Who's on First in the Age of Computers

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Who’s on First in the Age of Computers

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch, “Who’s on First?” might have turned out something like this:

(Costello calls to buy a computer from Abbott) Abbott: Recommend something.

Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? Costello: You recommended something?

Costello: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and Abbott: Yes. I’m thinking about buying a computer. Costello: For my office? Abbott: Mac? Abbott: Yes. Costello: No, the name’s Lou. Costello: OK, what did you recommend for my office? Abbott: Your computer? Abbott: Office. Costello: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one. Costello: Yes, for my office! Abbott: Mac? Abbott: I recommend Office with Windows. Costello: I told you, my name’s Lou. Costello: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s Abbott: What about Windows? just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? What do I need? Abbott: Do you want a computer with Windows? Abbott: Word. Costello: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows? Costello: What word?

Abbott: Wallpaper. Abbott: Word in Office.

Costello: Never mind the windows. I need a computer Costello: The only word in office is office. and software. Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows. Abbott: Software for Windows? Costello: Which word in office for windows? Costello: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue “W”. business. What do you have? Costello: I’m going to click your blue “w” if you don’t Abbott: Office. start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet? Costello: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? Abbott: Yes, you want Real One.

Abbott: I just did. Costello: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need! Costello: You just did what? Abbott: Real One. Costello: STOP! Don’t start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? Costello: If it’s a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them? You have anything I can track my money with?

Abbott: Of course. Abbott: Money.

Costello: Great! With what? Costello: That’s right. What do you have?

Abbott: Real One. Abbott: Money.

Costello: OK, I’m at my computer and I want to watch a Costello: I need money to track my money? movie. What do I do? Abbott: It comes bundled with your computer. Abbott: You click the blue “1”. Costello: What’s bundled with my computer? Costello: I click the blue one what? Abbott: Money. Abbott: The blue “1”. Costello: Money comes with my computer? Costello: Is that different from the blue w? Abbott: Yes. No extra charge. Abbott: The blue “1” is Real One and the blue “W” is Word. Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? Costello: What word? Abbott: One copy. Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows. Costello: Isn’t it illegal to copy money? Costello: But there are three words in “office for windows”! Abbott: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

Abbott: No, just one. But it’s the most popular Word in Costello: They can give you a license to copy money? the world. Abbott: Why not? THEY OWN IT! Costello: It is? (A few days later) Abbott: Yes, but to be fair, there aren’t many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? Words out there. Costello: How do I turn my computer off? Costello: And that word is real one? Abbott: Click on “START”...... Abbott: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn’t even part of Office.

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Abbott and Costello, American comedy duo of William Abbott (1895–1974) and Louis Cristillo (1906–1959), who adopted the stage name Costello. Having formed a successful vaudevillian stage act during the 1930s, Abbott and Costello went on to make a number of films together between 1940 and 1956 that showcased their routines.

With Costello as the comedian and Abbott in the role of straight man, the couple proved to be a major box-office attraction. Their films include Buck Privates (1941), Ride 'Em Cowboy (1942), Lost in a Harem (1944), Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948), and Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy (1955).