I N T E R C O M M U N I T Y P E A C E & J U S T I C E C E N T E R
This issue: Reconciliation No. 92 Fall 2011 Struggling With Forgiveness
Gretchen Gundrum with the same intensity. The word cal parties, and churches, mount resentment means “to feel again.” daily. How does this stop? orgiveness is a complicated Our physiological responses—the fsubject. We’ve been told release of adrenalin and cortisol, Expectations & Patterns to forgive without limit—seventy Gretchen Gundrum rapid heartbeat, fear, and anger— According to Dr. Fred Luskin, times seven times. We’ve been is a psychologist flood our consciousness in replays author of Forgive for Good, griev- told that it’s good for our health— and spiritual of the event that originally precipi- ances arise when we want some- Google it! But even Jesus didn’t director and tated them. We are right back in thing and make an unenforce- tell us how to do it. Perhaps that adjunct faculty at able rule about getting Seattle University’s task has always been it—a rule we simply School of Theology ours to figure out. don’t have the power & Ministry Forgiving by fiat to make happen. Our doesn’t work. When expectations don’t get my brothers and I were met and we deal with young squabblers, the problem ineffectu- Mother would inter- ally by thinking about vene, listen briefly to it too much. The nega- the grievances of both tive thought pattern sides, tell offending par- becomes an ingrained ties to cease and de- habit. We perseverate, sist, insist on apologies going over and over the where appropriate, and event to the point where have us kiss and make- that moment. These memories it begins to interfere with our lives up. We complied obediently but take up space “rent-free” in our and our relationships. The expec- our hearts didn’t always come psyches, keeping us stuck in the tations are usually not expressed along. Resentments continued to past. We can’t get on with our lives. directly to the offending party. smolder, along with a few thoughts There is no true peace within. When others don’t meet our of revenge. Our grievances were How many family gatherings needs, we may take it too per- still alive. have been sonally, blame Some people hold on to griev- poisoned be- the offender ances for too long. Resentments These memories take up space cause of un- for how we generated by misunderstandings, forgiven re- “rent-free” in our psyches, feel—instead betrayals, and injustices that hap- sentments? keeping us stuck in the past. of taking re- pened years ago still play out in S i b l i n g s sponsibility the mind, sometimes meet for the ourselves for first time in 30 years over their our feelings—and create what mother’s casket—all that lost time. Luskin calls “a grievance story.” Northwest Coalition for All the pain. Deep rifts in families, This leads to a victim stance, not Responsible Investment neighborhoods, businesses, politi- a place of inner freedom. The au- 1 Annual Report Inside Steps Toward Healing Time to Forgive While grievances are cre- Forgiveness takes time and “Everyone says ated through a process, for- patience. We need distance to giveness is itself a process gain perspective and see our part forgiveness is a lovely that releases them. Here are in something, and also to see how some steps toward healing: injustices have been done to us. In First, be clear what Don’t Forgive Too Soon, Dennis, idea, until they have your feelings are about what Sheila, and Matthew Linn high- happened. light the justice piece involved in something to forgive.” Second, decide what forgiveness. They also stress that was unacceptable to you. forgiveness is not the same as rec- ~C. S. Lewis Third, share your onciliation. We can forgive others experience with one or two without direct contact; not all rela- trusted people. Luskin be- tionships can or should be restored thor further reminds us that if we lieves this helps to sort things out to their original condition. cling to even one unenforceable and determine how best to cope. Forgiveness is also not forget- rule, we leave ourselves open “to Sharing with too many runs the ting. If some terrible harm has suffer every single time the rule risk of getting stuck in the victim come to you from the hands of is broken.”1 We feel angry, de- role. another, you can forgive the per- pressed, sad, and helpless. This If you feel at an impasse with son without ever condoning or is how we get trapped by and in someone, it might be helpful to minimizing the evil that occurred. our grudges. Our task instead ask yourself if you have any unex- Where there is scar tissue on the is to acknowledge our pain and pressed or unfulfilled expectations soul it serves as a reminder and a understand its cause. When that about the interaction. Learning protector to avoid those that would happens, we can claim responsi- do us harm. bility and take action for a better Dr. Luskin has a comforting “... become a hero outcome. definition of forgiveness: “The It’s important to ask yourself instead of a victim in feeling of peace that emerges as honestly if you’re willing to begin the story you tell.” you take your hurt less personally, the process of healing. We often take responsibility for how you know we should forgive, but get- feel, and become a hero instead ting there takes a while. Perhaps how to express wants or desires of a victim in the story you tell. we can only begin by being will- directly instead of expecting some- Forgiveness is the experience of ing to be willing to try to forgive! one else to read our minds or peace in the present moment.”2 There’s grace involved in this having fixed ideas about outcomes Jesus told us to pray for our process. It’s not wise to force it. will go a long way to improving enemies: a simple daily prayer Clearly, there are degrees of injury interpersonal communication. for someone who’s troubling us, in the forgiveness process—from Try to stand in the other’s shoes while hard to do, can bring peace. recovering from a trivial misun- and tell the story as you think they Finally, forgiving ourselves may be derstanding to confronting an might. This technique alone can the hardest part of the forgiveness egregious offense. Talking with a illuminate how we may have over- process. God forgives us, so why wise friend or spiritual guide can personalized something and taken can’t we? help to discern personal responsi- offense where none was intended. 1 bility and right action. Some griev- We may even find that we haven’t Fred Luskin, Forgive For Good, 52
ances may even be too difficult to erred on the side of over-person- 2 Ibid, 68 dispel. Those must be left to God’s alization, and then be even clearer own time. about how to seek justice.
