theCORD Inside Man in Motion 3 Byelection Platforms 11 Something Wild 15

Volume 27 Wilfrid Laurier Number 14 University, Waterloo weekly Thursday, November 27, 1986

Opposes Saturday class Thompson will work for students' weekend

By Eric Beyer Tron said the Senate last year more closely allied with WLUSU for made the firm rule of providing 60 a more coordinated student voice. Everybody's working for the academic school days per semester. Burchill said he has tried to weekend. Tron said that if there are any arrange a meeting with all of the Student Union President Brian logical solutions, he would like to student senators, but so far has Thompson said he will work with hear them. been unsuccessful. student senators to try and stop the "The student senators did not The relationship between implementation of a Saturday class make any adverse comments in the WLUSU and the student senators

next October. Senate," he said. "is tenuous — at arm's length," said The Saturday class is scheduled Only one student senator, Allister Burchill. for October 17 to make up for the Hain, was present at the 5 Novem- Student senator Doug Earle said preceding Thanksgiving Monday ber Senate meeting to vote on the that at the beginning of the school holiday. issue. He voted for it. year the student senators wanted to Thompson said that he will talk to Senate Assistant Secretary share an office with the Board of the student senators, but the Jaqueline Heit said she could not Directors, but the directors refused.

senators — not connected with remember the last time a senate Earle said Burchill is more than

WLUSU — have no obligation to motion was rescinded after the welcome to come to student senator listen. meeting had ended. caucus meetings. Only one of eight student sena- But Heit said the Senate meetings Student Senator Peter Nosalik tors was present at the Senate are run according to Robert's Rules said Senate committee meetings meeting that passed the Saturday of Order, and that it is possible to were more important than Senate class. rescind a motion after it has been general meetings, because it is Alluding to the 'Rambo Hamster' passed. "where most of the work is done." cartoon strip, Thompson said Student senators are elected by He said he would be more concerned "someone was undermining students for a two-year term. if student senators did not go to democracy." Student senators do not have to committee gatherings as opposed to Peter Tron, Laurier's Head attend school during their term of the general meetings. Registrar, defended the decision to office, but must attend half of the Presently the eight student have a Saturday class. meetings in a year, or risk losing senators are Doug Earle, Bruce "Based on everything I read, it their seat. Elliot, Tammy Yukk! Winter! Agh! Exams! Aggggghhhhh! At Higginson, Christy (the term) had to be 60 (academic) WLUSU Vice President: Snelgrove, Allister Hain, least it looks nice. Cord photo by Rob Mellow Andy Berg, days. There weren't too many University Affairs Jeff Burchill said Andy Shannon, and Peter Nosalik. options," he said. he wished student senators were •Sec related story, page 3 Feminist prof stands up for rights

By Susie Petersiel, McGill Daily dents whose expertise in some area 'take a run at Sheila,' and feit that In addition to disapproval from minutes by a colleague who told her and Heather McAsh may exceed hers, and encourages my use of gender-neutral language students, Mclntyre's job security that she had better alter her con- students who would not normally was my attempt at shoving my became unstable. She implied that duct if she hoped to be rehired. A Queen's University law pro- speak to participate. politics down students' throats," she was rebuked, insulted and The memo has also elicited open fessor who introduces a feminist "Lack of hierarchy means re- she said. threatened in her offices for 45 Continued on page 5 perspective to the classroom has ducing as much as possible the seen reaction move from abusive balance of power between student demonstrations last year to national and teacher," Mclntyre explains. support this year. "You must self-consciously make WLUSU Pres cautious Media recognition and letters of spaces for different voices, (or) support from 20 North American women's voices might be silenced. universities came for Professor "I do not subscribe to the myth of Sheila Mclntyre after she wrote a objectivity ... I admit my personal about S. African policy 19-page memo last July to the perspective (in the classroom). I say members of the Queen's University 'I believe' and don't play the devil's By Catherine McCauley chines and student pubs, sells cussing the issue. Law Faculty Board. advocate," she said. Carling beer products and Roth- "We have been looking at issues Mclntyre said she wrote the Reaction to both her memo and Wilfrid Laurier University Student man's tobacco, two companies with directly affecting Laurier. In January memo to create awareness of the her teaching style has not always Union President Brian Thompson extensive South African holdings. we will be looking at broader issues," problem that women face in every been positive. thinks the student council should "Pulling beer is a weak way of Thompson said.

classroom — a problem, she said, "People who never understood not dictate what products students doing it (protesting)," Thompson In Thompson's opinion, educa- that is intensified in the traditionally the problem became more self- should buy, even when the com- said. However, "we would stop tion about apartheid is the rational male dominated discipline of law. conscious," she said. "Feminists panies involved do business in ordering it if people stop buying approach. "We should educate the "I was committed to teaching as often are more concious about South Africa. these products." students regarding South African

my legal career ... and I wanted to power relations than non-feminists," Laurier faculty hope to involve "It (would be) patronizing to tell products and let them make up their teach as a feminist," she said. she explained. WLUSU in protesting apartheid, the students what to buy," he said. own minds." "Introducing a feminist per- "It is particularly galvanizing (to and voted to divest pension fund Carling O'Keefe beer, based on The best approach, said spective to law meant more time them) when someone goes public money invested in companies with the sales of Miller, Miller Lite, Thompson, is to utilize "consumer spent altering the style of the class- with this sort of information." operations or assets in South Africa. Carlsberg and Carlsberg Light, power" where "any individual can room, rather than the content. I Mclntyre said she received a The Faculty Association will ap- accounts for "approximately 20-25 affect federal policy by not buying think it's important to validate the strong negative reaction from proach WLUSU in the new year, per cent of beer sales," said Lynn these products." voices of women in the classroom so several male students in her Tort and are seeking ways of initiating Kurtz, Vice President Finance. Thompson has said he "would they're not seen as emotional, or class. "About six men were de- "concrete action" against South There is no formal board policy welcome any initiative from the their ideas seen as irrational." liberately disruptive, uncooperative, Africa's apartheid system, said about South Africa at this time, faculty regarding faculty-student Mclntyre interruptive, January said she tries not to and angry," she said. Faculty President Dr. Paul Albright. Thompson said. In and Continued on page 7 silence students, recognizes stu- "These students pre-arranged to WLUSU, through vending ma- February the board will be dis- THE CORD WEEKLY 2 THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 1986 the CORD weekly

November 27,1986 Volume 27, Number 14 WLU Student Publications

Editor-in-Chief Matt Johnston NEWS

Editor Bruce Arculus Associate Eric Beyer Contributors Alex Greer Sandra Healey Steve Howard Catherine McCauley Don Minato Kevin Montgomery Erika Sajnovic FEATURES

Coordinator Heather McAsh

ENTERTAINMENT

Editor Anne-Marie Tymec Contributors Steve Howard Watch For It! Dave Lackie Steve McLean Kirk Neilsen Tony Spencer Mike Wingert Ruby's New Year's Eve SPORTS Start out with Hors D'oeuvres, enjoy the Editor Rob Furlong Contributors Serge Grenier & . Sally Lichtenberg Brad Lyon Hot Cold Buffet. Scott Macdonald Jeff Madigan Party along with the VJ and all the Party Steve McLean Chris Starkey DESIGN AND LAYOUT

Favors are on us. Production Manager Vacant Assistant Heather Lemon Assista nt Nancy Ward Systems Technician Chris Little Tickets are an incredibly low $20. Copy Editors Doris Docs Waterloo inn MichaelWert

475 King St. N. Contributors Steve Giustizia Cori Ferguson Christine Foisy Steve Howard Anna Muselius 884-0220 Ron Shuttleworth Mike Wingert

PHOTOGRAPHY

& Manager Scott McDiarmid PROCTER GAMBLE Technician Andrea Cole AWARD OF EXCELLENCE Graphic Arts David Wilmering Contributors Don Ambridge Dawn Barrie Barb Catchpole Rob Mellow ADVERTISING

The Award Manager Bernard J. Calford Classifieds Susan Wallace Representatives David Mcintosh Emphasizes Procter & Gamble's tradition of broadly supporting and rewarding individual Zoltan Horcsok excellence. Recognizes full-time students who combine superior academic achievement with National $ Advertising Campus Plus outstanding accomplishments and leadership skills in university activities. Up to three 1000 (416)481-7283 prizes presented annually. CIRCULATION AND FILING The Person Manager . Stephan Deschenes You will enter the final year of full-time studies in your current degree program in fall 1987. Eight-month, 24-issue Cord Weekly subscription rates are: $17.00 for addresses Your "individual excellence" has been demonstrated in a well-rounded balance of extra- within Canada and $20.00 outside the country. Co-op students may subscribe at the rate of $7.00 per four month work term. curricular and academic achievements. You are a permanent resident of Canada. WLUSP BOARD OF DIRECTORS

The Application President Roger Nault Directors Peter Bradley Robert A. Furlong Obtain an application form from the Student Awards Office. Charles McLaughlin Michael Wingert the faculty member your department. Complete form, including the endorsement of a from The Cord welcomes all comments, criticisms and suggestions from its readers. Attach a copy of your most recent transcript. Letters to the Editor must be typed, double-spaced and submitted by Monday the week of publication. All letters must name, Return the form to noon bear the author's full the Student Awards Office. telephone and student number. Letters are subject to editing for length. The Cord reserves the right to withhold any submission or advertisement which its staff considers racist, sexist, homophobic, libellous or in bad taste. The Cord offices are located on the 2nd floor of theStudent Union Building atWilfrid Laurier University. Telephone 884-2990 or 884-2991 The Cord Weekly is printed at Fairway Press, Kitchener.

The Cord Weekly is published weekly during the fall and winter academic terms. Editorial opinions are the product of the editorial board and are independent of the University, WLUSU and Student Publications. The Cord is a member of the Canadian University Press news co-operative. Copyright ©1986 byWLU Student Publications, Waterloo,Ontario, N2L 3C5. No part of this publication may be reproduced without permission of the editor. Staff Meeting Fri., Nov. 27, 2:30 p.m. iw't All students welcome.

Don't forget the Student Pubs Christmas party at Chadd's on December 2! THE CORD WEEKLY NEWS THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27,1986 3

Judicial committee kills Lakehead's student paper

By Erika Sajnovic Union (LUSU) President Wayne The Argus published a story Ivey said he disagrees with the September 18 about an altercation The Argus is dead. Judicial Committee decision, but he between a patron and bouncers at The Lakehead University Student can't do anything about it. the council-managed pub. Union's Judicial Committee has "The LUSU constitution reads "We were asked not to print the suspended publication of the weekly that they are almighty," he said. article (by the council)," said King. student paper indefinitely. The doors to The Argus office "We defended ourselves with "They are just putting the screws were padlocked November 10, and 'freedom of the press' and they in to us," said ex-editor John King. the typewriters and telephones turn threatened to fire us." Lakehead University Student were removed from the offices. The suspension was upheld at a meeting on November 18 between the three-member Judicial Com- mittee and Ivey. "We are all still 'fired'," said King. to "They've got us and they know it." Mixed reaction Ivey said he advised the com- mittee to reconsider their actions, but that his advice was ignored. a Saturday class King was told no paper would be published until January 29, leaving the idea that stu- the students without a paper for By Alex Greer He dismissed Bound: Rick Hansen will stop at the dents should make up for the lost over two months. Homeward University of Waterloo next week as part of his Man of classes on Thanksgiving Day. King said he's "fed up" and has Laurier students reacted in day in Motion tour. various ways when told of the "Those in factories and business given up on the council."I don't Wilfrid Laurier University's senate do not have to make up for the lost have to go and take this shit. They decision to institute one day of day; why should students?" he said. (LUSU) don't know what they're Saturday classes next year. A second year politics/adminis- doing." 'Man in Motion' tour "It sucks," said second year tration major agreed with Seeger. A November 21 board meeting, Physics major lan Seeger, "You "The university should be able to get which King didn'tattend, discussed work five days out of seven. People all the classes into the five-day options including a general electiqn will receive local aid are already going nuts as it is." week," said Todd Howe. "Students to elect new staff from the student By Steve Howard promotional Man in Motion items in need the weekend." body and a referendum on the Laurier's concourse last week, Student Senator Peter Nosalik, paper's autonomy. University of Waterloo (UW) which raised approximately $400, Eight clubs however, supported the senate King said editorial staff must have students, with the help of Laurier are members of a UW REC 353 decision. "We (WLU) are on a 65- a certain amount of technical volunteers, are attempting to raise class centring on recreation and day cycle. We will be on a 60-day knowledge and expertise. "How can $10,000 for the 'Man in Motion,' physical disabilities. lose official cycle next fall. The extra day is the students elect someone with Rick Hansen. Also, the Federation of Students necessary to allow students to get qualifications if they do not know Hansen is on the final phase of his at Waterloo has their own "Rick StudentUnion out of classes in good time for jobs those they are voting for?" wheelchair world tour and should Hansen Committee," which is af- and for professors to have more King said he had already come up arrive in Kitchener-Waterloo in the filiated with the REC 353 project. time for research." with the idea of a referendum to ask first week of December. The committee will present a recognition Nosalik said he didn't think this the student body if they want The The 40,073-kilometre world tour cheque to Hansen when he arrives decision would ever lead to courses Argus or if they want a LUSU is designed to create global aware- in town. Eight campus clubs will not for full-time students being held on paper. ness of the potential of disabled In addition to the support by the any financial support from Saturdays. He said courses like "We could complain to a higher people by raising money for spinal receive university community, local bu- the Wilfrid Laurier University Business 218, which have classes body, but who?" said King. "The cord research and rehabilitation. sinesses in the K-W area are col- Student Union this year, and have scheduled on Saturday, have many Judicial Committee is below LUSU, Hansen has been the winner of lecting donations from their cus- had their club status revoked. part-time students. but LUSU has no power." many prestigious awards, including tomers. The clubs which failed to submit a Some students did not object to Ivey said the Judicial Committee international marathons and the budget and a membership list were Saturday classes. Pam Harris, is bending the rules of the con- Olympic Games for the Disabled. In A booth at the King Centre in accounting, navigators, ski, United studying for her Business Diploma, stitution. "Everyone is interpreting 1983, Hansen was Canada's out- downtown Kitchener is displaying a Nations, computer machinery, shut- said it was a good idea. "It is very the constitution a different way — standing athlete of the year. giant card to be signed by those who tlecocks, figure skating club and the convenient for those part-time mine verses everyone elses," said The Man in Motion began his tour make donations. Along with this student alumni association. students who work in factories and Ivey. in Vancouver on March 21,1985. He scroll, there is a 'rug-hooking' to be The figure skating club has may not be able to attend weekday Ivey said his council is opposed to has attempted to set a 115 km-a-day completed by the donators. One become a varsity team and receives classes because of shift work." his position, and think he should be pace through the U.S.A., Europe half of this hooking is in Kitchener funding from the Athletic depart- Third-year Honours Economics siding with the Judicial Committee. and the Middle-East. and the other half is in Waterloo. ment. Major Martin Maurer also sup- He called the present relationship a Hansen returned to North As an incentive for donations to Some clubs have disappeared ported the senate decision. "I enjoy "dog fight." America during the summer of 1986, continue, there is an expressed because of lack of interest, and having classes on Saturday," he Ivey said the council has per- wheeling up the coast from Miami to competition between the twin-cities. others, such as the accounting club said. "It's good for meeting those manently damaged its reputation. Newfoundland and is now pro- The competition is designed to see and student alumni association, are part-time students, gives better The three members of the ceeding to Vancouver. which city can complete its half first. still operating this year without contact with them and helps en- Judicial Committee were unavail- The UW students who organized With each donation, a piece of yarn affiliation with WLUSU. hance the learning experience". able for comment. ths sale of buttons and other is added to the rug. Rowdy students worry bus companies By Don Minato people in charge of loading, un- the buses. What surprises us a little at Oktoberfest. The drivers get would be better." and Erika Sajnovic loading and transit," said Laird. bit is why there has to be liquor on afraid of something happening," said Musselman said incidents of vio- This is done to insure that the the bus. We can't understand why Musselman. lence are few and far between. "Two years ago a punched Local bus companies are imple- students are orderly during loading there has to be a head start on Kitchener Transit Director Walter lady driver was unloading — are drinking. tough. in the face and her blouse was menting policies aimed at curtailing and the buses also You have to be Beck said this policy is already in ripped. Some drivers in past rowdy and drunken behavior by checked underneath to ensure that We're going to be firm; liquor is not practice at Kitchener Transit. "There the have been puked on. No money can students, fearing a repeat of the everyone is clear before the bus going to be allowed on the bus." are no guarantees between points A away. compensate for that. We wonder accident that killed one Laurier pulls Musselman said that they do not and B" said Beck, "but professional Brubacher are whether or not we should pull the student and injured two others at Two drivers at stipulate that there must be super- drivers should know how to deal refusing drive students during buses off completely." Bingeman Park over a year ago. to visors, but when they worked with with any type of difficulty." year, but Musselman said that a lack of Neil Laird, manager of Oktoberfest events next WLU during orientation, the univer- affect the Musselman said that this year, supervision on the part of Bingeman Charterways Transportation Laird said this will not sity had supervisors deal with the to they had problems with the super- Park was also to blame for the Limited, said no driver wants to company. students. visors. "One supervisor was respon- problem. "One particular night at have an injury or casualty on their The problem ofdrivers refusing to "There has not been as much conscience. take student charters has not hap- sible for smuggling liquor on the bus. Bingeman's was really rough. I lay trouble with Wilfrid Laurier They pened at Charterways. did not have control like they the blame on Bingeman. They were Both University as University of Waterloo, Laird and Marshall If a driver refuses to drive, did at orientation. Not every group too busy with both hands on the till. Musselman of Brubacher Bus Lines but we've driven more UW people. Musselman said that they simply was as bad as some. The problem The other unfortunate thing was agree that drinking is the main cause There is not a lot of difference was on ask someone else to take the run. that they rested their laurels that Bingeman did not provide of rowdy behavior. between one or the other," Musselman said that he has never after orientation." supervision." "Kids are they'll only get Musselman said. kids and been excited about student party Students are often rude and John Bingeman of Bingeman Park away with what they think they aren't profane, excursions. "The bulk of the students according to Musselman. said the bus companies must accept can," said Laird. that bad. The smaller groups are "We hope that in the future the some blame because they are often Charterways stipulates that there Musselman said there were too more difficult to deal with. We had conversation would be more intel- lax in enforcing policies. was must be at least two non-drinkers on many incidents where liquor no problems with Laurier orien- ligent. You would think that when Bingeman said that some of the each bus at all times to supervise. brought on the bus. "Our policy tation. Problems happen when you you're dealing with the cream of the Continued on page "Buses must have two responsible now is that no liquor is allowed on get the amount of people that were crop that the language they use 7 THE CORD WEEKLY 4 THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 1986 ii| g?B^

