have left the a mean dog that ended up sinking its teeth into my rear end. The sher- bike or give me that money unless he was coming back, you know? He iff comes out and bikesaid Ior should give me pull that down money my unlesspants andhe was let himcoming take back, a you know? He iff comes out and said I should pull down my pants and let him take a only left ‘cause he was gonna be late for something. look at the bite, butonly my leftdad ‘causerun the he guy was off. gonna I didn’t be lateget nofor rabiessomething. if that’s look at the bite, but my dad run the guy off. I didn’t get no rabies if that’s And that’s why I been sleeping in the woods and just coming in for what you’re wondering.And that’s why I been sleeping in the woods and just coming in for what you’re wondering. snacks and the bathroom after midnight, like now. If I go off somewhere, Almost as soonsnacks as I getand inthe the bathroom truck, J immyafter midnight, asks me iflike I havenow . anyIf I go off somewhere, Almost as soon as I get in the truck, Jimmy asks me if I have any he won’t have no way to find me. Yeah, Jimmy, why he’ll be back real dreams, so I knowhe right won’t off havethat heno isway a quality-type to find me. person. Yeah, Jimmy, I decide why to he’ll be back real dreams, so I know right off that he is a quality-type person. I decide to soon, so, no, mister, thanks all the same, but I really can’t go off with you. show him I’m one,soon, too, so,and no, ask mister, him to thanks go first. all theHis same,dream, but I wasn’tI really ex- can’t go off with you. show him I’m one, too, and ask him to go first. His dream, I wasn’t ex- (Pause.) pecting nothing about truck(Pause.) driving now, but his dream is to drive cross- pecting nothing about truck driving now, but his dream is to drive cross- I don’t mind talking a spell longer though. And oh! I just remem- country in a truck carryingI don three’t mind layers talking of brand a spell new longer cars. though.Three layers, And oh! I just remem- country in a truck carrying three layers of brand new cars. Three layers, bered: I’ve still got that pack of Marlboros I bought for Jimmy. They’re like one of them weddingbered: I’vcakese still rich got people that packhave. of He Marlboros wants to climbI bought into for Jimmy. They’re like one of them wedding cakes rich people have. He wants to climb into down in this pocket next to my Amarettas. Would you like a smoke? the very highest car,down smoke in this Marlboro’s, pocket next and to watch my Amarettas. the sky some Would night you like a smoke? the very highest car, smoke Marlboro’s, and watch the sky some night when the stars are shooting around. Me, I ain’t never seen shooting stars, when the stars are shooting around. Me, I ain’t never seen shooting stars, but he did several times, he said. He got so caught up telling me ‘bout but he did several times, he said. He got so caught up telling me ‘bout

40 40 37 37 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 38 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5639 AM Page 38 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 39

it, he kinda forgot to ask what my dream is, and I never did tell him nei- ladies’ room that nightit, he talkingkinda forgot to the to fish, ask whatbut I myreally dream couldn’t is, and help I never it. did tell him nei- ladies’ room that night talking to the fish, but I really couldn’t help it. ther, and it’s no never mind now. Really. When I finally comether, out, and I got it’s meno nevera couple mind extra now. Amarettas Really. and he says, When I finally come out, I got me a couple extra Amarettas and he says, Jimmy had fixed up the back of his truck real nice with a mattress, “Come on, Angie. I’m gonnaJimmy be had late.” fixed I never up thedid hearback himof his worrying truck real about nice with a mattress, “Come on, Angie. I’m gonna be late.” I never did hear him worrying about three pillows, a big ‘ole fluffy quilt he bought in Tennessee, and a wooden being late ‘fore thatthree night. pillows, I shoulda a big knowed‘ole fluffy something quilt he bought was up. in Tennessee, and a wooden being late ‘fore that night. I shoulda knowed something was up. box to put things in. Glued on one end of the box is this picture of a tall, I got in the truckbox toand put we things was aboutin. Glued to drive on one out end of ofthis the here box very is this picture of a tall, I got in the truck and we was about to drive out of this here very thin dancing lady wearing a hat of fruit, looking like a foreigner who could parking lot when thinJimmy dancing stops lady real wearing sudden-like a hat ofand fruit, hands looking me likea Ben a foreigner who could parking lot when Jimmy stops real sudden-like and hands me a Ben click her high heels and dance and sing all at the same time. Everything Franklin. “Hon,” heclick says, her sounding high heels kinda and dancesweet and singmore all like at thehimself same time. Everything Franklin. “Hon,” he says, sounding kinda sweet and more like himself about her is stretched out somehow, like she’s been one of those very tall, again, “Go in and aboutget me her some is stretched Marlboros.” out somehow, like she’s been one of those very tall, again, “Go in and get me some Marlboros.” thin babies born with the long fingers that make everybody say, “Oh, she’s “You know theythin won’t babies take born that with this the time long of fingers night,” that I makesays, tryingeverybody say, “Oh, she’s “You know they won’t take that this time of night,” I says, trying going to be a piano player,” even if no one in the family knows the dif- real hard to think aboutgoing theto befruit-hat a piano lady player,” on the even wooden if no boxone to in take the myfamily knows the dif- real hard to think about the fruit-hat lady on the wooden box to take my ference between the white keys and the pedals. When I was in Vacation mind off the fierceference pains down between in mythe belly.white keys and the pedals. When I was in Vacation mind off the fierce pains down in my belly. Bible School one time, I asked the minister why the song didn’t get no “Here,” he says,Bible taking School Ben backone time,and handing I asked methe twominister twenties. why Now the song didn’t get no “Here,” he says, taking Ben back and handing me two twenties. Now faster when the lady playing pressed on the pedals, and I do know the that there should havefaster been when a bigthe enoughlady playing clue, himpressed giving on theme twopedals, bills and I do know the that there should have been a big enough clue, him giving me two bills difference. But I can’t play. Never went back to that Vacation Bible School and all, but I wasn’tdifference. thinking too But clear I can at’t play.the time. Never When went I back come to out that with Vacation Bible School and all, but I wasn’t thinking too clear at the time. When I come out with either, just that one summer when I stayed up to Gram’s ‘cause dad was the Marlboros, the either,truck is just gone. that Just one plain summer gone. when I stare I realstayed hard up in to every Gram’s ‘cause dad was the Marlboros, the truck is gone. Just plain gone. I stare real hard in every off somewhere doing construction, and mom, she wrote herself a bad direction and thenoff I go somewher walking edo doingwn construction, and mom, she wrote herself a bad direction and then I go walking down check or two and they took me away from her till she paid her debt to (Pointing.) check or two and they took me away from her till she paid her debt to (Pointing.) society. that little roadsociety. over there. Guess what’s down there? A Welfare Of- that little road over there. Guess what’s down there? A Welfare Of- Anyway, it was awful cozy snuggling with Jimmy in the back of that fice. I’ve been trying to puzzleAnyway, out itif wasJimmy awful knew cozy it wassnuggling there, ifwith he planned Jimmy in the back of that fice. I’ve been trying to puzzle out if Jimmy knew it was there, if he planned truck. I just loved it when he’d fling his long legs over me like he was try- this, but I can’t believtruck.e that, I just I really loved can’t. it when Irregardless, he’d fling Ihis have long no legs mind over to me like he was try- this, but I can’t believe that, I really can’t. Irregardless, I have no mind to ing to protect me from something evil. He couldn’t, of course, because talk to a social workering, toleastwise protect not me until from first something frost. I didn’tevil. He have couldn’t, time to of course, because talk to a social worker, leastwise not until first frost. I didn’t have time to the evil thing was in me. talk to one the nightthe he evil dr thingove off was, that’s in me. certain for sure. That last sip of talk to one the night he drove off, that’s certain for sure. That last sip of I think it was June when it began flipping around so fierce-like. In coffee musta done it. AboutI think the it wastime June I get when back it from began my flipping walk and around go so fierce-like. In coffee musta done it. About the time I get back from my walk and go the trucking life, your days run together kinda like fence posts out here over to that pump,the trucking life, your days run together kinda like fence posts out here over to that pump, in Kansas and it just mighta been May or July, I can’t say certain for sure. (Pointing.) in Kansas and it just mighta been May or July, I can’t say certain for sure. (Pointing.) I couldn’t keep up with the time of day neither ‘cause my watch was miss- no, that dieselI pump,couldn ’itt keepwas, uptrying with to the spot time the of 18-wheeler, day neither ‘cause my watch was miss- no, that diesel pump, it was, trying to spot the 18-wheeler, ing the hour hand. Fell off for some reason. It’s still in there though. See? (Pointing in anothering the dir hourection.) hand. Fell off for some reason. It’s still in there though. See? (Pointing in another direction.) (Points.) Gallons of liquid suddenly(Points.) gush out from between my legs. That fish Gallons of liquid suddenly gush out from between my legs. That fish When you press down on both buttons, it makes a green glow. I like starts talking real loud andWhen I’m you listening press down real hard,on both too buttons,. The fish it saysmakes go a green glow. I like starts talking real loud and I’m listening real hard, too. The fish says go to pretend this green opens into a magic world where pixies live. I might back in them woodsto behindpretend the this dumpster, green opens back into there a magic up the world hill awher little.e pixies live. I might back in them woods behind the dumpster, back there up the hill a little. still believe in pixies. But don’t tell no one, okay? (Points.) still believe in pixies. But don’t tell no one, okay? (Points.) Anyways, it was fall when Jimmy told me he didn’t like fat women. And off I go. You’llAnyways, never guess it was what fall Iwhen find Jimmyby the tolddumpster me he — didn’t a like fat women. And off I go. You’ll never guess what I find by the dumpster — a Had to be fall ‘cause school buses were suddenly everywhere. I was fat all long box with a pictureHad toof be a shinyfall ‘cause red bikeschool on buses it! And w erea bike suddenly in it. everywhere. I was fat all long box with a picture of a shiny red bike on it! And a bike in it. right — my belly was almost full enough to flood the fish out, but to I lean the box rightagainst — the my dumpster belly was and almost make full myself enough a comfy, to flood cozy the, fish out, but to I lean the box against the dumpster and make myself a comfy, cozy, please him, I pretended to go on a diet. Jimmy musta knowed my heart private space whereplease nobody him, can I pretendedbother me to and go whereon a diet. I can Jimmy squat mustadown knowed my heart private space where nobody can bother me and where I can squat down wasn’t in it though; elsewise, he never would have left me at this Super- and push out my fish.wasn’t Kind in itof though; like a playhouse elsewise, withhe never two wouldwalls. Ihave got theleft me at this Super- and push out my fish. Kind of like a playhouse with two walls. I got the America last week. He mighta been mad ‘cause I spent too long in the dumpster on one side,America and the last bike week. box He on mightaone side been and madthe woods ‘cause seems I spent too long in the dumpster on one side, and the bike box on one side and the woods seems

38 38 39 39 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 38 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5639 AM Page 38 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 39

it, he kinda forgot to ask what my dream is, and I never did tell him nei- ladies’ room that nightit, he talkingkinda forgot to the to fish, ask whatbut I myreally dream couldn’t is, and help I never it. did tell him nei- ladies’ room that night talking to the fish, but I really couldn’t help it. ther, and it’s no never mind now. Really. When I finally comether, out, and I got it’s meno nevera couple mind extra now. Amarettas Really. and he says, When I finally come out, I got me a couple extra Amarettas and he says, Jimmy had fixed up the back of his truck real nice with a mattress, “Come on, Angie. I’m gonnaJimmy be had late.” fixed I never up thedid hearback himof his worrying truck real about nice with a mattress, “Come on, Angie. I’m gonna be late.” I never did hear him worrying about three pillows, a big ‘ole fluffy quilt he bought in Tennessee, and a wooden being late ‘fore thatthree night. pillows, I shoulda a big knowed‘ole fluffy something quilt he bought was up. in Tennessee, and a wooden being late ‘fore that night. I shoulda knowed something was up. box to put things in. Glued on one end of the box is this picture of a tall, I got in the truckbox toand put we things was aboutin. Glued to drive on one out end of ofthis the here box very is this picture of a tall, I got in the truck and we was about to drive out of this here very thin dancing lady wearing a hat of fruit, looking like a foreigner who could parking lot when thinJimmy dancing stops lady real wearing sudden-like a hat ofand fruit, hands looking me likea Ben a foreigner who could parking lot when Jimmy stops real sudden-like and hands me a Ben click her high heels and dance and sing all at the same time. Everything Franklin. “Hon,” heclick says, her sounding high heels kinda and dancesweet and singmore all like at thehimself same time. Everything Franklin. “Hon,” he says, sounding kinda sweet and more like himself about her is stretched out somehow, like she’s been one of those very tall, again, “Go in and aboutget me her some is stretched Marlboros.” out somehow, like she’s been one of those very tall, again, “Go in and get me some Marlboros.” thin babies born with the long fingers that make everybody say, “Oh, she’s “You know theythin won’t babies take born that with this the time long of fingers night,” that I makesays, tryingeverybody say, “Oh, she’s “You know they won’t take that this time of night,” I says, trying going to be a piano player,” even if no one in the family knows the dif- real hard to think aboutgoing theto befruit-hat a piano lady player,” on the even wooden if no boxone to in take the myfamily knows the dif- real hard to think about the fruit-hat lady on the wooden box to take my ference between the white keys and the pedals. When I was in Vacation mind off the fierceference pains down between in mythe belly.white keys and the pedals. When I was in Vacation mind off the fierce pains down in my belly. Bible School one time, I asked the minister why the song didn’t get no “Here,” he says,Bible taking School Ben backone time,and handing I asked methe twominister twenties. why Now the song didn’t get no “Here,” he says, taking Ben back and handing me two twenties. Now faster when the lady playing pressed on the pedals, and I do know the that there should havefaster been when a bigthe enoughlady playing clue, himpressed giving on theme twopedals, bills and I do know the that there should have been a big enough clue, him giving me two bills difference. But I can’t play. Never went back to that Vacation Bible School and all, but I wasn’tdifference. thinking too But clear I can at’t play.the time. Never When went I back come to out that with Vacation Bible School and all, but I wasn’t thinking too clear at the time. When I come out with either, just that one summer when I stayed up to Gram’s ‘cause dad was the Marlboros, the either,truck is just gone. that Just one plain summer gone. when I stare I realstayed hard up in to every Gram’s ‘cause dad was the Marlboros, the truck is gone. Just plain gone. I stare real hard in every off somewhere doing construction, and mom, she wrote herself a bad direction and thenoff I go somewher walking edo doingwn construction, and mom, she wrote herself a bad direction and then I go walking down check or two and they took me away from her till she paid her debt to (Pointing.) check or two and they took me away from her till she paid her debt to (Pointing.) society. that little roadsociety. over there. Guess what’s down there? A Welfare Of- that little road over there. Guess what’s down there? A Welfare Of- Anyway, it was awful cozy snuggling with Jimmy in the back of that fice. I’ve been trying to puzzleAnyway, out itif wasJimmy awful knew cozy it wassnuggling there, ifwith he planned Jimmy in the back of that fice. I’ve been trying to puzzle out if Jimmy knew it was there, if he planned truck. I just loved it when he’d fling his long legs over me like he was try- this, but I can’t believtruck.e that, I just I really loved can’t. it when Irregardless, he’d fling Ihis have long no legs mind over to me like he was try- this, but I can’t believe that, I really can’t. Irregardless, I have no mind to ing to protect me from something evil. He couldn’t, of course, because talk to a social workering, toleastwise protect not me until from first something frost. I didn’tevil. He have couldn’t, time to of course, because talk to a social worker, leastwise not until first frost. I didn’t have time to the evil thing was in me. talk to one the nightthe he evil dr thingove off was, that’s in me. certain for sure. That last sip of talk to one the night he drove off, that’s certain for sure. That last sip of I think it was June when it began flipping around so fierce-like. In coffee musta done it. AboutI think the it wastime June I get when back it from began my flipping walk and around go so fierce-like. In coffee musta done it. About the time I get back from my walk and go the trucking life, your days run together kinda like fence posts out here over to that pump,the trucking life, your days run together kinda like fence posts out here over to that pump, in Kansas and it just mighta been May or July, I can’t say certain for sure. (Pointing.) in Kansas and it just mighta been May or July, I can’t say certain for sure. (Pointing.) I couldn’t keep up with the time of day neither ‘cause my watch was miss- no, that dieselI pump,couldn ’itt keepwas, uptrying with to the spot time the of 18-wheeler, day neither ‘cause my watch was miss- no, that diesel pump, it was, trying to spot the 18-wheeler, ing the hour hand. Fell off for some reason. It’s still in there though. See? (Pointing in anothering the dir hourection.) hand. Fell off for some reason. It’s still in there though. See? (Pointing in another direction.) (Points.) Gallons of liquid suddenly(Points.) gush out from between my legs. That fish Gallons of liquid suddenly gush out from between my legs. That fish When you press down on both buttons, it makes a green glow. I like starts talking real loud andWhen I’m you listening press down real hard,on both too buttons,. The fish it saysmakes go a green glow. I like starts talking real loud and I’m listening real hard, too. The fish says go to pretend this green opens into a magic world where pixies live. I might back in them woodsto behindpretend the this dumpster, green opens back into there a magic up the world hill awher little.e pixies live. I might back in them woods behind the dumpster, back there up the hill a little. still believe in pixies. But don’t tell no one, okay? (Points.) still believe in pixies. But don’t tell no one, okay? (Points.) Anyways, it was fall when Jimmy told me he didn’t like fat women. And off I go. You’llAnyways, never guess it was what fall Iwhen find Jimmyby the tolddumpster me he — didn’t a like fat women. And off I go. You’ll never guess what I find by the dumpster — a Had to be fall ‘cause school buses were suddenly everywhere. I was fat all long box with a pictureHad toof be a shinyfall ‘cause red bikeschool on buses it! And w erea bike suddenly in it. everywhere. I was fat all long box with a picture of a shiny red bike on it! And a bike in it. right — my belly was almost full enough to flood the fish out, but to I lean the box rightagainst — the my dumpster belly was and almost make full myself enough a comfy, to flood cozy the, fish out, but to I lean the box against the dumpster and make myself a comfy, cozy, please him, I pretended to go on a diet. Jimmy musta knowed my heart private space whereplease nobody him, can I pretendedbother me to and go whereon a diet. I can Jimmy squat mustadown knowed my heart private space where nobody can bother me and where I can squat down wasn’t in it though; elsewise, he never would have left me at this Super- and push out my fish.wasn’t Kind in itof though; like a playhouse elsewise, withhe never two wouldwalls. Ihave got theleft me at this Super- and push out my fish. Kind of like a playhouse with two walls. I got the America last week. He mighta been mad ‘cause I spent too long in the dumpster on one side,America and the last bike week. box He on mightaone side been and madthe woods ‘cause seems I spent too long in the dumpster on one side, and the bike box on one side and the woods seems

38 38 39 39 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 40 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5637 AM Page 40 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 37

like it stretches out into forever behind me. Overhead, stars are twinkling him. I was kind oflike taken it stretches with his outgold into tooth forever with behind the heart me. cutout, Overhead, too. stars are twinkling him. I was kind of taken with his gold tooth with the heart cutout, too. down. The building looks real bright against the darkness, and I can hear I hold up my coffeedown. cup andThe holler,building “Cheers!” looks real like bright we was against old palsthe darkness,cele- and I can hear I hold up my coffee cup and holler, “Cheers!” like we was old pals cele- cars and trucks whooshing by every so often while I’m a-grunting and a- brating some importantcars and occasion, trucks whooshingmaybe a tenth by everywedding so often anniversary while I’m or a-grunting and a- brating some important occasion, maybe a tenth wedding anniversary or groaning. something. He seesgroaning. right off I have a little class, a little more knowledge something. He sees right off I have a little class, a little more knowledge After a whole lot of commotion in my belly — I mean a whole lot! than the usual lady youAfter see at a Thornton’s.whole lot of commotion in my belly — I mean a whole lot! than the usual lady you see at Thornton’s. — that fish finally swims outa me and lands on a pile of wet leaves. It’s “Hold that,” he— saysthat andfish swatsfinally me swims on the outa bottom me and and lands walks on off a pilein of wet leaves. It’s “Hold that,” he says and swats me on the bottom and walks off in slimy and slick when I try to pick it up, and its tail is still attached to the direction of theslimy men’s and room. slick “Holdwhen Iwhat?” try to I’mpick thinking it up, and to myself.its tail is still attached to the direction of the men’s room. “Hold what?” I’m thinking to myself. something up inside me. I hack at the tail with a tin can lid I find on the “Hold what? The coffee?something The upway inside I’m standing? me. I hack Something at the tail hewith meant a tin to can lid I find on the “Hold what? The coffee? The way I’m standing? Something he meant to ground and cut myself. Not a big cut — here see. hand me?” ground and cut myself. Not a big cut — here see. hand me?” (Shows her cut.) When he comes back(Shows out, her he cut.) smiles again, and the sunlight kinda When he comes back out, he smiles again, and the sunlight kinda Anyway I’m noticing newspapers stacked up beside the dumpster. I bounces off that gold heartAnyway on hisI’m tooth.noticing He newspapers bumps his stackedleg smack up intobeside the dumpster. I bounces off that gold heart on his tooth. He bumps his leg smack into tell myself I should wrap up the fish in a newspaper and I do. It flops mine — accidentallytell on myself purpose, I should you know. wrap “You up thewith fish someone?” in a newspaper he asks. and I do. It flops mine — accidentally on purpose, you know. “You with someone?” he asks. around for a minute — that was no surprise — and even makes a little “You,” I say, decidingaround for on a the minute spot. — “You, that ifwas that’s no yoursurprise 18-wheeler — and even makes a little “You,” I say, deciding on the spot. “You, if that’s your 18-wheeler whimpering sound. I ignore everything and just fling the whole mess into out there.” whimpering sound. I ignore everything and just fling the whole mess into out there.” the dumpster. “Good-bye, Amaretta,” I say, “and good riddance.” Prob- The night I metthe him dumpster. I looked “Good-bye, fine, real fine, Amaretta,” but then I Isay, am “and the kind good riddance.” Prob- The night I met him I looked fine, real fine, but then I am the kind ably shouldn’t give it the name of something I like, but it was all I could that flowers after midnight.ably shouldn My’t hair give was it the tied name back of in something a pony tail, I like,white- but it was all I could that flowers after midnight. My hair was tied back in a pony tail, white- think of at the time. It landed near a big ‘ole mound of coffee grounds. blonde I think it was,think and of Iat had the me time. an Italmost landed new near pair a bigof hiking ‘ole mound boots of coffee grounds. blonde I think it was, and I had me an almost new pair of hiking boots Then I pressed them buttons on my watch and thought about magic with rawhide laces so longThen I hadI pressed to wrap them them buttons ‘round on my watchankles andtwice. thought about magic with rawhide laces so long I had to wrap them ‘round my ankles twice. and pixies. I spread out the coat Jimmy got me at the Salvation Army, My roomie at the shelterand pixies. give I‘em spread to me out ‘cause the coatthey Jimmypinched got her me toes. at the Salvation Army, My roomie at the shelter give ‘em to me ‘cause they pinched her toes. and I lay me down to sleep just like that prayer they say on TV. Jimmy must haveand Iliked lay methe down way I to looked sleep ‘causejust like soon that as prayer I said theythat, say on TV. Jimmy must have liked the way I looked ‘cause soon as I said that, That was only five days ago, I think, four or five. It was yesterday he said, “Come on,” andThat away was w eonly went. five He days told ago, me weI think, were headingfour or fivtoe. It was yesterday he said, “Come on,” and away we went. He told me we were heading to when a giant truck come along and backed up to the dumpster and car- Oklahoma with a loadwhen of a bikes. giant Saidtruck he come deliv alongered them and backedall over. up Isn’t to thatthe dumpster and car- Oklahoma with a load of bikes. Said he delivered them all over. Isn’t that ried it off. I guess the fish is in the landfill somewheres by now and can’t something? I didn’tried know it off. kids I guessrode bikesthe fish so muchis in the these landfill days. somewher Me, I wases by now and can’t something? I didn’t know kids rode bikes so much these days. Me, I was bother nobody. Jimmy will be glad to know that, I ‘spect. I’m figuring twelve the last timebother I was onnobody. a bike Jimmyand racing will like be gladheck toto knowget away that, from I ‘spect. I’m figuring twelve the last time I was on a bike and racing like heck to get away from he’ll be stopping off on his way back to Ohio. He wouldn’t have left the a mean dog that endedhe’ll beup stopping sinking itsoff teeth on his into way my back rear to end. Ohio. The He sher- wouldn’t have left the a mean dog that ended up sinking its teeth into my rear end. The sher- bike or give me that money unless he was coming back, you know? He iff comes out and bikesaid Ior should give me pull that down money my unlesspants andhe was let himcoming take back, a you know? He iff comes out and said I should pull down my pants and let him take a only left ‘cause he was gonna be late for something. look at the bite, butonly my leftdad ‘causerun the he guy was off. gonna I didn’t be lateget nofor rabiessomething. if that’s look at the bite, but my dad run the guy off. I didn’t get no rabies if that’s And that’s why I been sleeping in the woods and just coming in for what you’re wondering.And that’s why I been sleeping in the woods and just coming in for what you’re wondering. snacks and the bathroom after midnight, like now. If I go off somewhere, Almost as soonsnacks as I getand inthe the bathroom truck, J immyafter midnight, asks me iflike I havenow . anyIf I go off somewhere, Almost as soon as I get in the truck, Jimmy asks me if I have any he won’t have no way to find me. Yeah, Jimmy, why he’ll be back real dreams, so I knowhe right won’t off havethat heno isway a quality-type to find me. person. Yeah, Jimmy, I decide why to he’ll be back real dreams, so I know right off that he is a quality-type person. I decide to soon, so, no, mister, thanks all the same, but I really can’t go off with you. show him I’m one,soon, too, so,and no, ask mister, him to thanks go first. all theHis same,dream, but I wasn’tI really ex- can’t go off with you. show him I’m one, too, and ask him to go first. His dream, I wasn’t ex- (Pause.) pecting nothing about truck(Pause.) driving now, but his dream is to drive cross- pecting nothing about truck driving now, but his dream is to drive cross- I don’t mind talking a spell longer though. And oh! I just remem- country in a truck carryingI don three’t mind layers talking of brand a spell new longer cars. though.Three layers, And oh! I just remem- country in a truck carrying three layers of brand new cars. Three layers, bered: I’ve still got that pack of Marlboros I bought for Jimmy. They’re like one of them weddingbered: I’vcakese still rich got people that packhave. of He Marlboros wants to climbI bought into for Jimmy. They’re like one of them wedding cakes rich people have. He wants to climb into down in this pocket next to my Amarettas. Would you like a smoke? the very highest car,down smoke in this Marlboro’s, pocket next and to watch my Amarettas. the sky some Would night you like a smoke? the very highest car, smoke Marlboro’s, and watch the sky some night when the stars are shooting around. Me, I ain’t never seen shooting stars, when the stars are shooting around. Me, I ain’t never seen shooting stars, but he did several times, he said. He got so caught up telling me ‘bout but he did several times, he said. He got so caught up telling me ‘bout

40 40 37 37 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 44 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5641 AM Page 44 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 41

Going To Bordeaux For NowGoing To Bordeaux For Now Richard Lay Jocelyn Beard Richard Lay Jocelyn Beard

Scene: Bordeaux, France Scene: Here and nowScene: Bordeaux, France Scene: Here and now Dramatic Serio-Comic Dramatic Serio-Comic Nell (forties to fifties), a woman who feels as though her family has deserted Crimson (fifteen toNell seventeen), (forties to a youngfifties), woman a woman struggling who feels with as thoughher sexual her family has deserted Crimson (fifteen to seventeen), a young woman struggling with her sexual her. orientation. her. orientation.

Nell and Vincent have traveled to France to visit their daughter, Dana. When Here, Crimson weighsNell her and various Vincent options have traveledand prospects to France for theto visit future. their daughter, Dana. When Here, Crimson weighs her various options and prospects for the future. Nell finds out that Dana has a son and that she’s a grandmother, she tries her Nell finds out that Dana has a son and that she’s a grandmother, she tries her best not to lose it. CRIMSON: I’m trying tobest make not up to mylose mindit. about whether or not I should be CRIMSON: I’m trying to make up my mind about whether or not I should be gay. It’s a big decision. I mean, I guess I am . . . gay . . . whatever that gay. It’s a big decision. I mean, I guess I am . . . gay . . . whatever that NELL: Is he a nice young man? I’m sure we’ll like him when we get to know means. I don’tNELL feel: very Is he gay. a nice I feel young like man?shit. GirlsI’m sure . . . we’llwomen like . him. . well, when we get to know means. I don’t feel very gay. I feel like shit. Girls . . . women . . . well, him. Daughters sometimes pick men who are like their fathers — I’m they get to me, youhim. know? Daughters Being with sometimes a beautiful pick girl men makes who me are feel like the their fathers — I’m they get to me, you know? Being with a beautiful girl makes me feel the sure you didn’t make that mistake. Is he American or a Frenchman you same way my friend,sure Robby, you didn’t says hemake feels that when mistake. he’s with Is he Krissi American Eversole or a Frenchman you same way my friend, Robby, says he feels when he’s with Krissi Eversole met at home? We’d like to meet his father and mother? You said in the . . . in fact, when I’mmet standingat home? next We’d to like Krissi to meetEversole his infather the andgym mother?lock- You said in the . . . in fact, when I’m standing next to Krissi Eversole in the gym lock- postcard that he’s a friend — does that mean you never married? Is your erroom I feel like mypostcard heart isthat going he’s toa friendbust right — does out ofthat my mean chest. you I can’t never married? Is your erroom I feel like my heart is going to bust right out of my chest. I can’t little boy christened? . . . We are not interfering . . . We just came to Bor- explain it any betterlittle than bo that.y christened? . . . We are not interfering . . . We just came to Bor- explain it any better than that. deaux because we are so pleased, so falling down pleased that our little But I have to deauxconsider because what mywe aremom so callspleased, my “sopr ospects.”falling down pleased that our little But I have to consider what my mom calls my “prospects.” girl is standing on her own two feet. Can you see what I’m saying. Can Next year I’ll graduategirl is standing and if I’mon herlucky own I’ll twogo to feet. one Can of the you state see col- what I’m saying. Can Next year I’ll graduate and if I’m lucky I’ll go to one of the state col- you see it from our point of view. (Starts weeping.) We just want to be leges. If I’m luckieryou still see I justit from might our learn point something of view. (Startsthat will weeping.) help me We just want to be leges. If I’m luckier still I just might learn something that will help me normal grandparents. All my friends have grandchildren who live just make money one day.normal How grandparents. much is enough? All my I have friends no freakinghave grandchildr idea. If en who live just make money one day. How much is enough? I have no freaking idea. If around the corner. They pop in for coffee every day and take the little all I want is a crappyaround little condothe corner. and a They shit box pop Toyota in for tocoffee drive every back dayand and take the little all I want is a crappy little condo and a shit box Toyota to drive back and ones to the Mall . . . They don’t have to wait five years for a postcard. forth to work in, thenones I toguess the enough Mall . .won’t . They be don’ttoo much have .to . . waitsay, afive com- years for a postcard. forth to work in, then I guess enough won’t be too much . . . say, a com- Not that that is a criticism . . . By no means. You know what I mean puter programmer Norot accountant that that is. . a. somethingcriticism . like. . By that. no But,means. that Y’sou not know what I mean puter programmer or accountant . . . something like that. But, that’s not Dana. It’s just that I want us to be a normal family again . . . I want us what I want. I wantD ana.a beautiful It’s just oldthat house I want in us the to countrbe a normaly, six big family dogs, again . . . I want us what I want. I want a beautiful old house in the country, six big dogs, to love each other and laugh and cry and have crisis and dream about horses, cats and . . to. and love . .each . kids. other I want and kids. laugh I can’tand cryhelp and the haveway Icrisis feel and dream about horses, cats and . . . and . . . kids. I want kids. I can’t help the way I feel each other . . . Not always nightmares. about that any moreache than other I can . .help . Not the always way I nightmares. feel about Krissi Eversole. about that any more than I can help the way I feel about Krissi Eversole. If I’m going to pay for that house in the country and everything else If I’m going to pay for that house in the country and everything else all by myself, then computer programmer just won’t cut it. all by myself, then computer programmer just won’t cut it. If I get married, on the other hand . . . you know, to a guy. A nice If I get married, on the other hand . . . you know, to a guy. A nice guy like Robby. If I get married to a guy, then my chances for the house, guy like Robby. If I get married to a guy, then my chances for the house, the dogs and the kids improve exponentially. If I get married to a guy, the dogs and the kids improve exponentially. If I get married to a guy, my chances for practically everything improve exponentially. my chances for practically everything improve exponentially. If I decide to be gay I can kiss that house and the kids good-bye. If If I decide to be gay I can kiss that house and the kids good-bye. If I decide to be gay I can kiss practically everything that I’ve ever hoped I decide to be gay I can kiss practically everything that I’ve ever hoped

44 44 41 41 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 42 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5643 AM Page 42 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 43

for or dreamed about good-bye. If I decide to be gay then I have to stop for Fuddyor dreamed aboutMeers good-bye. If I decide to be gay then I have to stop Fuddy Meers being one of “us” and start being one of “them.” Problem is: I like being being one of “us” and start being one of “them.” Problem is: I like being David Lindsay-Abaire David Lindsay-Abaire one of “us.” I like fitting in. I like being liked. I mean, I’m sure that there one of “us.” I like fitting in. I like being liked. I mean, I’m sure that there must be quite a few fledgling dykes here at Wonder Bread High, but no must be quite a few fledgling dykes here at Wonder Bread High, but no Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now one — probably not even them — knows who they are. I don’t want to one — probably not even them — knows who they are. I don’t want to Dramatic Dramatic be the first. That’s not me. be the first. That’s not me. Claire (forties), a woman struggling with memory loss. Claire (forties), a woman struggling with memory loss. I read about this girl who wanted to be the first girl to go to this fa- I read about this girl who wanted to be the first girl to go to this fa- mous all boys military academy so bad that getting there almost killed An injury has left Clairemous with all boys no long-term military memory.academy Every so bad day that she gettingmust re- there almost killed An injury has left Claire with no long-term memory. Every day she must re- her. That is definitely not me. I like it right here in the middle where it’s learn everything she her.learned That the is day definitely before. When not me. she Iis likebrought it right to her here mother’s in the middle where it’s learn everything she learned the day before. When she is brought to her mother’s safe. No one looks at me. No one wonders about me. I’m just like every- house by a mysterioussafe. man No claiming one looks to beat herme. brother, No one she wonders is visited about by a me.sud- I’m just like every- house by a mysterious man claiming to be her brother, she is visited by a sud- body else. If I decide to be gay, all that’s gonna change. Robby will stop den memory from herbody childhood. else. If I decide to be gay, all that’s gonna change. Robby will stop den memory from her childhood. being my best friend, no one will want to sit near me in the cafeteria or being my best friend, no one will want to sit near me in the cafeteria or CLAIRE: You remember that dog? Skinny old thing Mr. Cuthart kept tied up CLAIRE: You remember that dog? Skinny old thing Mr. Cuthart kept tied up the library and Krissi Eversole will turn and run every time she sees me in the front lawn allthe day? librar Daddyy and alwaysKrissi Eversolesaid he waswill gonnaturn and report run him.every time she sees me in the front lawn all day? Daddy always said he was gonna report him. coming. I know that past all that, beyond the looks and the name-call- Remember she justcoming. sat in the I sun,know biting that atpast her all scabs? that, Cuthartbeyond didn’tthe looks even and the name-call- Remember she just sat in the sun, biting at her scabs? Cuthart didn’t even ing and loss of social stature is something incredibly good. Acceptance give her any water.ing and loss of social stature is something incredibly good. Acceptance give her any water. and self-love, maybe? Who knows? There’s no one around to explain it [GERTIE: Who do techingand bat?] self-love, maybe? Who knows? There’s no one around to explain it [GERTIE: Who do teching bat?] to me. All I know is that I just can’t see past all the bad stuff. For now. CLAIRE: Nancy. So I’d sneakto me. down All I knowthe road is thatwith I myjust squirtcan’t seegun, past and all spritzthe bad stuff. For now. CLAIRE: Nancy. So I’d sneak down the road with my squirt gun, and spritz Maybe that will change. water into her mouthMaybe and that she’d will bark. change. water into her mouth and she’d bark. So for now, I’m still in the middle. For now I’m still deciding whether [GERTIE: Uh-huh. I bee rye Sobag. for (R now,ushes I’m off stillto another in the middle.part of theFor house.) now I’m] still deciding whether [GERTIE: Uh-huh. I bee rye bag. (Rushes off to another part of the house.)] or not I should be gay. I’m still Robby’s best friend and my gym locker CLAIRE: And one day, whenor not Cuthart I should was be downtown, gay. I’m still I untiedRobby’s her best and friend let her and my gym locker CLAIRE: And one day, when Cuthart was downtown, I untied her and let her is still right next to Krissi’s. When Robby and Krissi kiss I feel like I’m run around a little.is But still she right darted next straight to Krissi into’s. Whenthe road, Robby just asand Daddy’s Krissi kiss I feel like I’m run around a little. But she darted straight into the road, just as Daddy’s right there with them and it’s not too bad. For now. Best of all, I get to pickup was comingright around there the with cur vtheme, and and he didnit’s not’t see too her, bad. so heFor plo now.wed Best of all, I get to pickup was coming around the curve, and he didn’t see her, so he plowed keep my fantasy about the beautiful old house in the country for a little into her. (Calls off.)keep Do myyou fantasy remember about Daddy the beautiful and I came old house through in thethe country for a little into her. (Calls off.) Do you remember Daddy and I came through the while longer. Of course in my fantasy, I share the house with the kids, back door, Mama?while And Nlonger.ancy wasOf hangingcourse in out my of fantasy, his arms I sharelike a the set houseof with the kids, back door, Mama? And Nancy was hanging out of his arms like a set of the dogs and Krissi Eversole. We can wait until the economy picks up a broken-up bagpipes.the And dogs he and spread Krissi her Eversole. out on the We kitchen can wait floor until and the she economy picks up a broken-up bagpipes. And he spread her out on the kitchen floor and she little before we get the horses. was breathing real hard.little Andbefor thee w paine get was the humminghorses. off of her like I could was breathing real hard. And the pain was humming off of her like I could hear it. And she just let the pain take her over. And that’s all she was. hear it. And she just let the pain take her over. And that’s all she was. This pained thing. (Gertie enters with a cookie tin. Claire’s story has brought This pained thing. (Gertie enters with a cookie tin. Claire’s story has brought her back into the room.) And Daddy was bent over her, talking to her real her back into the room.) And Daddy was bent over her, talking to her real quiet. And all of a sudden Nancy stood up, like it was a new day, and quiet. And all of a sudden Nancy stood up, like it was a new day, and she started running around the kitchen like she wasn’t half-dead, bark- she started running around the kitchen like she wasn’t half-dead, bark- ing and clicking her nails against the floor tiles. And we were all shocked ing and clicking her nails against the floor tiles. And we were all shocked because Nancy was like a puppy all of a sudden, not that bony heap on because Nancy was like a puppy all of a sudden, not that bony heap on the floor. She was this fireball for about three minutes, until she got tired the floor. She was this fireball for about three minutes, until she got tired again, and curled up beside the sink and went to sleep and died like it again, and curled up beside the sink and went to sleep and died like it meant nothing. You remember how all that happened to her? It’s funny meant nothing. You remember how all that happened to her? It’s funny how almost everything else is gone to me, and that sad old dog just came how almost everything else is gone to me, and that sad old dog just came into my head. into my head.

42 42 43 43 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 42 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5643 AM Page 42 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 43

for or dreamed about good-bye. If I decide to be gay then I have to stop for Fuddyor dreamed aboutMeers good-bye. If I decide to be gay then I have to stop Fuddy Meers being one of “us” and start being one of “them.” Problem is: I like being being one of “us” and start being one of “them.” Problem is: I like being David Lindsay-Abaire David Lindsay-Abaire one of “us.” I like fitting in. I like being liked. I mean, I’m sure that there one of “us.” I like fitting in. I like being liked. I mean, I’m sure that there must be quite a few fledgling dykes here at Wonder Bread High, but no must be quite a few fledgling dykes here at Wonder Bread High, but no Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now one — probably not even them — knows who they are. I don’t want to one — probably not even them — knows who they are. I don’t want to Dramatic Dramatic be the first. That’s not me. be the first. That’s not me. Claire (forties), a woman struggling with memory loss. Claire (forties), a woman struggling with memory loss. I read about this girl who wanted to be the first girl to go to this fa- I read about this girl who wanted to be the first girl to go to this fa- mous all boys military academy so bad that getting there almost killed An injury has left Clairemous with all boys no long-term military memory.academy Every so bad day that she gettingmust re- there almost killed An injury has left Claire with no long-term memory. Every day she must re- her. That is definitely not me. I like it right here in the middle where it’s learn everything she her.learned That the is day definitely before. When not me. she Iis likebrought it right to her here mother’s in the middle where it’s learn everything she learned the day before. When she is brought to her mother’s safe. No one looks at me. No one wonders about me. I’m just like every- house by a mysterioussafe. man No claiming one looks to beat herme. brother, No one she wonders is visited about by a me.sud- I’m just like every- house by a mysterious man claiming to be her brother, she is visited by a sud- body else. If I decide to be gay, all that’s gonna change. Robby will stop den memory from herbody childhood. else. If I decide to be gay, all that’s gonna change. Robby will stop den memory from her childhood. being my best friend, no one will want to sit near me in the cafeteria or being my best friend, no one will want to sit near me in the cafeteria or CLAIRE: You remember that dog? Skinny old thing Mr. Cuthart kept tied up CLAIRE: You remember that dog? Skinny old thing Mr. Cuthart kept tied up the library and Krissi Eversole will turn and run every time she sees me in the front lawn allthe day? librar Daddyy and alwaysKrissi Eversolesaid he waswill gonnaturn and report run him.every time she sees me in the front lawn all day? Daddy always said he was gonna report him. coming. I know that past all that, beyond the looks and the name-call- Remember she justcoming. sat in the I sun,know biting that atpast her all scabs? that, Cuthartbeyond didn’tthe looks even and the name-call- Remember she just sat in the sun, biting at her scabs? Cuthart didn’t even ing and loss of social stature is something incredibly good. Acceptance give her any water.ing and loss of social stature is something incredibly good. Acceptance give her any water. and self-love, maybe? Who knows? There’s no one around to explain it [GERTIE: Who do techingand bat?] self-love, maybe? Who knows? There’s no one around to explain it [GERTIE: Who do teching bat?] to me. All I know is that I just can’t see past all the bad stuff. For now. CLAIRE: Nancy. So I’d sneakto me. down All I knowthe road is thatwith I myjust squirtcan’t seegun, past and all spritzthe bad stuff. For now. CLAIRE: Nancy. So I’d sneak down the road with my squirt gun, and spritz Maybe that will change. water into her mouthMaybe and that she’d will bark. change. water into her mouth and she’d bark. So for now, I’m still in the middle. For now I’m still deciding whether [GERTIE: Uh-huh. I bee rye Sobag. for (R now,ushes I’m off stillto another in the middle.part of theFor house.) now I’m] still deciding whether [GERTIE: Uh-huh. I bee rye bag. (Rushes off to another part of the house.)] or not I should be gay. I’m still Robby’s best friend and my gym locker CLAIRE: And one day, whenor not Cuthart I should was be downtown, gay. I’m still I untiedRobby’s her best and friend let her and my gym locker CLAIRE: And one day, when Cuthart was downtown, I untied her and let her is still right next to Krissi’s. When Robby and Krissi kiss I feel like I’m run around a little.is But still she right darted next straight to Krissi into’s. Whenthe road, Robby just asand Daddy’s Krissi kiss I feel like I’m run around a little. But she darted straight into the road, just as Daddy’s right there with them and it’s not too bad. For now. Best of all, I get to pickup was comingright around there the with cur vtheme, and and he didnit’s not’t see too her, bad. so heFor plo now.wed Best of all, I get to pickup was coming around the curve, and he didn’t see her, so he plowed keep my fantasy about the beautiful old house in the country for a little into her. (Calls off.)keep Do myyou fantasy remember about Daddy the beautiful and I came old house through in thethe country for a little into her. (Calls off.) Do you remember Daddy and I came through the while longer. Of course in my fantasy, I share the house with the kids, back door, Mama?while And Nlonger.ancy wasOf hangingcourse in out my of fantasy, his arms I sharelike a the set houseof with the kids, back door, Mama? And Nancy was hanging out of his arms like a set of the dogs and Krissi Eversole. We can wait until the economy picks up a broken-up bagpipes.the And dogs he and spread Krissi her Eversole. out on the We kitchen can wait floor until and the she economy picks up a broken-up bagpipes. And he spread her out on the kitchen floor and she little before we get the horses. was breathing real hard.little Andbefor thee w paine get was the humminghorses. off of her like I could was breathing real hard. And the pain was humming off of her like I could hear it. And she just let the pain take her over. And that’s all she was. hear it. And she just let the pain take her over. And that’s all she was. This pained thing. (Gertie enters with a cookie tin. Claire’s story has brought This pained thing. (Gertie enters with a cookie tin. Claire’s story has brought her back into the room.) And Daddy was bent over her, talking to her real her back into the room.) And Daddy was bent over her, talking to her real quiet. And all of a sudden Nancy stood up, like it was a new day, and quiet. And all of a sudden Nancy stood up, like it was a new day, and she started running around the kitchen like she wasn’t half-dead, bark- she started running around the kitchen like she wasn’t half-dead, bark- ing and clicking her nails against the floor tiles. And we were all shocked ing and clicking her nails against the floor tiles. And we were all shocked because Nancy was like a puppy all of a sudden, not that bony heap on because Nancy was like a puppy all of a sudden, not that bony heap on the floor. She was this fireball for about three minutes, until she got tired the floor. She was this fireball for about three minutes, until she got tired again, and curled up beside the sink and went to sleep and died like it again, and curled up beside the sink and went to sleep and died like it meant nothing. You remember how all that happened to her? It’s funny meant nothing. You remember how all that happened to her? It’s funny how almost everything else is gone to me, and that sad old dog just came how almost everything else is gone to me, and that sad old dog just came into my head. into my head.

42 42 43 43 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 44 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5641 AM Page 44 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 41

Going To Bordeaux For NowGoing To Bordeaux For Now Richard Lay Jocelyn Beard Richard Lay Jocelyn Beard

Scene: Bordeaux, France Scene: Here and nowScene: Bordeaux, France Scene: Here and now Dramatic Serio-Comic Dramatic Serio-Comic Nell (forties to fifties), a woman who feels as though her family has deserted Crimson (fifteen toNell seventeen), (forties to a youngfifties), woman a woman struggling who feels with as thoughher sexual her family has deserted Crimson (fifteen to seventeen), a young woman struggling with her sexual her. orientation. her. orientation.