2 Reconciliation: Re-Weaving a Social Fabric that Heals
Carl Stauffer Drawing from this brief over- to tell their story and a public space view, there are at least six critical where society “bears witness” to n the market place of ideas, elements that need to be con- the harm that has been caused.3 the concepts and language of i sidered by those who wish to be Skills: Trauma awareness, reconciliation have become quite agents of reconciliation at either education, debriefing and counsel- popularized and at the same time Carl Stauffer an individual or collective level. ing skills works as a diluted. Coming out of the tur- With each element there are cor- practitioner in moil of the South African political 3. Awakening Emphatic Re- the fields of responding skill-sets that can be sponses: The human brain is transition of the 1990s, it became restorative justice, developed. biologically “hard-wired” to make abundantly clear to me that the peacebuilding term reconciliation was easily 1. Psycho-social Support and human connections and to build and post-war hijacked to serve the particular Trauma Healing: Violence causes community through social net- reconstruction. He 4 interests of any number of socio- disempowerment and disconnect- works. is on the faculty political groupings. edness; reconciliation aims at the Skills: Active listening, para- of the Center For some, reconciliation was exact opposite—empowerment phrasing, summarizing, nonviolent for Justice & used to describe the political pro- and connection.2 communication and basic counsel- Peacebuilding at cess of power-sharing. For others it Skills: Trauma awareness, ing skills Eastern Mennonite University. referred to new political and legal education, debriefing and counsel- 4. Facilitating Forgiveness democratic reforms that allowed ing skills Transactions: “An act of for- former enemies to live together 2. Personal and Public Griev- giveness must be understood as without killing each other. Still ing or “Lament”: The wronged a complex process of unlocking others would have used the term and wrong-doer need a safe space continued on page 6 to describe a “good working rela- tionship” with persons of another Pathways & Patterns of Reconciliation Reconciliation as a journey Full human culture or race. While all of these recognition of the notions have linkages to genuine ‘enemy’ other reconciliation, they are only parts Reparations of the whole. Authentic reconciliation re- Various encounters with quires us to move beyond mere self, God and others social tolerance or political co- Turning Point existence. It is concerned with Initial separation repairing harmony in the life of a Based on the work of John Paul Lederach community or nation. By harmony, Reconciliation as an iceberg I mean the restoring of meaning- Type and extent of communication, ful relationships—relationships of Patterns of exposure, to others’ way of life, social and dignity, trust and collaboration. interaction workplace interaction. Harmony also infers a collective Issues of trust, understanding, myths, concern for the common good and Attitudes towards the adversary prejudices, and stereotypes. a shared future view that gives hope and motivation to the idea of unity.1 Values regarding Human rights culture, tolerance, interaction relationship and cooperation Tools for Agents of Reconciliation Identity Over-arching, possibly common or divergent values, philosophies, religious beliefs and There are volumes of published ideologies that govern life literature on what reconciliation is and how it is accomplished. (See The most visible levels are probably the easiest to address. Behavioral transformation is the most measurable type of change. However, transforming attitudes, values and identities can be a much Pathways & Patterns of Reconcili- greater challenge. Based on the work of Hugo van der Merwe ation) (‘Pathways’ continued on page 6) 3 Communities of Reconciliation: Repairing Relationships
