The Collegian
Volume 110 2012-2013 Article 21
4-1-2013
Volume 110, Number 21 - Monday, April 1, 2013
Saint Mary's College of California
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Recommended Citation Saint Mary's College of California (2013) "Volume 110, Number 21 - Monday, April 1, 2013," The Collegian: Vol. 110 , Article 21. Available at: https://digitalcommons.stmarys-ca.edu/collegian/vol110/iss1/21
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GAELAGA, CALIFORNIA VOLUME 110, NUMBER 21 MONDAY, APRIL 1, 2013 WEACTUALLYHAVEAWEBSITENOW.COM MYSPACE.COM/THEGAELYMAIL AOL KEYWORD: GAELYMAIL
NEWS FROM THE FRONT: SMC only 149 years old! INSIDE THIS WEEK'S EDITION
PAGE 69 Music and movies and fashion, oh my
SPORTS PAGE 1492 College administrators vow to celebrate bigger and better next year Most likely something
BY DANE JOURAS the conference on a positive note: he is even writing a special song tendance during the day, so stop about basketball RIDICULOUSLY Gooo LOOKING PERSON "Since we made this horrible mis for the occasion: "Gael Digger." by some exclusive talks such as, calculation, we would like to take But the party doesn't stop there. "How to really steal the Declara In a shocking turn of events, a this time to announce that, begin Head over to the De La Salle tion of Independence with Nico Reformed document unearthed in the ar ning in the Fall 2013 semester, we lawn, which will be taken up by las Cage," or "How to help kids chives revealed that Saint Mary's will be launching Gaelebration an extensive petting zoo featur read good and do other stuff too Seminar is actually 149 years old. The 2.0 to re-celebrate the actual Year ing giraffes, slow lorises, alpacas, with Derek Zoolander." administration held an emer of the Gael." elephants, cats, and Ryan Gosling. The excitement will not only be program gency press conference Friday Get ready to gaelebrate like Children can join Story Time with limited to Gaelbration 2.0-Saint afternoon, expressing their regret never before, Saint Mary's, be Beyonce and Blue Ivy, or ride on Mary's will be producing the "Ac for the oversight: "We were really cause the school has vowed to the carousel, ferris wheel, and tual Great Conversations" events dumps convinced that this was our 150th completely eclipse the celebra Space Mountain ride that Dis for next year. Of course, the col anniversary and are disappointed tion of the school's 149th anni neyland will be loaning to Saint lege will have to surpass the suc books for that our hard work in gaelebrat versary. Inhonorofthereall50th Mary's for the day. cess of the events held this year. ing this gaelorious occasion was anniversary, this coming year's If you don't feel like pop-lock Expect President Obama to be looks wasted." festivities will be the greatest and-droppin' it to Kanye's beats, here one night for hors d'ouevres BY HAIRY POTTER The Saint Mary's community thing since sliced bread. Prepare rejoice in the fact that Saint and witty banter with the Saint CONTRIBUTING MANAGING EDITOR was understandably upset by the to gaely go where no Gael has Mary's will be allowing all stu Mary's community, and keep an news. One student, who tearfully gone before because The Gaely dents to drink that day so that eye out for J.K. Rowling's reading Is reading hard for you? Do recalled all the events he attended Mail was allowed a behind-the everyone can enjoy the real 150th night where she will read from her you miss the innocent childhood this year, lamented that, "My life scenes look-into the college's anniversary brew. In addition, new top secret Harry Potter book. days of pop-up and picture books? is a lie. Ithought this was the Year plans to make this 150th better Saint Mary's will be hiring more Even though Saint Mary's put Well, you are not alone. In an at of the Gael." Others expressed than the first. than three food trucks, including in a lot of money and time into tempt to make Seminar exciting similar views in reflection of the Gaelebration 2013 will be hard waffles, make-your-own tropical celebrating the school's 149th for everyone, Saint Mary's an false sesquicentennial. er, better, faster, and stronger drinks, actual foot-long hotdogs, anniversary, the community can nounced at a conference on April Attempting to repair the dam because Kanye West is heading and a truck exclusively devoted rest assured that the gaelebrat 1 that all books in the Seminar age made by this gaelnormous up the main concert stage at to macaroni and cheese. Other ing will not stop at the end of this program will be made into pic error, the administration ended the festival. Rumor has it that prominent speakers will be in at- semester. ture