B NDINGS Volume 28, No. 1 A Publication of New Ways Ministry Fall/Winter 2007 ‘Closets’ book on healing has opened some wounds

By Jeff Strickler year-old retired farmer from Bernard, Iowa, archdiocese, said, “He’s someone would Star Tribune, Minneapolis-St.Paul south of Dubuque. Then again, as he tells it, absolutely right. We mention Carol’s November 2, 2007 he didn’t have any other option. welcome gay and les- name and I would “There were two kinds of people in Ber- bian members into the be unable to control Carol Curoe and her father, Robert, hope nard,” he said: “Irish Catholics and German church, but they have my emotions.” that their book about their personal struggle Catholics. When two of them got together, the same rules as het- They did not to reconcile her being a lesbian with his we considered that a mixed marriage.” erosexuals” in terms of set out to write the staunch Roman Catholic faith will be a con- The controversy over the book would not sexual activity outside book as cathartic duit for healing. But while they have a moun- have surprised Carol’s mother, Joyce, who of marriage. therapy, however. tain of mail attesting to the fact that that is died in May. She saw it coming all along. But Carol, who “That was 17 happening on a personal level, the book has “This was my mother’s worst night- lives in the Twin Cities, years ago,” Carol, also inspired divisiveness and rejection. mare,” Carol said. “This is what she feared admitted that she was 45, said. “We’re so “This was intended as a healing book, the most.” stung by the decision. over it now.” not one that would open new wounds,” Carol His wife’s initial reluctance eventually “How threatening She sees the Curoe said. gave way to full support, said the elder Curoe, can we be?” she asked. book as more of a The controversy rose to the forefront two who insists on being called Bob. In his dedi- “We were very careful tribute to her par- weeks ago when the Curoes were “uninvited” cation to the book, he writes of “her accep- not to attack the Catho- ents, especially her to appear at St. Francis Cabrini Church to tance that this story needs to be told to help lic church. That’s not father. She knows share the story behind “Are There Closets in other families overcome prejudice and accept the story.” how difficult it was Heaven?”. The event was moved to another their gay children.” The story begins for him to support location after conservative Catholic bloggers He tried to minimize the church’s deci- with Bob’s painful her while adhering encouraged their readers to flood the Arch- sion to ban their appearance. memories of the day he to the teachings of diocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis with “I don’t think it was anything personal learned that Carol was gay: Carol and Robert Curoe his church. His ap- complaints. against us,” he said. “I think it was just the “For days I fought back tears. I could hardly proach: Whenever an issue arose, he would Ironically, Carol noted, there are few situation that they felt they couldn’t endorse.” risk seeing friends or neighbors, there was step back and try to see it from his daughter’s Catholics as Catholic as her father, an 82- Dennis McGrath, spokesman for the such a block in my throat. I was afraid that perspective. “What incredible role models for par- ents,” she said. “We all face adversity, but to deal with it the way my mom and dad did is Cardinal Asks Forgiveness For Church’s Sins amazing. They focused on keeping the lines of communication open. In the end, it was all about keeping the relationships strong.” Against Gays, Others Carol and her partner have two sons who are being raised Catholic because “it feels The Canadian Press Nations and discrimination right.” When she was growing up, “being November 21, 2007 the people towards religious authorities, and against women and homo- we understand them. Forgive us for all this Catholic was the reference point for our The archbishop of Quebec sexuals.’’ pain!” lives,” she said. She’s not glossing over the City has issued a wide-ranging Ouellet acknowledges The letter also says that the church will fact that she has some major philosophical mea culpa that seeks forgive- that abuses of power hurt make a public display of repentance next differences with church policies. ness for the ’s the church’s image in the spring during Lent. “I like our parish. I rationalize that we handling of sex scandals and its Quebec and hindered its Ouellet is considered among the highest belong to St. Joan of Arc parish, not the larger treatment of minorities. moral authority. ranking Roman Catholic officials in the coun- Catholic church,” she said. “I have to ac- In an open letter published “Mothers of families try, and has often spoken publicly against knowledge that the leaders at the top of the in Quebec newspapers Wednes- were snubbed by parish same-sex marriage. church don’t think that it’s OK for our sons day, Marc Cardinal Ouellet says priests without regard for But the appeal meant little for some of to have two moms. And I want my sons to “errors were committed” in the the family obligations that the groups. know that so they’re not surprised when they past by certain Catholics and they are already assumed; Gay activist Michael Hendricks says the run into people who feel that way.” The controversy over the book has gen- other church officials. Cardinal Marc Ouellet youngsters were subject to wrongs continue while Bruno Roy of the Among the errors he cites sexual aggression by Duplessis Orphans Committee says it’s a bla- erated head- are attitudes, prior to 1960, which favored priests,” the letter reads. tant attempt to bolster the church’s flagging lines that, in “anti-Semitism, racism, indifference to First “These scandals shook the confidence of influence. w turn, have re- sulted in sales. “But that’s not the way we want to go Baltimore archbishop’s homily offends gays about getting attention,” By Joshua Lynsen Carol said. “In Washington Blade the process, a November 16, 2007 The homily did not sit well with gay same-sex marriage, but it doesn’t support di- lot of other Catholics like Francis DeBernardo, executive vorce and it doesn’t oppose divorce laws,” people are be- Some gay Catholics said they were frus- director of New Ways Ministry, a Maryland he said. “The church may not want same-sex ing hurt. That’s trated by a local archbishop’s homily last organization that advocates for the inclusion marriage as an equal sacrament, but there’s not what we month that railed against gay marriage. of gays in the Catholic Church. no need to oppose it in the civil realm.” want.” The homily, delivered Oct. 25 by Balti- “It’s frustrating that someone like him, The homily followed a September rul- They’d rather talk about the letters they more Archbishop Edwin O’Brien during a in a position of power and authority in the ing by Maryland’s highest court upholding a get from people who say they have found special Mass for judges and attorneys, as- church, has such a misinformed view about state law that defines marriage as the union strength and hope in the book. serted that straight marriage is “radically sexuality, relationships and marriage,” he of one man and one woman. Judges ruled the “There are a lot of people who resonate threatened” by courts and lawmakers intent said. “The church really would do better if law does not discriminate on the basis of gen- with it,” Carol added. “Not just gays. And on legalizing gay marriage. he would enter into a dialogue with gay and der and does not deny any fundamental rights, not just Catholics. We’ve heard from Jews According to the Catholic Review, lesbian people and their families and those but left open the possibility that legislators who married outside their religion and women O’Brien called on congregants to make the who are ministering with them.” could take action on the issue. who got pregnant before they were married. defense of heterosexual marriage “an urgent DeBernardo also said the homily illus- Measures seeking marriage equality, This is just my story, but it resonates with necessity to ensure the flourishing of persons, trated how the church lacks an “equal stan- civil unions and a constitutional ban on same- anyone who has experienced a split between the well-being of children and the common dard” in matters of marital law. sex marriage are expected to surface when child and parent.” w good of society.” “The Catholic Church doesn’t support lawmakers reconvene Jan. 9 in Annapolis. w Page 2 BONDINGS Vol. 28, No. 1

B NDINGS Fall/Winter 2007 Vol. 28, No. 1

Francis DeBernardo, Editor

Board of Directors Mary Byers Frank O’Donnell, SM Rev. Paul Thomas

Board of Advisors Mary Ann Coyle, SL Cornelius Hubbuch, CFX Patricia McDermott, RSM Barbara Regan, rc

Staff Francis DeBernardo, Executive Director Matthew Myers

Co-Founders Serving Those Who Serve: As part of a Dignity/Philadelphia event, Dignity president Norman Simmons Sister Jeannine Gramick (from left), celebrant Robert Calabrese, state Sen. Michael Stack (D-Fifth Dist.) and Phil Ferrara Sr. collect Father Robert Nugent rosaries Dec. 2 for servicemembers in Iraq at their weekly celebration of Mass held at St. Luke and the Bondings is a seasonal publication designed to keep Epiphany Church. The welcoming GLBT Catholic group sent 113 rosaries, 400 prayer pamphlets and various our subscribers informed of issues that pertain to religious medals and scapulars to a Catholic chaplain serving in Iraq who will distribute them to American lesbian and gay people and the Catholic Church. military. w Photo by Dick O’Malley