David Kelly, C.PP.S. is “not teenage pregnancy, drug what happens to me.” He grew up use, or truancy, but whether they believing that he was not capable ou act as though you have had been victims of crime.”1 This of being loved. “yno family,” the elder said violent victimization puts juveniles Terrell, only fourteen at the to the young man. We had gath- at risk not only of further victim- time, had very little self respect David Kelly ered in a Peacemaking Circle on ization, but for becoming violent and because of it, had little re- is a member of the the second floor of an old school Missionaries of the offenders themselves. “Moreover, spect for others. His aggressive building in the Back of the Yards Precious Blood and children who have been subject and violent actions were a result, neighborhood in Chicago, home executive director to abuse or neglect are also more not of being an evil person, but of of the Precious Blood Ministry of the Precious likely to commit crimes as adults.”2 being harmed by the very people of Reconciliation, to address a Blood Ministry of This research provides empirical who were supposed to be his robbery and assault that had hap- Reconciliation in evidence for what is commonly re- caregivers. As Carl Bell, a noted Chicago. pened in the community. You act ferred to as the “cycle of violence.” psychologist, says, “hurt people as though you have no family was Abused and neglected children hurt people.” a way of saying that Rico’s actions have significantly greater risk of If we are to confront the vio- where that of someone who had becoming delin- lence that is so little or no respect for family or quents, criminals, often prevalent in community. … we need to create places and violent crimi- our communities, Cycle of Violence nals. where pain and isolation we need to create can begin to heal. places where pain When young lives are marked Dignity & and isolation can by violence, they grow with a dis- Hopes begin to heal. It torted sense of self. Whether that “Our families are torn by vio- is simplistic and wrong minded to violence is the singular act of rape lence. Our communities are think that we can punish our way or the prolonged violence of child destroyed by violence,” wrote out of violence. abuse and abandonment, such the U.S Catholic Bishops in their children develop with a damaged 1994 pastoral letter, Confront- Communities of Reconciliation sense of self that inhibits their abil- ing A Culture of Violence. The Robert Schreiter in his book, fear of violence in our homes, The Ministry of Reconciliation, schools, streets, nation and world Spirituality and Strategies, sug- is “paralyzing and polarizing our gests three roles for the Church in communities.” And yet, we have reconciliation and healing. First, an obligation to respond to protect we are called to be a voice of the the “dignity and hopes of millions gospel message in a world that des- of our sisters and brothers.”3 perately needs healing and recon- When Terrell first came into ciling. Second, the Church offers the Cook County Juvenile Deten- rituals and symbols that aid in the tion Center, he was easily agitated, work of reconciliation. Lastly, the highly aggressive and, as a result, Church can help foster reconcilia- Peacemaking Circle at the Ministry of Recociliation in solitary confinement much of tion and healing by creating com- the time. Since he was from the munities of reconciliation. ity to form positive relationships neighborhood, I tried to see him as Communities of reconciliation with others. They grow in isolation often as I could. Little by little, he allow people to come together and are disconnected from the began to disclose more about his and discover new ways of being very community in which they live. life. At one point he said, “Come community. Trauma isolates and Studies have shown that the on, man, I am just going to end damages relationships; the group single greatest factor in predict- up here again. There is nothing re-creates a sense of belonging.4 ing teenage criminal behavior out there for me. No one cares The work of reconciliation—the 4 are communities where connect – in a different way – with those who live within those around us, with ourselves, the confines of trauma and with God. are able to see beyond 1 Susan Herman, Parallel Justice for Victims the suffering and the of Crime, 20. pain to a place where 2 Ibid, 20. hope is possible. 3 USCCB, Confronting a Culture of Violence Peacemaking Circles 4 Judith Herman, Trauma & Recovery, 20. Earlier I spoke of 5 Robert Schreiter, The Ministry of Recon- Rico who sat in a Peace- ciliation, 94.