Nell and Vincent have traveled to France to visit their daughter, Dana. When Here, Crimson weighsNell her and various Vincent options have traveledand prospects to France for theto visit future. their daughter, Dana. When Here, Crimson weighs her various options and prospects for the future. Nell finds out that Dana has a son and that she’s a grandmother, she tries her Nell finds out that Dana has a son and that she’s a grandmother, she tries her best not to lose it. CRIMSON: I’m trying tobest make not up to mylose mindit. about whether or not I should be CRIMSON: I’m trying to make up my mind about whether or not I should be gay. It’s a big decision. I mean, I guess I am . . . gay . . . whatever that gay. It’s a big decision. I mean, I guess I am . . . gay . . . whatever that NELL: Is he a nice young man? I’m sure we’ll like him when we get to know means. I don’tNELL feel: very Is he gay. a nice I feel young like man?shit. GirlsI’m sure . . . we’llwomen like . him. . well, when we get to know means. I don’t feel very gay. I feel like shit. Girls . . . women . . . well, him. Daughters sometimes pick men who are like their fathers — I’m they get to me, youhim. know? Daughters Being with sometimes a beautiful pick girl men makes who me are feel like the their fathers — I’m they get to me, you know? Being with a beautiful girl makes me feel the sure you didn’t make that mistake. Is he American or a Frenchman you same way my friend,sure Robby, you didn’t says hemake feels that when mistake. he’s with Is he Krissi American Eversole or a Frenchman you same way my friend, Robby, says he feels when he’s with Krissi Eversole met at home? We’d like to meet his father and mother? You said in the . . . in fact, when I’mmet standingat home? next We’d to like Krissi to meetEversole his infather the andgym mother?lock- You said in the . . . in fact, when I’m standing next to Krissi Eversole in the gym lock- postcard that he’s a friend — does that mean you never married? Is your erroom I feel like mypostcard heart isthat going he’s toa friendbust right — does out ofthat my mean chest. you I can’t never married? Is your erroom I feel like my heart is going to bust right out of my chest. I can’t little boy christened? . . . We are not interfering . . . We just came to Bor- explain it any betterlittle than bo that.y christened? . . . We are not interfering . . . We just came to Bor- explain it any better than that. deaux because we are so pleased, so falling down pleased that our little But I have to deauxconsider because what mywe aremom so callspleased, my “sopr ospects.”falling down pleased that our little But I have to consider what my mom calls my “prospects.” girl is standing on her own two feet. Can you see what I’m saying. Can Next year I’ll graduategirl is standing and if I’mon herlucky own I’ll twogo to feet. one Can of the you state see col- what I’m saying. Can Next year I’ll graduate and if I’m lucky I’ll go to one of the state col- you see it from our point of view. (Starts weeping.) We just want to be leges. If I’m luckieryou still see I justit from might our learn point something of view. (Startsthat will weeping.) help me We just want to be leges. If I’m luckier still I just might learn something that will help me normal grandparents. All my friends have grandchildren who live just make money one day.normal How grandparents. much is enough? All my I have friends no freakinghave grandchildr idea. If en who live just make money one day. How much is enough? I have no freaking idea. If around the corner. They pop in for coffee every day and take the little all I want is a crappyaround little condothe corner. and a They shit box pop Toyota in for tocoffee drive every back dayand and take the little all I want is a crappy little condo and a shit box Toyota to drive back and ones to the Mall . . . They don’t have to wait five years for a postcard. forth to work in, thenones I toguess the enough Mall . .won’t . They be don’ttoo much have .to . . waitsay, afive com- years for a postcard. forth to work in, then I guess enough won’t be too much . . . say, a com- Not that that is a criticism . . . By no means. You know what I mean puter programmer Norot accountant that that is. . a. somethingcriticism . like. . By that. no But,means. that Y’sou not know what I mean puter programmer or accountant . . . something like that. But, that’s not Dana. It’s just that I want us to be a normal family again . . . I want us what I want. I wantD ana.a beautiful It’s just oldthat house I want in us the to countrbe a normaly, six big family dogs, again . . . I want us what I want. I want a beautiful old house in the country, six big dogs, to love each other and laugh and cry and have crisis and dream about horses, cats and . . to. and love . .each . kids. other I want and kids. laugh I can’tand cryhelp and the haveway Icrisis feel and dream about horses, cats and . . . and . . . kids. I want kids. I can’t help the way I feel each other . . . Not always nightmares. about that any moreache than other I can . .help . Not the always way I nightmares. feel about Krissi Eversole. about that any more than I can help the way I feel about Krissi Eversole. If I’m going to pay for that house in the country and everything else If I’m going to pay for that house in the country and everything else all by myself, then computer programmer just won’t cut it. all by myself, then computer programmer just won’t cut it. If I get married, on the other hand . . . you know, to a guy. A nice If I get married, on the other hand . . . you know, to a guy. A nice guy like Robby. If I get married to a guy, then my chances for the house, guy like Robby. If I get married to a guy, then my chances for the house, the dogs and the kids improve exponentially. If I get married to a guy, the dogs and the kids improve exponentially. If I get married to a guy, my chances for practically everything improve exponentially. my chances for practically everything improve exponentially. If I decide to be gay I can kiss that house and the kids good-bye. If If I decide to be gay I can kiss that house and the kids good-bye. If I decide to be gay I can kiss practically everything that I’ve ever hoped I decide to be gay I can kiss practically everything that I’ve ever hoped

44 44 41 41 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 48 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5645 AM Page 48 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 45

How Miss Brenda Lou Turpin Became Miss GoingHow Miss To BordeauxBrenda Lou Turpin Became Miss Going To Bordeaux Save The Babies And A Star For Jesus SaveRichard The Lay Babies And A Star For Jesus Richard Lay Kristan Ryan Kristan Ryan

Scene: Bordeaux, France Scene: Bordeaux, France Dramatic Dramatic Scene: The sidewalk outside an abortion clinic Scene: The sidewalk outside an abortion clinic Nell (forties to fifties), a woman who feels as though her family has deserted Nell (forties to fifties), a woman who feels as though her family has deserted Serio-Comic Serio-Comic her. her. Miss Save the Babies (forties), a crusader. Miss Save the Babies (forties), a crusader.

Nell and Vincent are in for a bigger surprise than a grandson . . . Dana is Nell and Vincent are in for a bigger surprise than a grandson . . . Dana is Here, a foot soldier in the war against abortion explains how she discovered Here, a foot soldier in the war against abortion explains how she discovered gay and living with a woman. When Nell digests this tidbit, she surprises every- gay and living with a woman. When Nell digests this tidbit, she surprises every- her avocation and her unusual name. her avocation and her unusual name. one with the following memory from her childhood. one with the following memory from her childhood.

SAVE THE BABIES: If you had told me when I was a child that every newspa- SAVE THE BABIES: If you had told me when I was a child that every newspa- NELL: (Looking into space.) I had a girlfriend once. In college. I also had a NELL: (Looking into space.) I had a girlfriend once. In college. I also had a perman in Georgia would want to interview me and that my name would perman in Georgia would want to interview me and that my name would boyfriend but I was more interested in Jill. We used to lie in a cornfield boyfriend but I was more interested in Jill. We used to lie in a cornfield be spoken with reverence from one end of the state to the other, why I’d be spoken with reverence from one end of the state to the other, why I’d after class with lemonade and cookies and just stroke each other’s hair. after class with lemonade and cookies and just stroke each other’s hair. have thought you were dreaming . . . but I’m proud to say that the Lord have thought you were dreaming . . . but I’m proud to say that the Lord We played a game. It was called Practicing How To Kiss Boys . . . and We played a game. It was called Practicing How To Kiss Boys . . . and has given me the job of (She scoops the air with her net.) scooping up the has given me the job of (She scoops the air with her net.) scooping up the we would kiss each other and relate it to what might happen with our we would kiss each other and relate it to what might happen with our women of the world whose first thought is to rip out their own flesh and women of the world whose first thought is to rip out their own flesh and boyfriends after the Saturday dance. The kissing made me feel dizzy and boyfriends after the Saturday dance. The kissing made me feel dizzy and blood and save them from drowning in a river of delight and self-grati- blood and save them from drowning in a river of delight and self-grati- I’d look up at the blue sky and it would be going round and round as if I’d look up at the blue sky and it would be going round and round as if fication. God has made me an instrument of love and salvation and I have fication. God has made me an instrument of love and salvation and I have someone had cast a magic spell on me. Jill used to call me Juicy Lips and someone had cast a magic spell on me. Jill used to call me Juicy Lips and become the one and only, Miss Save The Babies. become the one and only, Miss Save The Babies. it gave me pleasure to hear her call me that. I haven’t thought about her it gave me pleasure to hear her call me that. I haven’t thought about her (She bows her head for a moment as if she is praying and then lifts it and (She bows her head for a moment as if she is praying and then lifts it and for years. She died in a car accident during our last semester and I used for years. She died in a car accident during our last semester and I used speaks.) speaks.) to put daffodils on her grave and blow her a kiss. So Dana and Charley, to put daffodils on her grave and blow her a kiss. So Dana and Charley, For those of you poor souls who find yourself in a shameful quandary, For those of you poor souls who find yourself in a shameful quandary, yeah, I understand strong feelings between women. What’s wrong with yeah, I understand strong feelings between women. What’s wrong with I want you to know that it’s in the safety of the Save the Babies head- I want you to know that it’s in the safety of the Save the Babies head- it? . . . There’s nothing wrong with it? Men don’t like it because they are it? . . . There’s nothing wrong with it? Men don’t like it because they are quarters, just a block south of River Street, where you can learn every- quarters, just a block south of River Street, where you can learn every- repressing their feminine side. They all have one, even you Vincent . . . repressing their feminine side. They all have one, even you Vincent . . . thing there is to know about the evils of aborting your precious jewel, thing there is to know about the evils of aborting your precious jewel, Remember when I caught you wearing my lipstick when you were doing Remember when I caught you wearing my lipstick when you were doing about abortions gone haywire, see videos of abortions in progress, and about abortions gone haywire, see videos of abortions in progress, and a self-portrait. a self-portrait. be privy to every one of those terrible truths that the pro-choice people be privy to every one of those terrible truths that the pro-choice people don’t want you to know. That’s right, these folks won’t tell you that their don’t want you to know. That’s right, these folks won’t tell you that their doctors pierce little babies’ skulls and suck their brains out with rubber doctors pierce little babies’ skulls and suck their brains out with rubber hoses, but I will. And why don’t they want you to know? Because they hoses, but I will. And why don’t they want you to know? Because they can’t bear the thought of people like me in the world running around can’t bear the thought of people like me in the world running around sharing the truth. They want to continue to live in the land of Sodom sharing the truth. They want to continue to live in the land of Sodom and Gomorrah, having sex like wild rabbits with anybody they please and and Gomorrah, having sex like wild rabbits with anybody they please and doing what they will with the results of their undisciplined hormones. doing what they will with the results of their undisciplined hormones.

48 48 45 45 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 46 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5647 AM Page 46 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 47

Holy Mothers got rid of that taste he had for victory. AndHoly then whenMothers Hannelore went got rid of that taste he had for victory. And then when Hannelore went off to Australia, he divorced me and married that Chinese or Thailander, off to Australia, he divorced me and married that Chinese or Thailander, (Die Präsidentinnen) (Die Präsidentinnen) whatever she is. I’ve never understood that, what he could have seen in whatever she is. I’ve never understood that, what he could have seen in Werner Schwab Werner Schwab a slit-eyed eighteen-year-old. a slit-eyed eighteen-year-old. Translated by Meredith Oakes Translated by Meredith Oakes

Scene: A small kitchen/living room Scene: A small kitchen/living room Dramatic Dramatic Grete (fifties to sixties), pensioner, quite fat, beehive hairstyle, tastelessly Grete (fifties to sixties), pensioner, quite fat, beehive hairstyle, tastelessly dressed, lots of cheap jewelry, heavy makeup. dressed, lots of cheap jewelry, heavy makeup.

When a friend suggests that Grete’s life has been more fun than most, this un- When a friend suggests that Grete’s life has been more fun than most, this un- happy woman hastens to correct her misconception. happy woman hastens to correct her misconception.

GRETE: (Furious.) Don’t you think you’re being rather nasty? How can you be GRETE: (Furious.) Don’t you think you’re being rather nasty? How can you be so nasty behind that laughing face of yours? Do you think my life has all so nasty behind that laughing face of yours? Do you think my life has all been one big barrel of laughs? First I was divorced, then I was widowed. been one big barrel of laughs? First I was divorced, then I was widowed. Do you think marriage is one great big pleasure trip? What about Kurti, Do you think marriage is one great big pleasure trip? What about Kurti, my first husband? And Hannelore? What do you imagine it’s like when my first husband? And Hannelore? What do you imagine it’s like when you know, because you can’t help knowing, that your very own husband you know, because you can’t help knowing, that your very own husband is punishing your very own daughter in your very own bed? What about is punishing your very own daughter in your very own bed? What about that, for God’s sake? that, for God’s sake? What you do is, you wait and see, you wait and see what providence What you do is, you wait and see, you wait and see what providence has in mind for people. But you have to give providence the space to work, has in mind for people. But you have to give providence the space to work, until you finally find out what it’s going to be. And at last, when provi- until you finally find out what it’s going to be. And at last, when provi- dence is finished, life becomes much less painful. Because what’s the use dence is finished, life becomes much less painful. Because what’s the use of getting so worked up, you can’t change providence, can you. You can’t of getting so worked up, you can’t change providence, can you. You can’t just grab hold of providence by the throat and say to it, make me happy. just grab hold of providence by the throat and say to it, make me happy. (She throttles an imaginary throat.) (She throttles an imaginary throat.) No, and in a way I understand about Kurti and Hannelore. Beauti- No, and in a way I understand about Kurti and Hannelore. Beauti- ful memories are so much a part of love. Kurti often said to me, Han- ful memories are so much a part of love. Kurti often said to me, Han- nelore’s as beautiful now as you were, when you were a girl. Of course it nelore’s as beautiful now as you were, when you were a girl. Of course it was wrong, what went on there, and anyway Hannelore was too young was wrong, what went on there, and anyway Hannelore was too young at that stage. But you have to understand Kurti as well. He was such a at that stage. But you have to understand Kurti as well. He was such a handsome officer in the war, he was so proud, and he must have felt, when handsome officer in the war, he was so proud, and he must have felt, when we had those victories at the beginning, that the whole world was going we had those victories at the beginning, that the whole world was going to belong to someone like him. The whole of the rest of his life he never to belong to someone like him. The whole of the rest of his life he never

46 46 47 47 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 46 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5647 AM Page 46 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 47

Holy Mothers got rid of that taste he had for victory. AndHoly then whenMothers Hannelore went got rid of that taste he had for victory. And then when Hannelore went off to Australia, he divorced me and married that Chinese or Thailander, off to Australia, he divorced me and married that Chinese or Thailander, (Die Präsidentinnen) (Die Präsidentinnen) whatever she is. I’ve never understood that, what he could have seen in whatever she is. I’ve never understood that, what he could have seen in Werner Schwab Werner Schwab a slit-eyed eighteen-year-old. a slit-eyed eighteen-year-old. Translated by Meredith Oakes Translated by Meredith Oakes

Scene: A small kitchen/living room Scene: A small kitchen/living room Dramatic Dramatic Grete (fifties to sixties), pensioner, quite fat, beehive hairstyle, tastelessly Grete (fifties to sixties), pensioner, quite fat, beehive hairstyle, tastelessly dressed, lots of cheap jewelry, heavy makeup. dressed, lots of cheap jewelry, heavy makeup.

When a friend suggests that Grete’s life has been more fun than most, this un- When a friend suggests that Grete’s life has been more fun than most, this un- happy woman hastens to correct her misconception. happy woman hastens to correct her misconception.

GRETE: (Furious.) Don’t you think you’re being rather nasty? How can you be GRETE: (Furious.) Don’t you think you’re being rather nasty? How can you be so nasty behind that laughing face of yours? Do you think my life has all so nasty behind that laughing face of yours? Do you think my life has all been one big barrel of laughs? First I was divorced, then I was widowed. been one big barrel of laughs? First I was divorced, then I was widowed. Do you think marriage is one great big pleasure trip? What about Kurti, Do you think marriage is one great big pleasure trip? What about Kurti, my first husband? And Hannelore? What do you imagine it’s like when my first husband? And Hannelore? What do you imagine it’s like when you know, because you can’t help knowing, that your very own husband you know, because you can’t help knowing, that your very own husband is punishing your very own daughter in your very own bed? What about is punishing your very own daughter in your very own bed? What about that, for God’s sake? that, for God’s sake? What you do is, you wait and see, you wait and see what providence What you do is, you wait and see, you wait and see what providence has in mind for people. But you have to give providence the space to work, has in mind for people. But you have to give providence the space to work, until you finally find out what it’s going to be. And at last, when provi- until you finally find out what it’s going to be. And at last, when provi- dence is finished, life becomes much less painful. Because what’s the use dence is finished, life becomes much less painful. Because what’s the use of getting so worked up, you can’t change providence, can you. You can’t of getting so worked up, you can’t change providence, can you. You can’t just grab hold of providence by the throat and say to it, make me happy. just grab hold of providence by the throat and say to it, make me happy. (She throttles an imaginary throat.) (She throttles an imaginary throat.) No, and in a way I understand about Kurti and Hannelore. Beauti- No, and in a way I understand about Kurti and Hannelore. Beauti- ful memories are so much a part of love. Kurti often said to me, Han- ful memories are so much a part of love. Kurti often said to me, Han- nelore’s as beautiful now as you were, when you were a girl. Of course it nelore’s as beautiful now as you were, when you were a girl. Of course it was wrong, what went on there, and anyway Hannelore was too young was wrong, what went on there, and anyway Hannelore was too young at that stage. But you have to understand Kurti as well. He was such a at that stage. But you have to understand Kurti as well. He was such a handsome officer in the war, he was so proud, and he must have felt, when handsome officer in the war, he was so proud, and he must have felt, when we had those victories at the beginning, that the whole world was going we had those victories at the beginning, that the whole world was going to belong to someone like him. The whole of the rest of his life he never to belong to someone like him. The whole of the rest of his life he never

46 46 47 47 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 48 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5645 AM Page 48 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 45

How Miss Brenda Lou Turpin Became Miss GoingHow Miss To BordeauxBrenda Lou Turpin Became Miss Going To Bordeaux Save The Babies And A Star For Jesus SaveRichard The Lay Babies And A Star For Jesus Richard Lay Kristan Ryan Kristan Ryan

Scene: Bordeaux, France Scene: Bordeaux, France Dramatic Dramatic Scene: The sidewalk outside an abortion clinic Scene: The sidewalk outside an abortion clinic Nell (forties to fifties), a woman who feels as though her family has deserted Nell (forties to fifties), a woman who feels as though her family has deserted Serio-Comic Serio-Comic her. her. Miss Save the Babies (forties), a crusader. Miss Save the Babies (forties), a crusader.

Nell and Vincent are in for a bigger surprise than a grandson . . . Dana is Nell and Vincent are in for a bigger surprise than a grandson . . . Dana is Here, a foot soldier in the war against abortion explains how she discovered Here, a foot soldier in the war against abortion explains how she discovered gay and living with a woman. When Nell digests this tidbit, she surprises every- gay and living with a woman. When Nell digests this tidbit, she surprises every- her avocation and her unusual name. her avocation and her unusual name. one with the following memory from her childhood. one with the following memory from her childhood.

SAVE THE BABIES: If you had told me when I was a child that every newspa- SAVE THE BABIES: If you had told me when I was a child that every newspa- NELL: (Looking into space.) I had a girlfriend once. In college. I also had a NELL: (Looking into space.) I had a girlfriend once. In college. I also had a perman in Georgia would want to interview me and that my name would perman in Georgia would want to interview me and that my name would boyfriend but I was more interested in Jill. We used to lie in a cornfield boyfriend but I was more interested in Jill. We used to lie in a cornfield be spoken with reverence from one end of the state to the other, why I’d be spoken with reverence from one end of the state to the other, why I’d after class with lemonade and cookies and just stroke each other’s hair. after class with lemonade and cookies and just stroke each other’s hair. have thought you were dreaming . . . but I’m proud to say that the Lord have thought you were dreaming . . . but I’m proud to say that the Lord We played a game. It was called Practicing How To Kiss Boys . . . and We played a game. It was called Practicing How To Kiss Boys . . . and has given me the job of (She scoops the air with her net.) scooping up the has given me the job of (She scoops the air with her net.) scooping up the we would kiss each other and relate it to what might happen with our we would kiss each other and relate it to what might happen with our women of the world whose first thought is to rip out their own flesh and women of the world whose first thought is to rip out their own flesh and boyfriends after the Saturday dance. The kissing made me feel dizzy and boyfriends after the Saturday dance. The kissing made me feel dizzy and blood and save them from drowning in a river of delight and self-grati- blood and save them from drowning in a river of delight and self-grati- I’d look up at the blue sky and it would be going round and round as if I’d look up at the blue sky and it would be going round and round as if fication. God has made me an instrument of love and salvation and I have fication. God has made me an instrument of love and salvation and I have someone had cast a magic spell on me. Jill used to call me Juicy Lips and someone had cast a magic spell on me. Jill used to call me Juicy Lips and become the one and only, Miss Save The Babies. become the one and only, Miss Save The Babies. it gave me pleasure to hear her call me that. I haven’t thought about her it gave me pleasure to hear her call me that. I haven’t thought about her (She bows her head for a moment as if she is praying and then lifts it and (She bows her head for a moment as if she is praying and then lifts it and for years. She died in a car accident during our last semester and I used for years. She died in a car accident during our last semester and I used speaks.) speaks.) to put daffodils on her grave and blow her a kiss. So Dana and Charley, to put daffodils on her grave and blow her a kiss. So Dana and Charley, For those of you poor souls who find yourself in a shameful quandary, For those of you poor souls who find yourself in a shameful quandary, yeah, I understand strong feelings between women. What’s wrong with yeah, I understand strong feelings between women. What’s wrong with I want you to know that it’s in the safety of the Save the Babies head- I want you to know that it’s in the safety of the Save the Babies head- it? . . . There’s nothing wrong with it? Men don’t like it because they are it? . . . There’s nothing wrong with it? Men don’t like it because they are quarters, just a block south of River Street, where you can learn every- quarters, just a block south of River Street, where you can learn every- repressing their feminine side. They all have one, even you Vincent . . . repressing their feminine side. They all have one, even you Vincent . . . thing there is to know about the evils of aborting your precious jewel, thing there is to know about the evils of aborting your precious jewel, Remember when I caught you wearing my lipstick when you were doing Remember when I caught you wearing my lipstick when you were doing about abortions gone haywire, see videos of abortions in progress, and about abortions gone haywire, see videos of abortions in progress, and a self-portrait. a self-portrait. be privy to every one of those terrible truths that the pro-choice people be privy to every one of those terrible truths that the pro-choice people don’t want you to know. That’s right, these folks won’t tell you that their don’t want you to know. That’s right, these folks won’t tell you that their doctors pierce little babies’ skulls and suck their brains out with rubber doctors pierce little babies’ skulls and suck their brains out with rubber hoses, but I will. And why don’t they want you to know? Because they hoses, but I will. And why don’t they want you to know? Because they can’t bear the thought of people like me in the world running around can’t bear the thought of people like me in the world running around sharing the truth. They want to continue to live in the land of Sodom sharing the truth. They want to continue to live in the land of Sodom and Gomorrah, having sex like wild rabbits with anybody they please and and Gomorrah, having sex like wild rabbits with anybody they please and doing what they will with the results of their undisciplined hormones. doing what they will with the results of their undisciplined hormones.

48 48 45 45 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 52 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5649 AM Page 52 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 49

Hunger (Pauses, then goes on cheerfully.) Hunger (Pauses, then goes on cheerfully.) But I’m getting ahead of myself now. Some of you have asked me But I’m getting ahead of myself now. Some of you have asked me Sheri Wilner Sheri Wilner to tell you how I came to be the instrument of our Lord and a star for to tell you how I came to be the instrument of our Lord and a star for Jesus so I am here today to share with you my blessed story. Jesus so I am here today to share with you my blessed story. Growing up, all I wanted to do was stay in my hometown, have ba- Growing up, all I wanted to do was stay in my hometown, have ba- Scene: A beach house Scene: A beach house bies, but praise the Lord, I was born without a womb to hold those pre- bies, but praise the Lord, I was born without a womb to hold those pre- Dramatic Dramatic cious angels. But this is not as bad as it sounds, for yes, indeed, the Lord cious angels. But this is not as bad as it sounds, for yes, indeed, the Lord Diana (twenties to thirties), a young woman on the verge of metamorphosis. Diana (twenties to thirties), a young woman on the verge of metamorphosis. had something else in mind for me, and because of his great plan here I had something else in mind for me, and because of his great plan here I am, speaking to you today. am, speaking to you today. Diana and her fiancé have arrived at the beach house for a romantic get- Diana and her fiancé have arrived at the beach house for a romantic get- (Pause, adjusts her dress and switches her fisherman’s net from one hand (Pause, adjusts her dress and switches her fisherman’s net from one hand away and to celebrate their engagement. When he asks her what she was star- away and to celebrate their engagement. When he asks her what she was star- to the other.) to the other.) ing at in the waves on the ferry ride to the island, she offers the following ing at in the waves on the ferry ride to the island, she offers the following My birth name was Brenda Lou Turpin, until the morning I stepped My birth name was Brenda Lou Turpin, until the morning I stepped answer. answer. out of my sister’s church onto the sidewalks of Savannah, Georgia and out of my sister’s church onto the sidewalks of Savannah, Georgia and saw that gentleman in his battered old Buick Regal with bloody baby dolls saw that gentleman in his battered old Buick Regal with bloody baby dolls DIANA: I was watching the foam. DIANA: I was watching the foam. hanging out of a bucket attached to the top and “Thou Shalt Not Kill” hanging out of a bucket attached to the top and “Thou Shalt Not Kill” [ADAM: Foam? Interesting. For two hours?] [ADAM: Foam? Interesting. For two hours?] scrawled on it’s side. I knew that God had answered my prayers about scrawled on it’s side. I knew that God had answered my prayers about DIANA: I could see my shadow. First in the water, but then I noticed it was re- DIANA: I could see my shadow. First in the water, but then I noticed it was re- what to do with my life now that my husband of twenty-two years had what to do with my life now that my husband of twenty-two years had ally vivid, really easy to see in the foam. And I started imagining that it ally vivid, really easy to see in the foam. And I started imagining that it left me for a waitress from Virgil’s Roadside Cafe down in Alabama and left me for a waitress from Virgil’s Roadside Cafe down in Alabama and wasn’t my reflection I was seeing. I started imagining that it was the sil- wasn’t my reflection I was seeing. I started imagining that it was the sil- I was sent to live with my widowed sister and her four small children on I was sent to live with my widowed sister and her four small children on houette of my body I could see from above. Did you ever see when they houette of my body I could see from above. Did you ever see when they the shores of the Savannah River. When I saw that gentleman wave his the shores of the Savannah River. When I saw that gentleman wave his film dolphins from above like that? You just see this shadowy gray form film dolphins from above like that? You just see this shadowy gray form hand at me and when he yelled, “Sister, stop the killing,” I knew right hand at me and when he yelled, “Sister, stop the killing,” I knew right racing through the water. That’s what I started seeing. Except it was me, racing through the water. That’s what I started seeing. Except it was me, then why I’d never been able to have children of my own and that finally, then why I’d never been able to have children of my own and that finally, not a dolphin. And it felt like I was swimming. Fast. As fast as dolphins not a dolphin. And it felt like I was swimming. Fast. As fast as dolphins God had shined his light on me, that I had been saved for a special pur- God had shined his light on me, that I had been saved for a special pur- swim. But because I was sitting down, the shape of my silhouette didn’t swim. But because I was sitting down, the shape of my silhouette didn’t pose. Then I heard the Lord say to me, “Brenda Lou Turpin, thou shall pose. Then I heard the Lord say to me, “Brenda Lou Turpin, thou shall make sense. I was definitely sitting in a chair, not swimming. So I had make sense. I was definitely sitting in a chair, not swimming. So I had call thyself Miss Save The Babies, and thou will go to the nearest fishing call thyself Miss Save The Babies, and thou will go to the nearest fishing this incredible urge to spread out like this. (She demonstrates — stretch- this incredible urge to spread out like this. (She demonstrates — stretch- supply store and buy thyself a fisherman’s net and a straw fisherman’s hat supply store and buy thyself a fisherman’s net and a straw fisherman’s hat ing her arms and legs straight out.) Like Superman so the image on the ing her arms and legs straight out.) Like Superman so the image on the and cover it with the bloodied arms and legs of the baby dolls (She pats and cover it with the bloodied arms and legs of the baby dolls (She pats water matched the image in my mind. water matched the image in my mind. her hat.) and then take thyself out into the world and put an end to the her hat.) and then take thyself out into the world and put an end to the killing of the innocent growing in the sanctity of the womb.” killing of the innocent growing in the sanctity of the womb.” (Beat.) (Beat.) Of course, when the Lord tells you to do something, you’ve got to Of course, when the Lord tells you to do something, you’ve got to do it. After all, at any second he could squash any one of us like the bugs do it. After all, at any second he could squash any one of us like the bugs we are and I, for one, certainly didn’t want to incur the wrath of the Lord we are and I, for one, certainly didn’t want to incur the wrath of the Lord and have the life torn from me like a moth flying straight into a bug zap- and have the life torn from me like a moth flying straight into a bug zap- per, so as you can see, I followed his instructions to the letter. per, so as you can see, I followed his instructions to the letter. It wasn’t a week later when I was down on the riverfront carrying It wasn’t a week later when I was down on the riverfront carrying the Lord’s message of saving the babies that a reporter from the Atlanta the Lord’s message of saving the babies that a reporter from the Atlanta

52 52 49 49 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 50 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5651 AM Page 50 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 51

Constitution stops me on the sidewalk and asks me if I am serious and (Waving her handConstitution behind her stops indicating me on the the clinic sidewalk and thenand lookingasks me to if I am serious and (Waving her hand behind her indicating the clinic and then looking to I say, “When it comes to the Lord, his directives, and the lives of the help- heaven.) I say, “When it comes to the Lord, his directives, and the lives of the help- heaven.) less who are barely formed there is nothing more serious, nothing at all,” Now, I am a saviorless who myself, are barely a fisher formed of you there women is nothing and young more serious,girls nothing at all,” Now, I am a savior myself, a fisher of you women and young girls and then he asks me, “What makes you do this?” And I say, “The Lord who are about to sendand thenyourselv he askses straight me, “What to Hades makes for youtearing do this?”your un-And I say, “The Lord who are about to send yourselves straight to Hades for tearing your un- makes me, he shows me the way. He told me to tell the world to stop wanted children frommakes your me, loins he shows and throwing me the way. them He in told the metrash to liketell the world to stop wanted children from your loins and throwing them in the trash like the aspiration of fetuses and he places his words on my tongue so that spoiled meat. I carrythe thisaspiration net (She of points fetuses to andher net.)he places as a symbolhis words of onour my tongue so that spoiled meat. I carry this net (She points to her net.) as a symbol of our the world will hear him speak. Why, sir, I have a vision of leading the saviour the Lord Jesusthe worldChrist will who hear reaches him outspeak. to eachWhy, and sir, every I have one a visionof of leading the saviour the Lord Jesus Christ who reaches out to each and every one of way to salvation for those young girls and women who are lost to the sor- you lost souls, whoway scoops to salvation you into for his those arms youngto deliver girls you and from women the evilswho are lost to the sor- you lost souls, who scoops you into his arms to deliver you from the evils row of pierced navels and tongues, midriff tops, thong panties, and the of Satan and from rowthe offires pierced of hell navels by committing and tongues, the midriffcrime of tops, murder. thong panties, and the of Satan and from the fires of hell by committing the crime of murder. feel of flesh against flesh and I mean to stop it all and save the babies be- I am the tool of thefeel Lord of flesh and againstthe purpose flesh andof my I mean life has to stopnever it beenall and so save the babies be- I am the tool of the Lord and the purpose of my life has never been so gotten of lust and sport sex.” And he says, “What’s your name?” “Why clear. Amen. gotten of lust and sport sex.” And he says, “What’s your name?” “Why clear. Amen. it’s Miss Save The Babies,” I told him proud as punch, and it was then it’s Miss Save The Babies,” I told him proud as punch, and it was then that I heard the Lord say, “See an attorney and change thy name legally that I heard the Lord say, “See an attorney and change thy name legally to “Save The Babies.” to “Save The Babies.” (Pause.) (Pause.) So he asks me, “Is that your legal name?” And I say, “It’s not yet, but So he asks me, “Is that your legal name?” And I say, “It’s not yet, but the Lord told me to change it legally and just as soon as the Lord gives the Lord told me to change it legally and just as soon as the Lord gives me enough money I’ll go to court and get my name change taken care me enough money I’ll go to court and get my name change taken care of.” of.” (Pause.) (Pause.) So this man who is my age and who I do not know counts out five So this man who is my age and who I do not know counts out five twenty dollar bills and hands them to me and says, “Is that enough?” And twenty dollar bills and hands them to me and says, “Is that enough?” And I say, “Why hallelujah, yes, sir, I think it might be,” and while I am peer- I say, “Why hallelujah, yes, sir, I think it might be,” and while I am peer- ing into his eyes to see if I can spot a little bit of heaven, Mr. Reporter ing into his eyes to see if I can spot a little bit of heaven, Mr. Reporter says to me, “How’d you like to come to my hotel room and let me in- says to me, “How’d you like to come to my hotel room and let me in- terview you? I’ll give you another hundred bucks, if you’ll spend an hour terview you? I’ll give you another hundred bucks, if you’ll spend an hour talking to me.” Then he tells me that he was once party to a young girl’s talking to me.” Then he tells me that he was once party to a young girl’s downfall and maybe he can earn a place in the Lord’s house by writing downfall and maybe he can earn a place in the Lord’s house by writing an article about me. Naturally, I know then that the Lord is speaking an article about me. Naturally, I know then that the Lord is speaking through this handsome stranger with curly gray-blond hair and cool blue through this handsome stranger with curly gray-blond hair and cool blue eyes and that this man in his three-piece designer suit is a tool of Jesus eyes and that this man in his three-piece designer suit is a tool of Jesus himself, so I go straight to my sister’s house, brush my teeth and put on himself, so I go straight to my sister’s house, brush my teeth and put on a clean black dress, say “see ya later” to her children who are screaming a clean black dress, say “see ya later” to her children who are screaming their heads off for something to eat, and head to the hotel to do the Lord’s their heads off for something to eat, and head to the hotel to do the Lord’s work and save the babies by getting my message out to more people in work and save the babies by getting my message out to more people in one day than I see in a week at this clinic right here. one day than I see in a week at this clinic right here.

50 50 51 51 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 50 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5651 AM Page 50 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 51

Constitution stops me on the sidewalk and asks me if I am serious and (Waving her handConstitution behind her stops indicating me on the the clinic sidewalk and thenand lookingasks me to if I am serious and (Waving her hand behind her indicating the clinic and then looking to I say, “When it comes to the Lord, his directives, and the lives of the help- heaven.) I say, “When it comes to the Lord, his directives, and the lives of the help- heaven.) less who are barely formed there is nothing more serious, nothing at all,” Now, I am a saviorless who myself, are barely a fisher formed of you there women is nothing and young more serious,girls nothing at all,” Now, I am a savior myself, a fisher of you women and young girls and then he asks me, “What makes you do this?” And I say, “The Lord who are about to sendand thenyourselv he askses straight me, “What to Hades makes for youtearing do this?”your un-And I say, “The Lord who are about to send yourselves straight to Hades for tearing your un- makes me, he shows me the way. He told me to tell the world to stop wanted children frommakes your me, loins he shows and throwing me the way. them He in told the metrash to liketell the world to stop wanted children from your loins and throwing them in the trash like the aspiration of fetuses and he places his words on my tongue so that spoiled meat. I carrythe thisaspiration net (She of points fetuses to andher net.)he places as a symbolhis words of onour my tongue so that spoiled meat. I carry this net (She points to her net.) as a symbol of our the world will hear him speak. Why, sir, I have a vision of leading the saviour the Lord Jesusthe worldChrist will who hear reaches him outspeak. to eachWhy, and sir, every I have one a visionof of leading the saviour the Lord Jesus Christ who reaches out to each and every one of way to salvation for those young girls and women who are lost to the sor- you lost souls, whoway scoops to salvation you into for his those arms youngto deliver girls you and from women the evilswho are lost to the sor- you lost souls, who scoops you into his arms to deliver you from the evils row of pierced navels and tongues, midriff tops, thong panties, and the of Satan and from rowthe offires pierced of hell navels by committing and tongues, the midriffcrime of tops, murder. thong panties, and the of Satan and from the fires of hell by committing the crime of murder. feel of flesh against flesh and I mean to stop it all and save the babies be- I am the tool of thefeel Lord of flesh and againstthe purpose flesh andof my I mean life has to stopnever it beenall and so save the babies be- I am the tool of the Lord and the purpose of my life has never been so gotten of lust and sport sex.” And he says, “What’s your name?” “Why clear. Amen. gotten of lust and sport sex.” And he says, “What’s your name?” “Why clear. Amen. it’s Miss Save The Babies,” I told him proud as punch, and it was then it’s Miss Save The Babies,” I told him proud as punch, and it was then that I heard the Lord say, “See an attorney and change thy name legally that I heard the Lord say, “See an attorney and change thy name legally to “Save The Babies.” to “Save The Babies.” (Pause.) (Pause.) So he asks me, “Is that your legal name?” And I say, “It’s not yet, but So he asks me, “Is that your legal name?” And I say, “It’s not yet, but the Lord told me to change it legally and just as soon as the Lord gives the Lord told me to change it legally and just as soon as the Lord gives me enough money I’ll go to court and get my name change taken care me enough money I’ll go to court and get my name change taken care of.” of.” (Pause.) (Pause.) So this man who is my age and who I do not know counts out five So this man who is my age and who I do not know counts out five twenty dollar bills and hands them to me and says, “Is that enough?” And twenty dollar bills and hands them to me and says, “Is that enough?” And I say, “Why hallelujah, yes, sir, I think it might be,” and while I am peer- I say, “Why hallelujah, yes, sir, I think it might be,” and while I am peer- ing into his eyes to see if I can spot a little bit of heaven, Mr. Reporter ing into his eyes to see if I can spot a little bit of heaven, Mr. Reporter says to me, “How’d you like to come to my hotel room and let me in- says to me, “How’d you like to come to my hotel room and let me in- terview you? I’ll give you another hundred bucks, if you’ll spend an hour terview you? I’ll give you another hundred bucks, if you’ll spend an hour talking to me.” Then he tells me that he was once party to a young girl’s talking to me.” Then he tells me that he was once party to a young girl’s downfall and maybe he can earn a place in the Lord’s house by writing downfall and maybe he can earn a place in the Lord’s house by writing an article about me. Naturally, I know then that the Lord is speaking an article about me. Naturally, I know then that the Lord is speaking through this handsome stranger with curly gray-blond hair and cool blue through this handsome stranger with curly gray-blond hair and cool blue eyes and that this man in his three-piece designer suit is a tool of Jesus eyes and that this man in his three-piece designer suit is a tool of Jesus himself, so I go straight to my sister’s house, brush my teeth and put on himself, so I go straight to my sister’s house, brush my teeth and put on a clean black dress, say “see ya later” to her children who are screaming a clean black dress, say “see ya later” to her children who are screaming their heads off for something to eat, and head to the hotel to do the Lord’s their heads off for something to eat, and head to the hotel to do the Lord’s work and save the babies by getting my message out to more people in work and save the babies by getting my message out to more people in one day than I see in a week at this clinic right here. one day than I see in a week at this clinic right here.

50 50 51 51 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 52 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5649 AM Page 52 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 49

Hunger (Pauses, then goes on cheerfully.) Hunger (Pauses, then goes on cheerfully.) But I’m getting ahead of myself now. Some of you have asked me But I’m getting ahead of myself now. Some of you have asked me Sheri Wilner Sheri Wilner to tell you how I came to be the instrument of our Lord and a star for to tell you how I came to be the instrument of our Lord and a star for Jesus so I am here today to share with you my blessed story. Jesus so I am here today to share with you my blessed story. Growing up, all I wanted to do was stay in my hometown, have ba- Growing up, all I wanted to do was stay in my hometown, have ba- Scene: A beach house Scene: A beach house bies, but praise the Lord, I was born without a womb to hold those pre- bies, but praise the Lord, I was born without a womb to hold those pre- Dramatic Dramatic cious angels. But this is not as bad as it sounds, for yes, indeed, the Lord cious angels. But this is not as bad as it sounds, for yes, indeed, the Lord Diana (twenties to thirties), a young woman on the verge of metamorphosis. Diana (twenties to thirties), a young woman on the verge of metamorphosis. had something else in mind for me, and because of his great plan here I had something else in mind for me, and because of his great plan here I am, speaking to you today. am, speaking to you today. Diana and her fiancé have arrived at the beach house for a romantic get- Diana and her fiancé have arrived at the beach house for a romantic get- (Pause, adjusts her dress and switches her fisherman’s net from one hand (Pause, adjusts her dress and switches her fisherman’s net from one hand away and to celebrate their engagement. When he asks her what she was star- away and to celebrate their engagement. When he asks her what she was star- to the other.) to the other.) ing at in the waves on the ferry ride to the island, she offers the following ing at in the waves on the ferry ride to the island, she offers the following My birth name was Brenda Lou Turpin, until the morning I stepped My birth name was Brenda Lou Turpin, until the morning I stepped answer. answer. out of my sister’s church onto the sidewalks of Savannah, Georgia and out of my sister’s church onto the sidewalks of Savannah, Georgia and saw that gentleman in his battered old Buick Regal with bloody baby dolls saw that gentleman in his battered old Buick Regal with bloody baby dolls DIANA: I was watching the foam. DIANA: I was watching the foam. hanging out of a bucket attached to the top and “Thou Shalt Not Kill” hanging out of a bucket attached to the top and “Thou Shalt Not Kill” [ADAM: Foam? Interesting. For two hours?] [ADAM: Foam? Interesting. For two hours?] scrawled on it’s side. I knew that God had answered my prayers about scrawled on it’s side. I knew that God had answered my prayers about DIANA: I could see my shadow. First in the water, but then I noticed it was re- DIANA: I could see my shadow. First in the water, but then I noticed it was re- what to do with my life now that my husband of twenty-two years had what to do with my life now that my husband of twenty-two years had ally vivid, really easy to see in the foam. And I started imagining that it ally vivid, really easy to see in the foam. And I started imagining that it left me for a waitress from Virgil’s Roadside Cafe down in Alabama and left me for a waitress from Virgil’s Roadside Cafe down in Alabama and wasn’t my reflection I was seeing. I started imagining that it was the sil- wasn’t my reflection I was seeing. I started imagining that it was the sil- I was sent to live with my widowed sister and her four small children on I was sent to live with my widowed sister and her four small children on houette of my body I could see from above. Did you ever see when they houette of my body I could see from above. Did you ever see when they the shores of the Savannah River. When I saw that gentleman wave his the shores of the Savannah River. When I saw that gentleman wave his film dolphins from above like that? You just see this shadowy gray form film dolphins from above like that? You just see this shadowy gray form hand at me and when he yelled, “Sister, stop the killing,” I knew right hand at me and when he yelled, “Sister, stop the killing,” I knew right racing through the water. That’s what I started seeing. Except it was me, racing through the water. That’s what I started seeing. Except it was me, then why I’d never been able to have children of my own and that finally, then why I’d never been able to have children of my own and that finally, not a dolphin. And it felt like I was swimming. Fast. As fast as dolphins not a dolphin. And it felt like I was swimming. Fast. As fast as dolphins God had shined his light on me, that I had been saved for a special pur- God had shined his light on me, that I had been saved for a special pur- swim. But because I was sitting down, the shape of my silhouette didn’t swim. But because I was sitting down, the shape of my silhouette didn’t pose. Then I heard the Lord say to me, “Brenda Lou Turpin, thou shall pose. Then I heard the Lord say to me, “Brenda Lou Turpin, thou shall make sense. I was definitely sitting in a chair, not swimming. So I had make sense. I was definitely sitting in a chair, not swimming. So I had call thyself Miss Save The Babies, and thou will go to the nearest fishing call thyself Miss Save The Babies, and thou will go to the nearest fishing this incredible urge to spread out like this. (She demonstrates — stretch- this incredible urge to spread out like this. (She demonstrates — stretch- supply store and buy thyself a fisherman’s net and a straw fisherman’s hat supply store and buy thyself a fisherman’s net and a straw fisherman’s hat ing her arms and legs straight out.) Like Superman so the image on the ing her arms and legs straight out.) Like Superman so the image on the and cover it with the bloodied arms and legs of the baby dolls (She pats and cover it with the bloodied arms and legs of the baby dolls (She pats water matched the image in my mind. water matched the image in my mind. her hat.) and then take thyself out into the world and put an end to the her hat.) and then take thyself out into the world and put an end to the killing of the innocent growing in the sanctity of the womb.” killing of the innocent growing in the sanctity of the womb.” (Beat.) (Beat.) Of course, when the Lord tells you to do something, you’ve got to Of course, when the Lord tells you to do something, you’ve got to do it. After all, at any second he could squash any one of us like the bugs do it. After all, at any second he could squash any one of us like the bugs we are and I, for one, certainly didn’t want to incur the wrath of the Lord we are and I, for one, certainly didn’t want to incur the wrath of the Lord and have the life torn from me like a moth flying straight into a bug zap- and have the life torn from me like a moth flying straight into a bug zap- per, so as you can see, I followed his instructions to the letter. per, so as you can see, I followed his instructions to the letter. It wasn’t a week later when I was down on the riverfront carrying It wasn’t a week later when I was down on the riverfront carrying the Lord’s message of saving the babies that a reporter from the Atlanta the Lord’s message of saving the babies that a reporter from the Atlanta

52 52 49 49 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 56 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5653 AM Page 56 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 53

love! I turned over and touched him on the inside of his leg, like he likes. love! I turnedHunger over and touched him on the inside of his leg, like he likes. Hunger I must have been feeling pretty low, because just doing a little thing like I must have been feeling pretty low, because just doing a little thing like Sheri Wilner Sheri Wilner that made me cry. But he just rolled over, like there was no one there. that made me cry. But he just rolled over, like there was no one there. Sitting there in the bathtub, remembering how the bare trees bent Sitting there in the bathtub, remembering how the bare trees bent a shadow across his shoulders, I realized: I have been alone in our bed a shadow across his shoulders, I realized: I have been alone in our bed Scene: A beach house Scene: A beach house for quite some time now. for quite some time now. Dramatic Dramatic Diana (twenties to thirties), a young woman on the verge of metamorphosis. Diana (twenties to thirties), a young woman on the verge of metamorphosis.

Diana is suffering from a crisis of faith in her own existence. When their ro- Diana is suffering from a crisis of faith in her own existence. When their ro- mantic getaway begins to go awry, she makes the following startling confes- mantic getaway begins to go awry, she makes the following startling confes- sion to her fiancé. sion to her fiancé.

DIANA: I don’t belong with anyone. DIANA: I don’t belong with anyone. [ADAM: What does that mean? Huh? Diana, what does that mean?] [ADAM: What does that mean? Huh? Diana, what does that mean?] DIANA: I don’t belong anywhere. Everywhere I go I feel like a trespasser. Like DIANA: I don’t belong anywhere. Everywhere I go I feel like a trespasser. Like at any moment sirens will start blaring at me and guard dogs will start at any moment sirens will start blaring at me and guard dogs will start barking. barking. [ADAM: Why?] [ADAM: Why?] DIANA: And every time I move, I feel such a . . . resistance. I have such trou- DIANA: And every time I move, I feel such a . . . resistance. I have such trou- ble moving through the air. I push myself through and it always feels like ble moving through the air. I push myself through and it always feels like I’m scraping against sharp edges that no one else ever seems to feel. And I’m scraping against sharp edges that no one else ever seems to feel. And sometimes I feel so clogged up inside that I can’t breathe and there is so sometimes I feel so clogged up inside that I can’t breathe and there is so much force pushing against my lungs that I’m afraid they’ll collapse. No, much force pushing against my lungs that I’m afraid they’ll collapse. No, I want them to collapse. And I stand here and I look at the ocean and I want them to collapse. And I stand here and I look at the ocean and all I can think about is how much more I’d prefer to be there than here. all I can think about is how much more I’d prefer to be there than here.

56 56 53 53 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 54 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5655 AM Page 54 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 55

Hunger Just a Little FeverHunger Just a Little Fever Sheri Wilner Caitlin Hicks Sheri Wilner Caitlin Hicks

Scene: A beach house Scene: Here and nowScene: A beach house Scene: Here and now Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Diana (twenties to thirties), a young woman on the verge of metamorphosis. Dorothy (thirties toDiana forties), (twenties a woman to thirties), whose marriage a young iswoman in jeopardy. on the verge of metamorphosis. Dorothy (thirties to forties), a woman whose marriage is in jeopardy.