Founded in 1977, New Ways Ministry is an educa- tional and bridge-building ministry of reconciliation between the Catholic gay and lesbian community and institutional structures in the Roman Catholic Church. Nun Joins Rainbow World Fund Board

New Ways Ministry seeks to eradicate prevalent On September 9th, the Rainbow World Fund (RWF) office was myths and stereotypes about homosexuality and crammed a la Holly Golightly to welcome Karen Kai and Sister supports civil rights for lesbian and gay Jeannine Gramick to the Board of Directors. About 50 people attended persons in society. the party welcoming them. Many attendees were new to RWF. “Thanks For more information, contact: to Karen and Jeannine, we raised much needed funds today,” remarked New Ways Ministry Executive Director Jeff Cotter - “but almost as importantly we raised 4012 29th Street friends and that’s priceless! I am so grateful to them both.” Mount Rainier, MD 20712 (301) 277-5674 Sister Jeannine Gramick, SL, PhD, is a Roman Catholic religious sis- E-mail: [email protected] ter, activist and co-founder of New Ways Ministry - helping LGBT Web: www.newwaysministry.org Roman Catholics in the United States. She has a doctorate in Math- ematics Education from the University of Pennsylvania. In 1971, Gramick began working with gays and lesbians. In 2000, Gramick and New Ways co-founder Fr. Robert Nugent were ordered by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (under Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, later Pope Benedict XVI) to cease ministering to gays and lesbians due to the assumption that same-sex relationships are sinful. While Nugent formally acquiesced to the decision, Gramick respect- fully set aside the order altogether. Gramick is the author of several Sister Jeannine Gramick books on LGBT Catholic issues. The documentary In Good Conscience details her journey of activism, the silencing, and her decision to disre- TO SUBSCRIBE... gard it. w COMPLETE AND RETURN THE FORM BELOW

Please add my name to your mailing list. Service Remembers Those Who Have Died Violently

Enclosed is: Outword Magazine, Sacramento, CA community leaders were also in attendance including former ___ $15.00 in the U.S. November 8, 2007 May Ann Rudin, Senator Darryl Steinberg, West Sacramento ___ $20.00 outside the U.S. Mayor Christopher Cabaldon, Supervisor Roger Dickinson, ___ I would like to receive Bondings, but Since 1999, the memories of those who have died vio- Councilman Steve Cohn, Jerry Sloan and Marghe Covino. cannot donate at this time. lently, simply because they were gay, lesbian, bisexual, The members of St. Francis made everyone feel very wel- ___ An extra contribution for those unable transgender or intersex, have been honored at an annual in- come after the service with refreshments and a friendly place to donate terfaith Service of Remembrance in Sacramento. to mingle and make new friends.” The tradition of the service was continued on Sunday, This year the service almost didn’t happen. As with many non-profit organizations, burn out occurs and members who Name ______October 21 as Sacramento’s PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) again hosted the event, draw- have been around a long time get tired. The Board of Direc- Address ______ing one of the largest gatherings in many years. The service tors of Sacramento PFLAG had decided not to hold the ser- is loosely timed to coincide with the tragic death of Matthew vice and take a year off for much needed re-energizing. How- City ______Shepherd and National Coming Out Day. ever, the shocking death of Satendar Singh made that deci- sion a moot point. State/Province ______Zip ______The service is always interfaith and is held at a different welcoming church each year. This year St. Francis of Assisi “We had to go ahead with the service for Mr. Singh’s Home Phone______Roman Catholic Church was the host for the second time. sake and all the others on our list,” said Whiteley. “This year Over 30 clergy and faith leaders joined the service as readers the list of lost lives has grown to over 750 names. We real- Work Phone______and supporters with the homily being given by the Very Rev. ized the importance of keeping these names and the circum- Dr. Brian Baker of Trinity Cathedral. stances of their deaths- the hatred, violence and injustice- in E-mail______Paul Curtis was the honorary chairperson and the Sacra- our minds and hearts. We realized that we must not let the mento Gay Men’s Chorus sang, joined this year by the community at large forget the risks that every lesbian, gay, women’s choruses True Colors and Small Difference. bisexual and transgender faces when they come out of the Please make check payable to “New Ways Ministry.” “We were amazed and filled with awe when the church closet. We realized that we owed it to all of the lost lives and Outside the U.S., please use only checks drawn on a filled up almost to capacity,” said Pamela Whiteley, presi- their families and friends to keep this service going for their U.S. bank in U.S. dollars; no postal money orders. dent of Sacramento’s PFLAG. “Many of our government and sakes and for ours – lest we forget.” w Mail to: New Ways Ministry, 4012 29th Street, Mt. Rainier, MD 20712. Your submissions requested! If your organization, parish or religious com- munity is doing something to promote dialogue about lesbian/gay issues, send us a photo and short article to include in the next issue of Bondings. Fall/Winter 2007 BONDINGS Page 3 Archbishop Apologizes for Giving Communion to Gays Dressed as Nuns

“These two people have long made a Good. “Catholics are hurt, frus- By Julian Guthrie practice of mocking the Catholic Church in trated and a bit angry because San Francisco Chronicle general and religious women in particular. nobody is standing up and say- October 17, 2007 Someone who dresses in a mock religious ing this is not right. This is a habit to attend Mass does so to make a point desecration of the Eucharist. It was a typical Sunday Mass until two (that) was intended as a provocative gesture,” They were there to make a men in heavy makeup and nuns’ habits re- he said in the letter, which will be published statement and embarrass the ceived Holy Communion from San in this Friday’s issue of Catholic San Fran- archbishop and, in doing so, Francisco’s top Catholic official. cisco, a diocesan newspaper. they desecrated what is most On Oct. 7, Archbishop George The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, sacred and dear to every Catho- Niederauer delivered the Eucharist to mem- founded in San Francisco in 1979, are known lic in the world.” bers of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence - for their white face paint, outrageous cos- Holy Communion is a cen- an activist group whose motto is “go forth tumes, theatrics and support of the gay com- turies-old tradition in which the and sin some more” - prompting cries of out- munity. They adopt names such as Sister celebrant receives from a priest rage from conservatives across the country Chastity Boner and Sister Constance Crav- the consecrated bread and wine and Catholics in San Francisco. ing of the Holey Desire and have mottos such representing the “Body of In response to a request for comment, as, “It is not wise to say no to free drinks, Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence Christ” and the “Blood of Christ.” Niederauer released a letter of cheap jewelry, discount cosmet- It is to be taken reverentially, as apology addressed to “Catho- “Over- ics or pretty boys.” secular progressives who despise the military, it is considered the source of Christian life. lics of the Archdiocese of San Sister Barbi Mitzvah, who traditional values and religion.” “The general sacramental principle is Francisco and to Catholics at accessorizing serves as “Board Chairnun” and On his Friday news show, O’Reilly that you don’t deny the sacrament to some- large” in which he said he did “Sexytary,” said Tuesday that the called San Francisco “a disgrace on every one who requests it,” said the Rev. Jim not realize his mistake until af- and poor taste group is “not offering a comment. level.” Bretzke, professor of moral theology at Uni- ter the Mass at Most Holy Re- in makeup is “These people are always af- San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom versity of San Francisco, a Jesuit Catholic deemer Church in the Castro ter us,” Sister Mitzvah said, re- dismissed O’Reilly’s comments. university. “The second principle is that you district. not an ferring to conservative pundits “This debate really is about San Fran- cannot give communion to someone who has “At Communion time, to- excommunicable and Catholic leaders. cisco values. The Bill O’Reillys of the world been excommunicated.” ward the end of the line, two The group did not identify are threatened by San Francisco because we He said such people are designated strangely dressed persons came offense.” the two members who took the value diversity, universal health care and civil “manifest public sinners” in canon law. to receive Communion,” wafers. One of the men, however, rights for all. They will exploit any contro- “This is someone who violates in a seri- Niederauer wrote. “As I recall, one of them sent an e-mail to the church after versy to attack our values.” ous way one of the Ten Commandments or wore a large flowered hat or garland.” the Mass and gave the name “Sister Delta Some local Catholics, however, said they one of the important laws of the Church,” he Niederauer said that although he was Goodhand.” were hurt by what they said was a mockery said. “While I can see Bill O’Reilly and oth- familiar with the group because its actions Conservative Fox news commentator of their most holy ritual. ers might be offended, the sisters do not meet had been condemned by his predecessors, he Bill O’Reilly, who has disparaged “San Fran- “It’s been all the news in Catholic the criteria the church has for denying Com- had never encountered any of the group’s cisco values,” called the latest flap another circles,” said Bill May, chairman of the San munion. Over-accessorizing and poor taste in members until that Sunday. example of how the city is run by “far-left Francisco-based Catholics for the Common makeup is not an excommunicable offense.”w Keeping the Faith Damien Ministries celebrates 20 years of HIV/AIDS-related service to the D.C. community