making Circle to ad- 6 Creative Commons 2.0/Sander van der Wel Creative Ibid, 95. dress the harm done to gospel message—demands that we another young man who intentionally create places where had been beaten and robbed. As stories can be shared and relation- the two young men sat together, ships restored. along with their families and Hurt & Pain How does one create com- community elders, they spoke not ~By Ashley Houseworth (Decatur, IL) only of the incident, but of who munities of reconciliation? First, All I see is Hurt and pain, a they were. Attention was given they must be communities of broken home, a broken heart, not just to the crime, but to the safety; places where victims can and a broken soul. allow their woundedness to be relationship that had been deeply damaged. As they spoke beyond seen and shared. The Christian A lot of abuse and violence, the facts, they came to see one community is a place of hospital- bruises and scars and broken another differently. Ultimately, ity and safety where wounds are bones. explored and stories are met with the young man who had done the 5 harm was moved to tears as he care and support. Second, they A lot of lies, hurtful ways heard the impact of the robbery are places where our memories A lot of broken promises and beating on the other young are not only shared, but are placed A lot of sorry but no meaning man. The victim, too, was able to alongside the stories and memo- behind it. ries of others, and, hear the pain and the hurt in the life perhaps, create A lot of me and I and no one Violence can be of one who caused a new common else. transformative … the harm. memory. It is not A lot of motives and Peacemaking that our individual stubbornness and playing Circles, a prac- stories are lost or games. forgotten, but they are seen dif- tice of restorative justice, offer us a method and means to come ferently as we see our story in Lots of hurtful ways that hurt together with our values and tradi- the context of the story of the my children and family other – and ultimately the story of tions to address the harm done and work to repair the relationships Christ’s own suffering, death and A lot of regrets and guilt and that are damaged by violence and resurrection. These communities shame crime. are places where truth is told and A lot of mistakes and hurt and Violence can be transforma- people find that their humanity is pain. restored, where the dignity of each tive – it can be a downward spiral is honored and uplifted. Third, to further harm and violence or it (reprinted from Making Choices, www.pbmr.org communities of reconciliation can be a time of profound change. ~ voices of incarcerated young people) are communities of hope.6 These It can be an opportunity to re- 5 Pathways & Patterns of Reconciliation (continued from page 3) Rebuilding Trust Reconciliation as a cycle Accepting new reality Understanding motive of ‘enemy’ s a police commander, Brian Expressing grief / mourning aMitchell oversaw the 1987 Choice / commitment to forgive massacre of 11 people in Trust Feed, South Africa. Mitchell Realization of loss Re-writing a joint history was sentenced to 30 years in jail for his role in the attack. He was Injury / pain caused Establishing justice released from prison in 1996 after receiving amnesty from the Act of Aggression Reconciliation Based on the work of Olga Botchavora Truth and Reconciliation Com- mission (TRC). continued from page 3 ance on what harmonized relations While in prison, Mitchell had could look and feel like. On the a spiritual conversion. At his painful bondage of mutual libera- other hand, the skill-sets attached amnesty hearing, he expressed sor- tion. While the perpetrators must to conflict management, resolu- row publicly to the families of his be set free from their guilt—and tion and/or peacebuilding provide victims. He also shared his desire its devastating consequences—the us with the necessary instruments to meet with community members victims must be liberated from or tools—the means—to arrive at to make things right. their hurt—and its destructive He had his opportunity at a 5 reconciliation. implications.” four-hour community meeting Skills: Active listening, in Trust Feed in April 1997. He paraphrasing, summarizing, non- 1 Catholic Social Thought provides a founda- tional guiding light in terms of defining the stood before 500 community violent communication and basic values, actions and ethics that should drive members and committed himself this kind of thinking and living. counseling skills to rebuilding the community. The 5. Re-writing Historical Nar- 2 Herman, J. Trauma and Recovery – The gathering started with prayer and aftermath of violence from domestic abuse ratives: Learning how to “remem- to political terror. singing. The community told their ber rightly in a violent world”6 stories and asked questions of entails dealing with the national- 3 Katongole, E., & Wilson-Hartgrove, J. Mir- Mitchell. In return, he was able ror to the Church: Resurrecting Faith after patriotic narratives, the historical Genocide in Rwanda. to make a statement and respond. memories, the lived experience “An old man with a cane had 4 and the current events.7 Early, C. & M. “Neuroscience of Emotion” been listening intently in the