Here, Diana reveals that she longs to enter the ocean and never return. Here, Dorothy lamentsHere, the Diana changes reveals perpetrated that she on longs her body to enter by pregnancy the ocean and and never return. Here, Dorothy laments the changes perpetrated on her body by pregnancy and her husband’s subsequent disinterest in intimacy. her husband’s subsequent disinterest in intimacy. DIANA: I look at the ocean and . . . and all I want to do is be far, far out in DIANA: I look at the ocean and . . . and all I want to do is be far, far out in the middle of the water. Nothing for miles and miles but water. And while DOROTHY: Yesterday, whenthe middlethe twins of thewere water. having Nothing a nap, for it mileshit me and like miles a lead but water. And while DOROTHY: Yesterday, when the twins were having a nap, it hit me like a lead I’m floating, I want to feel the pores of my skin start to open, wide . . . brick. I was sittingI’m in thefloating, tub looking I want atto that feel cameothe pores photograph of my skin of startSam to open, wide . . . brick. I was sitting in the tub looking at that cameo photograph of Sam wide . . . wide. And I want them to grow until they’re the size of mouths and me on our weddingwide .day, . . wide. and I And suddenly I want realized them to how grow completely until they’re our the size of mouths and me on our wedding day, and I suddenly realized how completely our and they open and close and open and close and water flows in them and relationship had changed!and they open and close and open and close and water flows in them and relationship had changed! through the inside of my body and then back out. I am completely porous, It occurred to throughme that theit happened inside of myalmost body overnight and then when back out.the twinsI am completely porous, It occurred to me that it happened almost overnight when the twins completely open. And I don’t need to push, or kick, or swim. I don’t need were born. Things completelywere never open.quite Andthe same I don’t after need the to twins push, wereor kick, born. or swim. I don’t need were born. Things were never quite the same after the twins were born. muscles. The water carries me, it passes me from arm to arm all the while I was entirely consumedmuscles. by The their water presences; carries me,I couldn’t it passes look me at from him arm and to arm all the while I was entirely consumed by their presences; I couldn’t look at him and stroking my hair, all the while filling me up with warmth and calmness. feel anything for himstroking in the my first hair, week all of the their while lives! filling It alarmed me up mewith at warmth the and calmness. feel anything for him in the first week of their lives! It alarmed me at the (The sound of Diana’s longing can now be heard under her speech.) time, but I was so (Thebusy soundwith the of Dianatwins,’s thelonging days can slipped now rightbe heard by. under her speech.) time, but I was so busy with the twins, the days slipped right by. And slowly I begin to dissolve and spread out far throughout the sea fur- Then, yesterday,And surrounded slowly I begin by all to that dissolve warm and water, spread I looked out far at throughout that the sea fur- Then, yesterday, surrounded by all that warm water, I looked at that ther and further, so in between each miniscule part of me is miles and white dress and thether shape and of further, my body, so inand betw foreen the each first minisculetime wondered part of me is miles and white dress and the shape of my body, and for the first time wondered miles and miles and I keep dissolving and spreading out, dissolving and what Sam thinks whenmiles heand sees miles me and naked I keep in ourdissolving bedroom. and Howspreading could out, dissolving and what Sam thinks when he sees me naked in our bedroom. How could spreading out, until each part of me is smaller than a molecule of water that hopeful little girlspreading have been out, me?until each part of me is smaller than a molecule of water that hopeful little girl have been me? and then I fall inside the molecules and they carry me. Translucent bal- I stood up in andthe tubthen and I fall saw inside my slipperythe molecules reflection and in they those carry mar- me. Translucent bal- I stood up in the tub and saw my slippery reflection in those mar- loons that I float inside and carry me throughout the sea. And I float and bleized mirrors. Whatloons a thatsense I floatof loss inside I felt! and There carry areme thingsthroughout about the my sea. And I float and bleized mirrors. What a sense of loss I felt! There are things about my float and float and float. body that are changedfloat forever and float because and float.of the twins. My legs, for instance, body that are changed forever because of the twins. My legs, for instance, they’re a mess! Especially around the ankles. The veins are quite soft. I they’re a mess! Especially around the ankles. The veins are quite soft. I don’t think he can feel them in the dark, but they’re hard to miss in the don’t think he can feel them in the dark, but they’re hard to miss in the daylight. I remember looking at them and thinking they were stuck to daylight. I remember looking at them and thinking they were stuck to someone else’s legs. But in fact, they’re stuck to my legs! someone else’s legs. But in fact, they’re stuck to my legs! Sitting there, alone in the soapy water next to our wedding picture. Sitting there, alone in the soapy water next to our wedding picture. Remembering one night when the twins were about three months old: Remembering one night when the twins were about three months old: Pammy was gulping air in the next room, my ears were ringing, and I Pammy was gulping air in the next room, my ears were ringing, and I don’t know, it looked like we could both use a bit of comfort. I was lying don’t know, it looked like we could both use a bit of comfort. I was lying on my stomach with Sam’s pillow over my head, and the smell of Sam’s on my stomach with Sam’s pillow over my head, and the smell of Sam’s pillow! Suddenly it came back to me! How it was the first time we made pillow! Suddenly it came back to me! How it was the first time we made

54 54 55 55 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 54 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5655 AM Page 54 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 55

Hunger Just a Little FeverHunger Just a Little Fever Sheri Wilner Caitlin Hicks Sheri Wilner Caitlin Hicks

Scene: A beach house Scene: Here and nowScene: A beach house Scene: Here and now Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Diana (twenties to thirties), a young woman on the verge of metamorphosis. Dorothy (thirties toDiana forties), (twenties a woman to thirties), whose marriage a young iswoman in jeopardy. on the verge of metamorphosis. Dorothy (thirties to forties), a woman whose marriage is in jeopardy.

Here, Diana reveals that she longs to enter the ocean and never return. Here, Dorothy lamentsHere, the Diana changes reveals perpetrated that she on longs her body to enter by pregnancy the ocean and and never return. Here, Dorothy laments the changes perpetrated on her body by pregnancy and her husband’s subsequent disinterest in intimacy. her husband’s subsequent disinterest in intimacy. DIANA: I look at the ocean and . . . and all I want to do is be far, far out in DIANA: I look at the ocean and . . . and all I want to do is be far, far out in the middle of the water. Nothing for miles and miles but water. And while DOROTHY: Yesterday, whenthe middlethe twins of thewere water. having Nothing a nap, for it mileshit me and like miles a lead but water. And while DOROTHY: Yesterday, when the twins were having a nap, it hit me like a lead I’m floating, I want to feel the pores of my skin start to open, wide . . . brick. I was sittingI’m in thefloating, tub looking I want atto that feel cameothe pores photograph of my skin of startSam to open, wide . . . brick. I was sitting in the tub looking at that cameo photograph of Sam wide . . . wide. And I want them to grow until they’re the size of mouths and me on our weddingwide .day, . . wide. and I And suddenly I want realized them to how grow completely until they’re our the size of mouths and me on our wedding day, and I suddenly realized how completely our and they open and close and open and close and water flows in them and relationship had changed!and they open and close and open and close and water flows in them and relationship had changed! through the inside of my body and then back out. I am completely porous, It occurred to throughme that theit happened inside of myalmost body overnight and then when back out.the twinsI am completely porous, It occurred to me that it happened almost overnight when the twins completely open. And I don’t need to push, or kick, or swim. I don’t need were born. Things completelywere never open.quite Andthe same I don’t after need the to twins push, wereor kick, born. or swim. I don’t need were born. Things were never quite the same after the twins were born. muscles. The water carries me, it passes me from arm to arm all the while I was entirely consumedmuscles. by The their water presences; carries me,I couldn’t it passes look me at from him arm and to arm all the while I was entirely consumed by their presences; I couldn’t look at him and stroking my hair, all the while filling me up with warmth and calmness. feel anything for himstroking in the my first hair, week all of the their while lives! filling It alarmed me up mewith at warmth the and calmness. feel anything for him in the first week of their lives! It alarmed me at the (The sound of Diana’s longing can now be heard under her speech.) time, but I was so (Thebusy soundwith the of Dianatwins,’s thelonging days can slipped now rightbe heard by. under her speech.) time, but I was so busy with the twins, the days slipped right by. And slowly I begin to dissolve and spread out far throughout the sea fur- Then, yesterday,And surrounded slowly I begin by all to that dissolve warm and water, spread I looked out far at throughout that the sea fur- Then, yesterday, surrounded by all that warm water, I looked at that ther and further, so in between each miniscule part of me is miles and white dress and thether shape and of further, my body, so inand betw foreen the each first minisculetime wondered part of me is miles and white dress and the shape of my body, and for the first time wondered miles and miles and I keep dissolving and spreading out, dissolving and what Sam thinks whenmiles heand sees miles me and naked I keep in ourdissolving bedroom. and Howspreading could out, dissolving and what Sam thinks when he sees me naked in our bedroom. How could spreading out, until each part of me is smaller than a molecule of water that hopeful little girlspreading have been out, me?until each part of me is smaller than a molecule of water that hopeful little girl have been me? and then I fall inside the molecules and they carry me. Translucent bal- I stood up in andthe tubthen and I fall saw inside my slipperythe molecules reflection and in they those carry mar- me. Translucent bal- I stood up in the tub and saw my slippery reflection in those mar- loons that I float inside and carry me throughout the sea. And I float and bleized mirrors. Whatloons a thatsense I floatof loss inside I felt! and There carry areme thingsthroughout about the my sea. And I float and bleized mirrors. What a sense of loss I felt! There are things about my float and float and float. body that are changedfloat forever and float because and float.of the twins. My legs, for instance, body that are changed forever because of the twins. My legs, for instance, they’re a mess! Especially around the ankles. The veins are quite soft. I they’re a mess! Especially around the ankles. The veins are quite soft. I don’t think he can feel them in the dark, but they’re hard to miss in the don’t think he can feel them in the dark, but they’re hard to miss in the daylight. I remember looking at them and thinking they were stuck to daylight. I remember looking at them and thinking they were stuck to someone else’s legs. But in fact, they’re stuck to my legs! someone else’s legs. But in fact, they’re stuck to my legs! Sitting there, alone in the soapy water next to our wedding picture. Sitting there, alone in the soapy water next to our wedding picture. Remembering one night when the twins were about three months old: Remembering one night when the twins were about three months old: Pammy was gulping air in the next room, my ears were ringing, and I Pammy was gulping air in the next room, my ears were ringing, and I don’t know, it looked like we could both use a bit of comfort. I was lying don’t know, it looked like we could both use a bit of comfort. I was lying on my stomach with Sam’s pillow over my head, and the smell of Sam’s on my stomach with Sam’s pillow over my head, and the smell of Sam’s pillow! Suddenly it came back to me! How it was the first time we made pillow! Suddenly it came back to me! How it was the first time we made

54 54 55 55 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 56 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5653 AM Page 56 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 53

love! I turned over and touched him on the inside of his leg, like he likes. love! I turnedHunger over and touched him on the inside of his leg, like he likes. Hunger I must have been feeling pretty low, because just doing a little thing like I must have been feeling pretty low, because just doing a little thing like Sheri Wilner Sheri Wilner that made me cry. But he just rolled over, like there was no one there. that made me cry. But he just rolled over, like there was no one there. Sitting there in the bathtub, remembering how the bare trees bent Sitting there in the bathtub, remembering how the bare trees bent a shadow across his shoulders, I realized: I have been alone in our bed a shadow across his shoulders, I realized: I have been alone in our bed Scene: A beach house Scene: A beach house for quite some time now. for quite some time now. Dramatic Dramatic Diana (twenties to thirties), a young woman on the verge of metamorphosis. Diana (twenties to thirties), a young woman on the verge of metamorphosis.

Diana is suffering from a crisis of faith in her own existence. When their ro- Diana is suffering from a crisis of faith in her own existence. When their ro- mantic getaway begins to go awry, she makes the following startling confes- mantic getaway begins to go awry, she makes the following startling confes- sion to her fiancé. sion to her fiancé.

DIANA: I don’t belong with anyone. DIANA: I don’t belong with anyone. [ADAM: What does that mean? Huh? Diana, what does that mean?] [ADAM: What does that mean? Huh? Diana, what does that mean?] DIANA: I don’t belong anywhere. Everywhere I go I feel like a trespasser. Like DIANA: I don’t belong anywhere. Everywhere I go I feel like a trespasser. Like at any moment sirens will start blaring at me and guard dogs will start at any moment sirens will start blaring at me and guard dogs will start barking. barking. [ADAM: Why?] [ADAM: Why?] DIANA: And every time I move, I feel such a . . . resistance. I have such trou- DIANA: And every time I move, I feel such a . . . resistance. I have such trou- ble moving through the air. I push myself through and it always feels like ble moving through the air. I push myself through and it always feels like I’m scraping against sharp edges that no one else ever seems to feel. And I’m scraping against sharp edges that no one else ever seems to feel. And sometimes I feel so clogged up inside that I can’t breathe and there is so sometimes I feel so clogged up inside that I can’t breathe and there is so much force pushing against my lungs that I’m afraid they’ll collapse. No, much force pushing against my lungs that I’m afraid they’ll collapse. No, I want them to collapse. And I stand here and I look at the ocean and I want them to collapse. And I stand here and I look at the ocean and all I can think about is how much more I’d prefer to be there than here. all I can think about is how much more I’d prefer to be there than here.

56 56 53 53 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 60 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5657 AM Page 60 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 57

Just a Little Fever Just a LittleJust Fever a Little Fever Just a Little Fever Caitlin Hicks Caitlin Hicks Caitlin Hicks Caitlin Hicks

Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and nowScene: Here and now Scene: Here and now Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Karen (thirties), a woman haunted by a frightening memory. Dorothy (thirties toKaren forties), (thirties), a woman a woman whose hauntedmarriage by is ain frightening jeopardy. memory. Dorothy (thirties to forties), a woman whose marriage is in jeopardy.

After a frustrating attempt to quiet someone else’s baby, pregnant Karen here Here, Dorothy recallsAfter a photograph a frustrating that attempt perfectly to quietcaptured someone the love else’s that baby, she pregnant Karen here Here, Dorothy recalls a photograph that perfectly captured the love that she confesses fear about the arrival of her own. and her husband onceconfesses shared. fear about the arrival of her own. and her husband once shared.

DOROTHY: So it seems odd to me that as he strokes my hair, I should remember DOROTHY: So it seems odd to me that as he strokes my hair, I should remember KAREN: It’s humorous, if you think about it. A grown person, an intelligent, a bright and turquoiseKAREN: It’s photograph humorous, of ifthe you two think of us, about tanned it. by A agrown sparkling person, an intelligent, a bright and turquoise photograph of the two of us, tanned by a sparkling skilled, functioning BEING at the mercy of a squalling baby! Jesus! I didn’t pool, and the specificskilled, taste functioning of a grape BEING drink we at theshared mercy in ofPhoenix a squalling that baby! Jesus! I didn’t pool, and the specific taste of a grape drink we shared in Phoenix that know she would spook when she saw me! What was I going to do? I did summer we met. I knowcan taste she it!would I can spook feel the when hot, she dry saw air bakingme! What onto was my I going to do? I did summer we met. I can taste it! I can feel the hot, dry air baking onto my the obvious, give her a bottle, thank god there was one already milked skin. I can taste the thepurple obvious, sweetness give as her it spillsa bottle, onto thank my lips god and there is brushed was one already milked skin. I can taste the purple sweetness as it spills onto my lips and is brushed up in the refrigerator. She spit it out. Right, it was freezing! So I warmed away by his. His lipsup were in the so soft!refrigerator. He was justShe aspit junior it out. high Right, school it teacher!was freezing! So I warmed away by his. His lips were so soft! He was just a junior high school teacher! it under the faucet and meanwhile, she is screaming, screaming, scream- He wasn’t a big trader!it under He wasn’tthe faucet pursued and meanwhile,by politicians she and is screaming, women for screaming, scream- He wasn’t a big trader! He wasn’t pursued by politicians and women for ing! Incessantly, this shrill, unnerving, high decibel repetitive SOUND. his money! He was ing!just Iancessantly, man, and hethis looked shrill, into unnerving, my eyes whenhigh decibelwe made repetitive SOUND. his money! He was just a man, and he looked into my eyes when we made It woke up the baby in my gut. Suddenly I’m feeling this thing pushing love with each other!It woke up the baby in my gut. Suddenly I’m feeling this thing pushing love with each other! an elbow under my rib. Some people are just not cut out for it. I’m one In this half-light,an elbow I am underlooking my at rib.his Somebroad peopleface. His are lips just are not curl- cut out for it. I’m one In this half-light, I am looking at his broad face. His lips are curl- of them. ing at the edges intoof athem. gentle smile as he waits for my body to shift over ing at the edges into a gentle smile as he waits for my body to shift over Where is Sam tonite? Who is he thinking about? him. He receives me. I Wherereceive ishim. Sam My tonite? back Whois pressed is he against thinking his about? belly, him. He receives me. I receive him. My back is pressed against his belly, Once again, something is happening to me. I hate that! When I don’t his arms surround mine.Once The soundagain, somethingof his windly is happeningbreath is full to andme. build-I hate that! When I don’t his arms surround mine. The sound of his windly breath is full and build- happen to it, it happens to me. It’s frightening. There is a certain thrill ing in my ears. It seemshappen odd to to it, be it kissinghappens his to hands, me. It’s his frightening. arms, with aThere lov- is a certain thrill ing in my ears. It seems odd to be kissing his hands, his arms, with a lov- to it, but it brings me right back to the dirty carpet and my mother’s feet ing rhythm, but I amto it,kissing but it this brings particular me right man, back my to husband, the dirty like carpet I want and my mother’s feet ing rhythm, but I am kissing this particular man, my husband, like I want like nothing else. him to know me. Andlike nothingI can sense else. that he is with me in our bed at this him to know me. And I can sense that he is with me in our bed at this To be attached to someone, without choice, to feel deep and strong moment. To be attached to someone, without choice, to feel deep and strong moment. feelings: love? Panic! To be standing helpless outside of that person, com- It seems odd thatfeelings: under love? his Panic! fervent To touch, be standing my breasts helpless are outside hot and of that person, com- It seems odd that under his fervent touch, my breasts are hot and pelled to watch while it happens! Right in front of your face! To be un- my thighs are wet. pelledBut no tow watchI understand while it something! happens! Right This momentin front ofis allyour face! To be un- my thighs are wet. But now I understand something! This moment is all able to escape! The vulnerability is unbearable. I have! In this presentable moment, to escape! I am The living vulnerability my life. And is unbearable. under this meas- I have! In this present moment, I am living my life. And under this meas- ured, defeated slowness we share in the shadow of our loss, it seems like ured, defeated slowness we share in the shadow of our loss, it seems like there is some love left between us. there is some love left between us. And if there is, I would like to embrace it. And if there is, I would like to embrace it.

60 60 57 57 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 58 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5659 AM Page 58 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 59

Just a Little Fever it, kissing it! Trying to save her! I was Justjust a kid, a thereLittle was nothing Fever I could it, kissing it! Trying to save her! I was just a kid, there was nothing I could do! I kept seeing that look on her face: “Please! Do something! Save me!” do! I kept seeing that look on her face: “Please! Do something! Save me!” Caitlin Hicks Caitlin Hicks it said. And my Dad! So lamely reaching across the table, like a beggar. it said. And my Dad! So lamely reaching across the table, like a beggar. The men can’t save us! The men can’t save us! Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now Dramatic Dramatic Karen (thirties), a woman haunted by a frightening memory. Karen (thirties), a woman haunted by a frightening memory.

Here, Karen recalls a tragic day from her childhood that continues to affect Here, Karen recalls a tragic day from her childhood that continues to affect her view of reality. her view of reality.

KAREN: That’s me, the one with the crown on my head. My Daddy used to KAREN: That’s me, the one with the crown on my head. My Daddy used to call me his little princess. I guess I look like a princess in that picture. I call me his little princess. I guess I look like a princess in that picture. I was ten. That’s my mother at the piano. She would play for me in the was ten. That’s my mother at the piano. She would play for me in the afternoons after school. Once a week, I went to ballet lessons and the rest afternoons after school. Once a week, I went to ballet lessons and the rest of the week, except Saturday and Sunday, I would move the furniture, of the week, except Saturday and Sunday, I would move the furniture, push back the rug and just dance! My mother sat at the bench, humming, push back the rug and just dance! My mother sat at the bench, humming, and I would get on my pink tights and my slippers and just leap and jump and I would get on my pink tights and my slippers and just leap and jump and twirl across the floor! She pretended only to be looking at the music, and twirl across the floor! She pretended only to be looking at the music, but now I’m sure she watched me from the corner of her eye. In winter, but now I’m sure she watched me from the corner of her eye. In winter, on Sundays, we went skating together. In summer, we went on holidays, on Sundays, we went skating together. In summer, we went on holidays, usually driving somewhere. usually driving somewhere. On one of those trips, when I was eleven, we were travelling through On one of those trips, when I was eleven, we were travelling through Texas, and we stopped at a steakhouse by the road. It was this tacky place Texas, and we stopped at a steakhouse by the road. It was this tacky place with stuffed bears and antlered deer and buffalo hanging on the wall, and with stuffed bears and antlered deer and buffalo hanging on the wall, and they had this running bet with anyone who came in the door! If you could they had this running bet with anyone who came in the door! If you could eat thirty-two ounces of steak in less than an hour, your meal was free! eat thirty-two ounces of steak in less than an hour, your meal was free! But we were too hot for that! I was picking at my meat, and they started But we were too hot for that! I was picking at my meat, and they started arguing, so I plugged up my ears with my fingers. Then, my Mother, who arguing, so I plugged up my ears with my fingers. Then, my Mother, who was sitting next to me, pushed herself from the table. Something was was sitting next to me, pushed herself from the table. Something was wrong, because suddenly she was quiet. I looked up: she had her hands wrong, because suddenly she was quiet. I looked up: she had her hands around her neck, and she was trying to talk! To breathe! She looked so around her neck, and she was trying to talk! To breathe! She looked so surprised! She was panicking at Daddy, fear in her eyes, and hope too. surprised! She was panicking at Daddy, fear in her eyes, and hope too. My Dad just stood there, his arms outstretched. I ran to him, he pushed My Dad just stood there, his arms outstretched. I ran to him, he pushed me away, and from the floor I could see her feet stumbling around on me away, and from the floor I could see her feet stumbling around on the dirty carpet until she fell. All the shoes and legs gathering around, the dirty carpet until she fell. All the shoes and legs gathering around, shuffling, hypnotized in a circle. I crawled to her leg, kissing it, kissing shuffling, hypnotized in a circle. I crawled to her leg, kissing it, kissing

58 58 59 59 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 58 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5659 AM Page 58 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 59

Just a Little Fever it, kissing it! Trying to save her! I was Justjust a kid, a thereLittle was nothing Fever I could it, kissing it! Trying to save her! I was just a kid, there was nothing I could do! I kept seeing that look on her face: “Please! Do something! Save me!” do! I kept seeing that look on her face: “Please! Do something! Save me!” Caitlin Hicks Caitlin Hicks it said. And my Dad! So lamely reaching across the table, like a beggar. it said. And my Dad! So lamely reaching across the table, like a beggar. The men can’t save us! The men can’t save us! Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now Dramatic Dramatic Karen (thirties), a woman haunted by a frightening memory. Karen (thirties), a woman haunted by a frightening memory.

Here, Karen recalls a tragic day from her childhood that continues to affect Here, Karen recalls a tragic day from her childhood that continues to affect her view of reality. her view of reality.

KAREN: That’s me, the one with the crown on my head. My Daddy used to KAREN: That’s me, the one with the crown on my head. My Daddy used to call me his little princess. I guess I look like a princess in that picture. I call me his little princess. I guess I look like a princess in that picture. I was ten. That’s my mother at the piano. She would play for me in the was ten. That’s my mother at the piano. She would play for me in the afternoons after school. Once a week, I went to ballet lessons and the rest afternoons after school. Once a week, I went to ballet lessons and the rest of the week, except Saturday and Sunday, I would move the furniture, of the week, except Saturday and Sunday, I would move the furniture, push back the rug and just dance! My mother sat at the bench, humming, push back the rug and just dance! My mother sat at the bench, humming, and I would get on my pink tights and my slippers and just leap and jump and I would get on my pink tights and my slippers and just leap and jump and twirl across the floor! She pretended only to be looking at the music, and twirl across the floor! She pretended only to be looking at the music, but now I’m sure she watched me from the corner of her eye. In winter, but now I’m sure she watched me from the corner of her eye. In winter, on Sundays, we went skating together. In summer, we went on holidays, on Sundays, we went skating together. In summer, we went on holidays, usually driving somewhere. usually driving somewhere. On one of those trips, when I was eleven, we were travelling through On one of those trips, when I was eleven, we were travelling through Texas, and we stopped at a steakhouse by the road. It was this tacky place Texas, and we stopped at a steakhouse by the road. It was this tacky place with stuffed bears and antlered deer and buffalo hanging on the wall, and with stuffed bears and antlered deer and buffalo hanging on the wall, and they had this running bet with anyone who came in the door! If you could they had this running bet with anyone who came in the door! If you could eat thirty-two ounces of steak in less than an hour, your meal was free! eat thirty-two ounces of steak in less than an hour, your meal was free! But we were too hot for that! I was picking at my meat, and they started But we were too hot for that! I was picking at my meat, and they started arguing, so I plugged up my ears with my fingers. Then, my Mother, who arguing, so I plugged up my ears with my fingers. Then, my Mother, who was sitting next to me, pushed herself from the table. Something was was sitting next to me, pushed herself from the table. Something was wrong, because suddenly she was quiet. I looked up: she had her hands wrong, because suddenly she was quiet. I looked up: she had her hands around her neck, and she was trying to talk! To breathe! She looked so around her neck, and she was trying to talk! To breathe! She looked so surprised! She was panicking at Daddy, fear in her eyes, and hope too. surprised! She was panicking at Daddy, fear in her eyes, and hope too. My Dad just stood there, his arms outstretched. I ran to him, he pushed My Dad just stood there, his arms outstretched. I ran to him, he pushed me away, and from the floor I could see her feet stumbling around on me away, and from the floor I could see her feet stumbling around on the dirty carpet until she fell. All the shoes and legs gathering around, the dirty carpet until she fell. All the shoes and legs gathering around, shuffling, hypnotized in a circle. I crawled to her leg, kissing it, kissing shuffling, hypnotized in a circle. I crawled to her leg, kissing it, kissing

58 58 59 59 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 60 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5657 AM Page 60 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 57

Just a Little Fever Just a LittleJust Fever a Little Fever Just a Little Fever Caitlin Hicks Caitlin Hicks Caitlin Hicks Caitlin Hicks

Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and nowScene: Here and now Scene: Here and now Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Karen (thirties), a woman haunted by a frightening memory. Dorothy (thirties toKaren forties), (thirties), a woman a woman whose hauntedmarriage by is ain frightening jeopardy. memory. Dorothy (thirties to forties), a woman whose marriage is in jeopardy.

After a frustrating attempt to quiet someone else’s baby, pregnant Karen here Here, Dorothy recallsAfter a photograph a frustrating that attempt perfectly to quietcaptured someone the love else’s that baby, she pregnant Karen here Here, Dorothy recalls a photograph that perfectly captured the love that she confesses fear about the arrival of her own. and her husband onceconfesses shared. fear about the arrival of her own. and her husband once shared.

DOROTHY: So it seems odd to me that as he strokes my hair, I should remember DOROTHY: So it seems odd to me that as he strokes my hair, I should remember KAREN: It’s humorous, if you think about it. A grown person, an intelligent, a bright and turquoiseKAREN: It’s photograph humorous, of ifthe you two think of us, about tanned it. by A agrown sparkling person, an intelligent, a bright and turquoise photograph of the two of us, tanned by a sparkling skilled, functioning BEING at the mercy of a squalling baby! Jesus! I didn’t pool, and the specificskilled, taste functioning of a grape BEING drink we at theshared mercy in ofPhoenix a squalling that baby! Jesus! I didn’t pool, and the specific taste of a grape drink we shared in Phoenix that know she would spook when she saw me! What was I going to do? I did summer we met. I knowcan taste she it!would I can spook feel the when hot, she dry saw air bakingme! What onto was my I going to do? I did summer we met. I can taste it! I can feel the hot, dry air baking onto my the obvious, give her a bottle, thank god there was one already milked skin. I can taste the thepurple obvious, sweetness give as her it spillsa bottle, onto thank my lips god and there is brushed was one already milked skin. I can taste the purple sweetness as it spills onto my lips and is brushed up in the refrigerator. She spit it out. Right, it was freezing! So I warmed away by his. His lipsup were in the so soft!refrigerator. He was justShe aspit junior it out. high Right, school it teacher!was freezing! So I warmed away by his. His lips were so soft! He was just a junior high school teacher! it under the faucet and meanwhile, she is screaming, screaming, scream- He wasn’t a big trader!it under He wasn’tthe faucet pursued and meanwhile,by politicians she and is screaming, women for screaming, scream- He wasn’t a big trader! He wasn’t pursued by politicians and women for ing! Incessantly, this shrill, unnerving, high decibel repetitive SOUND. his money! He was ing!just Iancessantly, man, and hethis looked shrill, into unnerving, my eyes whenhigh decibelwe made repetitive SOUND. his money! He was just a man, and he looked into my eyes when we made It woke up the baby in my gut. Suddenly I’m feeling this thing pushing love with each other!It woke up the baby in my gut. Suddenly I’m feeling this thing pushing love with each other! an elbow under my rib. Some people are just not cut out for it. I’m one In this half-light,an elbow I am underlooking my at rib.his Somebroad peopleface. His are lips just are not curl- cut out for it. I’m one In this half-light, I am looking at his broad face. His lips are curl- of them. ing at the edges intoof athem. gentle smile as he waits for my body to shift over ing at the edges into a gentle smile as he waits for my body to shift over Where is Sam tonite? Who is he thinking about? him. He receives me. I Wherereceive ishim. Sam My tonite? back Whois pressed is he against thinking his about? belly, him. He receives me. I receive him. My back is pressed against his belly, Once again, something is happening to me. I hate that! When I don’t his arms surround mine.Once The soundagain, somethingof his windly is happeningbreath is full to andme. build-I hate that! When I don’t his arms surround mine. The sound of his windly breath is full and build- happen to it, it happens to me. It’s frightening. There is a certain thrill ing in my ears. It seemshappen odd to to it, be it kissinghappens his to hands, me. It’s his frightening. arms, with aThere lov- is a certain thrill ing in my ears. It seems odd to be kissing his hands, his arms, with a lov- to it, but it brings me right back to the dirty carpet and my mother’s feet ing rhythm, but I amto it,kissing but it this brings particular me right man, back my to husband, the dirty like carpet I want and my mother’s feet ing rhythm, but I am kissing this particular man, my husband, like I want like nothing else. him to know me. Andlike nothingI can sense else. that he is with me in our bed at this him to know me. And I can sense that he is with me in our bed at this To be attached to someone, without choice, to feel deep and strong moment. To be attached to someone, without choice, to feel deep and strong moment. feelings: love? Panic! To be standing helpless outside of that person, com- It seems odd thatfeelings: under love? his Panic! fervent To touch, be standing my breasts helpless are outside hot and of that person, com- It seems odd that under his fervent touch, my breasts are hot and pelled to watch while it happens! Right in front of your face! To be un- my thighs are wet. pelledBut no tow watchI understand while it something! happens! Right This momentin front ofis allyour face! To be un- my thighs are wet. But now I understand something! This moment is all able to escape! The vulnerability is unbearable. I have! In this presentable moment, to escape! I am The living vulnerability my life. And is unbearable. under this meas- I have! In this present moment, I am living my life. And under this meas- ured, defeated slowness we share in the shadow of our loss, it seems like ured, defeated slowness we share in the shadow of our loss, it seems like there is some love left between us. there is some love left between us. And if there is, I would like to embrace it. And if there is, I would like to embrace it.

60 60 57 57 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 64 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5661 AM Page 64 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 61

Mrs. Mygoodness The MemoryMrs. of Water Mygoodness The Memory of Water David Fleisher Shelag Stephenson David Fleisher Shelag Stephenson

Scene: A classroom Scene: Here and nowScene: A classroom Scene: Here and now Serio-Comic Dramatic Serio-Comic Dramatic Mrs. Mygoodness (thirty to fifty), a woman who has murdered her husband Teresa (thirty to forty),Mrs. aMygoodness woman grieving (thirty for to her fifty), mother. a woman who has murdered her husband Teresa (thirty to forty), a woman grieving for her mother. and two other individuals. and two other individuals. Here, traumatized Teresa describes her horrifying experience in the hospital Here, traumatized Teresa describes her horrifying experience in the hospital Mrs. Mygoodness is participating in a community service prison release pro- the night her motherMrs. died. Mygoodness is participating in a community service prison release pro- the night her mother died. gram by teaching a class in Domestic Stability and Gun Control. Here, the gram by teaching a class in Domestic Stability and Gun Control. Here, the convicted killer greets her new class. TERESA: I think I’m goingconvicted mad. killer greets her new class. TERESA: I think I’m going mad. [CATHERINE: Last night I dreamed I could do yogic flying. I bet that means [CATHERINE: Last night I dreamed I could do yogic flying. I bet that means MRS. MYGOODNESS: Class. Students. Please settle down. Class? something — MRS(She. MYGOODNESStugs at the jacket.): Class. I’m Students. not sure Pleaseabout this,settle are down. you? Class? I something — (She tugs at the jacket.) I’m not sure about this, are you? I (Slams pointer against blackboard.) don’t suit black, that(Slams’s the pointer problem.] against blackboard.) don’t suit black, that’s the problem.] Class! Thank you. Let’s first check and make sure you’re in the right place. TERESA: As soon as the Class!phone Thank went Iyou. knew. Let’s first check and make sure you’re in the right place. TERESA: As soon as the phone went I knew. This is “Domestic Stability and Gun Control.” Please check your sched- [CATHERINE: Can you wearThis trousersis “Domestic at a funeral?] Stability and Gun Control.” Please check your sched- [CATHERINE: Can you wear trousers at a funeral?] ule and make sure this is where you should be. Well, since I see no hands, TERESA: I said to Frank,ule I can’t and answermake sure it. We this should is where never you haveshould left be. her Well, at the since I see no hands, TERESA: I said to Frank, I can’t answer it. We should never have left her at the I assume you’re all in the right place. Good. My name is Mrs. Mygood- hospital like that. WeI assume should y ou’rehave allstayed. in the right place. Good. My name is Mrs. Mygood- hospital like that. We should have stayed. ness. I’m sure you’ll all have questions, so please feel free to interrupt at [MARY: You weren’t to know.]ness. I’m sure you’ll all have questions, so please feel free to interrupt at [MARY: You weren’t to know.] any time. You may have read about me in the newspaper or heard vari- TERESA: I’m not good withany hospitals,time. You I may had haveto get read away. about Everyone me in in the her newspaper ward or heard vari- TERESA: I’m not good with hospitals, I had to get away. Everyone in her ward ous rumors on campus. I am teaching this course as part of a commu- looked like they’d ousalready rumors died, on everyone campus. was I am pale teaching grey with this a course catheter. as part of a commu- looked like they’d already died, everyone was pale grey with a catheter. nity service prison release program. At the present time, I’m housed in (Mary is opening thenity mail. service Reads.) prison release program. At the present time, I’m housed in (Mary is opening the mail. Reads.) maximum security for shooting my husband and two other individuals. [MARY: “With deepest sympathymaximum on security your sad for loss, shooting Mimi.” my Who’s husband Mimi?] and two other individuals. [MARY: “With deepest sympathy on your sad loss, Mimi.” Who’s Mimi?] Class, please settle down. TERESA: When Frank spokeClass, to please them theysettle said, down. she’s worse, you’d better get up TERESA: When Frank spoke to them they said, she’s worse, you’d better get up (Slams pointer against blackboard.) to the hospital. I took(Slams the pointer phone againstand said, blackboar she’s deadd.) isn’t she, you don’t to the hospital. I took the phone and said, she’s dead isn’t she, you don’t Class! There’s no reason to be alarmed. phone at three in theClass! morning There’s unless no reason someone to be’s alarmed.dead. And this, this is phone at three in the morning unless someone’s dead. And this, this is (Pointing to audience.) the awful bit, I put(Pointing the phone to audience.)down, and the next thing I wanted to do the awful bit, I put the phone down, and the next thing I wanted to do Yes? A 9-millimeter. more than anythingYes? else A was9-millimeter. have sex, which is sick, I know, that’s what more than anything else was have sex, which is sick, I know, that’s what (Pointing.) Frank said afterwar(Pds.ointing.) I know I should have phoned you two, but I had Frank said afterwards. I know I should have phoned you two, but I had Yes, dear? Because the 9-millimeter is quicker and more efficient. Now, this idea, this flickerYes, she dear? might Because not be thedead, 9-millimeter even though is quickerI knew sheand was more efficient. Now, this idea, this flicker she might not be dead, even though I knew she was let’s first look at exactly how domestic stability relates to gun control. Break really, but they wouldn’tlet’s first tell look me atover exactly the phone,how domestic and I’d stability have woken relates you to gun control. Break really, but they wouldn’t tell me over the phone, and I’d have woken you it down. First, domestic stability. What immediately comes to mind when up, and what wouldit down.the point First, be domestic anyway, stability.you were What miles immediately away — comes to mind when up, and what would the point be anyway, you were miles away — we think of domestic stability? Compatibility, right? However, you and [MARY: It’s OK. Stop worryingwe think about of domestic it — ] stability? Compatibility, right? However, you and [MARY: It’s OK. Stop worrying about it — ] your loved one may not turn out to be right for each other. Unfortunate, TERESA: That’s why I didn’tyour phone loved straightone may away. not turnMimi out used to beto liveright three for eachdoors other. Unfortunate, TERESA: That’s why I didn’t phone straight away. Mimi used to live three doors yes, but it happens. In fact, fifty percent of all marriages in this country down. yes, but it happens. In fact, fifty percent of all marriages in this country down. end in divorce. That’s right, class, fifty percent. Astounding, isn’t it? Now [CATHERINE: Can I borrendow ina skir divtor frce.om That someone?]’s right, class, fifty percent. Astounding, isn’t it? Now [CATHERINE: Can I borrow a skirt from someone?]

64 64 61 61 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 62 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5663 AM Page 62 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 63

TERESA: I keep going over and over it — TheTERESA : MemoryI keep going over of and Water over it — The Memory of Water [CATHERINE: Is anyone listening to me?] [CATHERINE: Is anyone listening to me?] Shelag Stephenson Shelag Stephenson [MARY: Oh, shut up and sit down. Your cyst might burst.] [MARY: Oh, shut up and sit down. Your cyst might burst.] TERESA: And the doctor was about twelve, and embarrassed. Eventually we had TERESA: And the doctor was about twelve, and embarrassed. Eventually we had to say it for him. He kept fiddling with his pen and giving us a rundown to say it for him. He kept fiddling with his pen and giving us a rundown Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now of everything that had happened, until eventually Frank said, “Are you of everything that had happened, until eventually Frank said, “Are you Serio-Comic Serio-Comic trying to tell us she’s not coming back? Are you trying to tell us she’s dead?” trying to tell us she’s not coming back? Are you trying to tell us she’s dead?” Catherine (twenties to thirties), a woman who has just been dumped by her Catherine (twenties to thirties), a woman who has just been dumped by her And he said, “More or less, yes.” And I said, what d’you mean, more or And he said, “More or less, yes.” And I said, what d’you mean, more or boyfriend. boyfriend. less? She’s either dead or she isn’t, you can’t be a bit dead, for God’s sake.” less? She’s either dead or she isn’t, you can’t be a bit dead, for God’s sake.” And then I looked at my feet and I was wearing odd shoes. A black one And then I looked at my feet and I was wearing odd shoes. A black one Catherine has a problem maintaining a relationship with a man as she here Catherine has a problem maintaining a relationship with a man as she here and a brown one. Not even vaguely similar. So I started to laugh and I and a brown one. Not even vaguely similar. So I started to laugh and I confesses to her sisters. confesses to her sisters. couldn’t stop. They had to give me a sedative. Frank was shocked. They’re couldn’t stop. They had to give me a sedative. Frank was shocked. They’re not like us, his family, they’ve got Italian blood. Someone dies, they cry. not like us, his family, they’ve got Italian blood. Someone dies, they cry. CATHERINE: Fuck it! (Silence. She bursts into racking sobs.) I went to this coun- CATHERINE: Fuck it! (Silence. She bursts into racking sobs.) I went to this coun- They don’t get confused and laugh. They don’t get confused and laugh. selor — did I tell you this? — or a therapist or something and she said selor — did I tell you this? — or a therapist or something and she said I had this problem and the problem was, I give too much, I just do too I had this problem and the problem was, I give too much, I just do too much for other people, I’m just a very giving person, and I never get any much for other people, I’m just a very giving person, and I never get any credit for any of it. I haven’t even got any friends. I mean, I have but I credit for any of it. I haven’t even got any friends. I mean, I have but I don’t like most of them, especially the women, and I try really hard, it’s don’t like most of them, especially the women, and I try really hard, it’s just I’m very sensitive and I get taken for a ride, nothing, ever goes right, just I’m very sensitive and I get taken for a ride, nothing, ever goes right, every time, I mean, every time it’s the same — like with men. What is it every time, I mean, every time it’s the same — like with men. What is it with men? I mean, I don’t have a problem with men or anything. I love with men? I mean, I don’t have a problem with men or anything. I love men. I’ve been to bed with seventy-eight of them, I counted, so obvi- men. I’ve been to bed with seventy-eight of them, I counted, so obvi- ously there’s not a problem or anything, it’s just he didn’t even apologize ously there’s not a problem or anything, it’s just he didn’t even apologize or anything and how can he say on the phone he doesn’t want to see me or anything and how can he say on the phone he doesn’t want to see me anymore? I mean, why now? Why couldn’t he have waited? I don’t know anymore? I mean, why now? Why couldn’t he have waited? I don’t know what to do, why does it always go wrong? I don’t want to be on my own, what to do, why does it always go wrong? I don’t want to be on my own, I’m sick of people saying I’m better off on my own, I’m not that sort of I’m sick of people saying I’m better off on my own, I’m not that sort of person, I can’t do it. I did everything for him, I was patient and all the person, I can’t do it. I did everything for him, I was patient and all the things you’re supposed to be and people kept saying don’t accept this from things you’re supposed to be and people kept saying don’t accept this from him, don’t accept that, like, you know, when he stayed out all night, not him, don’t accept that, like, you know, when he stayed out all night, not very often, I mean once or twice, and everyone said tell him to fuck off, very often, I mean once or twice, and everyone said tell him to fuck off, but how could I because what if he did? Because they all do, everyone but how could I because what if he did? Because they all do, everyone I’ve ever met does, they all disappear and I don’t know if it’s me or what. I’ve ever met does, they all disappear and I don’t know if it’s me or what. I don’t want to be on my own, I can’t stand it, I know it’s supposed to I don’t want to be on my own, I can’t stand it, I know it’s supposed to be great but I don’t think it is. I can’t help it, it’s no good pretending, it’s be great but I don’t think it is. I can’t help it, it’s no good pretending, it’s fucking lonely and I can’t bear it. fucking lonely and I can’t bear it.

62 62 63 63 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 62 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5663 AM Page 62 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 63

TERESA: I keep going over and over it — TheTERESA : MemoryI keep going over of and Water over it — The Memory of Water [CATHERINE: Is anyone listening to me?] [CATHERINE: Is anyone listening to me?] Shelag Stephenson Shelag Stephenson [MARY: Oh, shut up and sit down. Your cyst might burst.] [MARY: Oh, shut up and sit down. Your cyst might burst.] TERESA: And the doctor was about twelve, and embarrassed. Eventually we had TERESA: And the doctor was about twelve, and embarrassed. Eventually we had to say it for him. He kept fiddling with his pen and giving us a rundown to say it for him. He kept fiddling with his pen and giving us a rundown Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now of everything that had happened, until eventually Frank said, “Are you of everything that had happened, until eventually Frank said, “Are you Serio-Comic Serio-Comic trying to tell us she’s not coming back? Are you trying to tell us she’s dead?” trying to tell us she’s not coming back? Are you trying to tell us she’s dead?” Catherine (twenties to thirties), a woman who has just been dumped by her Catherine (twenties to thirties), a woman who has just been dumped by her And he said, “More or less, yes.” And I said, what d’you mean, more or And he said, “More or less, yes.” And I said, what d’you mean, more or boyfriend. boyfriend. less? She’s either dead or she isn’t, you can’t be a bit dead, for God’s sake.” less? She’s either dead or she isn’t, you can’t be a bit dead, for God’s sake.” And then I looked at my feet and I was wearing odd shoes. A black one And then I looked at my feet and I was wearing odd shoes. A black one Catherine has a problem maintaining a relationship with a man as she here Catherine has a problem maintaining a relationship with a man as she here and a brown one. Not even vaguely similar. So I started to laugh and I and a brown one. Not even vaguely similar. So I started to laugh and I confesses to her sisters. confesses to her sisters. couldn’t stop. They had to give me a sedative. Frank was shocked. They’re couldn’t stop. They had to give me a sedative. Frank was shocked. They’re not like us, his family, they’ve got Italian blood. Someone dies, they cry. not like us, his family, they’ve got Italian blood. Someone dies, they cry. CATHERINE: Fuck it! (Silence. She bursts into racking sobs.) I went to this coun- CATHERINE: Fuck it! (Silence. She bursts into racking sobs.) I went to this coun- They don’t get confused and laugh. They don’t get confused and laugh. selor — did I tell you this? — or a therapist or something and she said selor — did I tell you this? — or a therapist or something and she said I had this problem and the problem was, I give too much, I just do too I had this problem and the problem was, I give too much, I just do too much for other people, I’m just a very giving person, and I never get any much for other people, I’m just a very giving person, and I never get any credit for any of it. I haven’t even got any friends. I mean, I have but I credit for any of it. I haven’t even got any friends. I mean, I have but I don’t like most of them, especially the women, and I try really hard, it’s don’t like most of them, especially the women, and I try really hard, it’s just I’m very sensitive and I get taken for a ride, nothing, ever goes right, just I’m very sensitive and I get taken for a ride, nothing, ever goes right, every time, I mean, every time it’s the same — like with men. What is it every time, I mean, every time it’s the same — like with men. What is it with men? I mean, I don’t have a problem with men or anything. I love with men? I mean, I don’t have a problem with men or anything. I love men. I’ve been to bed with seventy-eight of them, I counted, so obvi- men. I’ve been to bed with seventy-eight of them, I counted, so obvi- ously there’s not a problem or anything, it’s just he didn’t even apologize ously there’s not a problem or anything, it’s just he didn’t even apologize or anything and how can he say on the phone he doesn’t want to see me or anything and how can he say on the phone he doesn’t want to see me anymore? I mean, why now? Why couldn’t he have waited? I don’t know anymore? I mean, why now? Why couldn’t he have waited? I don’t know what to do, why does it always go wrong? I don’t want to be on my own, what to do, why does it always go wrong? I don’t want to be on my own, I’m sick of people saying I’m better off on my own, I’m not that sort of I’m sick of people saying I’m better off on my own, I’m not that sort of person, I can’t do it. I did everything for him, I was patient and all the person, I can’t do it. I did everything for him, I was patient and all the things you’re supposed to be and people kept saying don’t accept this from things you’re supposed to be and people kept saying don’t accept this from him, don’t accept that, like, you know, when he stayed out all night, not him, don’t accept that, like, you know, when he stayed out all night, not very often, I mean once or twice, and everyone said tell him to fuck off, very often, I mean once or twice, and everyone said tell him to fuck off, but how could I because what if he did? Because they all do, everyone but how could I because what if he did? Because they all do, everyone I’ve ever met does, they all disappear and I don’t know if it’s me or what. I’ve ever met does, they all disappear and I don’t know if it’s me or what. I don’t want to be on my own, I can’t stand it, I know it’s supposed to I don’t want to be on my own, I can’t stand it, I know it’s supposed to be great but I don’t think it is. I can’t help it, it’s no good pretending, it’s be great but I don’t think it is. I can’t help it, it’s no good pretending, it’s fucking lonely and I can’t bear it. fucking lonely and I can’t bear it.