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SENECA COLLEGE pitch Corporate Communications Program Macerollo makes A CHANCE TO MATTER Within the next year, Wilfrid Cord: What is the direction of CFS, selves (the executive) to the mem- Corporations change. Constantly. Laurier students will go to the polls and how do you perceive your role bership. I'm in a nice position, and I to decide on full-time membership in as Chair? have to thank my predecessors for With the growing need for companies to interact with new publics and the Canadian Federation of Stu- Macerollo: "The theme of last that. address rapidly evolving issues come opportunities for you to play a vital dents (CFS). year's General CFS meeting was "Educational issues affect stu- role in the thrust for corporate excellence. Seneca College's new program in can give you to act Now prospective members of communication. I'd like to spend the dents more directly now. As a Corporate Communications the skills and know-how CFS, Laurier students will decide on next year making sure members' result, our focus is more specific — in this most essential of management functions, communication. expectations are a full time membership costing $4 per of CFS realized. reflection of student councils in- For a year you are busy, learning intensively, planning, organizing, (We student. It may also give students must) establish a fairly firm terests. Underfunding and quality of implementing and evaluating communication programs, events, and on membership in the Ontario presence Parliament Hill, and education are major concerns. The networks, just as you will in the workplace. You learn to write, edit, and update our message. Federation of Students, CFS Chair continue to issues have become more narrow speak in a variety of business-oriented situations. Provision is made for executive Tony Macerollo said. Very little authority and focused." you to get four months of real experience to use your new skills in the Macerollo was re-elected recently exists; the membership determines workplace. No time is wasted in getting you out on the job and on your way to a second one-year term as chair. everything. This fresh perspective Cord: "How is CFS structured and to a rewarding career. and yearly turnover (of represen- what is CFS' relationship with The Cord's Liz Jefferson inter- Have you graduated from a community college or university, or worked in tatives from member schools) keeps OFS?" viewed Macerollo Nov 17. Following an organization for five years you enjoy writing, meeting people, us on track. 7 Do is a partial transcript of that con- building ways of meeting challenging issues effectively? Do you want to "The emphasis is on proving them- "CFS is a national versation. Macerollo: make a differenceto the way a company sees itself and how it is seen from organization with several provincial the outside 9 Get more information. Pick up the ptione. Call (416) components. we In 1984 had struc- 491-5050, and ask for the English and Communications Division. Start tural problems, and decided in 1985 learning now about your chance to matter, CFS to stage Week that congruency would take place rather than winding down CFS- Ontario. There were schools in SENECA COLLEGE of Action in January CFS-O, and not OFS even though they were basically the same or- MM OF APPLIED ARTS AND TECHNOLOGY ganization. 1750FINCH AVENUE EAST NORTH YORK ONTARIO M2| 2X5 By Jim Morreale Marcerollo rates the federal govern- "There is an agreement between The Silhouette ment's overall performance on ed- CFS and OFS. Again, it's a question ucation as "fairly poor. of congruency (whether CFS-O CFS chair Tony Marcerollo de- "There doesn't (seem to be) a exists). The real debate is what kind ! During the Holiday ; fines the recent CFS conference in uniform policy" toward education, of provincial organization will exist, Season, Ottawa as "Ok, but a touch in- he said. and what its role at the national level Please... i * trospective." This does not bode well for i If you get * is. bogged down in struc- * The theme of the conference was Canadian universities, Marcerollo tures, you don't get anything done." communication, and the delegates said. looked at how student groups can Marcerollo is regarded by some Cord: "How do you plan on trying I Don't Drink and Drive j and do work together. as an example of the new breed of to persuade WLU students to join The Cord Weekly J One of the main accomplish- student politician, one who is more CFS?" J Staff ments, said Marcerollo, was the at home lobbying the government establishment of a Week protesting policies. of Action than its Macerollo: "I don't know if it's to be held in January. The purpose "(It's) simply a change of style," necessarily going to be me. I don't COMBONI of the week "is to raise the profile of he said. "And effectiveness is MISSIONARIES its not have the best ear of the students on (T% student concerns." incredibly different. W) CATHOLIC MISSIONARIES campus. It's up to people in One of the topics high on the list "The areas of response have been write; Fr. Joe Rankin WLUSU to experience, evaluate ntML/li UU 7 g Moore a V6 Kitchener, Ont. N2H 354 of priorities during the Week of defined," he said. I ' and communicate. They know the TO WORLD • • Action is student summer THE employ- students here better than I do. It'll ment, an area Marcerollo said the Macerollo is the first CFS chair to be a partnership, in terms of winning federal government ignores. a fc r. . . . , be elected to second term. the referendum. What students will He said the Conservative govern- "There is a positive reaction with get is responsibility in return for ment's student employment initia- student government," he says about political representation, par- tive is "obsessed with the private the relationship between CFS ticipation in a national com- , | sector. It may be good for Ontario, executive and member schools. NOVEMBER IS FRESH FISH AND municative forum, and services but not for the rest of Canada." "The mood is good," he said. r SEAFOOD MONTH brought directly to the student. m rlA ; FISH HOUSE. HARRY ' HARPOON HAS RETURNED Queen's 1 L FROM A WORLDWIDE FISHING TRIP prof stands for rights WITH FREE SAMPLES FOR YOU! Dineat HARPOON HARRY'S in November and Harry will introduce you to Continued from page 1 fabulous fresh p.m., you scholarship into all classrooms so there has been discrimination in the some fish from around the world. After 4 while dine, Harry will treat .you to a sample selection from Blue Marlin, New support. She has sent out over 200 that it's not seen as biased, but as a past, it and that still exists, although Ling, Mahi Mahi, Black Tip Shark, (poor Lobster), copies in response to requests from legitimate perspective, as the male Zealand Monk man's she thinks "there is some against Orange Roughy and others. across Canada and the United perspective is. men as well." States. "There is a real tendency to deny "1 personally am being sufficiently

Mclntyre speaks of the memo as the problem exists, instead it's promoted here — some men feel being a catalyst. "The media transfered to her problematic areas. that the push to make women more attention accelerates (the process I do not deny that we have other visible makes things more difficult of awareness) and creates oppor- institutional problems. However, I for men," said Somerville. tunities ... for a different kind of have become exasperated and SEAFOOD, FRESH FISH, OYSTERS, CLAMS, MUSSELS, activism." angered by the consistency with Professor Gracia Atala, another STEAK, VEAL, CHICKEN, According to Mclntyre "the soli- which gender has been ... filtered senior professor at McGill said, "I've PASTA darity by women on reading this out," said Mclntyre. no feelings whatsoever when asked (memo) has been unprecedented, Not all women law professors about gender bias within the Law School." She has never experienced and it's coming from women in all agree with Mclntyre. Professor & faculties. This is something I've Margaret Somerville, a senior law any discrimination as a woman in FANTASTIC FRESH FISH CHIPS never seen before and I credit professor at McGill University, feels McGill's Faculty of Law. women for showing their solidarity and courage." At HARPOON HARRY'S, OUR PRICES WONT Support comes mostly from Lyons study focuses women. "Any men supporting us TAKE THE WIND OUT OF YOUR SAILS

were called wimps or fags — the homophobic response is a very on status of women common reaction." Lyons Sociology and Anthropology said she knows of no CLIP & SAVE Although the memo has resulted professor Harriet Lyons is co- official complaints of discrimination in a number of concrete gains, ordinating a study on the status of based on gender. (feminist HARPOON HARRY'S scholars now speak at women faculty and staff at Wilfrid Laurier, in conjunction with the FISH HOUSE Queen's and all first-year law classes Laurier. University of Waterloo, offers two devote at least one class to discuss courses on women's studies. UW the topic of women and law study) The provincially funded study is offers the second year course, and Mclntyre and her supporters are now in the data-gathering stage, Laurier the third year. still hoping for more reforms. Lyons said, but will complete its final In addition, Lyons said most "The only way to battle this report March 31. social sciences and humanities $1.00 OFF (discrimination) is to have a sub- Lyons, who teaches Women programs offer specific courses ON stantial number of feminists in Studies 300, would not comment on dealing with women's issues. ANYFOOD PURCHASE permanent professonial positions," any examples of discrimination, Laurier has a Women's Studies LIMIT ONE COUPON PER PERSON Mclntyre said, "and my goal would saying the data-gathering must be co ordinator, Dr. Arlene Guinsburg, be to insure that every Law Faculty objective. who is on sabbatical. Dean of Arts has a 'Woman and the Law' course. "Of course, there's gossip one and Science, Dr. Arthur Read, is -1- OFFER EXPIRES It University x 405 King Si is necessary to integrate feminist hears everyday," she said. acting co ordinator this year. N., Waterloo nqv. 30/86 I THE CORD WEEKLY 6 THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 1986 NEWS Come out of yourshell Racist graffiti reappears

and into M^Ginnis. OTTAWA (CUP) - Racist graffiti has resurfaced at Carleton Funding should be University, where a poster adver- tising a discussion with the ambas- competitive with US sador of Sudan was defaced.

Written on the poster's corner OTTAWA (CUP) - If the were the words, "Bunch of federal government wants to make Niggers." Canada competitive with the "This is supposed to be a growing United States through a free trade and learning place. You'd think agreement, it should also be people would be more broad- competitive in funding of post- minded," said Andrea Timoll, one secondary institutions, warns of two Carleton Anti-Apartheid Canada's national association of Action Group members who dis- professors. covered the graffiti. grievance is the quality of repre- Ron Levesque, Executive The defacement comes nine sentation grad students have on Secretary of the Canadian months after racist comments UMSU. Association of University appeared on a poster during last "It's generally felt among grad Teachers(CAUT), said per-student year's student council election students that (council) does not funding for public colleges in the campaign. represent the Graduate Students' U.S. by far outstrips funding for "We'd hoped (that) was an Association and thus the GSA Canadian schools. isolated example," said Sully would best represent itself. "Most of our people would gladly Gariba, co-ordinator of Carleton's "This isan issue that's not new," take what the Americans have International Student's Centre. he said. "It's been raised in the right now. It's not surprising that Gariba said racism on campus is past. However, it seems to have a some first-rate academics have left reaching "alarming proportions," lot more driving force this time." Canada for the States," said and called for programs, similar to The 3,612 graduate students at Levesque. an alcohol awareness campaign, the U of M pay $49 each to UMSU, "If you look at the numbers to be set up to combat the situa- Blondeau said. "If the GSA were involved, you'll find they're spen- tion. autonomous, it would take a sub- ding up to twice and three times as "Neither (council) nor the ad- stantial chunk out of the UMSU much per student," said Levesque. ministration has started any major cashier," he said. "How can we compete with that

initiative on racism and other forms UMSU director of administra- — how can we even be in the same 16 YOUNG ST. E. of discrimination," said Gariba. tion Michael Crutch wonders how ballpark?" he said. graduate students could com- Levesque said CAUT believes WATERLOO, ONTARIO pletely separate from UMSU and that whether or not Canada and not take advantage of UMSU the States reach a free trade Grad Association services. agreement, vast improvements "You just can't paint a GSA must be made in funding for wants out ofUMSU student red," he said. "We can not Canada's post-secondary edu- forbid the GSA from watching the cation system. WINNIPEG (CUP) — The performers (in the student union University of Manitoba Graduate building)." Students' Association (GSA) no According to the UMSU con- ,he CREA T I V T longer wants to remain a part of stitution, classes of students may HAIR - DESIGN the U of M Students' Union. choose to leave UMSU, but at the CORD.weekly—— Grad Vice-President Joe discretion of the university's Board Blondeau said the GSA's main of Governors.

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PI77A - PANZEROTTI - SANDWICHES THE CORD WEEKLY NEWS THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27,1986 7 112 \ CONCORDIA A B.C. schools seek aid to funding UNIVERSITY H By Karen Gram, The Peak Neither Ivany nor SFU president ter. Bill Saywell have met Hagen, but "Maybe, and I emphasize maybe, Concordia University BURNABY (CUP) - Premier Bill Ivany said they are optimistic after with the new set of ministers and an Vander Zalm's decision to replace having heard "some good things" admittedly idiosyncratic premier Graduate Fellowships* Post Secondary Education Minister about him. there might be an improvement," Russell Fraser with newcomer Stan The government's practice of Shapiro said. Value: $6,500 to $10,000 has admini- Hagen given university funding the university through "But what Stan Hagen knows Application deadline: February 1, 1987 strators another chance to push for about education...l haven't a clue," 'excellence funds' for special initia- Announcement of winners: April 1, 1987 better management. tives is detrimental, said Ivany. Shapiro said. September But the ministry's name change to "We believe the university system Hagen, president and owner of a Commencement of tenure: 1987 or Continuing Education and Job can be used by the government in ready-mix cement firm, received a January 1988 Training amplifies fears that univer- bad economic times but unless the university degree from the Pacific sities are being seen strictly as a tool university is looked after in the Lutheran University in Tacoma, For details and application forms, contact the Graduate of economic recovery. general sense, the use of excellence Washington. He served as chair and Awards Officer, S-202, Concordia University, 1455 de When he appointed Hagen to the funds is really folly," he said. vice-chair of the local school board Maisonneuve Blvd. West, Montreal, Quebec H3G IMB. cabinet, Vander Zalm specifically SFU faculty association vice- in Comox Valley, and is an active Tel: (514) 848-3809. assigned him to review the student president Stanley Shapiro was guard- member of the Faith Lutheran aid program and look at ways to edly optimistic about the new minis- Church in Courtney. "Includes the David J. Azrleli Graduate Fellowship, the Stanley G. improve access to post-secondary French Graduate Fellowship, the John W O'Brien Graduate education for rural students. the J.W. McConnell Fellowship, Memorial Fellowships, and , British Columbia cut off student the Alcan Doctoral Fellowship in Commerce and Administration. grants in 1984, and student debt load has increased dramatically. SUNS sets at SMU The presidents of B.C.'s three HALIFAX (CUP) - The stu- them to restructure," Dolter said. universities met recently to plan dent council of St. Mary's Council president Mark Bower their lobbying strategy before University has pulled out of the added he hopes St. Mary's will see meeting the new minister. Student's Union of Nova Scotia quick changes. Simon Fraser University (SFU) (SUNS), claiming the lobby or- But SUNS chair Barney Savage academic vice-president George ganization is not truly represen- said St. Mary's councillors should Ivany top-level said administrators tative of the province's post-secon- have lobbied better for structural will emphasize the importance of dary students. changes. "They only presented university autonomy meeting at a Council vice-president Sean their proposals for change to the with Hagen. Dolter said the decision was presidents' conference and not to "We will insist on base funding, partially due to SUNS rejection of the general meeting," said Savage, student aid and salary improve- a St. Mary's proposal to change who doubts St. Mary's can change ments," Ivany said. "We believe we the organization's executive struc- SUNS from the outside. society serve very well when we are ture to a council of student union "I don't think the best way to left our own to ends," he said. presidents. effect a change in an organization "We've been debating the issue is to pull out of it," Savage said. Students too (whether to withdraw) for the past SUNS membership fees are years. waiting rowdy on bus three Now we're for $1.50 per student. Continued from page 3 blame lies with the bus drivers. Gay rights recognized "One area would be to control the i problem from the start. The students ST. JOHN'S (CUP) — A proposal which has about 25 members, has a should not be allowed to bring to recognize an association for gay primary goal of education. "We're alcohol onto the bus. Students that and lesbian students, faculty and trying to discourage ignorance about are already drunk should not be let staff of Memorial University has gays and lesbians," he said. onto the buses." been unanimously ratified by student He said university officials are "The fact that isbeing overlooked council. among those needing tobe informed is that students are being bussed to Association president Ron of gay and lesbian needs. the events and that is still safer than Knowling welcomed the decision. "Memorial has never had a gay Forde Studios are pleased driving," Bingeman noted. "It shows (council) is concerned and lesbian association before," to have this opportunity to Bingeman also said problems about the issues and problems of Knowling said. "They don't know experienced are not exclusive to gay students," he said. what on earth to do with us." wish all those associated students. "This is a common problem The association was recognized Wilfrid Laurier had a recognized for buses going to concerts and on the condition that a non-student campus gay club until 1985, but with WLU the merriest of sporting events. It is not isolated to executive member must be replaced folded because of low membership. Oktoberfest." by a student. New council by-laws The club said they were discri- Christmas and a very good WLUSU Programmer Marie require all executives be students to minated against, and were not al- Gilkjnson said "we have a reputation be eligible for council funding. lowed to take part in the annual New Year. with bus companies at Laurier for Knowling said the association, Homecoming parade in 1984. being organized. We proved it at orientation this year." 745-8637 Gilkinson said that students can't B.C. Premier talks with expect to do business with bus companies when they act in such an unruly manner,"They have to res- S.A. Ambassador Babb pect the liability positions of the bus for lumber. companies. I can sympathize with VICTORIA (CUP) - What Sherwood said the protest would the position of the bus companies." Premier Bill Vander Zalm called a help draw attention to B.C.'s con- TAMIAE, a prominent simple courtesy call has evolved into Laurier tinuing importation of South African campus club, charters buses for off- something much more controversial. wines, in contravention of the exis- campus events such as trips to the As South African Ambassador Glenn Babb met with Vander Zalm ting federal sanctions against agri- United States and ski resorts. cultural products. TAMIAE president Ron Flanigan in the Legislature Nov. 7, about 50 Sherwood said it was a good said, "to my knowledge, protesters picketed outside. there have turnout for the protest, since they been no as "If Premier Vander Zalm wants to comments, of yet, from only had four days notice. mjm drivers or companies concerning be briefed, we have South African EfßsisT? In a skit by the troupe "Under the the exiles living in Victoria who would students in our club," TAMIAE Rug," Lillian and Bill Vander Zalm Ron Flanigan be happy to brief the premier on President said. were presented with a box labelled "I can respect the viewpoint of the South Africa," said protest organizer Carol Sherwood of the Victoria 'Paarl Wine.' As well, former South drivers of these buses...however, African refugee Menziwe Mbeo patience South Africa Action coalition. sometimes the level of some spoke on the need for strong protest drivers is minimal," said Flanigan. Vander Zalm later said he dis- I Dangerously Fun | against apartheid. cussed a deal to sell prefabricated CORRECTIONS housing to South Africa, and would pursue trade with South Africa, OPEN: on Charles just PHONE: Last week's Cord, in a story titled S.A. policy despite federal sanctions. / \ past the r \ . ( ) causes controversy at general / MONDAY , Quorum Vander Zalm also said he would Continued from page 1 X ly 0/vC.7Q meeting,' erroneously named Reg Haney through 1 King Centre \ / campaign against as the WLUSU lawyer. soon mount a participation." sunday located \ / sanctions. was \ 'i / WLUSU's lawyer is Gary Flaxbard. South Africa Thompson very positive AT -i- 4 Additionally, about the faculty's decision to JUSt \j / WLUSU bylaw sections Prime Minister Brian Mulroney, ,7PM. 6 and 34 were reversed. divest. "The faculty has direct x The Cord said a meeting between however, has rejected Vander investment in South Africa. That's Brian Thompson, JeffBurchill and Cathy Zalm's call to lift sanctions. different than buying a beer. They Shannon occurred at 3:30. The meeting Canada banned imports of South have their own dollars invested." took place approximately half an hour African gold coins, mineral, and Vice-President: University Affairs earlier. agricultural products Oct. 1, but the Jeff Burchill will oversee research The Cord regrets the errors. sanctions package has no provision on the issue. THE CORD WEEKLY 8 THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27,1986