Skills: Group facilitation, 5 Muller-Fahrenholz, G. The Art of For- front row,” said one observer. negotiation, mediation, apprecia- giveness. “He walked forward with halting tive inquiry, sustained dialogue steps, took the microphone and 6 Volf, M. The End of Memory – Remember- skills ing Rightly in a Violent World. praised the TRC for setting up this meeting. He also thanked 6. Engaging in Reparative/ 7 Lederach, J.P. The Moral Imagination – The Restorative Justice: Asks what Art and Soul of Building Peace. Brian Mitchell for his bravery in harms have been committed, what coming to the community. He 8 Zehr, H. Changing Lenses. needs have been generated, and said he felt relieved that the pro- who is obligated to make things cess of reconciliation had begun. right.8 … It seems that when this kind Skills: Victim-Offender of face-to-face meeting occurs, mediation, Family Group confer- when confession is made, when encing, circle processes people acknowledge the humanity of one another, when the offer of In sum, the end-goal of recon- restitution is made and carried out, ciliation is like a horizon on the then reconciliation can begin.” landscape; it provides us with the Mitchell is still involved in helping vision, inspiration and moral guid- to rebuild the community. 6 Saving Lives
Debbie McLeland that he had no recollection of what Finally, three years later, after a e were told Morgan had happened. lot of hard work, I got to see Clint. wdied by a policeman who They charged Clint on the day I found him to be very subdued turned up at our door. Somehow of Morgan’s funeral, but I asked and remorseful. We both cried and Debbie McLeland’s I managed to keep strong, stand- the bishop to be sure to make it a I hugged him, and then we talked son Morgan was day of celebration – not a day to about what we could do together ing outside myself as the tragedy killed by a drunk unfolded. My husband, on the get even. I was already aware that to help people make better deci- driver in 2001, other hand, collapsed, pounding I mustn’t get stuck in revenge. I’m sions about drinking and driving. along with 7 cross- his fists on the floor, crying “no, not saintly; I was mad and angry I believed in his sincerity. country teammates. not my son, not my son.” too, but I never hated Clint. Hate We first spoke to a room of She has reached During the next 24 hours we is a large burden to carry. 900 young people at the National out to the driver, learned that all eight student At the hearing each family read Rodeo High School Finals in Gil- who is set to be a t h l e t e s out a vic- lette, WY, where Clint had been a paroled early next h a d d i e d tim impact rodeo cowboy. It was enormously year. that night, I’m not saintly; I was mad and statement effective. Later we spoke at the but we still angry too, but I never hated Clint. and it was University of Wyoming where all didn’t know here that I eight of the dead, and Clint, had w h o h a d first had the been students. caused the accident. This meant idea of putting a challenge to We’ve all had a lot of pain and that as well as grieving our loss, we Clint. Across the court I asked I don’t want to add to it. But I also were also facing the possibility that him if he would be willing to come truly believe that our presenta- our son might have been respon- with me and address young people tions can save lives. sible. However, it soon transpired about the dangers of drunk driv- Excerpted with permission from that the culprit was Clint Haskins ing. When he had an opportunity www.theforgivenessproject.org. Visit the who had drunk so much that night to speak, he said he would like to. website to read more reconciliation stories.
Reconciliation Resources Books Websites Gobodo-Madikizela, Pumla. A Human Being Died That Night: A South African Story of Forgiveness. Houghton Mifflin, 2003 Campaign for Love & Forgiveness Hahn, Thich Nhat. Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child. www.loveandforgiveness.org Paralax Press, 2010. Small group conversation guides, podcasts, classroom resourc- Lederach, John Paul and Angela Jill. When Blood and Bones es and practical tools. Cry Out: Journeys through the Soundscape of Healing and Catholic Peacebuilding Network Reconciliation. Oxford University Press, 2011. http://cpn.nd.edu Orobator, A. E. Reconciliation, Justice and Peace: The Second Network of theologians and peace practitioners. Download- African Synod. Orbis, 2011. able resources and articles. Movies Education for Reconciliation As We Forgive. A documentary about 2 Rwandan women who www.reconciliation.ie meet the men who killed their families. Discussion guide avail- Downloadable teacher resources from Northern Ireland. able. (53 minutes) www.asweforgivemovie.com Paulist Reconciliation Ministries Forgiveness: A Time to Love and a Time to Hate. PBS docu- www.paulist.org/reconciliation mentary in 2 90-minute acts. Wide range of stories, from Resources to address needs of healing, dialogue and reconcili- personal to national. Discussion guide available. ation in the Church today. www.fetzer.org/loveandforgive