62 62 63 63 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 64 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5661 AM Page 64 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 61

Mrs. Mygoodness The MemoryMrs. of Water Mygoodness The Memory of Water David Fleisher Shelag Stephenson David Fleisher Shelag Stephenson

Scene: A classroom Scene: Here and nowScene: A classroom Scene: Here and now Serio-Comic Dramatic Serio-Comic Dramatic Mrs. Mygoodness (thirty to fifty), a woman who has murdered her husband Teresa (thirty to forty),Mrs. aMygoodness woman grieving (thirty for to her fifty), mother. a woman who has murdered her husband Teresa (thirty to forty), a woman grieving for her mother. and two other individuals. and two other individuals. Here, traumatized Teresa describes her horrifying experience in the hospital Here, traumatized Teresa describes her horrifying experience in the hospital Mrs. Mygoodness is participating in a community service prison release pro- the night her motherMrs. died. Mygoodness is participating in a community service prison release pro- the night her mother died. gram by teaching a class in Domestic Stability and Gun Control. Here, the gram by teaching a class in Domestic Stability and Gun Control. Here, the convicted killer greets her new class. TERESA: I think I’m goingconvicted mad. killer greets her new class. TERESA: I think I’m going mad. [CATHERINE: Last night I dreamed I could do yogic flying. I bet that means [CATHERINE: Last night I dreamed I could do yogic flying. I bet that means MRS. MYGOODNESS: Class. Students. Please settle down. Class? something — MRS(She. MYGOODNESStugs at the jacket.): Class. I’m Students. not sure Pleaseabout this,settle are down. you? Class? I something — (She tugs at the jacket.) I’m not sure about this, are you? I (Slams pointer against blackboard.) don’t suit black, that(Slams’s the pointer problem.] against blackboard.) don’t suit black, that’s the problem.] Class! Thank you. Let’s first check and make sure you’re in the right place. TERESA: As soon as the Class!phone Thank went Iyou. knew. Let’s first check and make sure you’re in the right place. TERESA: As soon as the phone went I knew. This is “Domestic Stability and Gun Control.” Please check your sched- [CATHERINE: Can you wearThis trousersis “Domestic at a funeral?] Stability and Gun Control.” Please check your sched- [CATHERINE: Can you wear trousers at a funeral?] ule and make sure this is where you should be. Well, since I see no hands, TERESA: I said to Frank,ule I can’t and answermake sure it. We this should is where never you haveshould left be. her Well, at the since I see no hands, TERESA: I said to Frank, I can’t answer it. We should never have left her at the I assume you’re all in the right place. Good. My name is Mrs. Mygood- hospital like that. WeI assume should y ou’rehave allstayed. in the right place. Good. My name is Mrs. Mygood- hospital like that. We should have stayed. ness. I’m sure you’ll all have questions, so please feel free to interrupt at [MARY: You weren’t to know.]ness. I’m sure you’ll all have questions, so please feel free to interrupt at [MARY: You weren’t to know.] any time. You may have read about me in the newspaper or heard vari- TERESA: I’m not good withany hospitals,time. You I may had haveto get read away. about Everyone me in in the her newspaper ward or heard vari- TERESA: I’m not good with hospitals, I had to get away. Everyone in her ward ous rumors on campus. I am teaching this course as part of a commu- looked like they’d ousalready rumors died, on everyone campus. was I am pale teaching grey with this a course catheter. as part of a commu- looked like they’d already died, everyone was pale grey with a catheter. nity service prison release program. At the present time, I’m housed in (Mary is opening thenity mail. service Reads.) prison release program. At the present time, I’m housed in (Mary is opening the mail. Reads.) maximum security for shooting my husband and two other individuals. [MARY: “With deepest sympathymaximum on security your sad for loss, shooting Mimi.” my Who’s husband Mimi?] and two other individuals. [MARY: “With deepest sympathy on your sad loss, Mimi.” Who’s Mimi?] Class, please settle down. TERESA: When Frank spokeClass, to please them theysettle said, down. she’s worse, you’d better get up TERESA: When Frank spoke to them they said, she’s worse, you’d better get up (Slams pointer against blackboard.) to the hospital. I took(Slams the pointer phone againstand said, blackboar she’s deadd.) isn’t she, you don’t to the hospital. I took the phone and said, she’s dead isn’t she, you don’t Class! There’s no reason to be alarmed. phone at three in theClass! morning There’s unless no reason someone to be’s alarmed.dead. And this, this is phone at three in the morning unless someone’s dead. And this, this is (Pointing to audience.) the awful bit, I put(Pointing the phone to audience.)down, and the next thing I wanted to do the awful bit, I put the phone down, and the next thing I wanted to do Yes? A 9-millimeter. more than anythingYes? else A was9-millimeter. have sex, which is sick, I know, that’s what more than anything else was have sex, which is sick, I know, that’s what (Pointing.) Frank said afterwar(Pds.ointing.) I know I should have phoned you two, but I had Frank said afterwards. I know I should have phoned you two, but I had Yes, dear? Because the 9-millimeter is quicker and more efficient. Now, this idea, this flickerYes, she dear? might Because not be thedead, 9-millimeter even though is quickerI knew sheand was more efficient. Now, this idea, this flicker she might not be dead, even though I knew she was let’s first look at exactly how domestic stability relates to gun control. Break really, but they wouldn’tlet’s first tell look me atover exactly the phone,how domestic and I’d stability have woken relates you to gun control. Break really, but they wouldn’t tell me over the phone, and I’d have woken you it down. First, domestic stability. What immediately comes to mind when up, and what wouldit down.the point First, be domestic anyway, stability.you were What miles immediately away — comes to mind when up, and what would the point be anyway, you were miles away — we think of domestic stability? Compatibility, right? However, you and [MARY: It’s OK. Stop worryingwe think about of domestic it — ] stability? Compatibility, right? However, you and [MARY: It’s OK. Stop worrying about it — ] your loved one may not turn out to be right for each other. Unfortunate, TERESA: That’s why I didn’tyour phone loved straightone may away. not turnMimi out used to beto liveright three for eachdoors other. Unfortunate, TERESA: That’s why I didn’t phone straight away. Mimi used to live three doors yes, but it happens. In fact, fifty percent of all marriages in this country down. yes, but it happens. In fact, fifty percent of all marriages in this country down. end in divorce. That’s right, class, fifty percent. Astounding, isn’t it? Now [CATHERINE: Can I borrendow ina skir divtor frce.om That someone?]’s right, class, fifty percent. Astounding, isn’t it? Now [CATHERINE: Can I borrow a skirt from someone?]

64 64 61 61 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 68 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5665 AM Page 68 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 65

Unless it’s fried. if fifty percent of allUnless marriages it’s fried. end in divorce, what percentage of cou- if fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce, what percentage of cou- And they whisked them away. ples remain married?And Feel they free whisked to use yourthem calculators.away. ples remain married? Feel free to use your calculators. (Pointing.) (Pointing.) To be fried, presumably. Yes, in the back? Correct.To be fried, Now presumably. given that you have a fifty-fifty chance Yes, in the back? Correct. Now given that you have a fifty-fifty chance of getting divorced, doesn’t it make sense to be prepared before your mar- of getting divorced, doesn’t it make sense to be prepared before your mar- So you won’t see any chickens tonight. riage ends? Which Sobrings you uswon’t to gunsee anycontrol. chickens tonight. riage ends? Which brings us to gun control. (Pointing.) (Pointing.) “Now about the clothes,” they said. Yes? In the bedroom,“Now around about midnight. the clothes,” One shotthey tosaid. the head, one in the Yes? In the bedroom, around midnight. One shot to the head, one in the . . . abdomen. He was pronounced dead at the hospital. . . . abdomen. He was pronounced dead at the hospital. “These clothes?” I asked, Now, let’s look at the“These relationship clothes?” between I asked, marriage and gun control. Take Now, let’s look at the relationship between marriage and gun control. Take gesturing toward my wardrobe of red and black leather gear. a hypothetical situation.gesturing You towardand your my loved wardrobe one have of red a disagreement and black leather . . . gear. a hypothetical situation. You and your loved one have a disagreement . . . something trivial . . . say your child is kidnapped. Tempers flare. Harsh something trivial . . . say your child is kidnapped. Tempers flare. Harsh “Yes, those,” they said. words are exchanged.“Yes, Mean-spirited those,” they said.accusations are made. The television words are exchanged. Mean-spirited accusations are made. The television As if they were afraid to touch them even with their words. is too loud. The toilet’sAs if backedthey were up. afraid You didn’t to touch get enoughthem ev sleepen with the theirnight words. is too loud. The toilet’s backed up. You didn’t get enough sleep the night “These?” I said. “Those,” they said. before. You’ve been“These?” downsized I said. at work. “Those,” You need they rootsaid. canal. And the lit- before. You’ve been downsized at work. You need root canal. And the lit- “These?” “Those.” tle wife has to throw“These?” up again “Those.” because she just found out she has another tle wife has to throw up again because she just found out she has another “These right here?” “Those, yes, those!” (With disgust.) “Those . . . clothes.” unwanted pregnancy.“These And right you here?”aren’t the“Those, father. yes, All those!” this needs (With closure. disgust.) “Those . . . clothes.” unwanted pregnancy. And you aren’t the father. All this needs closure. (Takes a gun out of a duffel bag.) (Takes a gun out of a duffel bag.) What about ‘em? This is a small caliberWhat weapon. about ‘em?Class, please make a note of this, never This is a small caliber weapon. Class, please make a note of this, never overreact to a domestic squabble. It can only cause needless bloodshed. overreact to a domestic squabble. It can only cause needless bloodshed. Well, they said. You can’t wear them. You don’t have to useWell, a high-poweredthey said. You automaticcan’t wear weaponthem. for a problem You don’t have to use a high-powered automatic weapon for a problem Of course I can, I said, and I offered to demonstrate how to fit five inches as shallow and insignificantOf course as I can,a missing I said, child. and I Aoffered semi-automatic to demonstrate will do how to fit five inches as shallow and insignificant as a missing child. A semi-automatic will do of spandex around a thirty-five inch waist. just fine. of spandex around a thirty-five inch waist. just fine. No, no, no, they clarified. (Pointing.) No, no, no, they clarified. (Pointing.) It’s not that you can’t wear them. You seem quite limber. Yes, Hon? Good question.It’s not thatWhy you not can’t settle wear the disagreementthem. You seem with quite a knife? limber. Yes, Hon? Good question. Why not settle the disagreement with a knife? But you can’t be allowed to wear them. Time consuming, notBut toyou mention can’t be stabbing allowed torequires wear them. more energy. Time consuming, not to mention stabbing requires more energy. It can’t be permitted. Condoned. (Pointing.) It can’t be permitted. Condoned. (Pointing.) It’s unethical. Unacceptable. Yes? Mr. Simpson wasIt’s unethical.dealing with Unacceptable. a more emotionally volatile situation Yes? Mr. Simpson was dealing with a more emotionally volatile situation Unseemly. than kidnapping. AU nseemlyknife was. the correct weapon of choice in that case than kidnapping. A knife was the correct weapon of choice in that case because Mr. Simpson was overcome with what emotion, class? Absolutely. because Mr. Simpson was overcome with what emotion, class? Absolutely. Really? I asked. Unethical? I asked. Jealousy. The SimpsonReally? case Ialso asked. involves Unethical? male domination. I asked. When we com- Jealousy. The Simpson case also involves male domination. When we com- bine jealousy with male domination, a large sharp instrument is the cor- bine jealousy with male domination, a large sharp instrument is the cor- Because of the crucifix embroidered across the codpiece? rect weapon to emploBecausey. It’s moreof the intimate. crucifix embrWhenoidered used properly, across the it makescodpiece? rect weapon to employ. It’s more intimate. When used properly, it makes a more personal statement. a more personal statement. Oh, no, it’s not that, they stammered. We hadn’t even noticed that. No, There’s yet anotherOh, important no, it’s notfactor that, to considerthey stammered. with respect We hadn’tto weapon even noticed that. No, There’s yet another important factor to consider with respect to weapon it’s just that it’s . . . too revealing. selection. Would anyoneit’s just like that to it’s venture . . . too a revealing.guess as to . . . selection. Would anyone like to venture a guess as to . . . (Pointing.) (Pointing.)

68 68 65 65 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 66 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5667 AM Page 66 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 67

Yes, dear? Finances, of course. Why spend extra money on a more so- NudeYes, dear? MonologueFinances, of course. Why spend extra money on a more so- Nude Monologue phisticated weapon when the situation doesn’t warrant it? Look, if I could phisticated weapon when the situation doesn’t warrant it? Look, if I could Jeff Goode Jeff Goode have used a twenty-two on my husband, believe me, I would have. have used a twenty-two on my husband, believe me, I would have. (Pointing.) (Pointing.) Yes? I caught him in bed with two women. For a split second, I consid- Yes? I caught him in bed with two women. For a split second, I consid- Scene: A theater Scene: A theater ered a small caliber weapon because one of the women was my sister. My ered a small caliber weapon because one of the women was my sister. My Serio-Comic Serio-Comic sister and I are very close. But the other woman was his ex-wife. There- sister and I are very close. But the other woman was his ex-wife. There- Actress/dancer (twenty to thirty). Actress/dancer (twenty to thirty). fore, I was forced out of necessity to choose a much more powerful firearm. fore, I was forced out of necessity to choose a much more powerful firearm. Okay, I’ve given you a lot to think about. Let’s take a break. Breathe in Okay, I’ve given you a lot to think about. Let’s take a break. Breathe in Here, an actress explains how she came to be performing in the nude. Here, an actress explains how she came to be performing in the nude. deeply and let the air out, slowly. Go ahead. deeply and let the air out, slowly. Go ahead. (Scans audience.) (Scans audience.) Enter dancer. Enter dancer. That’s it. Again. That’s it. Again. Removes all clothing. Removes all clothing. (She breathes in deeply.) (She breathes in deeply.) Looks at audience. Looks at audience. Life. It’s a wonderful thing, isn’t it? Now, class, what I want you to do is Life. It’s a wonderful thing, isn’t it? Now, class, what I want you to do is close your eyes and hold your breath for five seconds. Go ahead, take in close your eyes and hold your breath for five seconds. Go ahead, take in ACTRESS/DANCER: Am I boring you? ACTRESS/DANCER: Am I boring you? a deep breath and hold it. Close your eyes. a deep breath and hold it. Close your eyes. (Takes a pose.) (Takes a pose.) (She breaths in deeply, holding it for five seconds.) (She breaths in deeply, holding it for five seconds.) Death. So, what we have here is life . . . and death. The next time your Death. So, what we have here is life . . . and death. The next time your I’m sorry, It can’t be helped. I’m sorry, It can’t be helped. loved one says something you don’t like, think first. Should it be a .22, loved one says something you don’t like, think first. Should it be a .22, a .38, a 44-magnum, a 9-millimeter? Think, class, think. It’s a matter of a .38, a 44-magnum, a 9-millimeter? Think, class, think. It’s a matter of I had planned, you know, to entertain you. I had planned, you know, to entertain you. sizing up the situation and making the appropriate weapon selection based sizing up the situation and making the appropriate weapon selection based on the content and seriousness of the dispute. Finally, never underesti- on the content and seriousness of the dispute. Finally, never underesti- I had costumes and jewelry. I had costumes and jewelry. mate the value of a good defense lawyer. mate the value of a good defense lawyer. And a box of chickens. And a box of chickens. Now, your assignment for next week. Before we know how to employ re- Now, your assignment for next week. Before we know how to employ re- sponsible gun control in the home, we must, first, do what, class? Prac- sponsible gun control in the home, we must, first, do what, class? Prac- They took away my chickens. They took away my chickens. tice. I want you to approach someone you don’t know, a complete stranger, tice. I want you to approach someone you don’t know, a complete stranger, Too suggestive. Too suggestive. and engage that individual in an argument. The dispute, itself, can be and engage that individual in an argument. The dispute, itself, can be about anything, doesn’t matter, but preferably something that provokes about anything, doesn’t matter, but preferably something that provokes I offered to encase them in latex. But they wouldn’t hear it. I offered to encase them in latex. But they wouldn’t hear it. intense anger. Once emotions escalate to an intolerable level, shoot the intense anger. Once emotions escalate to an intolerable level, shoot the individual. Then write a five-hundred-word essay, describing the incident individual. Then write a five-hundred-word essay, describing the incident “No chickens,” they said. “No chickens,” they said. in detail. in detail. “Chickens are not to be trusted.” “Chickens are not to be trusted.” We’ll read aloud your essay and offer constructive criticism. Look, I know We’ll read aloud your essay and offer constructive criticism. Look, I know the temptation to cheat. So, to prove you have really done the assignment, the temptation to cheat. So, to prove you have really done the assignment, Especially Especially sever a body part from the slain individual and attach it to your essay. It sever a body part from the slain individual and attach it to your essay. It . . . the cocks. . . . the cocks. can be a foot, arm, nose, eyeball . . . whatever. Questions? Fine. See you can be a foot, arm, nose, eyeball . . . whatever. Questions? Fine. See you You never know what they’ll doodle do. You never know what they’ll doodle do. next week. next week. “A chicken is not wholesome.” “A chicken is not wholesome.”

66 66 67 67 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 66 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5667 AM Page 66 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 67

Yes, dear? Finances, of course. Why spend extra money on a more so- NudeYes, dear? MonologueFinances, of course. Why spend extra money on a more so- Nude Monologue phisticated weapon when the situation doesn’t warrant it? Look, if I could phisticated weapon when the situation doesn’t warrant it? Look, if I could Jeff Goode Jeff Goode have used a twenty-two on my husband, believe me, I would have. have used a twenty-two on my husband, believe me, I would have. (Pointing.) (Pointing.) Yes? I caught him in bed with two women. For a split second, I consid- Yes? I caught him in bed with two women. For a split second, I consid- Scene: A theater Scene: A theater ered a small caliber weapon because one of the women was my sister. My ered a small caliber weapon because one of the women was my sister. My Serio-Comic Serio-Comic sister and I are very close. But the other woman was his ex-wife. There- sister and I are very close. But the other woman was his ex-wife. There- Actress/dancer (twenty to thirty). Actress/dancer (twenty to thirty). fore, I was forced out of necessity to choose a much more powerful firearm. fore, I was forced out of necessity to choose a much more powerful firearm. Okay, I’ve given you a lot to think about. Let’s take a break. Breathe in Okay, I’ve given you a lot to think about. Let’s take a break. Breathe in Here, an actress explains how she came to be performing in the nude. Here, an actress explains how she came to be performing in the nude. deeply and let the air out, slowly. Go ahead. deeply and let the air out, slowly. Go ahead. (Scans audience.) (Scans audience.) Enter dancer. Enter dancer. That’s it. Again. That’s it. Again. Removes all clothing. Removes all clothing. (She breathes in deeply.) (She breathes in deeply.) Looks at audience. Looks at audience. Life. It’s a wonderful thing, isn’t it? Now, class, what I want you to do is Life. It’s a wonderful thing, isn’t it? Now, class, what I want you to do is close your eyes and hold your breath for five seconds. Go ahead, take in close your eyes and hold your breath for five seconds. Go ahead, take in ACTRESS/DANCER: Am I boring you? ACTRESS/DANCER: Am I boring you? a deep breath and hold it. Close your eyes. a deep breath and hold it. Close your eyes. (Takes a pose.) (Takes a pose.) (She breaths in deeply, holding it for five seconds.) (She breaths in deeply, holding it for five seconds.) Death. So, what we have here is life . . . and death. The next time your Death. So, what we have here is life . . . and death. The next time your I’m sorry, It can’t be helped. I’m sorry, It can’t be helped. loved one says something you don’t like, think first. Should it be a .22, loved one says something you don’t like, think first. Should it be a .22, a .38, a 44-magnum, a 9-millimeter? Think, class, think. It’s a matter of a .38, a 44-magnum, a 9-millimeter? Think, class, think. It’s a matter of I had planned, you know, to entertain you. I had planned, you know, to entertain you. sizing up the situation and making the appropriate weapon selection based sizing up the situation and making the appropriate weapon selection based on the content and seriousness of the dispute. Finally, never underesti- on the content and seriousness of the dispute. Finally, never underesti- I had costumes and jewelry. I had costumes and jewelry. mate the value of a good defense lawyer. mate the value of a good defense lawyer. And a box of chickens. And a box of chickens. Now, your assignment for next week. Before we know how to employ re- Now, your assignment for next week. Before we know how to employ re- sponsible gun control in the home, we must, first, do what, class? Prac- sponsible gun control in the home, we must, first, do what, class? Prac- They took away my chickens. They took away my chickens. tice. I want you to approach someone you don’t know, a complete stranger, tice. I want you to approach someone you don’t know, a complete stranger, Too suggestive. Too suggestive. and engage that individual in an argument. The dispute, itself, can be and engage that individual in an argument. The dispute, itself, can be about anything, doesn’t matter, but preferably something that provokes about anything, doesn’t matter, but preferably something that provokes I offered to encase them in latex. But they wouldn’t hear it. I offered to encase them in latex. But they wouldn’t hear it. intense anger. Once emotions escalate to an intolerable level, shoot the intense anger. Once emotions escalate to an intolerable level, shoot the individual. Then write a five-hundred-word essay, describing the incident individual. Then write a five-hundred-word essay, describing the incident “No chickens,” they said. “No chickens,” they said. in detail. in detail. “Chickens are not to be trusted.” “Chickens are not to be trusted.” We’ll read aloud your essay and offer constructive criticism. Look, I know We’ll read aloud your essay and offer constructive criticism. Look, I know the temptation to cheat. So, to prove you have really done the assignment, the temptation to cheat. So, to prove you have really done the assignment, Especially Especially sever a body part from the slain individual and attach it to your essay. It sever a body part from the slain individual and attach it to your essay. It . . . the cocks. . . . the cocks. can be a foot, arm, nose, eyeball . . . whatever. Questions? Fine. See you can be a foot, arm, nose, eyeball . . . whatever. Questions? Fine. See you You never know what they’ll doodle do. You never know what they’ll doodle do. next week. next week. “A chicken is not wholesome.” “A chicken is not wholesome.”

66 66 67 67 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 68 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5665 AM Page 68 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 65

Unless it’s fried. if fifty percent of allUnless marriages it’s fried. end in divorce, what percentage of cou- if fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce, what percentage of cou- And they whisked them away. ples remain married?And Feel they free whisked to use yourthem calculators.away. ples remain married? Feel free to use your calculators. (Pointing.) (Pointing.) To be fried, presumably. Yes, in the back? Correct.To be fried, Now presumably. given that you have a fifty-fifty chance Yes, in the back? Correct. Now given that you have a fifty-fifty chance of getting divorced, doesn’t it make sense to be prepared before your mar- of getting divorced, doesn’t it make sense to be prepared before your mar- So you won’t see any chickens tonight. riage ends? Which Sobrings you uswon’t to gunsee anycontrol. chickens tonight. riage ends? Which brings us to gun control. (Pointing.) (Pointing.) “Now about the clothes,” they said. Yes? In the bedroom,“Now around about midnight. the clothes,” One shotthey tosaid. the head, one in the Yes? In the bedroom, around midnight. One shot to the head, one in the . . . abdomen. He was pronounced dead at the hospital. . . . abdomen. He was pronounced dead at the hospital. “These clothes?” I asked, Now, let’s look at the“These relationship clothes?” between I asked, marriage and gun control. Take Now, let’s look at the relationship between marriage and gun control. Take gesturing toward my wardrobe of red and black leather gear. a hypothetical situation.gesturing You towardand your my loved wardrobe one have of red a disagreement and black leather . . . gear. a hypothetical situation. You and your loved one have a disagreement . . . something trivial . . . say your child is kidnapped. Tempers flare. Harsh something trivial . . . say your child is kidnapped. Tempers flare. Harsh “Yes, those,” they said. words are exchanged.“Yes, Mean-spirited those,” they said.accusations are made. The television words are exchanged. Mean-spirited accusations are made. The television As if they were afraid to touch them even with their words. is too loud. The toilet’sAs if backedthey were up. afraid You didn’t to touch get enoughthem ev sleepen with the theirnight words. is too loud. The toilet’s backed up. You didn’t get enough sleep the night “These?” I said. “Those,” they said. before. You’ve been“These?” downsized I said. at work. “Those,” You need they rootsaid. canal. And the lit- before. You’ve been downsized at work. You need root canal. And the lit- “These?” “Those.” tle wife has to throw“These?” up again “Those.” because she just found out she has another tle wife has to throw up again because she just found out she has another “These right here?” “Those, yes, those!” (With disgust.) “Those . . . clothes.” unwanted pregnancy.“These And right you here?”aren’t the“Those, father. yes, All those!” this needs (With closure. disgust.) “Those . . . clothes.” unwanted pregnancy. And you aren’t the father. All this needs closure. (Takes a gun out of a duffel bag.) (Takes a gun out of a duffel bag.) What about ‘em? This is a small caliberWhat weapon. about ‘em?Class, please make a note of this, never This is a small caliber weapon. Class, please make a note of this, never overreact to a domestic squabble. It can only cause needless bloodshed. overreact to a domestic squabble. It can only cause needless bloodshed. Well, they said. You can’t wear them. You don’t have to useWell, a high-poweredthey said. You automaticcan’t wear weaponthem. for a problem You don’t have to use a high-powered automatic weapon for a problem Of course I can, I said, and I offered to demonstrate how to fit five inches as shallow and insignificantOf course as I can,a missing I said, child. and I Aoffered semi-automatic to demonstrate will do how to fit five inches as shallow and insignificant as a missing child. A semi-automatic will do of spandex around a thirty-five inch waist. just fine. of spandex around a thirty-five inch waist. just fine. No, no, no, they clarified. (Pointing.) No, no, no, they clarified. (Pointing.) It’s not that you can’t wear them. You seem quite limber. Yes, Hon? Good question.It’s not thatWhy you not can’t settle wear the disagreementthem. You seem with quite a knife? limber. Yes, Hon? Good question. Why not settle the disagreement with a knife? But you can’t be allowed to wear them. Time consuming, notBut toyou mention can’t be stabbing allowed torequires wear them. more energy. Time consuming, not to mention stabbing requires more energy. It can’t be permitted. Condoned. (Pointing.) It can’t be permitted. Condoned. (Pointing.) It’s unethical. Unacceptable. Yes? Mr. Simpson wasIt’s unethical.dealing with Unacceptable. a more emotionally volatile situation Yes? Mr. Simpson was dealing with a more emotionally volatile situation Unseemly. than kidnapping. AU nseemlyknife was. the correct weapon of choice in that case than kidnapping. A knife was the correct weapon of choice in that case because Mr. Simpson was overcome with what emotion, class? Absolutely. because Mr. Simpson was overcome with what emotion, class? Absolutely. Really? I asked. Unethical? I asked. Jealousy. The SimpsonReally? case Ialso asked. involves Unethical? male domination. I asked. When we com- Jealousy. The Simpson case also involves male domination. When we com- bine jealousy with male domination, a large sharp instrument is the cor- bine jealousy with male domination, a large sharp instrument is the cor- Because of the crucifix embroidered across the codpiece? rect weapon to emploBecausey. It’s moreof the intimate. crucifix embrWhenoidered used properly, across the it makescodpiece? rect weapon to employ. It’s more intimate. When used properly, it makes a more personal statement. a more personal statement. Oh, no, it’s not that, they stammered. We hadn’t even noticed that. No, There’s yet anotherOh, important no, it’s notfactor that, to considerthey stammered. with respect We hadn’tto weapon even noticed that. No, There’s yet another important factor to consider with respect to weapon it’s just that it’s . . . too revealing. selection. Would anyoneit’s just like that to it’s venture . . . too a revealing.guess as to . . . selection. Would anyone like to venture a guess as to . . . (Pointing.) (Pointing.)

68 68 65 65 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 72 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5669 AM Page 72 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 69

her work through it over and over . . . So carefully. So painfully. And I But how can that be?her Iwork asked. through it over and over . . . So carefully. So painfully. And I But how can that be? I asked. see myself out there. Not her. Me. All my nasty bits aresee covered. myself out there. Not her. Me. All my nasty bits are covered. Head up. Shoulders back. Smile, baby, smile. I would be terrific! And My nipples. Head up. Shoulders back. Smile, baby, smile. I would be terrific! And My nipples. you’d love me. All of you. I’d make you love me. (Pause.) But I’m not the My . . . well, you knowyou’d —love the me. nasty All ofbits. you. I’d make you love me. (Pause.) But I’m not the My . . . well, you know — the nasty bits. one. I’m not running for anything. I’m not looking for your vote, ladies one. I’m not running for anything. I’m not looking for your vote, ladies and gentlemen. I’m only the coach. She’s the one. Yes, we see that, theyand said. gentlemen. You’ve coveredI’m only all the your coach. bases She’s quite the nicely. one. Yes, we see that, they said. You’ve covered all your bases quite nicely. BUT I WOULD BE SO GOOD! I’m a natural! Why can’t they see BUT I WOULD BE SO GOOD! I’m a natural! Why can’t they see that? Why don’t they know that? Maybe they can’t hear me. Maybe I need I was flattered. that? Why don’t they know that? Maybe they can’t hear me. Maybe I need I was flattered. to tell them . . . Look. Forget her. CHOOSE ME! CHOOSE ME! I’M to tell them . . . Look. Forget her. CHOOSE ME! CHOOSE ME! I’M THE ONE! But it’s not the basesTHE that ONE! worry us. It’s the basepaths. But it’s not the bases that worry us. It’s the basepaths.

Yes, those unbroken expanses of flesh leave nothing to the imagination. Yes, those unbroken expanses of flesh leave nothing to the imagination.

Well, I wouldn’t call it nothing, but I didn’t want to argue, so I offered Well, I wouldn’t call it nothing, but I didn’t want to argue, so I offered to substitute a fishnet body stocking which breaks up the flesh into nice to substitute a fishnet body stocking which breaks up the flesh into nice bite-sized chunks. Or a skintight outfit I would make with spray paint bite-sized chunks. Or a skintight outfit I would make with spray paint and a handful of sequins. and a handful of sequins. But they wouldn’t have any of it. But they wouldn’t have any of it.

The simple fact is. You can’t wear any of these costumes. The simple fact is. You can’t wear any of these costumes.

That’s all right, I said. That’s all right, I said. Art is art. Art is art. I’ll do the show in jeans and a t-shirt. I’ll do the show in jeans and a t-shirt.

That’s what we like to hear. Jeans and a t-shirt. But, oh, you don’t mean That’s what we like to hear. Jeans and a t-shirt. But, oh, you don’t mean that t-shirt you’re wearing? that t-shirt you’re wearing?

Well, it doesn’t have to be this one. Why? Is there a hole in the fabric? Is Well, it doesn’t have to be this one. Why? Is there a hole in the fabric? Is my chest hair protruding in an undignified manner. Is my turtleneck col- my chest hair protruding in an undignified manner. Is my turtleneck col- lar slung too low in back? lar slung too low in back? What — What — they quavered with great timidity — they quavered with great timidity — is that thing emblazoned across your chest? is that thing emblazoned across your chest?

Oh, this? Oh, it’s nothing. A slogan. A saying. Just something I believe Oh, this? Oh, it’s nothing. A slogan. A saying. Just something I believe in. in.

72 72 69 69 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 70 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5671 AM Page 70 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 71

Beliefs? Oh no! they shrieked. Beliefs?The Oh no! Onethey shrieked. The One You mustn’t believe. You mustn’t believe. Jolene Goldenthal Jolene Goldenthal Or at least, they looked around to be sure the Constitution hadn’t over- Or at least, they looked around to be sure the Constitution hadn’t over- heard them. You mustn’t let anyone know you believe. It is, after all, a heard them. You mustn’t let anyone know you believe. It is, after all, a free country. free country. Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now Thank God! I said. Thank God! I said. Dramatic Dramatic Yes, but not in public. Yes, but not in public. Woman (thirty to fifty), a frustrated political coach. Woman (thirty to fifty), a frustrated political coach.

Smoking, religion, sex. These are things which must be confined to the Smoking, religion, sex. These are things which must be confined to the Here, a woman watches the candidate she’s coached while knowing that she Here, a woman watches the candidate she’s coached while knowing that she privacy of one’s own bedroom. They said. If then . . . Especially the smok- privacy of one’s own bedroom. They said. If then . . . Especially the smok- could do much better herself. could do much better herself. ing. ing.

WOMAN: Take it slow I tell her. Smile a lot. Like this. I show her. (She smiles WOMAN: Take it slow I tell her. Smile a lot. Like this. I show her. (She smiles I see, and I take it the same goes for political statements. I see, and I take it the same goes for political statements. sweetly, slowly.) One sentence at a time. Then smile. Slowly. (She smiles sweetly, slowly.) One sentence at a time. Then smile. Slowly. (She smiles again, demonstrating.) again, demonstrating.) Well, at this point, someone fainted and had to be carried out on a Well, at this point, someone fainted and had to be carried out on a Wait for them to clap. (Pause.) Sure they will. Of course they will. Wait for them to clap. (Pause.) Sure they will. Of course they will. stretcher, so I decided not to press the subject. stretcher, so I decided not to press the subject. You’re up there. You’re waiting. You’re smiling at them. They know what You’re up there. You’re waiting. You’re smiling at them. They know what they’re supposed to do. Put their hands together and . . . Right! they’re supposed to do. Put their hands together and . . . Right! I offered to wear a t-shirt blank on both sides so as not to make any po- I offered to wear a t-shirt blank on both sides so as not to make any po- Now again. Nice and slow. That’s good. That’s good. That’s very good. Now again. Nice and slow. That’s good. That’s good. That’s very good. litical statements at all, but they peered at me warily and told me that litical statements at all, but they peered at me warily and told me that Now remember — that’s no brain trust out there. It’s people. Just peo- Now remember — that’s no brain trust out there. It’s people. Just peo- that smacked of protest. that smacked of protest. ple. Give them a chance. They want to like you. They need to like you. ple. Give them a chance. They want to like you. They need to like you. And the only thing worse than dissension is outright subversion. And the only thing worse than dissension is outright subversion. They’re looking for a hero and you may be it. You may be THE ONE, They’re looking for a hero and you may be it. You may be THE ONE, As they chuckled at the absurdity of my naive suggestion, I laughed along As they chuckled at the absurdity of my naive suggestion, I laughed along I tell her. You may be IT. (Pause.) I tell her. You may be IT. (Pause.) with them. with them. I tell her. And I tell her. And I tell her again. She’s getting it. She’s I tell her. And I tell her. And I tell her again. She’s getting it. She’s getting better. But oh my God so s-l-o-w-l-y. getting better. But oh my God so s-l-o-w-l-y. Well, I said, if I’m going to do this show, I have to wear something. Well, I said, if I’m going to do this show, I have to wear something. I could do it upside down. Standing on my head. Blindfolded. Shack- I could do it upside down. Standing on my head. Blindfolded. Shack- Can you suggest anything that might be appropriate? Can you suggest anything that might be appropriate? led. (Gesture.) But she’s the one. Not me. Oh, yeah. Nearly forgot the led. (Gesture.) But she’s the one. Not me. Oh, yeah. Nearly forgot the clothes. Keep it simple I tell her. Look good but not too good. Some- clothes. Keep it simple I tell her. Look good but not too good. Some- Nothing at all, they said. Nothing at all, they said. place between Vogue and The Inquirer. And the hair. Simple, Neat. That’s place between Vogue and The Inquirer. And the hair. Simple, Neat. That’s it. Forget glamour. Forget everything. Watch the TelePrompter. But smile it. Forget glamour. Forget everything. Watch the TelePrompter. But smile And with that, they filed out without even discussing my text. And with that, they filed out without even discussing my text. while you’re doing it. (Pause.) Hey, listen. I’m not the speechwriter. I’m while you’re doing it. (Pause.) Hey, listen. I’m not the speechwriter. I’m only the coach. She’s the one. only the coach. She’s the one. I’m the last link before the big test. I prep her for the public. I urge I’m the last link before the big test. I prep her for the public. I urge her on. I push-pull her through it. “Come on!” I say over and over. “You her on. I push-pull her through it. “Come on!” I say over and over. “You can do it. Yes you can! Yes you can!” can do it. Yes you can! Yes you can!” And she can. She will. Eventually. I hope. Hey, this is my job here. And she can. She will. Eventually. I hope. Hey, this is my job here. I get paid to do this. But oh migod . . . I watch her and I suffer. I watch I get paid to do this. But oh migod . . . I watch her and I suffer. I watch

70 70 71 71 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 70 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5671 AM Page 70 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 71

Beliefs? Oh no! they shrieked. Beliefs?The Oh no! Onethey shrieked. The One You mustn’t believe. You mustn’t believe. Jolene Goldenthal Jolene Goldenthal Or at least, they looked around to be sure the Constitution hadn’t over- Or at least, they looked around to be sure the Constitution hadn’t over- heard them. You mustn’t let anyone know you believe. It is, after all, a heard them. You mustn’t let anyone know you believe. It is, after all, a free country. free country. Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now Thank God! I said. Thank God! I said. Dramatic Dramatic Yes, but not in public. Yes, but not in public. Woman (thirty to fifty), a frustrated political coach. Woman (thirty to fifty), a frustrated political coach.

Smoking, religion, sex. These are things which must be confined to the Smoking, religion, sex. These are things which must be confined to the Here, a woman watches the candidate she’s coached while knowing that she Here, a woman watches the candidate she’s coached while knowing that she privacy of one’s own bedroom. They said. If then . . . Especially the smok- privacy of one’s own bedroom. They said. If then . . . Especially the smok- could do much better herself. could do much better herself. ing. ing.

WOMAN: Take it slow I tell her. Smile a lot. Like this. I show her. (She smiles WOMAN: Take it slow I tell her. Smile a lot. Like this. I show her. (She smiles I see, and I take it the same goes for political statements. I see, and I take it the same goes for political statements. sweetly, slowly.) One sentence at a time. Then smile. Slowly. (She smiles sweetly, slowly.) One sentence at a time. Then smile. Slowly. (She smiles again, demonstrating.) again, demonstrating.) Well, at this point, someone fainted and had to be carried out on a Well, at this point, someone fainted and had to be carried out on a Wait for them to clap. (Pause.) Sure they will. Of course they will. Wait for them to clap. (Pause.) Sure they will. Of course they will. stretcher, so I decided not to press the subject. stretcher, so I decided not to press the subject. You’re up there. You’re waiting. You’re smiling at them. They know what You’re up there. You’re waiting. You’re smiling at them. They know what they’re supposed to do. Put their hands together and . . . Right! they’re supposed to do. Put their hands together and . . . Right! I offered to wear a t-shirt blank on both sides so as not to make any po- I offered to wear a t-shirt blank on both sides so as not to make any po- Now again. Nice and slow. That’s good. That’s good. That’s very good. Now again. Nice and slow. That’s good. That’s good. That’s very good. litical statements at all, but they peered at me warily and told me that litical statements at all, but they peered at me warily and told me that Now remember — that’s no brain trust out there. It’s people. Just peo- Now remember — that’s no brain trust out there. It’s people. Just peo- that smacked of protest. that smacked of protest. ple. Give them a chance. They want to like you. They need to like you. ple. Give them a chance. They want to like you. They need to like you. And the only thing worse than dissension is outright subversion. And the only thing worse than dissension is outright subversion. They’re looking for a hero and you may be it. You may be THE ONE, They’re looking for a hero and you may be it. You may be THE ONE, As they chuckled at the absurdity of my naive suggestion, I laughed along As they chuckled at the absurdity of my naive suggestion, I laughed along I tell her. You may be IT. (Pause.) I tell her. You may be IT. (Pause.) with them. with them. I tell her. And I tell her. And I tell her again. She’s getting it. She’s I tell her. And I tell her. And I tell her again. She’s getting it. She’s getting better. But oh my God so s-l-o-w-l-y. getting better. But oh my God so s-l-o-w-l-y. Well, I said, if I’m going to do this show, I have to wear something. Well, I said, if I’m going to do this show, I have to wear something. I could do it upside down. Standing on my head. Blindfolded. Shack- I could do it upside down. Standing on my head. Blindfolded. Shack- Can you suggest anything that might be appropriate? Can you suggest anything that might be appropriate? led. (Gesture.) But she’s the one. Not me. Oh, yeah. Nearly forgot the led. (Gesture.) But she’s the one. Not me. Oh, yeah. Nearly forgot the clothes. Keep it simple I tell her. Look good but not too good. Some- clothes. Keep it simple I tell her. Look good but not too good. Some- Nothing at all, they said. Nothing at all, they said. place between Vogue and The Inquirer. And the hair. Simple, Neat. That’s place between Vogue and The Inquirer. And the hair. Simple, Neat. That’s it. Forget glamour. Forget everything. Watch the TelePrompter. But smile it. Forget glamour. Forget everything. Watch the TelePrompter. But smile And with that, they filed out without even discussing my text. And with that, they filed out without even discussing my text. while you’re doing it. (Pause.) Hey, listen. I’m not the speechwriter. I’m while you’re doing it. (Pause.) Hey, listen. I’m not the speechwriter. I’m only the coach. She’s the one. only the coach. She’s the one. I’m the last link before the big test. I prep her for the public. I urge I’m the last link before the big test. I prep her for the public. I urge her on. I push-pull her through it. “Come on!” I say over and over. “You her on. I push-pull her through it. “Come on!” I say over and over. “You can do it. Yes you can! Yes you can!” can do it. Yes you can! Yes you can!” And she can. She will. Eventually. I hope. Hey, this is my job here. And she can. She will. Eventually. I hope. Hey, this is my job here. I get paid to do this. But oh migod . . . I watch her and I suffer. I watch I get paid to do this. But oh migod . . . I watch her and I suffer. I watch

70 70 71 71 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 72 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5669 AM Page 72 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 69

her work through it over and over . . . So carefully. So painfully. And I But how can that be?her Iwork asked. through it over and over . . . So carefully. So painfully. And I But how can that be? I asked. see myself out there. Not her. Me. All my nasty bits aresee covered. myself out there. Not her. Me. All my nasty bits are covered. Head up. Shoulders back. Smile, baby, smile. I would be terrific! And My nipples. Head up. Shoulders back. Smile, baby, smile. I would be terrific! And My nipples. you’d love me. All of you. I’d make you love me. (Pause.) But I’m not the My . . . well, you knowyou’d —love the me. nasty All ofbits. you. I’d make you love me. (Pause.) But I’m not the My . . . well, you know — the nasty bits. one. I’m not running for anything. I’m not looking for your vote, ladies one. I’m not running for anything. I’m not looking for your vote, ladies and gentlemen. I’m only the coach. She’s the one. Yes, we see that, theyand said. gentlemen. You’ve coveredI’m only all the your coach. bases She’s quite the nicely. one. Yes, we see that, they said. You’ve covered all your bases quite nicely. BUT I WOULD BE SO GOOD! I’m a natural! Why can’t they see BUT I WOULD BE SO GOOD! I’m a natural! Why can’t they see that? Why don’t they know that? Maybe they can’t hear me. Maybe I need I was flattered. that? Why don’t they know that? Maybe they can’t hear me. Maybe I need I was flattered. to tell them . . . Look. Forget her. CHOOSE ME! CHOOSE ME! I’M to tell them . . . Look. Forget her. CHOOSE ME! CHOOSE ME! I’M THE ONE! But it’s not the basesTHE that ONE! worry us. It’s the basepaths. But it’s not the bases that worry us. It’s the basepaths.

Yes, those unbroken expanses of flesh leave nothing to the imagination. Yes, those unbroken expanses of flesh leave nothing to the imagination.

Well, I wouldn’t call it nothing, but I didn’t want to argue, so I offered Well, I wouldn’t call it nothing, but I didn’t want to argue, so I offered to substitute a fishnet body stocking which breaks up the flesh into nice to substitute a fishnet body stocking which breaks up the flesh into nice bite-sized chunks. Or a skintight outfit I would make with spray paint bite-sized chunks. Or a skintight outfit I would make with spray paint and a handful of sequins. and a handful of sequins. But they wouldn’t have any of it. But they wouldn’t have any of it.

The simple fact is. You can’t wear any of these costumes. The simple fact is. You can’t wear any of these costumes.

That’s all right, I said. That’s all right, I said. Art is art. Art is art. I’ll do the show in jeans and a t-shirt. I’ll do the show in jeans and a t-shirt.

That’s what we like to hear. Jeans and a t-shirt. But, oh, you don’t mean That’s what we like to hear. Jeans and a t-shirt. But, oh, you don’t mean that t-shirt you’re wearing? that t-shirt you’re wearing?

Well, it doesn’t have to be this one. Why? Is there a hole in the fabric? Is Well, it doesn’t have to be this one. Why? Is there a hole in the fabric? Is my chest hair protruding in an undignified manner. Is my turtleneck col- my chest hair protruding in an undignified manner. Is my turtleneck col- lar slung too low in back? lar slung too low in back? What — What — they quavered with great timidity — they quavered with great timidity — is that thing emblazoned across your chest? is that thing emblazoned across your chest?

Oh, this? Oh, it’s nothing. A slogan. A saying. Just something I believe Oh, this? Oh, it’s nothing. A slogan. A saying. Just something I believe in. in.

72 72 69 69 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 76 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5673 AM Page 76 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 73

late themselves into the next year — it’s their New Year’s tradition —I Past Tenselate themselves Feminine into the next Gender year — it’s their New Year’s tradition —I Past Tense Feminine Gender tried it a couple of times, but it all seemed too forced, too planned. tried it a couple of times, but it all seemed too forced, too planned. Le Wilhelm Le Wilhelm

But this year’s mood is worse than usual. Everything’s changing so fast But this year’s mood is worse than usual. Everything’s changing so fast now, with all the new technology — it truly is a whole new world that now, with all the new technology — it truly is a whole new world that Scene: Various New Year’s Eves Scene: Various New Year’s Eves is constantly changing, expanding, then shrinking. It’s as if we’re once more is constantly changing, expanding, then shrinking. It’s as if we’re once more Serio-Comic Serio-Comic in the age of the Pioneers when no one is sure what will happen next. in the age of the Pioneers when no one is sure what will happen next. Alma (fifteen to twenty), a young woman welcoming in the twentieth century. Alma (fifteen to twenty), a young woman welcoming in the twentieth century.

All of that truly is what the problem with today comes down to. I’m not All of that truly is what the problem with today comes down to. I’m not On New Year’s Eve 1899, Alma has stolen away from her parent’s party to On New Year’s Eve 1899, Alma has stolen away from her parent’s party to old. But in terms of decades I don’t have that many left, three or four. old. But in terms of decades I don’t have that many left, three or four. quietly reflect on what the future may bring. quietly reflect on what the future may bring. That’s about all, unless there’s some miracle in medicine — and I can’t That’s about all, unless there’s some miracle in medicine — and I can’t trust in that — and when I think about this, it makes me angry and bit- trust in that — and when I think about this, it makes me angry and bit- ALMA: It’s a beautiful night. Not a cloud in the sky. Looking out the window ALMA: It’s a beautiful night. Not a cloud in the sky. Looking out the window ter because I won’t be there for all the wonderful things that’ll happen in ter because I won’t be there for all the wonderful things that’ll happen in you see a zillion stars. I don’t know if I have ever seen a finer night than you see a zillion stars. I don’t know if I have ever seen a finer night than those decades after I’m gone. And I want to be there. I want to experi- those decades after I’m gone. And I want to be there. I want to experi- this. There’s snow on the ground and the light from the moon and stars this. There’s snow on the ground and the light from the moon and stars ence it all. ence it all. reflects off the white land. reflects off the white land.

When I stop and think of all the changes that took place during the 20th When I stop and think of all the changes that took place during the 20th I’m all dressed up because it’s New Year’s Eve. This dress was made by a I’m all dressed up because it’s New Year’s Eve. This dress was made by a century, especially for women, it is truly overwhelming. I always try to century, especially for women, it is truly overwhelming. I always try to company in Philadelphia. It’s my first dress that I’ve ever had that wasn’t company in Philadelphia. It’s my first dress that I’ve ever had that wasn’t live here and now and not dwell on what’s already happened — but live here and now and not dwell on what’s already happened — but made by my momma. I like it a lot, but I like a dress that’s made by my made by my momma. I like it a lot, but I like a dress that’s made by my tonight is different — it’s the dawning of the twenty-first century and tonight is different — it’s the dawning of the twenty-first century and momma too, ’cause I get to watch it being born. And I get to try it on momma too, ’cause I get to watch it being born. And I get to try it on now maybe that we’ve said Happy New Year, it’s time for a little retro- now maybe that we’ve said Happy New Year, it’s time for a little retro- and even make suggestions sometimes when she’s in a good mood. and even make suggestions sometimes when she’s in a good mood. spection — a little trek into the past tense, feminine gender of the twen- spection — a little trek into the past tense, feminine gender of the twen- tieth century. tieth century. In just a few seconds it will be a brand new century!! You can probably In just a few seconds it will be a brand new century!! You can probably hear them downstairs. That’s where the party’s going on. I snuck up here hear them downstairs. That’s where the party’s going on. I snuck up here to the attic room so I could be by myself. I love it up here. I always go to the attic room so I could be by myself. I love it up here. I always go here when I want to be alone. I also like to look out the window at the here when I want to be alone. I also like to look out the window at the hills and the river. Tonight I’m up here waiting for the 20th century to hills and the river. Tonight I’m up here waiting for the 20th century to arrive. arrive.

Because it’s a new century, everyone has been acting strange, real excited Because it’s a new century, everyone has been acting strange, real excited and planning big parties. Well, that’s what most people are doing. Some and planning big parties. Well, that’s what most people are doing. Some folks in town have said that this is the end of time. That Jesus is going folks in town have said that this is the end of time. That Jesus is going to come back and take the good people with him and the bad people are to come back and take the good people with him and the bad people are going to get judged and then they’re going to get burned. Burned for all going to get judged and then they’re going to get burned. Burned for all eternity, that’s what they say. My parents don’t believe that’s going to hap- eternity, that’s what they say. My parents don’t believe that’s going to hap- pen and neither do I, so they’re having a party. pen and neither do I, so they’re having a party.