books. If you thought Plato was confusing now, then having his convoluted words in pictures Saint Mary's offers an innovative new housing option will make it so much easier to BY JAMES KIRK ing, then the new camping site would allow students a certain grass and twigs? Yes, this is the understand. CAPTAIN OF THE USS ENTERPRISE may be perfect for you. Student amount of cooking supplies per residence community for you. "Seminar is an integral part to will be put into pairs or small month, including sticks to grill "I mean, it's not really an our Core Curriculum here at Saint After last week's stressful and groups and will receive the Admiral Fluffington the squir ideal living situation," one Mary's, and we want to make it tumultuous battle for housing, "Gaelderness Package" (Gael rel over the fire, or crates of student expressed sadly af enjoyable for everyone here," ex Saint Mary's has decided to and Wilderness, for those un fruits and vegetables to prevent ter learning she did not get pressed a member of Saint Mary's take the concerns of students familiar with the Saint Mary's scurvy. on-campus housing. "But my academic community. This new into account and announced lingo). This package includes a For some students, this is roommate and I really have no change seems daunting, but it their decision to cease building tarp, tent, rain cover, camping the greatest thing since sliced other choice. At least we will doesn't depart too far from what the new sports complex. lantern, fire starting kit, and a bread. "I'm super stoked," be living with the hundreds of students are used to in Seminar. Instead, the space will be crossbow for warding off the expressed one student, who other kids who did not get on "This is really just a continuation kept undeveloped and will be wildlife. desired to remain unnamed, campus housing." Hopefully, of that one day in Seminar where used as an open field for stu Don't want to pay for a meal but self-titled himself as a rac students who are not feeling we interpret pictures. Students dents to live. plan? In addition to the new coon hunting prodigy. "This is as positive about their new really seem to enjoy that day, so Yes, Saint Mary's students, residence community, Saint a gaelorious opportunity for residence assignment will feel now we are making that happen find your tent and sleeping bag Mary's will be introducing a students to reconnect with better once they begin their in every class meeting." because it's time to go native. new meal plan to coincide with nature." This could be a great living experience next year. Responses to this decision have Are you an expert at building the rustic environment. springboard for new Saint Honestly, once residents learn been mixed in the student com fires? Laying out tarps and col The new "Wilderness Cui-. Mary's organizations to rise. how to collect water from the munity. "Well, I like pictures," lecting rain water? If you have sine" plan supplies students Got a passion for fashion? Start nearby puddles and streams expressed one student who really found yourself with nowh(!re with hunting supplies (camou a new club that teaches stu to do their laundry-and fig didn't seem to care one way or the to live next year, or if you sim flage, cages, bows and arrows) dents how to create hip outfits ure out how to break into the other. "So maybe this will be cool ply dislike confining yourself to catch their own furry critters from furs and skins. Do you nearby townhouses to shower or something." within walls and wearing cloth- for food. In addition, the plan enjoy weaving baskets out of see HOUSING, page 149 see SEMINAR, page 149 2 THE GAELY MAIL • MONDAY, APRIL 1, 2013 ADD us ON FRIENDSTER TEH INSIDE PAGE The brand new Gong Lounge clanks up campus
BY CORY MATTHEWS other essential qualities that are sure thatthe audience is having fun identity is now known, for he was Bov MEETING THE WORLD necessary to perform in front of too, which is what a lot of people so afraid to reveal himself that he any audience, they are able to strike forget about when they're on stage," wore a paper bag over his head. The As part of the Lasallian tradi the 10-foot-wide gong at the back of Foxworthy said. "We really want unknown comic's routine lasted a tion, Saint Mary's has a history of Hagerty Lounge. At that moment, ourperformerstodotheirbest-we surprising two minutes. letting students speak their minds. the performer is forced to stop his reallydo-butwealsowantthem to After seventeen performers, Students have a variety ofoutlets to or her act, get off the stage, and exit know when they're really, really bad all of whose acts were heavily ab express themselves, whether it be