By Yusef Najafi Those longtime contributors include held in November, February and August of years ago, [it was] a journey we were taking MetroWeekly, Washington, DC Sutson, who came on board full-time with the each year, usually conducted in an “outdoorsy very often,” he says. November 8, 2007 organization several years ago after retiring country environment” with an emphasis on Upon opening a housing unit for women from his job at the federal government as a spirituality. infected with HIV in Washington in August You don’t go to Damien Ministries to die. personnel specialist. “It offers comfort, encouragement, and 1987, Tesconi told The Washington Post, “We Unlike its early days in the late ’80s, “Naturally I was drawn to HIV and companionship on the journey,” Nickel says, want to reach out to people whose needs are when it was known as Damien House, the AIDS,” he says. “I specifically lost a lot of adding that members are also given the chance not being met by other groups.” HIV/AIDS organization friends to HIV and to interact with professional religious lead- In December of that year, Tesconi opened inspired by the Catholic AIDS. About 35.” ers, who have been in AIDS ministry for most a housing unit for men living with HIV, fol- Church and located in Surviving the of their lives. lowed by a house for Hispanic men in Sep- Northeast is no longer HIV epidemic hasn’t The “ministry” aspect of Damien Minis- tember of 1991. solely a hospice. been particularly easy tries can be traced back to founder Louis J. He died from AIDS-related complica- “We used to be a pal- for Sutson, who adds Tesconi, who in 1986 decided to abandon the tions in November 1991. liative organization, but that he has dealt with six-figure salary he was making as a real-es- Darden says that while the organization now we are providing guilt issues, and won- tate agent and move to D.C. to join the priest- is inspired by the Catholic Church, “we ob- people with assistance to dered why he sur- hood. viously serve anybody who wants assistance.” continue their lives,”says vived when so many Six weeks after joining the seminary, Sutson describes the group’s client base Otis “Buddy” Sutson, of of his close friends Tesconi was diagnosed with Kaposi’s Sar- as “people who have lived on the edge for all the various services passed away. coma, AIDS-related cancer, and was imme- their lives. It’s a struggle for them to stay Damien Ministries has “You go through diately asked to leave the church. above the water. adapted throughout its 20- the guilt period of He didn’t leave discouraged. “Most of our clients are challenged edu- year history. ‘Why me?’” he says. Instead he was reminded of the work of cationally and financially,” he continues. Those services in- “I’ve dealt with that Joseph de Veuster, a Roman Catholic mission- “Some of them have a dependency with drugs clude the not-for-profit and contributing to ary known as “Blessed Damien of Molokai” and a lot of them are recovering from drug organization’s monthly Damien Ministries,” and “Father Damien,” who in the 1800s use.” Food Bank, managed by has helped. Eventu- helped lepers on Molokai, a Hawaiian island, And while there are no services specifi- Sutson. Last year, the Rev. James Nickel ally we’ll get a hold of before succumbing to leprosy at the age of cally dealing with GLBT people, Darden says Food Bank fed nearly 580 this disease. We’re 49. Damien Ministries is geared toward anybody people living with HIV/AIDS in Washington. making progress.” According to Darden, Tesconi “viewed living with HIV/AIDS in Washington D.C. Damien Ministries celebrates its growth Damien Ministries Executive Director AIDS as a modern day form of leprosy, in “Many of those people identify as over the past 20 years at its first-ever gala James R. Nickel says the organization oper- that a lot of people living with AIDS [in the GLBT,’’ he says, adding that while the orga- event on Saturday, Nov. 10, at St. Francis Hall ates today similarly like other HIV/AIDS late ’80s] were poor and cast off members of nization has come a long way since its incep- in Northeast. The evening will feature enter- agencies, but on “smaller scales.” society.” tion, there is still room for improvement. tainment by the Oberon String Quartet. “We have housing programs, a food Nickel agrees. “Lou chose Damien as a “Though we have clearly demonstrated the Rashid Darden, Program and Develop- bank, support groups and case managers,” he model for working with what he considered staying power of a non-profit, we definitely ment Coordinator at Damien Ministries says, says. “So we do provide those kinds of needed modern day leprosy, AIDS, especially the way want more people to know what we do. Be- “We are celebrating the twentieth anniversary services for the community, but we also have people were ostracized, given a death sen- cause just like any non-profit, we could al- of the founding of Damien Ministries as well a spiritual component.” tence and then left alone by others. [He] felt ways use any help that anybody is able to pro- as taking the time to recognize some of our Nickel says members are offered to at- very strongly that somebody had to walk the vide.” w longtime contributors.” tend Damien Ministries’ four-day-retreats, journey with them in their final days. Twenty Page 4 BONDINGS Vol. 28, No. 1 Book Review ‘Gays and grays’ — so happy together Vital San Francisco parish bridges the gaps of age and lifestyle By Chuck Colbert National Catholic Reporter city’s Castro district, arguably America’s most was on the East Coast recently to speak at By 1990, when Shore began his pastor- January 25, 2008 visible and iconic gay enclave. Boston College. Sponsoring organizations at ate, Most Holy Redeemer was “most defi- These days, gays and grays are a com- the Chestnut Hill campus included the nitely the Roman Catholic Church with the At a time when gay and lesbian Catho- fortable fit. But it was not always so. When school’s theology department, Jesuit Institute, largest percentage of ‘out’ gay parishioners lics are finding an increasingly chilly recep- the 1967 summer of love blossomed in St. Ignatius Parish, and the Lesbian and Gay in the world,” Godfrey explained. tion in some churches, a parish in San Fran- Haight-Asbury and gay liberation began to Faculty, Staff and Administrators Association Accordingly, Shore continued McGuire’s cisco is defying all the trends and conven- find expression in Eureka Valley, Most Holy (www.bc.edu/offices/lgfsaa). integration of the gay com- tional wisdom by revitalizing its congrega- Redeemer, then a predominately Irish Catho- Godfrey addressed a stu- munity into church life. A tion with the unlikely combination of elderly lic parish, stood initially as bulwark against dent forum that was open to parish contingent marched Catholics, including many widows, and ho- the burgeoning movement. the public. Currently, Godfrey openly in the city’s Gay Pride mosexual men who have settled into a com- “As the gay community moved in, the is the executive director of parade. Anniversaries of mon place of worship. parish was the center of hostility,” Godfrey university ministry at the Uni- same-sex couples were ac- Jesuit Fr. Donal Godfrey, a gay author, explained over lunch, during a recent visit to versity of San Francisco. knowledged from the pulpit tells the story of Most Holy Redeemer through Boston. In his book, Godfrey de- during Mass. research and a dissertation he wrote for a “It was an old Irish neighborhood and votes a chapter to each of two Members of Most Holy doctoral degree. The dissertation has been the pastors didn’t have a clue. The parish priests, Frs. Anthony McGuire Redeemer, writes Godfrey, published as a book, Gays and Grays (Lex- started to die. Nobody came to Mass. Nobody and Zachary Shore, who who spent time at the parish ington Books). rang the doorbell,” he said. played important roles in Most during his research, “see our- Most Holy Redeemer is located in the Godfrey, an English-born Irish Jesuit, Holy Redeemer’s transforma- selves reflected again and tion. again in the life of Jesus, but “McGuire was the right rather more rarely in the life person, at the right place at the of the institutional church. Cardinal wary of speakers at con- right time, the catalyst in cre- The paradox remains that it ating a new kind of community” where “un- is the institutional church that introduced us ference on gays usual friendships developed,” Godfrey ex- to the liberating person of Jesus. The irony is plained. that it is only when gay Catholics are given By Susan Hogan ral,’ “ the cardinal wrote. Over the years, old-timers befriended the the chance to be part of the community that Chicago Sun-Times The Rev. Dennis Holtschneider, newcomers, encouraged by a pastoral sensi- we can truly be the moral agents Jesus so October 18, 2007 DePaul’s president, acknowledged that some tivity that bridged cultural and generational wants us to be.” speakers may promote ideas that conflict with gaps. Together, parishioners discovered a Tensions surfaced and tempers flared Cardinal Francis George says he thinks church teaching. But he supports their “free- need for each other, especially during the over a statewide anti-gay marriage ballot ini- some speakers at DePaul University’s upcom- dom of inquiry.” 1980s, peak years of the AIDS epidemic, tiative that voters passed in 2000. California’s ing “Out There” conference on homosexual- The “Out There” conference, being held which shook San Francisco like an earth- approved financial and political sup- ity may be too out there. Friday and Saturday, is for scholars, students quake. port for it, a decision “deeply resented” at Some presenters may encourage people and university staff involved in gay issues on Paradoxically, their mutual dependence Most Holy Redeemer. It was revealed that the to ignore Catholic teaching and may justify Catholic campuses. was good for the parish. “Suddenly, Most San Francisco archdiocese contributed same-sex behavior that “brings people’s sal- “Too often when bishops hear ‘homo- Holy Redeemer had the most fabulous crèche $31,724 to the cause. Altogether, through the vation into jeopardy,” the cardinal wrote in a sexuality,’ they immediately think about you could imagine,” said Godfrey. “The old California Catholic Conference, the church’s column for the latest Archdiocese of Chicago sexual behavior,” said Francis DeBernardo people loved it.” lobbying arm, the state’s 12 dioceses threw newspaper. of New Ways Ministry, a conference speaker. McGuire became pastor in 1982, the more than $310,000 behind the ballot initia- “To the extent that this is true, the pur- “To single that out is a narrow understanding same year the deadly disease, caused by the tive. pose of the conference moves from reflec- of what the conference is about and what gay HIV virus, was given the name acquired im- “Gays and Grays” continued on page 5... tion to advocacy in the name of being ‘pasto- and lesbian people are about.”w mune deficiency syndrome. Gay-Friendly Catholic Colleges Below is a partial list of known “gay-friendly” Catholic colleges and universities, that is, those Catholic colleges that have some type of gay and lesbian student group, support group, ally group, etc. Thank you for helping us add to this growing list! If you are aware of such a college that is known as welcoming to gay and lesbian people, please let us know. Tell us if this welcome is because of a club, support services, participation in gay community events, or simply the friendliness of faculty and staff.