theCORD weekly COMMENT

Cord Christmas cheer

"The Cord is so quick to criticize," some readers remark, "Are you people down on absolutely everything that goes on at WLU?" Nope. And what's more, the promise of Christmas has made us so cheery, we've decided to think only nice thoughts and offer the following bouquets to our beleaguered readers:

□One good thing to come out of the Annual General Meeting is concise incamera guidelines. Unfortunately, there is still no requirement that incamera sessions result in a motion explaining why the Board needed confidentiality in the first place. Nonetheless, the new constitutionally- binding guidelines will be hard to abuse; closed- door meetings certainly will not take place at the whim of board members. □Laurier moves to divest from companies that deal in South Africa, and seems to set an example with a responsible, coherent and carefully considered policy to express abhorrence of apartheid. It is so easy to sell off a small amount of investments while such acts are "trendy"; but, it is more difficult and admirable to try and address the problems in South Africa on a personal basis Is sanity a Christmas gift? through communication, exchanges and careful examination of the situation there. Dear Reader: □WLUSU Directors listened to those of their This is the season of the year when God sends us a a comes us a world which Guest Comment a letter, letter that to in in God constituents who weren't polled about health is forgotten much of the time and our possessions By plan, and the board has proven willing to put threaten to overwhelm us. Tom York some aspects of the plan to a test. Specifically, a The letter begins, "In those days a decree went forth referendum to gauge the desirability of adding a from Caesar Augustus ..." It goes on to talk of taxes stars and listen for angel voices. When we believe in contraceptive option to the plan should take place and tyrants, ofheartbreak and hope, of birth and death, God. And we are mad, truly mad, when we scorn love February. ofa dustyroad and a shining star, and at last it is signed, or take loved ones for granted, work like a dog, follow in "Emmanuel, God with us." wandering fires and give God no thought at all. Mad! □The first extraordinary funding increase in We read it in our Bibles at home and hear it read at We come clean and sane when for a few brief days we several years was announced by Gregory church, or we hear it sung in Christmas carols on the are lifted above our self-centredness. Sorbara, provincial minister of colleges and radio, and life begins to assume the shape of sanity and So we do not really go mad at Christmas; we go sane! universities early in November. The sum may not takes on contours of meaning that it did not have And God's letter calls us home where we belong. before. And as we hear God's we wonder Mary and Joseph went to to absolutely astounding or a message, home Bethlehem be cure-all, but it whether we do not spend too much time in the far celebrate the first Christmas. They didn't know it was proves that students and administrators are finally country where artificial light glitters so brightly that we the first Christmas, but they went. They encountered being heard at Queen's Park. For the time being, cannot see the Christmas star. And maybe we begin to on the road to Bethlehem and at the inn the first public awareness of post-secondary underfunding think that home is where those stars once shone, those Christmas rush. So too the shepherds, and the wise will suffice. When the province begins to realize shepherds knelt, and that women wept with joy. men — in spite of difficulties, in the midst of dangers, know don't we? a fit of from "nearby" and "faraway" — Bethlehem to a system is not just a But, we better, Christmas is to came that well-funded educational madness which comes over us for a brief season when worship the Christ child. luxury, but a necessity, announcements like the days are short and the nights are long and cold. A As we go through the madness of Christmas this Sorbara's should become more frequent and brief time-out from wrestling with books and boyfriends season, giving and receiving presents and all the rest of substantial. or girlfriends, from preparing ourselves to be a wage it, may we not neglect torespond to God's letter — may □The full slate of by-election candidates this week earner and recovering from being a child. we not forget to worship. Christmas. The And we our a indicates in some way or another, the Still, there is another way to look at may regain sanity, if only for moment. that, times when the days are long and we forget about God

WLUSU Board of Directors has interested — those are the days of madness. When we go our own Peace,

students this term. The current candidates seem selfish way, following our whims — those are our Tom York to have been watching WLUSU and think they periods of insanity. Christmas is the time when we most can change the workings of your student become who we are meant to be. True sanity is when (The Rev. Dr. Tom York is United Church Chaplain to scrambling, government; that interest may be a better we stop and stop for a moment to look at WLU. His number is 885-0254.) illustration of this BOD's success than if they were Finally, the Cord has shown a Prez: The Cord complete lack of understanding when it right all the time. comes to communicating by-laws. You □WLU's 75th Anniversary is a proud year for the Letters stated the following: is slipping up "Thompson used another by-law institution, and a difficult time for even the most to the (section 6)which pertains specifically cynical to fail to see the good things about this to theAnnual General Meeting of the The Cord holds a very important Corporation, and states that quorum place. It's also a great time for us to re-evaluate position on our campus. They interpret Editor is 100 votes!' and inform us about the issues facing our Section 6 does not refer to quorum as every facet of our education. As community. a consequence, re- being 100 votes. This section refers to a At the risk of sounding soft: Merry Christmas, porters have developed a certain talent Letters deadline is 12:00 quorum of 10% during noon Mondays. elections. Section for bringing differences of opinion to- Letters must 34 is what you should be using: WLU. be typed, double-spaced, gether to make an article. Their honest "A quorum for the transactions of efforts are reflected in their articles. signed by the author, and business at General Meeting of These efforts, however, appeared to include a phone number. members, other than the Annual have slipped since the November 20th General Meeting of members, shall edition. A good example occurred in the because he was not the lawyerwe called. consist of not less than one hundred article entitled "Quorum Causes Con Our lawyer was Mr. Gary Flaxbard. (100) members present." Editorial opinions are approved by the Cord Editorial Board on behalf of Cord staff troversy at General Meeting." Your More importantly,check my timetable It was this section that I sighted as and are independent of the University, the Students' Union and the Student dissertation was a Cord Creation and prior to implicating my presence at being applicable to a General Meeting Publications Board. not a reflection of the facts. certain meetings. In your "story" you —it couldn't be clearer. Initially, RossLegault, JeffBurchilland alluded to my involvement at a Con- the be EDITORIAL BOARD In conclusion, Cord should myself were perpetrated in a "Yelling stitutional Operations and Development aware of section 29 (b) of our by-laws Session" with our Chief Returning Office Meeting (COD) two weeks prior to the which states therights of members. This Matt Johnston, Editor-in-Chief Bruce Arculus, News Editor (CRO) at 3:30 p.m. General Meeting General Meeting. At this meeting I reads: Beyer, News Editor Anne-Marie Tymec, Entertainment Editor section Eric Associate Day. This, I am sure, would have been apparently told the committee that "All members of the Corporation Robert Furlong, Sports Editor noticed because JeffBurchill and myself quorum was 10%. This, however, was shall: be entitled to make reasonable were viewing Dean Nichol's naturali- next to impossible, because J was in use of the property of the Cor- The Weekly is published during the fall and winter academic terms. Offices Cord zation ceremony in room IEI. In no way Ottawa between Nov. 4th and Nov. 10th poration; participate in the General are located on the second floor of the Student Union Building at Wilfrid Laurier were we to yell at anyone. for a Bacchus, CFS Conference and a University, University Ave. W„ Waterloo. (519)884-2990. The is member of around This Meeting or Annual General Meeting 75 Cord a may have been a common practice of President's In-Council Meeting. Canadian University Press and the Ontario Community Newspaper Association. of the Corporation;attend all regular Copyright ©1986, WLU Student Publications. No part of the Cord may be past WLUSU executive — not ours. The next COD Meeting took place reproduced without permission of the Editor. Secondly, I would suggest that you not after the polls closed on the General Continued on page 9 phone Mr. Reg Haney for comment Meeting Day. THE CORD WEEKLY THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27,1986 9 COMMENT

so they tell me. I guess its about time for and special meetings of the Board of me to challenge the propoganda that's " Directors been issued lately. Let's start from the How, then, can our members par- Cord shouldn't beginning then. ticipate effectively in these meetings I'm an Arts Director — acclaimed by when their SOLE source of information the oh so overwhelming support of those QUESTION (the Cord) is erroneous and fallacious. sensationalize same students I've been representing for Not only are your facts wrong, they the past months. As to why I'm on the obviously violate a by-law by misin- I would like to reply to the article that Board, hell knows, I guess I just thought forming our members. Remember, as appeared on the front page of the it would be interesting that's all. Any- the sole source of information for November 20, 1986 issue of the Cord. ways since I've found my place on the The students, you cannot afford to lose headline of the article read 'Quorum Board amongst a cliqueish band of junior OF Causes at General THE WEEK credibility. We depend on YOU!! Controversy Mulrooneys and Trudeaus I've dis- Meeting.' covered that politics are extremly Brian Thompson Throughout the article I discovered frustrating. Sometimes when you see By Stephan Deschencs and Dave Wilmering WLUSU President many errors that I wish to point out and something that you know is right and is correct. needed the system just won't allow it. First of all there was no official meeting But, that's not so hard to accept; afterall snow year mean you? A Biz Director's between the president, the executive we can't always have the things that we What does the first fall of the to vice-president, the vice-president of want in life thus, you face the facts and platform University Affairs and myself at 3:30 on live to fight anotherday. And so has been November 13. Secondly, there was no the case for me repeatedly on this My fellow business students: 'yelling' session at anytime during that WLUSU Board. Finally though, I thought I came to Laurier because of the day. I'd have a chance to get something done, excellant reputation the Business School Thirdly, I did not attend any COD something substantial that I believed in had and the close student-professor relat- meeting where I was supposedly in- and, the only way to do this was through ionship. If I am elected Business Director formed of the quorum total. the system. I'm speaking here of the The that I would work to preserve these values. most important error was general meeting that occured three The end of Ist term, 4th Being in a period of no major political stated in the article concerns the mix-up weeks past where there were several issues gives an opportunity to study the between the general meeting and the questions put to the students to decide year. enviroment we live and study in. annual general meeting. The constitution upon. Questions like "executive Being a member of the Advisory Coun- and by-laws state that the annual general development," "incamera guidelines" Shelley Witmer, cil on off-campus housing has taught me meeting (held in February), requires a and yes at one time the addition of oral Gwen Rowlandson, many things. Most importantly it has quorum of 10% whereas a general contraceptives to the existing Health taught me alot about how the University meeting requires a quorum of 100votes. Plan. 4th Year Business works. Also I have learned the value of Your article had these two facts How then do I attempt to better the listening to other students views since it reversed. odds on voting in or out policies that I opened my eyes to many problems and Finally, the election committee, is and other Board members have been possibilities I did not realize existed. made up of myself, Jamie Bergin, Bob argueing over for months? Well as with In High School I was Treasurer of the Murphy, Tim Finnigan, Phil Cook, Dave any Corporation you attempt to get less Student Union. This position taught me Bussiere, and Rob Jarvis. This com- informed voting members to "proxy" the value of an open policy as we were mittee will recommend future guidelines thier vote to you in trust that you will able to turn a profit, a first in many years, concerning upcoming elections. vote in thier best interest. And thats realize the Cord has desire to while offering more activities. I a what I attempted to do. Quite suc- I feel that this past experience comb- create interesting and readable material cessfully actually because I recieved, not ined with my dedicationand hard work I for its readers but it must also stick to just 50 as I originally told the Cord a few your am well suited to serve as Business facts and not resort to sensationalism. weeks ago but, in fact 82 from, yes Director. My only hope is that through this friends. This process is by no means a 'controversial' The School of Business is planning to issue, the students will dishonest or unrepresentative move on Car accidents, higher change the curriculum and decrease the become more aware of these elections my part, I never recieved a proxy from a insurance premiums. number of courses needed to graduate and therefore vote. person whom opposed my opinions with a We need to take BBA. advantage infact, if they were in opposition I Marc of the close relationship with faculty and Cathy Shannon encouraged them to vote against what I Renzella, have our input now, before the changes Chief Returning Officer was in favour of. Why then the hassles, 3rd Year City Transit are made. its not like it hasn't been done before, as Researching projects such as Small a matter of fact I was recently informed Business and Marketing I have realized that last year certain WLUSU members how weak the Library is on Business had a booth in the concourse for proxies Topics. We need more equal represent- Harlow: I'm not — true, these were said to be used for ation in Library materials. A third of persons who wouldn't be on campus at Laurier students are in Business yet, voting day but it's not my place to only half of one floor is allocated to all a greed demon question if this was the case. Nor then is facets of Business. Also the Annual it right for anybody else to question my Reports are not fully up-to-date to permit past you, actions. But, they did and subequently current research. This needs to be Over the two weeks the Cord readers of Laurier, may have been the friends that had entrusted me thier changed, again we need to interact with vote were being put to the question by the Faculty. noticing the strange appearance of an unfamiliar name splashed across the both the Cord and had the proxies been Anyone who has tried to find a room to submitted, The Electorial Review have a meeting in, knows how difficult it pages of your darling paper. "Politicking" proxy Comitee. This in my eyes was something is. We need to let the faculty know that Harlow, the deviant, a possesed greed demon the Chaplain's eyes, the I felt I could not ask people to do. Wet sox. their overtaking of studyrooms is making in butt of Professor Fun's jokesand finally, 80% of the proxies were from people group work a chore instead of enjoyable who didn't want to know a thing about as they see it. the WLUSU rebel whose actions are Professor Fun, seen as a "dangerous abuse of the general meeting, most of them had If elected I hope to be able to gain never cast a ballot since they've been Ist Year Tenure representation democracy." Now just who is this for business students on — character, what exactly did he do and, here so, upon my request for thier these and any other topics you feel need vote they gladly signed itover feeling that to be addressed. believe that why does the always vocal, always I strongly literate Dave Bussiere deem this Harlow mabey someone who's trying to ac- when more students get involved, the complish something in thierbest interest better off we all are in the BBA program. persons activities to be "bullshit'? Well to be honest with you gentle readers I can do so. If I misled anyone in my "goal Therefore I would encourage you to oriented solicitation" haven't the slightest idea,and in case you I'm at fault but, come to me with any suggestions or hopefully this was not the case. complaints you may have. haven't guessed itby now well, I'm Steve Thank you. Harlow. Yes, I'm the one who'll curb your spine, make the milk go sour and Steve Harlow WLUSU Arts Director David LeNeveu keep the allies from winning the war; or

WLULA By Ron Shuttleworth

Grovelling in the snow. Terri Devriese, 3rd Year Business

Skiing.

Chris Mindorff, Ist Year Business

Professor Fun and the Cord are taking the next month off. (Yeah, I'll bet you're really bummed out, too.) Have a great holiday, good luck on your exams, and see you in 1987. The next Cord will appear on January 8. THE CORD WEEKLY 10 THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 1986

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SAME DAY WORD Processing. POETRY Laurie,'s YOU VE SPENT THOUSANDS NEIL M WeVe got ou by the FOR THE LADY across the W.L.U.. V 3 ° tos't'arTchaSyoE - V U annual, is , light table thanks for the early unofficial arts ac- of dollars on your education rpnt mrf rinh p c; u/e nuc balls! EE or Slum Function. l n "k "Jam rinClose t i Christmas present! Let's do aheadr (near cepting poetry and prose sub- -what's another 20 bucks to youi grain !Stadium) review thing again some- Depend- missions. Please leave your show it off in an impressive WANTED: Cameraman with an that able, $1.15 per double-spaced

- time Mike manuscript typed, double to obsession for black socks. Un S typeset resume? come up TO BIG "T" Admirer: I'm Hot. - P8r - two ™^ Apply to A120 m waiting! P.S. Sometimes having t l? nSmp ,he Cord of,ices on th e 2nd Call me, Todd "Juicey Melon" ears isn't copy provided. — enough. If you name, address and telephone I good aaa always UU[ * MacMillan. 888-7786. r 7 i number - at the English Dept. OUD dno dS> >or u i a i. ,^777;qm you II always be our fav- ever need them, you can - office, second floor C.T.B. Phone #884-2991. ourite don - Merry Christmas, borrow mine. TYPING: FAST ACCURATE Deadline for MSs January 15. MERRY CHRISTMAS Mari- love C1 — and reliable. Will pick up and YOU'VE WORKED HARD all anne! (| know you like to see MIKE B - You are sooo.. cute. deliver. Will correct spelling your name in the paper.) you're spoken for?? and grammar WANTED- Respondents to a term - treat yourself to a HAVE YOU HUGGED your Too bad (English grad). e s a U ? See you at the Turret. per double-spaced page. questionnaire. Have you had a K Vsto"? What ' ! n . , , 7 P° und P PP* today $1 t , HAPPV R RTMnAV m/Q were stone: 240n pages of Laurier, 24 HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA! Love Call Suzanne at 886-3857. parent die? If you between & ° from D,A,W S. the ages of 18-23 when this es f ful colour, 24 pages HERE'S TO U A-2. A #1 Pf9 prftinoiCRETINOUSjs HORDE.HDRDF- HaveH*ve «a for a #1 floor. Love happened, and were childless 0 , sm 9. le colour, coverage of Christmas "PROFESSIONAL TYPING. n s ™ an a and single, need you all major on campus events SHAKIRA: Being your secret ' s £ Trudie. Essays, work term reports, to ® r I ( ®J a short and lots of a " dlds ' $18 for a Santa has been really neat, but theses etc. Fast, accurate, de- respond to question- (t l _n'?," n m) (you need lt - naire. 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Call our once J r \ - thanks again to all ( 1 Lucky I'm a good sport you Donna at 888-6308. \ — LOST: Gold bracelet some- the Laurier students who Cp ; owe me a beer! where on campus or between volunteered their time as tour f v TO WOMAN (not girl) QUALITY TYPING and/or word f~\ who thou ht her rice was Resume - stored Taps&Turreton Fri., Nov. 7th. guides on Laurier Day. Your / 4y4 4g7~ 9 JOAN MacDONALD This Pressing. Has great sentimental value. If support was greatly apprec- fr A crunchy... Saturday night was nde ely ® n d _ weekend I fell in love with you, ' * un! Just what the doctor '"J n r t found, please contact iated. The Liaison Office. A A hope this isn't an inconven- v V ordered to lift the sagging Elizabeth, 884-3287. Willing to ( N lence.I X.C. (not my real initials) s^^^DeHveVv pay reward spirits. Thanks a million. arranged. Call Diane576-1284. NEED TIRES at reasonable H YoursecretSanta New, used, . 0SM . CONGRATS! Ladies curling PLEASE! need a ride to prices? Call Wayne. ~ TYPING, ESSAYS, WORK I as ° loves you| Ottawaorthesurroundingarea all season and large selection ®®®°P od team. Way to start another Term reports, projects. Cater- on Saturday, December 6th, of factory seconds in snow winning season. ing to students. In a rush — call B y Name MARVIN-Thanksforall 1986. Ready to leave anytime tjres p.m. DEAR us. Phone 745-9551 893-8103 after 6 -mcpc „ .„ after 12:00noon. Will share gas THERE ioIS a bigK difference the rides of late. I owe you a jfr expense. Call Doris, 576-3697. Girls of D3E (85/86): Thanks between setting something free drink - name your brand. Next AN UNWELCOME pregnancy forbeing my best friends. We'll and throwing it away. time though, can we leave C THE LAST WORD - Word t0 et and at home? Bloodshed THREE ROOMS for rent for cou , d be the biggest personal have 9 together at Wilf's D Processing: $1.25/paqe; special- " a a °™ e Chnstmas d u n e d ,mix n r - nno,°l?neCember ' Ph0ne 886 crisis of your life. 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Feat- I I orcaiiffiu4. ap very impressed by you. Please yourspecial anymore-My feet BERLIN, life starts after uring automatic spell check. correct y spelling er- contact me (German exchange are getting browner! (But let's hanging up. Don't fool your- Dependable work, prompt ser- rors. Paper supplied. Pamela student) if possible. talk dryers!) self, no even our special could WATERBUFFALOES: Did you vice. Reasonable rates. Call 884-6913. help. get your hat? Wear it with pride! anytime 748-0777. TO ALL THE STUDS. Is there ip yoi FIRST or Last week's answer: blue. This PROFESSIONAL TYPING. I ARF IN YEAR life after "sex" on the phone. if you are in business then you JEFF; BAMBI AND A3 Conrad week: Good luck on exams, RESUMES!OVERHEADS!Every- Term Papers and Resumes, see you next are eligible. Eligible??? To do welcome you. P.S. Remember, term! thing you need to present Free Delivery & Pick-up. Call what??? You are eligible to KATHY! Happy Birthday to my no use crying over spilt water! —— yourself in a professional 743-7233. Where and when and for buddy hope will continue to manner in vote. n " 'o save v / 845-5??Q 868-6960 CONTACT LENS BOUTIQUE 888-6980 one we | come NUMUS CONCERTS and the WLU CHAPEL CHOIR, under 22 King St. S., Waterloo stARTGallery present: A Multi- the direction of William (owner U. of Grad BSc.) media performance Art W. by: David . p.m. <»￿ m- ,, Advent Carol Service at 8 L S a ' e in theKeffer Memorial Chapel. 125 King St.*JWest.J $5 G.P., 7:$4 There is no admission and students, $3 members. everyone is welcome. THE CORD WEEKLY THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 1986 11 Learn more about today's candidates money. In our trial term as CFS the conscience of WLUSU," etc. the answers but that is why I All candidates for the by-election were given the opportun- members it would be logical that "OFS and CFS" is another want YOUR input. I would be ity to make a written submission and have their photo taken for they would attempt to prove to issue that 1 would like to address. representing "you." Let "Dunn" The last publication in the Cord. us their value. If they have any referendum showed 3 help you enjoy the "FUNN"! and first year students can vote in the Concourse out of 4 business students were Business value to the students it seems to today from 10 am to 4 pm and from 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm. Be sure against OFS coming onto cam- kept secret! More im- to bring your student card. be a well pus. Some of the reasons were The candidates for Business Director are David LeNeveu, portantly, any benefits gained by the addition of $3 to everyone's Lisa Porlier, Jonathan Reilly, James Smilsky and Gesa Wisch. educational lobby groups (CFS, tuition fee as well as limited These candidates were asked to respond to the following OFS) will be accrued to all stu- representation in such a large questions: 1. What qualities and skills do you have which dents. In sum, why pay for some- organization. Getting involved qualify you for the Board of Directors? 2. What role should thing that can be gained for free. in OFS and/or CFS also takes WLUSU have in province-wide student issues? 3. What are If occassions arise where we feel time away for WLUSU to deal your criticisms of WLUSU? lobby groups are not meeting with issues important to our stu- to items, specific Candidate submissions were not limited these our needs or missing a perspec- dents. On issues involv- however, they had to be under 400 words in length. Submis- ing the province or municipality tive, WLUSU could step in in- sions were not edited for length, spelling or grammar. we should lobby for ourselves; First-Year Council candidates are Lisa Dunn, Vanitha dependantly or co-operatively, we would achieve more for less Vanitha Krishnamurthy, Alane MacDonald and Tim Trombley. These as it did with the UW Feds to the money. Krishnamurthy to respond to following questions: task force on Raising the Pro- candidates were asked the If you agree with my stand on Do you remember September qualities and skills do you have which qualify you vincial Drinking Age. these issues, please Vote for 1. What for first; meeting your roommates, the First-Year Council? 2. How do you perceive the role of the Because seven out of eight of Gesa Wisch on Nov. 27th. unpacking, picking up frosh pack- First-Year Council?3. What is the most important issue facing our Student Senators were ab- ages, feeling independent — and frosh, in your opinion? How would you deal with this issue? sent from a vote due to a lack of not to these confused!!! Why am I here? Will 1 Candidate submissions were limited items, interst or misinformation you First-Year-Council they words in length. Submis- fit in? do I really need these weird however, had to be under 300 and I will attend school on a Sat- were not edited for length, spelling or grammar. candidates blue shorts? These are questions sions urday during the next fall term. you were probably asking your- Where were they? This un- self just three months ago. 3. One of my main concerns doubtedly is the poorest form of Adjusting is the key word for Business Director regarding WLUSU is the appar- representation and must be Lisa Dunn first-year ent lack of involvement between addressed immediately. What I students. We've all had candidates Hello Fellow First Year, adjust to surroundigs. the student governors and the will offer as a second year busi- to new Hi, Yes, it's yet again for my students who are non-BOD mem- ness student is my complete time name is Vanitha Krishna- another election. It seems as murthy and am running for bers. Our student government comittement and active partici- I though it was only yesterday works hard to benefit the aca- pation in order to represent you First-Year-Council. First-Year- when we were all strangers and demic and social life at Laurier. I on the WLUSU Board. This cam- Council was established to voice confused about University life. feel as a non-BOD member that pus can be shown that the Busi- your opinions and interests. I Yet 3 months have passed and represent you, many students don't have a full ness School is alive and well and would like to the we are finally learning the ropes. understanding of this. ready to contribute. student body, on this council. 1 In my opinion there have been Most of us have realized that feel I could do a good job because steps in the right direction to University is not only books but I am open-minded, outgoing, and bridge this gap. Events such as also fun. I feel that University a hard worker. I was previously David LeNeveu the General Meeting, coverage involvement is an important pro- involved in the school make-up David Leneveu's submission, of BOD meetings in the CORD cess of learning. As such, I would crew as manager, the music trip too late to be included on this and campus-wide referendums like to represent you and your committee, and Junior Achieve- page, is printed with the letters. are excellent ways of narrowing interests as a first year council ment. Last year I held the posi- the gap and informing the stu- member. tion of president in my Junior dents. These should be con- I have knowledge about the Achievement company and vice- tinued and expanded in the First Year Council. In the past, I president in the Junior Achieve- future. have often helped in organizing ment student association. These special events for the student experiences have developed my body. I am a very outspoken leadership and interpersonal Gesa Wisch person and I am easily approach- skills. I enjoy working with peo- Business students have been able. I am able to allocate my ple and am willing to listen to underrepresented on the the time efficiently as a member of your suggestions and concerns. WLUSU Board of Directors all the council. I would always be Come out on November 27th year. Since May there have been open to new and different opin- and vote Vanitha Krishnamurthy Lisa Forlicr vacant that have 2 to 3 positions, ions and would voice them as for First-Year Council. 1. The WLUSU Board of Dir- been alloted for Business Dir- best I can. ectors is a vital part of your life at ectors. My perception of the First university. Therefore 1 feel it is 1 would like to represent you Year Council that should important that those participat- at the Board level. 1 am in second is it act Many may as a medium between first year ing on the board should be inter- James Smilsky year Business. of you know me from my job at Wilf's or students and Administration. It ested and enthused about the Contrary to the beliefs of one have seen me doing tours for should also be a council to which position they're filling. This qual- of the directors on the present Liaison, some first year's know you can express your views and ity along with organizational WLUSU Board, students at me from being an Icebreaker. interests about WLU. skills, willingness to express an WLU are not narrow minded. For those of you who don't know I feel that the most important opinion and past experience on Instead, they are interested in 1 am very outspoken and me, I issue facing first year students is student governments (high the affairs of the corporation of care what happens in our Uni- that of involvement. Off campus school and first-year residence which we are all a part. It is time versity. 1 have always been inter- people are restricted because Trombley council) enables me to feel con- SBEstudents showed the school ested in current issues, but up to Tim some activities are for those who As a first year representitive fident that I could be an asset to and the Chord how effectively a now my participation in them I voting and talk- are not "of age" because many can devote my time and effort to the present board. board room can be run, without has stopped at ing issues over with other stu- activities are at a pub. Since the issues concerning first year 2. WLU and WLUSU defini- the pittiness and electioneering dents. Now I want to do more most of us made many new students, and hopefully with my tely should be concerned about for next year. This problem has then just talk. Business students friendships during frosh week participation be a benifit to the more than our narrow realm of for too long plagued this council. are an integral part of our school and I feel that there should be a entire student body. campus activities. It's time to get down to business. represented and they should be few more activities organized for This position does have signif- Students make up a large per- Presently, WLUSU is a "per- at the Board level. as such first year students only. icance to me and I will to centage of the province's popu- spective" member of the Cana- I want to improve relations at work I don't have all the ideas or all earn it. lation. This means that a lot of dian Federation of Students WLUSU. I am strongly opposed the issues conern us and we (CFS) with membership extend- to the backstabbing, dumb jokes should take an active role to ing into 1988. This means that and irrelevant arguments going Board meetings. This affect the outcome of these our corporation pays no fee for on at our Board of Directors issues. involvement in this organization. makes look childish. They seem to be Merry Christmas The influence the student of So, in effect, we as students trying only to further their politi- Laurier and its student union receive a voice without the cal ambitions, by getting their could have had has great poten- financial obligation unless we names in the paper, rather then May the tial. This potential should be become full members. This dealing with relevant issues, that / further exercised in student and would cost us roughtly $16,000 concern the students. 1 can not Christmas JCT other issues such as underfund- based on a per student fee. The work miracles, many have prob- goldfish be good ing, the drinkingage, mandatory majority of Business students 1 ably tried, and some members of Y retirement for profs and other talked to have seen no tangible the Board seem to make an to you and bring honest effort, but let us show staff, drunk-driving legislation, results of WLUSU's association happiness. \ some of it's members that we will you divestment of funds in S. Africa, in CFS, which would suggest no longer tolerate such childish (And may you return in January \ Yi J (A V summer employment programs that paying $16,000.00 would be to a behaviours. Give me a chance with wonderful ideas for Cord LlJv A and got a shy, many more. We've the a big mark up on valueless get relevant comments into the feature. Don't be write for P ] power, let's use it to affect the product. While this is good for cord as opposed to quotes like: the Cord.) VT y things that affect us. CFS it is not a good use of our "bullshit" or "I like to think I am - I THE CORD WEEKLY 12 THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27,1986 Before you head out into the COLD of winter... Grand Opening Sale COPIES

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Open "r, Doors at 4:00 p.m., vLh pap /s No limit on quantity |!£S£ < W Sunday, November 30/86 I good k>oK:, X*l\J——l I King & Erb St. Uptown Waterloo jj\sl Offer expires: Dec 15, 1986 THE CORD WEEKLY THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27,1986 13 ENTERTAINMENT

A Christmas Carol

sombre and festive all in the same Both lighting and costuming nicely By Mike Wingert play. Tiny Tim was played by an rounded out the picture. The and Anne-Marie Tymec actual child (and a young one at Ghosts' costuming was the finest. that)and this role too was excellently Combined with the lighting and Christmas is a time for children. performed. When the Ghost of makeup, the Ghosts ranged from Every once in a while though, Christmas Present announced that bleak to delightful. James Milburn's something comes along that makes Tim's stool will soon be empty unless lighting could be subtle and subdued the holiday fun for adults too. Such Scrooge changes, the entire audi- when necessary and harshly white was the case with the University of ence felt saddened. Robert Abie's and revealing as the scene dictated. Waterloo's Drama Department pro- stage presence remained even when Particularly effective was the appear- duction of A Christmas Carol by he was gone. Quite a large task for ance of the Ghost of Christmas Charles Dickens which played at such a small fellow, and yet very well Future who appeared suddenly The Humanities Theatre last week- done. upstage, elevated and dressed en- end. The cast overall performed well. tirely in black. Only the whiteness of This production of A Christmas Since the play involved many smaller his hands remained against the black Carol had everything going for it; roles, the players often doubled up, scrim to point the way for a suf- good lighting and costuming, an with individuals playing more then ficiently terrified Scrooge. Once excellent period set and most of all, one role. Tony Verbruggen carried again, the combination of lighting, very, very good acting. Sitting this off the most ably. He was makeup, scenery and costuming through its preview performance especially enjoyable in his role as painted a tableau which left a vivid was a real treat that the audience, Topper but managed well with his impression in the viewer's mind. old and young seemed to unani- other two characters. Unless you Finally, A 1 Anderson's direction mously enjoy. were really looking hard, (or had the pulled all of the various components Bruce Beaton as Ebeneezer program on your lap) it was difficult together. The director's hand was Scrooge was by far the play's great- to tell that it was the same actor. U. evident in such devices as insisting est asset. He truly brought to life a of W. is notorious for re-using people that Scrooge and the various Ghosts character that was well beyond his as various characters in the same cross the stage to focus the viewer's years yetremained convincing through- play. If Mr. Verbruggen isany indica- attention while silent but elaborate out. He used small, quick steps and tion of this technique's success, then scene changes were made. This bird-like fidgety gestures to present the faculty must be producing some Christmas Carol flowed much more a Scrooge that was both likeable fine performers. smoothly because of its direction. and pitiful at the same time. He also While the cast would have done The greatest danger in performing took on an accent which he main- well enough on its own, Ned a traditional piece such as A tained consistently. The danger in Dickens' (no relation to the author) Christmas Carol isin the audience's adopting anything foreign (gestures set enhanced the magic. Basically, it preconceived ideas of what the or mannerisms) when portraying a consisted of two movable platforms characters and scenes should look character radically different from which served as cold, Victorian like. It is a rare performance that can one's own is that you may lose it at stone buildings on the outside, and maintain the integrity of the original some point. Mr. Beaton was believ- various rooms (Scrooge's office, the story while overcoming this problem. able and endearing at all times. Cratchett home, Ebeneezer's bed- The U. of W. show is one such Other stellar performances were chamber etc...) on the inside. Every performance. While the original given by Doug Abel as all three bit of furniture was more or less script was lovingly adhered to, there Ghosts and Robert Able as constructed to period and extras were enough contemporary refer- Cratchet's son Tiny Tim. AbleSr. as such as windows and carollers who ences to enable the audience to Christmas Past, Present and Future walked around the buiding as it forget their Scrooge and concentrate successfully made the transition in moved, made the scenes more on this Scrooge. Hats off to the U of character, costume and makeup in realistic. From a technical stand- W Drama Group for bringing a little the space of virtually seconds in point, the set was this production's bit of Christmas to a bleary some cases. He could be macabre, strongest attribute. November evening. Sensitive tuba highlights wind ensemble

By Donna J. Grout Barnes Chance, was an exciting semble, making it sound twice its Kim Luther playing Vaughan sounded as if they thought it was a choice as an opening piece. Par- size. The next work, Selections Williams' Concerto for Tuba and clarinet concerto. Luther's playing A good-sized, relatively unen- ticularly notable was the impres- from Cats, by Andrew Lloyd Wind Ensemble was the obvious was very impressive. Cadenzas in thusiastic audience turned out for sively tight percussion section. Webber, was a very light, muzak- drawing card to this concert. The both the first and third movements, the WLU Wind Ensemble concert Balance, however, was tipped like crowd pleaser with numerous audience (notably larger for the played with apparent ease, were last Friday evening. Director heavily in favour of the bass solo lines, including an especially second half) suddenly came to life. very musical and technically de- Michael Purves-Smith chose a instruments, a problem which enjoyable one by alto sax player There were a few missed entries manding. varied program including the high- plagued the ensemble throughout Andrew Smutniak. The trumpet and accidental dissonance on the The second movement was 'ight of the evening, Ralph Vaughan the concert. Richard Wagner's section also had a chance to shine. part of the band, but it was sensitively played (especially con- Williams' Concerto for Tuba and Greetings from His Faithful Another contrasting piece was the generally well-rehearsed. There sidering the instrument), showing Wind Ensemble, featuring Kim Followers was cleanly executed New Comrades March by Carl were again some balance problems off Luther's beautiful sound, so Luther as soloist. and the typically thick Wagnerian Teike. It was typical marching band in the boomy bass section, but also much like her teacher's, Jane Incantation and Dance by John texture is well-suited to this en- material to end the first half. in the clarinets, which at points Noyes, who played this work with Continued on page 14 THE CORD WEEKLY 14 THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27,1986 ENTERTAINMENT Bragging to the taxman about poetry

Labour Party in the U.K. and is at the population" does not apply to everyrock star. In The Warmest Room, Bragg takes an forefront of the Red Wedge, a group which Although the sound of Billy's single guitar offbeat look at love, and no one will ever attempts to raise the political consciousness dominates the album, it is augmented fairly confuse him with George Michael for singing of the voting youth in Britain. Bragg believes effectively by other instruments in some lines like, "I can't wait to take our blood tests/ that politics should' be run by compromise songs. In fact, in a musical departure, a piano Oh baby, let's take our blood tests now." and common sense, a view apparently not is the only instrument used to create the Billy Bragg is a musician with integrity. shared by the Thatcher regime as witnessed music-hall singalong feeling of the rollicking (Anyone who would sign his first record by the following passage from Ideology: "God contract in exchange for a copy of Motown bless the civil service/ The nation's saving Chartbusters Volumes 1 -6 and a tin of Beatle's grace/ While we expect democracy/ They're the difficult promotional Talcum Powder has to have a lot laughing in our face." of integrity.) So if you're fed up with slick, In keeping with his socialist ideals, Bragg is third album video-oriented pop music, and want to hear a champion of the trade union movement. songs that are performed with sincerity, This clearly shines through on the guitar- conviction and boundless energy, I strongly driven There is Power In a Union. Moreover, Honey I'm a Big Boy Now. this song, and recommend that you go out and buy Billy By Steve McLean On Bragg's Between The Wars EP was dedicated on The Warmest Room, one cannot help but Bragg's Talking With The Taxman About to the work of the miners' wives support get the feeling that Declan Patrick Alouyis... Poetry. Those of you who listen to music for the groups which sprung up during the British Oh, what the hell, Elvis Costello was mis- And if you've got an extra eight (8) dollars, sole purpose of dancing to it, stop reading. coal mining strikes of a few years ago. In fact, chieviously lurking behind the scenes adding sure that you're at Fed Hall on Saturday Now. make he adapted the song Which Side Are You On his own magic to the words night to see Bragg. Already, his Talking With The Taxman About Poetry is touches and Mr. live from a composition written by a miner's wife music. performances have been called legendary. the title of a poem 1926 Russian by Vladimir about the County, Mayakovsky. mine strikes in Harland It is also the name of Billy Kentucky during the 1930'5. Bragg's newest record. Subtitled "The Difficult Third Album" primarily because of the sparse The Home Front effectively intermeshes addition of instrumentation to the basic Bragg trumpet, flugelhorn and guitar in support of Daintees Boat sails line-up ofvoice and guitar, Taxman carries on the lyrics' reflections upon the hypocrisy in the folk-punk tradition of Billy Bragg's pre- British society's attitudes and values. This is vious works. poignantly depicted: "As father puts another ballads to up-beat shouters. There's a Latin- Billy Bragg opened for The Smiths two lock on the door/ and reflects upon the influence in Little Red Bottle, and a "smoky- summers ago, and this band's influence is violent times that we are living in/ while jazz" song, Coleen, which is Martin telling his quite evident on the new album. Guitar chatting to the wife-beater next door." sister that she's lost the best friend she ever wunderkind Johnny Marr contributes his England, however, is not the only country had. This is an album which interests the fretwork to two songs, while Smith's producer undergoing moral decay as Help Save the listener with its many style changes. One can John Porter does likewise for Billy on this LP. Youth ofAmerica launches a scathing muscial become bored with the same type of song that Porter also contributes to the album by attack on the U.S. and its policies with such is most prevalent on many new Top 40 playing slide guitar, mandolin and bass. fun lines as: "They're playing in the sun and albums. Aside from a cover of Train Train, an having fun, fun, fun/ Til daddy takes the gun Having these different kinds of music to obscure 1976rockabilly number by The Count away." play, it is not surprising that Stephenson is Bishops, Taxman is comprised ofeleven Billy This pop-rock poet of the proletariat is not such an accomplished musician. His guitar Bragg originals, including Levi Stubb's Tears. without a wistful side though, when it comes playing is impeccable. His singing has earned This songreached the Top 30 chart in Britain to his personal life. The country-folkish him praise too. The band has been compared and is the lead track of the exclusive six-song Wishing the Days Away tells of Billy's lone- to groups such as Aztec Camera and Orange mini-LP which has recently assumed a pre- liness while on the road during his "World Juice. eminent spot on campus and alternative Tour That Never Ends." You see, Van Halen's By Steve Howard Lyrically, Stephenson has been included in radio. post-concert consumption of "a fifth of Jack the ranks of Tom Waits, Leonard Cohen, Billy Bragg is a devoted advocate of the Daniels and one-fifth of the crowd's nubile A diversified style is immediately recog- Elvis Costello and Paul Simon (whose voice nizable on Boat to Bolivia, the latest album Stephenson'sresembles with its fine tone and from Martin Stephenson and the Daintees. delicacy of phrasing.) Thisfive-year-old grouphails from Sutherland, Boat to Bolivia is a debut album filled with England gaining praise from the British promise and is offered at the price of a twelve- recording industry. inch single. Catching this Boat is definitely a WLU The album moves smoothly from wistful voyage worth taking. Student Publications OMD finds its niche Position Available have been experimenting with various sounds and they have finally found their niche. If you are looking for loud, screeching guitars and long drum solos, this album probably won't be to your liking.. Instead, you'll find a carefully layered sound with unique twists. The lead-off single, Forever Production Manager Live and Die is a likable tune that hit number 1 on the British music charts earlier this year. • The song grows on you and don't be surprised Cord Weekly® to find yourself singing it in the shower. We Love You is an upbeat song on the album that will likely become a dance-club hit. Southern By Dave Lackie is a bizarre tune that combines a Martin Luther King-type sermon with a drum ma- chine. It could easily be considered The latest album from Orchestral obnoxious The Production Manager over- under the right Manoeuvers in the Dark is entitled The circumstances. and layout All in all, I'm happy to report has sees design of the Pacific Age and it is the follow-up to the that OMD not decided to cater to the pre— Cord Weekly. Responsibilities successful If You Leave single from the Pretty lucrative In Pink soundtrack. teen market, following initial widespread include: success in North The English duo of Andy McCluskey and America. This duo continues to focus its energies on developing as musi- ■in conjunction with the Editor- Paul Humphries have been creating their own cians. The Age is a fine album from a style of experimental music since they were Pacific in-Chief, oversee production cycle group that I'm we'll hear more both 18 years old. Throughout the years, they sure of in the ■ordering and inventory of pro- future. duction supplies ■training and supervision of Pro- Sensitive tuba highlights duction Assistants and volunteer Continued from page 13 staff For the final piece, Passacaglia and the KWS not too long ago. The ensemble's Toccata, by Louis Applebaum, the first ■setting and enforcing deadlines intonation was at its worst during this move- clarinetist tuned very sharp to the piano and ment, despite very lengthy tuning beforehand, then tuned the rest of the ensemble (again a but it was also the only time Luther was not in very lengthy exercise), asking for disaster. Applications and more information are available in the danger of being drowned out. The tired ensemble played nonetheless quite Cord offices, second floor Student Union Building. The third movement was fresh and exciting well into the increasingly complex work until for application Student Publications president and Luther's clean lines and terrific virtuousity the last few minutes when most of it turned to Deadline to mush except for piano, percussion, and the Roger Nault is Friday January 9,1987. came across clearly, a difficult feat in a hall as live as the Theatre Auditorium. Theensemble strong trumpet section. However, all ended played this obviously ambitious work well to well together with a big bang at the end to the best of its abilities. welcome well-deserved applause. THE CORD WEEKLY I si I ETAIIN/HIENT THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27,1986 15 Feds feature Aussie band

By Tony Spencer their set was salvaged by a surprising especially the new album which is and energetic cover of Flipper's Sex much more pop-.oriented then their Three very interesting musical Bomb. The huge stage at Fed Hall previous offerings. and the general airy emptiness of groups came to town last The audience danced up a sweat hall just weren't conducive to a Wednedsday night, showing off their the after some initial apprehension but diverse musical styles at Fed Hall. small band like Tulsa. quickly succumbed to the industrial Hunters and on the These were Hunters and Collectors, Collectors, strength grooves offered by Hunters a hand, were much more suc- raw yet funky band from Australia other and Collectors strong rhythm sec- a in providing a rich, danceable who headlined the show; Tulpa, cessful tion. With the horns providing sleek Queen Street, hip Toronto sound that filled the dance floor and splashes of instrumental colour the kept the audience moving for over band, and a local outfit called Catch band framed singer black Seymour's an a The band Penny, an acapella quartet who use hour and half. consists anguished observations on relation- no six members, including a horn instruments except for their of ships coming apart and people in and lead by maniac singer- voices. section these relationships coming unglued. First off, why a band like Catch /guitarist Mark Seymour who pro- Unfortunately, they declined to do a point. Penny was chosen to play for this vided strong visual focal their minor underground hit Talking The band has been together event was beyond me. Their voices since To A Stranger, perhaps their most early and have operated alter- were nice and they all looked fresh 1981 bitter song, despite repeated re- Hunters and Collectors' lead singer Mark Seymour was a strong and clean but the fact of the matter natively out of their hometown in quests from the audience. visual tocal point. Cord photo by Don Ambridge is, an acapella group playing a sweaty Melbourne and London, England. rock and roll event is simply boring They have two EF's and two LP's So while the audience did even- and extremely out of place. Their under their belt, with the current tually cram the dance floor, there version ofLola by The Kinks reduced Human Frailty doing quite well on was a sense of uneasiness to the a classic anthem to a pathetic sludge the charts. apparent "good times" attitude held Kick Axe kicks ass that should never be forced on an Their music, which has been by the usual Fed Hall crowd. Themes audience again. called "post-nuclear funk, is raw expressed by Huntersand Collectors The second band, Tulpa, delivered and elemental, expressing emotion were sure to strike home in the Friday night's Kick Axe show at tune). The highlight of the evening a tight set of peppy dance-inducing in its most basic form. Their songs heartsand heads of more than a few the Coronet left me with one ques- though was their rendition of Led tunes that unfortunately failed to revolve around a central theme that participants. As Mark Seymour puts tion: Why is this band still playing Zep's classic Whole Lotta Love. " lure the audience on to the dance provides a strong, cohesive and it: usic relates to people's most bars? Kick Axe is a live act that Kick Axe's version is very faithful floor. This may be because the band sometimes nightmarish look at the fundamental sense of themselves, takes a back seat to no one, come to to the original and the sight and has only three and the turmoil which can take place in reaching their emotional life." To do think of it, their albums are damn members sound spectacular has to be wit- sound was a bit sparse. The band personal relationships. While dealing as successfully as Hunters and nessed to be believed (Jimmy and tried to get something going but just with such sensitive topics, the band's Collectors did on Wednesday night Robert would've been proud!!). Also couldn't quite pull it off, although sound has remained accessible, is quite a feat. Bravo for them! METAL impressive was the lighting for the show which was extremely good for a bar band. Lights and dry ice were NOTES frequently used with great effect especially during songs like Dreamin' Eighties film SomethingWild About You and Piece Of The Rock good too. It's the third time I've seen (a King Kobra song written by Kick the band and their hardhitting two By Kirk Nielsen Axe). and a half hour show left me wanting to skip next term and join them on Kick Axe is probably one of the Charlie Driggs is the newly ap- their Canadian tour. best hard rock acts in Canada right pointed vice-president of a large tax Now a four piece band (guitarist now. If the American rock media (ie. consultancy who leads a conser- Raymond Arthur Harvey left after MTV, Circus and Hit Parade) would vative and uneventful life. After their Coronet gig last year), Kick start giving some attention to Kick eating a lite-diet lunch he pockets Axe works the stage like seasoned Axe rather than undeserving the check and strolls out of the diner pros. Bare-footed lead singer George American bands like Poison, without paying. Lulu Hankel notices Criston is very energetic, only Autograph and Quiet Riot, this this "closet rebel" and follows him slowing down long enough for a swig Winnipeg outfit would be on their out to the street. The slinky and

of beer. This is a band that really way to where they belong — the kinky Lulu offers Charlie a ride in seems to enjoy playing live and upper echelons of the heavy metal her convertible and within a couple entertaining their audience (even realm. of hours has him handcuffed to a though Fridays's sell out crowd was bed in a New Jersey motel room very subdued). Rock News: where she proceeds to indulge his The band gave a good sampling of New albums are now out from: sexual fantasies. Charlie Driggs their soon-to-be-released album WASP, Stryper, Fastway (The Trick knows he's in for "Something Wild Rock The Rock, which sounded or Treat soundtrack), Kansas, Killer Something Wild, a dark comedy- even heavier than their past efforts, Dwarfs, Brighten Rocks and Metal thriller, stars Jeff Daniels as Charlie Vices and Welcome To The Club. Church. and Melanie Griffith as Lulu/Audrey. The foursome included such Kick Concerts: It was directed by Jonathan Demme, Ass live songs as Heavy Metal Kim Mitchell and Helix, Dec. 31, whose last movie Stop Making Sense Shuffle, Alive & Kickin', On The Guelph Arena, $17.50 was awarded Best Documentary by Charlie Diggs (Jeff Daniels) and Lulu (Melanie Griffith) in a fete a Road To Rock and Feel The Power Ted Nugent, Dec. 31, Cobo Hall, the National Society of Film Critics. tete that leads to chaotic fun in Jonathan Demme's Something in the set as well as new songs like Detroit Demme's association with David Wild Rock The World and The Chain (a Alice Cooper, Feb, 13, Joe Louis Byrne helped him style Something heavy version ofthe Fleetwood Mac Arena, Detroit Wild into areal hip eighties rock and roll movie. Music plays a key role in making the film work, and Demme comedy, with many of the same music into the flow of the film. Two has an eclectic clan of muscians to qualities as Martin Scorsese's After priceless moments in the film which Waterloo upcomings help out. John Cale (ex-Velvet Hours, when it suddenly turns into a beautifully demonstrate Demme's Underground) and Laurie Anderson violent thriller. This happens with talents are Charlie and Lulu singing composed the movie score, while the arrival of Ray. The "wild man" of along to "Wild Thing" on the free- The following is a list of upcomings WLU Faculty of Music: Byrne wrote the opening song. The Something Wild is Ray Sinclair, way, and Charlie attempting to be a

in the area: _ . played by Ray a hip ... KI X 1 rock group The Feelies perform live Liotta, who has Lou dancer while The Feelies rock .. Music at Noon Series: Nov. 27th, p j H and as part of the 40 song sound- Reed kind of horror about him. Ray out at a dance. blliv Bragg, November 29th. 8:00 track, which also includes such is an ex-con on a search to find his Demme has accomplished, with are $7.00 feds and varied acts like The Troggs and crazy wife Lulu, who is now pre- Something Wild, what other direc- EnMmb| e Concerts: Oingo Boingo. tending to be married to Charlie. tors have yet to do, and that is to $8.00 others. Admission: $5 adults, Students and Blushing Brides, December Ist, 8:00 . It is Jeff Daniels who really makes Losing Charlie and getting back make a movie where rock music

,»q ' p.m., $6.00. Something IVi/cf somethin' great. He Lulu becomes Ray's jnly obsession. plays an important role. Demme Feds $4.50 and others Nqv WLU Jazz Ensemb i e 2^th> seems to float effortlessly through At this point, in his "wild" adventure, captured on film what rock video ' eC pm s - - p.m. Directed by Mr. Anthony S I u 8:00 the film. The audience sweeps along Charlie is ready to become friends accomplished on television, without Feds $3.50 and others $4.50. Bender with him, anxious to see what with Ray. He is infor a nasty surprise. becoming a extended video format.

- • Nov 30th , WLU Symphony Uii #ii/ cl i trouble he's about to stumble into. The element of surprise is what The 1960s didn't become The Sixties of W Shows m general. Orchestra, 3:00 p.m. Directed by In 27th to Daniels has previously been seen as makes this movie so exciting. The until the latter half of the decade, repertoire Thursday Nova Prof AJec Catherwood . Sat. 29th, Agatha Chr.st.es Mia Farrow's on screen/off screen audience is never sure what is going and the same goes with the 1980s. It Nov. Noy 3()th WLU Chape, Chojr> The Mousetrap at the of lover in The Purple Rose of Cairo. to happen next. The plot takes is only now that society, the media, University Adyent Caro, Service> Keffer Waterloo s Theatre of The Arts He was definitely a charmer then, many "wild" turns which always and the individual person are figuring Memorial Chapel, 8:00 p.m. Directed you guessing. Curtain time is 8 p.m and general and even a bigger gem now. Daniels keep Halfway through out what The Eighties are all about. bMr Wi„iam McArton admission is $5.00. Presented by isn't necessarily a Yuppie but easily the movie, black haired Lulu be- Jonathan Demme has already got a The Creative Arts Board of the Fed WLUSU Events: fits into that stereotype, bringing the comes blonde-haired Audrey, and hold on it, and demonstrated this of Students. Wednesday January 7th, 1987. The eighties a refreshing new comedic by the film's end she's had four fact in Something Wild. Demme also Gruesomes, 8:00 p.m. presented by role. Playing offbeat, unheroic hairstyle changes. The wild Lulu believes it will be filmmakers like Magician Danny Orleans, Saturday the Oxygen Party people. This "heroes" seems to come naturally to drinks a lot of Scotch, while Audrey David Byrne, making his directoral Dec. 13th. Humanities Theatre, Montreal-based four piece band Daniels, who most recently co- drives a station wagon. debut with True Stories, who will 10:30 a.m., 1:00 and 3:30 p.m. plays music which might be termed starred as Meryl Streep's editor in Jonathan Demme, after filming epitomize The Eighties on film. Tickets are $4.50 adults and $3.50 "60's-punk" and has derived its name Heartburn. Talking Heads, has brilliantlyaccom- Something Wild is an Eighties film children and seniors. from the Flintstone/Munster shows. Something Wild is a fast-paced plished the interweaving of rock and an impressive one at that. THE CORD WEEKLY IE NT IE I 1 AII NaVIIE NT 16 THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27,1986

ontorio place? Christmas? Bah Humbug!

COME The best of times... the worst of his windshield. Besides a whole lot another 4 months of madness. JOIN times, every sane person's night- of unnecessary mental anguish, the mare..., Ahhh Christmas! Before I milk and butter that I held in my Happy December to my Cord

start muttering "Bah Humbug" I sweaty palms cost me $12.50 — 2.50 pals, my roomates, and those OUR TEAM! guess I'd better clarify. for the groceries and 10.00 for the whacky fourth-year Honours English Christmas is supposed to be a parking ticket. people who'll spend the bulk of this WE HAVE APPROXIMATELY happy time. Why is it that every year Bah Humbug. month writing a thesis (no rest for by about the last week in November, the weary). 800 POSITIONS I want to strangle the world in Most especially, thanks to my general? I went to Waterloo Town contributors who have put up with Ontario Place, one of the world's leading Square on Saturday to get milk and ... then me through thick and thin; you entertainment attractions, offers you an butter. Hah—mistake! After sear- Marvin died know who you are, Mike Wert, Kirk, ching for a parking place for well the Steves M and H., Neville, the exciting summer employment opportunity! over 10 minutes, Marvin my car collective houses: Elsinore and Rock Approximately 800 positions are available gave up. He just stopped running. Arriving home, there sat my Notes, Mamie who did reviews So there I parked. mountainously-high pile of books. In about people in tuxedos who looked for the 1987 summer season in the Once inside, life became a zoo. the space of one week, I have four liked penguins and lastly Jeff S. who following areas: People shoving, children whining essays, one seminar and one book besides being one of the best typists and every other face looking surly report due. That's alright though, I in the world, has also been a • & and frustrated. And in the back- of for • Marketing didn't especially want to graduate constant source merriment Attractions ground, the ever- Holidays ever-present, this year. Meanwhile, Bruce yours truly. Happy to all • Public Relations Children's Village annoying Musak Christmas jingles Springsteen chortles out Santa those who have helped make • blared on. Why does management, Entertainment what it was this term, • Maintenance Retail Sales Claus Is Coming To Town on some in their infinite corporate wisdom, whatever that was. • FM band or another. If Santa comes • Programming/ Food Services think that anyone at all wants to to my town, all that he'll find is a I'll see you all in the New Year (1 • hear the Mormon Tabernacle Security Choir bunch of overworked, underfed hope I will, anyway). Technical deliver their rendition of Frosty The • students. Sleep? What's sleep? • Admissions / Parking Hosting Snowman? Ahh insanity! It has justoccurred to me that this And for anyone who has just • Feeling slightly claustrophobic and • Clerical/ Marina was supposed to be my Merry about had enough of first term in more or less ill, I scampered outside • Christmas column. Oh well, instead, general, remember, if all else fails, Reception Emergency/First Aid for some fresh, air. exhaust-filled I think that I'll wish everyone luck on take time to eat the roses. And of course, there sat Marvin with Students interested in obtaining more information their finals and a nice two weeks or Merry (grumble grumble) yet another parking ticket tacked on may write to: Mrs. S. Shaver so to recuperate and gear up for yet Christmas everyone. Staff Co-ordinator Ontario Place Corporation 955 Lakeshore Boulevard West Entertainment Quiz Toronto, Ontario M6K 389 or telephone our Personnel Office at (416) 965-7739. Application Deadline: January 30,1987. By The Backyard Escape A Crown Corporation of the Government of Ontario Ministry of Tourism and Recreation. John Eakms. Minister 1. Who said, "Tune in, turn on, drop out'? 2. What famous rock group appears in the movie "Blow Up"? 3. According to Letterman, the "Home-office" is moving. To where? 4. What is the name of Arnold's goldfish, on Diff'rent Strokes? 5. What happens to Rael when he visits the notorious Doktor Dyper(the reformed sniper)? 6. What is the license plate number of Number 6's car, on The Prisoner? 7. What was the first film Rob Reiner directed? 8. Who was Jerry Hall's main beau before Mick Jagger? 9. According to Desmond Morris, what is the "naked ape"? 10. Who did the artwork for the Velvet Underground's first album? Right now...

...all across Ontario Warhol Andy 10. Man 9. Ferry Bryan 8. Tap Spinal is This 7. the Class of '87 are deciding their futures. 120 KARC6. castrated gets He 5. Many will choose the opportunities for Abraham 4. Arizona Scottsdale, 3. service and rewards of one of the major Yardbirds The 2. professions: chartered accountancy, Leary Timothy Dr. 1. engineering, law and medicine. ANSWERS: Over a thousand will seek the unique training and qualification of chartered accountancy to open their futures to the forefront — not only in public accounting CAREERS IN OCCUPATIONAL but also business, education THERAPY in industry, one of the fastest-growing health and government. professions in Canada Ontario's chartered accountants look forward to welcoming — from all university disciplines — the Class of '87. ACCELERATED DEGREE PROGRAM BScOT in 23 months For more information about chartered accountancy contact (based on two years' previous university) information services at: Application deadline: 1 March 1987

INSTITUTE OF for details CHARTERED ACCOUNTANTS OF ONTARIO write or phone §THE69 Bloor Street East, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4W 183 Department of Occupational Therapy Telephone (416) 962-1841 FOUNDED University of Alberta, Edmonton T6G 2G4 1879 (403) 432-2499/5949 THE CORD WEEKLY THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27,1986 17 SPORTS

Lady basketball Hawks open season with two wins

By Brad Lyon of eager fans, the Hawks quickly fell behind Foul trouble plagued the women through- Jeffries was the first to admit that Peel's foul against the Lancerettes and trailed by 12 out the game, particularly at the beginning troubles hurt, since she was only able to play One week into the regular season and two points, 26-14, by the time twelve minutes of each half. Within the first five minutes of about half the game. scintillating victories later the Lady Hawks had elapsed from the first half. These first the first half, the Hawks had incurred four The last seven minutes of the first half basketball squad finds itself perched atop of few minutes were punctuated by a lack of fouls, and Windsor was able to capitalize marked the turning point of the game, the Ontario Women's Interuniversity Ath- Hawk scoring touch around the Windsor with six of a possible eight points. The team though. Baskets by Ann Weber, Coleen letic Association (OWIAA) standings. basket, although the Hawks trailed by only seemed to be overwhelmed by the fast Ryan and Sue Little brought the Hawks to The Lady Hawks opened their season two points seven minutes into the half. break offence employed by the Lancers, within 3 points with a minute left in the half. Wednesday November 19 in Guelph with a The wheels temporarily fell off the Hawk and it took the first few minutes of each half Andrea Prescott vaulted the Hawks into the 67-62 victory over the Gryphons, and express during a six minute span of the first to readjust themselves to the Lancers style lead to stay with a basket with 15 seconds coupled that with a stunning come-from- half stretching from the 7:00 mark to the of play. Kris Peel was particularly victim to remainingto give the women a 32-31 halftime behind victory over the very quick Windsor 12:00 mark of the period. During this span the foul bug, as she had taken three fouls lead. Lancers, 64-58. the Hawks were outscored 13-3, and hurt before the end of the first half, and grabbed On Saturday, before a good-sized crowd themselves by incurring a rash of fouls. her fourth early in the second. Coach Gary Continued on page 21

Hawks & Vees shoot it out

By Scott MacDonald zealous penalty-killing won him a high-sticking penalty. Vees forward The WilfridLaurier Golden Hawks Pat Lizotte didn't waste the two- hockey team turned in another man advantage, tying the score 4-4 disappointing effort against an infer- forty seconds later. ior team Saturday night, this time Vees captain Gord Davey capped managing only a 7-7 tie with the the rally with a shorthanded goal at visiting Laurentian Voyageurs. 10:20 converting a two-on-one pass Laurier watched as Laurentian's from Mike Kappel to put the Vees Pat Moher banged the puck through ahead 5-4. Hawk defenseman, Brad a crowd in front of the Hawk net for Sparkes, finally took advantage of the tying goal with 2:36 left to play in the power play nine seconds later as the game. It was the third time the his shot from the blueline eluded Vees had fought back to erase a Gibson. Hawk lead. The roller-coaster ride continued "Laurentian played with enthus- when Doug Marsden, using winger Joel Curtis as a iasm, that's all it took," said Hawks screen, put a shot coach Wayne Gowing, who was behind Gibson to give the Hawks a 6-5 lead with only calm, although very disappointed 50 seconds to play with the result. "We have trouble in the period. when people put pressure on us. We Laurier would not hold that lead, as sloppy don't respond very well at all." however, more play Laurentian opened the scoring at allowed Castonguay to collect his Laurentian sharpshooter Dennis Castonguay 7:17 of the first period, when defen- fourth goal of the night, banking his lets a low drive fly towards Laurier goalie John pass leg seman Marc Bouffard sent sharp- from behind the net off the Sheppard. Sheppard stopped this one, but was shooter Denis Castonguay in alone of Hawk defender Gerry Demeules not as fortunate other times as Castonguay on Hawk goalie John Sheppard. at 19:49. netted four goals to lead the Vees to a 7-7 tie. Castonguay fired the puck the Cord photo by Scoop Furlong. into The third period saw the Hawks top for his first offour goals. corner and Vees fail to capitalize on several Hawk newcomer Tom Jackson solid chances. Lizotte had a clear evened the score at 12:25, only to breakaway for the Vees, but went have Castonguay put the Vees ahead too far and ended up shooting the again sixteen seconds later on the puck at the side of the net. same shot that nettled him his first McCutcheon, McCulloch and New line decimates Ryerson goal, high to Sheppard's glove side. Marsden all missed golden oppor- Aggressive forechecking by the tunities before Reagan one-timed Hawks' Paul Smith resulted in McCutcheon's two-on-one pass to By Jeff Madigan can do after a couple of days, they thirty-one second mark. The first Jackson's second goal of the night, put Laurier ahead again, 7-6, with can be a lot better if they continue to period was all Laurier as they built a as he converted a Scott McCulloch seven minutes to play, setting the The line of Terry McCutcheon, play together." 6-0 lead and outshot Ryerson 18 to 4 pass to knot the score at two. Laurier stage for Moher's late tying goal. Shaun Reagan, and Greg Puhalski Gowing was quick to dismiss The second period was a rather went to the dressing room with a combined for 24 points as the Wilfrid thoughts that he put all of his scoring dull affair with Laurier outscoring When asked about the team's one goal lead on Greg Puhalski's Laurier Golden Hawks thrashed the into one line. "We have some very Ryerson 2 to 1, upping their lead to poor performance, coach Gowing marker at 18:58. The goal was the Ryerson Rams 14-1 Thursday night capable hockey players other than 8-1. The Rams Brad Patterson ended responded, our building, we result of heavy pressure in the Vees "In at the Barn. McCutcheon, Puhalski and Reagan. Hawk goalie John Sheppard's hopes end from and linemates should be applying the pressure and McCutcheon led the way with 1 think these three guys together for a shut-out when he scored at the Puhalski that's the case. We've been Terry and Shaun not two goals and seven assists, Reagan really have some offensive capability five-minute mark. Laurier seemed McCutcheon playing together for two months, Reagan who both assisted on the collected three goalsand five assists. but offense isn't all that's necessary content to sit on their lead as only goal. but we're making the same errors Mike Puhalski counted four goals to be a good, sound line." McCutc- McCutcheon and Reagan were able we made in the first week. Either the and three assists. Mike Duffy and heon was not surprised with the to beat Rams goalie Ron Ponting Jr. Laurier increased their lead three boys aren't skilled enough, or they Doug Marsden both added two goals trio's success, as he said, "Shaun The shots were even at ten apiece in minutes into the second period, as don't listen." with a single tally going to Peter and Iplayed together last year so we the second period. Eric Calder took a pass from Dave Black. know what each other can do Laurier picked up the pace in the Aitchison. Calder's shot from the Hawkey Talk: The Hawks play Although not expecting twenty- whereas Greg is just easy to play third period and outscored the Rams top of the faceoff circle trickled tonight in Guelph and are home four points from his newly formed with." 6-0. The one bright spot for Ryerson through Laurentian goalie Dave Saturday to face the Windsor line every game, Hawks coach Due to the inclement weather, the occurred when forward RoiV Little Gibson's legs. Lancers at 7 p.m. at the Barn. On Wayne Gowing thinks they can only game was delayed for two hours as shattered the glass behind the Laurentian immediately stormed Wednesday, Laurier concludes the get better. "They are individually the Rams didn't arrive until 8:45 Laurier net with a slap-shot from back with three consecutive goals, first half of the schedule with a home and collectively capable of playing p.m. (One could suggest they didn't center ice. The jubilant Ryerson beginning with Castonguay's third game against crosstown rivals that way as they are all very good arrive at all.) To the Rams credit, the bench reminded many of the euph- at 3:51. Hawk Joe Hrysko's over- Waterloo. hockey players. If thats what they game remained scoreless until the Continued on page 21 THE CORD WEEKLY 18 THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 1986 SPORTS Sports Quiz By Jeff Madigan Easy

1. Name the skip of Canada's world champion women's curling team. 2. What N.H.L goalie leads all active netminders in shut-outs? 3. Name the two pitchers who hurled no-hitters this year. Villemure Gilles and Pappin Jim 10. Medium Calgary Warnock, Kent 9. Torres Hector 8. 4. What was the score when Toronto beat B.C. in the 1983 Grey Cup? Harris Billy 7. 5. Who holds the grey Cup record for most points scored in a career? Trophy 6. What award goes to the C.l.A.U's hockey player of the year? Sullivan A. Joseph Senator 6. 72 Cutler, Dave 5. Hard 18-17 4. Cowley Joe and Scott Mike 3. by 7. Who was the first player ever drafted the New York Islanders? Resch Glenn 2. 8. Who hit the Blue Jays' first ever grand slam? Darte Marilyn 1. 9. Who was the No. 1 pick in this year's C.F.L. Canadian college Draft? ANSWERS: Stopper

10. Name the player and goalie who won the initial N.H.L. show-down competition? WIN AN ALL-EXPENSE PAID TRIP TO JAPAN. Championships at WLU And an opportunity to meet Prime Minister Nakasone. It's coming to Laurier! The CIAU some cheers performed in football cheerleading championships are season with variations in formations This opportunity is sponsored by the Japan accommodation will be paid for by the JNTO. coming to the Athletic Complex on and stunts. The music routine is National Tourist Organization, and the Japan The winning essays will have the opportunity Sunday November 30, 1986. The similar to that performed in half time Foundation for Shipbuilding Advancement, to be published in the Canadian University Golden Hawk squad and Mascot at the Homecoming game but pro- and is open to university students in Ontario, Press Newspapers. "the Hawk" have been working extra mises to be much more exciting and aged between 18 and 25. Simply write an essay hard these past few weeks by having difficult in that the pyramids and on "Canada-Japan Relations: What Will the late night and morning practices. stunts have increased their difficulty Future Bring?" and send it to the address below 1- All essays should be typed double spaced, This year, Laurier's newly formed and risk factor. This not only by December 10,1986. Two winners will be 2. Essays should not exceed 1000 words, co-ed squad will meet the tough improves the quality of the routine, selected by a panel of impartial judges. They 3. Essays should have a cover page with your verteran Western squad on home but increases the chances of the will then have the opportunity to visit Japan in name, address, name of school, and class turf which promises to be quite an squad capturing the title as one of mid-January 1987, together with winners from level. outstanding match up. the marking categories in the comp- etition is "level difficulty of Britain, France, the U.S., Australia, and Korea, 4. Submit all essays to the Japan Essay Contest, Since the end of football season of stunts the "Hawk Squad" has been prac- The cheerleaders hope all those to exchange cultural experiences, meet with the Japan National Tourist Organization, c/o ticing the well thought out cheer and "die hard" football fans and basket- Prime Minister Nakasone, travel to tourist Campus Plus, 124 Merton Street, 3rd Floor, and music routines. The routines are ball fans who have responded greatly Toronto, Ontario, M4S 2Z2. attractions throughout Japan. Travel and designed to express the cheerleading at games come out and support talents of the squad - pyramid them in their quest. Competition Sponsored by the Japan National Tourist Organization, the Japan Foundation for Shipbuilding building, gymnastics, arm move- gets underway at 11:00 a.m. in the Advancement (Chairman: Ryoichi Sasakawa) and Canadian University Press. ments and team unity. Athletic Complex Sunday Nov- The cheer routine consists of ember 30.

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I Laurier spiker Larry ■ hammers the ball past a McMaster player on the way fa 3-0 win. The Hawks meet jGuelph tonight in a pivotal ! game to decide third place. Cord Hawks overwhelm i photo by Scoop Furlong. Mac three straight

By Serge Grenier The third game was used by coach The Laurier's men's volleyball Don Smith to give his substitutes a team took a significant step in taste of playing action. Again there securing a playoff spot last Friday. was a close start tied at 2-2 but the The Hawks overwhelmed the Hawks, after gaining possession on McMaster Marauders 3-0 by scores a Joe Richer middle hit, scored of 15-6, 15-5, and 15-7. seven consecutive points. Intimi- The Hawks fundamental game dating blocking forced McMaster plan was to establish their middle into making all kinds of mistakes. game, more precisely through the McMaster showed signs of life team's leading middle hitter, Larry narrowing the gap at 9-6 but they Rourke, in order to diversify the stopped themselves with a net serve. offence and take the opponent's Not wanting to let the gap narrow focus off power hitter Steve Moffat. further, the Hawks brought the Rourke wasted no time as he score to 13-6, led by Richer's middle powered a kill up the middle on the hitting. McMaster eked out another return ofMcMaster's opening serve. point, which was matched by the A single block then produced the Hawks with another Richer kill. first point as Laurier took the early McMaster was called for four hits lead. while returning a John Bald serve to McMaster fought back to grab a give the Hawks game and match

3-1 lead - aiming at blocker Scott point. Lee. Hawk blocking, led by Rourke, The evening did not produce Lee and versatile Paul Shore tied the classic volleyball but as coach Don score at 4-4. The Hawks took a 7-4 Smith said "Any win is a good win." lead due to a McMaster hit-out-of- He was very pleased with his team's bounds and two Shore points, one blocking and with having had the on a block and one on a off-power chance to play everyone. hit. The Hawk's blocking persisted As for the players, they had and powered them to a 10-4 lead. predicted a romp over McMaster With McMaster service and the and were feeling optimistic towards score 14-6, Rourke took the game facing Guelph and justabout every- into his own hands, regaining Laurier one else. "It was a basics game," possession with a middle hit and commented Shore, adding that closing out the game with an ace. McMaster's execution seemed unco- By the start of the second game, ordinated. This view was supported the Hawks highly effective blocking by an anonymous Marauder who had taken much of the sting out of confessed that his team "played the Marauder attack. Mac began to without some people and justweren't make numerous unforced errors, prepared." As for Thursday's pivotal including missed serves, hits out of game against Guelph, also 2-2, Lady Hawks split in volleyball bounds and in the net, and at times Rourke and Harris-Lowe shared a missed the ball altogether. The game single comment: "Look out Guelph." was tied at 2-2 until a double block Statistically, Rourke had 14kills in by Lee and Keith Harris-Lowe gave 15 attempts and Shore had eight in action Windsor and UW nine attempts. Rourke also had 11 with Laurier a 3-2 lead from which they never looked back. blocks in 14 attempts. By Serge Grenier Thefifth point featured an exciting played the best I've seen her since Hawk depth was shown by the Shin Digs: Service was excellent at blocking display which saw the coming here," she remarked, adding hitting of Shore, Lee and Jonas 97 per cent and six aces by six The Volleyball Lady Hawks had Athena's dig a Patti Smith serve and that it was her team's best team Kaciulus. The Marauders came as different players also impressed. an early start to a busy weekend set up for a middle hit, only to effort of the year. close as 4-5 but the Hawks accum- Keith Harris-Lowe is also becoming which saw them play their first home encounter a Laurier double block. ulated six points before the Mar- an attacking threat with five kills in game against Waterloo last Thurs- The Athenas recovered to try the Laurier vs. Windsor auders scored their last point. five attempts. The team will be seeing day and travel to Windsor on Satur- middle again only to run into a Laurier finally settled the issue, a lot of Guelph this week, playing day to face the Lancerettes. Laurier triple block. Still having the On Saturday, while their basket- regaining the ball at 13-5 with another the Gryphons on Thursday at ball, they stubbornly chose to break ball cousins hosted Windsor, the Rourke middle hit and scoring the Guelph and returning to the Royal Laurier vs. Waterloo up the middle to face a Cathy Hall Hawks visited the Lancerettes on points on a Bobby Smith ace and a City on Saturday for the Guelph singleblock which was not recovered their home court. It was not a Moffat-Rourke block. Invitational. The Lady Hawks put on a tre- and led to a Laurier point. successful visit as the Hawks lost 3-0 mendous showing in their first home The Athenas widened the gap to by scores of 15-8, 15-7 and 15-10. date in overcoming the previously 10-5 but the Hawks came back to The long drive down and a letdown undefeated Waterloo Athenas 3-0 score eight consecutive points to after the Waterloo victory affected last Thursday by scores of 15-7,16- give them a 13-10 lead in a sequence the Hawks' play somewhat as they 14 and 15-9. that brought the fans to life. Patti came out flat and uninspired. The From the outset of the fist game Wright led that onslaught with three total effort displayed on Thursday the Lady Hawks showed they middle kills. The Hawks brought it was not there as the team played as weren't on the court to kid around. up to 14-10 on a poor Waterloo if drained of strength from their busy Laurier obtained the ball returning service reception but Waterloo week. Waterloo's first serve on a Ruth bounced their attacks off Laurier Commenting on the game, Leach MacNeil kill. The Hawks then pro- blocks to even the game at 14-14. stated that the outcome of the ceeded to score six consecutive The Hawks went ahead 15-14 on a evening could be foreseen after an points which included two Patti setting mistake by Waterloo and inconsistent warmup. "I told the Wright kills and a Sue Kipfer ace. won it 16-14 on a MacNeil ace. girls that the way they looked then, Both teams then subsequently The third game was considerably that we were in big trouble," she traded points until the score was 11- more even than the previous two, said. Ruth MacNeil continued her 5. The 11-5score remained for fifteen with both teams staying within two strong play offensively and defen- consecutive rallies until a Waterloo points of each other until, with the sively, registering 15 kills middle attack broke the impasse. score 10-9 in Laurier's favour, the The Athenas closed the gap at 11-7 Hawks scored three consecutive Floats and Spins: The Hawks capitalizing on their middle game points, to lead 13-9. The attack travelled to Toronto on Tuesday to until the Hawks required possession throughout was well-balanced with play the Blues in an exhibition match on a Cathy Hall middle hit. Laurier no clearly dominant force, which and lost 4-0. Sloppy serve recepton then successfully shut down the confused the Athenas' defence. was the main culprit in the perfor- Athenas until a Hall power hit on a Wright wrapped up the evening by mance. MacNeil, who had thirty- well-timed Sue Brown set closed the being responsible for the last two one kills in league play last week, match at 15-7. points, the last one coming on the was Laurier's Female Athlete of The Athenas would not lie down powerful kill up the middle. the Week. Roster wise,Leach stuck and roll over, however, and leapt to The only negative note of the with her regular six on Thursday an.early 8-1 lead on their domination game was the team's often incon- and substituted only one player, Sue Despite of the game around the net. Not sistent serving, which at times stifled Laskowski, on Saturday. The team missing this block, wishing to be plucked just yet, the their momentum. Still, Coach has completed regular season action Laurier's volleyball lady Hawks creamed the Hawks recovered the ball with a Cookie Leach was very pleased with until the New Year. Their next Water- loo Athenas 3-0. Cord photo Ruth MacNeil surprise hit and closed her squad, especially with the play of tournament is the Guelph Invita- by Barb the gap to 8-5. second-year player Cathy Hall. "She tional on Saturday. Catchpole. THE CORD WEEKLY 20 THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27,1986

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The men's basketball team lost to Waterloo in the opening game of the Naismith tournament before a large, noisy UW crowd. The WLU hosts annual packed PAC even waved out. . badminton tourney Cord photo by Scoop Furlong.

second game in a two-out-of-three Special to the Cord match (15-5 and 17-15). Again, the first seed doubles team took their This weekend, Wilfrid Laurier opponents to "set" in the second hosted the second annual Western game, this time against McMaster Varsity Badminton tournament. The (15-6, 18-13). teams involved were Western, Sally Lichtenberg, ofthe women's Guelph, McMaster, Waterloo and team, won against Guelph and Laurier. Western "cleaned-up," McMaster, losing in three games to winnning both the women's and Western. Karen Showers (no. 3) men's divisions. Laurier's Steve took Western to three games, but McLean won one match against couldn't claim the victory (11-8, 12- Waterloo. 13, 11-5). Doubles team Fabio Corvaglia On the whole, WLU faired well and Vivek Kakaria gave their first throughout the tournament. The seed rivals a tough battle. Against final competition of the season Western, they lost only marginally, takes place in Kingston at RMC on taking Western to "points" in the January 24 and 25, 1987.

Fouls hurt Lady Hawks

Continued from page 17 season as the product of a lack of experience; Flying the team was simply not The comeback seemed to take Hawks moving fast enough to counteract Windsor attack. the effort out of the the quick penetration of the Lancers Ruth MacNcil (Volleyball) Although the Lancers started the and were forced to take some cheap MacNeil plays weak-side hitter for the Lady Hawks and half with a fast paced attack that occasionally doubles up setter. A four-year starter, she fouls for reaching in. as a caused a rash of five Hawk fouls in a played exceptional volleyball in two games last week: on The Lady Hawks travelled to two minute span, the Lancerettes Thursday against Waterloo she had 15 kills and 3 stuff Guelph for their season opener, midway point blocks, and she added another 16 kills on Saturday against soon withered. By the where they eked out another close of the half the Hawks had stretched Windsor. She also did a good job of setting the ball and victory. The game remained close helped the team with her fine defensive play in both games. their to 50-37 and were not to lead until the last minute of the second look back. Shaun Reagan (Hockey) half when the Hawks put the game Reagan played his two best games of the season for the Windsor closed the gap in the out of reach. Guelph had overcome Hawks last week. The Waterloo native accumulated 11 dying minutes as the score was a seven point deficit at the start of points in the two games. On Thursday against Ryerson, he narrowed to 59-54 with three minutes the second half, to make the match scored three goals and added five assists; he followed up left, but several attempts at three competitive, but faltered in the with one goal and two assists against the Laurentian point baskets by the Lancers failed, waning minutes of the game. The Voyageurs on Saturday. to preserve the Laurier victory. Hawks had dominated the first half, High scorers against the Lancers and were up by 10points most of the included Ann Weber with 17 points game, until the Gryphon spurt in the Scoreboard and 8 rebounds, Kris Peel with 13 second half. points even though she only played High scorers for the Hawks in- Hockey half the game, along with Andrea cluded Kris Peel with 16points, all in OUAA Prescott who had 11 points. Sue the second half, while Sue Little Standings Results Little played a superb game on the contributed 13 points and 13 re- GP W L T F A PTS boards as she contributed 12 bounds. Coleen Ryan led the team Western 58, Brock 53 rebounds. in scoring with 18 points and 13 York 10 9 0 1 67 23 19 WaterJoo 56, McMaster 42 After the game, Jeffries, though rebounds. LAURIER 9 6 1 2 62 33 14 LAURIER 67, Guelph 62 pleased with the comeback victory, Coach Jeffries commented that Waterloo 10 6 3 1 52 30 13 LAURIER 64, Windsor 58 although the team did not play Western 7 6 0 1 35 16 13 particularly well, every victory on McMaster 10 6 4 0 39 37 12 "Every victory on the the road is important in this tough Toronto 9 5 3 1 38 26 11 OUAA Volleyball-West league. Windsor 9 3 3 3 40 36 9 road is important. RMC 13 8 1 52 81 9 As to the players, themselves, 4 Standings Guelph 11 4 7 0 40 54 8 GF W L T F A PTS Barb Lockhart spoke on behalf of Queen's 9 2 5 2 31 47 6 expressed dissatisfaction with his the: "We think we're going to do Laurentian 10 2 7 1 45 63 5 Waterloo 4 4 0 0 12 1 8 team's play after they had built up well, but we have to come and play Brock 9 1 7 1 31 50 3 Western 4 3 1 0 9 3 6 their 13 point lead. According to everyday." Ryerson 8 1 7 0 21 57 2 LAURIER 4 2 2 0 6 7 4 Jeffries, the women committed some Last night, the Lady Hawks trav- Guelph 4 2 2 0 7 9 4 undisciplined errors and some young elled to Waterloo play the McMaster to Athenas k 4 1 3 0 4 10 2 mistakes. He added: "We can't make in a contest for first place. Today the Results Brock 4 0 4 0 4 12 0 those mistakes against good teams ladies are off to Montreal to take 14, Ryerson in a LAURIER 1 and we won't make them at the end part tournament with teams Toronto 6, Guelph 2 Results of the year if we are going to win. from McGill and Concordia. The Waterloo 6, Queen's 1 Jeffries also dismissed the foul regular season re-commences after York 6, Brock 2 Waterloo 3, Guelph 1 problems his team has faced this Christmas. La rentian 7, LAURIER 7 Western 3, Brock Q Windsor 4, Queen's 3 LAURIER 3, McMaster 0 McMaster 9, Brock 3 Western 6, RMC 4 Upcoming Games Guelph 5, Laurentian 4 Hawks roll Rams, 14-1 Windsor 6, RMC 6 LAURIER at Guelph (Thursday, Nov. 27) York 4, Waterloo 1 Continued from page 17 to 6-1-1, whereas Ryerson dropped to 1-8. Upcoming Games OWIAA Volleyball-West Paul Henderson scored his historic LAURIER at Guelph (Thursday, 27) goal in the 1972 Canada-Russia Novmber Standings Windsor at LAURIER (Saturday, Nov, 29, 7 pm) GP series. The Hawks outshot Ryerson W L T F A PTS Scoring Leaders Waterloo at LAURIER (Wednesday, Dec. 3,7:30 pm) 9 to 4 and 37-18 overall. OUAA Player Team G A Pts. McMaster 3 3 0 0 9 0 6 Coach Gowing was extremely Windsor 2 2 0 0 6 0 4 pleased with the performance. "It OWIAA Basketball-West LAURIER 4 2 Castonguay Laur. 13 13 26 ■■ 2 0 7 6 4 was our most consistent effort ofthe 6 5 Wat. 12 11 23 Waterloo 3 2 1 0 4 season, except for a few lapses late Linesman Standings Guelph 3 2 1 0 6 6 4 Puhalski WLU 11 11 22 in the game and we played extremely GP W L T F A PTS Western 3 0 3 0 3 9 0 Reagan WLU 8 14 22 well in all three zones. As a result of Brock 4 0 4 0 1 12 0 Gillingham RMC 7 14 21 LAURIER 2 2 0 0131120 4 the score, we worked on our fore- Gray, B. York 6 15 21 Waterloo 1 1 0 0 56 42 2 checking in the third period. We 1 Rolston York 9 11 20 Western 1 0 0 58 53 2 Results tried to be a little more defensive Brock 1 1 McCutcheon WLU 7 12 19 0 0 53 58 0 and I was very pleased allowing only Guelph 1 0 1 67 McMaster 3, Guelph Morocco York 7 11 18 0 62 0 0 one goal in a game that could have Windsor 1 0 1 0 58 64 0 LAURIER 3, Waterloo 0 Molaski RMC 7 11 18 gone into an end-to-end situation," McMaster 1 0 1 0 42 56 0 Windsor 3, LAURIER 0 he said. The win improved Laurier's record IIpecc-конференция в синки by Aleksi Shinovich and work here. to the waste everyday as we do in wish to leave let them. If they home." When asked if the fumes were our bathroom." stay they must obey our laws or This problem will not dis- (CHERNOBYL: WASTE AND annoying, one tenant replied, The tenants of this house, who risk being exiled to Sib...uh... appear overnight, but the gover- THE FOREIGN STUDENT) "Heck no, we've gotten used to wish to remain anonymous due just risk being asked to leave the nment seems to feel that their is Although we have never had a the gas masks, protective clothing to fears of being asked to leave, country...without notice and no problem to speak of. nuclear disaster in this part of and the oxygen tanks. There're have lived with this problem for quietly." Volgograd put it best,"We deal the country, we do have a pro- no problem to wear around over three months and no one "Our government has a policy, with out problems no matter blem with toxic waste: how and anymore, besides, we don't have seems able to help them. and it should be obeyed. We will how small, not like the capitalists where we should dispose of it. to worry about doing the laundry The government has stated that even pay the transportation costs of the world who avoid any kind One family has discovered that — we always wear the same this act of toxic waste disposal is of the train ride to your new of inquiry so as not to lose face." letting the fumes flow through thing." quite legal. We contacted Vlad- the heating system achieves She also stated, "The only imir Volgograd of the Toxic disposal without too much of a time we have any kind of a Waste Commission ofthe United Реуь mовapuщa hassle. The system, when turned problem is in the bathroom. Since Soviet Socialist Republic. In our on, has a tendency to fumigate taking a shower requires the interview, Volgograd seemed Josef Nastasiuk has won the Knight. of the league the apartments of students who removal of clothing, our pro- shocked that we had thought "The rest gala extravaganza (and highly was unfortunately practicing just live in the basement. The students tective outer-wear is of no good that this method was out of the democratic) Pravda sports quiz, outside of Kiev." have come to our city from use to us in there. The prevention ordinary. "We give our people Sports Czar Scoopov announced Evraire gets an paid Waterloo, Canada to study the of contamination is tough." the freedom to dispose of the all-expense today. vacation from Vladivostock a progress of communism and its "People here don't have the 'nastinesses' in their lives any to Thousands of quiz entries collective farm of his effects on foreigners who live problem of exposing themselves way they want to." choice, as literally flooded the offices of long When asked if the students as it's the one just outside Pravda, said Scoopov. Nastasiuk Vladivostock. "He practice could in some way complain to can scored an amazing seven out of a the commission, due to the fact throwing the turnips," said possible eleven in the quiz to that they are foreigners in this Knight. Раэговор soundly trounce all opponents in In other country, he replied, "Sure, but sports news, Wilvrid начист the highly democratic contest University they must have valid excuse to Laurier President run according to the will of the speak against the policies Vladiweir announced the sudden Механиэаторв обсуждает рaбoтh of a people. КОЛЛектив итоги foreign government." death of head football coach Nastasiuk won seven pairs of Volgograd also stated that Ilyrich Newbrough. "What a The coupon also allows mem- tickets to last week's Vanier Cup, The information bureau of the there is no way in which the surprise to all of us, coming so bers to bypass the toilet paper Scoopov said, mainly because of party is once again putting out students could possibly disagree soon on the heels of an unfor- line and get their roll without a his Ukranian sounding name and the party yearbook, the Red with the system ofdisposal. "We tunate season. He was a great wait. Members should under- that he was the only entrant not hero, Keystone. All members who have safe and in...uh...humane and will be missed," said stand that this does not make disqualified. Vladiweir. donate $18.00 or more to the ways of dealing with our waste, them better than others since all "A pure coincidence," party development fund will not like other countries who people all equal. It simply makes Scoopov said. "We had to dis- Sports Shorts: receive their free copy. expose their people to the hazards them more equal than non-party qualify everyone else because, -The skiing The book is filled with the of their waste. We have the downhill season members. well, Joe needed 14 seats to will begin great triumphs of our party. Party decency to get rid of ours without tomorrow when ath- Members should hurry to make stretch out in, and we needed letes will compete in giant yearbook editor, Comrade too much public involvement." the their donation soon. Members everyone else to keep working on slalom Brenda Grimouski says that "we The owners of the house in race, the Tchaikov-ski. who take too long might miss the collective farms. Besides, it -The Red Army donkey had to make the book extra thick question were quite evasive as to race their opportunity if unforeseen was the will of the people." will take this year because of all the their involvement with the com- place next week in circumstances forces them to The people had no comment. Red Square. It is, of wonderful achievements of the mission. "We have the right as Moscow's vacation in Siberia this year. In Meanwhile, in Vladivostok, course, called the (wait for it) party." citizens of this country to do as the words of Comrade Grim- Kennymir Evraire was elected to Polit "I can't In addition, the Red Keystone we please, say as we please, Burro. wait to get ouski, "we have lists of members the Red Army national all-star off my one lam- contains a coupon for an extra anytime we please. We are proud ass," soldier to ensure that everyone gets an team by a people's select com- ented. roll of toilet paper next month. It to do our country a service." equal chance." mittee of sporting czar. The was added because this was such When asked about the effects -Runners competing at an The Red Keystone can be committee, composed of Tuffy- annual sporting competition a successful year for the party on their tenants, they replied, this picked up from the party offices. anov Knight, decreed that week struck with and it was felt that the faithful "They are living in our state were a bad case Comrade Grimouski's office is Evraire had the best hands in the poisoning causing members deserved a special now, and therefore must abide of food bad located next to the donation league. of reward for their help. by our policies and rules. If they cases diarrhea. The Trotsky office for your convenience. "The choice was easy," said Games will continue next week.

Omnipotent father-figure Vlad- imir I. Lenin not only cares for his family, but the population in Hobocmu Дeлeгaция general* KIICC *a pun. A DIFFERENT HOLIDAY: THE SOVIET UNION By Anya-Marishka Tymechev Tuesday: Leave It To Gorbachev. Omnipotent father- Fancy a Soviet holiday with a This week in the Artskis: figure Mikhail Gorbachev cares difference? If so, consider the for his pre-pubescent son, affec- five new fly-drive tours offered Lenin-Trotsky Lecture Series: tionately termed The Bear and by Intourist. This week: Sturgeon burgeon on also the population in general The new tours will have a the Volga. A thorough research (secretary, also a pun, more or special appeal for lovers of arch- programme has resulted in the less) itecture and the countryside. return of the sturgeon to the Itineraries of one, two, and Volga after many lean years. Wednesday: Puff The Marxist three decades are offered. Featured will be a report from dragon. Omnipotent dragon Motor transportation will start the Volgograd Sturgeon Farm figure Puffinski not only fries from any centre in the U.S.S.R. (not to be confused with the capitalist pigs but also cares for but mainly from Moscow and Salmon Migration Monitoring the Soviet child population in Leningrad. There will be no stops in the Onega Estuary) and will be general (no pun). or accommodations provided given by party leader Stashu along the way. Doylich. Thursday: Mister Stalin's One of the five new tours Neighbourhood. Another kiddies includes visits to the more The Annual Kiev Bakeoff: show featuring an (you guessed interesting holding camps in highlights this year include, it) omnipotent father-figure Josef Siberia. "1001 Things to do with Cabbage Stalin who wears a red cardigan The longest itinerary goes from A dance ensemble outside the lower. and Potatoes", "Red Bortscht and cares for the population... in Moscow to the Black Sea — a Made Easy" and "How to make general (sigh). distance ofmore than 3,000 miles. your own microwave oven with a Far enough away to secure non- simple cardboard box (demon- Saturday Morning: The the world orial Community Centre. Peas- Note please: This week's dra- Czar communication with preparation A lovabie bunch large. stration consists of ants who have finished their party matic production of Anton Bears. of omni- at having an address in or near chores and entirely plowed their Chekov's Uncle Vanya has potent furry blue Siberians The tours are affordable con- Chernobyl). been Women, bring your community fields are encouraged switched to Comrade Giorgo affectionately spread Communist sidering the state pays for every- best the The to the thing is in babushkas as Kiev to attend. Since the ballet begins OrwellofPs Animal Farm: Our doctrine Soviet Youth and and your stay long Eye Daily will be there with at 6:30 and there will still be at Version. everyone else (that's better). duration. cameras flashing. least 2 hours of daylight re- For more information contact: maining, only Party members This week's TV lineup: Have a happy, productive week Sub-Zero Tours The Odessa National Ballet are expected to show. Tonight's and don't forget to keep up with Siberia will perform at Mem- piece: Swanyov your tractor EzE. The Stalin Lakeski. Monday: Lenin Knows Best. maintenance. FrE

27,1986 NOVEMBER THURSDAY. 22 WEEKLY CORD THE ПРАВДА Kvestion

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by Mike Left-Winger - and Dave Profile - Christopher Smallski Profile Bernard J. Calforchev Vilmerchuck By Mike Left-Winger and Dave Vilmerchuck Chris is the dedicated prog- This remarkable party member could sell to rammer for the paper. His res- ice Siberians (if only The Pravda profile - or those ponsibility is to ensure the Party would let him be flexible Did you approve the proposed changes at the Party's General that per- Meeting? people who disseminate the Cord sonal files left on the computer in his rates!) He is a great believer while not busy working on their Socialist idea of equitable contain no deviant thoughts — a in the tractors. task he pursues with extreme distribution — restaurants have a Profile - Matthew devotion. He is easygoing, co- surplus of food and we have none, Johnstonovichchuckski, The head operative, and loyal to his core to therefore, they should share. farmer the Party (wherever its being held). Smallski has been described as a Matt, a stolid party member model Soviet citizen: he loves rye, Dr. Vlada-weir Da. and pig farmer. His dedication to grain farmers of any description, The great disseminator of truth, Mikel the WLUSU truth is second only Olivetti computers, Varitype justice and Torque Room french Wertovishki, Tractor Repairman and to his love of washing coffee cups, Typesetters and the power ofbeing fries believes in distributing money to populus, General War Hero, Pinsk answering phones and selling ads. able to change things after the the saying only what He can be seen roaming the halls editors have turned their backs. others want to hear, and the erradication at three a.m. every Tuesday night He can be usually seen nuking of certain annoying in his neverending quest to find files. press members who are more something to praise WLUSU efficient than his KGB system. about in the week's edition. Unfortunately, the manure is needed to fertilize the fields. Maybe someday, Matt. Johnstonovichchuckski loves В ИHTPECAX staff meetings, editorial board meetings and is subject to constant praise of loyal staff. ЛЮДEЮ Da. Erika Sajnovic, Profile - the news desk Vodka Producer, Linsk Members of the people's army breaking the backs of the wor- A lonely piece of furniture — are still looking for a student of kers. no-one seems to want to sit behind the party who was lost in the Comrade Brain Thompson- it. Warrants no further comment Comrade Peters Building. He ovich, president of the party, here. was last seen heading for the said he is trying to crush the building where he was going to fascist students but they are very attempt to convert those capit- conniving and traitorous which Profile - Rob Furlongovich alist pigs from their wayward makes it difficult for the honest ways. and gentle members of the party. Scoopov, as he is known around It is believed that he got lost in He added that "it is... a shame... here, is very Party loyal and is a the maze that was specially that honest and hard working great disseminator of sport truth designed to trap faithful party members of the party ... are (no matter paper Da. how late the members. The facist occupants always being persecuted by ... must to it). He be contain is a lied, as usual, when they told the capitalists ..." Anya-Marishka strong advocate of volunteers — Pravda that they knew nothing Thompson also added that Tymechev he has volunteered everyone up of this case. despite the efforts of the fascists, Liberated Farm Worker, here for something at least once The fascist students of dec- the students of the party are Zinsk and his loyalty to Socialism can adent capitalism are well-known doing much better in their studies be shown through his love of his for engineering this type of trick than others, more proof of the tractor. To him, the perfect system in their attempt to profit by superiority of the great com- involves having Matt be god and munist system. everyone subservient to Him.

Profile - Anya-Marishka Tymechev

Anya-Marishka is a dedicated individual — trying hard to provide Финляндии culture to an ignorant peasant в Da. base. She perserveres through the uneducated's pleas for mindless drivel such as reviews ofBeethovan by Aleksi Shinovich was unsuccessful last year, accor- ding to the Canadian gover- Heather McAshki, Recitals and seeks instead to Head Pig Farmer, Minsk educate the ungrateful wretches Reports released last week nment. with the approved party line of from the Canadian government, Soviet officals are quite sus- Rock Notes. She informs the concerning the alleged defecation . picious of the details of this populus weekly of all party of five Soviet soldiers, are pure incident. "We can not believe (WLUSU) events. fabrication. that our citizens would wish to "Not now or ever have any flee from their mother-land Soviets, citizens or soldiers, without the intervention of some

— Profile - Bruce Gustav Arculop defecated much less to Can- capitalist bureau." ada" commented Mikhail Gor- The five defectors wished not Bruce, currently a trial member bachev. to be interviewed by this news- of the Party, is known as the great "These allegations have no paper, stating that whatever they disseminator of layouts, smokes, validation what-so-ever, but they said would not appear as it was will be looked stated. and deadlines (laugh, laugh, into." Nyet. laugh). He believes Brain Thom- Canadian officials claim that "With this kind of garbage can we psonofavich is a demi-god and their men were able to smuggle being given to us, how Matt Johnstonovich that the best way to avoid the five Russian soldiers out of not help but be suspicious of the chuckski, public is to keep your mailbox so Afghanistan. Canadian Government," they Formerly of Stinsk, now full that they can't leave you a "After they were free of the said. of Siberia message. He can usually be found ties to Russia, they wanted to The official response of the in the UT&T office fighting this come to Canada," was a quote Red Army to the Canadian last shameful exhibit of capitalism seen in Canadian newspapers last government's statements of the with chemical warfare and smoke- week. defection are: "It is utterly bombs. An attempt to free these five untruthful that our soldiers would desert their posts." 23 27,1986 NOVEMBER THURSDAY. WEEKLY CORD THE flpoAerapHH ecex crpaH, coeaHHUHTechf

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N2 318 (24940) 27 hon6pa 1986 rofla # UeHa 4 Hon. COBEЩAHИE B ЦEHTPAЛЬHOM KOMИTETE by Mike Left-Winger and David comrades about upcoming line- 4) A flexible quorum level so leadership were pleased with the very well" she said.

Vilmerchuck ups and to warn them of the that the membership need not results of the voting — especially "Next year's goal is to make doings of the corrupt outside inconvenience themselves by the Chief Returning Officer, the system more efficient yet, by On November 11, WLUSU world and how they are all out to having to vote. Brain Thomp- Kathy Shannonko, who got to putting it inside the Pravda held a general meeting to enable get us through underfunding. sonofavich will just count the go to Wilfhelm's for a vodka just offices. As no one seems to know loyal party followers to express (How can Ivan learn the proper ballot that he filled out and five minutes after showing up for where this is, I'm sure I'll be their agreement and support of way to throw hand grenades if decide the issue based on that work due to lack of things to do. sharing that fine Party vodka our glorious leadership. A record we aren't given money for live historic input. "The placing of the ballot box within two minutes of showing number of people turned out to targets?) All members of the WLUSU inside the Berlin Wall worked up." this much-publicized event to sign the ballots that the party Укрeнлaстие executive had filled out for them. There was also a large number of proxies turned over to the ннродовлaстие Mi nister of Interrogation, In a joint statement issued Stephan Haloski, who generously today, Brain Thompsonofavich agreed to take them from his and Dr. Vladiweir announced customers so that they would not that Pravda editor-in-chief Matt have to strain themselves thinking Johnstonovich would be taking up their own opinions. an extended vacation in Siberia As a result of the voting, effective immediately. various motions were unani- "Matt has been doing an mously passed by the loyal party excellent job this year. He members. These included such deserved this." Brain Thomp- items as: sonofavich is reported as saying. 1) "On camera" guidelines for "We decided that he should be use in seeking out dissidents rewarded for his outstanding through cameras the placing of work on behalf of the Party." wherever any of the BOD wishes; Dr. Vladiweir was equally whenever they wish. The motion effusive with praise. "He has also carried a rider to the effect disseminated the truth as effect- that the exalted executive could ively as you can in a weekly invite anyone they wanted to see paper. If only it were a daily." the films taken by the cameras The vacation begins immed- (and to share in the collective iately and runs until Wilfs begins popcorn) as long as no one got Cheering Comrades: Happy citizens textile industry have provoked imaginative to hiring male waiters and female up to visit the bathroom during celebrate the opportunity redistribute use of old-but-fashionable clothing. more money to Party leadership. Recently, photo By bartenders. the viewing. Pravda someone whose film temporary production shortfalls in the was confiscated outside Kremlin. Matt could not be found for This was done to protect the comment. Honourables from missing the good parts due to having some bourgeois capitalist pig deciding to walk in front of them while trying to leave. Members are also эacлугaм instructed to divulge no infor- mation about the content of the честь-по films unless asked. 2) Re-allocation of monies in by Mike Left-Winger and Dave astounding surplus due to the something to do. It is true sharing (editors note: services for Rog- the grand socialist tradition of Vilmerchuck addition of a second area for and gives one a sense of com- monovich will be held tomorrow taking from the masses to give to feeding the lucky ticketholders. munal spirit." at Chernobyl — all Peters Build- the needy. "As an OMB/BOD News of surplus production of As a result, this year's peasants Thompsonofavich's enthus- ing Residents welcome.) member, I need...." Boar's Head Dinner tickets were actually allowed the honour iasm was not shared by one The WLUSU Propoganda 3) Endorsement of the esta- allows record number of peasants of getting up early to stand in observer. Rogmonovich, a Department informs Pravda that blishing of a Marketing Depart- to line up for the opportunity to line for several hours. Tirain capitalist-in-training from the they are hard at work to top this ment to spread glorious propa- try to obtain tickets. In a bold Thompsonofavich, Head Herder decadent Peters Building, was event next year. Towards this ganda .... I mean, information, move by the party propaganda for the party, was generally overheard to remark that, while end, peasants may be given the about how great our system is department, word was leaked pleased by the turnout. "It does it was nice to line up, it would glorious honour ofseeing a ticket and why we should be sooooo that this years crop of Boars my heart good to be able to have been even nicer if you could before they are sent away. happy. As well as informing the Head Dinner tickets would be an provide so many citizens with have gotten a ticket at the end. Reserve your floorspace now.