76 76 73 73 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 74 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5675 AM Page 74 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 75

I feel kind of sorry for all those people who believe the world’s going to Past TenseI feel kind Feminine of sorry for all thoseGender people who believe the world’s going to Past Tense Feminine Gender end ‘cause when it don’t, I guess they’re going to be terribly disappointed end ‘cause when it don’t, I guess they’re going to be terribly disappointed Le Wilhelm Le Wilhelm and feel downright foolish. I know I would!! If I had gone around telling and feel downright foolish. I know I would!! If I had gone around telling everyone the end is near, and then the end doesn’t end. I’d feel like an everyone the end is near, and then the end doesn’t end. I’d feel like an idiot. idiot. Scene: Various New Year’s Eves Scene: Various New Year’s Eves Serio-Comic Serio-Comic You probably think it’s odd that I don’t want to be downstairs at the party You probably think it’s odd that I don’t want to be downstairs at the party Leigh (thirty to forty), a woman greeting the twenty-first century. Leigh (thirty to forty), a woman greeting the twenty-first century. with my friends and family where all the fun’s going on. And I can’t stay with my friends and family where all the fun’s going on. And I can’t stay up here long, because someone’s going to miss me and come looking for up here long, because someone’s going to miss me and come looking for Leigh has mixed feelings about the new millennium as she here reveals. Leigh has mixed feelings about the new millennium as she here reveals. me, worrying about me, thinking that I must be sad or scared. But I don’t me, worrying about me, thinking that I must be sad or scared. But I don’t know. I just want to be by myself. So I can remember it. I want to be know. I just want to be by myself. So I can remember it. I want to be LEIGH: (She toasts.) Happy fucking New Year. God, I can’t tell you now good LEIGH: (She toasts.) Happy fucking New Year. God, I can’t tell you now good able to remember when the twentieth century dawned. able to remember when the twentieth century dawned. it felt to say that. I’ve been pushed onto the bridge that leads to the 21st it felt to say that. I’ve been pushed onto the bridge that leads to the 21st century and now I’ve been drug across it. century and now I’ve been drug across it. I know it’s just a date on a calendar. I know that . . . but still it’s a new I know it’s just a date on a calendar. I know that . . . but still it’s a new century . . . my century — it’s when I’m going to live most of my life . . . century . . . my century — it’s when I’m going to live most of my life . . . The problem is that some time in February of 1999, all the hype for the The problem is that some time in February of 1999, all the hype for the and no one knows what’s going to happen . . . there’ll be hundreds of and no one knows what’s going to happen . . . there’ll be hundreds of new millennium did me in. I’m not quite sure where it happened, but I new millennium did me in. I’m not quite sure where it happened, but I thousands of things . . . all kinds of changes . . . all sorts of wonderful thousands of things . . . all kinds of changes . . . all sorts of wonderful know there was a time when I was watching the television and those damn know there was a time when I was watching the television and those damn things . . . things that I’m going to be a part of. I’m curious and I’m scared things . . . things that I’m going to be a part of. I’m curious and I’m scared millennium M&M candies were jabbering on and I tuned out. millennium M&M candies were jabbering on and I tuned out. . . . and I’m excited ...... and I’m excited . . . Of course the phone’s rung off the hook today. People calling asking what Of course the phone’s rung off the hook today. People calling asking what (Cast begins counting, as does she.) Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, (Cast begins counting, as does she.) Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, I’m going to do. Am I going out? Asking if I’m watching the celebration I’m going to do. Am I going out? Asking if I’m watching the celebration two — one — Happy New Year! two — one — Happy New Year! on the television — did I see such and such with Peter Jennings — Tom on the television — did I see such and such with Peter Jennings — Tom Brokaw — Dan Rather — Cokie Roberts — Ted Koppel — Did I hear Brokaw — Dan Rather — Cokie Roberts — Ted Koppel — Did I hear such and such millionaire-billionaire singer — wasn’t it wonderful? And such and such millionaire-billionaire singer — wasn’t it wonderful? And I tried to do those things. I watched the first dawn of the twenty-first I tried to do those things. I watched the first dawn of the twenty-first century as the clock struck twelve in some remote part of Oceania . . . century as the clock struck twelve in some remote part of Oceania . . . and I felt nothing . . . but I stuck with it, and the phone started ringing and I felt nothing . . . but I stuck with it, and the phone started ringing even more somewhere around New Zealand-Australia and it got to be even more somewhere around New Zealand-Australia and it got to be just a little more than I could take . . . I turned off Peter-Dan-Cokie- just a little more than I could take . . . I turned off Peter-Dan-Cokie- Tom-Ted, took the phone off the hook and went to bed for the rest of Tom-Ted, took the phone off the hook and went to bed for the rest of the afternoon. the afternoon.

As you may have noted, I’m not in the best of moods — I often get a lit- As you may have noted, I’m not in the best of moods — I often get a lit- tle testy around the New Year — I’m single — and I’m never quite sure tle testy around the New Year — I’m single — and I’m never quite sure how I’m supposed to act — I don’t know about anyone else, but I think how I’m supposed to act — I don’t know about anyone else, but I think New Year’s dates are the worst. I have a lot of friends who like to copu- New Year’s dates are the worst. I have a lot of friends who like to copu-

74 74 75 75 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 74 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5675 AM Page 74 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 75

I feel kind of sorry for all those people who believe the world’s going to Past TenseI feel kind Feminine of sorry for all thoseGender people who believe the world’s going to Past Tense Feminine Gender end ‘cause when it don’t, I guess they’re going to be terribly disappointed end ‘cause when it don’t, I guess they’re going to be terribly disappointed Le Wilhelm Le Wilhelm and feel downright foolish. I know I would!! If I had gone around telling and feel downright foolish. I know I would!! If I had gone around telling everyone the end is near, and then the end doesn’t end. I’d feel like an everyone the end is near, and then the end doesn’t end. I’d feel like an idiot. idiot. Scene: Various New Year’s Eves Scene: Various New Year’s Eves Serio-Comic Serio-Comic You probably think it’s odd that I don’t want to be downstairs at the party You probably think it’s odd that I don’t want to be downstairs at the party Leigh (thirty to forty), a woman greeting the twenty-first century. Leigh (thirty to forty), a woman greeting the twenty-first century. with my friends and family where all the fun’s going on. And I can’t stay with my friends and family where all the fun’s going on. And I can’t stay up here long, because someone’s going to miss me and come looking for up here long, because someone’s going to miss me and come looking for Leigh has mixed feelings about the new millennium as she here reveals. Leigh has mixed feelings about the new millennium as she here reveals. me, worrying about me, thinking that I must be sad or scared. But I don’t me, worrying about me, thinking that I must be sad or scared. But I don’t know. I just want to be by myself. So I can remember it. I want to be know. I just want to be by myself. So I can remember it. I want to be LEIGH: (She toasts.) Happy fucking New Year. God, I can’t tell you now good LEIGH: (She toasts.) Happy fucking New Year. God, I can’t tell you now good able to remember when the twentieth century dawned. able to remember when the twentieth century dawned. it felt to say that. I’ve been pushed onto the bridge that leads to the 21st it felt to say that. I’ve been pushed onto the bridge that leads to the 21st century and now I’ve been drug across it. century and now I’ve been drug across it. I know it’s just a date on a calendar. I know that . . . but still it’s a new I know it’s just a date on a calendar. I know that . . . but still it’s a new century . . . my century — it’s when I’m going to live most of my life . . . century . . . my century — it’s when I’m going to live most of my life . . . The problem is that some time in February of 1999, all the hype for the The problem is that some time in February of 1999, all the hype for the and no one knows what’s going to happen . . . there’ll be hundreds of and no one knows what’s going to happen . . . there’ll be hundreds of new millennium did me in. I’m not quite sure where it happened, but I new millennium did me in. I’m not quite sure where it happened, but I thousands of things . . . all kinds of changes . . . all sorts of wonderful thousands of things . . . all kinds of changes . . . all sorts of wonderful know there was a time when I was watching the television and those damn know there was a time when I was watching the television and those damn things . . . things that I’m going to be a part of. I’m curious and I’m scared things . . . things that I’m going to be a part of. I’m curious and I’m scared millennium M&M candies were jabbering on and I tuned out. millennium M&M candies were jabbering on and I tuned out. . . . and I’m excited ...... and I’m excited . . . Of course the phone’s rung off the hook today. People calling asking what Of course the phone’s rung off the hook today. People calling asking what (Cast begins counting, as does she.) Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, (Cast begins counting, as does she.) Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, I’m going to do. Am I going out? Asking if I’m watching the celebration I’m going to do. Am I going out? Asking if I’m watching the celebration two — one — Happy New Year! two — one — Happy New Year! on the television — did I see such and such with Peter Jennings — Tom on the television — did I see such and such with Peter Jennings — Tom Brokaw — Dan Rather — Cokie Roberts — Ted Koppel — Did I hear Brokaw — Dan Rather — Cokie Roberts — Ted Koppel — Did I hear such and such millionaire-billionaire singer — wasn’t it wonderful? And such and such millionaire-billionaire singer — wasn’t it wonderful? And I tried to do those things. I watched the first dawn of the twenty-first I tried to do those things. I watched the first dawn of the twenty-first century as the clock struck twelve in some remote part of Oceania . . . century as the clock struck twelve in some remote part of Oceania . . . and I felt nothing . . . but I stuck with it, and the phone started ringing and I felt nothing . . . but I stuck with it, and the phone started ringing even more somewhere around New Zealand-Australia and it got to be even more somewhere around New Zealand-Australia and it got to be just a little more than I could take . . . I turned off Peter-Dan-Cokie- just a little more than I could take . . . I turned off Peter-Dan-Cokie- Tom-Ted, took the phone off the hook and went to bed for the rest of Tom-Ted, took the phone off the hook and went to bed for the rest of the afternoon. the afternoon.

As you may have noted, I’m not in the best of moods — I often get a lit- As you may have noted, I’m not in the best of moods — I often get a lit- tle testy around the New Year — I’m single — and I’m never quite sure tle testy around the New Year — I’m single — and I’m never quite sure how I’m supposed to act — I don’t know about anyone else, but I think how I’m supposed to act — I don’t know about anyone else, but I think New Year’s dates are the worst. I have a lot of friends who like to copu- New Year’s dates are the worst. I have a lot of friends who like to copu-

74 74 75 75 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 76 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5673 AM Page 76 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 73

late themselves into the next year — it’s their New Year’s tradition —I Past Tenselate themselves Feminine into the next Gender year — it’s their New Year’s tradition —I Past Tense Feminine Gender tried it a couple of times, but it all seemed too forced, too planned. tried it a couple of times, but it all seemed too forced, too planned. Le Wilhelm Le Wilhelm

But this year’s mood is worse than usual. Everything’s changing so fast But this year’s mood is worse than usual. Everything’s changing so fast now, with all the new technology — it truly is a whole new world that now, with all the new technology — it truly is a whole new world that Scene: Various New Year’s Eves Scene: Various New Year’s Eves is constantly changing, expanding, then shrinking. It’s as if we’re once more is constantly changing, expanding, then shrinking. It’s as if we’re once more Serio-Comic Serio-Comic in the age of the Pioneers when no one is sure what will happen next. in the age of the Pioneers when no one is sure what will happen next. Alma (fifteen to twenty), a young woman welcoming in the twentieth century. Alma (fifteen to twenty), a young woman welcoming in the twentieth century.

All of that truly is what the problem with today comes down to. I’m not All of that truly is what the problem with today comes down to. I’m not On New Year’s Eve 1899, Alma has stolen away from her parent’s party to On New Year’s Eve 1899, Alma has stolen away from her parent’s party to old. But in terms of decades I don’t have that many left, three or four. old. But in terms of decades I don’t have that many left, three or four. quietly reflect on what the future may bring. quietly reflect on what the future may bring. That’s about all, unless there’s some miracle in medicine — and I can’t That’s about all, unless there’s some miracle in medicine — and I can’t trust in that — and when I think about this, it makes me angry and bit- trust in that — and when I think about this, it makes me angry and bit- ALMA: It’s a beautiful night. Not a cloud in the sky. Looking out the window ALMA: It’s a beautiful night. Not a cloud in the sky. Looking out the window ter because I won’t be there for all the wonderful things that’ll happen in ter because I won’t be there for all the wonderful things that’ll happen in you see a zillion stars. I don’t know if I have ever seen a finer night than you see a zillion stars. I don’t know if I have ever seen a finer night than those decades after I’m gone. And I want to be there. I want to experi- those decades after I’m gone. And I want to be there. I want to experi- this. There’s snow on the ground and the light from the moon and stars this. There’s snow on the ground and the light from the moon and stars ence it all. ence it all. reflects off the white land. reflects off the white land.

When I stop and think of all the changes that took place during the 20th When I stop and think of all the changes that took place during the 20th I’m all dressed up because it’s New Year’s Eve. This dress was made by a I’m all dressed up because it’s New Year’s Eve. This dress was made by a century, especially for women, it is truly overwhelming. I always try to century, especially for women, it is truly overwhelming. I always try to company in Philadelphia. It’s my first dress that I’ve ever had that wasn’t company in Philadelphia. It’s my first dress that I’ve ever had that wasn’t live here and now and not dwell on what’s already happened — but live here and now and not dwell on what’s already happened — but made by my momma. I like it a lot, but I like a dress that’s made by my made by my momma. I like it a lot, but I like a dress that’s made by my tonight is different — it’s the dawning of the twenty-first century and tonight is different — it’s the dawning of the twenty-first century and momma too, ’cause I get to watch it being born. And I get to try it on momma too, ’cause I get to watch it being born. And I get to try it on now maybe that we’ve said Happy New Year, it’s time for a little retro- now maybe that we’ve said Happy New Year, it’s time for a little retro- and even make suggestions sometimes when she’s in a good mood. and even make suggestions sometimes when she’s in a good mood. spection — a little trek into the past tense, feminine gender of the twen- spection — a little trek into the past tense, feminine gender of the twen- tieth century. tieth century. In just a few seconds it will be a brand new century!! You can probably In just a few seconds it will be a brand new century!! You can probably hear them downstairs. That’s where the party’s going on. I snuck up here hear them downstairs. That’s where the party’s going on. I snuck up here to the attic room so I could be by myself. I love it up here. I always go to the attic room so I could be by myself. I love it up here. I always go here when I want to be alone. I also like to look out the window at the here when I want to be alone. I also like to look out the window at the hills and the river. Tonight I’m up here waiting for the 20th century to hills and the river. Tonight I’m up here waiting for the 20th century to arrive. arrive.

Because it’s a new century, everyone has been acting strange, real excited Because it’s a new century, everyone has been acting strange, real excited and planning big parties. Well, that’s what most people are doing. Some and planning big parties. Well, that’s what most people are doing. Some folks in town have said that this is the end of time. That Jesus is going folks in town have said that this is the end of time. That Jesus is going to come back and take the good people with him and the bad people are to come back and take the good people with him and the bad people are going to get judged and then they’re going to get burned. Burned for all going to get judged and then they’re going to get burned. Burned for all eternity, that’s what they say. My parents don’t believe that’s going to hap- eternity, that’s what they say. My parents don’t believe that’s going to hap- pen and neither do I, so they’re having a party. pen and neither do I, so they’re having a party.

76 76 73 73 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 80 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5677 AM Page 80 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 77

And covers his face. Past TenseAnd covers Feminine his face. Gender Past Tense Feminine Gender Like this. Like this. Le Wilhelm Le Wilhelm (Takes the position of a petrified Pompeian.) (Takes the position of a petrified Pompeian.)

Must be embarrassed Must be embarrassed Scene: Various New Year’s Eves Scene: Various New Year’s Eves (stoned so early in the day. (stoned so early in the day. Serio-Comic Serio-Comic Isn’t everyone?) Isn’t everyone?) Kelsey (fourteen), a young girl suffering from depressive ennui. Kelsey (fourteen), a young girl suffering from depressive ennui.

You ask the guy, “Tell me. What happened?” You ask the guy, “Tell me. What happened?” Kelsey has managed to pack a lot of living into her fourteen years leaving her Kelsey has managed to pack a lot of living into her fourteen years leaving her feeling a bit like Peggy Lee when she asked the question: “Is That All There feeling a bit like Peggy Lee when she asked the question: “Is That All There Finally he speaks. Finally he speaks. Is?” Here, Kelsey reveals her plans of self-destruction. Is?” Here, Kelsey reveals her plans of self-destruction. He says, “Happened?” He says, “Happened?” And shoots you with that And shoots you with that “you Americas think you know everything, don’t you?” look. “you Americas think you know everything, don’t you?” look. KELSEY: I’m fourteen. Had a birthday last month. Went to New Orleans with KELSEY: I’m fourteen. Had a birthday last month. Went to New Orleans with He says, “A flood, that’s what happened.” He says, “A flood, that’s what happened.” some people. Live down the street. The colonial two story. One with the some people. Live down the street. The colonial two story. One with the chain link. One with the Porsche in the driveway. chain link. One with the Porsche in the driveway. And you ask, “A flood? Of water? It’s dry. Of what?” And you ask, “A flood? Of water? It’s dry. Of what?” The Porsche is mom’s. Dad drives a BMW. She’s an attorney. Corporate The Porsche is mom’s. Dad drives a BMW. She’s an attorney. Corporate He says, “Not really. Of words.” He says, “Not really. Of words.” law. Sounds like a drag to me. She must like it, she’s there till all hours. law. Sounds like a drag to me. She must like it, she’s there till all hours. Dad’s into manufacturing. Most of his companies are overseas. He’s out Dad’s into manufacturing. Most of his companies are overseas. He’s out So you think, So you think, of town a lot. He took me with him once. It wasn’t a big deal. We went of town a lot. He took me with him once. It wasn’t a big deal. We went now here’s something. now here’s something. to China. Shanghai. I was bored. to China. Shanghai. I was bored. A flood. Of words. A flood. Of words. And you ask, “What were they like? And you ask, “What were they like? I got into trouble a couple years back. I’m not sure mom and dad re- I got into trouble a couple years back. I’m not sure mom and dad re- Good words? Good words? member it. Expelled. For smoking pot with David Cohen. I was lucky member it. Expelled. For smoking pot with David Cohen. I was lucky Profound? Philosophical? Profound? Philosophical? they didn’t find the crack. I don’t get the crack rage. Crack’s no big deal they didn’t find the crack. I don’t get the crack rage. Crack’s no big deal Descriptive? Literate?” Descriptive? Literate?” to me. I smoked it. I can take it or leave it. I don’t see why people find to me. I smoked it. I can take it or leave it. I don’t see why people find it addictive. Tell you the truth, it was a big disappointment to me. Lots it addictive. Tell you the truth, it was a big disappointment to me. Lots And he thinks a moment, then says, And he thinks a moment, then says, of things are that way. of things are that way. “Not really, “Not really, They started small, here and there. They started small, here and there. Most everything that everyone thinks is so rad — I find drab. Sex is like Most everything that everyone thinks is so rad — I find drab. Sex is like Articles mostly. Articles mostly. that. Sex, what’s the big deal? Girls sitting around saying they’ll score this that. Sex, what’s the big deal? Girls sitting around saying they’ll score this A. The. An. A. The. An. one or that one. My friend Ashley has a honest-to-goodness scorecard, one or that one. My friend Ashley has a honest-to-goodness scorecard, So at first nobody noticed. So at first nobody noticed. lots of my friends have them. The idea is to fill the scorecard. They tried lots of my friends have them. The idea is to fill the scorecard. They tried But as the words gathered But as the words gathered to get me to do it. I blew them off. I got better things to do than fuck a to get me to do it. I blew them off. I got better things to do than fuck a they got longer they got longer bunch of douchebags. Lot better things to do, like clip my toenails. bunch of douchebags. Lot better things to do, like clip my toenails. like chains of nucleotides. like chains of nucleotides.

80 80 77 77 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 78 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5679 AM Page 78 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 79

I just love the fucking talking heads on TV who always are saying what’s I just lovePompei the fucking talking heads on TV who always are saying what’s Pompei wrong with the children of today . . . bunch of talking heads . . . who wrong with the children of today . . . bunch of talking heads . . . who Bob Jude Ferrante Bob Jude Ferrante were probably the ones who never got into trouble . . . they want to un- were probably the ones who never got into trouble . . . they want to un- derstand kids today . . . then you’d think they’d go to the source . . . it’s derstand kids today . . . then you’d think they’d go to the source . . . it’s all just such a fucking drag . . . that’s how we all feel . . . America was all just such a fucking drag . . . that’s how we all feel . . . America was Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now founded by a bunch of racist bigots, white people are the scum of the founded by a bunch of racist bigots, white people are the scum of the Serio-Comic Serio-Comic earth and God is dead, and anyone who believes in Christianity is weak- earth and God is dead, and anyone who believes in Christianity is weak- Cassandra (twenty to forty), a traveler. Cassandra (twenty to forty), a traveler. minded. Repeat after me, Christianity is for the weak-minded, America minded. Repeat after me, Christianity is for the weak-minded, America is founded by a bunch of racists, we are all scum, God is dead and I don’t is founded by a bunch of racists, we are all scum, God is dead and I don’t Here, a visionary woman recalls an encounter in Pompei. Here, a visionary woman recalls an encounter in Pompei. feel so good. They ought to be able to turn that into a rap song, don’t feel so good. They ought to be able to turn that into a rap song, don’t you think? you think? CASSANDRA: Some time CASSANDRA: Some time (If you do turn out to have some time) (If you do turn out to have some time) ’Course it’s all really a bore. Like when someone thinks they’re doing some- ’Course it’s all really a bore. Like when someone thinks they’re doing some- Take a side-trip Take a side-trip thing rad by getting some part of their body pierced. I had my belly but- thing rad by getting some part of their body pierced. I had my belly but- to see Pompei. to see Pompei. ton pierced, but I don’t wear the stud any more. Everyone I know has a ton pierced, but I don’t wear the stud any more. Everyone I know has a Cute little town. Cute little town. piercing of some kind or another. Lots of girls have them on their pri- piercing of some kind or another. Lots of girls have them on their pri- A little too little. A little too little. vates. I don’t. I think that’s trying just a little too much. What’s the point? vates. I don’t. I think that’s trying just a little too much. What’s the point? The bus arrives. The bus arrives. Sometimes I cut myself . . . not deep but just cut myself. You know, for Sometimes I cut myself . . . not deep but just cut myself. You know, for It’s always an ash-grey day It’s always an ash-grey day the hell of it. I have scars on my arms and on my legs. No one ever no- the hell of it. I have scars on my arms and on my legs. No one ever no- there in Pompei. there in Pompei. tices. Actually the school nurse noticed, but I made up some story. ’Course tices. Actually the school nurse noticed, but I made up some story. ’Course And Vesuvio, And Vesuvio, she didn’t believe it, but she acted like she did so she wouldn’t have to she didn’t believe it, but she acted like she did so she wouldn’t have to sports a worn pair of tan corduroys sports a worn pair of tan corduroys bother. And that’s the best. No one gives a fuck . . . especially me. bother. And that’s the best. No one gives a fuck . . . especially me. smokes pack after pack of Parliaments smokes pack after pack of Parliaments placid, barely notices you, placid, barely notices you, I don’t plan on hanging around too long. I don’t see what all of this is I don’t plan on hanging around too long. I don’t see what all of this is just kisses the ball just kisses the ball about. Life, I’m talking about now. If I live past twenty, I’ll really be a about. Life, I’m talking about now. If I live past twenty, I’ll really be a and hurls it against the sand. and hurls it against the sand. jag off. Anyone who doesn’t kill themselves or die before twenty, they’re jag off. Anyone who doesn’t kill themselves or die before twenty, they’re Baci! Baci! a real loser. Why the hell would anyone want to hang around this place? a real loser. Why the hell would anyone want to hang around this place? You walk around Pompei for hours. You walk around Pompei for hours. Trying to find a decent cheeseburger Trying to find a decent cheeseburger Good luck there, kiddo. Good luck there, kiddo.

You bump into this guy, a local. You bump into this guy, a local. He’s really . . . stoned. He’s really . . . stoned. Try to talk to him. Try to talk to him. He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t answer. He crouches. He crouches.

78 78 79 79 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 78 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5679 AM Page 78 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 79

I just love the fucking talking heads on TV who always are saying what’s I just lovePompei the fucking talking heads on TV who always are saying what’s Pompei wrong with the children of today . . . bunch of talking heads . . . who wrong with the children of today . . . bunch of talking heads . . . who Bob Jude Ferrante Bob Jude Ferrante were probably the ones who never got into trouble . . . they want to un- were probably the ones who never got into trouble . . . they want to un- derstand kids today . . . then you’d think they’d go to the source . . . it’s derstand kids today . . . then you’d think they’d go to the source . . . it’s all just such a fucking drag . . . that’s how we all feel . . . America was all just such a fucking drag . . . that’s how we all feel . . . America was Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now founded by a bunch of racist bigots, white people are the scum of the founded by a bunch of racist bigots, white people are the scum of the Serio-Comic Serio-Comic earth and God is dead, and anyone who believes in Christianity is weak- earth and God is dead, and anyone who believes in Christianity is weak- Cassandra (twenty to forty), a traveler. Cassandra (twenty to forty), a traveler. minded. Repeat after me, Christianity is for the weak-minded, America minded. Repeat after me, Christianity is for the weak-minded, America is founded by a bunch of racists, we are all scum, God is dead and I don’t is founded by a bunch of racists, we are all scum, God is dead and I don’t Here, a visionary woman recalls an encounter in Pompei. Here, a visionary woman recalls an encounter in Pompei. feel so good. They ought to be able to turn that into a rap song, don’t feel so good. They ought to be able to turn that into a rap song, don’t you think? you think? CASSANDRA: Some time CASSANDRA: Some time (If you do turn out to have some time) (If you do turn out to have some time) ’Course it’s all really a bore. Like when someone thinks they’re doing some- ’Course it’s all really a bore. Like when someone thinks they’re doing some- Take a side-trip Take a side-trip thing rad by getting some part of their body pierced. I had my belly but- thing rad by getting some part of their body pierced. I had my belly but- to see Pompei. to see Pompei. ton pierced, but I don’t wear the stud any more. Everyone I know has a ton pierced, but I don’t wear the stud any more. Everyone I know has a Cute little town. Cute little town. piercing of some kind or another. Lots of girls have them on their pri- piercing of some kind or another. Lots of girls have them on their pri- A little too little. A little too little. vates. I don’t. I think that’s trying just a little too much. What’s the point? vates. I don’t. I think that’s trying just a little too much. What’s the point? The bus arrives. The bus arrives. Sometimes I cut myself . . . not deep but just cut myself. You know, for Sometimes I cut myself . . . not deep but just cut myself. You know, for It’s always an ash-grey day It’s always an ash-grey day the hell of it. I have scars on my arms and on my legs. No one ever no- the hell of it. I have scars on my arms and on my legs. No one ever no- there in Pompei. there in Pompei. tices. Actually the school nurse noticed, but I made up some story. ’Course tices. Actually the school nurse noticed, but I made up some story. ’Course And Vesuvio, And Vesuvio, she didn’t believe it, but she acted like she did so she wouldn’t have to she didn’t believe it, but she acted like she did so she wouldn’t have to sports a worn pair of tan corduroys sports a worn pair of tan corduroys bother. And that’s the best. No one gives a fuck . . . especially me. bother. And that’s the best. No one gives a fuck . . . especially me. smokes pack after pack of Parliaments smokes pack after pack of Parliaments placid, barely notices you, placid, barely notices you, I don’t plan on hanging around too long. I don’t see what all of this is I don’t plan on hanging around too long. I don’t see what all of this is just kisses the ball just kisses the ball about. Life, I’m talking about now. If I live past twenty, I’ll really be a about. Life, I’m talking about now. If I live past twenty, I’ll really be a and hurls it against the sand. and hurls it against the sand. jag off. Anyone who doesn’t kill themselves or die before twenty, they’re jag off. Anyone who doesn’t kill themselves or die before twenty, they’re Baci! Baci! a real loser. Why the hell would anyone want to hang around this place? a real loser. Why the hell would anyone want to hang around this place? You walk around Pompei for hours. You walk around Pompei for hours. Trying to find a decent cheeseburger Trying to find a decent cheeseburger Good luck there, kiddo. Good luck there, kiddo.

You bump into this guy, a local. You bump into this guy, a local. He’s really . . . stoned. He’s really . . . stoned. Try to talk to him. Try to talk to him. He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t answer. He crouches. He crouches.

78 78 79 79 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 80 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5677 AM Page 80 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 77

And covers his face. Past TenseAnd covers Feminine his face. Gender Past Tense Feminine Gender Like this. Like this. Le Wilhelm Le Wilhelm (Takes the position of a petrified Pompeian.) (Takes the position of a petrified Pompeian.)

Must be embarrassed Must be embarrassed Scene: Various New Year’s Eves Scene: Various New Year’s Eves (stoned so early in the day. (stoned so early in the day. Serio-Comic Serio-Comic Isn’t everyone?) Isn’t everyone?) Kelsey (fourteen), a young girl suffering from depressive ennui. Kelsey (fourteen), a young girl suffering from depressive ennui.

You ask the guy, “Tell me. What happened?” You ask the guy, “Tell me. What happened?” Kelsey has managed to pack a lot of living into her fourteen years leaving her Kelsey has managed to pack a lot of living into her fourteen years leaving her feeling a bit like Peggy Lee when she asked the question: “Is That All There feeling a bit like Peggy Lee when she asked the question: “Is That All There Finally he speaks. Finally he speaks. Is?” Here, Kelsey reveals her plans of self-destruction. Is?” Here, Kelsey reveals her plans of self-destruction. He says, “Happened?” He says, “Happened?” And shoots you with that And shoots you with that “you Americas think you know everything, don’t you?” look. “you Americas think you know everything, don’t you?” look. KELSEY: I’m fourteen. Had a birthday last month. Went to New Orleans with KELSEY: I’m fourteen. Had a birthday last month. Went to New Orleans with He says, “A flood, that’s what happened.” He says, “A flood, that’s what happened.” some people. Live down the street. The colonial two story. One with the some people. Live down the street. The colonial two story. One with the chain link. One with the Porsche in the driveway. chain link. One with the Porsche in the driveway. And you ask, “A flood? Of water? It’s dry. Of what?” And you ask, “A flood? Of water? It’s dry. Of what?” The Porsche is mom’s. Dad drives a BMW. She’s an attorney. Corporate The Porsche is mom’s. Dad drives a BMW. She’s an attorney. Corporate He says, “Not really. Of words.” He says, “Not really. Of words.” law. Sounds like a drag to me. She must like it, she’s there till all hours. law. Sounds like a drag to me. She must like it, she’s there till all hours. Dad’s into manufacturing. Most of his companies are overseas. He’s out Dad’s into manufacturing. Most of his companies are overseas. He’s out So you think, So you think, of town a lot. He took me with him once. It wasn’t a big deal. We went of town a lot. He took me with him once. It wasn’t a big deal. We went now here’s something. now here’s something. to China. Shanghai. I was bored. to China. Shanghai. I was bored. A flood. Of words. A flood. Of words. And you ask, “What were they like? And you ask, “What were they like? I got into trouble a couple years back. I’m not sure mom and dad re- I got into trouble a couple years back. I’m not sure mom and dad re- Good words? Good words? member it. Expelled. For smoking pot with David Cohen. I was lucky member it. Expelled. For smoking pot with David Cohen. I was lucky Profound? Philosophical? Profound? Philosophical? they didn’t find the crack. I don’t get the crack rage. Crack’s no big deal they didn’t find the crack. I don’t get the crack rage. Crack’s no big deal Descriptive? Literate?” Descriptive? Literate?” to me. I smoked it. I can take it or leave it. I don’t see why people find to me. I smoked it. I can take it or leave it. I don’t see why people find it addictive. Tell you the truth, it was a big disappointment to me. Lots it addictive. Tell you the truth, it was a big disappointment to me. Lots And he thinks a moment, then says, And he thinks a moment, then says, of things are that way. of things are that way. “Not really, “Not really, They started small, here and there. They started small, here and there. Most everything that everyone thinks is so rad — I find drab. Sex is like Most everything that everyone thinks is so rad — I find drab. Sex is like Articles mostly. Articles mostly. that. Sex, what’s the big deal? Girls sitting around saying they’ll score this that. Sex, what’s the big deal? Girls sitting around saying they’ll score this A. The. An. A. The. An. one or that one. My friend Ashley has a honest-to-goodness scorecard, one or that one. My friend Ashley has a honest-to-goodness scorecard, So at first nobody noticed. So at first nobody noticed. lots of my friends have them. The idea is to fill the scorecard. They tried lots of my friends have them. The idea is to fill the scorecard. They tried But as the words gathered But as the words gathered to get me to do it. I blew them off. I got better things to do than fuck a to get me to do it. I blew them off. I got better things to do than fuck a they got longer they got longer bunch of douchebags. Lot better things to do, like clip my toenails. bunch of douchebags. Lot better things to do, like clip my toenails. like chains of nucleotides. like chains of nucleotides.

80 80 77 77 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 84 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5681 AM Page 84 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 81

Radium Girls Particles. Gerunds. Radium Girls Particles. Gerunds. Conjugated verbs. Conjugated verbs. Dolores Whiskeyman Dolores Whiskeyman Obfuscation. Obfuscation. Fastidiousness. Fastidiousness. Quotidian diatribes. Quotidian diatribes. Scene: Orange, New Jersey, 1928 Scene: Orange, New Jersey, 1928 Soon there were rivulets: Sentences. Soon there were rivulets: Sentences. Dramatic Dramatic Then streams: Paragraphs. Then streams: Paragraphs. Grace (twenty-six), soft-spoken, shy; once a top-notch dial painter at the Grace (twenty-six), soft-spoken, shy; once a top-notch dial painter at the The tide rose. It picked things up: Pages floated past. The tide rose. It picked things up: Pages floated past. U.S. Radium Corporation. U.S. Radium Corporation. Volumes. Volumes. Shelves. Shelves. Grace has been fatally poisoned by working in the radium plant. As she waits Grace has been fatally poisoned by working in the radium plant. As she waits A few people saw them, but everyone said, ‘words? Get a job.’ A few people saw them, but everyone said, ‘words? Get a job.’ for her turn to testify against her employers, she laments the future she will for her turn to testify against her employers, she laments the future she will Then a few more people saw them and there started to be rumors. Then a few more people saw them and there started to be rumors. never have. never have. Which were just more words.” Which were just more words.”

GRACE: Can I tell you what I really want? Even more than the money? GRACE: Can I tell you what I really want? Even more than the money? “The tide got deeper. “The tide got deeper. [WILEY: Of course.] [WILEY: Of course.] But it was Monday. They had to do their job. But it was Monday. They had to do their job. GRACE: I want them to look at me. Mrs. Wiley I want them to see me — and GRACE: I want them to look at me. Mrs. Wiley I want them to see me — and So they went to their job.” So they went to their job.” see what they did. So they can’t hide any more. see what they did. So they can’t hide any more. [WILEY: Then don’t you let them, Grace. Don’t let them hide.] [WILEY: Then don’t you let them, Grace. Don’t let them hide.] “They came home at six, “They came home at six, (Grace opens a curtain.) (Grace opens a curtain.) looking forward to dinner and TV.” looking forward to dinner and TV.” GRACE: All my life, Mrs. Wiley. I’ve tried so hard to be good. And do what I GRACE: All my life, Mrs. Wiley. I’ve tried so hard to be good. And do what I was told. My father says. Go to work at the radium plant, it pays a good was told. My father says. Go to work at the radium plant, it pays a good “By then the words were a lake deep and wide, “By then the words were a lake deep and wide, wage. So I do. Mrs. MacNeil says put that brush in your mouth to get a wage. So I do. Mrs. MacNeil says put that brush in your mouth to get a so you could hardly see across. so you could hardly see across. point. So I do. I never say, this paint tastes funny. Even though it does. point. So I do. I never say, this paint tastes funny. Even though it does. Whole library shelves filled with flood.” Whole library shelves filled with flood.” I never say, please can’t I stay in school? But at night, I’d lie here and imag- I never say, please can’t I stay in school? But at night, I’d lie here and imag- ine what it would be like when Tommy and I got married and I could ine what it would be like when Tommy and I got married and I could “But hey, the folks were tired. “But hey, the folks were tired. have my own home and make my own decisions. And then I’d look over have my own home and make my own decisions. And then I’d look over It was a long hard day at the job. It was a long hard day at the job. at my dress hanging on the back of the door, all aglow — my shoes on at my dress hanging on the back of the door, all aglow — my shoes on They went to bed, They went to bed, the floor, my hairbrush on the dresser. So much light. And I never ques- the floor, my hairbrush on the dresser. So much light. And I never ques- listening to the comforting sounds of the waves listening to the comforting sounds of the waves tioned. So much light! tioned. So much light! against the shores of their dreaming minds.” against the shores of their dreaming minds.”

“Some maybe wanted to buy furniture and cars, “Some maybe wanted to buy furniture and cars, but ended up buying boats but ended up buying boats But I guess they all sank.” But I guess they all sank.”

And that was all there was to his story. And that was all there was to his story. Which was more words. Which was more words.

84 84 81 81 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 82 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5683 AM Page 82 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 83

He resumes crouching He resumesPretty crouching Pretty And you resume your quest for a snack. And you resume your quest for a snack. Alison Diana Meehan Alison Diana Meehan

When you get back home, When you get back home, where there’s a snack on practically every corner, where there’s a snack on practically every corner, Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now you remember your visits to Pompei. you remember your visits to Pompei. Dramatic Dramatic And think, And think, Elizabeth (twenties), a young woman struggling to balance love and self-image. Elizabeth (twenties), a young woman struggling to balance love and self-image. “Maybe some day Pompei will come visit me at home?” “Maybe some day Pompei will come visit me at home?” It would be more convenient. It would be more convenient. Here, Elizabeth describes her destructive relationship with her mother and Here, Elizabeth describes her destructive relationship with her mother and You could watch the banks as they rise. You could watch the banks as they rise. the surprise of love. the surprise of love. And listen to the sounds of waves pounding the beach. And listen to the sounds of waves pounding the beach. And ask, “What time is it?” And ask, “What time is it?” ELIZABETH: I asked my mother one day if I was pretty. It is a question that all ELIZABETH: I asked my mother one day if I was pretty. It is a question that all little girls ask their mothers at one point. Only mother said that I wasn’t. little girls ask their mothers at one point. Only mother said that I wasn’t. And the Pompeians will answer, And the Pompeians will answer, My mother told me that I would never be pretty, and that god and the My mother told me that I would never be pretty, and that god and the their words bubbling to the surface of their private sea their words bubbling to the surface of their private sea people who saw me knew that I was a bad little girl and that was why I people who saw me knew that I was a bad little girl and that was why I “It’s time to wake up, time to get a job. “It’s time to wake up, time to get a job. was cursed with being ugly. I cried when I heard that and I tried to be was cursed with being ugly. I cried when I heard that and I tried to be Time to watch. Watch. Watch.” Time to watch. Watch. Watch.” good. I hoped that god would make me pretty like my mother and my good. I hoped that god would make me pretty like my mother and my (Slide: a watch second hand moving around.) (Slide: a watch second hand moving around.) sister. Then my mother died. The last time I saw her she told me that I sister. Then my mother died. The last time I saw her she told me that I “Watch.” “Watch.” had better do well in school because there was no way I would ever find had better do well in school because there was no way I would ever find (SFX: Sound of ticking.) (SFX: Sound of ticking.) a husband, then she told my sister to wait for a doctor or a lawyer or some- a husband, then she told my sister to wait for a doctor or a lawyer or some- one with a trust fund. I was 12 when she died. I missed my mother more one with a trust fund. I was 12 when she died. I missed my mother more than anyone else. The moment after she died my sister kept on remind- than anyone else. The moment after she died my sister kept on remind- ing me that I would never be pretty. I started to hate my sister. It came ing me that I would never be pretty. I started to hate my sister. It came to the point where because of her I stopped caring how I looked or how to the point where because of her I stopped caring how I looked or how I did in school, I tried to make my family ashamed of me. I lived like I I did in school, I tried to make my family ashamed of me. I lived like I had no home until this year when you moved to town. Who would have had no home until this year when you moved to town. Who would have thought that the new pharmacist would have a son. My sister planned thought that the new pharmacist would have a son. My sister planned to capture you, seeing as how you were the richest boy in town, but you to capture you, seeing as how you were the richest boy in town, but you looked right past her and started talking to me. I thanked the lord that looked right past her and started talking to me. I thanked the lord that I never stopped going to church and I was there to meet you. You talked I never stopped going to church and I was there to meet you. You talked to me and told me how much you hated those stupid silly girls who only to me and told me how much you hated those stupid silly girls who only wanted to get married, like my sister. You told me how pretty I was and wanted to get married, like my sister. You told me how pretty I was and I believed you and I still do believe you. Only now that is the problem. I believed you and I still do believe you. Only now that is the problem.

82 82 83 83 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 82 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5683 AM Page 82 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 83

He resumes crouching He resumesPretty crouching Pretty And you resume your quest for a snack. And you resume your quest for a snack. Alison Diana Meehan Alison Diana Meehan

When you get back home, When you get back home, where there’s a snack on practically every corner, where there’s a snack on practically every corner, Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now you remember your visits to Pompei. you remember your visits to Pompei. Dramatic Dramatic And think, And think, Elizabeth (twenties), a young woman struggling to balance love and self-image. Elizabeth (twenties), a young woman struggling to balance love and self-image. “Maybe some day Pompei will come visit me at home?” “Maybe some day Pompei will come visit me at home?” It would be more convenient. It would be more convenient. Here, Elizabeth describes her destructive relationship with her mother and Here, Elizabeth describes her destructive relationship with her mother and You could watch the banks as they rise. You could watch the banks as they rise. the surprise of love. the surprise of love. And listen to the sounds of waves pounding the beach. And listen to the sounds of waves pounding the beach. And ask, “What time is it?” And ask, “What time is it?” ELIZABETH: I asked my mother one day if I was pretty. It is a question that all ELIZABETH: I asked my mother one day if I was pretty. It is a question that all little girls ask their mothers at one point. Only mother said that I wasn’t. little girls ask their mothers at one point. Only mother said that I wasn’t. And the Pompeians will answer, And the Pompeians will answer, My mother told me that I would never be pretty, and that god and the My mother told me that I would never be pretty, and that god and the their words bubbling to the surface of their private sea their words bubbling to the surface of their private sea people who saw me knew that I was a bad little girl and that was why I people who saw me knew that I was a bad little girl and that was why I “It’s time to wake up, time to get a job. “It’s time to wake up, time to get a job. was cursed with being ugly. I cried when I heard that and I tried to be was cursed with being ugly. I cried when I heard that and I tried to be Time to watch. Watch. Watch.” Time to watch. Watch. Watch.” good. I hoped that god would make me pretty like my mother and my good. I hoped that god would make me pretty like my mother and my (Slide: a watch second hand moving around.) (Slide: a watch second hand moving around.) sister. Then my mother died. The last time I saw her she told me that I sister. Then my mother died. The last time I saw her she told me that I “Watch.” “Watch.” had better do well in school because there was no way I would ever find had better do well in school because there was no way I would ever find (SFX: Sound of ticking.) (SFX: Sound of ticking.) a husband, then she told my sister to wait for a doctor or a lawyer or some- a husband, then she told my sister to wait for a doctor or a lawyer or some- one with a trust fund. I was 12 when she died. I missed my mother more one with a trust fund. I was 12 when she died. I missed my mother more than anyone else. The moment after she died my sister kept on remind- than anyone else. The moment after she died my sister kept on remind- ing me that I would never be pretty. I started to hate my sister. It came ing me that I would never be pretty. I started to hate my sister. It came to the point where because of her I stopped caring how I looked or how to the point where because of her I stopped caring how I looked or how I did in school, I tried to make my family ashamed of me. I lived like I I did in school, I tried to make my family ashamed of me. I lived like I had no home until this year when you moved to town. Who would have had no home until this year when you moved to town. Who would have thought that the new pharmacist would have a son. My sister planned thought that the new pharmacist would have a son. My sister planned to capture you, seeing as how you were the richest boy in town, but you to capture you, seeing as how you were the richest boy in town, but you looked right past her and started talking to me. I thanked the lord that looked right past her and started talking to me. I thanked the lord that I never stopped going to church and I was there to meet you. You talked I never stopped going to church and I was there to meet you. You talked to me and told me how much you hated those stupid silly girls who only to me and told me how much you hated those stupid silly girls who only wanted to get married, like my sister. You told me how pretty I was and wanted to get married, like my sister. You told me how pretty I was and I believed you and I still do believe you. Only now that is the problem. I believed you and I still do believe you. Only now that is the problem.

82 82 83 83 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 84 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5681 AM Page 84 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 81

Radium Girls Particles. Gerunds. Radium Girls Particles. Gerunds. Conjugated verbs. Conjugated verbs. Dolores Whiskeyman Dolores Whiskeyman Obfuscation. Obfuscation. Fastidiousness. Fastidiousness. Quotidian diatribes. Quotidian diatribes. Scene: Orange, New Jersey, 1928 Scene: Orange, New Jersey, 1928 Soon there were rivulets: Sentences. Soon there were rivulets: Sentences. Dramatic Dramatic Then streams: Paragraphs. Then streams: Paragraphs. Grace (twenty-six), soft-spoken, shy; once a top-notch dial painter at the Grace (twenty-six), soft-spoken, shy; once a top-notch dial painter at the The tide rose. It picked things up: Pages floated past. The tide rose. It picked things up: Pages floated past. U.S. Radium Corporation. U.S. Radium Corporation. Volumes. Volumes. Shelves. Shelves. Grace has been fatally poisoned by working in the radium plant. As she waits Grace has been fatally poisoned by working in the radium plant. As she waits A few people saw them, but everyone said, ‘words? Get a job.’ A few people saw them, but everyone said, ‘words? Get a job.’ for her turn to testify against her employers, she laments the future she will for her turn to testify against her employers, she laments the future she will Then a few more people saw them and there started to be rumors. Then a few more people saw them and there started to be rumors. never have. never have. Which were just more words.” Which were just more words.”

GRACE: Can I tell you what I really want? Even more than the money? GRACE: Can I tell you what I really want? Even more than the money? “The tide got deeper. “The tide got deeper. [WILEY: Of course.] [WILEY: Of course.] But it was Monday. They had to do their job. But it was Monday. They had to do their job. GRACE: I want them to look at me. Mrs. Wiley I want them to see me — and GRACE: I want them to look at me. Mrs. Wiley I want them to see me — and So they went to their job.” So they went to their job.” see what they did. So they can’t hide any more. see what they did. So they can’t hide any more. [WILEY: Then don’t you let them, Grace. Don’t let them hide.] [WILEY: Then don’t you let them, Grace. Don’t let them hide.] “They came home at six, “They came home at six, (Grace opens a curtain.) (Grace opens a curtain.) looking forward to dinner and TV.” looking forward to dinner and TV.” GRACE: All my life, Mrs. Wiley. I’ve tried so hard to be good. And do what I GRACE: All my life, Mrs. Wiley. I’ve tried so hard to be good. And do what I was told. My father says. Go to work at the radium plant, it pays a good was told. My father says. Go to work at the radium plant, it pays a good “By then the words were a lake deep and wide, “By then the words were a lake deep and wide, wage. So I do. Mrs. MacNeil says put that brush in your mouth to get a wage. So I do. Mrs. MacNeil says put that brush in your mouth to get a so you could hardly see across. so you could hardly see across. point. So I do. I never say, this paint tastes funny. Even though it does. point. So I do. I never say, this paint tastes funny. Even though it does. Whole library shelves filled with flood.” Whole library shelves filled with flood.” I never say, please can’t I stay in school? But at night, I’d lie here and imag- I never say, please can’t I stay in school? But at night, I’d lie here and imag- ine what it would be like when Tommy and I got married and I could ine what it would be like when Tommy and I got married and I could “But hey, the folks were tired. “But hey, the folks were tired. have my own home and make my own decisions. And then I’d look over have my own home and make my own decisions. And then I’d look over It was a long hard day at the job. It was a long hard day at the job. at my dress hanging on the back of the door, all aglow — my shoes on at my dress hanging on the back of the door, all aglow — my shoes on They went to bed, They went to bed, the floor, my hairbrush on the dresser. So much light. And I never ques- the floor, my hairbrush on the dresser. So much light. And I never ques- listening to the comforting sounds of the waves listening to the comforting sounds of the waves tioned. So much light! tioned. So much light! against the shores of their dreaming minds.” against the shores of their dreaming minds.”

“Some maybe wanted to buy furniture and cars, “Some maybe wanted to buy furniture and cars, but ended up buying boats but ended up buying boats But I guess they all sank.” But I guess they all sank.”

And that was all there was to his story. And that was all there was to his story. Which was more words. Which was more words.