Arizona Illinois Minnesota Columbus: Ohio State University Tempe: All Saints Catholic Newman Center Chicago: DePaul University, Loyola University, Collegeville: Saint John’s University Dayton: University of Dayton Saint Xavier College Saint Joseph: College of Saint Benedict California St. Paul: St Thomas Univeristy Pennsylvania Belmont: Notre Dame de Namur Indiana Winona: Saint Mary’s University of Minne- Cresson: Mount Aloysius University Notre Dame : Holy Cross College, Saint sota Erie: Mercyhurst College Goleta: St. Mark’s University Mary’s College, University of Notre Dame Philadelphia: Chestnut Hill College, LaSalle Los Angeles: Loyola Marymount Montana University, Saint Joseph’s University University Iowa Helena: Carroll College Villanova: Villanova University Moraga: Saint Mary’s College Dubuque: Loras College Ranchos Palos Verde: Marymount Nebraska Rhode Island College Kentucky Omaha: Creighton University Newport: Salve Regina University San Diego: University of San Diego Louisville: Spalding University San Francisco: University of San Louisiana New Hampshire Texas Francisco New Orleans: Loyola University Nashua: Rivier College Austin: Saint Edward’s University, Santa Clara: Santa Clara University University of Texas Maryland New Jersey San Antonio: University of the Incarnate Colorado Baltimore: College of Notre Dame of Mary- South Orange: Seton Hall Word Denver: Regis University land, Loyola College of Maryland New York Vermont Connecticut Massachusetts Albany: College of Saint Rose Colchester: Saint Michael’s College Fairfield: Fairfield University, Sacred Boston: Emmanuel College, Boston College Bronx: Fordham University, Manhattan Heart Univ.ersity Chestnut Hill: Boston College College Washington New Haven: Albertus Magnus College Easton: Stonehill College Buffalo: Canisius College Lacey: Saint Martin’s College West Hartford: Saint Joseph College North Andover: Merrimack College New Rochelle: College of New Rochelle, Seattle: Seattle University Weston: Regis College Iona College Spokane: Gonzaga University District of Columbia Worcester: Assumption College, Holy Cross Poughkeepsie: Marist College Georgetown University College Riverdale: College of Mount Saint Vincent Wisconsin Rochester: Nazareth College of Rochester De Pere: Saint Norbert College Florida Michigan Syracuse: LeMoyne College Madison: Edgewood College Miami Gardens: Saint Thomas University Ann Arbor: St. Mary Student Parish Tarrytown: Marymount College Milwaukee: Alverno College, Cardinal Miami Shores: Barry University Stritch University, Marquette University Missouri Ohio St. Louis: Saint Louis University Cincinnati: Xavier University, University of Cincinnati Fall/Winter 2007 BONDINGS Page 5 Gay Catholic Youth Group Ministers in Mexico

By David Agren that disagree with us.” ing with Fr. Robert tentious issues such National Catholic Reporter Last January, Ruiz’s home state of Coogan, an American as homosexuality. September 7, 2007 Coahuila passed Mexico’s first civil union originally from New The Catholic law, extending legal benefits to same-sex York who normally church teaches that Noe Ruiz, 27, teaches elementary school couples. The issue divided Catholic leaders serves the prison popu- homosexual acts in Saltillo, Coahuila’s state capital, about 200 across Mexico and in Coahuila, which is lations in the diocese. are sinful, but calls miles south of the Texas border at Laredo. served by three dioceses. Coogan said he for respect, com- Like many in northern Mexico, Ruiz is Catho- Saltillo Raul Vera López sup- sensed a need for a gay passion and sensi- lic and actively practices his faith. ported the measure, while his counterparts in outreach program after tivity toward those Unlike many in his hometown, he is the Coahuila cities of Torreón and Piedras a growing number of with homosexual openly gay and coordinates a gay Catholic Negras expressed discomfort with the pro- young gay men started Noe Ruiz, 27, Luis Fernando Hernandez, inclinations. youth group, which operates with the bless- posed civil unions. coming to him for con- 19, and Hector Eduardo Gonzalez, 19, “In issues that ing of the local diocese and serves 40 young Vera told Catholic News Service that fession. “They had the stand outside of the Cathedral of Santiago, are complicated, people. But it has not always been easy, he gays “need legal protection,” adding that he assumption that some- in Saltillo, Mexico. They are members of there’s nothing like said. does not endorse the idea of marriage between one from the U.S. Comunidad San Elredo, a group of young one-on-one direc- “The environment here in Saltillo is very two individuals of the same sex, but that he would be more open,” Catholic homosexuals in Saltillo. tion,” Coogan said. traditional,” Ruiz said, although he added that wanted to see rights extended. he said. Photo by David Agren “We shouldn’t be attitudes are softening. “They need to be defended because they San Elredo now making blanket Ruiz said Comunidad San Elredo is the have been victims of discrimination. ... serves about 40 young people who meet on a statements on issues that are so personal.” only gay Catholic youth group in Mexico. They’re among the most marginalized weekly basis and celebrate Mass once a Coogan said San Elredo’s objectives — While accepted within the diocese, Ruiz ac- groups,” he explained. month. During individual discussions with the most important of which is “fomenting a knowledged some unease among Catholics To better serve the gay community in Coogan, many gays often speak about feel- deep love of God” — fit with the inclusive in other parts of the country. Saltillo, Comunidad San Elredo — named for ing confused along with the pain of being re- pastoral approach of Vera. The priest said the “The church in Mexico is very conser- St. Aelred, a 12th-century English abbot — jected by family members and ridiculed by bishop “has said from the very beginning of vative,” he said. “At the moment we’re being was founded five years ago by two gay, 18- classmates. Coogan said the low-key ap- when he arrived that the church was for supported [locally], but there are many people year-old Catholic-youth-group leaders work- proach works well when dealing with con- everybody.”w Support grows for those who are gay and Catholic

