The Reluctant Famulus # 90 November/December 2012 Thomas D. Sadler, Editor/Publisher, etc. 305 Gill Branch Road, Owenton, KY 40359 Phone: 502-484-3766 E-mail: [email protected]

Dedicated to Alan Hunter

Contents Introduction, Editor 1 Rat Stew, Gene Stewart 10 The Adaptation of Father Brown, Eric Barraclough 12 Bluegrass Beginnings, Al Byrd 14 Attempts at Utopia, Amana, Leigh James Martin 20 Epanimandias, Alexis Gilliland 23 The Crotchety Critic Michaele Jordan 26 PIBI Sheryl Birkhead 28 Not Another One, Editor 31 Alan Hunter art portfolio 32—38 Letters 39

Artwork

Brad Foster Front cover Alan Hunter Back cover #, 19, 50 Al Byrd 14, 16, 17, 18 Alexis Gilliland 41, 47, 55 Sheryl Birkhead 9 Internet 1—6 Spore & ToeToe 39, 45,51 Atom (Arthur Thomson)* 11, 25, 53

# I thought this had been used on an earlier issue of TRF but now I'm not so sure. It may be that, considering my poor organization, I misplaced it and then forgot I had it and so it was never used.. If anyone who kept the back issues finds one with that artwork, please let me know. * About the Atom fillos: I was going through a bunch of fannish publications, by Ken Cheslin and John Berry which included many illos/fillos by Atom. Certain ones in particular caught my eye and I thought they deserved to be seen again.

The Reluctant Famulus is a product of Strange Dwarf Publications. Many of the comments expressed herein are solely those of the Editor/Publisher and do not necessarily reflect the thoughts of any sane, rational persons who know what they are doing and have carefully thought out beforehand what they wanted to say. Material not written or produced by the Editor/Publisher is printed by permission of the various writers and artists and is copyright by them and remains their sole property. Permission is granted to any persons who wish to reprint material presented herein, provided proper and due credit is given both to the author/artist who produced the material and to the origi- nal publication in which it appeared. TRF maybe obtained for The Usual but especially in return for written materi- al and artwork, postage costs, The Meaning of Life, , and Editorial Whim. Introduction: Some Improbables

No more flying saucers (real or other- indicative of high technological advance- wise). No more ghosts or haunted houses. No ment because it stood out distinctly from the more silly laws. We’ll put that all away for background noise of signals from space. The good and forever. Off we go in a slightly signal bore expected signs of potential non- new direction. terrestrial and non-solar system origin. It last- Among my many interests—though prob- ed for a total of 72 seconds and but has not ably not as large a number as some of you been detected since. Seventy-two seconds is faithful readers—is that of strange, unusual, the exact length of time it takes for the Earth odd or what have you events, anecdotes, folk- to rotate the Big Ear satellite through a signal tales, or just plain old rumors. The more from space. The event displayed enormous bizarre the better. Herewith, then, a small strength, and signal’s shape had a strange rise assortment of such items which caught my and fall calculation. Many people have specu- attention while I was wasting—er, spending lated that the Wow signal was sent by an my time online recently. I hope you readers advanced civilization. Strangely, it was find them of at least some small interest. picked up by only one of the scope’s two detectors. When the second detector covered Unexplained Deep Space Recording the same patch of sky three minutes later, it heard nothing. The Universe is claimed to consist of everything that physically exists, including all forms of matter, energy, and momentum. A galaxy is a massive, gravitationally bound system of stars and stellar remnants. It has been estimated that over 100 billion galaxies exist in the observable universe. Back in 1963, Ohio State University began what is called the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelli- gence (SETI) project. As part of the project they developed what they called The Big Ear radio telescope. It was used to conduct full sky surveys of outer space in search of extraterrestrial radio sources. On August 15, 1977 The Big Ear telescope recorded a That seemed to indicate that the first strange narrow band radio burst. The event beam had detected something that wasn’t was documented by Dr. Jerry R. Ehman, who there. Or that the source of the signal had scribbled “WoW!” in the margin of the been shut off or redirected in the intervening recorded printout. time. That event remains the strongest and The signal came from the direction of most clear signal ever received from an the constellation Sagittarius. It seemed to be unknown source in space, as well as the most 1 fascinating and unexplainable. Its original dis- first invented. In fact, the longer exposure coverer Jerry Ehman doesn’t care to specu- times of early cameras have revealed more late on its source, and he remains scientifical- than the modern “instant” versions do. But ly skeptical about the incident. People have there are still oddities such as the image cap- made claims that an extraterrestrial race was tured on Google Earth that clearly shows a attempting to contact Earth. The official sci- World War Two bomber flying over Britain. entific explanation of the event is interstellar Is this a time slip or just the folks at Google scintillation of a weaker continuous signal. having a laugh? Or could it perhaps be a The Wow Signal remains a mystery even to reconstruction from an air show? Who can this day say? It is claimed that not all time slips are brief and there have been occasions when Time Slips people have entered a room and been startled to find that they are in a completely different According to Albert Einstein and others, time. time isn’t as stable as most of us think. We For example, a Mr Archie “Racer” humans have adjusted to time and our evolu- Carmichael was driving from Birmingham to tion has established tricks to allow our con- London in 1953 when he stopped for a drink scious minds to deal with it but in reality it’s in a Cotswold village near Borton-on-the- a slippery concept. Time slips occur when a Water. He parked his Austin-Healy 100/4 out- current time (now) interlaces with a previous side the local pub and entered for a drink. He time (then) and can be experienced by the per- was shocked when the he found the people son from the more recent time. The event, inside the bar looked as if they were from an however, is usually unnoticed by the people earlier century. His cautious attempts to com- from the earlier time. What is the evidence municate were ignored and after a few min- for this phenomenon? utes the scene dissolved and Archie found Perhaps plenty if you know where to himself being asked if he was all right by a look. Apparently it is so common that we’ve worried looking barman. It seems that he even built it into the English language. thought he had seen ghosts but was probably Allegedly, when a time slip occurs, people in experiencing a time slip. both realities are able to experience the alter- native reality. But according to most accounts, this usu- ally lasts for only a few seconds and the human brain does its best to filter out these anomalies. This has given rise to expressions such as “I could have sworn that I’ve just seen” or “my eyes must be playing tricks on me” or even “you won’t believe what I just saw”. Over the years people have claimed to have seen old airplanes parked in fields that were once airports or roman soldiers march- ing down their road. In almost all cases the The Mysterious Count Saint Germain person experiencing the time slip blinks, A Possible Traveler in Time? looks again, and is startled to find that what- ever they saw has now vanished. Supposedly, Who was the Count of Saint Germain? however, photography has captured these Was he immortal as some claimed or possi- anomalies from the time that the camera was bly a time traveler? Apart from Saint Ger- 2 main himself, probably nobody even knows became famous for his great wealth and his the truth. But according to various accounts alchemical skills. He himself claimed to have he often astonished his listeners when he found the philosopher’s stone and produce described certain inventions, which were still diamonds, as well as having traveled to the unknown in the 18th Century such as the rail- Himalayas where he had found people who road and the steamboat. One wonders how he “know everything”. Additionally, he added know about them. that “one must have studied in the Pyramids, The Count of Saint Germain is described as I have done it” to trace his secret. He also as a famous adventurer of the 18th century claimed that he had traveled through space. and one who was known “A very long time I flew throughout Europe as “the through space. I saw miracle man”. But nothing globes, the world revolved definite is known of his around me and at my feet.” parentage, and his death is On another occasion he shrouded in darkness. Vol- said:” I traveled through taire, a cynic who was not time and found myself un- easily impressed, described consciously in distant coun- Saint Germain in a conver- tries.” sation with Frederick the The count was Great as “. . . the man who acclaimed by sone a vision- knows everything and never ary, telling of inventions dies!” from the future. He further Some witnesses claimed that he could make claimed he had lived for at himself invisible in front of least two hundred years, while hardly chang- witnesses and appear suddenly whenever and ing his appearance. wherever he wanted. According to various accounts Saint Ger- In 1744, Saint Germain was jailed in main turned up suddenly from nowhere. Dur- England on a charge of espionage but was ing his life he was surrounded by intrigue released after interrogation. In 1745 and and rumors of magical powers. It is believed 1746 he lived at the Viennese court like a he could have had more than eighty prince and was “witty and highly gifted.” He pseudonyms; and very likely the name of was described as being very rich, and also Saint Germain was not his real one. able to speak in several European, Arabic, He first appeared in 1710, which was tes- Oriental, and classical languages, and was an tified by the composer Jean-Philip Rameau excellent violin and piano player. Moreover, and the young Countess of Geordie, who he was a vegetarian and only drank wine described him as a forty to forty-five year old occasionally. man. For the next two decades, almost noth- Between 1747 and 1760 he attained the ing is known except that he was a close confi- height of his fame at the court of Louis XV dant of Madame de Pompadour and had a by enlarging or increasing diamonds. There great influence in Freemason lodges and oth- they gave him a laboratory for his alchemical er secret societies. experiments. The Countess of Geordie, who Between 1737 and 1742, Saint Germain was then aged seventy, was surprised that stayed at the court of the Shah of Persia, Saint Germain still looked the same as when where he probably acquired a part of his they had met fifty years earlier. knowledge about diamonds. In 1743, he From 1762 to about 1773 reports were appeared at the court of King Louis XV and published all over Europe about his scientific

3 and political career: “An extraordinary man, possible disease. who could turn iron into a metal that for the He seemed to have taught the people work of the goldsmith’s at least is as good with whom he associated about the inner and beautiful as gold.” meaning of life, and—because he foresaw the In Venice, he had a factory that em- impending revolution—to have consoled ployed a hundred workers. The company was them with the prospect of the subtle world, engaged in the manufacture of linen which, it the afterlife. was claimed, looked like silk. To Marie Antoinette he allegedly predict- Between 1774 and 1784, after the death ed the day and the hour of her death in 1793. of Louis XV, he warned Louis XVI and The queen herself testified that the Count ap- Marie Antoinette in vain of a “giant conspira- peared with his soul’s body (astral body) in cy” of which he had become aware by his her cell and elevated her soul by giving her insight into Freemasonry and Illuminati cir- the certainty of the glorious life in the other cles. world, which gave her the noble dignity After that, Germain lived mostly in Ger- when mounting the guillotine. many. There, he was said to have joined with [[Editor’s note: An interesting and some- his pupil and patron, Prince Charles of Hesse- what sensationalized story and one which Kassel, in Freemasonry, Rosicrucians and should be taken with a large grain of salt, Knights Templar circles. especially the section concerning St. Ger- While at the court of Charles of Hesse- main’s death. The following excerpt is from Kassel, the count admitted for the first time Wikipedia which may be a more accurate to growing old. On 27 February 1784 he and truthful account.]] allegedly died suddenly in the arms of two “In 1779 St. Germain arrived in Altona maids, whereby the funeral is said to have tak- in Schleswig. Here he made an acquaintance en place on 02 March 1784, which is also not- with Prince Charles of Hesse-Kassel, who ed as such in the church registers of Eckern- also had an interest in mysticism and was a förde. When, days later, his coffin was member of several secret societies. The opened again, it was claimed to be empty! Count showed the Prince several of his gems Then followed his appearance—which and he convinced the latter that he had invent- was confirmed by many witnesses—at a ed a new method of coloring cloth. The large gathering of occultists on February 15, Prince was impressed and installed the Count 1785 in Wilhelmsbad and which included in an abandoned factory at Eckernförde he Freemasons, Illuminati and necromancers, at had acquired especially for the Count and which the different views of the lodges supplied him with the materials and cloths should have to be clarified. He was claimed that St. Germain needed to proceed with the to have appeared there in the company of the project. The two met frequently in the follow- famous Italian adventurer and alchemist ing years, and the Prince outfitted a laborato- Cagliostro, the Viennese physician Franz ry for alchemical experiments in his nearby Mesmer, who also is the founder of the summer residence Louisenlund, where they, “animalistic healing magnetism” (Mesmer- among other things, cooperated in creating ism,) and the French writer and philosopher gemstones and jewelry. The Prince later Louis Claude Saint Martin. recounts in a letter that he was the only per- In 1788, he lived mostly in France, again son in whom the Count truly confided. He and again warning the nobles of the impend- told the Prince that he was the son of the ing revolution. But again he was not taken Transylvanian Prince Francis II Rákóczi, and seriously. In 1789, he traveled to Sweden to that he had been 88 years of age when he see King Gustav III to protect him against a arrived in Schleswig.

4 The Count died in his residence in the Three main theories surround the cre- factory on the 27th February 1784, while the ation of the prehistoric cube. The first theory Prince was staying in Kassel, and the death is that it was a meteorite that had slammed was recorded in the register of the St. Nicolai into earth. The second, that it is not truly pre- Church in Eckernförde. He was buried on historic, but rather a piece of machinery that March 2; the cost of the burial was listed in simply became embedded over time as the the accounting books of the church the fol- coal bed was worked. Finally, the third theo- lowing day. The official burial site for the ry states it is an artifact from a technological- Count is at Nicolai Church (German St. Nico- ly advanced prehistoric civilization that has laikirche) in Eckernförde. He was buried in a been lost to history. private grave. On April 3, the same year, the But those theories have their flaws. If it mayor and the city council of Eckernförde was a meteorite, then how did it form in issued an official proclamation about the auc- space and how did it retain its shape during tioning off of the Count’s remaining effects its fall to earth and impact? If it was just a in case no living relative would appear with- piece of machinery, then what type of ma- in a designated time period to lay claim on chinery and how did it get encased in the them. Prince Charles donated the factory to coal bed? Last, if it is an artifact from a long the crown and it was afterward converted lost civilization, then why were no other arti- into a hospital. facts found from this civilization? Not to men- Jean Fuller-Overton found, during her tion there is no scientific evidence to support research, that the Count’s estate upon his such a claim about the Tertiary period. death was a packet of paid and receipted bills The prehistoric cube remains a mystery and quittances, 82 Rthler [sic, Ed.] and 13 to this day. shil- lings (cash), 29 various groups of items of clothing (this includes gloves, stockings, trousers, shirts, etc.), 14 linen shirts, 8 other groups of linen items, and various sundries (razors, buckles, toothbrushes, sunglasses, combs, etc.). There were no diamonds, jew- els, gold, or any other riches. There were no kept cultural items from travels, personal items (like his violin), or any notes of correspondence.”

The Prehistoric Cube.

In Austria around 1885, a cube made of iron, carbon, and nickel was discovered in a coal bed. The coal bed dated to around 12 to The Medieval Hazmat Suit. 70 million years ago, suggesting that the cube originated from the Tertiary period. At The bubonic plague, or the Black Death, first glance, the geometry of the cube makes was the third deadliest pandemic in human it appear to have been made by human hands. history. Even though Fourteenth century phy- Why does this make the list of strange events sicians could not figure out what was causing in history? Well, the trouble with the theory such a plague, they quickly figured out that it is that there were no humans during the Ter- was highly contagious. tiary period. To protect themselves from the “bad 5 air,” these plague doctors wore their own ver- Donnie Decker sion of a Hazmat suit. This suit included a large beaked headpiece that was filled with Dubbed the Rain Boy in 1983, Donnie vinegar, sweet oils and other strong smelling Decker was visiting his friend’s house when compounds to counteract the stench of the he abruptly went into a trance-like state. dead and dying plague victims. Immediately after, the ceiling began to drip The physicians also wore a large water and a mist filled the room. His friends brimmed hat, long black overcoat, and immediately called on the landlord, who was leather breeches. The overcoats were usually shocked by what he was seeing. Sometime coated in wax as an extra precaution. later, Donnie was at a restaurant with other Unfortunately, these roaming plague doc- companions when rain started pouring down tors probably did more harm than good. They onto their heads. The restaurant owner imme- traveled from town to town administering to diately forced him out. Years later, due to a the sick. It is unknown if their remedies did petty crime, Donnie was put into jail where any good, but it is a certainty that many of he caused chaos when rain started to pour these doctors helped to spread the plague down in his cell. After angry inmates com- across Europe. plained, Donnie explained that he could A strange prehistoric cube, a Roman make it rain when he wanted to, and proved Expedition to the Americas, and a Medieval his point by dumping rain on the jailer on Plague suit are just some of the strange facts duty. Eventually, he was released from jail and events that have occurred throughout his- and found a job as a cook at a local restau- tory. There are many more out there. rant. His present whereabouts are unknown—as is the cause of the mysterious rain.