Hagerty Lounge immediately. so that they know how to get better." breviated due to the audience's through the Intercultural Center, In an interview with The Gaely The Gong Show was a parody gong rattles, The Gong Lounge the Women's Resource Center, or Mail, Connor Foxworthy, the chief game show that aired on daytime ended after a mere 42 minutes several other campus organizations. coordinator of The Gong Lounge, NBC in the late 1970s. The Chuck despite having leased eight hours Now, Saint Mary's students have explained this process as ensuring Barris-produced game show pre of Hagerty Lounge. Coordinators a new means of expressing them - qualitycontrolandthatitenhances sented itself as a talent show with clearly did not realize how short selves as a committee of students the experience for everyone attend celebrityjudges who could similarly the event would be once they gave moe GAELp :$-Mail formed to create The Gong Lounge, ing the event. end acts with the smash of a giant the audience the option to end SAINT MARY'S COLLEGE OF CALIFORNIA a new event on the first Tuesday of "We were inspired by the pio orange gong. low-quality performances. Despite 1997Winner every month from 8 p.m. to 4 a.m. neering sprit of Chuck Barris. We At the first The Gong Lounge thisandAPASA'scriticismsofthem All Saint Mary's students are in really wanted to bring The $1.98 Best in Show event on Tuesday, audiences took reappropriating the Chinese gong, vited to share in front ofan open mic American Kennel Club Beauty Show to campus, but the to the gong with glee and excite Foxworthy seemed pleased after their best slam poetry, interpretive Women's Resource Center brought ment. In the first act, Kenneth thefirstTheGongLoungeandcon P.O. Box 4407 dances, and improv comedy, among up the point that such an event Edmonton rapped about the perils fident that audience members will Gaelaga, CA 94575 other talents, as a way of expressing would be sexist. So instead, we want of being white while using a plastic want to return. 223 Ferroggiaro Hall (for now) themselves to the warm crowd in The Gong Lounge to create a safe Home Depot bucket as a drum. "We know this is amateur hour Hagerty Lounge. space so that anyone can express Edmonton lasted 17 seconds before Telephone: Don't bother. or hours-so we see this as making But whenever audience members themselves, whether it be song an audience member clanked the sure that audiences are going to Email: [email protected] deem an act to be lacking in talent, and dance, pantomime, or puppet gong. In the second act, a comedian actually want to come back," Fox Website: stmaryscollegian.com coherence, or taste, among many shows. But we also want to make presented a standup routine. His worthy said.
SCARED BUNNY TONY"BIPPITIBOPPITY'' GOTTI SMC approves recreational marijuana as Gaelblazing Enablers BY CARLITO BARBACOA their dorm rooms or blaze in the Center's support for marijuana MIA ASSISTANT CONTRIBUTING WRITER Moraga hills. consumption. Money Master Now, Gaels will be able to open "Consistent studies have shown Moraga's verdant trees are ly smoke marijuana anywhere on that toking up is a responsible CHARLEMAGNE OF DENVER not the only green things in the campus, including indoors. Gael choice compared to smoking to Chief Infographic Maker Saint Mary's hillside. Saint Mary's dexho has accommodated this bacco. As long as gaelblazing is President Mohammed Gaelsberg change in keeping Saga open 24 done as a consensual act, there's TACOCAT Anderson reaffirmed Saint Mary's hours a day should any Gaels feel nothing wrong with it at all," Captain of Judginess dedication to social justice activ the munchies. Ramirez said. ism in advocating for recreational 'Tm stoked," said sophomore With this announcement, Saint TACOCATJR. marijuana legalization, or "gael Samantha Swagner. "Before this, Mary's has once again proven that Lieutenant Judgy blazing," as it is referred. I had to put a towel underneath it is at the forefront for social "Saint Mary's College has al my door and blow the smoke change. While some great states CAPTAIN PLANET ways been at the forefront in outside my window like everyone such as Colorado have legalized Queen of Cats paving the way for positive social else. Now, I'll be able to light up marijuana, Saint Mary's is now change. It's clear that frequent right in Seminar instead of toking advocating for across-the-board SASSYMCSASSPANTS gaelblazing is consistent with our beforehand like always." marijuana legalization in the city Gastropub Reviewer Lasallian values," said Gaelsberg Former Gaely Mail News Edi of Moraga. Anderson in a statement. tor Deninne Abuwhale is excited 'Tm excited about this," Gaels