By Deb Price “For me, as a thinker,” Casey recalls, “the parents with gay children, concludes: “Par- support with our children. I remain a Catho- Detroit News Online key question was, ‘Can Jim be gay and be ents love their (lesbian, gay, bisexual and lic only because of the Mass and the Eucha- October 29, 2007 Catholic?’” transgender) children, and they love their rist.” On Thanksgiving weekend of 1983, It took the Rochester, N.Y., couple nine church. But they do not see their love, or The survey found that “through their Casey Lopata and his wife, Mary Ellen, be- years to become comfortable being open God’s unconditional love, reflected in how journeys to understanding, parents’ initial gan a spiritual journey that about having a gay son. the institutional church relates to their LGBT fears and tears have been transformed into ultimately strengthened They never abandoned sons and daughters.” (see ire and fire.” That change is reflected in one their family and lifelong their son or their church. www.fortunatefamilies.com). mother’s vow that she and her husband “will commitment to Catholi- Eventually, Mary Catholic parents now learning their child spend our last breath carrying the message cism. Ellen wrote a book, “For- is gay report higher initial levels of comfort that God loves each of his precious children— They discovered they tunate Families,” to share than parents who learned five or more years and we do, too.” had to navigate an emo- the stories of Catholics ago. And Catholic parents who know another Casey Lopata encourages Catholic par- tional minefield: Their el- coming to terms with parent with a gay son or daughter are “sig- ents of gay children to “never to stop telling dest son, Jim, a college their gay children. She nificantly more comfortable” with their your story. That is the greatest witness you sophomore home for the and Casey founded a child’s orientation than are isolated parents. can make.” holiday, told Mary Ellen, group, also named Fortu- The parents are far more likely to call Having a gay son is a gift, he believes, “Mom, I’m lonely. I’m nate Families, to help gay-friendly P-FLAG, New Ways Ministry one that made him a more loving dad and vi- lonely for another man.” such parents feel less and Fortunate Families “very helpful” than brant Catholic. The next 10 minutes alone and to transform to say that about their parishes. As countless Catholic parents embrace were an agonizing blur of their church. One mom with a gay son lamented, “I their children’s homosexuality, they are learn- fear and grief for Mary “We believe we are do not feel the Catholic Church offers any ing to see their families as fortunate indeed.w Ellen, who cried as she the church. And if we told Jim she loved him and didn’t work to have our assured him being gay children recognized as didn’t change that. Mary Ellen & Casey Lopata whole and holy members Gay Catholics pledge to defy church “Then why are you crying?” he asked. of the church, then we are complicit with the "I don’t know,” Mary Ellen confessed. injustice,” Mary Ellen says of the Catholic mass ‘hate’ campaign The next morning, Jim told his father, a Church’s official anti-gay position. “So if we ‘Sometimes I wonder if we practise the same religion,’ says worshipper self-described “thinker” who uncharacteris- stay, we must speak.” tically ran out of questions after “Are you A groundbreaking report by Fortunate By Tom Foot try to drown us out and some of our con- sure?” and “Can you change?” Families, based on its survey of 229 Catholic West End Extra, United Kingdom gregation have been doorstepped. December 21, 2007 They have even sent their accusations to the Vatican.” Gay Roman Catholics have vowed to He added: “These are supposed to be “Gays and Grays” continue attending mass at a Soho church fellow Catholics, but sometimes I wonder ...continued from page 4 Godfrey said he believes that on-the- despite claims that they are subject to a vi- if we are practising the same religion.” cious hate campaign. Soho police now attend the masses Vatican’s top doctrinal enforcement arm, ground practice will eventually change the Since March, lesbian, gay, bisexual and organised by the Soho Masses Pastoral the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. church’s outlook, and he takes hope from the transgender Catholics have been attending Council. The letter reads in part: “Is there a right fact that a 2006 document from the U.S. bish- mass at Our Lady of the Assumption and St This week the diocese reiterated its that bishops have to use money that has been ops on homosexuality did not use the phrase Gregory, in Warwick Street, after the Dio- commitment to the masses. A spokesman given to a diocese for the purpose of programs “intrinsic evil” that had been used in previ- cese of Westminster officially acknowl- said: “Recently, there has been a review of for the people of God, to be used for state ous Vatican documents describing homosexu- edged the group formed after the Admiral the provision that has been provided and, politics? I cannot remember whenever it was ality. pub nail bomb attacks in 1999. as a result, Mgr Seamus O’Boyle has been done before or whether parishioners were “Gay Catholics are becoming an open But the fortnightly masses – the appointed parish priest. He will be respon- aware of it, if it was.” and accepted part of parish life in a greater country’s only endorsed mass for LGBT sible for ensuring all pastoral provision is Shore continued: “Frustrated parishio- number of parishes,” he writes. “I believe that Roman Catholics – have been disrupted by given with due catechesis and formation ners are leaving the church or are no longer this movement will grow as gays are more a vigilante group who stage protests out- according to the mind of the church. going to support church or archdiocesan min- accepted in society. I don’t see how it can be side the church and have been accused of “The parish will continue to be sensi- istries. What they thought was a home, a place stopped.” intimidating the congregation. tive to the pastoral needs of homosexual of acceptance and love and not bigotry, is The example set at Most Holy Redeemer The LGBT group’s secretary, Martin Catholics. nothing more than a place of tolerance and gives voice to hope for a new church “revo- Pendergast, said: “We have received hate “Our Lady of the Assumption and St lip service.” lution through evolution,” as Godfrey called mail and the group, which is sometimes as Gregory parish provides a welcome to all, When Shore read the letter at Mass on a it, in a worshiping community where, he said, many as 30, intimidate us at the church. and every mass celebrated at the church has Sunday, members of the parish, many with murmurs and whispers no longer cloak gay “They sing so loudly during mass to always, and will continue to be, open to all.” tears in their eyes, rose to their feet. people in darkness and shame.w Page 6 BONDINGS Vol. 28, No. 1 Future archbishop’s compassion stops short when it comes to gays