Ice Woman

Nature often performs many astonishing feats, yet it is a different matter altogether when we human beings push past the bound- aries of normal. It was a viciously cold morn- ing in Lengby, Minnesota, when a man dis- covered his 19-year old neighbor, Jean Hill- iard, lying in the snow. Her whole body was frozen solid from the night before, when tem- peratures dropped to twenty-five degrees be- low zero. Apparently, Jean was trying desper- ately to reach her neighbor for help after her car skidded off the road. When her body was discovered she was immediately sent to the local hospital, where her condition stunned the doctors. One of the nurses said that Jean was “so cold, it was like reaching into a freez- er” and that “her face was absolutely white, just this ashen, death look.” Jean was also seriously frostbitten, and none of her limbs would bend or move.

6 The hospital staff did everything possi- cident is not certain, but the vast increase in ble, yet the situation was dire. Even though temperature that day played a part. The tem- they knew if Jean were to regain conscious- perature had risen 39 degrees from the previ- ness, she would more than likely have severe ous day causing increased pressure in the brain damage, and she was frostbitten to the tank. Even today, on a hot summer Boston degree that both her legs would have to be afternoon people, report the smell of molas- amputated. Her family gathered in prayer, ses in the air. hoping for a miracle. 2 hours later, Jean went into violent convulsions, and regained con- sciousness. She was perfectly fine, mentally and physically, although a bit confused. Even the frostbite was slowly disappearing from her legs to the doctors’ amazement. She was released 49 days later without losing a single finger, and sporting only minor scars. [[Editor’s note: the preceding story sounds very much like one of those urban leg- ends one often hears about.]]

This last item, improbable as it might seem, really did occur. The accompanying photo attests to that. I recall reading an account of the catastrophe elsewhere a while As I noted in regard to the St. Germaine back while looking for something else. about taking something with a large grain of salt, a strong skepticism applies to the other Boston Molasses Disaster items in the Introduction. There are and have been a large number of Urban Legends which Molasses is a by-product of the process sound good or convincing but which don’t of transforming cane or beet into sugar. It is stand up under close scrutiny and objectivity. an extremely thick and syrup-like substance. Such as the two-part Conclusion in issues 87 On January 15, 1919 a cast-iron tank was and 88, for which I apologize. I hope you transporting molasses in the industrial North readers will forgive me for my impetuous- End of Boston, Massachusetts. On board ness. It started out with a big flourish but were two-and-a-half million gallons of crude eventually I realized I had written myself into molasses on its way to a distillery. It was to a corner with no windows or trap door be fermented into rum. Suddenly the truck through which to escape. I had good inten- burst creating a loud rumbling noise reminis- tions, but we all know the saying about good cent of machine gun fire. A 15 ft. tall wall of intentions . . . I'll try not to do such a thing molasses steamed through the Boston streets again—unless I know exactly where I’m traveling at approximately 35 mph. It demol- headed before setting off on another such ished buildings and buried everything in its wild tale and what's at the end. Better yet, if I path of destruction. Several blocks were do feel such an urge maybe I can successful- flooded. 21 people and several horses were ly beat it to death and make it go away. buried and killed by the quicksand like sweet That’s the more humane thing to do. substance. Over 150 people were injured. One of the more noteworthy—to certain The clean-up took weeks and approximately science-oriented people, SF fans among 87,000 man hours. The cause of the truck ac- them—recent news stories in October

7 wasabout the discovery of an Earth-sized that the Alpha Centauri system would be a planet much closer to Earth than the others perfect candidate to host Earth-sized worlds. previously discovered. According to the arti- In 2008, a team of astronomers ran computer cle, astron- omers have discovered a new simulations of the system’s first 200 million planet that could be considered our next-door years. In each instance, despite different neighbor. The planet orbits a star in the parameters, multiple terrestrial planets Alpha Centauri system, the closest system to formed around the star. In every case, at least our own, just 4.3 light years away. The plan- one planet turned up similar in size to the et has a mass about the same as Earth, about Earth, and in many cases this planet fell with- 1.1 times the size, and is also the lightest exo- in the star’s habitable zone. planet ever discovered around a sun-like star. But while astronomers have looked for The presence of this planet in the star system years, previous searches of planets in the suggests it could possibly host other potential- Alpha Centauri system came up empty. Until ly habitable worlds according to researchers recently, that is. from the European Southern Observatory at The European team detected the planet La Silla. by using something called the radial velocity It also “. . . represents a major step method, picking up the tiny wobbles in the towards the detection of Earth twins in the motion of the star Alpha Centauri B created immediate vicinity of the Sun.” the team by the gravitational pull of an orbiting planet. wrote in their paper. The effect is extremely small, causing the “This is the first planet with a mass simi- star to move back and forth by no more than lar to Earth ever found around a star like the 51 centimeters per second (1.8 km/hour). The Sun. Its orbit is very close to its star and it team said this is the highest precision ever must be much too hot for life as we know it,” achieved using this method. said Stéphane Udry from the Geneva Obser- Alpha Centauri is one of the brightest vatory. “But it may well be just one planet in stars in the southern skies and is actually part a system of several. of a triple star system consisting of two stars The planet, called Alpha Centauri Bb, cir- similar to the Sun orbiting close to each oth- cles its star every 3.2 days in an orbit of just er. Designated Alpha Centauri A and B, and 6 million kilometers (3.6 million miles) a more distant and faint red component which is much closer than Mercury’s orbit known as Proxima Centauri. Alpha Centauri around the Sun. Earth orbits at 150 million B is very similar to the Sun but slightly small- kilometers (93 million miles) from the Sun. er and less bright. The orbit of Alpha Centau- The researchers say due to its close proximi- ri A is hundreds of times further away from ty, Alpha Centauri Bb is likely very hot and the planet, but it would still be a very bril- covered with molten rock, Life cannot sur- liant object in the planet’s skies. vive the 2,200 degree heat of the planet, so The first exoplanet around a Sun-like close to its star that it circles it every few star was found by the same team back in days. 1995 and there are now 843 Exoplanets with Astronomer Xavier Dumusque described the addition of Alpha Centauri Bb. But most what it might be like on this odd and still are much bigger than Earth, and many are as unnamed hot planet. Its closest star is so near large as Jupiter. The previous closest exoplan- that it would always hang huge in the sky. et was Epsilon Eridani b, 10.4 light years And whichever side of the planet faced the away. star would be broiling hot, with the other side The challenge astronomers now face is icy cold. to detect and characterize a planet with amass Over the years astronomers have thought comparable to Earth that is orbiting in the

8 optimal habitable zone around another star. ble of reaching light speed from a running The first step has now been taken, the team start, so to speak (and how that could be says. achieved I have no idea), the minimum time That means that in the star system Alpha to reach the planet would be 4+ years. Even Centauri B, a just-right planet could be closer that, confined to a starship would feel like a than astronomers had once imagined. It's so long time. But then a minimum of 4+ close that from some southern places on lightyears would be inaccurate since such a Earth, you can see Alpha Centauri B in the craft couldn’t exactly “stop on a dime”. night sky without a telescope. But it's still so There would be the factors of deceleration far that a trip there using current technology time and distance required. I wonder how it would be extremely long.. would feel travelling at lightspeed. Would Just how long would it take for us to get those aboard even notice the velocity or to Alpha Centauri Bb? Using current technol- would it seem as if the starship were standing ogy, our slowest mode of space transporta- still or creeping along? tion, ion drive propulsion, it would take When you stop to consider it, with our 81,000 years. Using the speeds of one of the current technology it would be pointless to fastest spacecraft (Helios 2) and traveling at a attempt an expedition to a potentially human constant speed of 240,000 km/hr, it would habitable planet even a bit more than 4 light take about 19,000 years (or over 600 genera- years distant. By the time the generation ship tions) to travel the 4.3 light years. arrived (whether in 19,000 or 81,000 years Alpha Centauri was the first place the according to the article) the human race on Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence pro- Earth may very well have become extinct in gram looked in its decade-long hunt for radio one way or another. Especially if you factor signals that signify alien intelligent life. Noth- in the additional time it would take even just ing was found, but that doesn't mean nothing a message to get back to Earth traveling at is there, said SETI Institute astronomer Seth the speed of light. If such could be accom- Shostak. plished. One astronomer, who wasn't part of the Of course, if we had a warp drive, a research team, wondered in a companion arti- wormhole, or could fold space in some way cle in Nature if the team had enough evi- that the trip could be made in a few months . dence to back such an extraordinary claim. . . Other astronomers said they had no doubts, But until that happens (if it ever does) and Udry said the team calculated there was we might as well content ourselves with only a 1 in1,000 chance that they were wrong studying such planets from a very long dis- about the planet and that something else was tance, conjecturing what they might be like, causing the signal they saw. and never seeing exactly what they look like. Finding such a planet close by required a Such is reality and life. significant stroke of good luck, said Universi- With that done, let's proceed to the rest ty of California Santa Cruz astronomer Greg of this issue Laughlin. While the discovery of an Earth-sized planet is interesting and encouraging, even if astronomers found one that humans could tol- erate there would still be the same obstacles noted before: the cost to get there, protection from hard radiation, and the distance involved. Even if we had a spacecraft capa-

9 Gene Stewart

“A life is a secret thing, even between a drones at their parties and conventions. husband and wife. Your secret life is com- Hawaiian shirts are just a start, as the Cos- pletely your own, and because it is unknown, tume Procession will demonstrate. Con- will never be mourned. The secret life of formists mock fans even as fans flaunt their each individual goes unhonored through eter- secret imaginary lives lived with such nity.” -- Steve Rasnic Tem, Deadfall Hotel, panache and style. p 204, ¶ 7, rendered into present tense. Languages and religions have even /// emerged from the secret life of fans. Escapism, some aver. Fannish fun is dis- The Secret Life of Fans leaks into soci- missed as childish. Speak Elvish or Klingon ety’s tap-water reservoirs and seeps into mun- at a board meeting, cite Scientology, Boko- dane lives to infect precious bodily fluids, to non, or Jedi precepts during work hours and distill dangerous waking dreams, and to con- staying employed will prove a challenge. dense speculative imagination into reality. Groupthink swarms such instances of individ- Some fear this. ualism and puckish humor is not appreciated. Fans like acting out their enthusiasms. The shame meme spreads to academe, Whether it be a murder party, the Baker where “mere” genre fiction is actively Street Irregulars, or the costumes at a science denounced. Professors of the academic sort fiction convention, fans love participation in of literary endeavor act as if genre fiction is their fantasy of choice. an infection worse than syphilis or republican- Books, movies, and video games offer tism. Some college English departments ac- fiction delivery systems addicted to the many tively sabotage and oppose science fiction genres. Fanzines proliferate in paper and conventions on campus and threaten demerits online. Costumes requiring untold hours, and bad grades to anyone attending such effort, and costly material become an outlet events. for creativity and adoration. Role playing con- Were these blue nosed disapprovers to sumes the greatest part of leisure time and be cracked open like a death star we would spending money. Styles originated by fans find the escapist pustules of religion, ideolo- emerge into the brighter light of the fashion gies political and financial, and other proofs world. Inspiration and influence washes from of the very taint they accuse genre fiction, fannish tidal pools to color and flavor soci- and by extension genre fans, of spreading. ety’s oceanic whole. Oddly, they relegate genre works to chil- So we see that a secret life can be given dren. Are children immune, then, to genre’s wings. It can be released into the wild and cooties? Are such broken-down fairy tales find ways to thrive. Murder will out, they nonsense fit only for uncritical readings? Or say. So, too, the secret life of fans. is it that only children would fall for such Fans, particularly science fiction and fan- claptrap, in the disapprovers’ view? Is genre tasy fans, are generally looked down upon by not good enough for serious adult minds? Or wider society. In part this is due to a stubborn are closed minds not good enough to appreci- refusal to be ashamed of their enthusiasms. ate genre’s scope and depth? They will not act or dress like corporate adult Boring, pedestrian, and merely descrip- 10 tive, genre defenders sneer at academically the stars were going out.” Or a skin-rippling approved mainstream or literary writing. chill. “And then some idiot turned on the How can love affairs and alcoholism stand up lights.” Some want to touch upon things we to galactic empire building, space-time der- cannot fully apprehend with our senses and ring do, and Martian princesses? Fans want thoughts. “I’ll wish you into the cornfield.” to know, and think they do know: Litfic can’t Some want just the facts. “The cold equa- hold a laser pistol to genre work. tions say she must be ejected.” “Most of the biggest-grossing, most pop- Some want the surreal. “A screaming ular, and most enduring movies of all time comes across the sky.” are genre-based,” goes the refrain, and it’s All can find what they look for, in genre true. You can Google it. and out. Good writing is good writing regard- This vindicates genre defenders, and less of genre considerations. Bad writing is genre itself, by demonstrating how eager vast bad writing regardless of academic approval. numbers of people are to participate, howev- The secret life of fans is the life of enjoying er vicariously, in those secret lives sparked in variety, opening to wider vistas, and explor- fannish heads. ing speculations about humanity that go well Mere popularity, the academics snort. beyond the quotidian lives we must all live in Mass appeal proves lowest common denomi- order to be able to afford a secret life. nator material. Any work readable by the A life in, of, and for the mind is all it masses must by definition, they insist, be takes to be free of the suit, tie, and cubicle. crass, crude, and driven by commercial con- Read more and prosper. siderations. To be grasped by the average reader, it must be unstylish, simplistic, and “Life, although it only be an accumula- garish. To hold the interest of the great tion of anguish, is dear to me, so I will unwashed, it must be full of sound and fury, defend it.” signifying nothing. --Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Franken- The academics pit William S. Burroughs stein, or: The Modern Prometheus, the mon- against Edgar Rice Burroughs as if the two ster speaking in Ch. 10. are mutually exclusive. Read, then, “The Jun- gle Rot Kid, On the Nod,” by Philip José Farmer, a Tarzan story written like an out- take from Naked Lunch. Must fiction do a particular thing in a cer- tain way to count as worthwhile? The secret life of fans says no: If it’s fun to read, that suffices. Diversion, entertain- ment, and edification are a scale, not separate boxes. They rely as much on reader as what’s written. A story is words, and words reach diverse minds, each able to make valid assess- ments. The more someone brings to a story, the more one finds in it. Some read for plot points. “And then, and then, and then what?” Some read for character interaction. “No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.” Some want to be imbued with a sense of wonder. “And slowly, one by one, 11 The Adaptation of Father Brown Eric Barraclough