7 Weaving the Threads of Reconciliation in a Post 9/11 World
Susan Francois, CSJP thought of reconciling Bill’s death ship building, significant cultural with the perpetrators.” change, and substantial structural nyone who has sought recon- In the end, it was meeting other change.1 aciliation in a broken personal family members who had lost Building relationships is a very relationship—whether with a loved ones on September 11th that concrete—and human—step that Susan Francois is a spouse, parent, or friend—knows gave Colleen the opportunity to can serve as an entry point to Sister of St. Joseph that the path is a long and difficult of Peace and editor take concrete steps on the path to- those seeking reconciliation on a one. It takes risk, commitment, of A Matter of wards healing and reconciliation. global scale. Through “embrac- intention and time to rebuild trust Spirit. Together, they formed September ing and engaging with those who and heal the relationship. Yet even 11th Families for Peaceful Tomor- are different from us,”2 we can with the challenges inherent to rows to turn their grief into action begin the work of healing the past reconciling personal relationships, for peace. “Witnessing to the and moving towards the future. at the very least we know with suffering of others is important,” Together we can weave the other whom we need to journey. threads so that we begin to see When we talk about rec- a larger pattern of reconcilia- onciliation on a larger scale, tion emerge. We begin on the however, the path becomes personal level in the belief that murkier. Where do you start it will lead, person by person, to when you seek reconcilia- cultural and structural change. tion in the midst of terrorism and war? Is it even possible Rebuilding Relationships to reconcile with a terrorist? Luke Wilcox was a high How about with the people of school senior in 2001. “9/11 re- a nation with whom your own ally altered the course of where country is at war? Iraqi kindergarteners thank St. Augustine Church in MN for the gift of clean water I’m at right now today,” says the Concrete Action now 27 year old communica- says Kelly, but it is important that tions director with the Iraqi and Colleen Kelly has spent the the witness “turn into some kind American Reconciliation Project past ten years engaging this murky of concrete action that’s aiming (IARP). The event and what process. “As far as 9/11, I think to better the world in some way.” followed inspired him to study reconciliation is a difficult word, a The families of Peaceful Tomor- foreign policy with a focus on the difficult thought,” reflects Colleen. rows hope to help break the cycle Middle East and Islam in order to Her brother Bill was killed on that of violence by acknowledging the help build better relationships be- fateful day when he attended an common experience of violence tween Americans and the people event at the World Trade Center. they share with all people affected of the Middle East. “Who do you rec- by violence globally. IARP, a nonprofit organization oncile with? The Is it even possible to based both in Minneapolis and biggest piece ini- Threads of Reconciliation Iraq, works to rebuild the relation- reconcile with a terrorist? tially was reconcil- Drawing upon the experience ship between Iraqis and Ameri- ing with myself, of reconciliation in Northern cans by creating opportunities for the fact that my Ireland, researchers Brandon citizens of both countries to meet brother was murdered and would Hammer and Gráinne Kelly have and work together. “As Americans not be physically present on this identified five interwoven threads working with IARP, we start by earth.” Next came helping her in the reconciliation process: accepting responsibility for a lot own children understand what acknowledgement of past hurts, of the death and destruction in had happened not only to their development of a shared vision Iraq,” says Wilcox. “We try to uncle, but to the entire world. for the future, positive relation- be led by and listen to Iraqis. Then came the “very very difficult
8 Weaving the Threads of Reconciliation in a Post 9/11 World