By Nick Coleman uled to succeed retiring Archbishop Harry with compassion and respect, those qualities acceptance in the church. “They want us to Star Tribune, Minneapolis-St. Paul Flynn in May. “If they do so knowingly and seem notably missing from Nienstedt’s state- go away, to make the church so hostile for November 27, 2007 willingly, [they] are guilty of mortal sin.” ment. the gay and lesbian community that we won’t Nienstedt went on to set three conditions “He’s the only archbishop in the coun- want to be there anymore. John Nienstedt, Coadjutor Archbishop of for such church members to receive commun- try to put this aggressive of a spin on Catho- “And it is working.” the Catholic Archdiocese of Saint Paul and ion: They must experience a “conversion of lic teaching,” says Mary Lynn Murphy of Maybe so, but McNeill and other mem- Minneapolis, has been quoted as saying he heart,” express “sorrow for their action” and Catholic Rainbow Parents. “We knew he was bers of the extended GLBT family in the believes homosexuality is the result of some receive absolution from a priest. very conservative, but people had hoped that church aren’t giving up yet. kind of childhood trauma. Today, he is inflict- His views, a church spokesman said, he wanted to bring people together. Then, This Sunday, they plan to hold a 2 p.m. ing trauma of his own. merely reflect Catholic teachings as delin- right out of the chute, he fired this cannon. vigil on the steps of the Cathedral of St. Paul That’s the opinion of many Catholic eated in The Catechism of the Catholic It’s extreme talk, and it gives license not just to demonstrate against Nienstedt’s comments, friends and relatives of gay and lesbian people Church which also requires individual homo- to homophobia but even to violence. This and to deliver an open letter to the Chancery, in the Twin Cities. They say they have been sexuals to be accepted with “respect, com- bishop says gays are ‘evil.’” across Summit Avenue from the Cathedral. wounded and angered by comments Nienstedt passion and sensitivity.” Dennis McGrath, a spokesman for the For Mary Lynn Murphy, who has been made about homosexuals in the Nov. 15 edi- The catechism, in my reading, says ho- archdiocese, said Nienstedt’s comments were cursed, spat at and manhandled by good tion of The Catholic Spirit, the official news- mosexual acts cannot be approved but does not aimed at families of gays, or at individual churchgoers in the past as she demonstrated paper of the archdiocese. not label them a “grave evil.” Homosexuals, homosexuals. on behalf of her grown gay son, it is impor- “Those who actively encourage or pro- like all baptized persons, are “called to chas- “It was about the sin, the activity — not tant to speak up and show up. mote homosexual acts or such activity within tity.” But somehow, the sins of homosexuals the person,” McGrath said. “He didn’t mean “It is a human right to express your sexu- a homosexual lifestyle formally cooperate in always get denounced before the sins of you must stop loving your child. But if you ality,” says Murphy, who met last week with a grave evil,” wrote Nienstedt, who is sched- straight people. And if gays must be accepted say, ‘Why don’t you go hit the gay bars to- Catholic parents of gays who were in tears night? ...’ He was talking about those who over Nienstedt’s statements on homosexual- encourage or promote homosexual activities, ity. like a pornographer might.” “They are being tormented by a church But as Nienstedt prepares to succeed that is driving a wedge between parent and Flynn, who tried to steer a less confrontational child,” Murphy said. “They believe they are course, gay Catholics and their families are being asked to choose between loving their feeling more and more isolated. church and loving their child. And they are “It’s getting worse and worse,” says furious. For the most prominent religious Brian McNeill of Dignity Twin Cities, a group leader in the state to use that kind of language, of gay Catholics who have been pushing for well, it brings shame on him.”w Vatican Nixes Groundbreaking Meeting Between Italian Bishop, Gay Activists

By Newscenter Staff 365gay.com days after the Vatican suspended an official October 19, 2007 of the after he was shown on televi- sion making sexual advances to a young man. The Vatican pressured an Italian bishop Following his suspension Monsignor to cancel a meeting he had set up with the Tommaso Stenico told La Repubblica news- country’s largest LGBT civil rights group a paper that he is not gay. newspaper reported Friday. Stenico was a top official in the Vatican’s Vigil participants outside St. Paul Cathedral in St. Paul, MN on December 2, 2007. Bishop Franco Agostinelli of Grosseto Congregation of the Clergy. See article below. Photo by Michael Bayly. was to have met with members of the group He told the paper that he frequented Arcigay on October 17. It would have been online gay chat rooms and met with gay men the first ever meeting between a high ranking as part of his work as a psychoanalyst. He official of the Church and gay activists in Italy. said that he pretended to be gay in order to Hundreds Support Gay, The newspaper Il Giornale says that gather information about “those who damage when it learned of the meeting through the the image of the Church with homosexual media the Vatican told Agostinelli to cancel. activity.” Lesbian Catholics at Vigil The bishop says only that once the meet- Friday another Italian paper, Panorama ing became public knowledge he was con- Weekly, said it had information showing that Stenico was maintaining a list of gay priests. By Kris Berggren bian partnerships or family relationships, may cerned that what was intended to be a “quiet The conservative paper said that the list National Catholic Reporter be considered to “formally cooperate in a conversation” to open a dialogue with Arcigay contained “names and circumstances impli- December 14, 2007 grave evil” or be “guilty of mortal sin.” He would be interpreted as “recognition” by the cating a certain number of priests and even also distanced himself from the U.S. bishops’ Church of the group. News of the intended meeting leaked out bishops working at the Curia.” w At least 300 Catholics and supporters pastoral letter to parents of gay children, “Al- braved cold temperatures and gusty winds to ways Our Children.” Nienstedt said that docu- gather outside the Cathedral of St. Paul Dec. ment “is not a normative teaching statement 2 in a vigil of solidarity with gay and lesbian of the bishops’ conference.” “A Few Minutes Catholics and their families. The open letter characterizes Nienstedt’s The event included a “die-in” on cathe- column as hurtful and unacceptable and de- dral steps and brief remarks by speakers in- rived from flawed research on human sexu- with the Pope” cluding Mary Lynn Murphy, president of ality. Submissions Requested Catholic Rainbow Parents, and Mel White Michael Bayly of The Progressive of Soulforce, a nonprofit activist organization Catholic Voice, a grass-roots group that or- that confronts homophobia by addressing re- ganized the event, said they hoped to “show ligious bigotry. there are Catholics who disagree not only with We invite you to imagine what it would be like to have White told the group they were the lat- what Nienstedt has said but how [the church] “A Few Minutes with the Pope”-- and to write what you est in a long line of dissenters such as Galileo arrives at [its] teachings. We want a voice in and Franz Jägerstätter, “who loved the church the formulation of church teachings especially would say to him if you had the chance. enough to stand up and say, ‘You’re wrong.’ with regard to human sexuality. In Catholic ” tradition, the laity should have a role in de- We will collect these accounts and personally deliver them The group also delivered an open letter veloping teachings.” to the Vatican Embassy in Washington, DC, just a few days to Coadjutor Archbishop John Nienstedt, who Mary Turbak, a parishioner at St. Pascal before Pope Benedict arrives here in April. is to succeed Archbishop Harry Flynn as head Baylon, said she doesn’t have a gay or les- of the archdiocese in the spring. The letter bian child but she was there to support friends. responded to Nienstedt’s Nov. 15 column in “We’re here because we’re against what Please keep the length of your account less that 1000 words. the archdiocesan newspaper, The Catholic Nienstedt said, that you’re living in sin if Send your contribution via email to [email protected] or to Spirit. Nienstedt had written that people who you’re supporting your children. Isn’t it the NWM, 4012 29th Street, Mt. Rainier, MD 20712, by March 15, 2008. support homosexual activity, such as parents people in the church that matter, or is it a who support their adult children’s gay or les- bunch of rules?”w Fall/Winter 2007 BONDINGS Page 7 Gay-Friendly Parishes

Below is a partial list of known “gay-friendly” Catholic parishes and faith communities. Thank you for helping us add to this growing list! If you are aware of such a parish that is known as welcoming to lesbian and gay Catholics as members and active parishioners, please let us know. Tell us if this welcome is because of a support program, spirituality group, mission statement, participation in gay community events, involvement with parents, or simply the friendliness of pastoral staff.