Father Brown 1 A proficient writer would Acorn Media AMP-8970 (7 have made you see the world episodes) 364mins 2006 through the eyes of priest. Pearl Buck and Tony Hillerman had Father Brown 2 such abilities to explain the Acorn Media AMP-9691 (6 world of the Chinese and Hopi episodes) 307mins 2006 respectively. The subtle surprise of the There are not many screen Father Brown TV series is that adaptations that are better than the conduit used to achieve this the original written story but explanation is the humor itself. some of these TV episodes Take these snippets from (from a third of a century ago!) “The Three Tools Of Death”: are outstandingly so. Even One scene involves Father though the originals were from Brown talking to the victim's the pen of G. K. Chesterton. adulterous wife (the wife was They were born of the an invention of scriptwriter moment Chesterton overheard Hugh Leonard)... Father two Oxford students discussing Brown: “What was life like in a certain priest and asserting he this house?”Wife (swanning): could know nothing of the world. Chester- “I can assure you every day here was Christ- ton's immediate thoughts were that there was mas Day.” Father Brown (absentmindedly a man who heard thousands of confessions so but with compassion): “Oh, I am so very sor- he would know more of the human ry.” Leaving the wife deflated and disorient- soul/psyche than most could ever hope to ed. understand. Later, having given the viewer time to The priest was Father John O'Connor mull over that and other such eccentric dia- who not only became the model for Father logue and actions Hugh Leonard then has Brown but was also, in 1922, the man who Father Brown seriously extrapolate “(he) converted Chesterton to Catholicism while made a religion of cheerfulness. I suppose G. K. was writing the stories and at least one there can be nothing more hellish than for critic has pointed out the stories loose most never than an instant being allowed to frown of their humor after the conversation. or to shed tears or to be bad tempered. No Which, in turn, gives rise to one of the one in this house... was permitted the luxury main problems of the original written stories. of unhappiness... They have the convictions of the converted. ”...Everlasting good humor, eternal hap- That is to say they contain next to no justifica- piness, eternal joyousness. Not even Lucifer tion for Father Brown's outlook or intuition. himself could devise such torments... and it In fact, his abilities to half-solve a crime was worse for him, a public figure... con- before the first clue has been found is down- demned always to wear this smiling mask right infuriating, if not, well… devilish. like an actor forever doomed to play the 12 same part.“ Michael Voysey and Peter Wildeblood Whereas Chesterton has Father Brown dropped some or all of the comedy and initially questioning whether everyone in the became excellent examples of how to give house was happy and finally a concludes ”'It away the murders' identity in the first five is a cruel religion,' said the priest, looking minutes. Rather like the progression of the out of the window. 'Why couldn't they let written stories, the TV episodes also became him weep a little, like his fathers before him? less and less funny. What humor remained His plans stiffened, his great views grew was mainly provided by the eccentricities of cold; behind that merry mask was the empty the characters. Thus, Father Brown 1 is a far mind of the atheist...'“ better collection than Father Brown 2. Of course, Chesterton used only used ten BUT the positives far outweigh any nega- pages to set his piece tives and one highly whereas Leonard had unlikely positive was about 50 minutes of the choice of Ken- screenplay. neth More as the Hugh Leonard, lead character. He who was always had made a career called Jack, was an out of starring in stiff- Irish playwright and upper-lip hero roles leading light in the like Wing Leader ”Irish Dramatic Douglas Bader in Revival“ of the 1960s Reach For The Sky and 1970s. At the and Captain time the Father Jonathan Shepard in Brown series was pro- Sink The Bismarck duced, he was a script editor for Britain's so even though he looks nothing like Chester- Granada Television having already adapted ton's physical description of the priest, so it Dickens’ Great Expectations and A Tale of was amazing to watch More not just carry-off Two Cities for BBC TV. Always a play- the role of Father Brown but rather to wright, he was later best known for two of become the absent-minded, diminutive, elder- his Broadway plays, Da and A Life. ly but childlike priest. Even though the Father Brown adapta- Childlike was G. K. Chesterton's own tions were far better than the original it's not description. the greatest of TV. It had a smaller budget All of which beggars the question: Can than later “Mystery! Productions” and so you name any other screen adaptations that lacked their lushness. It seems Mystery! only are better than the original written story? screened three of the adaptations in the U.S. Probably because it was a comedy- thriller, a small number of the actors decided [[Editor: For what it’s worth, I chanced they could strike high camp and they stood upon a news bit stating that the BBC is out with their incompetence. The Arrow of preparing a new Father Brown series, to air Heaven episode was a prime example of that. sometime in 2013. The interesting part is Given the roles of cliché American charac- who will be portraying Father Brown-- Mark ters (Millionaire Boss, Gangster, Retired Indi- Williamson, who was Arthur Weasley in the an Killer) the actors played it like a British Harry Potter movies. That should make for Christmas pantomime, i.e. very unsubtly. an interesting series. Or maybe not.]] Added to which, the adaptations by

13 Alfred D. Byrd

The Shawnee leave it. siege of Boonesbor- Sadly for Clark, ough spurred Virginia even a persuasive guy to meet British and like him found few Indian threats to its frontiersmen willing to western frontier. Gover- carry the ball for the nor Patrick Henry and Old Virginny: he left the commonwealth’s Pittsburgh with only a legislature appropriat- hundred and fifty ed fifteen hundred recruits. Clark was pounds not so sterling nonetheless blithe. “I (hard currency softens knew our case was des- in revolutionary times) perate,” he’d say, “but and authorized George Rogers Clark to raise the more I reflected on my weakness, the three hundred and fifty men west of the more I was pleased with the enterprise.” Alleghenies for three months’ service in Ken- His first order of business in it was to tucky’s defense. build a fort. Kentuckians who’d settled in the At least, so the legislators and the Ken- Bluegrass expected Clark to build it either at tuckians thought. Henry and Clark had a the mouth of the Licking River, across the secret agendum. Fearing that a purely defen- Ohio River from today’s Cincinnati, or at the sive strategy would lose the frontier to the mouth of the Kentucky River, southwest of British, the conspirators chose a daring offen- there. Either site would’ve shielded Blue- sive. The now Lieutenant Colonel Clark, a grass settlements from Shawnee raids down frontier Gideon, would with his handful of the Great Miami and Little Miami Rivers. men conquer the formerly French, now To the settlers’ dismay, Clark built his British settlements along the Mississippi Riv- fort at the Falls of the Ohio, far west of er in the Illinois country and then swing Shawnee warriors’ trails. He chose the site northeast to seize the British regional capital, for two reasons. First, it was a good launch- Detroit. Hey, ya dreams big, ya does big, ing point for an invasion of Illinois. Second, yaknow? he saw at the falls a future prosperous river To recruit, Clark went to Pittsburgh, port, which would materialize as Louisville. which Virginia was just then treating as part The ambitious Clark hoped to get rich from of itself. Actually, there was little that Vir- developing that river port. Lexington, in the ginia wasn’t treating as part of itself. In Vir- Bluegrass, cried foul, but did Clark listen? It ginian imperialism’s heyday, Virginia was should surprise no Kentuckian that Lexing- like Aragorn’s kingdom after Barad-dur’s ton and Louisville’s rivalry predates Ken- fall: one had to walk far in any direction to tucky’s statehood. 14 After planting corn, drilling his men, and he made the mistake of awaiting spring to putting that the falls’ settlements into good complete Illinois’s reconquest. Expecting shape, Clark left for Illinois. Many of his Clark to overwinter at Kaskasia, Hamilton men, learning of his expedition’s true goal, sent his most of his French troops and most deserted, but, with a faithful handful of Patri- of his Indian allies home until campaign sea- ots, he shot the falls during a total solar son returned. eclipse. Never without a sense of the dramat- For Clark, this never went away. Hear- ic was Clark. From the falls, he flatboated ing of Vincennes’s fall, he conceived and exe- down the Ohio River to the mouth of the Ten- cuted a two-pronged plan for its recapture. nessee. Thence, he led his men through Sending part of his men on a circuitous river- uncharted woods a hundred and twenty miles voyage on the gunboat Willing, he led the to the Franco-British settlement of Kaskasia, rest of his men overland. Their march of one then Illinois’s capital. hundred and eighty miles was cold, hungry, To the Kaskasians, Clark’s arrival on and yet grim, but they reached Vincennes July 4, 1778, was a complete surprise. With- even before the Willing on February 24. With- out firing a shot, he captured both town and out the gunboat’s support, Clark had no real its governor, who bore the astoundingly chance to take the town, yet he assaulted it British name Chevalier Philippe de Rostel anyway. Both British and Americans took Rocheblave. Clark’s bloodless conquest was heavy casualties before Clark withdrew. the first of many victories conjured from Undaunted by defeat, Clark turned to scant resources and few men. One suspects what he did best, psychological warfare. that he was a major inspiration for Gordon R. Brazenly, he told townsfolk and their Indian Dickson’s Dorsai. allies that the “Long Knives,” as Indians Given their enlistments’ brevity, most of called settlers, had the place surrounded and Clark’s men went home from Kaskasia. No would be merciless if they took it by storm problem for the smooth-tongued Clark: he rather than surrender. To emphasize his persuaded French settlers to fill his ranks. He point, Clark had four captured warriors toma- also, with a skilled medley of promises and hawked to death and thrown into the river in threats, persuaded the local Indians, if not to the townsfolk’s sight. join his cause, at least not to impede it. Soon, Clark’s killings, an atrocity of war even he’d won all of the Mississippi Valley as far by the time’s standards, had its desired effect north as the ancient Indian site of Cahokia. on Hamilton. Visibly shaken by what he’d Yes, Clark conquered for America the witnessed, he surrendered Vincennes the next chief city of the Mississippian Mound day. He and his British soldiers were sent to Builders! One wonders whether he stood Williamsburg, Virginia’s capital, on a wind- atop Monk’s Mound and contemplated the ing trip through Bluegrass settlements. The civilization that had flourished there. On the politically wily Clark saw benefits to parad- whole, I suspect not. Clark was too full of his ing a high-profile prisoner in triumph past set- own future to have room for anyone else’s tlers who’d criticized the choice that had won past. His gaze was fixed on Detroit… him that prisoner. Cue the Imperial March! Yes, the Hamilton, the hated Hairbuyer, feared Empire struck back in the person of British for his own scalp in Kentucky, but reached Lieutenant Governor Henry Hamilton, Williamsburg with locks unshorn. He did Detroit’s hated Hairbuyer. Making a daring not, however, pass through the Bluegrass wilderness trek of his own, he seized the unscathed. At Logan’s Station, he and his northern Illinois settlement of Vincennes on men reported, “We were accosted especially December 17. There, with winter coming on, by the females in pretty coarse terms.” As a

15 relative of many Kentuckian women, I can George Rogers Clark! testify along with Did I say “all- Hamilton that they too-brief peace”? can be outspoken Incoming settlers enough when it suits drew a British them to be. response in raids by At Vincennes, small parties of Loy- the tardy Willing alist (a word that showed up two days means in this con- late with news that text “pro-British”) Virginia had turned frontiersmen and Clark’s conquered ter- Indian allies. These ritory into Illinois frontiersmen, of County and had whom the most noto- named a John Todd rious were Simon its administrator. The commonwealth’s legis- Girty and Alexander McKee, had once been lature had voted Clark its thanks, promotion friends of Boone, Clark, Harrod, and Kenton, to colonel, and more troops come spring. but were now deemed by them “renegades.” Clark, buoyed by hope of their coming, went Not on the frontier did anyone accept Tal- back to Kaskasia to prepare for his expedi- lyrand’s dictum, “What is treason? Merely a tion to Detroit. matter of dates!” Girty, especially, got the Alas, its time had not yet come. The reputation, deserved or not, of standing by fresh troops were fewer than promised, mon- and laughing while Indians scalped settlers. ey fell through, and there were hundreds of The raids alienated the settlers further miles of land inhabited by hostile Indian from Clark. Although he was nominally in nations to be traversed. In the end, fourteen charge of Kentucky’s defense, he spent his months after he’d left the Falls of the Ohio time far from the Bluegrass. Chasing a grow- on the trail of conquest, Clark went home. ing dream of conquering a realm from Despite his failure to reach Detroit, Detroit to New Orleans, he built, starting in Clark had achieved much for Kentucky. April 1780, Fort Jefferson where the Ohio News of his conquests brought settlers there River joined the Mississippi. How he could by scores and hundreds. Some of them fight Shawnees from there was more than swelled existing settlements such as Harrods- folks in the Bluegrass could say. burg and Boonesborough; others founded While he was fighting the British on the new settlements, or “stations,” as the settlers Mississippi, it was raid and counter-raid in called them. Of these, the largest was the Bluegrass. From there, three hundred Bryan’s Station, five miles east of Lexington men led by John Bowman struck Old Chilli- in rolling pastureland. Bryan’s Station took cothe on the Little Miami River. Its Shawnee its name from four Bryan brothers, cousins of inhabitants fled, letting the settlers plunder Daniel Boone’s wife Rebecca, née Bryan. and burn the town, but then met them in a At the Falls of the Ohio on August 20, stand-up fight from which both parties with- 1779, Clark led settlers in a celebration of vic- drew with heavy casualties. The new British tory and all-too-brief peace. Fueled by rum, commander in Detroit, Captain Henry Bird the celebrants jigged for days. I suspect that (bad speller, he), led a retaliatory expedition news of this party, crossing the Alleghenies, to the Bluegrass, but left when his Indian earned Kentucky its stereotype of wild bucol- allies got out of hand. Girty may’ve laughed. ic drinkin’ and dancin’. Thank you so much, News of Mafioso “They hit us, so we’ll 16 hit them back” drew Clark back to Harrods- of frontier tragedies, the Battle of Blue Licks. burg. There, he made plans for a grand expe- dition that would take the Shawnee out of the # war on his way to—you guessed it!— Detroit. I don’t know what it is about Ken- For Kentucky, 1782, the year after Corn- tuckians and Detroit, but they’re always try- wallis’s surrender and the year before the ing to get there. Treaty of Paris, was “The Year of Blood.” In any case, by August 1, 1780, Clark An intertribal council in Ohio in June chose had assembled a to wipe out the fron- thousand men at the tier settlements mouth of the Lick- while British sol- ing River and diers could still crossed into Ohio. fight Americans. It Despite his expedi- helped the planned tion’s size, mam- Indian invasion that moth by frontier Clark’s latest standards, it did lit- scheme to thwart it tle. Reaching Old was ineffective. Chillicothe, he War galleys on the found it again Ohio River — hey, deserted; again, he they’d worked for burned it. He did the Romans, hadn’t get into a firefight they? at Piqua, on the present site of Springfield, A war party of Wyandots from northern Ohio, and drove the Shawnees away with a Ohio had anticipated the council’s decision. loss of fourteen of his own men. From there, In March, they struck an outlying settlement as supplies were failing him, he returned to and made off with all of its slaves. A party of Kentucky. No Detroit this time out! settlers led by Captain James Estill chased Still, the place called Clark. He got sup- the Wyandots down. On March 22, he fought port for an even grander expedition there them in an hours-long battle near today’s from Virginia’s latest governor, Thomas Jef- Mount Sterling. Both sides took heavy casual- ferson. Two thousand men with all of the ties, but Estill was killed, and the Wyandots food that they could eat—this time, Detroit kept most of their plunder. had to be doomed! Not all of it, however. A slave named Sadly for Clark, Jefferson, before he Monk, escaping from them, carried a wound- could make good on glowing promises, had ed settler twenty-five miles for help. For his to deal with a British invasion of Virginia’s bravery and compassion, Monk became the Tidewater, and then Washington defeated first slave freed in Kentucky. He’d go on to Cornwallis at Yorktown, and the Revolution- be a successful apple-grower, manufacturer ary War was over— of gunpowder, and preacher. Not for Kentucky, it wasn’t! It’s some- The Battle of Little Mountain, as it times true what Mark Twain said: “When the became known, foreshadowed greater things. end of the world comes, I want to be in Ken- In August 1782, Simon Girty and Alexander tucky, because everything there happens McKee led three hundred Indians, mainly twenty years after it happens anywhere else.” Shawnees and Delawares, past Clark’s gal- For Kentucky, the Revolutionary War was leys deep into the Bluegrass. There, the just heating up, to culminate in the greatest raiders defeated a party of settlers at Upper

17 Blue Licks on the tones, “Come on, we Licking River and are all slaughtered headed for Bryan’s now,” led his men to Station. catastrophe. In a two-day You know attack, the what’s coming. Rene- “renegades” and the gades and Indians, Indians made several from high ground, determined attempts poured withering fire to take the station, into the settlers and but withdrew when then engaged them in settlers from Lexing- hand-to-hand combat ton reinforced it. The from flank and rear. attackers did, howev- Boone saw his son er, burn all of the station’s outlying buildings Israel, the television series’ tow-headed mop- and crops, and kill all of its cattle. As the pet, gunned down before his eyes. When his raiders withdrew northeast, more settlers son died, more than forty other settlers had poured into Bryan’s Station until a substan- been killed by gunfire, and still more were tial war party had assembled under John falling to knife and tomahawk. In all, more Todd, Daniel Boone, and a hot-tempered set- than sixty settlers would die to a loss of ten tler named Hugh McGary. of the enemy. On August 18, the war party set out after Despite his grief, Boone rallied the set- the raiders along what one might call a tlers’ left and led his men back across the “frontier interstate”: a “buffalo trace” that ran Licking River to where their horses awaited along today’s US 68. The next day, the set- them. As the men rode back to Bryan’s Sta- tlers caught up with the raiders at Lower tion, they began a staple of American politi- Blue Licks in a horseshoe-shaped bend of the cal life: finger-pointing. The finger pointed Licking River. first at the obvious target of McGary, who Boone favored a cautious approach to survived the battle in which he had led his battle. He counseled what West Pointers call neighbors to death. McGary, however, turned a “pincers movement” in which units con- the finger to George Rogers Clark. Why had verge from right and from left on an enemy’s he let the raiders reach Bryan’s Station? position. The wisest of West Pointers point What was he doing, playing with Roman war- out that “pincers movements” often end in galleys on the Ohio River? Why didn’t he “defeat in detail” when one unit fails to reach care about the Bluegrass? its rendezvous in time to prevent the other Boone ended up backing McGary’s con- unit’s being butchered by the enemy. demnation of Clark. Writing to the Virginia How Boone’s “pincers movement” legislature, Boone said, “If you put [fresh would’ve turned out, we’ll never know, as troops] under Genl. Clarke, they will be Lit- the settlers made an even more disastrous tle or no Service to our Settlement.” From maneuver called a “frontal assault.” Hot-tem- McGary and Boone, disdain for Clark spread pered McGary, smarting from a taunt of cow- to the frontier rumor-mill, which smeared ardice, rushed across the Licking River’s ford him as drunkard and embezzler. Sadly for and shouted for everyone else who wasn’t a Clark, Virginia had just installed another gov- coward to follow him. Everyone else crossed ernor. This one, Benjamin Harrison, ancestor the river and rushed uphill at the enemy. to the president of the same name, took the Even Daniel Boone, telling his men in fey settlers’ criticisms of Clark at face value.