84 84 81 81 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 88 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5685 AM Page 88 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 85

Sisters The Reindeer BitersSisters The Reindeer Biters Gabriel Lanci Jussi Wahlgren Gabriel Lanci Jussi Wahlgren

Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now Dramatic Scene: Here and nowDramatic Scene: Here and now Jeanine (forty to fifty), a disillusioned parent. Serio-Comic Jeanine (forty to fifty), a disillusioned parent. Serio-Comic Eva (fifties), an embittered university professor. Eva (fifties), an embittered university professor. Here, Jeanine offers insight into the bittersweet nature of being a mom. Here, Jeanine offers insight into the bittersweet nature of being a mom. Here, Eva leaves a rather pathetic message on a young friend’s answering ma- Here, Eva leaves a rather pathetic message on a young friend’s answering ma- JEANINE: I’ve learned that there are some moments in a mother’s life that can’t chine. JEANINE: I’ve learned that there are some moments in a mother’s life that can’t chine. be measured in terms of happiness. A child grows away from you and be measured in terms of happiness. A child grows away from you and you’re sent to the sidelines. He doesn’t want you in the game anymore; EVA: (Enters the front of you’rethe stage sent with to thea mobile.) sidelines. I was He oncedoesn’t accused want ofyou being in the game anymore; EVA: (Enters the front of the stage with a mobile.) I was once accused of being you just have to watch from a distance. But there are times when that too soft with a studentyou just when have he tohad watch copied from an aassignment distance. Butfrom there some- are times when that too soft with a student when he had copied an assignment from some- distance is reduced and he calls you in for a quick consultation: perhaps body else. It happeneddistance in the is early reduced seventies. and he It callswas theyou Hippie in for atime, quick flow- consultation: perhaps body else. It happened in the early seventies. It was the Hippie time, flow- on his marriage day or when his first child is born. Children want to be ers and peace and allon that his bull.marriage He slept day withor when me and his Ifirst felt childgrateful. is born. I never Children want to be ers and peace and all that bull. He slept with me and I felt grateful. I never assured that they’ve done the right thing. So of course they go to you for realized that men payassured and pay that and they’ve pay alldone their the lives right for thing. having So a ofpenis course . . . they go to you for realized that men pay and pay and pay all their lives for having a penis . . . approval. And if you don’t approve (Beat.) they know something must It’s true. I am the fuckingapproval. female And ifwith you the don’t treasure approve and (Beat.) that’s whatthey theyknow something must It’s true. I am the fucking female with the treasure and that’s what they be wrong (Beat.) with you, that you’re getting older, or senile, or just are after. Like my latebe wronghusband (Beat.) Markus. with He you, cried that when you’re we gettingdid it for older, the or senile, or just are after. Like my late husband Markus. He cried when we did it for the ornery. (Beat.) Kids do things when they become adults, things you’ve first time. That’s whyorner I marriedy. (Beat.) him. Kids He do had things feelings. when He they showed become them. adults, things you’ve first time. That’s why I married him. He had feelings. He showed them. already done for them. They want to be “reborn” and prove that they can That’s what I thoughtalready . . . doneWhat for an them. asshole They I was. want When to be I’m “reborn” gone, andwho prove that they can That’s what I thought . . . What an asshole I was. When I’m gone, who do it better than their mothers can. And of course it’s not as good, and cares who did whatdo with it better whom than and their how mothersmany times. can. I’mAnd just of coursegone. It’s it’s not as good, and cares who did what with whom and how many times. I’m just gone. It’s they call you to come and fix it for them. And you go, like the mother a horrible thought.they Nobody call you gives to a come shit . and. . Do fix you it for know them. what And I mean,you go, like the mother a horrible thought. Nobody gives a shit . . . Do you know what I mean, you are, to make it better, or go away, or (2 Beats.). There is no reward Kris? I know it soundsyou are,pathetic to make but, it by better, God, orthat’s go away,what orit is!(2 .Beats.). . . I betThere is no reward Kris? I know it sounds pathetic but, by God, that’s what it is! . . . I bet (Beat.) being a mother all your life. You’ve got to look for happiness (Beat.) you’re doing it right(Beat.) now. Isbeing it Patrick a mother or Phillip? all your Or life. the You’ve taxi driver.got to lookWhen for happiness (Beat.) you’re doing it right now. Is it Patrick or Phillip? Or the taxi driver. When someplace else. When you leave their lives go, and never look back. And I see you Kris I seesomeplace myself thirty else. years When ago. you Shit leave (Cries their slowly.) lives go,. . .and Sorry, never look back. And I see you Kris I see myself thirty years ago. Shit (Cries slowly.) . . . Sorry, when they want you back they should be charged a fee for your read- I dropped the joint.when It’s theynot whatwant you you do back but they what should other bepeople charged think a fee for your read- I dropped the joint. It’s not what you do but what other people think mission. And what would that be? Well, think of this. All his life, as he you’re doing. Do youmission. understand And what what wouldI’m saying. that be?You W haveell, tothink be a of super this. All his life, as he you’re doing. Do you understand what I’m saying. You have to be a super grew up, you were there, planning, building, making smooth the rough human being to listengrew to up y,our you heart. were Ithere, don’t planning, think it’s building,even possible making . . . smooth the rough human being to listen to your heart. I don’t think it’s even possible . . . places for him to move forward into the world he wanted to be in. You I’m not saying thatplaces it’s all forso badhim either, to mo butve forward . . . What into the the fuck world am Ihe talk- wanted to be in. You I’m not saying that it’s all so bad either, but . . . What the fuck am I talk- made sacrifices that he will never know about, and it would be useless to ing to a bloody machinemade sacrifices . . . (Exits.) that he will never know about, and it would be useless to ing to a bloody machine . . . (Exits.) tell him because he would say it was totally unnecessary, he could have tell him because he would say it was totally unnecessary, he could have done it himself. And that is the point of pain, after you struggled and done it himself. And that is the point of pain, after you struggled and scraped together the little you have for him, he says, “Why did you do scraped together the little you have for him, he says, “Why did you do that? I could have done it myself.” (Beat.) Well you didn’t Buster! Your that? I could have done it myself.” (Beat.) Well you didn’t Buster! Your mother did it for you, and she deserves some recognition for it! (2 beats.) mother did it for you, and she deserves some recognition for it! (2 beats.) So give it to her, while she’s here to enjoy it (Beat.) and everything will So give it to her, while she’s here to enjoy it (Beat.) and everything will be — fine. be — fine.

88 88 85 85 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 86 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5687 AM Page 86 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 87

Romeo & Juliet Part II like had I married Paris. MotherRomeo reminds me & of itJuliet each time Part I see her. II like had I married Paris. Mother reminds me of it each time I see her. Perhaps if I would not have chosen Romeo, I would not have fallen out Perhaps if I would not have chosen Romeo, I would not have fallen out Sandra Hosking Sandra Hosking of my father’s favor. And perhaps I would have a big house overlooking of my father’s favor. And perhaps I would have a big house overlooking Verona such as the thin, fair Rosaline. Verona such as the thin, fair Rosaline. ’Tis no good to think of these things. Thank you, Nurse. Even in ’Tis no good to think of these things. Thank you, Nurse. Even in Scene: The home of Romeo and Juliet Scene: The home of Romeo and Juliet death, you comfort me. death, you comfort me. Serio-Comic Serio-Comic Juliet (twenty to thirty), a woman disillusioned with her marriage. Juliet (twenty to thirty), a woman disillusioned with her marriage.

Here, disquiet Juliet wonders if she should have married her Romeo. Here, disquiet Juliet wonders if she should have married her Romeo.

JULIET: Good, they are gone. I pray Friar Lawrence can draw my husband into JULIET: Good, they are gone. I pray Friar Lawrence can draw my husband into this present time. Sometimes methinks his mind remains entombed. Aye this present time. Sometimes methinks his mind remains entombed. Aye me. My back bears the weight of a hundred horses galloping up and down me. My back bears the weight of a hundred horses galloping up and down upon it. (Talking to her stomach.) I am ready for you. Your bed is made upon it. (Talking to her stomach.) I am ready for you. Your bed is made with wool blankets. A dozen sisters await you. How nice a present it would with wool blankets. A dozen sisters await you. How nice a present it would be to have you to wake up to. If you do not. I shall have to cut you out. be to have you to wake up to. If you do not. I shall have to cut you out. (Contraction.) Oh! (Relaxes.) (Contraction.) Oh! (Relaxes.) (She takes a shiny urn off of a shelf.) Oh, Nurse, how I wish you were (She takes a shiny urn off of a shelf.) Oh, Nurse, how I wish you were here in person. (Looks at her reflection.) Oh. I am aged. How tired I look. here in person. (Looks at her reflection.) Oh. I am aged. How tired I look. Where is that maiden of yesteryear? She is in the faces of my little ones. Where is that maiden of yesteryear? She is in the faces of my little ones. Kind, sweet, Nurse. My problem now is not my physical state. It is Kind, sweet, Nurse. My problem now is not my physical state. It is a matter of the heart. It is my Romeo. I fear he no longer loves me. He a matter of the heart. It is my Romeo. I fear he no longer loves me. He thinks me fat and old and a crank. Now I know why Mama and Papa thinks me fat and old and a crank. Now I know why Mama and Papa maintain separate quarters. maintain separate quarters. And this, dear Nurse, I cannot bear. He speaks in his sleep. I have And this, dear Nurse, I cannot bear. He speaks in his sleep. I have not told him thus, for things said in sleep are not meant for the light of not told him thus, for things said in sleep are not meant for the light of day, though they eventually have a way of finding illumination. The other day, though they eventually have a way of finding illumination. The other night he called out a name . . . Rosaline. I cannot discount this utter- night he called out a name . . . Rosaline. I cannot discount this utter- ance. She was his unrequited love. What or why he thinks of her I know ance. She was his unrequited love. What or why he thinks of her I know not, but my mind is wrought with torturous wondering. I’m afraid my not, but my mind is wrought with torturous wondering. I’m afraid my obsession has turned me into a shrew. obsession has turned me into a shrew. If you were here, you could tell me not to worry. That I am his only If you were here, you could tell me not to worry. That I am his only true love. That I am the one he comes home to each day after his me- true love. That I am the one he comes home to each day after his me- anderings. anderings. Here is the rub. I, too, dream of another time. ’Tis hard to remem- Here is the rub. I, too, dream of another time. ’Tis hard to remem- ber our humble beginnings. When to be apart was like moving the tide ber our humble beginnings. When to be apart was like moving the tide back with a spoon. I cannot help but wonder what life would have been back with a spoon. I cannot help but wonder what life would have been

86 86 87 87 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 86 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5687 AM Page 86 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 87

Romeo & Juliet Part II like had I married Paris. MotherRomeo reminds me & of itJuliet each time Part I see her. II like had I married Paris. Mother reminds me of it each time I see her. Perhaps if I would not have chosen Romeo, I would not have fallen out Perhaps if I would not have chosen Romeo, I would not have fallen out Sandra Hosking Sandra Hosking of my father’s favor. And perhaps I would have a big house overlooking of my father’s favor. And perhaps I would have a big house overlooking Verona such as the thin, fair Rosaline. Verona such as the thin, fair Rosaline. ’Tis no good to think of these things. Thank you, Nurse. Even in ’Tis no good to think of these things. Thank you, Nurse. Even in Scene: The home of Romeo and Juliet Scene: The home of Romeo and Juliet death, you comfort me. death, you comfort me. Serio-Comic Serio-Comic Juliet (twenty to thirty), a woman disillusioned with her marriage. Juliet (twenty to thirty), a woman disillusioned with her marriage.

Here, disquiet Juliet wonders if she should have married her Romeo. Here, disquiet Juliet wonders if she should have married her Romeo.

JULIET: Good, they are gone. I pray Friar Lawrence can draw my husband into JULIET: Good, they are gone. I pray Friar Lawrence can draw my husband into this present time. Sometimes methinks his mind remains entombed. Aye this present time. Sometimes methinks his mind remains entombed. Aye me. My back bears the weight of a hundred horses galloping up and down me. My back bears the weight of a hundred horses galloping up and down upon it. (Talking to her stomach.) I am ready for you. Your bed is made upon it. (Talking to her stomach.) I am ready for you. Your bed is made with wool blankets. A dozen sisters await you. How nice a present it would with wool blankets. A dozen sisters await you. How nice a present it would be to have you to wake up to. If you do not. I shall have to cut you out. be to have you to wake up to. If you do not. I shall have to cut you out. (Contraction.) Oh! (Relaxes.) (Contraction.) Oh! (Relaxes.) (She takes a shiny urn off of a shelf.) Oh, Nurse, how I wish you were (She takes a shiny urn off of a shelf.) Oh, Nurse, how I wish you were here in person. (Looks at her reflection.) Oh. I am aged. How tired I look. here in person. (Looks at her reflection.) Oh. I am aged. How tired I look. Where is that maiden of yesteryear? She is in the faces of my little ones. Where is that maiden of yesteryear? She is in the faces of my little ones. Kind, sweet, Nurse. My problem now is not my physical state. It is Kind, sweet, Nurse. My problem now is not my physical state. It is a matter of the heart. It is my Romeo. I fear he no longer loves me. He a matter of the heart. It is my Romeo. I fear he no longer loves me. He thinks me fat and old and a crank. Now I know why Mama and Papa thinks me fat and old and a crank. Now I know why Mama and Papa maintain separate quarters. maintain separate quarters. And this, dear Nurse, I cannot bear. He speaks in his sleep. I have And this, dear Nurse, I cannot bear. He speaks in his sleep. I have not told him thus, for things said in sleep are not meant for the light of not told him thus, for things said in sleep are not meant for the light of day, though they eventually have a way of finding illumination. The other day, though they eventually have a way of finding illumination. The other night he called out a name . . . Rosaline. I cannot discount this utter- night he called out a name . . . Rosaline. I cannot discount this utter- ance. She was his unrequited love. What or why he thinks of her I know ance. She was his unrequited love. What or why he thinks of her I know not, but my mind is wrought with torturous wondering. I’m afraid my not, but my mind is wrought with torturous wondering. I’m afraid my obsession has turned me into a shrew. obsession has turned me into a shrew. If you were here, you could tell me not to worry. That I am his only If you were here, you could tell me not to worry. That I am his only true love. That I am the one he comes home to each day after his me- true love. That I am the one he comes home to each day after his me- anderings. anderings. Here is the rub. I, too, dream of another time. ’Tis hard to remem- Here is the rub. I, too, dream of another time. ’Tis hard to remem- ber our humble beginnings. When to be apart was like moving the tide ber our humble beginnings. When to be apart was like moving the tide back with a spoon. I cannot help but wonder what life would have been back with a spoon. I cannot help but wonder what life would have been

86 86 87 87 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 88 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5685 AM Page 88 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 85

Sisters The Reindeer BitersSisters The Reindeer Biters Gabriel Lanci Jussi Wahlgren Gabriel Lanci Jussi Wahlgren

Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now Dramatic Scene: Here and nowDramatic Scene: Here and now Jeanine (forty to fifty), a disillusioned parent. Serio-Comic Jeanine (forty to fifty), a disillusioned parent. Serio-Comic Eva (fifties), an embittered university professor. Eva (fifties), an embittered university professor. Here, Jeanine offers insight into the bittersweet nature of being a mom. Here, Jeanine offers insight into the bittersweet nature of being a mom. Here, Eva leaves a rather pathetic message on a young friend’s answering ma- Here, Eva leaves a rather pathetic message on a young friend’s answering ma- JEANINE: I’ve learned that there are some moments in a mother’s life that can’t chine. JEANINE: I’ve learned that there are some moments in a mother’s life that can’t chine. be measured in terms of happiness. A child grows away from you and be measured in terms of happiness. A child grows away from you and you’re sent to the sidelines. He doesn’t want you in the game anymore; EVA: (Enters the front of you’rethe stage sent with to thea mobile.) sidelines. I was He oncedoesn’t accused want ofyou being in the game anymore; EVA: (Enters the front of the stage with a mobile.) I was once accused of being you just have to watch from a distance. But there are times when that too soft with a studentyou just when have he tohad watch copied from an aassignment distance. Butfrom there some- are times when that too soft with a student when he had copied an assignment from some- distance is reduced and he calls you in for a quick consultation: perhaps body else. It happeneddistance in the is early reduced seventies. and he It callswas theyou Hippie in for atime, quick flow- consultation: perhaps body else. It happened in the early seventies. It was the Hippie time, flow- on his marriage day or when his first child is born. Children want to be ers and peace and allon that his bull.marriage He slept day withor when me and his Ifirst felt childgrateful. is born. I never Children want to be ers and peace and all that bull. He slept with me and I felt grateful. I never assured that they’ve done the right thing. So of course they go to you for realized that men payassured and pay that and they’ve pay alldone their the lives right for thing. having So a ofpenis course . . . they go to you for realized that men pay and pay and pay all their lives for having a penis . . . approval. And if you don’t approve (Beat.) they know something must It’s true. I am the fuckingapproval. female And ifwith you the don’t treasure approve and (Beat.) that’s whatthey theyknow something must It’s true. I am the fucking female with the treasure and that’s what they be wrong (Beat.) with you, that you’re getting older, or senile, or just are after. Like my latebe wronghusband (Beat.) Markus. with He you, cried that when you’re we gettingdid it for older, the or senile, or just are after. Like my late husband Markus. He cried when we did it for the ornery. (Beat.) Kids do things when they become adults, things you’ve first time. That’s whyorner I marriedy. (Beat.) him. Kids He do had things feelings. when He they showed become them. adults, things you’ve first time. That’s why I married him. He had feelings. He showed them. already done for them. They want to be “reborn” and prove that they can That’s what I thoughtalready . . . doneWhat for an them. asshole They I was. want When to be I’m “reborn” gone, andwho prove that they can That’s what I thought . . . What an asshole I was. When I’m gone, who do it better than their mothers can. And of course it’s not as good, and cares who did whatdo with it better whom than and their how mothersmany times. can. I’mAnd just of coursegone. It’s it’s not as good, and cares who did what with whom and how many times. I’m just gone. It’s they call you to come and fix it for them. And you go, like the mother a horrible thought.they Nobody call you gives to a come shit . and. . Do fix you it for know them. what And I mean,you go, like the mother a horrible thought. Nobody gives a shit . . . Do you know what I mean, you are, to make it better, or go away, or (2 Beats.). There is no reward Kris? I know it soundsyou are,pathetic to make but, it by better, God, orthat’s go away,what orit is!(2 .Beats.). . . I betThere is no reward Kris? I know it sounds pathetic but, by God, that’s what it is! . . . I bet (Beat.) being a mother all your life. You’ve got to look for happiness (Beat.) you’re doing it right(Beat.) now. Isbeing it Patrick a mother or Phillip? all your Or life. the You’ve taxi driver.got to lookWhen for happiness (Beat.) you’re doing it right now. Is it Patrick or Phillip? Or the taxi driver. When someplace else. When you leave their lives go, and never look back. And I see you Kris I seesomeplace myself thirty else. years When ago. you Shit leave (Cries their slowly.) lives go,. . .and Sorry, never look back. And I see you Kris I see myself thirty years ago. Shit (Cries slowly.) . . . Sorry, when they want you back they should be charged a fee for your read- I dropped the joint.when It’s theynot whatwant you you do back but they what should other bepeople charged think a fee for your read- I dropped the joint. It’s not what you do but what other people think mission. And what would that be? Well, think of this. All his life, as he you’re doing. Do youmission. understand And what what wouldI’m saying. that be?You W haveell, tothink be a of super this. All his life, as he you’re doing. Do you understand what I’m saying. You have to be a super grew up, you were there, planning, building, making smooth the rough human being to listengrew to up y,our you heart. were Ithere, don’t planning, think it’s building,even possible making . . . smooth the rough human being to listen to your heart. I don’t think it’s even possible . . . places for him to move forward into the world he wanted to be in. You I’m not saying thatplaces it’s all forso badhim either, to mo butve forward . . . What into the the fuck world am Ihe talk- wanted to be in. You I’m not saying that it’s all so bad either, but . . . What the fuck am I talk- made sacrifices that he will never know about, and it would be useless to ing to a bloody machinemade sacrifices . . . (Exits.) that he will never know about, and it would be useless to ing to a bloody machine . . . (Exits.) tell him because he would say it was totally unnecessary, he could have tell him because he would say it was totally unnecessary, he could have done it himself. And that is the point of pain, after you struggled and done it himself. And that is the point of pain, after you struggled and scraped together the little you have for him, he says, “Why did you do scraped together the little you have for him, he says, “Why did you do that? I could have done it myself.” (Beat.) Well you didn’t Buster! Your that? I could have done it myself.” (Beat.) Well you didn’t Buster! Your mother did it for you, and she deserves some recognition for it! (2 beats.) mother did it for you, and she deserves some recognition for it! (2 beats.) So give it to her, while she’s here to enjoy it (Beat.) and everything will So give it to her, while she’s here to enjoy it (Beat.) and everything will be — fine. be — fine.

88 88 85 85 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 92 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5689 AM Page 92 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 89

By the time I was fifty I had 100 bears on the big shelf in the hall. By the timeSisters I was fifty I had 100 bears on the big shelf in the hall. Sisters Gabriel Lanci Gabriel Lanci Oscar told me that the weight of the bears on the shelf would break it. Oscar told me that the weight of the bears on the shelf would break it. The shelf was strong enough for his handgun collection, I pointed out. The shelf was strong enough for his handgun collection, I pointed out. “Say, Bertie, you’ve given me an idea,” he said. “I could convert that shelf “Say, Bertie, you’ve given me an idea,” he said. “I could convert that shelf Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now into a gun display case. Get rid of the bears.” into a gun display case. Get rid of the bears.” Dramatic Dramatic Jesse (forty to fifty), a woman facing death. Jesse (forty to fifty), a woman facing death. I thought he’d just forget about building the display case — most nights I thought he’d just forget about building the display case — most nights he wasn’t home. He’d developed quite an appetite for Porterhouse steaks. he wasn’t home. He’d developed quite an appetite for Porterhouse steaks. Here, dying Jesse laments the fact that she never had children of her own. Here, dying Jesse laments the fact that she never had children of her own. It was Easter Sunday. I had just returned after visiting my mother in We- It was Easter Sunday. I had just returned after visiting my mother in We- natchee and went upstairs to unpack my clothes. natchee and went upstairs to unpack my clothes. JESSE: This must be the end of my life. It’s funny, you don’t realize it after it JESSE: This must be the end of my life. It’s funny, you don’t realize it after it It was then I saw it. The display rack. My bears were nowhere to be seen. It was then I saw it. The display rack. My bears were nowhere to be seen. happens to you. I have to keep reminding myself that I have no place to happens to you. I have to keep reminding myself that I have no place to I didn’t want to interrupt the 6 o’clock news, it makes him mad when I I didn’t want to interrupt the 6 o’clock news, it makes him mad when I go, no business, no activity, no thoughts, no feelings. Is this the way it go, no business, no activity, no thoughts, no feelings. Is this the way it do that. I waited until supper to ask him about the bears. do that. I waited until supper to ask him about the bears. should be? (Beat.) I’m not worried, I’m not sad in fact I feel very, very should be? (Beat.) I’m not worried, I’m not sad in fact I feel very, very happy. Why am I so happy? I don’t know where I’m going and my life happy. Why am I so happy? I don’t know where I’m going and my life “Oscar,” I said, “ What did you do with my bear collection?” He reached “Oscar,” I said, “ What did you do with my bear collection?” He reached was such a loss. (Beat.) One regret I have now is that I never gave life to was such a loss. (Beat.) One regret I have now is that I never gave life to for the roast beef. “What are you talking about, Woman?” for the roast beef. “What are you talking about, Woman?” anyone. There is no one there with my genes in them, no one with my anyone. There is no one there with my genes in them, no one with my “The bears that I’ve been collecting since we married. Where are they?” “The bears that I’ve been collecting since we married. Where are they?” identity, no child of mine. (Beat.) I wanted children, I don’t know why identity, no child of mine. (Beat.) I wanted children, I don’t know why I never got them. There was nothing wrong with Joe or me, we should I never got them. There was nothing wrong with Joe or me, we should “Bears? — Oh them. Don’t you think you’re a little old to play with teddy “Bears? — Oh them. Don’t you think you’re a little old to play with teddy have had children and we tried to. I envied my sister. Can we talk about have had children and we tried to. I envied my sister. Can we talk about bears?” He jabbed at the roast with his fork and put it to his mouth. “I bears?” He jabbed at the roast with his fork and put it to his mouth. “I sin here? I don’t understand my life. I wanted so much to be a mother, sin here? I don’t understand my life. I wanted so much to be a mother, don’t play with them,” I said trying to keep my voice steady. “I collect don’t play with them,” I said trying to keep my voice steady. “I collect to have children and watch them grow up and have their own children. to have children and watch them grow up and have their own children. them.” them.” Joe and I sincerely wanted that. But we never got it. Jeanie on the other Joe and I sincerely wanted that. But we never got it. Jeanie on the other hand, was given children, and she let them go, gave them away, aban- hand, was given children, and she let them go, gave them away, aban- (As Bertha talks she “plays’ with the little bear. Bouncing him up and down, (As Bertha talks she “plays’ with the little bear. Bouncing him up and down, doned them, I don’t know what to call it. And after that, she got more doned them, I don’t know what to call it. And after that, she got more stroking his fur, etc.) stroking his fur, etc.) children. What was that? Talk about unfairness! Do we ever get to ask children. What was that? Talk about unfairness! Do we ever get to ask God why these things were done? (Beat.) Now should be the time. (Beat.) God why these things were done? (Beat.) Now should be the time. (Beat.) “Bertie,” he says, as he scooped up some mashed potatoes on his spoon. “Bertie,” he says, as he scooped up some mashed potatoes on his spoon. Before I go any further, I want to know. What did I do wrong? What Before I go any further, I want to know. What did I do wrong? What “I gave them to the little girl down the street. You know, the one with “I gave them to the little girl down the street. You know, the one with great sin kept me from becoming a parent? With all the injustices of the great sin kept me from becoming a parent? With all the injustices of the MS.” MS.” world, all the inflicted pain and desolation why does God do it? If there world, all the inflicted pain and desolation why does God do it? If there was something else He wanted me to do with my life, He should have was something else He wanted me to do with my life, He should have Now, I know Oscar. He hasn’t given anything away since our daughter Now, I know Oscar. He hasn’t given anything away since our daughter told me. No messages, no visions, no voices, nothing. I bet Jeanine wher- told me. No messages, no visions, no voices, nothing. I bet Jeanine wher- got married. “Seriously, Oscar. What did you do with my bears?” got married. “Seriously, Oscar. What did you do with my bears?” ever she is thinks this is funny. (Beat.) What are you telling me? (Beat.) ever she is thinks this is funny. (Beat.) What are you telling me? (Beat.) I remind you of your son Tony? Is that what you’re saying? God knows I remind you of your son Tony? Is that what you’re saying? God knows “Don’t worry, your little bears have gone to a happier place.” He poured “Don’t worry, your little bears have gone to a happier place.” He poured I taught him how to think. The poor kid would have been totally lost I taught him how to think. The poor kid would have been totally lost some ketchup on the beef, picked up a parker house roll, and just as he some ketchup on the beef, picked up a parker house roll, and just as he without anyone who knew what he was going through. All that despair without anyone who knew what he was going through. All that despair was about to butter his roll, I lost it. was about to butter his roll, I lost it. he carried around inside could have destroyed him. He could have bombed he carried around inside could have destroyed him. He could have bombed

92 92 89 89 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 90 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5691 AM Page 90 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 91

out on drugs and alcohol or something else, but he didn’t. I taught him out on Teotwakidrugs and alcohol or something else, but he didn’t. I taught him Teotwaki how to be angry, and get that anger out there where everybody could see how to be angry, and get that anger out there where everybody could see Jo J. Adamson Jo J. Adamson it! That’s what he needed — to show his feelings, not keep them bottled it! That’s what he needed — to show his feelings, not keep them bottled up and obedient. It got him through (Beat.) you. (Beat.) We tried to give up and obedient. It got him through (Beat.) you. (Beat.) We tried to give each other so much, but we didn’t need that. We should have reached in- each other so much, but we didn’t need that. We should have reached in- Scene: A casino Scene: A casino side of ourselves and pulled out the longing and the fear and the despair side of ourselves and pulled out the longing and the fear and the despair Serio-Comic Serio-Comic and looked at them for what they really are (Beat.) hope gone astray, and looked at them for what they really are (Beat.) hope gone astray, Bertha (fifties), a woman just beginning to live life. Bertha (fifties), a woman just beginning to live life. dreams we’ve awakened in the middle of and don’t know how they end. dreams we’ve awakened in the middle of and don’t know how they end. Now he’ll always wonder, and he’ll always fear knowing (Beat.) why. (Jesse Now he’ll always wonder, and he’ll always fear knowing (Beat.) why. (Jesse Here, Bertha shares the sad story of her marriage to Oscar, an insensitive boor, Here, Bertha shares the sad story of her marriage to Oscar, an insensitive boor, turns to go. Upstage has become a large black space as she moves slowly up- turns to go. Upstage has become a large black space as she moves slowly up- with her sister slot-machine players. with her sister slot-machine players. stage into the darkness.) But, in the end it hasn’t been too bad, Jeanie, has it? stage into the darkness.) But, in the end it hasn’t been too bad, Jeanie, has it?

BERTHA: I started collecting stuffed bears the year I married. My husband was BERTHA: I started collecting stuffed bears the year I married. My husband was a supervisor at the sawmill and I was alone a lot of the time. Come to a supervisor at the sawmill and I was alone a lot of the time. Come to think of it, he wasn’t much company when he was there. He just watched think of it, he wasn’t much company when he was there. He just watched TV, ate and slept. TV, ate and slept.

You always remember the first in a collection. You always remember the first in a collection. Of bears, that is. Not husbands. Of bears, that is. Not husbands.

(Bertha giggles a little.) (Bertha giggles a little.)

My first was a brown bear stuffed with excelsior. He had a embroidered My first was a brown bear stuffed with excelsior. He had a embroidered nose. I called him “Wooly.” I paid twenty dollars for him and that was nose. I called him “Wooly.” I paid twenty dollars for him and that was a lot of the money in the 1960’s. a lot of the money in the 1960’s.

Wooly sat on my bed, until Oscar, my husband, took him off. Every time Wooly sat on my bed, until Oscar, my husband, took him off. Every time he saw it he thought that the neighbor’s longhaired cat had sneaked in he saw it he thought that the neighbor’s longhaired cat had sneaked in and was sleeping on the bed. and was sleeping on the bed.

He hated anything that was fluffy and moved. After Wooly, I bought “Di- He hated anything that was fluffy and moved. After Wooly, I bought “Di- vinity.” He was twelve inches long and had pure white fur with pellets vinity.” He was twelve inches long and had pure white fur with pellets and poly stuffing. I didn’t think anything could be as soft as Divinity. and poly stuffing. I didn’t think anything could be as soft as Divinity.

Every six months, I added another bear to my collection. I bought angel Every six months, I added another bear to my collection. I bought angel bears, mafia bears, pirate bears, frog bears, baseball bears, football bears, bears, mafia bears, pirate bears, frog bears, baseball bears, football bears, panda bears, chef bears, Santa Claus bears, and even a Hell’s Angel bear. panda bears, chef bears, Santa Claus bears, and even a Hell’s Angel bear.

90 90 91 91 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 90 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5691 AM Page 90 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 91

out on drugs and alcohol or something else, but he didn’t. I taught him out on Teotwakidrugs and alcohol or something else, but he didn’t. I taught him Teotwaki how to be angry, and get that anger out there where everybody could see how to be angry, and get that anger out there where everybody could see Jo J. Adamson Jo J. Adamson it! That’s what he needed — to show his feelings, not keep them bottled it! That’s what he needed — to show his feelings, not keep them bottled up and obedient. It got him through (Beat.) you. (Beat.) We tried to give up and obedient. It got him through (Beat.) you. (Beat.) We tried to give each other so much, but we didn’t need that. We should have reached in- each other so much, but we didn’t need that. We should have reached in- Scene: A casino Scene: A casino side of ourselves and pulled out the longing and the fear and the despair side of ourselves and pulled out the longing and the fear and the despair Serio-Comic Serio-Comic and looked at them for what they really are (Beat.) hope gone astray, and looked at them for what they really are (Beat.) hope gone astray, Bertha (fifties), a woman just beginning to live life. Bertha (fifties), a woman just beginning to live life. dreams we’ve awakened in the middle of and don’t know how they end. dreams we’ve awakened in the middle of and don’t know how they end. Now he’ll always wonder, and he’ll always fear knowing (Beat.) why. (Jesse Now he’ll always wonder, and he’ll always fear knowing (Beat.) why. (Jesse Here, Bertha shares the sad story of her marriage to Oscar, an insensitive boor, Here, Bertha shares the sad story of her marriage to Oscar, an insensitive boor, turns to go. Upstage has become a large black space as she moves slowly up- turns to go. Upstage has become a large black space as she moves slowly up- with her sister slot-machine players. with her sister slot-machine players. stage into the darkness.) But, in the end it hasn’t been too bad, Jeanie, has it? stage into the darkness.) But, in the end it hasn’t been too bad, Jeanie, has it?

BERTHA: I started collecting stuffed bears the year I married. My husband was BERTHA: I started collecting stuffed bears the year I married. My husband was a supervisor at the sawmill and I was alone a lot of the time. Come to a supervisor at the sawmill and I was alone a lot of the time. Come to think of it, he wasn’t much company when he was there. He just watched think of it, he wasn’t much company when he was there. He just watched TV, ate and slept. TV, ate and slept.

You always remember the first in a collection. You always remember the first in a collection. Of bears, that is. Not husbands. Of bears, that is. Not husbands.

(Bertha giggles a little.) (Bertha giggles a little.)

My first was a brown bear stuffed with excelsior. He had a embroidered My first was a brown bear stuffed with excelsior. He had a embroidered nose. I called him “Wooly.” I paid twenty dollars for him and that was nose. I called him “Wooly.” I paid twenty dollars for him and that was a lot of the money in the 1960’s. a lot of the money in the 1960’s.

Wooly sat on my bed, until Oscar, my husband, took him off. Every time Wooly sat on my bed, until Oscar, my husband, took him off. Every time he saw it he thought that the neighbor’s longhaired cat had sneaked in he saw it he thought that the neighbor’s longhaired cat had sneaked in and was sleeping on the bed. and was sleeping on the bed.

He hated anything that was fluffy and moved. After Wooly, I bought “Di- He hated anything that was fluffy and moved. After Wooly, I bought “Di- vinity.” He was twelve inches long and had pure white fur with pellets vinity.” He was twelve inches long and had pure white fur with pellets and poly stuffing. I didn’t think anything could be as soft as Divinity. and poly stuffing. I didn’t think anything could be as soft as Divinity.

Every six months, I added another bear to my collection. I bought angel Every six months, I added another bear to my collection. I bought angel bears, mafia bears, pirate bears, frog bears, baseball bears, football bears, bears, mafia bears, pirate bears, frog bears, baseball bears, football bears, panda bears, chef bears, Santa Claus bears, and even a Hell’s Angel bear. panda bears, chef bears, Santa Claus bears, and even a Hell’s Angel bear.

90 90 91 91 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 92 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5689 AM Page 92 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 89

By the time I was fifty I had 100 bears on the big shelf in the hall. By the timeSisters I was fifty I had 100 bears on the big shelf in the hall. Sisters Gabriel Lanci Gabriel Lanci Oscar told me that the weight of the bears on the shelf would break it. Oscar told me that the weight of the bears on the shelf would break it. The shelf was strong enough for his handgun collection, I pointed out. The shelf was strong enough for his handgun collection, I pointed out. “Say, Bertie, you’ve given me an idea,” he said. “I could convert that shelf “Say, Bertie, you’ve given me an idea,” he said. “I could convert that shelf Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now into a gun display case. Get rid of the bears.” into a gun display case. Get rid of the bears.” Dramatic Dramatic Jesse (forty to fifty), a woman facing death. Jesse (forty to fifty), a woman facing death. I thought he’d just forget about building the display case — most nights I thought he’d just forget about building the display case — most nights he wasn’t home. He’d developed quite an appetite for Porterhouse steaks. he wasn’t home. He’d developed quite an appetite for Porterhouse steaks. Here, dying Jesse laments the fact that she never had children of her own. Here, dying Jesse laments the fact that she never had children of her own. It was Easter Sunday. I had just returned after visiting my mother in We- It was Easter Sunday. I had just returned after visiting my mother in We- natchee and went upstairs to unpack my clothes. natchee and went upstairs to unpack my clothes. JESSE: This must be the end of my life. It’s funny, you don’t realize it after it JESSE: This must be the end of my life. It’s funny, you don’t realize it after it It was then I saw it. The display rack. My bears were nowhere to be seen. It was then I saw it. The display rack. My bears were nowhere to be seen. happens to you. I have to keep reminding myself that I have no place to happens to you. I have to keep reminding myself that I have no place to I didn’t want to interrupt the 6 o’clock news, it makes him mad when I I didn’t want to interrupt the 6 o’clock news, it makes him mad when I go, no business, no activity, no thoughts, no feelings. Is this the way it go, no business, no activity, no thoughts, no feelings. Is this the way it do that. I waited until supper to ask him about the bears. do that. I waited until supper to ask him about the bears. should be? (Beat.) I’m not worried, I’m not sad in fact I feel very, very should be? (Beat.) I’m not worried, I’m not sad in fact I feel very, very happy. Why am I so happy? I don’t know where I’m going and my life happy. Why am I so happy? I don’t know where I’m going and my life “Oscar,” I said, “ What did you do with my bear collection?” He reached “Oscar,” I said, “ What did you do with my bear collection?” He reached was such a loss. (Beat.) One regret I have now is that I never gave life to was such a loss. (Beat.) One regret I have now is that I never gave life to for the roast beef. “What are you talking about, Woman?” for the roast beef. “What are you talking about, Woman?” anyone. There is no one there with my genes in them, no one with my anyone. There is no one there with my genes in them, no one with my “The bears that I’ve been collecting since we married. Where are they?” “The bears that I’ve been collecting since we married. Where are they?” identity, no child of mine. (Beat.) I wanted children, I don’t know why identity, no child of mine. (Beat.) I wanted children, I don’t know why I never got them. There was nothing wrong with Joe or me, we should I never got them. There was nothing wrong with Joe or me, we should “Bears? — Oh them. Don’t you think you’re a little old to play with teddy “Bears? — Oh them. Don’t you think you’re a little old to play with teddy have had children and we tried to. I envied my sister. Can we talk about have had children and we tried to. I envied my sister. Can we talk about bears?” He jabbed at the roast with his fork and put it to his mouth. “I bears?” He jabbed at the roast with his fork and put it to his mouth. “I sin here? I don’t understand my life. I wanted so much to be a mother, sin here? I don’t understand my life. I wanted so much to be a mother, don’t play with them,” I said trying to keep my voice steady. “I collect don’t play with them,” I said trying to keep my voice steady. “I collect to have children and watch them grow up and have their own children. to have children and watch them grow up and have their own children. them.” them.” Joe and I sincerely wanted that. But we never got it. Jeanie on the other Joe and I sincerely wanted that. But we never got it. Jeanie on the other hand, was given children, and she let them go, gave them away, aban- hand, was given children, and she let them go, gave them away, aban- (As Bertha talks she “plays’ with the little bear. Bouncing him up and down, (As Bertha talks she “plays’ with the little bear. Bouncing him up and down, doned them, I don’t know what to call it. And after that, she got more doned them, I don’t know what to call it. And after that, she got more stroking his fur, etc.) stroking his fur, etc.) children. What was that? Talk about unfairness! Do we ever get to ask children. What was that? Talk about unfairness! Do we ever get to ask God why these things were done? (Beat.) Now should be the time. (Beat.) God why these things were done? (Beat.) Now should be the time. (Beat.) “Bertie,” he says, as he scooped up some mashed potatoes on his spoon. “Bertie,” he says, as he scooped up some mashed potatoes on his spoon. Before I go any further, I want to know. What did I do wrong? What Before I go any further, I want to know. What did I do wrong? What “I gave them to the little girl down the street. You know, the one with “I gave them to the little girl down the street. You know, the one with great sin kept me from becoming a parent? With all the injustices of the great sin kept me from becoming a parent? With all the injustices of the MS.” MS.” world, all the inflicted pain and desolation why does God do it? If there world, all the inflicted pain and desolation why does God do it? If there was something else He wanted me to do with my life, He should have was something else He wanted me to do with my life, He should have Now, I know Oscar. He hasn’t given anything away since our daughter Now, I know Oscar. He hasn’t given anything away since our daughter told me. No messages, no visions, no voices, nothing. I bet Jeanine wher- told me. No messages, no visions, no voices, nothing. I bet Jeanine wher- got married. “Seriously, Oscar. What did you do with my bears?” got married. “Seriously, Oscar. What did you do with my bears?” ever she is thinks this is funny. (Beat.) What are you telling me? (Beat.) ever she is thinks this is funny. (Beat.) What are you telling me? (Beat.) I remind you of your son Tony? Is that what you’re saying? God knows I remind you of your son Tony? Is that what you’re saying? God knows “Don’t worry, your little bears have gone to a happier place.” He poured “Don’t worry, your little bears have gone to a happier place.” He poured I taught him how to think. The poor kid would have been totally lost I taught him how to think. The poor kid would have been totally lost some ketchup on the beef, picked up a parker house roll, and just as he some ketchup on the beef, picked up a parker house roll, and just as he without anyone who knew what he was going through. All that despair without anyone who knew what he was going through. All that despair was about to butter his roll, I lost it. was about to butter his roll, I lost it. he carried around inside could have destroyed him. He could have bombed he carried around inside could have destroyed him. He could have bombed

92 92 89 89 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 96 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5693 AM Page 96 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 93

[BERTHA: I know what a lesbian is. I watched “Ellen” come out on national “What did you[BERTHA do with: Imy know friggin’ what bears, a lesbian you is.sonofabitch!” I watched “Ellen” come out on national “What did you do with my friggin’ bears, you sonofabitch!” TV!] TV!] (Emma and Hannah can only stare at Bertha. They were not expecting such (Emma and Hannah can only stare at Bertha. They were not expecting such HANNAH: Why was I leaving the group, they demanded. I had learned a lot language.) HANNAH: Why was I leaving the group, they demanded. I had learned a lot language.) and had opened myself up to them. and had opened myself up to them. (Beat.) (Beat.) I thought long and hard about it, and then it hit me. I thought long and hard about it, and then it hit me. [HANNAH: What did the sonofabitch do with the friggin’ bears?] [HANNAH: What did the sonofabitch do with the friggin’ bears?] I was leaving because if I stayed I would have to admit that my entire life I was leaving because if I stayed I would have to admit that my entire life — my marriage, my children, and my friendships was one big lie. If those (Bertha puts the bear— back my marriage, on the slot my machine. children, She and sighs.) my friendships was one big lie. If those (Bertha puts the bear back on the slot machine. She sighs.) women knew what they were talking about, my life would be invalid. Un- women knew what they were talking about, my life would be invalid. Un- justifiable, and irrelevant: it would have no more meaning than an ex- BERTHA: He donated themjustifiable, to the Marineand irrelevant: Corps’ “Toysit would for haveTots” no program. more meaning than an ex- BERTHA: He donated them to the Marine Corps’ “Toys for Tots” program. pired driver’s license. pired driver’s license. Anyway, after he left me for “Medium Rare” I stopped collecting things. Anyway, after he left me for “Medium Rare” I stopped collecting things. “I am forty-five years old. Too old to want my own space.” Shoot, I didn’t I figured I didn’t need“I am all forty-fivethat stuff yearscollecting old. Too dust. old Besides, to want I learnedmy own that space.” Shoot, I didn’t I figured I didn’t need all that stuff collecting dust. Besides, I learned that even know we had our own space. Mine was always full of people. there was a whole evworlden kno outsidew we ofhad my our door own. I space.joined Mine the YWCA, was always took full of people. there was a whole world outside of my door. I joined the YWCA, took pottery and watercolor classes — even joined a poetry group. I met other pottery and watercolor classes — even joined a poetry group. I met other I left the group and like Humpty Dumpty remained sitting on the wall. women like myselfI wholeft the were group divorced, and like and Humpty I even Dumptystarted to remained travel on sitting on the wall. women like myself who were divorced, and I even started to travel on I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t unhappy. I was just . . . present and accounted tour buses. Like theI wasn’tone that happy took and me I wasnhere,’t to unhappy. the “Win-A-Lot” I was just .casino. . . present and accounted tour buses. Like the one that took me here, to the “Win-A-Lot” casino. for. for. Oscar never let me wear pants. He said no woman of his was going to Oscar never let me wear pants. He said no woman of his was going to When Henry retired, we found out that we didn’t have much in com- be seen in trousers.When Even Hwhenenry all retir theed, women we found star tedout tothat wear we them, didn’t he have much in com- be seen in trousers. Even when all the women started to wear them, he mon. We didn’t have much to say to one another. Hell, I’m not even sure wouldn’t let me buymon. a pair W.e didn’t have much to say to one another. Hell, I’m not even sure wouldn’t let me buy a pair. we even like one another. we even like one another. A few months after he left, I went out and bought myself a bright red A few months after he left, I went out and bought myself a bright red He does his thing, golf, and I do mine, play games, and never the twain pantsuit with a matchingHe does scar hisf. thing, golf, and I do mine, play games, and never the twain pantsuit with a matching scarf. should meet. I hate golf and he wouldn’t be caught dead inside of a casino. should meet. I hate golf and he wouldn’t be caught dead inside of a casino.

96 96 93 93 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 94 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5695 AM Page 94 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 95

Teotwaki wanted to fill it up. I was becoming invisible,Teotwaki and I wanted people to see wanted to fill it up. I was becoming invisible, and I wanted people to see me. me. Jo J. Adamson Jo J. Adamson

When I tried to tell Henry what transpired in the sessions, it sounded so When I tried to tell Henry what transpired in the sessions, it sounded so silly. Phrases like “my own space” “my own body” tripped off my tongue silly. Phrases like “my own space” “my own body” tripped off my tongue Scene: A casino Scene: A casino until I felt like the walking feminist bible, “Our Body Ourselves.” until I felt like the walking feminist bible, “Our Body Ourselves.” Serio-Comic Serio-Comic Hannah (fifties), a woman who finds happiness where she can. Hannah (fifties), a woman who finds happiness where she can. I misquoted Gloria Steinem and Germaine Greer. I told Henry he was I misquoted Gloria Steinem and Germaine Greer. I told Henry he was as worthless as a fish on a bicycle. That I’d dwindled into a wife, and if as worthless as a fish on a bicycle. That I’d dwindled into a wife, and if Hannah here explains why she chose to remain in a loveless marriage with a Hannah here explains why she chose to remain in a loveless marriage with a men had to have abortions, it would become a sacrament. men had to have abortions, it would become a sacrament. man with whom she has nothing in common. man with whom she has nothing in common.

I spewed out all the rhetoric of the women’s movement as if it were di- I spewed out all the rhetoric of the women’s movement as if it were di- HANNAH: I never tried to torch my bra, but I once joined HANNAH: I never tried to torch my bra, but I once joined vine law and before long I had stopped wearing a bra and I’d let my hair vine law and before long I had stopped wearing a bra and I’d let my hair a feminist group. The book discussion group was full and a feminist group. The book discussion group was full and go back to its natural color. Gray. go back to its natural color. Gray. I was feeling a little uneasy with my life and so I I was feeling a little uneasy with my life and so I thought I’d give it a go. thought I’d give it a go. Henry was beside himself. What did I want? A divorce? A Hawaiian va- Henry was beside himself. What did I want? A divorce? A Hawaiian va- cation? A trip to Las Vegas, what? cation? A trip to Las Vegas, what? My husband asked what I wanted to My husband asked what I wanted to join a group of hysterical females. join a group of hysterical females. I wasn’t ‘fulfilled,’ I said. That was the other ‘F’ word in the 80’s. I wasn’t ‘fulfilled,’ I said. That was the other ‘F’ word in the 80’s. Well, there wasn’t a ‘hysterical’ female in the lot. But there were plenty Well, there wasn’t a ‘hysterical’ female in the lot. But there were plenty Henry finally gave me an ultimatum — choose that militant women’s Henry finally gave me an ultimatum — choose that militant women’s of angry females, and frustrated females, and females who wore no makeup of angry females, and frustrated females, and females who wore no makeup group or him. I couldn’t have both. group or him. I couldn’t have both. or bras. These women wanted something more than marriage, kids, and or bras. These women wanted something more than marriage, kids, and a mortgage. They wanted to ‘find themselves!’ a mortgage. They wanted to ‘find themselves!’ My last meeting was on a Halloween night. We were having a little party My last meeting was on a Halloween night. We were having a little party and I came as a Humpty Dumpty. It somehow fit. and I came as a Humpty Dumpty. It somehow fit. I made fun of them. “Find yourselves? Why, are you lost?” I become sar- I made fun of them. “Find yourselves? Why, are you lost?” I become sar- castic when I’m uneasy. And these women made me very uneasy. castic when I’m uneasy. And these women made me very uneasy. “Trick or Treat,” I said after we downed a bottle of Merlot. “I’m outa “Trick or Treat,” I said after we downed a bottle of Merlot. “I’m outa here.” here.” One woman suggested that they might threaten me. One woman suggested that they might threaten me.

What have we done? Are we too extreme? Many of them were divorced What have we done? Are we too extreme? Many of them were divorced “Threaten me? Don’t be absurd,” I said. “I’m a happily married woman “Threaten me? Don’t be absurd,” I said. “I’m a happily married woman or had alternative life styles . . . or had alternative life styles . . . with a full life.” with a full life.”

(Hannah looks at Bertha.) (Hannah looks at Bertha.) “If that’s true, why are you here?” “If that’s true, why are you here?”