TINY DANCER While Gaelwatch (formerly about the change. "Saint Mary's berg-Anderson said. "I'm excited Dance Dance Revolutionary Public Safety) issued violations for used to have a hard stance against that Saint Mary's students have Gaels who gaelblazed, Gaelsberg me gaelblazing in my room. It Not a doctored photo. Photographer chose to more means to recreation beyond GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE Anderson ordered Gaelwatch to was one of the main reasons why remain anonymous. our newly-completed multi-mil Sports Master reverse the School Handbook's I transferred to USF," said Abu campus smoke-free may not have lion dollar recreation facility, and policy. This prohibition on gael whale. passed the Academic Congress, I'm excited that Gaels are strongly SIMON SAYS blazing forced Gaels to take ex The Wealth and Hellness Cen but director Emlyra Ramirez af in support of such a positive social Sports Padawan treme measures to smoke in ter's recent proposals to make the firmed the Wealth and Hellness change."
STALKER GUY Takes Pictures of You Hoodrat Stuff 4/1/12 4:20 a.m. Incident: Animal conspiracy p.m. and joins in; referred to Synopsis: Someone did some The Gaely Mail is the only official newspa Incident: Typical Gaely Mail Synopsis: Raccoons, squirrels, disbelief. I mean, you seriously thing bad; referred to "what else per of the Associated Students of Saint Mary's College. If you see a different newspaper, Shenanigans and turkeys seen gathered in don't believe that, right? is new?" that's not us. The Gaely Mail is published Synopsis: Gaely Mail editorial Redwood Grove, appeared to be only on the night of the harvest moon, except staff found harboring 23 cats in planning an uprising; referred to 4/1/12 8:15 p.m. 4/1/12 12:12 p.m. during examination periods and academic re cesses-because we want a break too. When we the staff office; referred to Mis the meat eaters of Saint Mary's. Incident: Noise violation Incident: YOLO aren't causing issues or stalking cats down for sion and Ministry Center. Synopsis: Gong rang too many Synopsis: Student caught riding interview quotes, we enjoy riding horses into 4/1/12 11:48 a.m. times during the Lounge; re a school golf cart claimed he only the sunset, wearing hats, and the occasional caramel latte from Starbucks. 4/1/12 10:45 a.m. Incident: Hipster sighting ferred to the Sports Band. wanted to herd the deer so he If you want to be cool like us and chill with Incident: Juvenile anarchy Synopsis: Young man in Toms, a could be their master; referred us then you can find us in hip places. We appre Synopsis: Child seen doing plaid shirt, and scarf wandering 4/1/12 5:15 p.m. to no one, because ain't nobody ciate sacrificial offerings of fresh flowers and animals, and we also enjoy ballads written of "hoodrat stuff" with his "hood around Legacy Garden, com Incident: Stealing got time for that. our brave adventures in the green rolling hills ra t" friends; referred to his plaining about how mainstream Synopsis: Student stole bag of of mild Moraga. Did you know that taco cat is mother, reality. corn has gotten; referred to Ur blueberry bagels from Oliver 4/1/12 5:13 a.m. a palindrome? Do you even know what that word is? Kanye West does, ask him. ActuaJly ban Outfitters. Hall. This is why we can't have Incident: Inappropriate touch don't, I lied. He knows nothing. 4/1/12 3:00 p.m. nice things; referred to Public ing Incident: Infestation 4/1/12 3:12 a.m. Safety. Synopsis: Ryan Gosling filed a Synopsis: Food dropped onto Incident: Weird stuff complaint that a student would floor of Dante Hall classroom. Synopsis: Student found on the 4/1/12 8:15 a.m. not stop petting his hair, even This is how you get ants, people; roof of De La Salle, claiming he Incident: Sexual acts though he was in the petting zoo. referred to ISIS . had been abducted by aliens who Synopsis: Students found not Ryan's not fooling anyone - we gifted him with the ~ility to reading in the third floor of the know he liked it; referred to pet 4/1/12 12:19 p.m. communicate with small mam library. Come on, glfys, every ting zoo people. "PO-TA-TOES. Boil 'em, Incident: Grammatical Assault mals; referred to psychiatric one read College Cdnfessions; mash 'em, Synopsis: Student slapped for health. referred to Mission and Ministry 4/1/12 7:30 a.m. stick 'em in a stew. not using Oxford comma; re Center. Incident: Life choices But don't drop them on the carpet. Because that, my friends, ferred to Opinion Editor of The 4/1/12 10:01 p.m. Synopsis: Student stayed up too That is how you get ants." GaelyMail. Incident: Festivity Continuity 4/1/12 1:34 a.m. late and ate too much ice cream; -SYLVIA KANYE PLATH Synopsis: Public safety allows Incident: Student handbook referred to reality check and 4/1/12 9:23 a.m. townhouse party to exceed 10 violation their mother. FAX IN YOUR STORY IDEAS THE GAELY MAIL • MONDAY, APRIL 1, 2013 149 NEWZ