18 Still, he let Clark lead one last expedi- druthers, would choose lodge over camp- tion into Ohio in November 1782. Again, a grounds, but I wouldn’t guess what he’d thousand men set out from the mouth of the think of golf. On the whole, I doubt that he’d Licking River; again, they ravaged Old Chilli- even come to Blue Licks. He wept at its mem- cothe and Piqua. To the settlers’ disdain, they ory the rest of his life. did not, however, bring the Ohio Indians to decisive battle. It was a subtlety lost on the Next: “A Long and Winding Road to settlers that Clark, destroying the Indians’ Statehood: Constitution Square State Historic towns and crops, kept them from making fur- Site” ther raids before a treaty of peace between America and Great Britain brought warfare









on the frontier to a brief, uneasy pause. Clark’s meteoric career as a military man was over, but his career as a politician was Below, one of some illustrations Alan just starting. He’d lead Kentucky in strange Hunter did for me for a story I wrote to enter- directions indeed on its march to statehood. tain my children, when they were children. Until now, it has never been seen by anyone outside of my family. # Kentucky’s Revolutionary War history is commemorated in Blue Licks Battlefield State Resort Park. You can reach this easily from Lexington: get onto Paris Pike (US 68/ US 27) and take it out of town. Keeping fol- lowing US 68 across rolling countryside. After about thirty-two miles, the park will be on your left. As for the park, it’s more Resort than Battlefield. Only a few historical markers and an obelisk over a mass burial mark the battle itself. There may be helpful exhibits in the park’s museum, but this has been closed for renovations on both of my visits to the park. The commonwealth’s budget has been rough on museums lately.

The park does have excellent nature trails, including part of the original “buffalo trace,” as pioneers called the lost bisons’ path. Mostly, however, the park has camp- grounds, a graceful lodge, and that bizarre sta- ple of Kentucky’s historical sites, miniature golf. I suspect that Daniel Boone, given his

19 Leigh James Martin

Now this here is about a banks of the Iowa River in commune that’s still up and Iowa and in time managed to going today, albeit as a corpo- add another 1,000 to that. ration. This they called Amana.[1] The name Amana comes That there acreage was from the Good Book. Song of half-wooded. Wooded with Solomon 4:8 to put a pin on oak and cheery and walnut. it. It means believe faithfully. All good wood for buildings The faithfully believers and furniture and selling. that were, were the Communi- With that wood they built ty of True Inspiration. A seven villages each about a bunch of holy Joes lead by hoot and a holler apart. Well, Eberhard Ludwig Gruber and one and a half miles to put it Johann Friedrich Rock that straight which just happened got things under way in Ger- to be an hour’s ox-cart ride. many in 1714. They also built up several successful indus- They’d all had it up to here with the dog- tries, the likes of a woolen mill, calico print- matic and high-brow state Lutheran Church. ing, furniture and kitchen appliances. And And wouldn’t you just know it, it wasn’t too the kitchen appliances industry outlasted the long before the Lutheran Church had had it commune. up to here with them. One thing that got up There was a school and church in each the Lutheran’s noses was that the Community village, the churches were down home and believed some folks could be divinely you just about couldn’t tell a spit difference inspired and come 1822 Christian Metz between them and the other buildings. Inside upped and became their inspired inspirational they were whitewashed walls, bare floors, leader. By this time the Lutherans really had and unpainted benches. And each village had it in for the Community and made them feel several communal kitchens, feeding 30 to 60 about as comfortable as a hog upstairs. So in folks a piece, where there was plenty of chow 1842 Metz decided they should high-tail it cooked German-style. Meals were as regular out of Germany (or as fast as you could high- as German clockwork, 6am 11:30am 6:30pm, tail in 1842). with coffee breaks 9:00am and 3:00pm. At He said God had told him so, and kept day’s end women and girls cleaned the saying it. He also added any nay-sayers were kitchens and set the tables for 6am the next damned and that kept the size of dissent day. Men and women chowed-down separate- down to about a big as a dime. ly. Ten years after coming to America they Outsiders who came to visit or gawk brought some land which had once been said the homes where as plain as a plank but owned by Indians. That blew-up a fair storm. neat as a pin. They also said the Amanas Metz had no hankering for storms. So the shared the workload and still found plenty of whole lot of them (all 500) upped rooted and time for a wing-ding and that on the whole bought 25,000 acres of farm land by the life there was pretty good. 20 But as it were a religious commune you mornings. The “daily devotions” were had up can bet your bottom dollar they had rules in the evenings with a cappella singing. about sex. Lots of them. Rules that is. Amanas considered a cappella important. There’d been casual liaisons and pre-nuptial And when it gets down to it, their hymns nookie which plumb got under Metz’s skin were mostly penned by their leaders like they so a marriage age was established and you had dragons in their pants ‘cause the results could only seal the knot if colony elders filled two very thick volumes.[1] approved. The colony elders were all man. And it won’t surprise you that during ser- Even then the couple had to wait a year, only vices women wore up to code shawls and date three times a week. If they both came bonnets. from the same village then one of them had The running of the colony was by the to up stakes and move to another village. colony elders. The colony elders was made Unmarried women who were knocked up of men and unmarried women. Married up got the cold shoulder but were eventually women were thought to be adequately repre- accepted back.[2] sented by their ever loving husbands. The Every darn little thing was communal colony elders gave the nod to budgets and except clothing, personal dohickies, and toys. sales and had the odd “mass meeting” to Sell any of the communal goods and you keep all the folks informed. They were also could be reprimanded, put up to public guided by Sister Barbara Heinemann who got ridicule or permanently expelled. kicked upstairs to Prophetess after Metz Women often had to sleep by them- snuffed it in 1867. selves. Dressing up was outlawed and none She cashed in her chips twenty-six years could “beautify” themselves. Tobacco was later (1883) and with the community divest allowed. of a strong chrismo leader, a slow rot set in. Just to be a mite cantankerous religious As slow as old paint, and it took Amana half rituals had no importance there. Though a century to come to terms with it. church going was mandatory. The dead were Within that half a century there were a buried in chronological order “Equal in life; couple of other bumps in the road. In 1905 equal in death.” Married couples were not they brought in the legal eagles after state buried side by side as there weren’t no mar- officials charged the Amanas with violating riage union in the hereafter. And burial their religious organization status by becom- arrangements are still that way. ing “excessively wealthy.” The Amana’s bea- Most things were based on plain living, gles handily won on Nov 20, 1906. Cedar religious worship, practice of humility and Rapid Gazette reported the court came down the scriptures except there were no baptisms. to the short strokes and upped and said that Metz said they were a religious ritual so that the society had originally formed to the tee was the end of that. Having said that, they “to provide socioeconomic support for its did include feet washing and they did cele- members.”[3] And when The Great War brate the Eucharist (that’s the Lord’s Supper) came along with the call up laws the Amanas every other year. In the case of the children’s were agin them. Not because they were who Eucharist bread and wine were switcherooed were pacifists or conchies, no, they just with coffee cake and hot chocolate (now if didn’t want to come out swinging against that didn’t get them singing “Give me that their ancestral homeland.[2] old time religion” not a dang thing would). And while all that was going on a rail- Religious meetings were held at least ten road came right through their land. One train times a week and for some dang reason espe- east, one west per day. So they built them- cially on Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sunday selves four hotels and had outside folks stay 21 for up to a week. Then came a highway and on in local places of business. Tho’ some still day tourists and some Amanas started selling have their own. Others commute to Cedar colony goods to the visitors, which gave the Rapids or Iowa City. The church services are utterly devout the mulligrubs. headed-up by elders (permanently elected). So it was that by 1920 the youngers had While the villages are opened-up to tourist, had small bite of Eve’s apple and got a han- with about one million visits each year and, kering to taste more in the orchard. They would you believe it, no less than four-hun- wanted a might less work, a might less Holy dred-and-seventy-five Amana buildings are Joe and a lot more moolah. And were finding designated “Historic Landmarks!” it outside of the com- munity. That mean Sources: TAmana was having to bring outside work- [1] Amana: The Com- ers in. munity of True Inspi- And of all the ration. By Barbara darn luck, just after Shambaugh, Pub: the Great Depression State Historical Soci- hit, their Flour Mill ety of Iowa 1988 and Grist Mill burnt down. By this time [2] Communes: His- the Amana found torical and Contempo- themselves up to their rary peepers with a debt of half million dollars! Edited by Ruth Shonle Cavan & Man Singh More folks high-tailed out for more stable Das, Pub: Vikas Publishing House 1979 income and more freedom so in 1932 the community (then 1,800 members) democrati- [3] Life in Amana by Dorothy Crum, Pub: cally voted to dissolve. This they tabbed “the Penfield Press 1998 big change.”[1] After that folks didn’t have to go to [4] The Amanas of Yesterday: A Religious church regular like. Homes were sold to indi- Communal Society By Joan Liffring-Zug vidual families and some of them set-up Pub: Penfield Press 1975 small businesses. The whole kaboodle was split into two companies, the Amana Society for Business Affairs (ASfBA) and the Amana Church Society for Religion and Welfare. The first ran their factory and farmland as a corporation (members were given compa- ny shares) until the factory sold in 1965.[4] The ASfBA still runs the farmland. These days the “permanent residents” pull down free medical and dental care and free maintenance of streets, sewage, tele- phones, electricity, all paid for by the ASf- BA. Mind you, them residents still have to pay state and fed taxes and are usually signed

22 Alexis Gilliland

Epanimondas, son of Polymnis--who had tion in mainland Greece. This was the connections to the first families of Thebes Corinthian War, 395-387 BC, in which despite being impoverished, was born in Corinth, Thebes, Athens and Argos, with the Thebes around 418 BC, where he was tutored support of the Persian Empire fought against by Lysis of Tarentum, one of the last major Sparta and its Peloponnesian allies. The war Pythagorean philosophers. Excelling as a stu- ended in 387 BC when the Persians changed dent, he was devoted to Lysis and worked sides, resulting in the Peace of Anticidas, hard to increase his physical prowess, concen- which ceded Ionia to the Persians, and recog- trating on his agility since he felt that agility nized Sparta as being the first state among would serve him better in war than physical equals in Greece. Nevertheless, Sparta and strength. He also trained in wrestling, run- Thebes remained rivals, and in 382 BC, a ning, and martial exercises. After adoles- Spartan commander took opportunistic advan- cence Epanimondas served in the Theban tage of internal Theban conflicts to seize Cad- army, and Plutarch, in recounting the life of mea, the citadel of Thebes, installing a pro- Pelopidas reports a defining incident in his Spartan oligarchy supported by a Spartan gar- early career when Epanimondas saved the rison. Some of the anti-Spartan faction were life of his friend in a battle at Mantinea, taken prisoner and put to death, while the where a Theban force was supporting Sparta. rest, including Pelopidas, escaped into exile “Pelopidas, after receiving seven wounds in in Athens. Epanimondas, though associated front, sank down upon a great heap of friends with the anti-Spartan faction, was allowed to and foes who lay dead together; but Epani- remain, “since his philosophy made him to be mondas, though he thought him lifeless, looked down upon as a recluse, and his pover- stood forth to defend his body and his arms, ty as impotent.” and fought desperately, single-handed Shielded from accountability by the Spar- against many, determined to die rather than tan garrison the three oligarchs, Archias, leave Pelopidas lying there. And now he too Leontides, and Hypates, made themselves hat- was in a sorry plight, having been wounded ed, and in 378 BC, Pelopidas brought a small in the breast with a spear and in the arm with commando of exiles back to Thebes, where a sword, when Agesipolis, the Spartan King he led the group that killed Archais at an came to his aid from the other wing, and orgy. Earlier that evening Archias had been when all hope was lost saved them both.” given a message disclosing the plot with the Plutarch says that this incident cemented messenger saying that he should read it at their friendship, and that the older and richer once since it was on urgent business. The Pelopidas would be Epanimondas's partner in drunken Archais put the envelope under his politics for the next twenty years. pillow saying: “Urgent business tomorrow.” Times change, and from being allied Epanimondas led the group going to assassi- with Sparta, Thebes found itself first neu- nate the other two at their homes, personally tral—as when Sparta chose to support Ionia, killing Leontides, while his team caught a Greek colony, against the Persian Empire Hypates in a neighbor's house. It was a chaot- in 398 BC, and then at war with Sparta when ic night, and the 1,500 strong Spartan garri- Persian envoys incited an anti-Spartan distrac- son missed its only chance to suppress the re- 23 bellion by waiting for morning. This gave the extreme right flank, with their Peloponnesian rebels time to arm their supporters, so that in allies making up the rest of the right flank, the morning the Theban held an assembly, the center and the left. Epanimondas deviated which named Pelopidas as their leader, the from this tradition, making his left flank Boeotiarch in chief. He immediately blockad- strong, 5o ranks deep as opposed to the Spar- ed the Cadmea and stormed it on all sides, in tan 12 ranks, and deployed his depleted cen- order to expel the Spartan garrison before a ter and right in an echelon formation, so that Spartan relief army arrived. It was a close run they would be slower to engage than his left. thing; the garrison surrendered on terms and After the better-trained Theban cavalry drove met the relief army on its way home. the Spartan cavalry from the field, Epanimon- That was the beginning of the Theban das launched his attack on the Spartan right, war, and at first Athens was neutral or even catching Cleombroteus, in mid-maneuver dis- pro-Spartan, until a Theban agent persuaded array as he attempted to outflank the Theban Sphondrias, the Spartan commander of an left. The Theban phalanx under Epaminondas army in Thespia, that it would be a good idea focused on the Spartans, easily recognizable to seize Pireaus, the lightly defended port of by the insignia on their shields, rather than Athens. Sphondrias, a man famous for his their Peleponnesian allies, and broke the Spar- courage in battle but of no sound judgment, tan right, killing more than 1,000, including attempted to do so, and in failing, brought 400 Spartiates, while suffering a loss of Athens into the war on the side of Thebes. about 300. Spartan losses included King The war was fought as a series of inconclu- Cleombroteus himself, although the Spartans sive battles and skirmishes over seven years, were able to recover the King's arms and having as its main result the training of the body. On seeing the elite right flank broken, Theban army up towards the level of the Spar- the center and left flank withdrew from the tans. In 371 BC a peace treaty was on the field. There were a number of consequences, table, with Epanimondas, now one of seven the most important being that this defeat Boeotarchs, charged with acting for Thebes. destroyed the myth of Spartan invincibility. After signing, he proposed a change which More trivially, Thebans gave equal cred- the Spartan King, Cleombroteus I, rejected, it to the rich and popular Pelopidas, who had using that as a pretext to high-handedly strike led the charge as head of the elite Sacred Thebes from the peace treaty. Practically this Band of Thebes, a 300-strong force, even left Sparta at war with Thebes alone, but at though Epanimondas had been the strategist peace with the Theban allies, and Cleombro- and commander in the field. teus then marched against Thebes with a Then the dominoes started to fall. First, force of 11,000 foot and 1,000 cavalry, seek- the Athenians revised the peace treaty of 371 ing a decisive victory. to make the Peleponnesian cities under Spar- At Luectra, on July 6,371 BC, Epanimon- tan dominance independent. Then those cities das, leading a Theban army of 7,000 foot and tried to act on the Athenian promise, provok- 1500 cavalry engaged the Spartans. The pha- ing a war with Sparta, at which point they lanx formation had a tendency to drift to the just naturally looked to Thebes for aid, and right, as individual hoplites moved to take Epanimondas and Pelopidas, now co- cover under the hopla—the large round Boeotarchs led a Theban army to their assis- shield, of the hoplite to their right. As a tance. This army arrived in late 370, joined result, it was traditional to put the strongest by armed contingents from Sparta's former and best trained units on the right flank, and allies, swelling its ranks twelve-fold to 50- at Leuctra the Spartan order of battle was 70,000 men. At this point, Epanimondas Cleombroteus and goo elite Spartiates on the crossed the Evrotas River, to lay waste to the