It is important to listen to the ciliation. We wish to converse as ages from Afghanistan and their people who have been hurt by equal, fellow human beings, with- message, summed up by the tag- the relationship.” out the need for guns and bombs.” line, “Why not love?” Water for Peace, an IARP For more than a year now, For Colleen Kelly the question project, partners U.S. schools these young people in the Bami- of who to reconcile with is still too and faith based organizations yan region of Afghanistan have big, but love and personal relation- with schools in Iraq that do not ships seem to be where the journey have access to clean water. To- both begins and ends. “For me the day, 7.6 million Iraqis still do not “We wish to converse as equal, thing that can never be destroyed is have access to clean water. The fellow human beings …” the love I have for my brother and U.S. partner holds awareness and the love he had for me,” she says. fundraising events to purchase a “It’s all about your relationships, the water sanitation system for the invited people from around the people you love and who love you, Iraqi school. Through emails, globe to join them in conversation and your relationship with God. photos and Skype conversations, on their Global Days of Listening. Everything else just falls away.” the U.S. and Iraqi groups build The listening days are held via To learn more and become personal connections across the conference call, video feed and involved visit: st miles. IARP also offers oppor- Skype on the 21 of each month. www.peacefultomorrows.org tunities for Americans to write a Anyone can sign up to listen in www.reconciliationproject.org letter to an Iraqi through their or talk with the young people. www.globaldaysoflistening.org Letter for Peace program. “There’s a whole range of depth 1 that happens on the calls,” says “A Working Definition of Reconciliation,” Why Not Love? www.brandonhammer.com Amy Watts, an American who has 2 Ibid In Afghanistan, a group of helped schedule the calls. “But young people who have known even the stuff we might say is only war and ethnic division more typical ‘getting- to- know- Prayer for Reconciliation are also seeking another way. you conversation’ can have a deep In the midst of conflict and division, “We are tired of war and we impact on someone who has never share with our brothers and spoken with someone from the we know it is you who turns our minds to thoughts sisters everywhere a common country we’ve been at war with of peace. aspiration for peace,” wrote the for a decade now.” Your Spirit changes our hearts, Afghan Youth Peace Volunteers “This encouragement that (AYPV) in a statement posted on you give us just by calling is so enemies begin to speak to one another. their website. “We desire recon- important to Afghans,” said Far- Those who were estranged join hands in friendship zana, one of the youth and nations seek the way of peace together. on a recent Global Day of Listening call, Let Your Spirit be at work in us. “because all that Af- Give us understanding and put an end to strife. ghans have seen in the past years has been Fill us with mercy and overcome our denial. violence. We need Grant us wisdom and teach us your way to this to encourage one forgiveness. another.” The AYPV also engage the global Call us to justice. Grant us peace. community through Adapted from the Preface to the Eucharistic Prayer for Masses of Reconciliation II videos they post on Afghan youth speak to people around the globe from an internet café YouTube featuring im-
9 intercommunity
Participate! Calendar of Events We have programs & Justice Rising: events around the U.S. & The Advent Call to Solidarity in the Northwest! Presented by John Heagle ;;Justice Cafés Sacred Heart Medical Center rd Providence Auditorium, Spokane, WA 3 week of the month Saturday, Dec. 3, 9 am - 12:30pm across the U.S. & Africa $15 registration by Nov 23 - visit www.ipjc.org to ;;IPJC Movie Night register online, or by mail; $20 at the door Nov 9th, Dec 14th, Feb 8th Join us to: XX Break open the Scripture in new ways ;;John Heagle: Justice Rising XX Reflect on what it means for justice to pour into Dec. 3rd, 2011 our hearts, soak into the ground of our being, and Spokane, WA evoke a personal and communal response XX Prayer, ritual and presentation ;;One God, Three Faiths John Heagle is a Catholic priest, counselor, teacher and author. His latest book is, Seattle, WA Justice Rising: The Emerging Biblical Vision, November 2010 Nov 4th Temple Beth Am Dec 5th St Joseph Designate IPJC with United Way Catholic Church All our programs & resources come to you at NO or very ; low fees. Please be generous in support of IPJC. Write in ;IPJC Latina Conference “Intercommunity Peace & Justice Center” on your pledge th Nov 5 form. Spanish Speakers @ Seattle Center In Memory of Deacon Bob Huber Women’s Justice 1955 - 2011 Circles ;;Catholic Advocacy Day Olympia, WA Spanish & English Feb 15th, 2012 Are you in a city or community that could benefit from: ;;Just Video Contest for XX Grassroots organizing to address High Schools poverty th Deadline Mar. 30 XX Skill building to act for change ;;Women’s Justice Circles Teacher, preacher, prophet and advocate XX Leadership training for low income for justice. women Grass Roots Organizing Contact IPJC: Giselle Carcamo All year - anywhere! We celebrate the life and ministry of at [email protected] or call Deacon Bob Huber, member of the (206) 223-1138 editorial board for A Matter of Spirit. peace & justice center One God, Three Faiths: Building Community Through Prayer Join us for an opportunity to participate in prayer and learn about the Muslim, Jewish and Christian traditions, explore sacred space and share community.