Because there's a whole Beyond the Bubble world beyond Ascot. .. Airport to be built in Moraga be dwindling behind. Nowhere is safe. is the story for you. The Presi The townsfolk argued thatthey Following a devastating an dent has devoted all money from actually like bright lights and loud nouncement that the world has Mitt Romney rejected at defense and education into the plane engine noises, contrary run out ofNutella, stressed college blind tryouts in The Voice building of these teleportation to popular belief. However, in students and post-breakup teen In a shocking turn of events, stations. Passengers would only a meeting last week, they still age girls having been rushing to smooth crooner Mitt Romney have to step onto the teleportation denied Saint Mary's appeal to the grocery stores in an attempt did not advance onto a team on pad, envision their destination, leave the stadium lights on past to secure the last remaining jars the show The Voice, the audience andpressthebutton. Nowyoucan nine. In retaliation, Saint Mary's of Nutella. Entrepreneurs have of which contains a large amount go to Hawaii whenever you want, has created its own airline com risen to the opportunity and are of men in their 50's. Like my dad. or pop by Grandma's for some pany - Gaelwest - and claimed marketing knock-offs of the heav Anyway, despite the presidential cookies and milk. The President the airstrip. Gaelwest will only enly, chocolate-hazelnut spread. reject's attempt to belt out Jour refused to comment on the risk of exist to ferry students back and But let's be real here, guys, Nutella ney's "Don't Stop Believing," none leaving body parts behind due to a forth from Gonzaga to cheer on is not just a food - it's a source of of the judges wanted him on their faulty teleport. Karn pus the sports teams because, let's be life. It is now a common site to see teams. honest, who would ever want to go a bedraggled and distressed col Romney was understandably New study reveals that cats to Spokane anyway. lege student roaming the streets upset, tearfully asking Shakira are jerks on purpose Kalendar of the Lamorinda area, beginning why she didn't want him. How If you think your cat hates you, Rambling off topic deter for one spoonful of the delicious, ever, he was able to regain his com it's actually true. Free Food mined to be a real disease inspiring, marvelous Nutella posure after Adam Levine offered Tuesday, April 9 In a public announcement, spread. Oh dear ... ! seem to be him an awkward pat on the arm. Pope reveals new fashion line 3:45 p.m.-3:50 p.m. some important spokesperson really craving some Nutella now. Witnesses say that Romney has In partnership with Gucci and Dante Hall 221 in Washing D.C. announced that returned to his seaside La Jolla Beyonce, Pope Francis presented Contact... who cares? Free food! rambling off topic is a real afflic Zombies found living in the house, where he has been refining the designs for his new fashion tion that afflicts a lot of afflicted Saint Mary's catacombs his skills and lamenting the fact line: "Abercrombie & Pope." The Gael Cinema Presents: Some people in the US. This is shocking, Is anyone really surprised by that he did not go with "Moves line will feature vestments in a Movie with Will Ferrell almost as shocking as that one this, though? Last Monday, some Like Jagger" for his audition. variety of colors and patterns. Wednesday, January 19 time I lost one of my socks in the hoodrat kids doing hoodrat stuff If you consider yourself a papal 8:08a.m. drier. Every single time, I lose a in the catacombs were reportedly High speed rail abandoned traditionalist, then you can chose Contact Campus Activities sock in the drier and, frankly, it's attacked by a zombie man and his for other transportation ideas from white or cream. For the wild Board getting pretty tiring. How can zombie cat companion. Two stu In a statement on April 1, Presi ones out there, you can choose x0420 you paint with all the colors of dents were bitten by the monsters dent Obama announced that he from leopard print or gold stud the wind, though? Yesterday, L and one escaped unscathed. The has decided to abandon the plans detail on the shoulders. The line Ice Skating saw a deer - which is pretty much conditions of the two students for high speed rail in favor of a also includes a selection of fine, LOL JK it's not Christmas something I see every day. Wait, have been kept quiet, so it's pretty