Alabama Peter, St. Sylvester, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Melville: St. Elizabeth Montgomery: St. Bede Thomas the Apostle Rochester: Blessed Sacrament, St. John the Country Club Hills: St. Emeric Evangelist (Humboldt St.), St. Mary, St. Arizona Evanston: St. Nicholas Monica Mesa: Christ the King Morton Grove: St. Martha Syracuse: St. Andrew the Apostle Scottsdale: Franciscan Renewal Center Oak Park: Ascension, St. Catherine of Sienna- Utica: St. Francis DeSales Tuscon: St. Cyril of Alexandria, SS. Peter St. Lucy Wantaugh: St. Frances de Chantal Tennessee and Paul, St. Pius X, Our Mother of Schaumburg: St. Marcelline Westbury: St. Brigid Memphis: Cathedral of the Immaculate Sorrows, St. Odilia Conception Indiana North Carolina California Evansville: St. Mary Charlotte: St. Peter Texas Berkeley: Holy Spirit Parish Indianapolis: St. Thomas Aquinas Durham: Immaculate Conception Colleyville: Good Shepherd Burney: St Francis of Assisi Fayetteville: St. Patrick Dallas: Holy Trinity Carlesbad: St. Patrick Iowa Raleigh: St. Francis of Assisi Plano: St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Claremont: Our Lady of the Assumption Iowa City: St. Thomas More El Cajon: St. Luke Ohio Virginia Escondido: St. Timothy Kentucky Akron: St. Bernard Arlington: Our Lady Queen of Peace Fremont: St. Joseph-Mission San Jose Louisville: Epiphany, Cathedral of the Cleveland: Ascension of Our Lord, St. Richmond: Cathedral of the Sacred Heart, Hawthorne: St. Joseph (Spanish) Assumption, St. William Malachi, St. Martha Sacred Heart Parish Hayward: All Saints Mentor: St. John Vianney Roanoke: St. Gerard LaPuente: St. Martha Maine University Heights: Church of the Gesu Virginia Beach: St. Nicholas Lemon Grove: St. John of the Cross Portland: Sacred Heart-St. Dominic Westlake: St. Ladislas Long Beach: St. Matthew Saco: Most Holy Trinity Wooster: St. Mary of the Immaculate Washington Los Angeles: Blessed Sacrament, Christ the Conception Seattle: St. Benedict King, Mother of Good Counsel, St. Maryland Tacoma: St. Leo Camillus Center-LA USC Medical Center Baltimore: Corpus Christi, St. Francis of Oregon (Spanish), St. Paul the Apostle Assisi, St. Matthew, St. Philip and James, St. Central Point: Shepherd of the Valley West Virginia North Hollywood: Blessed Sacrament, St. Vincent dePaul Portland: Journey and Koinonia Catholic Shepherdstown: St. Agnes Jane Frances de Chantal, St. Patrick Columbia: St. John the Evangelist Community, St. Andrew, St. Phillip Neri, St. Oakland: Our Lady of Lourdes Gaithersburg: St. Rose of Lima Vincent dePaul Wisconsin Oceanside: St. Thomas More Hagerstown: St. Ann Madison: St. Benedict Center Sunday Orange: Holy Family Cathedral, Koinoia Severn: St. Bernadette Pennsylvania Assembly Pleasanton: Catholic Community of Philadelphia: Old St. Joseph, Old St. Mary, St. Menomonee Falls: Good Shepherd Pleasanton Massachusetts John the Evangelist, St. Vincent dePaul Milwaukee: Prince of Peace, Trinity- Sacramento: St. Francis of Assisi Boston: Paulist Center, St. Anthony’s Shrine York: St. Joseph Guadalupe San Carlos: St. Charles Newton: Our Lady Help of Christians San Diego: Ascension, Christ the King, San Sharon: Our Lady of Sorrows Rhode Island Canada Rafael, St. Jude Shrine Worcester: Holy Cross College Providence: St. Francis Chapel Toronto: Our Lady of Lourdes San Francisco: Most Holy Redeemer, Old Wickford: St. Bernard St. Mary’s Cathedral, St. Agnes, St. Michigan Dominic Detroit: St. Leo To add your faith community to our list, please contact the New Ways San Jose: St. Julie Billiart, St. Martin of Kalamazoo: Lambda Catholics Tours (Emmaus Community) St. Ignace: St. Ignatius Loyola Ministry office via [email protected] or at 301-277-5674. Thanks! San Luis Obispo: Old Mission of San Luis Obispo Minnesota San Rafael: Church of San Rafael & Mission Minneapolis: St. Frances Cabrini, St. Joan of San Rafael Archangel Arc, St. Stephen Santa Clara: GALA Next Steps: Santa Cruz: Holy Cross Missouri Santa Monica: St. Monica Kansas City: Cathedral of the Immaculate Developing Catholic Lesbian/Gay Ministry Spring Valley: Santa Sophia Conception, Guardian Angels, St. Francis Walnut Creek: St. John Vianney Xavier, St. James West Hollywood: St. Ambrose, St. Victor St. Louis: St. Cronan, St. Margaret of Whittier: St. Mary of the Assumption Scotland, St. Pius V Weekend Workshop for Pastoral Ministers, Colorado Nebraska Leaders of Catholic Institutions, Arvada: Spirit of Christ Omaha: Holy Family, Sacred Heart Boulder: St. Thomas Aquinas and all interested in lesbian/gay ministry Colorado Springs: Nevada Denver: Cathedral of the Immaculate Las Vegas: Christ the King, Guardian Angel May 30 - June 1, 2008 Conception, St. Dominic Cathedral Fort Collins: Blessed John XXIII Mariandale Spirituality Center Highlands Ranch: Pax Christi New Hampshire Littleton: St. Francis Cabrini Manchester: Parish of the Transfiguration 299 N. Highland Avenue Merrimack: St. John Neumann Connecticut Ossining, NY 10562 Hartford: St. Patrick-St. Anthony New Jersey Description Clifton: St. Brendan District of Columbia Lawrenceville: St. Ann + How can Catholic communities respond compassionately and faith- Holy Trinity, St. Aloysius, St. Matthew Trenton Falls: St. Anselm Cathedral fully to the gifts, needs, and life experiences of lesbian and gay people and their families? New Mexico Florida Albuquerque: Holy Family Ft. Lauderdale: St. Anthony, St. Maurice Espanola: Sacred Heart of Jesus + What skills, knowledge, and talents are needed to address lesbian/ Melbourne: Ascension Parish gay issues in Catholic environments? Naples: St. John the Evangelist New York St. Petersburg: Holy Cross Baldwinsville: St. Augustine + What role can pastoral leaders play in building bridges between Winter Haven: St. Matthew Bellmore: St. Barnabas the Apostle faith communities and those who feel alienated and ostracized Brooklyn: St. Andrew the Apostle, St. Boniface because of sexual orientation issues? Georgia Deer Park: Ss. Cyril and Methodius Atlanta: Shrine of the Immaculate East Islip: St. Mary This weekend of prayer, presentations, dialogue, and planning is designed Conception Elmira: St. Mary Fairport: Church of the Assumption to assist those seeking ways to include lesbian/gay people and issues in their Illinois Henrietta: Good Shepherd home parishes, schools, or other ministerial settings. Berwyn: St. Mary of the Celle Long Island: Sacred Heart Chicago: Immaculate Conception, St. Manhattan: Holy Name of Jesus, St. Francis All interested in learning to develop lesbian/gay ministry programs are in- Clement, St. Gertrude, St. Gregory, St. Xavier, St. Paul the Apostle vited to participate. Sponsored by New Ways Ministry. www.NewWaysMinistry.org For more info, call 301-277-5674 or email at [email protected]. Page 8 BONDINGS Vol. 28, No. 1 Opinion Taking Marriage Private