24 countryside, and when the Spartans were killed, and the battle was a political draw, unwilling to challenge his army, to briefly since without him Thebes failed to exploit lay siege to Sparta, itself. While this was the victory, choosing to pursue a defensive flashy but of little of substance it was done as policy instead. This was not the worst deci- a way of encouraging the Arcadians to form sion the Thebans ever made; on hearing the their anti-Spartan league, and build their capi- rumor of Alexander the Great's death in 336 tal city of Megalopolis, which they actually BC, Thebes rose against Macedonian rule did. Then Epanimondas liberated Messina, and was destroyed by Alexander as an exam- which had been Spartan-ruled for 230 years, ple to all those other Greek city states whose and rebuilt the ancient city of Messene on day had long since passed. Mt. Ithome, with fortifications that were among the strongest in Greece. Messinia amounted to one third of Sparta's territory and held half of its helots; it had been the breadbasket of Sparta. Now it was an impla- cably anti-Spartan state. In a matter of months Epanimondas had created two new states adverse to Sparta's interest, crippled the Spartan economy, and devastated Spartan prestige. This done, he led his army home, victorious. At which time his political enemies brought him to trial because his campaign had exceeded the time limit of his Boeotarch's term, the penalty for which was death. His defense was what had been accom- plished, and the jury laughed the case out of court. He was reelected Boeotarch, and cam- paigned in the Peleponnesus for the next sev- eral years, where he achieved a tactical bril- liancy or two but no strategic success. Thebes was at this time the leading pow- er in Greece, which meant that all her rivals conspired to bring her down. Despite being the best tactician of ancient Greece, second only to Phillip of Macedon and Alexander the Great, the ongoing efforts of Epanimon- das were indecisive, and in 364 BC his friend and ally Pelopidus was killed in action against Alexander of Pherae. In 362 BC he led an army against Mantinea, which was strongly supported by Athens and Sparta, and after indecisive maneuvering decided it was necessary to have a decisive battle, to which he brought 30,000 infantry and 3,000 cavalry against 20,000 infantry and 2,000 cavalry. Thebes won the battle, but Epanimondas was

25 Book Reviews by Michaele Jordan: A Self-Introduction and Review

First things first. I am not an intruder. I Stewart described breaks my heart. I am a was invited to be here. Honestly. Ye Hon- fan. But I grew up on Dickens, Bronte and ored Editor tells me he would like to include Dostoevsky. Why can’t we all just read some reviews. Above mentioned Ye Honored books and be friends? Editor (hereinafter to be known as YHE) also The literary snob thing can interfere with did me the kindness of providing me with a my success as a reviewer. Many editors only few back issues, which, upon perusal, indicat- want positive reviews, and I can not guaran- ed that most of you are old friends. Since tee in advance that I will like the books they none of you know me (except for Dave choose for me. I discussed this with YHE Rowe—hi, Dave!) I will claim an extra para- who won my lifelong respect by agreeing graph or two to introduce myself. that reviews should be honest, even when My name is Michaele Jordan. The first that means they are cautionary. He autho- name is pronounced just like the male equiva- rized negative reviews, stipulating only that lent and the entire name is pronounced just they be well thought out, and not mean-spirit- like that of the basketball player. Someday, I ed. Wise YHE! know, I will be as famous as the other Even so, in the spirit of not being mean- Michael Jordan, and explanations of my spirited, I had hoped to choose something I name will be so superfluous as to be ridicu- could whole heartedly recommend for my lous. And, as you may conclude from the pre- first review. Perhaps something from the last vious sentence, I am a fantasy writer (a round of Hugo nominees? I started sorting deeply obscure one, of whom you have never through all the stacks on my desktop and cof- heard.) I will not trouble you with a lot of fee table and other assorted flat surfaces. pathetic self promotion. (Why should I care These proved embarrassingly short of books whether or not you read my occult thriller, I had already read (good or otherwise), being Mirror Maze or check my website, instead thoroughly cluttered with Korean hor- www.michaelejordan.com?) I mention it only ror movies and several hundred books I because it is probably the reason I am consid- hadn’t gotten to yet. And then, zooming in ered qualified to write reviews. That, and the like an alien meteor attack, John Scalzi’s Red fact that I am a major literary snob. Shirts (Tor Books, June, 2012) landed in my And make no mistake—I am a literary hands. It seemed like destiny. snob. The Rat Stew column in issue #89 Red Shirts is a meta-story. It’s laid out Sept/Oct struck home with me. I was raised right there in the liner notes. Ensign Andrew as a literati. (literata? Where’s that pesky Dahl, newly assigned to the fleet’s flagship, Latin grammar when you need it?) Although discovers that every time the ship launches I read my first SF novel (Andre Norton’s Star an Away Mission it results in the death of at Gate) at the age of seven, I was not aware at least one crew member. Further, the casualty the time that it was SF. I was fourteen before is never any of the important bridge officers I became aware of any general distinction although they invariably lead these danger- between SF and mainstream. (The library’s ous missions themselves. It’s no secret—the decision to separate genres greatly complicat- entire crew goes into hiding when Away Mis- ed my cruising.) The bitter schism that Mr. sions are being staffed. To quote the liner 26 notes, “Then Andrew stumbles on informa- acter-driven short. If Scalzi had slowed down tion that completely transforms his and his the pace enough to include the content of colleagues’ understanding of what the star- these coda within the main body of the book, ship Intrepid really is.” I would have called them character develop- This indicates a meta story so clearly (to ment. Unfortunately, he couldn’t do that. me, anyway) that I was startled the liner (Trust me, he couldn’t. The story moved at notes had committed what looked like an ob- its chosen pace for good reason.) But they vious spoiler. But apparently the reader is contributed nothing to the story as a whole. supposed to pick up promptly on the multiple Remember those movies back in the ‘70’s layers of reality. The information is plainly that ended with little bios about all the main telegraphed in the prologue. characters scrolling across the screen, telling Since the discovery of multiple layers of you who got married and who died and who reality was not the kicker, I concluded that joined the army? These coda were like that. there must be numerous levels of reality with Afterthoughts. Or—and I really do hate to suspense sustained by the growing uncertain- say it, if only because Scalzi IS the President ty about how many realities would be in- of SFWA, and a good one, at that—padding. volved, and the resulting ambiguity about the So I will retreat three paragraphs. The nature of Reality. Perhaps that expectation nature of Reality aside, Red Shirts is a crisp, was excessive—part of my literary snob clean action adventure tale. If you prefer thing. No matter, I was mistaken. dense, chewy, mind-bending books, it may Red Shirts is content with the ambiguity not be your cup of tea, and I’m not recom- generated by two realities and focuses on the mending that you rush out and buy it. But if predicament of the characters, and how they you stumble on it at the library, or you expect are supposed to resolve a situation that is gen- to have an empty hour at the airport in the erated outside of their own universe. I immediate future, it’s a light, pleasant read. wouldn’t have minded a little more angst Don’t worry if you don’t have time to finish about the nature of Reality and humanity’s it. place within it, but not everyone has my taste for the metaphysical and—to be fair—the characters were busy enough with the prob- lems they had. The nature of Reality aside, Red Shirts is a crisp, clean action adventure tale. Scalzi’s ear for repartee is good and his dialogue engaging. The interactions between the residents of the alternate realities were (dare I say it?) laugh-out-loud funny. Except . . . All of the above only adds up to a little more than 60,000 words. That’s a little longer than an old fashioned Ace Dou- ble. Today, a Harlequin Romance might be that short, but not a “real” novel. (My apolo- gies, if any of you are closet romance fans. And if you are, never tell me.) Not even John Scalzi, who is famous and esteemed and the President of SFWA, can pass 60,000 words off as a novel in today’s market. So he added three coda, each a little char-

27 PIBI…that's easy for you to say! Sheryl Birkhead

As most of us know, Mother 3ature pro- long as everyone (obviously including both vided the cat with a handle as factory equip- you and the cat) is relaxed. Once that point is ment. Known as the scruff, this is the way the passed, it wont work. To put it another way, mother totes the kitten around; when at that point the ship has sailed and you are grasped, the kitten responsively relaxes, curls going to drown and it won’t be pleasant or and goes limp. Scientific studies indicate that painless. endorphins are released during scruffing. About two years ago an item called Right now various veterinary camps are lin- “Clipnosis” appeared on the veterinary mar- ing up pro and con for the use of scruffing for ket. It is based on PIBI, Pinch-induced Behav- restraint. Personally, I’ll wait until I can find ioral Inhibition (please note that the abstract another (seemingly) innocuous way to pre- to prove I am not making this up is provided vent some felines from trying to rip my face at the end of this article.). This proves what off before I relegate scruffing to the trashcan. we already knew. At this juncture it seems prudent to reveal Clipnosis (which seems to be both the that my own experience with felines indi- noun and the verb!) come in both kitten and cates that about .1% of them do OT want adult sizes. They took about two years re- their scruff touched. Of course we find this searching the product and mentions of pro- out the first time we actually do touch the gress would show up every now and then in scruff. I guarantee you, this lesson is one you veterinary magazines. I presume that a lot of will remember. Once all bleeding is con- people who deal with a lot of cats have tried trolled (or stops naturally), a big red caution (or at least given it a LOT of thought) large note is put at the top of any clips or clothespins to see if record indicating leave the some sort of a spare hand could scruff alone and figure out some be created to immobilize a cat other method of restraint, which painlessly (for all concerned) usually comes in, ahem, more and, hopefully, non-stressfully. chemical formulations. For myself, I tried the big black Okay, back to the scruff. paper clips and clothespins on Beyond kittenhood, cats my ingress and back of my respond the same way to being hand first. Nope. If a cat has scruffed. Granted, when Fluffy anything close to the sensitivity now weighs 20 pounds, if you try to carry we have on the skin, it hurts. her around via scruff, you’ll need to support The first time I read the scientific data the butt at the same time, but the relaxation for the clipnosis itself all I could think of was and curl is about the same. This means that how silly it all seemed! They measured many felines can be (hopefully) enjoyably pounds per square inch provided by the restrained. Uh, there is a caveat here (and queen when she hoisted the kitten, then don't try this at home!). Getting a hold of that checked clothespins etc. Heck, I already scruff is about impossible once Fluffy is knew that was not going to be painless. But revved up and in kill mode. So, scruffing now I had scientific evidence that both the may be an item in the restraint arsenal as clips and clothespins were not appropriate! 28 When I saw my first veterinary trial box the doors (did I mention we work on Sundays of clipnosis (plural clipnoses?) advertised by out of a garage?) to discourage escapees. The one of my distributors, I bought one that first carrier was a top loader. I opened the top same day. and picked up the first kitten. This all hap- The next visit to the SPCA cats, I pened fairly quickly and the tiny felines had brought my newest acquisition. This was in not had time to get really revved up. The the start of kitten season (which varies by lo- front kitten was a handsome solid gray (also cation but is about March to November) and known as blue in the cat world) who just I was prepared. looked stunned as he was magically hauled When I know the litters of kittens I will up and away from his litter mates. I got him be seeing are recently trapped or are feral, I on the exam table. The foster stood back, so already know it will be a challenging day. my holder stepped in. I keep a faux fleece My volunteers are usually a high school stu- lined letterbox for righting and zip in and dent doing the state required community ser- then right out. The kitten still had no clue. I vice for graduation and may or may not went with a pediatric stethoscope and that know anything about cats or veterinary medi- was the end of that. I never even got close to cine. Succinctly, such days are usually listening to his heart. “rodeos”. As long as I know this, I plan On the fly, I explained what a Clipnosis accordingly and only try to see only a few lit- was and that this would be the first time ters so no one ends up having to wait an hour using one. It took less than 30 seconds from or two while we have to chase and catch vari- carrier to Clipnosis attached. Suddenly the ous kittens that have escaped (hopefully none foster looked terrified and I looked at my tiny make it past the locked door to outside; that patient. I did not see what was wrong. What adds another level of excitement) from the happened was this: the (kitten sized) Clipno- holder. An aside: in veterinary medicine it is sis was attached and junior gently collapsed always the holder’s fault. then rolled on his side. The foster (and also The first trial week I chose two litters my holder) thought I had killed him! that were with seasoned fosters who had a lot of experience with scared cats and ferals. My holder that day was altitudinally challenged (i.e. too short to easily haul a carrier plus cat up onto the exam table) with no feral experi- ence. She was one of the few non-students who helps out but had not had a cat since there was a family cat when she was small. Logistically there was a problem (well, more than one, but . . . ). On the off chance we managed to get a cat/kitten onto the table, weighed, and ready for exam etc., there had Without thinking, I removed the clip and up to be a holder (not me), a veterinarian (me), he popped, still looking a bit bewildered. To and someone to record findings as we went. prove my point I repeated the procedure and This meant that in the best possible scenario the foster relaxed. At that point all the adults the foster would/could hold and my “holder” in the room were laughing to the point of would write. Right. This is not the best possi- tears. Clip, on. Clip off. Hey, this worked ble world (didn’t matter anyway…). pretty slickly! As soon as the first foster arrived and Exam done, the kitten was returned to carted in the the carriers of kittens, I locked the carrier. With one success in my logbook,

29 I reached for victim #2. This one was a medi- Sources: um haired brown tabby and he was angry! It always makes me laugh to see these tiny J Feline Med Surg. 2008 Feb;10(1):82-7. mites so upset they are actually bouncing, fur Epub 2008 Jan 28. raised, and growling like a big cat. He Pinch-induced behavioral inhibition growled. He played turtle. He tried to draw ('clipnosis') in domestic cats. his head back so there was no scruff to grasp. Pozza ME, Stella JL, Chappuis-Gagnon AC, I got what little of the scruff I could. All the Wagner SO, Buffington CA. onlookers (the holder rapidly became a watch- Source er) laughed. I tried to avoid both tiny teeth Department of Veterinary Clinical Sciences, and sharp claws while working at getting the The Ohio State University, Columbus, OH Clipnosis attached. 43210, USA. Voilà! Almost. This baby (literally and figuratively) was not going down without a Abstract fight. Picture the human toddler refusing to give in to sleep, nodding and falling into the Research has documented immobiliza- food, but not willing to let go. This little guy tion of rodents, rabbits, guinea pigs and dogs growled and rallied, then slowly relaxed and by mechanical means, typically using neck slid down; then rallied again, growling and re- clips or inversion (‘animal hypnosis’). In con- fusing to bow to the inevitable. We all found trast, only a few studies of mechanical immo- it hilarious. bilization of cats are available, although With comic relief being provided and no some success has been reported in the litera- holder needed, I finished up the exam. He ture. Domestic cats may be effectively immo- was just so angry and couldn’t do anything bilized by clips placed along the animal’s dor- about it! We located another carrier and got sum. We use the term ‘pinch-induced behav- ready to put him in it since it seemed he ioral inhibition’ (PIBI) for this behavior would merely agitate the others. One, two, because it describes both the method and the three—whisk him over, down, into the carri- response, while avoiding the more anthropo- er, and remove the clipnosis. He came up morphic term ‘hypnosis’. We investigated swinging, and growling, hissing and spitting, the effectiveness of PIBI and its neurological really impotently furious, all in a little pack- and habituation effects in healthy cats and age weighing less than a pound and a half. cats with idiopathic cystitis (IC). Although There is usually some sort of disclaimer not all cats were susceptible to PIBI and about not trying this at home. The warning I effectiveness varied among individuals, PIBI want to give is, be sure your cat tolerates its was useful for gentle restraint in most cats. scruff being manipulated and never try to use Clipnosis on an already irritated cat. It just https://store.clipnosis.com/Clipnosis_Vet_Tri makes matters a whole lot worse. Trust me. al_Pack_p/1250011180.htm The foster mentioned above has gone on to purchase more than 50 Clipnosises (hmm, https://store.clipnosis.com/PhotoGallery.asp? that really looks wrong). She gives them to ProductCode=1250011226 others working with ferals or in socializing cats. At the very least it is cheap entertain- http://www.jorvet.com/wp-con- ment. tent/uploads/2011/12/Jorgensen_Clipnosis_B rochure.pdf

