FAMILY GUY “The Glenn Beck Quagmire” Written by Marcos Luevanos Marcos Luevanos (626) 485-2140
[email protected] ACT ONE EXT./ESTAB. GRIFFINS’ HOUSE - DAY INT. GRIFFINS’ LIVING ROOM - SAME PETER blasts an air horn. PETER (CALLING UPSTAIRS) Hurry it up you guys! The world and I have waited long enough for “Pretty Woman 2: Reality Sets In.” INT. SUBURBAN HOME - MORNING (CUTAWAY) A sloppily dressed RICHARD GERE yells at a crying JULIA ROBERTS. TWO CHILDREN observe from the staircase. RICHARD GERE I’m not getting what the problem is. You knew I slept with hookers when you married me. (SCOFFS) That’s how we met! INT. GRIFFINS’ LIVING ROOM - DAY (BACK TO SCENE) The doorbell rings. Peter opens it to reveal an incredibly ill QUAGMIRE. PETER Hey Quagmire! (DISGUSTED) Whoa, you look worse than Lindsay Lohan in a well-lit room. FAMILY GUY - "The Glenn Beck Quagmire" 2. QUAGMIRE That bad, huh? I have an appointment at the free clinic but I can’t seem to, you know, see. Would you be able to give me a ride to the doctor? PETER Sure thing. I was running low on free condoms anyway. (CALLING UPSTAIRS) Hey slowpokes, eighty-six the movie, I’m taking Quagmire to get his junk checked out. LOIS (O.S.) What? PETER (CALLING UPSTAIRS) I said, I’m taking Quagmire to get his junk checked out. (NORMAL, TO QUAGMIRE) It is your junk, right? QUAGMIRE Right. PETER (CALLING UPSTAIRS) Yeah, it’s his junk. Quagmire smacks his forehead. FAMILY GUY - "The Glenn Beck Quagmire" 3.