. . . that means they have sleepovers with their girlfriends, Bertha. . . . that means they have sleepovers with their girlfriends, Bertha. I like to read, I said lamely. The truth of the matter was I didn’t know I like to read, I said lamely. The truth of the matter was I didn’t know why I was there. There was a big empty hole around my heart, and I why I was there. There was a big empty hole around my heart, and I

94 94 95 95 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 94 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5695 AM Page 94 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 95

Teotwaki wanted to fill it up. I was becoming invisible,Teotwaki and I wanted people to see wanted to fill it up. I was becoming invisible, and I wanted people to see me. me. Jo J. Adamson Jo J. Adamson

When I tried to tell Henry what transpired in the sessions, it sounded so When I tried to tell Henry what transpired in the sessions, it sounded so silly. Phrases like “my own space” “my own body” tripped off my tongue silly. Phrases like “my own space” “my own body” tripped off my tongue Scene: A casino Scene: A casino until I felt like the walking feminist bible, “Our Body Ourselves.” until I felt like the walking feminist bible, “Our Body Ourselves.” Serio-Comic Serio-Comic Hannah (fifties), a woman who finds happiness where she can. Hannah (fifties), a woman who finds happiness where she can. I misquoted Gloria Steinem and Germaine Greer. I told Henry he was I misquoted Gloria Steinem and Germaine Greer. I told Henry he was as worthless as a fish on a bicycle. That I’d dwindled into a wife, and if as worthless as a fish on a bicycle. That I’d dwindled into a wife, and if Hannah here explains why she chose to remain in a loveless marriage with a Hannah here explains why she chose to remain in a loveless marriage with a men had to have abortions, it would become a sacrament. men had to have abortions, it would become a sacrament. man with whom she has nothing in common. man with whom she has nothing in common.

I spewed out all the rhetoric of the women’s movement as if it were di- I spewed out all the rhetoric of the women’s movement as if it were di- HANNAH: I never tried to torch my bra, but I once joined HANNAH: I never tried to torch my bra, but I once joined vine law and before long I had stopped wearing a bra and I’d let my hair vine law and before long I had stopped wearing a bra and I’d let my hair a feminist group. The book discussion group was full and a feminist group. The book discussion group was full and go back to its natural color. Gray. go back to its natural color. Gray. I was feeling a little uneasy with my life and so I I was feeling a little uneasy with my life and so I thought I’d give it a go. thought I’d give it a go. Henry was beside himself. What did I want? A divorce? A Hawaiian va- Henry was beside himself. What did I want? A divorce? A Hawaiian va- cation? A trip to Las Vegas, what? cation? A trip to Las Vegas, what? My husband asked what I wanted to My husband asked what I wanted to join a group of hysterical females. join a group of hysterical females. I wasn’t ‘fulfilled,’ I said. That was the other ‘F’ word in the 80’s. I wasn’t ‘fulfilled,’ I said. That was the other ‘F’ word in the 80’s. Well, there wasn’t a ‘hysterical’ female in the lot. But there were plenty Well, there wasn’t a ‘hysterical’ female in the lot. But there were plenty Henry finally gave me an ultimatum — choose that militant women’s Henry finally gave me an ultimatum — choose that militant women’s of angry females, and frustrated females, and females who wore no makeup of angry females, and frustrated females, and females who wore no makeup group or him. I couldn’t have both. group or him. I couldn’t have both. or bras. These women wanted something more than marriage, kids, and or bras. These women wanted something more than marriage, kids, and a mortgage. They wanted to ‘find themselves!’ a mortgage. They wanted to ‘find themselves!’ My last meeting was on a Halloween night. We were having a little party My last meeting was on a Halloween night. We were having a little party and I came as a Humpty Dumpty. It somehow fit. and I came as a Humpty Dumpty. It somehow fit. I made fun of them. “Find yourselves? Why, are you lost?” I become sar- I made fun of them. “Find yourselves? Why, are you lost?” I become sar- castic when I’m uneasy. And these women made me very uneasy. castic when I’m uneasy. And these women made me very uneasy. “Trick or Treat,” I said after we downed a bottle of Merlot. “I’m outa “Trick or Treat,” I said after we downed a bottle of Merlot. “I’m outa here.” here.” One woman suggested that they might threaten me. One woman suggested that they might threaten me.

What have we done? Are we too extreme? Many of them were divorced What have we done? Are we too extreme? Many of them were divorced “Threaten me? Don’t be absurd,” I said. “I’m a happily married woman “Threaten me? Don’t be absurd,” I said. “I’m a happily married woman or had alternative life styles . . . or had alternative life styles . . . with a full life.” with a full life.”

(Hannah looks at Bertha.) (Hannah looks at Bertha.) “If that’s true, why are you here?” “If that’s true, why are you here?”

. . . that means they have sleepovers with their girlfriends, Bertha. . . . that means they have sleepovers with their girlfriends, Bertha. I like to read, I said lamely. The truth of the matter was I didn’t know I like to read, I said lamely. The truth of the matter was I didn’t know why I was there. There was a big empty hole around my heart, and I why I was there. There was a big empty hole around my heart, and I

94 94 95 95 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 96 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5693 AM Page 96 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 93

[BERTHA: I know what a lesbian is. I watched “Ellen” come out on national “What did you[BERTHA do with: Imy know friggin’ what bears, a lesbian you is.sonofabitch!” I watched “Ellen” come out on national “What did you do with my friggin’ bears, you sonofabitch!” TV!] TV!] (Emma and Hannah can only stare at Bertha. They were not expecting such (Emma and Hannah can only stare at Bertha. They were not expecting such HANNAH: Why was I leaving the group, they demanded. I had learned a lot language.) HANNAH: Why was I leaving the group, they demanded. I had learned a lot language.) and had opened myself up to them. and had opened myself up to them. (Beat.) (Beat.) I thought long and hard about it, and then it hit me. I thought long and hard about it, and then it hit me. [HANNAH: What did the sonofabitch do with the friggin’ bears?] [HANNAH: What did the sonofabitch do with the friggin’ bears?] I was leaving because if I stayed I would have to admit that my entire life I was leaving because if I stayed I would have to admit that my entire life — my marriage, my children, and my friendships was one big lie. If those (Bertha puts the bear— back my marriage, on the slot my machine. children, She and sighs.) my friendships was one big lie. If those (Bertha puts the bear back on the slot machine. She sighs.) women knew what they were talking about, my life would be invalid. Un- women knew what they were talking about, my life would be invalid. Un- justifiable, and irrelevant: it would have no more meaning than an ex- BERTHA: He donated themjustifiable, to the Marineand irrelevant: Corps’ “Toysit would for haveTots” no program. more meaning than an ex- BERTHA: He donated them to the Marine Corps’ “Toys for Tots” program. pired driver’s license. pired driver’s license. Anyway, after he left me for “Medium Rare” I stopped collecting things. Anyway, after he left me for “Medium Rare” I stopped collecting things. “I am forty-five years old. Too old to want my own space.” Shoot, I didn’t I figured I didn’t need“I am all forty-fivethat stuff yearscollecting old. Too dust. old Besides, to want I learnedmy own that space.” Shoot, I didn’t I figured I didn’t need all that stuff collecting dust. Besides, I learned that even know we had our own space. Mine was always full of people. there was a whole evworlden kno outsidew we ofhad my our door own. I space.joined Mine the YWCA, was always took full of people. there was a whole world outside of my door. I joined the YWCA, took pottery and watercolor classes — even joined a poetry group. I met other pottery and watercolor classes — even joined a poetry group. I met other I left the group and like Humpty Dumpty remained sitting on the wall. women like myselfI wholeft the were group divorced, and like and Humpty I even Dumptystarted to remained travel on sitting on the wall. women like myself who were divorced, and I even started to travel on I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t unhappy. I was just . . . present and accounted tour buses. Like theI wasn’tone that happy took and me I wasnhere,’t to unhappy. the “Win-A-Lot” I was just .casino. . . present and accounted tour buses. Like the one that took me here, to the “Win-A-Lot” casino. for. for. Oscar never let me wear pants. He said no woman of his was going to Oscar never let me wear pants. He said no woman of his was going to When Henry retired, we found out that we didn’t have much in com- be seen in trousers.When Even Hwhenenry all retir theed, women we found star tedout tothat wear we them, didn’t he have much in com- be seen in trousers. Even when all the women started to wear them, he mon. We didn’t have much to say to one another. Hell, I’m not even sure wouldn’t let me buymon. a pair W.e didn’t have much to say to one another. Hell, I’m not even sure wouldn’t let me buy a pair. we even like one another. we even like one another. A few months after he left, I went out and bought myself a bright red A few months after he left, I went out and bought myself a bright red He does his thing, golf, and I do mine, play games, and never the twain pantsuit with a matchingHe does scar hisf. thing, golf, and I do mine, play games, and never the twain pantsuit with a matching scarf. should meet. I hate golf and he wouldn’t be caught dead inside of a casino. should meet. I hate golf and he wouldn’t be caught dead inside of a casino.

96 96 93 93 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 100 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5697 AM Page 100 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 97

And so I don’t know if this is weird or . . . TonyAnd so I don’tNutcracker know if this is weird or . . . Tony Nutcracker No, it is. It’s weird, I know. It is, it’s weird. No, it is. It’s weird, I know. It is, it’s weird. Jocelyn Beard Jocelyn Beard But the thing is — Can I just say one thing? But the thing is — Can I just say one thing?

(Moving a little closer to the director.) (Moving a little closer to the director.) Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now Serio-Comic Serio-Comic I don’t know if you remember this, but there was this guy, the lead guy, I don’t know if you remember this, but there was this guy, the lead guy, Woman (any age). Woman (any age). you were talking to, big guy, I don’t know his name. you were talking to, big guy, I don’t know his name. And I don’t know what he said or what you guys were talking about . . . And I don’t know what he said or what you guys were talking about . . . A woman who’s bored with Ballanchine. A woman who’s bored with Ballanchine. But you just went off on him. But you just went off on him. You were just “And this, and this, and this, and this!” You were just “And this, and this, and this, and this!” WOMAN: There comes a time in every woman’s life when she really has to ask WOMAN: There comes a time in every woman’s life when she really has to ask And he was like, completely, had no idea. And he was like, completely, had no idea. herself: “Is it possible that I’ve seen ‘The Nutcracker’ one too many times?” herself: “Is it possible that I’ve seen ‘The Nutcracker’ one too many times?” And everyone was like . . . wow. And everyone was like . . . wow. I mean, I was fast asleep by the time they got to the Land of the Sweets I mean, I was fast asleep by the time they got to the Land of the Sweets You were just so . . . Confident. You were just so . . . Confident. last time. Sitting right there in the New York State Theatre in Lincoln last time. Sitting right there in the New York State Theatre in Lincoln You were like . . . on fire with it. It was amazing. You were like . . . on fire with it. It was amazing. Center. Snoring. Not caring that I was snoring. Really kind of proud. I Center. Snoring. Not caring that I was snoring. Really kind of proud. I And I was just “Who IS that??” And I was just “Who IS that??” used to resent the hell out of those businessmen who get dragged to Lin- used to resent the hell out of those businessmen who get dragged to Lin- And I know this is stupid, and I know this isn’t what you want to hear And I know this is stupid, and I know this isn’t what you want to hear coln Center year after year by their wives slash girlfriends who just set- coln Center year after year by their wives slash girlfriends who just set- right now while you’re doing all this, right now while you’re doing all this, tle into their seats and start sawing wood. But now I sympathize. Who tle into their seats and start sawing wood. But now I sympathize. Who I know you’re busy. But I’m not an actor, so I don’t know how l’m ever I know you’re busy. But I’m not an actor, so I don’t know how l’m ever can blame them, or me for that matter? The Nutcracker is tired. Watch- can blame them, or me for that matter? The Nutcracker is tired. Watch- going to even get a chance to even going to even get a chance to even ing it makes you tired. By the time the mice attack, my mind’s on last ing it makes you tired. By the time the mice attack, my mind’s on last BE here just to say . . . BE here just to say . . . Sunday’s episode of The Sopranos. Tchaikovsky should have taken a page Sunday’s episode of The Sopranos. Tchaikovsky should have taken a page out of David Chase’s book. The Silberhauses could be like the Sopranos, out of David Chase’s book. The Silberhauses could be like the Sopranos, (Looking the director in the eye.) (Looking the director in the eye.) Frau Silberhaus and Herr Silberhaus are Carmella and Tony. Clara and Frau Silberhaus and Herr Silberhaus are Carmella and Tony. Clara and Fritz are Meadow and AJ. That freak Dr. Drosselmeyer is Paulie Walnuts Fritz are Meadow and AJ. That freak Dr. Drosselmeyer is Paulie Walnuts I would give anything. To be here. I would give anything. To be here. and the Sugar Plum Fairy is the shrink with the legs. The Nutcracker is and the Sugar Plum Fairy is the shrink with the legs. The Nutcracker is Right now. Right now. some hot young wise guy that Meadow’s in love with. When the wiseguy some hot young wise guy that Meadow’s in love with. When the wiseguy Like this. Like this. Nutcracker sneaks into the Silberhaus house on Christmas Eve, Fritz — Nutcracker sneaks into the Silberhaus house on Christmas Eve, Fritz — With you. With you. slash — AJ pops him with his brand new .9 mm that his dad just gave slash — AJ pops him with his brand new .9 mm that his dad just gave him, but he’s a lousy shot. Paulie Drosselmeyer pulls the bullet out the him, but he’s a lousy shot. Paulie Drosselmeyer pulls the bullet out the kid’s ass and Clara aka Meadow grabs the gun and shoots Fritz — bam kid’s ass and Clara aka Meadow grabs the gun and shoots Fritz — bam — dead. Then, the mice — who are like the Feds — break into the house — dead. Then, the mice — who are like the Feds — break into the house to try and wire the whole place for sound. Clara and the Nutcracker blast to try and wire the whole place for sound. Clara and the Nutcracker blast the Feds to kingdom come. This wakes up her mom, who gets really pissed the Feds to kingdom come. This wakes up her mom, who gets really pissed about blood all over the new wallpaper. When her dad, Tony Silberhaus, about blood all over the new wallpaper. When her dad, Tony Silberhaus, gets home from his job at the Bada-Bing Cherry, he slaps the shit out of gets home from his job at the Bada-Bing Cherry, he slaps the shit out of Fritz, who isn’t really dead, just stunned. Then, Silberhaus and Fritz, who isn’t really dead, just stunned. Then, Silberhaus and Drosselmeyer decide to get Clara and the Nutcracker out of New Jersey Drosselmeyer decide to get Clara and the Nutcracker out of New Jersey

100 100 97 97 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 98 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5699 AM Page 98 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 99

fast, so they send them to upstate New York in a snowstorm, where mem- fast, soToo they send Direct them to upstate New York in a snowstorm, where mem- Too Direct bers of an Asian gang try to kill them. Silberhaus shows up and caps all bers of an Asian gang try to kill them. Silberhaus shows up and caps all Jeff Goode Jeff Goode the Asians, then the Sugar Plum Fairy shows up with her son — who’s a the Asians, then the Sugar Plum Fairy shows up with her son — who’s a senior at Bard College — and gives them all huge quantities of Prozac senior at Bard College — and gives them all huge quantities of Prozac and Zoloft, which makes them all feel better about everything they’ve and Zoloft, which makes them all feel better about everything they’ve Scene: A theater Scene: A theater done. After he feels better, Tony Silberhaus fucks a Snowflake, which pisses done. After he feels better, Tony Silberhaus fucks a Snowflake, which pisses Serio-Comic Serio-Comic off the Sugar Plum Fairy. Clara Meadow decides that the Nutcracker isn’t off the Sugar Plum Fairy. Clara Meadow decides that the Nutcracker isn’t Kris (twenties), an auditioning actress. Kris (twenties), an auditioning actress. as hot as the Sugar Plum Fairy’s son — who is much more sensitive than as hot as the Sugar Plum Fairy’s son — who is much more sensitive than the Nutcracker and is, of course, a Bard student. This pisses off the Nut- the Nutcracker and is, of course, a Bard student. This pisses off the Nut- Here, an overeager actress overstates her case at an audition. Here, an overeager actress overstates her case at an audition. cracker, who makes a pass at the Sugar Plum Fairy who finally gives in cracker, who makes a pass at the Sugar Plum Fairy who finally gives in to her animal lust and bangs the Nutcracker in an effort to make Herr to her animal lust and bangs the Nutcracker in an effort to make Herr KRIS: Hi. KRIS: Hi. Silberhaus jealous. Silberhaus finds out and wacks the Nutcracker. Silberhaus jealous. Silberhaus finds out and wacks the Nutcracker. You probably don’t remember me. You probably don’t remember me. Drosselmeyer calls to say that The Nutcracker and Clara have been cleared Drosselmeyer calls to say that The Nutcracker and Clara have been cleared I mean, of course you don’t, why would you? I mean, of course you don’t, why would you? of all charges concerning the death of the mice, so they all go home to of all charges concerning the death of the mice, so they all go home to But I was at a show you did, like, jeez, a year ago. But I was at a show you did, like, jeez, a year ago. New Jersey, except for the Sugar Plum Fairy’s kid, who goes back to Bard. New Jersey, except for the Sugar Plum Fairy’s kid, who goes back to Bard. A friend of mine — Do you know Casey? A friend of mine — Do you know Casey? Silberhaus lies to Drosselmeyer about the Nutcracker and says that he got Silberhaus lies to Drosselmeyer about the Nutcracker and says that he got jacked by one of the Asians. Frau Carmella Silberhaus is pissed because jacked by one of the Asians. Frau Carmella Silberhaus is pissed because (Tiny pause, no response, move on.) (Tiny pause, no response, move on.) she’s found out about the Snowflake, who was from Russia. Silberhaus she’s found out about the Snowflake, who was from Russia. Silberhaus tries to make it up to her by scoring her a huge diamond from the Land tries to make it up to her by scoring her a huge diamond from the Land Right anyway. It was her idea. Right anyway. It was her idea. of Sweets, and that seems to do the trick — but with Frau Silberhaus, of Sweets, and that seems to do the trick — but with Frau Silberhaus, I think she worked on it maybe, or she works here? I think she worked on it maybe, or she works here? you never really know. (Pause.) It works for me. you never really know. (Pause.) It works for me. (Tiny pause.) (Tiny pause.)

Never mind, doesn’t matter. But so that’s why I was here. Never mind, doesn’t matter. But so that’s why I was here. And they had that thing afterwards where everybody was just hanging And they had that thing afterwards where everybody was just hanging out, and so that’s where it was. out, and so that’s where it was.

(Looks uncomfortable.) (Looks uncomfortable.)

Can I just — ? Can I just — ?

(Climbs down off the stage.) (Climbs down off the stage.)

I hate being onstage. I hate being onstage.

But I heard you were having auditions and my friends were like “Go, go, But I heard you were having auditions and my friends were like “Go, go, you have to do this.” you have to do this.”

98 98 99 99 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 98 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5699 AM Page 98 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 99

fast, so they send them to upstate New York in a snowstorm, where mem- fast, soToo they send Direct them to upstate New York in a snowstorm, where mem- Too Direct bers of an Asian gang try to kill them. Silberhaus shows up and caps all bers of an Asian gang try to kill them. Silberhaus shows up and caps all Jeff Goode Jeff Goode the Asians, then the Sugar Plum Fairy shows up with her son — who’s a the Asians, then the Sugar Plum Fairy shows up with her son — who’s a senior at Bard College — and gives them all huge quantities of Prozac senior at Bard College — and gives them all huge quantities of Prozac and Zoloft, which makes them all feel better about everything they’ve and Zoloft, which makes them all feel better about everything they’ve Scene: A theater Scene: A theater done. After he feels better, Tony Silberhaus fucks a Snowflake, which pisses done. After he feels better, Tony Silberhaus fucks a Snowflake, which pisses Serio-Comic Serio-Comic off the Sugar Plum Fairy. Clara Meadow decides that the Nutcracker isn’t off the Sugar Plum Fairy. Clara Meadow decides that the Nutcracker isn’t Kris (twenties), an auditioning actress. Kris (twenties), an auditioning actress. as hot as the Sugar Plum Fairy’s son — who is much more sensitive than as hot as the Sugar Plum Fairy’s son — who is much more sensitive than the Nutcracker and is, of course, a Bard student. This pisses off the Nut- the Nutcracker and is, of course, a Bard student. This pisses off the Nut- Here, an overeager actress overstates her case at an audition. Here, an overeager actress overstates her case at an audition. cracker, who makes a pass at the Sugar Plum Fairy who finally gives in cracker, who makes a pass at the Sugar Plum Fairy who finally gives in to her animal lust and bangs the Nutcracker in an effort to make Herr to her animal lust and bangs the Nutcracker in an effort to make Herr KRIS: Hi. KRIS: Hi. Silberhaus jealous. Silberhaus finds out and wacks the Nutcracker. Silberhaus jealous. Silberhaus finds out and wacks the Nutcracker. You probably don’t remember me. You probably don’t remember me. Drosselmeyer calls to say that The Nutcracker and Clara have been cleared Drosselmeyer calls to say that The Nutcracker and Clara have been cleared I mean, of course you don’t, why would you? I mean, of course you don’t, why would you? of all charges concerning the death of the mice, so they all go home to of all charges concerning the death of the mice, so they all go home to But I was at a show you did, like, jeez, a year ago. But I was at a show you did, like, jeez, a year ago. New Jersey, except for the Sugar Plum Fairy’s kid, who goes back to Bard. New Jersey, except for the Sugar Plum Fairy’s kid, who goes back to Bard. A friend of mine — Do you know Casey? A friend of mine — Do you know Casey? Silberhaus lies to Drosselmeyer about the Nutcracker and says that he got Silberhaus lies to Drosselmeyer about the Nutcracker and says that he got jacked by one of the Asians. Frau Carmella Silberhaus is pissed because jacked by one of the Asians. Frau Carmella Silberhaus is pissed because (Tiny pause, no response, move on.) (Tiny pause, no response, move on.) she’s found out about the Snowflake, who was from Russia. Silberhaus she’s found out about the Snowflake, who was from Russia. Silberhaus tries to make it up to her by scoring her a huge diamond from the Land tries to make it up to her by scoring her a huge diamond from the Land Right anyway. It was her idea. Right anyway. It was her idea. of Sweets, and that seems to do the trick — but with Frau Silberhaus, of Sweets, and that seems to do the trick — but with Frau Silberhaus, I think she worked on it maybe, or she works here? I think she worked on it maybe, or she works here? you never really know. (Pause.) It works for me. you never really know. (Pause.) It works for me. (Tiny pause.) (Tiny pause.)

Never mind, doesn’t matter. But so that’s why I was here. Never mind, doesn’t matter. But so that’s why I was here. And they had that thing afterwards where everybody was just hanging And they had that thing afterwards where everybody was just hanging out, and so that’s where it was. out, and so that’s where it was.

(Looks uncomfortable.) (Looks uncomfortable.)

Can I just — ? Can I just — ?

(Climbs down off the stage.) (Climbs down off the stage.)

I hate being onstage. I hate being onstage.

But I heard you were having auditions and my friends were like “Go, go, But I heard you were having auditions and my friends were like “Go, go, you have to do this.” you have to do this.”

98 98 99 99 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 100 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:5697 AM Page 100 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 97

And so I don’t know if this is weird or . . . TonyAnd so I don’tNutcracker know if this is weird or . . . Tony Nutcracker No, it is. It’s weird, I know. It is, it’s weird. No, it is. It’s weird, I know. It is, it’s weird. Jocelyn Beard Jocelyn Beard But the thing is — Can I just say one thing? But the thing is — Can I just say one thing?

(Moving a little closer to the director.) (Moving a little closer to the director.) Scene: Here and now Scene: Here and now Serio-Comic Serio-Comic I don’t know if you remember this, but there was this guy, the lead guy, I don’t know if you remember this, but there was this guy, the lead guy, Woman (any age). Woman (any age). you were talking to, big guy, I don’t know his name. you were talking to, big guy, I don’t know his name. And I don’t know what he said or what you guys were talking about . . . And I don’t know what he said or what you guys were talking about . . . A woman who’s bored with Ballanchine. A woman who’s bored with Ballanchine. But you just went off on him. But you just went off on him. You were just “And this, and this, and this, and this!” You were just “And this, and this, and this, and this!” WOMAN: There comes a time in every woman’s life when she really has to ask WOMAN: There comes a time in every woman’s life when she really has to ask And he was like, completely, had no idea. And he was like, completely, had no idea. herself: “Is it possible that I’ve seen ‘The Nutcracker’ one too many times?” herself: “Is it possible that I’ve seen ‘The Nutcracker’ one too many times?” And everyone was like . . . wow. And everyone was like . . . wow. I mean, I was fast asleep by the time they got to the Land of the Sweets I mean, I was fast asleep by the time they got to the Land of the Sweets You were just so . . . Confident. You were just so . . . Confident. last time. Sitting right there in the New York State Theatre in Lincoln last time. Sitting right there in the New York State Theatre in Lincoln You were like . . . on fire with it. It was amazing. You were like . . . on fire with it. It was amazing. Center. Snoring. Not caring that I was snoring. Really kind of proud. I Center. Snoring. Not caring that I was snoring. Really kind of proud. I And I was just “Who IS that??” And I was just “Who IS that??” used to resent the hell out of those businessmen who get dragged to Lin- used to resent the hell out of those businessmen who get dragged to Lin- And I know this is stupid, and I know this isn’t what you want to hear And I know this is stupid, and I know this isn’t what you want to hear coln Center year after year by their wives slash girlfriends who just set- coln Center year after year by their wives slash girlfriends who just set- right now while you’re doing all this, right now while you’re doing all this, tle into their seats and start sawing wood. But now I sympathize. Who tle into their seats and start sawing wood. But now I sympathize. Who I know you’re busy. But I’m not an actor, so I don’t know how l’m ever I know you’re busy. But I’m not an actor, so I don’t know how l’m ever can blame them, or me for that matter? The Nutcracker is tired. Watch- can blame them, or me for that matter? The Nutcracker is tired. Watch- going to even get a chance to even going to even get a chance to even ing it makes you tired. By the time the mice attack, my mind’s on last ing it makes you tired. By the time the mice attack, my mind’s on last BE here just to say . . . BE here just to say . . . Sunday’s episode of The Sopranos. Tchaikovsky should have taken a page Sunday’s episode of The Sopranos. Tchaikovsky should have taken a page out of David Chase’s book. The Silberhauses could be like the Sopranos, out of David Chase’s book. The Silberhauses could be like the Sopranos, (Looking the director in the eye.) (Looking the director in the eye.) Frau Silberhaus and Herr Silberhaus are Carmella and Tony. Clara and Frau Silberhaus and Herr Silberhaus are Carmella and Tony. Clara and Fritz are Meadow and AJ. That freak Dr. Drosselmeyer is Paulie Walnuts Fritz are Meadow and AJ. That freak Dr. Drosselmeyer is Paulie Walnuts I would give anything. To be here. I would give anything. To be here. and the Sugar Plum Fairy is the shrink with the legs. The Nutcracker is and the Sugar Plum Fairy is the shrink with the legs. The Nutcracker is Right now. Right now. some hot young wise guy that Meadow’s in love with. When the wiseguy some hot young wise guy that Meadow’s in love with. When the wiseguy Like this. Like this. Nutcracker sneaks into the Silberhaus house on Christmas Eve, Fritz — Nutcracker sneaks into the Silberhaus house on Christmas Eve, Fritz — With you. With you. slash — AJ pops him with his brand new .9 mm that his dad just gave slash — AJ pops him with his brand new .9 mm that his dad just gave him, but he’s a lousy shot. Paulie Drosselmeyer pulls the bullet out the him, but he’s a lousy shot. Paulie Drosselmeyer pulls the bullet out the kid’s ass and Clara aka Meadow grabs the gun and shoots Fritz — bam kid’s ass and Clara aka Meadow grabs the gun and shoots Fritz — bam — dead. Then, the mice — who are like the Feds — break into the house — dead. Then, the mice — who are like the Feds — break into the house to try and wire the whole place for sound. Clara and the Nutcracker blast to try and wire the whole place for sound. Clara and the Nutcracker blast the Feds to kingdom come. This wakes up her mom, who gets really pissed the Feds to kingdom come. This wakes up her mom, who gets really pissed about blood all over the new wallpaper. When her dad, Tony Silberhaus, about blood all over the new wallpaper. When her dad, Tony Silberhaus, gets home from his job at the Bada-Bing Cherry, he slaps the shit out of gets home from his job at the Bada-Bing Cherry, he slaps the shit out of Fritz, who isn’t really dead, just stunned. Then, Silberhaus and Fritz, who isn’t really dead, just stunned. Then, Silberhaus and Drosselmeyer decide to get Clara and the Nutcracker out of New Jersey Drosselmeyer decide to get Clara and the Nutcracker out of New Jersey

100 100 97 97 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 104 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56101 AM Page 104 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 101

When They Speak of Rita The Trestle AtWhen Pope They Lick SpeakCreek of Rita The Trestle At Pope Lick Creek Daisy Foote Naomi Wallace Daisy Foote Naomi Wallace

Scene: Here and now Scene: A town outsideScene: an Here American and now city, 1936 Scene: A town outside an American city, 1936 Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Rita (forty to fifty), a woman in the midst of a mid-life crisis. Gin (forty-one), a Ritawoman (forty whose to fifty), world a iswoman irrevocably in the changed midst of when a mid-life her crisis. Gin (forty-one), a woman whose world is irrevocably changed when her son, Dalton, is arrested for the murder of Pace, a young woman who son, Dalton, is arrested for the murder of Pace, a young woman who Following a disastrous affair with a younger man, Rita finds herself back in had recently been obsessedFollowing with a disastrous Dalton’s affair struggle with to a youngerfind identity. man, Rita finds herself back in had recently been obsessed with Dalton’s struggle to find identity. the thick of her unfulfilling life. Here she laments the fact that she has never the thick of her unfulfilling life. Here she laments the fact that she has never been good at anything. After returning homebeen from good another at anything. exhausting day from the factory, Gin here After returning home from another exhausting day from the factory, Gin here shares the following anecdote with Pace’s ghost. shares the following anecdote with Pace’s ghost. RITA: I was reading this article on Frisbee throwers. RITA: I was reading this article on Frisbee throwers. (Jeannie moves over to the table.) GIN: Oh. Pace. (Jeannie moves over to the table.) GIN: Oh. Pace. [JEANNIE: Frisbee throwers?] (Pace is still. She[JEANNIE just watches: Frisbee Gin.) throwers?] (Pace is still. She just watches Gin.) RITA: Did you know that there are actual competitions for this sort of thing? GIN: I didn’t see you.RITA I :was Did just. you Trying know thatto get there used are to actualthis. It competitions won’t come off.for this sort of thing? GIN: I didn’t see you. I was just. Trying to get used to this. It won’t come off. [JEANNIE: No.] They’re lights,[ JEANNIEalmost. :It No.] doesn’t hurt. Well, it hurts cause I scrub them They’re lights, almost. It doesn’t hurt. Well, it hurts cause I scrub them RITA: These people in the tournaments are really good. They can perform hun- but it does noRITA good.: These This peoplecolor’s herein the to tournaments stay. One morning are really I gogood. to work They can perform hun- but it does no good. This color’s here to stay. One morning I go to work dreds of tricks with the Frisbee. And there’s a lot of prize money to win, and I come home withdreds blue of tricks hands. with They the changed Frisbee. chemicalsAnd there’s again a lot at of the prize money to win, and I come home with blue hands. They changed chemicals again at the they’re even trying to get it in the Olympics. There are so many things plant. All sixteen ofthey us in’re my even section trying got to blue get ithands. in the Some Olympics. of the women, There are so many things plant. All sixteen of us in my section got blue hands. Some of the women, in this world a person can be good at. It’s just a matter of finding some- they were upset whenin this it wouldn’t world a washperson off. can But be we good had at. to It’ssee justit as aa matterwon- of finding some- they were upset when it wouldn’t wash off. But we had to see it as a won- thing and really working at it. der, too. During break,thing we and turned really off working the lights at it.and standing all together, der, too. During break, we turned off the lights and standing all together, [JEANNIE: Like you and cooking.] some with our[JEANNIE arms raised,: Like othersyou and at cooking.]our side, we looked like a Christ- some with our arms raised, others at our side, we looked like a Christ- RITA: That’s not the same thing. I just do a few simple things well. But as far mas tree in theRITA dark,: That’s with bluenot the lights. same Then thing. we I all just put do our a few arms simple over ourthings well. But as far mas tree in the dark, with blue lights. Then we all put our arms over our as anything fancy, anything requiring real skill, I have no ability. heads like this (Demonstrates.)as anything andfancy, waved anything our fingers requiring and realwe were skill, a I flock have no ability. heads like this (Demonstrates.) and waved our fingers and we were a flock (A beat.) of crazy blue birds(A taking beat.) off. We started laughing then, and piling on of crazy blue birds taking off. We started laughing then, and piling on When I was with Jimmy, I went to apply for a job at this catering oper- top of each other, Whenimagine I wasit, andwith most Jimmy of, usI went women to apply my age, for anda job our at this catering oper- top of each other, imagine it, and most of us women my age, and our ation. They practically laughed at me when I told them about my expe- hands were like blueation. snowballs They practicallyflying this waylaughed and atthat. me One when of I the told girls, them about my expe- hands were like blue snowballs flying this way and that. One of the girls, rience, they were looking for a professional, someone who can carve swans Victoria, she laughedrience, so hardthey wsheere peed looking right for where a professional, she stood. someone Another who can carve swans Victoria, she laughed so hard she peed right where she stood. Another out of cheese dip. Cooking meals for my family didn’t count. The only one, Willa, she slippedout of in cheese it and dip.that Cookinghad all of meals us roaring. for my (B familyeat.) Then didn’t count. The only one, Willa, she slipped in it and that had all of us roaring. (Beat.) Then job available for me was bussing tables — Laura Townsend saidjob we available all had betterfor me think was bussingagain cause tables we —had the hands Laura Townsend said we all had better think again cause we had the hands RITA: What would you say you were good at? of dead women.RITA Well,: What that would put an you end say to you the were fun goodand we at? went back to of dead women. Well, that put an end to the fun and we went back to work. The manager said it would wear off but it won’t. We even used work. The manager said it would wear off but it won’t. We even used bleach. We’ll have to get used to it. Kind of ugly and kind of pretty both, bleach. We’ll have to get used to it. Kind of ugly and kind of pretty both, isn’t it? But hands aren’t meant to be blue. isn’t it? But hands aren’t meant to be blue.

104 104 101 101 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 102 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56103 AM Page 102 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 103

The Victorian Traveler had to do with the moment and Theme; that Victorianis, before human life Traveler encroached had to do with the moment and me; that is, before human life encroached upon and eroded away the beauty of paradise like an all-consuming flood. upon and eroded away the beauty of paradise like an all-consuming flood. Linda Stockham Linda Stockham This I found in my travels but lost in England, that place where I was This I found in my travels but lost in England, that place where I was an empty woman. an empty woman. Scene: The late nineteenth century Scene: The late nineteenth century Dramatic Dramatic Malta “Molly” Blackburn (forty to sixty), a Victorian woman fortunate Malta “Molly” Blackburn (forty to sixty), a Victorian woman fortunate enough to have traveled the world. enough to have traveled the world.

Here, Molly recalls the solitude that sustained her during her years of travel- Here, Molly recalls the solitude that sustained her during her years of travel- ing the globe and the revelations enjoyed in the process. ing the globe and the revelations enjoyed in the process.

MALTA “MOLLY” BLACKBURN: Father died in 1868 on our second trip to New MALTA “MOLLY” BLACKBURN: Father died in 1868 on our second trip to New Zealand. I didn’t know how ill he was. He died in Auckland of a liver Zealand. I didn’t know how ill he was. He died in Auckland of a liver ailment. It happened quickly; it happened too quickly. I was not prepared. ailment. It happened quickly; it happened too quickly. I was not prepared. (Crying.) (Crying.) After my father’s death I discovered that I traveled best to the tune After my father’s death I discovered that I traveled best to the tune of the solitary pilgrim. I found that it was in my nature to live and work of the solitary pilgrim. I found that it was in my nature to live and work detached from others, particularly any British residents in the countries detached from others, particularly any British residents in the countries I visited. I discovered this the first time I traveled after my father’s death. I visited. I discovered this the first time I traveled after my father’s death. I felt more at home in a shanty for £4 per month than any convenient I felt more at home in a shanty for £4 per month than any convenient fellow-countryman’s home away from home. I wanted my physical and fellow-countryman’s home away from home. I wanted my physical and emotional distance from England. I wanted my solitude. I wanted and emotional distance from England. I wanted my solitude. I wanted and did set my world upon many verandas, my evenings there after being in did set my world upon many verandas, my evenings there after being in the field sketching and painting, enjoying the night noises while drink- the field sketching and painting, enjoying the night noises while drink- ing the local beverage. In South America it was mate and in Tibet it was ing the local beverage. In South America it was mate and in Tibet it was salted and buttered tea. Sometimes the beverage was bitter, sometimes salted and buttered tea. Sometimes the beverage was bitter, sometimes sweet, but almost always it was strong and invigorating. Some drinks sweet, but almost always it was strong and invigorating. Some drinks would take a lifetime to acquire a taste for, others instantly delightful to would take a lifetime to acquire a taste for, others instantly delightful to the tongue. But I always was willing to try them. Mostly I lived upon the tongue. But I always was willing to try them. Mostly I lived upon bread and butter and whatever local fruits and vegetables were available. bread and butter and whatever local fruits and vegetables were available. I never ate meat. Fish, on occasion, but never meat. Never mammal. I I never ate meat. Fish, on occasion, but never meat. Never mammal. I stepped into jungles, climbed great mountains, walked across high plains stepped into jungles, climbed great mountains, walked across high plains and sensed the sacred places where time was asleep. It was all-primal where and sensed the sacred places where time was asleep. It was all-primal where I stepped away from my presence and touched my second soul. For fleet- I stepped away from my presence and touched my second soul. For fleet- ing moments I saw all there had been and was enraptured in being part ing moments I saw all there had been and was enraptured in being part of the past. It had nothing to do with creation, the gods, or distance. It of the past. It had nothing to do with creation, the gods, or distance. It

102 102 103 103 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 102 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56103 AM Page 102 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 103

The Victorian Traveler had to do with the moment and Theme; that Victorianis, before human life Traveler encroached had to do with the moment and me; that is, before human life encroached upon and eroded away the beauty of paradise like an all-consuming flood. upon and eroded away the beauty of paradise like an all-consuming flood. Linda Stockham Linda Stockham This I found in my travels but lost in England, that place where I was This I found in my travels but lost in England, that place where I was an empty woman. an empty woman. Scene: The late nineteenth century Scene: The late nineteenth century Dramatic Dramatic Malta “Molly” Blackburn (forty to sixty), a Victorian woman fortunate Malta “Molly” Blackburn (forty to sixty), a Victorian woman fortunate enough to have traveled the world. enough to have traveled the world.

Here, Molly recalls the solitude that sustained her during her years of travel- Here, Molly recalls the solitude that sustained her during her years of travel- ing the globe and the revelations enjoyed in the process. ing the globe and the revelations enjoyed in the process.

MALTA “MOLLY” BLACKBURN: Father died in 1868 on our second trip to New MALTA “MOLLY” BLACKBURN: Father died in 1868 on our second trip to New Zealand. I didn’t know how ill he was. He died in Auckland of a liver Zealand. I didn’t know how ill he was. He died in Auckland of a liver ailment. It happened quickly; it happened too quickly. I was not prepared. ailment. It happened quickly; it happened too quickly. I was not prepared. (Crying.) (Crying.) After my father’s death I discovered that I traveled best to the tune After my father’s death I discovered that I traveled best to the tune of the solitary pilgrim. I found that it was in my nature to live and work of the solitary pilgrim. I found that it was in my nature to live and work detached from others, particularly any British residents in the countries detached from others, particularly any British residents in the countries I visited. I discovered this the first time I traveled after my father’s death. I visited. I discovered this the first time I traveled after my father’s death. I felt more at home in a shanty for £4 per month than any convenient I felt more at home in a shanty for £4 per month than any convenient fellow-countryman’s home away from home. I wanted my physical and fellow-countryman’s home away from home. I wanted my physical and emotional distance from England. I wanted my solitude. I wanted and emotional distance from England. I wanted my solitude. I wanted and did set my world upon many verandas, my evenings there after being in did set my world upon many verandas, my evenings there after being in the field sketching and painting, enjoying the night noises while drink- the field sketching and painting, enjoying the night noises while drink- ing the local beverage. In South America it was mate and in Tibet it was ing the local beverage. In South America it was mate and in Tibet it was salted and buttered tea. Sometimes the beverage was bitter, sometimes salted and buttered tea. Sometimes the beverage was bitter, sometimes sweet, but almost always it was strong and invigorating. Some drinks sweet, but almost always it was strong and invigorating. Some drinks would take a lifetime to acquire a taste for, others instantly delightful to would take a lifetime to acquire a taste for, others instantly delightful to the tongue. But I always was willing to try them. Mostly I lived upon the tongue. But I always was willing to try them. Mostly I lived upon bread and butter and whatever local fruits and vegetables were available. bread and butter and whatever local fruits and vegetables were available. I never ate meat. Fish, on occasion, but never meat. Never mammal. I I never ate meat. Fish, on occasion, but never meat. Never mammal. I stepped into jungles, climbed great mountains, walked across high plains stepped into jungles, climbed great mountains, walked across high plains and sensed the sacred places where time was asleep. It was all-primal where and sensed the sacred places where time was asleep. It was all-primal where I stepped away from my presence and touched my second soul. For fleet- I stepped away from my presence and touched my second soul. For fleet- ing moments I saw all there had been and was enraptured in being part ing moments I saw all there had been and was enraptured in being part of the past. It had nothing to do with creation, the gods, or distance. It of the past. It had nothing to do with creation, the gods, or distance. It

102 102 103 103 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 104 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56101 AM Page 104 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 101

When They Speak of Rita The Trestle AtWhen Pope They Lick SpeakCreek of Rita The Trestle At Pope Lick Creek Daisy Foote Naomi Wallace Daisy Foote Naomi Wallace

Scene: Here and now Scene: A town outsideScene: an Here American and now city, 1936 Scene: A town outside an American city, 1936 Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Dramatic Rita (forty to fifty), a woman in the midst of a mid-life crisis. Gin (forty-one), a Ritawoman (forty whose to fifty), world a iswoman irrevocably in the changed midst of when a mid-life her crisis. Gin (forty-one), a woman whose world is irrevocably changed when her son, Dalton, is arrested for the murder of Pace, a young woman who son, Dalton, is arrested for the murder of Pace, a young woman who Following a disastrous affair with a younger man, Rita finds herself back in had recently been obsessedFollowing with a disastrous Dalton’s affair struggle with to a youngerfind identity. man, Rita finds herself back in had recently been obsessed with Dalton’s struggle to find identity. the thick of her unfulfilling life. Here she laments the fact that she has never the thick of her unfulfilling life. Here she laments the fact that she has never been good at anything. After returning homebeen from good another at anything. exhausting day from the factory, Gin here After returning home from another exhausting day from the factory, Gin here shares the following anecdote with Pace’s ghost. shares the following anecdote with Pace’s ghost. RITA: I was reading this article on Frisbee throwers. RITA: I was reading this article on Frisbee throwers. (Jeannie moves over to the table.) GIN: Oh. Pace. (Jeannie moves over to the table.) GIN: Oh. Pace. [JEANNIE: Frisbee throwers?] (Pace is still. She[JEANNIE just watches: Frisbee Gin.) throwers?] (Pace is still. She just watches Gin.) RITA: Did you know that there are actual competitions for this sort of thing? GIN: I didn’t see you.RITA I :was Did just. you Trying know thatto get there used are to actualthis. It competitions won’t come off.for this sort of thing? GIN: I didn’t see you. I was just. Trying to get used to this. It won’t come off. [JEANNIE: No.] They’re lights,[ JEANNIEalmost. :It No.] doesn’t hurt. Well, it hurts cause I scrub them They’re lights, almost. It doesn’t hurt. Well, it hurts cause I scrub them RITA: These people in the tournaments are really good. They can perform hun- but it does noRITA good.: These This peoplecolor’s herein the to tournaments stay. One morning are really I gogood. to work They can perform hun- but it does no good. This color’s here to stay. One morning I go to work dreds of tricks with the Frisbee. And there’s a lot of prize money to win, and I come home withdreds blue of tricks hands. with They the changed Frisbee. chemicalsAnd there’s again a lot at of the prize money to win, and I come home with blue hands. They changed chemicals again at the they’re even trying to get it in the Olympics. There are so many things plant. All sixteen ofthey us in’re my even section trying got to blue get ithands. in the Some Olympics. of the women, There are so many things plant. All sixteen of us in my section got blue hands. Some of the women, in this world a person can be good at. It’s just a matter of finding some- they were upset whenin this it wouldn’t world a washperson off. can But be we good had at. to It’ssee justit as aa matterwon- of finding some- they were upset when it wouldn’t wash off. But we had to see it as a won- thing and really working at it. der, too. During break,thing we and turned really off working the lights at it.and standing all together, der, too. During break, we turned off the lights and standing all together, [JEANNIE: Like you and cooking.] some with our[JEANNIE arms raised,: Like othersyou and at cooking.]our side, we looked like a Christ- some with our arms raised, others at our side, we looked like a Christ- RITA: That’s not the same thing. I just do a few simple things well. But as far mas tree in theRITA dark,: That’s with bluenot the lights. same Then thing. we I all just put do our a few arms simple over ourthings well. But as far mas tree in the dark, with blue lights. Then we all put our arms over our as anything fancy, anything requiring real skill, I have no ability. heads like this (Demonstrates.)as anything andfancy, waved anything our fingers requiring and realwe were skill, a I flock have no ability. heads like this (Demonstrates.) and waved our fingers and we were a flock (A beat.) of crazy blue birds(A taking beat.) off. We started laughing then, and piling on of crazy blue birds taking off. We started laughing then, and piling on When I was with Jimmy, I went to apply for a job at this catering oper- top of each other, Whenimagine I wasit, andwith most Jimmy of, usI went women to apply my age, for anda job our at this catering oper- top of each other, imagine it, and most of us women my age, and our ation. They practically laughed at me when I told them about my expe- hands were like blueation. snowballs They practicallyflying this waylaughed and atthat. me One when of I the told girls, them about my expe- hands were like blue snowballs flying this way and that. One of the girls, rience, they were looking for a professional, someone who can carve swans Victoria, she laughedrience, so hardthey wsheere peed looking right for where a professional, she stood. someone Another who can carve swans Victoria, she laughed so hard she peed right where she stood. Another out of cheese dip. Cooking meals for my family didn’t count. The only one, Willa, she slippedout of in cheese it and dip.that Cookinghad all of meals us roaring. for my (B familyeat.) Then didn’t count. The only one, Willa, she slipped in it and that had all of us roaring. (Beat.) Then job available for me was bussing tables — Laura Townsend saidjob we available all had betterfor me think was bussingagain cause tables we —had the hands Laura Townsend said we all had better think again cause we had the hands RITA: What would you say you were good at? of dead women.RITA Well,: What that would put an you end say to you the were fun goodand we at? went back to of dead women. Well, that put an end to the fun and we went back to work. The manager said it would wear off but it won’t. We even used work. The manager said it would wear off but it won’t. We even used bleach. We’ll have to get used to it. Kind of ugly and kind of pretty both, bleach. We’ll have to get used to it. Kind of ugly and kind of pretty both, isn’t it? But hands aren’t meant to be blue. isn’t it? But hands aren’t meant to be blue.

104 104 101 101 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 108 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56105 AM Page 108 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 105

BE MY BABY! by Michele Forsten Copyright 2000 by Michele Forsten BE MY BABY! by Michele Forsten Copyright 2000 by Michele Forsten Reprinted by Permission of the Author WhenReprinted They by Permission Speak of the Author of Rita When They Speak of Rita Contact: Michele Forsten, 59 West 88th Street #1R, New York, NY 10024-2545, Contact: MicheleDaisy Forsten, Foote 59 West 88th Street #1R, New York, NY 10024-2545, Daisy Foote [email protected] [email protected]

BETTY’S SUMMER VACATION Copyright 1999 by Christopher Durang Scene: Here and nowBETTY’S SUMMER VACATION Copyright 1999 by Christopher Durang Scene: Here and now Reprinted by Permission of Grove Press Dramatic Reprinted by Permission of Grove Press Dramatic For Performance Rights: Helen Merrill, Ltd., 295 Lafayette Street, New York, NY 10012 Rita (forty to fifty),For a Performancewoman in theRights: midst Helen of aMerrill, mid-life Ltd., crisis. 295 Lafayette Street, New York, NY 10012 Rita (forty to fifty), a woman in the midst of a mid-life crisis.