Mosque & Islamic Center in Shoreline: We experienced a wonderful Interfaith gathering and Muslim prayer! Please join us for: Temple Beth Am Friday, November 4th 7:30-10:00 PM St. Joseph Catholic Church Monday, December 5th 7:00-8:30 PM Pre-register for visits by calling 206.223.1138 or email us at [email protected]
Movie Nights with IPJC Young Adult Justice Cafés Join us for a social justice film, Young adults are gathering across the U.S. and discussion & refreshments Africa for meaningful conversations on issues of Time: 7-9 pm global concern with IPJC’s Justice Cafés! Place: Assumption Church 6201 33rd Ave NE, Seattle, WA Sample sites include: Dates Thika, Kenya th November 9 — The Other Side of Immigration Jos, Nigeria th December 14 —The Economics of Happiness Jacksonville, FL February 8th— A Film on Environmental Justice Westfield, NJ IPJC Detroit, MI If you would like to start Movie Nights in your community or parish, contact Bellingham, WA IPJC and we will send you the movie and discussion guide. IPJC provides a monthly Justicia para la Mujer: host kit with all the materials needed for a successful ¡Latinas Conectadas para el Cambio! Justice Café: reflection, icebreaker, conversation starters & action ideas. Saturday, November 5th, 2011 @ Seattle Center 2011/2012 topics include: IPJC will hold its second Spanish speaking conference for Latina women to: Build skills for leadership development, civic participation, and com- XXOct.—Food Justice munity building XXNov.—Technology Develop an expanded Latina network to address the needs of West- XXJan.—Rights of Workers ern Washington’s growing Latino population XXFeb.—Poverty Identify and address the challenges that the Latino community faces XXMar.—Education Access Foster city and state-wide collaborative opportunities XXApr.—Common Ground/Common Good For more information, please contact Giselle Cárcamo (206) 223-1138 Contact IPJC to bring this program to your city! [email protected] Intercommunity Peace & Justice Center NON-PROFIT ORG. 1216 NE 65th Street US Postage Seattle, WA 98115-6724 PAID return service requested Seattle, WA Permit No. 4711
206.223.1138 f: 206.223.1139 [email protected] www.ipjc.org
A Matter of Spirit is a publication of the Reconciliation: Ritual & Reflection Intercommunity Peace Invite a small group for contemplation and conversation about reconciliation. Ask them & Justice Center to read this issue of AMOS prior to the gathering. Sponsoring Communities Set Up: Place a fall leaf on chairs arranged around a small ritual table. Put on the table a cloth, basket, and Adrian Dominican Sisters a few scattered fall leaves. Oregon Province Jesuits Sisters of the Holy Names of Jesus and Mary, U.S. Song: Select a song such as Where Charity and Love Prevail or Hosea Ontario Province Sisters of Providence, Facilitator: In this season of fall, we witness nature’s letting go in the falling leaves. This season calls us to Mother Joseph Province consider letting go in our own lives in order to make room for the transformation of reconciliation. Sisters of St Francis of Philadelphia Opening Prayer: God of changing seasons, you show us there is a time for all things: living and dying, Sisters of St Joseph of holding and releasing. God of brilliant color, you show us leaves on trees changing, turning, preparing to Peace let go. Help us loosen our hold and prepare to let go, surrendering what has been for what you call forth. Tacoma Dominicans Affiliate Communities Facilitator: We will now spend some time in quiet reflection on reconciliation—in our own lives, nation Benedictine Sisters of and global community. Silently read over the following questions, inspired by this issue of AMOS. Which Cottonwood, Idaho question speaks to your own heart? After the silence, I will invite us to join in a conversation. Benedictine Sisters of Lacey Benedictine Sisters of Mt. Angel “Some people hold on to grievances too long. … These memories take up space ‘rent-free’ in our psyches, Religious of the Sacred keeping us stuck in the past.” ~ Gretchen Gundrum Heart Sinsinawa Dominicans What am I holding on to—in personal, family or community relationships—that I’d like to let go of Sisters of Charity of the to make room for reconciliation? Blessed Virgin Mary “The work of reconciliation—the gospel message—demands that we intentionally create places where stories Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet can be shared and relationships restored.” ~ Dave Kelly Sisters of St. Mary of Oregon How am I called to build communities of reconciliation, creating sacred spaces for stories to let go Ursuline Sisters of the and restore relationships? Roman Union Editorial Board “For me the thing that can never be destroyed is the love I have for my brother and the love he had for me.” Judy Byron, OP ~ Colleen Kelly Gretchen Gundrum, PhD What deeper knowledge do I want to hold close as I seek the transforming power of reconciliation? Linda Haydock, SNJM Vince Herberholt Sharing: [After the quiet] Let’s end our time together by briefly sharing one way we are called to seek Nick Mele reconciliation. As you share, place your leaf in the basket. Maria Ochoa Beth Taylor, CSJP Closing Prayer: God of changing seasons, you are with us now and in all the rhythms of our lives. Guide us as we change, grow, and seek pathways of reconciliation in our lives and communities. Editor: Susan Francois, CSJP Layout: Justin Almeida (Adapted from We Are Sisters by Linda Haydock, SNJM and Kathy McFaul) 12