cooler form of transportation Italian leather boots and fashion ??? I'm sorry, I started rambling again. safe to assume that they're zom - teleportation. That's right, if able scarves for the cold winter Contact no one bies now. Run, everyone, run you ever felt the desire to yell out weather in the Vatican. Not in Nutella supplies revealed to for your lives. Leave everything "Beam me up, Scotty!" then this cluded: the Pope Mobile. Gaelebration Already happened Gaeldexho provides students new feline dining options Big Questions: Why Is the Sky Blue? BY KITTY POWERS tion in order to lower the number thing about serving feral catis that What does this mean for the Thursday, April 11 ASSOCIATE STAFF PERSON offeral cats on campus. Beginning it is a versatile ingredient that can future of dining at Saint Mary's? 5:30 p.m.-8:00 a.m. in the Fall 2013 semester, Oliver be adapted to many meals. One The cafeteria replied that, for now, Saint Mary's Lake Saint Mary's is known for many Hall will begin serving cat in order student, who prefers to remain they will stick to serving up cat. In Contact Coonsie the Raccoon things - the basketball team, the to dispose of the animals in a less anonymous, said that he has had the future - who knows? Opos x5678 picturesque campus, and the many expensive and non-wasteful way. his fair share of "exotic" meats sum is known to be a delicious and feral cats running freely around Understandably, many students and is excited for the new dining filling meal. Or maybe Coonsie 60 Minutes with Kanye West the grounds. However, due to the were horrified by the news, but the option at Oliver. "A lot of people and his other raccoon friends will Sunday, July 4 increase in the cat population, the cafeteria insists that they will do are worried that we are going to be make an appearance in Thursday's 3:00 a.m.-4:00 a.m. school recently announced that their best to make it seem like you force-fed cat burgers, which is to lasagna. Gonzaga University they have been forced to take ac- are eating normal meat. The great tally untrue. Cat works with any Contact Jay-Z thing, really - you can barbeque Pull quotes are a fun x2020 it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. SEMINAR: Books are 20th Cat kabobs, cat creole, cat gumbo, way of filling up space. Story Time: Martin Freeman pineapple cat, lemon cat, coconut They look pretty, Reads the Phonebook in That century, says program head cat ... cat soup, cat salad, cat-loaf, Nice Voice of His "I think this is a unique oppor based entirely on drawing pic cat with biscuits and gravy, cat in they're premade, Wednesday, February 14 tunity for Saint Mary's, especially tures. How time efficient would an omelet. There are many gaelo and they somehow You can listen to him forever considering how we are trying to it be to order a sandwich in Oliver rious options in cooking cat. I'm make people think Gaely Mail Office adapt our education system to Hall by drawing it on a piece of stoked, man." Contact English Department an increasingly modern society,'' paper? Well, not very time effi The cafeteria is planning on the article is even x8769392028467401048264392 expressed a more enthusiastic cient to be honest. But, with the introducing the new meat gently more interesting 864928 and intelligent student. Real talk help of the new seminar program, to the students, first ground up though, this could be an exciting you could probably analyze the with spices in tacos, or in stews than it really is. chance for Saint Mary's to branch meaning of the lettuce that you with vegetables. "Honestly, it's out and gain recognition in the included in your sandwich to just like eating chicken,'' said Despite the backlash from some academic community for this symbolize your internal struggle another student, who refused to of the animal lovers on campus, unique educational opportunity. over whether to change majors disclose where and when she had this is a unique opportunity for What is honestly more exciting or not. Can reading words teach eaten cat before. "People eat cow, Saint Mary's students to broaden than interpreting the "Odyssey" you that? No. turkey, and fish all the time. Just their tastes and experience some in pictures? Do you remember Some students have expressed because Fluffy is popping up in thing new and exotic right on that part where Odysseus sleeps their skepticism about converting your chow-mein now is no reason campus. Now, pass over the cat with almost every woman while these Great Books into picture to freak out." kabobs, please! his wife stays home and weaves books. "I think this is really dumb, a shroud? Yeah, now you can see to be honest,'' said one