30 Earths around the star, including HD 40307g, Not Another One! which is thought to be at least seven times as massive as our home planet. Lead author Yet another potentially habitable planet Kikko Tuomi, also of the University of Hert- has been discovered. Astronomers have de- fordshire, said HD 40307g may or may not tected another planet that maybe capable of be a rocky planet like Earth. “If I had to supporting life as we know it and it’s just a guess, I would say 50-50. But the truth at the stone’s throw from Earth in the cosmic moment is that we simply do not know scheme of things. whether the planet is a large Earth or a small, The exoplanet, or “super-Earth”, is warm Neptune without a solid surface.“ called HD 40307g. It’s located inside its host HD 40307g, the outermost of the sys- star's habitable zone, a range of distances tem’s six planets, orbits at an average dis- where liquid water may exist on a world’s tance of 56 million miles (90 million kilome- surface. The planet lies a mere 42 light-years ters) from the star. (Earth zips around the sun away from Earth, meaning that future tele- from about 93 million miles, or 150 million scopes might be able to image it directly. km, away.) Hugh Jones, of the University of Hert- Researchers said the other two newfound fordshire in England, said in a statement, exoplanets are probably too hot to support “The longer orbit of the new planet means life as we know it. HD 40307g—which offi- that its climate and atmosphere may be just cially remains a “planet candidate” pending right to support life. Just as Goldilocks liked confirmation by follow-up studies—sits com- her porridge to be neither too hot nor too fortably in the middle of the star’s habitable cold but just right, this planet or indeed any zone. Researchers also said HD 40307g’s moons that it has lie in an orbit comparable orbit is distant enough that the planet likely to Earth, increasing the probability of it being isn’t tidally locked to the star like the moon habitable.” is to Earth. HD 40307g probably rotates HD 40307g is one of three newly discov- freely, like our planet does, showing each ered worlds around the parent star, which side of itself to the star. was already known to host three planets. This Tuomi also said, “The lack of tidal lock- find thus boosts the star’s total planetary pop- ing increases its chances of actually having ulation to six. The star HD 40307 is slightly Earth-like conditions,” . smaller and less luminous than our own sun. ”Discoveries like this are really exciting, Astronomers had previously detected three and such systems will be natural targets for super-Earths around the star, all of them in the next generation of large telescopes, both orbits too close in to support liquid water. In on the ground and in space,“ David Pinfield the new study, the research team re-analyzed of the University of Hertfordshire, who was observations of the HD 40307 system made not involved in the new study, said in a state- by an instrument called the High Accuracy ment. Radial velocity Planet Searcher. HARPS is Finding the existence of other potentially part of the European Southern Observatory Earth-like planets is interesting and exciting 11.8 foot (3.6 meters) telescope at the La but the sad fact remains that we’ll still likely Sills Observatory in Chile. The instrument never visit one. This newest one is about 38 allows astronomers to pick up the tiny gravi- light years farther from Earth than the one tational wobbles an orbiting planet induces in mentioned in the introduction, so just think its parent star. how many hundreds of years more that adds The researchers’ new analysis tech- to any exploratory trip. Yet another place hu- niques enabled them to spot three more super- man kind will never get to.

31 R. I. P, Alan Hunter February 19,1923—August, 2012

In memory of Alan Hunter, here follows a portfolio of a small portion of his artwork. A version of this portfolio appeared in a much earlier issue of The Reluctant Famulus. The next issue, number 91, will include an article by Alan about the Fantasy Art Society

3032 33 34 35 36 37 38 From: Sheryl Birkhead film I had. Took it in and— not all film is cre- October 6, 2012 ated equal. So now I have bought a dispos- able camera and am exposing Dear T(RF), the whole roll of different views—hey—I never noticed Well, I am still struggling that two of the other huge ever- to get the stack cut back—I green trees just behind the really ought to go by date dead one now are sporting rather than location in the pile large areas of brown needles. (which periodically gets re- Sigh, I will not get sidetracked. organized when I upend the I will get some images to scan tote...), but that is too much and send along with a certified like being organized! letter and a return receipt re- Fairly soon I am going to quested—over to the neighbors go ahead and get the other before winter sets in. Yeah. drawing software I have been Really I will. Wonder if that eye-eying. If I am ever going roll of film from the camera, to transition, I need to forget that has been in there 12 years about trying to find something now, is useable—Aha! Wal- that utilizes all the stuff I mart just said they process.... already know, start unlearning Back in a while.... and relearning. It makes me wonder in that I need to watch Fahrenheit 451 again. I when I first got FreeHand many years keep thinking the filmed version was not as ago—V.2 I think it was—it cost about close a match to the written version as I $1200. Each version up cost another $3-$500 would have liked. Only one way to be sure. and the last version is called MX—which is Again,yeah— Ray Bradbury-RIP sort of beyond 10. Intaglio is only a drawing Without checking (and going solely on application while FH added in DTP along memory) I believe some of the (early series) with way, but stayed primarily drawing. Its Twilight Zone episodes were based on Brad- price tag is just under $90. Obviously this is bury’s work. Yeah—sure of it. a bhig difference. Okay granted now you get And the back cover—Sendak! I actually downloads instead of a book and some form have a few of his books around just for the of hard copy—this one is for Mac and once imagery. Sigh. you buy it, all the upgrades are free. I just Ah, the God Particle. Stay tuned to The need to decide to make the jump and close Big Bang Theory—in jest, but they do man- my eyes! age to mention some pretty current science I thought I had asked all the right ques- topics in passing! tions when I asked the local drugstores if Um—interesting semantics—automo- they did film processing (in re. dead tree bile (self moving)—autopsy (self um, well ... proof). Then I exposed (okay—get back to So an autopsy is the procedure performed by the topic at hand please) the rest of a roll of one of “us” on “our own” species. A necrop 39 sy is that same procedure performed on a dif- thing finished for you! ferent species. I wonder, since I have never Here is the answer to that trivia question. seen anything other than the word autopsy, if I knew it had to be Bradbury, but had no this is done on purpose when discussing idea what the book was. Please note I am not “alien autopsies”. Tacit acceptance or not pay- citing this the way I should—far too ing attention to vocabulary? lazy—just giving you the source and several As a child we went to the cattle auction snippets. I was going to give you the link but market. In the back there was a walkway it is horrendously long, so truncated (and real- built up over the pens so that prospective bid- ly won't get you there) ders could look down at the “lots” and decide their interests. You walked up the wooden Conversations with Ray Bradbury - Digi- staircase outside one wall and then could Nole Commons - Florida ... walk across or at right angles and look down, The Florida State University DigiNole then descend just outside the opposite wall. Commons Uh, not me. That first visit I figured there was a very real (and BIG) possibility of Q. What else are you doing? falling through the cracks between the planks A. I'm working on another play, another into the waiting hordes below. I spent most book of essays. And I have two other books of that visit crawling across then down the coming out in the next month. One is about other side. For quite a few years I avoided dogs, called Dogs Think Every Day Is Christ- any similar wooden bridge type structures mas. The cat book is called With Cat for Com- and even now get that funny feeling in the pit forter. They are two books of poetry, illustrat- of my stomach. Oh yeah—and when driving ed. across high bridges, I focus on the car in 1997 Driving Blind, short story collec- front of me and, well, tailgate! I know those tion, published and nominated for British Fan- spaces between the units—for expansion I tasy Society Best Collection and World Fanta- presume— are . . . Well. you get the idea. sy Best Collection awards. With Cat for Com- Gene (Stewart) I feel your pain! forter and Dogs Think That Every Day Is About the missing chickens—we always Christmas, verse, published. closed up the henhouse door at night, know- Some of the weirdo fillos you attribute ing that a few of the hens that got left pre- to the Internet are quite interesting. ferred to roost in the trees. Every now and A Series of Strange Events—am just wait- then one of us would take a flashlight out and ing to see if this matures into a Feghoot. I do look around—and maybe find, usually, a love them! skunk had managed to locate a source of Now I can get this mailed—the pics ingress. The interloper would be contentedly should be back at the end of the week if there munching away at the feed trough—while are any on the film. It didn’t help that the the legit hens were still happily arboreal with clerk took a look at the camera and said it no intention of coming down until daybreak. was a nice one and that this developing was (Oh yeah, as an aside, when you take a dog going to cost a lot. with you for company on such a foray, it does not seem that tomato juice really does get rid of the skunk smell.) Daniel Boone and the boonies? Sorry, just had to say that after reading about his travels in the less built up areas. Agh time is [[Here’s hoping you manage to get the draw- continuing to slip away—need to get some- ing software you want and can afford.//And

40 so your dead tree saga continues. May luck knew that dogs think every day is Christmas be on your side and the problem solved to or even know Christmas exists and what it your satisfaction.//I had forgotten there was is.]] a movie made from Bradbury’s book. Then it came back to me. An actor named Oskar Werner starred in it. I probably went to see it From: Cuyler Warnell Brooks Jr when it came out.//Autopsy vs necropsy . . . 4817 Dean Lane According to, among others, Webster’s 3ew Lilburn Georgia 30047 International Dictionary, Second Edition, October 11, 2012 Unabridged, autopsy and necropsy are essen- tially the same. “3ecropsy, a postmortem Dear Tom, examination; an autopsy. Autopsy, 1. Person- al observation or examination; seeing with Thanks for the Reluctant Famulus 89. I must one’s own eyes, ocular view; 2. Inspection say that I think that an “electronic pulse type” and partial dissection of a dead body which weapon on a fighter plane in 1947 is non- has been opened so as to expose important sense. Electronics at that time required vacu- organs either to ascertain the cause of death, um tubes and most of the power went to keep- or, if this is known, the exact extent and ing the filaments hot. A laser is not a pulse- nature of the lesions of the disease and any type weapon in this sense. What they are other abnormalities present; a post mortem describing is an EMF device. Such destruc- examination; a necropsy.” //As I noted in last tive pulses are known to originate from light- issue, my fear of falling is the much stronger ning and from nuclear explosions, but I don’t one. I expect it would be even more so if I think we have one as a portable weapon even were on a narrow now. There is a beam walkway above pens weapon now that can full of large, potential- make human skin feel ly deadly bovines with hot, meant for crowd sharp horns and control by whatever hooves. I’d sooner tyrant can afford it but study them from it is truck-mounted ground level with a and cannot penetrate good strong barrier in metal. between.// Gee . . . What I remember You’ve just dispelled about the Kentucky the long-held belief in the efficacy of the place-name Transylvania is that there is juice of a fruit often regarded as a vegetable. apparently an old cemetery there, and a man Maybe the claim was an attempt by tomato in correspondence with J. R. R. Tolkien re- juice makers to sell more of their product. Or corded the names for him, and these became else tomato juice in earlier times was much the names of the Hobbits. I read that in a more potent in some way. //Oh, Sheryl, to fanzine long ago and don’t know if any stoop so low. Boonies. Shame on you. But record of it remains. The man who recorded I’m not sure the word from which boonies the names never read the books until decades derives, bookdocks—has any connection with later. Daniel Boone. Ah well. We all succumb to A difficult business Sheryl has with the such silly compulsions sooner or later.//I nasty neighbor! Some people would have would have gotten the trivia question wrong called the cops over the hose incident. The too. But now I wonder how that wom-an tree certainly should come down. I have tak

41 en a dead tree down myself. It’s not that hard if such a portable device did exist there if you have a chainsaw and a cable and a would be news of it somehow, no matter come-along to tension it so that the tree falls what.// 3ow That’s an interesting bit about where nothing is damaged. the Transylvania and Tolkein connection, if it The “Jack Daniels” song is based on the was true. There must be some way to verify famous old folk-song “Jack o’Diamonds”, I that. It would be equally interesting to see heard it just the other day. the list of burials in that cemetery—if it still This short dead-end street seems to have exists; cemeteries sometimes “disappear”.//It had a spike in the copperhead population. A has to be very upsetting to have such dis- tree was cut down and a clan of them found agreeable neighbors who seemingly refuse to living underneath. I only saw the one that the acknowledge and take responsibility for po- neighbor killed with a riding mower, but he tential danger from something on their prop- said that his dog was bitten, and that several erty. Taking down a dead tree isn’t that diffi- others had been killed. And he said he saw cult—if a person knows what to do and how them in my back yard. I only go back there to to do it. I’ve taken down several trees on our mow. Seems I would be more likely to see property here. Even though not large ones, them, as I have only a battery powered mow- they could be dangerous if falling the wrong er. I am not much worried about a bright way. But I have an advantage over many peo- orange snake on green grass. ple in that, long ago, I worked in what was, Yes, I have several of the 20th century back then, called Parks & Trees Department, Woodstock typewriters, a perfectly workable in Adrian. One of several jobs I had was office machine that is mostly remembered for working on the tree crew in various capaci- having been used to type the “Pumpkin ties. I’ve assisted in tree removal (and Papers” that were then microfilmed and hid- cleanup) and closely watched how it was den in a pumpkin in the Alger Hiss / Whitak- done along with the treeman passing along er Chambers spy case. They are not rare. The tips. I’ve also operated the city’s “Hi- 19th century Woodstock copy of the Oliver Ranger”, or bucket truck (3OT cherry picker. is the one that’s rare, if any exist. Just by We never picked a single cherry from the Hi- luck I recently got a c.1900 Keystone that is Ranger.) and operated chainsaws when help- rare for a different reason: the maker used ing clean up after major wind and ice storms “white metal” for the carriage rails, so of had gone through. So I’ve had several years course the rails are cracked and crumbling. A of experience out of the dozen years I worked friend of my sister’s found one at a yard sale in P & T. Still, sometimes, even when a per- for $45, in the original curved veneered son knows what he’s doing, it can still be dan- wood case. It had probably been in an attic gerous. Since Sheryl most likely lacks such for 100 years. experience, her only recourse would be to hire it done, an expense she shouldn’t have to incur. May she be spared that.//In the back of my mind I thought that parody was famil- iar. 3ow I know why. Of course, due to the [[I suspect what you wrote was prominent in initials, I knew right away who was responsi- the debunking of such a theory. But that ble for it: Robert Stratton Coulson; good old doesn’t stop conspiracy believers and sup- Buck. But I’m still not certain who it was porters. Considering the fervid nature of con- who passed it along to me and why. At a spirators, they’d probably say the govern- guess, I’d say Lynn Hickman but I’m just not ment did had such a thing but were suppress- sure.//Snakes. I wouldn’t be worried about it ing the knowledge from the Russians. I think either as long as I saw it in time to keep a

42 safe distance and it was headed in a direc- ventions, so the author is most probably Indi- tion away from me.//Judging from the photos ana fan Robert S. Coulson, co-editor for of Woodstocks in good condition, I could tell many years of the Hugo winning fanzine they must not be rare. But then I’d never Yandro. heard of the brand before and I’m not a type- Buck Coulson is long dead, and Lloyd writer collector. I was aware only of the Penney notes that an era is passing, more major brands, Royal, Remington. Smith- poignantly, his era. Sigh. Been there, done Corona, etc.. You’re probably correct about that, bought the tee shirt. I met the Coulsons Woodstocks prior to 1900. And now Key- in 1968, and was a contributor to Yandro in stone, another brand I’ve its glory days. Your fre- never heard of before. I’ll quent use of non-SF history look them up online but I’ll suggests that you might be pass on including photos able to go with my (well, maybe just one) if I enclosed article, “Epani- find any. Pumpkins . . . 3ow mondas of Thebes.” And, there’s an interesting place of course, the enclosed to conceal microfilms. 3ot sheet of cartoons. meaning to sound facetious Best wishes, but I wonder: were the pump- kins in a patch somewhere or on a farmers produce stand?]]

From: Alexis Gilliland [[On behalf of Sheryl, 4030 8th Street South, you’re welcome for your Arlington, VA 22204 kind comment on the cov- October 13, 2012 ers. Simple yet, as you note, elegant. Her work may not Dear Tom, be as ostentatious as that of some artists but subtlety Thank you for The can be just as effective to Reluctant Famulus #89, with those who appreciate subtle- the elegant front and back covers from Sheryl ty. I just wish my printer and copier had done Birkhead. On page 41 we also note Brad Fos- justice to her art.//Okay. Can you imagine ter's “Mersnail” with the observation that meroctopus or mersquid? Rather unsettling snails are of the phylum Molluscs, which images.//Correct me if I’m mistaken . . . Then includes all sort of seagoing families, includ- your generator isn’t gasoline-powered? Does ing octopus and squid. On my standby genera- that mean it has a storage battery that’s tor, the electrician put in about sixteen hours charged by household current when there is work over three days to get it installed, but it electricity? Or am I way off? Considering now comes on for fifteen minutes every gas prices these days, that could be a cost Wednesday at 2:00 PM to recharge its bat- savings of some sort by not having to pur- tery and show us that it stands ready to cope chase gas for it.//As I told 3ed, I knew imme- with any power outages that might come our diately it was Buck Coulson who had written way. On page 19 the “Owed To Jack that song parody. I’ve seen only a couple of Daniels” lists the author’s initials as RSC and issues of YA3DRO. I got into fandom some- contains a line about selling fanzines at con- time after they had quit publishing but I’m

43 sure it was very deserving of the Hugo. I was old cousin, who has been having visual prob- pleased to have made the acquaintance of lems, had no problem reading The Hobbit off Buck and, given his reputation, somewhat sur- my iPad. prised to be treated in such a friendly man- You could have come to the Fan-Eds ner by him. He was indeed one of the truly Feast with us. Guy was there, Cathy Palmer- good fans, as noteworthy as Walt Willis, Bob Lister, Murray Moore, and a bunch of others. Tucker, Rusty Hevelin, and others, and very Some critics thought Stewart (a pilot him- welcoming to newcomers. Well both Lloyd self) was too old to play Lindbergh. One, and I can now say we’ve “been there, done who had some doubts, after he saw the movie that” . 3ot sure about the tee shirt part. I was changed his mind and thought he was perfect- also glad to be on the same panels as Buck ly qualified for the role. But what did Lind- was.//Your abrupt changes in some para- bergh himself know? graphs are interesting. As you will have seen, After Chicago, we went to the Henry I did indeed use your article. TRF tries to cov- Ford Museum. They have the replica Spirit of er space and time, from the distant past St. Louis built for the movie and bought by (now) to the present and into the distant, if Stewart afterwards. Lindbergh took it up for fictional, future. But I should somehow strive a hop and said it handled just like the origi- to sneak in some SF history. If anyone has nal. any interesting fan history or anecdotes, When we returned from Canada in 2009, you’re welcome to pass it/them along to me. the border guard barely glanced at our pass- Or suggest something that deserves to be re- ports and seemed more interested in getting printed.//By the way,I recently found my copy us out of the way. Then we stopped at the of a novel called Wizenbeak, which I had first town across the border and filled up, hop- read a long time ago. I intend to re-read it. ing no one would take offense at our license You have been warned. ]] plate. It was St. Albans, Vermont, famous for having been burned down by some of Mor- From: Joseph T. Major gan’s Men in 1864 after a bank robbery. 1409 Christy Avenue Namarie, Louisville, KY 40204-2040 October 14, 2012 Joseph T Major

Dear Tom: [[That could be one explanation but I doubt After seeing Spanish signs in every it. Rather, the Spanish population has grown store, just about, and hearing “Para Espanol enough over the years to make such things oprima dos” going through voice-mail, I necessary.//That is indeed the case in the have to wonder if Clark really did hand us entertainment world. As the old saying goes, over and we just decided not to notice it. “I don’t care what you say about me as long After reading about the disparity be- as you spell my name right. There may have tween the image and the reality of Theda been some truth behind Tallulah Bankhead’s Bara, I would not be willing to disbelieve claims but I suspect most of them were more that Tallulah Bankhead was willing to boast hype than actual truth. The same may even about her sex life. It would get her noticed, hold true with another, earlier, entertainer and publicity is the spice of life. by the name of Mae West.//That is one advan- I can understand Gene Wolfe having tage of iPads—and computers in general for qualms about buying an iPad, but I will say that matter—the capacity to increase the size that it has larger print. My 92 (now 93) year of onscreen text. It’s certainly easier than

44 using a magnifying glass along a printed both. page. But then of course there are large print- Am particularly partial to the way Ram- books available; how wide-spread they are, I sey Campbell uses vagaries to heighten the can’t say. Even so, the iPad and other e-read- tension. ers are better bets for those whose vision You really should have credited Buck isn’t as good as it once was.//True, my wife Coulson for the Owed To Jack Daniels poem and I could have joined on page 19. the fan-eds’ feast but, Harking back to 88... again, I felt the overall ex- Robert mentioned the pense of attending Chicon Great Courses lectures on was more than I was com- CD & DVD. Have only fortable with. I never saw listened to the audio ver- his name on the member- sions and—yes!—they ship list but if it had turned are great, BUT as soon as out that Gene Wolfe had you buy anything from attended, then I’d really, them they will bombard really regret not having you with a new catalog been there and met him every two weeks or so. again even if only briefly. The only positive to this Then too there were so few is that every title goes on names of fans I knew that discount sale at least once it didn’t seem worth it to attend and end up a year, so if there is one you want you can not getting to meet many of them.//One of the delay ordering it until the price is slashed. virtues of truly good actors/actresses is mak- And that cover for 88 used Joe Mugnai- ing theater-goers believe, at least for a time, ni’s for Fahrenheit 451 which was used on he/she is the person they portrayed. From an the first edition. We have a copy here and honest though naive determined politician to when we gave it to Ray Bradbury to sign he a famous aviator to an eccentric man who became very animated. Immediately identi- has a giant invisible rabbit to a friend, Jim- fied it as a first edition but spent the rest of mie Stewart was one of those actors. the conversation praising Joe and his work. IMHO.]] “I want every edition to have that cover,” said Ray. “The whole metaphor is there.” After such a grand eulogy for Ray in 88, From: Dave Rowe was surprised not to read anything about Neil 8288 W Shelby State Road 44 Armstrong in 89. The more that’s written and Franklin IN 46131-9211 said about the man the more it becomes ap- parent how modest and unassuming he was. 2012-October-15 Which is probably why NASA selected him to be first on the moon. He wasn’t going to Dear Tom, go in search of Noah’s Ark, he wasn’t going to do a cameo in a David Bowie movie and Thanks for TRF89. A very informative he certainly wasn’t going to run for political ish with a robust locol. office. Will back up Gene here. Subtle horror is Yet he had a great sense of humor in vastly superior to “gross-out”. Have read him. At the Press Club he was quoted as say- some “gross-out” and each piece has either ing “No. I don’t dream about being on the been silly or on a level with pornography, or moon. A point that probably disappoints me

45 even more than it disappoints you.” marked down. I’m still trying to make up There was a legend going around in fan- mymind. If/when I do they may no longer be dom that he briefly turned up at the first available.//I have a paperback copy of Spacecon (all of which were held in his home Fahrenheit 451 with that same cover. It cost town of Wapakoneta) just to check that his me a whole 50 cents when I bought it new. If name and reputation weren’t being used by I remember correctly, Mugnaini illustrated a cranks or charlatans, and luckily the first per- good amount of Bradbury’s work.// 3ot men- son he met was Rusty Hevelin who could tioning Armstrong’s passing away was a hardly be a better representative for fandom. great lapse on my part. He did deserve some- However, having checked with Gay Halde- thing and I wish I had included at least a few man, it turns out the tale is totally untrue. words. I think if I had been on the Moon and What with Ray, Rusty and Neil Arm- didn’t dream about it I’d be disappointed strong all no longer with us. it’s truly discon- too.//We pass by Wapakoneta and the Arm- certing that our immortals are dying off. strong Museum every time we go to and from Michigan. I really should stop one day and spend a little time at the museum, which is easy to see from I 75. It’s too bad that legend was only a rumor. Rusty would have been per- fect for acquainting Armstrong with fandom. [[Apparently it wasn’t as robust as I had Damn, I miss Rusty even though I didn’t get hoped, judging from the number of responses to see him as often as I'd have liked. One in this issue. Win some, lose some. I’ll just more loss for me. A great guy. It’s times like have to keep trying harder.//It does seem as if this that I wish there really was a here- much of the horror, written or filmed, strives after.]] to be as bloodily graphic as possible; and also features endless werewolves, vampires From: Al Byrd and zombies which, to me becomes boringly October 16, 2012 repetitious. I guess that’s why I read so little horror and pass on the movies. The story I Dear Tom, wrote for Marvin Kaye’s collection, Lovers and Other Monsters, long ago would be very Thank you for ish #89 of TRF, and thank mild these days, especially since there wasn’t you for another update on The UFO Crash at any blood and no vampires, werewolves, or Roswell, the story that will not die. If Lt. zombies. I’ve never read anything by Ramsey Col. French’s story is true, I can think of an Campbell though I have heard of him. My anthropocentric reason why it was covered loss. I guess I’m still stuck on the earlier hor- up. The Army Air Force wouldn’t have cared ror writers, Dunsany, Blackwood, Machen, about whether the world learned about aliens, Lovecraft (Yeah. I know. He thought he was but would’ve cared about the Soviet Union’s writing SF.), Derleth. and others.//I could learning that America possessed EMP weap- have credited Buck with the Owed to Jack ons in 1949. If they could take out an alien Daniels but I felt confident that those of us spacecraft, just think of what they could do who’ve been in fandom long enough would to MIGs! know who it was just by the initials. As I not- Of course, I’m still waiting to see Project ed earlier on, my larger problem was remem- Aurora. bering who had passed the item along to me I agree with Gene Stewart on Shirley and why.//I have in fact received a catalog Jackson. Her We Have Always Lived in the from Great Courses and the prices were Castle has haunted me long after more con-

46 ventional horror/Gothic has faded from my dressing persons who know the war far bet- mind. ter than I know it, but, in keeping with the Geoff Lardner-Burke continues to amaze dictum that “an expert is an ordinary person me with the Attempts at Utopia series. Hope from afar,” I was talking about a battle that truly must spring eternal in the human soul few outside of Kentucky know. for it to make as many attempts as it has at Now, I have text for a two-part series on founding the perfect community. One day, on the Battle of Perryville. In April of next year, statistical grounds alone, one such communi- I’m supposed to return to Alabama to give a ty will succeed, and we’ll all share a commu- talk on John Hunt Morgan’s Ohio Raid. I nal life. guess that I could Meanwhile, I end up with a recently visited two-parter on for the nth time Morgan’s Mad- my favorite such ness. community, Shak- Thanks to er Village at Gene Stewart for Pleasant Hill. No his kind words on Shakers left here, my first Daniel but its conserva- Boone article. I tors can make hope that the last you believe that two in the series they’re lurking are worth while just around the as well. corner. Too, the authentic Shaker cuisine is Thanks to Robert Kennedy for the sug- fabulous. Not to be missed if you’re ever in gestion that the Bluegrass Beginnings articles the Bluegrass. I really must someday write a be reprinted between one set of covers. These series of articles on the place. days, with Lulu and Smashwords, it’s ridicu- Thank you for again finding extra pic- lously easy for one to publish books. Getting tures for my Bluegrass Beginnings article. readers to buy them is the real trick. Still, Each time when I’ve visited Boone Station, every once in a while, some spare change has I’ve marveled at how little is there. Still, it’s come my way. at the end of a lovely drive into the country, To John Purcell: if you become an and the solitude is generally splendid. I may expert (see definition given above) on the just go there to write someday. Civil War in Texas (a theater of the war possi- Maybe, when it’s a little warmer. The bly even more obscure than Kentucky is), next installment of the series, dealing with you can regale reenactors from other states Kentucky’s painful separation from Virginia, with your tales. I vaguely recall that the I suspect I’ll write from home's comfort. war’s last engagement took place in Texas. In keeping with my being a history buff, Thank you again, Tom, for another excel- a friend of mine who’s a Civil War reenactor lent issue of TRF. in Birmingham, Alabama, asked me down to Best wishes, give a PowerPoint presentation on the Battle Alfred D. Byrd of Perryville to two groups of reenactors, one in Muscle Shoals and the other in Birming- [[Except, of course, as 3ed Brooks notes, it’s ham, both places mentioned in “Sweet Home very likely the military didn’t have such a Alabama.” I gave the Muscle Shoals talk on weapon because the technology at the time the battle's actual sesquicentennial. I was ad- wasn’t capable of such a thing. So I doubt

47 the former Soviet Union had a thing to worry From: Milt Stevens about.//Shirley Jackson was one of the good- writers and held in high esteem by many read- October 19, 2012 ers.//Then again, because of the failures of so many attempted utopias, there may never be Dear Tom, a successful one, statistical grounds or not. //Since Shaker Village isn’t that far away, I Before reading Reluctant Famulus #89, I should visit it some day. If I can convince my hadn’t heard that our air force had brought wife to make the trip with me. Regarding the down the flying saucer at Roswell. That was photos: you’re welcome. The Internet and its certainly unfriendly of us. I remember when vast and ever growing conglomeration of the Russians brought down an unidentified information and stuff has proven too be very flying object. It turned out to be a Korean useful. A bit of solitude occasionally can be commercial jet which was flying on the very refreshing. Yes, with Autumn here and wrong vector and over a hundred people died Winter coming up, solitude in the cold isn’t in the incident. The world was in a very ner- quite as enjoyable.//The battle of Perrysville vous condition for a couple of days after that. and certain others aren’t as well known as, I first read about flying saucers back in say, Shiloh, Antietam, Gettysburg, Chicka- the fifties. At that time, the aliens had fifties mauga and others. Alabama has a few battles super science. Time marched on. Apparently, unknown to most of those outside the state. the aliens had bought rather than leasing. //A good while back I read a book about They were stuck with 1950s super science John Hunt Morgan—about the only one I while we got better and better technology. could find at the time, though there may be We now know how aliens could keep an eye others. It of course covered his Ohio raid stalk on us without ever risking contact. If and the fact that Morgan went a bit farther they hadn’t figured it out by 1947, they may than his orders had stated. My maternal not be very bright. They may also have a grandmother was a Morgan before she mar- more than casual interest in buggering us. Of ried. She often claimed she (and by extension course, both conditions could be true. her descendants) was related to John Hunt It seems like the Galactic Federation Morgan. While it’s true he was born in should have some sort of a statute against Huntsville, his family moved to Tennessee buggering less technologically advanced when he was a child. In my genealogical species. It might be handled by their local research I didn’t find any connection. Her equivalent of the SPCA. I now find myself and my Morgan ancestors were from South wondering if they have a statute against eat- Carolina by way of Georgia. Another family ing less advanced species. If the aliens also legend ruined.//Yes, a writer can get a book eat people, we wouldn’t hear from the people published but it’s not much of an achieve- who are eaten. It’s easy to understand why ment if he or she can’t sell copies of it. the aliens were run out of the last solar sys- There’s just too much competition for read- tem they visited. ers' attention. It makes me wonder, if I were The topic of attempts at Utopia started to have a book published, if even one or two me thinking about all the farmer cooperatives would be sold. And if that did happen, one of there have been in the United States. They them would probably be returned for a weren’t utopian schemes at all. They were refund.//Perhaps one day John will write an practical solutions to practical problems. One article about the Civil War in Texas. I bet farmer couldn’t afford to build a mill or a he’ll publish it in Askance. (3ot that I’d grain elevator. However, if the farmers in a blame him.]] district pooled their money, they could afford

48 to do it. Back when I was young, anything aliens drop in for a visit unannounced. Alien that might be described as socialistic was perverts molesting other species for their assumed to be evil. That’s what we were twisted pleasure. Well we humans eat less ad- taught in school. The schools turned a blind vanced species. But those species don’t live eye to the farmer cooperatives and other simi- in cities and towns they built, operate motor- lar things in American history. ized vehicles, and so on. On the other hand That Woodstock typewriter resembles a humans have indulged in cannibalism—and Remington Standard I not always necessarily used for my very earliest because of a shortage fanac. Using a typewriter of other food. //Ah. Was like that really developed that a subtle reference the strength in your to the Twilight Zone hands and wrists. At the episode, To Serve moment, it escapes me Man? Or was it a refer- why we thought those ence to the TV series were the good old days. V? Yeah. Who wants to Yours truly, have ET visitors show- ing up looking for a buf- Milt Stevens fet? 3ot a good way to 6325 Keystone St. make friends.//It seems too many people these [[Yeah. Hardly a good days still have the same way to greet visitors from reaction to socialism, another planet. The old not even bothering to “shoot first and ask ques- learn exactly what it tions later” attitude. But means and is about. if the Air Force did actu- Just an observation on ally shoot down a UFO it my part. Back then, would have been by some- compared to ever earli- thing other than the device mentioned in the er times, those were the good old days in cer- article. Which, as 3ed points out, couldn’t tain ways.]] have existed back then. For the longest time, Russia, or the former Soviet Union, seemed From: Lisa Major to be an extremely paranoid nation, especial- ly in regard to the U.S.. It may still be so, to 10/24/12 a lesser extent. It would make much more sense for extraterrestrials to observe Earth Dear Tom from a safe distance with telescopes and robotic probes sent down for a closer look. Concerning Rat Stew, I really liked That might explain some of the UFO sight- King’s From a Buick 8. Another snubbed ings. If an advanced alien civilization could writer is Louis L’Amour. If you’re ever in cross enormous distances but hadn’t figured the mood for a cross between Kipling and out an effective method of avoiding being Jack London you should try Last of the shot down by they weren’t quite as smart as Breed. I am late coming to the ebook debate. they thought. Or they were too trusting that Sorry. other civilizations were incapable of doing I bought a Kobo when Borders closed. them any harm or would let just any old Currently I am reading John Campbell’s The

49 Black Star Passes, one of many Sf classics- it’s unlikely I’d read either a print book or long gone from bookstores but now back in an e-reader amyway. I’ve never considered digital form. I’ll give the Kobo mixed the average book, even hard covers, to be reviews. It’s cranky on the download but stur- particularly heavy—unless it’s an un- dy enough to withstand a hard drop onto the abridged dictionary. And how may people in sidewalk. It allows me to take more than their right minds would carry one of those?]] eight hundred books on vacation. There are also free apps available for Kobo, Nook and From: Frederick Moe Kindle. I still love paper books. I don’t see the readers becoming bathroom literature. 28 October 2012 Electronic devices and water don’t mix well. Awaiting Sandy . . . Neither do paper books, of course, but your paper book can’t electrocute you. It is great, Greetings, Thomas though, not having to carry heavy paper books to appointments. Books are books, Thank you for the two excellent issues whether electronic or paper. of The Reluctant Famulus. I enjoyed most of Thanks for the Famulus. the writing & pleasantly surprised to read a review of Stan Rogers music. I’ve enclosed a Lisa few zines in trade & a couple dollars for postage (all I can afford) . . . Please keep me [[I’ve never read anything by Stephen King. onn your mailing list, your zine is exactly the Don’t know why. Maybe because there are so type of literature I enjoy reading -- many other writers with whose work I’m more familiar and other writers whose works Peace - seem more interesting. I’ve heard of Louis Frederick Moe L’Amour and there are those readers who do 36 West Main have a favorable opinion of him. But I’ve nev- Warner, NH 03278 er been much interested in westerns; just my personal taste. You needn’t apologize for [[I’m glad you liked issues 88 and 89. Here’s coming late to the e-book debate, or, maybe hoping you find something in #90 worthwhile more accurately, discussion. I think it’s pret- as well. The zines you sent were interesting, ty much ongoing. I admit e-readers do have especially the one that was sewn rather than their advantages and uses and I may eventu- stapled. They gave me a glimpse of some oth- ally buy one for books I’d like to read but not er kinds of fanzines than SF ones being pub- necessarily keep. Even so, I doubt I’d ever lished. As far as the cash, as the saying goes, want to store 800 or more e-books even if I every little bit helps. But locs and fanzines found that many I’d want to read. I’m afraid received in trade are equally appreciated. I if I did store that many I’m liable to die have added your name to the mailing list and before I’ve read them all or deleted them will keep you on it for as long as I continue from the reader. But I have to make up my to publish or until you grow tired of it.]] mind which e-reader to buy. Unless your e- book reader was plugged into an electrical outlet I don’t see how dropping one into the bath water could electrocute a person; its bat- tery shouldn’t be that strong. Ruin the e-read- er, yes. But then I’ve never read a book while in a bathtub. Then, too, since I take showers,

50 From: Lloyd Penney I am still looking at an eReader, perhaps 1706-24 Eva Rd. a Kobo. I do keep in mind that there’s the Etobicoke, ON cost of the reader, and then the added cost of CANADA M9C 2B2 the contents. I know of places where I can get a lot of free stuff, but otherwise, if you October 30, 2012 want something newer, the costs can mount up. Dear Thomas: Yes, books do cost money, but while I am now working, I am also Many thanks for in recovery mode, and issue 89 of The Reluc- there are bills to pay. tant Famulus. This may In the meantime, I will have to be a small let- keep digging into the ter, given the fact I now pile of unread paper- have day time work backs I have at home, again, and very little and enjoy good SF time for much else. Not from the 70s and 80s. that I’m complaining... I can’t speak to UFOs, for all the returning to the US scorn we heap upon after being in Canada, them, are such a SFnal but to the opposite. I idea. We express our doubts and wonders was born here, and cannot think of any other about the world in such a way. I don’t know place I’d want to live. I am certain many where we got the idea of the alien greys, but Americans feel the same way about the US. it seems to be an explanation we seem to like You’d prefer to live in the land of your birth. and (too easily) accept. Lt. Col. French is I remember getting on our flight from Reno right, if it was confirmed that alien beings to Toronto after the 2010 Worldcon, and really existed, people would freak, religion after expectations of strip searches from the would go crazy, and society would crumble TSA, we had a pleasant chat and a few around the edges. Best to deny they exist laughs with the folks at security, and we until we are ready to accept their reality, were on our way. I don’t doubt the abuses which may be never. perpetrated by a few guards, but not every- I’ve never really liked horror, although I one does it. can understand why others do like it. I did My loc. I am working for that company I see a news report about Stephen King going mentioned. The voice-work for the nutrition- to a school in New Brunswick after the kids al supplement company led eventually to there petitioned him to visit. I might not like working at their parent company, editing his writings, but I think I would still like to newsletters. The parent company is right meet him and talk with him, and have him above the nutritional company in the same answer a question or two. building. Stan Rogers was indeed the Voice of Right now, after Hurricane Sandy wal- Canada. There’s been other voices, too, like loped New York City, Toronto is being Gordon Lightfoot. Get the CD, by all means, drenched with near-continuous rain. A num- but look for his music on the internet, and see ber of people in the office decided to stay what you think. The Xerox Line, Barrett’s home with a sick day, or they could work Privateers, all great music. from home. With some luck, we may see the

51 sun soon. Thanks for another fun fanzine, readers have to pay nearly as much for e- and see you the next time. books, which are stored in electronic form, as for print ones.//Human nature being what Yours, it is, it’s not surprising people have a prefer- Lloyd Penney ence for the country in which they were born. But some people go to extremes in believing [[With a daytime job and a steady income, their country is the best and only good place why should you complain? There are bills to to live. (Some Americans seem to be that pay, and so on.//Yes, UFOs are sfnal but in a way.) Residents of Canada, Great Britain, different, easier to believe way than the kind France, and other nations would disagree, reported over the years and decades. I too and they would have reason to.//I suspect have wondered where the idea of alien grays Gene and his family just had the misfortune came from when, in fandom at least, it was of encountering a border guard who was hav- always little green men (and then often hu- ing a bad day for whatever reasons.//We morously) popping up. I find interesting the were lucky in our part of Kentucky. We had belief that “people would freak, religion some clouds and rain but the rain wasn’t would go crazy, and civilization would crum- hard and long lasting and there was no flood- ble around the edges” seems to be a preva- ing for a change. I’m sure you got some sun- lent one. But then considering the stubborn shine after you sent off your e-loc.]] way many people can be in their beliefs, maybe it’s not so surprising. Certainly at one From: Pamela Boal time in the past it would have been. But with SF having edged even closer to the main- November 4, 2012 stream, especially in comics—er, graphic nov- els, movies and TV series it would seem rea- Dear Tom, sonable that people would be able to accept their existence. I could be wrong of course. It Thank you so much for another excellent would be interesting to see what people’s issue. I particularly like Sheryl’s very subtle reactions would actually be. I should live so front cover. long to see that day.//Horror. Well there are I should imagine thousands of people people who take some sort of pleasure in have seen UFOs in as far as they were an being terrified or grossed out by horror. But unidentified, to the observer, flying object. I then, for the most part, they’d never be sub- certainly have and having served in the Wom- jected to such things in real life and so read- en's Royal Air Force I’m not unacquainted ing horror stories and watching horror with aircraft, weather balloons, also am fasci- movies is safe. I’m sure Stephen King is an nated by hot air balloons and remember all interesting peerson and worth having a con- too vividly barrage balloons during WWII. versation with.//I well remember Gordon While I could not make out just what the sil- Lightfoot’s song about the Edmund Fitzger- ver cigar shaped object was I never thought ald sinking in the storm.//In regard to e-read- for a minute that it was a space craft, not ers there is an additional cost factor in even of earth origin. I’m not sure which regard to the purchase of newer e-books. I’ve thought is the most sad, that we are the only noticed, on Amazon.com in particular, that sentient species in this vast universe or that many of the e-books offered aren’t much less we are not but even our many times great than the printed books, maybe a couple of grand children are unlikely to meet beings dollars or so. True, e-books don’t take up from other planets. physical space like e-books do by why should I often think that Hollywood gives a

52 very twisted view of America and frequently ing the wrong or twisted view of America. shows your country in what to European eyes Unfortunately, there are Americans who trav- is a very bad light. It is so refreshing to read el overseas and by their actions, attitudes, the various more accurately researched histor- and words also put America in a bad light. ical pictures you present. Which reminds me of something I recently Incidentally there are modern day at- read in Ken Cheslin’s Adventures of Hem- tempts at communes; two of my children live lock Soames (and Flotsam), Volume 2. It was near one called Tinker’s Bubble. I gather it is in the story The Loch MacIntyre Monster. no more successful than the examples you Soames meets a group of American tourists give. While it has not collapsed it is apparent- who have come over to learn more about ly no longer a commune but people em- their MacIntyre ancestry. After being with ployed to work the founders land. What does them a while and getting to know them bet- seem to work is joint ownership of land by ter, Soames makes the following astute and people with the same views on sustainable complimentary observation, “Thank God that ecological life styles but living independent most Americans one meets are much nicer lives with work outside of what is essentially than ones we see on film and TV, much more their village. modest, and hardly any of them carry guns.” Well, there is frisson of fellow feeling. I While America is indeed a country which read your comment on the age of twelve espouses the right to bear arms, as guaran- being the ideal. I immediately remembered teed in our constitution, most people don’t walking to school with friends and saying carry guns around all the time; others use exactly that. their guns for hunting only. It’s the extrem- ists on our country who believe in carrying Best wishes guns all the time, not the sensible and ratio- nal people.]] Pamela.

[[Again, On behalf of Sheryl, you’re wel- come for your kind comment on her covers. She worked very hard to get it to her satisfac- tion. She deserves to have more attention paid to her artwork, subtle though it may be in some ways.//I’m sure a large number of people have seen some sort of object in the sky which was unknown to them but whatever they saw was most likely not some sort of spacecraft from another planet. Your service in the Women’s Royal Air Force is proof of someone with experience in tracking and identifying objects in the sky versus those who have no such experience or normally pay little or no attention to the sky. I think it’s a tie between the two probable realities. But it may be more frustrating knowing there is life on other planets but that our species is unlikely ever to meet those other life-forms.// I think you’re correct about Hollywood giv-

53 In Conclusion: to do better in 2013. To that end, I’ve already made a start. I recently started reading The Dreaming Void, I was thinking the other day that I have by Peter F. Hamilton, the first of a trilogy of read a fair number of books so far this year, large novels, the other two being The Tempo- though I hadn’t kept track of the exact num- ral Void and The Evolutionary Void. It looks ber. Then it occurred to me that only a small as if that will take a long time. Hamilton portion of them was science fiction, which is seems to be a very wordy writer, putting in a poor reflection upon someone who claims all sorts of detail which, at this early point, I to be a science fiction fan. Out of curiosity I find myself wondering if it’s all that neces- decided to see if I could determine just how sary. I also have on my list—and one I’m many I actually had read. That seemed easy looking forward to—Home Fires1, by Gene enough to do considering the small number Wolfe, who is a much more concise writer (as I thought at the time) it had to be. So I than Hamilton and yet produces works of sub- began straining my aging memory and scan- stance. If I’m really serious about my goal ning the shelves. It didn’t take long to learn then I’d better get busy and make a list of sci- that my memory was a bit off. ence fiction novels and start acquiring them. It turns out that I had read the following Also, if I’m successful, maybe somehow I books. Quofum, Patrimony, and Flinx Tran- can get a bit more science fiction into future scendent by Alan Dean Foster. Sam Gunn issues of TRF. Omnibus, by Ben Bova. The Devil’s Eye, One other book I took from storage, Time Travelers 3ever Die, Firebird, and though not science fiction, which I plan to re- Echo by Jack Mc Devitt. Guardian by Joe read (at least I’m pretty sure I read it long Haldeman. The Stars Like Dust, by Isaac Asi- ago) is Wizenbeak by Alexis A. Gilliland. mov (Which I recently purchased because I Besides sorting through all my old paper- didn’t already have it.). Steal Across the Sky backs I also went through some boxes of by Nanck Kress. loose papers and various fannish publications I also read some paperbacks I have had that weren’t fanzines but worth keeping. The for a long time. The Sector General books by result proved to be satisfactory. For the past James White: Hospital Station, Major Opera- couple of week or so, from time to time, I’ve tion, Galactic Gourmet, Final Diagnosis, been entertaining myself with the following Futures Past, and Double Contact. Robert items. John Berry’s Robbery With Violets, Heinlein’s Starman Jones. I assumed I had about a fictional version of himself as a already read those books, but when I got to policeman in a rural area; The Bleary Years, looking at them I realized that I didn’t remem- five volumes about the fannish Goon Defec- ber having done so. I know my memory is far tive Agency; the four volume Fables of Irish from perfect but, usually, if I’ve read some- Fandom, published by Ken Cheslin’s Guinea- thing before, somewhere along the way I pig/Shoestring Press. And by Ken Cheslin: gradually recall the substance of it. At any Olaf, a three volume collection of his car- rate, none of them seemed even vaguely toons, and the two volume collection The familiar and so I have to guess that I had Adventures of Hemlock Soames (and Flot- shelved them with the intent of reading them sam) also published by Shoestring Press. later and for some reason never did. Last, The Really Incompleat Bob Tucker and It’s still pretty much a small number but the Incompleat Terry Carr, Vol. 1. If there considering the fact that I thought I had read was a volume 2 I either lost it or never only three or four I did better than I had received a copy. Or else there never was a thought. Even so, I need to remedy that by volume 2. All in all, to me, it had been a very adding a few more by the end of 2012 and try 54 pleasant way of spending some of my time groups), iPads, iPhones, etc., squabbling and becoming reacquainted with the leg- among ourselves, waging wars sometimes endary fans of earlier times and of Irish Fan- with the slighest provocation, striving to over- dom in particular. Oh, and there’s also a populate the planet and gradually ruining our stack of photocopied Hyphens and originals planet by ignoring climate change/global of Hyphens 7, 8, 11, 12, and 13 . . . warming. It’s very unfair to all the other But then I sometimes wonder why I both- species which share this planet. But then, as er to read science fiction any more. Consider- far as most people are concerned, all the ani- ing all the scientific data acquired over the mal and plant life is just not as important. years about the extreme harshness of space, We might as well relegate science fiction the amount of energy it would require to pow- to the realm of fairytales, bigfoot/sasquatch, er spacecraft and especially starships, the vampires, werewolves, zombies, pots of gold nearly unbelievable at the end of the rain- vast distances be- bow, Scientology, tween stars, the limit- some businessmen’s ing factor of the expense accounts, speed of light which and some other im- so it’s claimed can- probable and highly not be exceeded, and un- likely things so on certainly puts a which never were damper on humans and never will be. going into space. And yet, I find Then of course myself unwilling to there’s the lack of give up on science technology to build fiction completely in interstellar craft that can stand up to the rig- spite of the evidence against any of it ever ors of space and to build propulsion systems coming true. the get the craft moving; the cost of such Aside from the dystopian stories, sci- craft and propulsion systems and those peo- ence fiction has been an optimistic genre at ple who see no need for a manned space pro- least in positing that there actually will be a gram of any sort. The way things are going, future of some kind and one that might in we might as well face the fact that all those some almost magical or miraculous way star-hopping adventures exploring odd new include space exploration in even if it’s just worlds and encountering other life forms and on a limited scale. So I guess I’ll just keep on high civilizations are just never going to hap- reading SF and hoping some day, somehow, pen in real life; not in our lifetimes nor that it might come true. Even if it doesn't, reading of future generations. We might as well about those impossibilities and adventures is regard SF as mere pipedreams, wishful think- definitely, for me anyway, better than slog- ing, fairy tales, or delusions. ging through the realistic mainstream sludge With all that’s against the sort of futures that critics seem to adore and promote. Give portrayed in science fiction, we might as well me starships, other planets, extraterrestrial look forward to being planetbound until our civilizations, and guys—and women—zip- species ceases to exist at some unknown ping around in space doing stuff and having point in time. It seems as if we homo sapiens adventures. would much rather remain on Earth with our And thus ends another issue of TRF. TVs, movies, endless sporting events, com- Until next time— Full thrusters! puters, Facebook, Twitter (and other “social”

55