By Stephanie Coontz adults whose parents distributing resources to dependents. The sity law professor, argues, the marriage li- New York Times opposed their match. Social Security Act provided survivors’ ben- cense no longer draws reasonable dividing November 26, 2007 The American efits with proof of marriage. Employers used lines regarding which adult obligations and colonies officially re- marital status to determine whether they rights merit state protection. A woman mar- Why do people — gay quired marriages to would provide health insurance or pension ried to a man for just nine months gets Social or straight — need the be registered, but un- benefits to employees’ dependents. Courts Security survivor’s benefits when he dies. But state’s permission to til the mid-19th cen- and hospitals required a marriage license be- a woman living for 19 years with a man to marry? For most of West- tury, state supreme fore granting couples the privilege of inherit- whom she isn’t married is left without gov- ern history, they didn’t, be- courts routinely ruled ing from each other or receiving medical in- ernment support, even if her presence helped cause marriage was a pri- that public cohabita- formation. him hold down a full-time job and pay Social vate contract between two tion was sufficient In the 1950s, using the marriage license Security taxes. A newly married wife or hus- families. The parents’ evidence of a valid as a shorthand way to distribute benefits and band can take leave from work to care for a agreement to the match, not marriage. By the legal privileges made some sense because al- spouse, or sue for a partner’s wrongful death. the approval of church or later part of that cen- most all adults were married. Cohabitation But unmarried couples typically cannot, no state, was what confirmed tury, however, the and single parenthood by choice were very matter how long they have pooled their re- its validity. United States began rare. sources and how faithfully they have kept For 16 centuries, to nullify common- Today, however, possession of a mar- their commitments. Christianity also defined law marriages and riage license tells us little about people’s in- Possession of a marriage license is no the validity of a marriage on the basis of a exert more control over who was allowed to terpersonal responsibilities. Half of all Ameri- longer the chief determinant of which obli- couple’s wishes. If two people claimed they marry. cans aged 25 to 29 are unmarried, and many gations a couple must keep, either to their had exchanged marital vows — even out By the 1920s, 38 states prohibited whites of them already have incurred obligations as children or to each other. But it still deter- alone by the haystack — the Catholic Church from marrying blacks, “mulattos,” Japanese, partners, parents or both. Almost 40 percent mines which obligations a couple can keep accepted that they were validly married. Chinese, Indians, “Mongolians,” “Malays” or of America’s children are born to unmarried — who gets hospital visitation rights, family In 1215, the church decreed that a “licit” Filipinos. Twelve states would not issue a parents. Meanwhile, many legally married leave, health care and survivor’s benefits. This marriage must take place in church. But marriage license if one partner was a drunk, people are in remarriages where their obliga- may serve the purpose of some moralists. But people who married illictly had the same an addict or a “mental defect.” Eighteen states tions are spread among several households. it doesn’t serve the public interest of helping rights and obligations as a couple married in set barriers to remarriage after divorce. Using the existence of a marriage license individuals meet their care-giving commit- church: their children were legitimate; the In the mid-20th century, governments to determine when the state should protect ments. wife had the same inheritance rights; the began to get out of the business of deciding interpersonal relationships is increasingly Perhaps it’s time to revert to a much older couple was subject to the same prohibitions which couples were “fit” to marry. Courts in- impractical. Society has already recognized marital tradition. Let churches decide which against divorce. validated laws against interracial marriage, this when it comes to children, who can no marriages they deem “licit.” But let couples Not until the 16th century did European struck down other barriers and even extended longer be denied inheritance rights, parental — gay or straight — decide if they want the states begin to require that marriages be per- marriage rights to prisoners. support or legal standing because their par- legal protections and obligations of a com- formed under legal auspices. In part, this was But governments began relying on mar- ents are not married. mitted relationship.w an attempt to prevent unions between young riage licenses for a new purpose: as a way of As Nancy Polikoff, an American Univer- At a Jesuit University Former HRC head Elizabeth Birch honored at diversity event

By Seth Hemmelgarn United States “has never been closer to the- In awarding Birch, the school recognized dean for law career services. Bay Area Reporter, San Francisco ocracy.” She also mentioned human rights her for boosting HRC’s lobbying efforts on This is the fourth year the school has held November 11, 2007 abuses in other countries, such as women who Capitol Hill and her “groundbreaking” use the diversity gala, which also serves as a are stoned to death in Iran for adultery. of the media. While she fundraiser for the The former head of the Human Rights “Something’s the matter with this pic- was with HRC, she ap- Thurgood Marshall Campaign, who is credited with growing the ture,” Birch told the audience. “We have to peared on television Civil Rights Schol- organization into a powerful national voice do better. You are among the best ambassa- shows ranging from arship, which helps for gay rights, was honored last week for her dors to help bring about this change.” Good Morning minority students at- social justice work. Prior to leading HRC, Birch served as America to The News tend the school. This Elizabeth Birch, the HRC’s president and worldwide director of litigation for Apple Hour with Jim Lehrer at year’s gala raised at executive director from 1995 until January Computer Inc. She has helped various com- a time when gays were least $20,000 for the 2004, accepted the Santa Clara University panies develop non-discrimination policies becoming more visible scholarship, accord- School of Law’s inaugural Social Justice and and offer domestic partner benefits. She ad- in the national media. ing to Julia Yaffee, Human Rights Award at its annual diversity dressed the Democratic National Convention Former Ambassa- the law gala at San Jose’s City Hall Thursday, Octo- in 2000, becoming the first head of an LGBT dor James Hormel, the school’s senior as- ber 25. group to address a national political conven- first openly gay person sistant dean. Accepting the award, Birch, 51, who tion, according to the university. to hold the diplomatic Bradley Jacklin graduated from the law school in 1985, noted After Birch joined HRC, the organiza- post when he served in came to the school the university is located in one of the most tion grew from 100,000 to 600,000 members, Luxembourg, presented after working with innovative and diverse regions of the coun- with another 500,000 online supporters, ac- the award to Birch. Elizabeth Birch Birch at HRC and try. She told the audience of about 200 stu- cording to the university. She left the organi- Hormel recalled a debate on the News Hour she recommended it to him. Now, he’s presi- dents, lawyers, and judges that there are many zation in 2004. Since then, she’s started a in which Birch appeared with ex-U.S. Rep- dent of BGLAD – Bi, Gay and Lesbian Ad- areas where their help is needed. consulting firm, runs Rosie O’Donnell’s pro- resentative Bob Barr, who in 1996 authored vocacy – which he said has 50 to 60 mem- She said society is currently in the “mod- duction company, and hosts a talk show on the Defense of Marriage Act. The act prohib- bers. Many are alumni and straight allies, he ern middle ages.” For example, she said, the here!, an LGBT TV network. its same-sex marriages from being recognized added. by the federal government. It was signed into “The administration has been very dedi- Radical Inclusiveness: law by President Bill Clinton. Birch asked cated to making sure gay and lesbian students Barr, who at the time had had two divorces, feel like they have a safe place to be,” Jacklin The Ministry of Jesus and His Followers Today whether he was defending his first, second, said. He said the school has sponsored stu- or third marriage. dents to go to national lesbian and gay asso- Retreat for Lesbian/Gay Catholics, Hormel also recalled Birch started grow- ciation conferences. Parents, Pastoral Ministers ing HRC at a time when “some Congress Many of those at the gala said they were and other interested persons people didn’t think they had any gay people unfamiliar with Birch and her work before in their districts.” attending the event, but they liked what they Diversity appears to be a top goal of heard there, and they were glad for the op- May 23-25, 2008 Santa Clara University, a Jesuit school that portunity to network. Racine, Wisconsin aims to help the legal profession reflect soci- Arisha Hatch, a recent graduate of the (near Milwaukee) ety. The school promotes itself as one of the school, is now practicing environmental law 10 most ethnically diverse law schools in the in San Francisco. Hatch said she doesn’t think For more information, country. The school has approximately 1,000 she would’ve made it without the school’s Presented by call 301-277-5674 or email students, and about 45 percent of those come help, and now she’s come back to support Anthony Gittins, CSSp at [email protected] from ethnic or racial minority groups, accord- current students. ing to Vicki Hubner, the school’s assistant “It’s a fabulous event,” she said. w