student that healthy martial relationship emphatically who, like all other HOUSING: Students enjoy new in pictures. sources in this article, preferred living learning community Having books entirely in pic to remain anonymous. "I mean, Planning an event? tures will also help class discus the Seminar program is based and use the toilet-then living However, if students are still sions. No longer can kids rely on on reading these books that were in the great outdoors will not unsure about living in the mild Want it in The Gaely Mail? Sparknotes or not read at all. Now written by these great, inspiring be too hard. Moraga wilderness like private everyone can enjoy the awkward authors. I don't think Aristotle school Sasquatches, then they E-mail us with the details moments of embarrassment for wrote his works with the intent The sun never sets can find comfort in the fact that of your event at: a student who has been caught of them becoming pop-up, picture Saint Mary's will be opening up on a full moon. The [email protected] not doing the reading (or looking, books. And I really don't think another residence community or fax us at: since the books are in pictures Jane Austen wrote "Pride and more you know, the in Spring 2014: the catacombs, ( 444) 444-4444 now, no words). Having these Prejudice" hoping that a college less you don't. This where all you will need is a or page us at: Great Books in pictures could would convert it into a "Pat the mattress and some holy water (555) 555-5555 even inspire a whole new language Bunny" book. I mean, I may enjoy has been a pull quote. for the possible exorcism of at Saint Mary's. With no longer patting Mr. Darcy's hair, but that lost souls. having to read words, students doesn't mean I appreciate missing could develop communication the true meaning of the text." SEND CARRIER PIGEONS TO FERROGGIARO (FOR NOW) THE GAELY MAIL • MONDAY, APRIL 1, 2013 1492 SPORTS Freshmen Olympics to be replaced with Hunger Games showdown
Retention rates decline in survival of the fittest competition for freshmen
BY BEAR GRYLLS A PERSON WHo WRITES FoR Us
Happy Hunger Games! In an attempt to shake up the mood and excite the mild Saint Mary's com m unity, Rec Sports announced that freshrr,en will be forced to participate in the First An nual Hunger Games instead of the normal Freshmen Olympics. Because, let's be honest here, what else would better welcome nervous freshman (away from home for the first time) into the community than a bloody battle to the death? Two girls and two boys will be selected from each of the fresh men residences in a fight-to-the Stolen thirdhand from some random Word press site. death for the main prize - which undergo intensive training to fact, "I think Assumption Hall venue be the entire campus of to say that he was, "so pumped is really just gloating rights on help them survive in the game, in will end up being like Peeta and Saint Mary's. It will really bring man. Yeah!" Face book until everyone basically cluding mixed martial arts, knife Katniss from District 12 and will the whole community into the For now, the Saint Mary's ad forgets what they did after three throwing, making baskets out of basically beat everyone." A major excitement of the Games." Real ministration has asked the com or so months. The tributes will be grass (they're useful), and how to ity of the audience in attendance talk though, nothing would pro munity to keep the news quiet picked from a hat at a public cere catch wildlife to eat it so you can at the announcement were alarm mote the community feel of the (yeah, good luck with that) in mony after Weekend of Welcome, survive and not, you know, die. ingly excited about the upcoming college more than observing one order to prevent alarmed parents where students are normally Rec Sports responded to concerns Hunger Games, old residents of freshman shoot down another from pulling their students from lulled into a false sense of security that certain dorms may have an the freshmen dorms are already with a crossbow while walking the college. But what parent that college is only playing intra advantage due to having more creating betting pools on which to your 8 am Calculus course. "I would want to prevent their child mural sports and that the food in athletes. The committee planning dorm will win. was worried that it would be hard from having a shot at winning the cafeteria is good. the Hunger Games said thatthere Rec Sports said that finding to find time to watch the Games, ultimate glory by killing his or Following the tribute selection, will be no preferential treatment a venue for the First Annual but now I can experience them her peers? This is truly