BIG LOVE Copyright 2000 by Charles L. Mee Here, Rita confrontsBIG LOVE her husband, Copyright Asa, 2000 with by Charlesthe full L.depth Mee of her emptiness Here, Rita confronts her husband, Asa, with the full depth of her emptiness Reprinted by Permission of International Creative Management and despair. Reprinted by Permission of International Creative Management and despair. For Information: Libby Edwards, ICM, 40 West 57th Street, New York, NY 10019 For Information: Libby Edwards, ICM, 40 West 57th Street, New York, NY 10019

RITA: Right before I graduated from high school I was having supper with my RITA: Right before I graduated from high school I was having supper with my BIG POTATO Copyright by Arthur Laurents BIG POTATO Copyright by Arthur Laurents mother and father, my father asks me about my plans for the future. mother and father, my father asks me about my plans for the future. Reprinted by Permission of William Morris Agency, Inc. on behalf of the Author. CAU- Reprinted by Permission of William Morris Agency, Inc. on behalf of the Author. CAU- TION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that BIG POTATO by Arthur (A beat.) TION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that BIG POTATO by Arthur (A beat.) Laurents is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the And then my Laurentsmother says,is subject “Maybe to a royalty.you’ll marry It is fully Asa.” protected So I nodded, under the and copyright laws of the And then my mother says, “Maybe you’ll marry Asa.” So I nodded, and United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright that was that.United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright that was that. Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), (A beat.) Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), (A beat.) and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Uni- We got married.and Then of all Icountries got pregnant covered with by theWarren Pan-American and every Copyright day this rest-Convention and the Uni- We got married. Then I got pregnant with Warren and every day this rest- versal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention and of all countries with which less feeling in versalme would Copyright grow. Convention, I would sit the in Berne this Conventionkitchen and and wait of allfor countries with which less feeling in me would grow. I would sit in this kitchen and wait for the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional, something to happen.the United I wouldStates haswait reciprocal for an idea copyright to come relations. to me Allabout rights, what including professional, something to happen. I would wait for an idea to come to me about what amateur/motion picture stage rights, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broad- to do, but it nevamateur/motioner came. picture stage rights, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broad- to do, but it never came. casting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or elec- (A beat.) casting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or elec- (A beat.) tronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-1, information storage and retrieval systems I was so sure whentronic reproduction,Jeannie said suchshe aswas CD-ROM, pregnant CD-1, and givinginformation up college storage and retrieval systems I was so sure when Jeannie said she was pregnant and giving up college and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly re- and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly re- to marry Warren — I was so sure she’d end up feeling the way that I do. to marry Warren — I was so sure she’d end up feeling the way that I do. served. Particular emphasis is laid on the question of readings, permission for which served. Particular emphasis is laid on the question of readings, permission for which But she doesn’t. She seems content. And I think she’ll always be content. But she doesn’t. She seems content. And I think she’ll always be content. must be secured from the author’s agent in writing. Inquiries concerning rights should must be secured from the author’s agent in writing. Inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to: William Morris Agency, Inc., 1325 Avenue of the Americas, New York, I don’t understandbe addressed that, why to: William is she so Morris content Agency, and Inc., I’m 1325not? AvenueWhy do of ytheou Americas, New York, I don’t understand that, why is she so content and I’m not? Why do you NY 10019, Attn: Peter Franklin think that is, Asa?NY 10019, Attn: Peter Franklin think that is, Asa? [ASA: I don’t know.] [ASA: I don’t know.] BLUE MOVIE Copyright 2000 by Jay Boyer RITA: When peopleBLUE see me MOVIE now, when Copyright they speak2000 byof Jayme, Boyer I know most of them RITA: When people see me now, when they speak of me, I know most of them Reprinted by Permission of the Author talk about whatReprinted a sad, foolishby Permission woman of theI am. Author And while that makes me talk about what a sad, foolish woman I am. And while that makes me For Information: Jay Boyer, Creative Writing Program, Department of English, Ari- want to hide inFor the Information: house and avoidJay Boyer, people, Creative avoid Writing their eyes, Program, I don’t Department know of English, Ari- want to hide in the house and avoid people, avoid their eyes, I don’t know zona State University, Tempe, AZ 85287-0302 how I’ll feel if ztheyona Statestop University,talking to Tempe,me, if everything AZ 85287-0302 goes back to the way how I’ll feel if they stop talking to me, if everything goes back to the way it was before. it was before. CLAUDIA LAZLO Copyright by Arthur Laurents (A beat.) CLAUDIA LAZLO Copyright by Arthur Laurents (A beat.) Reprinted by Permission of William Morris Agency, Inc. on behalf of the Author. CAU- Some day, yearsReprinted from now, by Permission when I’m of in W theilliam graveyard Morris Agency, and someone Inc. on behalf hap- of the Author. CAU- Some day, years from now, when I’m in the graveyard and someone hap- TION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that CLAUDIA LAZLO by TION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that CLAUDIA LAZLO by pens to see my name on a gravestone they’ll ask, “Rita Potter, who was pens to see my name on a gravestone they’ll ask, “Rita Potter, who was Arthur Laurents is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws Arthur Laurents is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws

108 108 105 105 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 106 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56107 AM Page 106 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 107

Rita Potter?” Then they’ll move on and my name will slip from their 2000Rita PermissionPotter?” Then Acknowledgments they’ll move on and my name will slip from their 2000 Permission Acknowledgments minds. And really it will be like I was never here at all. minds. And really it will be like I was never here at all. (A beat.) (A beat.) I suppose most people don’t worry about that. Do you ever worry about ALASKA Copyright 1999I bysuppose Le Wilhelm most people don’t worry about that. Do you ever worry about ALASKA Copyright 1999 by Le Wilhelm it? Reprinted by Permission ofit? the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact Cynthia Granville, 162 Nesbit, Weehawken, NJ 0705, 201-601-2431 Contact Cynthia Granville, 162 Nesbit, Weehawken, NJ 0705, 201-601-2431

AND THE WINNER IS . . .Copyright 2000 by David-Matthew Barnes AND THE WINNER IS . . .Copyright 2000 by David-Matthew Barnes Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact The Dorothy Nickle Performing Arts Company, 2221 West Giddings Street, Contact The Dorothy Nickle Performing Arts Company, 2221 West Giddings Street, Chicago, IL 60625, Attention: Harriet Russell, Literary Department Chicago, IL 60625, Attention: Harriet Russell, Literary Department

ANTON IN SHOW BUSINESS by Jane Martin, Copyright 2000 by Alexander Speer, ANTON IN SHOW BUSINESS by Jane Martin, Copyright 2000 by Alexander Speer, Trustee Trustee Reprinted by Permission of Alexander Speer, Trustee, Reprinted by Permission of Alexander Speer, Trustee, Contact Samuel French Contact Samuel French

APARTMENT 3A Copyright 2000 by Jeff Daniels APARTMENT 3A Copyright 2000 by Jeff Daniels Reprinted by Permission of International Creative Management Reprinted by Permission of International Creative Management CAUTION: APARTMENT 3A, being duly copyrighted is subject to a royalty. The CAUTION: APARTMENT 3A, being duly copyrighted is subject to a royalty. The Dramatists Play Service, Inc., 440 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016. No pro- Dramatists Play Service, Inc., 440 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016. No pro- fessional or non-professional performance of the play (excluding first-class professional fessional or non-professional performance of the play (excluding first-class professional performance) may be given without obtaining in advance the written permission of performance) may be given without obtaining in advance the written permission of the Dramatists Play Service, Inc. and paying the requisite fee. Inquiries concerning all the Dramatists Play Service, Inc. and paying the requisite fee. Inquiries concerning all other rights should be addressed to Sarah Jane Leigh, ICM, 40 West 57th Street, New other rights should be addressed to Sarah Jane Leigh, ICM, 40 West 57th Street, New York, NY 10019. York, NY 10019.

ASYLUM Copyright 2000 by Kara Hartzler ASYLUM Copyright 2000 by Kara Hartzler Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact Kara Hartzler, 1951 Delta Avenue, West Branch, IA 52358, [email protected] Contact Kara Hartzler, 1951 Delta Avenue, West Branch, IA 52358, [email protected]

BACK STORY “Maid of Athens” by David Rambo, based on characters created by BACK STORY “Maid of Athens” by David Rambo, based on characters created by Joan Ackermann, Copyright 2001 by the Actors Theatre of Louisville Joan Ackermann, Copyright 2001 by the Actors Theatre of Louisville Reprinted by Permission of The Actors Theatre of Louisville Reprinted by Permission of The Actors Theatre of Louisville For Information Contact Dramatic Publishing For Information Contact Dramatic Publishing

BAD PARTY Copyright 2000 by Alison Diana Meehan BAD PARTY Copyright 2000 by Alison Diana Meehan Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact: Beast Mountain, (845) 878-9898 Contact: Beast Mountain, (845) 878-9898

106 106 107 107 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 106 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56107 AM Page 106 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 107

Rita Potter?” Then they’ll move on and my name will slip from their 2000Rita PermissionPotter?” Then Acknowledgments they’ll move on and my name will slip from their 2000 Permission Acknowledgments minds. And really it will be like I was never here at all. minds. And really it will be like I was never here at all. (A beat.) (A beat.) I suppose most people don’t worry about that. Do you ever worry about ALASKA Copyright 1999I bysuppose Le Wilhelm most people don’t worry about that. Do you ever worry about ALASKA Copyright 1999 by Le Wilhelm it? Reprinted by Permission ofit? the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact Cynthia Granville, 162 Nesbit, Weehawken, NJ 0705, 201-601-2431 Contact Cynthia Granville, 162 Nesbit, Weehawken, NJ 0705, 201-601-2431

AND THE WINNER IS . . .Copyright 2000 by David-Matthew Barnes AND THE WINNER IS . . .Copyright 2000 by David-Matthew Barnes Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact The Dorothy Nickle Performing Arts Company, 2221 West Giddings Street, Contact The Dorothy Nickle Performing Arts Company, 2221 West Giddings Street, Chicago, IL 60625, Attention: Harriet Russell, Literary Department Chicago, IL 60625, Attention: Harriet Russell, Literary Department

ANTON IN SHOW BUSINESS by Jane Martin, Copyright 2000 by Alexander Speer, ANTON IN SHOW BUSINESS by Jane Martin, Copyright 2000 by Alexander Speer, Trustee Trustee Reprinted by Permission of Alexander Speer, Trustee, Reprinted by Permission of Alexander Speer, Trustee, Contact Samuel French Contact Samuel French

APARTMENT 3A Copyright 2000 by Jeff Daniels APARTMENT 3A Copyright 2000 by Jeff Daniels Reprinted by Permission of International Creative Management Reprinted by Permission of International Creative Management CAUTION: APARTMENT 3A, being duly copyrighted is subject to a royalty. The CAUTION: APARTMENT 3A, being duly copyrighted is subject to a royalty. The Dramatists Play Service, Inc., 440 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016. No pro- Dramatists Play Service, Inc., 440 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016. No pro- fessional or non-professional performance of the play (excluding first-class professional fessional or non-professional performance of the play (excluding first-class professional performance) may be given without obtaining in advance the written permission of performance) may be given without obtaining in advance the written permission of the Dramatists Play Service, Inc. and paying the requisite fee. Inquiries concerning all the Dramatists Play Service, Inc. and paying the requisite fee. Inquiries concerning all other rights should be addressed to Sarah Jane Leigh, ICM, 40 West 57th Street, New other rights should be addressed to Sarah Jane Leigh, ICM, 40 West 57th Street, New York, NY 10019. York, NY 10019.

ASYLUM Copyright 2000 by Kara Hartzler ASYLUM Copyright 2000 by Kara Hartzler Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact Kara Hartzler, 1951 Delta Avenue, West Branch, IA 52358, [email protected] Contact Kara Hartzler, 1951 Delta Avenue, West Branch, IA 52358, [email protected]

BACK STORY “Maid of Athens” by David Rambo, based on characters created by BACK STORY “Maid of Athens” by David Rambo, based on characters created by Joan Ackermann, Copyright 2001 by the Actors Theatre of Louisville Joan Ackermann, Copyright 2001 by the Actors Theatre of Louisville Reprinted by Permission of The Actors Theatre of Louisville Reprinted by Permission of The Actors Theatre of Louisville For Information Contact Dramatic Publishing For Information Contact Dramatic Publishing

BAD PARTY Copyright 2000 by Alison Diana Meehan BAD PARTY Copyright 2000 by Alison Diana Meehan Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact: Beast Mountain, (845) 878-9898 Contact: Beast Mountain, (845) 878-9898

106 106 107 107 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 108 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56105 AM Page 108 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 105

BE MY BABY! by Michele Forsten Copyright 2000 by Michele Forsten BE MY BABY! by Michele Forsten Copyright 2000 by Michele Forsten Reprinted by Permission of the Author WhenReprinted They by Permission Speak of the Author of Rita When They Speak of Rita Contact: Michele Forsten, 59 West 88th Street #1R, New York, NY 10024-2545, Contact: MicheleDaisy Forsten, Foote 59 West 88th Street #1R, New York, NY 10024-2545, Daisy Foote [email protected] [email protected]

BETTY’S SUMMER VACATION Copyright 1999 by Christopher Durang Scene: Here and nowBETTY’S SUMMER VACATION Copyright 1999 by Christopher Durang Scene: Here and now Reprinted by Permission of Grove Press Dramatic Reprinted by Permission of Grove Press Dramatic For Performance Rights: Helen Merrill, Ltd., 295 Lafayette Street, New York, NY 10012 Rita (forty to fifty),For a Performancewoman in theRights: midst Helen of aMerrill, mid-life Ltd., crisis. 295 Lafayette Street, New York, NY 10012 Rita (forty to fifty), a woman in the midst of a mid-life crisis.

BIG LOVE Copyright 2000 by Charles L. Mee Here, Rita confrontsBIG LOVE her husband, Copyright Asa, 2000 with by Charlesthe full L.depth Mee of her emptiness Here, Rita confronts her husband, Asa, with the full depth of her emptiness Reprinted by Permission of International Creative Management and despair. Reprinted by Permission of International Creative Management and despair. For Information: Libby Edwards, ICM, 40 West 57th Street, New York, NY 10019 For Information: Libby Edwards, ICM, 40 West 57th Street, New York, NY 10019

RITA: Right before I graduated from high school I was having supper with my RITA: Right before I graduated from high school I was having supper with my BIG POTATO Copyright by Arthur Laurents BIG POTATO Copyright by Arthur Laurents mother and father, my father asks me about my plans for the future. mother and father, my father asks me about my plans for the future. Reprinted by Permission of William Morris Agency, Inc. on behalf of the Author. CAU- Reprinted by Permission of William Morris Agency, Inc. on behalf of the Author. CAU- TION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that BIG POTATO by Arthur (A beat.) TION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that BIG POTATO by Arthur (A beat.) Laurents is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the And then my Laurentsmother says,is subject “Maybe to a royalty.you’ll marry It is fully Asa.” protected So I nodded, under the and copyright laws of the And then my mother says, “Maybe you’ll marry Asa.” So I nodded, and United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright that was that.United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright that was that. Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), (A beat.) Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), (A beat.) and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Uni- We got married.and Then of all Icountries got pregnant covered with by theWarren Pan-American and every Copyright day this rest-Convention and the Uni- We got married. Then I got pregnant with Warren and every day this rest- versal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention and of all countries with which less feeling in versalme would Copyright grow. Convention, I would sit the in Berne this Conventionkitchen and and wait of allfor countries with which less feeling in me would grow. I would sit in this kitchen and wait for the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional, something to happen.the United I wouldStates haswait reciprocal for an idea copyright to come relations. to me Allabout rights, what including professional, something to happen. I would wait for an idea to come to me about what amateur/motion picture stage rights, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broad- to do, but it nevamateur/motioner came. picture stage rights, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broad- to do, but it never came. casting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or elec- (A beat.) casting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or elec- (A beat.) tronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-1, information storage and retrieval systems I was so sure whentronic reproduction,Jeannie said suchshe aswas CD-ROM, pregnant CD-1, and givinginformation up college storage and retrieval systems I was so sure when Jeannie said she was pregnant and giving up college and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly re- and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly re- to marry Warren — I was so sure she’d end up feeling the way that I do. to marry Warren — I was so sure she’d end up feeling the way that I do. served. Particular emphasis is laid on the question of readings, permission for which served. Particular emphasis is laid on the question of readings, permission for which But she doesn’t. She seems content. And I think she’ll always be content. But she doesn’t. She seems content. And I think she’ll always be content. must be secured from the author’s agent in writing. Inquiries concerning rights should must be secured from the author’s agent in writing. Inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to: William Morris Agency, Inc., 1325 Avenue of the Americas, New York, I don’t understandbe addressed that, why to: William is she so Morris content Agency, and Inc., I’m 1325not? AvenueWhy do of ytheou Americas, New York, I don’t understand that, why is she so content and I’m not? Why do you NY 10019, Attn: Peter Franklin think that is, Asa?NY 10019, Attn: Peter Franklin think that is, Asa? [ASA: I don’t know.] [ASA: I don’t know.] BLUE MOVIE Copyright 2000 by Jay Boyer RITA: When peopleBLUE see me MOVIE now, when Copyright they speak2000 byof Jayme, Boyer I know most of them RITA: When people see me now, when they speak of me, I know most of them Reprinted by Permission of the Author talk about whatReprinted a sad, foolishby Permission woman of theI am. Author And while that makes me talk about what a sad, foolish woman I am. And while that makes me For Information: Jay Boyer, Creative Writing Program, Department of English, Ari- want to hide inFor the Information: house and avoidJay Boyer, people, Creative avoid Writing their eyes, Program, I don’t Department know of English, Ari- want to hide in the house and avoid people, avoid their eyes, I don’t know zona State University, Tempe, AZ 85287-0302 how I’ll feel if ztheyona Statestop University,talking to Tempe,me, if everything AZ 85287-0302 goes back to the way how I’ll feel if they stop talking to me, if everything goes back to the way it was before. it was before. CLAUDIA LAZLO Copyright by Arthur Laurents (A beat.) CLAUDIA LAZLO Copyright by Arthur Laurents (A beat.) Reprinted by Permission of William Morris Agency, Inc. on behalf of the Author. CAU- Some day, yearsReprinted from now, by Permission when I’m of in W theilliam graveyard Morris Agency, and someone Inc. on behalf hap- of the Author. CAU- Some day, years from now, when I’m in the graveyard and someone hap- TION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that CLAUDIA LAZLO by TION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that CLAUDIA LAZLO by pens to see my name on a gravestone they’ll ask, “Rita Potter, who was pens to see my name on a gravestone they’ll ask, “Rita Potter, who was Arthur Laurents is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws Arthur Laurents is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws

108 108 105 105 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 112 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56109 AM Page 112 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 109

International, Valeriusplein 20, 1075 BH Amsterdam, Holland, 20-6732285. Repre- of the United States ofInternational, America, and Valeriusplein of all countries 20, covered 1075 BH by the Amsterdam, International Holland, Copy- 20-6732285. Repre- of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copy- sented in the United States by: Frank Tobin, (213) 661-3720 right Union (includingsented the inDominion the United of States Canada by: and Frank the Tobin, rest of (213) the British 661-3720 Com- right Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Com- or contact Jussi Wahlgren, Kukkaniityntie 17, 00900 Helsinki, Finland monwealth), and of allor countriescontact Jussi covered Wahlgren, by the Pan-AmericanKukkaniityntie Copyright 17, 00900 Convention Helsinki, Finland monwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention and of all countries and the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention and of all countries ROMEO & JULIET II by Sandra Hosking Copyright 2000 by Sandra Hosking with which the UnitedROMEO States has& JULIET reciprocal II bycopyright Sandra Hosking relations. Copyright All rights, 2000 including by Sandra Hosking with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including Reprinted by Permission of the Author professional, amateur/motionReprinted pictureby Permission stage rights, of the recitation, Author lecturing, public read- professional, amateur/motion picture stage rights, recitation, lecturing, public read- Contact Sandra Hosking, 5819 N. Vincent, Newman Lake, WA 99025, ing, radio broadcasting,Contact television, Sandra video Hosking, or sound 5819 recording, N. Vincent, all Newmanother forms Lake, of me-WA 99025, ing, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of me- [email protected] chanical or [email protected] reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-1, information storage and chanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-1, information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, SISTERS Copyright 2000 by Gabriel Lanci are strictly reserved. SISTERSParticular Copyrightemphasis is2000 laid byon Gabrielthe question Lanci of readings, permis- are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is laid on the question of readings, permis- Reprinted by Permission of the Author sion for which must beReprinted secured fromby P ermissionthe author’s of agentthe Author in writing. Inquiries concerning sion for which must be secured from the author’s agent in writing. Inquiries concerning Contact Gabriel Lanci, 8 Whittier Place, Apt. 9A, Boston, MA 02114, rights should be addressedContact to: GabrielWilliam Lanci, Morris 8 Agency, Whittier Inc., Place, 1325 Apt. Avenue 9A, Boston, of the Amer- MA 02114, rights should be addressed to: William Morris Agency, Inc., 1325 Avenue of the Amer- [email protected] icas, New York, NY 10019,[email protected] Attn: Peter Franklin icas, New York, NY 10019, Attn: Peter Franklin

TEOTWAKI Copyright 2000 by Jo J. Adamson COASTER CopyrightTEOTWAKI 2000 by Adam Copyright Langer 2000 by Jo J. Adamson COASTER Copyright 2000 by Adam Langer Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by PermissionReprinted of the b Authory Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact Jo J. Adamson, 25252 Lake Wilderness Country Club Drive, SE Maple Val- For Information Contact:Contact Adam Jo J. Langer, Adamson, 60 25252West 106th Lake WildernessStreet #2D, Country New York, Club NY Drive, SE Maple Val- For Information Contact: Adam Langer, 60 West 106th Street #2D, New York, NY ley, WA 98038 10025, 212-531-4022ley, WA 98038 10025, 212-531-4022

TONY NUTCRACKER Copyright 2000 by Jocelyn Beard FALSE HOPES CopyrightTONY 2000NUTCRACKER by David-Matthew Copyright Barnes 2000 by Jocelyn Beard FALSE HOPES Copyright 2000 by David-Matthew Barnes Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by PermissionReprinted of the by Author Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact Beast Mountain, 845-878-9898 Contact: The DorothyContact Nickle Beast Performing Mountain, Arts Company,845-878-9898 2221 West Giddings Street, Contact: The Dorothy Nickle Performing Arts Company, 2221 West Giddings Street, Chicago, IL 60625, Attention: Harriet Russell, Literature Department Chicago, IL 60625, Attention: Harriet Russell, Literature Department TOO DIRECT Copyright 2000 by Jeff Goode TOO DIRECT Copyright 2000 by Jeff Goode Reprinted by Permission of the Author THE FISH IN THEReprinted DUMPSTER by Permission Copyright of 2000 the Author by Nancy Gall-Clayton THE FISH IN THE DUMPSTER Copyright 2000 by Nancy Gall-Clayton Contact Jeff Goode, 1501 Brentwood Lane, Wheaton, IL 60187, [email protected], Reprinted by PermissionContact of the Jeff Author Goode, 1501 Brentwood Lane, Wheaton, IL 60187, [email protected], Reprinted by Permission of the Author www.jeffgoode.com Contact: Nancy Gall-Clayton,www.jeffgoode.com 1375 South Second Street, Louisville, KY 40208-2303 Contact: Nancy Gall-Clayton, 1375 South Second Street, Louisville, KY 40208-2303

THE TRESTLE AT POPE LICK CREEK Copyright 2000 by Naomi Wallace FOR NOW CopyrightTHE 2000 TRESTLE by Jocelyn AT POPEBeard LICK CREEK Copyright 2000 by Naomi Wallace FOR NOW Copyright 2000 by Jocelyn Beard Reprinted by Permission of Broadway Play Publishing Reprinted by PermissionReprinted of the by Author Permission of Broadway Play Publishing Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact Broadway Play Publishing, 56 East 81st Street, New York, NY 10028 Contact: Beast Mountain,Contact 845-878-9898 Broadway Play Publishing, 56 East 81st Street, New York, NY 10028 Contact: Beast Mountain, 845-878-9898

THE VICTORIAN TRAVELER Copyright 1998 by Linda Stockham FUDDY MEERS CopyrightTHE VICTORIAN 2000 by David TRAVELER Lindsay-Abaire Copyright 1998 by Linda Stockham FUDDY MEERS Copyright 2000 by David Lindsay-Abaire Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by PermissionReprinted of the by Author. Permission CAUTION: of the Author Professionals and amateurs are Reprinted by Permission of the Author. CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are Contact Linda Stockham, 5500 University Parkway, San Bernadino, CA 92407-2397, hereby warned that FUDDYContact LindaMEERS Stockham, by David 5500 Lindsay-Abaire University Parkway,is subject San to a Bernadino, royalty. CA 92407-2397, hereby warned that FUDDY MEERS by David Lindsay-Abaire is subject to a royalty. [email protected], [email protected] The Dramatists Play [email protected],Service, Inc., 440 Park [email protected] Avenue South, New York, NY 10016. No The Dramatists Play Service, Inc., 440 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016. No professional or non-professional performance of the play (excluding first-class profes- professional or non-professional performance of the play (excluding first-class profes- WHEN THEY SPEAK OF RITA by Daisy Foote. sional performance) WHENmay be givenTHEY without SPEAK obtaining OF RITA in b advancey Daisy Foote.the written permis- sional performance) may be given without obtaining in advance the written permis- Copyright 2000 by Daisy Foote sion of the DramatistsCopyright Play Service, 2000 b yInc. Daisy and Foote paying the requisite fee. Inquiries sion of the Dramatists Play Service, Inc. and paying the requisite fee. Inquiries Reprinted by Permission of Helen Merrill, Ltd. on behalf of the Author Reprinted by Permission of Helen Merrill, Ltd. on behalf of the Author

112 112 109 109 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 110 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56111 AM Page 110 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 111

concerning all other rights should be addressed to John Buzetti, The Gersh Agency, THE MEMORY OFconcerning WATER Copyrightall other rights 1997 should by Shelag be addressedStephenson to John Buzetti, The Gersh Agency, THE MEMORY OF WATER Copyright 1997 by Shelag Stephenson 130 West 42nd Street, New York, NY 10036. Reprinted by Permission130 Westof The 42nd Gersh Street, Agency New York, NY 10036. Reprinted by Permission of The Gersh Agency Contact Peter Hagan, The Gersh Agency, 130 West 42nd Street, New York, NY 10036, Contact Peter Hagan, The Gersh Agency, 130 West 42nd Street, New York, NY 10036, GOING TO BORDEAUX Copyright 2000 by Richard Lay 212-634-8115 GOING TO BORDEAUX Copyright 2000 by Richard Lay 212-634-8115 Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact: Richard Lay, 205 West 15th Street 2M, New York, NY 10011 MRS. MYGOODNESSContact: Copyright Richard 2000 Lay, by 205 David West Fleisher 15th Street 2M, New York, NY 10011 MRS. MYGOODNESS Copyright 2000 by David Fleisher Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author HOLY MOTHERS Copyright 1991 by Werner Schwab, Literaturverlag Droschl, Graz For Information contactHOLY David MOTHERS Fleisher, Copyright 4130 Tivoli 1991 Court by Werner #302, Schwab,Lake Worth, Literaturverlag FL Droschl, Graz For Information contact David Fleisher, 4130 Tivoli Court #302, Lake Worth, FL English Translation Copyright 2000 by Meredith Oakes 33467, 561-965-9723,English [email protected] Translation Copyright 2000 by Meredith Oakes 33467, 561-965-9723, [email protected] For Information: Literaturverlag Droschl, A-8010 Graz, Albertrasse 18, Austria, For Information: Literaturverlag Droschl, A-8010 Graz, Albertrasse 18, Austria, [email protected], Telephone: 0043-316-32-6404, Fax: 0043-316-32-4071 NUDE [email protected], Copyright 2000 Telephone: by Jeff Goode 0043-316-32-6404, Fax: 0043-316-32-4071 NUDE MONOLOGUE Copyright 2000 by Jeff Goode Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author HOW MISS BRENDA LOU TURPIN BECAME MISS SAVE THE BABIES AND Contact Jeff Goode, HO1501W Brentwood MISS BRENDA Lane, Wheaton,LOU TURPIN IL 60187, BECAME [email protected], MISS SAVE THE BABIES AND Contact Jeff Goode, 1501 Brentwood Lane, Wheaton, IL 60187, [email protected], A STAR FOR JESUS Copyright 2000 by Kristan Ryan. www.jeffgoode.com A STAR FOR JESUS Copyright 2000 by Kristan Ryan. www.jeffgoode.com Reprinted by permission of the Author Reprinted by permission of the Author Contact Kristan Ryan, 360 West 34th Street #4L, New York, NY 10001, THE ONE CopyrightContact 2000 bKristany Jolene Ryan, Goldenthal 360 West 34th Street #4L, New York, NY 10001, THE ONE Copyright 2000 by Jolene Goldenthal [email protected] Reprinted by [email protected] of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact Jolene Goldenthal, 17 Wright Drive, Avon, CT 06001 or Susan Schulman, Contact Jolene Goldenthal, 17 Wright Drive, Avon, CT 06001 or Susan Schulman, HUNGER Copyright 1997 by Sheri Wilner 434 West 44th Street,HUNGER New York, Copyright NY 10036 1997 by Sheri Wilner 434 West 44th Street, New York, NY 10036 Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that HUNGER by Sheri PAST TENSE FEMININECAUTION: GENDER Professionals Copyright and 2000 amateurs by Le are Wilhelm hereby warned that HUNGER by Sheri PAST TENSE FEMININE GENDER Copyright 2000 by Le Wilhelm Wilner is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United Reprinted by PermissionWilner of isthe subject Author to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United Reprinted by Permission of the Author States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union Contact Cynthia Granville,States of 162 America, Nesbit, and Weehawken, of all countries NJ 07057, covered 201-601-2431 by the International Copyright Union Contact Cynthia Granville, 162 Nesbit, Weehawken, NJ 07057, 201-601-2431 (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Univer- POMPEI Copyrightof 2000 all countries by Bob Jude covered Ferrante by the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Univer- POMPEI Copyright 2000 by Bob Jude Ferrante sal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention and of all countries with which the Reprinted by Permissionsal Copyright of the Author Convention, the Berne Convention and of all countries with which the Reprinted by Permission of the Author United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional, am- Contact Bob Jude Ferrante,United States616 East has reciprocal19th Street, copyright Brooklyn, relations. NY 11230, All rights, (718) including 421- professional, am- Contact Bob Jude Ferrante, 616 East 19th Street, Brooklyn, NY 11230, (718) 421- ateur/motion picture stage rights, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broad- 6977 ateur/motion picture stage rights, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broad- 6977 casting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or electronic casting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-1, information storage and retrieval systems and PRETTY Copyrightreproduction, 2000 by Alison such Diana as CD-ROM, Meehan CD-1, information storage and retrieval systems and PRETTY Copyright 2000 by Alison Diana Meehan photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Reprinted by Permissionphotocopying, of the Author and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Reprinted by Permission of the Author Particular emphasis is laid on the question of readings, permission for which must be Contact Beast Mountain,Particular 845-878-9898 emphasis is laid on the question of readings, permission for which must be Contact Beast Mountain, 845-878-9898 secured from the author’s agent in writing. Inquiries concerning rights should be ad- secured from the author’s agent in writing. Inquiries concerning rights should be ad- dressed to Mary Harden, Harden Curtis Associates, 850 Seventh Avenue, Suite 405, RADIUM GIRLS Copyrightdressed to 2000 Mary by Harden, Dolores Harden Whiskeyman Curtis Associates, 850 Seventh Avenue, Suite 405, RADIUM GIRLS Copyright 2000 by Dolores Whiskeyman New York, NY 10019 Reprinted by PermissionNew ofYork, the NYAuthor 10019 Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact Dolores Whiskeyman, P.O. Box 10643, Arlington, VA 22201 Contact Dolores Whiskeyman, P.O. Box 10643, Arlington, VA 22201 JUST A LITTLE FEVER Copyright 2000 by Caitlin Hicks JUST A LITTLE FEVER Copyright 2000 by Caitlin Hicks Reprinted by Permission of the Author THE REINDEER BITERSReprinted Copyright by Permission 1999 bofy theJussi A Wuthorahlgren THE REINDEER BITERS Copyright 1999 by Jussi Wahlgren Contact Caitlin Hicks, General Delivery, Roberts Creek, BC V0N 2W0, Canada Reprinted by PermissionContact of the Caitlin Author Hicks, General Delivery, Roberts Creek, BC V0N 2W0, Canada Reprinted by Permission of the Author For International Performing Rights contact: Charles Aerts, Theatre Productions, For International Performing Rights contact: Charles Aerts, Theatre Productions,

110 110 111 111 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 110 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56111 AM Page 110 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 111

concerning all other rights should be addressed to John Buzetti, The Gersh Agency, THE MEMORY OFconcerning WATER Copyrightall other rights 1997 should by Shelag be addressedStephenson to John Buzetti, The Gersh Agency, THE MEMORY OF WATER Copyright 1997 by Shelag Stephenson 130 West 42nd Street, New York, NY 10036. Reprinted by Permission130 Westof The 42nd Gersh Street, Agency New York, NY 10036. Reprinted by Permission of The Gersh Agency Contact Peter Hagan, The Gersh Agency, 130 West 42nd Street, New York, NY 10036, Contact Peter Hagan, The Gersh Agency, 130 West 42nd Street, New York, NY 10036, GOING TO BORDEAUX Copyright 2000 by Richard Lay 212-634-8115 GOING TO BORDEAUX Copyright 2000 by Richard Lay 212-634-8115 Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact: Richard Lay, 205 West 15th Street 2M, New York, NY 10011 MRS. MYGOODNESSContact: Copyright Richard 2000 Lay, by 205 David West Fleisher 15th Street 2M, New York, NY 10011 MRS. MYGOODNESS Copyright 2000 by David Fleisher Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author HOLY MOTHERS Copyright 1991 by Werner Schwab, Literaturverlag Droschl, Graz For Information contactHOLY David MOTHERS Fleisher, Copyright 4130 Tivoli 1991 Court by Werner #302, Schwab,Lake Worth, Literaturverlag FL Droschl, Graz For Information contact David Fleisher, 4130 Tivoli Court #302, Lake Worth, FL English Translation Copyright 2000 by Meredith Oakes 33467, 561-965-9723,English [email protected] Translation Copyright 2000 by Meredith Oakes 33467, 561-965-9723, [email protected] For Information: Literaturverlag Droschl, A-8010 Graz, Albertrasse 18, Austria, For Information: Literaturverlag Droschl, A-8010 Graz, Albertrasse 18, Austria, [email protected], Telephone: 0043-316-32-6404, Fax: 0043-316-32-4071 NUDE [email protected], Copyright 2000 Telephone: by Jeff Goode 0043-316-32-6404, Fax: 0043-316-32-4071 NUDE MONOLOGUE Copyright 2000 by Jeff Goode Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author HOW MISS BRENDA LOU TURPIN BECAME MISS SAVE THE BABIES AND Contact Jeff Goode, HO1501W Brentwood MISS BRENDA Lane, Wheaton,LOU TURPIN IL 60187, BECAME [email protected], MISS SAVE THE BABIES AND Contact Jeff Goode, 1501 Brentwood Lane, Wheaton, IL 60187, [email protected], A STAR FOR JESUS Copyright 2000 by Kristan Ryan. www.jeffgoode.com A STAR FOR JESUS Copyright 2000 by Kristan Ryan. www.jeffgoode.com Reprinted by permission of the Author Reprinted by permission of the Author Contact Kristan Ryan, 360 West 34th Street #4L, New York, NY 10001, THE ONE CopyrightContact 2000 bKristany Jolene Ryan, Goldenthal 360 West 34th Street #4L, New York, NY 10001, THE ONE Copyright 2000 by Jolene Goldenthal [email protected] Reprinted by [email protected] of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact Jolene Goldenthal, 17 Wright Drive, Avon, CT 06001 or Susan Schulman, Contact Jolene Goldenthal, 17 Wright Drive, Avon, CT 06001 or Susan Schulman, HUNGER Copyright 1997 by Sheri Wilner 434 West 44th Street,HUNGER New York, Copyright NY 10036 1997 by Sheri Wilner 434 West 44th Street, New York, NY 10036 Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that HUNGER by Sheri PAST TENSE FEMININECAUTION: GENDER Professionals Copyright and 2000 amateurs by Le are Wilhelm hereby warned that HUNGER by Sheri PAST TENSE FEMININE GENDER Copyright 2000 by Le Wilhelm Wilner is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United Reprinted by PermissionWilner of isthe subject Author to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United Reprinted by Permission of the Author States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union Contact Cynthia Granville,States of 162 America, Nesbit, and Weehawken, of all countries NJ 07057, covered 201-601-2431 by the International Copyright Union Contact Cynthia Granville, 162 Nesbit, Weehawken, NJ 07057, 201-601-2431 (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Univer- POMPEI Copyrightof 2000 all countries by Bob Jude covered Ferrante by the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Univer- POMPEI Copyright 2000 by Bob Jude Ferrante sal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention and of all countries with which the Reprinted by Permissionsal Copyright of the Author Convention, the Berne Convention and of all countries with which the Reprinted by Permission of the Author United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional, am- Contact Bob Jude Ferrante,United States616 East has reciprocal19th Street, copyright Brooklyn, relations. NY 11230, All rights, (718) including 421- professional, am- Contact Bob Jude Ferrante, 616 East 19th Street, Brooklyn, NY 11230, (718) 421- ateur/motion picture stage rights, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broad- 6977 ateur/motion picture stage rights, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broad- 6977 casting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or electronic casting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-1, information storage and retrieval systems and PRETTY Copyrightreproduction, 2000 by Alison such Diana as CD-ROM, Meehan CD-1, information storage and retrieval systems and PRETTY Copyright 2000 by Alison Diana Meehan photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Reprinted by Permissionphotocopying, of the Author and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Reprinted by Permission of the Author Particular emphasis is laid on the question of readings, permission for which must be Contact Beast Mountain,Particular 845-878-9898 emphasis is laid on the question of readings, permission for which must be Contact Beast Mountain, 845-878-9898 secured from the author’s agent in writing. Inquiries concerning rights should be ad- secured from the author’s agent in writing. Inquiries concerning rights should be ad- dressed to Mary Harden, Harden Curtis Associates, 850 Seventh Avenue, Suite 405, RADIUM GIRLS Copyrightdressed to 2000 Mary by Harden, Dolores Harden Whiskeyman Curtis Associates, 850 Seventh Avenue, Suite 405, RADIUM GIRLS Copyright 2000 by Dolores Whiskeyman New York, NY 10019 Reprinted by PermissionNew ofYork, the NYAuthor 10019 Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact Dolores Whiskeyman, P.O. Box 10643, Arlington, VA 22201 Contact Dolores Whiskeyman, P.O. Box 10643, Arlington, VA 22201 JUST A LITTLE FEVER Copyright 2000 by Caitlin Hicks JUST A LITTLE FEVER Copyright 2000 by Caitlin Hicks Reprinted by Permission of the Author THE REINDEER BITERSReprinted Copyright by Permission 1999 bofy theJussi A Wuthorahlgren THE REINDEER BITERS Copyright 1999 by Jussi Wahlgren Contact Caitlin Hicks, General Delivery, Roberts Creek, BC V0N 2W0, Canada Reprinted by PermissionContact of the Caitlin Author Hicks, General Delivery, Roberts Creek, BC V0N 2W0, Canada Reprinted by Permission of the Author For International Performing Rights contact: Charles Aerts, Theatre Productions, For International Performing Rights contact: Charles Aerts, Theatre Productions,

110 110 111 111 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 112 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56109 AM Page 112 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 109

International, Valeriusplein 20, 1075 BH Amsterdam, Holland, 20-6732285. Repre- of the United States ofInternational, America, and Valeriusplein of all countries 20, covered 1075 BH by the Amsterdam, International Holland, Copy- 20-6732285. Repre- of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copy- sented in the United States by: Frank Tobin, (213) 661-3720 right Union (includingsented the inDominion the United of States Canada by: and Frank the Tobin, rest of (213) the British 661-3720 Com- right Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Com- or contact Jussi Wahlgren, Kukkaniityntie 17, 00900 Helsinki, Finland monwealth), and of allor countriescontact Jussi covered Wahlgren, by the Pan-AmericanKukkaniityntie Copyright 17, 00900 Convention Helsinki, Finland monwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention and of all countries and the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention and of all countries ROMEO & JULIET II by Sandra Hosking Copyright 2000 by Sandra Hosking with which the UnitedROMEO States has& JULIET reciprocal II bycopyright Sandra Hosking relations. Copyright All rights, 2000 including by Sandra Hosking with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including Reprinted by Permission of the Author professional, amateur/motionReprinted pictureby Permission stage rights, of the recitation, Author lecturing, public read- professional, amateur/motion picture stage rights, recitation, lecturing, public read- Contact Sandra Hosking, 5819 N. Vincent, Newman Lake, WA 99025, ing, radio broadcasting,Contact television, Sandra video Hosking, or sound 5819 recording, N. Vincent, all Newmanother forms Lake, of me-WA 99025, ing, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of me- [email protected] chanical or [email protected] reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-1, information storage and chanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-1, information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, SISTERS Copyright 2000 by Gabriel Lanci are strictly reserved. SISTERSParticular Copyrightemphasis is2000 laid byon Gabrielthe question Lanci of readings, permis- are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is laid on the question of readings, permis- Reprinted by Permission of the Author sion for which must beReprinted secured fromby P ermissionthe author’s of agentthe Author in writing. Inquiries concerning sion for which must be secured from the author’s agent in writing. Inquiries concerning Contact Gabriel Lanci, 8 Whittier Place, Apt. 9A, Boston, MA 02114, rights should be addressedContact to: GabrielWilliam Lanci, Morris 8 Agency, Whittier Inc., Place, 1325 Apt. Avenue 9A, Boston, of the Amer- MA 02114, rights should be addressed to: William Morris Agency, Inc., 1325 Avenue of the Amer- [email protected] icas, New York, NY 10019,[email protected] Attn: Peter Franklin icas, New York, NY 10019, Attn: Peter Franklin

TEOTWAKI Copyright 2000 by Jo J. Adamson COASTER CopyrightTEOTWAKI 2000 by Adam Copyright Langer 2000 by Jo J. Adamson COASTER Copyright 2000 by Adam Langer Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by PermissionReprinted of the b Authory Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact Jo J. Adamson, 25252 Lake Wilderness Country Club Drive, SE Maple Val- For Information Contact:Contact Adam Jo J. Langer, Adamson, 60 25252West 106th Lake WildernessStreet #2D, Country New York, Club NY Drive, SE Maple Val- For Information Contact: Adam Langer, 60 West 106th Street #2D, New York, NY ley, WA 98038 10025, 212-531-4022ley, WA 98038 10025, 212-531-4022

TONY NUTCRACKER Copyright 2000 by Jocelyn Beard FALSE HOPES CopyrightTONY 2000NUTCRACKER by David-Matthew Copyright Barnes 2000 by Jocelyn Beard FALSE HOPES Copyright 2000 by David-Matthew Barnes Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by PermissionReprinted of the by Author Permission of the Author Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact Beast Mountain, 845-878-9898 Contact: The DorothyContact Nickle Beast Performing Mountain, Arts Company,845-878-9898 2221 West Giddings Street, Contact: The Dorothy Nickle Performing Arts Company, 2221 West Giddings Street, Chicago, IL 60625, Attention: Harriet Russell, Literature Department Chicago, IL 60625, Attention: Harriet Russell, Literature Department TOO DIRECT Copyright 2000 by Jeff Goode TOO DIRECT Copyright 2000 by Jeff Goode Reprinted by Permission of the Author THE FISH IN THEReprinted DUMPSTER by Permission Copyright of 2000 the Author by Nancy Gall-Clayton THE FISH IN THE DUMPSTER Copyright 2000 by Nancy Gall-Clayton Contact Jeff Goode, 1501 Brentwood Lane, Wheaton, IL 60187, [email protected], Reprinted by PermissionContact of the Jeff Author Goode, 1501 Brentwood Lane, Wheaton, IL 60187, [email protected], Reprinted by Permission of the Author www.jeffgoode.com Contact: Nancy Gall-Clayton,www.jeffgoode.com 1375 South Second Street, Louisville, KY 40208-2303 Contact: Nancy Gall-Clayton, 1375 South Second Street, Louisville, KY 40208-2303

THE TRESTLE AT POPE LICK CREEK Copyright 2000 by Naomi Wallace FOR NOW CopyrightTHE 2000 TRESTLE by Jocelyn AT POPEBeard LICK CREEK Copyright 2000 by Naomi Wallace FOR NOW Copyright 2000 by Jocelyn Beard Reprinted by Permission of Broadway Play Publishing Reprinted by PermissionReprinted of the by Author Permission of Broadway Play Publishing Reprinted by Permission of the Author Contact Broadway Play Publishing, 56 East 81st Street, New York, NY 10028 Contact: Beast Mountain,Contact 845-878-9898 Broadway Play Publishing, 56 East 81st Street, New York, NY 10028 Contact: Beast Mountain, 845-878-9898

THE VICTORIAN TRAVELER Copyright 1998 by Linda Stockham FUDDY MEERS CopyrightTHE VICTORIAN 2000 by David TRAVELER Lindsay-Abaire Copyright 1998 by Linda Stockham FUDDY MEERS Copyright 2000 by David Lindsay-Abaire Reprinted by Permission of the Author Reprinted by PermissionReprinted of the by Author. Permission CAUTION: of the Author Professionals and amateurs are Reprinted by Permission of the Author. CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are Contact Linda Stockham, 5500 University Parkway, San Bernadino, CA 92407-2397, hereby warned that FUDDYContact LindaMEERS Stockham, by David 5500 Lindsay-Abaire University Parkway,is subject San to a Bernadino, royalty. CA 92407-2397, hereby warned that FUDDY MEERS by David Lindsay-Abaire is subject to a royalty. [email protected], [email protected] The Dramatists Play [email protected],Service, Inc., 440 Park [email protected] Avenue South, New York, NY 10016. No The Dramatists Play Service, Inc., 440 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016. No professional or non-professional performance of the play (excluding first-class profes- professional or non-professional performance of the play (excluding first-class profes- WHEN THEY SPEAK OF RITA by Daisy Foote. sional performance) WHENmay be givenTHEY without SPEAK obtaining OF RITA in b advancey Daisy Foote.the written permis- sional performance) may be given without obtaining in advance the written permis- Copyright 2000 by Daisy Foote sion of the DramatistsCopyright Play Service, 2000 b yInc. Daisy and Foote paying the requisite fee. Inquiries sion of the Dramatists Play Service, Inc. and paying the requisite fee. Inquiries Reprinted by Permission of Helen Merrill, Ltd. on behalf of the Author Reprinted by Permission of Helen Merrill, Ltd. on behalf of the Author

112 112 109 109 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 116 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56113 AM Page 116 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 113

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that WHEN THEY SPEAK CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that WHEN THEY SPEAK OF RITA by Daisy Foote is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copy- OF RITA by Daisy Foote is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copy- right laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the Inter- right laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the Inter- national Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the national Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention and of Convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional, amateur/motion picture stage rights, recitation, lecturing, pub- including professional, amateur/motion picture stage rights, recitation, lecturing, pub- lic reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms lic reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-1, information stor- of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-1, information stor- age and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign age and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is laid on the question of readings, languages, are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is laid on the question of readings, permission for which must be secured from the author’s agent in writing. Inquiries permission for which must be secured from the author’s agent in writing. Inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to: Helen Merrill, Ltd, 295 Lafayette Street, Suite concerning rights should be addressed to: Helen Merrill, Ltd, 295 Lafayette Street, Suite 915, New York, NY 10012 915, New York, NY 10012

113 113 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 114 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56115 AM Page 114 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 115 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 114 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56115 AM Page 114 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 115 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 116 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56113 AM Page 116 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 113

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that WHEN THEY SPEAK CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that WHEN THEY SPEAK OF RITA by Daisy Foote is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copy- OF RITA by Daisy Foote is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copy- right laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the Inter- right laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the Inter- national Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the national Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention and of Convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional, amateur/motion picture stage rights, recitation, lecturing, pub- including professional, amateur/motion picture stage rights, recitation, lecturing, pub- lic reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms lic reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-1, information stor- of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-1, information stor- age and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign age and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is laid on the question of readings, languages, are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is laid on the question of readings, permission for which must be secured from the author’s agent in writing. Inquiries permission for which must be secured from the author’s agent in writing. Inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to: Helen Merrill, Ltd, 295 Lafayette Street, Suite concerning rights should be addressed to: Helen Merrill, Ltd, 295 Lafayette Street, Suite 915, New York, NY 10012 915, New York, NY 10012

113 113 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 120 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56117 AM Page 120 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 117 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 118 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56119 AM Page 118 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 119 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 118 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56119 AM Page 118 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 119 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 120 Women00 i-viii,Women00 1-120 i-viii,12/22/06 1-120 10:56 12/22/06 AM Page 10:56117 AM Page 120 Women00 i-viii, 1-120 12/22/06 10:56 AM Page 117