Fall 2015 Article 15

October 2015 Understanding Asexuality Rachel Vipond Iowa State University

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Recommended Citation Vipond, Rachel (2015) "Understanding Asexuality," Ethos: Vol. 2016 , Article 15. Available at: http://lib.dr.iastate.edu/ethos/vol2016/iss1/15

This Article is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Publications at Iowa State University Digital Repository. It has been accepted for inclusion in Ethos by an authorized editor of Iowa State University Digital Repository. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Anna* is asexual. “‘Ha ha, like an amoeba!’ is are asexual—a fact unknown by her parents, *name has been changed one of the common ones I hear,” she says. who assume they’ll get married eventually, possibly leaving Anna with the desire to Tat is, Anna, a junior in English and technical follow suit. communications, doesn’t experience sexual attraction. Asexuality is often written of Te pressure to get married, or just to fnd as a joke or even a phase—but it’s a sexual love, is everywhere: billboards, TV, movies, the orientation with which many identify. So what plot of most teen novels. specifcally does asexual mean, and what’s it ”It’s so rare to fnd something that says you like to be asexual on campus? don’t have to do that, or that there can be a One thing that many fail to realize, Anna points story without that,” says Anna. out, is that there is a split between romantic Anna’s dream for the future doesn’t include and sexual orientation. One may be asexual romance, but it does include friends and script and experience romantic attraction to another writing for comic books, cartoons or video person and vice versa. Te Asexual Visibility games. Realistically, she notes, she’ll probably and Education Network (AVEN) website use her technical communications major to explains that asexual people may still enter write reports for physicists, but she says she’ll romantic relationships, even marry. Teir be happy either way. sexual orientation should not be confused for a lack of interest in personal relationships. Asexuality is the “A” at the end of the LGBTA acronym—though in some cases people Before discovering her identity as asexual, Anna consider “Allies” the “A.” Tis sets the tone for says that she would think to herself, “‘I’m still in Anna’s experience with the LGBT community. that phase where I think love is gross and boys are gross and it’s just taking way longer to get “You have all these LGBT spaces, the gay out of it.’” It turns out that this wasn’t the case. clubs, the gay pride parades, and they’re all so inherently sexualized and 21+,” she says, “Eventually you start to realize, ‘No, everyone “Tat’s almost less of a safe place for me than else isn’t like this, it’s me that’s different.’” straight people, which is really weird because GLOSSARY Eventually, Anna says, she stumbled across the straight people are not that safe.” (COURTESY OF ASEXUALITY.ORG) term and its defnition on the internet and “it Anna says one issue she runs into is was like a lightning bolt.” a gatekeeping mentality in the LGBT ASEXUAL Coming out as asexual allowed Anna to stop community that might reject her for being Someone who does not experience sexual attraction. seeing a problem with herself, she explains, “not quite queer enough.” Coincidentally, she “After you fnd the term you realize that you says she feels she has much more of a place in AROMANTIC thought you were broken before and never the queer community, which AVEN defnes as Someone who does not experience quite realized.” one for anyone who “difers from the norm.” romantic attraction. Some assume that telling others you simply Asexuality makes its way into very little ATTRACTION don’t experience sexual attraction might be pop culture, and when it does, it is often In this context, it refers to a mental or emotional force that draws people together. UNDER easier than coming out as gay or bisexual, but ambiguous. “Most of what we do is squint at Asexuals do not experience sexual attraction, coming out as asexual is no easier than coming the characters and say ‘if you look really hard, but some feel other types of attraction. out as another orientation. Misconceptions they haven’t been in a romantic relationship make coming out to family difcult for Anna, yet, they could be!’” Uses of the actual word AESTHETIC ATTRACTION who once tested the waters with a family “asexual” are even more rare, and in some Attraction to someone’s appearance, without it being romantic or sexual. member. She listed a few sexualities, and when cases it is used incorrectly, as a way to say a STAND she got to asexuality, Anna explains, things character is “sexually lifeless,” says Anna. DEMISEXUAL went sour. Someone who can only experience Tere are a few notable occurrences of sexual attraction after an emotional “She was like, ‘What, like you want to have sex asexual, or “ace” characters in television, bond has been formed. Tis bond with yourself? Tat’s disgusting.’ and I was like, including a character in the comedy Sirens does not have to be romantic in nature. ‘I’m never talking about that again.’” who uses the term “asexual” to describe GRAY-ASEXUAL herself. Game of Trones’ Lord Varys remarks But what about the American Dream of Someone who identifies with the area that he “desires neither” men nor women. a spouse, kids and a picket fence? Te between asexuality and sexuality, for example Anna says she’s happy about the recognition, because they experience sexual attraction expectation that this is everyone’s goal can but Game of Trones is hypersexual by nature, very rarely, only under specific circumstances, cause some tension for asexuals, especially if and she doesn’t plan to watch it just for this or of an intensity so low that it's ignorable. the expectation is coming from close family one mention. and friends. ROMANTIC ATTRACTION Education may be a step toward stopping Desire of being romantically “I’m from such a conservative Christian family, involved with another person. the invalidation of this orientation. Basically, where it’s like, ‘You can’t have sex, you can’t ING Anna explains, asexuals aren’t broken and SENSUAL ATTRACTION have sex,’ and as soon as I don’t want to don’t need to be fxed. Desire to have physical non-sexual contact ASEXUALITY it’s like, ‘What?!’” with someone else, like affectionate touching. “It’s kind of like trying to explain to a colorblind One student shares her experience as an “ace” When her parents push the issue of fnding a person ‘Maybe you just haven’t found the right SEXUAL ATTRACTION: boyfriend, Anna mentions her plans to live with BY RACHEL VIPOND DESIGN ALIXANDRIA COLLINS color yet’, and it doesn’t work like that.” Desire to have sexual contact with someone friends after college. Her future roommates else, to share your sexuality with them.

46 ethosmagazine.org Anna* is asexual. “‘Ha ha, like an amoeba!’ is are asexual—a fact unknown by her parents, *name has been changed one of the common ones I hear,” she says. who assume they’ll get married eventually, possibly leaving Anna with the desire to Tat is, Anna, a junior in English and technical follow suit. communications, doesn’t experience sexual attraction. Asexuality is often written of Te pressure to get married, or just to fnd as a joke or even a phase—but it’s a sexual love, is everywhere: billboards, TV, movies, the orientation with which many identify. So what plot of most teen novels. specifcally does asexual mean, and what’s it ”It’s so rare to fnd something that says you like to be asexual on campus? don’t have to do that, or that there can be a One thing that many fail to realize, Anna points story without that,” says Anna. out, is that there is a split between romantic Anna’s dream for the future doesn’t include and sexual orientation. One may be asexual romance, but it does include friends and script and experience romantic attraction to another writing for comic books, cartoons or video person and vice versa. Te Asexual Visibility games. Realistically, she notes, she’ll probably and Education Network (AVEN) website use her technical communications major to explains that asexual people may still enter write reports for physicists, but she says she’ll romantic relationships, even marry. Teir be happy either way. sexual orientation should not be confused for a lack of interest in personal relationships. Asexuality is the “A” at the end of the LGBTA acronym—though in some cases people Before discovering her identity as asexual, Anna consider “Allies” the “A.” Tis sets the tone for says that she would think to herself, “‘I’m still in Anna’s experience with the LGBT community. that phase where I think love is gross and boys are gross and it’s just taking way longer to get “You have all these LGBT spaces, the gay out of it.’” It turns out that this wasn’t the case. clubs, the gay pride parades, and they’re all so inherently sexualized and 21+,” she says, “Eventually you start to realize, ‘No, everyone “Tat’s almost less of a safe place for me than else isn’t like this, it’s me that’s different.’” straight people, which is really weird because GLOSSARY Eventually, Anna says, she stumbled across the straight people are not that safe.” (COURTESY OF ASEXUALITY.ORG) term and its defnition on the internet and “it Anna says one issue she runs into is was like a lightning bolt.” a gatekeeping mentality in the LGBT ASEXUAL Coming out as asexual allowed Anna to stop community that might reject her for being Someone who does not experience sexual attraction. seeing a problem with herself, she explains, “not quite queer enough.” Coincidentally, she “After you fnd the term you realize that you says she feels she has much more of a place in AROMANTIC thought you were broken before and never the queer community, which AVEN defnes as Someone who does not experience quite realized.” one for anyone who “difers from the norm.” romantic attraction. Some assume that telling others you simply Asexuality makes its way into very little ATTRACTION don’t experience sexual attraction might be pop culture, and when it does, it is often In this context, it refers to a mental or emotional force that draws people together. UNDER easier than coming out as gay or bisexual, but ambiguous. “Most of what we do is squint at Asexuals do not experience sexual attraction, coming out as asexual is no easier than coming the characters and say ‘if you look really hard, but some feel other types of attraction. out as another orientation. Misconceptions they haven’t been in a romantic relationship make coming out to family difcult for Anna, yet, they could be!’” Uses of the actual word AESTHETIC ATTRACTION who once tested the waters with a family “asexual” are even more rare, and in some Attraction to someone’s appearance, without it being romantic or sexual. member. She listed a few sexualities, and when cases it is used incorrectly, as a way to say a STAND she got to asexuality, Anna explains, things character is “sexually lifeless,” says Anna. DEMISEXUAL went sour. Someone who can only experience Tere are a few notable occurrences of sexual attraction after an emotional “She was like, ‘What, like you want to have sex asexual, or “ace” characters in television, bond has been formed. Tis bond with yourself? Tat’s disgusting.’ and I was like, including a character in the comedy Sirens does not have to be romantic in nature. ‘I’m never talking about that again.’” who uses the term “asexual” to describe GRAY-ASEXUAL herself. Game of Trones’ Lord Varys remarks But what about the American Dream of Someone who identifies with the area that he “desires neither” men nor women. a spouse, kids and a picket fence? Te between asexuality and sexuality, for example Anna says she’s happy about the recognition, because they experience sexual attraction expectation that this is everyone’s goal can but Game of Trones is hypersexual by nature, very rarely, only under specific circumstances, cause some tension for asexuals, especially if and she doesn’t plan to watch it just for this or of an intensity so low that it's ignorable. the expectation is coming from close family one mention. and friends. ROMANTIC ATTRACTION Education may be a step toward stopping Desire of being romantically “I’m from such a conservative Christian family, involved with another person. the invalidation of this orientation. Basically, where it’s like, ‘You can’t have sex, you can’t ING Anna explains, asexuals aren’t broken and SENSUAL ATTRACTION have sex,’ and as soon as I don’t want to don’t need to be fxed. Desire to have physical non-sexual contact ASEXUALITY it’s like, ‘What?!’” with someone else, like affectionate touching. “It’s kind of like trying to explain to a colorblind One student shares her experience as an “ace” When her parents push the issue of fnding a person ‘Maybe you just haven’t found the right SEXUAL ATTRACTION: boyfriend, Anna mentions her plans to live with color yet’, and it doesn’t work like that.” Desire to have sexual contact with someone friends after college. Her future roommates else, to share your sexuality with them.