an excit the contestants will be confined or extra assistance given. Some Hunger Games was difficult: "In without being in them myself," ing idea that will liven up Saint to Madigan Gym where they will students were alright with that the end, we decided to have the said one student, who also wanted Mary's next fall. Introducing Saint Mary's ping pong team Fluff piece is fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff New arena sure to attract fervent fans of Olympic-level sport BY ADMIRAL VON FLUFFINGTON WRITER OF FLUFF fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff BY JANE DOE year for the upcoming gaelpong excuses, and homework extension Fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff WRITES GooD season, and now it's going to actu benefits to play professional ping fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff ally matter with this new arena. pong instead. fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff On April 1, Saint Mary's ad All six members of our fan base These next 25 years will be fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff ministrators signed a deal to tear are really going to enjoy watching gaeltastic as we wait for the new fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff sports sports down Saint Mary's own LeFevre ping pong in this new space." gaelpong arena to be built. The fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff sports fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff Theater, and build in its place, an Those six people might become reason for its extensive build fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff arena for its new professional ping eight or nine as the students' time, the college says, is because fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff pong team. The Gaels' gaeltastic interest shift from watching and "$55,000 a year just isn't enough." fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff gaelpong team was also an act of caring about strictly men's bas With the new president, and gael fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff the new president of sports man ketball to the newfounded sport of pong coming on the rise, essen fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff agement. At a special ceremony, gaelpong. Many basketball players tially killing theater at St. Mary's, fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff he said, "I mean, we have a sports have thought of losing their paid who knows what is to come in the fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff facility that hasn't even really tuition, scholarships, absence future. fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff started production, but fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff the more sports teams the fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff better!" fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff Many theater students fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff and teachers aren't pleased fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff with the administrators' fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff decision, but they don't fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff flu ff fluff fluff fluff seem to be surprised ei fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff ther. Professor Reid Da fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff vis said, "Yeah, we kinda fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff knew this would happen. fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff That's the reality. Ping fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff pong brings in donors' and fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff investors' money to the fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff school. It's just unfortu fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff nate to see performing arts fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff kind of die here." fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff However, all four of the fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff gaelpong team members fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff reacted ecstatically to the fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff news. Gael pong coach Mi fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff chael Craigen told us, "I've fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff worked out and trained all Gael pong players are serious and ready to dominate the competition. fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff.